Legacy Arts | Issue 18 | April 2019

ISSUE 18 | PARAGONROAD.COM

Reflection What’s Your Peanut Story?

+ DO YOU HAVE A STORY FROM CHILDHOOD THAT YOU TELL OVER AND OVER AGAIN — BUT YOU’RE NOT REALLY SURE WHY? DISCOVER HOW SMALL EVENTS AND MEMORIES CAN LEAD TO MAJOR LIFE SHIFTS.

Are We Parenting Toward the Wrong End? + BILL HIGH CHALLENGES FAMILIES TO THINK DIFFERENTLY ABOUT RAISING FUTURE GENERATIONS AND FOCUS ON INTERDEPENDENCE RATHER THAN DEPENDENCE.

What If We’ve Been Doing It All Wrong? + HOW ONE QUESTION CHANGED ERIC DUNAVANT'S APPROACH TO LEGACY PLANNING.

Contents

10 6

Note from the Editor

Your Impact (Plus, We’ve Got Video!)

What’s Your Ripple Effect?

8

Clippers, Snippers and Spade

Gloria Bares Reflects on Gardening and Her Father

10

5 Keys to Building an Enduring Family Legacy

Bill High Challenges Families to Think About Fostering Interdependence in Future Generations

12

What If We’ve Been Doing It All Wrong?

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How These Business Innovators Find Meaning

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Eric Dunavant Challenges the Foundational Assumptions of Planning for the Future

Laura A. Roser Interviews 6 Business Innovators and Cultivates the Wisdom She Found

Living Your Legacy With Heart

Alan Pratt Helps Clients Through His Legacy Planning from the HeartTM Process

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What’s Your Peanut Story?

Laura A. Roser Explains How Small Events Can Lead to Major Life Shifts

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10 Reasons to Preserve Your Legacy Stacy Derby Gives 10 Action Steps to Help Preserve Family Legacy

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Greg Doepke Explains How We Can Think Differently About Impacting Our Local Communities

My Sister’s Voice

Alexis Dixon Presents the Notes to Our Sons and DaughtersTM Project

Video Memories

Karen Long Shares An Example of the Impact of Capturing Video Memories

Our Pressing Need to Advance Community Development through Grassroots, Place-based Philanthrocapitalism

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Timeless Wisdom: Hell Is Other Family Members

Laura A. Roser Explains How Family Members Impact Our View of Self

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Issue 18

Paragon Road PUBLISHER Laura A. Roser EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Marko Nedeljkovic DESIGN William Jenkins CONTENT DIRECTOR

Gloria Bares Stacy Derby Greg Doepke Alexis Dixon Eric Dunavant Bill High Karen Long Alan Pratt

Charity Navigator Paragon Road Wisdom Memoir — Part 1 Your Meaning Legacy

by Laura A. Roser

Share your product or service with thousands of financial professionals around the world through our digital magazine and main website.

Email: advertising@paragonroad.com

Laura A. Roser Check out our new video interviews with our contributors! Where you see this icon, click to check out the video.

Click to view an interview with the author!

Have a good idea for an article, feedback or suggestions for our magazine? Email the editor directly: william@paragonroad.com

What is Legacy Arts Magazine?

Legacy Arts is dedicated to the journey of developing a great legacy and passing on non-financial assets (such as beliefs, values & wisdom).

It is produced by Paragon Road, the leader in meaning legacy planning.

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Note from the Editor

Your Impact (Plus, We’ve Got Video!)

What’s Your Ripple Effect?

T

his issue marks two major milestones: first, we’ve been publishing Legacy Arts for just over 3 years (it just keeps getting better!); second, we are introducing informal video interviews with many of our incredible contributors to discuss their work and give you a little more depth into how they view legacy. This idea was originally proposed by Susan Axelrod*. When you click on the video icon in each article, you’ll be taken to YouTube to watch the video interview.

We have a wonderful selection of legacy-inspiring articles this issue. From the financial side, Alan Pratt writes about his firm’s process of Legacy Planning from the Heart™, Bill High shares his views about how to build and enduring family legacy, and Eric Dunavant reveals how the crucial question, “What if we’ve been doing it all wrong?” changed his life.

I had the pleasure of interviewing several business innovators, ranging from ages 25 to 70, over the last few months. But I didn’t ask them about business; I asked them about how they find meaning and make a difference in their families and communities. We’ve printed just a small selection of the wisdom I walked away with.

Archivist Stacy Derby shares 10 reasons to preserve your legacy, and Karen Long writes about the impact of a video she created for her friend and mentor. I share my thoughts about how seemingly mundane events can change your life and how to document crucial life moments.

way to map out your life story and write it in a way that’s compelling, be sure to check out my free online class, Wisdom Memoir – Part 1: Mapping Your Life Story. Here’s the link to register: www. paragonroad.com/wisdom-memoir-part-1/.

As always, thank you to our wonderful contributors, Head Designer Marko, and Content Director William. Without your help and support, none of this would be possible. And thank you to our readers. Your presence matters to everyone you interact with. Whether it’s smiling at the barista at Starbucks, hugging your son before he leaves for school, or spending a couple hours a week mentoring a new professional in your field, those extra moments of caring and connection are what will live on in the hearts of those who know and love you.

All the best,

We feature the influential photography series Laura A. Roser developed by conflict resolution professional Alexis Editor-in-Chief of Legacy Arts and CEO of Paragon Dixon; this series captures women sharing their Road stories of sacrifice, struggle, and hope. Make sure to also read the poem by Gloria Bares about gardening * Susan will have an article in our magazine next with her father and the lessons she learned. issue, but if you’re an executive woman in mid-life looking to make a transition to more meaningful One more quick mention before I wrap up: If you work or expand your philanthropic focus, check out want to learn an easy – and incredibly effective – her website: www.whatwillyourlegacybe.com.

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Clippers, Snippers and Spade

By Gloria Bares

W

hen I was young, I loved gardening days with my Dad. I’d see him, clippers, snippers and spade in hand.

Walking toward our backyard, his garden, his second home.

dark sienna brown, buff, and walnut-shell beige-- patterned his palm like a damask cloth.

I remember his six foot two inch frame, curled over the flower beds of zinnias, daisies, geraniums.

Nasturtiums--orange, red-orange and yellow-spilled lazily over the borders.

His large gloveless hands colored by dirt and soil--

Often he stopped, smiled, pointed out the beauty in a blooming flower or in our shiny Victory Garden vegetables --tomatoes, zucchini, carrots- maturing quickly in the summer sun.

I cradled each warm harvest in my arms and inhaled its

Dad knew each plant, tended each leaf, admired each bursting bud. He snipped away those whose turn it was to be old.

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Gloria Bares was born in Los Angeles, California, in 1932. Gloria says, “My childhood days were influenced by my patient father, and his love of plants. He was content among the many growing things in his backyard. Surrounded by the tranquility of nature, he was alone to be himself. No pressure to converse.

No expectations dictating his time schedule. Sometimes I would find him in the garden in a drizzle or before our all female family was awake. Early in my life he showed me where to find peace.”

earthy, fresh aroma.

Dad deftly shaped with his clippers.

First, the bulky avocado tree, as greenish-brown as an alligator, and so tall I couldn’t see the top.

All livings things, he told me, need breathing room, just like people.

Then he tidied the wild border of oleanders, neatened the prolific sky-blue morning glory vine, and sculpted Mother’s lilac bush whose fragrance perfumed the whole yard.

Lastly he stood tall, used his spade and loosened cramped roots of camellias and azaleas.

Whiffs of dank, moist soil wafted in the air. My nose twitched.

While he worked, he hummed as indiscernibly as the soft purr of a contented cat.

I felt his peace.

Today, decades past these days of youthful memories, I pick up my clippers, snippers, spade and walk toward my backyard, my garden, my second home.

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5 Keys to Building an Enduring FAMILY LEGACY

By Bill High

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here are some days you never forget. I was just barely 12 years old the day of my father’s funeral. He was in the military, so his funeral took place at the Leavenworth National Cemetery. It was the only one we could afford. As part of the ceremony, they included a 21-gun salute. I remember soldiers in full dress uniforms going through an elaborate routine to fold a United States flag and present it to my newly widowed mother with six children to raise. As the first snowflakes of the season fell, I turned my head to the sky and reflected with bitterness on the poor substitute of a flag for a father, even a father who was addicted to alcohol. Little did I know that the hollowness of that moment was the start of my quest — the quest for meaning, purpose, and family.

It is no coincidence that today I work in the generosity world, inspiring families to build a generous legacy. After my dad passed away, my mom chose to fight for our wellbeing, and that deeply shaped me and the rest of my siblings. We were the family no one expected anything from, but God had His own plans.

