HILLARY FRONING
O N E M O M ' S S T O R I E S , S C R I P T U R E S , A N D P R AY E R S — T O C O M F O R T YO U A N D R E M I N D YO U T H AT YO U ' R E N OT A LO N E
Copyright © 2020 Hillary Froning Published by Paige Tate & Co. Paige Tate & Co. is an imprint of Blue Star Press PO Box 8835, Bend, OR 97708 contact@paigetate.com www.paigetate.com Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version©, NIV©. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The "NIV" and "New International Version" are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Incª. CrossFit is a registered trademark of CrossFit, Inc. in the United States of America and/or other countries. Paige Tate & Co. is not affiliated, endorsed, or sponsored by CrossFit. Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended to be or imply an endorsement by Paige Tate & Co. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrievalsystem, without permission in writing from the publisher. Designed by Megan Kesting ISBN: 9781950968091 Printed in China 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
T O R I C H , L A K E LY N , T R I C E , A N D V I O L E T. . . M Y L I F E ' S G R E AT E S T B L E S S I N G S .
Table Of Contents I N T R O D U C T I O N . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1
A LWAY S WA N T E D TO B E A M O M . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 M O V I N G F O R WA R D W I T H A D O P T I O N . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 T E L L I N G F R I E N D S A N D FA M I LY. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 4 N O R O A D M A P F O R A D O P T I O N . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 9 S TAY I N G O P E N TO A D O P T I N G A N Y C H I L D . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 3 L E A N I N G O N O U R S U P P O RT SYST E M . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 8 FINDING OUR FIRST BIRTH MOM.....................................33 MEETING OUR FIRST BIRTH MOM....................................38 R U S H I N G O U R H O M E S T U DY. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 3 " D O N ' T G E T TO O E X C I T E D " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 9 T H E H O S P I TA L S TAY. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 4 P R E PA R I N G F O R O U R F I R S T C H I L D . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 8 THE THREE IN-BETWEEN.................................................63 I F G O D H A S A P L A N , W H AT I S I T ? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 9 G E T T I N G M ATC H E D W I T H O U R S O N . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 3
MEETING OUR SON...........................................................79 T E A R S O F G R AT I T U D E . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 5 P R AY I N G F O R T H E OT H E R FA M I L I E S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 1 O U R YO U N G E S T D A U G H T E R . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 6 T H E R E W I L L B E H A R D D AY S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 0 2 L O V I N G O U R C H I L D R E N A S O U R O W N . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 0 7 N OT G E T T I N G TO D O T H E " T Y P I C A L " M O M T H I N G S . . . . . .1 1 2 L I F E A S A N E W M O M . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 1 8 T E L L I N G O U R K I D S T H E Y ' R E A D O P T E D . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 2 4 " T H E Y L O O K N OT H I N G L I K E YO U ! " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 2 9 D E A L I N G W I T H D I F F I C U LT C O M M E N T S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 3 4 A N S W E R I N G O U R C H I L D R E N ' S Q U E S T I O N S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 3 9 C E L E B R AT I N G E V E R Y L I T T L E T H I N G . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 4 4 T H E R E I S N O P L A N B . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 4 8 A D O P T I O N H A S M A D E M E A B E T T E R M O M . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 5 2
DEAR READER, Thank you for picking up this book. I pray that it gives you hope and faith as you walk along your journey to parenthood and adoption. I am the mom of three sweet miracle babies, but it was a long road for me to get to this place. For years, infertility left me scared, bruised, and worried that I would never become a mother. Then I started down the path to adoption and spent years feeling the highs and lows that come with waiting and praying for a baby. While my husband, Rich, and I adopted our daughters Lakelyn and Violet quickly through private adoptions, we experienced the pain and the heartbreak of three failed adoptions before we were matched with our sweet baby boy, Trice. The entire process tested my patience and my faith, but through it all, God opened His arms, held my hand, and guided my husband and I toward the beautiful children we have today. Adoption is a personal journey and choice for each family. While I don't know where you are in your adoption process, I do want you to know that if God has placed parenthood and adoption on your heart, it's for a reason. That reason alone is worth the fight...no matter the hurdles and struggles along the way.
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My husband and I decided to publicly share our story in hopes that it can provide comfort to you as you go through the process yourself. We want to remind you that you're not alone. In this book, I share my family's adoption stories, as well as scriptures, prayers, and reflections to guide you along. I hope you find the journaling pages in this book to be a safe space where you can reflect, cry, smile, laugh, and vent about your time waiting for your miracle baby. Processing my feelings and leaning into my faith were how I got through each of my adoptions, and I want the stories, scripture passages, and prayers here to provide you with the comfort you need in the weeks and months ahead. Tears come to my eyes as I think about what you may be experiencing right now. I pray that this book inspires you, and that it serves as a reminder to you that He is faithful and has the perfect plan for you. I pray that whenever you feel alone or need a dose of inspiration, that you'll pick up this book and feel my love for you. You have a Prayer Warrior, my sweet friend.
