OutWrite Newsmagazine Fall 2011

OUTwrite

TRANS

+ OBAMA

DAILY BRUIN FALL 2011

ARAB SPRING OUTwrite

CONTENTS 4

COMMUNITY

6

POLITICS

8

FEATURE

Beyond the Labels: Queer Fashion | KIM LAU LGBTQ Seniors in L.A. | SERGIO ARGUELLO

OBAMA: A Queer Assessment | CHRISTINE NGUYEN Queer Spring? | KENNY SALEH

TRANS: Gender, Journey, and Identity | STEPHANIE GILBERT

10 OPINION

Queering the Bruin | AUSTIN ROSE

12 CREATIVE WRITING Treason | KAYLA VERNONCLARK What Is Stopping Me? | BRYAN PLATZ

13

COMING OUT

14

A&E

16

WHAT NOW?

2 | OUTwrite

Double Rainbow | KATIE & DOUG SCHOWENGERDT

“Post-Gay” Cinema | BRANDI CRAIG Queer Art in Pacific Standard Time | WILL HERDER

OutWrite is UCLA’s queer and ally newsmagazine. OutWrite, formerly called TenPercent, was established in 1979 and was the first LGBT collegiate newsmagazine in the nation.

OutWrite is an alternative multi-platform media outlet that deals with the issues that matter to young, engaged Queer or LGBTidentified individuals, both at UCLA and beyond. By illuminating topics that are not covered by the mainstream media, and by doing so with a distinctive, frank, passionate and progressive voice, we strive to engage our community and ser ve their needs through dialogue and active expression.

The UCLA Communications Board has a media grievance procedure for resolving grievances against any of its media. For a copy of the complete procedure, contact UCLA Student Media at 310. 825. 2787.

Copyright 2011 ASUCLA Communications Board

Letter from the Editor Coming into this year, I wanted to make sure that OutWrite still mattered. I wanted to make sure that OutWrite was still a valuable piece of our campus culture, a worthwhile resource, not a waste of time and trees and so much blood, sweat, and tears. I wanted to make sure that our magazine, the oldest college-run LGBTQ magazine in the nation, was still fulfilling the purpose for which it was started – encouraging dialogue about issues that matter to our community. With that in mind, we set about searching for a conversation that needed to be started on this campus. We settled on one question that we think has been ignored for far too long: “What does it mean to be trans today?”

As preparation for Stephanie Gilbert’s feature on this topic, we did an informal, anonymous survey at the “All-Queer” Town Hall event on November 8, put on by a coalition of LGBTQ organizations on campus.

We asked three simple yet difficult questions: “What is trans now?” “What struggles do you think the trans community faces?” and “What can we do as a community to make life easier for trans people?”

The responses varied considerably, with a good number of people displaying basic knowledge about the trans experience as it relates to physical anatomy. However, the vast majority of these respondents, most of whom are active members of the UCLA LGBTQ community, included some sort of variation on this theme in their answers: “I honestly don’t know what it means to be trans. It’s hard to work toward solving issues for a community when I don’t understand what it represents.”

It was with this response in mind that we put together this quarter’s issue. Every topic was approached from the perspective of trying to dispel the “I don’t knows” associated with our community, from the challenges facing LGBTQ seniors to the new voices in queer cinema to LGBT rights in the Middle East. By renewing our focus on the stories of real individuals with real voices, we have tried to present a nuanced and accurate interpretation of the issues that affect the margins of our community, as well as the mainstream.

Even more importantly, we wanted this issue to make people talk – about what they know, what they don’t, what they find offensive, unfair, exciting, confusing, inspiring, frustrating, and painful. I truly believe in the power of dialogue, of engaging others with the intention of gaining a more complete understanding of those others, and of ourselves. I believe in this magazine, and I believe in our community.

Let’s start the conversation.

OUTwrite

www.outwritenewsmag.org facebook.com/outwritenewsmag @outwritenewsmag

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Justin Sedor

MANAGING EDITOR Katie Schowengerdt

DESIGN Pauline Woo Dylan Chouinard

STAFF WRITERS Sergio Arguello Brandi Craig Stephanie Gilbert Will Herder Kim Lau Christine Nguyen Bryan Platz Austin Rose Kenny Saleh Katie Schowengerdt Kayla VernonClark

ARTISTS Will Herder

CONTRIBUTORS Sergio Garcia Jennifer Lee

COPY EDITORS Fanilla Cheng

PHOTOGRAPHERS Kendall Chase

MEDIA DIRECTOR Arvli Ward

MEDIA ADVISER Amy Emmert

OUTWRITE THANKS Marcus Mcrae/ Queer Alliance This magazine was made possible with the support of Campus Progress, a project of the Center for American Progress, online at CampusProgress.org

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COMMUNITY Beyond the Labels: QUEER FASHION KIM LAU Staff Writer | kimberly.e.lau@gmail.com

4 | OUTwrite

istic that makes each person unique, and the positive celebration of these differences is what inspires some of the bold movements queer (and queer-minded) designers have spearheaded. “Anything eye-catching or different is queer,” Smith said. It’s beyond wearing tight pants or feather boas. It’s about expressing yourself while also pushing the limits of what is considered socially acceptable to wear.

“People are tired of being cornered in these little boxes,” Conrad said. Queer fashion has something to offer by “crossing the boundaries of gender”. Again, it’s this idea of challenging conventions, because gender is just another way we express ourselves. When male model Andrej Pejic walked in both Gaultier’s women’s and men’s shows, it challenged the way people looked at clothes. Is he a man or a woman? And why does it matter? Androgyny makes us question what really matters in our self-expression, like in Martin Margiela’s fashion exhibitions, where the models’ faces are obscured as if to be a blank canvas. “I wouldn’t even say it was androgynous, but rather no sex at all,” Smith said.

“Maybe he was making a statement, ‘We’re all human.’”

It’s not just high fashion that’s begun to blur the lines. There’s a trickle-down effect that soon hits even outlet stores. “I can sit down next to a guy and we’ll be wearing the exact same clothes from American Apparel, and it’s normal,” Conrad said. Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, H&M and other stores are embracing androgynous looks, bright colors for both sexes, and unisex items, reflecting increasing consumer tastes for fashion that turns heads and challenges norms.

Smith asks, “Why are clothes so gendered? Why are we so obsessed with labeling people?” And really, why are we so obsessed over who looks queer or who looks heteronormative? According to Smith, being a queer person means being one “who’s defiant and takes risks because that’s who they are. It’s more than sexuality; it’s someone’s whole being and how their identity shakes the foundation of the ‘ordinary.’”

“Being queer is a struggle because there are people who want to keep you from expressing who you want to be. Queerness is always pushing the borders of fashion. If anything, queerness is that force that drives the artistic and creative process. Queerness

Photo: Justin Sedor

It’s a typical night on the hill, and all the girls are getting dressed to go out – everyone wants to look her best: not too slutty, not too prudish, and definitely not trying too hard. One of the girls (she’s wearing a loose tank top, low-cut skinny jeans and Converse) walks over to look in the mirror, and comes back with a frown, “Ohmigawd, do I look like a lesbian in these clothes?”

“Ummm, kinda…” “A little bit.” “Yeah, you really do.”

“Awkward!” and, giggling with vague embarrassment, she promptly goes to change.

Fashion is a powerful force – in the words of Jasmine Conrad, blog editor of Fashion and Student Trends at UCLA, fashion is an important form of selfexpression, one that allows you to “radiate what you feel on the inside.” At the same time, whether we like it or not, it affects the way people see us, and the way we see ourselves. Since our first impression of a person depends largely on visual cues, personal style is often the source of snap judgments based on common stereotypes. It’s from these first glances that people often form judgments on one’s socioeconomic status, gender, race or sexuality – we do it every day. “Look at that girl: she’s obviously a spoiled Orange County brat,” or, “Jeez, that guy is SO WeHo.” Maybe most people can’t see what Jason Smith, the female model director at FAST, sees in people’s styles. “I like the honesty of fashion. It’s like an artist putting together a sculpture, a kind of fantasy world that gives you something to look forward to, who you are and who you want to be.”

Changes in trends, however, might be suggesting a shift toward a more inclusive and open-minded view of style. Short shorts on men and flannels and big bad combat boots on women have traditionally been much-derided LGBT stereotypes, but more and more of these traditionally queer looks are becoming absorbed into the mainstream. Androgyny, in particular, is being enthusiastically embraced in the fashion industry at the moment. Since the ‘90s, designers such as Marc Jacobs, Jean Paul Gautlier and Rick Owens experimented with men’s and women’s clothing, trying out different cuts, heeled boots for men, and unisex clothing. While controversial at the time, these designs have sparked the imagination of people all throughout the industry, resulting in models like Lea T., a male to female transgender, finding plenty of business working for Givenchy.

