H E R
TIMES
Dating Violence
How to have a conversation with your teens p. 10
Dad’s Turn
Reflections on 8 months of fatherhood p. 16
LEARN TO LEAD Women share how Athena lifts them up p. 4
S U N D A Y, S E P T. 4 , 2 0 1 6 • A M O N T H LY S U P P L E M E N T T O T H E E R I E T I M E S - N E W S
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Be a mentor
W
hen I got into the business world decades ago, most of my mentors were men because there weren't a lot of women to act as mentors. But I quickly met other women who were in my career field — it wasadvertising at that time. Through women like Lisa Watkins, owner of Kimkopy Printing, I learned how important it is to give back and help other women achieve career aspirations. I got involved in countless organizations, and the Athena program is one that has the most impact. I've watched women grow personally and in their careers. Specifically, I worked on advisory panels for Sabrina Fischer, of Sassy Peacock; Lea O'Connell, of Ye Olde Sweet Shoppe; and Adria Johnson, of Headcases Salon. They were all successful
business owners when I met them, but now they are leaders in the community who help other women and men achieve success. I've also met a sisterhood of women who have pushed me beyond my comfort zone and become confidantes on business and personal levels. Linda Stevenson is a master of connecting women. She has a sixth sense. She calls me out of the blue whenever she thinks I might need a cheerleader, and cheer she does. Colleen Mezler started out as a business associate 15 years ago and became a fast friend who calmly listens to my crazy rants on almost any topic. Laurie Root and I have shared some tales about kids that can make you laugh and cry all at the same time. These are the leaders of Athena Erie, but there are many more women who lead. Read
H E R
ON THE COVER
TIM
ES Elizabeth Papa, left, art director at Papa AdvertisDatin g Violenc e ing and Design; Janel Dad’s Bonsell, center, partner Turn with Schaffner Knight Minnaugh Company, and Jenny Weigold Geertson, manager of community relations ions for UPMC Health Plan, have all been involved with Athena. How to have a conversa tion with teens your p. 10
Reflection s on 8 of fath erhood months p. 16
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Pam Parker and her husband Kim Parker.
about a few of them on page 4. If you have the opportunity to become a mentor, take it. And if you need a mentor, gather your own posse of women and inspire one other. This month's issue of Her Times will give you plenty of ideas on how to do it.
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CONTACT US Her Times, c/o Erie Times-News, 205 W. 12th St., Erie, PA 16534 Niche Publications Editor, Brenda Martin, brenda.martin@timesnews.com 870-1771 Editor, Pam Parker, pam.parker@timesnews.com 870-1821
Pam Parker, editor
pam.parker@timesnews.com
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FA S H I O N
bag In the
Teacher shares purse contents By Christine Eddy Contributing writer
Just back from vacation in Connecticut and working on preparing her classroom for the start of school, Harding Elementary School art teacher Erica Whiting plops her green leather satchel up onto to the table. An artist with skills in painting, printmaking and photography, Whiting leads a vibrant life. Many of the items in her purse are linked to
her artistry. Whiting has an ongoing theme with her bag. Several of the items match the color of her purse, including a teal wallet from Anthropologie. A member of Elevate Church, her Bible journal is also green leather. She also has a green bottle of Bath & Body Works sweet magnolia spray. Like most women, Whiting has plenty of purse staples on hand, including her iPhone 6s with a bronze sparkly case and phone charger, her black sunglasses, keys, a comb and Trident gum. Whiting doesn't carry a lot of makeup. She has MAC Nymphette lip gloss, Urban Decay’s bright purple pandemonium lipstick and some Tarte mascara given to her by her hair stylist, Todd Lavery. A gold keychain hangs from the outside of her purse. It features a purple heart and read “purple purse.” “I’m a survivor of domestic violence. My mother gave this to me," she says. "I am open about this aspect of my life now. I hope this will help other women to seek help.” Whiting carries an additional journal for creative inspirations. “When I
Erica Whiting empties her purse for Her Times. CONTRIBUTED PHOTO/CHRISTINE EDDY
get inspired, I write it down. I like to let art happen naturally." She also enjoys photography, which lets her show emotion and tell a story. She carries some camera cards in her purse. Whiting has an abundance of Sharpies and pencils on hand to
sketch. Her love of art allows her to express herself in different ways. "I love to find culture and document it.” Whiting’s purse is filled with color and inspiration that includes items to get her through her day. HT Christine Eddy is the director of development at the Erie Art Musuem.
