OutWrite Newsmagazine (Spring 2012)

INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA __ NICKI MINAJ __ QUEER & UNDOCUMENTED

OUT WRITE SPRING 2012

T.O.C.

-PG. 4-

-PG. 5-

-PG. 6-

#HOMOPHOBIA | COMMUNITY | TABOO

#COMMUNITY | EMPOWERMENT

#COMMUNITY | INTERSECTIONALITY

THE HIDDEN THREAT

DANCING QUEEN

OUT OF THE SHADOWS

I N TE RNA LI Z E D H OMO P H OB I A A N D TH E

O U T W R IT E ST E P S O U T WI T H

E MB RACIN G A QUE ER A N D

C A M P U S C OM MU N I TY

TI G E RH E AT DA N C E R PAU L H U L B E RT

U N DO C U M EN TE D IDE NTITY

by: Katie Schowengerdt & Stephanie Gilbert

by: Logan Linnane

by: Austin Rose

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-PG. 10-11-

#CAMPUS | OPINION | USAC

#ART | GANGS | PERSPECTIVE

#GETOFFYOURASS

AN ISSUE OF REAL MEN, REPRESENTATION REAL STORIES*

OUT IN LA THIS SUMMER

STUDENTS SHOULD PUT USAC FIRST

AN INTERVIEW WITH DINO DINCO

by: Bryan Platz

by: Tomas Aguilera

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-PG. 14 -

-PG. 15-

#POLITICS | ACTIVISM | VISIBILITY

#BISEXUALITY | OPINION | INSIGHT

#OPINION | COUNSELING | GROWTH

WHAT WILL HISTORY SAY?

MIXING FLAVORS

WHERE DO I BEGIN?

by: Will Herder

AN IN-DEPTH INTERVIEW WITH FRED KARGER, THE FIRST OPENLY GAY MAN TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT

by: Kim Lau

by: Justin Sedor -PG. 16 -

-PG. 17 -

-PG. 18-19 -

#MUSIC | OPINION | HIP-HOP

#FILM | REVIEW | DOCUMENTARY

#FUN

NICKI MINAJ

BULLY

GAY ICON OR VAPID OPPORTUNIST?

AMERICAN HORROR STORY

by: Dylan Chouinard

by: Jason Chen

HOW LONG WILL YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP LAST?// QUEER YOUR CUT

*

COVER IMAGE: Dino Dinco’s documentary film “Homeboy”

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OutWrite is UCLA’s queer and ally newsmagazine. OutWrite, formerly called TenPercent, was established in 1979 and was the first LGBT collegiate newsmagazine in the nation. OutWrite is an alternative multi-platform media outlet that deals with the issues that matter to young, engaged Queer or LGBT-identified individuals, both at UCLA and beyond. By illuminating topics that are not covered by the mainstream media, and by doing so with a distinctive, frank, passionate and progressive voice, we strive to engage our community and ser ve their needs through dialogue and active expression.

The UCLA Communications Board has a media grievance procedure for resolving grievances against any of its media. For a copy of the complete procedure, contact UCLA Student Media at 310. 825. 2787. Copyright 2012 ASUCLA Communications Board

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: To a college student, especially one faced with the frightening prospect of entering the Cold, Cruel World of Adulthood after graduation, a year feels like little more than a heartbeat.

Which makes it all the more exciting to look back on all that we have accomplished in such a short time. The incredible, unprecedented level of commitment, sacrifice, and enthusiasm of our staff has transformed OutWrite into something I never really thought it could be. I’d like to thank each and every person who has helped make OutWrite into the dynamic, relevant, and truly exciting publication it is today – you have all become my family, and I’m endlessly proud of all of you and all that we’ve accomplished together.

These days, journalism is a dirty word. We are in an age where “news” is manufactured and reporters are seen as morally defunct vultures clawing at any chance they get to make a buck with a scandalous headline. As such, it’s easy to forget that journalism (theoretically) exists for one very specific reason: to serve the community by delivering information in a format that increases understanding about ourselves and the world around us. My staff and I have worked tirelessly to make OutWrite better, so that it can better serve you, the readers, as a platform for conversations that our community needs to have, for issues that go unaddressed, for groups of people that are consistently silenced. We don’t get paid for this, and we’re not making a profit. We’re here to help make sure your voices are heard.

In that spirit, I look to all of you who see potential in OutWrite to help us in our mission to serve the community. With your continued engagement, input and support, we can continue improving as a resource for young, progressive LGBTQ youth and those who love them. Join the conversation on Facebook (facebook.com/outwritenewsmag), Twitter (@outwritenewsmag), and, of course, the web (outwritenewsmag.org). Tell us who you are, what keeps you up at night, what makes you smile, what you want to change about the world. We can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

Finally, congratulations to your 2012-2013 Editor-in-Chief, Katie Schowengerdt! Katie, I’m so proud of how much you’ve grown in the years I’ve known you. I know OutWrite will continue to thrive with you at the wheel.

OUT WRITE www.outwritenewsmag.org facebook.com/outwritenewsmag @outwritenewsmag EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Justin Sedor MANAGING EDITOR Katie Schowengerdt DESIGN L. Andy Hernandez Pauline Woo STAFF WRITERS Tomas Aguilera Jason Chen Dylan Chouinard Stephanie Gilber t Will Herder Kim Lau Logan Linnane Br yan Platz Austin Rose Kayla VernonClark ARTISTS Will Herder Tomas Aguilera COPY EDITORS Fanilla Cheng MEDIA DIRECTOR Ar vli Ward MEDIA ADVISOR Amy Emmer t OUTWRITE THANKS UCLA Lavender Grad UCLA LGBT Studies

This magazine was made possible with the suppor t of Campus Progress, a project of the Center for American Progress, online at CampusProgress.org

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THE INVISIBLE THREAT IN T ERN A L IZED HO MO PH OB I A A N D T HE C A MPUS C OM MU NI TY by: Stephanie Gilbert and Katie Schowengerdt sranzgilbert@gmail.com | katieschowengerdt@gmail.com

Photo: L. Andy Hernandez

A friend recently recounted an experience she had during dinner with her girlfriend, sitting across the table, joking sweetly and talking about what they were going to do that night. She reached across the table to grab her girlfriend of three years’ hand; her girlfriend’s eyes shifted, and she pulled her hand away. She wasn’t mad, but our friend had made her uncomfortable. Even though her girlfriend was out to her friends and wore plaid on a daily basis, she did not want to hold our friend’s hand in public.

The rejection stung a little, our friend explained, but she was used to it.

The relationship didn’t last, but the rejection our friend felt made us wonder if other people experienced being with someone that was uncomfortable expressing their queerness. We conducted an anonymous online survey of queer UCLA students that expressed their feelings about public displays of affection and other “out” behaviors.

This survey produced a wide variety of responses. Some people were closeted for reasons such as cultural expectations, job security, physical safety, or personal comfort level. On the other hand, plenty of people had been out for years. Some people were in long-term relationships, while others were single.

But the one outstanding trend of the survey was that everyone had a reason for why they chose to be out in some settings and closeted in others.

Reluctance to come out usually stems from a belief that homosexuality is wrong. This can come from external sources, such as scrutiny from family members or strangers for not behaving heteronormatively. Indeed, many respondents who were not out expressed some sort of shame, at least in certain situations. As one subject puts it, “Sometimes I wish [my queerness] would be easier to hide.”

Many of the answers went along these lines, suggesting that internalized homophobia might play a role in situations like these. In a 2000 study in the Journal of Counseling and Psychology, internalized homophobia is defined as “the [queer] person’s direction of negative social attitudes toward the self, leading to a devaluation of the self and resultant internal conflicts.” This same study describes the effects of internalized homophobia as anxiety, shame, and devaluation of queer people and one’s

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self which are likely to be most overtly manifested in interpersonal relationships.

