April 2007
Living & Shopping In Wonderful Warrenton, VA
ifestyle
m a g a z i n e
In this issue… Your Credit Score is Your Financial Fingerprint. A Communication Tune-Up for Your Marriage …and MORE!
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Warrenton Lifestyle
Good News...
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Warrenton Lifestyle
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April 2007
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What’s Going On In Warrenton Publishers Tony & Holly Tedeschi for Piedmont Press & Graphics tony@piedmontpress.com Advertising Cindy McBride CindyMcBride@piedmontpress.com Subscriptions Mitchell Morton mitchell@piedmontpress.com Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine c/o Piedmont Press & Graphics 404 Belle Air Lane Warrenton,Virginia 20186 540.347.4466 Ph 540.347.9335 Fx www.warrentonlifestyle.com For general inquiries, advertising, editorial, listings or technical support: E: WarrentonLifestyle@piedmontpress.com Tel: 540.347.4466 • Fax: 540.347.9335 Editorial & Advertising office: Open 8:00 am to 5:30 pm, Monday to Friday 404 Belle Air Lane, Warrenton, VA 20186 The Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine is published monthly and distributed to all its advertisers and selected addresses. While reasonable care is taken with all material submitted to The Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine, the publisher cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage to any such material. Opinions expressed in articles are strictly those of the authors. While ensuring that all published information is accurate, the publisher cannot be held responsible for any mistakes or omissions. Reproduction in whole or part of any of the text, illustration or photograph is strictly forbidden. ©2007 Piedmont Press & Graphics Printed in Warrenton, Virginia. USA
There is a tremendous amount of business activity in Warrenton these days. New businesses coming in, traditional businesses expanding and others restructuring. Food is always a hot topic of conversation and I’m one that loves to participate. We are going to bring you more reviews of eateries in the coming months as well as the changes that affect all of us in the business community. I haven’t been eating out as much these days with my busy work schedule, travel and diet. When I do, I alternate between one of the newer establishments and the longtime favorites. Recently, I enjoyed a terrific lunch at Napoleon’s with my son, Mike, and Dr. Rob Flikeid. The service and food were exceptional and we’re always happy to see such variety on a menu with a truly global selection. I really enjoyed the Indian Chicken Curry. www. napoleonsrestaurant.com. The Grill Room at the Fauquier Springs Club is beginning to reflect the well-known standards of its managers, Angela and Mark Smith. Look for many of the old Legend’s Restaurant favorites to show up on their new menu. www. fauquiersprings.com We have a Thai restaurant coming soon and I know that will please many in the area. One of the few reasons my wife and I still travel to Culpeper, Manassas or Fairfax is to eat Thai food. March Madness (and a few friends) compelled me to have lunch at JP’s Bar & Grill to watch a little midday hoops. Their place is clean and
friendly but the food is really, really good. www.jps-sportsgrill.com Bartleby’s on Main Street is more than just a coffee house. They have a great selection for breakfasts, snacks, lunch and after work refreshments. Pending Town approval they will have outdoor, covered seating. In true Warrenton fashion, they love pets, especially dogs (like Bartleby). Enter their Pet of the Month contest and win lunch for two. There is free wireless, also. www.bartlebyscafe.com When you are done eating, consider heading over to In Motion Sports on Falmouth Street. This indoor sports facility hosts a variety of events including hockey, soccer, lacrosse and volleyball. There are leagues to join, dances, clinics, courses and tournaments. Get off your behind and get over there! www. in-motionsports.com Several new photographers have surfaced recently and their work is all very distinct. Husband and wife team, Srinu and Amy Regeti, opened last year on South Fourth Street. Take a look at their work at their official website or their blog. www.regetis.com Finally, by the time you read this, several local business people will have purchased a shopping center and adjacent property at a major intersection in Warrenton from a popular, long-time area resident, business person and leader. Check the newspaper for details. Andrea Ferrero of Café Torino is still the best cook in town, unless my mom is visiting. Try everything on the menu at least once.
