Gainesville Lifestyle Magazine September 2019

Gainesville ALSO INSIDE: FAUQUIER HEALTH HEALTHY HAPPENINGS

S E P T E M B E R

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THE PARENTING ISSUE LOCAL

EXPERTS WEIGH IN:

NAVIGATING LIFE WITH A BLENDED FAMILY WHY MANNERS MATTER LEARNING TO DAD WITH TYLER ROSS

Ben Ward

LEARNING

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The best of health to you

PUBLISHER Dennis Brack dennis@piedmontpub.com

EDITOR Susan McCorkindale susan@piedmontpub.com

ART DIRECTOR Kara Thorpe kara@piedmontpub.com

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don’t know where the summer’s gone, and I certainly can’t believe the kids are back in school. Wasn’t it just June?

June, as I recall, was when we kicked the planning for this special parenting issue into high gear. I’d been a guest on the popular podcast Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross (what an honor to be the first mom on the show!) and discovered that Tyler has created a modern-day how-to manual for parenting. And how could I keep such a discovery to myself? I couldn’t, and I hope Frannie Barnes’ terrific feature on Tyler and his podcast will encourage you to tune in, take notes, and offer your own parenting advice.

Speaking of modern-day issues for modern-day parents to be aware of and, sadly, concerned about, the tragedy of human trafficking that once took place in countries far, far away, is here and actively happening in Prince William and Fauquier counties. That’s the bad news. The good news is that there are efforts underway in both counties to educate, empower, and protect the kids in our communities, as Stephenie Overman details in her feature on Just Ask Prevention Project’s executive director Bill Woolf and his takeno-prisoners team of Terri Aufmuth, Amelia Stansell, Jacquelin Pinilla, and Susan Evans-Young. Don’t miss it.

In fact, don’t miss any of the great parenting content we’ve got in this issue. With the kids back at school, take some time to read and relax and, if you’d like, write to me at Susan@PiedmontPub.com and let me know what you want to see more of in your magazine!

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ON THE WEB www.PiedmontLifestyle.com Facebook: @PiedmontLifestylePublications Email Newsletter: Sign up at www.PiedmontLifestyle.com The Gainesville Lifestyle Magazine is published monthly and distributed to over 8,000 selected addresses. While reasonable care is taken with all material submitted to The Gainesville Lifestyle Magazine, the publisher cannot accept responsibility for loss or damage to any such material. Opinions expressed in articles are strictly those of the authors. While ensuring that all published information is accurate, the publisher cannot be held responsible for any mistakes or omissions.

Reproduction in whole or part of any of the text, illustration or photograph is strictly forbidden. ©2019 Rappahannock Media LLC.

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SUSAN McCORKINDALE EDITOR

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contents SPECIAL SECTION: PARENTING

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Raising Socially Conscious Kids

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Navigating Life with a Blended Family Tips from the trenches.

BY FRANNIE BARNES

BY FRANNIE BARNES

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‘Just Ask’ Wants You to Prevent Human Trafficking Here’s what you need to know.

BY STEPHANIE OVERMAN

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Give Kids the Gift of Good Manners

BY KATHLEEN GENEVA

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How to Dad with Tyler Ross If you ever wish your kid came with an instruction manual, Ross’ popular podcast is for you!

BY FRANNIE BARNES

ARTS & LEISURE

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Find Your Inner Artist with Creativebug

BY MELINDA CASILLI

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COMMUNITY

Is My Kid Ready for Kindergarten?

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Prepare your kids for a successful school year.

Going Gainesville Goes to Eugene’s Sausage and Fries

BY SUSAN TULINO

BY LESLEY SALMAN

ON THE COVER: Ben Ward. Photographed exclusively for Gainesville Lifestyle by Kara Thorpe.

The Lifestyle magazines are sister publications of Northern Virginia’s Leading News Source, INSIDENOVA.COM TWITTER.COM/INSIDENOVA FACEBOOK.COM/INSIDENOVA

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VISIT US today for the latest news, sports and features from Fauquier, Prince William, Arlington, Fairfax, Stafford and throughout the region.

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

RAISING SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS KIDS

BY FRANNIE BARNES

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KARA THORPE

W

e live in a selfie society, where if you don’t capture something on your smartphone and share it immediately, it’s as if it didn’t happen. And while there are positive benefits to social media, we are seeing an increased need for a better balance between sharing about ourselves with others and giving to others, especially in children. With new ways to digitally connect arising almost daily, how can we raise kids who focus more on giving than receiving – a generation of socially conscious people?

More than just being aware of social issues, being socially conscious means understanding the society we live in and the importance of contributing to it. One of the most meaningful ways to do this is to volunteer.

