Spring 2016, Issue 2 by Paisano Plus

INDEPENDENT STUDENT MAGAZINE FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS AT SAN ANTONIO

The art of being a hot mess p. 16

PLUS

PA I S A N O

Campus Street Style

JOSEPH E. COFFEE: CEREAL BAR

quiz: where to park yourself

THE DIVERSITY DEBATE

the run-down on diets

the art of being a hot mess

MEDITATION, MAN

WHY IS IT “CUTE” TO HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS?

breaking the heartbreak

student submissions: creative writing

{ Paisano Plus } Magazine Editor: Jade Cuevas Managing Editor: Randi Gilmore Assistant Magazine Editor: Urub Khawaja Photo Editor: Fabian De Soto Web Editor: Michael Turnini Account Executive: Jenelle Duff Business Manager: Lizzette Rocha Social Media Coordinator: Madeline Harper

Letter from the Magazine Editor

ince 1981, The Paisano Independent Student Newspaper has provided the UTSA community with a quality source of news for students, a weekly issue written for students by UTSA students. In recent years, we here at The Paisano felt that to best serve all UTSA students and cater to their diverse interests we should publish a special issue — enter the Paisano Plus. Twice a semester, Paisano Plus covers feature articles on the topics you want to read about to truly satisfy your news needs. In this magazine you’ll find the scoop on food, updates on local nightlife, spotlight student organizations and standout individuals, tell you what’s hot in fashion and much much more. This issue, we look at the hot mess lifestyle: a simultaneously carefree and stressful state of being. While some people may enjoy bragging about how easy they manage grades and extracurriculars, most college students have a different state of mind. Instead of leading people to believe

how “on top of things” one is, college students praise themselves not on really having control of anything, but looking good and having fun while they figure it out. This issue also features some self-help articles covering topics dealing with depression, coping with anxiety and dealing with one of the worst human experiences: heartbreak. So go ahead UTSA, take a gander, enjoy all Paisano Plus has to offer and then let us know what you think. Give us feedback, point out what themes and articles you liked most and inform us on the type of topics and trends you want to hear more of in future issues. This is a magazine for you, so feel free to make your voice heard. But first, simply turn the page and enjoy.

Jade Cuevas Jade Cuevas magazine@paisano-online.com

Distribution Manager: Patrick Martinez {Staff} Alyssa Gonzalez ,Annette Barraza, Karina Solis, Elizabeth Davis, Hana Adeni, Ricardo Rodriguez, Kassandra Alanis {Cover Illustrations} Christopher Breakell {Advisor} Diane Abdo {Special Thanks} Editing 2433 {Advisory Board} Stefanie Arias, Jack Himelblau, Steven Kellman, Red Madden, Sandy Norman Paisano Plus is published by the Paisano Educational Trust, a non-profit, tax exempt, educational organization. The Paisano is operated by members of the Student Newspaper Association, a registered student organization. The Paisano is NOT sponsored, financed or endorsed by UTSA. All revenues are generated through advertising and donations. Advertising inquiries and donations should be directed towards:

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“I have a Bohemian influence, but I also just like comfort. I never really follow trends, when you focus on the trends too much that’s when you can fall out of style.” - Shelby Valero

“I like to find things that look kind of original, cheap but cute.” - Natalia Brookens

“I’m awkward, but I like looking cute.” - Marina Lewis

“I like bold colors and patterns.” - Madeline Cortez

“I honestly get style ideas from different decades, such as, the 80s and 90s and I just mash them up. That’s the beauty about fashion you can get a little inspiration from different styles then combine them and that’s how you come up with an original piece.” – Esther Puente

The Paisano Plus went on the hunt and asked, “What does style mean to you?”

Photos/Interviews by Annette Barraza and Karina Solis Graphics by Urub Khawaja

“It’s all the little details that bring my outfit together.” – Omar Castro

campus street style 7

“I would describe my personal style as very girly, but comfortable at the same time.” - Raven Reyna

“The weather inspired my look today. Since it’s a bit warmer I decided to go with floral shorts and brighter colors.” - Ronni Turner

“Fashion is a way to express yourself.” - Victoria Wasik

“Live life, take risks.” - Jordan Lacy

JOSEPH E. COFFEE: CEREAL BAR By Anelia Gomez-Cordova

Paisano Plus Rating: 

ere’s a new local spot to check out, especially if you’re a fan of cold brew or a good bowl of cereal. Yes, you heard that right. Joseph E. Coffee, opened in September of last year, is San Antonio’s first and only coffee and cereal bar. The business belongs to siblings Adrian and Isaac Cummings who decided to pursue the endeavor inspired by their grandfather Joseph E. who knew the important things in life were the simple ones, like a quality cup of coffee. The cost of a cereal bowl ranges from $2.50 to $4.00, depending on the size. Don’t be fooled though, despite the size, you can always try out new combinations: there can be up to two different cereals for the small bowl and up to four different bowls in the large one. If you’re undecided, try out the house creations like the Adrian (Froot Loops, all berries, strawberry milk and strawberries) or the Southtown (Cinnamon Toast Crunch, French Toast Crunch with cinnamon, almond milk, and bananas). Personal recommendation? The Peanut Butter Captain Crunch, Cocoa Puffs and salted caramel milk combo. It is to die for. The variety of the menu isn’t limited to cereal. If you’re looking for your daily dose of caffeine, Joseph E. Coffee has got you covered. There’s six different brews with prices ranging from $2.50 to $10.00 with the most expensive one yielding enough for six people. There are nine different takes on espresso from shots to Red Eyes and Cortados, costing from $2.00 to $5.00. If tea is your drink of choice, then a San Antonio Fog (chai tea with a shot of horchata and a cinnamon topping) might do the trick. If you prefer your coffee cold then the Hayden (cold brew with chocolate coconut milk) or the Marble (cold brew, caramel milk and agave) are perfect for you. Regardless of the drink or of the cereal bowl, any item on the menu is sure to be of the highest quality. The three house blends all come from

Paisano Plus rating system: HIIII (Horrible)

Photo Courtesy Joseph E. Coffee Facebook local roasters and the Cummings siblings make sure to keep them fresh. The beans are ground and the coffee brewed as it is ordered and at the end of the 90 day period, any remaining beans are donated to other local organizations. As for the cereal, the partnership Joseph E. Coffee has with HEB means fresh ingredients at the beginning of every week. Depending on how fast they run out, the occasional shopping trip occurs to keep bananas, strawberries and all fresh produce in stock. But a good menu is not the only thing Joseph E. Coffee has to offer their customers. As soon as you walk through the door of the establishment, it’s clear that the Cummings siblings are after something other than profit: a sense of community. The comfort of sitting down with a few friends or family to enjoy a game of monopoly while seeing who can eat the bigger bowl of cereal.

