The Storm Issue by Paperfinger

Paperfinger

January 2014

The Storm Issue

Paperfinger

January 2014

The Storm Issue

FEATURE

Kristiane Weeks

hen our first in September of 2013 started off beautifully thanks to (our hard work and) Amber Hoadley’s photography. So naturally, there might not be a better way to bring in the new year’s issue than with the third muse of the creative Hoadley sisters. And of course, since I adore this family and wrote the feature for Amber, I had to write the feature for Rebecca. Rebecca Hoadley, however, uses her creative mind not in photography like Amber, or with well-crafted words like Caroline, but with painting. She even recalls how she was once “the little girl with all the markers and art kits.” She told me, “Thats how I wanted to spend my time, I was intrigued by the process of creating something of my own, the mark making and color mixing. I remember when I

was little, going to the library and checking out art books. It’s what I enjoy doing, and I love learning more about what other artists are doing today.” And this love of gaining creative knowledge hasn’t stopped for her. “Now as a teacher I get to facilitate that creative environment I loved so much. I like problem solving and helping other people solve things too. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night planning lessons and trying to think of better ways to explain or demo something. Having great teachers in my life, that made good connections with me, or helped me find a way to solve something on my own inspired me to try to do the same. My paintings reflect me in a way. I focus on certain areas to detail, while leaving other spaces undefined and nondescript. I have begun collapsing ideas together, and breaking them apart again to find compositions that work. All

of my paintings undergo extreme scrutinizing and reworking until I am satisfied with the outcome. It’s kind of therapeutic in a way - the process has become something that I enjoy just as much, if not more than the finished product. I am learning to do the things that come the most naturally, but at the same time do the very thing you don’t know how to do and that you’re aftraid to do. It’s the instinct as well as the things you have to learn. You have to do both.” Rebecca is a fantastic artist because she can skillfully combine her job and her art, applying her problemsolving skills from the classroom to the subjects of her art. She told me how, “a few years ago I got to the point where I didn’t want to paint another landscape or figure. But I wanted to paint. For me, an outlet was to go abstract. I had a problem of overworking a piece, the colors 13

would get muddy and the imagery would be lost. I tried abstract as a way to get away from that. They started out as little color fields, kinda moving all over the canvas/ panel and getting crowded together. It was a great way to simply focus on color and form, rather than specific representational imagery. As I paint, I get more ideas, I used to just paint all my ideas into the one canvas, but that is like writing several stories on one page. Or printing three different books on the same pages. You can’t read the type when it is layered over each other. Well, you can’t read my painting when all my ideas are painted on top of each other. When began to split up my ideas, they connected on their own. Minimal Artist Donald Judd mentioned in “The Accidental Masterpiece” by Michael Kimmelman that; Art should clarify a space, not just occupy it.” Personally, I think Kimmelman’s quote is something every artist should keep in mind— the way all the Hoadley sisters do through different mediums. And

it’s definitely working for them. Hard-work and dedication also seems to be a common thread throughout the Hoadley’s. But hard-work is always worth the love of the art. Rebecca recalled how one experience shows this love: “Before the BFA Show at the Crisp Ellert Art Museum, there were several critiques on campus. I had to somehow move my paintings (7ft tall) to the studio on campus. They didn’t fit in a car, and I didn’t want to pay someone to ship them three blocks down the street. I had friends and family help me carry them on foot to the studios. We got a lot of funny looks from people driving by. Then I had to have them help me move them all back! A few weeks later we moved them AGAIN on foot to the Museum for the show. If not for my incredible family and supportive friends, I would be stuck. They are the reason I paint at all.” Family and friends are great inspirations for Rebecca’s work, along with a few choice artists: “Two obvious classics such as Leonardo Da Vinci (his

sketchbooks, and painting studies are fantastic), and Van Gough. I saw an original Rockwell recently, called “Waiting Room” it stood out to me. I love the way Rockwell could inturprut the daily life of people. Some would criticize him has being too corny or idealized, but I love it. Nothing wrong with being a little bit of either of those. Current artists I draw inspiration from are painters Alex Kanevesky, and Michael Carson. I’m drawn to their color pallets and understanding of different values. The paintings are complex without getting muddy or unsettling, I like that balance. Also, illustrator Deanna Staffo. Her drawings come alive and have a playfulness to them.” You can see these factors in all of Rebecca’s gorgeous and inspiring work. You can see finished work at rebeccahoadley.com. Rebecca also has a studio blog, where she posts work as it develops at rebeccahoadley.tumblr.com, or on instagram: rebeccahoadley.