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April 2007
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Your Credit Score is your
Financial Fingerprint
Part One by Andreas A. Keller
B
orrowing money is not the most pleasant task for many people because nobody likes being investigated as to their ability to pay back money. However, such an investigation is a necessary part of a banker’s job. In the past a banker generally judged a person according to four criteria - character, cash flow, capacity, and collateral – before coming to a conclusion as to that person’s creditworthiness. Over time those subjective judgments by bankers have been supplanted by the creditscoring system, which came into existence about forty years ago and has evolved steadily ever since. In its early stages, the credit-scoring system established a financial profile of consumers wishing to borrow money. Today, the credit-scoring model is a predictive model, which quantifies the ability of a consumer
Credit scores are made up of 5 parts
to pay off debt in the form of a credit score. The higher the credit score, the lower the risk of default, which in turn leads to lower interest rates for the borrower, substantially reducing the cost of borrowing. For this reason, it is important to understand more about credit scores and the credit-scoring system. In our computerized world, we leave financial fingerprints everywhere we go. Every month our shopping habits, travels, car purchases, and mortgages are reported to three private companies that aggregate the financial transactions of more than 130 million Americans and issue individual profiles called credit reports. These three companies are Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion, collectively known as the Credit Reporting Agencies or credit bureaus.
compare an individual’s financial behavior against the financial behavior of all other consumers in America and express their findings in the form of a credit score. Each credit bureau issues its own credit score. These three scores are then used by most lenders to assess a borrower’s credit risk. Credit scores range between 300 and 850 with the majority of consumers falling somewhere between 400 and 800. The average score for the American consumer hovers around 670. As noted above, higher scores command substantially better interest rates for the borrower. A credit score is made up of five parts, each of which is revealed in the credit report. The five parts are as follows: • Payment history records payment patterns. Paying debt
These Credit Reporting Agencies
See Credit page 10
Payment history
35%
15% 10%
30%
10%
Amounts owed Length of credit history New credit Types of credit used (Source: My FICO a division of Fair Isaac)
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Warrenton Lifestyle
April 2007
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Credit cont’d from page 8 as contractually agreed upon, on time and in full, is the single most important factor in maintaining a healthy credit score. Late payments, judgments, chargeoffs, severity of delinquencies, and bankruptcies affect the credit score negatively.
age of the account and the length of time since the last account activity. A borrower with a long and solid credit history is considered a
type of accounts, and the number of recent inquiries made in the last six months. Too many inquiries can reduce the credit score. It also checks for the re-establishment of a new credit history following past payment problems. • Types of credit used reviews the usage of different types of credits, i.e., credit cards, installment loans, mortgages, and others. A balance of different credit instruments is considered more favorable than a concentration of debt from credit cards only.
• Amounts owed measures outstanding balances as a percentage of total credit limits on revolving accounts. Fully utilized credit lines are red flags Paying your bills on time, every time, helps signaling that the borrower to keep your credit score high. A higher credit No one single piece of information may be under financial stress. score saves you money in the long run. determines the credit score. The Alternatively, the lower the score takes all five of the factors into outstanding balance the better. account, with each factor assuming Keeping outstanding balances seasoned borrower, which has a a different weight, depending on the below 30 percent of the credit limit positive impact on the credit score. overall information accumulated in an is very helpful in maintaining a • New credit reports on how many healthy credit score. new accounts have recently been See Credit page 12 • Length of credit history looks at the opened, proportion of accounts,
Whoever Said You Can’t Mix Business With Pleasure, Never Had The Pleasure Of Doing Business With Realtor Melissa Ferrell. ®
T
here are two sides to every coin. But while some people tend to be rigid in their view of the world—black or white, heads or tails—there are some who would prefer to have it both ways, to
have the best of both worlds, if you will. The old saying goes “You can’t mix business with pleasure.” Melissa Ferrell couldn’t disagree more. Her approach to real estate is to offer the best of both worlds. Her clients enjoy a no-nonsense, straightforward and knowledgeable style of service provided by one of the area’s top-producing agents. But to Melissa that doesn’t mean she has to be stuffy, reserved, or worse, boring. No, Melissa is perhaps one of the friendliest, warmest and most fun-loving professionals you will ever have the pleasure to do business with. “I provide the highest caliber of service, but always keep a sense of humor,” as Melissa puts it. You couldn’t ask for a more enjoyable agent to work with. When you buy or sell your next home, why not mix business with pleasure? Enjoy yourself for a change. Enjoy the incredible service of Melissa Ferrell. You’ll be glad you did.
