How Does That Make You Feel?

How to Consistently Take Care of Your Mental Health

how does that make you feel?

— the mixtape

Hold Me Down — Halsey

Control —Halsey

Sound of Silence — Disturbed

Must Have Been the Wind — Alec Benjamin

Elegy — Leaves’ Eyes

100 Letters — Halsey

No Me Compares — Alejandro Sanz

Out of Tears — Krypteria

Broken Girls — Gabbie Hanna

Monster — Gabbie Hanna

Nightmare — Halsey

Foolin’ — Def Leppard

134340 — BTS

Stigma — BTS

Kar Har Maidaan Fateh — Sukhwinder Singh

Apna Time Aayega — Ranveer Singh

Hands Up — Merk & Kremont (feat. DNCE)

Bandido — Ana Bárbara

Love You Zindagi — Amit Trivedi & Jasleen Royal

Colors — Halsey

Nonchalant — 6LACK Save Me — BTS Medicate — Gabbie Hanna The Last — Agust D I’m Fine — BTS Parents — YUNGBLUD

Europa — Santana

Graveyard — Halsey Without Me — Halsey Corazon Espinado — Santana (feat. Maná) Awake — BTS Here Comes the Sun — The Beatles La Vie en Rose — Édith Piaf

Daddy Issues — Demi Lovato

Let ‘Em Talk — Kesha (feat. Eagles Of Death Metal)

Papaoutai — Stromae

Not Today — BTS

Forever Rain — RM

Aal Izz Well — Sonu Nigam

Give Me Some Sunshine — Suraj Jagan

Answer : Love Myself — BTS

Lie — BTS

Blue Side (Outro) — j-hope

Sail — AWOLNATION

Graphics

by Kat Joseph 2 Point your phone cameras at me to open in Spotify!

Table of Contents 16

20 25

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How to Consistently Take Care of Your Mental Health

Why Therapy is Important How to Listen to Someone

Alone in Perpetual Darkness

On the Cover:

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It’s Not Just a Phase, Mom!

Letter from the Editor Mental-health awareness is finally getting the spotlight it deserves. Mental health involves more than just depression and anxiety; it also includes disorders that do not get the representation they need. Poor mental health is caused by more than just a bad day or even trauma; it’s also caused by genetics and cultural perpetuation of repressive behaviors.

Toxic masculinity causes a lot of problems: Men don’t express themselves due to fear of ostracization, and women and other genders suffer from the unequal distribution of power this mentality brings.

Maha Qadri Magazine Editor

The LGBTQ+ community can face traumatic and depressing events simply for loving who they want to love. Love shouldn’t cause pain and push people apart; love should bring acceptance and togetherness.

Taking care of your physical health can aid your mental health. While the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive, having a healthy regimen can bring peace and consistency to a hectic lifestyle.

Therapy is important. Getting help does not make you weak; in fact, it means you’re stronger than you think.

Accepting that you can’t do everything alone is the first, and biggest, step anyone can take. Either start or keep going — you’ll never have to go through it alone again.

Each culture views mental health differently. Minorities in America have such a hard time accepting their mental burdens because their cultures dictate repressive or collectivistic social rules.

Mental health is gaining the attention it deserves, so it’s up to us to ensure this progress is not lost and we keep moving forward. I’ve never understood why people cast its importance aside just because it’s “all in our heads.”

Of course, mental health is happening inside our heads, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?

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Dedicated to my brother — you’re the reason I made this issue. I’ll always be proud that you’re my brother.

Dedicated to my family — trust me, we all need therapy.

Dedicated to everyone who struggles with their mental health — ­ keep going, it gets better.

TRIGGER WARNING: While there is nothing graphic in this magazine, we do discuss topics such as self harm, eating disorders, sexual assault and emotional abuse. Read and share with caution.

Meet the Staff

{ Paisano Plus } Magazine Editor: Maha Qadri Assistant Magazine Editor: Tali Duarte The Paisano Editor-in-Chief: Katrina Clements Managing Editor: Rudy Sanchez Primary Copy Editors: Xavier Richardson & Tali Duarte Photo Editor: Lindsey Thomas

Katrina Clements Editor-in-Chief

Rudy Sanchez Managing Editor

Business Manager: Will Stransky Advertising Executive: Brysen Streeter {Writers} Joseph Torres, Alex Hanks, Tali Duarte, Sofia Garcia, Edysa Vazquez, Jake Striebeck, Kat Joseph, Xavier Richardson, Josh Peck, Ryan HoustonDial, Heather Montoya, Robin Molina, Katrina Clements, Lindsey Thomas, Geoffrey Okolo, Kassandra Parker, Maha Qadri, Kimiya Factory {Cover} Will Stransky {Page Designers} Maha Qadri & Kat Joseph

Kat Joseph Multimedia Editor

Emmanuelle Maher Illustrator

Tali Duarte Assistant Magazine Editor

Xavier Richardson Staff Writer

{Advisor} Diane Abdo {Advisory Board} Stefanie Arias, Jack Himelblau, Steven Kellman, Red Madden, Sandy Norman Paisano Plus is published by the Paisano Educational Trust, a non-profit, tax exempt, educational organization.

The Paisano is operated by members of the Student Newspaper Association, a registered student organization. The Paisano is NOT sponsored, financed or endorsed by UTSA. All revenues are generated through advertising and donations. Advertising inquiries and donations should be directed towards: 14526 Roadrunner Way Suite 101 San Antonio, TX 78249 (210) 690-9301 magazine@paisano-online.com Š 2019, All Rights Reserved, The Paisano

Man Up

By Joseph Torres Co-News Editor

When I was 18 years old, I thought I had the world figured out. Fresh out of high school and in my first semester of college, you couldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I grew up in Texas; I drove my truck fast, chased women, chewed tobacco, went fishing and shot at old cars for no reason. You know, “man stuff.” I put so much emphasis on my social status, eventually, I stopped going to class in order to uphold the ideal vision I had of myself. As you can imagine, my lack of concern for class led me to drop out of college completely. So, what was my next move? I joined the U.S. military.

Fueled by adrenaline and a thirst for adventure, I signed up to enlist at the age of 19. I wanted to serve my country.

I wanted to be viewed as someone who could take care of themselves, make decisions independently and just be a man. After some basic military training and one year in technical school, I was sent to Europe. After two years in Europe, I was notified that I would be forward deploying to my first combat zone. The idea was exhilarating yet terrifying at the same time. I was going to experience war, it was time to man up.

I turned 23 just three weeks prior to flying into the Area of Responsibility (AOR), a geographical region where military personnel plan and carry out operations.

I was on foreign soil surrounded by different cultures, languages, ideas and conflicts. I was attached to a joint task force in charge of providing communication support to current operations within the AOR. My job was to repair radios, cables and antennae along with some additional duties – one of which was as a convoy driver. We would make trips to various team houses located in the AOR for mission-essential operations. This was a significant boost to my man-ego.

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I returned home feeling like I had just conquered the world. I survived my first deployment and did so honorably. Shortly after my return to the U.S., I was notified that I would be deploying again. This was less than six months after my first experience, but I was eager to go back.

Once you’ve had a taste of a combat zone, everyday tasks felt remedial and boring.

Nothing gets your blood pumping like evading death — that’s a true man’s game.

So, at the age of 24, I found myself in another combat zone. Once I found myself in a foreign land surrounded by different cultures, languages, ideas and conflict, but this deployment was different. My workload was heavier, showers didn’t exist, my food came out of a box and sleep was non-existent. I was truly pushing the limits of my body, mentally and physically. There were few moments of respite in a combat zone. You have to be on your game at all times. Your life literally depends on it.

Upon returning home from this deployment, I felt exhausted. My head was foggy, I had trouble sleeping at night and I felt mentally detached from my surroundings. I zoned out constantly, and I really didn’t care about my work performance anymore. I struggled with finding pleasure in the simplicities of life, which truly burdened my productivity. I needed help, mentally, but I told myself that I could handle it.

Real men don’t ask for help.

So I drudged on like a zombie, aimlessly working my way through the rest of my military contract. I chose not to re-enlist on active duty since I wanted to pursue an education. I had acquired my adventures and my war stories; now I needed to educate myself.

The transition back into the civilian world had its challenges. I found myself still using military jargon, my stories weren’t relatable and I was having trouble making new friends. My sleep was consistently poor, and I turned to alcohol as a sedative for my insomnia. I was looking for a moment of levity in the chaotic world I had created for myself, and I didn’t have a proper support structure. I was looking for answers at the bottom of a bottle and found the solution was to keep buying bottles. I didn’t see any issue with this because people go out and get drunk all the time. I would tell myself that I’m no different from anyone else. Except I was using alcohol as a temporary solution for a deeper problem I didn’t want to address.