Doing so achieves more than just helping others; it can be a healthy and important way to combat a rise in anxiety and mental health conditions, both in adults and children. But

The Ward Family

with children growing up in the digital age, it’s important to face these issues earlier and provide a healthy balance.

According to Laura Jessup, LPC, NCC and therapist at Gainesville Professional Counseling Center, in the past decade there has been an increase in academic pressures and demands on children as a result of the negative impacts of excessive social media use

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and bullying. She believes these increases are closely related to the rise in the number of children diagnosed with mental health conditions. Clinical depression and anxiety disorders diagnoses, specifically, have increased the most in our youth within the past few years.

Laura believes that, “Now more than ever, it is important to teach children about their own emotions and behavioral

responses, as well as the impact they have on others.

Helping children improve social-emotional awareness of themselves and others can dramatically affect the way they perceive and follow healthy, positive social skills and expectations.”

Leading by Example The Wards are a local family who have made it a priority to teach their children the value of being socially conscious from an early age. Mom, Michelle, grew up volunteering – it was part of her family’s values and expectations and she and husband Matt passed that along to their two boys, Ben, 12 and Zander, 10. When Ben turned 10, Michelle and Matt asked him to research how he wanted to give back to his community.

The Wards knew that whatever options Ben came up with, they would have to accompany him due to his age. Ben came up with a list, but it was a free local concert at the Battlefield Garden

RIGHT, TOP: Ben and Zander at a fundraising event. RIGHT, BOTTOM: Zander at Wal Mart picking up an order of food for the Haymarket Regional Food Pantry.

THROUGH BAKE SALES AND OTHER EVENTS, TWELVE-YEAROLD BEN WARD OF HAYMARKET HAS RAISED MORE THAN

$12,000

FOR SERVE OUR WILLING WARRIORS IN THE PAST TWO YEARS.

KARA THORPE

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KARA THORPE

Local nonprofit Box of Basics is a family affair for the Tyndall’s.

The Tyndall Family

Center that left an indelible impression on him. Serve Our Willing Warriors (SOWW), a local nonprofit organization that cares for wounded service members by providing a respite at the Retreat at Bull Run, was the beneficiary of the concert.

A young, wheelchair-bound captain shared her story about how SOWW made a positive impact on her. Ben made his decision that night.

Of the ways that children can volunteer for SOWW, Ben chose to fundraise. Through bake sales and other events, he has raised more than $12,000 for the nonprofit over the past two years.

(He’s also become somewhat of a local celebrity for it too!) His hard work and dedication had another positive effect; from watching Ben work to help others, younger brother Zander decided he wanted to give back as well. He decided not to wait until he turned 10, and about two years ago, he began volunteering his time, giving his own money, and collecting food for the Haymarket Regional Food Pantry. Sometimes he even

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fundraises alongside Ben. He has donated about 2,500 pounds of food so far, and has worked with his parents stocking the pantry and cleaning after hours.

The Wards are a great example of the ways to instill social consciousness in kids even at an early age.

“Even toddlers can start learning and practicing pro-social behaviors for their communities,” said Laura. “Things such as picking up litter and throwing it in the trash can or waving and smiling at a stranger. Older children can be encouraged to engage in similar simple, charitable acts, such as holding the door for someone, offering to help a person in need in a store or parking lot, or even just asking another child that looks upset ‘Are you OK? Anything I can do to help?’ Each of these prosocial behaviors can be used as excellent opportunities to practice social awareness, selflessness, and empathy.”

Another local couple, Sarah and Stephen Tyndall of Haymarket, wanted to show their two young children,

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Paxton, 6, and Maxwell, 4, that there is life outside of their neighborhood.

“I believe that it is my job as a parent to do my best to raise respectful, well-rounded, caring and kind individuals.

I think that being socially conscious and serving others will allow my children to gain perspective. I also hope they learn to be empathetic towards others. Having the ability to put themselves in someone else's shoes and to see things from a different point of view will serve them well in their future,” said Sarah.

The Tyndall’s took this desire further by starting a nonprofit called Boxes of Basics. Both of the boys help mom receive clothing from donors and pack boxes of outfits that are distributed to local families.

There are myriad benefits to fostering volunteerism and social consciousness in children.

As Sarah mentioned, it teaches empathy and Ben Ward can

tell you that he has learned to be responsible in his tenure as a fundraiser; formulating a dialogue to explain to those you’re asking for money about the organization and keeping track of fundraising events and funds is a hefty responsibility.

Children who volunteer also gain experience working with others – certainly a lifelong skill that will help in their futures. Volunteering provides opportunities to explore new interests and develop new passions. It’s also been shown to reduce stress and provide a sense of purpose and satisfaction.