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Warrenton Lifestyle
Strength.
jazzercise.com (800)FIT-IS-IT
April 2007
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Credit cont’d from page 8 individual’s credit history. Therefore, a credit score and its accompanying credit report become as unique as the person’s fingerprint. The credit score does not consider race, color, religion, national origin, sex, marital status, age, salary, employment history, child or family support obligations, or where a person lives. The importance of attaining and maintaining an excellent credit score ought to be understood by everyone. During the course of a person’s lifetime a credit score will determine the gain or loss of hundreds of thousands of dollars when contracting for mortgages, car loans and insurances, and even when applying for a job. Sadly, the credit score is one of the least talked about determinants for building lifelong wealth. Therefore, Credit Score
I encourage you to visit my website www.mortgagemomentsonline.com and click on the link “100% Accurate Daily Rates Based on Credit Scores” and find out how a higher credit score reduces the cost of borrowing. A limited example for a $300,000 30-year fixed rate mortgage is tabulated below: Based on today’s rates, a borrower with a 620 credit score who wants to purchase a home would have to pay $322 more per month compared to the borrower who has a credit score of 760. This translates into a higher cash outlay of $3,864 per annum or $115,920 over the life of the loan. These numbers demonstrate how important it is to improve a low credit score and to maintain an excellent credit score. You can read how to maintain, improve, and/or repair your credit score in Part Two of this article, which will appear in the upcoming May
Score Ranking Interest Rate
2007 Issue of the Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine.
Andreas A. Keller is a Senior Loan Officer with Warrenton-based Mid-Atlantic Mortgage Corporation who turns the mortgage process into delightful moments with the help of insightful financial coaching. He can be reached at this cell phone 703346-7262 or his office phone 540-347-9522 and via email: aakeller@mac.com. Get to know him at his personal website www. MortgageMomentsOnline.com.
Monthly Payment
Qualifies for Purchase/ Refiinance
Additional Lifetime Cost
760 - 850
Superior
5.75%
$1,750
P and R
$0.00
700 - 759
Excellent
6.00%
$1,798
P and R
$17,280
680 - 699
Above Average
6.25%
$1,847
P and R
$34,920
660 - 679
Average
6.50%
$1,896
P and R
$52,560
640 - 659
Below Average
6.875%
$1,970
P and R
$79,200
620 - 639
Below Average
7.375%
$2,072
Yes for R Limited for P
$115,920
580 - 619
Subprime
9.125%
$2,440
R only
$248,400
540 - 579
Subprime
10.500%
$2,744
R only
$357,840
500 - 539
Subprime
11.500%
$2,970
R only
$439,000
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Warrenton Lifestyle
2006
BEST OF
Voted
WA R R E N T O N Flower Shop
April 2007
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Where In was this photo taken? We will occasionally publish a portion of a photo of some person, place or thing uniquely Warrenton. Correct photo guesses will be put into a drawing. Winner receives a check for $25.00. Send your guess by the 15th of this month to our fax number at (540) 347-0917 or email to WarrentonLifestyle@piedmontpress.com or postal mail to: Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine, c/o Piedmont Press & Graphics, 404 Belle Air Lane, Warrenton, VA 20186.
Last month’s winner was
Wayne Harne of Bealeton for finding the ever moving Super Toly.
