Ozbike Issue #398

FRASERS H-D STREET BOB SCRAMBLER PROJECT

398

White Noise from Wildcard

Black & Copper Nightster Springer

Old Rusted Iron FLH

Blacked-Out Breakout

XS650 Bobber

80 >

0 155436 000398

Riding to Eternity Trike Hearse

$8.95 inc. GST

K1072 - Flame Shift Linkage

K1595 - Flame Saddlebag Latches

K4416 - Flame Footpegs

K4418 - Flame Shift Peg

K6260 - Iso Flame Handgrips

K7519 - Flame Brake Pedal Pad

K7522 - Flame Floorboard Covers

K7714 - Flame Horn Cover

Proudly distributed in Australia by Rollies Speed Shop Call us to find your nearest Stockist - Phone (07) 3252 5381

View the K端ryakyn catalogue online at www.rolliesspeedshop.com

View the Küryakyn catalogue online at www.rolliesspeedshop.com

K5012 Fork Mounted Driving Light Kits, 39mm,41mm or 49mm Tubes

K2500 Mini LED Bullet Indicators

K5438 LED Taillight Conversion, Smoke or Red Lens

K1650 LED Silver Bullet Indicators, Also available in Halogen

K2247 LED Passing Lights, 4-1/2” K2249 LED Headlight, 7”

K2503 Mini LED Rear Strut Mount Indicators

K5021 Lizard Lights Kits, Stand Out in The Crowd

Proudly distributed in Australia by Rollies Speed Shop Call us to find your nearest Stockist Phone: (07) 3252 5381

Contents 398

REGULARS News, Views & Reviews

Outta Sight Custom Bikes

What’s Goin’ Down Dagman’s Diaries—Part 1 The Day the Norton Got Bent Parts Bin To Burqa & Back Where’s The Empathy Gone?

What’s Comin’ Up You’re Jokin’

6 9 32 36 48 63 80 82

Aussie Bikers Down Under Colac Custom Car & Bike Show Sofala Bike Show ‘n’ Shine

24 54

Riding to Eternity Trike Hearse Old Rusted Iron FLH Evil Betty Street Bob Street Bob Scrambler A Real Nice Pair Of Harleys!

White Noise from Wildcard XS650 Bobber Black & Copper Nightster Springer Blacked-Out Breakout

10 18 28 40 50 58 64 71 76

ON THE COVER:

Bea and the Street Bob Scrambler were photographed by Wall 2 Wall in the Fraser Harley-Davidson workshop in Concord NSW.

FEATURES

Ozbike is a registered trademark of UCP Publishing Pty Ltd, PO Box 62 Gladesville NSW 1675.

Phone: 02-9810-4333.

E-mail: info@ozbike.com.au Website: http://www.ozbike.com.au BIKER-IN-CHARGE: Skol skol@ozbike.com.au ASSISTANT EDITOR: Evy evy@ozbike.com.au Australian ADVERTISING MANAGER: Stephen Seagull advert@ .com.au WEBMASTER: Skol skol@ozbike.com.au ART DIRECTOR: Evy evy@ozbike.com.au PROOF READER: Bronte Wiggins

Ozbike 4

PHOTOGRAPHERS & CONTRIBUTORS: Wall 2 Wall, Rod Cole, Jo, Chuck U Farley, Chris Randells, Kelly Ashton, Jules, Mark Yardley, Tracey Brodin, Rags, Alfie, DC Cisco and all our clever and highly-paid contributors. Wanna be famous? Send us some good quality, in-focus, interesting digital pics, the bigger the better (no crappy photos taken with your phone), and your name could be here too!

SUBSCRIBE ONLINE: www.ozbike.com.au Ozbike is available at 5500 newsagents throughout Australia, or you can secure your copy by taking out a subscription. An annual subscription will only cost you $90 which is a saving of $24 from the newsstand price. Simply visit our website at: http://www.ozbike.com.au and pay on-line. The cover price is the ‘recommended and maximum price only’, so let us know if anybody tries to charge you more.

Editorial opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of

the Editor and staff. No views, warranties or claims expressed in advertisements appearing in Ozbike magazine are endorsed by the Editor, Publisher or Proprietors of Ozbike magazine.

No responsibility is accepted by the Editor, Publisher or Proprietors for the accuracy of any information contained in any advertisement or for any defects in the items advertised.

Nothing in this magazine — not even this up-front and forthright warning — may be reproduced in any way, shape or form without the written consent of the Publisher. And we really mean nothing, so just don’t do it unless you get the nod in writing. © 2015 UCP Publishing Pty Ltd.

International Serial No. ISSN 0155-4360.

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What'sg Goin Queensland Road Rule Changes

A NUMBER OF changes to the road rules affecting motorcycle riders in Queensland will commence in early 2015.

Motorcycle riders with an open RE or R motorcycle licence will be allowed to move between lanes of stationary or slow moving vehicles travelling in the same direction as the rider, provided they are not travelling at more than 30 km/h and it is safe to do so.

Motorcycle riders will be prohibited from lane filtering in school zones during school hours.

Learner and provisional riders will not be allowed to lane filter because of their relatively limited riding experience.

To ensure pedestrian safety, lane filtering will only be allowed between lanes of traffic and not between a vehicle and the kerb.

On major roads, such as motorways and freeways where the speed limit is 90 km/h or more, a motorcycle rider who holds an open licence will be allowed to ride through stationary or slow moving traffic at speeds not greater than 30 km/h on the road shoulder (the sealed area on the edge of a road). A motorcycle rider will be required to give way to a cyclist already on the road shoulder. Riding on a road shoulder will not be allowed on roads with lower speed limits where it may pose a greater road safety risk to pedestrians.

Motorcycle riders will be allowed to enter bicycle storage areas (the areas of road close to an intersection with traffic lights that allows cyclists to wait in front of vehicles stopped at the intersection, and usually painted green with white bicycle symbols). This will allow them to move quickly and safely away from traffic.

It will be an offence for breaking lane filtering rules (such as lane filtering at over 30 km/h or in a school zone during school zone hours).

Currently, the rider of a motorcycle that is moving or stationary but not parked must sit astride their seat facing forwards and ride with at least one hand on the handlebars.

When the motorcycle is moving they must keep both feet on the footrests. From early 2015, these strict rules about how a motorcycle rider must sit and where they have their hands and feet will be removed, allowing motorcycle riders to, for example, remove a foot from the footrests to stretch a leg or raise themselves from the seat when riding on uneven road surfaces.

Motorcycle riders will still be required to be astride their seat, meaning that they must have one leg on either side of the seat when riding.

Penalties will continue to apply to ensure that motorcycle riders have proper control of their motorcycle, ride with due care and attention and do not operate their motorcycle dangerously.

Reasons for the changes The strict rules about how a motorcycle rider must sit and where they must have their hands and feet were intended to give riders clear guidelines on how to control their motorcycle and also to prevent unsafe riding, such as stunt riding. However these strict rules sometimes interfere with the everyday practicalities of riding a motorcycle. For example, a rider removing their feet from the footrests to reverse into a parking space, stretching a leg to avoid fatigue, turning their head to do a shoulder check or raising themselves from the seat when riding on uneven road surfaces may unintentionally be breaking the current rules.

There are broader laws in place about proper control of a motorcycle and not riding carelessly or dangerously that already prohibit unsafe riding, making these strict rules about where a motorcycle rider must have their hands and feet unnecessary.

Some of the changes will also apply to pillion passengers from early 2015. They will still be required to keep their feet on the passenger footrests and face forwards but will be able to raise themselves from the seat without breaking the rules.

Penalties will continue to apply where motorcycle riders do not comply with the rules. If a motorcycle rider or pillion passenger breaks the new rules, they may receive a fine of $151.

Currently, motorcycle riders on Queensland roads are required to wear a helmet that complies with Australian standard AS1698 or AS/NZS1698. From early 2015, the range of motorcycle helmets approved for use in Queensland will be expanded to include those complying with the United Nations Economic Commission for Europe (ECE) 22.05 standard.

Pillion and sidecar passengers will also be able to wear helmets complying with the ECE 22.05 standard in addition to helmets complying with the Australian standards.

Australian consumer law currently restricts the sale of helmets in Australia to those that comply with Australian standards so it would be an offence for a retailer to sell other helmets. However, Queenslanders will be able to legally buy helmets meeting the ECE 22.05 standard through international online retailers or if they are travelling overseas.

A fine of $341 and three demerit points will apply to motorcycle riders or passengers who break the motorcycle helmet rules. Double demerit points will continue to apply for second or subsequent offences within a 12 month period of failing to wear a helmet.

To make sure the helmets meet the ECE 22.05 standard and to support enforcement activities, helmets approved under the standard will be required to display a label certifying compliance with the standard. The regulations governing the ECE 22.05 standard currently require the display of such labels (for example, a sticker on the outside of the helmet or a stitched label on the inside of the helmet).

Currently other Australian states and territories only allow helmets approved under Australian standards, although some jurisdictions are reviewing helmet standards.

Motorcycle riders and passengers should be aware that after Queensland has expanded its helmet range in early 2015, it will still be an offence to wear a helmet approved under the ECE 22.05 standard when riding in other Australian states or territories.

Indian Online Shop

TO HELP shoppers avoid gift-buying headaches this year, Indian Motorcycle has made shopping easy with an online shop and its new Gift Registry function that allows customers to create their own wishlist.

“In a motorcycle industry first this year, our full range of Indian motorcycle apparel became available for purchase quickly and securely online from a computer, tablet or mobile phone, and will then be delivered to your door,” said Peter Harvey, Indian Motorcycle Country Manager. “In addition, shoppers can also set up a simple Gift Registry which they can then email to friends and family. And with Christmas around the corner it is the perfect time to create your wishlist and avoid those unwanted gifts!”

Following the launch of the brand in Australia last year, the range of Indian motorcycles has quickly developed a strong following down under.

“Indian Motorcycle is a brand rich in history and so iconic that our customers want to wear the name proudly.

Fans of the ‘World’s Fastest Indian’ movie will especially love our new ‘Munro’ collection of apparel, in honour of the movie’s hero Burt Munro,” Harvey continued.

The new range of Indian Motorcycle apparel is available online now and also features a range of personal accessories that make perfect gifts such as keyrings, wallets and iPhone covers.

Until Christmas, Indian Motorcycle Online is offering FREE FREIGHT on all purchases over $50.

To see the full range of Indian motorcycle apparel, please go to http://catalog.indianmotorcycle.com.au

Matchless Returns To Motorcycle Manufacturing

HISTORIC British motorcycle brand Matchless Motorcycles, which was formed in 1899, is set to return to producing bikes with the launch of the Model X Reloaded.

Matchless, which ceased production in 1966 when the brand was purchased by Norton Villiers, is now owned by the Malenotti family, who resurrected the name in 2012 with the launch of the clothing line ‘Matchless London’, managed by Michele Malenotti.

Now Matchless is celebrating its 115th anniversary by presenting the Model X Reloaded, a design inspired by the company’s original Model X produced more than 80 years

ago.

This new model has been designed by Franco Malenotti along with the Matchless design team. Malenotti has previously collaborated with manufacturers such as Honda, Morini, Ducati, Bimota, KTM and Aprilia, drawing historical models such as the 1000 Laverda Jota, the 1000 Laverda RGS and Morini 500 turbo amongst many others.

He has also designed various accessories and clothing, collaborating with Shoei, Oakley, JT Racing, Millet, Lewis Leather, Dainese and finally Belstaff, where he was creative director from the early 1990s until 2011.

Malenotti has based the Model X Reloaded around an S&S X-Wedge V-twin engine with a capacity of 1916 cc.

The frame integrates the oil tank and has a pull system rear suspension matched to a Castle type fork with hydraulic shocks. The bike will roll on spoked wheels created in co-operation with Borrani; the front 16 inch, the rear 17 inch.

The suspended seat can be height adjusted from 740 mm to 800 mm, the handlebars are adjustable for height and angle, and the foot controls can be set in one of two positions.

More info can be found at: www.matchlesslondon.com

Daimler/MV Agusta deal confirmed

THE GERMAN sportscar and performance brand Mercedes-AMG, part of the Daimler Group, and motorcycle manufacturer MV Agusta have signed a long-term sales and marketing cooperation agreement.

At the same time, Mercedes-AMG will acquire a 25 percent interest in MV Agusta Motor; no details have been disclosed about the price to be paid.