In 2000, I resigned from a successful career as a lawyer to help start The Signatry: A Global Christian Foundation.

We began with the goal of facilitating generous giving through a Christian community foundation in Kansas City.

As we’ve grown and worked with families across the U.S., I’ve seen that those who cultivate generosity are usually also committed to building family legacy.

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Click to view an interview with the author!

The idea of family legacy can seem at odds with the cherished American values of individualism and independence. Instead, most of us raise our children to independence so that they can create their own futures.

I call it the “up and out” theory: raise them up and move them out so that I can retire and play golf.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that our children shouldn’t be independent. A certain amount of independence is healthy. But when independence becomes the primary goal of parenting, that’s where I believe we’ve gone wrong. The idea of raising our children and moving them out sends the message that when they are 18, they are to go off and start their own story.

We act as if they are starting over — brand new stories disconnected from the past.

And it’s just not true. Their stories are connected to our stories. They always will be. Our kids are not just their own independent novels. Instead they are part and parcel of the larger story of our own family and the families we’ve come from. They are not independent from our story.

That’s where we as parents need to change our outlook.

Instead of raising children to independence, we should raise our children to be interdependent. We raise them to realize they are part of a bigger story. They should draw value from that story, appreciate it, and learn from its imperfections.

I’ve got four children of my own, two sons-in-law, and three little grandkids. I remember the moment that the first little one came home. It was such a joy to hold my grandson.

At the same time, it was a sobering moment as I realized that I held the future in my hands—even generations to come. My children and grandchildren’s stories will long outlive mine, as will their children’s stories to come.

When we learn this lesson — the idea of interdependence — we gain a powerful insight. Family legacy is not just about what I’ve created but about the story that I’m a part of and share.

I’ve listed five key areas where we as parents and grandparents can build a legacy by intentionally investing in the next generations: Values: As a follower of Christ, I see a mandate in the Bible for passing on my beliefs and values to the next generations. It’s especially clear in Psalm 78.5-6: “He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.”

God’s design for his people was for each generation to teach and train the next generations in the foundations of their spiritual identity. This means I spend time talking with my children and grandchildren on what I believe about God. I model and teach the values that guide my life.

Stories: According to Jewish tradition, the Passover celebration is to start with the youngest child asking: “Why is this night different from all other nights?” It is essentially a request to retell the story. Part of values transmission is helping them know and understand your family stories. Tell your grandkids how you met their grandmother, what it was like when their mom was born. Share what it cost to get to the place you’re at in life now. Record the stories that will keep the legacy going. A tool I recommend for those who want to preserve family stories, photos, and more is www.familyarc.com.

Planning: Make sure you’ve planned your estate adequately so that you can avoid unnecessary tax and pass your estate on to your children and grandchildren with wisdom. Make sure you have the right tools in place, whether that’s a will, a trust, or transfer-on-death provisions. Life insurance, IRAs, and 401Ks should all have the proper beneficiary designations. If you own a business, make sure you’ve planned properly for succession. Decide whether your children or grandchildren are the right ones to lead it into the future.

Wealth: Ask yourself, “How much should I pass on to my children?” Consider whether the money you do leave them will harm them or help them. Will it lead to an attitude of entitlement? As David Green, CEO of Hobby Lobby, says in Giving It All Away … and Getting it All Back Again: The Way of Living Generously, “If I would lose one child or grandchild over wealth, then it would be

Bill High is co-founder and CEO of The Signatry: A Global Christian Foundation. In addition to his CEO responsibilities, Bill helped found two technology companies—iDonate.com, the only integrated online donation platform serving the nonprofit community, and FamilyArc.com, an online personal and private family legacy platform. With The Signatry, he’s been part of the foundation from startup to receiving now more than $3.2 billion in contributions. He works with families, individual givers, ministries and financial advisors. As a particular point of emphasis, he works with business owners selling their businesses and owners transitioning their businesses to the next generation. Bill’s books include Giving It All Away … And Getting It All Back Again: The Way of Living Generously, coauthored with Hobby Lobby founder and CEO David Green.

Bill also co-authored The Generosity Bet and Sell Well, on avoiding common mistakes when selling a business; and contributed to unHeritage: 11 Pitfalls to Family Legacy and How to Avoid Them, and the companion volume unPrepared: Heirs At Risk. Bill has been married to his wife Brooke for more than 30 years. They have four children, two sons-inlaw, and three grandchildren. For more information, visit billigh.com and thesignatry.com. better if Hobby Lobby never existed.” One way to know if your children are able to handle an inheritance is to ask whether they need it or not. Stated differently, the more our children and grandchildren have character, work ethic, and spiritual foundations, the more capable they will be to handle financial capital.

Generosity: Perhaps one of the most profound values to pass on to children is a heart of generosity. Generosity is a great reflection of a person’s ability to handle financial wealth. A generous person is a joyful person and reflects the character of God. In Giving it All Away, Green describes how their family, including grandchildren, meets once a month to practice the art of giving. They review requests that they receive and talk about the merits of those requests. Furthermore, the grandchildren have their own donor advised fund through our organization, The Signatry, where the grandchildren give as a group. When done thoughtfully, this practice of generosity helps cement values and promotes discussion about what matters.

Why is it important to work at legacy? Everyone leaves a legacy, either by default or by design. It starts with a vision for flourishing individuals who remain connected to the bigger story and purpose of the family. That vision spurs us on to the hard work of planning, communication and activities that help to make it a reality.

LEGACY ARTS Issue 18 www.paragonroad.com 11

What If We’ve Been Doing It All Wrong?

By Eric Dunavant

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t’s hard to believe how fast time flies. This year will mark my 20th year in the financial/legacy business, but many days it feels like it was just yesterday that I started. That’s the funny thing about life. Speak to anyone who is older, and they will always tell you life goes much faster than you expect.

I’ve always had a sense of time passing and the necessity to be present in each moment. This is one of the reasons I’m always watching to see if there are activities I’m doing that could be done better. I don’t want to waste a minute focused on things that won’t last. When I turned that lens on the financial planning and legacy world, it dawned on me that perhaps there was a better way. My experience is that most of the industry has a set way of thinking about legacy and that’s the reason I felt the need to ask the question, What if We’ve Been Doing It All Wrong?

A little over twelve years ago I was introduced to a wealthy family in our community. They were 3rd generation wealth and had young children. The family business had been started by the wife’s grandfather and although he had passed away, he had made provisions inside of his estate to leave a significant portion to his grandchildren.

This family was not active in the business but received the benefits of a regular quarterly income that was more than sufficient to meet their needs and build additional wealth. Fortunately, they were well grounded, and the wealth appeared to have little affect on their lifestyle or outlook. They had an incredible heart for generosity but, amazingly enough, had done very little estate planning for themselves or their children.

Until this time, my experience had primarily been in the area of investments rather than planning. Despite this, the family trusted me to help them. I earnestly went to work gathering the best resources I could find. After several phone calls, I located the best Estate and Tax Planning Attorney, CPA, and Insurance Analyst to join our planning team. Our goal was to find the “best plan.”

After three months the plan was completed and, being the novice, the team assured me we had developed a wonderful plan for the family. All I knew was to trust the judgment of the team. However, as I looked at the plan, something didn’t feel right. This family had a tremendous

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heart for generosity, and there was very little application of this core value in the plan. There were other items in the plan that didn’t feel right either. [About 7 years after this plan was developed, the family business value increased exponentially. In reflection, the team had developed a great tax plan, a good estate plan, but a terrible family plan.

The result was a plan that left children in their late teens and early 20’s as multi-millionaires and no preparation to handle that wealth. The parents never intended to leave this much wealth to their children. Today we are actively working to re-align the plan with the parent’s intentions and dedicating significant time and resources to preparing the children to manage this wealth.]

Shortly after this experience, I was introduced to my future mentor. He had dedicated the last 30 years of his life to serving wealthy families who wanted to leave a strong legacy of faith, family, and finance. He opened my eyes to the possibility of asking different questions, which led to a whole new possibility for the family. As I learned from him, I began to realize that the industry has conditioned planners to ask the wrong questions. Here are five questions that just might change the way you think about planning and legacy.

1. What if we are planning from a perspective of fear and greed rather than the most likely outcome?

Most of the planning I see recommended today spends a significant amount of time trying to plan for worst case scenarios and encouraging individuals to build wealth beyond what they might ever need. People are constantly bombarded with messages that communicate fear of what might happen. Still other messages focus on greed or wanting more. All in all, the best industry advice seems to be this idea that individuals should pile wealth higher and deeper “just in case.”

