Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine November 2006

November 2006

Living & Shopping In Wonderful Warrenton, VA

ifestyle

m a g a z i n e

In this issue…

Communicate: Don’t Just Send Messages Hope for Better Mental Health …and MORE!

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Publishers Tony & Holly Tedeschi for Piedmont Press & Graphics tony@piedmontpress.com Advertising Cindy McBride CindyMcBride@piedmontpress.com Mitchell Morton mitchell@piedmontpress.com

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540.347.4466 Ph 540.347.9335 Fx www.warrentonlifestyle.com For general inquiries, advertising, editorial, listings or technical support: E: WarrentonLifestyle@piedmontpress.com Tel: 540.347.4466 Fax: 540.347.9335 Editorial & Advertising office: Open 8:00 am to 5:30 pm Monday to Friday: 404 Belle Air Lane, Warrenton, VA 20186 The Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine is published monthly and distributed to all its advertisers and selected addresses. While reasonable care is taken with all material submitted to The Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine, the publisher cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage to any such material. Opinions expressed in articles are strictly those of the authors. While ensuring that all published information is accurate, the publisher cannot be held responsible for any mistakes or omissions. Reproduction in whole or part of any of the text, illustration or photograph is strictly forbidden. ©2006 Piedmont Press & Graphics Printed in Warrenton, Virginia. USA Cover Photo by Karl Pittelkau, www.whitepostphotography.com

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November 2006

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Living A Healthier Lifestyle Hope for Better Mental Health

A

by Amy Petty t one time or another in your life, you’ve felt anxious. Maybe it was your wedding day, first day on the new job, or moving to a new town. Unfortunately, you’ve probably felt depressed as well, whether it was the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or maybe experiencing empty nest syndrome.

How do you know if what you’re feeling is a normal response to the event you’ve just experienced, and how do you know when it’s something more?

National statistics show 21% of the population 18 and over suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in any given year. Within that, the majority suffer from depressive and anxiety disorders. A much smaller amount are dealing with schizophrenic or psychotic

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disorders.

According to statistics on the Mental Health Association of Fauquier County’s website, the following numbers apply to the state of Virginia: • Mental illness strikes one out of four Virginians every year.

• More than one million adult

Virginians suffer from one or more mental illnesses in their lifetime.

• More than 63,000 Virginians are disabled with a diagnosed mental illness.

• Sixteen percent of all school children in Virginia are experiencing or are at risk of incurring a mental illness.

Let’s say you’ve been feeling depressed for several weeks.

Beyond your primary care physician, what services are available to you in Warrenton? Within the town limits, more than 20 professionals see patients for their mental health needs.

Though a wait of a few days to a few weeks is the norm, there is an option for emergency cases. The Community Service Board has emergency mental

Warrenton Lifestyle

health professionals on staff who are available 24-hours a day for those in dire need of help.

Mary Schlegel, Executive Director of the Mental Health Association (MHA) of Fauquier County, says while the numbers can seem daunting, she is optimistic about the future.

Mary says, “The whole community, not just the medical professionals, is working together to make a difference.

Things are so much better than they were just two years ago.

We have much more awareness in the community where we never did before.”

Echoing Mary’s thoughts is John Waldeck, MSW, Director of Clinical Services for the Rappahannock Rapidan Community Services Board. “What Mary and MHA have See Mental Health on page 8

If you or a friend needs help for a mental health issue, check out the Mental Health Association of Fauquier County’s website. It offers a wealth of information from counselors in the area to links for more than 30 sites specific to a variety of mental health issues.

Visit www.fauquier-mha.com to learn more.

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Mental Health continued from page 7 done is so unique, having a partnership between the public and private sectors to meet the community’s needs. No one in the community can handle all the people with problems, What we’re trying to do is get the people to the right services, starting with the school system. How do we get them to the provider?”

One of the new programs initiated by the MHA is a program within the school system to identify students who may need professional assistance.

MHA representatives have given presentations to public and private schools around the county to increase awareness of symptoms of mental illness in teens and suggestions on steps to take when they identify someone in need.