HHIII (Not the best)

Local artists can also find a place for themselves as the Cummings siblings welcome a new local artist every month. There is no cost to the artist and it is a great way for them to gain exposure. Local bands will get the chance to showcase their talent relatively soon as well. The siblings have more than one trick up their sleeve. The ambience includes a patio where local crafted beer is served in the evenings, a wallpaper made entirely out of cereal boxes, a cereal stocked food truck, and a cold brew sold in HEB’s within a five mile radius of the café. The local spot has big dream — and they’re on the way to achieving all of them. Joseph E. Coffee is located on 1111 S. St. Mary’s St. and they are open Tuesday through Thursday from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., Friday and Saturday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. (ish), and Sundays from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.

MILK HHHII(Eh, it’s okay)

HHHHI (Pretty Good)

HHHHH (Amazing)

START

QUIZ: WHERE TO PARK YOURSELF THIS WEEKEND Quiz by Elizabeth Davis Graphics by Randi Gilmore All photos courtesy sanantonio.gov/ParksAndRec

s e y

friedrich wilderness park

No Nature is lit. Yes or no?

80s

t a n

e r u

No T O G

Manmade Art v. Nature?

Manmade

60s

“I was born in the wrong decade.”

Own a dog (or pet)?

Denman estate park

Exercising? So my thing. kn

f**

all err d y d ay, ay!

yes

Game of Thrones v. Greyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Anatomy?

y â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

gre elot e

roosevelt park

black sabbath

I love...

d o o w t e c e fl ma

Favorite oldies?

San Antonio Botanical Garden

The diversity debate: Interviews Conducted/”The Takeaway” by Hana Adeni Graphics by Urub Khawaja

The Hispanic Majority Ideal “These statistics are appropriate to our geographic location. San Antonio, being very close to Mexico, is primarily Hispanic.” — Veronica Salvio, junior biochemistry major “You don’t really see it (The Hispanic majority), but you feel it,” — Amari Cunningham, Freshman communications major “Though it’s a bit more diverse than the other campuses I’ve been to (Texas State and UT Rio Grande), in a way (UTSA) is predominately Hispanic; a lot of people speak Spanish here.” He continues, “As I’m working, I see a mix of races, but a lot of

them look Hispanic.” — Joel Ortiz, UTSA student / JPL Chick-fil-a employee “I understand that we’re a predominately Hispanic Institution, even with veterans.” He goes on to say, “However, there is a good representation of ethnic groups on campus. We don’t discriminate against any organizations encourage a lot of students to create new organizations.” “We like to embrace differences and like to find the common ground between groups.” He adds “I think it is a pretty cohesive campus and there’s obviously more we can do with student engagement.” — Jaswanth Kintada, SGA Student Body Treasurer

Diversity! Diversity! Diversity! - The Counter Argument “Our campus is more diverse than the average (college) campus.” He said firmly. Responding to the statistic of UTSA having a 48.4 percent Hispanic population. He disagrees, “I actually don’t think it’s Hispanic dominated, when I came (to UTSA) as a freshman in 2013, I saw a lot of other races other than Hispanic!” He exclaims. “It’s a good thing that there is a lot of diversity, but we like unity.” Edward adds, “I don’t like putting all the diversity together… because there is so much diversity everyone hangs out in their own cliques of their own races.” — Edward Miranda, the President of Roadrunner Productions “I embrace diversity. I see a lot of diversity on campus. There’s a lot of different organizations that have cultural events such as the Muslim Student Association, the Filipino Student Association, and the Black Student Union. I think that encourages diversity

The Takeaway So what does all of this mean? Clearly the statistics show that UTSA has a very high Hispanic population. But according to the majority of the students, it doesn’t seem that way at all. Yes, the numbers of Hispanic students are high, but as most of them live in San Antonio they spend very little time on campus, whereas most of the international students, hence the diversity, live on campus and are more visible. College campuses have

and helps people embrace their culture. It is also a way to meet other people like you and make friends.” — Roshni Sapru, freshman business major “There are so many international students and more of a diversity of young people getting their degree in this generation which is great.” Maria had completed her BBA at a University in San Antonio approximately 15 year prior and confides, “I’ll be honest, it wasn’t as diverse then.” She continues, “I would say since San Antonio is a predominately Hispanic city, it makes sense that UTSA is more Hispanic. There is more of a stress on the importance of getting an education now…The commuters are all native to San Antonio and often they don’t hang around after their classes, or come to eat or study on campus because they go back home.” — Maria Dolores Flores, a cashier in the John Peace Library food court

definitely become a lot more diverse in the last decade according to the U.S Department of Education with the number of Hispanics and Latinos increasing from 1.8 million to 2.9 million. Statistics have shown that compared to the average college campus, UTSA is more diverse, just as students predicted. For example the University of Michigan’s demography is 4.6 percent Hispanic, 56.2 percent White Non-Hispanic, 4.1 percent Black Non-Hispanic and 11.2 percent Asian. This puts the demography of our university in a new perspective, where it can be appreciated.

A breakdown of students’ perspectives Looking at the numbers

UTSA

50%

UT Austin UT Dallas

40% 30% 20% 10% Hispanic

White Non-Hispanic

It’s hard to believe that there are 352 different organizations on campus. Out of these, 41 cater to enriching and including the cultural community at UTSA. Should that number be larger or smaller? Well, let’s take a look at the demographics: 48.4 percent of the population of undergraduates and graduate students are Hispanic, 27.6 percent are White Non-Hispanic, 8.16 percent are Black Non-Hispanic and 5.2 percent

Asian

Black Non-Hispanic

are Asian. Let’s put these numbers into perspective. At the University of Texas at Austin, 41 percent of their population is White Non-Hispanic, with 23 percent Asians, 22 percent Hispanics and only 5 percent Black Non-Hispanic. At the University of Texas at Dallas, 36 percent are White Non-Hispanic, 6.35 percent are Black Non-Hispanic, 19 percent are Asian Americans and only 12 percent are Hispanic. 13

the food facts By Karina Solis Photos: Ethan Pham

RAW Often referred to as “raw fooders” or “raw vegans,” the core of this diet is only eating unrefined, living plant-based foods. Staple items include fruits, vegetables, leafy greens, nuts and seeds — all consumed in their natural state. Cooking and steaming are preferably avoided to ensure that the food stay as fresh and typically retain as many nutrients as possible. Dehydraters are a common staple in the kitchen of “raw fooders” (a popular tool that hunters use to dehydrate meat). PROS: Toxic residues, such as pesticides, commonly used by modern big food industries are eliminated from your diet, making for gentler foods. CONS: Cooked foods are gentler on the human body’s digestive system than raw foods — something for those with weaker stomachs to keep in mind.