Most queer people are unaware of the degree to which they foster internally homophobic beliefs, especially if they have already come out. Jackie Harms, a 20-year-old out lesbian, is unsure about her internalized homophobia. “I don’t feel the need to talk about it with people. Somebody could view [my silence] as some form of internalized homophobia, but I see it as me being over the sexuality conversation.”

Some survey participants did indicate that they actively tried to appear straight in specific settings. For example, one person expressed that they “aim for heteronormativity when working with young children” or “when I’m in a professional situation.”

There were some participants who did justify being in the closet as a fear for safety. “I understand that my partner faces physical safety issues because of the nature of his job.” However, most often, respondents’ reasoning seemed to derive from a fear of discomfort; as one person said, “I may [wear] more heterosexually-leaning clothing … just to avoid scrutiny.”

Being in a relationship makes people’s levels of internalized homophobia visible in ways that may not have been obvious before, such as coming out about the relationship or showing affection to your partner. Some participants felt hurt that their partner was closeted: “It makes me very sad that the people that matter to my partner do not know about me.”

Indeed, some individuals expressed shame if they were the closeted one in the relationship. “I do feel like I’m doing a slight disservice to her and our relationship every time I refer to her as ‘my roommate’ or ‘my friend.’”

In addition, many participants were reluctant to show public displays of affection (PDA), claiming their hesitation was related to cultural norms. “I wouldn’t do PDA in front of family members … because of Asian/Pacific Islander cultural norms about PDA in general.” However, some participants expressed fear that PDA would lead to discomfort. As one respondent puts it, “I guess I don’t want to hear the things other people say.”

While an avoidance of PDA can be simple personal preference, the language used by many respondents suggested that their reluctance came from a sense of shame or fear, feelings that could reinforce internalized homophobia. Harms sees how internalized homophobia affects her relationship. “It hurts [when my girlfriend doesn’t come out to people], obviously. I would love for her to be

open, but I try to be understanding more than anything.” When asked if she thinks her girlfriend is internally homophobic, she responded, “I don’t think she could ever fathom not worrying about what other people think … Somewhere in there, she is a little homophobic.”

Perhaps not surprisingly, most survey subjects dismissed their partners’ decisions to remain in the closet by insisting they don’t take them personally.

Respondents often expressed the idea that “it’s not about me. It would be the same if it were anyone else.”

Still, many respondents suggest the hurt that internalized homophobia has caused them. As one respondent said, “I understand the repercussions of her coming out, but I still can’t help but feel like I’m being hidden away. Naturally it makes me feel like she’s ashamed.”

Although internal homophobia affects others, as the survey made clear, it stems from a lack of acceptance of one’s self. Brenda Fishleder, a licensed clinical social worker with 30 years of experience treating queer-identified individuals and couples, has advice for people who wish to work on their internalized homophobia. “You have to make that conscious choice [to acknowledge your own internalized homophobia] to change your beliefs.”

The first step to changing beliefs and combating internalized homophobia, Fishleder says, is to find a community of people that doesn’t reinforce your sense of shame. Indeed, one survey participant described the process of making the choice to move toward self-acceptance as a way to relate to and learn from others. “While it is not a choice to be queer, it can be a choice to be proud … Being proud for me means working to ensure that others in my community can find places that do not divide human beings based on difference. It means they can feel whole, equal, respected, and happy.”

Internalized homophobia as a phenomenon will never be entirely eliminated because it is a direct result of minority group status. A 1995 study in the Journal of Counseling and Psychology explains, “the concept of minority stress is based on the premise that gay people in a heterosexist society are subjected to chronic stress related to their stigmatization.”

However, we can work on accepting that we are internally homophobic so that we can try to move beyond it.

Lacking self-acceptance and retaining a sense of shame to any extent is exhausting and degrading. As one survey participant aptly put it, “at a certain point, you get tired of being casual and careful all the time and just kind of go “eh, fuck it, I can kiss my girl if I want to.”

DANCING QUEEN Outwrite steps out with Tigerheat Dancer Paul Hulbert by: Logan Linnane | loganlinnane@gmail.com

Have you been to Tigerheat? If you’re reading this article, chances are you’ve at least heard of it – you may have even had many a sloppy, sweaty night dancing to Britney and Beyoncé.

But to some, it’s about more than just bumping beats and boys, boys, boys. Los Angeles has filled a niche for young gay adults to have a chance to immerse themselves in an accepting environment that is a sexually explorative safe space – something that other gay meccas like New York and Chicago don’t offer to their

With these first tastes of adulthood came a pressure to grow up that was impossible to ignore. “The freedom was a reality check. It showed me how my decisions affected my reality. I was paying for my own apartment and working day jobs to support myself, but dancing made it all worth it.”

Although Hulbert has hung up his go-go shoes (at least temporarily), he sees his dancing days as a source of empowerment. “Clubbing can change people; it has changed me … it’s amazing what that freedom can do.” For Hulbert, it provided a space for him to grow into the identity he had repressed during his childhood. For most of these young club-goers, this is the first time they also do not feel sexually repressed in public; the thought of being gawked at for kissing your boyfriend vanishes. The solidarity and positivity in these spaces, perhaps unsurprisingly, creates a sense of belonging. Hulbert says, “I still know so many people. These people that I met were doing the same things as me, and I felt a sense of community amongst the clubs I was going to every week.”

18+ gays.

When most people think of gay clubs like Tigerheat in Hollywood, their thoughts are pretty much summed up with two P’s: pop music and promiscuity. But 18-year-old go-go dancer Paul Hulbert thinks these venues deserve more credit for their contribution to the lives of gay youth.

Coming from a conservative family in Palm Springs, California, Hulbert grew up without a place to express himself freely. For him, going to gay clubs introduced him to a welcoming, positive environment that encouraged him to be himself. He says, “Being at a gay club for the first time was my first time being surrounded by people who were just like me.”

His love for the L.A. club scene began in high school: “Tigerheat was a big part of my senior year. I remember driving back and forth from Palm Springs to L.A. almost every Thursday, getting home at five in the morning and having to get ready for school.” After seeing the dancers at these clubs, he was inspired to get into it himself. “The first time I saw those dancers on that stage, I knew that was what I wanted to do.”

Right after graduation, Hulbert moved to L.A. Still not entirely comfortable with his sexuality, he immersed himself in the LGBT culture of L.A., a stark contrast from his previous life. Shortly after arriving, he applied to be a dancer at Tigerheat, and began his new job at the smallest of the three Tigerheat events: Recess, in West Hollywood. Hulbert saw this chance to dance as a chance for change. He had no training, but the stage was a great place to learn. Eventually he had worked his way up to the prime Thursday night spot. The experience was empowering, and helped him to be comfortable with who he was. The openness of this scene made it very easy for Hulbert to ignore the stigma that came with being a dancer in a speedo. “I don’t think it’s bad at all. It was my dream.” He adds, “I met people like me for the first time and it helped me know I wasn’t weird and I wasn’t alone in who I was.”

Photo: Paul Hulbert

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OUT OF THE SHADOWS

by: Austin Rose | austin.theodore.rose@ucla.edu

EM B R ACIN G A QU E E R A ND U N DO CU ME NT ED IDE N TIT Y

Grecia Mondragon would currently be in her second year as a UCLA mathematics student. However, when it was time to start the school year, she had no choice but to take a year off

Photo: L. Andy Hernandez

and attend community college, because she could not afford to pay for tuition.

Most students in Mondragon’s circumstances qualify for financial aid.

But Mondragon is undocumented, meaning that her options for funding her education are drastically limited.

Identifying with one marginalized group is challenging enough. For Mondragon, who also identifies as queer, the notion of “coming out” as both queer and undocumented has been an oddly empowering one. “The ‘coming out’ process is something the undocumented movement has appropriated from queer people,” says Mondragon. “A lot of people do not feel comfortable with their undocumented or queer identities. It’s like a double closet.” Coming out has allowed her to look at her situation in a more hopeful light. Smiling, she adds, “We have a feeling that nothing bad is going to happen to us because there is a power in coming out and telling people what it is like to be undocumented.”

