SOCIAL ISSUE Bullying Teacher Bullying Is your child being bullied by their teacher?
Anti-Bullying Campaign How can you get involved?
Letters to Bullys Read real letters from victims to their bullies.
ISSUE 1 | Oct. 24, 2013
Bullying Book Reviews Read about the newest books out there on this topic.
AntiBullying
Everyone has a bully story to tell. Whether they were the one bullied, doing the bullying, or a bystander, everyone has a story. Most of us alternate between at least two, if not all of these in our lives. I am going to describe how I was a couple of these throughout my life. My first memory of bullying was in elementary school. This was a horrible time for me. It’s not exact situations I remember here, as I have probably blocked most of them from my head, but I remember bits and pieces. I remember being very young in elementary, not sure the exact age, and I didn’t fit in anywhere. Even from that young of an age, I had no interest in being in a “click” or whatever they are called. I am an individual that doesn’t feel comfortable acting like a group of people and looking up to one or two main leaders, which is exactly what a click tends to look like. I remember being on the playground and either hanging out with the teacher the whole time or playing by myself. When I was in elementary school, I finally made some friends with some boys because I loved Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles, so I played with them and my turtles on the playground. You can imagine how “popular” this made me. As far as my appearance goes, I never cared for fashion. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. The girls picked on me for this. I also got made fun of everyday for my lips. I don’t remember any of the names I was called, I just know I went home crying everyday begging my mom to get me surgery to make my lips smaller. Funny, now those same girls
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when I was sitting with some more “popular” kids, and it happened to others around me. This was a time where I played a bystander role more often than later in life. I didn’t stick up for those people, even when they were my friends. I remember people fighting over boys, but that got worse in high school also. High school is where I decided for myself I’d had enough of this bullying. I remember my freshman year, I had a “friend” who spread rumors
Everyone has a bully story to tell
that made fun of me for that probably pay to have their lips look like mine. Then came middle school. Middle school was brutal as well. It was a lot of the same stuff. I remember having the same kinds of problems as far as not fitting in with any one crowd so I kind of stuck to myself and a few others. I sat with a small group of people for lunch. I remember the whole game at the lunch table where if somebody didn’t like you, you weren’t welcome to sit. It happened to me
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about me because I started dating a “popular” football player and she liked him. I will never forget hearing the rumor. The funny thing is the rumor was true of her so she was projecting. I thought when I heard this rumor that I would never be able to repair my reputation. I came to realize later, people move on after awhile to the next juiciest rumor. I began to understand how to deal with the situation. The angrier I got, the more people would want to talk about it. I just ignored the
situation and it went away. I ended up being an individual in high school who didn’t have to be a part of any “click”. I was well liked, but I didn’t really give too much value on that. I hung out with everyone. I stood up for people being bullied, and since I was a football player’s girlfriend, I usually got people to stop bullying whoever they were bullying. I did my own thing and dressed how I wanted to dress and said what I wanted to say. I had a positive high school experience for that reason. That’s my story but I know everybody’s not as lucky as me. Had I given any credit to what any of those people thought of me, especially when I had the nasty rumor spread about me, I realize I could have taken many turns that would put me in a very negative place then and even now. I can see why people feel so hopeless that they commit suicide. Bullying is a serious problem and I believe that the situation can be helped by educating the schools, parents, and students about bullying and let them know what they can do about it. Also, sharing our stories with each other helps.
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Teacher Bullying One very specific account I had growing up dealt with teacher bullying. Teacher bullying is something that happens more frequently than people think and it also happens in many different ways. My experience happened when I was in the 5th grade. I went to a small private school and I absolutely loved it until 5th grade. My experience began at the first part of the school year. Being 5th graders, we were the oldest group of “elementary” students in my Pre K-8 school. Because we were the oldest, we gained
special opportunities we didn’t have before. One of these privileges was being able to bring our own bottle of water to have with us during class. Looking back now, it seems very silly but just having that privilege made everything feel special. So naturally, everyone in my class had their very own bottle of water that they kept with them simply because they could. As a human being, it’s only natural that if we have water in front of us, we’ll drink it. And also being human, once we drink the water some
biology happens and before we know it we’ve got a full bladder. It’s also pretty well known that children generally take a while to master the act of holding their bladder, so as a result my class would take more trips to the bathroom than usual. I would drink my water in class just as everyone else and I would go to the group bathroom trips just as everyone else. But with me, it was a little different. Although I would use the bathroom at our allotted times, I still found myself needing to go between the trips we were taking. A strange trait that I acquired from my grandmother is that I have an abnormally small bladder. Nothing too crazy, just that I generally have to use the restroom about three times the amount the next person does. Because I was in the 5th grade and doing the same thing as everyone else, I had not yet mastered being able to hold my bladder until our next restroom trip. So once I felt the urgency, I would raise my hand and ask my teacher if
Taylor was a victim of Teacher Bullying
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I could go to the restroom. At first she would allow me to go, but once we got a little farther into the school year things really changed. I would raise my hand and she would basically humiliate me in front of the class. She would say things such as “Taylor, maybe you’d be doing better in this class if you weren’t always trying to skip out and go to the bathroom.” Just a side noteI wasn’t doing completely awful in my classes, but I was certainly struggling. We later found out that I have ADHD and that led to the struggles. The tormenting from my teacher continued until one day I told my dad what was going on. He was obviously infuriated and immediately called my teacher to explain my problems with my bladder. She in turn explained to him that she would not “allot” me any extra trips to the restroom without a note from my doctor. Although my dad was still angry, he did not want me going through school not being able to use the restroom, he went to my doctor and got a note. Problem solved, right? I wish.