As a result, I developed anxiety and I could only function in a social setting if I had a drink in my hand. I needed help, but real men don’t ask for help. We bury our feelings deep down and hope they never surface. This is no way to deal with mental health. I soon realized that I was walking a short road to an early grave if I maintained my current path. I needed help, so I finally asked for it. I received assistance with nothing but concern for my mental well-being. Through therapy, I was able to identify my demons and face them head-on. In light of my accomplishments in the military and all the manly things I exalted, getting help was the manliest thing I ever did.

If you are mentally struggling, seek help. There are dedicated professionals who spend their entire career focused on helping others. There is no shame in asking for assistance and it’s better than desperately searching for repose that never comes. It’s a sign of strength and courage to ask for help when you need it. My story highlights what I thought it meant to be a man. It turns out, a true man knows when to ask for help. So man up.

“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.”

— Epictetus

Photos by Joseph Torres

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Repressed, Depressed and A

By Alex Hanks Arts & Life Editor

Our perceptions of the male mind become jaded when we attempt to comprehend how men should convey feelings and share dialogue surrounding their mental health.

As a man, I have found myself at this crossroads many times; do I discuss my slowly depleting mental health with my loved ones and risk pushing out of the “tough guy” stereotype I’ve been conditioned to uphold since birth? I think about putting these thoughts into words, expressing the trauma I’ve endured, pushing them out of my mind and into the universe to be heard by those I care about. I worry about the ridicule I would face by discussing my mental health, especially to my male friends and peers. Face it, spaces for men to discuss mental health in 2019 are few and far between. Gender roles and the idealistic guidelines of marriage and the family have conditioned men to keep our emotions locked away. Our identities are defined by our careers and accolades — leaving little room to vent and an abundance of room to demonstrate toxic masculinity.

However, this can’t merely be written off by toxic masculinity alone. These ideas have been ingrained in the fabric of our communities, not by coincidence, but by design.

Walking through the baby aisle at your favorite retail store, you will probably see a collective of onesies printed with sayings that perpetuate the essence of the “tough guy” mentality. We constantly hear narratives of “my son must be an athlete” and other similar dialogues from future parents. Gender roles have not only restricted the life choices of men and women alike, but they’ve also depleted any opportunity for men to show their emotions.

This is something I have battled with throughout the course of my life. Although I spent most of my life playing football and basketball and playing percussion in my school’s band, I constantly found myself in environments where outlets to feel vulnerable about negative life experiences were seen as taboo. In an environment where you are conditioned to remain emotionless and keep moving, where do you go?

I won’t dig too deep into my own personal trauma, but I can give insight into the things that have helped me grow as a man, by seeking outlets for mental health. So this article is for all of the guys like myself — who feel hopeless during the low points.

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Men must destigmatize therapy Therapy is often viewed as something that you go to when you are in the midst of trauma, but therapy can be beneficial even when you feel like you are at your best.

Surround yourself with powerful role models of all genders With the scope of 21st Century American gender roles, women and other genders have been put at a systemic disadvantage. Men hold privilege in this aspect, and having powerful women in your corner is liberating, motivating and empowering. Having empowering women in my life has given me the platform to be more compassionate and encouraging of everyone in my life, regardless of gender.

Be wary of distractions During the lowest points of my life, I typically found peace in distractions. But soon I realized that by “keeping my mind off things,” I was merely avoiding my conflicts. Distractions are good but after a while, it becomes critical to your mental health to embrace the problems you are enduring.

To all my men out there — don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. It doesn’t matter what label society has given you, or what box you have been categorized in. We have been conditioned not to cry, to hold it in at the expense of our mental health. Take care of yourself and put yourself in the best position to protect your peace, at all costs.

Affecting Others — 50 Reps

By Tali Duarte Assistant Magazine Editor

In order to be a man, the societal expectation is to hide your emotions; to isolate your vulnerability. In order to be a man, you have to adopt the physical and emotional fortitude to not cry. When I say “toxic masculinity,” I don’t mean to attack an individual but rather the collective interpretation of manhood. The idea a man needs to show his superiority through his masculinity negatively impacts society. Yes, a man’s personal problems affect women too.

Men’s need to dominate, their sexual aggressiveness and their misogyny towards women play a role in the struggle for equality.

Graphic by

Emmanuel

le Maher

As a woman, I have dealt with toxic men in several settings. I worked as a server one summer and I was serving a table filled with young men.

One of them wouldn’t stop asking me for my number even though he knew I was not interested. So, to make him stop bothering me I gave in and handed him my number. As a result, I felt weak and embarrassed. This experience isn’t unique to me; a similar situation happened to a friend of mine who was working at a restaurant while serving a table of men. A man grabbed my friend’s hand and moved it towards his crotch in hopes that she would be okay with it. He said he would give her “a better tip” if she was. This is what women deal with on a daily basis.

All over the world, women are being treated badly. No respect, no remorse and no empathy. Any setting that a woman finds herself in, there’s a man attempting to stand in her way of success. The imposition of toxic masculinity in the workplace makes women uncomfortable and unable to stand up for themselves out of fear. The power imbalance discourages us from expressing our ideas and opinions. In too many situations, men have not only forced themselves on women but abused their position of power so they couldn’t resist. Toxic masculinity has led to sexual assault, rape and even fatal encounters. Women have to suffer because of a man’s power against them. Disrespecting women doesn’t make a man any more of a man, it just makes them a terrible human being. In this world, men and women have their differences and may never fully understand one another. The lack of empathy complicates relationships and divides us even more.

But as humans, regardless of gender, we can learn to protect, respect and empathize with one another.

y r e v s i g n “Cr yi ” . y l n ma s e l y t S y r r — Ha

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How to Deal h a Panic Attack

By Sofia Garcia Assistant Arts & Life Editor

With the antiquated societal framework that stigmatizes mental health, it is always important to be aware of ways we can take care of ourselves, whether it is during a panic attack or going through the motions of day-to-day life. There isn’t a set method to properly calm a panic attack, so I am here to unpack a plethora of different coping mechanisms for the dreaded attack. Whether it’s you dealing with panic attacks or a friend or a family member, there is always something to be done. There are many factors that induce panic attacks, like stress or being triggered by something around you.

The textbook definition of a panic attack is: “An intense wave of fear characterized by its unexpectedness and debilitating, immobilizing tendency.”

To preface, here are some common symptoms of panic attacks: • • • • • • •

Racing heart rate Feeling faint or dizzy Feeling a loss of “control” Chest pains Numbness in hands and/or fingers Shortness of breath or hyperventilation Sense of terror (it really does feel like you are dying, but I promise you are not) • Having chills • Overwhelming thoughts These are just common symptoms, panic attacks look and feel different for everyone.

As someone who used to suffer from severe panic attacks with absolutely no clue how to cope, I can assure you that panic attacks are manageable. Not everyone will have the same symptoms or triggers, but we can all try to cope using similar methods. Remember, whatever you are feeling is and always will be valid.

When I suffered from daily panic attacks, one thing helped me more than anything else, a simple bodily function: breathing.

Practicing diaphragmatic breathing saved me countless times. When practicing diaphragmatic breathing, take a deep breath that makes your belly rise and fall more than your chest. Oftentimes, lying flat on my back and trying the “Four-Square Breathing” method saved me from longer-lasting panic attacks, it even helped me prevent ones I could feel creeping up.

Four-Square Breathing 1. Inhale for four seconds 2. Hold that breath for four seconds 3. Exhale for four seconds 4. Hold for four more seconds 5. Repeat as long as needed Focusing on things around you such as the furniture in the room or the paintings on the wall can give you the peace of mind you need while practicing this method. By diverting

your attention to your environment or away from your panic attack, you can begin to calm yourself. This is called grounding. Grounding is a method for calming a panic attack.

Here are some thoughts you could repeat to yourself before or during your panic attack: • “I can feel the chair underneath me” • “I can feel the clothes on my back and the shoes on my feet” • “I am here and I am present” By repeating these thoughts and being present, you allow peace to enter your mind and body.

Grounding and four-square breathing are methods that worked for me, but they may not work for everyone. I took the liberty of asking some of my fellow students how they handle their panic attacks in hopes that their methods reach someone seeking help. Here are some of their responses: “I think having someone that you trust with this heavy issue is very important. Having someone who can talk you down and assure you that you are okay is very healing.”

“When I start feeling like it is getting worse, I take a step back, breathe and try to find a centered ground. Saying the ‘om’ sound while breathing also helps me feel like I am putting my feet back into the world.”

If these coping mechanisms don’t resonate with you, I also asked a psychiatrist suggest some routines that could ease a panic attack.

“When talking with patients about anxiety, I often find myself asking them if they are being mindful, or if their mind is full. There is a vital difference between knowing exactly what is going on by paying attention to your surroundings and letting your anxiety take over. I encourage them to keep a clear mind by talking to individuals they trust, working on their emotional intelligence and taking time for themselves.”

Dealing with panic attacks can be scary, but finding methods that work for you can provide more solace than you think.