At a time when Harley-Davidson itself continues to be the subject of takeover rumors, Daimler’s investment in the former Harley subsidiary will benefit from the hundreds of millions of dollars that Milwaukee spent on buying MV Agusta and then funding new production and new model investment before selling it on for a fraction of its spend in 2010. Although the creativity of the Motor Company’s accounting practices are adept at camouflaging negative financial impact whilst still maximising write-down benefits, making it difficult to be certain how much the total net cost of MV Agusta ownership has been for Harley, it is widely thought to have had an impact well north of $200 million, with some estimates putting it as high as $350 million.

Mercedes-AMG will appoint one member of MV Agusta’s Board of Directors.

Giovanni Castiglioni, President and CEO of MV Agusta Motor, commented: “MV Agusta and Mercedes-AMG are a Ozbike 7

perfect brand fit: two complementary companies that stand for design, high performance and excellence. MercedesAMG will help MV Agusta to further expand globally and to accelerate our growth. The uniqueness of MV Agusta will further enhance Mercedes-AMG’s leadership in the highperformance segment.”

Design Your Own Seat

“THIS HAS BEEN at the top of our To-Do List for nearly a decade now,” said Greg Hurley, Director of Marketing at Corbin for more than 21 years. “It has also been a highly requested feature from our customers as a means of visualizing their custom seat before ordering. Unfortunately, the technology to do this properly has been beyond our reach... until now.”

The Corbin seat line is very complex as even the simplest seat model has more than 43,000 possible material combinations. A more complex seat like the Dual Touring Saddle has potential custom combinations that number hundreds of millions. Clearly this couldn’t be built photographically, so other options were considered and tested.

“We knew basically what we wanted and had a concept of how it should work, but getting it done was a task. We were pretty close a couple of years ago with an Adobe Flash application, but then Apple released the iPad that doesn’t support Flash and that changed the story for everyone. Because of the device’s popularity, we had to ditch our existing Flash development and start completely from scratch... but first we had to rebuild our entire website for the same reason.” added Hurley.

Fast forward two years and roughly 1500 manually recreated web pages later and the Corbin crew was back on task of creating the ultimate custom seat tool. The first step was finding the best technology to support their vision, and if the job couldn’t be done in-house, then to find the right development partner. The answer was Digital Draping which not only describes the process of creating the elusive seat configurator, but is also the name of the company that saved the day.

Based in New Zealand, the Digital Draping crew specialises in web delivery of highly interactive content that enables user customisation. The Draping process (also referred to as Texture Mapping), takes photographs supplied by the Corbin seat gurus and lets the user define every aspect of the seat and builds a photo realistic rendering on the fly. Just like the actual seat itself, there are virtually no design limits and millions of potential combinations.

Corbin’s Visual Configurator currently features six of their most popular seat designs with more models in Ozbike 8

process. Once you’ve chosen the seat model, you can choose from Corbin’s vast range of colour and material options in every component of the seat. You can even choose the colour of the stitching and the embroidered logo. The design can then be shared with your friends, saved, printed or sent off to Corbin for creation. It should also be noted that Corbin has never charged extra for custom colours!

To take it for a test drive, just head over to the seat maker’s website at www.Corbin.com

Hellcat Speedster

CONFEDERATE Motors has launched the 2015 edition of its Hellcat X132 Speedster.

As the bike’s name suggests, it is powered by a 132 ci V-twin motor. The 56-degree V-twin has a 4.4 inch stroke and 4.4 inch bore, and is fuelled by a single-side draft intake with a 58 mm throttle body to produce a claimed 121 hp and 140 ft lb of torque. This is matched to a five-speed transmission with the entire package carried in a frame hand-welded from 3 inch steel tubing.

A custom specification WP 48 mm fork with adjustable rebound and compression is used at the front of the bike, while rear suspension is taken care of by a rebound and compression adjustable Race Tech coil over.

The wheel package on the latest Hellcat Confederate makes use of Blackstone Tek carbon-fibre wheels with proprietary hubs. The 18 x 3.5 inch front and 18 x 8 inch rear wheels are shod with 120/70 ZR18 and 240/40 ZR18 Metzeler ME 880 Marathon tires.

Braking comes courtesy of dual Beringer Aeronal floating rotors and four-piston monobloc Aerotec radial calipers at the front and a single four-piston monobloc Aerotec radial caliper at the rear, with a Brembo rotor.

Bodywork on the Hellcat, which is limited to 65 production models, is made up of carbon-fibre fenders and an aerospace composite carbon-fibre fuel cell with finishing details including LED lighting, a digital speedo and a Motogadget analog tacho.

Dagman’s Diaries

I

’M BARRY. Barry Dagman.

We had a party at our place last night. At least I think it was our place. It started off at our place.

But when I woke up, I mean, I didn’t recognise anything! Which was not surprising really because I’d fallen asleep in the washing machine.

I thought about it, and what I reckon is, it’s that nice vibrating feeling…

I don’t know what they get up to down at the Ladies Scrabble Club but it took five of us to get her into bed

front half looked crap! Well, not crap you understand, but anyway… see, Raspberry Tequila’s like… like a permanent marker.”

So I thought to myself, ‘What was I gunna do about this? I mean, this has real marketing potential! Iran.

Irak. Saudi Arabia. Flog ‘em some permanent markers (made under licence). Get the point (licks finger)— colour me alcoholic!’

Then Mum comes home. And boy! Was she pissed! I mean she was Really Pissed!

I don’t know what they get up to down at the Ladies Scrabble Club but

it took five of us to get her into bed!

She kept yellin’ she’d really scored!

“69! Best ever!”

And I thought, ‘Good one, mum.

I know it’s been a while but do you need to tell EVERYONE?’ Then she yells, “I turned Phone into Xylophone on a triple word line and scored 69! Yaaaaayyy!”

I haven’t seen the old girl that happy since she got the Mint and the Marijuana mixed up.

Gotta go. Gotta date with the Westinghouse!w To be continued next issue...

Then I had a smoke… and, you know, that’s a really PRETTY washing machine!

And then Barry comes in and…

That’s not me—that’s the OTHER Barry. But people often get us confused. They think that because he’s Barry, and I’m Barry, we’re like TWINS! And Barry wants to know where the toilet is, and I go, “BA-RRY! You’ve been here since yesterday! You’ve drunk a whole slab on yer own, and half a bottle of Jim Beam, you must be BUSTING! And he says, “No, not really.

But you might need to empty your fish tank! Oh, and your guppy’s got hiccups. Oh yeah! Frank’s come out of the closet.”

“Yeah? I didn’t know he was gay?”

“No, no, I mean, he’s come out of the closet… with Sharon and Kellie and Tarryn. Oh! And yer mum’s poodle’s half pink?”

“Why’s me mum’s poodle half pink?”

“Well, he was all pink ‘cos Shazza threw up on him. But it’s okay ‘cos he’s managed to lick the back half off!”

Now the funny thing is, he, the dog, he looked half decent! That is, the back half looked decent; the

Ozbike 9

Riding to Eternity e s r a e H e k i r T

Rob and Merv have built all sorts of bikes and trikes together encompassing many different styles. They decided with their combined knowledge to build something new and exciting which has never been seen in Australia—a trike and hearse combination.

W

E STARTED Advanced Harley Trikes five years ago and our small team does everything in-house including the paint and panel work. Customers come to us with their bikes, we pull out the rear-end and install our uniquely-designed, bolt-in, rear-end swingarm diff assembly kit which can enable any Softail owner to convert his bike to trike without any permanent changes to the standard frame. Our custom designed kits have reconditioned diffs which we convert to chain drive and the unit is sealed with grease nipples.

Since the start of Advanced Harley Trikes we have built numerous trikes. We have also toyed around with many different ideas, but when we came up with the unique idea to build the hearse, we ran with it. Being the first trailer type structure that we had

Photos by Tina Words by Robert

ever built, we knew that this project would present us with challenging issues in terms of compliance for weight, balance, and how it was going to turn.

Rob McLachlan played a major role in this build and had to mock up a bogie axel and get it all working before we could begin to build the body. We had to get the center of balance and weight under a certain amount to ensure we did not have to fit brakes to the hearse; these were just some of the issues which had to be solved.

The detail that has gone into the hearse is huge. Using the help of Rob, we came up with ideas and drew pictures, and he helped make it all happen. Rob engraved all the Perspex on the side and then we had to source rubber to seal it to ensure it was

waterproof. The guards were changed many times before we decided on a design and Rob was able to go ahead and bring the hearse that bit closer to completion.

A lot of the finishing touches were made by being carved from wood and then cast out of aluminum so we could get them gold-plated because we couldn’t buy them from anywhere, and also this way the details on the hearse, such as the decorative plates on the top outside corners, all match the 100 spoke gold-plated wheels.

The interior of the hearse is fitted out nicely and we made sure that thought and consideration went into every detail; even choosing to use the leather braiding around the windows which looks sensational.

To complete the hearse, we converted a Softail Slim into a trike

11 Ozbike

and then installed a reverse gear kit, and after having the trike freshly painted, and fitting matching 100 spoke gold-plated wheels, the trike and hearse combination are impressive.

We started the hearse build in 2010 so there have been a few long years involved in getting it completed purely because it’s the only one of its kind in Australia. We didn’t expect the build to be completely trouble free but the challenges which arose had to be fixed with a lot of trial and error as there was no one we

could ask for advice, so all the problems were solved in-house with the help of Rob. Now the hearse and trike are completed, our new and exciting business, Ride into Eternity, is kicking off. We offer the hearse for hire and are happy to work with the funeral companies directly to make the whole experience hassle free for grieving families. We hope that the trike

We hope that the trike hearse will provide their loved ones with a final ride that will always be remembered.

12 Ozbike

hearse will provide their loved ones with a final ride that will always be remembered.

Now that we have completed one hearse, any future builds will be hassle free and completed within a realistic time frame if there is a production demand.

We’d like to thank Rob McLachlan for the help on the project.

For any information regarding trikes or the hire of the hearse, please feel free to contact us: Advanced Harley Trikes & Ride into Eternity, 8/3 Comserv Close, West Gosford NSW 2250.

Rob: 0487-170-319 Lisa: 0435-007-180 Email: robandmerv@advancedharleytrikes.com.au Web: www.advancedharleytrikes.com.au

Ozbike 14

Ultima Australia: 1/8 PIONEER AVE. THORNLEIGH NSW 2120

PH: (02) 9484 3900 MOB: 0408 231 731 FAX: (02) 9746 4906

6 SPEED GEARBOX $945

BOBBER HARLEY FRAME $985

BADLANDER SEATS $285

BELT DRIVE $1,495

STARTER MOTORS HI-TORQUE $195

NEW PRODUCT

DIGITAL DASH SPEEDO TACHOMETER IN KLM APPROVED FOR AUSTRALIAN STANDARDS This new design digital speedometer has a bar graph tachometer built in. The display indicators include: H/beam light, neutral/gear indicator light, oil pressure light, turn signals, digital odometer and trip meter functions. Beautiful custom designed chromed billet aluminum housing which mounts easily to any handle bar.

5-3/4” STRETCH 9” HEADLIGHT $135

FAT SPOKE WHEELS $850

AUSSIE APROVED SPEEDO TACHOMETER $235

Revtech 88 - $4,850 Revtech 100 - $5,250 Revtech 110 - $5,450 Revtech 125 - $6,450

FAT HANDLEBARS $165

CHROME BILLET FORKS ANY LENGTH $886

CHROME BILLET FORWARD CONTROLS $445

KICK STAND $98

SHOCKS $210

HANDLEBAR CONTROLS $198

NEW PRODUCT

250 WIDE TIRE KIT $1650

ULTIMA 127 cu 140 hp, 1 only.

$5850

LA DRAG PIPES $245

SPOKE WHEELS FROM $285

CHROME BILLET BRAKE CALLIPER $215

FOR 91-2005 &2006 TO PRESENT This new wide tire swingarm kit is designed for a 240 Metzeler or 250 Avon style wide tire application. All parts in this kit have been thoroughly tested & are made from high quality materials to ensure proper operation.

NEW PRODUCT 44 MAGNUM BILLET GRIP $95

SPRINGER FRONT END ANY LENGTH Springer Front End Any Length

$885

STRETCH TANKS $385

“I bought it on-line sight unseen, and when it arrived I was surprised to see it was pretty much a stock FLH with a fancy blue flamed paint job.�

Ozbike 18

Old Rusted Iron Old Rusted Iron Old Rusted Iron W

HEN I GOT the urge to build another bike, I wanted to make it very different to the previous bikes I had built over the years. This bike was originally a 1967 FLH. It had sat in a shed in Milwaukee for five years before I bought it. I bought it on-line sight unseen, and when it arrived I was surprised to see it was pretty much a stock FLH with a fancy blue flamed paint job. I knew from the start that the big ugly gas tanks, tassels and apes had to go, along with virtually everything else

that wasn’t related to going fast had to go with them.