Mondragon fondly recalls her childhood in her native Mexico: “We lived in a nice house and my mom had a good job.” But her mother believed that moving the family to the United States would be best for them, and Mondragon had no reason to doubt this. “Telenovelas portray the U.S. as one of the best countries in the world, so I imagined us living in a really nice house in a beautiful area.” All those dreams came crashing down after the family arrived in Los Angeles. “I hated it here. We were living in a cramped garage, unable to use a restroom unless the owners of the house were around.

And I missed my cousins who remained in Mexico.” She was also concerned for her mom, “who was pregnant and working full-time at a sweat shop.”

Still, Mondragon was able to do well in school, ultimately achieving a 4.0 grade point average and reigning as one of the top achieving students at her high school. Her family life, however, was far from peaceful.

As the oldest daughter in her family, she felt like she was expected to find “a guy I wanted to marry and start a family.” Her family’s Roman Catholic religion only upheld this mindset. “My church pastor regularly talked about how homosexuals are evil and are going to hell. So when I realized that I liked girls, it was not exactly easy to share the news with my mom.”

Still, she did so at age 14, telling

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her mother, “Remember how at church they always say homosexuals are going to hell? I am one of them. This is who I am. I like girls; I have always tried to avoid it.” Her mom responded by “crying and calling me a disappointment – and to this day does not allow my sexuality to be discussed in their household.”

A few years later, Mondragon faced another setback because of her identity – this time, because she was undocumented. “During a college prep course, my teacher told me I could not apply for scholarships because I did not have a social security number.” After she started applying to colleges, the reality of this setback began to set in. “I was depressed for two months and just didn’t want to go anymore; each college acceptance letter I received was bittersweet because I thought I could not afford to go to any of these colleges.”

When Mondragon received her admission letter to UCLA, she simply shrugged and thought, “I’m not going to go.” But after weeks of tears and pep talks from teachers, she finally decided to submit her intent to register at UCLA on the day of the deadline, thinking to herself, “I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to do it.” She soon got involved with IDEAS, a support group for undocumented students at UCLA, which helped her obtain a scholarship that covered two quarters worth of tuition.

Although Mondragon was able to find a way to overcome some of the obstacles posed by her undocumented identity, the struggles she faces as a queer person continue to affect her on a daily basis. Since she is unable to talk about her queer identity around family, Mondragon has found it challenging to form relationships with them. She says, “My younger siblings do not really know who I am.” She laments the tension with her mother, saying, “It took a lot to [come out] to her, and it hurts that she does not respect that.”

At the same time, Mondragon has found it difficult to cultivate her queer identity. Mondragon reflects, “Because I have been so involved in immigration organizations, when I go to LGBT meetings, I feel like an outcast because I have

not fully explored that identity.” She reasons, “When it comes time to start the quarter and I do not have money to pay tuition, that has to be my priority.” Mondragon adds, “You do not see a lot of talking about queer issues in immigrant organizations; on the queer side, it’s all about queer issues.” She hopes to create an organization for students who identify as both queer and undocumented.

Mondragon has hope that life will soon change for the better for people who have faced similar hardships. The California DREAM (Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors) Act (Assembly Bills 130 and 131), signed into law this past October, allows youth who were brought into the U.S. under the age of 16 without proper immigration documentation who have attended school regularly to qualify for student financial aid. Mondragon will directly benefit from this legislation. “Because of the California DREAM Act, I will qualify for state financial aid. If everything goes well, it’ll help me with my financial need. It will go into effect sometime in 2013, but I am not sure if it will be in time for me to get aid for my 2013 winter quarter.”

Mondragon is desperately counting on the passage of the Federal DREAM Act (which would provide a path to citizenship for undocumented people who earn college degrees or join the military) in order to achieve her future goal of obtaining a job as an educator. This law would go far beyond the California DREAM Act because it would mean not only that students like Mondragon would qualify for financial aid, but also provide a way for hardworking undocumented students or servicemembers to obtain citizenship and the associated benefit of being able to legally qualify for employment. In this way, she hopes that undocumented students like her will be able to embrace the freedom and empowerment that comes with “coming out” as undocumented. Mondragon hopes to eventually use her mathematics major to go into the education field. She shared, “I also hope to someday get involved in youth organizing because working with youth is one of my passions.” Even though Mondragon is confident that she will earn a degree, she shared, “I will only really feel comfortable living in this country once I know that I can actually do something with the degree.”

AN ISSUE OF REPRESENTATION

COLUMN

ST U DENTS SH OU L D PU T USAC F I R S T by: Br yan Platz | bplatz7@gmail.com

“Have you voted yet?”

Students seem to hear this question

by drowning out the calls for action, we neglect one of our biggest resources as students: our student government. USAC has the potential to make an important difference in the lives of students, especially for members of marginalized groups such as the queer and undocumented communities. But USAC’s role as an institution that advocates for the interests of queer Bruins is in danger – especially considering this year’s Students First! debacle.

Students First! (SF) was the coalition that spoke for the queer community, but just before the election, internal conflicts resulted in the dissolution of the group. Although details are hazy, sources close to the coalition suggest that SF leadership was dissatisfied with the level of community involvement with USAC; disagreement over how best to solve this problem led to the breakdown of an important source of strength and solidarity for the many marginalized communities that SF has represented since its inception in the 1990s.

Thus this year’s USAC elections suffered an unprecedented ten unopposed positions for next year’s council. Normally, USAC elections are decided between two student slates, Bruins United and Students First!. Without Students First!, three independent candidates, Lana El-Farra, Taylor Mason, and Taylor Bazley, opposed Bruins United candidates in the election. El-Farra and Mason achieved victories in the offices of External Vice President and Cultural Affairs Commissioner, while Bazley lost his race for Financial Supports Commissioner.

Since its establishment in the mid-1990s, the Students First! coalition was made up of those student organizations which serve underrepresented populations of the student body, including Queer Alliance. Advocacy is a main tenet of the coalition’s platform, as is evident in the EVP office’s efforts to create a safer and more inclusive campus environment

Photo: L. Andy Hernandez

non-stop on BruinWalk the week of USAC elections, but most of us try to drown it out with angry glares and cranked-up iPods. The only thing is,

for the queer community and other marginalized groups. For example, the office of Jason Smith, General Representative 3, organized initiatives for the trans community on campus in order to increase awareness of trans issues in the UCLA community with initiatives like “Death of My Daughter,” which used art to promote visibility and awareness about transgendered men.

While Students First! is composed of many diverse populations, Bruins United supporters come from a narrower population of supporters, as a majority of the slate’s political endorsements come from the university’s fraternities and sororities. Such a narrow constituency leads the slate to focus on a narrow scope of programs, which, with the exception of Ally Week, largely ignore the needs of LGBT students.

USAC is meant to serve students and determines its programming based on what students want or need, but this only works if students make it clear what exactly their communities need – either through direct USAC involvement, or through the simple act of voting thoughtfully. For most people, being heavily involved in student government is not a priority, but all of us can take five minutes to read the platforms of candidates and vote on MyUCLA. The candidates and elected officials will base their initiatives and plans around what the students tell them they want, so it is imperative that voting accurately depicts what students want from their student government.

This year’s council, dominated by Bruins United, spent large amounts of money on entertainment-centric events, rather than the academic and community-oriented causes that Shah and others believe are more appropriate uses of limited USAC funds. Emily Resnick, the current USAC president, helped organize the revival of the Homecoming Carnival, which cost $19,600 of USAC surplus. The USAC surplus is allocated to various programs including Bruin Bash and JazzReggae Festival, yet the funding could be allocated to more beneficial programs for the student body. In fact, BruINTENT, a student organization which aided homeless students, no longer exists due to a shortage of USAC surplus funds.