Making a difference in others’ lives teaches not only civic responsibility and ways to give back, but it’s also good for one’s mental health.

And who couldn’t use a good old-fashioned mental health boost?

Laura Jessup adds, “Socially conscious children have a general understanding of social expectations, are able and willing to put effort into acting in developmentally appropriate ways that are consistent with those expectations and are tuned in to the basic emotions of those around them.”

When asked why he likes to give back, Ben Ward said simply, “It makes me feel good knowing I’ve helped others.” ❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

‘Just Ask’ Wants You to Prevent Human Trafficking

BY STEPHENIE OVERMAN

uman trafficking isn’t just a danger in distant countries.

Anti-trafficking activists want parents – and kids -- in Warrenton, Haymarket and Gainesville to understand that it happens here.

Human trafficking means compelling a person to engage in sexual acts or forced labor. There’s no official U.S. statistics, but estimates place the number of people illegally smuggled and traded in the hundreds of thousands.

“Lots of people think it only affects impoverished areas,” said Bill Woolf, executive director of the Just Ask Prevention Project. “When I first encountered it as a police officer, I thought it couldn’t be happening here. I thought it was a Third World problem. The reality is that it is unidentified and unreported.”

Northern Virginia is at risk because “traffickers want to make money. This is a very economically stable place,” he

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GAINESVILLE LIFESTYLE

said. “Money is here to be spent.”

The area is especially vulnerable “because we have the attitude ‘that won’t happen here.’ It’s easier to trick young people,” according to Woolf. And in many households both parents work long hours, while technology allows traffickers to connect with kids who are alone at home.

“It’s a hard thing to grapple with. It’s hard to understand how this happens.

Parents think ‘you must have the wrong kid,’” he said.

The Just Ask Prevention Project started in 2013 in Fairfax County but has recently taken steps to relocate its headquarters to Fauquier County. The nonprofit group has trained hundreds of professional and community-based organizations in education, prevention and intervention in suspected cases of exploitation.

“The only way you will be effective in helping to end human trafficking is by being able to identify the signs and patterns of trafficker abuse,” the organization’s website states. “We know

}

that a well-informed public will decrease the ability of trackers to operate and inspire victims and survivors to come forward and Just Ask for help.”

To that end, the Just Ask Prevention Project has developed classroom curriculum to teach students about the strategies of traffickers so that they can know if they’re being manipulated. The average age of exploited children is 14- to 16- years-old, Woolf said, but “I worked with a victim as young as nine. It can go even younger than that.”

The organization hosts community conversations “to look at the scope of the problem, to say this is what we are looking out for, to say ‘here is how we as a community can step up and solve this, how we can engage in real solutions,’” he said. “We’ve been able to support families. Some parents have said ‘my child was a victim but I didn’t know what to do about it.’ We’ve been able to connect them to resources, get them some help.”

The Just Ask Prevention Project has found “a fantastic partner,” in Rotary International, according to Woolf. The Rotarian Action Group Against Slavery also was launched in 2013.

The Gainesville-Haymarket Rotary Club is just getting started with its antitrafficking program, according to the club’s president-elect Terri Aufmuth. The goal to educate parents and students in western Prince William County “so that they’re not scared but they are aware.”

The group has hosted one event, which featured a woman whose daughter was a victim of trafficking.

“In our area people just don’t believe it is happening. Everybody was dumbfounded by what’s happening in our community and about how her daughter was affected,” Aufmuth said.

“To hear her personal story, it hit home.

She was standing right in front of them, instead of being a statistic you read.”

Woolf noted that plans are underway to participate in a fall back-to-school program

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ABOVE: The Just Ask Prevention Project team from left to right: Gainesville-Haymarket Rotary Club president-elect, Terri Aufmuth; Jacquelin Pinilla, Just Ask director of strategic partnerships; Just Ask executive director Bill Woolf; Susan Evans-Young, mother of a No.VA teen sex-trafficking survivor; Warrenton Rotary Club vice president, Amelia J. Stansell.