I was originally going to start on the frame by cutting it in half and hardtailing it, but once it was stripped and in the frame jig, I soon realised it had a bad bend in it. So I set to cutting out the back-bone along with the downtubes. I welded all the new tubes back into the original head stock and set to cutting the rear tubes off behind the engine and designing a complete new rear end, keeping it as close to a stock ’48 frame as possible with some repo

Photos by Rod Cole Story by Mike

‌ every 12 months or so the bike takes on a new look as the rust does its job

axle plates.

I replaced the front-end with an original Harley WLA springer.

The front wheel is three wheels pieced together: it’s a late Wide Glide front hub which I cut down and narrowed then welded back together so it would fit between the old springer legs, then laced up a 21 x 1.85 inch hoop.

The rear wheel is a mid-star with ’60’s juice drum and 5 x 16 Firestone tyre. The rear guard is an original front FLH guard cut down with some 5/16 rod welded around it for support.

The only brake I have on it now is the rear.

To tidy up the bars I ran a cable from the hand lever to a master cylinder mounted on the frame just under the gearbox. I also run an internal throttle to keep the clean look flowing.

I designed and made the bars myself.

The exhaust is the original setup that came with the bike cut in three places and modified to close up the overall size.

I fabricated the oil tank from scratch and machined the fins into the side-plates with the mill.

The gas tank is an aftermarket peanut tank.

The engine is an 80 inch stroker with S&S barrels and flywheels fitted to the

Ozbike 21

old girl years before I bought it which was a bonus. I just slapped on an S&S E carb and a 1.5 inch Primo belt-drive and clutch, then cut down the original inner primary to use the gearbox support bearing.

The gearbox is the original ’67 with a STD ratchet lid.

I didn’t worry about any paint for this bike; I just wanted a weathered rusted look. It has its advantages— every 12 months or so the bike takes on a new look as the rust does its job.

It’s a fun bike to ride and certainly has plenty of power for what it is. I love the old Shovels and being a Genny Shovel makes it even better!

Ozbike 22

e Cutting-edg e denim for th bike & every occasion.

drayko.com

“It’s kinda ironic that a lot of bikes get to Colac’s annual bike fiesta that you don’t tend to see anywhere else…”

m o t s u Colac C w o h S & Bike

Ozbike 24

C

Car

OLAC’S ONE of those places that sits in the middle of two places you try and avoid... nowhere and dafucarwe?

It’s got a reputation for being that shithole you don’t stop in when you’re out on a club run, and in more extreme cases, after dark with the missus and billy lids in tow. But what the wowsers fail to point out is that people like us have a few good reasons for pulling up stumps for a few hours. For starters, there’s a pub on every corner, the beers are always cold, and once a year, half of Victoria get their arses down for the local Custom Car & Bike Show.

It’s kinda ironic that a lot of bikes get to Colac’s annual bike fiesta that you don’t tend to see anywhere else, despite having travelled from as far and wide as the big smoke (Mexico) and further points west

Words by Alfie Pics by Alfie & Em

American iron was everywhere you turned your eyes, with every post war era represented

and north. Plenty of new bikes make their debut at the bash as well, so you know there’s always plenty to get your mince pies pointed at.

I grabbed the missus as I needed a driver to get me the couple of hundred metres from our crib, carrying a heavy concussion and reasonably sized hangover from a big night prior. Luckily, she’s a bike nut too and goes alright with the camera because I was still under the weather from an eye injury.

We stopped in to blow the froth off a couple on our way. It’s thirsty work driving such long distances, then hit the front gate, but didn’t walk in for another hour, after meeting up with a couple of Geelong Bandidos and their friends who were headed to the nearest watering hole.

That taken care of, we found ourselves ogling the row of bikes parked out the front, totalling near enough to a 100 Harleys and a few British breeds.

“Holy shit,” the missus said, “if that’s what it’s like outside, what hell is it gunna be like when we get in?”

She found out damn fast, with a few trade displays for Harley-Davidson and Victory Cycles giving way to easily another couple of hundred two-wheeled beauties of various makes and descriptions.

Nostalgia was big on the agenda, with a shitload of ancient BSAs; some immaculately restored and others in original trim. American iron was everywhere you turned your eyes, with every post war era represented.

Clubland had a good representation, with the afore mentioned Bandidos, a bunch of Razorbacks, a handful of Rebels, and the local My Brother’s Keeper chapter having representations amongst a few local social and nostalgia riding clubs.

The vibe was pretty strong on the day

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amongst those wearing black, with talk of the VLAD laws up north being the big topic of discussion and how it was going to affect those south of the two borders in the near future.

We found ourselves unable to pick a particular standout bike, although the customised salt-flat racer was one that really caught my eye.

For us Mexicans, the ability to gather together with several hundred bikes, a couple of patch clubs and thousands of enthusiasts, and simply kick back, enjoying the atmosphere, drinking cold beverages and enjoying our passion for two wheeled machinery is truly appreciated; and Colac’s annual Custom Bike Show, run in conjunction with the Car Show and held smack in the centre of town, is one you don’t want to miss if you get the opportunity in the future.

And did we mention, it’s also kid friendly, with a playground and other fun activities available.

“I had no idea how the bike would run or sound, but when we fired her up for the first time, I was grinning from ear to ear…”

Words & photos by Jaz

Evil Betty

I

T ALL STARTED when I was five-years old—my cousin dinked me on his 80 cc Honda on my uncle’s property, and since then, two-wheels have excited me.

I rode MX bikes in my teens but that didn’t fully interest me—I wanted to ride the open road and see our awesome country—so I got my L’s and brought a 250 cc. That didn’t last for long—I wanted something with a bit more grunt—so I flogged the 250 cc and upgraded to a 900 cc CBR Fire Blade… still on my L’s! I had my fair share of high speed and close calls on that beast, that’s for sure. The forward riding position was far too uncomfortable so I saved up and brought a 2007 Sporty 1200. I fully customised her, rode her everywhere, but I wasn’t fully happy.

I wanted something blacked-out, no chrome and bad ass.

In 2013 I pre-ordered a brand spanking new 2014 denim black Street Bob. I had a few months to wait for delivery but it didn’t stop me from still looking around. The bike featured here (2013 Dyna Street Bob) came up for sale not far from me—low km, Stage One, SE Race Tuner, Vance & Hines pipes, heavy breather, and a few other mods. Fast forward… I made a crazy offer and a week later she was in my shed, and the work began.

I stripped the bike down and sold all the custom parts the owner added, and purchased the new parts I needed: new nostalgic grips, mini hot rod mirrors, mini front blacked out indicators, Figure Machine air cleaner, leather tool bag, solo rack, Screamin’ Eagle leads, Progressive rear, derby cover, timing cover, headlight visor, and plenty of brass bling!

I removed the huge factory horn and added a tiny blacked out eBay one.

I hand-made the forward highway pegs using my old Sporty rubber pegs.

I used a real bullet for my shifter peg (detonated it first) and drilled some holes that have rusted nicely on the shifter arm.

I hand-made the number plate bracket and kept it real tight to the bike; I didn’t like the stock H-D billboard ones.

I also wanted a bit of old school pin-striping somewhere and the air cleaner looked like the place to do it.

I thought, as I’d made everything else myself, I’d give the pin-striping a crack.

Man, I respect those artists—my hands were shaking bad!

The final project was to piss off the Vance & Hines Side Shots and build

I thought… I’d give the pin-striping a crack. Man, I respect those artists—my hands were shaking bad!

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You can see more photos of Evil Betty at: www.flickr.com/photos/jaz-art/

something completely different and old school. I searched worldwide for companies that made an upswept design but couldn’t find anything. A mate had a set of stock Wide Glide headers sitting in his shed; the front two curves were kind of what I was after so a deal was struck, and off I set on a two-month journey into the unknown. Keep in mind I’m a carpenter by trade with zero metal fabrication skills. I had the vision of how I wanted it to look, and I had a point to bolt the rear exhaust section to just behind the gearbox. I also had a very big grinder.

Many late week nights and countless beers later with the boys out in my shed, we had the shape cut out and marked ready to be tack welded up. Brett from Maeco in Moe (03-5127-6433) was the best in the stainless exhaust welding department.

I hand-made the turnouts and got hold of some old school brass trumpets to finish the upswepts off. The final step was to heat-wrap them for that old school look.

I had no idea how the bike would run or sound, but when we fired her up for the first time, I was grinning from ear to ear! No baffles, straight out drag style stainless steel upswepts! I made the pipes exactly the same length for maximum performance and equal sound.

I had Anthony from Maztech of Melbourne (03-9416-8411) do a twin cylinder dyno tune using my Screamin’ Eagle Race Tuner. Got impressive numbers too: 86 hp/101 ft-lb. Betty sure does thump now!

That’s Evil Betty’s story to date.

I ride her all the time, and I’m damn proud of the build and the good times I’ve had.

Huge thanks to my loving, awesome and understanding wife Sarah and son Coops; and to Jimi the Ripper, Springer Mick, Special John, Wazza, Sibo, and Kaos. None of this would have happened without your support.

PS: To that guy on the road the other day… if you don’t like loud pipes pulling up next to you at the lights, then maybe you should catch a bus, or better yet, just go fuck yourself. All that noise keeps us alive.

Open your eyes and have a nice day.

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www.anywheremotorbiketransport.com.au

e s o Th e the wer

s y da

By Kelly Ashton

Most motorcycles have their ups and downs; this is the story of a bike which had a really down day. It’s okay now, but…

I

The Day the Mighty Norton Got Bent

OWN A 1972 Norton Commando Fastback and have done so for many years. It doesn’t get out much these days, but it still looks and runs superb.

That wasn’t always the case, and the old bastard of a bike has had its fair share of ups and downs. It was a rusty, smashed up wreck when I bought it. I fixed the thing up a treat then wrecked it again. Fixed it up again then bloody well wrecked it again. I was getting used to the routine but the next time, I really wrecked it. Really,

I suppose it was a fair time ago, in the early- to mid-80s, and I’d become heavily involved in Historic Racing, campaigning an AJS, a Triton and a Trumpy sidecar outfit in the pre-1962 classes. And the Classic and Enthusiasts Club decided to introduce a new form of racing for classic bikes when they proposed the Post Classic class for machines built between 1963 and 1972.

I just had to get involved in that. Yeah, good thinking, Einstein;

really wrecked it—worse condition than what it was in when I first spied it and bought it for $150 in 1977. Yep, really did a number on the poor beast.

And just how did this most serious wrecking occur? On the racetrack, of course.

maintaining three bikes is tough enough, why not see if it’s any easier to fettle and race four bikes?

With three race bikes taking up all available or borrowed space in utes and vans, the road-registered Norton had to ridden out to Amaroo Park for

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its first ever race meeting. Yep, just like in the 1950s, a tray of tools and spare plugs and carb jets strapped to the tank with a set of racing leathers perched on top and we were on our way.

It’s a matter of course for me, but usually, when I do dumb stuff, everybody sees it, but no-one ever sees me do the cool stuff, which sometimes happens. Does too! Well, rolling up to a road race meeting and riding through the front gates on the bike you’re about to thrash the beejeezus out of really has some cachet. People were genuinely impressed, and there was even the odd backslap and more than a few ‘Goodonyas’. One pessimistic bastard said, “You’ll be sorry”, but it’s best not to listen to those pricks; if Captain Cook had’ve listened to the doomsayers, we’d all be speaking French, eating snails and acting a whole lot more arrogant.

The really interesting thing about that inaugural Post Classic race meeting was the British bikes were way ahead of the Jap bikes in the big classes. Hopped-up 750 cc roadbased Pommy bikes were leading the way with all Jap factory race bikes snapping at their heels (of course, with a 1972 cut-off day, there were no TZ Yams, TR750 Suzooks, or Z1 Kwakkas allowed; the only Japper worth entering were early model Honda Fours, and most of them were blown up or crashed by then).

So in my first few races on the Mighty Commando, I found myself

chasing Tim Sparks on a red hot 1972 750 Triumph, Frank Zappia on a shortstroke F750 Norton, and Chris Oldfield on a 750 Triton. Behind us was the field of mostly TR500 and TR250 Suzukis, and some air-cooled Yamaha racers and maybe an XS-650 or two.

The Mighty Commando felt sensational. I remember thinking, ‘This goes so much better than the Mighty Triton.’ But that Commando taught me a lot about race set-up and even riding, coming to realize just how much a road tyre slides compared to race rubber. The Mighty Triton, fitted with super-sticky K300GP Dunlops, the hot tip for the time, was an absolute chore to ride versus the Commando. And the Commando’s famous/infamous Isolastic rubber mounting system made it so much smoother and easier to ride it seemed to flow through the bends, blending the corners into one smooth lap.