251 W. Lee Hwy. Ste 679 Warrenton
428-1818 Hours: Mon.-Sat. 9-9; Sunday 10-6 14
Warrenton Lifestyle
April 2007
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Pet Por traits Justine Remington Artist
Scooby Doo Pick-up Love your doggie? Hate the mess? Scooby Doo Pick-up is our town’s best! Is everyone getting ready for Uncle Sammy’s Birthday Bar-B-Que?? The last think you’ve got time to do is Pick up Fido’s duty-doo!!
Pet Portraits From Your Photos To many of us, our pets are part of the family. Why not remember them in a portrait? Pet portraits also make unique gifts. To order your pet portrait rendered in pastel, visit my website or e-mail me for details.
RemingtonCreations@yahoo.com
http://members.aol.com/jremingtonstudio
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If you’re a work-a-holic on the I66 corridor... You’d probably like to be able to use your backyard more..... Or perhaps you’d rather just spend your time, with the roses - how sublime -
Love your doggie? Commercial & Residential Call for yard cleaning rates today! (Rates based on yard size and number of dogs) Hate the mess? TODAY!! 439-1005 ScoobyCALL Doo Pick-up is our Licensed & Insured Dog Waste Removal Company town’s best! W L arrenton
ifestyle
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53A East Lee Street Old Town Warrenton, VA 20186 Call us at 540.351.0840 www.burchbuildersgroup.com April 2007
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Spiritual Care Support Ministries: Reaching for a hand, and touching a heart. by Amy Petty
M
any of us are well acres of land for quite walks and Bereaved, and Journey through Grief educated on the steps reflection. Recounting her dream when a Child Dies. we should take for good to a trusted pastor, he told her that When talking about classes and physical health, and if indeed God had spoken to her, it support groups, Pastor Danielsen’s physicians who can help us on that would come to pass. knowledge of the subject is apparent, path. Many of us are also well aware Sixteen years later, the Spiritual Care and she doesn’t shy away from discussing of symptoms of mental illness and how Support Ministries began. Located on this painful subject. “Understanding to find professional someone’s grief help to assist us if means you have problems arise. But to listen to them, what about when pray with them, and things go terribly sometimes tell them wrong? What it’s ok to have a day if you’re going now and then where through the loss of they wallow in their a spouse child, or grief. By this I mean the diagnosis of a that they take a day, terminal or chronic stay in their pajamas, illness? Would cry, yell, and wallow. Spiritual Care Support Ministries office is located at 76 West Shirley Avenue. But we also tell them you be mad at the world? Mad at that once they take God? West Shirley Avenue in Warrenton, this day, they need to make sure the Pastor Liz Danielsen has long worked with those dealing with grief and illness. Experiencing this pain first hand as she sat with her terminally ill mother more than 20 years ago, she saw the need for support for the sick and the dying. First Pastor Danielsen became a Hospice volunteer, working her ways to hospital chaplain. Then she trained and studied to become an Assemblies of God Minister and a Nationally Endorsed Assemblies of God Health Care Chaplain. Liz vividly remembers the night she awoke from a dream where God laid out a plan for her future. She saw a house with lots of rooms for support groups, meditation and prayer, and 18
Liz points out that while they don’t have the acreage from her dream, looking out the back of their warmly decorated office, there are evergreen trees matching the green from her dream years ago. Spiritual Care Support Ministries has developed an impressive group of classes, support groups, memorial events and more to support those seeking spiritual assistance. A quick run through of their website (www. scsm.tv) lists more than 50 available classes Liz can lead. Some of these classes include Children and Grief, Understanding Spiritual Pain of the Terminally Ill, Grieving the Loss of Your Family Member, the Cries of the
next day they get up and try to get back to leading their life.” Pastor Danielsen points out that one of the biggest problems for those grieving can be that those around them have gone on with their lives, while they still battle with the loss of a loved one or a diagnosis. “We know that the loss of a child, for example, can take a person anywhere from three to five years to really get through the wall of grief that is associated with such a tragedy.” The Spiritual Care Support Ministries runs solely on the efforts of highly dedicated volunteers. Last year See Ministries page 20 Warrenton Lifestyle
BEST OF
2006
WA R R E N T O N
April 2007
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Ministries cont’d from page 18 alone, the group’s 25 volunteers logged more than 6,000 hours in their service to others. Donations are growing, and Pastor Danielsen is working on grants to help offset the cost of running the service. Currently, she and her husband, Arvid, generously finance costs not met by donations. In addition to Pastor Danielson, Susan Amato serves as the center’s Volunteer Director, giving an average of 30 hours a week of her time. Previously an accountant, Susan says that after her children were out of college, she was able to pursue this volunteer position to make a difference in the lives of others. Joseph Toth serves as the ministry’s Director of Development, a position he is fulfilling after retiring from a combined 30 years with Boeing and SAIC. Dorothy Slaga gives her time as the group’s Media Specialist.