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 3
Janel Bonsell, left, certified public accountant with Schaffner Knight Minnaugh Company, Elizabeth Papa, center, art director at Papa Advertising and Design, and Jenny Weigold Geertson, right, manager of community relations for UPMC Health Plan are photographed Aug. 22 at the Colony Plaza. JACK HANRAHAN/ERIE TIMES-NEWS
CAREER
Athena luncheon
CONNECTS MENTORS, MENTEES By Marissa Orbanek Contributing writer
W
hen she became the senior manager of community relations at the UPMC Health Plan, Jennifer Weigold Geertson was struggling a bit with her transition to a new role. From its new surroundings and responsibilities, Geertson was searching for ways to grow and develop in her new role. Enter the Athena Leadership Luncheon,a program 4 • HER TIMES • SEPTEMBER 2016
designed to celebrate women, help women and provide a forum for women who want to connect with one another. This is the third year for the program, which rotates yearly with the Athena Awards Luncheon, a different event that honors a female leader in the community. Geertson decided to take advantage of the local Erie event for female leaders. It turned out to be an opportunity this then-emerging leader wouldn’t forget.“I remember walking into the room and immediately feeling the energy,” said Geertson,
who serves in different capacities within the community. She is the board president of the Experience Children’s Museum and the board secretary of BEST (Bayfront East Side Taskforce). She also serves on the board of governors for the Erie Philharmonic, and she is the 2016 Walk Chair for JDRF. “Everyone came to the event with their own expectations and what they wanted to get out of it. For me, it was at a time of a job transition, so this event was a place for me to be open, honest and even a bit more vulnerable because we were all there for
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 5
the same reason,” Geertson said. Fast-forward two years and Geertson is returning to the 2016 Athena Leadership Luncheon —this time, as a mentor.“When I look at my career, I remember those supervisors and mentors that encouraged me to take on new roles and responsibilities, (ones) who were confident enough in themselves to share their knowledge with me and empowered me to grow. That’s the type of person, the type of leader, I want to be,” Geertson said. The mission of the luncheon is to connect emerging women with women who are established in their careers by using conversation, mentoring and networking. Although women are encouraged to come in pairs as an established and emerging duo, registration is flexible so attendees can come solo or even in a pair of two established or two emerging leaders.Led by Linda Stevenson, Colleen Mezler and Laurie Root, this event is an umbrella for Athena Erie, an organization that is carrying out its commitment to supporting the leadership of women and inspiring women to achieve their full business and professional potential. “It’s important to recognize that we have all this amazing talent among women in our community. We also have a large environment of emerging young women who are trying to figure out how to fit into our community and become stronger leaders. Events like these open those doors,” said Stevenson, who has been involved with Athena for more than 27 years. This year’s keynote speaker will be Erie native Andrea Conner, who currently serves as interim executive director of Athena International. Conner is the board vice president of Sias International University Foundation and a governing body board member for the Raleigh Chapter of the U.S. National Committee for UN Women. She is a consultant for the World Academy for the Future of Women and previously worked for UN Women China, where she spearheaded leadership development programs for university-aged women to help them build their capacity to lead. Andrea is also the daughter of Linda Stevenson, who said she is excited to introduce her daughter to the community. “For me, I never imagined this little Erie girl would be back there speaking about women leadership at that level —it’s very humbling,” Conner said. “I’m excited to share my experiences that I’ve had encountering women all over the world and how that has impacted me profoundly. But you don’t have to travel the world to do that. What may seem like a small thing can open the door and offer a different perspective for somebody else.” Following the keynote presentation, there will be break-out sessions that talk about how to live authentically, learn constantly, advocate fiercely, act courageously, foster collaboration, build relationships, give back and celebrate. Sessions are facilitated by a diverse group of prominent female business leaders in Erie who volunteer their time by sharing their own stories and leadership experiences. “The conversations are great and very dynamic. You aren’t just attending another luncheon, but you are at an event that really brings women together 6 • HER TIMES • SEPTEMBER 2016