One of the charms of fashion is the idea of pushing boundaries. Being queer is just one type of character-

and fashion are one in the same because they both have characteristics that shake people up.”

Perhaps the most promising and inspiring sign of a shift toward a celebration of “queerness” in the most basic and empowering sense is the proliferation of fashion blogs like the Sartorialist and Facehunter, sites with the simple purpose of posting pictures of everyday people with unique styles. The popularity of these blogs is staggering, with thousands of users every day leaving comments celebrating the fiercest looks, male or female. Urban and Zara and Macy’s are looking at the same blogs as their customers, and creating looks inspired by these eminently stylish individuals; the Sartorialist is featured in every issue of GQ. The fact that these sites have become both a cultural phenomenon and fashion tastemakers in their own right says a lot about how public perception of fashion is changing. The fashion industry is looking at everyday people and how they express their identity, and embracing what makes them unique. Maybe this will help the queer community to cast off the labels we press on ourselves so willingly, to empower ourselves to assert our own identity. After all, if we as a community are good enough for the Sartorialist and its thousands of readers, we should be good enough for us, too.

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FOR SARTORIAL IDEAS, FLIP TO THE BACK OF THIS ISSUE

They Were Here First:

LGBTQ SENIORS IN LOS ANGELES SERGIO ARGUELLO Staff Writer | sarguello@ucla.edu You walk towards the bar. You’re about to order a drink when you notice the ravishing stranger near the counter. As the two of you make eye contact and you open your mouth to mumble a cheesy pick up line, the lights go off. It’s pitch black, people begin to mutter. This is not part of the show, nor a blown fuse. Instinctively, you make your way towards the nearest exit, but it is locked from the outside. The crowd panics. You hear glass shattering somewhere, someone tries to climb out the window, a scream, followed by sirens. The police are outside waiting to arrest each person climbing down through the window, for “masquerading” or wearing clothes of the opposite gender. The year is 1970, and this is another raid of another gay bar. This seems like a horror story from the distant past, yet there are people among us who remember living through this.

As Kathleen Sullivan, the director for seniors programs at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, said: “This is the number one thing people don’t know

Perhaps more nuanced than the numbers are other factors such as estrangement from their natal families and psychological trauma from the AIDS epidemic, which took the life of so many of their peers. Even those fortunate enough to age with a partner must face the fact that upon the death of one, the other will obtain no benefits from social security, pension, or inheritance laws. The death of a partner might very well leave a senior unable to support him- or herself economically. Without warning, the hunger for human warmth might yield to the pressure of actual hunger.

It is not uncommon to hear about discrimination, whether subtle or blatant, against LGBT seniors in the healthcare industry. Many seniors are simply too uncomfortable to claim the bare minimum level of resources provided to them by law, due to lack of trust or fear of ill treatment. This is unfortunate, since LGBT seniors are twice as likely to lack health insurance. The threat of physical and emotional

especially resources for those that are not gay, white, and male. The seniors program at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center has made reaching out to marginal groups a top priority goal, and has already seen many improvements in its representation of these traditionally overlooked people. Its current gender demographics break down to 55% men and 45% women – a huge improvement in the latter over the past few years, largely due to a number of programs exclusively for women that have been created in an effort to reach out to the lesbian community. Similarly, the center provides services for both bilingual and monolingual Spanish speakers. This is no accident; Sullivan explains, “It is estimated that by the year 2030, 40% of the population 65 and over [in California] will be composed of Latina women.”

The seniors program is set on providing services and programs to as many subsections as possible, especially marginal groups, since it is those people who are least willing to reach out to resources who

67% 90% 80% 51% 20%

OF MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS REPORT THAT LGBT SENIORS RECEIVE SUBSTANDARD CARE

OF LGBT SENIORS ARE CHILDLESS

about LGBT seniors. They lived through so many traumatic events during such an important time of their lives.” But after enduring so many difficulties that we will never understand, today’s LGBT seniors still face many more.

Few of us think about old age and its hardships, let alone those faced by LGBT- and queer-identified seniors. However, with more openly gay and lesbian seniors than ever in the history of the US, this once mute section of society has begun to voice its needs, injuries and hopes.

Despite the social and political progress the queer community has made in the last few decades, the statistics for the remaining members of what is sometimes known as the “Lost Generation” are still heart-wrenching: according to a study by the National Association of Social Workers, over 75% of LGBT seniors live alone, a figure twice as high as their straight counterparts. 90% of LGBT seniors do not have the support of children, since adoption by same-sex couples was nearly unheard of until about twenty years ago. Most alarmingly, 20% of LGBT seniors have no one to contact in case of emergency.

OF LGBT SENIORS ENTER OLD AGE WITHOUT A PARTNER

OF LGBT SENIORS LACK WILLS AND EXPLICIT END-OF-LIFE PLANS

OF LGBT SENIORS LACK AN EMERGENCY CONTACT

Source: Catherine Thurston/National Association of Social Workers

abuse, a cruel truth for the elderly, is all the more present for LGBT seniors. While the crisis of bullying against LGBT youth has come into the media spotlight in recent times, the abuse against LGBT seniors continues to be an issue on the most remote margins of the agenda.

But there are many resources available, the most important of which are the people who give their time and energy for the benefit of LGBT seniors.

The people factor is the key component of the seniors program of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center because, as Sullivan explains, “For so long the establishment, be it the police or whatever, was openly discriminatory against [LGBT individuals].” Because of the long-seated distrust that accompanies such trauma, “many seniors who reach out to conventional resources feel the need to closet themselves.”

Ironically, many of these seniors seek out an opportunity to socialize, but if they do not feel safe, they will shut themselves in, thereby sinking lower into their feelings of depression and isolation.

Therefore, the importance of programs focused on welcoming queer seniors cannot be overstated,

need them the most. Unfortunately, transgender seniors are rare among the program clientele. “We have one or two trangender regulars,” admits Sullivan.

Yet the center does not limit itself to mahjong and counseling; one of its greatest contributions is sensitivity training to institutions, from healthcare facilities to governmental offices. “We are a fiveperson office; we know we won’t be able to reach out to every senior citizen who needs us, so we try to educate as many people as possible.” The training sessions usually begin with a screening of Glenne McElhinney’s 2009 breakthrough film “On These Shoulders We Stand,” a documentary about the stories of eleven LGBT seniors through the earliest years of the gay rights movement in Los Angeles.

As one of these seniors says: “[Today’s youth] need to know that there’s people that survived all that shit.” The hope for people like Sullivan is that once people know, they will be more inclined to listen to the voices that have been silent for so long.

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POLITICS

OBAMA: A Queer Assessment CHRISTINE NGUYEN Staff Writer | nguyen.k.christine@gmail.com

6 | OUTwrite

Illustration: Will Herder

“Obama is the most pro-homosexual-agenda president in American history,” reads one vitriolic accusation by Americans for Truth about Homosexuality, a conservative values organization. Many of Barack Obama’s Democratic supporters use the same words, in a radically different tone, to boast about a powerful champion for human rights. Either way, it’s an impressive distinction – and also a misleading one.

Consider the runners-up: Bill Clinton, for being the first president to even directly address gay rights as an issue at all, and George W. Bush, for supporting the legalization of same-sex relationships in the form of civil unions. Of course, the Clinton administration was also responsible for “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT), the policy banning American soldiers from coming out of the closet, and Bush had threatened to veto a bill protecting LGBT individuals from hate crimes. With these predecessors, Obama wouldn’t have to exert much effort to become the most pro-gay president ever.

To hear him tell the story, he’s gone above and beyond with regard to LGBT rights: “This administration, under my direction, has consistently said we cannot discriminate as a country against people on the basis of sexual orientation, and we have done more in the two-and-a-half years I have been in here than the previous 43 presidents to uphold that principle.” This was back in June, at a press conference establishing a national LGBT Pride Month and launching a new White House website dedicated to the LGBT community – or, more accurately, to highlight everything Obama has done for the LGBT community in a downloadable, two-page fact sheet.

All this might smack less of PR-directed exhibitionism if there were enough substance to back up the apparent progressive zeal. And indeed, the Obama administration deserves credit for successfully tackling two major issues: DADT and anti-LGBT hate crimes. Obama had been consistently pushing for the repeal of DADT since 2010, and September 20th of this year finally saw a conclusive end to a policy that has discriminated against LGBT service members since 1993.