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Pastor Danielsen didn’t stop with a top notch, all volunteer staff. She also has a Board of Directors of varied backgrounds to ensure that the Spiritual Care Support Ministries stays on track to accomplish their mission statement, “Providing support,
Pastor Liz Danielsen
education and a Biblical perspective to those who are ill, dying, bereaved and those who journey with them.” Testimonials from teens to adults credit the Spiritual Care Support Ministries with helping them to move through their grief and their relationship with God. Their most recent newsletter highlights the story of a woman learning to understand how to grieve for her ex-husband’s death to better facilitate the grief experienced by their two sons. Because grief is such a personal journey, each person has their own path to reach inner peace. Thankfully the Spiritual Care Support Ministries are well equipped to help those young and old, no matter their religion. In fact, Liz points out that they are well connected within the faith community to meet the needs of all religious backgrounds. Sitting in her office located at 76 West Shirley Avenue in Warrenton, Pastor Danielsen is steadfast in her
Warrenton Lifestyle
commitment to helping others. Currently, the Spiritual Care Support Ministries holds classes and support groups in Warrenton, Culpeper and Manassas. But her vision goes far beyond our area. She hopes to be able to not only create services for those regionally, but globally. With plans to travel to Bangladesh next year, in addition to her unwavering drive, she seems well on her way. Says Liz, “I am privileged to be able to meet people in their most difficult moments of life. As we journey together, we are all changed. There is nothing I would rather be doing.” On behalf of the many lives she has touched, we say, “Thank you.” For more information about Spiritual Care Support Ministries, visit their website at www.scsm.tv. There you’ll find detailed information about the services they offer, a calendar of events, how you can volunteer, or where to send donations. You can also call them at 540/349-5814.
Have a suggestion for a future column on Warrenton? Email your ideas to amytpetty@adelphia.net. Amy Petty has lived in the Warrenton area for the past seven years. She is the Marketing Director for the Holiday Inn Express Hotel & Suites.
Advertise here… Your ad here would reach 30,000 Warrenton consumers at their homes & businesses. For rates & advertising information contact Cindy McBride at 540.347.4466 or email: CindyMcBride@piedmontpress.com April 2007
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Warrenton Lifestyle
April 2007
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Fauquier Health System Celebrates National Library Week With Open House for New Health Resource Center
T
hough the Health Resource Center at Fauquier Hospital has been open and serving the public since early December, what better opportunity to introduce even more people to this valuable new service than during National Library Week, which is the third week of April. On Friday April 20, from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m., the community is invited to attend an open house. Please come and meet the full-time librarian, Jennifer Durand, learn about the wealth of resources and assistance available at the center, experience the comfortable new space, and share light refreshments. Brief remarks from President/CEO, Rodger Baker, will begin at 2:30. The Health Resource Center was opened to fill what Fauquier Health System has identified as a growing need in the community. Fortunately patients and families are becoming more active participants in their own health care than ever before. There is a new attitude that means more patients approach their health care as they would other consumer decisions. They research, they consider their options and they make what they hope is a well-informed decision. In this electronic age, finding health and wellness information is not difficult and it seems anyone and everyone has written a self-help book. Making sure that the health information we use to make life-changing decisions is unbiased, up-to-date, and accurate, however, is a complex matter. The Health Resource Center is designed to do just that. The Fauquier Health System encourages and empowers individuals to take greater responsibility for their own health, by providing the 24