Plenty of students have voiced their disapproval of this use of funds. As Christina Wu, a second-year economics student, said in the Daily Bruin last year, “I think it’s a waste of resources.”

This did not have to happen. Homecoming was one of Resnick’s platforms for her election campaign. If more students who stood against Homecoming had voted differently, then, perhaps, that $19,600 could have been used for something more beneficial to the entire student body.

To make up for this large surplus, the council may cut programming that does not please their direct supporters. Programs focused on the queer community may no longer exist without our participation in the governing of campus life. If the queer community does not have an officer who will voice the need for initiatives such as National Coming Out Week and Ally Week, then USAC will shift

the focus to those who do speak, creating more Homecoming Carnivals for the council to waste money on.

Without Students First! to advance the interests of marginalized communities, it’s not difficult to picture a USAC dominated by programs like these for the forseeable future. And while some of this year’s independent candidates have attempted to address the problem of representation on the council, the success of their efforts will depend on how many students see value in participating in them. ElFarra plans to implement lobbying and advocacy workshops in order to “teach students to lobby, taking an action step … and prioritizing student issues.” With what she calls “knowledge to advocate,” students will be able to engage not just with El-Farra’s EVP office, but with other branches of USAC as well. Since she works to hear the students, a candidate like El-Farra is more likely to work for all of the students and their communities.

Though this program is designed to eliminate the practical obstacles to getting students involved, it will not fix the problem. While candidates like El-Farra clearly have honorable intentions, not even they can make students care about the way their school addresses their needs.

The fate of Students First! is unknown – it may never enter another slate in USAC elections. If not Students First!, then others like El-Farra and Mason must come forth to give students a voice. But as the SF disaster suggests, a movement is only as strong as its support system. Students must take the initiative to inform themselves and to vote for those who will do the best job representing them; for the queer community, a group that is continually marginalized on this campus, this is especially imperative. To ensure that queer-focused programming and resources continue to be available to those who need them, students within the community must vote for those who will have our issues addressed. If the community does not take an active role in making sure that they are represented in USAC, that there is someone in Kerckhoff that speaks for them, then the needs of the community will be ignored.

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REAL MEN, REAL STORIES A N I N T ERV I EW WI T H DI N O D IN CO by: Tomas Aguilera | taguilera00@gmail.edu

In the trailer for Dino Dinco’s new film “Homeboy,” an unidentified man tells the story of his first sexual experience with men. He was sitting in the front seat of a van when he realized that two men in the back were engaging in oral sex. He panicked and tried to leave, but the driver hit him in the face and threw him into the back seat. “A lot of things happened at that point,” he says. “I guess it’s identified as a ... a rape. When that happened, I just decided that I had no business out of the closet,” he says with an ironic chuckle.

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“Homeboy” tells the stories of men like the one in the trailer, exploring their experiences being gay in a very unusual context: Los Angeles gangster culture.

This isn’t entirely new ground for Dinco, 41, an L.A. native, who has found success in various artistic endeavors as a curator, filmmaker, director, producer and photographer.

Much of his work focuses on what he calls a “matrix of issues” investigating the intersection of race, gender, sex, queerness and systems of power. His unique style and exhibition has helped him gain worldwide prominence – his work has been shown in San Francisco, London, Hamburg, Kuala Lumpur, Mexico City, and Antwerp, among others. Photos from Dinco’s photographic series Chico (2002) were even displayed in an exhibition at the Louvre.

Like much of his recent work, Chico took an intriguing look at gay Latino men who were once members of gangs. Dinco continued with this theme in his short film “El Abuelo” (2008), which depicts what he describes as a “gay poet and teacher whose physical presentation and style mimics that of the cholo archetype.” “El Abuelo” premiered in 2008 at the Tate Modern in London.

Work for the “Homeboy” project began 11 years ago, when Dinco noticed his network of friends and acquaintances included gay men who were once gang members. Intrigued by this unique intersection, Dinco began interviewing these men to learn more about the intricacies of their experiences.

He admits that this identity has been explored on racy daytime television talk shows such as “The Jenny Jones Show” and “Ricki Lake” in the late ‘90s and early 2000s. He recalls how the over-dramatized, sensationalized treatments of the topic were designed to ensure that it “came off as shocking,” and as a result, this early coverage “lacked the empathy and issues that are embedded within these stories.”

In contrast to this sort of crass coverage of the subject, Dinco explained how he wanted to let these men tell their own stories. He has largely eschewed the use of B-roll footage throughout the film: “Rather than embellish the film with clips of scenery, music and narration,” Dinco says, he reserves almost every minute of screen time for the men as they tell their individual stories.

Such a technique stays true to Dinco’s style. He explains, “[my work] lacks any hidden agenda intended to persuade the audience in any way.” He says he constructs his work much like one would a text – allowing the audience to ingest his work through their own filters. This allows for individual perspectives, and thus, genuine responses.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Dinco has encountered his share of controversy in telling the stories of these men. During preproduction, he contacted a well-known L.A.-based tattoo artist to design the artwork for the title sequence. Following a stream of unanswered emails, Dinco bumped into the artist at an art show and asked again. Dinco was surprised by the tattoo artist’s reluctance due to his fear that “Homeboy” would “piss a lot of people off.” Dinco explains how the artist saw the project as a threat to traditional concepts of masculinity in the context of gang life. Dinco’s faith in the project was only strengthened by the experience. “These men’s stories are real – not sensationalized, insulting jokes on gang culture,” he says.

The way Dinco approached “Homeboy,” as well as the rest of his body of work, suggests a clear desire for the subjects to retain their own voice. In “Homeboy,” this respect for his subjects and their feelings, perspectives and experiences results in an honest representation of men who have been marginalized by their society for too long. He remarks, “While compiling the interviews and meeting these men, several of them mentioned to me, ‘no one has ever cared about my story. No one has ever asked.’”

Homeboy will be featured this summer at the 30th annual Outfest Film Festival in Los Angeles (July 12-22).

Opposite: Untitled (Angel IV) from the “Chico” series (2001).

This page: stills from “Homeboy” (2011).

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WHAT WILL HISTORY SAY? AN IN T ERVI EW WI TH F RED KA RGER , TH E FI RS T O PE N LY GAY PRE S ID EN TI AL C A ND ID AT E by: Justin Sedor | jsedor@media.ucla.edu

FRED WHO?!

GAY REPUBLICAN

Fred Karger is a man to whom life has been very, very kind.

admiration and gratitude for running – a fan named “P.” thanks him for “paving a way politically for the LGBT community, and what I believe to be the human race in general.”

Karger sees his campaign largely as a platform to improve visibility for the LGBT community. Take his latest campaign ad, produced to kick off his California publicity push in advance of the June 5th primary. “‘Sexy Frisbee’ Viral Video” features the candidate on the beach with a group of fitness models in bathing suits doing crunches and tossing Fred Frisbees, and ends with a kiss between two attractive, shirtless caucasian men in Ray-Ban shades. It ran on several major networks in San Diego, Orange County and Los Angeles, and made headlines when it was removed from YouTube for “inappropriate” content.

You can see it in the way he shows all of his teeth when he smiles, feel it in the way he squeezes your hand when he introduces himself, hear it in his easy yet firmly composed laugh. You can’t help thinking it, bitterly, as you pull up in front of his beach house off Pacific Coast Highway in Laguna Beach. The pictures in the little frames in his living room are meant to drive the point home, and they’re certainly impressive – there he is with Dianne Feinstein, and Jake Gyllenhaal, and the Clintons, way back before Chelsea learned how to work her own toothy grin.

It’s not surprising, upon meeting him and taking in the meticulously crafted package that is Fred Karger, that he is running for President of the United States.