VEGETARIANISM This diet is the renunciation of any meat. This means no red meat, poultry, seafood, or even insects. Most people become vegetarian by cutting off these food groups cold turkey — an abrupt cessation — while others make the change gradually. When making such a huge lifestyle, change you want to do what works best for you. People are always wondering how vegetarians eat protein. There are many different types of meat substitutes to choose from for a source of protein. Some of them include tempeh (cultured soybeans with a chewy texture), tofu (freezing and then thawing gives tofu a meaty texture; the tofu will turn slightly off-white in color), wheat gluten or seitan (made from wheat and has the texture of meat; available in select grocery stores). Greek yogurt, beans and legumes are typically an integral part of a vegetarian’s diet because they’re high in protein. Some vegetarians eat fish and call themselves pescatarians and many vegetarians eat eggs. PROS: You’ll keep your weight down, help reduce pollution and the use of fossil fuels, avoid toxic chemicals and spare animals’ lives. CONS: Although a vegetarian diet can be very healthy, it’s not a guarantee. The nutrients obtained from animal products need to be replaced. Protein is always a big concern, as are other vitamins and minerals like iron and B12.

COMMENTARY: PALEO This diet can be simply defined using a situational example: “If a caveman couldn’t eat it, neither can you.” This diet mainly consists of foods like meats, fish, nuts, leafy greens, regional veggies and seeds. Anything else that has been processed is off limits. Meaning all the pasta, cereal and even salt has to go. There are several guidelines that you must follow, but the main idea is that the overall diet should be high in fat. PROS: High protein means more muscle mass you can benefit from and less sugary, processed foods. CONS: Adopting a diet from ancient times — a time when the average lifespan was in the late 20s — is less appealing when living in 2016.

VEGANISM Vegans follows the same dietary regulations that vegetarians do in addition to abstaining from the consumption and use of all animal products (milk, cheese, other dairy items, eggs, honey, wool, silk or leather). Many people see veganism more as a “cruelty-free” lifestyle rather than just a diet choice. While it may not seem like a huge difference from vegetarianism at first glance to some, the distinction is important. Veganism promotes a more humane, caring view of the environment by taking a firm stand against the industrialization of animals. A lot of common vegan foods include whole grains, stirfried vegetables, peanut butter, vegetarian baked beans and hummus. PROS: With veganism, you’re not only helping yourself be the healthiest person you can be, but the most conscientious one as well. Veganism also lowers your cholesterol level. CONS: Being vegan can cause a deficit of vitamins and minerals like iron, which can lead to anemia. You also have to carefully plan ahead before eating out.

Unforeseen Vegan Privilege Elizabeth Davis Recently, I was scrolling through my Twitter newsfeed when a certain thread of tweets caught my eye. The posts, sent out by Twitter user Hiba Khan (a friend of mine from high school), began as a criticism to veganism, stating “Vegans always tryna force their ways down everyone’s throats” – a claim I’m sure many social media users are accustomed to seeing and perhaps even agree with. This single tweet was followed by several more, addressing vegans’ perspective on ethical working conditions, vegan product accessibility and even non-vegan shaming. As you can imagine, her remarks sparked a social media frenzy, pitting nearly everyone against Hiba in a sea of animal and environmentally-friendly rage. All the while, I stood idly by, trying to formulate my own thoughts on the subject matter amidst the virtual chaos ensuing around me. As someone who holds a great deal of respect for vegan lifestyles, and who advocates against the environmental destruction resulting from carnivorous and omnivorous diets, I could not help but feel compelled to join the discussion with Hiba, especially considering my own stake in the argument as a vegetarian. Much of my perspective on veganism manifested during my junior year in high school in an environmental science class. The class signified my first exposure to Big Meatpacking here in the United States – a multi-billion dollar industry equipped with both legal and regulatory force – responsible for one of the most catastrophic present day carbon footprints. According to a U.S. Geological Survey, 1,840 gallons of water are needed to produce a single pound of beef. In 2015 alone, beef production in the United States came in around 23.69 billion pounds, although U.S. beef consumption rates fell marginally higher at around 24.807 billion pounds (as determined in a census by the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association). When compounded, we are observing beef industry consumption of over 43 trillion gallons of water in just a single year in the United States. Additionally, the livestock industry poses a severe threat to our current atmospheric conditions and observable climate change. As stated in a 2014 study by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency,

“of all domestic animal types, beef and dairy cattle were by far the largest emitters of CH4.” CH4 is otherwise known as methane, a greenhouse gas with significantly more atmospheric radiationtrapping power than CO2. In English, this means that over a 100-year span, methane (CH4) is predicted to have a greenhouse effect more than 25 times that of the impact of CO2, and the livestock sector’s methane emissions have only increased since 1990. So I entered the Twitter conversation armed with this knowledge. I was prepared to enlighten my high school friend of the ecological importance of veganism. However, the dialogue that transpired between Hiba and I (and a few insightful others) opened my eyes to the reality of veganism in America. The ability to become a vegan transcends pure desire or knowledge, because veganism inherently represents privilege: a privilege to eat how you’d like, what you’d like and when you’d like. For many Americans, veganism presents barriers insurmountable through sheer willpower or environmental awareness. Some 11.5 million Americans live in food deserts across the country. These individuals, who typically exist in low-income neighborhoods and are disproportionately of color, lack access to supermarkets and fresh produce. Even in locations outside of food deserts, veganism still symbolizes privilege considering the recent “gentrification” of healthy food items such as potatoes and collard greens. In recent, more health-conscious years, the demand for these products has skyrocketed, driving prices up and leaving low-income families with no other option than to resort to affordable commodities such as high-caloric, non-vegan nourishment. Veganism cannot be viewed as a single, cure-all sustainability mechanism when the divide between the socioeconomically well off and the poor exists more as a chasm than a marginal disparity. I do not know the course of action we should take as a nation in confronting these very prevalent and time-sensitive issues. But it seems in order to accomplish either environmental sustainability or socioeconomic equality, we must combat both.

