PALM COAST
Old TV suddenly stops working PAGE 2
Observer YOU. YOUR NEIGHBORS. YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
VOLUME 13, NO. 8
APRIL 1, 2022
Man crosses town, all green lights Wilby Onthyme had always hit at least one red in his commute, although he hasn’t kept track, really. PAGE 2
Historic fork to be preserved
Shopper finds that sale item ‘I was getting stressed,’ she recalled in an exclusive interview with the Palm Coast Observer. ‘Then I found it, and I was like, “Finally.”’ PAGE 2
For years, many assumed the first utensil to be used in Palm Coast history was a spoon. O.G. EEDER GASTRO EDITOR
When ITT, original developer of Palm Coast, held a dinner party on June 8, 1968, the crowd held its breath in anticipation as Garfield ate a bite of ceremonial tapioca pudding. As soon as he finished licking, the spoon was set aside for posterity to adore. Everyone seemed pretty chill about it. Until now. The Association for the Preservation of Historic Forks has filed a lawsuit, after uncovering evidence of a small lunch party that convened earlier on that fateful June day. “It’s obvious that if this fork was used in that lunch event, its utilization was accomplished prior to the utilization of the G.S.,” said Laura Constantinople, attorney representing the APHF, referring to the Garfield Spoon. ITT attorneys have challenged Constantinople’s definition of “utilization,” arguing that if no saliva was SEE GOTCHA PAGE 2
INSIDE DICTIONARY BANNED
Many of the words in the dictionary were found to be objectionable, even incomprehensible, in a recent report by the Ad Hoc School Library Book Review Committee for the Preservation of Some Books. PAGE 2
Jessica Elouisa Pretonski-Bossanova realized she was out of granola bars, and she went straight to the store.
Fed up with growth, man dismantles his own house ‘I’m tired of being part of the problem.’
RESTAURANT ADDS COCKROACH
Blaming it on staff shortages, a local restaurant is adding cockroach to the menu. “We have great sauces,” the owner said. PAGE 2
REAL TOKH LAND GRAB EDITOR
For several years, Jack Falltrades has watched more and more homes go up in Palm Coast. With every rooftop, he became angrier. “I moved here because I wanted to be alone,” he said. The lot next to him, on Cedar Trail, off Cedar Trail Lane, which is in the F Section, is being cleared now, and he witnessed a bunny hop out of the woods as trees were coming down. That was the tipping point. “I realized I was being a hypocrite,” Falltrades said. “If I cleared my lot, how I can I complain about my neighbor doing it?” He has since started dismantling his own home. “I’m going to let trees grow back on my property and live in
TEACHER’S PET GETS TOP GRADE
Some of the bullies in Mrs. Klickety’s class in first grade have filed a complaint against Minnie, who consistently gets better grades than they do. PAGE 2
INDEX
Public Notices.............PAGE 23 Real Front Page............. PAGE 3
Photo by Joshua Rawson Harris on Unsplash
Jack Falltrades takes a boot-tying break after removing his roof.
Photo by Josh Olalde on Unsplash
SEE GOTCHA PAGE 2