I’ve never seen a well-designed plan built on fear or greed. Good planning has a long-term perspective but should also be re-visited on a regular basis—usually on an annual basis. Rather than planning for the worst-case scenario, what if we planned for the most likely outcome?

If something goes off plan, then there is time to make adjustments. In addition, a plan lived outside of fear or greed will free up resources to enjoy more of our lives today. This comes in many forms, but could be an extra family vacation, an earlier inheritance, or increased giving to the family’s favorite causes.

2. What if I should set a finish line on my net worth?

If I’m working from the most likely outcome, then is there a place where I have enough? The answer will be different for every family, but my experience is that everyone reaches a point that the answer is YES. At some point I have enough income, enough vacation homes, enough cars, etc. There is a point where adding more to my balance sheet just feeds my ego (aka greed). Will the extra wealth bring me any greater peace or happiness?

I’ve never had a family answer yes to this question.

3. What if I should set a finish line on the inheritance that I leave?

Until I was challenged by this question, my observation was that most planning allows people to live on what they need and leave everything else to their children. Why? What if the inheritance will cause more harm than good? Most inheritance plans leave money for the kids after death. What if my kids need this money before then? How do I create plans for lifetime inheritance? Here are three sub-questions I’ve found help many parents get greater clarity in this area. l How much inheritance is enough? l What is the impact of this inheritance on our family? l When should we begin?

In these questions I’ve seen families be able to increase communication and turn the inheritance conversation into a lifetime of discussion for the family rather than a one-time conversation in the lawyer’s office after the parents have passed away.

4. What if building our legacy starts today?

Many times, the idea of legacy is something that happens after we are gone. What if we changed the narrative? What if I brought my family together and talked about our mission, vision, and values? What if I took the time to collect family stories in an archive and encouraged the family to join in? What if I made a habit of writing letters to my children and grandchildren to express the potential and growth I see inside of each of them?

Eric Dunavant is the President & CEO of Paradiem. Growing up, Eric’s own family faced an unexpected tragedy that transpired in the loss of the family business and wealth. This loss fueled Eric’s passion for uncovering the tools and developing an outlook that facilitates passing wisdom and wealth through multi-generational legacies while building the Kingdom of God. Since 2007, Mr. Dunavant’s leadership of Paradiem has resulted in his clients being able to maximize their family or business value, minimize taxes, and optimize charitable giving while building lasting legacies. An accomplished writer, Mr. Dunavant’s book, What If We’ve Been Doing It All Wrong? focuses on how our worldview, not our faith in Christ, often interrupts all our financial thinking and behavior. Eric is a proud graduate of Texas A&M University, where he graduated with a degree in business. Mr. Dunavant resides in Covington, Louisiana, with his wife Angel and their three children, Clayton, Austen, and Gracyn. It is Eric and Angel’s desire that their children learn early in life of God’s grace and the tremendous joy associated with sharing God’s love through service to others.

Click to view an interview with the author!

5. What if generosity is the real key to building a lasting legacy?

Generosity is the ultimate expression of selfless living.

It is a position that says, I’m going to give up something I have today for the greater good of others. My experience is that generosity is the ultimate antidote to a fear and greed culture. Generosity can be experienced through the giving of money or time, but the most effective plans I have seen involve an element of both.

These questions re-frame the planning process, but they do more than that. These questions typically create outcomes that often exceed what families had built through the traditional planning process. Many times, families are able to do all they want to do for themselves, all they want to do for their families, and give substantially more money away than they ever imagined. This giving then leads to lower taxes and stronger family unity. Rather than create unintended consequences, these families create plans with a purpose. And who wouldn’t want that?

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How These Business Innovators FIND MEANING

by Laura A. Roser

Early this year, I had the pleasure of interviewing a variety of business leaders. But I wasn’t interested in learning how they succeed in business. Instead, I asked them about how they find meaning, what kind of a difference they are making in the world, and what they would like their impact to be. The wisdom I walked away with was brilliant. The following are some excerpts of wisdom from these incredible leaders.

Good Food for Everyone

“My big audacious goal is good food for everyone. I made a pledge this year during the UN general assembly to take action on the UN’s SDG 2.0 and 2.5. 2.0 is to end world hunger.

2.5 is centered primarily on crop and animal diversity. And that speaks directly to our founding principles at Tender Greens and my own personal point of view as it relates to ingredients and farming practices.

If we can grow organic food in a way that is regenerative and healthy for the planet, we move the culture in such a way that people are more plant-centric — not exclusive — but more plant centric. This promotes human health and planet health. If I play a relevant role in moving the needle on those issues, it’s something I’d be very proud of.”

- Erik Oberholtzer, 50, Co-Founder, Tender Greens, Los Angeles, CA Erik Oberholtzer is the co-founder of Tender Greens, a pioneering fine casual brand founded in Los Angeles, CA in 2006 with a mission to democratize good food. A vision of the future he continues to drive as a Food Forever Champion on global biodiversity for the Crop Trust with whom he cooks globally alongside the world’s leading chefs. He joined the Rodale Institute’s board in 2019 to help drive awareness around soil health, regenerative

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organic agriculture and food as medicine. In 2009, he founded The Sustainable Life Program, a six month paid culinary internship program with a mission to provide a path forward for foster youth. Many of the students now hold leadership positions at Tender Greens, serving as beacons of success and inspiration to those at the edge of society.

In 2019, Erik joined Cohere as an advisor to founders of conscious brands as they navigate the headwinds of scale. With the success of Tender Greens, he provides a foundercentered roadmap to growth with emphasis on culture, supply chain integrity and long term strategic planning. Currently he is advising brands that are putting the health of people and the planet first, such as The Butcher’s Daughter in NYC/LA, Pocono Organic’s regenerative farm and Mulberry & Vine in NYC. Prior to founding Tender Greens Erik worked as a chef in many of California’s best restaurants. This chef identity informs his intense dedication to ingredient providence, technique and deliciousness without compromise. A daily practice of meditation, fitness and good food helps Erik show up with a calm demeanor in a dynamic world. Erik is based in Brooklyn, NY where he can be found enjoying thoughtful meals with friends.

It’s the Little Things That Matter

For over twenty-five years Lisa was a key contributor to the success of two of the largest multi-billion dollar educational construction management bond programs in California as managing principal of Cumming, an international construction management firm. Her commanding role on these programs influenced the quality of the built environment and improved the level of contract performance by both design and construction professionals based on shared lessons learned and industry best practices. Currently, Lisa serves on the Construction Management Advisory Councils for two institutions in Southern California, the New School of Architecture & Design in San Diego and Cal State Northridge.

“When my daughter was around ten or twelve, my son is two years younger, I was starting to see a lot of selfishness at that age. I thought it was really important to be a good example to them, but also have them participate with me. Together, we volunteered for a nonprofit family service organization that helps families who need support. They put my children and I together with a family with a young boy close in age to my son who had had a liver transplant who needed a liver transplant shortly after his birth and later developed aggressive lymphoma. They also had a younger daughter and were really struggling. The mother needed a respite. So, we adopted this family, and my kids became personally involved.

Every Friday, we would drive to their home. My children learned the value of spending time with these kids. To this day we are all close family friends. My daughter today is very active in volunteering. As is my son.”

More from Lisa about her legacy: “If I were a celebrity or a politician, I could make really broad impactful statements — positive or negative — and at least momentarily be heard in the sea of soundbites or newsflashes. But I would rather just be one of the millions who had a profound impact on the lives I touched by simply waking up each day excited to share talents, nurture and care for my loved ones, and mentor the next generation. I’m hopeful these smaller and incremental contributions have a longer lasting impact on our world. It’s the little things that matter. That’s my hope anyway.”

Lisa has authored several books on construction management including, What Is Your Construction Management IQ. Her book is an introduction to Construction Management, a textbook for students, a hands-on manual for Construction Managers, and a clear, in depth discussion and description of the latest complex developments in project delivery. Recently she coauthored a second book entitled, What Is Your Construction Management EQ? And in 2019 in collaboration with the CMAA College of Fellows, expects to complete the trilogy with the release of a CM Career Guide entitled, What Is Your Construction Management VQ (Value Quotient)?

- Lisa C. Sachs, 62, Managing Principal of Cuming, Los Angeles, CA Lisa is a graduate of the Rhode Island School of Design, a Fellow of the American Institute of Architects (AIA) and a Fellow of the Construction Management Association of America (CMAA), and a Certified Construction Manager (CCM). She is a past president of the CMAA Southern California Chapter and Chapter Foundation, and in 2014 was appointed by CMAA as its first ABET (Accreditation Board for Engineering and Technology) commissioner representing construction management in the applied and natural sciences.