Kristiane Weeks

t all started when Levi took his puppy on their almost-daily jog around the small country-side town in Michigan where Levi lived his whole twenty-five years of life. Levi and Tori the Shiba Inu puppy went on a couple-mile outing after Levi’s took two hours to complete a thirty mile run every other day. Levi went on an endurance-boosting run before going to his managerial closingshifts at Starbucks, where he’s been working since he graduated college three years ago. Levi was hoping to go pro as a long-distance runner, and the upcoming Chicago Marathon was his way of getting signed with Nike, where he could be on motivational posters, maybe shoe ads, could raise money for charities doing long-distance marathons a few times a year. And of course, free promotional Nike shoes and a yearly salary based on his performance as an inspiring Midwestern runner. He already had the confirmation letter from Nike executive’s at the beginning of the year saying his record was impressive, but they wanted to make sure he was up for a long-term commitment and would have to prove he’s serious about training by performing above-and-beyond in this year’s marathon. He was already the

second fastest track star in college, so all he needed to do was prove his worthiness to the Nike runners by getting one of the shortest times in this year’s Chicago marathon, only two weeks away. Levi pulled his red dog’s red leash gently toward the right, where the cement sidewalk forked off into a dirt path. Levi and Tori trotted off the sidewalk and landed into hard dirt, following the path which lead into the large woods Levi frequented on many childhood adventures. There was still the narrow path patted into the earth from years ago, extending the length of the woods in a winding path. Levi didn’t usually run through the woods with his puppy, but he felt the desire for a change of scenery, since he felt like he was about to become a new man. The marathon was so close, he felt it changing him a little bit day after day. Levi was so ready for a new life in his running career, that he bought shiny new running shoes: bright blue Nike Endurance Trainers. There was a slight pang in Levi’s chest when he saw them on the wall at Dick’s Sporting Goods the previous night. They looked like the grown-up version of the blue Nike runners his mother had hidden under his bed the night before she passed away

from thyroid cancer when Levi was in eighth grade. He wore those runners in his final meet for the school year the next day, shedding an endless amount of tears as he ran his best time all season. He wore them in honor of his mother until the soles were floppy and frail, and the blue had faded to gray. Now, he wore the new, mature Nike runners, and it reminded Levi of how his mother would have never wanted him to quit pursuing his passion: to be the fastest runner in the Midwest. To be the inspiration for others who never thought they could complete a marathon. To raise money for finding cures for every kind of cancer that takes away a mother from a child. The sun was high in the earlymorning sky, glistening through the tiny openings of lightly-blowing leaves beginning to fall to the earth. Levi hopped over a fallen trunk as he thought of his mother. Tori leaped faithfully behind. Tori’s ears perked up as they soon heard a rustling in the thick brush beside the trail. Emerging from behind a chokecherry shrub was a large, black rabbit. The rabbit was beginning to cross the dirt path, when it stopped right in front of Levi and Tori. Levi studied the 27

unusual rabbit. Not that rabbits were unusual in the Midwest— there were wild rabbits everywhere, at least five could be spotted on any given day. But this rabbit wasn’t a common small brown-and-gray cottontail rabbit. This rabbit had longer, silkier hair than other wild rabbits and was black. The rabbit must have not seen or heard the two coming before it leapt from the bush, but Tori was ready for such a prize. Levi’s grasp on her leash had slacken, and at an instant, the natural hunter in Tori had sprung into action. Tori soared at the gold prize, and before the rabbit could react, the dog had a firm grip on the rabbit’s large hind leg. The animal let out a shrill, agonizing banshee-like screech. “Tori! Drop it!” Levi yelled at the dog, using his angry-father voice he adopted from listening to his father’s constant yelling at Levi to be a better scholar, athlete, or son. The dog’s mouth popped open, and the rabbit stopped screeching. Levi scooped up the leash from the dirt and pulled Tori away from the black rabbit. He watched as the rabbit tried and tried to hop away, but there was blood oozing from ripped flesh on what seemed like such a strong jumping leg.

of Tori’s leash. “I wish. I’ve never seen her.” “Let’s go, Tori,” he balanced the bundle in his arms as he and Tori jogged back to his house. Once he was home, he immediately grabbed the keys to his Accord, locked Tori in the house, and put the rabbit in a basket Levi usually kept Tori’s toys in. The rabbit’s breath seemed to quicken again with Tori’s scent so near. “Don’t worry. We’re getting you help,” he comforted the rabbit. The rabbit let him pet its soft ears and back without fuss. Levi wasn’t sure if it was from its weakness or if it was a tamed rabbit, escaped from someone in his neighborhood’s house. He would search the internet for clues when he went back home. Soon, Levi arrived at the vet’s office, and carried the rabbit up to the check-in counter. The vet told him the doctors would take excellent care of it, and would release it back to the wild as soon as they could. Levi knew the vets would keep their word, since he trusted them with his own dog.

A couple days later, Levi and his childhood-friend Hugh were returning home from another run when the men noticed a woman standing in front of Levi’s small “Aw, Tori,” Levi scolded the dog, house, looking down the road as if but he felt sorrow, too. Sorrow that she had been patiently waiting for such a magnificent creature was hours. helpless and wounded. He had to do something. So he took off his From what Levi guessed, the light wind-breaker he wore for woman was probably around chilly early-autumn mornings, told their age, but even from a distance Tori to stay, and walked slowly away, her dark eyes carried a toward the flinching rabbit. calmness and understanding that was centuries old. Levi examined “I won’t hurt you, I promise,” he her brown, smooth hands folded cooed. The rabbit was breathing together in front of her flowing heavy. Levi could hear its little yellow dress that fell just below breath pulsing against the quiet her knees and her pitch black hair. morning. The rabbit appeared to Her eyes seemed to twinkle against slow its breath, and lay frozen like her chocolate-colored skin. Her a taxidermy animal as Levi gently presence almost made Levi forget wrapped his jacket around the how weak and tired he felt from rabbit. It was just a little smaller running. and lighter than Tori, easy enough to carry. So he cradled the black “Who’s that? Your girlfriend?” rabbit in his arms and took a hold Hugh asked.