and creates great conversations,” said JanelBonsell, a partner at the accounting firm Shaffner Knight Minnaugh. Bonsell has attended numerous Athena events. “These conversations are great, but the follow-up is even more encouraging.” Bonsell serves as the chairwoman of the United Way of Erie County, is on the governing body of Athena and serves as a mentor for businesses in the Gannon University technology incubator. She is also a Rotarian and although she’s been involved with Athena for almost 20 years, she said she’s inspired by the luncheon’s never-stop-learning atmosphere and the meaningful new connections. “At the end of the event, a young lady approached me, asked if she could follow up with me after the luncheon. She was looking for a change in career,” Bonsell said. “We met a week after the luncheon and talked about the accounting profession. She went back to her hometown,got her accounting degree and subsequently got a job in the accounting profession.” Liz Papa, the art director for PAPA Advertising, said she attended the Athena event thanks to a coworker’s recommendation. According to Papa, she had not heard about it before and did not know what to expect, but was blown away by what came from it. “The way it is structured is so smart, because it allows for all levels of interaction and allows the attendee to be as hands-on as she chooses,” Papa said. “The relationships that came from my small group are invaluable and will be for years to come.” An example, Papa said, is that her mentor did an amazing jobofrallying her group to meet at least once a month after the initial eventtocontinue conversations.“There have been countless jobs thathavecome up thatwe have been able to lean on each other for,and wehave found many ways tocreateopportunitiesfor shared success with in our group,” said Papa, who is a marketingadviserto theFort LeBoeuf Foundation Board and past board member of the Erie Art Museum. “Thenetwork that I have with these women, thatwas created fromattendingoneevent, is honestly incredible.” Athena events have inspired women leaders to serve the community in different ways. A previous Athena guest speaker Christy Uffelman, of Align Leadership LLC, served as the inspiration for Athena Circle of Trust (ACT), an organization that formed with a select group of young professional women eager to hone their leadership and networking skills by meeting regularly to support each other. After the first group successfully launched ACT, it is now forming a second group. “Linda has developed Athena into something amazing.She hears women in need of an outlet, and she helps create it. Or empowers people to create it for themselves,” said Geertson. “I got to meet women through Athena that I probably would have never crossed paths with otherwise. For me, it continues to be great networking.” This year’s luncheon is expecting it’s biggest turnout yet. The event is Sept. 15, from 11 a.m. until 1:30 p.m. “If you don’t have connection, this event is a perfect way to open the door,” Stevenson said.
“Those who give, get. That emerging leader can be working with an emerging or established leader. That makes something like this so important. In a community like Erie, women represent over 50 percent and we need to take that step forward to lead.” HT Marissa Orbanek is the public relations manager at the General McLane School District and the girls lacrosse coach at McDowell High School.
A Andrea Stevenson Conner, interim executive director of ATHENA A International, is the keynote speaker for the ATHENA Leadership luncheon that takes place Sept. 15. CONTRIBUTED PHOTO/ANDREA CONNER
WHEN: Sept. 15, 11 a.m. - 1:30 p.m. WHAT: This luncheon gives women
the chance to make connections and build relationships with other women. A brief speaker introduces ATHENA leadership principles and attendees share ideas on leadership at table discussions.
KEYNOTE SPEAKER: Andrea
Stevenson Conner, interim executive director of ATHENA International. Conner is the board vice president of Sias International University Foundation and a governing body board member for the Raleigh Chapter of the U.S. National Committee for UN Women. She is a consultant for the World Academy for the Future of Women and previously worked for UN Women China.
COST: $75/pair WHERE: Ambassador Conference &
Banquet Center To learn more about ATHENA programs or to get involved, please go to www.atheneaerie. org or contact Program Director Linda Stevenson at athenaerie.stevenson@gmail.com.