Locating the cause of your panic attacks and following a treatment plan will allow for a smooth transition towards healthy coping mechanisms. By making sure the people you trust have a clear understanding of what to do when you have a panic attack, you can build a strong sense of safety. Having a healthy way to communicate effectively will provide relief when the time comes. Know that you are not alone and being mentally healthy looks different for everyone, it is a process that involves trust and dedication to yourself and your lifestyle. You are loved and I am so proud of you for helping yourself and/or the people around you.

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It’s Not Just a Phase, Mom!

By Edysa Vazquez

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website “[LGBTQ+] adults are more than twice as likely as heterosexual adults to experience a mental health condition…[and are]…at a higher risk than the general population for suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts…High school students who identify as [LGBTQ+] are almost five times as likely to attempt suicide compared to their heterosexual peers…[and] 48 percent of all transgender adults report that they have considered suicide in the past 12 months, compared to 4 percent of the overall U.S. population.”

As upsetting as these statistics are, it’s nothing new to the LGBTQ+ community. The LGBTQ+ community is often met with discrimination, prejudice, harassment, familial rejection and denial of civil and human rights.

According to a 2015 survey done by The Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS), posted in their Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report on the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website, “The prevalence of having been in a physical fight on school property was higher among gay, lesbian and bisexual students (11.2 percent) and not sure students (14.6 percent) than heterosexual students (7.1 percent)…The prevalence of having not gone to school because of safety concerns was higher among gay, lesbian and bisexual students (12.5 percent) and not sure students (10.8 percent) than heterosexual students (4.6 percent).”

Another survey report on the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website on their National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) Data Review reported that, “Among sexual minority adults aged 18 or older in 2015, 3.9 million had any mental illness (AMI), 1.4 million had serious mental issues (SMI) and 2.5 million had AMI excluding SMI. These numbers correspond to 37.4 percent of sexual minority adults who have AMI, 13.1 percent who had SMI and 24.3 percent who had AMI excluding SMI.” In 2015, the U.S. Transgender Survey reported, “A staggering 39 percent of respondents experienced serious psychological distress in the month prior to completing the survey, compared with only 5 percent of the U.S. population. Among the starkest findings is that 40 percent of respondents have attempted suicide in their lifetime – nearly nine times the attempt suicide rate in the U.S. population (4.6 percent).”

All of these statistics, yet many people will not acknowledge the mental health issues that very much affect the majority of the LGBTQ+ community. It was decided we should pull stories from the statistics themselves. I headed off to join UTSA’s very own LGBTQ+ community and club, Spectrum, to hear community testimonies. Here we have the stories of struggle and hardship from four of their members.

First up, we have Katherine Salas who offered to share their own experience dealing with sexual and gender identity while struggling with mental health.

“I came from a very conservative and homophobic Mexican family where the men were expected to be tough and macho and not to be ‘un maricón,’” said Salas. “My father always expected a lot out of me being his only son. It was an overwhelming responsibility put on my shoulders, so much so, I tried to drown myself at one point. This led to a big depression period through my middle school and high school years, I felt like I was stuck in an endless loop of negative thoughts and emotions which evidently made me more introverted. I had been forced to come to terms with my bisexuality during my freshman year of high school when I had fallen in love with a boy in my class and we began texting back and forth. Unfortunately, my father found the texts and threw the biggest fit I’ve ever seen, beginning to throw stuff around and completely trashing my room, but he never once hit me. My mother cried, though it had more

to do with the fact that I didn’t tell her than with me being bi. Though by the end of it my father forced me back into the closet and made me ‘promise’ I’d never be bi again. I agreed, but years later I properly took my mother out to Starbucks and finally came out to her, and even though she didn’t completely understand she is still very supportive. My father is already in denial about his son being bisexual and I wasn’t even going to attempt to explain my recent discovery about also being non-binary.”

Megan Sawyer also took a brave leap with her own story of sexual discovery and mental health struggles.

“I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at age 16, though it wasn’t a surprise since it ran throughout my family, especially with the women,” Sawyer explained. “I’ve always been an especially nervous child but my family members did not help the problem. Particularly my step-dad’s family, who is extremely conservative, and did not react well when my step-cousin finally got up the courage to come out to them. They didn’t disown him, which I think would have been a more merciful thing to do, but they were never the same towards him, meaner and more rude.

I was already terrified about the concept of coming out myself; this just helped solidify the fact, and I decided then and there that I would never come out to them. If I wasn’t going to get disowned, I didn’t want to be trapped with a family that completely hated me, but at the end I had no choice, I was forced to come out due to the overwhelming pressure of my family members. This led to a lot of fights with my parents which led to my own home sometimes not being a safe environment for me to be in when dealing with my mental health. Throughout all my experiences I’ve learned to just not care what other people think, and that’s a fine line to walk across because it’s between not caring what people say and just not caring at all. I want to care about the opinions of my friends and close family and all that the world has to offer, I don’t want to let myself go numb to everything because sometimes there are good things that happen and they’re really good.

I don’t want to be afraid of those things.”

An anonymous volunteer shared his story about the fears and struggles living in a world while being in the closet.

“I went to an all Catholic school when my discovery began, which already caused a lot of doubt within me,” he explained. “I had major depression going through high school and would often shut people out because I didn’t want to hold anybody back. Going through high school is already bad enough for LGBTQ+ people but going through Catholic school is about 10 times worse. I heard the horrible things that people said about the community and even though I knew there weren’t specifically aimed at me, they still hurt and scared me a lot.

“But even after that, I did eventually come out senior year. It wasn’t something I was too thrilled about doing but I just wanted to move forward with my life and have even a little bit of support with all the turmoil I felt inside. Thankfully, the people I came out to were really supportive and I am much happier now that I have them to fall back on when things get rough.”

Matthew Gourley, a member of Spectrum and co-leader of the Pan/ Bisexual Caucus, also volunteered to be interviewed.

“I’m transgender, but I didn’t know it at the time, all I knew was that I had very bad depression and anxiety during middle school and high school, which makes a lot of sense now,” Gourley said. “Not only was I going through a sexual crisis but, unknowingly, I was also experiencing dysphoria. I would like to preface this by saying that not all trans people experience dysphoria, that doesn’t make them any less or more trans, this was simply my experience. I was very ignorant about anything that had to do with the LGBTQ+ community due to the fact that I went to a private Catholic school and only knew straight to be the norm.

Most trans men focus on trying to get rid of their breasts but I wanted to cut off my hips. I was also in choir and hated my singing voice so I began to choke myself; I didn’t know this was considered self-harm. I didn’t know that any of the things I did to myself were considered selfharm because nobody talked about these things. Dealing with dysphoria and figuring out my sexuality was complete agony and it did lead me to attempting suicide once.

“I did eventually end up going to therapy where I found out I was trans and finally was able to receive the help I needed. Though at the time my parents thought I was going to therapy due to the recent passing of my grandfather, that was not the case. I tried to come out to my parents, which did not go well. My mom straight up told me ‘no, you’re not trans!’ while my dad cried and rambled on about religion and how it wasn’t right.

My dad and I used to be really close but a few years back during a local comic-con he found out I had a girlfriend, and he went ballistic; ‘Don’t ever come home, I don’t ever want to see your face anymore!’ My mom was thankfully able to talk him down but our relationship was never the same afterward and it still hurts me a lot to this day. My dad terrifies me now, if he talks even a little bit too loud, I’ll start to freak out. I’m so used to lying that my automatic answer whenever somebody asks me if I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community is no, but I’ve been trying to get out of that habit.”

Bleak as these stories are, there is always a glimmer of hope to help LGBTQ+ individuals get through the day. They each had some form of support system, or someone they really admired and looked up to.

“Besides my sister, I have two very close friends who have been with me through thick and thin,” Salas said. “One lives here in San Antonio and the other at College Station but even with the distance we’re still close.

The hidden secrets from school mates and family and were a safe haven to go to when my father was debating whether or not to kick me out of the house.”

“I had a high school biology teacher who was a gay man but he hadn’t said anything until someone had found his Facebook and outed him to the whole school,” Sawyer said. “Even though I was uncomfortable on his behalf by all the mean comments everyone was saying, he himself didn’t seem all that bothered by it. When the GSA was formed, he came to talk to us and I thought it was really cool because it gave us hope for the future, hope that there was somebody we knew who was part of the LGBTQ+ community and had survived through all the high school pettiness even after they’ve graduated.”

“I had a great support group of friends,” explained the anonymous volunteer. “But I’ll never forget the lesbian theater teacher we had. She was practically the best teacher we had at our school, but unfortunately when the administration found out she was gay they fired her.”

“I dated and became friends with people in the LGBTQ+ community which helped a lot in my self-discovery,” Gourley explained. “I learned a lot of helpful terms and about others like me. It helped break me out of the conservative bubble I had been sheltered majority of my life.”

As the interviews wrapped up, I found myself reflecting back on my own life as a once closeted member of the community while also balancing my mental health. My family also came from old traditions and strict religion.

