FREE
’cause parenting is a trip!
2020
CAMP FAIRS There’s one near you!
See p. 3
Raising Children in a Climate of Change
How self-kindness improves health and happiness 12
COMMUNITY SCIENCE BY THE (LITTLE) PEOPLE
How families help scientists understand our changing world 16
11 IN-CITY FAMILY FOREST WALKS FOR WINTER Skip the drive and frolic in nature, right in your own back yard 29
FEBRUARY 2020
THE SURPRISING POWER OF SELF-COMPASSION
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AVA I L A B L E N OW Wherever books are sold Raising teenagers has always been hard. But it is much harder these days.
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SAVE THE DATE The Samis Foundation, in partnership with ParentMap and the Seattle Hebrew Academy, is proud to present
An Evening With
Dr. Wendy Mogel February 4, 2020 at 7pm 1617 Interlaken Dr E, Seattle, WA 98112
REGISTER HERE: ParentMap.com/mogel Drawing from her thirty-five year career as a clinical psychologist, parenting expert, keynote speaker, and “teen whisperer,” Dr. Mogel shares important lessons, eye-opening anecdotes, and practical tips for raising and educating resilient, productive, and enthusiastic children. Copies of Voice Lessons will be available for purchase!
4 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
ABOUT DR. MOGEL Dr. Wendy Mogel, is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author and international public speaker whose mission is the protection and promotion of self-reliance, resilience, accountability and exuberance in children.
inside FEBRUARY 2020
,cause parenting is a trip!
ALLIARNOLD.COM
Parenting 6 DEAR READER
Claiming accountability for our children’s future
8 CRIB NOTES
8 practically perfect gifts that every new mama will appreciate
26
10 IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)
This youth is working to help restore the health and safety of her community
12 WELLNESS
How self-kindness improves parent health and happiness
14 BEYOND TOLERANCE
Why we need to stop saying “The kids will save us”
26 HOLIDAY
43
10 simple, sweet ways to show your special valentines that you care
35 AGES + STAGES
Sibling fight club: Expert tips for quelling the never-ending drama
43 FAMILY MEDIA
Terrific titles that celebrate the emotional intelligence of boys
47 PARENT DAY JOBS
This nurse practitioner is on a mission to ‘support the heart of parenting’
Out + About
Advertising Sections
Feature
24 FEBRUARY CALENDAR
16 COMMUNITY SCIENCE BY THE
29 11 IN-CITY FAMILY FOREST
28–37 C amps + Activities 39–46 S chools + Preschools
(LITTLE) PEOPLE
How families can help scientists understand our changing world
WALKS FOR WINTER
Skip the drive and frolic in nature, right in your own back yard
COVER IMAGE BY JAMES WHEELER/UNSPLASH
parentmap.com • February 2020 • 5
note
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oday’s parents are rearing the next generation in a time of great flux
outreach learning programs
on so manySeattle fronts, but perhaps none is more anxiety-inducing and We offer on the University of Washington campus: • Transition School • UW Academy • Saturday Enrichment existentially daunting than climate change. Nary a news cycle spins by • Summer Programs • Professional Development
ton Seattle campus: aturday Enrichment l Development
that doesn’t touch in some way on an environmental crisis: soaring temperatures and extreme weather events, rising sea levels, fires gouging our communities,
We offer on the University of Washington Seattle iconic creatures starving and dying en masse. Our campus: children will be confronted with a world vastly and unpredictably altered by the time they become adults of • Transition School • UW Academy • Saturday Enrichment child-bearing age, when the decision of whether or not to even become parents • Summer Programs • Professional Development themselves may be a fraught one to make. For more information,
Challenging K-12 students
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visit our website:
in an intellectual community
www.RobinsonCenter.uw.edu
through early entrance, and
Phone: 206-543-4160
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Email: rcys@uw.edu
We offer on the University of Washington Seattle campus: • Transition School • UW Academy • Saturday Enrichment • Summer Programs • Professional Development
Washington Post columnist
Children are a
visit our website: www.RobinsonCenter.uw.edu Email: rcys@uw.edu
perspective in a 2018 opinion piece:
For more information,
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Phone: 206-543-4160
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statement of visitclear our website:
www.RobinsonCenter.uw.edu hope, a demand
are a rejection of cavalier disregard for the planet we share.” In our
accountability for the future.
of hope, a demand that we claim accountability for the future. They
Phone: 206-543-4160
that we claim Email: rcys@uw.edu
“Children are a clear statement
current “climate in doubt,” parents and their children can play a most essential role in the urgent work of planetwide stewardship. To do so, we must overcome the debilitating anxiety and hopelessness caused
Our programs on the University of Washington Seattle campus: Transition School • Saturday Enrichment UW Academy • Summer Programs Online Classes • Professional Development
by our fear of catastrophe and demonstrate to our children through our own positive actions that halting the course of climate change is possible and we are all accountable. ParentMap has pledged to explore the challenges and opportunities of climate action through the lens of parenting in 2020. We’ll bring forward expert perspectives, genius ideas and practical habits and solutions that we hope will help families shift thinking, reevaluate and reform patterns of consumption, and make a difference in ways both small and big. We’ll meet climate custodians
REGISTRATION OPEN NOW! We prepare younger students for college and provide them with challenging, accelerated learning opportunities in a vibrant, intellectual community.
Visit our website for more information! robinsoncenter.uw.edu Phone: 206-543-4160 Email: rcys@uw.edu
6 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
and changemakers — many of them kids (you’ll meet one on p. 10) — who are addressing climate change head-on. In this month’s issue, we focus on the many ways kids and parents can get involved in community science (Science by the People, p. 16) and other amazing local family- and youth-led organizations working for climate action (p. 44). And one of the best and most enjoyable ways you can train up a future steward of our natural world is to take your tot on a hike (In-City Forest Walks, p. 29)! Our February issue also shines a light on family love, from sweet and simple ways to show your special valentines you care (p. 26), to a new look at sibling relationships (p. 35), to the science and practice of self-compassion (p. 12), which just might be the very root from which our capacity to love others blooms. — Patty Lindley, ParentMap Managing Editor
ParentMap
February 2020, Vol. 18, No. 2 PUBLISHER/EDITOR Alayne Sulkin
EDITORIAL
MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR Vicky McDonald DIGITAL CONTENT PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Nicole Persun
OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
Devon Hammer
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From Recent Research to Gaga Gear
Baby Shower Gifts That Moms Actually Need 8 practical but perfect gifts that every new mama will appreciate By Naomi Tomky
I
nstagram and an avalanche of internet advertisements would have you believe that the most coveted shower gift of all is a keepsake baby handprint kit, but the real key to bringing the best gift to the party is buying
something for the future parents — not for the baby. Here are eight gifts that will keep the morning brew hot, the new mama fed and the parents sane.
1. Between dodging flailing infant fists and acting as an on-demand milk machine, mom makes coffee or tea, sets it down, then rediscovers it hours later, cold. This fancy Zojirushi mug will keep that coffee or tea hot throughout the day, and the locking lid makes it doubly useful when grabby toddler paws come reaching for the scalding brew.
2. Nursing tank tops get all the fanfare, but for moms with fall or winter newborns, that top might be underneath two or three layers of other clothes, making access awkward. Enter the nursing hoodie, with a simple flap opening that’s lined with fleece for coziness. 3. Yes, those corny edible arrangements turn out to be the perfect newparent gift. While loving friends and family often keep the parents’ fridge stocked with dinners, nursing makes moms want to snack, and both parents often crave fresh fruit — but they lack the free hands and time to slice and serve it. Fruit on sticks makes for an easy solution.
4. Sometimes the parent who normally does the cooking is the one trapped under the sleeping baby or (blessedly!) is sleeping themselves. Meal kits make it easy for 8 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
Concerned about your child’s development? Contact us for an evaluation at no cost to your family. novice cooks by eliminating all the prepping and unnecessary trips to the grocery store. Straightforward instructions prevent fatigue-addled brains from making silly mistakes. Of the many options, HelloFresh (hellofresh.com) offers simpler, easier-to-make meals that don’t tend to spiral into overly long cooking sessions.
5. Babies are a messy business. They produce piles of trash and pull their parents away from regular tasks, such as doing the dishes and wiping the counters. Soothing wailing infants takes priority over scrubbing toilets, which is the last thing an exhausted parent wants to face when the baby finally does go to sleep. So, the gift of having the house professionally cleaned earns the undying gratitude of any frazzled parent. 6. A car seat is designed to hold a tiny human treasure safely in place, but that device makes no such claim about the snack cup of Cheerios the baby is holding. A handy car vacuum might seem like an unsentimental gift for parents, but when the brake pedal crunches with teething-cracker crumbs, it will be appreciated.
7. Ever crossed an endless desert on foot at high noon? That’s the kind of thirst nursing an infant kindles. Trapped under the new baby, mom will be shouting for water like a firefighter battling an inferno. The solution: Go big! The bubba Envy Insulated Double Wall Mug will be mom’s faithful companion throughout those early days, and the built-in straw means her hands are free for other tasks.
8. The market for products to ease nipple pain caused by nursing is vast and mostly full of useless junk, but Lansinoh Soothies gel pads are a standout exception. The stick-on pads provide instant cooling and soothing relief, and also hide the “bullet-smuggling” look when mom appears in public. Each pair of pads is good only for a short period and they’re not cheap, so they make a great shower gift for a mom who might otherwise consider them an extravagance. To quote one happy Amazon customer’s experience: “Instant relief. Tears of joy fell from my eyes. I could hear Lionel Richie singing ‘Hello,’ with a thousand angels singing background vocals.” ■ Award-winning food and travel writer Naomi Tomky uses her unrelenting enthusiasm for eating everything to propel herself around the world. Find more of her delicious adventures at naomitomky.com.
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parentmap.com • February 2020 • 9
it starts with you(th)
Meet Daniela Cortez
This inspiring youth is working to help restore the health and safety of her community By Patty Lindley
W
hat is the size and scope of the climate change problem? Daniela Cortez, a junior at Chief Sealth International High School, might answer the question — at least initially — with a geographic response: 412 acres, which is the area encompassing her ethnically diverse riverfront South Park neighborhood in the Duwamish Valley that was designated as a Superfund Site by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) in 2001. Since she was 13, Cortez has been a part of the Duwamish Valley Youth Corps, a vibrant youth advocacy program of the Duwamish River Cleanup Coalition (DRCC; duwamishcleanup.org). The DRCC exists to advocate for a clean, healthy and equitable environment for the people and wildlife impacted by the pollution of the Duwamish River and to act as a technical and stakeholder advisory group to monitor the EPA-mandated cleanup of the valley. Through its programmatic emphasis on environmental health and social and climate justice, the organization and its youth corps prioritize community action through education and empowerment. Cortez credits her years of participation with the Duwamish Valley Youth Corps for helping her find her voice and grow a range of “life-changing” skills, including public
speaking, managing youth-led events and projects, and providing mentorship to peers. I had the good fortune to speak with Cortez about her youth activism and why it matters to her so much. What do you think makes the Duwamish Valley Youth Corps program so unique? Originally, I had no idea what environmental advocacy was or anything about the state of the environmental crisis that my community faces right now. This program has been able to create a curriculum for students who aren’t very aware about the situations that are going on in South Park and Georgetown, teaching them all the information that they need to know before jumping into this new world of environmental advocacy. We have a classroom setting during the week, on Tuesdays or Thursdays, and then on Saturdays, it’s more of an action-based, hands-on-learning kind of schedule where we go out into our community. We
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10 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
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plant trees, install green walls and make sure that our community is maintained in a way that we hope to see. We also go out to events and forums to make sure that our voices are being heard in every conversation that we need to be heard in. That’s one of the biggest parts that I am most passionate about: Making sure that people are aware of these things and that we’re not sitting on the sidelines anymore, we are actually raising our voices. Who or what do you think has motivated or inspired you in your young life to become involved in your community? This work can be heavy and sometimes even frightening, but I stick to it because I have five siblings. I want for them to be able to grow up in a world where they don’t have to worry whether their planet is doomed or not; to go to school without having fears of an asthma attack because there are too many planes in the sky or too many trucks going by; and to be able to make sure that my sister can walk home without feeling scared of being mugged or confronted in the community that she calls home. I want to make sure that all of our families are protected, because we are all impacted. Where are you seeing signs of change, either within your community or in the world at large, that give you hope? On a local scale, I remember a time where I wouldn’t dream of going and spending my afternoon in a community meeting and just listening to all of the different problems, projects and solutions that adults are talking about. But now all I think about is being there and bringing other students in to make sure we’re participating in these projects and having our youthful and innovative voices heard. On a bigger scale, we’re seeing things like the climate walkout, and we have people suing our government for putting us in a position where we have to reverse climate change and the effects that it has had for decades now. We see all of the new and powerful movements led by people of color, women and youths from all over the country and around the world. I see the success stories of people who are not much different than me, and I find that very empowering. What do you see for yourself in the future? When I was younger, I thought I was going to be a veterinarian or a nurse. Because they were easy answers to a big question that I didn’t yet know how to answer. But, thankfully, with my new passion for community advocacy, I’ve been able to look at that [“What am I going to be when I grow up?”] question and reflect on not only the small kind of local change that I can create, but on what national or even global change I can create with my experiences and my eagerness to teach others what I have learned. I always say, no matter what you learn or how you learn it, if it’s something that you believe in and see value in, make sure to pass it forward. For now, and in the future, I am going to focus on sharing the knowledge that I do have
WE THE FUTURE Young Leaders of Social Change
Exhibit now on view
always free
#WeTheFutureNow discovergates.org
Next to Seattle Center | 440 5th Ave North
DUWAMISH RIVER FESTIVAL One River, One Community, One Home
to make sure that it goes as far as it can reach. n
Sponsored by:
Celebrate the Duwamish River and our Communities! Free! Music, Dance, Boat tours, Kayak Ride, Food Interactive Booths, and More!