The art of being a hot mess By Jade Cuevas

College is hard. Schoolwork, student organizations, social life, romantic relationships, career possibilities, finances, friendships, apartment life — balancing all of these aspects of college life can feel like an impossible challenge. There’s no secret recipe or exact equation to follow for college either. Somehow, everyone simply “figures it out” — a common phrase used amongst college students that translates to, “I have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s going to be fine.” There’s no need to fake being perfect. The open admittance to being disheveled and unorganized at all times should give college students some relief — right?

“i need a cigarette” — alyssa erickson 17

The normalization of not having it all together Being a hot mess — a person who embraces the perfectly imperfect lifestyle — is an art form. It takes the right amount of self-acceptance accompanied by the confidence to tackle whatever life happens to throw. Skipped one too many classes? That’s okay. Woke up 30 minutes before class and forgot to do the homework? No problem. Need to crank out an essay within a few hours? Challenge accepted. There is no set schedule — and that’s okay. The daily routine of an average college student varies, but many college students have a notoriously erratic schedule with series of naps and cups of coffee replacing full REM cycle sleep (especially during finals week) and maximum stress levels (namely about the future). According to the American College Health Association’s yearly National College Health Assessment (NCHA), 44.7 percent of students felt tired, “dragged out or sleepy” three to five days out of their past week. The NCHA also found that 42.6 percent of students felt a “more than average” amount of stress with academics, finances and intimate relationships scored in the top three spots of “traumatic or very difficult things to handle.” These aspects of average college life — groggily rolling out of bed or ineffectively managing relationships — tend to fall into the same categories typically associated with being a hot mess. Take the media for example. Perhaps one of the biggest examples of a hot mess has been rise of comedian and actress, Amy Schumer, whose movie “Trainwreck” was acclaimed by many as one of the best movies of 2015 due to Schumer’s relatable hot mess of a character. Other popular portrayals are in TV shows like “Broad City” and “Modern Family” where hot messes are beloved characters.

Scrolling through life In Hollywood, hot mess is trending, but on social media it’s another story. Newsfeeds can have conflicting views. One popular post with a joke about having too much alcohol for noon on a Tuesday will be shared while the next post may be that one friend whose life always seems filled with unattainable adventures. The pressure to appear picture-perfect at all times while showing hints of hot mess humility can be exhausting. A couple of months ago, popular Instagram model Essena O’Neill brought this subject to light. Her account featured scenic shots

of beaches along with O’Neill’s smiling face. Her 580,000 followers were floored one day to find that O’Neill deleted most of her posts and edited the leftover posts’ captions highlighting just how imperfect her seemingly flawless life was. The model exposed how companies paid her for posts that promoted products ranging from clothing to tea. In one post, O’Neill is on the beach, looking back at the water after a swim. The picture captures her enjoying a relaxed morning after her run. However, the tone the picture captures changes upon reading her edited caption. “Edit real caption: This is what I like to call a perfectly contrived candid shot. Nothing is candid about this. While yes going for a morning jog and ocean swim before school was fun, I felt the strong desire to pose with my thighs just apart #thighgap boobs pushed up #vsdoublepaddingtop and face away because obviously my body is my most likeable asset. Like this photo for my efforts to convince you that I’m really really hot #celebrityconstruct” The story went viral, prompting a brief conversation about the disparity between reality and social media. O’Neill explained throughout her other posts that, despite her high follower count and likeability online, she felt hollow and lonely. Although most college students don’t have 500,000+ followers on social media, a lot get caught up in the world of social media on a smaller scale with 1,000+ followers or the ability to gain 100 likes on one post within an hour of posting. And despite efforts, it’s hard not to compare one’s average life to a seemingly perfect one — some hot messes appear to be more glamorous than others.

What does it mean to be a

hot mess ?

Hot mess or serious blues? As college students figure out life, being a bit of a mess is almost inevitable. College is the epicenter where students are encouraged to make mistakes and figure out what they want out of life. While the process is supposed to be a great life experience, it can unfortunately can become a source for anxiety and depression. According to NCHA, 58.6 percent of students felt “overwhelming anxiety” within the past year with 17.7 percent of students seeking professional assistance and/or diagnoses for their anxiety. A little over 36 percent of students felt “so depressed that it was difficult to function” within the past year, with 14.9 percent of students seeking professional assistance and/or diagnoses for depression. Melina Acosta, president of Active Minds at UTSA — a mental health awareness and advocacy organization — attributes stress as a trigger to anxiety and depression. “For some people (depression or anxiety) might

“community dabs” — OMAR

hot mess: NOUN, U.S. informal A person or thing that is spectacularly unsuccessful or disordered, especially one that is a source of peculiar fascination. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Oxford Dictionary When ones thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; urban dictionary

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be enough to be diagnosed, but they may not realize it or seek help,” she says. “They think ‘Oh yeah, everyone feels this way; there’s nothing special about what I’m going through’ when really, it’s (what they’re going through) may be significant, but not realize it until it gets really bad.” Sometimes it’s hard for college students to decipher if their struggles are more of a hot mess situation or something deeper since the stress college students are under tends to be a situational factor (i.e. finals week). Sara Rosario, a member of Active Minds at UTSA, elaborates on this idea. “I think a lot of students have situational things come up, but what gets ignored is the fact that they think it’s just going to go away and don’t realize that it may actually stick around,” she says. “If students ignore (these situations), they’ll get swept under the rug and students won’t be able to figure out what to do.” Staying awake until 3 a.m., rolling out of bed for class, surviving solely on coffee, the impending doom of not having things together — hot mess or something more?

It may be best not to think of mental health as a light switch, but as a spectrum, Acosta points out. “You don’t necessarily have to be on either extreme before you have to act,” she says. “Even if you’re somewhere towards the middle, but not exactly where you’d like

stress of the “real world” tends to weigh heavier and heavier with each year. Questions of possible career choices, graduate school and financial support start to pile on, leading to induced stress levels and higher possibilities for anxiety or depression.