Mental health wasn’t really looked at as a real sickness because “it was all in your head” and anything beyond the norm of heterosexuality was “just a phase.” It still took a long time for my parents to fully accept who I am and even now they’re still struggling to understand. My mental health wasn’t acknowledged all that seriously until my physician suggested that I go get examined by a psychologist. They still struggle to understand the world that I live in but they’re still trying, which is a blessing that not a lot of people in this community have.

Graphic by Emmanuelle Maher

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By Jake Striebeck

Breathe in, breathe out.

That’s what I tell myself during my daily bouts of anxiety. Each thought is more negative and paranoia-filled than the last; I used to let these thoughts run free.

A stranger would take over my brain, one who controlled my decisions and my choices.

I was left to watch from afar as this anxietyfueled creature lived my life for me. Each day brought me deeper into depression. This went on for years, during important stages of my teenage life.

But after many rock-bottoms and heart-tohearts with myself, I began to remember who I was. I had just enough fight in myself to want to better my life and take control of my thoughts and decisions once again.

The hardest part of overcoming anxiety and getting out of a state of depression is wanting to, so once you do find that glimmer of hope, follow that thought of self-improvement and run with it. That thought will lead you to the next.

And so, my journey started.

I began researching different ways to curb anxiety and found a million different results.

Exercise, diet and sleeping patterns stood out as common themes to improve mental health and reduce anxiety.

During my days of heightened anxiety, my diet was fueled by Whataburger meals and pints of ice cream.

I’m not saying that’s not a delicious combination, but to have meals like that on a daily basis is not a healthy habit.

I cut the fast food and late-night snacks and replaced it with plates of vegetables and hummus, white meats and red fish, fruits and grains. If you can spend the time and money at H-E-B, you’ll find a wide selection of all types of foods in an assortment of flavors and varieties. Things like chocolate hummus, flavored trail-mix and

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Breath In, Breath Out Meal Simples (oven-ready containers of chicken and salmon with a side) make healthy eating easier and more accessible.

I also started to exercise. It was a scary thought at first, telling myself I had to exercise in order to reduce my anxiety. Even the thought of exercising gave me anxiety, but the desire for self-improvement overcame these fears. I started small. Something as simple as walking around your neighborhood for 15-30 minutes is exercising. If you can get some sweat on your forehead and a focused breathing pattern for a few minutes, that is all it takes.

Breathe in, breathe out.

I’ve found that exercise is good for reducing anxiety because it is essentially a form of meditation. Your breathing patterns become more focused, you become more in-tune with the mechanics of your body and are able to achieve a better sense of self-awareness.

Another benefit is an improved self-image as the depression weight starts to shed.

Exercise also helped me sleep at night.

Exercise helps exert wound-up energy, so the bed feels more comfortable at the end of the day. A healthy sleeping pattern is a huge factor in mental health. The more sleep one gets, the stronger the mind will function in all facets.

Sleeping longer leads to more energy which leads to a healthier routine.

On days I exercised, I found my anxiety at ease. On days I didn’t exercise, I found myself more anxious and depressive, so I exercised as often as possible and slowly became good at it.

My choice of exercise has been “running.” I call it “running,” but when I first started it was mostly walking. Walking in my neighborhood, walking through parks, walking along the downtown riverwalk, walking across the UTSA campus.

Then after months of this, I began to jog. I was so proud when I was finally able to jog a whole mile without stopping. After one mile, I was able to do two. Then over the years, it has grown to three, four, six and eight miles.

The distance grows by the day. I am currently training to do a half-marathon run (13.1 miles) at the end of the year, and I’ve never been more excited to accomplish a goal.

Breathe in, breathe out.

The daily “meditation sessions” I get from exercising, the encouragement it gives me to eat healthier and the improvements of my sleeping patterns have done wonders for my mental health.

The confidence in myself grows with every step I run and every drop I sweat. As my mileage increases, my anxiety lessens. I no longer fear my own thoughts.

It is hard to find positive thoughts in an anxiety-driven mind. It’s easy to get consumed, to lose yourself.

If you can find that light in the dark, that want for improvement, follow it. Take it slow and at your own pace, but always work towards it.

Make resilience a habit.

My habit was exercise, and it helped me turn my life around. It’s given me a reason to put on my shoes and get out of the house. It’s given me a sense of pride with all of the hard work I’ve put into it.

Ease the anxious mind. Go outside and sweat a little. Take it easy. And remember: breathe in, breathe out.

Graphic by Maha Qadri

s o r n e a l i t y Q uiz P

By Kat Joseph – ENTP Multimedia Editor

The 16 Myers-Briggs personality types break down who people are. You can begin improving your ability to understand yourself, communicate with other types and understand/connect with the people around you by learning about the 4 main categories of personalities: Analysts, Diplomats, Explorers and Sentinels. Take an online MBTI quiz to find out your type and learn more about yourself in relationships, careers and academics.

Do you...?

Think about the future, its possibilities and abstract ideas

Focus on the present, real-world experiences and tasks at hand

Prepare for anything and stick to decisions

Make decisions by going with your gut

Deal with situations logically

Diplomat

Diplomats are idealists who have a passion for helping people through connections or ideas.

Intuitive & Feeling types (_NF_)

Analyst

Analysts are visionaries and leaders with a passion for learning or paving the way through obstacles.

Intuitive & Thinking types (_NT_)

Stay open to other possibilities and opportunities

Sentinel

Sentinels are no-nonsense, practical thinkers.

They are the “adults” in this world and are the most dependable.

Observant & Judging Types (__SJ)

Explorer

Explorers are artists and experimenters.

They are open to new worlds and experiences.

Observant & Prospecting types (__SP)

How to Consistently Take Care of Your Mental Health

By Xavier Richardson Copy Editing Coordinator

When you’re a student who is expected to attend classes while working a part-time job to pay the bills, life can be a little hectic, and if you throw an extracurricular or two into the mix, things might start to get out of control. You may often find yourself opening your Google calendar to add yet another event or appointment, but there’s never an event titled “self-care” in your schedule.

As human beings, there are limits to what we can handle. The typical archetype of the sleepless college student on a ramen-based diet is not the healthiest depiction of what campus life should be — physically or mentally. Not to mention the stigma towards self-care as being “soft” and “millennial.” Mental health falls to the wayside as we prioritize school and work, but what we don’t realize in our stress-filled frenzy is that it is just as important, if not more.

Luckily, it’s not too late if you feel like you’ve hit a rough patch. Here’s how you can maintain your mental health and restore balance to your life:

Know your limits You know yourself best, so trust your instincts.

Don’t say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. If you’re involved with a ton of different clubs and feel like you’re drowning in meetings, cut some out. Make a list of everything

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Graphics by Jacqui Cantu

you’re involved in and pick a couple that matter the most to you. It will be hard at first, but once you realize the amount of time you have free in your schedule, you’ll be glad that you did it.

Be intentional with your time Put the phone that’s always in your hand to good use and; start a Google calendar to put all your classes and meetings in. If you’re more of a pen

and paper type of person, buy a cheap planner. Include designated blocks of time for studying and taking breaks during the day and stick to them. Bringing some monotony to your weekly schedule can help you feel more in control of your life, and doing so will be easier once you cut out those extra commitments.

Ask for help We can’t be in control all of the time. Not all of your classes will be a walk in the park, especially for those taking upper-division classes. Take advantage of office hours as soon as you feel you don’t understand the material. If you can’t make your professor’s office hours, find a friend or a few and study together.

The same thing applies to non-academic areas of your life. If your job is stressing you out, talk to your manager and work something out, or maybe even look at a change of scenery. If you’re worried about having to miss out on sleep early in the morning to catch the bus, see if you can carpool with a friend. If you feel utterly overwhelmed by everything, sit down and talk to someone you trust. As long as you don’t bottle up your feelings, it will work out for you in the end.

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

— Marcus Aurelius

Know what resources are available Although it’s a sensitive topic, not everyone handles external stressors the same way. Unnecessary fasting and binging, drug and alcohol abuse, self-harming, and suicidal thoughts are very real mental health afflictions many people face. Most people are either suffering from one of these symptoms or know of someone who is. Knowing that resources such as UTSA Counseling Services and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline exist can be the difference that saves the life of someone close to you. For a more in-depth look at what these resources are and how to access them, turn to page 31.

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Finding a Way to Handle the Heat and Stay in the Kitchen

By Josh Peck Assistant Managing Editor

This semester is the first time I’ve felt stress this intense. I’ve always been a self-starter and rarely felt the expectations of others on me in my day-to-day life, but this semester is different. I’m to maintain my expected GPA and beyond, to mentor younger students while I feel in need of mentoring myself, to find a career path when I don’t even have a clear view of the road, to constantly apply for scholarships and programs and then find time for “self-care,” whatever that means. All these challenges come in my third semester of college as a first-generation student.

Not all college students share these stressors at once, but I feel like many of these stressors are universal. However easy or difficult high school was, the pressure that comes with college is a totally different experience like being on a different planet in a faraway galaxy. It can be debilitating. There’s so much stuff to take care of it’s easy to get overwhelmed, cry, shut down, lie in bed and avoid the real world. Of course, that just sends the spiral further down, so what the hell can we do?