“Man, that last five miles was intense.” “You only ran five miles.” The men slowed to a light jog when they approached the door and the beautiful woman. “It was still intense. I don’t know how you do thirty any day let alone every—” “Can I help you?” Levi sputtered as he tried to regain some air when they reached the door. “My name is Adalynn. Ada,” she held out her hand to shake Levi’s, but he recoiled a little. “Sorry, but I’m a little dirty. Long run.” Hugh took the keys from Levi’s hand and unlocked the door. As Hugh opened the door, Tori the puppy ran out the door to greet the boys. Ada saw the dog and instantly fainted, crumpling onto the porch. Hugh and Levi looked down at the unconscious girl, then at each other. “Maybe she needed water more than we do?” Hugh guessed. “What do we do, man?” “Call 911!” Hugh said, rushing into the house. Tori trailed him happily. “No, dude! Help me get her inside first!” Levi yelled after him. Hugh trotted back and scooped Ada into his arms. Levi closed the door while Hugh laid her gently on the couch in the living room to the right of the front door. “She seemed perfectly fine,” Levi said. “Is she breathing?” Levi leaned over, putting his ear just above her nose and mouth. He felt a soft tickle from her nose. Tori ran 29

up beside him and sniffed her face. He gave his pup a little push out of the way. “Tori, stop. Yeah, she’s breathing. Are you going to call 911?” “Should I? I’ve never called 911 before for a fainting attack.” “I’m going to get us water. I definitely need some.” Levi’s chest felt like it was on fire. He went to the fridge and brought back three water bottles. “Your dog loves this lady,” Hugh mentioned as he took the bottle from Levi. Levi looked over at the couch where Ada lay. Tori was running back and forth along the edge of the couch, wagging and sniffing along the way, licking Ada’s arm every few paces. The guys watched as Tori stuck her nose into a pocket at Ada’s hip, hidden between the folds in her dress. “Uh oh, she found some goodies,” Hugh said. Tori pulled out a black rabbit’s foot on a keychain between her little jaws and set it on the floor, sniffing at the charm. “Hey, a lucky rabbit’s foot. I had one of those when I was a kid.” Levi picked up 30

the foot, wiping Tori’s saliva on his shorts. “Yeah, everyone did. I remember throwing yours in the garbage in middle school,” Levi off-handedly noted. The keychain reminded him of the black rabbit he saw in the woods. The vet never called just to affirm whether they healed the rabbit or not. He wondered if the charm came from that rabbit. The hair was shiny and silky, like the charm was brand new.

Hugh stood up and chugged the rest of the water then said, “Well, now I don’t have to call the police.” “Are you ok? I’m sorry if Tori scared you. She’s really just a sweetheart. Doesn’t even bark,” Levi explained, rubbing Tori between her pointy ears. She seemed to smile. But Ada wasn’t smiling. “I’m fine. But I am rather terrified of dogs…”

“You dick! I thought it fell off my backpack!”

“Why’d you go to a house with a dog then?” Hugh asked.

Ada’s arms lifted into the air, like a mummy rising from the dead. Her hands balled into loose fists as she rubbed her eyes, and sat up.

“Ignore him. But, why were you waiting here?”

“You’re awake,” Levi sat on the couch next to her, and grabbed Tori’s collar to keep her at a distance. “I heard yelling from far away,” she explained. Her eyes traveled bewilderingly across Levi’s brown couches, the laminated Live Strong posters of Lance Armstrong and other runners on the wall.

“I came here to help you,” she stated rather factually. “He needs loads of help.” “Hugh, seriously. Knock it off.” Levi threw his empty water bottle at Hugh. “I came to give you this…” she reached around in her pocket and gasped when she realized her trinket was gone. “You mean this? My dog’s a little

mischievous. She found it in your pocket.” Levi held out the furry black foot.

“Because of the other day when you helped me,” she acted as if he knew exactly what she was “Yes, that’s it,” Ada explained referring to. But Levi couldn’t recall quietly. Levi noticed the way her ever seeing this woman before. shoulders hunched. Ada’s eyes were He sat staring at her, his dark focused on Tori, sitting at Levi’s feet eyes squinted, trying to recollect a and licking his hand. memory that was never formed. “In the woods. When your dog caught “Why are you giving me this?” my leg.” “He’s just gonna throw it in the trash, anyway,” Hugh said getting up. “I’m leaving. Come by when you’re done with your next twentyfive miles and I’ll join you again, Levi.” Hugh threw his own empty bottle at Levi as he walked out of the room then out of the house, slamming the door behind him. “I want to help you. It can only do good things for you.” Levi wasn’t exactly superstitious, nor did he know exactly what she meant about helping, but he liked the way Ada seemed confident, the warmth and strength he felt radiating from her words and her face. “Why would you want to help me?” He put the foot in his pocket.