John Waldeck points out that most people seeking counseling average between three and five sessions to help them deal with issues they face.

Waldeck says, “While some patients

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certainly need more in depth help, most people can be helped in 10 sessions or

Symptoms of Depression • Sleeping too much or not enough • Considerable changes in weight • Family history of depression • Withdrawal from friends and family • Lack of motivation • Thoughts of suicide less. Ten, 15, 20 years ago, there was much longer term therapy. But even then, you would treat an individual, they would plateau.”

Marriage and family therapist Beth Turner, LPC, RN, is the President of the Board of Directors for the MHA, and

she is proud of the work they’re doing to become an umbrella for mental health agencies in our county.

Of her experience as a therapist, Beth explains her role, “Family therapists don’t see the person individually a lot of times, they see the person with the family and in the context of the family. If anyone has a problem it affects the whole family.”

Beth continues, “We all go through sad times in our lives, but sometimes it is often helpful for people to find a person who’s not involved emotionally to talk with. My bias is that the healthy people come into therapy because they recognize they need some help. If you have any of the signs of depression, eating, sleeping, melancholy, increased crying, low motivation, family history and isolation for a month or more, I recommend you contact a therapist and go through the process of seeing them.

If you see any of these signs with your children, you need to pay very close See Mental Health on page 10

Warrenton Lifestyle

November 2006

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Mental Health continued from page 9 attention to that, especially if they exhibit these behaviors for more than two weeks.

Warrenton, like a lot of towns near Washington, D.C., has its own set of stresses affecting families. “I see lots of families where both parents have jobs, commutes, children, and are trying to balance a family. When you consider the demands on the family - and add a commute on top of that - it’s too much on them. You can sometimes see a kid who starts acting out because he’s not getting enough attention,” Beth says.

As for the stigma that sometimes accompanies seeing a therapist, Beth says it’s inappropriate, “If someone is trying to decide to go into therapy or not, there’s nothing wrong with them,

it shows that something is right that they’re working to figure it out and get better. Everyone has the answers within themselves. Therapists are conduits to help find those answers.”

Warning Signs of Suicide • Talking about wanting to die • Feeling as if things will never get better in your life • Abusing drugs and/or alcohol • Feeling like a burden to friends and family • Getting affairs in order

If you have a mental health emergency, crisis help is available 24-hours a day, seven days a week, through Behavorial Healthcare of the Rappahannock Rapidan Community Services Board Fauquier (RRCSB) 540347-7620.

Indications of Anxiety Shortness of breath Fear of losing control Shaking Racing heartbeat Tremendous feeling of fear

Have a suggestion for a future column on making a healthier Warrenton? Email your ideas to amytpetty@adelphia.net. Amy Petty has lived in the Warrenton area for the past seven years. She is the Marketing Director for the Holiday Inn Express Hotel & Suites.

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Historic Old Town H

istoric Old Town Warrenton is the perfect place to shop for anyone in your life. With everything from jewelry to gift baskets and dinner to dessert you can get it all done with one stop and a stroll. Fine dining to family atmosphere filled restaurants and shopping with the dogs in tow are all acceptable behaviors. Buy a gift, have it wrapped, drop it at the post office, pick up lunch and be back at the office for that meeting.

Stop In Historic Old Town

Warrenton. Dine. Shop. Stroll.

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Communicate: Don’t Just Send Messages

O

By Philip Mulford

ur current efforts to communicate are too often satisfied by the mere sending of messages.

Communication requires more. Communication requires the listener to understand the sender’s message. Unfortunately, as speakers we have been trained to assume our listeners understand our meaning. As listeners, we have been trained to assume we understand. Most miscommunication is the result of speaker and listener assuming each understood the other.

Imagine, for example, you have sent an e-mail to a friend inviting him or her for lunch. Before you receive a reply from your friend, you go out to run some errands. While out, you run into that friend while walking down Main Street. Anxious for a reply to your invitation, you say, “Hey, I sent you an e-mail a little while ago.