They expect test anxiety, finals week stress and countless sleepless night throughout their college career. What college students don’t expect, though, is that help is available for all these things. Meet UTSA Counseling Services — a service most UTSA students tend not to tap into due to lack of awareness or belief that counseling isn’t relevant to them. Located across from The Rec (or in the Buena Vista building at the downtown campus), UTSA Counseling Services offers students a place to connect with mental health professionals. All enrolled students have access to 12 individual sessions to c on f i d e nt i a l l y speak with a counselor. Counseling Services also provides group sessions — in which students can participate an unlimited number of times. Sessions about coping with anxiety, maintaining healthy relationships and understanding body image are available in addition to more situation-based groups like UNIDAS, which focuses on issues relevant to Latina students. For students who prefer to act rather than talk, more active group sessions like art therapy and guided meditation are also

58.6% of students felt “overwhelming anxiety” within the past year with 17.7% seeking professional assistance and/or diagnoses for their anxiety.

— National College Health Assessment to be, there’s always room for improvement. If you’re not happy with how things are going, you have options available to you.”

the options As students climb towards upperclassman classification, the

So is the degree worth all the mental headaches? According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, 88 percent of millennials feel — based on what they have invested in their degree — college has paid off or will pay off. These mental health problems don’t surprise college students.

Ricardo Rodriguez available. Individual and group counseling are popular resources, but students may not be aware of their offering of relationship counseling, free online assessments or the helpline that can be reached at any time (including holidays) at (210) 4584140. Yet with so much to offer, Acosta states that some students simply don’t know Counseling Services exists. “There’s still a pretty significant proportion of our student body that are kind of oblivious (to Counseling Services),: says Acosta. “Students on campus — especially outside of psychology majors — are like, ‘What? We have counseling on campus?’” Rosario was also unaware of Counseling Services when she was a new UTSA student. “I didn’t know until I joined Active Minds,” she says. “I think if you talk about it more, though, people will utilize it more. Because right away, if you tell someone you’re going to counseling, they usually assume something is wrong with you.” Ironically, the generation that has garnered popularity for the phrase hot mess is still fighting the stigma surrounding mental health issues.

STOPPING THE STIGMA Though millenials tend to be more transparent regarding issues of mental health and less judgmental of others with mental health issues, stigmas aren’t resolved overnight. Active Minds’ tabling sessions include student passersby showing appreciation, but others will shy away from the topic of mental health, finding it uncomfortable to talk about. “I think that as a whole, our generation is a little more open

to learning about mental health and mental illness,” Acosta says. “I think it’s the previous generations that kind of holds us back sometimes who don’t want to talk about mental heath issues.” Rosario also thinks generational differences are a contributing factor to the stigma. “Right now I think our generation is a gap filler,” she says. “We still have the old school generation running things, like our campus administration, and now it’s blending with the new generation. So there’s an overlap where professors are thinking ‘Yes, we should focus on mental health’ while others say ‘That’s not a priority.’” To combat this stigma, Active Minds is taking steps to mitigate the stigma surrounding mental health with the help of UTSA’s Student Health Services and UTSA’s psychology department by advocating for an online mental health curriculum that would be administered through ASAP — much like AlcoholEdu. “Relative to the norm, how are UTSA students doing?” Acosta asks. “We’re actually in the process of preparing data on that exact thing — the mental health climate at UTSA.” Since UTSA was one of the colleges chosen to participate in NCHA, data will soon be available. Data from UTSA psychology department’s research lab will also be included. Data representing mental health attitudes is gathered from research studies in which students are usually required to participate when taking Intro to Psychology. Once all the data is gathered, Active Minds will prepare and present the findings to administration within Academic Affairs sometime next fall. On a smaller scale, Rosario has another idea of how to increase mental health awareness and resources: class syllabi. “You know

how professors usually go over their syllabus the first day of class?,” she says. “I think they should put in (Counseling Services) information and go over it. They have to go over the syllabus anyway. They’re already required to mention the disability services, honor code, Roadrunner Creed — they should throw in counseling services. I mean, it couldn’t hurt — why not?” Being a hot mess — a person who embraces the perfectly imperfect lifestyle — is an art form, but also a coping mechanism for life’s rough spots. It just so happens that college students are faced with a lot of rough spots. For example, Schumer explains how her lovably disheveled character from “Trainwreck” has some darker themes. “She’s at little bit of a crossroads,” she tells the New York Times. “Her behavior that’s always been super fun and gotten her through her life has started to catch up to her, and she’s realizing that her behavior isn’t cute anymore. She is faced with real life and the fact that she’s really hurting herself and other people around her.”

HOT MESS (REVISTED) Being a hot mess can be a great way to live, but using it as a crutch for not being able to deal with the hard aspects of life can become more of a hindrance than a good time. So here’s to all the hot messes out there. The people who don’t know exactly how to deal with life, but do it anyways. There’s no shame in being a mess — just know when it may be time to clean a few things up.

COMMENTARY Depression: You’re never alone It’s time to change the dialogue of depression. There is a stigma that depression is a choice, or that you can simply “snap out of it” like a bad dream. But the solution is much more complex because depression itself is a complex human experience. A year ago, I was ashamed to admit my own depression because I was afraid of what people would think. I thought if I ignored what I was feeling it would go away. Instead, it got worse until I would spend days alone contemplating suicide. “But, I’m still here”. And every day I find more value in that statement because I know there was a chance that I probably wouldn’t be here writing this. In that year, I learned a lot about myself and depression. Stop blaming yourself If you’re going through depression, begin by realizing that depression is a mental disorder that you have no control over. Just like you can’t control when you get sick, you can’t control an episode of depression. Once you let go of the guilt of being depressed, you can focus on what you can control. Get out of the house Many times, the same environment can influence how we feel and often perpetuate negativity. Start a new day by taking a walk because, truly, the greatest journeys begin with a single step. This is a small seed that will grow to bigger things. By going outside, you’ll find a lot more things to do like visiting museums, trying new coffee shops, or finding a new bookstore. Reach out Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Being alone only echoed my poisonous thoughts and made it that much harder to find the help I needed. If you have family or friends, tell them how you’ve been feeling. You’ll be surprised by how much support you actually have and will help you realize that you’re not alone in fighting this. Life is long Lastly, realize your situation is temporary. Hopelessness may seem all too easy to hold on to, but I promise it gets better. As long as you keep an open mind, life can be a long series of opportunities to define your own happiness.