I really hope you weren’t expecting a simple, five-minute tutorial or 12-step plan that ends with you living your best life; I don’t know how to work that kind of magic. What I can do is share a couple of things that might work for you, as well as an acknowledgment that sometimes it takes a bit more of a professional approach than an article by a 19-yearold sociology major with a limited set of personal experiences.

Do your absolute best not to measure yourself by the standards of others. Does that sound over-simplistic?

Yes, but there are ways to get there. After listening to the expectations and wishes of your parents, aunts, uncles, professors, friends and whoever else, write out a list of goals that you have for yourself. Maybe some of your goals overlap with those people and maybe there is no middle section of the Venn diagram. It’s important to remind yourself what matters to you and what you classify as success and happiness. If that’s changing your major or skipping an eight-hour study session to exercise or go out to eat, do what’s best for you. You can always go to others when you want advice or some direction but know that the only person who should be steering the ship — the ship is your life — should be you. We only get to live life once, we may as well choose the path we want.

Comparing yourself to others is awesome if your goal is to either destroy your self-worth or be condescending 18

to everyone around you, both of which suck when you’re trying to maintain friendships and not be a terrible person to be around.

I’m guilty of this one. I see people doing things I wish I could do, or I see people who I don’t think I can live up to. Use other people as a reference for things you want to do and who you want to be without letting petty emotions and jealousy find a way in. Have conversations and find out what it took to get there instead of watching from the side.

Those people have the potential to become friends and resources rather than enemies to take down.

When you have to live up to an expectation, like balancing a job and classes, taking care of siblings at home or maintaining a certain GPA to be eligible for financial aid, you just have to fight. Try to utilize on-campus counseling services or offcampus therapy as a way to manage your stress. Find and participate in a community that supports and understands where you’re coming from and helps take some weight off here and there. Kickbox, meditate, journal or schedule a couple of hours to do nothing but watch Netflix and subtweet about that professor you can’t stand. Lean on other students, family and close friends and let others lean on you too. Not even the most successful-looking students have everything figured out, and it’s only through some type of community that any of us can make it through the long, grueling torture-chamber we like to euphemize as “higher education.” Who knows, we might even get a degree and a fulfilling job after all of this.

Q+A with UTSA’s Counseling Services UTSA’s Counseling and Mental Health Services (CMHS) provides resources to students and staff on the importance of mental health. Mental health awareness is necessary especially as a college student. I was able to ask questions about mental health and the services provided by the CMHS team. It’s essential that we know about this service and how it can help other students, staff and maybe even you.

Q: A:

What is the main role of a school counselor?

Q: A:

The main role of UTSA’s CMHS is to provide the support students need to help them graduate. The traditional model of college counseling is that this support is provided through one-on-one counseling. Therefore, a major role of a university counselor is to provide programming to increase awareness of mental health issues and promote strategies to maintain good mental health (e.g., stress management and healthy communication).

What qualities do you possess that make you a good counselor?

I believe that it is essential for a counselor to be a good listener as most people want to feel heard, appreciated and valued for who they are. Authenticity is another important quality for a counselor. I have reached the conclusion that who we are as counselors are closely tied to who we are as people and that genuineness helps foster a connection between the counselor and the client.

Q: A:

Do you think UTSA’s counseling service is good quality for the students?

What are your thoughts on the mental health of a college student? Do you think college affects a student’s mental health?

College can affect students’ mental health in both positive and negative ways. College is a fantastic opportunity for personal learning and growth. It is a time when students are exposed to an incredible number of new people, ideas, information and experiences. For many students, this is the first chance for them to have a high level of independence, self-reliance and responsibility.

All of these things can help students develop their own identity, beliefs and values.

However, these experiences can be very stressful. Students may not know where they fit in, especially in a school as large as UTSA. Students may not know how to manage their time or stress effectively. Many students feel pressure from various sources to perform well academically, while others may have family or friends who think that they should be working and not going to school.

Finally, college is academically demanding for most students.

Especially around mid-terms and finals, leading to higher levels of stress and the problems that stem from it.

Q: A:

How can students maintain their mental health?

Maintaining good mental health is an on-going process that takes time and effort, especially at times when stress is often higher (e.g., finals week). Maintaining good physical habits is essential for optimal mental health, especially at times of higher stress. Regular exercise is important for both physical and psychological well-being. Some techniques include effective time management, keeping track of priorities, saying “no” when appropriate, maintaining positive self-esteem, using mindfulness/ relaxation practices and engaging in social and leisure activities to maintain a counter-balance to the requirements of school and, for many students, work.

Q:

What resources do you offer here at UTSA for students in crisis?

A:

UTSA’s counseling center offers a number of services for students in crisis. Whenever the center is open, there is at least one counselor on duty to see students in crisis. In addition, CMHS provides 30-minute walk-in sessions between 8:00 AM and 4:00 PM on Wednesdays for students to talk about concerns, even if it is not a crisis. The center also has a 24-hour crisis hotline that can be accessed by calling the CMHS main number (210-458-4140) and selecting option three.

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UTSA’s Counseling and Mental Health Services provides high-quality services to students. The staff is very dedicated to UTSA’s students and to the mental health profession. Every one of us has made a commitment to providing the best services possible to the entire university community.

Q: A:

By Tali Duarte Assistant Magazine Editor

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Why Therapy is

The cultures we come from each have judgments about seeking assistance for mental health, good or bad. It is imperative for us to take our mental well-being into our own hands for the improvement of ourselves and those around us. Building mental strength is a process, different for each person. However, every individual is capable. Through therapy, we are gifted insight on ourselves to share the benefits with others.

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Therapy is a great opportunity to express oneself. Therapy aids not only in the mental well-being of an individual, but physical as well. A lot of stigmas surround therapy, largely with people asking themselves, “how can this person help me if they don’t know me personally?” Sometimes our peers and family members can carry judgment in their statements that can cause us to feel invalidated. Therapy allows you to vent to someone who does not have any preconceived biases about your problems and circumstances. In therapy, you are able to express yourself in a manner that is comfortable and suits you. Rather than asking questions that can be discouraging, therapists ask questions about your reasoning and use that to help you make more sense of a situation. Individuals are guided and validated with the freedom to make their own decisions while not having advice forced upon them.

Therapy benefits everyone because we are able to better understand people when we explore ourselves. We become more open-minded and less judgmental, we understand how tough it is for us to adjust. Improved communication skills also assist in our ability to connect with others and we have a greater appreciation of those around us.

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In December 2018, I lost my dearest friend — my grandfather.

He was the first individual to pass away that I was very close to, and the thought of not having him around scared me. I started to feel my mood shift and my mental health decline, but my daily appearance did not show my internal battles. I’ve always been told that to be a man is to hold in struggles and make sure others are okay before yourself. Therapy had been an afterthought and was often disregarded when I considered going to counseling services. My declining mental health caused physical fatigue and seeking help was absolutely the best thing I could have done. I am eternally grateful for the assistance UTSA’s counseling services offered. It is imperative for everyone to seek therapy and support in times of mental distress.

Therapy is not only important for people diagnosed with a mental illness but also those who are having a tough time with the circumstances they were given throughout life. It allows us to identify and create solutions for life’s daily problems as well as discuss things that make us uncomfortable. Each session has the potential to increase selfesteem because we feel in tune with our emotions.

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By Ryan Houston-Dial

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By Heather Montoya Co-News Editor

saved me from a road towards anorexia nervosa, it was the start of a new battle.

Instead of depriving myself of food, I overindulged to an extreme length. I ate anything and everything in sight to the point of my stomach aching. I cleared off every plate in front of me even if I wasn’t hungry. I gained about 40 pounds in a very short period of time.

From my sophomore year of high school to my first semester of college, I struggled with my eating habits and body perception. It wasn’t until I began learning about eating disorders and body dysmorphia through my psychology classes, social media and the people I met along the way that some normalcy returned to my life. I had to learn to think differently about food, exercise and my appearance.

In retrospect… I think I had an eating disorder.

Sitting in my introduction to psychology class, my 19-year-old-freshman self saw an all too accurate description of a difficult period in my life, a time when I was obsessed with my weight.

For several months during high school, a typical day included weighing myself multiple times, counting calories, drinking only water, working out multiple times, constantly looking in the mirror and chewing gum to keep hunger at bay.

I wish I could pinpoint what triggered this behavior, but I think it was a combination of things: anxiety, criticisms from others, comparing myself to others, society’s idea of beauty at the time and wanting to be accepted. My obsessiveness was reinforced with every compliment people gave me as my body wasted away.

I was initially fit and healthy but even as a healthy young woman, I didn’t see myself as thin enough. I wanted to weigh as little as my friends and wear pants as small as the ones they wore.

Every pound counted. Body positivity was not popularized at the time, and I didn’t understand that no one was as critical of my appearance as I was.