Responses to Teacher Bullying: Taylor’s Father:
Work by Maria
Because my teacher now had to let me go to the restroom because of my doctor’s note, she found other ways to torment me. As a mentioned before, I was starting to struggle in my classes. I would do all of my work and participate in my classes, but once test time came around that’s really where I would sink. Noticing my struggles, my teacher began to pick on me in front of the whole class. She would read our grades aloud so that the whole class could hear. She did things to make me feel worse about myself rather than hep me get better. By the time interim reports came out, my grades reflected that I was going a lot worse than I should have been. I mentioned that tests were difficult for me, but tests don’t make up an entire grade. My dad scheduled a conference with my teacher where she explained to him that I was simply not turning anything in at all. My dad was extremely confused because he clearly saw that I was doing homework every night. Long story short, there were
many more meetings with my father, my teacher and my principle. What came as the end result was that my teacher “found” all the assignments I had actually turned in that she had “misplaced.” I can’t exactly say how it was only MY assignments that she had mysteriously misplaced. Once everything was said and done, I was able to transfer into a different class with a different teacher. I’m not sure why my teacher wanted to bully me. That’s something still to this day I cannot figure out. But she did, and as a result 5th grade was one of the worst times of my life. One thing I learned from this experience is that you need to stand up to your bully. Without standing up and letting my dad know everything that was happening, I probably would have failed the 5th grade. Standing up to your bully can be very intimidating at the time, but the reward is much greater. •
When Taylor first came to me and told me what was happening at school it was pretty hard to believe. It’s hard to think of a trusted educator as someone who would treat a child like that. Seeing the hurt within my daughters eyes, I knew it was true. As a parent, you will do anything to protect your child and make sure they never have to feel that type of hurt. I remained calm the first go-around and did exactly what the teacher asked of me. I gave her the doctor’s note and hoped we could go on with the school year. When the teacher found other ways to bully Taylor I became very angry. Especially when learning that the way she was bullying her were through her grades. I again remained calm but went straight to the principle. Eventually the problem was solved but it was not an easy road getting there. My recommendation to any parent going through this situation is to always remain calm and keep a brave face. Your child had already gone though so much, and you need to let them know that you are there for them. Taylor’s Best Friend: Seeing your teacher treat one of your friends so terribly is a very weird thing. You want to be there for your friend, but you also don’t want your teacher to begin lashing out at you. That experience was a really hard thing to watch. Taylor was not her usual happy self and everyday it became worse and worse. When everything was over, although I was sad that Taylor wasn’t in my class anymore, I was glad that she could finally be relieved. It’s hard to say what I would recommend someone do in this situation. As a 5th grader it’s very hard to find your voice. The best thing you is let your friend know that you’re there for them and try to make their day better. You can’t fight their battle for them and it’s not your place to intervene. Just letting your friend know that you’re supporting them will make all the difference.