most recent, top-notch health information. Health Resource Center materials include books from many trusted leaders in health, like Johns Hopkins University; dozens of journals and medical newsletters such as the Mayo Clinic Health Letter, Harvard Men’s Health Watch, Harvard Women’s Health Watch, and disease-specific publications on issues like diabetes, arthritis and more. There is also plenty of wellness information on subjects including nutrition, yoga and exercise as well as informative DVDs on everything from pregnancy to heart disease. There are even children’s books to help them understand and deal with illness. Their largest health information asset will not be visible when you walk through the resource center door. They have purchased subscriptions to 250 medical journals in electronic format (available via the Internet, but not to be confused with Internet sites). These databases include mostly fulltext articles and many peer reviewed medical and wellness publications. The databases will soon be available, not only on-site via the Resource Center computers, but also from the comfort of your own home from their webpage www.fauquierhospital.org The card catalog for all center holdings will be available online in the near future so that you can search and reserve books from any computer with Internet access. Librarian, Jennifer Durand, holds a Master of Library and Information Science degree from The Catholic
University of America. Prior to joining Fauquier Health System, Jennifer worked for the Fairfax County Public Library system. She will be on-hand during regular center hours to help visitors find the best information on any health topic. The Fauquier Health System Health Resource Center is a Planetree initiative. Planetree is an internationally recognized leader in the growing movement to transform the health care experience by considering every aspect from the patient’s perspective. The Planetree philosophy focuses on human interactions, architectural and interior design, the healing aspects of food, information and education, the importance of social support from family and friends, human touch, art, and healthy communities. The Health Resource Center at Fauquier Hospital Located on the First Floor (Between the Gift Shop and Conference Suite)
Hours: Weekdays 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. Phone: (540) 347-2550, ext. 3443
Warrenton Lifestyle
April 2007
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For subscription information, surveys, newsstand locations and more go to: www.warrentonlifestyle.com
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Warrenton Lifestyle
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A COMMUNICATION TUNE-UP for Your Marriage by Philip M. Mulford, J.D. Professional Mediator
E
very marriage has them. And although for the most part you have learned to deal with them, from time to time they can cause anger, hurt, resentment, and a disconnect from your spouse. If left unaddressed, they can even grow into the feeling that your spouse doesn’t love you anymore. What are they? They are those issues in your marriage that cause defensiveness and disagreement between you and your spouse. You know what they are for your marriage. They can run the gamut from leaving the bath towel on the floor to disciplining the children. And although these particular issues in and of themselves may not rise to the level of ending the marriage, they will limit the richness and depth of your relationship with your spouse. Slowly, over time, quietly, patiently, they begin to take a shape that has nothing to do with the towel or the children’s
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discipline. At first they may be tolerated with hope for change. You “may write them off” as behaviors learned from your spouse’s family. Maybe your spouse will grow out of them. Then you may begin to quietly resent being treated the way your spouse is treating you. Maybe your spouse leaves dishes on the counter instead of rinsing them off and putting them in the dishwasher – as if your spouse expects you to clean up. It’s no big deal every once in a while. Then you begin to realize its all the time. You may even start to keep track, “That’s the third morning this week I’ve come down in the morning to find dirty dishes on the kitchen counter.”