At time of writing, Fred Karger is one “ I KNEW THAT ‘ GAY REPUBLICAN ’ of the three remaining candidates participating in the Republican primary. It’s MAKES FOR AN AWFULLY GOOD Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, and Fred Karger.

Never heard of him? Fred doesn’t mind.

HEADLINE ,” HE SAYS WITH A His campaign’s main catchphrase is “Fred Who?” It’s on his T-shirts and bumper CHUCKLE AND A HINT OF SMUG stickers; it’s the title of his 2011 memoir.

Karger has a sense of humor about it.

SATISFACTION ; UNFORTUNATELY , “I’m not delusional,” he says. “I know it’s a long shot.”

IT HASN ’ T WON OVER THE A very long one. While Karger looks every bit the presidential candidate, with OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF horn-rimmed glasses and short-cropped sand-colored hair and that infectious LGBTQ VOTERS WHO REMAIN smile, he’s not exactly Mitt Romney. For starters, he’s never held public office.

FIRMLY IN THE DEMOCRATIC He’s 62, but he’s never been married. He describes himself as an “activist.” He’s CAMP . also an out gay man.

Running for president. Of the United States. On the Republican ballot.

“Every commercial I’ve done, there’s But he’s not delusional. Fred Karger a subtle gay reference,” Karger says. “It is on a mission. was a ballsy thing to do, but I think we need to tell our stories. I think we need to get same-sex couples in mainstream advertising, not just in The Advocate or Unlike his opponents, politics isn’t Logo. I want to normalize LGBT life so it Karger’s motivation for running for presi- will become like interracial marriage. It’s dent. Nor is it the prospect of the presi- just normalizing who we are, and that is dency itself. For him, it’s about telling his one of my major goals.” story as an out gay man, and the stories Over the course of four hours, Kargof thousands of others like him. It’s about er used the terms activist or activism a using the considerable attention that total of six times to describe himself and comes with a presidential campaign to his experience. Coming from a politieffect the change he believes our coun- cal world run by men and women who try needs. It’s also about the gravity of balk at the A-word – these days it sounds being the first openly gay person to run more Occupy, not Oval Office – it cerfor president. His memoir is punctuated tainly casts him in a different light. Someby letters from supporters young and old, how, though, it’s difficult to picture Fred Republican and Democrat, voicing their Karger in a tent in Zuccotti Park. Maybe

“SEXY FRISBEE” VIRAL VIDEO

this is what activists look like in Laguna Beach?

It began in 2006. Karger had retired two years earlier from a 30-plus-year career as a partner at the Dolphin Group, a political consulting firm in Los Angeles.

“I didn’t want to just sit around and be a dilettante,” Karger recalls. “I wanted to do something significant.” So he did what any aspiring activist would do: He found a cause. The legendary local gay bar, The Boom Boom Room, was on the chopping block after the property was bought up by a conservative billionaire.

“It was a place that meant a lot to a lot of people,” Karger says. “People would come out from miles and miles away. It was a place where people could go to be themselves. No one wanted to see it go.”

So he “took on the Goliath.” With the help of some good press and political wrangling, the fight became international news. Though the bar eventually closed, it was this first very public fight on behalf of the LGBT community that led Karger, then 55, to his new calling: gay activist.

The transition challenged Karger, who had spent most of his career in the closet. “All of a sudden, there I was, out in the world, publicly proclaiming that I was gay. It was scary.”

Scary though it may have been, Karger didn’t go back into the sleepy, shadowy closet of retirement in Laguna Beach. In the months before Proposition 8 passed in California, Karger found his next opportunity to do something significant for his community. He organized large-scale boycotts of various businesses whose bosses had made large contributions to Yes on 8.

The boycott movements were an unqualified success, costing the offending companies millions. Once again, Karger received widespread media attention, garnering profiles of Fred Karger, Gay Activist, in the L.A. Times, the Washington Post, the New York Times and many others. “Suddenly, I became a hero,” Karger said. “Suddenly, the LGBT community said, ‘This guy rocks.’”

In his book, Karger writes, “I’ve become an activist so that younger people don’t have to go through what I went through.”

Clearly, he’s not referring to his “idyllic” childhood in an affluent Jewish family in suburban Illinois. He’s referring to the double life he led until he was 56 years old.

He describes being “afraid” of walking down the street with his boyfriend, of “panicking” when he thought he would

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be outed by someone who knew his secret. He tells a story of lies and fear, stomach-churning turmoil and self-hatred. It’s a story that’s all too familiar – and still poignant.

In a recent interview on “Hardball” with Chris Matthews, Karger talks about the “rainbow glass ceiling” faced by today’s gay men and women in politics, a “glass box” that prevents gay people from dreaming big and achieving their potential.

It’s something that held him back in his career, as the fear of coming out (or of being outed) stopped him from running for office until now. He told the L.A. Times last August, “When you’re gay and in the closet, you learn there are a lot of things you can’t do.”

Most of the profiles of Fred Karger the presidential candidate focus on his role as pioneer, while almost completely ignoring his policy points. It’s a disservice to a man who has worked hard to be more than a “one-issue candidate.”

Indeed, he’s built a solid set of policy fundamentals that define him, a must for any candidate. He’s got the requisite well-formulated plan to fix the economy, revolving around his “Jobs Now!” plan that would help connect businesses with qualified applicants, wherever they may be, in the hope of filling the 3.1 million jobs that remain unfilled around the country. With the help of a privately run entrepreneurial fund, he hopes to create a microlending system that would fundamentally change the way small business works in America.

Like many Republicans, he wants to balance the budget, and isn’t afraid to cut Social Security and Medicare to do it. But unlike many Republicans, he wants to raise taxes – except he’s careful to call it “revenue enhancement.”

He’s in favor of providing a Bushstyle “path to citizenship” for undocumented immigrants, “to help them assimilate and pay taxes, and make them a part of this [country].” At the same time, he’s “not opposed to deploying troops and drone technology to secure both our borders.”

The main focus of his campaign, however, has been the legalization of same-sex marriage.

“Marriage is symbolic,” he says. “It sends the loudest, clearest message to anyone who’s LGBTQ that you are equal.

You can have the same rights as your brother, or your cousin, or your best friend. A lot of people say, ‘I don’t want to get married, I don’t care.’ Well, it’s not about your personal position, it’s about what that message says. And I know because I had such a struggle, and I see so many people having struggles, and when marriage is the law of the land, that is the most important thing we can do.”

While his LGBTQ policy also includes getting ENDA passed and making DOMA history, the gay marriage fight is the keystone of his platform, and indeed, of his presidency. It is what has shaped him into the man he is today.

Over the course of a four-hour interview, the perpetually positive and energetic Karger seemed to consistently ignore one very large elephant in the room: The extent to which any of this means anything depends on how many people know who Fred Karger is – and how many of those people end up voting for him.

Karger attributes the relatively low impact of his campaign to the fact that he was kept out of the Republican debates, for reasons both legitimate (low poll numbers) and questionable (Fox News kept him out of one of the debates for which he qualified). He thinks things could have gone a lot differently, had he had at least modest support from LGBT organizations. Their support could have translated into large amounts of money, he said, that could have qualified him for certain debates and bought airtime, increasing exposure.

Groups like Human Rights Campaign and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force have been largely silent since Karger began his campaign. Again, he’s not exactly surprised. “My first trip to Washington D.C. in February 2010, I met with the heads of all the organizations. I told them I was thinking of running for president. I asked for two things: Watch what I do, and keep an open mind ... basically, I didn’t want them to badmouth me. And they’ve been very good on that.

My unhappiness is from the fact that they haven’t taken it any further. I am disappointed, especially with the Victory Fund. What a difference [their support] would’ve made.”

The Victory Fund, an influential organization that backs gay candidates based on their background in public service and their chances of winning their races, passed on Fred Karger, the first openly gay man to run for president. “I’m a big supporter and I love what they do, but I think they should have been a part of this. What is history going to say?”