Once a teen is targeted, the trafficker’s process begins:

The best way to protect your child is to pay attention to them and their behavior. Victims can be from any ethnicity, social or economic group, gender, or level of academic achievement. Some traffickers prefer to focus their efforts on recruiting young people into their enterprises, as most traffickers are young as well. Traffickers are looking for young people who may: • • • • • • • • •

1. SCOUTING Traffickers are searching for young people to target and find teens via: • • • • •

Lack a sense of belonging to others Not feel respected or valued by family or friends Base their self-worth on popularity or relationships Be willing to keep secrets including the relationship Not have a good relationship with their parents Be looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend Be often bored with not much to do Spend a lot of time away from family or friends Be willing to take directions and believe the lies and false promises

Social media Shopping malls Bus stops School Through friends

2. MANIPULATING Traffickers relate to young people and often times seem “too good to be true.”

Trafficker manipulation techniques: • • • • •

Pretend to be boyfriends or girlfriends Buy presents Treat their intended victims very well Listen and act interested in their lives Lies and manipulation

3. TRAPPING Traffickers trick or control young people into staying in the lifestyle using methods like: • • • •

False love or lies Drugs Threats of violence Physical violence

What to do? Keep an open dialogue with your teen LISTEN: Let your teen share what’s bothering them. Don’t force the issue. Listen, but be persistent.

LOVE: Tell your teen that you love them and tell them often. Tell them you’ll always be there for them.

SUPPORT: Show your teen you are willing to listen and try not to judge them when they share.

UNDERSTAND: Never blame your teen for what is happening. Remember they are a victim, not a criminal.

CONTACT: JustAskPrevention.org • info@justaskprevention.org • Call or Text 1.833.ASK2END

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at the Gainesville Glory Days Grill. “When Glory Days has some child entertainment, kids will be able to go to the entertainment while we educate the parents.”

The Fauquier County Human Trafficking Prevention Project started a year ago after Woolf spoke to the Warrenton Rotary Club, according to Amelia J. Stansell. Stansell is vice president of the Warrenton Rotary Club and co-chair of the Fauquier County project.

So far, the group has sent speakers out to schools, churches, clubs and law enforcement offices, according to Stansell.

“We want to get everybody to understand that it’s not like what you see on television. We want them to realize what it looks like in communities like ours.”

Last year, the Fauquier County project conducted a needs assessment “to see what is happening and what the gaps are.

We wanted to see where [trafficking] ties in to homelessness, drugs, bullying,” she said. “We wanted to bring groups to the table to work together.”

The Fauquier County group and Just Ask are working together to establish “safe zones,” according to Stansell.

These are “places where people gather and feel safe” such churches, fire departments, hospitals, clubs and recreation centers where employees and volunteers have gone through training on what to look for and how to respond.

All employees at WARF (Warrenton Aquatic and Recreation Facility) have been trained, she said. “There are a lot of kids there. It’s also a place where someone might be scouting. Employees keep an eye out. They can help [victims] feel safe until police and social services get there.”

Law enforcement officials often need training too, according to Woolf. “So many people in the community expect law enforcement to be able to identify and respond. But only about 5 percent of law enforce are properly trained to address the issue. Often they haven’t had any documented cases.”

Just Ask wants to train all kinds of people to recognize human trafficking, he said. “We go so far as to engage field technicians, people who install internet and phone lines, people who repair air conditioning. They have opportunities to observe” and report suspicious behavior.

“Law enforcement can’t be everywhere all the time. It requires the community.”❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

Give Kids the Gift of Good Manners

BY KATHLEEN GENEVA

E

tiquette guru Emily Post once said, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners no matter what fork you use.”

Of course, having polite children with good manners doesn’t happen out of the clear blue sky. It takes devotion, time and persistence. As a parent of two teenagers and in my work as an etiquette instructor, I know that children are born with many innate gifts and abilities – but behaving politely is not one of them.

We are our child’s first role model and teacher and, as we begin the journey of life with these little beings, it’s on us to teach, show, expect, and reinforce polite behavior and manners.

We’re also teaching our children social graces that count more than ever these days, and devoting time to this core value is one of the more exhausting and rewarding parts of parenthood.

Following are a few things I’ve learned on this journey that I hope will make yours a little less exhausting and a lot more rewarding.

Establish clear expectations up front. The

secret to raising a well-behaved kid is smart discipline. Begin by establishing clear expectations up front for how you want your child to behave. Model that behavior, praise your child when he or she meets your expectations, and correct them when they don’t.

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MANNERS

101

Set your expectations, give praise when they’re met, and constructive, even humorous help when they’re not.

Model the behavior you seek; teach and lead by example.

Teach self-control and delayed gratification. We live in an instant

world. If your child wants a video game or to watch a movie he or she hasn’t seen, they can download the game in thirty seconds and get the movie, quite literally, on demand. This makes it tough to teach them to wait and keep their cool. Don’t give in though. Not only will you end up with a well-behaved member of society, you’ll have given your child the gifts of civility and peace by teaching them to slow down.

A little humor always helps. You don’t have to be a drill sergeant

when teaching your kids how to behave politely and use good manners.

A little humor always helps, and laughter goes a long way, too.

