ParentMap February 2025 Issue by ParentMap

Creating Community

Secret Scavenger Hunt

Discover gorgeous art celebrating the Year of the Snake hidden in plain sight

February 2025

Local Resources

Schools + Preschools 24

Camps, Arts + Activites 35

Parenting

WELLNESS

C’mon, Get Happy (and Active) 16

Learn how to leverage the link between kids’ physical activity and mood

BOOK BUZZ

Stronger Together 23

New books highlight the way our communities strengthen us

EDUCATION

Brain Break Basics 24

Planning short breaks while doing homework can boost creativity and focus

RAISING GREAT KIDS

Getting to Know THEM 30

Inspiring local teens share their rock ‘n’ roll reality

Sleepaway Camp Questions 38

Figure out if you and your child are ready to take the plunge

Features Who Cares for the Caregivers? 8

Caught between aging parents and young kids, the sandwich generation is feeling the squeeze Navigating the Network 18

Local parents weigh in on social media’s ability to deliver on its promise to build community Breaking Bread 27

A family’s yearlong challah baking challenge produces a surprising transformation

Family

There’s so much to love about February — starting with 15 fabulous family adventures

a Secret

The search to find gorgeous glass orbs hidden in plain sight is here — just in time to celebrate the Year of the Snake

Photo by Cassandra Comitale

Cover photo by Jackleen Leed of Wild Kin Wandering Photography

Photo courtesy of THEM

How

I’m not much of a chocolate person, with one exception — milk chocolate covered caramels.

See’s Nuts & Chews, please.

EDITORIAL

MANAGING EDITOR

Allison Sutcliffe

SENIOR EDITOR Kristin Leong

ASSOCIATE EDITOR Kari Hanson

FAMILY FUN EDITOR

Meredith Charaba

CALENDAR EDITOR

Julie Dodobara

COPY EDITOR

Sunny Parsons

CONTRIBUTORS

Gemma Alexander, Rebecca Hastings, Malia Jacobson, Jackleen Leed, Lisa Winer, Ed.D.

DIGITAL MARKETING

MARKETING DIRECTOR

Lindsey Carter

EMAIL MARKETING SPECIALIST

Devon Hammer

SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST Brooke Collins

ADVERTISING SALES + PARTNERSHIPS

DIRECTOR OF COMMUNITY

PARTNERSHIPS + ADVERTISING SALES

Jessica Collet

SENIOR ADVERTISING AND PARTNERSHIPS MANAGER

Ida Wicklund

EVENTS + COMMUNITY

PARTNERSHIPS SPECIALIST

Brenna McCown

CLIENT SERVICES + DESIGN COORDINATOR

Angela Goodwin

ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES SPECIALIST

Mallory Dehbod

DIGITAL ADVERTISING + MARKETING SPECIALIST

Taryn Weiner

PRODUCTION COORDINATOR

Tamryn Nell

ART + PRODUCTION

SENIOR DESIGNER

Amy Chinn

ADMINISTRATION

BUSINESS MANAGER

Carolyn Brendel

OPERATIONS ASSISTANT

Erika Widjaja

Definitely Team Chocolate — or any dessert!

Team Chocolate all the way — I don’t need anything else to take care of.

I’m really more Team Cocktails, but if I had to choose, I’d go with Team Flowers.

Chocolate. I love flowers, but my cats might eat them. —

FEBRUARY 2025, VOL. 22, NO. 2

PUBLISHER Alayne Sulkin

PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

Benjamin Danielson, M.D.

CLINICAL PROFESSOR, UW SCHOOL OF MEDICINE PRACTICING PHYSICIAN, UW MEDICINE

Joan Duffell RETIRED EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN

John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

Laura Kastner, Ph.D. PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

Bea Kelleigh VICE PRESIDENT, DOVETAILING, LLC

Yaffa Maritz, M.A. FOUNDER, LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTING

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MINDSIGHT INSTITUTE

CONTACT

INFORMATION

Advertising information

206-709-9026 or advertising@parentmap.com Fax 206-709-9031

Calendar submissions calendar@parentmap.com

Editorial submissions editor@parentmap.com

Distribution distribution@parentmap.com

Administration 206-709-9026, parentmap.com

Subscriptions subscriptions@parentmap.com

Subscription rate 1 year: $12

ParentMap is published monthly.

PMB #190, 7683 S.E. 27th St., Mercer Island, WA 98040

Team

Mallory Dehbod, advertising client services specialist

Another vote for Team Chocolate!

about Team Flowers Made Out of Chocolate?

Team Dark Chocolate Salted Cashews

The Current

Cupid’s arrows points to shoppers more than lovers

Heartbreaking research from Montclair State University reveals that Valentine’s Day on social media is more about shopping than romance. Analyzing over 80,000 posts with hashtags like #ValentinesDay, researchers found that the words “shop” and “gift” appeared 131 percent more often than “love” in the posts.