Did you get it?”

Your friend, having received the e-mail, perhaps even having responded to it, says, “Yes, I got it. Didn’t you get my reply?”

“No,” you say, “I’ve been out running errands and haven’t checked my e-mail.”

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So you have established that your friend received your e-mail. The next step in our trained communication process is crucial.

You say, “So, what do you think? Will that work for you.”

Your friend says, “Sure, sounds great. See you then.”

And off you go each looking forward to lunch with the other.

However, neither one of you confirmed an understanding of the e-mail. You each assumed understanding. This is normal.

This is expected. This is our training. Communication often breaks down because we accept this assumption-based process as communication. Communication, however, requires more.

You realize this while waiting for your friend at the restaurant later that morning. For any number of reasons, your friend thought you meant tomorrow, not today. Ah well, those things happen. You wait. Then you come up with “reasons” why your friend is running late. Then you may worry - you hope nothing has happened to your friend. Then you begin to take it personally. Finally, you call.

“Where are you?,” you ask, somewhat perturbed.

“I’m at home. Why?,” your friend responds.

“Lunch? Remember? I’ve been sitting here waiting for you since noon.”

Warrenton Lifestyle

“Oh my gosh,” your friend exclaims sincerely, “I thought sending an e-mail and assuming understanding. Nor is it accomplished by receiving an assumption-based response from you meant tomorrow. I am so sorry.”

We’ve all had these simple misunderstandings in our lives. your friend. Communication requires more. Communication Generally, we can deal with them pretty well. We can accept requires sharing information and creating a common, shared and forgive to an extent. It happens to the best of us. But understanding of that information. Since we are each unique individuals, it is presumptuous if we recognize it is our desire of the speaker and the listener to effectively communicate to assume a common, shared with one another, and that an understanding. Instead, both assumption-based process fails speaker and listener must to accomplish our goal, then we actively ensure that the listener can choose a different process understands the meaning of the that will accomplish our goal. speaker’s message.

To do so, however, we will have to overcome deeply ingrained Before going further, let me point out one habit that training – training we will tends to interfere with our continue to receive our entire efforts to understand. Ever lives, from each other, our notice yourself nodding in parents, our friends, the media, agreement with someone you and society as a whole - training So how can speaker and listener ensure are listening to? Ever notice that says when you speak, send an e-mail, or otherwise send a understanding by the listener? One tool is to listen someone interrupting another message, you get to assume the with the idea of needing to repeat the speaker’s by saying, “I agree, but…” We all have the habit of evaluating receiver understands and when information to a third party. what we hear and deciding you listen, you must assume whether we agree or disagree. Why? How does this assist understanding.

But, as you realized while waiting for your friend, our understanding? A common, shared understanding of communication is not accomplished by simply speaking or See Communication on page 19

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 Â? Â? Â? Â?  Â

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Warrenton Lifestyle

had it right. What a great way to ensure understanding! If you repeat it back incorrectly, the speaker has the chance to information does not require listener agreement. In fact, the clarify. If you repeat it correctly, the speaker has the chance evaluation process has nothing to do with understanding and to confirm. Try it. You’ll be amazed at how helpful this process it gets in the way. We are unique individuals. It needs to be can be in accomplishing shared understanding. ok for a speaker to express a view If it makes you feel of the world different from the uncomfortable or self-conscious listener’s. The listener first needs at first, don’t be surprised. You to understand what the speaker is are going against your years of saying, not decide whether he or training that have always required she agrees with what the speaker you, as listener, to silently assume is saying. Decisions, which will understanding. You may find include evaluation, will come later. comfort by thinking in terms of So in addition to changing from an getting directions or a recipe from assumption-based communication someone over the phone. In those process, we must also set aside our instances, you would not feel habit of evaluating all information uncomfortable asking to repeat the we receive on the basis of whether information back to the speaker. In we agree or not. …communication can be peaceful, loving, fact, if the speaker were to give any So how can speaker and and effective – even when we disagree. sign of resistance at your request, listener ensure understanding by you’d probably be surprised. If the the listener? One tool is to listen roles were reversed, as speaker with the idea of needing to repeat the speaker’s information you know you’d welcome the opportunity to make sure the to a third party. How would you listen if your purpose were to listener had a clear understanding of your information. Notice pass on the information? One thing you might find yourself also, it’s not helpful to evaluate the information in order to doing in that context is asking the speaker for the opportunity understand it – that comes later. (You may later choose to to repeat or summarize what you heard to make sure you modify the recipe or take a different route, but first you want to understand the speaker’s version.)