Make the time to help your kid shine. We need to find the time,

Practice when you’re out and about socially with your children.

maintain the commitment, and be deliberate in teaching our children how to behave in polite society. It is possible to raise a courteous, friendly young lady or gentleman, but it takes dedication and consistency.

Laugh often. It takes a lot of work to teach – and learn – good manners. Might as well have some fun doing it!

At the end of the day, etiquette education is undeniably necessary for every child’s lifelong confidence and success.

Manners will always matter in our society and our children are relying on us to get them started and on the right path. ❖

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“IT SHOULD BE AN EXCITING TIME, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE SCARY OR TRAUMATIC IF A CHILD IS NOT READY FOR THAT TRANSITION.”

IS MY KID READY FOR KINDERGARTEN?

if your child struggles with sitting at a desk and following a schedule for breaks, activities and meals.”

Preparing your kids for a successful school year

BY SUSAN TULINO

O

h, kindergarten. Many of us remember our very first day of school fondly — the excitement of shopping for school supplies, packing lunch boxes and waiting for the yellow bus to round the corner. Boarding the school bus was often our first taste of freedom from our parents’ sides.

But that freedom comes with questions and unknowns, and the first day of school can be a major source of anxiety. Anastasia Williams, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician and medical director of pediatrics at Novant Health UVA Olde Towne Pediatrics, explains how you can prepare your child for kindergarten.

“The first day of kindergarten is a big transition,” said Dr. Williams. “It should be an exciting time, but it can also be scary or traumatic if a child is not ready for that transition.”

Preparing for the Change

The first step in setting your children up for a successful transition and school year ahead: establish a routine.

“The first day of school shouldn’t be the first time a kid recognizes there are certain times for naps, lunch, play, etc.,” said Dr. Williams. “Implement a routine at home and pay attention to how your child reacts to it.”

Attending open house events where you can meet teachers can help you familiarize yourself with the specific schedule your child’s class follows. Understand that not every school is a good fit for every child. If you’ve noticed your child has extreme difficulty with routine, you might want to consider options outside of a typical classroom structure.

“Knowing your child is key,” said Dr. Williams. “But as parents, you also need to take responsibility. If at home there is a loose or nonexistent routine, you can’t be surprised

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GAINESVILLE LIFESTYLE

}

Physical and Developmental Evaluation

A child’s health plays a critical role in their overall success and ability to learn.

“To learn, children need adequate nutrition, sleep and physical health,” said Dr. Williams. “We encourage parents to cook well-balanced meals at home, minimize sugar consumption, ensure children are drinking plenty of water, enforce bedtimes and encourage more active time than screen time.”

An annual check-up should be scheduled before school starts to make sure your child is physically healthy. In addition to checking weight and height, pediatricians may also check for asthma, allergies or other conditions and address any developmental or behavioral concerns.

Most schools expect kindergarteners to have a basic grasp on language and math concepts. By age four, kids should be able to:

Speak in clear, complex sentences Name basic colors and shapes Understand the concept of time and basic schedules (like when breakfast, lunch and dinner are eaten) • Follow 2-3 part commands • Recognize words such as “stop” • Identify letters and numbers • Spell their name • Know their phone number • Run, hop, kick and throw “Encouraging basic skills before the first day of school will help you understand how your child learns and better prepare them for learning in the classroom,” said Dr. Williams.

Play is Foundational

Dr. Williams also stresses the importance of play between the ages of two- and fouryears-old.

“Children who learn how to engage and interact with others before entering kindergarten are often more comfortable and do a better job participating in the classroom,” said Dr. Williams. “Letting kids play helps them learn the importance of sharing, taking turns, winning humbly and losing gracefully. These skills are the foundation for healthy learning, inquisition, exploration and lifelong positive behaviors.”

According to Dr. Williams, just as much emphasis should be placed on interpersonal skills as on reading, writing and arithmetic.

Doubts About Readiness

If you feel you’ve done everything you can to prepare your child, but they are still extremely anxious, Dr. Williams advises speaking with your pediatrician.

“It’s a pediatrician’s job to work with families to create a well-balanced, healthy, positive child, so when parents come to us with concerns, we want to help,” said Dr. Williams. “Typically, we assess children based on their current situation, explore parents’ concerns and then discuss options.

Sometimes, if needed, we refer them to child psychologists or behavioral therapists, other times we recommend social therapies such as visiting the library more often or joining a class or playgroup.”

Another thing Dr. Williams stresses: it’s OK to be a little bit anxious — the first day of school is a big change. It’s when feelings of anxiety start to outweigh excitement that you should consider consulting your pediatrician.