Levi’s eyes widened. There was no way this woman was talking about the rabbit. “You mean…that rabbit’s leg?” “Well, yes.” Ada flexed her leg out in front of Levi. There were four dark, almost purple scars on the inside of her right ankle. They looked like large dog bites. “That was me. I live in the woods. I usually take shape as a rabbit by day. I thought I was safer in animal form, but I guess not…” “You can turn into a rabbit?” “Yes! It’s always been that way, for my family.” “Why? Who are you?”

“I guess I’m really just a girl. But my family has always been protected by the forest queen. She carries the life of all the nature around here. And she put a spell on my family centuries ago when she found my great-great-great… great…something grandfather.” “Why? What did your grandfather do?” Levi couldn’t make any sense of what Ada was saying. “His own parents threw him in the woods, probably hoping something would kill him. But the forest queen didn’t have any children of her own, not human ones, anyway. She took pity on him and saved him. She protected him by giving him the ability to hide in plain sight as a rabbit.” She said it so matter-of-factly. But changing forms? Forest queen? Levi couldn’t process anything she had said. “And I want to pay it forward, really. Just like the forest queen showed my family. I want to show it to you, for helping me. You really saved me by taking me to a doctor.” She seemed to really trust him, appreciate the kindness he showed. 31

Hugh asked about Ada, but Levi “That’s not a family member’s foot, said all she gave him was the foot is it?” and said it would help with his marathon training. Hugh said it “Of course not! We aren’t barbaric! was a weird idea. Probably some I made it myself.” weirdo pagan girl who had a crush on Levi. Levi shrugged off Hugh’s “So it’s magic?” “It can be.” snarky remark, but couldn’t tell Hugh about the forest queen. The “Maybe it’ll keep my time down transforming rabbit family. for the big marathon.” After the run, Levi noticed his “Marathon?” legs didn’t feel as shaky as they usually did after his run. He didn’t “This year is the year I’m running know whether to believe in the to get a contract with Nike. It power of the rabbit’s foot, or if the means everything to me. I’ve been shoes were really the best in longrunning thirty miles to knock that distance running like the store clerk 26 out of the park.” promised. Levi didn’t mention this to Hugh either, but simply told him “Then you should always keep this he would pick him up on his next charm with you when you run. It run. will help,” she said and gave Levi a look and smile you could have However, the following day was poured on a stack of pancakes. four days before the marathon, and She seemed so certain of the foot’s when Levi put the rabbit foot in capabilities. Of the charm’s luck his pocket while he went out for a and power. run, he felt lighter, different. Instead of stopping at Hugh’s, he kept “Well, if it’s transformative, then running. When he arrived home, he yeah. But speaking of running, I’ve felt his breathing wasn’t as haggard. really got to get ready for work. He felt like he was breathing Will you stop by again? You know, smoothly and as normally as he did to see if your charm worked?” The when he was just going on with his two stood up at the same time. normal day. “Of course, I’ll visit you here again soon.”

Three days before the marathon, Levi felt like a small candle flame was burning inside him rather than Levi told Tori to stay as he and Ada the inferno that usually occupied walked to the door. his chest. When he had the rabbit’s foot in his pocket, he felt like “I’ll be testing this magic, then,” Superman. Levi truly felt like he Levi said with a slight smirk. was ready for the marathon, ready He still wasn’t sure he believed to take on all the Nike runners. her. But it was too much to be a He was ready to be a Nike poster coincidence. Besides, how would model, like Lance Armstrong in the she know about the biking world. He knew he could be the Lance Armstrong of the rabbit from the woods? He hadn’t long-distance runners. Levi started even told Hugh about the rabbit. to believe in the charm’s power, he believed he could really be the “See you soon,” she said, and best runner at the whole damn walked slowly down the sidewalk. marathon. That night, Levi heard a knocking at his door. Ada had come The next day Levi stuck the foot for a visit as she promised. in his pocket and headed out for his thirty miles, stopping at Hugh’s “Would you like to come in?” he apartment during the twenty-fifth asked her. mile so the two could run together. 32