And it’s not just the movers and shakers. The reception from regular LGBTQ folks has been lukewarm, as well.

“I knew that ‘gay Republican’ makes for an awfully good headline,” he says with a chuckle and a hint of smug satisfaction; unfortunately, it hasn’t won over the overwhelming majority of LGBTQ voters who remain firmly in the Democratic camp. “The LGBT community has become so partisan,” Karger says, the vaguest hint of frustration escaping his command. “I think it’s a little short-sighted. We have that attitude in this country, and it’s de-

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stroying our ability to get things done.”

But today, a few weeks after President Obama came out in support of same-sex marriage, and as gay men and women in state after state win the right to marry, the fight “to get things done” feels almost as if it’s already been won. A majority of Americans support same-sex marriage. It’s a matter of when, not if.

In many ways, so many people in this country have moved past gay marriage.

The debate over Prop 8 has given way to genuinely productive discussions, in the media, in legislatures, and in schools, on the rights of trans individuals and school bullying, on the unique and complex needs of queer people of color. It’s not about marriage anymore – not completely, not really. For so many people, it’s not about “normalizing who we are” – it’s about finding ways to achieve real respect, real justice, that means something to real individuals, not all of whom are as meticulously put-together as the gay men of Laguna Beach.

So maybe it’s not just the Republican thing. Maybe some people feel that the first gay man to run for president should stand for more than marriage equality.

Maybe they feel he should fight for the issues faced in communities that don’t look like his, for people who don’t look like him. Maybe it’s Fred Karger’s mission to “normalize” LGBT life that keeps him from being embraced by those who would otherwise find his bravery and vision inspiring .

For so many people in our community, whether because of their skin color or their gender identity or simply because they don’t look like the men and women in Karger’s campaign ads, marriage equality doesn’t even scratch the surface of the equality they desperately need.

They don’t want to be “normal” – they never will be, not from Karger’s definition, and not from society’s.

And for them, that’s ok. As David Halperin wrote, “Queer is by definition whatever is at odds with the normal, the legitimate, the dominant. ‘Queer’ then, demarcates not a positivity but a positionality vis-à-vis the normative.” Many would argue further that those who aspire to normalcy perpetuate exactly that which they are trying to fight – while working for equality, for “normal” status, they grant their permission for society to continue to treat gay people as sub-normal, as sub-human.

In many ways, Fred Karger represents something larger than himself. He represents a choice that is facing the LGBTQ community. As more and more gay people gain a foothold in politics and respect from society, they must decide what to do with the power they’ve been given. As the community continues to make history, the question becomes ever more difficult to avoid: will Karger’s “normal” get us where we need to go?

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MIXING

FLAVORS

I like my frozen yogurt swirled. I can never pick just one flavor. I pull the middle lever at Yogurtland. And when I get to the topping bar, I take a bit of everything – except pecans.

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Photo: Justin Sedor

When eating at society’s frozen yogurt bar, I do not have the same freedom of choice. Society likes its fro-yo in binary form; it makes chocolate and vanilla into bitter partisan rivals. There is no middle lever, so a guy like myself has to jump from spigot to spigot.

The flavors are there; I just have to mix them myself, and this can get sticky.

I am a bisexual male, and although there are certainly constants in my identity, my relationship with bisexuality vacillates daily, hourly. Of course, the definition of bisexuality swings many ways. I try to hold these feelings in a singular identity, but am constantly faced with divisions from both external and internal sources separating me into either a gay or straight slot into which I do not quite fit. Bisexuality may seem like a bit of an oxymoron to some people, and I can’t say I blame them.

Only recently have I myself, a certified bisexual, developed a vague sense of this elusive identity.

Growing up, I was able to engage in a heteronormative world like any straight boy. Navigating prom and Catholic mass came naturally. I had intense crushes on girls, wrote ludicrously sentimental love notes, and overall enjoyed my straightness and all the societal attachments that came with it.

I certainly felt homosexual attraction, but relegating these feelings to the periphery was an easy denial; they seemed peripheral, contradictory to my life, not critical. I had numerous outlets of sexual expression, and so did not feel the acute degree of repression which other “full-pledged” homosexuals may feel. I put off coming out, occupied with more pressing concerns like renting a Hummer limo for the winter formal.

In later adolescence, armed with a fake ID and a set of wheels, I was able to explore previously unknown sexual territory. After homecoming I was driving to Silverlake for a different kind of dance.

Despite this newfound independence and expression, the separation remained and became stronger and I grew my homosexual identity in isolation from my heterosexual one. I continued to accept the deeply rooted notions from society and within myself that excluded the possibility of integrating these aspects of my identity. I had found the spaces to express myself, but

by: Will Herder | willartherd@gmail.com

could not integrate them into a holistic setting. My sexuality was like a duplex; homosexuality and heterosexuality lived in the same building, but on totally different floors.

I’m sure many bisexual men retain this separation throughout their lives.

The extreme dearth of bisexuals in the media (save the archetypical promiscuous co-ed anthologized in MTV reality shows), and a prevalent gay/straight binary diminishes not only the possibility of exposure and empowerment necessary for coming out, but also the desire to come out at all. For this invisible part of the queer community, gay and straight may seem an impossible mix.

However, for me, the expanded environment of college and exposure to like-minded individuals – as well as thousands of dollars in psychoanalysis – pushed me through a threshold and necessitated connecting these disparate parts of my life. No longer willing or able to maintain the separation between my gay and straight self in my own mind, much less in the minds of others, I stopped this artificial separation and let these identities run together in a

sexual soup. This process, however, has not yielded the level of harmony and understanding that I had envisioned.

The hardest part of coming out was losing my straightness. Straightness was a convenience I took for granted.

It offered an uncomplicated mode of interacting with the world. My bisexuality, however, is frequently met by others with a degree of puzzlement.

It is not just complicated to mix these identities into my own emotional being, but into my relationships with others.

How do I maintain my bisexuality within a “heterosexual” relationship? I wish I could reconcile these two domains in a way that does not emphasize the interorientational aspect of the relationship, but my bisexuality has become a point of contention in numerous relationships.

I am pushed into one of two closets, depending on the orientation of the relationship, and must keep my alternate orientation hidden. My identity should contain no external reference to previous love-making sessions, to previous partners, to previous orientations.

When with my lover, I don’t feel bisexual. Bisexuality denotes a split of two, rather than a union of two – it bisects, it is a bi-furcation. When I am with my lover, I want my sexuality to be singular. I feel unisexual – like American Apparel clothes, I fit both sexes.

For now, until society installs a tertiary spigot of sexual identification, I will continue to cobble together a sexual identity that suits my tastes. My bowl may get a little messy as I try to fit in all the flavors, but I can still sample all the flavors – and they still taste sweet.

COLUMN

WHERE DO I BEGIN? Walking into CAPS (UCLA Counseling and Psychological Services) is an anxiety-producing experience. It reminds me of eating alone in a dining hall; the moment I find a table by myself, there’s this moment when every person’s invisible eyes are watching you. “I have friends,” goes the repetitive chant in my head.

Walking to CAPS feels the same.

Breaking from the traffic of Bruinwalk, down the lonely, short path behind Wooden and up an eerily empty stairwell. I wonder if this is me projecting my own fears and stigma of counseling.

I just don’t see how a counselor can help me beyond what I can do for myself. I can deal with stressful situations on my own; I have friends if I need someone to talk to; I am self-aware enough to eventually come up with solutions for myself. It’s not that counseling is only for people with extreme troubles, but I think counseling makes more sense for people who don’t have all the resources I do.

Still, whenever I walk into a queerfriendly space, there are always a dozen brightly colored flyers titled, “Gay/bi group counseling,” “Lesbian/bi group counseling,” “Trans group counseling,” “Coming out counseling,” and so on. I guess it makes sense, because the LGBTQ community does have real issues and burdens that impact us in powerful ways. Thinking about my own continual coming out experience makes me reconsider how well I cope.