At the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, we believe all lives have equal value. We are impatient optimists working to reduce inequity. Explore interactive exhibits and find ways you can take action at the Gates Foundation Discovery Center, discovergates.org
August 22, 2020 12pm-5pm Duwamish Waterway Park at 7900 10th Ave. South, Seattle, WA 98108 For more information contact: Maggie@duwamishcleanup.org www.duwamishcleanup.org
parentmap.com • February 2020 • 11
wellness
The Surprising Power of Self-Compassion Practicing self-kindness is a key to long-term health and happier parenting By Gemma Alexander
“C
ompassion has horrible PR! People equate it with indulgence or wimpiness,” says Susan Pollak, Ed.D., cofounder of the Center for Mindfulness and Compassion (chacmc.org) at Harvard University and author of “Self-Compassion for Parents.” But compassion, and especially selfcompassion, is exactly what parents need when parenting gets tough. Kristin Neff, Ph.D., literally wrote the book on self-compassion. The associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin studies self-compassion and is the author of “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.” Yet for her, self-compassion is more than an academic concept. It is a critical tool that has helped sustain her through the sometimes intense experience of parenting a child with autism.
The science of self-compassion Part of self-compassion’s bad rap comes from it being confused with self-care, a term that has been co-opted by advertisers. Scientists know that self-compassion is so much more than bath bombs and scented candles. “At this point, there are more than 1,500 [scientific] articles on how self-compassion improves motivation, relationships, PTSD recovery, stress management — the research is so powerful,” says Pollak. Self-care, self-kindness and self-compassion have overlapping definitions and are often used interchangeably, but to professionals like Pollak and Neff, there are important differences. Before self-care became another way to say “Treat yo’self!” it was used by medical professionals to describe self-sustaining behaviors that prevent burnout, such as adequate sleep, exercise and healthy eating. Self-kindness adds an emotional element of avoiding judgement and harsh criticism. It is a mirror image of the Golden Rule: treating yourself with the same kindness with which you treat others and that you hope they would extend to you in return. “Self-compassion is the same experience as compassion for others. It comes from Latin, ‘to suffer with.’ So, there is an inherent connectedness,” says Neff. “It’s different from self-pity, where you think, ‘My experience is worse or abnormal.’ Self-compassion recognizes ‘This is the human experience.’” Pollak puts it this way: “It’s like industrial-strength kindness.”
Is self-compassion an indulgence? No. “Self-care and self-compassion both seek to alleviate long-term harm. They are not always as pleasant in the short term [as self-indulgence],” explains Neff. You might enjoy treating yourself to cake in front of the TV more than going to the gym, but you know staying fit will make you feel better in the long run. If you’re worried about knowing the difference between cutting yourself some much-needed slack and slacking off, Pollak suggests asking the questions “How does this help?” and “Is it wholesome?” “Tap into your own values. You know what’s good for you, so trust your judgement,” says Pollak. Using your values as a guide can help you make sure your self-care is actually taking care of you. Because self-care is a long-term strategy focused on preventing burnout, it is also limited: It doesn’t help in heated moments. In those moments when your kid is 12 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
having a very public meltdown or you’re trying to make dinner to a soundtrack of squabbling, what you need is self-compassion. Self-compassion can help you respond better in a crisis. “The human brain empathically resonates with others’ emotions. It sounds woowoo, but the brain really does that,” says Neff. Parents and children are especially in tune and communicate emotions pre-verbally. (Google “mirror neurons” to learn more about this cool brain science.) Parents can reverse the feedback loop of heightened emotions by calming themselves through self-compassion exercises.
Self-compassion 101 Pollak notes, “Self-compassion is a set of skills that can be learned and developed.” But even when they are convinced of the benefits, many people don’t think they have time to practice new skills. Especially when their children are very young, parents often feel like they don’t have five minutes to spare, let alone an hour for a class or 45 minutes for meditation. But even a single slow, mindful breath can help you calm down enough to remember your best parenting skills and respond to a situation appropriately. “Breathe in for you and out for your child,” suggests Neff. A regular self-compassion practice can be boiled down to a mental exercise that takes less than one minute. It can even be done with your eyes open (since you can’t always afford to take your eyes off your child!). It’s an exercise that has survived trial by fire — Neff even used it successfully when her young son had a tantrum in the middle of a cross-country flight. The steps are simple.
u Take note, label. You can’t solve a problem without identifying it. You already know that the external problem is your child’s tantrum or that your kids are hangry because dinner is late. But give yourself a moment to name your feelings so you can address those, too. You might be feeling frustrated, helpless, incompetent or simply fed up. Remember your common humanity. Remember that you are not the first parent to experience uncomfortable emotions. Even if the details of your circumstances are unusual, your feelings are not. Every parent has experienced the feelings you just named. Remember that these experiences and feelings are part of parenting and you don’t have to take them personally. Give yourself kindness. Now that you’ve remembered that this situation is not happening because you are a bad person or a bad parent, or because you have the worst kids ever, you can skip the negative self-talk. Instead, give yourself a pat on the back — maybe even literally. “It seems weird at first to talk to yourself as if you were talking to another person, but with practice it helps give you perspective,” says Neff. Tell yourself what you would tell a dear friend in the same situation: “This is hard, but it’s going to be okay. You’ve got this.” “People have a lot of experience showing compassion to others. We just need to give ourselves permission to show it to ourselves. Women in particular are
socialized to think of others’ needs first, that it’s selfish to think of ourselves. That is so harmful, because it robs us of the ability to do what we’re asked to do,” says Neff. Not only does self-compassion make caregiving more sustainable, our children benefit from the calm we give ourselves. So, by all means, splurge on that manicure if it makes you feel good. But for long-term health and a happier experience of parenting, treat yourself to some self-compassion. ■ SELF-COMPASSION RESOURCES Self-Compassion • self-compassion.org Kristin Neff’s website provides more information about self-compassion as well as a test that will help you find out how much compassion you show yourself. Dr. Susan Pollak • drsusanpollak.com Susan Pollak’s website offers free meditation practices, blog posts on parenting, interviews, podcasts and more. Center for Mindful Self-Compassion • centerformsc.org The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion offers a range of workshops and training opportunities, including Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC), an eightweek in-person course developed by Neff. Community of Mindful Parenting • communityofmindfulparenting.com The Community of Mindful Parenting supports parents in the Greater Seattle area with mindful parenting practices through classes, special events, articles and a Facebook forum. The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford (CCARE) • ccare.stanford.edu CCARE investigates methods for developing compassion and promoting altruism within individuals and society through research, scientific collaborations and academic conferences. Ten Percent Happier With Dan Harris, “Meditation, Therapy, and ‘Murderous Rage’” • podcasts.apple.com In this podcast interview, Pollak talks about dealing with anger toward one’s child and finding ways to introduce meditation and mindfulness into everyday practice. FURTHER READING “Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself” by Susan Pollak, Ed.D. “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. “Science Explains the Connection Between Self-Compassion and Success” (Forbes magazine; forbes.com) by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. “The Five Myths of Self-Compassion” (Greater Good Magazine; greatergood.berkeley.edu) by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.
Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters. She blogs about the arts and spends too much time on Twitter (@gemmadeetweet). Sponsored by
The mission of THIRA Health is to support women and girls living with mood disorders by using comprehensive approaches that address the whole self, along with an emphasis on community support. This is made possible by a team of trained, certified experts skilled in using dialectical behavioral therapy, art and movement therapies, nutrition and more.
parentmap.com • February 2020 • 13
beyond tolerance
Going Beyond Tolerance
Why we should stop saying “The kids will save us” By Malia Jacobson
ParentEd TA L K S
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hen I was first approached about writing a monthly tolerance-themed column in 2019, which was meant to explore increasing rates of hate crimes and declining levels of empathy in our schools and communities, I hesitated. Some concerns were practical. As a full-time journalist and parent of three school-age children, I didn’t have time for another big commitment. Could I carve out the time and space in my schedule — and my head — to do the topics justice? I also thought about the emotional impact of reporting on topics that I’m heavily invested in. As a longtime health and family journalist, I’ve covered all manner of meaty topics, including losing a child, miscarriage and suicide. Over the years, I learned the hard way that tackling heavy topics month after month takes a mental toll. Could I do this work, as well as meet my other deadlines, without burning out? Finally, I have done enough reporting on topics related to equity and social justice to know that I’m far from an expert. There are many others — some of whom I’ve had the honor of interviewing for various articles — who are. Wouldn’t one of those people be better in this role? But then my oldest daughter, a freshly minted middle schooler, began coming to me with questions about race, privilege and social justice. In a journey I talk about in “Parenting While White,” my mid-2019 interview for the “Interchangeable White Ladies” podcast, I quickly realized that all the things I’d done as a progressive white parent, such as enrolling her in an anti-bullying after-school club, reading her books by authors of color and talking about our region’s indigenous cultures, weren’t nearly enough. I knew I needed to talk more explicitly with my kids about my values regarding racial and social equity. Even when doing so pushed me outside of my comfort zone — and it did, often — I didn’t get to opt out. Instead, I needed to use my position of privilege to further important conversations and elevate the voices of those doing important work. Over the course of the year, I reported on equity in many forms — racial, social, digital — along with racism, privilege, hateful speech and how intersectionality affects parents’ and kids’ abilities to access needed resources and support. Viewing the topic through a more optimistic lens, I also reported on ways to boost empathy,
inclusion and kindness in order to raise the kids we know our world needs. While there is still more ground to cover, the scope of the reporting felt both wide and deep. Looking back on the year of coverage, I remain firmly grateful for the opportunity to interview changemakers such as racial justice educator Erin Jones, newly elected Tacoma Public Schools board director Lisa Keating, and athlete and coach Donald Watts about how we can create more inclusive parenting communities. I’m deeply impressed by our brave, thoughtful, inspiring youths and the parents, teachers and coaches guiding them. As impressive as today’s kids are, though, I’m concerned that we might be piling on too much pressure, even setting them up to fail. I’ve seen enough “The kids will save us!” messaging on social media to know that we’re counting on today’s youth to simultaneously protect the environment, reshape public policy and achieve world peace. Right after they correct economic inequality, save the bees and figure out a replacement for disposable straws. Simple, right? The thing is, they’re up against a pretty significant challenge: demographics. Although today’s kids are undeniably incredible, they can’t do a thing to change the fact that our country is entering a huge, unprecedented demographic shift. Within a decade or two, youths will be outnumbered by people over 65 — primarily baby boomers — for the first time in history. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in just 14 years — around the time today’s preschoolers reach voting age — people over 65 will outnumber those under 18. The World Health Organization (WHO) predicts a similar shift. In its Global Health and Aging Report, the WHO predicts that the global population of adults over 65 will nearly triple between 2010 and 2050, when the population of retirement-age adults will significantly outnumber the young. This isn’t to say that all boomers hold ideals in opposition to those embraced by youth. But we can’t ask kids to change the world without confronting the fact that they’ll soon be outnumbered. Our work to go beyond tolerance and champion inclusion and acceptance is incomplete if it focuses only on our children and excludes their grandparents. As parents, we need to not only keep having difficult conversations with our kids, but also to have them with our parents and grandparents, our coworkers, our neighbors, our fellow church congregants, local business owners and other community members. Because they vote, and they’ll keep voting for decades to come. That’s my new charge for 2020: bringing more adults into conversations about our politics, our values and how to create peace. It feels every bit as intimidating as talking to my kids about race and privilege once did, and as writing this column felt in early 2019. I’m not sure how it will go, to be honest. But I’m willing to try. I hope you are, too. ■
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Malia Jacobson is a nationally published journalist and parent of three. Read her Beyond Tolerance series at parentmap.com/beyond-tolerance.
