For Mandy & Giles

FOR MANDY & GILES

Where would one be Without one’s hat Propped on one’s head To avoid all the splats On the bonce, down the neck On the brow and the nose But it is recommended One also wears clothes

The sou'wester is fine For a nut in a storm The barnet stays dry The lug-holes stay warm Fur-lined wellies, thick jumper Some gloves and a mac The complete attire For combating the cack

So out you go then Suitably adorned With your mutt close to heel Hey folks you've been warned Clear the path, warn the kids Hold your tongue, watch the goats There's a stalker about Toting titfer by Totes

ON RETURNING HER HAT

ON CASHING HIS CHEQUE On tendering your tenner At a bank that I frequent The tender-eyed young teller Asked me how it would be spent I said "quite wisely really It will go towards the rent She thought that fairly prudent And nodded her consent

Politely I excused myself (For a fart I couldn't prevent!) Picked up my slip and left the bank Quite cheerful and content Richer by a tenner If not wiser by a cent They say it pays to think though And I'd now see what they meant

There it was - a PARKING FINE That warden he's no gent Littering my windscreen With his little document And so I have to tell you Though never my intent That dosh was just the ticket But as it came, it went!!