At my thinnest, I weighed around 120 pounds and size two pants were loose on me, which was not healthy for the five-foot-five-inch athlete that I was. If I had not had an emotional breakdown that led me to binge eat, I don’t know how extreme I would have gotten or how warped my self-perception would have grown. While this

Maybe if I would have known about eating disorders, and what it meant to have an unhealthy relationship with food, my journey would have been different. Maybe I would not have struggled as long if I had known what anorexia nervosa, bulimia and binge-eating disorders were and received treatment. While I don’t know the answer to these hypotheticals, I have hope for people going forward. The growing awareness of eating disorders and their counterpart, body dysmorphia, is a step in the right direction.

and my weight — aspects of cognitive behavior therapy that someone who has an eating disorder may be prescribed. Changing your thoughts and behaviors ingrained in your mind is hard and the process takes time, but is worth the effort. For those who suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, remedies that WebMD describes as most common include cognitive behavior therapy, certain antidepressants and support.

I still struggle with my self-perception, but I have made myself aware of the habits that lead me back to obsessing about my weight. I try to view eating and working out as goals towards health — not appearance. I constantly try to remind myself that my health matters, not the number on the scale or on the tag of my jeans.

My weight does not define me, but my overall health does and that is what I try to focus on — both my physical and mental health. Your appearance does not define you either. If you think you suffer from even the slightest degree of an eating disorder or body dysmorphia, I encourage you to find out more about it and talk to someone, a professional or even someone who has experienced a disorder of this nature.

Your mind is a very powerful thing, please take care of it and treat yourself kindly.

According to WebMD, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating are all eating disorders that stem from having an unhealthy relationship with food. They can become serious and have lasting effects on a person’s health if untreated.

These eating disorders are most common among women but affect men too. People, such as myself, tend to hide or deny that they have an eating disorder, which is why the growing conversation encourages me that others may get the help that I didn’t have due to simply not knowing. Body dysmorphic disorder is similar to eating disorders. While eating disorders focus on weight, body dysmorphic disorder is a mental disorder that causes a person to become concerned with a specific body part. This chronic disorder is equally common among men and women and can cause someone to become so obsessed with their perceived flaw that it affects various aspects of their life.

Both of these types of disorders are associated with anxiety and wanting control in one’s life.

Someone on the outside looking in may not understand or even see the “flaw” a person with an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder sees, but that does not change their reality and how they perceive themselves.

What helped me was gradually changing my thoughts and behaviors towards eating, exercise

Graphics by Jacqui Cantu

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By Robin Molina

Nothing has made me more aware of my Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) than writing an article about ADHD. My attempt to produce an equally entertaining and interesting piece of work has been quite an adventure. I scrapped my first two drafts, changed the font three times on this current one, took a shower, came back and vacillated between writing this piece and another one. Only recently, within the past five minutes — out of the hours I’ve been going through research and writing — have I realized what was happening. Touché ADHD. There are many areas I wish to address and explore within the realm of ADHD, and it goes without saying that my attempt to arrange them into a format that is somewhat logical has been challenging. So, I’m just going to run with it.

Run with me or don’t. Take it easy. Have a macaron or don’t. Let’s go.

Please note, all of this content is solely for informational purposes and should not be considered medical advice.

When I initially signed up to write this article, my first thought was, what is the difference between ADD and ADHD? It turns out that ADHD is now the official medical term recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. There are three subtypes of ADHD: inattentive presentation (formerly described as ADD), hyperactive/ impulsive presentation, and combined presentation.

For many years, I thought I had the predominantly inattentive presentation of ADHD; however, there was no way to be sure other than going to my family doctor and filling out a questionnaire. For some reason, even after filling out the questionnaire and having been told I did indeed have ADHD, I still didn’t feel like I was being properly diagnosed. This was partially due to the fact that because I filled out the questionnaire, it somehow felt like a selfdiagnosis which therefore made my ADHD a semi-artificial part of my narrative because I was the genesis of its existence.

In the years prior to this, when I only suspected I had ADHD, my family wasn’t receptive to

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Page design by Kat Joseph

my suspicions which made it difficult for me to not feel like I was making it up. I discovered the information and help that I desired at a neurofeedback office called The Well Mind Center.

Before I get into neurofeedback and how it has helped me, there are a few things I’d like to mention about other approaches to therapy because we each need something a little different.

First of all, don’t undermine anything you feel.

Explore it, observe it, do some research first and then talk to your friends and family about it if you’re comfortable. Oftentimes, symptoms of ADHD overlap with other psychiatric disorders.

According to Harvard Health Online, “two studies of adults with ADHD found that more than four in five met the criteria for at least one other psychiatric disorder.” Consider that other conditions could be factors in what you’re feeling. If so, this could lead to better diagnosis and methods of treatment.

Whichever course of treatment you decide to take, consider not only treating the symptoms but yourself as well. There are various routes one can take to treat the symptoms that involve stimulants or non-stimulants, but about 20 percent to 50 percent of adults with ADHD do not respond to drug treatment. One should preferably supplement any medicated form of treatment with therapy. Depending on the area in which one needs help, there are therapies ranging from cognitive, dialectical, meta cognitive and coaching. According to healthline.com, a website with a medical network of professionals that offers clinical guidance, about 75 percent of people who enter cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) experience some benefits. CBT is centered around how someone’s thoughts and beliefs influence their actions and moods, its longterm goal is to change a person’s thinking and behavioral patterns to healthier ones.

Additionally, simply educating yourself and those around you on the symptoms of ADHD could help manage it and set up realistic expectations and goals. Other small strategies that help manage ADHD include implementing structure in your day, breaking tasks into manageable pieces and limiting distractions.

Experiment with what works for you, whether

that’s dancing, taking walks, organizing your unread emails, jotting down notes or cleaning. Be open to anything; you never know what will work.

What worked for me was meditation; however, I didn’t realize how powerful it was until I started experimenting with neurofeedback therapy.

Neurofeedback therapy involves monitoring brainwave activity in order to retrain the brain.

This is a great option to treat ADHD because it is permanent and a short investment of your time.

During my first neurofeedback session, I was a mess. As my brainwaves were monitored, I was instructed to play Pacman which requires a certain amount of focus I lacked at the time. I was frustrated at first but then I remembered how I had been meditating for the past six months and attempted to apply that mindset to the task at hand. As soon as I did this, the Pacman started moving consistently.

This was amazing because of the fact that I really didn’t know what meditation would help me with but apparently, it’s really effective at controlling the waves in your brain which is great for people with ADHD because meditation is easily accessible to everyone. I’ve been going to sessions for around three months since then and my focus has improved immensely.

A few recommendations from Shanda Stevens, a nationally certified counselor, licensed professional counselor and BCIA board certified neurofeedback practitioner, on how to handle ADHD involve finding a way to get the body in coherence with the brain through “a certain diet, exercise, getting good sleep, getting off the phone (if you’re going to be on your phone at night, getting those silly glasses that block the blue light out) — it really does take work to manage [it] but if you can your life is going to be improved.”

I hope that knowing there are various options out there to treat and cope with ADHD gives you confidence that the condition is manageable and that life can be more enjoyable. I think becoming informed is exciting because it not only changes our perspective but opens up a slew of options for us to experiment with to improve our lives.

Here’s to hard work and, hopefully, not too many more drafts!

By Katrina Clements Editor-in-Chief

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can sound intimidating and confusing, but odds are, you have probably met someone who has this condition or tendencies of it. BPD is present in my best friend, my mother, my biological grandmother and parts of me. For me, BPD is my mother’s manic episodes that drove her to spend time with me, and her depressive episodes and escapist tendencies that drove her away from me and my family when I was five years old. BPD is the all-consuming pain and confusion I experienced in my teen years. BPD is feeling trapped inside my own brain and self-delusion. BPD is feeling extremely overwhelmed at least once every hour.

BPD is what brought my best friend of six years and me together. BPD is scary, visceral and something people never get “better” from.

BPD is defined by the APA Dictionary of Psychology as “a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships and self-image that is severe enough to cause extreme distress or interfere with social and occupational functioning.” BPD was given its name because this mental illness borders on others that lie between normality and neurosis, like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

BPD is a mental illness that changes the structure and function of the brain, which is why it is a lifelong condition. According to Medium.com, brain scans done on people with BPD have shown that the amygdala, the part of the brain that regulates fear and aggression, is smaller than that of the general population. This is why those with BPD experience emotions so much more intensely than everyone else, and why the comedown from these extreme emotions takes longer. The amygdala is the brain’s tool for survival; borderline individuals have more frequent fight, flight, freeze and fawn reactions.

Also according to Medium.com, the hippocampus are the tubes in the right and left hemispheres of the brain which are associated with long and short-term memory, spatial orientation and emotional response. For people with BPD, the hippocampus are in a state of constant hyper arousal, meaning threats are misinterpreted and then sends faulty signals to the amygdala. This explains why those with BPD are more on edge and feel like they are in danger or survival mode more often than rationally necessary.