Obama also signed the Matthew Shepard Act into law in 2009, officially classifying sexual orientation alongside race, religion, ethnicity, and disability as a motivator of hate crime. Aside from being an important piece of protective legislation for the LGBT community, the expanded federal definition should improve the accuracy of the FBI’s hate crime statistics. Prior to the Act, laws on defining, reporting and penalizing hate crimes based on sexual orientation varied from state to state, dramatically skewing federal statistics and downplaying the severity and scope of the problem at the national level.

However, Obama has done comparatively little to equalize LGBT family and adoption laws (though ironically it’s the bulkiest section on the White House fact sheet). Granted, such legislation lies decidedly under state jurisdiction. But for a president who promised to be a “fierce advocate for gay and lesbian Americans,” so far, his advocacy for LGBT families is limited to a supportive speech to the Human Rights Campaign in 2010.

Nevertheless, Obama’s track record on LGBT rights doesn’t seem too bad, and he has done more than any of his predecessors. So why are LGBT groups across the country suspicious that he’s more focused on appeasement than reform? The LGBT community echoes the general public’s disappointment with Obama, whose approval ratings recently dropped to an all-time low at 38%, according to Gallup News. And it’s not just on account of the economy.

“Candidate Obama promised LGBT people the world in 2008,” says Nancy Goldstein in The Guardian. “Now, when he and the DNC are back to woo us for 2012, is the time to ask for more than vague assurances of hope and

change.” Here, “vague assurances” is Goldstein’s pointed reference to one issue in particular. Now that DADT has “fallen,” the focus is shifting back to the issue which women’s studies researcher E. J. Graff calls “the most important brick in the wall,” and which Obama has tried to ignore: marriage equality.

Politicians have tossed about the marriage issue since the Clinton administration passed the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which defined marriage exclusively as a union between man and woman. Debates reached boiling points immediately before and during Obama’s time in office, with the passage of California’s Prop 8 in 2008 and the more recent legalization of same-sex marriage in New York earlier this year.

The president has said, “I […] expected to be judged not by the promises I made, but the promises I kept.” And to be fair, Obama never even promised same-sex marriage. “I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment [for same-sex couples],” he said as a presidential candidate. Can we judge him for a promise he hasn’t made?

During a Democratic National Convention event, impatient audience members repeatedly shouted “Marriage” so that Obama would move on from discussing hospital visitation rights. Even then, he only glossed over the topic by reiterating his belief in a federal repeal of DOMA, which “doesn’t make sense [because] traditionally marriage is defined by the states.”

Wait a minute – so DOMA is “wrong,” “unfair” and “discriminatory” because states should be the ones to ban same-sex marriage? (41 out of 50 already do so). The president then changed the subject to – you guessed it – hate crime prevention.

These instances of foot-dragging would be less frustrating were it not for their ambiguity and ambivalence toward the issues that matter to our community. At the very least, he could have seized the opportunity to show affirmative support for positive change already taking place at the state level.

“Unfortunately, he did not take it, keeping his own views in the shadows,” reports a recent New York Times editorial. “The Republican-led New York Senate, of all places, proved itself more forward-thinking than the president on one of the last great civil rights debates in the nation’s history.”

Now, a year out of what is shaping up to be a brutal election, Obama claims his opinions are “evolving” with regard to same-sex marriage, yet he still refuses to take any action in its favor. Activists accuse him of dangling a carrot to win over more voters. His ambivalence not only belies his own claims of being a “fierce advocate” for LGBT rights, but it also undermines the progress he’s made so far, as he continues to come up short in finding a solution to what is arguably the biggest issue of all.

DOMA was a step backward for Clinton, who publicly sympathized with gays and lesbians but bowed to the “moral outrage” against homosexuality at the time. Whereas Clinton had to contend with a hostile public, however, Obama has no excuse now that same-sex marriage is supported by an unprecedented 53% of Americans, according to Gallup. On the contrary, firmly siding with the majority can only help him at this point.

Obama obviously wants the backing of the LGBT community in the upcoming elections. But until he quits his risky balancing act and takes a more definitive stance on LGBT equality, he can expect support that is, at best, half-hearted.

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HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY? Sound off at outwritenewsmag.org Or better yet, let Obama hear it: www.whitehouse.gov/contact

Queer Spring?

QUESTIONING PROGRESS IN THE MIDDLE EAST KENNY SALEH Staff Writer | saleh.kenny@gmail.com For many Westerners, the “Arab Spring” has been, and continues to be, a romanticized story of liberation and liberalization that has been sweeping the Middle East since January. But has Spring really arrived for everyone in the region? Has the LGBT community been liberated from the oppression it has endured for centuries? Has the time for change really come for queer Arabs?

While it is impossible to generalize about a region as diverse as the Middle East, it might be helpful to consider Syria as a case study of LGBT rights. Under article 520 of the 1949 penal code, “carnal relations against the order of nature” are punished with a minimum sentence of three years. “Obscene behavior” and holding “obscene parties” are punishable not only with jail time, but also employment termination, ostracism and even murder by relations trying to protect the family’s “honor.” The threat of being outed leaves LGBT people vulnerable to blackmail, harassment and coercion for information by both the authorities and the public.

In Syria, as in most Arab countries, homosexuality is considered a disease treatable by a combination of psychotherapy and hormonal treatment. People seeking help from the official medical/social services are forced to undergo treatments that often lead to severe depression and even suicide.

Amid this hostile environment, however, have emerged courageous individuals who have attempted to make life better for themselves and their community – like Sami, a young professional in Damascus.

In the last five years, he has been organizing online and offline support groups for LGBT people in Syria.

It should come as no surprise that there is almost no official information for LGBT people in terms of HIV and safe sex awareness. Hence informal networks like Sami’s are an essential lifeline for LGBT people throughout the Arab world.

In the wake of the Arab Spring, Sami has joined, like many in Syria, Tunisia, Egypt, Bahrain and elsewhere, a movement calling for the overthrow of the corrupt regimes oppressing their citizens. However, he is not optimistic: “In the immediate future, we will suffer more no matter what happens. If Assad remains in power, he will try to reassure Islamists who think LGBT people must be killed. If Assad’s regime collapses, the country will be unstable for an unknown period, and people’s hatred toward homosexuals, which is a social issue more than a religious one, might put all LGBT people in danger.”

His concerns are valid; there are no guarantees for improvement following demise of such despots.

While Ben-Ali’s reign of terror collapsed in Tunisia in January, sparking the domino effect of revolutions that became the Arab Spring, the Islamist En Nahdha Party is becoming a major force among the various citizen groups calling for the protection of “traditional values.”

According to Hossam Bahgat, the executive director of the Egyptian Initiative for Personal Rights, al-

though the once-common use of entrapment to arrest gays in Egypt, and elsewhere in the Middle East, has subsided in recent years, anti-gay debauchery trials still take place. Bahgat doubts a Western-style gay-rights movement could take hold in Egypt anytime soon, despite the sense of liberation and social rebirth following the overthrow of longtime authoritarian president Hosni Mubarak in February.

“The challenge is to ensure that what emerges from the transition isn’t just a democratic government but also a democratic society,” Bahgat said, referring to the quest for equitable treatment of religious minorities, women and gays. Bahgat stated he was cautiously optimistic because Egyptians under the age of 30, a majority of the population, are more open than their predecessors to the concept of a diverse Egypt.

“As Egypt moves from dictatorship to being a normal country, we are going to have to live with people we completely disagree with, and there will be elements trying to impose their own understanding of morality,” he said “We’re going to win some battles and lose some others.”

Among these progressive young Egyptians is Mostafa Fathi, 28, editor-in-chief at a Cairo-based Internet radio station. Two years ago, he published a book called “In the World of Boys,” which he says is the first Egyptian novel to depict a gay central character in a positive light. The book stirred controversy, and Fathi said some government officials made their displeasure known. But it was not banned, and copies are available in some bookstores.

It’s common knowledge that there is a relatively well-established, but still secretive, gay community in Cairo. “You have to talk about it under the table,” he said. Fathi says he wants to launch an online magazine about gays in Egypt to discuss serious issues such as protection against violence and STDs. A friend who is a human rights lawyer persuaded him to wait for the political situation to stabilize. “He says it’s a good idea, but not now.”

But perhaps that “now” has arrived. Perhaps the time for LGBT equality is coming soon to the Middle East. To be sure, this is what CNN would have us believe – there is a strong sense in the media that with the toppling of many of these authorities, hopes for equal rights for everyone in the region, including the LGBT community, are high. But it remains unclear just how far this movement will go. As Sami reminds us, even with the push for equality for all, “the death penalty is [still] the Islamic punishment for gay men.”