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BooK Respect By Lucia Raatma (Capstone Press, 2000)
This book defines the meaning of respect and describes how one can show respect. Examples of how to show respect are provided throughout the book. Raatma defines respect as believing in the worth of others, treating others as you want to be treated and considering others needs and feelings. Respect for yourself, family, and friends are topics that are discussed. Showing respect in other situations is addressed such as through sports and at school. In the section Respect through Sports, children are informed of the importance of respecting game rules and other players. Children are encouraged not to complain when their team is losing and to try the best they can. This section can lead to a discussion about sportsmanship. The section titled Respect and You discuss how respect is appreciating the people and things in your life. Showing
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Friendliness By Lucia Raatma (Capstone Press, 2000)
others respect is an important part of making friends. A discussion of how the act of bullying is not showing respect could occur after reading this page. Terms such as worth, complain, polite, and appreciate are defined at the bottom of some pages. Non-fiction text features such as table of contents, words to know, and an index are included. Photos of children in various situations are used as illustrations. By using actual photos this allows students to make connections to their lives and to use their schema to make these connections. An activity is provided where students can find pictures in magazines of people showing respect. An activity suggestion for a classroom teacher would be to take pictures of students in the classroom and outside of the classroom (cafeteria, recess, and hallway) showing respect to others. The pictures could be published into a
classroom book or displayed in the classroom where discussions about respect throughout the school year could occur. The target audience for this book are grades K-3. Raatma writes this book in using simple child-friendly language and examples applicable to their lives. •
This book defines friendliness and describes how people can be friendly. Examples of how a person can be friendly are provided throughout the book. Raatma describes situations in which a person can exhibit friendliness such as friendliness with yourself, your friends, and in the community. In the section Friendly with Yourself, the reader is encouraged to be nice to themselves and to focus on their good qualities because they are a special person. This is one way self esteem is addressed. Places where a person can show be friendliness at home and at school is discussed. Terms such as qualities, comfortable, and focus are defined. At the bottom of some pages the term is featured along with the definition. Examples of how a person can show friendliness is explained throughout the book. Photos of children in the various situations are
ReviewS Tolerance By Lucia Raatma (Capstone Press, 2000)
used as the illustrations. By using actual photos this allows students to make connections to their lives and to use their schema to make these connections. Non-fiction text features such as table of contents, words to know, and an index are included. An activity is provided where classmates can remember and celebrate their classmate’s birthday to show friendliness. A recommendation of books regarding friends and friendship is provided. The target audience for this book are grades K-3. Raatma writes this book using simple and child-friendly language and examples. This book can lead discussions about how children to can show friendliness to others and places where showing friendliness is appropriate. •
This book defines tolerance and describes ways one can show tolerance. Actual examples of how a person can be tolerant are provided. Ratmaa describes various situations in which a person can exhibit tolerance such as tolerance with yourself, family, and friends. Tolerance in sports, at school, and in the community is discussed. Ratmaa defines tolerance as accepting differences between people. This is an important concept to address with students especially when discussing the topic of bullying. Non-acceptance of others differences is what usually leads to bullying. In the section on Tolerance with Yourself, Ratmaa uses the example of making mistakes. She discusses how tolerant people accept that others make mistakes. Ratmaa uses situations such as liking different things, not doing well at a game, and listening to
other’s ideas. She emphasizes what tolerant people would do in these situations. Photos of children in these situations are used as the illustrations. By using actual photos this allows students to make connections to their lives and to use their schema to make these connections. On some of the pages a key term with the definition is provided. Terms featured are accept, appreciate, and violence. Mahatma Gandhi is featured as an example of a person who exhibits tolerance. Non-fiction text features such as table of contents, words to know, and an index is included. An activity is provided which allows students to learn more information about their friends. The purpose of the activity in which students make a puzzle is to show them tolerance is understanding and accepting people’s likes and dislikes. The target audience for this
book is grades K-3. The explanations and examples of tolerance are provided using simple language which is appropriate for young children. This book can lead to an engaging discussion about showing tolerance in different situations. •
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Dear Bully Work by Maria
Why Dear Bully By Clarissa Why do you tease me, and kick me when I’m down? I have done nothing, so please don’t make frown. Why do you hurt me? Is my hair, face, or body funny you see? Why do you make fun of me for being different than you? I know you do not want me to be like you too. Do you know what you are doing to me? Leaving scars on my heart that go so deep. If only I or someone else had the courage to stand up for what is right. And not be paralyzed by being so fright. There is pain in my heart from what you have done to me, But there must be pain in yours from what others cannot see. Please dear bully leave me be. I forgive you, even though you broke me. I did not stay broken. Nor did I stay unspoken. Instead, I became inspired To share my love to those who need to be empowered.
Work by Maria
Dear Bully Friend, Hey my name is Chris and we used to be friends in middle school, you probably don’t remember me or care to remember me. Walking in on the first day of a new school was not easy, I was just trying to fit in and make some friends. When I met you, you had everything going on; you had the cool cloths, the girls, and some friends. I wanted to be like you because you had the power, a lot of kids were afraid of you. We hung out for awhile until I finally had enough of you degrading other people. All the kids you made fun of, embarrassed, and harassed. You were cruel and heartless; you would say anything or do anything to other kids just for your own pleasure. You didn’t care about anyone, about how you made them feel, never once thought of how hard there lives could already be. I was so worried about fitting in and I never once wanted to interfere. To this day I still look back at this and feel bad about the kids you bullied, but also look back and see I was right there with you. I am just as much to blame as you where. I am the one who was around for it and I was the one who never stood up and said anything, no one did. I look at myself now and think of all the kids I could have prevented from being bullied if only I would have said something. Or at least make that kid feel better if I stood up for them. It took me a year to realize that we should no longer be friends, and that’s why we never hung out again. I am writing this letter today to let you know that kids everywhere are bullied, and are hurting inside and out. Hopefully by this time in your life you have realized that we can both be better people by encouragement, being positive, and not tearing people down by cruel negative actions. All in all hope everything is good, take care! Sincerely, Chris
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