spouse? OK, you did suggest on at least one occasion that it’d be nice if your spouse put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, but that was one morning as your spouse was walking out the door heading for work. Making that suggestion had an unintended consequence; it allowed you to expect Finally your spouse you decide to change. you have …have you actually found the In turn, that to say time to sit down with your spouse allowed you something to feel even to your and discuss your concerns? more entitled spouse or to the feelings the issue of being taken for granted. will drive you crazy, but you don’t want But have you actually found the to argue. So you put it off. You offer time to sit down with your spouse yourself a justification; your spouse has been extremely busy at work you and discuss your concerns? Of course tell yourself. But then you test that that can be a challenge what with theory and discover it happens even the children, work, meals, laundry, during the holidays when your spouse extracurricular activities, commuting, takes a few days off from work. At after hours responsibilities, etc. some point you may even conclude There’s often nothing left at the end that the reason for your spouse’s of a day. Have you found the time to behavior and unacceptable treatment assess your contribution? Or do you of you must be because your spouse assume that whatever you’re doing is doesn’t care about you. Left to fester, fine and you should continue without you may even conclude that your adjustment – your marriage would be great if only your spouse would make spouse doesn’t love you. a few “little” changes. You really don’t Consider something. Throughout the entire process have you once shared your perspective with your See Communication page 2 Warrenton Lifestyle Warrenton LifestyLe
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Communication cont’d from page 1 want to sound petty. You wish your spouse could read your mind. In fact, you may expect your spouse to read your mind. And that’s another part of the problem. Isn’t that what love means; especially after all the years you’ve been together? Can you imagine what your marriage would be like if you knew that no matter what the issue, whether your spouse agreed with you or not, you could discuss and explore the issue with love, respect and understanding. The stressful worry about when and if to bring up a touchy subject would be gone. Do you remember the desire to understand and please your spouse when you first started dating and during the earlier years of your marriage? You wanted to know your spouse. You encouraged your spouse to express his or
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her opinion, even if it differed from yours. Or you kept your opinion to yourself in deference to your spouse. You wanted to show your spouse love in terms he or she would understand. Why does your spouse’s opinion on a certain subject now rub you the wrong way? Why can’t you approach every conversation, even the difficult ones, with the same desire to understand rather than arguing about who is right? Why do you spend less time considering how your spouse would like to be loved and more time reading a book or watching TV? What happened? How can you continue in creating the marriage you envisioned? One of the best ways to pursue the marriage of your dreams is to tune up your communication process by recognizing and incorporating the following: 1.
You don’t like being told what to do. Neither does your spouse. You can stop telling your spouse what to do, how to think, and how to behave immediately.
2.
Neither you nor your spouse is capable of reading the other’s mind. Assuming that your spouse can read your mind creates expectations that will only be fulfilled by chance.
3.
Unfulfilled expectations, even those based on assumptions, will leave you unhappy.
4.
The communication process you have learned is assumption-based.
5.
You can replace the assumption-based process with an understanding-based process.
6.
When you replace assumptions with understanding, you will eliminate much of the emotionally destructive consequences of unfulfilled expectations.
W Warrenton arrentonLLifestyLe ifestyle
47 South Third Warrenton 540-347-3868 MON -SAT 10-5 or by Appt.
April 2007
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7.
Understanding-based communication does not require agreement. In fact, agreement gets in the way of understanding. You and your spouse are unique individuals – there’s no reason you should think the same way about anything.
8.
Sharing information with an understanding-based communication process will allow you to honor, respect, and love your spouse while being honored, respected, and loved by your spouse.
9.
Understanding-based communication allows both you and your spouse to participate in and be a part of the process of living your lives together.
10. The decisions that come out of your understanding-based communication will meet the needs of you and your spouse because those needs will have been conveyed and understood by each of you and incorporated in your decision.
It’s not easy to replace your welllearned and habitual process of assumption-based communication. But once you do, then, no matter how inconsequential or how important, no matter how easy or how challenging, every communication with your spouse will express your love for the other in a way that will deepen and enrich your relationship far beyond what either of you could have ever imagined. By changing your understanding of communication and then changing the way you communicate, you can transform your marriage into the supportive and loving relationship you and your spouse intended when you each said, “I do.”