“Some parents want the perfect child, but a better ideal is a child who is healthy, thriving and well-adjusted,” said Dr. Williams. ❖

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THE PARENTING ISSUE

Marianne has walked the sometimes unsteady path of being a stepparent herself.

Many think mindfulness is synonymous with meditation, but at its core it is the basic act or state of being aware of your feelings and the feelings of others. It takes time, but by being mindful you learn to respond thoughtfully without reacting impulsively. One of the steps toward creating a good relationship with a stepchild, said Maranne, is “ … to be mindful and to not feel threatened.”

STEP BY STEP

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION

navigating life with a blended family

BY FRANNIE BARNES

A

nyone who has been married understands the challenges of combining lives: merging finances, households, and traditions takes patience, love, and a sense of humor; it’s a constant evolution. When you marry someone who already has children or you blend families, it takes the need for patience, love, and a sense of humor to a whole new level. Being a successful stepparent requires the skill of a tightrope walker but it can be done and the result can be a wonderful and unique relationship with your stepchildren.

BE MINDFUL OF THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS Warrenton resident, licensed family and marriage therapist, and author of Peaceful Parenting: 10 Essential Principles, Marianne Clyde feels that mindfulness is a key tenet of any type of parenting.

With a combined family of eight children and 17 grandchildren,

22

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

Marianne explains that it is important for stepparents to understand that if a child seems negative, or defiant, or hesitant to heed the rules, it’s because they are trying to determine a) where they fit in the new dynamic and b) answer the question “do you love me?” As both parents and stepparents, we tend to have our feelings hurt when faced with negative reactions from a child.

She offers that it is important to include kids in the conversation — talk to them about how they feel and let them know you’re listening and that their feelings are important to you. The bottom line? It’s an evolution. “Every day will be different, and you can’t allow yourself to get in a rut where the children don’t feel allowed to grow,” Marianne said.

CO-PARENTING WITH THE EX Lisa, a local mom with a blended family of five kids — three of her own and two stepchildren, all teenagers now — married her husband eight years ago.

“The biggest challenge of stepparenting is learning to co-parent with the exes,” she said. “If possible, sit down with the people you’ll be parenting

GAINESVILLE LIFESTYLE

}

with, even if it’s uncomfortable, and get on the same page.”

Additionally, the “your kids/my kids” mentality can be tough to overcome. “It’s hard not to say ‘they’re my kids’ because I’m also one of their parents now. But sometimes the biological parent can take offense at that.”

What happens when a biological parent doesn’t want a stepparent involved? “No matter what, as a stepparent, there has to be a level of respect for the office of biological parent,” Marianne said. It takes courage to step back, but if you have open communication and ask the child how you can be involved in their lives, you can come up with a creative solution without arguing.

“Each parent has different beliefs and expectations,” said Marianne.

“Talk about how you can both be happy. Don’t be offended by someone else’s opinion.”

BE FLEXIBLE WITH TRADITIONS A common question in merging families is how to honor new as well as old traditions.

When one family has specific holiday traditions and new ones are introduced, it can be challenging to honor everyone’s wishes and make each person feel validated and comfortable.

To this end, Marianne counsels compromise and flexibility.

“As the saying goes, ‘the rigid reed breaks,’ but if the reed is flexible, it can withstand the wind. Traditions are important, but not more important than the relationship with your children and stepchildren.”

MAKE TIME FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP “It’s important to make time for your marriage. When you do, it makes everything

easier,” Lisa said. Unlike first marriages without children, there isn’t the free time to travel and just be with each other, but it is just as important to prioritize your partner and make time for each other.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES When Lisa married her husband, her three kids not only gained step-siblings and a stepmother, they also gained more aunts, uncles and grandparents (and more presents on birthdays!). When her kids were younger she explained to them that they now had even more people in their lives who love them. And having more loving people in a kid’s life can really enrich his or her childhood. For instance, if one household doesn’t have pets, and the other does, it gives children an opportunity to experience something they may not have otherwise.

“I was very interested in history,” said Ella, another local stepmother. “So I took my stepsons to Civil War sites when they were children, which they loved. They really liked learning about Stonewall Jackson. Turns out, they both majored in history in college, and I like to think that I may have had a little something to do with that.”

Thoughtfulness, open communication, and respect can smooth out the rough patches of being a stepparent.

Said Ella, “Even when things seem hard and the problems insurmountable, remember that time goes by and the children get older. Every day is a step closer to hurt feelings from divorces fading a bit, a step closer to everyone adjusting to the new status quo, and a step closer to developing good relationships with your stepchildren.” ❖

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23

THE PARENTING ISSUE

W

HOW TO DAD WITH TYLER ROSS

BY FRANNIE BARNES

24

{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

GAINESVILLE LIFESTYLE

}

But what about dads? Not so much, right?