It’s not just in the past. Yes, I struggled with my sexuality for years, stayed deeply in denial, isolated myself from family and friends, and then I came out.

Yet, the more I reflect, the less resolved it all seems. I’m still not comfortable talking about my queer life or even simple crushes with my non-queer friends.

And I’m still not out to my parents.

There’s a difference between having people who are willing to hear you out and having a space designated to bringing up issues that you sometimes don’t even want to talk about. “People take very different things from counseling… they take what they need,” says Saeromi Kim, the CAPS counselor at the LGBT center. “I also think it’s an amazing place for reflection. The emotional parts of our experience are sometimes silenced or invisible and to bring that up in a safe space is even more necessary for queer-identified individuals because you don’t always feel safe to explore

by: Kim Lau | klau@media.ucla.edu

sexuality, identity, family and how we are really affected by our coming out experiences.”

I still didn’t see how counseling could help with any of these issues that were now at the forefront of my mind, but because it seemed to be toted as a very useful resource for the LGBT community, I decided to investigate further.

With this in mind, I walked into CAPS and asked for an interview. But I realized the most effective way to learn about counseling is to try it out.

I signed up for an appointment. The counselor walked me into a small room where we sat down and she began to ask me generic questions. My answers came stoically; I was trying out counseling; I didn’t know what I was looking for. So she began to ask me questions about different areas of my life.

It was difficult trying to be completely honest with a stranger. Sometimes I didn’t even know how to be honest. When she asked about my academic life, what would I say? That I was stressed and nervous but it also didn’t seem like something important enough to talk about at a counseling appointment? Academics are something I can handle. I decided not to elaborate beyond a, “Not the best, but I can work with it.” Of course, while I was trying to take cues from her on how the counseling session should go, she was trying to take cues from me. Eventually, she broached something more important: my relationship with my parents.

The conversation progressed awkwardly, trying to explain how I can feel close to my parents while also feeling distant because I’m not out to them.

How I’m simultaneously hiding most of my life here while trying to pursue a good relationship with them. In response, she didn’t say much, but just paraphrased a little of what I said.

We went on to how I feel here at UCLA. I’m out, but sometimes still feel conflicted as I do my best to be equally active in both a Christian community and a queer one. I admit, briefly, that I’m not completely comfortable in my-

self. How it makes it even harder when I’m one of the only out gay persons in my Christian fellowship and people ask questions worded in all the wrong ways. “Do you think it’s wrong?” It’s not just that I feel hurt, but more that I realize how shaky I am, how unconfident I am in my own queerness, my Christianity, my Chinese-American identity, my identity as a woman, and how they all intersect. How can I answer these questions, or even exist in these communities, when I feel like I can barely exist on my own? The words start to flow, and when they stop, I look up. There’s no magical moment and I don’t feel better having let it all out, but she nods.

“It sounds like you’re unsure about your identity. Do you think this is something you’d like to work on in a few counseling sessions? How to strengthen your personal identity?”

After a moment’s processing, I nod. We discuss when would be a good time to meet again, and after making another appointment (funny how I go from not believing in counseling to booking two appointments in less than two weeks), I ask her what counseling is.

Her answer is long. After giving a list of completely different examples – strategies for academic success, a safe space to talk, resolving issues of self-confidence – she finally settles on what is the best and worst answer, “It’s different for everyone.” Just like she first figured out what would be most beneficial for me, counseling changes with the person.

As I come out of my first counseling session, I don’t have an answer.

But I can’t write off counseling just yet.

No, I’m not crazy, and yes, I do have friends. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t benefit from talking to someone who is trained not to judge me. One session has led me to realize two things: one, that my personal identity is something I really want to understand better, and two, that if one hour helped me piece together all my confused feelings into a recognizable need, there might be a chance of counseling helping after all.

Photo: L. Andy Hernandez

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COLUMN

NICKI MINAJ:

G AY IC ON O R VA PI D O PPO RT U NIS T ? by: Dylan Chouinard | chouinarddylan@gmail.com

From Katy Perry’s girl-kissing ventures to Gaga’ s bisexuality, it pays to get in with the gays these days. Long-standing divas like Cher and Madonna have had careers propelled by the gay-club audience for years, but recently, more and more artists have learned how to exploit gay tastes.

Pop-rapper Minaj, notorious for her kooky outfits and her “gay alter ego,” Roman Zolansky, is not stupid. She sees the dollar signs in the eyes of the thousands of gay boys and girls who worship at her feet. But while comments like the one above create a façade of support for the gay community, Nicki Minaj has failed to prove herself as an ally, refusing to address hate-speech and performing with known slur-spitting bigots.

When Nicki Minaj broke onto the scene, numerous statements and song lyrics led many to speculate that she was a lesbian, which certainly didn’t hurt in expanding her popularity and notoriety. She was seen as something different, a new direction for rap music.

She was considered sufficiently cuttingedge to be featured on the cover of Out Magazine in October 2010. The accompanying profile, titled “The Curious Case of Nicki Minaj,” painted a picture of the 25-year-old rapper as a daring, progressive trendsetter “playing hip hop’s most dangerous game: sexuality roulette.” Yet the same article quotes her in an interview with Black Men Magazine, saying, “I don’t date women and I don’t have sex with women.”

Nonetheless, her lyrics continued to make many suspect otherwise. In the Out interview, the fact that Minaj has used the word “lesbian” a few times in her raps was emphasized to show just how excitingly progressive she is. This is in comparison to the many female

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Illustration: Will Herder

rappers rumored to be queer who wouldn’t “dare utter the ‘L’ word.” But there’s a big difference between mentioning the community and speaking up for the community. Indeed, Minaj isn’t interested in being anyone’s poster child. “I don’t want to feel like I’ve got a gun pointed at my head and you’re about to pull the trigger if I don’t say what you want to hear ... I just want to be me and do me.”

Whether or not Minaj really lives up to her “curious” image is an open question, but many would argue that it doesn’t matter nearly as much as the image she projects as an ally to the LGBT community. In a recent interview with BET, Nicki Minaj, the hip-hop world’s newest gay icon, said, “I would encourage my gay fans to be fighters and to be brave. People face difficulties, no matter who you are. I faced difficulties with a lot of things. I face opposition every day, but I didn’t kill myself and now, thank God, I’m here. So I want my life to be a testimony to my fans and my gay fans.”

Minaj’s influence in the music industry is undeniable: artists from Drake to Madonna to David Guetta are clamoring to get her on their records, and she’s had several massive hits of her own, including “Your Love” and “Starships.” Yet she has not attempted to confront the hateful homophobia that is unfortunately infused in rap culture.

She’s done the opposite, performing with artists who have histories of homophobic rants. The song ‘Roman’s Revenge,’ off her debut album “Pink Friday,” features Eminem using the words “faggot” and “no homo.” Near the end of her new album “Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded,” Minaj duets with Beenie Man, whose homophobic lyrics include calls for the murder of gays.

Still, the fact remains that the closest thing to a “gay icon” within the realm of hip hop is Nicki Minaj. And she knows it. When asked about how she feels about her gay following, she told Out, “If a gay guy impersonates you, you are a bad bitch. Period ... They only impersonate the best.” If Minaj is serious about being “a testament to her gay fans,” she might want to actually stand up for them – before they find a real ally to impersonate.

BULLY: A M ER IC A N HO R ROR STORY by: Jason Chen | leahampton@hotmail.com

Photo: The Weinstein Co.

“Get your ass off my backpack!”

“Move! Move!” This is how Alex Libby’s middle-school classmates respond to him when he tries to grab a seat on the school bus one morning. The situation escalates, until Alex is slapped repeatedly by the boy sitting next to him. Then another student slams Alex’s head into the seat in front of him.