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SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 7
FA M I LY
All dolled up Girls and Dolls Gala of America will turn Erie pink with a return to the area on Sept. 25 Morgan Oler made a T-shirt for her American Girl doll in the craft room. CONTRIBUTED PHOTO/ DESIREE TROUTNER
By Lydia Laythe Contributing writer
P
Sisters Desiree Troutner, left, and Amanda Hines started the Girls and Dolls Gala of America in Erie in 2015. CONTRIBUTED PHOTO/DESIREE TROUTNER
8 • HER TIMES • SEPTEMBER 2016
ink. Everything’s pink. Pink lemonade in sparkling glass cups. Pink lights reflecting off the walls. Pink and rainbow-colored candy in crystal dishes. Pink dresses. Pink ribbons. Pink face paint. Pink.If the color pink made a noise it’d be the shriek of an ecstatic little girl when she finds the perfect dress for her doll, when she sees a beautiful butterfly painted on her face. It all happens at the Girls and Dolls Gala of America event where the
From left, Serena Troutner, Maliya Long and Morgan Habursky prepare for the girl and doll look alike contest and parade. CONTRIBUTED PHOTO
pinkest of dreams come true.The event gathers girls between the ages of 3 and 12, along with their favorite 18-inch dolls. It includes a parade of girls and their dolls, a girl/doll lookalike contest, lunch, a DJ, dancing, crafts, a photo booth, a doll hair salon, doll ear piercing, and girl/doll face painting. Desiree Troutner, Girls and Dolls Gala co-founder, came up with this event in 2015 with her sister, Amanda Hines. Having two girls of her own, Troutner was very familiar with the energy and excitement around dolls and all their accessories.Trouter said she was motivated by a desire to give families more space for quality time. “In a world where technology is so prevalent … sometimes we don’t take the time out of our busy lives to spend time with our family,” Troutner said. “We wanted to bring back good old times, family traditions and family together time. We’re promoting strong, independent girls … (and) we’re promoting imagination and creativity.” Troutner said she knows many families travel hundreds of miles to go to American Girl doll stores, and she wanted to bring a similar experience to
Erie to make it more accessible to families that can’t travel that far.“There’s nothing like this in the surrounding areas,” Troutner said. In 2015, Troutner said, organizers had to turn away families when the event sold out, with 500 attendees. This year, Troutner is expecting between 700 and 1,000 participants, so she moved the event to the Bayfront Convention Center to accommodate more families. Troutner likened the event’s atmosphere to that of Christmas morning. And short of giving away puppies, the Girls and Dolls Gala of America event has everything to make a little girl’s wildest—and pinkest—dreams come true.So it’s no surprise that the event was an immediate success. “It’s kind of like Christmas morning when you see all your presents, and you’re like ‘Where do we start?'” Troutner laughed. “(It’s) really positive, playful, fun. You forget your problems at the door, and you (enter a) fantasy world. We really try to make everyone feel special.” Erie resident Linda Allegretto and her mother-in-law took Allegretto's 6-year old daughter to the event in 2015.“She loved bouncing from room
Maria Allegretto and her doll had matching dresses during the 2015 event. CONTRIBUTED PHOTO/DESIREE TROUTNER
Emma Argaez had her picture taken with her American Girl Doll at a doll gala in Erie in 2015. CONTRIBUTED PHOTO/ACTIONSHOTSERIE
to room … doing the crafts,” Allegretto said. “It’s (great) to see the girls in their element … and getting to see the excitement.” Allegretto said her daughter can’t wait to go again. She even said her husband was considering going, too, after hearing about how much fun they had last year.“Even my husband (said), ‘Maybe I should go too (next time),’” Allegretto laughed. Kim Oler, another local resident, took her 7-year-old daughter to the event in 2015, and can’t wait to do it again.“You can tell they put a lot of time and energy into making this event,” Oler said. “They had a lot to offer … and kept the girls busy. I’m really excited that they’re doing this again.” Oler chuckled as she recalled the candy bar —a buffet of sugar—and all the energy it released into the room.“All the little girls loved that,” Oler said. “My daughter absolutely loved the arts and crafts tables. It was a lot of fun.” But Oler admitted that she didn’t go to the event for herself. She went to spend quality time with her daughter.“It was fun spending time with my daughter,” Oler said. “It’s a fun, girly
event where mothers and daughters —or grandmothers and granddaughters —can have time together. It was a wonderful time.” The warm memories Oler made with her daughter last year are exactly the kind of experiences Troutner hopes to continue to facilitate for families. “It’s a family event,” Troutner said. “It’s something parents know will be a wholesome memory.” HT Lydia Laythe is a graduate of the University of Portland, and is working on a graduate degree at Edinboro University of Pennsylvania.