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A Love Plus Equation

“Our brains are made for love. And that love comes primarily from other people.

We should be putting as much love into the world as possible. I try to make every interaction have what I call a love plus equation. I want to have more love in the world after I’ve spoken to you or somebody else than was in the world before we started the interaction. It’s a really simple rule, and I reflect on it every single day. So, when I interacted with the person from Starbucks, did I add love to their world or was I neutral or did I take love out of the world? If you’re doing that and focusing on adding love, then most things you do are probably the right things to do.”

- Paul J. Zak (a.k.a. Dr. Love), 56, Neuroeconomist and Author of Trust Factor: The Science of Creating High Performance Companies, Claremont, CA Paul’s two decades of research have taken him from the Pentagon to Fortune 50 boardrooms to the rain forest of Papua New Guinea. All this in a quest to understand the neuroscience of human connection, human happiness, and effective teamwork. His academic lab and his companies develop and deploy neuroscience technologies to solve real problems faced by real people.

His latest book, Trust Factor: The Science of Creating High Performance Companies, uses neuroscience to measure and manage organizational cultures to inspire teamwork and accelerate business outcomes. His 2012 book, The Moral Molecule: The Source of Love and Prosperity, recounted his unlikely discovery of the neurochemical oxytocin as the key driver of trust, love, and morality that distinguish our humanity. In another obsession, Paul’s group uses neuroscience to quantify the impact of movies, advertising, stories, and consumer experiences. Along the way, he has helped start several transdisciplinary fields, including neuroeconomics, neuromanagement, and neuromarketing.

Paul’s research on oxytocin and relationships has earned him the nickname “Dr. Love.” That’s cool. He’s all about adding more love to the world. Visit his website at www.pauljzak.com

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Hidden Treasures in Earthly Vessels

“In the Bible there is this verse that says, ‘There are hidden treasures in earthly vessels.’ There’s something beautiful, something sacred within us, as people. So, my focus is developing people to show them that there’s more to you than what you think there is or what you’ve been told. We have many churches across America with many communities in need, but often times the members are not actively engaged in their community. They are kind of like a hermit community. My hope is that many more would rise up within the church to help fulfill the needs and give vision to people who feel stuck or like there’s no hope.”

- Ben Sosa, 25, Associate Pastor at Refinery Church, Fresno, CA Ben Sosa is an Fresno native who ministers and resides in the great city of Fresno, CA, as the Associate Pastor at Refinery Church. His focus is to help those struggling with poverty, emotional problems, addiction, and drug abuse find a better way. He is a graduate of Biola University and a licensed minister of the Assemblies of God. Ben has diverse ministry experience in the local church, House of Prayer, and outreach ministry. Growing up in Los Angeles fueled his passion for cross cultural ministry and has led him to participate with various expressions of the Christian faith within the context of Korean-American, African-American, Latino, and Anglo community. His hope is to empower people to their fullest potential by means of spiritual formation and discipleship.

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Mentoring the Next Generation of Leaders

“There are probably right now at least dozens, if not scores, of executives in companies and in higher ed who had previously worked for me and who I mentored. And others I mentored who I met socially or through other professional organizations.

“Here’s a story that illustrates this mentoring effect: I was playing at a vendor golf tournament some years back, and I was paired up with a senior vice president from a multinational resort company. I had never known him personally, and we introduced ourselves. He goes, ‘So, you’re Norbert.’ And I say, ‘Yes.’ And he goes, ‘I have heard so much about you. I have two directors in my organization who worked for you. I have to thank you for how well you developed them.’

“When I think about legacy, that’s what I’m trying to create. People can create all kinds of millions or billions of dollars of things or new products. No, for me, it’s the passing on intellectual capital and helping people develop emotional intelligence, find themselves, create their brand, and go with it.”

- Norbert J. Kubilus, CCP MBCS, 70, President Emeritus at Coleman University, San Diego, CA Norbert J. Kubilus recently retired as President of Coleman University. He is a career senior technology executive, educator, and consultant. As a transformational leader, he helps organizations and individuals achieve the seemingly impossible. A graduate of Seton Hall University and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, he is the author of over 70 professional and academic publications, and he is a frequent speaker on leadership and mentoring.

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Building Businesses That Heal

“A lot of times I’ll start a business and then put management in place—it’s kinda like building spec houses, but I build spec businesses.

I built a demolition business recently and brought in a really neat young man to run it. He has a master’s degree in nuclear engineering, but didn’t have any passion for what he has his degree in. But he’s great at math and loves people. Now, if you just own a demolition business and you have your master’s degree in nuclear engineering, there’s a discrepancy between your degree and what you do every day. The dirt, the grime, the sun, and the concrete is really divorced from your background. This makes it very hard to stay incentivized.

“To be successful, you have to understand the truer story of the Phoenix labor market. When you go to a Christmas party, you hear the conversations of men talking about their third and fourth Christmas parties they have to attend because of divorces and who’s in prison.

These are 20-something-year-old-boys. It’s just terrible brokenness on the planet.

“You need to understand a truer story that if you establish your business correctly, you might be able to provide eight hours a day of work for someone who has their entire life, up to that point, done nothing but fought. Fought through the foster program. Fought until they got into the military. They’ve done nothing but fought and for the first time in their lives there’s eight hours a day where they get to do something productive with their minds and hands. Where they can heal so that when they go home, they can be more prepared to have a productive life.

“When you understand your business in a greater sense, there’s something incredibly fulfilling about building a sustainable environment for people to heal.”

- Daniel Zimmerman, 44, President of TrustFall Business Group and CEO of TankTechsRx, Phoenix, AZ Daniel has established multiple product and service businesses over the past 20 years. Currently, he is the President of TrustFall Business Group, a business coaching firm in Phoenix, Arizona, and the current owner and CEO of TankTechsRx, an industrial probiotics solutions company with distribution across the globe. Daniel is a passionate educator who focuses his efforts helping people author a more sustainable version of hope within their business. He and his wife have 5 children and enjoy an adventure filled life tucked away on a little river on the outskirts of a sprawling desert.

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Living Your Legacy WITH HEART

By Alan Pratt, CEP, CAP

Y

ears ago, I heard Bill Neukom speak about what he did when his Microsoft stock options turned into millions.

One of the original corporate counsels for Microsoft in the early 1980s, he’s now a multi-millionaire and owns the San Francisco Giants baseball team. Something he said stuck with me, “I never viewed it as mine.” This attitude of stewardship around the windfall enabled him to retain and build his wealth. The same can be said of my clients. They live their legacies with a stewardship mindset. A portrait of my dad hangs in my office and a photo of my family graces my desk, reminding me daily of my own legacy and why I’m inspired to help others find theirs. I am blessed by the twist of circumstance that led me to a career in estate planning twenty-seven years ago.

In 1991, along with the rest of the country, my hometown of Seattle experienced a recession that lasted nearly a year.

Nationwide, an economic downturn caused a savings and loan crisis. The housing market collapsed. I’d been a banker for sixteen years following my graduation from the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, Washington, in the mid-1970s. At the time, I was working for a large Savings and Loan institution. It was hit hard by the recession. Suddenly, at 37-years-of-age, with a wife and three kids to support, I was unemployed.

Given the chance to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, this dramatic career shift led me to a commission-based job in estate planning. I really didn’t know anything about it, but for the next few years I fully applied myself to learning the business. About three to four years into it, I felt a strong calling that there was more to estate planning than tax and legal structure. It was human. It was about showing the people we care about how much we love them by providing for them via structured, beneficial planning. After five years of work in the industry, I decided I wanted to work exclusively with people who were charitably minded and outwardly focused. They were developing lasting relationships and applying financial stewardship that would better their communities and leave a meaningful legacy for their heirs. In 1997, I decided to open my values-based estate-planning firm.

What is values-based estate planning? As a financial counselor or as I like to call it, a “family legacy architect,” I help families construct plans that not only preserve their wealth but identify their values. This process fosters loving family relationships and inter-generational legacies.

When people think about estate planning, their first thought is often what’s going to happen to their financial portfolio when they die. However, values-based legacy planning isn’t about dying. It’s about living … with purpose and intention. Our clients choose how to live life fully and enjoy their relationships.

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Active and enthusiastic, they are generous, philanthropic, and outwardly focused. Cultivating an attitude of stewardship of their time, talent, and resources, they use their financial portfolio as a tool to build their legacies. Rather than using their wealth to control others, they use it to create good in their families and communities.