And you thought you had it bad?

With the horrors of this scene and an arsenal of others like it, the documentary “Bully” offers audiences a chance to be truly dumbfounded at the cruelty of our school system. The too-familiar yellow school bus has become an inescapable vessel of menace for someone not “normal” – in the case of Alex Libby, appearing different due to a premature birth is enough to earn him a beating.

In the case of Tyler Long, a gay teen of Oklahoma, going to school entails having his clothes taken away while showering, or having his books thrown to the floor then be told, “Pick it up, bitch!” In case it was unclear, the filmmakers want to make sure the viewer realizes just how impossibly cruel our school system is – so cruel, in fact, that Tyler eventually hangs himself in a closet.

Given the horrors that American kids face at school, it is genuinely eye-opening how helpless school officials pretend to be when confronted with the issue.

Kim Lockwood, the assistant principal, can tell Alex’s parents calmly that the school bus rides are “good as gold” – because she has ridden on them herself – after footage of the scene described in the beginning is shown to her. It’s as if she is trying to reassure herself more than the parents, to tell herself that she’s doing everything she can.

At a town council hearing called by the Long family after losing their son, we can see in the solemn faces of school officials that they hear the pleas for

change being echoed by many parents in the community. But watching them just stand there, silent and stoic, is profoundly frustrating, especially when their fear or unwillingness to address the problem takes away any possibility of positive change resulting from Long’s death.

What with the high-profile public conversation about bullying in the last few years, many moviegoers may have heard about just how bad things are for kids – but seeing the coldness and cowardice that officials and policymakers have toward the issue is truly shocking.

The emotional climax of “Bully” shows Tyler’s father David Long, along with other parents whose teenage children succumbed to suicide because of bullying, holding a memorial ceremony for their deceased children in Oklahoma City. It’s all very sad, but also ... sweet.

Blue and white balloons bearing each kid’s name floating toward heaven indeed makes for great cinematography and evokes just enough fuzzy feeling to make sure moviegoers don’t leave the theater in tears. But why shouldn’t they?

Didn’t the audience just see kids being bullied to death, with no one in a position of power willing to do anything about it? Ultimately, the dire message that “Bully” sends is undermined by this falsely optimistic ending, for in our social context, what is needed is true action to stop bullying, not just pretty balloons being released into the air every time a kid is bullied to death.

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How long will your next relationship last?

TALLY UP* 1-12 pts-One night: No shame if one hot and steamy hookup is what 1. YOUR HOT DATE IS PICK-

2. YOU’RE ON A DATE AND

3. YOU’VE BEEN TALKING

you’re looking for! You put your

ING YOU UP IN AN HOUR.

THE FOOD IS

TO SOMEONE FOR

physical appearance (as well as

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TAKING FOREVER TO GET

A FEW WEEKS. WHEN THEY

your partner’s) before everything,

A. Catching up on episodes of Mad

TO YOUR TABLE. WHAT’S

DON’T TEXT YOU ALL DAY,

and a common first date ques-

YOUR REACTION?

HOW DO YOU REACT?

tion for you is “What are your

A. Nicely ask the waiter when you

A. You text them at 2 a.m. and drunk-

thoughts on being tied up?”

Men. If he likes me as much as he says he does, then he won’t mind waiting as I pretty myself up.

B. You’ve just hopped into the shower, knowing that your perfect pre-date ritual takes exactly 46 minutes. You want to have a little extra time to relax before you have to leave.

C. You are mid-shower, getting the closest shave possible and thinking some very dirty thoughts about what your date entails...

D. You’re about to start getting ready so that you have time to feel confident and maybe whip up a pre-date cocktail to set the mood.

can expect the food.

B. “Let’s just leave.”

C. You turn it into a playful bet with your date about who is going to get their food first. Loser treats the winner to an after-dinner drink!

D. You loudly complain to the server that it is taking “foreverrrrr” to get your food and you demand to speak to a manager.

enly ask if they’re DTF. B. You ask, “Why haven’t you texted me all day?”

C. Nothing. If they don’t want to talk to me, I don’t care.

D. You say “You seem like you’re really busy. How’s your day going?”

13-24 pts-One date, if that: Frankly, you don’t put a lot of effort into any part of the relationship, whether it’s purely physical or

4. YOUR SWEETHEART’S

5. WHEN YOUR DATE ASKS

6. WHEN SOMEONE SAYS

otherwise.Your chances for a relationship are slim unless you really start giving a damn.

25-31 pts--

BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP.

“SO, WHAT DO YOU WAN-

“I’M MAD AT YOU,” HOW

6 months: It is easy to tell you’re

WHAT DO YOU GET AS A

NA DO?”, WHAT IS YOUR

DO YOU RESPOND?

looking for a relationship – you

GIFT?

RESPONSE?

put effort into impressing your

A. A date to you and your partner’s

A. There’s this interesting part of

A. I don’t care, I’m over you anyway.

B. Apologize and ask, “What can I do

favorite restaurant B. A handmade gift representing an inside joke you two share C. A bottle of cheap vodka. Cheers!

D. An iTunes gift card. It’s the perfect gift for everyone!

town I’ve been wanting to go to, let’s go!

B. I want to take you to this cool place that makes me think of you.

C. idk D. You.

to make it better?”

C. Just dish an insult back, and if that doesn’t work, just stop talking to them.

D. Apologize and ask, “Why do you feel that way?” to initiate a conversation about the underlying issue.

dates, you really care about what your partner thinks, and you legitimately want to make a relationship work.

32-36 pts--

1 year or longer: You are ready for 7. YOU AND YOUR BOO

8. YOU’VE HAD A ROUGH

9. IT’S THE FIRST DATE.

a long-term committed relation-

ARE HAVING A FRIENDLY

DAY. WHAT DO YOU SAY

WHO PAYS?

ship.You are willing to put in the

DEBATE WHEN YOU REAL-

WHEN YOU SEE YOUR DATE

A. Whoever asked the other person

work to make your partner hap-

IZE THAT SOMETHING YOU

THAT NIGHT?

SAID TOTALLY OFFENDED

A. You elaborate on what made your

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make a relationship meaningful and well worth the effort.

* Score yourself: points; B) 3 points; C) 1 point; D) 4 points points; B) 1 point; C) 4 points; D) 2 points point; B) 3 points; C) 2 points; D) 4 points points; B) 4 points; C) 1 point; D) 2 points points; B) 4 points; C) 2 points; D) 1 point point; B) 3 points; C) 2 points; D) 4 points points; B) 2 points; C) 3 points; D) 1 point points; B) 2 points; C) 1 point; D) 4 points points; B) 3 points; C) 4 points; D) 1 point

you’re still totally wrong!”

B. “Wow, maybe you have a point after all.”

C. “Hmm I guess I was a little misinformed. Tell me more about why you see it that way.”

D. “Oops. Guess I owe you a blow job after all...”

but you have the right attitude to

2 3 1 3 3 1 4 3 2

A. “Oh my god, it doesn’t matter,

needs are met. It may not be easy,

A) A) A) A) A) A) A) A) A)

YOU SAY?

day so difficult, but then smile and say “But being with you is making my day a lot better.”

B. You tell your date every frustrating detail of your horrible day and wait for some sympathy.

C. “I’ve had a long day, but I’m happy to be with you now.”

D. My day sucked, let’s get trashed and have sloppy sex.

py while also making sure your

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6: 7: 8.

9.

YOUR PARTNER. WHAT DO

out pays.

B. We split the bill, I don’t ever let anyone pay for me.

C. The other person pays, obvi.

D. “If I pay for dinner, you can treat us to after-dinner drink.”

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So you’ve been thinking about getting your hair cut like that chick on Tumblr, huh? Our handy guide will help you pick the super-homo ‘do that’s just right for you. CAUTION: coolfactor and confidence may increase dramatically

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