“No, it’s fine, I’m just stopping by. How’s your marathon training, Levi?” was the first thing she asked. “It might be crazy, but I really think your charm is working. I don’t feel as tired, I feel lighter. What kind of spell did you put on it?” “It doesn’t matter what kind of magic is on it. You wouldn’t understand, anyway. It’s just nature’s way. And I told you it was going to help. I’ll let you keep it, if you help me one more time.” “Alright. Of course.” “Will you take me to the marathon when you go?” she asked sincerely. Levi hadn’t thought about bringing anyone with him. Hugh was even going to watch Tori for him while he was staying at a hotel in the city the night before the big run. He didn’t want any distractions to keep him from his goal, especially when he was feeling so strong. “Sure, I guess. But will you do something for me?” “I’m not helping enough?” But Levi couldn’t stop thinking about what Ada had told him about all the magic surrounding her life. Whether she was crazy like Hugh said. “Will you turn into a rabbit?” “Right now?” “Uh, yeah.” “I can’t.” “What? Why?” “I can’t transform in front of anyone. If I do, I lose my power. It’s part of the spell.” “Oh.” “You believe me though, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I do…” “Then everything will be fine. Just take me with you to the marathon, and you’ll see.” Without saying goodbye, she turned around and left. Levi wasn’t sure what to think, again. Was there really a catch to Ada’s transformations? Was it all a lie? Levi looked at the rabbit’s foot he took from his pocket. He could feel the same warmth radiating from the charm that seemed to radiate from Ada. Why would she be lying to him? The charm clearly worked. He felt faster, invincible. He didn’t want to doubt her. He was determined to believe her almost as much as he was determined to show Nike he was a serious runner. So he followed her, as quiet as he could. He was used to breathing calmly when he felt his heart racing.

anyone was watching. Then, it actually happened. Within an instant, Ada’s body had shrunk and shifted into a sleek long-haired black rabbit. Levi couldn’t help it, he jumped up, flailing into the dapperwillow, causing a ton of noise. The rabbit’s ears perked up, and hopped swiftly over to the dapperwillow. Even with Levi’s training, he wasn’t built exactly for speed, but for distance. The rabbit was right in front of him. And Ada the rabbit spoke. “You didn’t trust me. And now the spell’s contract is broken. I will be a rabbit forever now, and you will never see me again.” She hopped under the long thin strands of the dapperwillow, and was hidden. There wasn’t any rustling. Levi stood there for at least fifteen more minutes, but everything was silent.

The next day, Levi waited in front of his car for an hour before he Ada walked behind the block, finally put his bags in the car toward the woods where Levi met and drove to Chicago. Ada was the rabbit. When Ada arrived at nowhere in sight and the weather the edge of the woods, Levi ducked was cold and rainy. When he got to behind an overgrown dapperwillow the Windy City, he bundled up in bush, that had to be at least seven sweats and spent the day running feet wide. Levi watched her look through rain in Chicago’s blockbehind her, clearly checking if miles, millennium park, and up and

down the Navy pier. Levi felt like he was going to heave up his lungs by the time he got back to the hotel. He didn’t know how many miles he spent the day running, but he knew it had to be close to 8:00 at night when he finished. He took a hot shower, and got into bed. He felt like everything in his life had been leading up to the next day, The day when he would prove that he was worthy of being a professional runner, right next to the guys he’s always admired. Right beside the Nike group, yet at the same time, he couldn’t stop thinking about Ada. He felt guilty for not trusting her, but at the same time, he did think she was a little crazy. How often did a girl or anyone talk about transforming into animals? Or about forest spirits? But he had seen her turn into a rabbit. And he completely regretted it. He fell asleep wondering where Ada was, whether she was really going to be a rabbit forever. Morning. A dark October morning, where the sky was looked like it was a water-colored painting of only grays and blacks. Levi threw on his running apparel and grabbed 33

the rabbit’s foot, but realized he didn’t have pockets in his running shorts. He didn’t have any kind of chain either. He didn’t even consider the rabbit’s foot with his running attire. “It doesn’t matter,” Levi said to his pale and fatigued reflection. His hazel eyes were dim and sleepy. His brown hair was sticking up in every direction. “I already know I can run thirty. No. Forty miles. This twenty-six is nothing compared to what I’ve been doing every day.” His mirror pep-talk made him feel like a million bucks. He was ready. He threw the rabbit’s foot on the bed and left the hotel without looking back. The watery clouds blended together in wide strokes as Levi got his banner and number at the check-in tent. He was one of the first twenty out of the half a million runners to arrive at the starting mark. He gazed around the area, took in the sky-scrapers and the on-lookers. The side-lines were already filling with eager spectators, all clutching boiling coffees and spouting white puffs into the cold air. It felt like winter was already beginning its long occupation in the Mid-West. He did jumping jacks and a few lunges to warm up his body against the cold. Soon, the marathon would start. Levi’s heart swelled when he noticed to his right, the Nike group was doing stretches together. They were all smiling and pumping each other up. He wanted to be the seventh member of their group. And next year, he would be.

girl in the crowd. He heart felt like it was going to burst. Was it Ada? He tried to move around to get a better look, but the running path was so full. He couldn’t see passed the runners’ bodies into the crowd again. Levi checked his watch. 7:28. The race was starting in two minutes. When Levi looked up from his watch, he felt even colder. A steady rain had started up, the same rain that Levi ran through all of yesterday. A combined moan spread throughout the runners. Rain meant slick roads. Despite his firm-traction shoes, Levi became nervous. He was terrified of slipping. And he was terrified that he didn’t have the lucky foot. This nervousness made him angry. He was angry that he was afraid. The alarms went off. It was time. The runners shot out into the road like little colorful pellets from a BB gun. Levi took off in harmony with the Nike group. He at least wanted to keep his strategy: stay in time with the Nike group. But his anger took over him. He wanted to show them, show the weather that he wasn’t affected by any of it. He pounced ahead of the group. He was one of the few at the head of the ever-long pack of runners.