Through life experience and working with our clients, we’ve learned that wealth in life can be measured fundamentally by loving relationships, health, spiritual development, and intellectual growth. Financial assets are tools that can empower wealth and bring lasting happiness or, in some cases, tear a family to shreds. This underscores why our firm advises families to work together as a team to identify their members’ strengths and giftedness. We encourage clients to see how holding these up as valuable can balance other members’ weaknesses and create understanding, connectedness, and strength. We encourage families to bring all their members’ points-of view to the discussion. Open communication in the estate planning process helps families realize where each one of their members can be most productive, particularly when dealing with an enterprise or foundation.

At our firm, we use a process called Legacy Planning from the Heart™. We believe that meaningful planning comes from our clients being fully aware of their deepest intentions, knowing their values and planning from them.

Through in-depth workshops and family consultations, we help them identify and/or reaffirm what their values are and how to apply consistently these values as guiding principles to make wise decisions for the future. Families emerge from our process with an estate plan that clarifies and reflects all their

members’ expectations and principles. Every member of the family is included in this communication process, from spouses to children to grandchildren. Bringing the entire family into the conversation generates trust as well as a sense of being equally valued. As a result, relationships flourish and, going forward, everyone has a clear understanding of what lies ahead. Building stronger communication and trust in families also fosters intergenerational mentoring. Planning with your family instead of at them builds trust, not fear. And building trust in families means the legacy you want to leave behind will be the legacy your family lives well after you are gone. Within families, secrecy leads to people being unprepared. However, opening family wealth and inheritance up to discussion brings heirs into the conversation to talk responsibly about managing their inheritance and developing stewardship skills. Then when heirs do inherit the wealth, they’ll be much more likely to be appreciative of it and learn to view it as a legacy that will have an impact on other people beyond just themselves and their generation.

Our firm guides people toward viewing their wealth as it relates to their values and to being transparent about their intentions with all family members. But sometimes when clients come to us, spouses and children have not been invited to the table. One of my clients said that she was excluded from family talks about her husband’s wealth, resulting in her being secretive with her own children and their spouses. In order to avoid heavy taxation by the government, she had decided to make financial gifts to the children rather than will them an inheritance. Whatever was left at the end of her life would be donated to charity. However, she feared her plan would upset her children and their spouses, so she had said nothing. As she reached her senior years, though, she realized she didn’t want her daughters-in-law to be excluded from conversations about family wealth in the same way she had been. So, our firm held a workshop during which every family member filled out a values sheet on each other. Her eldest son questioned the process, saying there wasn’t a point to it because everyone loved each other. But remembering how she’d felt when she wasn’t part of the conversation about family wealth, she insisted it was necessary. Ultimately her insistence did increase trust.

Including all family members in the conversation also set an example for future generations.

Alan Pratt, CEP, CAP is a family legacy advisor specializing in philanthropy and family wealth preservation. His company, Pratt Legacy Advisors, practices estate planning that extends far beyond strategic wealth distribution. His firm has created Legacy Planning from the Heart™, a process that helps families integrate core values, life experiences, and philanthropy with their estate plans. He also uses Advanced Life Insurance Designs, a key component in successful family wealth transition plans.

Alan lives with his wife, Helen, in Seattle, Washington. They have three adult children and three grandchildren.

Another client grew up with extreme wealth and later inherited it. Now, at 68, she’s one of six children who inherited 10 million dollars in 1982. Four of her siblings have little to show for it. But she’s lived modestly and used what she had to benefit others. She made her money grow in such a way that it’s not only caring for her, but also making a significant impact on others’ lives. During one of our estate planning workshops she realized the importance of involving her daughter in future discussions.

As a result, she discovered her daughter’s philanthropic views aligned with hers. Her daughter had worked for nonprofits and had a heart for helping people. Our firm showed them how to redirect resources to nonprofits they believed in with funds that would have otherwise gone to federal taxes. My client was thrilled because she said she felt that she was doing her part to make the world a better place. She also loved that she included her daughter in the process. She plans to be equally transparent with her daughter’s husband, as they just married a few months ago.

A third client came from a family that didn’t initially have money. My client’s father had built a mill in the 1930s. Amongst other things, it provided work for displaced laborers during the height of the Great Depression. It was this hard-earned money and concern for others that laid the foundation for her family’s wealth. When she was thirty years old, her father had asked her to help with the family business. Our firm guided her through a process to channel her resources to many nonprofits that otherwise would have gone to taxes. Today, her foundation supports education, Catholic schools and services, and community outreach. The Fremont District of Seattle has grown exponentially under her caring hands. To honor her father’s legacy, she’s also involved her children in the business. Her son manages the family’s real estate with a focus on helping their community.

Opening lines of communication between people is our priority. As a faith-based professional, helping others plan their futures with philanthropic intention brings me great joy. Conclusively, I’ve learned that wise stewardship and ongoing, inclusive family communication creates longevity while reinforcing purpose and intentionality. In other words, selfish wealth doesn’t last very long and generally destroys relationships. Selfless wealth, however, fosters love and builds lifetime legacies, generation after generation.

Click to view an interview with the author!

LEGACY ARTS Issue 18 www.paragonroad.com 21

How Will You Change Th

Make The Most Impact With Charity N

Animals

l Animal Rights, Welfare, and Services l Wildlife Conservation l Zoos and Aquariums

Education

l Early Childhood Programs and Services l Youth Education Programs and Services l Adult Education Programs and Services l Special Education l Education Policy and Reform Scholarship and Financial Support

Community Development l l l l

United Ways Jewish Federations Community Foundations Housing and Neighborhood Development

Arts, Culture, Humanities l Libraries, Historical Societies and Landmark Preservation l Museum l Performing Arts l Public Broadcasting and Media

Resources for Intelligent Giving: www.charitynavigat

he World?

Navigator

International

l Development and Relief Services l International Peace, Security, and Affairs l Humanitarian Relief Supplies

Environment

l Environmental Protection and Conservation l Botanical Gardens, Parks, and Nature Centers

Health

l Diseases, Disorders, and Disciplines l Patient and Family Support l Treatment and Prevention Services l Medical Research

Research and Public Policy

l Non-Medical Science & Technology Research l Social and Public Policy Research

tor.org

Human and Civil Rights l Advocacy and Education

Religion

l Religious Activities l Religious Media and Broadcasting

Human Services

l Children’s and Family Services l Youth Development, Shelter, and Crisis Services l Food Banks, Food Pantries, and Food Distribution l Multipurpose Human Service Organizations l Homeless Services l Social Services

10 Reasons to Preserve Your Legacy

By Stacy Derby

1.

Take Control

Ensure your heirs know your personal story. Don’t let others define your legacy.

5.

2.

3.

Educate your heirs on the importance of your family’s philanthropic legacy.

It Wasn’t Always This Easy

Younger generations didn’t witness the struggle and the sacrifice. Enlighten your heirs.

Philanthropic Continuity

6.

4.

Family Business Succession

A corporate history can inform and inspire future leaders to embody founders’ core values.

Navigate Wealth Transfer

Engage in meaningful communication to avoid the high attrition rates of generational wealth.

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Raise Resilient Kids

Children who know their family histories have higher rates of success when faced with adversity.

7.

Engage Millennials

Millennials don’t equate monetary inheritance with love. They connect to values and stories.

Stacy Derby is the Founder and Principal of Bind These Words, LLC, a Chicago-based family biography firm. Stacy and her creative team work with exceptional families and family-held corporations to preserve their legacies for future generations. The firm’s custom, privately published biographies grace the libraries and coffee tables of prominent families around the world.

Learn more at www.BindTheseWords.com.

8.

Honor Thy Mother & Father

Gift a biography project to aging parents to celebrate their sacrifices and contributions.

10.

9.

The Power of Reminiscence

The healing and restorative power of life review provides physical and emotional benefits.

Share a Life Well Lived

There is great satisfaction in a life well lived. Share your wisdom with future generations.

Click to view an interview with the author!

LEGACY ARTS Issue 18 www.paragonroad.com 25

What’s Your Peanut Story?

Join Me in Mapping Out Your Life

By Laura A. Roser

L

ast year my fiancé and I began planning our legacy together. A part of the process is thinking about important memories. But my fiancé, like many people, had never spent much time thinking about turning points in his life. It took a process of discovery and me asking him question after question to uncover his “golden stories.”

One day we’re staring at the harbor in Juneau, Alaska, and talking about his life. “When I was fourteen or fifteen,” he said, “I was at a family party sitting around a table with a bunch of people. Someone threw a bottle of peanuts at the table.