Hah! Imagine how miffed I was when I saw my lap times two seconds SLOWER than the drum-braked 650 Triton. The trick tyres on the Triton were exposing as many handling problems as the Avon Roadrunners on the Commando were hiding. But that’s racing and the secret is to improve the bike (and consequently, the rider) every time you go out. New tyres sticking to the road so well the chassis tries to tie itself in knots? Fix the chassis. Improved chassis stiff enough to allow the tyres to slide more with

Actually, my the biggest problem we had was not the tyres, but the gear lever. To simplify things, all my bikes were the ‘Triumph’ shift pattern—one down for first gear and the rest up. That meant, with rear-set racing footpegs,

much greater control? Find stickier tyres and so on.

But all that was ahead, and for the moment, my road bike Commando was going to make do with the slippery Avons for its first race meeting.

race.

If you’ve never sat on a bike, under starter’s orders, on a road-race grid, let me tell ya’, there’s nothing like it. Sure, you can be pretty focussed waiting for the lights to turn green at

the Triton needed a linkage system to keep the one-down-rest up pattern, where the AJS and Norton just had the gear lever reversed, changing the pattern from one-up to one-down. And that was what was causing problems, as the bloody thing never seemed to go into first gear as nicely with the reversed lever; don’t know why, never bothered to find out.

So there we were; me and The Mighty Norton Commando, lining up on the starting grid for our first-ever

your favourite intersection, but even that’s a rung or two down from the focus you’ll get if the lights you’re waiting for are on a drag strip. Yeah, that’s a lot more intense, but still, there’s only you and your bike, and some other prick on another bike way over there, and you’re both revving the ring out of just two motor bikes and you both have a fair idea of when the race starts.

So imagine being on a road-race grid, the Ten Second Board comes out and about 40 or so LAF motorbikes are having their throttles brutally blipped by 40 or so eager bastards in close company all around you. The Ten Second Board means that the Starter is going to raise the flag any time in the next ten seconds (little tip here, no starter likes to hold the snarling pack too long and the gap between ‘Wait for it…’ and ‘GO!’ invariably ends up at about three seconds. So if you just count “One, Two, Three,” to yourself and dump the clutch, you’ll get a blinder if all goes well. It still holds sway in modern times with starting lights, too). Waiting for the ‘GO!’ the cacophony is literally deafening; you’re watching your tacho winding around to seven-thou, keeping an eye on the starter for any ‘tell’, counting to three, and all of a sudden, time stands still as the entire ranting pack thunders away from the line. Yeah, all except for Dufusbrain and his dopey Norton, still sitting on the grid with the gear lever in neutral. Oops… the bastard never went into first gear properly—AGAIN! With an almighty clash and crunch, it was in first gear and we were away, with a steaming run through the pack up the hill (Yay for torquey Nortons!)

I wouldn’t have minded so much if the rotten sod of a gearbox didn’t do it to me three times in my first three races. By the third race, I was getting the hang of it, and made sure the bludger was well and truly in first gear, but then the poof of a thing spat itself out of first after about one second of forward motion. Must fix that…

It was bashed back into gear without too much trouble and we were away, better than before; the first time through the sweeping downhill righthander, double-apex Dunlop Loop, The Mighty Norton was swooping past the few bikes we hadn’t caught on the blinding run up Bitupave Hill. Exiting Dunlop Loop, there was just Zappia’s Norton, Sparks’ Triumph and Oldfield’s Triton in front of us. Last off the start to fourth place in the first one third of a lap. At this rate, I’ll catch these

three dopey bastards by the end of Lap One, and will ride home with a trophy strapped to the headlight like Marlon Brando in ‘The Wild One.’ Well, that didn’t happen.

Sparks and Zappia were neck and neck, but gradually pulling away, leaving a few bike lengths back to Oldfield on the metalflake blue 750 Triton. And I just couldn’t seem to get past the Triton on my Fireflake Royal Blue Fastback Commando.

As the laps ran down, it was the same script. Two totally different bikes with two totally different riding styles, but we were evenly matched for most of the lap. The only place The Mighty Norton could best the Triton was on the long pull up Bitupave Hill. Amaroo was a fantastic track, one for riders. From the Start/Finish line, the hill started immediately and got steeper. There’s a right-hand bend half way up that hill; from the Start, you don’t even notice it. Even on a flying lap, you could take that bend on full noise and not back off. Then it’s up and over the crest of Bitupave Hill in a fairly serious lefthander, with many possible racing lines which depend on handling, brakes, power and testicle size, because after zapping around the left and heading steeply downhill, there’s a massive braking effort which takes you deep into the double-apex Right-hander called Dunlop Loop. Aim in early for a speedy entry to The Loop, and you’ll make up time over the hill, only to be slowed up in the wrong space for the second apex, which doesn’t give you the best launch for the next, most important part of the lap, the blindingly fast right-hander known as Mazda Curve which is so crucial to the downhill run to the much tighter heavybraking left-hander called Honda Corner. Leaving Dunlop Loop on full noise was the best way to get a good run through Mazda Curve, which only left Honda corner, a short kinked back straight, the near-hairpin Dead Stop Corner, another short straight, which isn’t really a straight if you’re travelling fast enough, then the tricky entry onto the main straight and then, oh look, the Finish Line.

So for the whole race, The Mighty Commando was ranging up Bitupave Hill, gaining meters and ready to pounce on the hapless Triton, when, the up-and-over part of the hill made the Commando go all floaty and vague, loping down into the braking area like it didn’t really care. The ‘wide’ roadbike ratio in the four speeder made the act of going back to third gear a bit redundant; it felt steadier and more

sure-footed, but much slower across the top, so you just do what you have to.

Besides, once all anchors were thrown on, I was ‘apexing’ later and being left much deeper into the Loop.

I had noticed that Oldfield’s Triton was running much wider on the exit to the Loop, so on the final lap, we were

lining up to blast past him on a tighter exit line with a stunning burst of speed, passing him and leading all the way to the flag for a Valiant Third Place finish.

Sad to say, that’s not what happened.

Everything was going perfectly to plan. The Mighty Commando behaved well enough braking into The Loop and was aiming for a reference point about midway between the two apexes. The Triton had turned in early, just as before

…you’re hanging off the side of a Norton Commando, the throttle is cracked wide open, you’re in a two-wheel drift on slippery road tyres, and all of a sudden, there’s this other racer rudely intruding into your personal space by sliding underneath you and was already skimming the second apex while we had the gas fully on and lunging out on a much shallower angle.

We were running him down, perfectly lined up to do a masterful blast-past on the inside line as the Triton drifted out wide onto the run to Mazda Curve. And then… he didn’t drift out wide but held the tight, inside line. Dang, blast and bloody!

No matter, it was simply time to make an executive decision and change to an outside passing manoeuvre without backing off the gas. No problems—consider it done, Boss.

It all went pear-shaped when little tufts of blue tyre smoke start appearing from the back tyre of the Triton after what I can only assume was a partial nip-up of the motor. The relative normal idea of a brave, outside passing manoeuvre on the exit to Dunlop Loop went completely to shit when the Triton’s arse end slipped right out, turning the bike 180 degrees and taking up a lot more space on the track than one rider on one bike normally would. The prone rider/ sliding bike combination was naturally changing direction, no longer heading the shortest route to the finish line, but now completely under the influence of centrifugal force and heading for the outside edge of the track.

Now, imagine this—you’re hanging off the side of a Norton Commando, the throttle is cracked wide open, you’re in a two-wheel drift on slippery road tyres, and all of a sudden, there’s this other racer rudely intruding into your personal space by sliding underneath you. I mean—how rude is that?

I’m sure Chris still maintains that I took out his back wheel, which he was whinging about in the pits later, but this is still the correct and official version, with nothing changed in 30 years.

I know he was trying to take out The Mighty Commando with his body, as three points of damage attest. He was wearing yellow leathers that day, and a bright yellow smear of leather dye covered the outside of my obvious overheated front brake disc rotor.

Similarly, my right-side exhaust pipe, also v. hot, had a big yellow smear on it, and was gently bent all the way into the gap between the motor and frame downtube. Thirdly, my aforementioned reverse gearlever had the toe-end snapped clean off. It was easy to blame this damage on Chris, as he had a hole punched in his yellow leathers and a corresponding deep gouge in the flesh of his back, a hole which a forensics scientist on a CSI TV show would’ve declared, “I’m going out on a limb here, but I think this wound was caused when the victim maliciously attacked a Norton Motorcycle with his back and the Norton resisted, stabbing the vic with a broken-off, reversed gear lever…”

What happened next wasn’t totally uncalled for, and it was the height of bad manners on my part. To stop me falling from my own bike, I have to admit, I sort of ‘stepped’ on Chris to

keep the Norton upright. And not just once; I had to move positions with a quick hop from his shoulder to his hip. Had it happened on an Observed Trials course instead of a road-race circuit, I definitely would’ve lost marks for ‘footing’ but it worked and we stayed upright enough push off away from Chris instead of crashing down on top of him which would’ve been even worse for all concerned. And I was still in control of my bike, just heading for the outside of the track at a much greater angle than I would’ve liked. But that wasn’t the real problem, oh no.

Chris’ Triton was also heading to the outside edge of the track, lying on its right-hand side and idly rotating while it slid in an ever-increasing arc just ahead and to my right. We were all running out of room, and another executive decision was made. “I’m not going to let this prick of a Triton take me wide and put me into the dirt bank,” I declared, as I heaved on the handlebars in an almighty swerve to take the inside line once more. It was futile, and I soon realised I just wasn’t going to make it, and was destined to run straight into the bike. Once again an almighty heave on the handlebars, this time upwards like a scrambler taking a jump on a dirt trail, and we launched up and over that prone Triton and made a perfectly-controlled, heavier-than-air flight on a motorbike.

Or so I thought. Craig Morris, a handy ‘A’ Grade bike racer, was acting as Travelling Marshall that day on a Bimota and he had a bird’s eye view of the whole incident. “I’ll bet you thought you’d done a perfect motocross jump and made it over,” he told me later in the pits. “Well, that was never going to happen, as your front wheel collapsed completely as you hit the bike.”

That at least explained the shocked look on my face when I was lining up for a perfect, two-point landing while marvelling at the Norton’s newly-discovered aerobatic capabilities. Instead of riding away to a lucky third-placed finish, the second the bike hit the ground, it began cartwheeling violently, spitting me over the handlebars on the first of my many cartwheels.

The Norton cartwheeled off in the same general direction of the track, but on the dirt verge, while I cartwheeled and tumbled down the bitumen, straight down the middle of the road. Man, I slid some, and then some more. I didn’t know the bike was cartwheeling, but was told later by a

few eyewitnesses that it went end-for end about three times, finally flopping sideways down and wedging some dirt and grass between the throttle slide and the handlebar. Naturally, this wedged the twistgrip on in full throttle position, which was just perfect for when the bike did its final little tumble, coming down fair and square on the back wheel, which was spinning very fast due the stuck throttle and still being in third gear.

Now, I was having my own tumbling problems, inventing about 17 new breakdance moves along the way, and looking back over my shoulder to see the rest of the field swerving left and right around me. Thanks for missing me, fellas.

I didn’t really see what was

arm in a Harbour Bridge-sized arch.

I turned around again and squinted. “Oh,” I said when I could barely make out the Norton taking a breather in the tyre wall halfway to Honda Corner. Fair dinkum, the bike ended up travelling at least 200 meters from the site of the ‘incident’ to its final resting place.

I began the long run to The Mighty Norton, starting out at full-pelt, but stopping along the way to pick up discarded parts along the trail.

The urgency and speed diminished somewhat. A seat here, a sidecover there, the battery… oh look! There’s the tool roll, with most of the spanners sprayed near and far, and, here’s the other sidecover. I’d slowed to casual walk by the time I got to the wreck,

happening to my Norton, but those eyewitnesses told me once it landed back wheel-first, the bloody thing got its second wind and took of like winged kangaroo, doing three almighty bounces on the spinning back wheel, kicking up rooster tails of dirt with each bounce and really elongating the debris path it was leaving as bits were smashed off it.

Once the field had streamed past me, I jumped up, ran off the track and began running back to Dunlop Loop, where I could see a metalflake blue tank and tail unit on a bike lying on its side at the exit to The Loop.

Hobbling along at full steam, and getting closer, I saw Chris Oldfield step up and lift the bike. Now I was confused… hey, that’s not my bike, but his Triton!

I stopped dead in my tracks and maybe my confusion was that obvious that a flag marshal began pointing to a position down the track past me.

I couldn’t see nuffink! I looked back at the marshal and shrugged my shoulders; “Where?” I pleaded.