In the power vacuum created by the Arab Spring uprisings, the specter of Islamist groups who would assume power lurks behind the scenes. As Sami said, “If religion is to still have a big impact on governments around the Arab world, it will always be this way. But if the Shariah is taken out of government and a more secular approach is put forward, then we can hope to see the changes we’ve dreamt of.”

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According to a survey conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, fewer than 20% of transgender women had undergone genital surgery and fewer than five percent of transgender men had.

As with many trans-people, safety is the first concern for Alex on a daily basis. “I do not live in fear, but safety is absolutely a concern. I do not put myself into situations where I may get arrested mainly because of my alternative gender. I am also living with AIDS so that is also a factor.”

Despite these aspects of Alex’s life that align with individuals who identify as FTM, Alex does not identify with the “transition” implied by the term, but rather with the larger trans identity that exists outside the gender binary. “Although I have undergone some SRS procedures I do not consider myself on a path of female to male. My body is a mix of both and more and that is how I imagine it, at least for now.”

LOLA

TOP

OTHER

BREAST IMPLANTS

MTF

BOTTOM

FACE EYEBROW LIFT FACELIFT RHINOPLASTY: nose job EYELID SURGERY LASER RESURFACING: to even out skin irregularities LIP ENLARGEMENT FACIAL IMPLANTS: enhance cheek contour

BODY LIPOSUCTION ABDOMINOPLASTY: tummy tuck THIGH LIFTS CHONDROLARYNGOPLASTY: Adam’s apple removal

in extreme cases of tissue shortage:

VAGINOPLASTY: inversion of the penis to preserve blood supplies and nerves, and formation of a clitoris from penile tissue

COLONOVAGINOPLASTY: use of colon tissue to construct vagina SKIN GRAFTS

FEATURE

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Tony is a second-year American Literature and Culture major at UCLA who identifies as pre-op FTM. He describes his family as having supported his transition. Although he has concerns about their reaction to any future SRS procedures, he says that his mom, especially, has been “strangely supportive – for now. But we’ll see … I think she’s still struggling with the idea – to her, I’m much different but very much the same.”

TONY

and I was constantly stared at in classroom situations.”

Although most of her friends are supportive, Lola also acknowledges difficulties associated with social isolation because the trans community is still ostracized and marginalized, and is also more likely to experience discrimination and violence. Despite advances in technology that make it easier for trans people to pass, Lola is concerned that the trans community will never receive the acceptance and respect it deserves from individuals who enforce gender boundaries. “Today, we still experience isolation and are the largest group of people to experience hate crimes. Granted, people are most understanding these days, especially as our society becomes more liberal, but many trans people are still the victims of hate crimes all over the world.”

Illustration: Will Herder

FTM

TOP

CHEST CONTOURING

OTHER

SRS

Lola is a student at UCLA. She is a fourth-year World Arts and Cultures major and has asked that her name be changed to protect her identity. She grew up in a religious community, although she says, “I do not identify with a religion. I am a spiritual person who believes in the completed work of Jesus Christ. My religious community growing up, the Christian community, would not have supported me in my transition process.”

Once she came to UCLA, she gradually felt comfortable and empowered enough in the queer community at UCLA to decide to begin her transition. Although she says she “did experience words of hate,” she has felt constant support from the UCLA community at large – “I wouldn’t say those few individuals represent UCLA and the way the rest of the campus reacted to me.”

Lola’s current transition process includes hormone treatments and laser hair removal to feminize her body. Eventually, Lola plans to undergo full SRS, but wants it to be her last step in the transition, because of the cost and the invasive nature of the surgery.

“I’m giving myself seven years to completely transition, including SRS. I’m beginning my second year of hormone therapy and am just beginning my laser treatments. Hormone therapy is a lifelong commitment and I will stop laser hair removal once I am satisfied with the results. I do intend to get my top surgery (breast augmentation) next summer as

FACE

CHIN IMPLANTS RHINOPLASTY

BODY

LIPOSUCTION: hips, thighs, etc.

BOTTOM METOIDOPLASTY : construction of a penis from clitoris enlarged via hormones PHALLOPLASTY : construction of a penis from skin grafts

SRS TODAY: Thanks to new technologies, trans individuals have a wide range of options to shape their bodies to reflect their identities.

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a graduation gift to myself.”

Dr. Alter performs many procedures to assist MTF individuals in their transition, ranging from bottom surgery, in which “you keep the head of the penis with the nerves attached [to use as] a portion of the clitoris with the nerves attached, so they can get orgasms [with] the clitoris.”

Lola has taken a cautious approach to her transition so far. “I was and still am scared to see how my body will fully react to hormones. I am also concerned with my health more, and am more conscious of the decisions I make in terms of smoking/drinking, etc. because I am on hormones.”

The hormone treatments have come with several unexpected consequences. “I was surprised when my breasts started to come in, because it was something I had always been waiting for and I was glad to finally have them.” Dramatic mood swings were another surprise. “I found myself going from a good mood to a bad mood (or vice versa) in a matter of minutes,” she says. “What was odd was that I was aware of the mood swings, but I couldn’t do anything to change the way I was feeling.”

There are also many other innovative options to cosmetically enhance the MTF transition – even though they are more costly and invasive. Dr. Alter offers “facial feminization, some cosmetic surgery ... bone and jaw work, brow lifts, [and] nose jobs, to make more of a feminine appearance to the face.”

Despite feeling extremely satisfied with her transition, Lola identifies plenty of challenges she continues to face daily. Dating, especially, presents unique problems, because most guys she meets are not interested in the same things she is. “It is extremely difficult for me as an MTF to find men who are interested in dating and not just having sex and fulfilling one of their sexual fantasies.” Although Lola comes out to potential partners before beginning any kind of a relationship, there are still concerns. “I always let a guy know the entire situation before I get into anything with them, mainly for safety reasons.”

Indeed, Alex highlights the safety issue that FTM individuals, in particular, face on a daily basis. “Being a butch female is absolutely more acceptable in our US culture than being a feminine male, so it is often more okay for a female to butch it up or present more masculinely. This also can make safety a much bigger concern for MTF folks because they can be easier to read. I know it can be a harder surgery route for a lot of MTF’s [simply because] there may be more work to get done to pass safely.” Much of Lola’s experience with discrimination occurred early in her transition. “Before I began to pass pretty well, I would constantly get double takes. I had awkward interactions with heterosexual males,

TRANS: GENDER, JOURNEY, AND IDENTITY STEPHANIE GILBERT Staff Writer | sranzgilbert@gmail.com Alex is 34, post-op (radical mastectomy and complete hysterectomy), and has been on testosterone injections for six years. Alex “doesn’t prefer pronouns.” Alex doesn’t want to pass.

Lola is 21 and identifies as pre-op MTF (male transitioning to female). Lola prefers the pronoun “she/her”. Lola wants to pass.

Tony is 19. Tony identifies as pre-op FTM (female transitioning to male), and is currently pre-T (he hasn’t yet begun testosterone therapy). Tony prefers the pronoun “he.”

Tony wants to pass.

The following are the stories of three transpeople, and represent the uniquely individual experience of living outside the gender norm.

ALEX Alex lives in Brooklyn, New York. Alex comes from a Catholic family with divorced parents, and the two sides of the family reacted very differently to Alex’s coming out as trans. “My mother and her family were incredibly supportive. My brothers were amazing and continue to be so wonderful.”

But the same isn’t true of the rest of Alex’s family. “At one point after my radical masectomy, at my mother’s birthday, my father showed up and turned away from me when I went to give him a hug hello.” This reluctance to accept Alex continued until being trans was supplanted by AIDS as the biggest issue in Alex’s life. “After I was dying of AIDS, me being trans was not the biggest issue, so I reached out to all my families and they were all very loving and showed up in various ways to support me.” Today, both sides of Alex’s family use ‘she’ pronouns, but Alex is less offended than amused by this because “I am very male in appearance and I want to muddle the gendered waters.”

Unlike many trans people, Alex has found love and support in the queer community.

“I have been involved in queer spaces for many years so I had a large network of friends that supported me and, at the time of my breast removal, an amazing partner.”

Beginning at age 27, Alex has been through multiple sexual reassignment surgical (SRS) procedures, including testosterone injections, a radical mastectomy and a complete hysterectomy.