WHEN: Sept. 25 at the Bayfront Convention Center from 1–5 p.m. COST: $30, $40 for VIP
tickets. VIPs arrive one hour early, and girls can shop, find the best seats, and go to the salon earlier. Tickets are available online at www.girlsanddollsgala.com.
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 9
FA M I LY
DATING VIOLENCE Most teenagers never see it coming. And most teenagers
aren't equipped to deal with it alone when it happens. If you haven't had the conversation with your daughter or son, here's why and how to talk with them about dating violence. 10 • HER TIMES • SEPTEMBER 2016
THINKSTOCK.COM
By Heather Cass Contributing writer
“You really need to teach her to put on her own coat,” the teacher told a parent during the first week of preschool. In parenting, sometimes it’s the things we don’t think to teach our kids that trip us up. The 18-year-old who goes to collegewithout knowing how to do laundry. The new driver who doesn’t know how to get the gas cap off the car. The young adult who doesn’t know his or her doctor’s name or phone number. The teenager who experiences violence on a date. Yes, it happens. And while it’s a topic of discussion unlikely to occur to most parents, it's one that should be addressed before middle school. “One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or a girlfriend,” said Robyn Young, director of counseling services at SafeNet in Erie, who was quoting a statistic from Urban Institute, a Washington think tank that carries out economic and social policy research. Surprised? Here’s another number from the Urban Institute that explains why we might be caught off guard: Only 9 percent of abused teens seek help and, if they do, it’s rarely from a parent or teacher. “A lot of times, it’s a friend of the person who is being abused that comes to the counseling office because they want to know how they can help their friend,” said Patti Palotas, clinical team leader for the Erie School District. Palotas, who has worked with Erie-area high school students for 17 years, said teen dating violence does occur and that it’s more prevalent in today’s always-connected culture. “Digital media has given us the ability to contact and/or know where someone is all the time,” Palotas said. “And, with cellphones in the hands of most teens 24/7, there’s an expectation that they will always be immediately available.” One of the first warning signs of a teen dating relationship headed for dangerous territory is a partner who gets angry when their text messages are not responded to right away.Initially, it might seem flattering. “Especially, at the beginning, that person is very charming, and they are paying a lot of attention and are maybe a little jealous,
and that makes the other partner feel loved,” Palotas said. “But they get sucked into a cycle of apologizing and making excuses and blaming themselves, saying ‘well, I didn’t text him back right away, he has a right to get mad.’” Complicating matters is the fact that young love tends to be all-consuming and dramatic by nature. How is a parent to know when it’s crossed the line into something obsessive or destructive? Young offers a succinct and clear sign: “If there is any fear with a partner, then the relationship is not right.” Another big red flag is a teen who stops spending time with friends and family or doing other activities that they once enjoyed. Alienation is often the first step in an unhealthy relationship. Teens may not even be aware they are in a bad relationship. “When a student comes to me, I try to get them to tell me their story and listen without judgment,” Palotas said. “They might think their relationship is normal. I try and educate them on what a healthy relationship is and get them to see that jealousy and controlling behavior, like demanding to read all your text messages, is not love.” Palotas likens a parent’s role in teaching their child about healthy relationships and boundaries to teaching kids how to drive. “You wouldn’t just hand them the keys and let them figure it out on their own,” she said. “You stay with them and you practice and you make sure they know what they are doing before you let them go. “They need our guidance because they just don’t have enough experience yet.” Here are some tips on talking to your teen about dating violence:
HIT THE ROAD.
Difficult conversations are sometimes easier to have in the car where you do not have to make eye contact. SafeNet has car air fresheners with dating questions on them to jumpstart the teen dating “carversation.”