He responded with a huge, arching point, using his whole right

lying as it was with its bent nose nuzzling the tyre wall and the dirty side out. No wonder I had trouble seeing it, it was a lot shorter than before.

I just stared at it. Rooted, it was, and I wasn’t going to be riding this one back to the pits for repairs.

On the slowdown lap, the riders who didn’t crash would come past and shake their heads as if to say, “That’s racing!”

You know a bike is completely rooted when you don’t even wait for the pick-up ute to come to the rescue.

I hitched a ride back to the pits with race winner, Tim Sparks on his rapid 750 Triumph Bonneville.

But, it all came good, lots of work and a few new parts and she was as good as second-hand again. And you know what? I raced that same Commando at the same Post-Classic Race Meeting the next year, pulling the same stunt by riding it out to the racetrack again. The main difference was that time, I got to ride it home again.

It’s all nice again now, but…

35 Ozbike

Arlen Ness by MagnaFlow

ARLEN NESS is recognised around the world as the Godfather of custom motorcycles. An icon of the industry, Arlen Ness has been producing custom motorcycles and high-end, trend-setting parts and accessories for Harley-Davidson, Victory and Indian motorcycles for more than 40 years. Arlen Ness now turns his talents to design a complete line of co-branded exhaust systems known as Arlen Ness

by MagnaFlow.

Arlen Ness by MagnaFlow delivers style with a world-class custom look and power with dynamic performance you will feel on the road.

American made and engineered to exacting tolerances for a perfect fit every time, the Arlen Ness by MagnaFlow line will generate performance,

Ozbike 36

power and an unmatched rich American Muscle sound. Arlen Ness by MagnaFlow will set the standard by which all others will be judged.

Make a performance statement and give your Harley-Davidson a mean and nasty look with the Arlen Ness by MagnaFlow F-Bomb exhaust system. The F-Bomb 2-into-1 system is engineered for performance with an aggressive custom look design featuring an inverted end cap. Built for performance with an attitude, the F-Bomb is engineered to increase flow, power and overall performance through the power band on stock or highly tuned engines while delivering deep, rich, sound quality.

Arlen Ness by MagnaFlow is proudly distributed in Australia by Rollies Speed Shop. For your nearest dealer phone 07-3252-5381.

Haynes Motorcycle Manuals

SAVE MONEY. Do It Yourself. Feel Good.

The worldwide leader in automotive and motorcycle repair, maintenance and customising manuals with sales of well over 7 million manuals annually and over 150 million total sold globally, Haynes Manuals are a must-read for all bike owners.

What sets Haynes Manuals apart is the attention to detail that goes into the production of each book. Every manual is written from hands-on experience based on a complete teardown, the step-by-step procedure of dismantling a particular motorbike part-by-part. This is followed by the detailed rebuilding of the specific model it documents. Writing each manual takes 30 man-weeks, with authors working as teams to shorten the production time and avoid fatigue during the difficult process. Hundreds of photographs accompany each manual’s step-by-step instructions. The books are written from the actual experience of Haynes’ own expert personnel using only a basic set of tools and presented in a style that any DIYer can follow, even a beginner. The DIYer can save a great deal of time and money, not to mention feeling proud of the job, by using a Haynes book.

Haynes Motorcycle Manuals are distributed by Cassons and available from dealers around the country. Email: enquiries@cassons.com.au; phone: 02-8882-1900.

Torpedo LED Lights

HIT THE MARK on style and functionality with Küryakyn’s all-new Torpedo LED Indicator and Run-TurnBrake Lights for all Universal 12 volt applications.

The streamlined torpedo-shaped housing measures 70 mm long with a 45 mm diameter (2.75” x 1.75”) and comes in two versions: single-function amber versions are designed to serve as turn-signal indicators either up front or on the rear; multi-function versions are designed for rear use only and feature three independent red and amber circuits that allow the units to be used as run-turn-brake lights for increased visibility.

All Torpedo sets are available in chrome or matte black finishes with clear lenses and amber bulbs and utilize M10 1.5 mm x 25 mm mounting studs for easy installation.

To find a dealer near you, call Rollies on 07-3252-5381.

Adjustable Floorboards

LOOKING FOR something completely new and unique? Check out these fully functional, adjustable floorboards. Not only are they visually stunning, but their unique profile provides plenty of room and comfort for rider and passenger. And get this, the boards, which feature a nonskid rubber cushioning insert, are adjustable side to side!

Each board is CNC machined from a solid block of 6061 billet aluminum and finished in durable high luster chrome or black anodize.

Chrome board kits, shown here, complete with brake pedal cover and shift arm, are available from BDL/GMA dealers world wide.

38 Ozbike

Ventz Jacket Coolers

VENTZ are an ideal Christmas Gift for the Motorcycle Enthusiast.

Made from durable plastic and pliable rubber, VENTZ slip inside the sleeves and provide constant airflow through a rider’s jacket or suit, preventing latent heat build-up. This can help keep the rider comfortable, alert and, like the bike itself, working at the right temperature.

These simple plastic vents cost just £14.99 plus postage and are available worldwide.

Get in touch for your pair. Visit: http://ventz-range.com/

Touring Seats For Rocket III

THE BIG TRIUMPH ‘power tourer’ has a head-turning 2.3 litre, threecylinder engine built for interstellar travel. No question that the Rocket has more than enough motor, but when it comes to the long haul, the seat can become a pain in the posterior!

“With the world’s biggest production motorcycle engine, the Rocket III is ready for long hauls, heavy loads and going places in style,” says Mustang marketing director Marilyn Simmons.

In fact, no touring bike has more effortless torque than the Rocket III— it has more torque at idle than most touring bikes at their best!

“All the torque in the world is great, but for all day comfort, you really need a Mustang seat. Not only are our seats built for comfort, Mustang’s two-piece seat for the Triumph Rocket III Touring sets the rider a half inch lower than stock and almost an inch further back than the stock position.

The combination of controlled density polyurethane cushion and the more relaxed riding position make a real difference for the long haul.”

The wide 17 inch bucket and the 12 inch passenger seat provide long-term support for your longest journeys. The optional easily removable built-in driver backrest offers more features than any other backrest on the market. Choose between a two-piece studded or vintage style seat with an array of accessories for the Rocket III Touring, including studded or vintage fender bibs as well as studded or vintage tank bibs with an optional storage pouch.

In addition to the Rocket III Touring, Mustang also makes seats for Triumph Bonnevilles and Thunderbirds.

For more details, visit: http://www. mustangseats.com

From the Fraser Harley-Davidson workshop comes this innovative Scrambler built from a Dyna Street Bob.

b o B t e e r r e l St am b t r e r e e c l S r t b t e S m b er

e

I

HAVE BEEN working at Fraser HarleyDavidson for just over two years. I’m a Harley Master Tech, the highest level within the Harley-Davidson Company as a technician. I did an apprenticeship and then five years on-the-job training through Harley, working in the dealership and going to the Harley University. I’m from Birmingham in England and that’s where I did all my training, before I came

r

Photos by Wall 2 Wall Words by Elliott at Fraser Motorcycles Ozbike 41

… we put some mud tyres on it, jacked up the back-end with 14 inch Ohlins shocks, and turned it into a scrambler

over to Australia.

Basically, what happened with the Street Bob Scrambler, was Greg Ryan, the General Manger, came up to me to see if we could fab-up a Sportster tank to fit on a Dyna, so we mocked it all up, put it on a brand new, 2014, 103 cubic inch Street Bob, and it sort of flowed on from there— we put some mud tyres on it, jacked up the back-end with 14 inch Ohlins shocks, and turned it into a scrambler. I think Greg was looking for more of a bobber look but that’s not how it’s turned out.

The Street Bob Scrambler is fitted with a two-inch-over front-end with gold plated stanchions. We fabricated a bracket to mount the front fender up underneath the yokes, and fabricated a fork brace for a bit of extra rigidity; then we fitted Sportster handlebars and speedo mount.

It’s got a RSD exhaust system on it, with Screamin’ Eagle air filter cleaner and cover.

We cut and modified the Street Bob rear fender to give it that real high look.

We fabricated up a bash plate, belt guard and number plate mount as well.

It’s running a standard Street Bob seat and wheels; just with the tyre changes.

The paintwork was done by Mark at Sydney Custom Spraypainting. The number 14—it’s my lucky number.

The Street Bob Scrambler was built to show people that we’re not your average Harley dealer that just does servicing and bolts on accessories; we can do a lot more, and we can be progressive about it: bigger and better if you want.

We had a budget to stick by.

Basically, I put down a list of parts before we even started building it; Greg had to okay it. But everybody got interested in it, especially the owner of Frasers, so we were allowed to spend a little more money on it—put a few trick things on it—to set it off a little bit more. Usually we have to stick to a pretty tight budget because we have to sell the bikes at the end of the day.

The Street Bob Scrambler is a oneoff custom build, and it will be for sale eventually at Fraser Motorcycles. I’m told Warren Fraser is going to take it up to the beach and see how it goes off-road first.

We have a few new projects happening: a V-Rod build is on at the moment, a tourer custom build is coming up soon; and maybe a café racer Dyna in the future.

Fraser Harley-Davidson, 153—165 Parramatta Road, Concord, NSW 2137; 02-8076-1673; youtube.com/user/fraserharleydavidson Ozbike 45

Bea

I was recently in an Australian film about Kings Cross, and I got to play a hooker, and I had a naked shower scene…

I

46 Ozbike

’M FROM Queensland but I’ve been in Sydney for about eight years.

I like to travel a lot, as much as I can, overseas to Europe and America.

I dance at buck’s parties two to three nights a week, or 21st birthday parties. I do lesbian, girl-on girlshows, and adult toy shows; not like in Thailand, not that extreme, it’s a bit more tasteful; no ping pong balls.

I don’t know that I can be a stripper forever so I study marketing part time at uni.

I do a lot of photo shoots during the week. I do Penthouse every year, and Picture and People magazines.

I do a little bit of TV and film.

I was recently in an Australian film about Kings Cross, and I got to play a hooker, and I had a naked shower scene; it was a quite fun.

I had my own segment in Balls of Steel Australia where I got naked all over Sydney, like in a furniture store on Parramatta Road in Ashfield. Balls of Steel is an English TV show. They brought the two main characters out here to Australia, and my girlfriend and I set up people in public. It’s sort of like if you own a shop and you want to play a prank on one of your employees; cameras are set up first, and then my girlfriend and I walk in and drop our trench coats… A lot of them don’t respond as well as we hoped, one of them may have been gay. It was lots of fun. I would have done it for free but I let them pay me.

NO JOB IS TOO SMALL

With much media attention on the wearing of the Burqa in Australia these days, Roadkill went to the internet to research what other countries were having similar problems.

To Burqa & Back

O

F THE TOP 10 countries in the world with the biggest Muslim populations, the wearing of and compulsory use of Burqas is extremely limited and slowly declining. The use of Hijabs is preferred by the majority, but in some cases, not only is this discouraged but is banned in public in some Muslim countries.

The wearing of religious head dress did not originate with the advent of Islam. Statuettes depicting veiled priestesses precede all three Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Judaism and Islam) dating back as far as 2500 BC. Some scholars say these customs of veiling and seclusion of women in early Islam came from the conquered Persian and Byzantine societies.

Interestingly, when France proposed a ban, the Grand Mufti of the Paris Mosque, the largest and most influential in France, testified to parliament during the bill’s preparation, that the Hijab was not prescribed in Islam, that in the French and contemporary context, its spread was associated with radicalisation and criminal behavior, and that its wearing was inconsistent with France’s concept of the secular state.

Further, Mohammed Moussaoui, the President of the French Council of the Muslim Faith, opposed using a law but favoured discouraging Muslim women from wearing the full veil.

Iran went from banning the Hijab in 1936 to making it compulsory in 1979. The tradition of veiling hair in Iranian culture has ancient pre-Islamic origins but the widespread custom was forcibly ended by Reza Shah’s regime in 1936 as it was incompatible with his modernising ambitions.

The police arrested women who wore the veil and would forcibly remove it. These policies outraged the Shi’a clerics and ordinary men and women to whom appearing in public without their cover was tantamount to nakedness. Many women refused to leave the house.

In Italy, by an anti-terrorism law passed in 1975, it is forbidden to wear any dress that hides the face of a person.

In May 2010, it was reported that a Tunisian woman was fined 500 Euros for this offence.

In Israel, some years ago, a group of ultra-Orthodox Jewish women began donning the Burqa as a symbol of piety, claiming to follow these rules of modesty was to

save men from themselves—a man who sees a woman’s body parts is sexually aroused and this might cause him to commit sin. However, a Rabbinical authority quoted there is a real danger that by exaggerating, you are doing the opposite of what is intended, and issued an edict declaring Burqa-wearing a sexual fetish that is as promiscuous as wearing too little.

