Kind Hearts, Streetwise Coffee

bending down to put it in the oven when I felt something strange. Did I just pee? What was that? That felt weird. I quickly darted off to the bathroom and gave Callum the yell: “I think this is it”, “I think my waters have broken”, “wow this really isn’t stopping”. It was at this moment that it finally dawned on me that by tomorrow (hopefully) we would be parents. Wow. From here things happened quickly, my contractions were near one minute and were coming quickly. I thought that my prior assumptions were correct that I would need pain relief, if this was what labour was like and if it was going to last for hours and hours like everyone had told me then I was not going to survive! We called my midwife and it happened to be her weekend off. I thought here we go. My non-birth plan is already falling apart. Her lovely backup midwife made a plan to meet us at the hospital the next morning if nothing happened overnight. Unfortunately, when my waters broke I thought they looked a bit off. I knew all about meconium and knew what it often meant for labours – lots of monitoring. Yes, another aspect of my nonbirth plan is not going to plan. Because of this I was somewhat in denial about the fact that yes my waters did have meconium in them, so we made the decision to send a photo to my midwife who agreed it was meconium. Our plan was changed and we were to meet her at the hospital in around an hour as she had to come from out of town. Callum hurriedly started packing up our things while keeping an eye on me. By this time my contraction timer was alerting me that it was time to get to a hospital. We made the relatively quick drive across town which wasn’t as bad as I had heard it could be. We were lucky with it being around 8pm in the middle of lockdown the bustling metropolis of Palmerston North was traffic free. When we arrived at the hospital my worst fear was met – Callum couldn’t come in with me for the exam. The biggest issue this caused me was going up the elevator on my own to the birthing suite as elevators are not my favourite thing, especially on my own. Very irrational fear I know. At this moment though I couldn’t care less, all I could think was how much pain I was in and how I wanted it to end. I had done an online hypnobirthing cause which I think helped me immensely. My breathing was so constant and was helping me get through each contraction, as hard as they were I knew I just needed to breathe and the pain would eventually end. In the room I was met by my midwife who wasn’t expecting me to be in so much discomfort as it had only been a couple of hours since my waters had broken. She did an exam and said it was definitely my waters and that they had meconium in them. She and I were also incredibly surprised that when she checked how dilated I was I was already eight centimetres. She asked if I had a history of rapid labours in my family and I was struggling to understand that this was really happening and it was happening quickly. Once it was established that I was very much in labour Callum was able to come in to support me. My midwife asked

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me what pain relief I had planned on using and encouraged me that I was doing a great job with my breathing. I didn’t know what I wanted, I felt like my go with the flow birth plan was letting me down as I couldn’t think straight. I quickly decided that I would give gas a go. I contemplated if I should mention that I had hoped to have a water birth as I knew more monitoring was required with meconium babies. Much to my surprise my midwife let me know that the hospital had a waterproof monitor and she would check if it was available. I tried to not get too excited with the fact that something might be going to plan. But it was going to plan, the monitor was available. So I waddled over to the birthing pool and jumped in *slowly manoeuvred my way in a very ungraceful manner*. I was surprised that the water didn’t give me instant pain relief as I had imagined, now I look back and think how did I ever think that. Almost as soon as I sat in the pool I felt an uncontrollable urge to push. This terrified me as I think I was still in denial that I had to get this baby out. Just to carry on the theme of my non birth plan not going to plan the monitor stopped working so I needed to get out of the pool. This was another slow and ungraceful process. Once on the bed it took me a while to find the right position and to get comfortable. My midwife informed me that if I stop using the gas I might be able to focus more on my pushing. I gave it up and at that point felt like it wasn’t doing a whole lot to help anyway. During the pushing process I would push and feel my little girl get nice and low and I would start to feel intense pain. I would instantly stop and think no no no this baby is not coming out. I told a few white lies saying that the contraction had finished. When in reality I just felt the pain and didn’t want to commit to it. It was when I asked if we were okay and my midwife replied saying yes everything was okay and that there wasn’t any need for intervention that I remembered about all the possible interventions. I wanted the process to be over and I didn’t want any interventions. I pushed as hard as I possibly could and I squeezed my partner’s hand as hard as I could. With that push my baby’s head was born. I breathed through this until the next contraction but in the meantime we were greeted with a cry from our little girl. When the next contraction came I pushed out our little girl’s body. On August 28th 2021 at 11.30pm our little girl Maisie Kate Waller was born. Our lives had changed forever. The love we had for her was overwhelming - we were Maisie’s mum and dad and we were over the moon. Maisie and I were transferred to the maternity ward. Due to covid visitor restrictions Callum was unable to join us. It was a hard goodbye. It felt like everything had just fallen into place but yet again things weren’t going to plan. I had planned on going straight home from the delivery suite but with the meconium Maisie needed to be monitored for twenty-four hours. Much to the shock of the maternity ward nurses we left bang on twenty-four hours later at 11.30pm in the pouring rain. I wanted to be reunited as a little family and missed my home so much. So we met a very excited new dad Callum in the carpark who carefully chauffeured us home. Upon returning home the reality that we were parents hit. We knew nothing about being parents yet somehow had to look after this baby and get her through to the morning when our midwife would visit. After some quick googling “what do babies wear to sleep?”, “is it normal for my newborn to poo this much?” and “normal temperature of a baby?” we were on our way. The next few days can only be described as overwhelming. My life had changed so drastically in such little time and it was so hard to process. My partner Callum was instrumental in supporting me through this. Slowly over time we got used to our new normal and life as a family of three. All the hard times, sleep deprivation and tears were all worth it when I looked at Maisie and knew that she was my little girl and I was her mum. My favourite part of my birth experience was the fact that it brought me and my partner closer. He supported, encouraged and uplifted me when I was at my most vulnerable and I will forever cherish these moments. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but I wouldn’t change any part of it. It brought me my little Maisie who is now nearly eight months old and is the absolute light of our lives.