WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT WHY KIDS CHEAT: A PARENT'S PERSPECTIVE

By siah Fried

“Well, I’m not saying I cheat all the time, but I do feel the pressure to get straight A’s. In fact, I am willing to stand up at a school board meeting and explain to them why, we, as students would like to see individual rankings done away with. Because we are ranked! We are well aware of our ranking amongst our peers. We are constantly competing,” the high school freshman running the meeting says this passionately as I enter my first meeting with students and faculty as the Challenge Success Representative for our local high school.

A teacher leaned over to the new freshman mother and said, “Don’t worry, freshman are not aware of the rankings."

“Yes they are, Mr. Kravitz,” he says earnestly. “Yes, they are! I always knew what my ranking was and so did every other kid I knew since freshman year.”

These were the responses to a teacher’s comment about wanting to address, “Very creative and out of control cheating issues that high schools are experiencing.” the poor mental health partially due to increased pressure on them to overachieve. A couple of principals did respond and I even met with one.Although, I offered multiple ideas, programs, parent panels, curricula to help them implement, no one wanted to touch this topic.

One reason I volunteered to be the Challenge Success Representative was due to my concern with the mental health of my own students at the local community college. For the last 16 years, I had been watching the mental health in my students continue to decline. At the time of this meeting, the mental health epidemic had not been declared. As a Health, Nutrition and Women's Health professor at the local college, I would make sure my students understood mental health.

Many years later, as I write this article, I know the two main answers why no one wanted to prioritize the mental health of our students at this time. One reasons was an unspoken (but later an official admitted) fear that interference with the current high achieving academic record could impact the high test scores. At the time, I don't think people uninvolved in health truly understood how unhealthy our kids had become as they chased "success". The other reason was that mental health still was very stigmatized at this time so the school district didn't want to admit kids in their schools and community were afflicted. There was an uneducated and naive belief that mental health didn't exist in their town or in their home.

What I found so refreshing at this meeting was the authentic manner that the students and teachers exchanged their thoughts. I admired the honesty, respect, and thoughtfulness of this conversation between students and adults. I understood very well the power of discussing the actual problem that you want to address with the people who are most afflicted. I was in awe of the articulate and mature manner the students addressed these issues with their teachers and administrators. How wonderful that they felt comfortable to speak so honestly to them about such important issues! I respect the teachers and administrators for allowing such an interaction to take place.

You don’t have to agree with the opposing side, but if you truly want to see change happen, you need be unafraid to speak your truth and you need to always remain respectful (disagree strongly or not) and listen to the opposing side. I was so impressed with the progress that this committee made after just one meeting.

I sat, wide eyed, holding my breath as the first girl had opened the discussion so candidly about cheating. I looked around the room, waiting for the vice principal or teachers to hand cuff her or at least write her name down. In my days in school, we would never be so bold to admit such a thing to administration. Of course, it wasn’t done at such creative measures either. We never discussed the drastic methods students must have been employing for the teacher to call them “creative and out of hand”. I am still curious.

The open and honest atmosphere amongst this group reminded me of discussions shared by my health classes and myself when we would discuss an article about The Price of Privilege. I used the article as an introduction for the lengthy discussion that always ensued after reading it. A lot of candid sharing would take place in the classroom and we would discuss the reality of the pressure students today feel to overachieve. The true experts in this area are the students themselves.

The main inspiration behind the controversial book I wrote, Tales from Swankville, was the students with whom I shared these frank discussions. I heard repeatedly from readers that the student quotes that open each chapter were very compelling. I have yet to find a kid who isn’t feeling the intense pressure weighing on them in one way or another. I also found that many of my students may not have felt overly stressed themselves but always could relate to it through a friend, sibling, neighbor or classmate. In other words, they are all very aware of the stress and pressure. Thus it doesn’t surprise me that at the first meeting I attend at this high school forum for students and administration, that cheating is the topic. I am surprised at the courage these students had to admit to it and even boldly pointed out to the school administration that the intense amount of tests and homework contributed to their desire to cheat because their workload was simply too much.

Cheating is happening at an alarming rate and in ways parents of my generation could not even imagine. Kids are under so much pressure to have an impressive resume that many are athletes and high achieving academics. They may play an instrument and feel they must take a minimum of two AP classes. They also need to volunteer or create a patent for something for some colleges to look at them. In all honesty, could you fit in the hours you need to study for one AP class let alone any other class? Thus to get the grades they are expected to get and to stay on that sport team, they just may need to cheat. Is this how we want our next generation to feel? They won’t know any other way to handle all of their pressure, but to take short cuts at any cost.

According to some students, many parents know about this, but turn their cheek.Other students claim their parents do their homework or projects to help them out. After all, an adult knows all too well that it’s not humanly possible to excel at such high levels in music, sports, academics, social causes and relationships without something having to give. Some parents and students will keep up the façade of excellence at great lengths What is all of this doing to kids physically and emotionally now and down the road?