Always Wanted to Be a Mom W E LOV E B E C AU S E H E F I R ST LOV E D U S . 1 JOHN 4:19
I always knew that I wanted to be a mom more than anything because I've always loved kids. My husband, Rich, comes from a huge family (he has 35 first cousins!), so we decided early on that we wanted to have a big family of our own one day. When we first started dating, I told him that adoption was heavy on my heart and that I'd always felt called to it. While he was open to the idea, we both agreed that we wanted to have biological children of our own first, and then adopt afterward. Soon after we got married, Rich and I started trying to have kids. We weren't super careful because we liked the idea of our first child being a surprise, but as my friends started to get pregnant and I wasn't having any luck, we started seeking fertility help. Every doctor we saw was very positive and hopeful about our chances of conceiving. Rich and I are both very healthy, and our doctors actually warned us that 4
my "perfect" blood work meant that there was a big possibility that we would have twins or triplets. We remained hopeful, but as time passed, things just kept getting harder. We tried different fertility treatments for four years with no luck, not even the heartbreak of a miscarriage. I was on every fertility pill you could possibly be on. I had every shot you could try. On top of that, I had endometriosis surgery and multiple IUI treatments. Nothing seemed to be working. It was very hard on us as a couple, and it was really hard on me—both physically and emotionally. What was even harder was the fact that no doctor could diagnose us with a problem. To this day, we've never been diagnosed with a medical issue. Our last stop was to see a specialist in Nashville. She assessed our situation, then looked at us and said, "I'm sorry, I can't help you." I felt like the room was closing in on me, like she didn't care at all. I remember being so angry—angry that we had wasted our time, angry that she didn't care how we felt, and angry that she didn't want to even try to help us. I cried all the way home because I knew I couldn't keep trying to conceive. It was too painful for my heart and my body. Yes, I felt like I was failing my husband because my body wasn't doing "what it was supposed
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to do," but I knew that I couldn't bear to move forward with fertility treatments any longer. That night when we got home, I told Rich, "I can't do this anymore." It was a struggle for me knowing how much he wanted a large family and biological children of his own. Not being able to give him that made me somehow feel like less of a woman. But when he agreed "no more," I felt like 100 pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. That's when I started to pray more vividly and boldly than I ever had before. "Lord, I know I'm supposed to be a mom," I said. "No matter what that looks like, help me. Help me to become a mom. Help me fill my empty arms." I knew that God wanted us to be parents, but it took me a little while to see that He wasn't calling us to be parents exactly how we thought. His plan for us was much better than we could have ever imagined. God's plan is always better than what we can imagine for ourselves. We might think that we know the best way forward in our lives, but only He knows where to lead us. Whatever has led you to adoption, I hope you can see it as a blessing that is part of God's greater plan for you and your family.
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DEAR LORD, Please help me have faith in your beautiful plan for me as an adoptive parent. Hold my hand during this time of waiting and prepare me to be hopeful and patient for what's to come. Amen.
PERS ONAL REFLECTION : What word would you use to describe your journey towards adoption? Why did you pick that word, and how does it make you feel about your journey?
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Additional Resour ces : B E LOW A R E A F E W W E B S I T E S A N D B LO G S I ' V E FO U N D H E L P F U L D U R I N G M Y OW N A D O P T I O N J O U R N E Y. I H O P E T H E Y H E L P P R O V I D E YO U WITH A LITTLE EXTRA COMFORT AND UNDERS TA N D I N G O F YO U R O W N .
WEBSITE S/ORGANIZATIONS : ADOPT TOGETHER:
adopttogether.org
ADOPTION PROMISES: FEARLESS Co.:
adoptionpromises.com
fearlessco.org
L O V E M U LT I P L I E S :
lovemultiplies.org
S TA R F I S H I N F E R T I L I T Y F O U N D AT I O N :
starfishinfertilityfoundation.org FOREVER A FRONING (MY BLOG):
foreverafroning.blogspot.com KINDRED & CO.: CLEVERLEE CO.:
kindredand.co cleverleeco.com
Acknowledgments Words cannot express how blessed I feel to have so many wonderful people in my life who have supported me throughout the years and also with the creation of this book. Thank you to my husband, Rich, for holding my hand every step of the way along our journey together. Thank you for letting me follow God's whisper in my ear and always staying close by. You are such an amazing leader of our family, and you are the best dad in the world. You are my greatest blessing. I love you! Thank you to Ali: my sister, my best friend, my "on call," my safe place. Thank you for always being you and for always being there for me, no matter what. Thank you for always guiding me home with my babies when I seem to let life catch up to me. I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you, Ali and Austin, for always being my kids' home away from home. Thank you to my miracle babies: Lakelyn Ann, Richard Lyle III (Trice), and Harper Violet. This is all for you. You are the best of me. Loving you three is the easiest and most remarkable thing I will do with my life. Thank you
for teaching me the deepest, strongest love. You are my dream come true. I wish I could keep you babies forever but I can't wait to see how much you bless this world with your magic I see in you every day. I love you more than you'll ever know! Thank you to my mom. Thank you for always being you. Thank you for always being there, and always, always putting me and Ali first. Thank you for teaching me the importance of having fun with motherhood. I love you. Thank you to Janice for always stepping in without question when needed and for all you do for my babies. We couldn't do it without you. I love you! Thank you to senior for always stopping by every afternoon and watching over our house when we're gone! Plus, all the extra things you do. We love you! Thank you to Nancy, Tiff, Linda, Lori, Jess, and Sammy for being my prayer warriors, and my middle-of-thenight phone call friends. You are blessings in my life, and I love you so much. Thank you to the rest of my family and circle of friends who have supported Rich and I through every step of this journey.