According to the Dana Foundation, BPD begins forming in the brain as early as in the womb and can be spurred by early childhood trauma, genetics or both. People with BPD grow up with this biological condition shaping their personality and relationships.

While BPD can be challenging to navigate growing up and in adulthood, it can be an asset and a tool for many with the condition. Because of the high intensity of emotions and reactions, aided by a greater understanding of feelings, many who have BPD are great artists and writers who use their disorder to fuel their art.

BPD is scary for those who have it and those who are close to someone with it. BPD does not look the same on everyone, it is unique and derived from the specific traumas and relational histories of each individual. My mother has BPD and leans towards the narcissistic side of the disorder, meaning she is the center of her universe and has convinced herself she is also the center of everyone else’s. This played a large role in my childhood, as my borderline tendencies stem from her genetics in combination with her inability to be fully present in my life. BPD can also present itself in an antisocial manner, which is how my best friend’s BPD functions. When she has an episode or “splits,” she shuts down and becomes destructive of her closest relationships by lashing out uncontrollably.

And that’s the thing people who are close to others with BPD need to understand; it is not in their control. People who struggle with BPD did not ask for their brains to overproduce neurotransmitters; they did not ask to have the feeling of “too much” 24/7. Being kind to one’s self is not always possible in these states of psychosis.

Understanding their need to ride out these feelings before calming down is critical in interpersonal relationships with a BPD diagnosis.

Graphic by Amber Chin

Through years of therapy and psychiatry, I have never been diagnosed with BPD but my doctors say while I am “too high functioning” to have BPD, I do display tendencies due to the thread of BPD diagnoses on my maternal side in concert with the trauma and abuse of my childhood and teen years. Even though my borderline traits frustrate me and make me feel like my world is constantly one step away from collapsing, I am thankful for them. Because of my BPD tendencies, I love harder than anyone I know, I write, I am creative, I connect with those close to me on such a deep level, and I am compassionate to others who struggle with complex mental illnesses like my own.

I have been taken down and shamed for being “crazy,” “too much” and “dramatic”, since I began showing signs of BPD as a teenager. What those kids didn’t understand was the trauma and chaos that made my brain different than theirs.

People with BPD don’t often come from stable, loving, two-parent households. People with BPD come from high-stress, often abusive, chaotic and unstable homes. I am asking you, readers, to be sensitive to the “crazy” girl you heard about from the boy you just started dating. To the mother who ran away from her only child. To the girl who tried to commit suicide last year. To the friend who self-harms.

We’re all human, we’re just a little different. We must be compassionate and sensitive to those with BPD, especially in this already chaotic and stressful time in society.

By Lindsey Thomas Photo Editor

Letter to Survivors

Pretending to be okay and acting like nothing happened is what survivors are told to do. One incident is not worse than the other. Rape is rape and should be treated as such.

You are told “it’s not your fault,” but what society fails to teach you is how to accept this fact yourself. Most people who have been hurt or assaulted take on the blame and tell themselves something could have been done to prevent this. There must be a reason for all of this. Maybe I could have worn a longer skirt, had a form of protection or simply said “no.” The reality is, it’s never your fault. The world tells you what you wore and the way you present yourself are the reasons you were hurt. They are wrong. Sometimes you are hurt by someone you love or someone you cared about. If someone who loved you hurt you, the clothing you wear does not excuse their actions. Nothing you wear, say or do should give anyone the right to hurt your body. Your body is a temple, something that should be worshiped and cared for, not taken advantage of.

The reality is that people lie. The person who raped you could have been someone close to you. They may have told you that sex is a normal part of a relationship and that you should be okay with giving them that intimate part of you. You felt safe with this person so you did, although it was not something you wanted. This is rape. Survivors are told that they could have said ’no,’ or that it’s easy to say stop, but the reality is the perpetrator probably won’t listen.

Survivors are naturally quick to blame themselves for something out of their control. You are not alone.

Someone is going through the same thing as you.

Thinking no one will understand is true; no one can truly understand your pain. That is something personal, but there are people who can empathize.

People are constantly going through their own mental or physical battles.

Nothing you did could have changed what happened.

Someone hurt you, and it is not your fault. There are so many things I could say to try to make you believe there was nothing different you could have done and to make you forgive yourself.

There is no time span for forgiveness. You are not supposed to ‘get over it.’ Someone took advantage of your body and that creates a hole in your chest; a kind of emptiness that makes you feel worthless. There is no set of steps for being ‘okay’ again, only moving on to better days. There are brighter things ahead. It is so hard to see the goodness in the days when all you can think about was when you were abused. There will always be moments where you fall back down into that hole, where you feel the world is out to get you, but those moments will pass and you will be okay.

Be kind to yourself. You were abused by someone but that does not mean you are worthless. No one is worthless. You are good, kind and all things beautiful.

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There is no such thing as “beyond redemption.” You can always be saved. There is someone going through your pain. You are not alone.

Listen to music, draw, paint or go outside. Close your eyes and imagine the happiest moment of your life. Pretend you are there whenever those dark moments come to mind, and that will flush away the memories in that moment.

No one can tell you how to move on or be okay. That is up to you. You were hurt; you are allowed to be hurt. You can cry, and you can scream.

There were so many days I wanted to and felt there was no point, but there is. Getting that anger out, emptying that hole in your chest will make you momentarily relieved.

Talk about it. Holding it in hurts. Opening up is scary, it makes you feel like a part of you is being ripped out, as if you are losing your sanity, but you aren’t. It is the first step to forgiving yourself. Talk to yourself, a friend, or go see a counselor. If you cannot even fathom speaking about it, write. Write your heart out until it bleeds onto the page. Speak your truth because someone believes you, but the first person who needs to believe you is you. Keep on growing, beautiful.

Photo by Lindsey Thomas

How to Listen to Someone

By Robin Molina

I was sitting at my kitchen table after I finished the research for this article and when I finally found the answers to the questions I would ask myself every time someone opened up to me with their story: Did I listen well?

Did they feel heard? Did I talk too much? What I realized was that it didn’t matter what happened during or after the fact, what mattered was my intention before the storytelling even started.

Listening to someone else’s story feels a lot like an exercise in appreciation and observation. It’s a balancing act between holding a safe space and being an active listener. Mostly, I think, it necessitates mindfulness and simultaneous awareness of the fact that neurologically, it’s inherently difficult for us to be good listeners.

We can start by having the intention of listening in a manner that involves engaging and connecting with ideas at an emotional level — this is called “third-ear” listening. Contrastingly, “two-ear” listening is when one listens for mere facts. The former is a better approach, considering that ideas help us remember facts more effectively.

To help one hold this intention while actively listening, they can cultivate a beginner’s mind which involves being genuinely curious about what is going on in the other person’s head. This genuine curiosity prompts us to then ask questions to show we are listening and understanding. There are two types of questions we can ask: ones that are content-based and focus on that person’s feelings, and others that repeat back what we’ve heard to ensure understanding.

In addition to repeating back, Shanda Stevens, MS, LPC, NCC and BCN, recommends maintaining good eye contact, giving a nod or some kind of verbal cue that you’re listening. Additionally, Stevens suggests that rather than pulling on our past experiences as a way to provide understanding, we should use those feelings while we are listening to provide empathy.

Another factor in third-ear listening involves what I like to call holding space. Holding space for someone is when you listen without judgment or without thinking about what you’re going to say next.

It’s allowing the other person to finish their thought and thus allow them to take us somewhere new. Oftentimes, we may feel like we know where someone is going with their story but we should practice holding our presumptions back.

It’s also important to understand why we feel like we know where the person is going with their story. The Harvard Business Review explains the reasons why we want to interrupt: “When we listen, we ask our brains to receive words at an extremely slow pace compared with its capabilities… We can listen and still have some spare time for thinking.” The fact that we have spare time between the other person’s words often gets us sidetracked; however, we can use our spare time efficiently by engaging in mental activities “geared to the oral discourse and taking place concurrently with that oral discourse.”

r e Mahe Graphic by Emmanuell

Those mental activities involve periodically reviewing and mentally summarizing the points of the talk and listening in between the lines or paying attention to nonverbal cues.

We should be aware of emotional filters that prevent openmindedness and should look for evidence that proves us wrong in what we believe. It’s easy to be disengaged when we are listening to someone who agrees with our beliefs so when we look for how we could be proved wrong, we not only are more engaged but obtain a more in-depth understanding.

If one carries the intention of listening, in addition to the active listening skills that validate the speaker, one can increase the quality and trust in their relationships, motivate and inspire others and give others the feeling of acceptance. The overall goal is to establish a connection and in establishing that connection we allow and invite each other to discover more about ourselves.

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How Different Culture United States

By Kasandra Parker

Nigeria

By Geoffrey Okolo Thinking back, there were two factors that squashed any talk of depression in my household: access and prayer. They worked in tandem to sweep issues of mental health under the rug.

The topic of access was very implicit. It reminded us that free time and disposable income were luxuries we were not entitled to. My mother was struggling to get us by, and we did not want to add to her burden.