He was so busy focusing on her, that he didn’t notice the few runners ahead of him swerving around a small puddle on the road. He didn’t swerve. His high-traction running shoe slipped on the pavement, and his ankle buckled to a right angle. A hot prickle erupted from his left ankle and shook through his body. He felt like he was falling in slow motion, but at an instant, he was soaked, lying on his back, his foot in the air. Runners were jumping over and around him. He rolled onto his knees, which collected tons of hard pebbles. He stood on his right foot, and when he tried to place his left foot firmly on the ground, the mere attempt to put his foot flat was impossible. His foot wasn’t responding to his command. He set his leg down, and fell right back to where he was just lying. Two medics ducked under the spectator ropes and placed a gurney on the ground next to Levi. “Can you move it?” “No.” “It’s definitely broken.”

Levi didn’t hear anything else. He realized there was no use arguing. He kept ahead of most of the Nike He felt it in his body that he runners for a good fifteen miles. couldn’t make his ankle rotate, let But then, he noticed his breathing alone run the last fifteen miles. He wasn’t as smooth as it had been. didn’t even want to move his leg His legs were slightly shivering with around. The tears welled in his eyes. every step he made. Was it the rain He slowly closed them. that was making him feel this way? He hadn’t felt affected by running Levi couldn’t bare looking at the in over a week. As long as he’d had runners, the millions of shoes the rabbit’s foot. flying over and past his head. “I’m so ready for this, aren’t you?” Flags of colorful shorts. Evidence he asked the closest member of the Suddenly, he looked at the crowd. of thousands of lungs expanding group. He saw Ada’s face among the and contracting, emptying hot thousands of other bundledghosts, light with white dreams that “I’ve been doing this with Nike up supporters. While the other evaporated all around him. for five years, and every year feels spectators were all yelling and like a brand new experience. I’m cheering, she was standing so ready,” the Nike member gave completely still, right at the front of Levi a thumbs up. “Good luck out the do-not-pass ropes. She wasn’t there.” Levi looked just past the smiling. There was no warmth from guy’s shoulder to the crowd. Where her stare that Levi had previously he swore he saw a beautiful dark felt with her near. 35

Holly Rosnik

iranda stepped outside onto her porch and overlooked the dewy brown grass. The sun was just breaching the roof of the adjacent apartments as she lit up her last cigarette. As she inhaled her smoky relief, trying to forget the night before and all of Mark’s wrongdoings, a small critter appeared near her feet. It had a stark black coat, straggly legs, short whiskers and a soft “mew” that warmed her heart. Just as she bent down to greet the little cat, Mark opened the sliding glass door and it jumped from the ledge and ran behind the dumpster.

you want to come?” “A run for what?” Miranda inquired. If it was for anything but weed, she did not want to risk getting caught.

to spending every night together watching comedy shows while snorting lines off her environmental science textbook.

Like many of the bad choices in her life, it all started out so innocently. “Some pot, a few grams of coke at After college, against her family a ridiculously low price, and some and friends wishes, Mark convinced tabs. A buddy of mine is really her to move to south Florida just hooking us up.” outside of Melbourne. More than the drugs, she was addicted to the “No thanks, I think I’m just going thrill. The thrill of never getting to clean around the house a little.” caught, having no responsibilities, being completely free; this was the “It’s about time you did some ultimate high. They continued to cleaning.” Mark scoffed. Miranda party while Mark started to get rolled her eyes, looking towards the more connected into the drug ring. rising sun. She had trouble getting a job in her field, so Mark suggested that “What did I tell you about “I’m kidding baby, I’ll be home she stay home and help him deliver smoking?” Mark snapped. “You’re around 6. Love you.” Mark said as and supply to the neighboring going to grow into a crusty Florida he walked towards her and kissed towns. The more dependent she whore smoking that shit.” her on the forehead. became on Mark, the more frugal and agitated he acted towards her. “It’s my last one, I swear.” Miranda After Mark left she made herself Her friends and family continued lied as she pondered the meaning a cup of Guatemalan roast coffee to warn her about him, but she of “Florida whore”, as if it made with some pumpkin spice creamer didn’t listen. Her pride stopped her it any worse being a whore from and returned to sit on her porch. from admitting and she was living Florida. Flipping her long brown hair away in an ignorant reality that she was from the rising steam she couldn’t mooching off a dead beat that “How did you afford to buy a pack help but reflect on how she got was controlling everything in her anything? If I find out you’ve been herself into this situation; living life. But with him, she continued stealing from me, I swear to God, with a drug dealing, emotionally to experience the thrill, and for Miranda.” and sometimes physically abusive the moment that was all she really boyfriend and depending on him cared about. Miranda felt herself getting for everything. Her parents did not flustered. raise her in such a way. It was only Out of the corner of her eye, she a few years ago she was living in spotted a little black tail. She heard “I didn’t steal this from you. I the suburbs with her comfortably a tiny “mew” in behind the chair, found half a pack on the sidewalk middle class family trying to figure so she stood up to check it out. As near the track.” out where to go after college. she walked closer, the little cat ran behind the dumpster. Hesitate; she In reality, her neighbor gave her Both her parents were college decided to go find it. Her curiosities the pack after a long talk one graduates, and she was working lead her behind the dumpster. afternoon. She didn’t like on a degree in Natural Science. After her junior year, her parents “You poor little angel.” She said lying to Mark or anyone really, but cut her off financially after finding picking up the cat from a pile of she had to protect herself and this out she developed a small, social moldy garbage. wasn’t something she coke habit. She tried to explain to them that everyone her age was In a high pitched voice she said, wanted to fight about. Knowing experimenting, but they did not “Are you hungry little guy? I bet Mark he would end up accusing support such a lifestyle. At the time, you are. Let me see what I can get her of cheating and end up fighting she didn’t see it as a big deal. She you.” with their neighbor. was just having fun and living her life, and through it she met Mark. She carried the cat to her porch, set Mark rolled his eyes and took in a He was a student at her college, it on the chair and went inside to deep breath. and subsequently her dealer as well. fetch some canned tuna. After she They went from causal meet ups fed it, she took some towels and “I’m making a run to Orlando, do at parties and run ins on campus, cleaned its paws. For the first time 37