Beyond Tolerance In 2019, ParentMap dedicated consistent thoughtful coverage to cultivating tolerance. We engaged experts to help us deliver practical and powerful tools, perspectives and tips to parents and educators for teaching empathy, equity, acceptance, respect and inclusion to our children. Read more at parentmap.com/beyond-tolerance.
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feature
Science by the People
How families and outdoor recreationists are helping scientists understand our changing world
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By Crystal Atamian
rom exercise and relaxation to counting birds and butterflies for the sake of science, people hike trails for many reasons. Some community scientists, people who volunteer their time to collect data in collaboration with professional scientists, are using their time outdoors to make a big difference in our trail community. They use trails that the Washington Trails Association (WTA; wta.org) helps maintain, they contribute to land conservation that allows for the creation of new trails and they track the health of the ecosystems surrounding those trails. But what exactly does a community scientist do? And what makes them different from an outdoor enthusiast?
Monitoring meadows Janneke Hille Ris Lambers is a biology professor at the University of Washington whose research focuses on understanding the biological impacts of climate change on plants. Many scientists, particularly those studying climate change, need to collect a wide variety of data over a long period of time to truly see climate change in action. Lambers is the creator of MeadoWatch (meadowatch.org), a community science program that collects data on plant communities in Mount Rainier National Park. “I consider MeadoWatch part of my research,” says Lambers. “It’s been great as a way to communicate science to nonscientists, but also as a way to generate a lot of high-quality data about wildflower phenology [the timing of flowering, fruiting and seed production], something many in my lab are interested in.” 16 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
‘I would define a citizen scientist as someone who is not necessarily trained as a scientist, but is helping collect and/or process data relevant to a scientific question.’ — Janneke Hille Ris Lambers Lambers started MeadoWatch after receiving an award from the National Science Foundation. Launched in 2013 with roughly 40 volunteers, the program now has more than 150 people who commit to hiking trails and gathering data during the summer months on two trails in Mount Rainier National Park. “I would define a citizen scientist as someone who is not necessarily trained as a scientist, but is helping collect and/or process data relevant to a scientific question; [someone] not just interested in science, but actually participating,” she says. Volunteers must attend a three-hour orientation that gives them some scientific background, teaches them about the data they are going to collect and goes over species identification. They then pick one of two trails and sign up for specific days. As they hike, volunteers stop at between 11 and 17 marked locations along the trail. At each location they outline a plot and look for between four and six species listed on a data sheet. They mark which stages of reproduction, or phenophases, they see in those species. Lambers says she and her lab are sold on community MeadoWatch volunteer Mary Marsh checks on the status of plants near Mount Rainier. Volunteers keep track of plants throughout their life cycles to help scientists. Photo by Bethany Marsh
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Science by the People continued from page 17 science because it provides quality data and increases awareness of trails and the ecosystems surrounding them. It also allows regular hikers a chance to learn more about what they see and the changes they observe firsthand. The analyses done by Lambers and her lab directly impact trails and the vistas we admire as we hike them. Issues such as species decline and plant adaptation as a result of longer or shorter growing seasons would be difficult to study without the input of a large body of people on the trail making regular observations.
120 years of bird counts Birders are a large part of the trail community, often using urban and backcountry trails. Started in 1900, the Audubon Society’s Christmas Bird Count (audubon.org) is one of the longest-running community science efforts in the country. Each year, people all over North America participate in this survey of bird species (free for participants), collecting data that allow for the study of long-term trends in bird populations. In Washington, Audubon has also collaborated with the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife (WDFW; wdfw.wa.gov) to monitor three birds that depend entirely on sagebrush ecosystems: Brewer’s sparrow, sage thrasher and sagebrush sparrow. The Sagebrush Songbird Survey began in 2014 and concluded in the summer of 2019. In that time, almost 300 community scientists visited one or more sites on a monthly basis to document species’ presence during the spring breeding season. The results were entered into eBird (ebird.org), the world’s largest biodiversityrelated community science database. Gathered data will affect conservation and land-use planning, and potential scientific studies for these areas. “I find watching birds much more interesting if I can contribute information and feel that it’s helping us gather a better understanding of habitat and populations,” says Lindell Haggin, president of the Spokane Audubon Society. ‘One of the most exciting things about citizen science is that everyone can participate. Whether it’s a family with small children, working professional or retired persons ... ’ —Stephanie Kuhns Stephanie Kuhns, citizen science coordinator for WDFW, feels strongly that projects like these help people experience trails and habitats more deeply. “People who participate in citizen science projects gain an increased appreciation for the natural Sage thrashers were among the birds surveyed by community scientists in eastern Washington for the Sagebrush Songbird Survey. Photo by Tara Lemezis
18 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
In 2019, volunteers counted 60 million birds comprising over 2,000 different species. The data, gathered from North America and across the globe, has been used by world. This can result in scientists to evaluate bird better stewardship practices populations, migratory and participation in projects routes, species decimation such as trail work, habitat restoration or other citizen and habitats — and all of this science projects.” is thanks to the efforts of WDFW has four additional active community science volunteers who are citizen projects across the state, all of scientists. which involve species that are uncommon, rare or represented by small populations. These projects include a collaboration with the Washington Butterfly Association (wabutterflyassoc.org) to survey butterflies in eastern Washington and projects that conduct surveys of bumblebees, freshwater mussels and short-eared owls. Another Audubon member from Spokane, Kim Thorburn, began monitoring the greater sage grouse with the WDFW in 2009, when the department was translocating birds to boost the dwindling population in central Washington. Thorburn’s reports to wildlife biologists were thorough and invaluable, according to the district’s wildlife biologist. Eventually Thorburn became interested in doing more, and consequently pursued a spot on the state Fish and Wildlife Commission. She was appointed as a commissioner in 2015. She now uses her expertise to provide direction for the harvesting of fish and wildlife and the protection of habitat in Washington.
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Coastal seabirds Beach and coastal trails are one of the best parts of living in western Washington. Our species’ natural affinity for the ocean often results in disturbance to coastal habitat, but it also means that people are very invested in the well-being of those places. The Coastal Observation and Seabird Survey Team (COASST; coasst.org) is a community science program run through the University of Washington that uses beached birds as a standard monitoring unit. Measuring dead birds may be off-putting for some, but the stories the birds’ bodies tell are useful and they can be identified by anyone. Coastal seabird biologist Julia Parrish began the program to establish baseline data that would document marine changes. COASST’s effect over the past 19 years, since its beginnings in 2000, has been significant. The data collected by volunteers has been used by a broad array of domestic and international agencies and scientists to document the consequences of events such as oil spills, harmful algal blooms and fishery bycatch. ‘A lot of cool discoveries can come from making repeated observations. You get to know a place and what you expect to see there, and so you notice when something unexpected shows up.’ — Hillary Burgess u parentmap.com • February 2020 • 19
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Science by the People continued from page 19 From a starting size of 12 volunteers collecting data on five beaches, COASST has steadily grown to more than 1,000 volunteers covering nearly 450 beaches from Alaska to Northern California. The breadth of the data has also expanded from beached birds. COASST now also tracks marine debris and human beach usage, and it serves as a sister program to similar groups collecting beached-bird data in Russia and Argentina. After six hours of training, volunteers commit to survey a specific beach once a month. This regular collection allows COASST to provide high-quality data that can stand up to repeated scientific scrutiny. When volunteers encounter a beached bird, they take photographs and measurements, record characteristics about the condition of the bird and determine what species it is using a specialized guide. Science coordinator Hillary Burgess says, “The COASST standard is that all data can be verified independently — by experts — so we know exactly how accurate our participants are. A stunning 85 percent of birds are identified correctly to species — and that’s over 100 species and counting.” Burgess adds that “a lot of cool discoveries can come from making repeated observations. You get to know a place and what you expect to see there, and so you notice when something unexpected shows up.”
WDFW’s Stephanie Kuhns agrees. “One of the most exciting things about citizen science is that everyone can participate. Whether it’s a family with small children, working professionals or retired persons, there are projects all over the world Photo by that can benefit from however much time Hillary Burgess people can contribute.” Many see community science as a way of deepening our appreciation of the natural world and learning more about the science that goes into enhancing our understanding of what happens on and near the trail. Check out opportunities to stretch your science muscles on a trail near you! ■ Freelance writer and journalist Crystal Atamian specializes in articles on parenting, healthy living and the outdoors. This article originally appeared in Washington Trails Magazine.
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Have a Field Day!
Citizen science in our own backyard
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ommunity science — also referred to as citizen science — is a way for people like you, me and our kids to contribute to science through volunteerism. Ordinary community scientists have applied their efforts to global climate change, endangered species, national weather observations, ornithology, outer space study, critter counts, marine life, ant tracking and, yes, even the biomes of belly buttons. The miracle is that all the data that these volunteers collect and then share with scientists amounts to real scientific change, something that a lone scientist in the lab cannot do.
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There are at least four key reasons why is it important for volunteers to be involved in the science process as community scientists: 1. Often, large-scale scientific projects require hands-on help. 2. Scientific projects are often dependent on grants and other types of variable funding. Community scientists, as volunteers, help mitigate the financial burden that scientists may bear when collecting and recording data.
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3. Because scientists can’t be everywhere at once, sometimes volunteers learn things that scientists might never independently discover. 4. Finally, community science makes science accessible to everyone. When a school, community or a group of people volunteers to advance a study, it is a reminder that science is a part of our daily lives and that it impacts everything around us.
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From the birds, butterflies and the bees to the fishes in the sea, plenty of community science opportunities exist for individual schools and teen and child volunteers in Washington. The following are just a few ways to get involved in community science in your own backyard and beyond. BirdSleuth, a K–12 inquiry-based community science program of The Cornell Lab of Ornithology (CLO; birds.cornell.edu), engages students in scientific study, investigation and data collection on bird populations and conservation. Among its programs are Project FeederWatch (feederwatch.org; a November–April backyard count of birds), the Great Backyard Bird Count (gbbc.birdcount.org; the next GBBC runs Feb. 14–17) and NestWatch (nestwatch.org; a monitoring program designed to track status and trends in the reproductive biology of birds), all of which contribute data through the CLO’s online eBird database (ebird.org). BirdSleuth also offers teachers access to free downloads, such as the BirdSleuth Explorer’s Guidebook, as well as community science lesson-plan kits. The Cascades Butterfly Project (fs.usda.gov/working-with-us/citizen-science) has volunteers monitor the baseline habitat conditions of butterflies in order to learn how climate is affecting their populations. Volunteers of all ages help catch, identify and then release butterflies; take photos; and submit geolocation data. u
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Have a Field Day! continued from page 21 The Pacific Northwest Bumble Bee Atlas (pnwbumblebeeatlas.org) is a collaborative project to survey the bumble bees of Oregon, Washington and Idaho in order to more effectively enact conservation measures that will benefit these important native pollinators. Volunteer ambassadors (er, ambeesadors?) can submit observations of bumble bees to BumbleBeeWatch.org or become Don’t Miss Family more involved by adopting a sampling Science Days grid cell to conduct and submit more Engage in all things formal surveys.