Dr. Gary Alter, a Beverly Hills-based plastic surgeon, performs a wide range of sexual reassignment procedures. Although Dr. Alter’s work is extremely individualized for each patient, there are basic guidelines for FTM procedures, which include top, bottom, and cosmetic surgeries. “For female to male, I do a lot of chest contouring surgery, and get rid of breasts and cosmetic work.” Hormone therapy takes care of more subtle physical changes, like deepening the voice and stimulating the growth of facial and body hair; it can also result in the enlargement of the clitoris, a decrease in breast size, and an increase in overall body mass.

Dr. Alter also performs bottom surgery. “In terms of genital surgery, I’ll free up the clitoris and make it a smaller penis.” This procedure is called metoidioplasty, because the clitoris is used, while the procedure of constructing a penis, phalloplasty, utilizes tissue either in the vagina or elsewhere in the body via a graft.

Alex did not undergo ‘bottom’ surgery, but did have a mastectomy. “The breast removal process involved making two large incisions, removing the breast tissue, then tightening the skin and sewing the nipples back on.” The mastectomy procedure alone can be upwards of $6,000 (breast augmentation for MTF individuals is comparably priced) and unfortunately Alex’s mastectomy was not covered by insurance. Luckily, due to a history of ovarian cysts, Alex’s hysterectomy was covered by insurance.

Alex is not alone in his decision not to undergo bottom surgery. Contrary to popular belief that every transperson wants to be perceived as a “normal” member of their selfidentified gender, Alex feels a strong desire not to pass, and instead to be seen as a trans person. “The more I pass the more visibility becomes an issue for me. Though it is nice to pass sometimes, I generally feel invisible because people do not read me as having been born female.” This desire to be visible as a member of the trans community is one of several factors that motivate some trans individuals to decide against SRS procedures.

8 | OUTwrite

OPINION

Queering the Bruin A response to UCLA’s award-winning newspaper

BY AUSTIN ROSE

Staff writer austin.theodore.rose@ucla.edu

Do you read The Daily Bruin? Thousands of UCLA students pick up the Daily Bruin every day to try to find out what’s going on around campus – it claims to be the voice of our entire community. Indeed, The Daily Bruin has won hundreds of awards in the past decade, at the state, regional, and national levels; just last month, the Bruin was awarded the Pacemaker, an award known as the “Pulitzer of College Journalism.” Clearly, we have a world-class student newspaper here at UCLA. However, not all communities receive the same quality of coverage. While The Daily Bruin has not shied away from covering queer issues, an analysis of LGBTQ topics over the past decade reveals that their coverage of our community tends to be superficial and fails to effectively represent our needs and realities.

Daily Bruin editor-in-chief Lauren Jow says, “We cover LGBT issues a lot because on the UCLA campus, LGBT issues are big; we choose our stories based on what our readership cares about.” She described the mission of the Daily Bruin to “thoroughly, sensitively and boldly bring light to issues that do not have coverage” and to “create a forum for debate.”

An analysis of The Daily Bruin’s articles dating from the past ten years which contained the word “gay” or “LGBT” shows that there is no shortage of such topics – over 1,500 results show up on a search for such terms on their website. However, after taking a deeper look into the articles, I noticed a disinct pattern: queer topics seem to be discussed impersonally, vaguely and at a distance. For instance, an October piece about National Coming Out Week was published on the last day of the week, far too late to generate publicity about the events.

But, even worse, the article simply listed what had happened and had quotations from directors of the LGBT Center and Queer Alliance explaining what the week was about. The author of this article seems to have walked into the LGBT Center, asked a few questions, and written the article without actually attending any of the events and experiencing National Coming Out Week for himself. By the time the article went to press, eight of the week’s nine events had already occurred. Plus, the writer only communicated with two students who are prominent leaders in the queer community, and as such are obvious interview choices.

An article like this is little more than fluff – although well-meaning, it’s just words to fill empty space in the corners of The Daily Bruin at the end of production day.

Queer Alliance director Marcus McRae commented, “Queer topics are covered in a ‘newsy’ way, not to make people care or engage in them.” He cites an article from May 2011 that discusses an anti-gay hate crime in which assailants hurled their fists and homophobic slurs at a student. The piece describes the incident as an “altercation” and a

10 | OUTwrite

“fight involving students that may have been prompted by a homophobic slur.” Jow defended the article, stating that The Daily Bruin has to be careful for legal reasons when discussing crimes. However, McRae lamented, “There was coverage at the initial stages but no follow-up when additional information was found out.” The newspaper failed by not following up on such a blatant example of a hate crime. Our community needs to know when people in Westwood are assaulting those whom they perceive to be gay; not knowing key details could potentially put LGBTQ students’ safety in jeopardy.

The Daily Bruin is at its best when it lives up to its mission of being “bold” and seeking out controversial, rarely discussed topics related to our community. A 2005 editorial entitled “Equal playing field needed

AFTER TAKING A DEEPER LOOK, I NOTICED A DISTINCT PATTERN: QUEER TOPICS SEEM TO BE DISCUSSED IMPERSONALLY, VAGUELY AND AT A DISTANCE. for LGBT athletes” discusses the struggles queer-identified student athletes face, such as coaches who “make anti-gay comments because ‘they don’t even think anyone on the team could be gay.’” This piece is superb because it goes beyond the tiresome discussions about well-known topics (like same-sex marriage) and opens students’ eyes to a relevant issue they may not have otherwise considered. Unfortunately, for all the strength of features like this, the Bruin does a less-than-stellar job at addressing real issues that LGBTQ students face on a daily basis.

I do not believe that any Daily Bruin staffers are homophobic or that the newspaper purposely degrades the queer community. However, The Daily Bruin can take a few steps to improve its coverage of LGBTQ topics. First, apart from a weekly “LGBT issues” column in the opinion section, there seems to be a dearth of queer perspectives coming out of the Bruin. Increasing the representation of “out” queer DB staffers would allow queer people to express themselves and give readers better insight into our community. Even without actively recruiting from the queer community, editors could invite LGBTQ students to contribute to the newspaper on a regular basis – whether with a guest article on the importance of National Coming Out Week or a personal reflection on the hurtfulness of phrases like “that’s so gay” and “fag.” This would be a simple way to ensure that our voices and stories are heard.

Next, writers should do thorough research rather than taking the easy way out. Rather than walking into the LGBT Center and asking for people to interview, they should use their social networks to find fresh LGBTQ students or attend meetings for one of the dozens of LGBTQ organizations oncampus. Indeed, Jow herself states this as a basic goal for the paper: “At The Daily Bruin, we strive to always get the full story through consulting multiple people and looking at different sides [of the story].” Going the extra mile to get real perspectives from real students would help them achieve an accurate representation of our community, and would allow them to insert more of a personal touch into their articles.

For example, the author of a well-meaning 2010 column called “LGBT Acceptance: A Good Goal For UCLA” argued that the UCLA community had a long way to go to reach full acceptance of its LGBT members – a hugely important topic, to be sure. However, his argument and research focused mainly on challenges queer students face in academic settings, relying on superficial interviews with LGBT Center and LGBT Studies staff, while completely ignoring issues that are clearly more pressing to our community. Even here at UCLA, there are plenty of students who face verbal abuse on a daily basis, who have been harassed and abused to the point of attempting suicide. The fact that some Bruins may have parents who disapprove of their declaring an LGBT Studies minor doesn’t scratch the surface of the queer experience at UCLA; an article that suggests that this is the extent of everyone’s problems does more harm than good. If this writer had ventured out and actually talked to people in our community, this article might have reflected a more accurate depiction of what life is really like for queer Bruins.

And it’s not just the queer community. Just last month, an article by the editorial board came out against Proposition SB185, which would have encouraged universities to consider factors like gender, race, socioeconomic status and sexual orientation in the admissions process. By positioning the entire newspaper against a proposition that is so important to such a huge proportion of students on campus (particularly the queer community and communities of color), The Daily Bruin editors proved themselves to be neither open

to all viewpoints nor supportve of such a progressive movement on campus.

A more inclusive look at the issue would have consulted people on both sides of the issue and included the perspectives of on-campus organizations such as the Afrikan Student Union and Queer Alliance, whose communities would have been greatly impacted by the legislation.

The Daily Bruin is more than just a student newspaper. It represents the UCLA community as a whole, and claims to provide a deeper insight into all aspects of our community. For better or worse, a huge number of people, on campus and beyond, trust what The Daily Bruin says, and when they fail to cover queer issues adequately, it hurts our cause, one omission, one misguided editorial at a time.

But it’s deeper than that. As a marginalized minority group on campus and in society, queer individuals have a duty not only to advocate for accurate LGBTQ representation in the media but also to support other minority groups in their struggle against misrepresentation. We must start on the campus level with The Daily Bruin before we can move on to correct the mass media’s portrayal of our issues, our experiences, and our people. As Jim Morrison said, “Whoever controls the media controls the mind.” We must fight ignorance in those around us, no matter how well-meaning the source might be – so that ignorance cannot control our minds, at least not at UCLA.