in a long time cuddling the little animal made her feel safe and happy. She could feel it’s warm fur against her tan skin and it’s irregular heartbeat, beating against her chest. For the rest of the afternoon, she sat with the cat on her porch. She didn’t dare bring it inside with Mark’s permission because she knew he would not like a stray running around their house. The front door slammed and the cat jumped off her lap. Mark was home and called her inside. “She you later little friend,” she said to the cat. “I’ll put something out here for you tonight.” She thought a bit about what to name it, but since she didn’t know whether it was a boy or a girl, she decided to name it cat. Miranda walked into the kitchen, disgusted by Mark’s sweaty appearance. Although she would never call him out, she knew he was on some sort of prescription drug. For a few months throughout college she dappled with Adderall. Not to study though, to party. The great thing about prescriptions is that they are legal. If you get caught taking them most police will not question your state of euphoria if you tell them you have a doctor’s note. On the other hand, because they are so readily available and addictive, it is easy to get caught up. After a major withdraw and emotional collapse, she promised herself she would stick to natural highs. Mark looked down at her black ants that were covered with Cat’s fur. “What’s that shit all over your pants?” Mark said.

“It doesn’t seem to have a home, and I was thinking if we could get it shots and clean it up, maybe it could live with us.”

out of the bong, and cuddled up on the couch with one of her favorite books. A few chapters in, she heard some rustling against the sliding glass door. Even though her Mark laughed as if to completely neighborhood was perfectly safe, disregard her feelings. Sweat visibly she didn’t like to be in the house dripping off his red beard he said, alone and this scuffling was enough “You can barely take care of this to freak her out. She tip toed to house, let alone a cat. If you can the corner of the drapes and look prove to me that you’re responsible, through them. maybe I’ll let you keep it, dear.” “It’s only you Cat,” Miranda She absolutely hated when he acted sighed. She thought for a second if “fatherly” towards her. Just because she should let Cat in for the night. he paid for their rent, food, and Mark wouldn’t be home until late everything else, did not mean he tomorrow morning and she could was her “father”. Although she was have something to sleep with. She annoyed, she chose to disregard the opened the door and brought Cat demeaning statement and focus on into the bedroom. It nestled itself the possibility of keeping Cat. perfectly between her and Mark’s pillows. She could get used to this Over the next week, Miranda she though. After a few minutes she would wake up every morning to was fast asleep with Cat beside her. feed Cat whatever scraps she could find. Even after Mark would freak The next morning Mark came out on her over whatever menial home early and discovered the new problem he was worried about, she arrangement. Abruptly waking her found comfort in cuddling it’s tiny up from her sleep Mark yelled, paws and soft body. Cat would “What the fuck is that? A squirrel, never hurt her, it only loved her and you brought a fucking squirrel into she loved it. my bed?” One night Mark decided to take Barely having time to react an improve trip to Miami, leaving Miranda cried, “It’s a cat. It’s a her alone in their apartment for the fucking cat.” night. Mark starred harshly at Miranda. “Are you sure you don’t want to “Did I say you could keep that?” come? We’re going to roll and tear up South Beach.” Mark “You didn’t say I couldn’t. And who’s says I need your permission?” “My blood pressure has been so she yelled. high this week; if I roll I’ll probably have a heart attack.” Miranda “This is my bed and my house. You said. “Can you leave a gram on don’t pay the bills, do you? You the table; I want to smoke a little don’t make the runs you just take before bed.” and take. You can’t even clean the fucking house.” Mark reached over “Sure thing honey cakes don’t do the covers and grabbed Miranda’s anything I wouldn’t do tonight.” wrist.