“Everyone ducked, except for me. I instinctively reached up and caught the bottle. My father, who was sitting next to me, looked at me and said, ‘I can’t believe you caught that. I would have never even thought of that. I would have never even tried.’

“It was in that moment I realized I didn’t have to make the same decisions as my father. I could be my own man and take risks my father never would have tried.”

Now … The interesting thing about this story is that my fiancé never realized the meaning behind the story until he told it to me. This process of looking back at his life and thinking through crucial moments helped him to see greater insights into his life. And it’s helped him to live now with more purpose.

That’s what happens when you dig out stories from your past. They help you make sense of your life and create a more purposeful future.

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Laura A. Roser is the founder and CEO of Paragon Road, the #1 authority in meaning legacy planning. For more information about meaning legacy planning services, visit www.paragonroad.com.

“Mundane” Stories Are the Most Interesting

Often when I speak with people, they say things like, “My life isn’t that interesting.” Or “I haven’t done anything impressive.” Well, catching a bottle of peanuts at a dinner table isn’t that impressive either—that is, until you hear the story and realize what was going on in my fiancé’s head, then it has another level of deep significance.

Your stories are interesting because of your perspective. They give your family (or whoever is listening) a glimpse into your psyche and how you view the world. Something you think is mundane and totally boring, could be fascinating to your listener. Those little details—such as how your favorite teddy bear lost his eye or why you decided to only wear pink shoes in elementary school—open up a world of intrigue.

Your stories matter to your family.

They help them understand you and also understand things about themselves because if you tell your stories right, your loved ones can apply the wisdom to their own lives in their own way. Sometimes you won’t even realize one of your stories had such a significant impact (or even how it impacted them). But the more you start thinking about the small events that led to you down your life path, the more significance your life will have.

JOIN ME IN MAPPING OUT YOUR LIFE I’d like to help you through the process I took my fiancé through to discover his stories. Join me for a special class about how to map your life stories. To learn more, join the Wisdom Memoir Class!

LEGACY ARTS Issue 18 www.paragonroad.com 27

Wisdom Memoir Part 1: Mapping Your Life Story In this 90-minute class, you will learn: lH ow to uncover your most-important memories through our WisdomDiscovery™ process. l The top 5 rules for making your writing engaging and applicable to your family. ow to determine what should and should lH not be included in your writing project.

An easy way to map out your life.

Plus, get your questions answered. I spend about 30 minutes answering questions and helping you through the process.

Hope you can join us!

Click here to join the Wisdom Memoir Class!

My Sister’s Voice Alexis Dixon Presents the Notes to Our Sons and DaughtersTM Project I heard my sister’s voice crying out on October 9, 2012.

Though I have never met Malala Yousufzai, this 14-year-old Pakistani girl is part of my family and yours. That October, while traveling to school, this young advocate of universal education was shot in the neck and head by a Taliban gunman.

Critically wounded, she was hospitalized in Pakistan and then England. As Malala recovered, far from being silenced, her voice was amplified and heard around the world.

Because of an act of barbarism, we now know of Malala’s courage, her determination, and her embrace of knowledge over ignorance.

Islamic clerics have condemned the attack. The United Nations has taken up the cause of children’s education worldwide. Malala has appeared on Time magazine’s list of “The 100 Most Influential People in the World” and has become history’s youngest Nobel Prize nominee.

I was shaken by Malala’s story. The power of her message left me wondering: Why do we so often ignore the voices of girls and women?

These stories and photos are part of my project, My Sister’s Voice, that provides a space where women’s invaluable and necessary contributions to our common humanity can be heard. On their faces, we can glimpse the wisdom they’ve gained from life. In their thoughtful observations, all of us, regardless of gender, are invited to a greater understanding of our shared humanity.

Stepping outside our limited backgrounds, opening our eyes and ears, we see and hear women from different nations as they impact society on multiple levels and represent diverse points of view. For all their differences, though, they are united on a fundamental level: These are our sisters. Their issues are our issues, and as Malala reminded us, our world desperately needs to hear their voices.

Set aside any preconceived notions and just gaze, read, and click on the photos to listen to their stories. You may be surprised, moved, even startled. You will not be disappointed.

Alexis Dixon is the Founder and Vision Director of the Notes to Our Sons and DaughtersTM Project. He was born in Georgetown, Guyana and now lives in San Diego, California and The West Indies.

He’s a conflict resolution professional.

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Now more than ever, the knowledge held by women needs to be embraced if we are to begin solving the challenges facing our community.In the voices of women we hear daughters and mothers and also brothers and husbands. The drowning out of women’s voices from earlier generations especially represents a great loss to not only corporate culture but to society. It runs the risk of cutting us off from their hard-earned wisdom, which might otherwise inform and guide people of all ages and all walks of life.

Therefore, for the good of our shared humanity, the health of our corporate culture, for our society at large, and not least, our ability to meet future challenges, let us work together to dismantle barriers artificially built between the genders and safeguard the continuity of our collective history. Consider Notes to Our Sons and DaughtersTM: My Sister’s Voice a small step in that process of carrying forward the wisdom of generations and both genders. © Copyright 2013 Photography Pablo Mason “Notes to our Sons and DaughtersTM” Project Founder Alexis Dixon

Mother Antonia “There’s nobody so ugly he doesn’t have beauty within him, and no one so poor there isn’t richness within him, and no one so weak he doesn’t have strength within him. Every person is invaluable in this world, and so I serve every person, every prisoner, with love; I hope and pray through the Holy Spirit.”

Mother Antonia is an American Roman Catholic nun and activist known as “The Prison Angel.” She chose to reside and care for inmates at the notorious maximum-security La Mesa Prison in Tijuana, Mexico. Mother Antonia passed away in October 2013.

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Inocente Izucar “The world has its flaws, just like everybody. The world isn’t perfect, but we can only hope. And I’m going to keep hoping.”

Inocente Izucar is an artist, teen activist, Academy Award winner, former homeless teen, undocumented daughter of Mexican immigrant parents from Chula Vista, CA.

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Amina Sheikh “Women from diverse cultures always add value to the conversation.

Their unique experiences demand we be inclusive and welcoming of their perspectives. As a Somalian woman working to effect change, this is critical to my work.”

Amina Sheikh is an Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action and Diversity Award recipient; heads the African American Campaign for the Network for a Healthy California, operated locally from the University of California, San Diego; and a 2013 Women’s History Month Local Hero honoree from San Diego, CA.

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Steffanie Strathdee “I found my life’s passion when a professor of mine died from AIDS. He handed in our exams one day, and the next week he was gone.

Later, my Ph.D. supervisor and best friend also died from AIDS. It appeared that a virus was able to peck out the very things that make our society uncomfortable: sex, death, homosexuality, prostitution. And typically, the population that’s infected has no voice in our society. As an epidemiologist, my life’s mission is to put myself out of a job. Sitting in a rocking chair looking back and thinking I did a little bit of something to put this disease to rest—that’s what I’m trying to do with my life.”

Steffanie Strathdee, Ph.D. is the associate dean of Global Health Sciences, Harold Simon Professor, and chief of the Division of Global Public Health in the Department of Medicine at the UCSD School of Medicine from San Diego, CA.

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Rutuparna Mohanty “I am the fourth daughter of my freedom-fighter parents, who dedicated their lives for the freedom movement led by Mahatma Gandhi. My mother was 14 when she joined the movement. It was that culture, those ethics, and those values that shape me.

As a lawyer, practicing law in support of women’s issues in India, I cherish the words of Gandhi that the society that doesn’t respect women is not a civil society.”

2013 Woman PeaceMaker, human rights attorney, founder of Maa Ghara (Mother’s Home), which provides a shelter for rehabilitating trafficked and sexually exploited women and girls. Through rescue, care, and legal protection, the home has served 5,000 women since 2004.

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Video Memories

Capturing and Preserving Moments of a Lifetime

By Karen Long

S

ure, it was ridiculous to even try, but I was an outlier. I heard the dare as a personal invitation to be the exception.

As a college student in Buffalo, NY, I took up photography as a hobby. But I had a lucky accident, sold an image to American Greetings, and I was off to the races. A fellow student saw my work in the darkroom and said: “You know, there’s a school an hour east of here in Rochester called Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) where you can get a 4-year degree and learn photography.” Our instructor overheard this and told me not to waste my time – “You’ll never get in.”

Of course, I jumped on a bus the next day and walked into the Office of Administration at RIT. A receptionist greeted me quizzically and called the School of Photography. That’s when Professor Lyttle appeared; he might just as well have walked right out of Grimm’s fairy tales, complete with a long, white beard. Introducing himself, he asked how he could help. I answered in a matter-of-fact way, “I heard this was a great school to study photography, and I would like to become a student here.” Puzzled, he asked if I had a portfolio. “No, I just have these 2 prints,” I said. “How about alumni – know anyone here?” “Nope.” “And money – this isn’t a state school.” “No money,” I said – “just heard it was a great place to study photography.” That was the interview – probably less than 10 minutes.