We had to keep moving or we would be consumed by our emotions.

As access placed material limitations, fixation on prayer was the advertised solution. It wasn’t confined by questions of access, rather, it was praised as a free and convenient panacea for all ailments.

With a simple utterance, I could smite wicked people in high places, scatter the enemy’s camp and claim the comfort promised to children of God. But I wasn’t a child of God. I didn’t believe in God, so I got accustomed to bouts with depression and anxiety and developed bad coping habits.

Even if I believed, it would not have changed the outcome.

We cannot live on faith alone. Mental health is an important issue with material consequences, so we first need to destigmatize the topic if we want to develop material solutions.

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With the invention of social media, mental health is at the forefront of every conversation within the past several years, and there is no slowing down the need to dissect it and understand it.

With all of the great contributions psychologists have made throughout history, it is no secret why mental health is on many American’s minds.

Psychology is ingrained in American culture. It is a huge part of our educational experience, and social media makes it easier to reach the public and understand what we think, feel and believe. Social media makes mental health no longer a personal issue, but a public one that is hotly debated and dissected.

Why do we do this? Is it our morbid fascination with the mind and all of its complexities? Whether it is a long-standing cultural practice for Americans or a natural response to the ingenuity and ability to connect social media offers, Americans have always been obsessed with the mind. With the current turbulent state of society, it is no wonder why mental health has become such a hot topic for the U.S. and why we are constantly finding ways to make sense of it.

es View Mental Health Pakistan

By Maha Qadri Magazine Editor

My entire family comes from Pakistan. Despite having grown up in the U.S., I have always been surrounded by Pakistani culture whether it was here at home or whenever I managed a trip over to the motherland. While I was too young to recognize what it was, I had always noticed the lack of emotional expression in my family. I’d heard my father lecturing my brother about how crying was useless, but that didn’t seem fair in my adolescent mind.

Puerto Rico

By Kasandra Parker

What is mental health to Puerto Ricans? It’s a waste of time and energy that should be put into hard work and family.

Collectivism, the base of the roots, it is all that matters. We work as a unit and we feel as a unit, nothing else matters. We don’t have time to worry about the scars accumulated along the way; we push through it. Their generation did it, and so can we. We can’t worry about our mental health because something bigger and better is always waiting at the end. Eat good food, dance often, love where you come from because nobody will have your back the way your family will.

Toxic masculinity, sexism and casual racism are the biggest factors that repress mental health’s prevalence in my culture. Men are meant to provide, so they don’t get to complain. Women are meant to care for the home and stay quiet in the face of their in-laws, so they don’t have time to feel neglected. Darker-skinned people are constantly shamed for their complexions and are seen lower in the social caste. With all this divide, it’s hard for people to come together and find a strong support system.

With my most recent visit, I was re-familiarized with these concepts. While I tried my best to teach my nieces and nephews the importance of emotional expression, it’s going to take a lot more effort and manpower to change these toxic mindsets across the culture.

Those qualities, characteristics of the minorities of Puerto Ricans, are the very foundation I was brought upon — work hard and appreciate everything.

What they don’t tell you is how difficult it is to be a part of a generation whose roots to the culture don’t go as deep as they thought. How can they be rooted when they don’t feel completely connected? These feelings fester within minorities, so they harden themselves and they harden their children.

Graphic by Mah

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Knees to Chest

By Kimiya Factory

Knees to chest.

This happens several times a week.

I’m in the shower, sitting down because standing is something that I do all of the time.

Knees to chest.

I stand up for things that strangers whisper “thank you” in my ear for.

Knees to chest.

I stand up for myself in relationships that I should be over by now.

Knees to chest.

It feels so good to sit down.

I watch a drop of water trickle down a curly strand of my hair that dangles on to my forehead.

Knees to chest.

I remember when you used to wrap my coils around your index finger and grin with those big brown eyes.

Knees to chest.

Your hair used to fall on your forehead perfectly as your eyes met mine, and I smiled thinking you were every answer I could need in life.

The water is getting lukewarm.

Knees to chest.

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You were red, and you liked me ‘cause I was blue

But you touc hed me,

and suddenly I was a lilac sky

Then you decided purple just wasn’t for you.

Lyrics by Halsey

Graphic by Kat Joseph

Alone in Perpetual Darkness No, This is Not About Existentialism

By Lindsey Thomas Photo Editor

There are many types of abuse, but they all have one thing in common: It is never the victim’s fault. It’s hard to be aware of emotional abuse, but there are key signs to look out for. Some include: • • • •

Gaslighting Degrading language Hurtful comments disguised as “jokes” You feel responsible for them, they constantly victimize themselves to gain your favor • Controlling and obsessive behavior Not every form of abuse is easily seen; a lot of the time it’s verbal. This kind of abuse is mentally deteriorating and drains every ounce of energy you have. Mental/emotional abuse can make you feel like you can barely crawl from day to day — hoping that the next day will get better, but it won’t. Being in an abusive relationship is hard to realize because victims think of all the good times and hope that it will get better one day.

The reality is that the relationship won’t get better because the perpetrator, the person who says, “I love you” also knows you.

They know the victim’s limits, quirks and how much to keep others wrapped around their fingers.

There is a difference between partners putting in an effort and giving it their all. The person who says they are in love is obligated to back up that love with effort. Being in college

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Photo & Graphic by Kat Joseph

makes it harder to detect negligence and abusers will use this to their advantage by saying they don’t have time or money.

Abusers will make their victims feel bad for wanting their time. Abusers get into victims’ heads by saying they are needy, annoying, selfish, rude and so much more. Victimizers try to make their partners hate themselves and only love them. These people tear victims down until they have nothing left to give.

The hardest part is getting help, but it’s also the most relieving.

Talk to someone you trust and let them help. Everything is easier said than done, but getting help is the best thing for you mentally and physically.

For me, getting help was hard. It felt like I was dragging myself through the day and forcing my body to be okay with things because my significant other wanted it. Not a day goes by without me thinking about all the things that happened during that relationship, but I am trying my best. I am smiling more, caring about myself and being okay with who I am. The biggest advice I can give is to love yourself. If you don’t, then the relationship you are in is not worth it. Go through the steps to leaving, even if it’s hard. Love yourself enough to care about what is being done to your body and mind. You are worth it. You are good enough. You are loved.

Portrait by Lindsey Thomas

Resources For LGBTQ Youth • The Trevor Project // www.thetrevorproject.org

- 24-hour, toll-free, crisis intervention phone line: 1.866.488.7386

- Online, social networking community for LGBTQ youth (13 to 24 years) and allies - Educational programs for schools

• Peer Listening Line // http://fenwayhealth.org/care/ wellness-resources/help-lines

Anonymous and confidential help line for accessing support from other LGBTQ youth (not specific to suicide): 800.399.PEER Offers LGBTQ young people a safe place to call for information, referrals, and support with coming out, locating LGBTQ groups and services, safer sex and relationships, and HIV/AIDS.

• It Gets Better Project // https://itgetsbetter.org/get-help/

A nonprofit organization that empowers and connects LGTBQ+ youth through education and inspiring stories.

For Everyone • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline // https:// suicidepreventionlifeline.org

24-hour, toll-free crisis line: 1.800.273.8255

National network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people and their families in suicidal crisis or emotional distress • LGBTQ+ Helpline // http://fenwayhealth.org/care/ wellness-resources/help-lines

Anonymous and confidential help line for accessing support from other LGBTQ people (not specific to suicide): 888.340.4528 Offers information, referrals, and support with coming out, locating LGBTQ groups and services, safer sex and relationships, and HIV/AIDS.

For Families of LGBTQ People • PFLAG // www.pflag.org

An organization dedicated to promoting family and community support and acceptance of LGBTQ people through education, support groups, and advocacy.

• Family Acceptance Project

A research, intervention, education and policy initiative that works to prevent health and mental health risks for LGBTQ children and youth in the context of their families, cultures, and faith communities.

Provides training and consultation on an evidence-based family model of wellness, and prevention and care to strengthen families and promote positive development.

For Health Care Providers and Organizations • American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: LGTBQ+ Initiative // www.afsp.org

Multiple LGTBQ+-specific resources, including mental health educational resources and training tools • SAMHSA: Suicide Prevention // www.samhsa.gov/ suicide-prevention

Information and resources on suicide prevention and risk for behavioral health professionals, the general public, and people at risk.

• National Strategy for Suicide Prevention // https://www. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK109917/

Report outlining a national strategy to guide actions for suicide prevention, with objectives and goals across four strategic directions: wellness and empowerment, prevention services, treatment and support services, and surveillance.

• Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC): Suicide Prevention among LGTBQ+ Youth // www.sprc.org/ training-institute/lgbt-youth-workshop

Workshop for Professionals Who Serve Youth: free workshop kit to help staff in schools, youth-serving organizations, and suicide prevention programs take action to reduce suicidal behavior among LGBTQ youth.

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