MEDITATION, MAN At one point or another, everyone has heard that meditation is good for emotional and mental health. Whether it’s from an Instagram post of a girl on the beach or from the weird spiritual guru in the latest cinematic comedy, meditation has gotten a bad street name. If you google “benefits of meditation” you get a list of blogs talking about how meditation saved someone from a gamut of problems: anxiety to insomnia to back pain to self-esteem issues. Without a well trained eye, it appear meditation does everything except cure cancer and end world hunger; however, there is scientific evidence that mediation does in fact help ease the symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress. In an article published in The American Journal of Psychiatry, scientists concluded that a “group stress reduction program based on mindfulness meditation” effectively reduced the symptoms of anxiety and panic disorders. A similar study in Science Daily found that mindfulness and meditative breathing reduces the likelihood of adolescents suffering from depression and depression like symptoms. Meditation has also been attributed to significantly helping individuals remain focused over long periods of time, work more effectively under stress and improving decision making skills. An article in Time Magazine cited a few articles that compared meditation to working out, but for your brain. The more you train and exercise your brain, the more control you have over it and the healthier it is. Big businesses and corporations are even offering meditation and yoga to their employees. Apple, Google, Nike, Yahoo! and HBO are just a few that offer “relaxation rooms” and “quiet time” to their employees. What’s innovative is that the employees don’t even have to leave the office. There are designated times and rooms where employees can go to escape the stress by praying, meditating or simply enjoying the silence. These companies even offer gyms which have optional guided yoga and meditation sessions, along with other group exercises. The motivation being that the happier and less stressed workers are, the more productive and better their work will be. Google has taken it a step further, having a position utterly focused on catering to employees well-being. Chade-Meng Tan, head of personal growth, launched a “Search Inside Yourself” program in 2007, dedicated to teaching employees how to breathe mindfully, improving communication between colleagues and even growing emotional intelligence.

So, if Corporate America is buying into mindfulness, should we? Absolutely. The fact of the matter is that you don’t need a head of personal growth, a monk or a super bendy beach bum to teach you how to meditate. You don’t have to join a gym or subscribe to a daily spiritual newsletter. The beauty of meditation is its simplicity. I know the self-help section of Barnes and Noble is beyond intimidating, and that a week long Costa Rican retreat isn’t exactly realistic. I also know that “quieting your mind” and finding “inner peace” doesn’t make much sense. Scrolling through the App Store you can find apps that make meditation even more accessible to the average stressed out college student. Stop, Think & Breathe is one free app in particular for beginners. The app gives you access to over 20 guided meditation sessions that range from five minutes to an hour. The topics range from depression, to empathy, to calmness and more. The app allows the user to “check in” and define how he or she is feeling mentally, physically and then pick five emotions that fits their current state. Finally, the app tracks the total number of minutes the user has meditated. Even if the idea of meditation sounds a bit too granola, think of it as learning new breathing techniques. When a person breathes slowly, he or she is able to calm their sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. Meaning that signals are being sent to the brain that everything is okay. When the breath is steady and full and the heart rate is low, the body is able to calm down. This is important because that can help ground or anchor someone to reality in moments of stress. Being aware of how to breathe in a manner that calms the body can significantly reduce feelings of stress. Additionally, it gives people the power of recognition. With the help of the app, an individual can check in and see if they’re anxious, worried, fatigued, elated and otherwise. Eventually, this self-awareness will come naturally— an almost magical feeling. In the abstract, this all seems overwhelming and a bit silly. However, the mind is powerful and people doubt what it can do. Give meditation a shot, there’s not much to lose. To help you get started, UTSA Counseling Services offers guided meditation sessions on Wednesday’s from 5:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. Spotify also has a guided meditation station for users to listen to and follow along. By Alyssa Gonzales Graphics by Urub Khawaja

Meditation in 5 steps: a quiet and comfortable place where you can be alone for step 1: Find five minutes. Sit on the ground or in a chair so you can sit up nice and straight (no you don’t have to sit cross legged.)

a circle with your nose clockwise three times and then step 2: Draw counter clock wise. (This will crack your neck and help loosen it.) Next, squeeze the shoulders up toward your ears and hold for five seconds. Repeat that motion two more times.

out the hands, wrists, toes and ankles (or whatever else step 3: Shake you need to) so you can be still for the next five minutes or so. a deep breath in, counting in your head backwards from step 4: Take six, pause for one second, then release the breath slowly, for

five seconds. Try to only think about the numbers in your head. (Don’t be discouraged if your mind wanders to the online quiz or pile of laundry you have to do. That’s perfectly natural. What’s important is that you come back to the breath and counting in your head.) taking air into your lungs for six seconds, holding your step 5: Keep breath for one second and then letting go of the breath in five seconds. Continue with this process until your five minutes are up.

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WHY IS IT “CUTE” TO HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS? By Kassandra Alanis Photo: Fabian DeSoto

here is a current trend in pop culture that it is seen as enthralling/ nonchalant/romantic to have a mental illness of some sort- namely depression and anxiety. I cannot log onto Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook without realizing that in our society depression is a norm, but anyone who is truly depressed, however, is casted out and is an attention seeker. Mental illness has turned into a “cute and quirky” thing that people desire to have, but in reality, having an illness is not a beautiful thing, it is tragic. To clear things up, someone with a mental illness can be beautiful, but the illness itself is a soundless torment. I have noticed that in modern books, movies, and TV shows, the characters are nearly perfect except for their adorable and quirky mental illness that makes them score their love interest who tried to “save her/him.” I am sure that we have all mistakenly said, “I’m so depressed,” or “I have so much anxiety,” when really we have no idea what the people with these mental illnesses actually go through on a daily basis. Having a panic attack

is not cute, and not coming out of your room for a week straight is not because you’re trying to catch up on your favorite show. Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are not things that only occur at night, they are feelings that are hard to deal with all the time. These illnesses are exactly as they are described- they are illnesses, and they are life consuming. People who generally suffer with these illnesses often find it embarrassing, and nearly impossible to talk about it out loud, but so many other people use it as a personality trait that will somehow make them more desirable in today’s society. But it is no wonder our generation is so confused about mental health disorders. As soon as I log onto my social media, my feed is instantly flooded with black and white images of beautiful men and women crying into their hands with ambiguous messages about being depressed. This poses mental illness as a sexy frame of mind, discrediting people who actually ache and are too scared to speak out. This is not to say that what these people feel is not real. People with mental illnesses do feel valid

emotions, but because of the way they are seeing depression and anxiety expressed through social media, their views are transformed to think it’s beautiful, just as the posts express it. 50% of all lifetime cases of mental illness begin by age 14 and 75% begin by age 24. Mental illness is not just something you can get overnight after studying for a stressful test. It is a life-long journey that people don’t want and would never wish upon anyone. Mental illness is not an advantage, it is not a choice nor a lifestyle, nor an art. Let us understand that sadness is not lovely. I believe that society just had the idea that it’s not okay to be just okay. But this should have never been the case. Depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, eating disorder, etc. are not trends, they are illnesses. Whether you have a mental illness, believe you do, or you don’t at all I believe it should be an issue taken on by the person themselves. The only person that can help you, is you. Don’t be afraid to speak out to your family as the first step to reach out for help, but not with the blind help from social media’s new trend.