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+ TRANS (from page 9) For many reasons, Tony has not yet undergone any SRS procedures, though he plans to begin hormone treatments and get a mastectomy eventually. However, there are obstacles in the way: “How my old friends and family will perceive me worries me.” In addition, all SRS are extremely expensive, and most insurance plans don’t cover them. Fortunately, Tony discovered that UCLA’s Student Health Insurance Plan does support the right of trans students to transition – UCLA covers up to a lifetime maximum of $75,000 for transgender surgeries and procedures.

Because Tony has not yet undergone any SRS procedures, he faces other anatomical challenges every day. “Other issues that affect me include having my chest flop everywhere when I’m trying to work or just walking around. There’s nothing more awkward than saying, ‘Hold on, I have to adjust,’ and sticking your hand down the front of your chest so you can flatten yourself out.”

Like Alex, the bathroom issue is a big one for Tony, even here at UCLA, ranked one of the top 19 most LGBT friendly schools in the country by the advocacy organization Campus Pride. “I prefer not to use the women’s restroom when I can avoid it … It’s a huge concern when you’re trying to find a place to go to the bathroom and there’s nowhere safe for

you. You just want to urinate, but it feels like a life-or-death issue!”

Tony’s biggest daily challenge identifying as trans is the common fear of being misgendered. “I’m sick of talking about how much it hurts ... It’s kind of depressing to talk about since I try to introduce myself with, ‘Hi, I’m Tony, my preferred pronouns are “he,”’ but it’s still difficult for people to grasp. It’s like because I have the voice of a 12-year-old boy, they think that I’m a woman … even after multiple corrections.” Instances like this

“THE STRESS OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH BEING MISGENDERED IS SO DIFFICULT AND HARD ON MY HEART.” make it hard for Tony to assume the identity he feels as his own, simply because others constantly refute and challenge it, consciously or not. As Tony says, “Nothing has hurt me more than … hearing one of my female friends say to the other male friend in the group, ‘Oh, you must feel so popular, since you’re the only guy here.’

Oh, well, wait, I’m here, too...”

Tony feels strongly that it is his right

to undergo whichever procedures he needs to feel comfortable with his body and his gender presentation, though he is careful to point out that SRS is not a necessary part of being trans. Until then, he says he feels supported by the UCLA community, yet he is still concerned about being misperceived and misrepresented. He says these fears have made him isolate himself from people, even within the queer community. “The pressure and stress of having to deal with being misgendered and being misperceived as a woman is so difficult and hard on my heart.”

Alex, Tony and Lola all have vastly different experiences. They have different extents of transition, different motivations to pass or be visible as trans individuals.

One of the most fundamental misconceptions is that “trans” implies a transition, a change, surgical or otherwise, from one anatomical gender to another.

But for many trans people, this view is constraining, as well as inaccurate. “I do not believe there are two sexes, but rather diverse people who perform their genders in various ways. I strive to represent myself in a way that shows my own dances of

masculinity and femininity. In these ways I do not follow a trajectory of being born female and transitioning to being male. I have a passion for many stereotypical female homemaker roles; I love to sew and cook, but also enjoy stereotypical male activities, like building. My physical body is a combination of male and female signifiers, even though on the outside I look masculine.”

Alex defines “trans” to be a mix of many diverse identities with only their gender non-normativity in common.

“Whether we have had surgery or do not plan to, our genders, in some way, are outside the mainstream. Many of us feel ‘trapped in the wrong body’ and wish to be the ‘other’ gender. And others of us do not adhere to a male/female sex binary and live outside/within/through the fringes.”

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FOR STATISTICS AND RESOURCES, FLIP TO THE BACK OF THIS ISSUE OUTwrite

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CREATIVE WRITING WHAT

IS

STOPPING

ME?

BRYAN PLATZ Staff Writer | bplatz7@gmail.com They piss me off with their flamboyant and tight clothing, their stylish and gelled hair, their feminine tones and pitches complete with the queer sass and bitchiness that molds their voice into an instant signifier.

Open and flaunting, daring anyone to oppose their nature.

It pisses me off to no end Which, honestly, is really fucked up.

I’m closeted off, fearing that others know.

Even though they always do.

They don’t give a shit, so why should I? Why can’t I wear tight jeans with rainbow suspenders and some hat or scarf, that pulls together for something hot?

What the fuck is stopping me?

Why can’t I possess the voice to openly yell with pride at every spoken word?

Even the faintest of whispers?

Why can’t I feel the lips of another?

Or the hardness between their legs in my sweaty palms?

Or the pain of my ass?

During and after.

Why the fuck can’t I be the slut that every ounce of testosterone in my coin sack wants to be?

What the fuck is stopping me?

Why can’t I be free to skip and strut and wink and kiss and suck and hump and fuck?

Is it my bashfulness?

My cursed quiet nature?

Am I just destined to be some resentful, masochistic prude?

Or is it some else?

My fear?

My own twisted discomfort?

Demons that I yearn to exorcise and overcome.

But, what the fuck is stopping me?

12 | OUTwrite

TREASON KAYLA VERNONCLARK Staff Writer | kaylavc@gmail.com “For treasonous crimes committed against the kingdom and the kingdom’s royal family, particularly against persons Queen Annabella Rousseau and King Jacques Rousseau, you, Cassandra Urquart, are hereby sentenced to death by hanging.”

Cassandra, seated behind the bars of a dungeon and mired in the filth of decidedly less civilized prisoners, raises her head and straightens her already perfect posture and casts upon them a look of absolute superiority.

(All she can feel is the violent weightlessness of her own relief.)

At thirteen, it occurs to Cassandra in the exact moment that she is forced to play lady-in-waiting to Annabella Vance exactly how much she despises her.

Even at this age, she’s conditioned herself to maintain a remarkable degree of distance from the notion of hate. Not because it is the more ladylike approach, or because a strong moral compass demands it, but because hate necessarily levels the playing field. Hate is too strong, too all-consuming, and it offers too much power to the opponent. Hate breeds vulnerability. Instead, contempt and disdain are her weapons of choice – regardless of rank.

But this girl – the one who will be married off to the inheritor of a distant kingdom, whose every word bleeds entitlement and self-righteousness and ignorance, whose dark brown hair takes hours to straighten because when she wakes it is a mess of curls and frizz and Annabella will not allow a single strand out of place – forces a crack into the very foundation of Cassandra’s theory.

She doesn’t realize then that this is only the precursor of things to come. She doesn’t consider the fact that all it takes is enough cracks in all the right places and everything shatters.

At fourteen, she stares at her image in the mirror and takes a steadying breath.

“This is the only hope for keeping your family afloat,” she reminds herself quietly. Certainly.

It’s been a year and a half and somehow Annabella is still the only person who has ever managed to so thoroughly burn her way underneath Cass’ skin. Somehow she knows exactly where to push, until Cass’ insincerely charming smile has been stretched to its limits and all she can taste is the headiness of rage in the back of her throat.

But her father is gone, and all that separates her family from the destitute surviving on the

outskirts of the kingdom is Cassandra’s position in the castle. Her brother brings in a little bit of money, when he can, but it is status that mandates their existence here, and Cass is that thin, tenuous string keeping them attached.

“Do you intend to actually help me with my hair or just stand out there having a conversation with the voices in your head?”

Cassandra was not born for a life of servitude.

Reflexively, she keeps her head dangerously high and maintains a posture that occasionally verges on treasonous. Reflexively, she considers the majority of people she meets inferior to her.

But she turns, and nods, and says “Of course,” and Annabella’s smirk widens because she knows she isn’t far from winning this game.

“Do you intend to contest the charges?”

“No.” “They’ll put you to death.” There’s a tremor in her voice she cannot quite disguise. “You’ll hang.”

“There’s no other choice. You know that as well as I do, Mother.”

Their eyes meet through the bars for the first time. “Your brother has half a mind to assassinate the Queen for this, you know,” she says, and there’s a quiet, hollow half-laugh there, underscoring her words.

“He doesn’t touch her. He doesn’t go anywhere near her,” Cass says, and it’s so quiet and insidious that it can be nothing but rage. “If he does not leave her alone, he should be aware death will not keep from haunting him into a very early grave. Please do deliver that message for me.”

“You’re in love with her.”

It’s not a question, so Cassandra Urquart does not find it particularly necessary to provide an answer. Instead, she arches a skeptical brow and closes her eyes and takes a quiet breath.