Philip Mulford is a full-time, professional mediator. With offices in Fairfax and Warrenton, VA, Mulford Mediation provides mediation services to families and businesses resolving over 90% of the hundreds of cases he mediates. In November of 2006, Mulford launched a national Internet Radio talk show, Divorce Mediation: Myths & Facts on the VoiceAmerica network, voice.voiceamerica. com. Shows are available on demand or live every Thursday at 2 pm. Mulford also offers communication consulting to families and businesses and gives continuing legal education seminars to attorneys on mediation. A graduate of Duke University (‘79) and the University of Virginia School of Law (‘82), Mulford lives with his wife and two sons in Warrenton, VA. You can reach Philip at: www.mulfordmediation.com or his Warrenton office 540-341-4615
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April 2007
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Warrenton Lifestyle
AMERICAN BRASS QUINTET CLOSES GRACE CHURCH CONCERT SERIES The final concert in this season’s Grace Church Concert Series comes a few weeks earlier than usual this year: Sunday, April 22, at 5 PM. The reward for your trip to The Plains will be a terrific performance by the American Brass Quintet, hailed as “the high priests of brass” by Newsweek, “positively breathtaking” by the New York Times, and “the Rolls Royce of brass quintets” by the Baltimore Sun. The audience is invited to attend a festive reception after the concert to meet the artists. Child care is provided for those who want to attend without small children. The Grace Church Concert Series is funded in part through the generosity of Mrs. Jacqueline Mars in memory of her mother, Mrs. Forrest Mars, who was devoted to music and loved Grace Church. Tax-deductible donations from the concerts benefit the church’s music program.
Grace Church is located at 6507 Main Street, Rt. 55, The Plains, VA 20198. Individual tickets for this subscription series are still available in advance from the church office or website, or at the door for $25 each. For further information or to purchase tickets, please call (540) 253-5177. April 2007
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2006
BEST OF
Voted
WA R R E N T O N Antique Store
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Warrenton Lifestyle
17th Annual Bowl For Seniors
Fenton Art Glass
Family Signing Event... Meet Shelley Fenton Ash, granddaughter of the founder, and get your purchases signed. Also available, an Aubergine Marigold Rose Nappy, handcrafted exclusively for Fenton Family Signing Events.
Teams are being formed for the 17th Annual Bowl for Seniors Bowl-a-thon that will be held this year on Sunday, April 15th, from 12 Noon to 5 p.m. at Warrenton Lanes. The annual fund raising event is held to benefit RRCSB/ AAA programs for senior citizens in Fauquier County. They include activities and daily nutritious meals for seniors at the Fauquier Senior Center, home-delivered meals for the homebound elderly, the Warrenton Adult Day Care Program that serves persons who are no longer able to safely remain alone during the day, van transit, and a senior advocacy program to assist older Fauquier Health System, Country Chevrolet, BB&T, and Ferris Automotive Volvo/Import Specialists. After a four-person team is pre-registered and a bowling time is confirmed, team members begin to collect pledges. Then, on April 15th, teams come out to bowl, free of charge. All participants will receive a complimentary gift and have the opportunity to win door prizes that will be awarded to bowlers throughout the day. A cash prize will be given to the bowler who raises the most money, along with other prizes for the runners-up and a prize for the top team. To obtain a registration form, visit Warrenton Lanes on Broadview Avenue, Warrenton Community Center at 430 East Shirley Avenue in Warrenton or from the main office of RRCSB/AAA at Bradford Road in Culpeper. For more information call Warrenton Adult Day Care at 347-2797. April 2007
• Door Prizes & Refreshments! • Just in time to choose your special Mother’s Day gifts • Free gift wrap for Fenton purchases! • Bring one piece from your collection to be signed! th
Friday, April 27 – 4 PM to 7 PM
Village Flowers
Historic Old Town Warrenton in the Old Fire House – 81A Main Street
540-347-4711 or 800-655-7033
THE galloping grape Boots • Imported Beer • Cigars • Wine • Gourmet Food I don't do help ut with the windows, b e oping Grap ll a G e h T f o is tack room I'll have th pring! ready for s
Western & English Tack Huge Saddle Sale ! FREE Wine Tastings Every Thursday 5-7 Located at 65 E. Franklin Street in Old Town Warrenton next to Claire’s Restaurant at the Depot. 540-428-1002 37
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Warrenton Lifestyle
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