BREAKING THE HEARTBREAK

eartbreak is a universal human experience, but having a broken heart can serve as an opportunity to strengthen oneself. Nothing will ever hurt quite like the loss of a love in your life, but the good part of hitting rock bottom is that you can only build yourself up from there. When I went through my first heartbreak a few weeks ago, I thought that I was going to spiral out of control into a growing pit of sadness. Instead, with the help of friends and family, I have seen how one can pick themselves up and become an even better person than before. While I am no fan of expressing my sadness to others, letting those emotions out is the first step towards accepting a new found singlehood. Nothing soothes the heart quite like a good cry, so grab those closest to you and let it all out. Disposing of your built up emotions will allow the release of many of the depressive feelings that come along with a broken heart. Winning the heartbreak means that changes need to be made to better oneself. After letting out the water works, your head instantly becomes clearer. With a clear mind, you can start to expose all the things you did wrong in the relationship, and all biggest flaws in yourself. Physically visualizing one’s flaws helps to bring light to the true self, and that can be achieved by materializing those flaws through writing in a journal or a sheet of paper. For me, I noticed that I was a tad selfish in my relationship. I tore that page out of my

Words and graphic by Ethan Pham

notebook with all my flaws, pinned it on my wall, and said, “These are the things you need to change to become a better person.” When your problems come to fruition, you can start to work internally to fix those deep-rooted flaws within yourself. I’m not a psychologist, but something about seeing your problems in list-form makes it seem you have to cross each problem off, almost like a grocery list for your problems. In the midst of a heartbreak working out can be one of your biggest allies, and while I will admit chocolate cakes and ice cream seems like the best break-up go to solution, those foods actually only make you worse off. Channeling that sadness into a workout and health regimen allows your mind to focus on something other than your heavy heart and releases dopamine into your body. That dopamine will help you feel better because after all it is the happy hormone. Not only will your mind become happier, but your body will become healthier. Lastly, the most important thing you can do for yourself is realize that only you have the key to your heart, and while someone can break it, they will never take it away. The moment we realize that only we can love ourselves truly is the moment we can begin to love others as well. After all, we shouldn’t give our heart to others, we should just share the love that it holds. Never do any of this to get back at someone you once loved — do it for yourself. Once you make yourself the best person you can be, then everything will fall into place.

Pugpire Marina Vences The tiny pudgy figure looked up at its owner for the fifteenth time that day. But it still hadn’t moved. A dog usually full of energy was sitting in the corner, hiding from the sun and growled every time Dayanara tried to go near. Barry’s usually loving dark brown eyes were darker today in a different way than before, he was paler today than yesterday, hadn’t eaten any of the breakfast that she had put out for him, and he hadn’t snored last night, which meant he had either fixed that problem or just hadn’t slept. Maybe he was just upset about something-- do dogs get depressed? What would he even be depressed about? He’s a dog. But after last night’s little escapade into the unknown and subsequent rescue from a nearby homeless person, Barry hadn’t been the same. Daya sighed. “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting so strange.” She looked at the dog expectantly, as if she were going to receive an answer from his wrinkled face. She sighed and tried to pet Barry but, he growled before she got close enough to actually caress his fur. She paused, was he asleep? She paused and listened for the usual soft sound of breathing problems that accompanied his naps and heard-- nothing. He was sleeping silently, and through sleep had growled at her not five minutes before. Reluctantly she called the very available (and expensive) Veterinarian Dr. Friendly and pleasantly waited to get through the banal elevator hold music until she could get talk to an actual human being. “Hello?” A bright young receptionist answered the phone. “Yes, does Dr. Friendly make house visits?” Daya asked, impatience seeping into her voice. “Yes,” the receptionist answered, seemingly undeterred by Daya’s rude disposition. “For when would that meeting be? What time? For what reason? How will you be paying? Who is calling?” Daya groaned, it should definitely be illegal to be this irritating this early in the morning. “Um today, right now, In Dayanara

Diaz’s house, my info should be on file, for my pug Barry, who may or not be alive, and or sick, or just weird. I don’t know, something is just wrong with him. And I want it to not be.” “Have you tried waking your pet up?” The receptionist asked politely. “No. Can he come today or not?” Daya asked. “He’ll be there in roughly an hour.” The woman responded, hanging up. Okay, so an hour. For Five minutes she stood there in front of the little pug-loaf, before deciding to spend the next hour looking up the symptoms on google and coming to the conclusion that Barry had cancer. “No more internet.” Daya told herself, before hearing the doorbell ring. She looked through the peephole to see Dr. Friendly on the other side, smiling and excited. She looked at him for a second, taking in his ruffled strawberry blonde hair, crisp ironed khakis and brown loafers. He had a white lab coat over a bright yellow dress shirt and she giggled when she noticed his smiley face tie. He came in briskly and with purpose, “What seems to be the problem?” He asked. “Barry won’t eat, he’s been sleeping quietly all day even though he usually snores and is up and crazy by now, and he hasn’t moved from that one shady spot even though he loves to sunbathe, and he growls every time I try to go near him, and he’s lost all of his color, he looks nearly white now.” Daya was almost crying by the end of her description, and hoped in her heart of hearts that Dr. Friendly was the answer to her prayers. “Well if I didn’t know any better I’d say you had an old fashioned vampire on your hands!” He exclaimed, nervously laughing— Daya did not join him. He bent down and examined the patient, cocking his head in confusion as he realized that Barry wasn’t breathing. “Miss Diaz I’m sorry to inform you but, this dog is no longer alive.” She glared at him almost accusingly. “He growled at me not two hours ago and you want me to believe he’s dead? You haven’t even run any tests, you don’t even know anything! I thought you were supposed to help!” The doctor seemed at a loss for words.