Enter local businessman, owner of Ross Real Estate, and podcast host, Tyler Ross.

Tyler is an avid student of life and one of those high achieving types that make the rest of us mere mortals feel like, well, mere mortals. He’s also the father of two young children. As someone who constantly pushes himself to grow, he began to explore his role as a father and thought it would be enlightening to talk with other dads, too. Tyler has no problem connecting with other people who, like himself, push themselves, and he clearly enjoys straight talk with the new and old acquaintances alike.

Lifestyle talked with Tyler recently about the kinds of people he likes to interview on his popular podcast, “Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross,” what he’s learned from those interviews, and what the future holds for the program.

BY CAITLIN SCOTT

ouldn’t it be nice if, along with the delivery of your bundle of joy, you were handed a manual on how to own and operate it? Any parent knows that’s hardly the case. Don’t share this with the kids, but we parents are winging it, every single day. Just when we think we understand the stage or phase a child is in – BAM – they switch it up. And if you have more than one child, you might know to expect curveballs, but no two children, or people, are alike.

The phrase “it takes a village” refers to more than just helping hands. Parents need to lean on family members, friends or colleagues for mental and emotional support and advice. Moms tend to have a larger base of support when it comes to parenting; whether it be a playgroup, books geared towards moms, or just picking up the phone to kvetch with another mom, it’s well within the social norm for women to talk about child rearing.

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BY KARA THORPE

Tyler recording a podcast at his Warrenton office.

WHEN YOU’RE CONSIDERING WHO TO HAVE ON “LEARNING TO DAD,” WHAT ARE SOME OF THE CRITERIA YOU USE?

I look for people who are wildly successful. People who are hard on themselves as well as being highly analytical, realize that to fill in the gaps, you first have to know where your holes are.

WHICH OF YOUR GUESTS HAVE BEEN THE MOST INTERESTING AND THOUGHT-PROVOKING?

I really can’t narrow that down; each guest has offered such different perspectives. If I had to give an answer, I’d say Jesse Straight, owner and operator of Whiffletree Farm in Warrenton.

Jesse is the father of seven children who live and assist on their working farm and his perspective is so different from mine. He is with his children constantly and their dynamic is different. His perspective on how

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{ SEPTEMBER 2019 |

his family interacts has incredible depth. And it might sound strange, but in today’s technology age, it was refreshing to speak with a ‘man of the earth.’

IS THERE A PIECE OF PARENTING ADVICE YOU’VE RECEIVED THAT HAS CHANGED YOUR WAY OF PARENTING?

Absolutely! When I spoke with Ike Broaddus (co-founder of Old Bust Head Brewery), he shared his philosophy of always being honest. Whether it’s about previous relationships before you met your children’s mother, extracurricular activities in your younger days, or even seeing consequences for punishments through – actually taking away the phone, or grounding if you threatened to – if you are honest with your children, they will always know that they can rely and depend on you.

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WHY DO YOU THINK THE SHOW IS SO POPULAR?

I believe it’s because there’s a lack of open and thoughtful communication among men. And we’re changing that. In a world where we have input coming at us from every direction, and constant stimulation, I wanted to share and start thoughtful dialogue.

I started it in an effort to be genuine. We all have insecurities; this podcast is an exercise for me to let go of mine and be more comfortable in my own skin.

WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS FOR THE PODCAST?

I have grand fantasies, but for now my plan is to continue to expand the network of people I speak with, drawing in different perspectives and experiences and sharing them for the benefit of other parents, and myself. I get to talk to really cool people.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER DADS?

We can play a better role; we can be more deliberate. It’s all work, it’s all an effort, but you get back what you put into it.

Stop trying to be perfect but do be authentic. Being perfect is impossible, but when you are authentic, it exposes you to genuine love and friendship.

When Tyler talks about work, he doesn’t mean that parenting is a job, per se. He warmly shares stories about his wife and children and the many activities they do together. His children inspire him daily, and were the inspiration his first children’s book, “Donkey and the Farm Team.”

Tune in to the thoughtprovoking conversations Tyler gets into with his lineup of great guests on “Learning to Dad with Tyler Ross.” Visit tylerjamesross.com ❖

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f you‘re looking for ways to spark your creativity or want to learn a new craft, your local library is here to help.

The Prince William Public Library System not only offers books on a variety of arts and crafts, it now also offers Creativebug. Creativebug has over 1,000 arts and craft video classes taught by award-winning artists and designers that you can watch online for free just because you’re a Library member. All you need is your library card and pin number.