In Afghanistan, the full Afghan Chadri covers the wearer’s entire face except for a small region about the eyes which is covered by a concealing net or grille. Before the Taliban took power in Afghanistan, the Chadri was infrequently worn in cities. While they were in power, the Taliban required the wearing of a Chadri in public.

Officially, it is not required under the present Afghan regime but local warlords still enforce it in southern Afghanistan.

In India, the Burqa is common in many areas of old Delhi where the obligation of a woman to wear a Burqa is dependent on her age. However, after this the husband usually decides if his wife should continue to wear one.

In Pakistan, the use of the Burqa is primarily predominant in Pashtun territories along the border areas.

However, in the remaining majority of the country, its use has greatly declined over time. However, the Burqa observances remain localised and most women who observe Burqa within these areas, do not do so when they travel out of the area.

Interestingly, Turkey, Tunisia, and Tajikistan are Muslimmajority countries where the law prohibits the wearing of Hijab in government buildings, schools, and universities.

In Tunisia, women were banned from wearing Hijab in state offices in 1981, and in the 1980s and 1990s more restrictions were put in place.

In 2008 the Turkish government attempted to lift a ban on Muslim headscarves at universities but was overturned by the country’s Constitutional Court; although, in December 2010, the Turkish government ended the headscarf ban in universities. Turkish women who want to wear the Hijab to civil service jobs and government offices will be able to do so now that the Turkish government has relaxed its decades-long restriction on wearing the headscarf in state institutions. The new rules, which don’t

By Roadkill Mark apply to workers in the military or judiciary, came into effect in 2013, and were put into place to address concerns that the restrictions on Hijab were discouraging women from conservative backgrounds from seeking government jobs or higher education.

In France, it is illegal to wear a face-covering veil or other mask in public places such as the street, shops, museums, public transportation, and parks. Veils such as the Chador, scarves and other headwear that do not cover the face, are not affected by this law and can be worn. The law applies to all citizens, including men and non-Muslims, who may not cover their face in public except where specifically provided by law (such as motorbike riders and safety workers) and during established occasional events (such as some carnivals). The key argument supporting this proposal is that face-coverings prevent the clear identification of a person, which is both a security risk and a social hindrance within a society which relies on facial recognition and expression in communication.

Syria is a constitutionally secular state and discourages the wearing of the traditional Hijab. Ghiyath Barakat, Syria’s minister of higher education, announced that the government would ban students, teachers or staff from covering faces at universities, stating that the veils ran counter to secular beliefs. In 2011, Syrian President Bashar Assad reversed a decision that bans teachers from wearing the Niqab. The move was seen as an attempt to appease religious conservatives in the Sunni majority as he faced down the uprising challenging his authoritarian rule. The government had banned the veil in July 2010.

Egypt, up until only recently, also forbade women students from wearing scarves. In, 2014, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of Muslim women, and an overwhelming 89 percent who responded to the survey believed that women should show their face in public. Ten percent of the survey participants believed that women should be fully veiled when in public; and only 14 percent believed that Egyptian women should be able to choose their own clothing.

The headscarf is not encouraged by government institutions in Morocco, and generally frowned upon by urban middle and higher classes but it is not forbidden by law. In 2005, a schoolbook for basic religious education was heavily criticised for picturing female children with headscarves, and later the picture of the little girl covered with the Islamic headscarf was removed from the books. The headscarf is strongly and implicitly forbidden in Morocco’s military and the police.

In 2010, the lower house of parliament in Belgium passed a bill banning any clothing that would obscure the identity of the wearer in places like parks and in the street.

BBC News estimates that only around 30 women wear this kind of veil in Belgium, out of a Muslim population of half a million.

In 2011, the Canadian government made it illegal for women to wear face-covering garments at citizenship ceremonies because the judge must be able to see each person’s face reciting their oath. In 2012, the Supreme Court issued a rare split decision on whether women could cover their faces on the witness stand. Four judges said it

depended on the circumstances, two said witnesses should never cover their face, and one said a Muslim witness should never be ordered to remove her veil. Canada is considering a wider ban on veils in government offices, schools, and hospitals. The provincial government of French-speaking Quebec this year has proposed a law that would outlaw all religious regalia—including Muslim scarves and veils, turbans, Jewish skullcaps and Christian crucifixes—from state buildings.

In 2011, New South Wales became the first Australian state to pass laws allowing police to demand that Burqas (and other head gear such as motorcycle helmets) be removed when asking for identification.

In the Netherlands, in 2012, a law was accepted by the Dutch cabinet, banning any clothing that would hide the wearer’s identity. Fines for wearing a Burqa in public could go up to 380 Euros. Later, this law was mitigated by the succeeding cabinet to pertain only to public transport, health care, education and government buildings, rather than all public spaces.

Chile has a minority Muslim population. Fuad Mussa, the President of the Islamic Cultural Centre, is quoted as saying that “there is a general ignorance among Chileans about Islam.” This was after a Chilean citizen was refused service at a bank because of her Hijab and would not be served until she removed her Hijab.

Argentina has proven to be a country that has given more freedom to its Muslim population relative to the more oppressive governments that exist. In 2011 Argentinean President Cristina Fernández pushed for legislation which allowed Muslim women to wear Hijab in public places.

According to the new law, Argentine Muslim women can wear a Hijab while being photographed for their national ID cards.

In Indonesia, in 2014, in the Aceh, which is in the northern part of Sumatra, Indonesia Legislative Council passed Qanun Acara Jinayat (a Sharia-based criminal procedures code) applying Islamic law to everyone in the province, including non-Muslims. This would compel non-Muslims to wear the Hijab. The bill is under national government review.

Choice is choice.

I except that there are jobs I can’t get because of my tattoos. I don’t complain because I knew that when I got them. I don’t like it when I get refused entry to a hotel because of them, but Hell, I got refused entry for the wrong shoes before I had tattoos.

When I go to a country that asks me to cover my tattoos and my wife to hide her hair, we comply. We don’t run off crying that it’s my ‘right’ to express myself in ‘their’ country.

It’s their country and their rights; we know that when we visit and we respect their customs.

The difference between those countries and ours is that they are not some multicultural experiment in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

In Australia, we claim we are all equal and free, and should be allowed to express whatever suits us. Is that what we have? Or do we have a society of massive cultural divides, political debate and discriminative uncertainty?

When will our tolerance end?

Ozbike 49

A Real Nice Pair Of Harleys!

What happens when you have accessorised your ride to the point where you can do no more? You get another one and start again, of course…

P

AUL, LIKE many Harley riders, is a dedicated man when it comes to his Milwaukee steeds. He has two shining examples that cop their fair share of attention where ever they go. Both bikes are loaded with some very tasty Genuine, Screamin’ Eagle and aftermarket accessories. Paul acquired both bikes second-hand and they were both relatively stock except for that eye-catching paint scheme on the Heritage. Now being a heavy machinery maintenance manager, Paul

took a very ‘hands on’ approach when it came time to spinning the spanners; most of the work on the bikes he performed himself.

The red and yellow bike started life as 1997 Heritage Softail. Paul was aiming for all the modern advancements that H-D had to offer but still wanted that classic styling from yesteryear. With the paint job already reminiscent of the hot rod styled paint layouts from the ’50s, Paul decided to go with the retro theme

Paul shudders when he thinks about how many dollars he has poured into this bike…

Pics By Danny 666 MARSH Words by Chuck U Farley

Ozbike 51

with lashings of chrome and retro matching accessories.

The 88 cube motor is now firing away happily with a Screamin’ Eagle ECU, barrels and top end, air intake and exhaust.

The seat was modified and re-studded to give it that classic sit ‘in’, not ‘on’ the bike look.

The wheels, matching rotors and four-piston brake calipers were all imported, as were the front lights with built-in magnifier.

Extensive chrome was employed all over the bike with a set of white wall tyres to complete the package.

Paul shudders when he thinks about how many dollars he has poured into this bike, but it was all made worthwhile when he took out second place for American Post Evo at the Laverda Concours bike show in 2013.

No small feat when you consider how many bikes were on show at one of Australia’s largest bike shows.

The blue bike is a 2007 Softail Standard. Except it is far from ‘standard’ since Paul took possession ofThe it. The bike nowmodel sportsfor a set impromptu theof Burleigh Bars, Low Rider dash shoot is Kayla, Paul’s son Dean’s (hence the tacho) and a Le Pera seat sits Paul girlfriend. low in the saddle.

The suspension has been lowered to further highlight the street hardened tough stance.

It has darkened indicators, LED rear tail-light, and a custom front lamp was employed to keep the Skippys at bay.

The motor got a warming over via a set of Vance & Hines Big Radius pipes, a Screamin’ Eagle air intake and a ThunderMax tuner to make things go bang in all the right places.

The front wheel was re-laced and the rear wheel fully chromed.

Speaking of chrome, the bike has its fair share of it throughout, courtesy of Genuine and Screamin’ Eagle extras which were employed over the entire bike.

Including the cost of the bike, Paul spent a cool 30 large ones to get it to this state, and both bikes are a credit to his use of tasteful accessories.

The blue bike also made an addition to the trophy cabinet by taking out the second place for Top Custom Bike at the Second Annual Cruize 4 Happiness.

Ahh, they say you can’t buy happiness. Well Paul has proved them wrong with these two immaculately presented steeds in his stable. Well done, mate.

Paul would like to thank Heavy Duty Motorcycles and Gasoline Alley H-D for their help with the spares, and to Ozbike for the opportunity to have his bikes featured in the magazine.

53 Ozbike

With more than 120 bikes showing up, and with sensational weather and great company, Sofala was the place to be?

By Tracey Brodin

Sofala Bike Show ‘n’ Shine

I

was looking forward to the ride from Bathurst to Sofala, all the winding roads and corners, except the ride was not long enough, only 38 km.

Arriving in Sofala, I was looking for a sign as I had not been here before… oh bugger, there it is, no problem. I turned around and came back. Looking at the other bikes turning around, I was not the only one who missed the sign—and Sofala’s not that big.

Arriving at the bike show it was

clear the competition would be fierce.

At a quick count, there were at least 100 bikes already there on display.

As the morning went on, more bikes showed up; the total now more than 120. Not to mention the bikes not entered in the Show ‘n’ Shine.

The side show was a great relief for parents and kids alike; while you had a look around at the bikes, the kids were entertained with belly dancing, clowns and showbags. If that was not enough, there was an

enactment of a bank robbery from the early days, along with stage coach rides, helicopter rides and 4WD demonstrations.

I knew it was lunch when I smelled the onions cooking; funny thing is you’re never hungry until you smell them. There was plenty of home baked cakes for that sweet tooth, and plenty of cold soft drinks.

With 12 categories on offer there sure was a chance your bike could take one out. A surprise award was for the 55 Ozbike

person who travelled the furthest.

This was taken out by one keen rider who had come all the way from Cairns.

Rose and Bob, the organisers of Sofala, would like to say a very special thank you to Bob Callender from Shannon’s Insurance; he is and has been a major sponsor of Sofala Show ‘n’ Shine.

Ozbike 56

Direct from the stables of Wildcard Customs is this a fine example of what the crew have on offer.

White Nois

Ozbike 58

T

se

Pics by Jo Words by Chuck U Farley

HIS BIKE IS a bit of a ground-breaker as far as Wildcard Customs is concerned. Since parting company with Big Bear Choppers (the shop’s original parent company) they now stand alone in the custom bike building industry and are importing all the components from the USA. They build their bikes to the same stunning quality standards that has earned them the trust and respect that they have achieved over the years.

This is the 13 Bones model.

The frames and tinwork are built by Phil Day, one of America’s most reputable custom parts manufacturers (formally Daytec) and has just recently joined forces with Fat Baggers Inc., also in the States. The quality of Phil’s work is flawless and hence he got the nod from Chris, Adam and the team at Wildcard Customs to supply them with all their frames, guards. etc.

The bike runs an ever-reliable 100 cube, wrinkle black, Sidewinder S&S power-plant with a 585 cam, a set of 84 cc heads, 9.5 to 1 compression ratio, and decompression valves.

The gases escape via a set of Fast Back pipes.

The hundred or so horses are delivered to the rear wheel through a Baker six-speed, right-hand-drive transmission and a Baker fully-formed primary and nineplate clutch.

Mean Street components make up the front-end’s triple clamps and lower legs while a set of American made tubes kick out the front-end with authority.

A 4.5 inch High-Bar headlight spots the roos at night.