science with interactive booths and a live stage show, plus learn how to be a citizen scientist. Feb. 15–16, 11 a.m.–4 p.m. FREE; preregister. Washington State Convention Center, Seattle. aaas.org
Community science is alive and going swimmingly at the Seattle Aquarium (seattleaquarium.org), where students receive training from experienced field researchers to help monitor intertidal areas in central Puget Sound on lowtide days from April through May. Powered by approximately 400 high school students from area schools, the Citizen Science program gathers data on dozens of marine species. This information, in turn, is made available to university, governmental and not-forprofit institutions for the purposes of informing scientific endeavors. The aquarium also has a Beach Naturalist Program. Students and their teachers go to the beach at low tide on school days to investigate what’s on the beach. Although the program does not collect data, it is a great opportunity for younger beachcombers to
experience community science. The Pacific Education Institute (PEI; pacificeducationinstitute.org) in Olympia sponsors FieldSTEM, a program that engages school districts to guide outdoor investigations, projects and reporting with an environmental, agricultural or natural resource focus. PEI also supports school districts in customizing their own FieldSTEM projects. Conservation Northwest (conservationnw.org) knows that people make conservation happen. Although its largest volunteer program, the popular Citizen Wildlife Monitoring Project, currently has a waiting list, families can contact the organization to learn more about opportunities that might be available and suitable for kids, including seasonal habitat restoration planting parties. Our area zoos offer fantastic opportunities to explore our natural world while also contributing meaningfully to real science research. Woodland Park Zoo (zoo.org/citizenscience) runs a number of conservation science programs worth checking out, including an initiative to monitor eight different species of frogs, toads and salamanders; and a spotter program for documenting the presence of urban carnivores. Similarly, Tacoma’s Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium (PDZA; pdza.org/discover/citizen-science) has partnered with the University of Washington and Northwest Trek Wildlife Park (nwtrek.org) on a community science project to report sightings of carnivores such as coyotes and raccoons in the Tacoma area. Check the PDZA website for upcoming dates for low-tide beach walks for curious kids ages 5 and older as well as training sessions to participate in surveys of the American pika and nesting purple martins. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium and the Woodland Park Zoo invite people across the Seattle-Tacoma metropolitan area to join their annual City Nature Challenge, a friendly nature-observation competition in which citizens can take and upload photos of wild plants and animals using the
22 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
iNaturalist app. This year’s observation window runs April 24–27. Washington Trails Association (WTA; wta.org) — Trails across Washington need our help and support more than ever. WTA provides many ways for kids 10 and older and their families to get involved, from opportunities to join a trail work party (no experience needed!) to youth volunteer vacations for high school students ages 14–18. Hiking families with kids of any age can contribute to WTA’s Join the Great Backyard mission by submitting trip Bird Count! reports to its robust database Participate in important of more than 160,000 usercitizen science! Tally the submitted posts. Researchers at birds you see in at least one the University of Washington and 15-minute time span from the U.S. Forest Service use data anywhere in the world. from WTA trip reports to help Friday–Monday, Feb. 14–17. gain information about when FREE; register online. and where hikers are using trails gbbc.birdcount.org — information that can help the land agencies best manage their resources. So, what are you waiting for? Take a hike! See p. 29 to read about in-city forest walks in and around Seattle and the Eastside.
Want more?
SciStarter (scistarter.org) maintains a database of over 3,000 community science projects and events that are searchable by location, scientific topic and age range. The PBS SciGirls website (pbskids.org/scigirls/citizen-science) provides an easy-touse search interface on the SciStarter database for kid-friendly science projects. The Green Seattle Partnership website (greenseattle.org) maintains a fantastic calendar of area park and forest restoration events and volunteer steward opportunities, as well as a list of active community science projects. ■ Rebecca Hill and Patty Lindley contributed to this article. parentmap.com • February 2020 • 23
SUNDAY
TIM GRIFFITH
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PICKS Movin’ Around the World activities at Seattle Center, Feb. 15–21
Seattle Asian Art Museum reopening, Feb. 8–9
Great Backyard Bird Count, Feb. 14–17
Lunar New Year in the International District, Feb. 8
ParentMap Camp Fairs, Feb. 1, 8 and 29
24 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
MONDAY
TUESDAY DEEN VAN MEER
february
ParentMap South Sound Preschool, Camp and Family Resources Fair, Feb. 22
‘Frozen,’ the Broadway Musical, Feb. 7–March 1
ParentEd Talk: An Evening With Dr. Wendy Mogel, Feb. 4
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Number the Stars. An adaptation of an award-winning book about a family that helps a friend escape the Nazis. Jan. 31–Feb. 16. $15–$20. Ages 6 and older. Olympia Family Theater. olyft.org Mount Rainier Snowshoeing. Join a group snowshoeing excursion led by a park ranger. Weekends through March 31. 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. $5 suggested donation (plus park entry free). Ages 8 and older. Henry M. Jackson Memorial Visitor Center, Paradise. nps.gov
Black Voices: Teaching for Black Lives. Join a discussion about teaching Black history in schools. 6–7:30 p.m. FREE. Teens and adults. Shorewood High School, Seattle. shorelineschools.org Origami Flower Bouquet. Learn to make beautiful origami flowers in this workshop. 4:30–6 p.m. $30. Ages 7 and older. Create and Gogh, Graham. createandgogh.com
ParentEd Talks: An Evening With Dr. Wendy Mogel. Clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Mogel shares insights on raising resilient kids. 7–9 p.m. FREE; preregister. Seattle Hebrew Academy. parentmap.com/mogel Community Center Toddler Gym. Escape the rain at free indoor play times for tots. Monday–Saturday, various times. FREE. Ages 5 and younger with caregiver. Seattle. seattle.gov/parks
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Asian Art Museum Reopening Party. Celebrate the opening of the renovated and completely reimagined museum with performances and activities for families. Feb. 8–9, 9 a.m.–9 p.m. FREE. Asian Art Museum, Seattle. seattleartmuseum.org Mini Maestros: Jungle Jam. A symphony concert specially created to engage young children. 2:30 p.m. $10 adults, $7 children. Ages 2–8 with families. University of Puget Sound, Tacoma. tacomaartslive.org
Toddler Time at the Aquarium. Stop by for fishy fun and marine-themed activities for little kids. Sunday–Tuesday, Feb. 2–4 and 9–11; 9:30 a.m.–noon. Included with admission. Ages 0–5 with caregiver. Seattle Aquarium. seattleaquarium.org Valentine Origami. Learn the art of Origami and bring home a Valentine creation for someone special. 5–7 p.m. FREE. Lakewood Library. piercecountylibrary.org
Community Concert in Haller Lake. Your chance to see the Seattle Symphony in your own neighborhood. 7 p.m. FREE; preregistration recommended. Ingraham High School, Seattle. seattlesymphony.org Paint Me a Story. Listen to the interactive children’s book “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” and then paint a piece of pottery related to the book. 10–11 a.m. $15. Ages 2–5 with caregiver. Studio on Main, Duvall. northwestartcenter.org
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Snow White. You may not recognize the classic tale in this fresh adaptation. Feb. 6–March 15. $15 and up. Ages 5 and older with families. Seattle Children’s Theatre. sct.org Love at the Zoo. Feel the love in the air and watch the animals enjoy their Valentine’s-themed treats. Saturday–Sunday, Feb. 15–16, 9:30 a.m.–4 p.m. Included with admission. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. pdza.org
Great Backyard Bird Count. Participate in important citizen science! Tally the birds you see in at least one 15-minute time span from anywhere in the world. Friday–Monday, Feb. 14–17. FREE; register online. gbbc.birdcount.org Wild Child Weekends. Bring your crew to visit awesome Northwest Trek; two children (ages 12 and younger) admitted free per paying adult. Saturday–Sunday, Feb. 1–29, plus Feb. 17. Eatonville. nwtrek.org
Octopus Week. Admire amazing octopi and learn loads about them with special activities and talks. Feb. 15–23, 9:30 a.m.–5 p.m. Included with admission. Seattle Aquarium. seattleaquarium.org Why We Should Be Cautious With Our Kids’ Data. A talk by educator Leah Plunkett about parents sharing their children’s digital information. 7:30 p.m. $5. Town Hall Seattle. townhallseattle.org
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StoryBook Theater Presents: Little Red. Wise old granny teaches a little girl, a hungry wolf and an excited hunter to work together. Through March 21 (including other venues). $15. Ages 3 and older with families. Kirkland Performance Center. storybooktheater.org Kindie West Music Series: Eli Rosenblatt. Come jump, jive and dance to great music with the whole family. 10:30–11:30 a.m. $10 adults, $5 children. Fauntleroy Schoolhouse, Seattle. fauntleroyschoolhouse.org
Come and Explore With Us. Come for open play at this indoor gym. Monday, Friday; 9:30–11:30 a.m. $4. Ages 6 months–5 years with caregiver. Federal Way Community Center. itallhappenshere.org Preschool Art Studio. Create art using recycled materials in a workshop, facilitated by a teacher. 6:30–7:30 p.m. FREE. Ages 2–5 with caregiver. High Point Branch Library, Seattle. spl.org
Puppet Palooza. Have fun exploring different kinds of puppets, then perform a puppet show! 3–4:30 p.m. FREE. Ages 5 and older. Eatonville Library. piercecountylibrary.org Storytime at KidsQuest. Gather for songs, stories and rhymes at the museum. Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday; 11–11:30 a.m. Included with admission. KidsQuest Children’s Museum, Bellevue. kidsquestmuseum.org
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Loads more family fun activities at parentmap.com/ calendar
Octopus Week at Seattle Aquarium, Feb. 15–23
FRIDAY OONA COPPERHILL
THURSDAY
WEDNESDAY
SATURDAY 1
Wild Child Weekends at Northwest Trek, Feb. weekends plus Feb. 17–22
St. Thomas School CampFair. Meet camp providers and bring the kids for activities. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. FREE; RSVP requested. St. Thomas School, Medina. parentmap.com/campfair Kidstock! Family arts day featuring Recess Monkey, The Not-Its! and more. 9:30 a.m.– 3:30 p.m. FREE; preregister. Edmonds Center for the Arts. edmondscenterforthearts.org Lunar New Year Celebration. Free cultural performances. 11 a.m.–6 p.m. FREE.