Go to pwcgov.org/library. Click on the green Digital Library button, then click on the letter “C” located in the blue ribbon in the middle of the page. Scroll down and Creativebug is listed in blue. Click on it to go to their website. Enter your library card number and pin number, then click log in. You’ll be prompted to create a username and password to gain access to all the wonderful classes and patterns that Creativebug offers.

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BY MELINDA CASILLI

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Creativebug offers classes in art, design, sewing, quilting, paper, knitting, crochet, food, home, jewelry, holiday, party, and kids. Each video has the instructor’s name and length of time posted in the corner. When you click on a class, it tells you everything you’ll learn and, if you need to take notes while watching, there’s a helpful note-taking feature available. There is a beginner’s section in each category, and there are multi-part classes and techniques for those who are more advanced.

Each class starts with the materials needed, where to find them, and why those materials were chosen. The videos are easy to follow with clear directions and close up views so you can really see how the professionals do things. You can start and stop at any time, learning at your own pace. The artists and designers also share tips and tricks they’ve learned through the years.

So, the next time the “creative bug” bites you, and you’re eager to learn to knit sweaters, crochet socks, make pottery, and more, remember your local library and give Creativebug a try! ❖

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GOING GAINESVILLE GOES TO EUGENE’S SAUSAGE AND FRIES

A platter of Eugene’s Sausage and Fries’ signature sandwiches, each of which is served on a pretzel roll.

BY LESLEY SALMAN

W

ith summer in full swing, we kicked off our quest to explore the 2019 Best of Haymarket/Gainesville winners with a bang. First stop – Eugene's Sausage and Fries. This amazing new restaurant opened its doors a mere four months ago and won in four categories. Yes, you read that right. Eugene’s has taken the Eugene’s Sausage and local area by storm with wins for Fries co-owner, Best Casual Family Restaurant, Jason Hardy, Best All-Around Restaurant, and Going Best Outdoor Seating and Best Gainesville host, Lesley Salman.

Business Lunch.

I was lucky enough to snag our very own Susan McCorkindale as my co-host for a visit to Eugene’s to see - and taste! - firsthand what And finally Eugene’s best seller, all the buzz is about. We could the Reuben, tantalized our taste hardly contain ourselves as we buds with its house bratwurst, took a seat out on the patio and shaved pastrami, swiss cheese feasted our eyes on the unique and housemade thousand island sausage and sandwich crossovers dressing. It was like we died and that are Eugene’s specialties. And went to Heaven (a little heavier, then, because frankly we couldn’t but who cares!). stop ourselves, we sank our teeth And, let us not forget, into the Casa Blanca and marveled everything is served on a soft in delight at its Merguez Sausage pretzel roll. Aside from these and Moroccan slaw topping. specialty items, you can build your Next up, the mouthwatering own combination, order a sausage Danger Dog. If you’re a spice board, sip on hand scooped lover, this Eugene’s specialty of milkshakes, nibble on tastily spicy sausage loaded with Bacon topped french fries and quench Jam, cheddar sauce and jalapeno your thirst with a cold brew. relish will definitely become your Who are the culinary geniuses go-to. Talk about a sandwich that behind these exquisite eats? makes your mouth sing!

None other than Jamie Ryder After that deliciousness, we and Jason Hardy, two friends who savored the Chicago beef. A Brat met in D.C. and decided to take adorned with shaved roast beef, their masterpieces to the burbs. peppers, onions and provolone, it Settling in the quaint town of totally impressed this Chi-town gal.

Haymarket, this dynamic duo has

been welcomed with open arms by everyone from the locals to Haymarket's finest.

For those of you wondering how two guys whose names are Jason and Jamie came up with the name Eugene's Sausage and Fries, it’s simply this: After kicking around names for quite some time, the partners settled on Jamie's middle name. It sounded great and because Eugene was the name of a beloved family friend, they went with it.

We think they’re doing the original Eugene proud and, more importantly, we think you’ll agree.

Stop in and taste the reasons Eugene’s Sausage and Fries won Best Of in four food and beverage categories this year. And if you’d like to see our visit with these two culinary pros, go to Facebook. com/goinggainesvilleva, click on “Videos” then scroll down and click on the Eugene’s Sausage and Fries banner.

Going Gainesville will be back next month to celebrate another of the Haymarket and Gainesville businesses you voted Best this year, so don’t miss this space or our video spotlights on all your local favorites on Facebook! ❖

FACEBOOK @GoingGainesvilleVA INSTAGRAM goinggainesville YOUTUBE Going Gainesville ONLINE www.GoingGainesville.com

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