A couple of weeks later, I opened a letter from RIT inviting me to come as a “special student” for 10 weeks. Doug had talked the Board into inviting me. I packed my bags, thanked the photo instructor for his support, and left for Rochester.

I might have been on drugs for the entire time I spent at RIT because I was just plain high on learning. Doug was one of my first instructors, and I soon learned that he was wildly popular. I studied portraiture and loved it! I didn’t mind if it was -10 degrees outside or if I had classes that began at 8 AM on Saturday. I was living the dream and was being groomed to express my ideas and to create images that could move others. I got good grades, but more importantly, got considerable encouragement from all my instructors, but none more enthusiastic and engaging than Doug. There seemed to be no limit to what he could offer as support and I drank it in like Kool-Aid. Doug also knew that despite the success I enjoyed at school, my parents were wary of a career that wasn’t mainstream – so photography? Well, that was just plain crazy. In fact, it was a terrible idea!

After graduation, I had a photo studio in NYC. Over the next 15 years, in a poor economy, I was able to develop expert skills in photographing food (not people) for ad agencies and enjoyed the recognition.

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Meantime, I kept in touch with Doug Lyttle. We spoke occasionally and after a period of burnout, I decided to take a break from photography and studied graphic design. Doug was engrossed with his magnum opus, “Miracle on the Monastery Mountain,” an impressive compendium of 400 images he had culled from more than 26 trips to a monastic community in Greece. He needed someone to do the layout for the book, and we decided to work on it together. It was a joy to spend time with him again. After the book was finished, he asked me why I wasn’t shooting people, what he knew I loved. Shooting food was a practical decision, but I missed the connection with people. I decided to go back to it, and he was, as usual, wildly enthusiastic.

That one quality – enthusiasm – is probably what I miss most about Doug; he was enthusiastic about almost everything. We really were kindred spirits and became good friends. We would drive around town and just look at light – crazy for most people, but not for us. Over the years, we would go to the symphony, have lunch on the canal, argue about politics, discuss philosophy, religion, and relationships, visit his church, set up lighting in his home and, later, we did this even in his nursing home. I watched him play tennis when he was in his ‘90s. When I remarried, he flew to Virginia, and I was honored to have him walk me down the aisle. I knew him longer and more deeply than I knew my own father! For me, he was the model of how to live life and how to age: people thought he was the Energizer bunny!

Sometime after his book was finished, I took a class studying videography. As one of my first projects, I chose to interview Doug.

I thought about the themes of his life and knew he would enjoy sharing them. So I made a list of questions – some about his life and some that I always wondered about. Here are a few: l What did you dream of becoming as a boy? l When did you know that Margaret (first wife) was “the one”? l How would you describe yourself?

Shooting video was a new skill for me for sure. I knew only the basics and struggled with the shooting, editing, and audio quality, but in the end, it worked. I believe it worked because it is an authentic representation of Doug on any afternoon you might sit and have a conversation with him. I shot the video over the course of a weekend and used the natural light in his home. I didn’t create any storyboards and, when I remembered, I occasionally changed my camera angle to add interest. But somehow, in my lack of experience, I lost a good chunk of video while he was telling me the story of growing up – probably 5-10 minutes’ worth. His stories were so compelling that I decided to locate dozens and dozens of appropriate still images to help bring the stories to life: some were maps, others were stock images – I even used some cartoons!

His stories were intimate glimpses of a complex,

deeply religious, and yet playful man with a childlike curiosity and great sense of humor.

I struggled over the course of a couple of years to figure out how to work with the editing software to finish this film, all the while knowing that in his late ‘90s, Doug might not ever see it. I was lucky – he did see it and loved it! I could have used a mobile phone and a simple editing tool to do the same thing now, but I was in a learning process with video and strove for the same quality I learned with photography from Doug.

I was amazed at how much detail he remembered in the stories he told. In particular, he remembered something he heard at the age of 13, which illuminated for him the qualities that his family stood for: a great honesty and respect for others. He spoke in detail of the courtship with his first wife. He had a mischievous quality always and related the ingenious plan he cooked up to be one of the only individuals allowed into the hallowed monastery he visited in Greece – he called it a “life-changing” trip. He was about 92 when we did this interview. Even then, he spoke with the same excitement and enthusiasm that was the hallmark of his personality.

When he talked about changing careers to become a photographer, he really lit up – he loved teaching, being an active part of that community, and especially enjoyed watching learning happen. It was obvious that this is what he was meant to do with his life.

Doug was a rare bird. I was lucky enough to know him and be invited into his family as an honorary “adopted” daughter. And although he seemed to be a stand-in father for me, he always treated me more like a colleague than a sycophant. I know that my life was irreversibly shaped and enriched beyond measure by this wonderful teacher. Others have mentors, but I have never met anyone who has ever had this breadth of experience. I know how fortunate I am to have known him; he was one in a million.

Karen Long grew up in Brooklyn, NY, and now lives and works as a photographer and videographer in Santa Fe, NM. Karen has been photographing people for more than 30 years. She is known for helping clients feel good about themselves on-camera, even if they’ve never been comfortable or had good results before.

She also provides videos for businessowners who want to introduce themselves to clients online. Her latest passion lies in documentary filmmaking and will soon be offering more legacy videos to clients who want to tell a story, teach a lesson or simply leave a record of what matters most to them for family and friends. Karen never seems to lose her enthusiasm for helping people who struggle with their on-camera presence to feel at home and be seen at their best. She knows it’s natural to feel vulnerable when a lens is pointed at us and works to earn the trust of her clients by collaborating with them to create results that best reflect who they are and have fun in the process. Additional training as a professional coach gives her the tools to help put people at ease, enabling her to draw out the unique person inside, instead of just creating a recognizable, good-looking image. Invariably, this, not their looks, is what makes a compelling photograph or film. Karen knows she’s been successful when the viewer of her work feels as if they have already met that person – there is a real connection through the eyes that she believes draws us toward that person’s energy and makes us want to know more about them. You can see her work here: www.karenlongportraits.com.

Doug died last year, and the video I made was played over and over at the service – people loved it, and it was as if Doug himself were there with us – he exuded that much energy! Everyone who spoke had similar stories of how much he loved to teach and how he lived his life with so much exuberance. One daughter wrote me afterward, telling me I had told the story of the father she knew. Dozens of people approached me to thank me for making that video and told me how much it meant to them. Despite the frustration I felt making that video, I was so glad I persevered. I felt that what I created for Doug, his family, and friends was simply priceless.

You can see the film here: https://youtu.be/qMkw_8EnMtQ If I could offer some encouragement to anyone thinking, “It’s too hard to make a video,” this is what I’d offer: l Keep it short – 10 or 15 minutes is probably just right. l Choose questions that are relevant. l Find a photo, icon, or other meaningful item to talk about. l Be a good listener. l Most of all, be enthusiastic!

I’m so glad I was able to express my deep love and appreciation for Doug and share that with everyone who knew him.

LEGACY ARTS Issue 18 www.paragonroad.com 37

Community Development through Grassroots, Place-based Philanthrocapitalism

By Greg Doepke

W

e continue to face many social and environmental problems in our local communities. These problems may, in varying degrees, include challenges of housing, jobs, poverty, healthcare, pollution, land management, waste disposal, and many others. In recent decades, multiple strategies were tried to solve these problems, but the problems persist. An increasing number of nonprofit 501c(3)s have struggled to address and eradicate these problems. We have infused massive amounts of financial capital and other resources and have collaborated through private-public partnerships. The challenges remain.

If we are to become more effective in solving these issues, we need to think differently. New philanthropic approaches and solutions to bettering our communities are gradually emerging that provide a glimmer of hope. The best practices of the nonprofit sector and the business sector are being integrated and applied as new philanthropic tools and techniques. They are beginning to make a difference within our local communities.

In surveying the current and emerging philanthropic landscape, three critical, integrated concepts will advance community development philanthropy. These three concepts are “grassroots,” “place-based” and “inverted philanthrocapitalism.”

Grassroots: Our passions and energies are grassroots.

They are at the core of our being. What we do daily and why we do it are centered on ourselves, our families, our friends and those closest to us. We love our children and our families, care for and look out for our neighbors, and seek ways to help the less fortunate in our communities.