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Indoor Park. Jump, tumble, balance and roam free at this gymnastics training gym. Monday, Wednesday, Friday; noon–2 p.m. $5. Peak Gymnastics, Enumclaw. peakgymnastics.com Let’s Play: The 12 Dancing Princesses. Short, sweet live theater shows designed for the preschool crowd. Feb. 5–9, 10 a.m. $5. Ages 0–5 with caregiver. Olympia Family Theater. olyft.org
CulturalFest International Expo. Travel the globe in a day as University of Washington students from around the world showcase their home cultures. 10:30 a.m.–3 p.m. FREE. All ages. UW Husky Union Building, Seattle. fiuts.org Late Play Date: Snack & Paint. Artist Crystal Lowy hosts a snack and paint activity; don’t miss it! 6–8 p.m. FREE. Ages 3–12. White River Valley Museum, Auburn. wrvmuseum.org
Wilde Tales: A Youth Opera for Families. Enjoy an opera created with a younger audience in mind. Feb. 7–9. $15 adults; $5 ages 18 and younger. Cornish Playhouse at Seattle Center. seattleopera.org Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Cozy up indoors for a free community movie night with snacks for purchase. 6:30–9 p.m. FREE; preregister. Redmond Community Center at Marymoor Village, Redmond. redmond.gov
ParentMap Seattle Camp Fair. Explore hundreds of ideas for summer camps for your crew; bring the kids for special activities during the event. 10 a.m.–12:30 p.m. FREE; RSVP requested. The Collective, Seattle. parentmap.com/campfair Lunar New Year Celebration. Welcome the Year of the Rat with a lion dance (11 a.m.), cultural performances, delicious food and more. 11 a.m.–4 p.m. FREE; food for purchase. International District, Seattle. cidbia.org
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Conservatory Story Hour. Sit among the lovely plants for stories and a hands-on project. 11 a.m.–noon. Suggested donation $3. Ages 3–8 with caregiver. W.W. Seymour Botanical Conservatory, Tacoma. seymourconservatory.org Little STEAMERS: Planet Explorers. Budding explorers play with a different STEAM theme each week. Select Wednesdays through March 25, 11:15 a.m.–12:15 p.m. $10–$13; preregister. Ages 4–7 with caregiver. Les Gove Gymnasium, Auburn. auburwa.gov
Lil Diggers Playtime. This giant indoor sandbox is perfect for rainy-day play. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, 9:30–11 a.m. or 11:30 a.m.–1 p.m. $8. Ages 5 and younger with caregiver. Sandbox Sports, Seattle. sandboxsports.net Frozen: The Broadway Musical. A magical theatrical version of the famed Disney movie. Feb. 7–March 1. $30 and up. Recommended for ages 8 and older. Paramount Theatre, Seattle. stgpresents.org
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Water, Water Everywhere! Take a handson approach to the water cycle by creating a model of it to take home. 3:30–4:30 p.m. FREE. Ages 7 and older. Woodinville Library. kcls.org Little Science Lab: Astonishing Air. Head to the library for STEM-themed activities in partnership with Imagine Children’s Museum. Wednesdays, 7:30–8 p.m. Ages 3–5 with caregiver FREE. Lynnwood Library. sno-isle.org
Critter Club. Kids’ program features stories, hands-on exploration and an animal surprise. Thursday–Friday, Feb. 6–7 and 20–21, 11 a.m.–noon. $14–$15; preregister. Ages 3–5 with caregiver. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. pdza.org Family Music Class. Come make music, dance and listen to stories while interacting with local seniors. Thursdays, 11–11:45 a.m. $20. Aegis Living Queen Anne Rodgers Park, Seattle. seattlecitymusic.com
Story and a Stroll: I’m Done. Read a book about a determined little beaver, then go for a stroll. 11 a.m.–noon. FREE; preregister. Ages 3–5 with caregiver. Mercer Slough Environmental Education Center, Bellevue. bellevuewa.gov Public Skate and Bumper Cars. Play on the ice two ways; in bumper cars and on skates. Select dates; check schedule online. $19 for bump/skate combo; preregistration recommended. Sprinker Recreation Center, Tacoma. piercecountywa.gov
South Sound Preschool, Camp and Family Resource Fair. Explore the best South Sound preschools, camps and more; bring the kids for fun activities. 10 a.m.– 12:30 p.m. FREE; RSVP requested. Pierce County Environmental Services Building, Tacoma. parentmap.com/campfair Kids Saturday in the Park: Marble Run Village. Work with other families to create a communal marble run. 10 a.m.–noon. FREE. Olympic Sculpture Park, Seattle. seattleartmuseum.org
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Northwest Flower & Garden Festival. Peruse the amazing displays and garden-related wares while the kids go on a treasure hunt. Wednesday–Sunday, Feb. 26–Mar. 1. $10–$25; ages 12 and younger free. Washington State Convention Center, Seattle. gardenshow.com GLOW Jump. A traditional inflatable indoor playground made extra special with glowin-the-dark fun. 5:30–7 p.m. $10. Pump It Up, Tacoma. pumpitupparty.com
Children’s Film Festival Seattle. Incredible international feature films and shorts for kids that will change your ideas about movies. Feb. 27–March 8. Ages 2 and older. Northwest Film Forum, Seattle. childrensfilmfestivalseattle.org Free Neighborhood Nights at TAM. Explore the museum with your fam for free. Thursdays, 5–8 p.m. FREE. Tacoma Art Museum, Tacoma. tacomaartmuseum.org
Black History Month Program. Celebrate the wide-ranging accomplishments of Black Americans. 6 p.m. FREE; donations welcome. Van Asselt Community Center, Seattle. seattle.gov Curious Coyotes. Learn about one of the Pacific Northwest’s furry residents during a small hike and a craft project. 10–11 a.m. FREE; preregister. Ages 3–8 with caregiver. Lake Hills Greenbelt Ranger Station, Bellevue. bellevuewa.gov
ParentMap North Sound Camp Fair. Explore a multitude of summer camp options for North Sound-area families; bring the kids for fun activities, too. 10 a.m.–12:30 p.m. FREE; RSVP requested. Shoreline Community College. parentmap.com/campfair Sounds and Smells of the Forest. Join a nature guide for learning stations and a trail walk. 9:30–11:30 a.m. $19 per adult/ child pair; preregister. Ages 2–5 with caregiver. Washington Park Arboretum, Seattle. botanicgardens.uw.edu
Story Time on the Farm. Watch the story come to life as the featured animal characters from the stories come to visit. Select Fridays, 10:30–11 a.m. FREE. Ages 3–6 with caregiver. Kelsey Creek Farm, Bellevue. bellevuewa.gov Pop-Up Card Making. Get ready for Valentine’s Day and learn to make fun pop-up-style cards. 4–5 p.m. FREE. Ages 5 and older with caregiver. Kirkland Library. kcls.org
Family Science Days. Engage in all things science with interactive booths and a live stage show, plus learn how to be a citizen scientist. Feb. 15–16, 11 a.m.–4 p.m. FREE; preregister. Washington State Convention Center, Seattle. aaas.org Movin’ Around the World. Folklife presents Our Big Neighborhood with special performances and activities for kids. Feb. 15–21, 11 a.m.–2:30 p.m. Suggested $5 donation. Seattle Center Armory. nwfolklife.org
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happy valentine’s day ALLIARNOLD.COM
10 Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ (Any Day of the Year) Simple, sweet ways to show your special valentines that you care By Christa Melnyk Hines
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n 2019, consumers spent a record-breaking $20.7 billion on Valentine’s Day cards, flowers and gifts; $886 million of which was spent on presents for pets, proving that Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples in the heady throes of romance. Deliver sweet somethings to every important person in your life on Valentine’s Day — or any day of the year — with these fun, easy and thoughtful ideas.
Send a singing telegram. Shoot a video of your preschooler singing a little love ditty (such as: “I made this little valentine of red, white and blue. I made this little valentine especially for you!”) or other message of appreciation. Email the file to grandparents or another relative, or a friend or teacher your kiddo is crazy about.
Create a “Sweet Tweets” jar. Decorate a Mason jar for your child. Fill it with slips of paper on which you have written adjectives or short sentences that describe traits you most appreciate, admire and love about them.
Create homemade cards for classmates. Bypass the usual massproduced, cartoony cards and publish simple photo cards with a themed border. Last year, Sanchez attached a small bottle of bubbles to her daughter’s cards, which read, “Friend, you blow me away!”
Hunt for Cupid’s treasure. Challenge your kids to a scavenger hunt. Give them clues on a trail of paper-cutout hearts. One clue leads to the next until they find a Valentine’s Day surprise. Check online for ideas about scavenger-hunt clues. Give them a heart “attack.” On each of the 13 nights leading up to Valentine’s Day, mom of four Alexis Sanchez posts a heart-shaped note on each of her kids’ doors after they go to bed. By Valentine’s Day, their doors are covered. “Usually, it’s just characteristics I see in them or ways that I see they’re kind to others. They really love this, and I even found my 8-year-old kept all his hearts from last year in a special drawer, so that’s pretty awesome,” says Sanchez. 26 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
Snow them some love. Make a snow globe for your special someone out of a 16-ounce Mason jar. Hot-glue a small figurine and/or a miniature bottlebrush tree to the inside of the lid. Add red and silver glitter and foil heart confetti inside the jar and then fill it with water. Put hot glue around the inside of the lid and screw it on tight. Wrap a ribbon around the neck of the jar. Attach a tag with a love note that reads, “There’s snow one like you.” Treat them to a “hearty” breakfast. Surprise your kids with heart-shaped cinnamon rolls. Instead of rolling your flattened-out cinnamon roll dough into one single roll, roll each side toward the middle until they meet, forming a heart shape. Slice and bake. Serve juice out of
dollar-store champagne flutes. Make a fruit salad cutting up fruits such as apples, strawberries, bananas and watermelon. Conduct a candy experiment. Put Conversation Hearts candies to the test. Gather vinegar, salt water, tap water and bleach (with adult guidance). Place a candy heart in each of four bowls. Ask your child to hypothesize about what will happen when each liquid is dropped over the candy. Using an eye dropper, test their theories. How does the candy react to different liquids? Did your young chemist’s predictions prove true? Get those hearts pumping. On a sheet of poster board, draw a grid of nine squares and write the name of a different exercise (e.g., sit-ups, somersaults, jumping jacks, push-ups) in each of the boxes. Have the kids take turns tossing a beanbag (or another item) onto the grid to select an exercise. Then, have players roll the dice to see how many times they have to do the exercise on which the beanbag has landed. Rev up date night. In the whirlwind of parenting, life as a couple can become routine. Plan an outing with your sweetheart that’s playful and gets you out of your dinner-and-a-movie rut. For example, lift off on a hot-air balloon ride, go dancing, take a couples’ cooking class, paint together at a drop-in paint-and-sip studio, or attend a concert or live theater production. ■ Freelance journalist Christa Melnyk Hines is the author of Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World.
Think Love Is for the Birds? You’re Right! Show your love for our feathered friends by making these adorable heart-shaped bird feeders — it’s a fun rainy-day craft that your little valentines will love. Ingredients: 1 cup wild birdseed 1/3 cup rolled oats 1/8 cup peanut butter
Materials:
2 tablespoons corn syrup
Wax paper
2 envelopes unflavored
Heart-shaped cookie cutter
gelatin 1/2 cup water
Nonstick cooking spray Natural twine or string
Instructions: 1. Line a cookie sheet with a piece of wax paper. 2. Mix birdseed, oatmeal, peanut butter and corn syrup in a large bowl. 3. Pour two packets of gelatin into 1/2 cup boiling water. Stir until the gelatin is dissolved. Stir gelatin into birdseed mix. (Add more birdseed if the mix seems too watery.) 4. Spray cooking spray around the inside of the cookie cutter. 5. Place the cookie cutter onto the wax paper. Pack the birdseed mixture into the cookie cutter, filling it about halfway. 6. Tie string into a loop and place the knotted end into the cookie cutter. Cover the end of the string with more of the birdseed mixture. Press the mixture down with your hand or a spoon. 7. Carefully lift the cookie cutter from the birdseed mixture and repeat the process until the mixture is used up. 8. Refrigerate the feeders overnight. 9. Hang your treat in a tree for the enjoyment of your backyard birds. Note: Store extra bird feeders in a dry, cool place to prevent mold from developing.
parentmap.com • February 2020 • 27
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ages + stages out + about
11 In-City
Forest Walks for Seattle and Eastside Families Skip the drive and play in nature with the kids, right in town By Jennifer Johnson
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ust because mountain hiking trails are snowed in and inaccessible doesn’t mean that hiking has to stop! We are lucky to have many options in the Seattle area for getting our forest fix — without a lengthy drive or daylong outing. From old-growth trees to streams and wetlands to workout-worthy hill climbs, you’re sure to find the perfect trail in the woods for your family to explore, right in your own back yard!
1. Carkeek Park Expansive Carkeek Park in North Seattle offers many options for families to explore. Hiking along Pipers Creek in the fall affords the chance to see spawning salmon. There are also trails that traverse the hillsides and ravine, traveling through wetlands, forests and even a historic orchard. Walk over the bridge to the beach to make even more discoveries. Kids will love: Looking for salmon, swishing through leaves on the lawn, playing in the nature-inspired playground and going to the beach. Bonus: Watch for passing trains. Find it: 950 N.W. Carkeek Park Rd., Seattle Distance: Make a 1-mile loop by walking along Pipers Creek, west into the wetland areas and then coming back on the Brick Road and Hillside Trail. More adventurous families can trek on the other hillside trails in the north and south sections of the park.
2. Schmitz Preserve Park With one of the few remaining stands of old-growth timber left in the city, West Seattle’s Schmitz Preserve Park will make you feel like you’re deep in the woods as you trek its trails. Walk into a deep ravine as the sound of traffic recedes behind you. Listen for the gurgle of water in the creeks and the chatter of birds in the treetops. Kids will love: Splashing in the streams and seeing the huge old trees. Find it: 5551 S.W. Admiral Way, Seattle. The entrance road has been closed, but there is plenty of parking on S.W. Admiral Way at S.W. Stevens St. You can find restrooms and an imaginative playground at the nearby Alki Playground (also known as Whale Tail Park) at 5817 S.W. Lander St.
Distance: Take one of the trails south off Admiral Way and go up the ravine, cross the wetland and then hike back down to the stream. The main loop is about 1.4 miles, and there is another 0.3 mile of spur trails in the park.