Performance Machine (PM) mirrors and controls adorn the Burleigh Bars, with some tidy three-button switch blocks and hydraulic clutch set-up.

Other PM components include the forward ‘Contour’ controls, four-piston brake calipers, front and rear, that bring those wild-looking PM Contrast Cut wheels to a halt when needed.

The wheels are 300 X 18 on the rear; 22 X 2.15 up front; both shod with Avon rubber.

The crocodile skin seat was fabricated at Liberty Custom Choppers by Patty Quinn.

Chris is also a mad-keen supporter of the CanterburyBankstown Bulldogs which explains that cool-looking, custom made cover over the ignition module. It’s all about personal touches!

Only the best components are employed to ensure each bike lives up to the expectations of the customer. Killer styling, trusted reliability, and a machine that can handle everyday riding are what keeps the customers coming back.

Chris loves the bike and rides it whenever time allows him with his hectic schedule.

“I can’t understand people who spend big bucks on bikes and then sit the bloody things in their lounge room? What a waste!”

He reckons when you own a Wildcard Custom, you get out there and enjoy them for all they are worth.

“The bike handles really well and people from all walks of life are forever coming up to have a look.”

Looks! It’s something you’re always going to get when you’re aboard a Wildcard Custom.

Wildcard Customs, 14 Trinder Ave, Maroochydore, Qld 4558; 07-5443-5548; www.wildcadcustoms. com.au For those with a keen eye, yes, the crocodile skin seat was not on the bike during our shots at the store. We had to re-shoot some snaps at a later date to feature the seat.

Honey Lee

C

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Killer styling, trusted reliability, and a machine that can handle everyday riding are what keeps the customers coming back

HRISTIAN WAS a bit camera shy but the delectable Honey Lee Smith was completely the opposite. She was a real blast to work with.

Honey Lee originally hails from Townsville and moved to Brisbane due to her dad’s career in the Australian Army.

“Dad was in artillery for 23 years, hence all the tattoos of guns.

“I love to travel, and as I’m bit of a Gypsy, all my travels I have done on my own. My most resent trip was to Miami to get some ink done at Miami ink!”

Honey Lee has an addictive personality and is a lot of fun to be around.

“My addiction is tattoos which I find attractive on guys! I live on the edge and take everyday as it comes! My biggest beliefs are ‘family first’ and ‘trust is earned!’

“Oh, and things I would like to do is go on the back of a bike around America and Australia for fun or to raise money for the Cancer Foundation due to one of my friends getting diagnosed with melanoma cancer at the age of 20.”

Most of Honey Lee’s ink was done at Elite Tattoo, Alexander Heads, and she comes to us via FTP Models 2014.

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Help Bring Him Home

To deny people their human rights is to challenge their humanity Read Alex Vella’s story and get the latest updates on his battle with the Australian Government. Visit: alexvella.com.au Show Your Support You can purchase official support gear. All proceeds go towards the good fight against our corrupt government at alexvella.com.au Sign the Petition To Scott Morrison, Minister for Immigration & Border Protection: Approve Alex Vella’s Resident Return Visa. It’s unjust and un Australian preventing him from coming home to his family. He has been in Australia for 46 years, paid taxes and votes. Cancelling his visa while out of the country is a pathetic un Australian act of bastardry!

Sign the petition at alexvella.com.au

T

Where’s The Empathy Gone?

HE 1980’s were supposed to have been the decade of greed and selfishness, and I also thought they were long gone. Looking around Australia, ‘today’ is making a grab for that title.

We have seen the big banks making record profit after record profit, tens of thousands of dollars a minute, yet they cannot pass on interest rate cuts to users of credit cards.

Cards that trap people into a spiral of debt that can be almost impossible to get out of.

We have seen successive governments sell off the farm at mate’s rates, to mates, then see us, the Australian taxpayer, pay rent on buildings that is worth more annually than the original sale price. Where is the logic in that?

We have seen people like Rupert Murdoch, Andrew Forrest and Gina Reinhart give us advice on working harder and wanting less, then see them import workers on 457 visas and get richer by the minute.

These are big ticket items and the frustration of being little people just pisses me off sometimes. Sure, we can have a bitch on social media and then get on with our lives as taxpayers and consumers as the government wants.

There are a lot of people out there who are willing to help, often having little more than those they are helping.

But bloody hell, there are a lot of people out there who really don’t care for anyone but themselves.

Those who read my sporadic attempts at journalism will know I live in Canberra. We have recently moved from a big place in the Inner South to an apartment in the CBD. We are opposite a park in the city which is frequented by homeless people, and the other day, when it was raining, my wife called out to me that an old fella had taken a fall on the steps and was struggling to get up. I grabbed my shoes and raced downstairs to see if he needed a hand. We live quite a few floors up so it took a little while, so long in fact that four different groups of people had the opportunity to walk past him without even glancing his way.

I helped him up and to a seat. We spoke for a while and I asked if he needed anything else. He was just grateful for the help and said he has a few people looking out for him. We chatted for a while—he is now almost blind from working as a welder in his younger days and gets around mostly from memory—then parted ways.

This took a few minutes out of my day and cost me nothing. I am certain that if any of those four groups of people who ignored his plight had contained ‘bikers’ I would have gotten there too late to help him.

When we moved out of the big house we were in, we sold a few things but gave away most of it. We held a garage sale and met some people who really did not have much.

We met an old lady who goes to garage sales and buys goods on the cheap for people with less; we took great pleasure in loading up her car for a few dollars. We met a young bloke from New Zealand who was living in a fairly empty place and also loaded up his car for what would have been nothing but he insisted on buying some things.

This made us feel good. We have done it tough and now we are doing alright.

I like to think we are setting a good example for our kids. I know my youngest is following our example. The other day on the way home from school, she stopped at MacDonald’s and bought one of those meal deals, and as

she walked outside, there was a homeless man—she just walked up and gave him her cheeseburger.

She nearly cried the first time she saw someone begging in the street. She stopped us, demanded money and ran back to put it in their hat.

Did you know that the people who sell The Big Issue around the cities are actually running a business? Many of them are living rough or have a disability that would be a barrier to an income otherwise. The cover price is $6; they get $3 of that. Check it out; it is a good read and you are doing something for another person.

Not everyone can be out there and not everyone can spare something, but sometimes a kindness is all that is required and the biker world is full of people who do this all the time.

A few years ago someone asked me, “Would you really trust a… insert MC name here…”

I related a story about the big bad ‘bikies’. We had lost a business and were unemployed and living with a relative in SA when we found out that our then three-month old granddaughter had a heart problem. We made a quick dash up to rural Queensland where they live and decided to move up there full time. I was secretary of the Tattoo Club of Australia at the time and they put on a farewell for us. Members of FREE Australia Party, a few different clubs, and of course, Tattoo Club members, showed up for a great night (second worst hangover in my history). During the party people stuffed notes into my wife’s pocket, and on the bar was a tin which they gave us at the end of the night. These are not wealthy people but they put together

This type of fundraising and selflessness is common in the bikie world and plenty of other areas could take note… more than $400 for our trip. This type of fundraising and selflessness is common in the bikie world and plenty of other areas could take note… our beautiful granddaughter is going well, and although she takes a drug every eight hours for her heart, she is as bright and happy as anyone could wish for.

Two things have happened in the past month that has made Australia a little less…

In September we lost a true Aussie legend, Randall ‘Animal’ Nelson of the Kings Cross Bikers. I did not know Animal but knew about him as most of us in the motorcycle community did. A selfless person always out there doing it for someone else—and for decades, not just as a passing fad. You don’t get an OAM for nothing and his was as well deserved as they come.

And Mama Rene’s, a Queensland charity that has been helping the homeless for more than a decade, is closing its doors. Pastor John Dowell says it will leave a big hole; they have given out more than 700,000 meals in their time.

“Every good act is charity. A man’s true wealth hereafter is the good that he does in this world to his fellows.” Moliere.

Ride safe and FREE… Mork.

Ozbike 63

XS650 Bobber

“When the bike arrived my fears were confirmed.

It did look like it was thrown together as a farm bike for a bit of fun.”

Photos by Rod Cole Story by Dan

T

HIS IS MY first road bike after owning many dirt bikes. It was a 1972 Yamaha XS 650 originally. I started out looking for a bike I could ride as I had only just got my bike license and that’s where the 650 cc engine came into play. This bike was originally from Orange in NSW and was advertised on Gumtree. When I first saw the photos of the bike in the advert it looked just okay and the guy talked it up a bit as well... as you do. It already had the rigid frame and a weird looking fuel tank. There was no rego on the bike meaning it was only ridden around his farm on dirt roads.

When the bike arrived my fears were confirmed. It did look like it was thrown together as a farm bike for a bit of fun.

The frame was really rough-looking with holes and cracks all through it. It had a box-trailer rear guard welded onto the frame with a piece of checker plate for the number plate frame. I started to pull the thing apart and it just got worse and worse. I started looking as I went through the bike searching for parts I could salvage.

Luke and Nathan at Livin Loco Garage let me pull the bike down in their shop so I could stick to the strict budget I had set.

Luke just shook his head when he saw the state the frame was in. He had the frame sand-blasted and got to work in repairing it with hours of welding and grinding.

I had the frame and wheels powder-coated black; and I had the wheels powder-coated black as well after the chrome was removed.

I bought the gas tank and rear guard from Lowbrow Customs and Nathan did the fantastic paint work on the tank, rear guard and electrical box.

The fuel taps on the tank had to be imported from the UK; we couldn’t find anything here that I liked.

I had to get a new seat to work in with the smaller tank; the original seat was too small and the gap between the seat and the tank was too big. I pulled the seat apart and Luke cut it down so it wouldn’t be as wide.

The original pipes were dumped and Luke made up a new set. They are straight-through pipes and work really well.

I wanted plain, simple-looking pipes similar to what you would 65 Ozbike

see on a old Triumph. The titanium coloured wrap works in with the paint job nicely.

Luke fabricated the electrical box to look like a oil tank.

He also fabricated the handlebars which work so well with the look I was

after.

I had seen an oil tank somewhere with concaved ends so I asked Luke to do the same for mine!

Nathan had a white-wall front tyre sitting in the shop which I liked the look of. The boys sourced a white-wall

I wanted plain, simple-looking pipes similar to what you would see on a old Triumph rear tyre for me and the white walls really set off the bike nicely.

I was looking at black or polished engine covers but decided on polished.

I polished up the smaller pieces of alloy but had the larger engine covers professionally polished by Joe at Nerang

Chrome.

I couldn’t be happier with the bike build and quality of workmanship from Luke and Nathan from Livin Loco Garage.

Livin Loco Garage, Unit 6/19 Bailey Crescent, Southport Qld 4215; 0415-622-365.

67 Ozbike

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Black & Antique Copper

Nightster Springer

There’s very little that Steve hasn’t touched to create this highlymodified Nightster Springer.

Photos by Tina Words by Steve

T

HIS IS MY first Harley-Davidson; had it for about two years. Before that I’d always had dirt bikes. I started with a 2008 Nightster that was stock standard.

The front-end is Mid-USA with antique copper springs purchased from Ultima in Thornleigh, Sydney. As the Springer front-ends are made for pre-rubber-mount frames, they have problems with the stoppers on my model. You have to cut off the steering lock, replace it with weld and paint it; it was a real hassle.

It has the original disc brake—I did have a DNA but I had troubles with it, so I purchased a separate mount from BPW allowing me to use the stock standard H-D caliper with the springer front-end.

The risers are four-inch, chrome; the bars are 26 inch flat, straight, broomstick handlebars. I’m not going to put a front guard on it.

I raised the sporty tank for

clearance with the Springer front-end; the rake—which I went two-inchunder—pulled the handlebars, risers and everything else further back. To get the clearance I’ve cut the tank to make it shorter and used a three-inch tank lift kit.

I put a coil relocation kit on it.

The standard coil was up the front near the key for the goose-neck. The ignition was also moved to down near the oil tank on the left-hand side.

It’s got a La Rosa seat and seatpan conversion for a Sportster. The 2007 to 2009 models have the ECU sitting in the back guard underneath the passenger seat. However, we’ve taken about two inches off the back guard to shorten it up and welded up the big hole where the ECU used to be. My friend, Kevin, from Grange Smash Repairs, helped me with all this.

I made the side-mount number plate at home with a welder and grinder and then got it sand-blasted and powdercoated.

The sissy bar is from the States.

We painted it Jet Black and the copper that’s going through is called an Autumn Mystery Copper Pearl.

The Screamin’ Eagle heavy Ozbike 72

breather and the push-rod tubes are also painted in the Autumn Mystery Copper Pearl.