We are each a stakeholder and caregiver within our local community — our “hometown.” We go about our daily lives within the villages, towns, and cities where we all live, work, and play. “We the people” (excerpted from - and in the context of - the preamble to the Constitution of the United

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States of America) are the grassroots, the driving force, and the foundation for transforming our local communities.

Place-based: Place-based refers to our geographic location in which we live and raise our families. Many of us love our local community -our “hometown.” After all, it is where our lives unfold, our children grow up, and we pass the years. Each hometown is different and has varying social, economic, and environmental problems. In many instances, the demographics of each community is different as well. For example, a small town in rural Mississippi or Kansas has a much different set of challenges and demographics than a large city like Los Angeles or Atlanta. Diverse communities have various problems, resources, and demographics.

It follows that those living in each local community - the grassroots, caring, individual stakeholders - are in the best position to address local challenges. The diversity of community stakeholders include servant leaders, caring citizens, dedicated nonprofits, community-minded businesses, the faith community, educators, government, and the disadvantaged.

The diversity and collaborative inclusion and engagement of all these stakeholders are essential. Each stakeholder serves a vital role that aligns with his mission, passions, skills, and resources.

Philanthrocapitalism: Philanthrocapitalism is the integration of philanthropy and capitalism. Matthew Bishop and Michael Green coined the term in their book Philanthrocapitalism: How the Rich Can Save The World. Philanthrocapitalism blends the best practices of the philanthropic and business sectors. It embraces a businesslike approach to solving social or environmental challenges as reflected in the modern philanthropy of Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, and many other mega-rich.

In its original context philanthrocapitalism imparts a top-down, businesslike, humanitarian approach. Funding originates from personal financial success, and the missions arise from the passions and pursuits of the super wealthy. Typically,

the impassioned purpose is to solve major humanitarian or environmental issues such as disease eradication, global warming, or other worldwide social or environmental challenges.

In surveying the emerging trends of philanthropy, we can take these three concepts - grassroots, place-based, and philanthrocapitalism and think differently. Instead of the “topdown” approach of philanthrocapitalism, let’s invert it! Instead of the mega-rich top-down approach, we use local community, caring stakeholders and take an approach that reflects our core values, passions, and culture. Instead of solving our problems “top-down” we advance a grassroots, bottom-up approach to transforming our communities with a businesslike approach.

Grassroots, Place-based Philanthrocapitalism (GPP) is the “bottom-up” collaborative engagement of caring, grassroots, community stakeholders to provide innovative, financially self-sustaining solutions to solve local community social and environmental problems. It embraces problem-solving through entrepreneurship, the leveraging of technology, systematic approaches, collaborative community engagement, and the disciplined use of metrics such as a financial return on investment (ROI) and social return on investment (SROI).

If GPP reflects a “think different” approach to bettering our communities, how do we implement: i.e., what are the GPP “tools” in our toolkit? Also, what is the role of government in this transformative approach? The three (3) key tools for GPP are social entrepreneurship (Refer to the Social Enterprise Alliance (www.socialenterprise.us ) to learn more. ), place-based impact investments (Place-based Impact investing for community development refers to those segments of impact investing that impart a greater place-based social return as a tradeoff for a lower financial return.), and public benefit entities (Public Benefit Entities include Low-Profit Limited Liability Company (“L3C”), B Corporations, Benefit Corporations, and Public Benefit Corporations. Currently, 34 states have passed legislation for

Illustrator: Dayton Cook

Click to view an interview with the author!

Greg Doepke, CAP® serves on the board of the International Association for Advisors in Philanthropy and on the Executive Committee of the Women’s Philanthropy Board, the flagship division of the The Cary Center for the Advancement of Philanthropy and Nonprofit Studies at Auburn University. Greg promotes donor-focused, place-based community philanthropy through smart financial giving, impact investing, and social enterprise. You may reach Greg at Greg@aspiretogive.com.

Benefit Corporations.). Social entrepreneurship brings the creativity and innovation needed to generate sustainable revenues and both a social return on investment (SROI) and financial return on investment (ROI). Impact investing provides individual and institutional financial funding targeted to address specific challenges. From a place-based perspective, community impact investing is the investment of capital in local communities to transform and build them into vibrant, prosperous communities. Within the framework of community development philanthropy, impact investing also entails the unleashing of both foundations and private wealth endowed capital. Public benefit entities are state-legislated entities created with a stated social or environmental mission in their charter; as well as to generate sustainable revenues. They have a double bottom-line mission to make money AND do social good.

What should be the role of government in GPP? Each level of government - local, state, and national - should endorse and advocate for the three core components - social entrepreneurship, local impact investing, and double bottomline businesses. Government at all levels can advance GPP through legislation, financial and tax incentives, and facilitating local community collaborative engagement.

GPP facilitates and promotes community economic development through community development philanthropy and enhances the effectiveness of local nonprofits. Above all, GPP improves the lives of all citizens, especially the disadvantaged while solving local community social problems.

So let’s change our thinking and tackle our local community challenges; one hometown at a time. We should supplement traditional philanthropy with the innovation of social entrepreneurship, fund the problem-solvers with local impact investing, and advocate for public benefit entities to solve local community challenges. It is time to embrace grassroots, placebased, inverted philanthrocapitalism.

LEGACY ARTS Issue 18 www.paragonroad.com 39

“If you care about your impact on the world and your family, read Your Meaning Legacy. It will teach you how to pass on what’s most important.”

—Kevin Cashman, Global Head of CEO & Executive Development, Korn Ferry and Bestselling Author of Leadership from the Inside Out Download FREE Chapter

You Are Worth More Than Your Stuff Leave a Legacy That Matters Estate planning traditionally focuses on your financial assets—your stuff.

But what about your other assets? Such as your wisdom, values, beliefs, and experiences. These are essential to pass on as well. In Your Meaning Legacy, legacy planning expert Laura Roser reveals a step-by-step approach to cultivating, capturing and passing on what matters most.

Timeless Wisdom: Hell Is Other Family Members

Jean-Paul Sartre’s Insight and What It Means for Your Family

By Laura A. Roser

I

n his 1943 play No Exit (Huis Clos, in French), Sartre wrote:

“All those eyes intent on me. Devouring me. What? Only two of you? I thought there were more; many more. So this is hell. I’d never have believed it. You remember all we were told about the torture-chambers, the fire and brimstone, the ‘burning marl.’ Old wives’ tales! There’s no need for redhot pokers. HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE!” This is often one of the most misunderstood quotes. Many explain the quote, “Hell is other people,” as a misanthropic statement about the bad qualities of other people and that having them in your life, therefore, leads to hell.

But this isn’t what Sartre meant. His statement is more about shame. In other words, another’s understanding of me and interpretation of who I am, reduces me to their conception of who I am. For example, if I am at a meeting and the other person has decided that I am shy and lack initiative, their conception of me keeps me within that box and other parts of my personality or persona cannot come out. So, I am trapped in a hell of their expectations—no matter how inaccurate or narrow.

I love this concept when thinking about family dynamics.

Because how you treat your family members—your expectation of them, your interactions with them—can shape their entire concept of themselves.

Let’s look at an example: Let’s say your daughter walks into the kitchen and sees a plate of cookies sitting on the table. She looks around and realizes no one is there. So, she grabs a cookie, but didn’t notice you come up behind her when she did.

Right when she takes a bite, you tap her on the shoulder and say, “How is it? I’ve been dying to try one of these things!” And you grab one too.

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This is turning out to be a great day for your daughter. She now has someone conspiring with her to eat the cookies and feels happy and proud.

On the other hand, the scenario could start out the same way, but this time when you tap your daughter on the shoulder, you say, “I can’t believe you just ate a cookie!

Those weren’t for you! You’re so selfish.”

Now your daughter feels terrible solely based upon your reaction.

Therefore, illustrating Sartre’s point—we cannot truly know ourselves without taking into consideration the effect of other people.

I think this concept is especially important for family members who have spent vast amounts of time with each other. They all have a conception of each other based on years of interaction. But often this expectation keeps their family members locked in a box that they cannot grow out of.

We tend to fall into the roles we have played all of our lives with our families, but in order to grow, we often must seek out other people who have different expectations of us.

Parents, for instance, who still see their child as helpless and incapable of living on his own do that child a disservice when he reaches his twenties and they still believe he needs their help to register for his college classes, do his laundry and so on. (Hence the many cautionary articles about Snow Plow and Helicopter Parenting.)

My take away from Sartre’s insight: 1) if you are feeling trapped and underestimated, try finding new people to associate with; 2) allow your loved ones the space to grow and show their many fascinating facets as they journey through life and evolve.

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Issue 18

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