GUT INSTINCTS RULE.
Tell your teen to trust their intuition. If someone seems too perfect early in a relationship or is getting too serious too fast, teens should trust — and heed their uneasy feelings.
YOU CAN’T HURRY LOVE.
Tell teens that they should never allow anyone to rush their feelings, and that doing so is a form of control.
IF YOU SUSPECT THERE’S A PROBLEM: KEEP YOUR COOL.
“Try not to let anything they say get you too excited,” Young said. If you overreact, the teen will likely stop talking, and shut you out. Keep a calm exterior.
DON’T BADMOUTH THEIR PARTNER.
“Try to focus on the behavior of the abusive person, and restrain yourself from calling their partner names,” Young said.
SNOOP, IF YOU MUST.
No parent wants to violate their child’s privacy by checking their text messages or START EARLY. other digital media, but if you’re truly worried Many kids are “dating” as early as 12 or 13 for their safety, you should. “If you think your years old. Young suggests parents begin child is in danger, then all bets are off,” Palotas discussing friendship and the qualities of a said. “A cellphone is a wealth of information good friend in elementary school, and move and, in most cases, parents are paying for it to dating when the child gets older. anyway.”
USE THEIR FRIENDS. “Ask your teen if they have friends who are dating, what they consider dating, and how their friends’ relationships are going,” Young said. You can learn a lot about what they know and think about dating and relationships by listening to them discuss what’s going on in social circles.
GET HELP.
SafeNet provides advice and confidential services to any victims of domestic violence, including teens, children, women and men, via the hotline at 454-8161 or at the offices at 1702 French St. HT Heather Cass is the publications coordinator at Penn State Behrend.
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 11
Robyn Young, director of counseling services at Safenet in Erie, provided these signs that your teen may be involved in an unhealthy relationship:
12 • HER TIMES • SEPTEMBER 2016
1
A partner who constantly wants to know where your teen is and who they are with.
2
A teen who stops spending time with friends, or doing other activities they once enjoyed.
3
A partner who goes through your child’s cellphone messages or social media accounts.
4
A teen who dresses differently or stops wearing makeup because their partner didn’t like it.
5
A teen who gets nervous when not able to answer a text or call very quickly.
6
A partner who gets very serious (expressing love) in a relationship very quickly.
7
A partner who is jealous and doesn’t want your teen to have friends of the opposite sex.
WHAT IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP? Healthy relationships allow both partners to feel supported and connected but still feel independent. Communication and boundaries are the two major components of a healthy relationship. Ultimately, the two people in the relationship decide what is healthy for them and what is not. If something doesn’t feel right, partners should have the freedom to voice their concerns to each other.
SOURCE: National Domestic Violence Hotline
CAREER
How to
THRIVE with your
TRIBE
By Debbie Peterson Contributing writer
I
am a huge proponent of the Tribe, the Posse, or the Sisterhood, whatever you choose to call it. The people in your life that get you, that have your back and who support you. What do you do though, when you’ve got some “pruning” to do in that inner circle? Realize not everyone is meant to be in your life. There are going to be people who don’t deserve a place in your life, or at least a place in your Tribe or Inner Circle. As a successful woman in business, you need to be surrounded by the A Squad. What you may not realize is that by not paying attention to the
cultivation of your Tribe, you give up valuable energy, effort, time and resources supporting the people dragging you down or sucking the life out of you. What can you do? Well, a few things, and some are easier than others. First, you have to realize that it's your choice to allow them to be in your inner circle. Even if you are doing nothing about them, that is still a choice. Once you understand this, you have become self-aware and that is the first step to making any change. Second, address issues assertively. To be a confident, professional woman in the work environment, you have to be able to draw lines in a respectful, yet firm way. Conversations about issues may not be easy,
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 13
THINKSTOCK
but you have to let others know how their negativity impacts you and that for you to be effective, it’s important for you to be around people who are positive and supportive. They may or may not change as a result, but that’s not your responsibility. Third, make a conscious decision that for your own well-being, you can’t spend time around negative people anymore, and then don’t. But what do you do when it’s your boss or family and you can’t just cut them out? You may have to have the assertive conversation, and then create as much distance as you can, limiting the time with them to the best of your ability. Fourth, know what you need and who you want to be surrounded by, and then go find them. Not everyone who you encounter will be “for you,” even if they appear to be at first. This requires a certain level of trust
14 • HER TIMES • SEPTEMBER 2016
to determine, and you’ll want to be careful what you share until then. The more clarity you have about who needs to be in YOUR Tribe, the easier it will be to find them. This is definitely quality over quantity. Be selective about who you let in. Women love to help other women, and there is no better feeling in the world than having that circle surround you when you need it most. Notice the people you resonate with, who makes you feel better, who encourages you to stretch. They’ll show up when you'r ready for them. Now you’ll be surrounded and supported by people who can help you keep your eye on the prize. Until next time, here’s wishing you the clarity you deserve. HT Debbie Peterson is president of Getting to Clarity LLC and a midlife mindset expert helping women rediscover their potential.