We can’t read each other’s minds. We can’t even see the world through another’s eyes. But we can try to understand how another sees the world if we change the way we communicate. Although repeating back can be a very helpful tool, it does not transform “message sending” into “communication” by itself. Adopting a perspective that allows each of us to have a different view of the same world simultaneously can be difficult, but engenders understanding. We are each a unique individual. So, therefore, is the person with whom we are attempting to communicate. We can honor our own and each other’s uniqueness, and in doing so treat each other the way we want to be treated, by changing from assumptionbased communication to understandingbased communication. In doing so, we will minimize those experiences of miscommunication and discover that communication can be peaceful, loving, and effective – even when we disagree.

Communication continued from page 17

See Communication on page 20 November 2006

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Communication continued from page 19 Philip Mulford is a full-time, professional mediator. Formerly an attorney, Mulford practiced law from 1982 until 1990 when he founded Mulford Mediation. With offices in Fairfax and Warrenton, VA, Mulford Mediation provides mediation services to families and businesses - recently including healthcare professionals, attorneys, realtors, and senior management teams. Mulford successfully resolves over 90% of the hundreds of cases he mediates. He has published articles in various publications including UVALawyer, the Fairfax Bar Association Journal and the Virginia Episcopalian on mediation. Mulford also offers communication consulting to families and businesses and gives continuing legal education seminars to attorneys on mediation. A graduate of Duke University (‘79) and the University of Virginia School of Law (‘82), Mulford lives with his wife and two sons in Warrenton, VA. This fall, Mr. Mulford will launch a weekly, national Internet radio talk show on Voice America called Divorce Mediation: Myths and Facts. This live one-hour talk show, hosted by Mr. Mulford and accessible on www.voiceamerica. com will inform listeners about the mediation process and allow listeners to call in from across the country with their questions about mediation and divorce. The show will run every Thursday at 2 pm beginning on November 2, 2006.

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Warrenton Lifestyle

November 2006

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Inc. FIRSTCARE ORTHOPAEDICS, INC. 493 Blackwell Road, Suite 315 Warrenton, VA 20186 Phone: 540.341.7758 • Fax: 540.341.7792 With more than 10 years experience our staff has been providing the patient community with a variety of orthopedic devices which facilitate and promote the healing process to patients acquiring either upper or lower extremity orthopedic devices.

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Warrenton Lifestyle

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For rates & advertising information contact Cindy McBride at 540.347.4466 or email: CindyMcBride@piedmontpress.com November 2006

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Where In Warrenton?

Where in Warrenton was this photo taken?

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merrymaids.com

We will occasionally publish a portion of a photo of some person, place or thing uniquely Warrenton. Correct photo guesses will be put into a drawing.

Winner receives a check for $25.00.

Send your guess by the 15th of this month to our fax number at (540) 3470917 or email to WarrentonLifestyle@ piedmontpress.com or postal mail to: Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine, c/o Piedmont Press & Graphics, 404 Belle Air Lane, Warrenton, VA 20186.

Last month’s winner

Amy Gorsira for correctly identifying Diagonal Street, going down towards Alexandria Pike near the DMV.

October Online Survey What is your favorite fall sport?

Football won with 56% of the votes.

November Online Survey

What is the best book you’ve read lately?

Cast your answers at www.warrentonlifestyle.com Survey is conducted by SurveyMonkey.com and results do not necessarily reflect the views of The Warrenton Lifestyle Magazine or its publishers.

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Warrenton Lifestyle

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