3. Discovery Park With its 12 miles of trails, Seattle’s incredible Discovery Park offers a hike for every mood. Wander through deep forest, look for ducks in ponds, venture over grassy headlands or descend the steep bluffs to Puget Sound. Kids will love: The recently updated playground! Find it near the east parking lot. Find it: 3801 Discovery Park Blvd., Seattle. This address corresponds to the east parking lot, where you’ll find the Environmental Learning Center and indoor restrooms. There are also north and south parking areas in the park. Distance: Try the 0.5-mile Wolf Tree Nature Trail (park in the north parking lot) and add on a trip to the nearby duck ponds. Or park in the east or south parking lots and hike the 2.8-mile Loop Trail. Families with children younger than 8 may be eligible to get a parking permit to drive down to the beach, but others will need to
continued on page 32 parentmap.com • February 2020 • 29
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Homesick and Happy How children find a sense of purpose at sleepaway camp We all want our children to be happy and successful. Would you believe that letting them spread their own wings — without us by their side — may be the most effective way to do this? Our job as parents is to give our children the tools they need to go out in the world and discover who they are and what they want to become — to confidently discover their purpose in life. A child can only truly grow if given some freedom and the chance to gain independence by exploring new ideas and activities. What better place for children to begin this process than sleepaway camp? Sending children away to camp may seem a daunting prospect at first, but if you ask anyone who has spent several weeks bunking with their friends, they will tell you how the experience positively transformed their life and how lucky they feel that their parents gave them that gift. According to Michael Thompson, a clinical psychologist and author of “Homesick and Happy: How Time Away From Parents Can Help a Child Grow,” “Parents can sometimes seriously impede their children’s development. As a parent, there are many things you cannot do for your children. You cannot give your child confidence, you cannot pick or manage his or her friendships, you cannot always be his or her advocate/agent/manager/coach. … And most important, parents have a hard time urging their children to take psychological risks.” Thompson goes on to explain how sleepaway camp succeeds in doing all of these things and how critical it is for children and teens to have these experiences. He says that true independence is something parents cannot give their children; kids must live it on their own.
The 5 Benefits of Sleepaway Camp
There are five invaluable aspects of sleepaway camp that can lead children and teens to discovering their purpose:
1 Growing confidence One of the most important benefits of sleepaway camp is that children build confidence and self-esteem while living away from their parents. These positive attributes stem from belonging, learning and contributing. Camps provide many unique opportunities for children to succeed in these three areas through the following experiences: 1. They belong to their sports team and bunkhouse. 2. They learn from trying new activities and making new friends. 3. They contribute by helping during meals and by serving as team leaders. Camp also provides ways for children to feel a sense of accomplishment. When they succeed, they are empowered and have more confidence when faced with the next challenge. They also learn from their mistakes and failures, which only makes them more resilient in the future. Also, the kind of encouragement kids receive at camp helps them to overcome setbacks, try new things and take pride in improvement. Some camp experiences even allow them to conquer their fears, whether it’s learning to swim in a lake or tackling a ropes course. Finally, many children will purposely choose to attend camp where they do not know any other campers when they arrive. This experience gives them the chance to start afresh and explore who they truly are in a different environment where no one knows them. All of this confidence building brings them closer to figuring out their interests and goals.
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2 Gain a broader perspective At camp, children begin to see the world a bit differently. Away from their comfort zone and exposed to new people and experiences, they gain a new and broader perspective. They realize that they are part of something bigger than themselves and their immediate family. They meet people from different backgrounds and with diverse interests. They may participate in community service projects that they would not have otherwise had the chance to take part in. Sleepaway camp is enormously valuable in how it introduces children to new ways of seeing the world, their peers and themselves. 3 Caring about community Children benefit from being part of the unique community found at sleepaway camp. It gives them a sense of belonging, which will ultimately improve their ability to cooperate, contribute and serve their future communities as caring citizens. Campers also gain new social skills from being in a group setting. They must share a room with others, manage chores, resolve conflicts, communicate effectively, and be kind and accommodating to their fellow campers. Being part of a close-knit community can be challenging at times, but children who learn how to adapt and get along with others will reap the benefits of that experience for a lifetime. Peter Scales, Ph.D., a senior fellow with the Search Institute in Minneapolis, says, “Camp activities and group living in a natural environment are the tools used to create camp communities that provide for successful, healthy development. … [Campers] learn to work together, make choices, take responsibility, develop creative skills, build independence and self-reliance, and gain confidence. All are necessary steps on a child’s path to a healthy, productive life.” 4 Building skills Sleepaway camp is chock-full of unique activities and events that children can’t find anywhere else. Attending camp allows kids to learn new skills, whether it be in sports, arts or outdoor exploration. Being exposed to so many new programs and activities enhances their knowledge and capabilities, allowing them to get closer to discovering what they enjoy most. Camp also helps children become more independent. They learn how to make their own decisions without parents and teachers telling them what to do. They are expected to manage daily chores, show up on time to activities, and keep their belongings neat and clean. These are life skills that will help them succeed in whatever they do. 5 Cultivating self-reflection Camp is the perfect environment for self-reflection and meditation because kids get to unplug and enjoy the serenity of time spent in nature. When kids take a break from television, video games, texting and surfing online, they become more mindful of their surroundings and their own emotions. They are able to focus on the simple things in life, such as going for a hike, watching a sunset, singing around the campfire and connecting with new friends. Camp also provides a time for unstructured play. Campers are encouraged to use their creativity to solve problems and have fun. They learn how to keep busy with activities that have been enjoyed for centuries, such as swimming and boating on a lake, woodworking and theater performances. This carefree living gives them a chance to relax and laugh without the pressures of their hectic, overly scheduled lives back home. This change of pace can lead to emotional and spiritual growth. Sandi Schwartz is a freelance writer and mother of two. She has written extensively about parenting, wellness and environmental issues. Find her work at happysciencemom.com and sandischwartz.com.
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Is Jewish Overnight Camp
RIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD? Want to peel your kids off their phones and immerse them in real-life adventures?
Take iz! the qu
Searching for an awesome Jewish activity that is insanely, unforgettably fun?
Do challenge courses, canoeing and campfires sound like your idea of summer fun?
Want to share Jewish values of friendship, kindness, and respecting nature through lived experiences and not just classroom talk?
Want a guaranteed way to make lifelong Jewish friendships?
Do you love the idea of your kid having a connection to Israel and singing in Hebrew at the top of their lungs?
Would the availability of generous financial aid* make your decision easier?
If you checked 3 or more of these boxes, explore your options at samisfoundation.org/jewish-camps
*Generous financial aid is provided through the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle.
parentmap.com • February 2020 • 31
out + about
In-City Forest Walks continued from page 29 hike down. Make sure you leave time to visit the Environmental Learning Center at the east parking lot for park info and hands-on educational activities. Find a free trail map at kiosks around the park, or print one out at home.
4. Cowen Park and Ravenna Park Local residents and visitors alike adore the twin connected greenspaces of Cowen Park and Ravenna Park. Hidden in a steep ravine, a peaceful stream gurgles enticingly among lush ferns. Towering sequoias create mystical alcoves for nature play. A giant boulder and wooden boardwalks provide more fodder for young imaginations. Kids will love: Walking wide, easy trails, splashing in the streams, getting muddy and trying out the playgrounds at both ends of the greenspace. Find it: Cowen Park is located at 5849 15th Ave. N.E., Seattle. Parking is along the street. Ravenna Park forms the other end of the greenspace at 5520 Ravenna Ave. N.E. Park in the small lot, or find on-street parking. Restrooms are located at both ends. Distance: It’s about 0.75 mile one way along the main “Service Road” Trail (don’t let the boring name put you off). More adventurous tots will enjoy either the North or South Trail, coming back to the trailhead to create a 1.8-mile loop. Start at either park and wander as far as you are able. Take a look at a Seattle Parks map for
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reference (or download the Seattle Trails app for iPhone).
5. Seward Park At Seattle’s Seward Park, many folks are aware of the paved multi-use trail ringing the park’s peninsula. But fewer people are aware of the nature trails that run through the middle of the park, trails featuring grand old trees and lush undergrowth. The main trails are wide enough for strollers, and adventurous kiddos will enjoy the woodsy atmosphere of the side trails. Kids will love: Roots and logs to climb on, owls in the winter and spring, the playground and the beach on Lake Washington. Find it: 5900 Lake Washington Blvd. S., Seattle. Park in one of the parking lots near the entrance, or drive farther in toward the amphitheater area and access trails from there. Distance: There are about 6 miles of trails in the park, and 2.4 of those miles are a paved loop. You can create a nice hike for little feet by walking the main trail through the park and including some of the trails that branch off. Visit the Audubon Center near the entrance (open Wednesday–Saturday) and learn about what you can see in each season.
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6. Lincoln Park At West Seattle favorite Lincoln Park, expansive woodlands are interspersed with play areas and picnic tables. Families will enjoy wandering paths through the forest, walking along the waterfront and taking play breaks in between. Some areas of the forest are more open, allowing for playtime among the trees. Ravens croak as they fly overhead, and a fresh marine breeze rustles the leaves. Kids will love: Room to run, the playground, hobbit restrooms and watching ferries arrive and depart at the Fauntleroy Ferry Terminal. Find it: 8011 Fauntleroy Way S.W., Seattle. There is a large parking area along Fauntleroy Way, good bus service and several restrooms located throughout the park. Distance: Young children will enjoy a leisurely wander among the trees. There are just over 5 miles of trails in the park. We did a 2-mile loop from the parking area on Fauntleroy, along the beach, up the bluff and back to our car. This hike is easy except for the steep climb up from the beach at the northern end of the park. Consider hiking this counterclockwise to walk down instead of up. Or stick to the Bluff Trail and enjoy more distant views of the water through the trees.
7. Llandover Woods Tucked in a quiet corner of northwest Seattle, Llandover Woods is a small greenspace offering a trail that is a little less than a mile long. It’s the perfect size for little feet to wander. The first few yards of the trail descending into the woods seem unremarkable, but turn the corner and you will find yourselves strolling among towering trees and wild greenery. For a relatively small space that’s just a stone’s throw from people’s houses, this spot provides a quick and immersive dose of nature. Kids will love: Looking for tiny native forest flowers, many of which are white or pale pink, and trying to spot fungi. Find it: 14499 Third Ave. N.W., Seattle. The entrance is off the corner of Third Ave. N.W. and N.W. 145th St. in a gravel lot. There are no restrooms or other amenities, but families may enjoy a coffee and treat at nearby Diva Espresso, located at 14419 Greenwood Ave. N. Distance: About 0.75 mile of trail, 60 feet of elevation gain.
8. Soaring Eagle Regional Park Wild Soaring Eagle Regional Park, a large nature preserve located outside of Sammamish, affords lots of space to wander. You’ll share the trails with mountain bikers, horses and maybe even some Washington wildlife. Some of the trails are wide and flat enough for sturdy strollers. Kids will love: Mossy trees, bird-filled wetlands and the feeling of wilderness. Find it: 26015 E. Main Dr., Sammamish. There are several entrances to the park, but the largest is off 228th Ave. S.E., via S.E. Eighth St. and E. Main Dr. Portable toilets are available.
Distance: There are 12 miles of trails, with varying elevation changes. We’ve enjoyed walking down to the wetland on the Camino Espinosa and then making a loop along the northern border back to the Pipeline Trail. You can get in a scenic 2- to 3-mile trek this way.
9. Redmond Watershed Preserve The well-maintained trails of the fascinating Redmond Watershed Preserve feel like they are deep in the woods. Families can choose between the strollerfriendly Tree Frog Loop; the Trout Loop, with interpretive signs and winding, needle-covered paths; or longer trails that lead deeper into the woods. Kids will love: Frogs, fungi and ferns. Find it: 21760 Novelty Hill Rd., Redmond. There are restrooms, water fountains and picnic tables at the park. Dogs are not allowed on the trails. Distance: With over 7 miles of trails in the park, you can put together a hike of whatever length you desire. The Tree Frog Loop is an ADA-accessible 0.3-mile path. The Trout Loop is about 0.6 mile.
10. Saint Edward State Park Beautiful Saint Edward State Park is a popular natural area and protected gem on the Eastside. Mature forest entices children to explore wild paths. Choose between a mostly level, shady walk or a steeper trek down to the shores of Lake Washington. Kids will love: The beach, the grotto and the giant castle playground. Find it: 14445 Juanita Dr. N.E., Kenmore. You’ll need a Discover Pass to park (purchase a day pass on-site if needed). Distance: There are 7.5 miles of trails in the park. Toddlers will enjoy the 0.5-mile Orchard Loop, offering just enough roots and curves to make things interesting. If you take the Seminary Trail down to the beach, it adds another 0.5 mile one way, and you can choose which trail for the hike back up based on energy levels.