“But Miss Diaz, I’ve seen a lot of dogs in my time, and a dog this color that isn’t breathing, shouldn’t be growling and is most likely dead. The doctor grazed Barry’s back before the dog quickly awoke, turned around, and bit his hand. It took the Doctor a moment to register it as a bite because pugs are little and not very strong but— Barry wasn’t letting go. He was holding on, as strong as ever, and had enough strength to keep a grown man from moving out of the shadows and into the sunlight. Somewhere seemingly far away, the doctor was screaming. “I think the best thing for this dog would be to put him down. He’s too violent,” the doctor hissed before running down the stairs, leaving Daya to her thoughts. Barry has never bitten anyone ever. Realizing she was an hour late for work, she shot out the door before having time to worry about her pet. She was so tired that evening when she returned, Daya hadn’t even realized that Barry was up and moving around the apartment. The next morning, she awoke to a still sleeping Barry and a new addition to his small alcove. Lying on the floor next to him were a couple of birds, drained completely of blood, dead on the floor-- but the food she had left out the night before was left uneaten. She shook her head in disbelief and ignored it, hoping it was just a weird dream and Barry would be back to normal in a couple of hours. She needed sleep, that’s all. Really just need a nap and a pizza before dealing with her weird new dog. Soon a pattern developed, he was asleep during the day and lively at night, he brought home birds and never ate regular food so Daya just stopped buying dog food. She noticed the fang marks in all the furniture and dog toys a couple of weeks later and just attributed it to random dog teeth. She connected the dots even more weeks later while watching an old Dracula movie, almost laughing when she finally figured it out. Oh my God, she thought to herself, I own a pug vampire.

Pyrrhic Proclamation Jeremiah Edward Hobbs I want to write sentences that are so mellifluous—ensorcelling—they make you stop after a paragraph and look up in abeyance as you place your hands together and let your chin rest on them. You wonder how these chosen sentences captured the ineffable as you are driven into acataphasia. Some sonorous suggestion susurrates: Rise up and walk the earth. You can’t read the next paragraph until you understand the words. You ponder for days. Your legs are weary. Breathe the present, —syzygy—ignoring Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumblr, YouTube, AppStores, whatevs. Days add to weeks, and months then pass by, and the thing with the words sits back home on your scholastic desk piling well-informed dust.

STUDENT SUBMISSIONS: Creative Writing

Ex-Girlfriend Blues Patrick Martinez I saw yo mama, I had to tell her what was wrong. I saw yo mama, I had to tell her what was wrong. She asked me, where did it go? I said the love was all gone. She tore my heart, Not once, or twice, and not three times. She tore my heart, Not once, or twice, and not three times. I don’t know where else to go, I think I’m losing my mind. I came home late With callous on my hands. I came home late With callous on my hands. You know what I found out? She was runnin’ with another man.

Amelia Fitzgerald Hana Adeni She cast a worried glance around the room. Something wasn’t right. Nothing out of the ordinary, of course, but little things that she was trained to spot. Like the pile of dirty socks on the floor beside her bed. They were arranged haphazardly. But Amelia Fitzgerald was a woman of action. Her socks weren’t placed at random - they had an order. And now that order was shattered. A quick survey of the room alerted her of other small changes. She noticed things that were different, like how her window latch was facing the opposite direction, and how she couldn’t hear the familiar dripping sound coming from her bathroom. She strained her ears to hear the leaky faucet (that she had purposefully left slightly less tightened) – but heard nothing. And when she couldn’t find the important document with the words ‘CONFIDENTIAL’ stamped on it obnoxiously, she knew her house had been ransacked. Her apartment was a small one; it’s not easy for things to get misplaced. And with a job as important as Amelia’s, one was bound to make a few enemies. The fact that her bathroom tap had been tightened indicated her intruder had a pet peeve of dripping water, not to mention that unless they wore latex gloves, she would be able to run their prints later. She felt a slow smile creep onto her face, feeling slightly relieved, as if the odds of catching her intruder had

suddenly increased by knowing this insignificant fact. With a whoosh, she opened the small broom cupboard she had converted into a library and felt her confidence leave, as quick as it came, and felt the fear ignite itself in her heart as she froze dead in her tracks at the bleeding rooster hanging by its head on a hook on the ceiling. The message was simple. But it also held an important clue. Whoever searched her house, knew her well enough to know of her unfailing superstitious nature. Amelia had read enough books to know the significance of the dead rooster in her library. And it meant death. Fumbling around her person for her cell phone, she hastily dialed the first number on speed dial. “Amy?” a voice hesitantly asked. “Oh David,” Amelia felt relieved to hear his voice. “I’m so happy to hear you!” She had underestimated her enthusiasm for hearing another person when she felt so alone. “I saw you yesterday.” David was confused. Not bothering to clarify his doubts, her voice turned to a whisper, “David, someone’s been here. They were looking for the White House RSS doc that was sent yesterday.” David gasped. “Article 11435.05? Did they take it?” he asked, concerned. Amelia nodded her head grimly. Then realizing he couldn’t see her, she said “Yes.” “Okay,” David made up his mind.

“I’m coming over. Stay where you are.” “Wait...” She trailed off uncertainly. “There’s something else.” When David didn’t say anything probably out of worry - she continued. “There’s a dead rooster in my library.” There was a pause. Then David said, a bit out of breath because he was probably making arrangements to leave, “Stay where you are.” he repeated, more forcefully, and hung up. Amelia paced around the room, waiting anxiously. She felt like a sitting duck, waiting for trouble. She sat with her back facing the bathroom, and watching the front door. In her hands she also held her father’s old baseball bat - just in case her intruder decided to come back. She strained her ears to pick up any unusual sounds - just like she was taught at the academy. Poised, like a lioness ready to attack, she heard a dripping sound coming from behind her. She turned slowly, then all at once. It was her faucet, dripping in her bathroom sink. Relaxed, and relieved, she turned away - only to turn back again gripping the bat tightly in her hands. One of the things she had noticed when she came in was that her usually leaky faucet had been tightened. And now it was open again. Which could only mean one thing. “Hello, sweetheart.” Amelia screamed.