It tastes rank, like sweat and slow decay, and also a little bit like freedom.

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TO READ THE REST, GO TO OUTWRITENEWSMAG.ORG

DOUBLE

COMING OUT

RAINBOW

KATIE SCHOWENGERDT Managing Editor | ktschowengerdt@hotmail.com | Age 20 We’re one big gay happy family now. About two years after me, it’s my brother’s turn.

My 14-year-old brother is coming out of the closet.

Not exactly what I, or most of our family and friends, would call shocking. But what does continue to shock me is his entire attitude, and just how much his “coming out” differs from mine.

For one, he’s only fourteen. I didn’t even consider coming out before I left the house, and not because I was scared of my parents’ disowning me. I just didn’t want to have to be in the house as my news hung in the air. I didn’t want to have to answer every awkward, agonizing question that popped into my parents’ supportive and open-minded heads.

My brother obviously does not have this concern. Apparently, he laid it all out on the dinner table: he was gay, he was dating a guy he met at school, he wanted to hold hands with him, and he didn’t want our parents to worry because he already knew how everything worked.

This dumbfounded me. How could that little twerp have the conversations that I waited years to have with my parents, conversations that, in some cases, have still never fully had?

This shouldn’t surprise me, either. My brother and I are vastly different. I don’t like to mess with the status quo; my brother lives to shake things up. He told our entire family he wanted to be a fashion designer when he was five (I know, the gay thing is a shocker), and he spent years filling notebooks with designs, and would tell anyone who would listen about his newest creation.

I, on the other hand, cannot stand someone not liking me. I don’t like confrontation, and I will do everything in my power to get along with everyone. My brother never gave a damn when other guys teased him, and to this day, he has no problem telling someone off if they dare make a rude comment.

So when I found out Doug, who had mentioned to me that he had had feelings for guys before, was having these life-altering conversations with my parents at an age that was years before I even realized I was gay, I felt a variety of emotions. Astoundment. Amazement. Admiration.

But not-so-pleasant feelings also sprung up, feelings I am embarrassed to admit publicly. Guilt? Jealousy? Fear? What is wrong with me? These are emotions a big sister is not supposed to feel about her little bro.

Doug has something I will never have. I will spend my life striving for a fraction of the bravery he has. Doug’s outspoken and unapologetic attitude is inspirational to me, a person who can never quite shake away the feeling that I am supposed to live up to other people’s standards. But that inspiration comes with tinges of guilt. What if those nuts on Fox News are right, and I pushed my “lifestyle” on my brother? What if my parents think they really did something wrong to end up with two gay children, the only two they have? They will always have to face the confused stares of long-lost relatives expecting my brother and I to be paired off boy-girl/girl-boy; it will always be boy-boy, girl-girl, and the curious case of the queer Schowengerdt offspring.

Thinking about Doug coming out also brings up ugliness that I’ve never quite gotten over. I will never fit the ideal of being the golden child. I was supposed to get good grades (check), go to college (check), and marry a nice man (oops). Does that last detail downgrade my daughter status? Will I always be almost-perfect, but not quite there?

I would never deny that these thoughts are irrational, ridiculous, and even slightly homophobic. They are. I’m not proud of these feelings. I have friends who would retort to this bizarre logic with “Your gayness makes you more perfect, Katie! Duh!” These people are like my brother. These people in my life remind me that my life is my own, and not my parents’, or my friends’. But no matter how hard I try, a part of me remains the eternal people-pleaser, the perfectionist who wants to be liked by everyone.

When I see my brother’s comfort and ease with who he is, I am filled with pride. This is a boy who cannot be stopped. My brother and I will do things differently our whole lives, but that is all right. Although we are siblings, and we are both gay, his coming out is not mine, and my story is not his. And that’s okay.

In fact, that’s great. His journey has allowed me to correct some points of my own. I have already learned so much from him, and I aspire to live my life with the ease he lives his. I only hope that he looks at me with a bit of the admiration and gratitude that I feel for him.

DOUG SCHOWENGERDT Contributing Writer | Age 14 My coming-out story is not like everyone else’s. My sister had already come out to our family, which obviously made it easier for me to follow. But even so, coming out is never easy. Even if you’re the most confident person in the world, telling your parents you’re gay is nerve-wracking, to say the least.

When my sister came out to my parents, she did it over email. My parents never told me, never talked about it, and never really brought up Katie’s girlfriend for a year after she came out. I don’t think they looked down upon it; I think they just didn’t know how to deal with it.

When I told my parents, we were finishing dinner, and I remember knowing exactly what I wanted to say, I just didn’t know how to get the words from my brain to my mouth. I sat there, staring at my empty dinner plate.

But knowing that my family supported my sister really did help me get the words out. It was different for me, since I had already told my entire school I had a boyfriend, and since I was already accepting of the fact that I was gay.

I told them everything: about how I’ve known forever, how I had a boyfriend, about how I had kissed other guys before that. I think we talked for almost 3 hours about it. We talked about it openly, they asked questions, and I didn’t have to worry about them getting fidgety when I used the word “gay.” My parents reacted the way I thought they would – with love and acceptance, and without judgement.

I felt my sister was a bit uncomfortable with the fact that she was a lesbian, and didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Of course, she didn’t disappoint anyone. No one gave a damn because she was happy! She was in love! Who would want to tell my brilliant, beautiful, UCLA-student sister that it was wrong that she loved another woman? Even our incredibly conservative, Orange County relatives were accepting when she came out. She soon began bringing her girlfriend to family gatherings, and finally began introducing her as “my girlfriend.” Now, over two years after she came out, I feel the entire family is completely comfortable with my sister’s orientation.

This really did push me to come out to my family. I had no problem with being gay. I was proud of it actually! My sister showed me that I had nothing to be afraid of.Not many people are as lucky as I am, to have a gay sibling.

For me, it means I always have someone to support me, understand me, and love me unconditionally. If my sister weren’t a lesbian and the big, beautiful “disappointment” that she is, I don’t think I would’ve been so accepting of myself, or have come out so easily. So to my sister, thank you, and I love you too.

The fabulous queer Schowengerdt kids.

OUTwrite

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT “POST-GAY” CINEMA: Substance Over Stereotype BRANDI CRAIG Staff Writer | bcraig713@live.com

Photo: Jonathan Jayasinghe

A friend of mine once told me, “When you first see a new picture you don’t want to miss the boat; you have to be very careful. You might be staring at Van Gogh’s ear.” The first time I ever saw this ear was the night I met Jonathan Jayasinghe.

It was the summer before my senior year of high school and Jon had called my best friend looking for a cute boy to act in his current project. My bestie, being the ultimate connoisseur of cute boys, promptly procured one, while I acted as chauffeur. I remember walking into Jon’s living room and being amazed that a kid my age was already such a professional. He was so meticulous in all of his actions and so confident; just being around him, you got the feeling he knew exactly what he wanted. I knew then I had met someone special, and I wouldn’t let myself miss the boat.

Now four years later, Jon is a junior at the California Institute of the Arts studying film and video, and he’s just finished his first feature length film, David. He’s accomplished a lot at such a young age, and it is this kind of talent that pushes boundaries. Along with a wealth of influences including the works of Sofia Coppola, P.T. Anderson, and Wong Kar Wai, Jonathan’s social consciousness has given him a unique insight into the progression of gay film.

This perspective has greatly informed Jonathan’s artistic style.

“I feel like gay culture is in a pretty unique place at that moment, somewhere it’s never really been. We have a lot more mainstream acceptance and that’s wonderful. But with that comes a completely different set of problems that haven’t been addressed in past [gay] cinema. While I respect and adore film from decades past, mainstream society has never really allowed gay cinema to progress to the point that heterosexual cinema or mainstream cinema has been able to progress.”

As a young gay filmmaker, Jon has a responsibility to his community, and he knows it. He is aware of the history behind him and respects it, but he refuses to be constrained by it. “If I’m going to make a film, regardless of what it is, I want it to add to cinema as a whole – not just gay cinema. I want to be formally inventive and tell stories that haven’t been told before in ways that they haven’t been told before.”

The progression and modernity in Jonathan’s work is evident in his choice of narrative style and thematic content. His work is frequently autobiographical, and as such it explores issues only a young gay man would experience.

For Jonathan, this can be a way of dealing with the feelings he finds difficult.

14 | OUTwrite

“I guess making the film and putting it out there and having people see it and seeing people relate to it, there’s definitely a catharsis in that. Seeing that people can relate to that experience and that you’re not quite alone.”