11. Bridle Trails State Park With 28 miles of trails, Bridle Trails State Park offers families lots of choices for rambling. Large trees, varied undergrowth, birds and insects all can be found here. We’ve seen interesting small mammals and found excellent climbing trees. Kids will love: Sharing the trails with horses and spotting wild berries through the seasons. Find it: 5300 116th Ave. N.E., Kirkland. Park in the large lot off 116th. A Discover Pass is required to park. There are restrooms on-site. Distance: Consider starting with the 1.7-mile Trillium Trail, which offers interpretive signs and is easy enough for the youngest hikers. ■ Jennifer Johnson, also known as “The Hiker Mama,” writes about her and her family’s adventures at thehikermama.com. parentmap.com • February 2020 • 33
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ages + stages
Sibling
By Malia Jacobson
P
Fight Club
arents who have more than one child may feel like full-time referees, with good reason. According to a systematic review of
research literature conducted by the University of New Hampshire, siblings fight up to eight times every hour — that’s a fight every seven minutes or so. For years, parents were told to simply walk away and let kids work
Expert tips for quelling the neverending drama
often with this approach, research suggests that fights dwindle not because siblings learn to cooperate, but because one child dominates while the other simply gives up. But parents can’t monitor every sibling squabble. Unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to guiding kids through sibling conflict, says
out spats on their own. This well-intentioned approach
Not so fast. While this advice lets parents off the
is both logical and practical; kids learn how to navigate
hook as referees, research shows that it doesn’t quash
LICSW, of Northwest Family Therapy in Seattle’s South
conflict while parents get some welcome relief from the
conflict, and may actually hurt sibling relationships in
Lake Union neighborhood.
never-ending sibling drama. It’s a win-win, right?
the long term. Although kids may seem to clash less
psychotherapist and parenting coach Erin Bernau,
“It’s fair for parents to say, ‘I trust that you guys can parentmap.com • February 2020 • 35
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Sibling Fight Club continued from page 35 figure this out. I’m here if you want to work through some solutions with me,’” Bernau notes. “That said, we also need to think about limiting the harm that severe sibling conflict can have. Sustained and dramatic sibling conflict can leave everybody feeling exhausted and wary of spending time together.” When tensions between sparring siblings are high, what’s a frustrated parent to do? Thankfully, science has answers. Research shows that teaching children prosocial behavior — those actions intended to benefit others, such as sharing, helping and comforting — is more effective than simply stepping in to stop fights. Here’s how to apply that approach to the most common sibling conflicts, from those “It’s not fair!” fights to bathroom battles.
Ages 2–6: FAIR SHARE If your parenting experience has left you with the impression that toddlers and preschool-age children bicker constantly, you’re not wrong; young siblings do fight more frequently than their older counterparts. “Mine fight all the time,” laments Sarah Liao, a Snohomish mother of three young children. “Perceived fairness is a huge issue in our house, and my oldest just likes to antagonize our middle just to get a reaction because she likes to see him get upset.” According to sibling expert Laurie Kramer, Ph.D., of the University of Illinois, focusing on shared activities and play, instead of fighting, can help foster the warm, supportive sibling relationships that parents want for their children. She created a free online program called More Fun With Sisters and Brothers (funwithsistersandbrothers.org) to help parents of siblings ages 4–8 learn how to promote harmony and build strong lifelong bonds between sibs. In the short term, parents can quiet the “It’s not fair!” chorus by making it clear that each child is valued and heard. “Parents can help to mitigate conflict by making clear that they are not picking sides whenever possible, and by showing kids in a deep and meaningful way that they value all of their children equally,” says Bernau. “If each child feels appreciation and unconditional love from parents, sibling conflict is more easily navigated.”
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36 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
ages + stages
In “The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It,” authors Anthony T. DeBenedet, M.D., and Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., highlight the benefits of physical
play. Roughhousing stimulates brain growth and helps kids develop emotional intelligence, behavioral regulation and physical fitness. But lots of parents struggle to tell the difference between play fighting and real physical conflict. And when roughhousing kids slip into full-on fight mode, they can wind up with battle scars, both real and relational. Parents can promote beneficial physical play — while keeping a lid on actual fighting — by learning what constitutes horseplay. According to research published in the journal “Learning & Behavior,” healthy roughhousing includes taking turns and cooperation. It’s also supposed to be fun, so watch for smiles and laughter. Keep physical play from getting violent by laying down ground rules in advance; kids should know that they can stop the game if it’s no longer fun and ask for help from an adult, if needed, says Bernau. “Everyone deserves to feel safe in their body. While it can be completely healthy for kids to work out some conflict physically, this is also an opportunity to teach kids about limits, safety and consent.” As with any other game, all siblings need to be willing participants in safe physical play, says Adele Faber, coauthor (with Elaine Mazlish) of the best-selling titles “Siblings Without Rivalry” and “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.” “You don’t get to have a great time at someone else’s expense. When you’re a family, you look out for one another, so you can talk about ways to have fun together that keep your family values front and center,” says Faber.
C A M P S
+
Ages 13–18: SPACE WARS Bigger kids can mean bigger battles. Competitiveness between siblings peaks between ages 10 and 15, as they clash over everything from chores to bathroom space to who gets the prime seat on the sofa. It’s a nearconstant challenge for Rachel Jenkins, a mother of three children ranging in age from 11 to 17 in Vancouver, Washington. “Being an only child is such a disadvantage, because I don’t get it,” Jenkins says. “They fight over their bedroom spaces, sharing the bathroom, bathroom chores and sharing gaming devices. When there’s a problem, it’s always somebody else’s issue.” Even if teens can’t navigate every sibling conflict on their own, they can help devise solutions to perpetual fights. “My basic approach to any problem between siblings is problem-solving,” says Faber. “So, when there’s a conflict about shared space or who gets to use the living room or the TV, find a calm moment when they’re not fighting and ask them, ‘How do we want to work this out?’” u
A C T I V I T I E S
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ages + stages
Sibling Fight Club continued from page 37
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Parents may unwittingly spur conflict by siding with one sibling more often — a habit that teens are sure to notice. “It’s important for parents to self-reflect,” says Bernau. “Is there a child whose side we more naturally gravitate toward? What is this grounded in? Our own role in our family of origin? Some perceived vulnerability (either emotionally or physically) in the child? Is it just a reflex to see one child as the antagonist and one as the victim?” These responses to sibling conflicts can be reflexive and rooted in our own childhoods, so it can be helpful to get feedback from a partner, a parenting coach or a therapist, she says. Challenge feisty teens to create solutions to ongoing conflicts over space, privacy and autonomy, and you might be surprised by their creativity, says Faber. “Even teens who have to share space can come with up with strategies that work for everyone. The point is that they need to feel empowered and invested and part of the solution.” ■ Malia Jacobson is a nationally published journalist and parent of three.
5 Ideas to Help Siblings Play Nice How can parents make sibling play appealing? Here are five useful tips:
ParentMap.com/eNews 38 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
1. Let the older child know your expectations. Whether in a family meeting or an informal conversation, express your desire for your oldest to spend time with their siblings. “I asked my older children to give me a gift of service: one hour of playtime with a younger sibling,” says Marilyn Every, a Seattle mother and grandmother. 2. Make sure you give your older child enough one-on-one attention. “Chances are, after Johnny has had you so completely to himself, he will be more generously disposed toward his siblings” if you continue to give him plenty of one-on-one time, write Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish in their book “Siblings Without Rivalry.” 3. Tell them how much their younger siblings look up to them. Seattle mom Erika Gardner’s parents used this tactic to get her to play with her younger sister. “My ego was really flattered, so I took it upon [myself] to teach her all I knew,” she says. 4. Give them time for unstructured play. Be willing to show your kids how to enjoy unstructured play together. “They won’t be able to play together properly unless you’ve taught them how,” says parenting expert Jo Frost, best-selling author and star of the Lifetime series “Supernanny.” You may even need to provide the older child with an actual list of activities that would be fun. 5. Don’t force too much togetherness. Encourage sibling play when your older child is in a good mood and not preoccupied with something else. Then watch for cues that the kids have had enough. “My older child usually lets me know when it’s time for alone time because she starts getting frustrated more easily, she gets short with her younger sibling and she irritates more easily,” says Jennie Stanfield, a Seattle mother of two. “Different children at different times in their lives are better off with less ‘togetherness,’” note Faber and Mazlish. “But with enough time apart, siblings might even begin to look good to each other.” — Julia Ditto
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family media
Books That Celebrate the
Emotional Intelligence of
Boys
Terrific titles for boys of all ages in which empathy wins the day By Gemma Alexander
I
n a society that values strength over compassion and teaches boys that anger is the only acceptable emotion, neutralizing the stew of toxic masculinity is a challenge for parents. A good book can be a powerful ally in supporting the social and emotional development of boys. We’ve collected some of our favorite books for every age that celebrate boys who navigate life with the strengths and advantages of emotional intelligence.
children helping at home, sharing toys and expressing affection to friends and family. “Drawn Together” by Minh Lê, illustrated by Dan Santat This beautiful, gentle story, told mostly through pictures, presents an American boy visiting his Thai grandpa. Despite age, language and cultural barriers, they wordlessly bond over a shared love of art and draw imagined adventures together.
Picture books and early readers If you’ve already shared classics like “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day,” “The Story of Ferdinand” and everything by Ezra Jack Keats, try these newer books. And when you’re done with them, check out a longer list of picture books with empathy at their cores by Seattle Public Librarians at parentmap.com/booklist. “ABCs of Kindness” and “Kindness Counts 1, 2, 3” (Highlights Books of Kindness) This pair of picture books from children’s publisher Highlights combines basic literacy and counting with everyday kindness. The books present a diverse cast of
“William’s Doll” by Charlotte Zolotow, illustrated by William Pene du Bois William enjoys his trucks and ball sports, but he still wants a doll. He doesn’t know that dolls give children a chance to explore nurturing behaviors through play. He just knows that playing with the doll his parents give him is as much fun as his other toys. “I Am Human: A Book of Empathy” by Susan Verde, illustrated by Peter H. Reynolds Follow a young boy as he grows and discovers the human experience, from curiosity and friendship to fear and
hurtfulness. He learns that moving beyond the bad stuff requires thoughtfulness and apologies. The unnamed protagonist’s brown skin quietly defies the white-by-default approach too common in children’s literature. “The Princess in Black” by Shannon Hale and Dean Hale, illustrated by LeUyen Pham The Princess in Black routinely rescues Duff the goatherd from the monsters that try to eat his goats. Inspired by the princess, Duff develops his own hero identity as the Goat Avenger in the fourth book of the series. Every little boy should be as comfortable as Duff with female heroes and role models. “The Sunflower Sword” by Mark Sperring, illustrated by Miriam Latimer In a land ravaged by battles between knights and dragons, a little boy wants to join the fray. But his mother gives him a sunflower instead of a sword. When the boy points his sunflower sword at a dragon, it changes everything. u parentmap.com • February 2020 • 43
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N W A I S Learn.
Youths and Their Families Fight Climate Change Together
Grow.
Become.