It’s got a 1250 Hammer Performance kit from America. The compression ratio is 10.8:1 with ported heads, 560 cams, Hammer Performance push-rods, titanium collets and retainers, Beehive valve springs, ported manifold, heavy breather, Dynojet Power Vision for the computer, an Energy One extra plate clutch kit with a 15 percent stronger diaphragm spring, and Progressive 11.5 back shocks.

To get the heads done, I would have had to send back to America and it would have been about a threemonth turn around, so we got Westend Performance in Campbelltown to shave 40 thousand off them. The rest of the head work, my friend, Andrew Davies, has done.

I took the baffles out of the Vance

I took the baffles out of the Vance & Hines Short Shots exhaust pipes because, with my engine components, they get the highest horsepower up top without them

& Hines Short Shots exhaust pipes because, with my engine components, they get the highest horsepower up top without them.

I’m a concreter, married, have a 14-month-old and just bought my second property. I wouldn’t mind starting something else—I would like to get my hands on a Night Rod— now that I’ve finished this one. If you are interested in this one-off custom Nightster, call me: 0430-330-346.

I’d like to thank Andrew Davies for all the help with the engine work and Kevin Gilbert at Grange Smash Repairs in Campbelltown for all the extra modifications to the tins and the paintwork.

Ozbike 74

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LTR283_08

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LTR283_08_CCLeatherRider.indd 1

28/11/11 9:50 AM

Blacked-Out Breakout Pics by Jo Words by Chuck U Farley

Some subtle mods have turned this stock 2014 H-D Breakout into a one of a kind, balls out, street fighter…

W

HEN H-D’s Breakout model hit the roads in 2013, the motorcycling world was delivered a swift upper-cut by the American legend with a bike that just screamed, “Look at me and get outta my way!” With bold ‘in your face’ styling and minimalist body-work, an instant classic was born with this low slung muscle bike.

This is Jason’s second H-D; the first an ’08 Softail Standard that got the full custom build treatment. He purchased the 2014 Breakout as he reckoned the 103 cube motor and 240 arse-end were a good foundation for another custom job.

Not long after the bike rolled out of the showroom, she was ceremoniously stripped down and the make-over began. A total of 138 individual chromed parts were removed, hand-sanded and then powder-coated to give the bike a more blacked out/stealth theme.

Shane Cooper custom-made the handlebar risers and fabricated the rear light and number plate assembly to take the LED tail light/blinker set up. One of the tidiest set-ups I’ve seen and one that I bet H-D wished they had thought of first.

The front forks have over-tubes fitted between the head set clamps to keep the black theme flowing wherever possible; and yes, that is a V-Rod headlight adorning the frontend. Jason wanted something different as the Bates style lamps have been done to death.

LED front blinkers top off the pointy end of the bike with Roland Sands design levers and grips going hand-in-hand with the matching Black Ops foot pegs, gear lever and brake pedal.

A H-D LED speedo makes sure Jason doesn’t attract any unwanted pictures in the mail from the fun police.

The bike’s low stance when parked is courtesy of a Platinum Air Suspension set-up which was also fitted by Shane. It’s the first air suspension of its kind to be used on a 2014 model H-D so it took a bit of fiddling to get it into place and operational.

Ozbike 77

Blacked-O The power-plant gains some extra horses via some 253 cams, PM air cleaner and a set of Vance & Hines Big Radius pipes—blacked out of course.

Not long after the bike rolled out of the showroom, she was ceremoniously stripped down and the make-over began So what has Jason got in store for the bike’s future?

“I would like to take her to some shows and see if I can pick up some trophies along the way, but generally, just ride as much as I can. Thinking I may sell the bike soon and start a fresh project so if anyone is interested them can email me at catmaule@yahoo.com. au Only serious buyers as the bike cost a lot to put together.”

Ozbike 78

Jason would like to thank Shane Cooper from Speed Demon Cycles on the Gold Coast for his vision and expertise to make the black bike come together and still look cool; and to all the Gasoline Alley H-D crew who helped out and were a pleasure to deal with as always.

Out Breakout

what’s coming

u p

TO ALL YOU FORTHCOMING EVENT ORGANISERS, SHOW PLANNERS, MOVERS AND SHAKERS:

This is a free service – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you can e-mail us at skol@ozbike.com.au So if you’ve got an event to promote, contact us to get them in the mag. Remember, if it ain’t in Ozbike it ain’t worth goin’ to.

Biker Events in January 2015 Wolverines Poker Run (NSW); 18 January.

Leaving Bikes & Bits, 244 Goonoo Goonoo Road, Tamworth, at 10 am.

Proceeds to local children's charities.

For more information phone Bikes & Bits: 02-67621557. North West NSW Harley Owners Group.

Ride for Cash (NSW); 24 January.

Veterans MC Sydney: cnr Old Illawarra & Menai Roads.

0424-156-271.

Photos from Sofala Bike Show 'n' Shine

by Tracey Brodin

Bairnsdale Toy Run (Vic); 14 December.

Assemble at Bunnings carpark at 10—10.30 am; leave at 11 am sharp.

Arrive at Bruthen 11.25 am to pick up more riders; depart at 11.40 am.

Arrive at Nowa Nowa at 12.05 pm to pick up more riders; depart 12.20 pm. Arrive in Lakes Entrance at Apex Park 12.45 pm to pick up more riders; depart at 1 pm. Arrive in Bairnsdale at 1.30 pm. Ride through town & return to Bunnings carpark to all arrive at 1.45 pm to present the gifts to the Salvation Army.

Pickled Galah New Year's Eve Rally (Qld); 30 December—1 January.

Maidenwell Hotel. Live music, show & shine, P Party (30th), pub Olympics including the infamous ‘bike jousting’, wet T-shirt comp. Great camping inc hot showers, fully catered & country pub prices. $25 inc badge. Brought to you by the club who ride hard & party hard: Sunstate Riders: 0418-982-192. www.pickledgalah.com.au

Gasoline Alley Australia Day Celebrations (Qld); 24 January.

8 am—4 pm. Live entertainment, Aussie BBQ, beer garden, trade displays, kids entertainment.

3445 Pacific Hwy, Springwood; 07-3442-2300.

Biker Events in February 2015 Bathurst Street & Custom Motorcycle Show (NSW);7 February.

9 am—3 pm in Russell Street Road Closure. Last year 280 motorcycles

& riders of all descriptions attended to make this show very appealing for the thousands of locals who attended.

General admission is free. Riders entering the formal competition can pay $10 on the day or enter the rally awards for free. A focus this year will be the growing momentum for a second racetrack in Bathurst. Greg Hirst: 02-9635-0761.

Thunder West (NSW); 7 February.

Gates open 10 am at the Chapter Property at Pearlbrook near Murrurundi (follow the signs along Timor Road to Scotts Creek Road). $20 per person; under 18-year-olds admitted free. Plenty of stalls, food & a well stocked bar. Try your luck at the Motorcycle & Trike Show & shine or the tattoo competition with categories for both male & female.

Live music & wet T-shirt competition (1st prize $500). Plenty of camping sites available from Thursday. No BYO alcohol (the Chapter reserves the right to inspect vehicles) or dogs.

A booze bus service operates from Murrurundi for the cost of a gold coin donation to charity. Veterans MC (NSW): 0407-945-991; from 5 February: 02-6546-6107.

North West Motorcycle Show (Tas); 7—8 February.

Ulverstone Rowing Club. Celebrating

Anti-Domestic Violence/ Luke Batty Memorial Ride (Vic); 14 March.

Gather at Frankston Pier Car Park from 9 am. Ride leaves at 10.10 am for Rosebud Church of Christ, corner Inglewood & Jetty Roads.

Special guest speakers, meet Rosie Batty; live music & information services available. Sausage BBQ, tea & coffee, raffle, custom cars on display. Call James: 0407-054966; email: jbt1200@pac.com.au.

Supported by Pilgrim CMC, Harley Owners Group, Ulysses Club Inc.

100 years of motorcycling. Food, entertainment & more than 100 motorcycles on display from 1915— 2015. Adults $10; under 16 free.

More info: 0418-142-158 or email: rodpeebles@hotmail.com Junee Poker Run & Blues Night (NSW); 7 February.

Ride leaves 10.30 am from Junee Golf Club. $25 includes bands & BBQ lunch. $10 buffet meal avail on the night.

Prizes, raffles & giveaways. Lucky door prize $500. All bikes welcome; bus avail for non-riders. Bands: Shaun, Cleveland Blues & The Convicts. Proceeds to Can Assist. Ron: 0428-246-048.

Annual Sunrise Run (Qld); 8 February.

Registration from 4.30 am from three start points: BP Blacksoil (0410-067-647); Robina Railway Station (0402-453-495); 7/11 Bribie Island Road (0488-430-838).

Ride starts 5 am sharp.

Workmate Poker Rally (NSW); 14 February.

Gates open 8 am at Armidale Showground. Campsites available.

BBQ breakfast, live bands. No BYO, no patches. Raising money to help local families suffering illness.

Justeen Byrne: 02-6771-2433; email: byrnejusteen@gmail.com The Bike & Car Show (Vic); 14 February.

12 pm—6 pm; registration from 11 am. Burnout comp, wet t-shirt comp, Miss Bike Show, topless barmaids. Iron Horsemen MC: 0422-246-671.

Ponde (SA); 21 February.

Sand drags, BMX, burnouts. Strong Man Competition. Live bands. Food & drink stalls. Free overnight camping.

1st round of the FMX Championship.

Australian Sand Drag Association: www.ponde.com Kyabram Bike, Hot Rod, Tattoo & Big Rig Show (Vic); 28 February. 12 noon till late.

National HOG Rally (NSW); 27 February—1 March.

Transforming the Australian Equine & Livestock Evenys Centre in Tamworth into an Iron Horse Muster.

Biker Events in March 2015

The Big Ride 4 Parkinson’s (NSW); 14—15 March.

Meet 8 am at Sydney Olympic Park & head off in groups stopping along the way at Lithgow for morning tea, then on to Orange for lunch & arriving at our destination, The Dish at Parkes, for a photo opportunity.

Stay in Parkes overnight with food, music & entertainment provided at The Parkes Showground. The riders then head off to Sydney on Sunday morning via Forbes, Orange & Lithgow.

Parkinson's NSW: 0402-285-080; email: andrew@pymblewizard.com.au; website: www.thebigride.com.au Zorro’s Show & Shine (Vic); 29 March.

Live music & other entertainment; a licensed bar, coffee vendor, an ice cream man, as well the cafe being open for the duration of the event. There will be trade vendors on site as well as our new enlarged showroom & more staff to facilitate a quicker entry to site.

Show bike entry from 11 am; general entry from 12 noon. Prize giving 5.30 pm; show closes 6 pm. Zorro's, Factory 10, No 95 White Street, Mordialloc, Vic 3195; 0433-106-669; facebook.com/ events/241667262710072/

You're Bloody Joking

Winner No Sex

A recent article in a West Australian newspaper reported that a woman, Mrs. Maynard, has sued a Perth Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: “Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”

CHEFFIE

A Sign

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road. One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says, THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, “Leave people alone, you religious nutters.

We don’t need your lectures.”

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.

Shaking his head, Father Patrick says, “Dat’s da terd one dis mornin’.”

“Yaa,” Sean agrees, then adds, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say BRIDGE CLOSED? CHEFFIE

Old Age

Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons and discuss world problems.

One day Russ didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Russ hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Russ lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Russ! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, “For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?”

Russ replied, “I have been in jail.”

“Jail!” cried Sam. What in the world for?”

“Well, you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?”

Oz Biker 82

“Yeah,” said Sam, ‘I remember her. What about her?”

“Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty. The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.”

GAVIN JOHNS

Some Old Some New

Son: “Dad, we’re learning about prisms at school. They’re fascinating.”

Dad: “That’s good son, because as a dyslexic black boy, you’re bound to end up in one.”

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor phones and says, “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”

Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey.

But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks, “I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?”

The doctor replies, “Yes, but you will have to be a little patient.”

Had my first gig as a stand up comedian at an old people’s home last night. They didn’t get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.

What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris? The wife.

A girl in bed with her boyfriend says, “How dare you call me a slapper! Get out of my bed right now and take your fucking mates with you!”

Teacher says to little Tommy, “Why weren’t you at school yesterday?’“ Tommy says, “My grandfather got burnt.”

Teacher says, “Badly?”

Little Tommy says, “Yes, they don’t fuck about at the crematorium.”

A friend of mine says he is making love to twins.

I said, “How can you tell the difference?”

He said, “Her brother has got a moustache.”

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted, “He’s behind you!”

Hubby has “I love you” tattooed on his penis, and goes home to show his wife, but she says, “There you go again, trying to put words in my mouth.”

ALISON GROMET

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