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 15
Josh Grabski, 31, of Erie, holds his daughter, Nellie Grabski, 8 months, along with partner Sarah Stemen, 26.
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hile you normally hear from online reporter Sarah Stemen when it comes to motherhood, we're switching things up this month.We're talking fatherhood with Josh Grabski, 31, father to Stemen's 8-month-old daughter, Nellie Grabski.Here's what he had to say when asked about his first eight months of fatherhood.
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Q: What's your favorite part about being a dad? A: Right now, it's watching things change every
dayand knowing that every single day is going to be different. You kind of have a different part every day (as a dad.) There's something new every day. I like knowing that and knowing that it will always be that way.
Q: Your least favorite part? A: I don't think I have a least favorite part. Anything
that's possibly a negative, there's always a positive side to it. When she was first born and she'd have tough nights, we'd know she was going through a growth spurt and she was growing and that's amazing to me. Q: What have you learned in the past eight months? A: Probably that humans are the coolest things to
ever exist. I mean that literally. I've learned how amazing life is. It's so crazy to witness how rapidly a human changes and how instinctually intelligent a human is. I find that so amazing. Q: Is it true that it's the most exhausting experience to ever happen to you? A: It's mentally exhausting knowing that you're "on"
(as a parent) 24/7, so it makes it more exhausting than other things, but I don't think it's that exhausting. It's just life now; it's just what you do now. It's different than anything else on this planet in that there's constant motivation. It never drags. There's always something. Q: How did you support Sarah with breast-feeding in those first few months? A: I think I was just there for her for whatever she
needed. I think being there and understanding that she
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 17
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Q: How has your role as a father changed in the past eight months? A: Well, I became one. So there's that. I don't think "+.G+F,6F,<
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my relationship with her has necessarily changed. When she (Sarah) was pregnant, someone told me that as much as you think you love your child when they're born, from a dad's point of view, it only grows with time. I think that's very true. It's amazing to watch them become this little person and interact with you and grow to love you. Q: What advice do you have for new dads or expectant fathers? A: Don't force anything. Don't think that you're
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was doing way more than me. You're basically just a helper when your wife is breast-feeding. You're not really relevant necessarily. So I think being there and supporting and encouraging if she needed it is what I would call my support.
going to solve things if they're unsolvable or help more than you can help or more than you have a place to help. Be patient. The main thing with your role, especially in the beginning, is that you should be reactive, rather than proactive in a lot of those gray areas. Everyone will let you know what they need. Nature has a funny way of making the mother and infant intelligent enough to know what it is they need. Q: How would you describe Sarah as a mother? A: I think being a mother is pass/fail. There's not
good or bad. There's right or wrong, and I'm not one to decide which is which. If you've chosen a proper partner to be the mother of your child, then that should already be established that that person will be the mother you want them to be. There's no special way to be a mother in a sense and then on the same hand, every way you're a mother is special. HT Sarah Stemen is the Erie Times-News and GoErie.com online reporter and a guest mommy blogger on the Her Times blog. She can be reached at 870-1776 or by email. Follow her on twitter at twitter.com/ETNstemen.
SEPTEMBER 2016 • HER TIMES • 19
20 • HER TIMES • SEPTEMBER 2016