WOODINVILLE MONTESSORI SCHOOL
Learn about 9 local family-friendly climate action organizations that need your help Beyond participation in organized climate strikes, there are many ways young people and their families can make systemic changes to lessen our impact on the world’s climate. If you or your child are looking for ways to be part of the solution, the Puget Sound region is home to several youth-led and family-friendly climate action organizations. Read on to learn about these groups, their upcoming activities and ways your family can get involved. Climate Action Families • climateactionfamilies.org Parents are encouraged but not required to participate in the Climate Action Families’ agebased, youth-led programs. Climate Kids (ages 0–7) provides developmentally appropriate exposure to environmental topics. Plant for the Planet participants (ages 8–12) slow climate change by planting trees to help with carbon sequestration. Check the website for upcoming events and Plant for the Planet climate justice ambassador trainings. Climate Action Youth for tweens and teens is focused on direct action and youth empowerment. The teen-led Zero Hour movement creates entry points, training and resources for new young activists and organizers who wish to take concrete action regarding climate change. Earth Guardians • earthguardians.org Earth Guardians is the organizational plaintiff in the ongoing Juliana v. United States case, representing a group of teenagers who are suing the federal government for denying their right to a clean environment. Originally an accredited environmental high school, Earth Guardians has evolved into a global organization training youths to be effective leaders in climate and social justice movements. It operates through Earth Guardian Crews, which range in size from 10 to several hundred young people who participate in climate strikes, lawsuits, app-based challenges and other creative actions. Individuals can start by studying its online engagement guide or jump right in to join a crew or start a new crew on the Earth Guardian website. Extinction Rebellion • seattlerebellion.earth The U.K.-based Extinction Rebellion has local groups in Seattle and Puyallup supporting its call for the legally binding policy to reduce carbon emissions to netzero by 2025. The group is focused on nonviolent civil disobedience. Keep up with meetings and events on the Seattle group’s Facebook page and join the chapter’s closed FB group. Fridays for Future • Twitter, @Fri4FutureSea Inspired by Greta Thunberg (a Swedish student who is credited with raising global awareness of the risks posed by climate change), Thornton Creek Elementary School student Ian Price began striking in front of Seattle City Hall every Friday. He has since been joined by other youths and adults, too. Loosely organized as Fridays for Future, everyone is welcome to join the strikes on any
44 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
Friday from 1 to 2 p.m. Keep track of their activities on Twitter all year, or just show up at City Hall on a Friday. Parents for Future Seattle • Facebook, ‘Parents 4 Future Seattle’ Parents for Future Seattle is an informal group of familyfocused adults that shares environmental news and information on individual and collective climate actions. Join the group on Facebook (“Parents 4 Future Seattle”) to find out about climate-related marches, strikes and meetings. Then show up in person when your schedule and inclination permit. Seattle Clear Sky Native Youth Council • urbannativeeducation.org A program of the nonprofit Urban Native Education Alliance, Seattle Clear Sky Native Youth Council is an inclusive, Native American–focused, student-centered, volunteer-based group working to develop social and environmental leadership. It offers mentorship and empowerment workshops as well as life skills and leadership training. Seattle Green Families • Facebook, ‘Seattle Green Families’ Formed by four stay-at-home moms, Seattle Green Families focuses on the little steps that families can take to be greener. Recognizing that even ingrained habits can be challenging to maintain once life is complicated by children, the group de-emphasizes actions that can seem overwhelming with kids in tow. Instead, on the group’s Facebook page, members share their successes and strategies in connection to nature walks, City Council meetings or park cleanup events. Sunrise Movement • sunrisemovement.org Focused on strength in numbers, the Sunrise Movement supports the Green New Deal and campaigned for the Democratic Party to schedule a climate debate among presidential candidates. Through a combination of leadership training, online campaigns and local actions organized by decentralized “hubs,” Sunrise engages youths (and older allies) in whatever manner best fits each participant’s schedule and temperament. Young people can join existing hubs in Seattle, Tacoma or the Eastside, or form their own on the Sunrise website. Washington Green Schools • wagreenschools.org Washington Green Schools is a nonprofit organization that works through school communities to engage kids in sustainability. Green Schools operates a sustainability certification program, offers teacher training in climate science and provides environmental science curricula for classrooms. Parents can partner with their child’s school to pursue certification and use the organization’s online guide to learn about the most effective ways they can help the planet at home. — Gemma Alexander
T-12th gr | BOTHELL & WOODINVILLE
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SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS + NWAIS
Books for Boys continued from page 43
Middle-grade chapter books Classic “boys’ books” such as “Encyclopedia Brown” and Jean Craighead George’s survival stories feature boys solving problems nonviolently. But for a wider range of emotional experience, try these modern middle-grade books. They just begin to scratch the surface, though, so follow up with a bespoke list courtesy of the Seattle Public Library at parentmap.com/booklist2. “Merc StoryiA” by Happy Elements Okay, not technically a book. But this anime series (available on Crunchyroll, crunchyroll.com) has subtitles, so it still requires reading. The series involves a boy who encounters rampaging Pokémon-like monsters. Instead of capturing them to battle against each other, this boy overcomes fear to soothe their anger and help them solve their monstrous problems. “Ghost” by Jason Reynolds Everything by Jason Reynolds sensitively handles the emotional development of boys of color. A past Global Reading Challenge title, “Ghost” tells the story of a young boy whose track team helps him overcome the trauma caused by his jailed father’s violence.
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“The PS Brothers” by Maribeth Boelts Another Global Reading Challenge alumnus, “The PS Brothers” relates the adventures of best friends with big problems. They start a poop-scooping business so they can buy a rottweiler to protect them from bullies. But when they uncover a dogfighting ring, they must decide whether to sacrifice their dreams of owning one dog in order to help all of the dogs. “Kiki and Jacques: A Refugee Story” by Susan Ross Another Global Reading Challenge book (are you detecting a pattern?), “Kiki and Jacques” tells the story of an American boy whose small town is changed by the arrival of Somali refugees. Jacques already helps out at his grandmother’s bridal store and babysits the neighbors’ kids. Now he must extend his empathy to the newcomers and learn to speak up against bullies.
Titles for teens Teens aren’t always open to parental reading recommendations, but we promise that these books do not read like after-school specials. And if you really need a neutral third party, share this library list (parentmap.com/booklist3) instead. “Anger Is a Gift” by Mark Oshiro Moss Jeffries knows about violence — he witnessed his father being shot by the police — and he wants no part of it. The queer black teen just wants to hang out with his friends, get into college and overcome his panic attacks. But keeping your head down isn’t enough to avoid institutional racism and police violence. When Moss has had enough, he takes action — through peaceful protest and community activism. u parentmap.com • February 2020 • 45
SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS + NWAIS
family media
Books for Boys continued from page 45 “What I Leave Behind” by Alison McGhee Despite the problematic leveraging of female suffering for male growth, readers are won over by the sensitive protagonist Will, who moves past his own grief by undertaking secret acts of kindness in 100 chapters of 100 words each. “Love From A to Z” by S.K. Ali Told in alternating journal entries, “Love from A to Z” gives its male and female protagonists’ feelings equal time on the page. Adam is facing a potentially fatal diagnosis alone to protect his widowed father. Outspoken Zayneb has been suspended after fighting back against religious intolerance. The gentle young man and fiery young woman pursue a relationship guided by their Muslim faith.
NOW ENROLLING
“The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue” by Mackenzi Lee The 18th-century gentleman in question moves from vice to virtue over the course of the book. Spoiled playboy Monty’s picaresque escapades on a grand tour of Europe puts his group in danger. As they try to stay alive, he begins to realize what a burden he has been to the people he cares about most: his brave and intelligent sister, and his love interest, Percy, who walks a tightrope every day as the biracial “poor relation” with a chronic illness. ■
Daily Support Card
901 Lenora Street, Seattle
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Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters. She blogs about the arts and spends too much time on Twitter (@gemmadeetweet).
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Seattle Public Libraries Offer Fresh Start in 2020 Got mid-winter break doldrums? The February blahs? A case of the rainy-day blues? With more programs, events, classes and — yes — books than ever, your local public library can solve all of these doldrum-y dilemmas. If you’re a card-carrying member of The Seattle Public Library (spl.org), now you don’t even have to worry about the only downside about libraries — the overdue fines. In January, SPL ditched late fines for good, joining Snohomish County’s Sno-Isle system in this forward-thinking move. Contrary to conventional wisdom, research shows that fines don’t really work as an incentive for returning books; instead, they punish the people who can least afford them, such as low-income families and children. So, what are you waiting for? Find dozens of fabulous ways your public library branch can help your family get a fresh start in 2020 at
ParentMap.com/eNews 46 • February 2020 • parentmap.com
parentmap.com/library2020.
parent day jobs
Meet Rue Khosa, ARNP, FNP-BC, IBCLC
This nurse practitioner is on a mission to support the heart of parenting for all By Patty Lindley
R
ue Khosa, founder and owner of The Perfect Push (theperfectpush.com), a childbirth and lactation support practice in Redmond, has earned so many degrees as a nurse practitioner that her name is trailed by an alphabet soup of accreditations. But to the many new parents who look to her and her medical clinic for essential and steadying delivery and postpartum services, Khosa is known more familiarly as “The Boob Boss.” When I ask Khosa how she characterizes the work of The Perfect Push, she tells me that the mantra of the organization is “Supporting the heart of parenting,” and for her, that translates into a mission to provide parents with the evidence-based and empathic wraparound care they need to make informed decisions for their growing
family and to thrive in the early days of new parenting and beyond. As a woman of color, an immigrant and an experienced provider of maternal-child health care, Khosa, who is a mother of two adored sons herself, is also deeply concerned by the appalling maternal and infant mortality rates affecting our communities here in the United States and around the world. Motivated by the belief that access to adequate health care is a fundamental human right, Khosa founded The Perfect Push Foundation last year to work toward systems and solutions that will empower vulnerable birth communities, promote sustainable and culturally sensitive care, and eliminate health disparities. We caught up with Khosa to learn more about her journey and vision for The Perfect Push.
How did you get from point Z(imbabwe) to point A(merica)? During my high school years, I watched “Beverly Hills 90210.” I would watch it, and the grass was greener, the blue was bluer — everything just looked so much brighter in the States. I remember saying, “That’s it. I want to go to school in the States. I want to be a lawyer.” So, I got myself together, applied to schools. I ended up at UCO, the University of Central Oklahoma. I remember getting off that plane and thinking, “Uh oh — this is not what I saw on TV! Somebody lied to me!” That was my journey to the States. Zimbabwe was starting to go through a lot of political turmoil, and I remember my mom saying, “You can go and you can become a lawyer, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll get a job or if you’ll even have a country to come back to.” I started thinking about what profession I could do so that, whatever happens, wherever I go in the world, I still have a job. I started looking at the path of nursing school and just never looked back. What is the founding story of The Perfect Push? [My husband and I] had our first son, Tai, in 2013. He was delivered at Overlake, where I was working as a labor and delivery nurse. Nursing is like a sorority. Everybody knew exactly when I was due and the intricate details of my pregnancy and life. I remember thinking, “Everybody should have this [awesome experience].” When I went into labor, I felt like a VIP. Because I had this bevy of amazing nurses taking care of me, my husband kind of stepped back, and four hours and 44 minutes later, after I had this experience, I asked him, “So, what did you think?” He responded, “I don’t know. I guess now I’m a dad.” I thought, “Oh wow. What happened? He wasn’t part of it.” Our son was itty bitty. And I just had the biggest
baby, everybody rallies around the family. And there’s somebody watching the other kids. There’s somebody cooking. There’s somebody helping [the new mom] learn how to breastfeed, how to take care of her lady bits. Someone is making sure that everything’s okay with dad, and that he’s learning how to take care of his wife and appreciate how she’s changing and supporting that. [In America], everybody in labor and delivery makes sure that the baby comes out great, and then we kick you out after 24 hours. And we don’t see you again for six weeks. That’s so worrisome to me. That’s really what The Perfect Push is about: supporting the heart of parenting by making sure that the parents are okay; that the parents have all the information that they need. Because if we can wrap our stethoscope arms around them, give them all the medical knowledge that they need, we know baby’s going to be okay.
boobs! I worried, “I’m going to suffocate him! One boob is bigger than his whole body. And why does it hurt so much? Why do I not know what I’m doing? I’ve done this for eight-plus years, teaching other people how to do this, and I’m stuck.” I thought, there’s got to be a way for us to give women a beautiful labor and delivery experience that includes the partner, and then support them when they get home with baby, because this is where they really need support. That’s when I started thinking about The Perfect Push. What aspects of parenting culture in the United States need to change? I come from a culture where when a mom has a
What do you see ahead for The Perfect Push? Last year we launched our foundation, which is something that’s really close to my heart. What we want to do is provide an area where we can start training community doulas, especially in and for communities of color and underserved communities. This will help create more of what we call [in Zimbabwe] kugarira, the actual term for rallying around the mother to help her prepare both emotionally and physically for the new baby. If we are really going to start tackling the maternal and infant mortality rate issue in communities of color, we need more providers of color who are part of the community, who understand the community, and can therefore provide culturally appropriate and culturally sensitive care. ■
parentmap.com • February 2020 • 47
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