His first feature film definitely follows this pattern. David is a coming of age story, centered on a young man going through his first heartbreak and first love. The main character, Riley, is played by UCLA student Riley Ceder. The title of the film comes from the object of Riley’s desire, a gorgeous, straight boy whom he loves to film. Jonathan has said he is comfortable calling the work autobiographical and some of the films scenes are based on footage he had recorded when he was in high school.

Despite sharing similar themes with his earlier short films, David represents a major departure in terms of visual style. Jonathan chose to shoot in the found-footage, faux documentary style. He did this in an effort to “get at some kind of truth” that was somehow different or distinct. It was also a challenge for the director to relinquish his highly stylized, tightly controlled cinematography and turn the camera over to the actors, who did the majority of the filming.

“We were all out of our element. As a director not being behind the camera, not seeing what’s being shot, it was pretty stressful. And for the actors themselves, not only are they concerned about their performance, but they’re making sure that their lines, their expression and their physicality are being true. But at the same time, they also have to be conscious about the way they’re filming each other, the characterization of their gaze, and [make sure that] the way that they would film people is also being true to the way their character would.”

Jonathan’ production company, Anton Jacoves Productions, with partner Hayden Jacoves, has submitted the film to several film festivals, including Sundance and SXSW. As of press time, plans for the release of the film are still in the works, and a few different options are being explored.

David is the kind of film that exists between genres, and bridges a gap between what is mainstream and what is other. This film alone shows the potential of young artists in pushing the boundaries of established media. If we want these artists to flourish we have to be the audience. We have to occasionally step outside of our comfort zone and open our minds to something new. If you don’t want to miss the boat, you have to look at a new picture, see a new film, support an artist. Who knows where that boat will take you?

Our Time:

Queer Art In Pacific Standard Time WILL HERDER Staff Writer | willartherd@gmail.com

“Man in Shower in Beverly Hills.” (Photo: Artchive)

For years, despite its profusion of art, Los Angeles has been regarded as an artistic backwater by an established Eastern guard, haughty “tastemakers” peering condescendingly out of cold marbled gallery spaces and chi-chi lofts upon the City of Angels. Pacific Standard Time, an unprecedented cultural effort sponsored by the Getty spanning 40 gallery exhibitions across Los Angeles through the end of the year, finally gives space to the plethora of SoCal artists, gay and straight, whose work has been overlooked for decades.

Much fanfare has been made about the prominent place accorded queer art in the PST program. Los Angeles’ queer art scene is proclaiming to the art world not, “we have arrived,” but rather “we have been here.” Indeed, queer LA artists have been out of the closet and waiting for their due appreciation for decades, producing work that expressed queer experience at a time when most states were enforcing harsh laws against homosexual activity.

It is both gratifying and surprising to see a conservative institution like the Getty devoting such money and space to queer artists. Pacific Standard Time hosts a staggering diversity of exhibits, presenting a multitude of social groups and media. And although certainly not pervasive in all the exhibits, a strong queer presence can be felt within PST. Whole exhibits, like “Doin’ it in Public” at Otis College of Art and Design, and “Cruising the Archive” at ONE Archives, are devoted solely to queer art.

As an artist today, I take for granted the extreme freedom I have in creating art with queer subject matter. “Cruising the Archive: Rare Looks” at the ONE Archives examines a few artists who did not know this liberty; their work could have quite literally had them arrested. Out of fear of being outed, gay artists often left their work unsigned, or worked under pseudonymous titles. Despite living amidst this sexual oppression, artists continued to explore and express their sexuality in their work.

These artists, living in urban Los Angeles, drew their main inspiration from the scenery around them: the men.

When he was not taking notes for sexual researcher Alfred Kinsey on “The Run,” the circuit of Los Angeles homosexual cruising grounds during the 1950s and ‘60s, artist Sidney Bronstein was painting portraits of sailors and workmen, on display in ONE’s “Cruising” exhibit. Bronstein’s portraits are sexually graphic, but imbued with an intimacy and tenderness. His portrait of a sailor holding a Schlitz beer bottle straddles the divide between low-brow and high-art with hard muscles and a soft palette.

Cruising culture extends beyond the niche ONE exhibit, with work from Hal Fischer’s “Gay Semiotics” being shown at MOCA’s exhibit, “Under the Big Black Sun.” In this photo-essay, Fischer documents the signaling devices used by gay men to denote sexual preferences or positions.

David Hockney, an artist already highly regarded by the artistic establishment, also channels this underground imagery. Although his later work may engage with different concerns, such as formalist landscapes, his formative work is overtly homoerotic.

Hockney instills his seemingly superficial figures and landscapes, manicured lawns and pretty men, with a sun-washed beauty that captures the essence of Los Angeles self-indulgence and opulent style. Hockney’s large scale painting, “Man in Shower in Beverly Hills,” is currently on view at the Getty’s PST exhibit, “Crosscurrents in LA Painting and Sculpture.” Framed within dark green bathroom tile, a man with an exceptionally well-sculpted rear end stoops in the shower, ambivalently glancing back.

Such work challenges the mainstream art that has been bombarding the viewer with imagery of heterosexual love and desire for millennia; whether it’s reclining nudes or groups of nubile bathers, there is a predominance of straight white male inclinations.

With his sensual depictions of men, Hockney speaks to a lineage of homophilic desire

within art. This work establishes a personal homosexual narrative of love and lust, while placing it within a broader artistic tradition.

Another challenge to the straight male standard within art comes from artists like Judy Chicago, and her fellow feminist artists who founded the Women’s Building in the early 1970s. The Women’s Building, which closed in 1991, provided a space and resources for women artists to not only learn their craft, but to produce work that was rooted in their experience as women. For the first time, women artists didn’t have to conform to a male standard of “good” art. “Doin’ it in Public” pays homage to the artists of the Women’s Building. Feminist art has a presence in many other PST shows as well.

Pacific Standard Time marks a time of unprecedented visibility and validation for queer L.A. artists of the past. However, considering the proliferation of queer art within L.A. over the decades, PST may still lack an accurate representation of queer artists. Nonetheless, strides have been made with PST regarding the inclusion of queer and minority artists. “I have rarely in my life seen anything as huge or magnificent and expensive and fine as this PST thing,” Juhasz said. Pacific Standard Time has indeed lived up to its press-kit boast as being an “unprecedented” look at queer creative output in L.A., an acknowledgement of the experiences and talent of a community too long overlooked.

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TO FIND OUT WHERE TO SEE “MAN IN SHOWER IN BEVERLY HILLS” AND OTHER KEY PIECES IN PST, FLIP TO THE BACK OF THIS ISSUE.

OUTwrite

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WHAT NOW? Want to get more involved? Below, we’ve included additional resources on the topics covered in this issue.

3 The Village LA Gay & Lesbian Center 1125 N McCadden Pl Los Angeles 90038

1 Crosscurrents in LA Painting and Sculpture The Getty Center 1200 Getty Center Dr Los Angeles 90049

4 Cruisin’ The Archives ONE - Nat’l Gay & Lesbian Archives 909 W Adams Blvd Los Angeles 90007 5 Gay Semiotics Geffen Contemporary @ MOCA 152 N Central Ave Los Angeles 90012

2 Doin’ It In Public Otis College 9045 Lincoln Blvd Los Angeles 90045

TRANS, BY THE NUMBERS

87%

35% 20% 15% 68% 55%

of MTFs

of FTMs of trans students have experienced verbal have been forced to have sex at least once harrassment at school

of MTF-identified transpeople are HIV+

30% 37%

of MTF-

of FTM- &

of MTF-

identified individuals have experienced physical abuse based on their gender identity or gender presentation.

SOURCES: www.glsen.org www.transequality.org www.transgenderlaw.org OUTwrite

and

of FTM-

STYLE INSPIRATION WANNA GET NOTICED? CHECK OUT THESE SITES FOR SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO BRING OUT YOUR INNER FASHIONIST@

THE SARTORIALIST

Fashion photographer Scott Schuman aims to create “a twoway dialogue about the world of fashion and its relationship to daily life.” - www.thesartorialist.com

identified individuals did not have stable housing

67%

35%

21%

33%

of FTM of MTF individuals indentify individuals identify as heterosexual; as heterosexual;

identify as bisexual

STYLE BUBBLE

Fashion blogger Susanna Lau writes about her “personal experiences and observations on fashion with a focus on spotlighting young and unknown talent.” - www.stylebubble.co.uk

identify as bisexual

LEARN MORE: LA GAY & LESBIAN CENTER: www.laglc.org (OR SEE THE MAP ABOVE)

PULL TEETH

Andrew Chipman’s personal style blog focuses on “outfit posts and do-it-yourself projects.” - www.pullteeth.net