Miranda smiled at Mark for calling her “honey cakes”. Even “I found this little cat behind the though these moments were few dumpster and I was feeding him.” and far between, she loved when She could sense a little hope boiling he was affectionate towards her inside of her as she started to ask like when they first got together. Mark if she could keep him. After Mark left, Miranda made herself some tea, took a few swats 38

“The nerve you have to bring a fucking rat into my house, after all I do for you.” Miranda tugged her arm away and pushed Mark back. “I’m sorry,” she started “I’ll put

him outside.” By this time all the commotion had caused Cat to run under the bed. “I’ll put him outside.” Mark said as he reached under the bed and grabbed Cat by his neck. “Be careful with him, you’re going to hurt him holding him like that.” Miranda pleaded. A small smirk started to form over Mark’s lips. “I ain’t doing shit. If I wanted to hurt it, I’d throw it hard.” Just as Miranda stood up, Mark threw it against the floorboard. As it hit the ground, Cat let out a tiny screech. Miranda was speechless. She ran over to Cat and cupped its

frail body in her hands. It wasn’t breathing. Tears filled her eyes as the seconds passed she waited for some sort of movement from it. Nothing. Simply nothing. Mark moved towards the doorway, scrolling through his phone as if nothing happened. She looked up at him, her heart filled with anger. “It’s just a cat,” Mar scuffed “I’m sure there’s plenty more wherever you found it.” Still speechless she was trying to find the right words to say. All the times he had hit her, yelled, screamed at her she always seemed to have a little more fight and hope that things would get better. This was it though and she knew it. All this little animal had done was love

her and she loved it. She couldn’t let Mark convince her that this was okay and she wasn’t about to justify his actions. She stood up, still holding Cat’s lifeless body and walked pass him. She walked out onto her porch, over the brown grass, and behind the dumpster. She laid Cat there and kissed it. Mark was never going to change. This was it and it was only downhill from here. She couldn’t physically get back at him, but she knew she could do one thing, leave. So that’s what she did.

Pic of PT

As a little girl I felt extremely special ‘cause my grandmother asked ME out of 9 grandchildren to write her little poems. Unfortunately I soon reached that age (let’s say high-school, 12 years old) where writing poems was lame. So I quit. Luckily for me I moved to an awkward turtle of a country called America where people actually go to school to learn how to write poetry (Dutchies are way too down to earth for that). Next to my English major I decided on a creative writing minor in poetry and started writing again. And here I am, writing. Poetry. Yea it is cool now to write poetry so I am sticking with it (or maybe I have just grown up and no longer care what others think….).

-Pauline Thier

The Artist’s home “Sometimes we think we should be able to know everything. But we can’t. We have to allow ourselves to see what there is to see, and we have to imagine.” –Mina (Skellig by David Almond) I know the way to the artist’s home. Listen real hard and you may hear my whispers guiding you. Go down, but never lose sight of where you came from. Once you have passed the home, back up. Let go of both worlds and meet in the grey. The area of love. Art. And ultimately joy. Be and listen. Once you are and once you hear, you will be able to see. With seeing comes creating. With creating comes freedom.

New Orleans JAX-MSY is not a difficult journey. Never much turbulence, never any storms--the journey, not the places. So when the argument started, I was indignant. A waste of my time, a waste of yours. The argument was getting louder- raising our voices because logic escaped us. A World Wrestling Entertainment match (WWE) played on the TV in the back, narrating our fight. There are no winners in this fight. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just for entertainment and show ratings.

50% Chance while convincing youto stay, I convinced myselfout of letting you

Your Olustee We go to war forgetting which side weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on, your tree-line looks identical to mine from the view in the dirt, little pebbles graze open palms like bullets between long, yellowing grasses. I had a cause but left it at camp, with letters never sent and an empty canteen. I fought for you until my compass broke, the dew evaporating into Civil skies while the exhale of gunpowder hangs overhead. The battle cries itself into fitful sleep, when the smoke clears we face each other, guns at the ready, uniforms so dirty they look exactly the same. 51

Note To My Insomniac Lover I would tell you to dream of teeth on tender lips, but If sleep was sweet for you, you’d never come back to me. As it is you are faithful and red eyed, you need only the assurance of a hand in yours to fair the day. Don’t fear the night when it comes, know that one day I will wake with your warm breath on my shoulder. Think of that shoulder, and I will think of that breath, like summer on my skin.

Tempest I wish I had never known a man like him I wish I could have been blind and hidden I, cloistered no more Wrecked by his existence What makes love when love is not being made? Minds coerce hearts, hearts make minds. He gives it good to another girl. I am a lily, who no one saw bloom, but bloom I did. White. Now my mind begins to brown at the edges. Only a glance back at me, and I dropped the apple in his lap. I can feel him in my fingertips, a new experience. I wish I had never awoke. Conjurer man. Claim me while I’m weak. Conqueror man. I wish I had known you were coming, in my dreams, all I saw was your leaving. 53

Thank you to all my incredible writers! Think youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got what it takes to write something for us? Submit your stories and poems to jessicafrickdesigns@gmail ALL IMAGES COURTESY OF KATE WILLINK! Thank you for the amazing work! Email Kate at: katerose.co