Nonbinary trees

It turns out walnut trees have been gender nonconfirming for over 40 million years. Biologists from UC Davis have discovered that the trees have a unique way of alternating female and male flowers throughout the growing season, which helps the plants maintain balance while avoiding selfpollination. The genetic code behind this shift functions similarly to the mechanism behind sex determination in humans.

Compassion for teens has lasting impact

A recent survey by the University of Virginia reveals that empathy is a family affair. Over a 25-year period, researchers found that parents who show empathy to their teens

often raise more empathic adults. Starting in 1998, researchers followed a group of kids into adulthood, surveying them once they began to become parents themselves. The study found that the more empathic a mother was toward her teenager at age 13, the more empathic the teen was toward close friends across the adolescent years, and into adulthood as a parent.

Inadequate prenatal vitamins could be putting moms and babies at risk

Unsettling research from the U.S. Department of Agriculture recently revealed that most prenatal supplements don’t have enough omega-3 fatty acids, which are crucial for preventing preterm birth. The research suggests pregnant women may need extra omega-3s from sources other than supplements, such as a diet rich in fatty fish like salmon.

By Kristin Leong, M.Ed.

Funding opportunity in Washington

Do you have an innovative idea for building or renovating an inclusive community space in King County? 4Culture’s Building for Equity: Facilities grant is back to support unique projects with budgets under $10 million. For 2025, the award comes with free technical help and includes three new tracks starting with projects with budgets of $250,000 and under. Applications open on Feb. 20, and the pre-screening deadline is March 25. Learn more and apply at 4culture.org.

The most romantic baby name

Is your baby daughter due in February? You may want to consider naming her Valentina in homage to the month of love. Meaning “strength” and “health,” Valentina is a sweet yet mighty name with Latin roots, making it a fresh alternative to Valerie or Vanessa. Popular in Hispanic families and on the rise globally, Valentina was the 49th most popular U.S. girls name in 2023, a steep climb from its 1995 low at 973. ■

Founded in 2017 by a powerhouse team including Jon Haidt and Lenore Skenazy, Let Grow is the nonprofit everyone’s talking about.

“ ”

Kids need play and independence if they’re going to become independent adults.

JON HAIDT, Cofounder, in The Anxious Generation

• The Let Grow Experience Curriculum builds independence and responsibility through real-life activities as homework for K-12th grades.

• The Let Grow Play Club brings old-fashioned, mixed-age, free play to your local school or park.

• The Independence Kit, Independence Inventory, and Parent Play Club Guide are Family Editions to start Let Grow at home.

FREE MATERIALS READY TO SHARE OR PRINT

Visit letgrow.org and start your journey to independence today!

DIRECTED BY JACOLE KITCHEN

FROM THE BOOK BY THELMA LYNNE GODIN, ILLUSTRATED BY VANESSA BRANTLEY-NEWTON

ADAPTED BY GLORIA BOND CLUNIE

HULA HOOPIN’

QUEEN

FEB 12MAR 23 A dizzying celebration of family and community A TICKETS

Who Cares for the Caregivers?

Caught between aging parents and young kids, the sandwich generation is feeling the squeeze

By Gemma Alexander

It’s a blessing to have our parents with us longer than previous generations had theirs, and it’s wonderful to have the option of waiting until you are ready before choosing to have children. But with longer lifespans allowing us to invent retirement and have children later in life, people in middle age have increasingly found themselves raising children and caring for aging parents at the same time. If that describes your situation, welcome to the sandwich generation.

More than 65 million Americans provide care for an adult family member, and 37 percent of them are also raising children. It is a stressful, high-pressure situation that can leave you feeling like you’re on the grill of a panini press. Finding the resources and support you need to manage everything is hard, and often expensive when you do find them, but resources do exist. And there are things you can do to ease the strain.

Practical resources

“We have giant systemic problems in the health-care system in regard to how [it interacts] with older adult patients and families,” says Sue Peschin, president and CEO of the Alliance for Aging Research, a nonprofit that supports research and resources for healthy aging. Peschin is also sandwiched between her mother, who has Alzheimer’s disease, and two adolescent sons. Experiencing firsthand the way that time-crunched health-care providers rush through appointments, following standard protocols without considering a family’s values or unique needs, “has significantly changed my advocacy,” she says. “It’s just understanding where people are at given points in time and not applying kind of a one-size-fits-all to people’s experience.”

Many people are unaware of the progressive levels of care that are available in between doing everything yourself and a nursing home. Especially when a person

FEATURE THE SANDWICH

continued from page 8

leaving the hospital cannot go back to living alone, families often get trapped in the high-cost, for-profit world of care facilities.

“I recommend to folks that they try to stay independent as long as possible. You can’t really go back once you transition, and the price jumps up significantly with that layering of additional help,” says Peschin. The Eldercare Locator is a federal resource that can help families find assistance — such as housing, support services or transportation — that targets their specific needs. BenefitsCheckUp also helps caregivers

When and where to step in, that’s a constantly changing line when you have aging parents.

find available support, while tools like Lotsa Helping Hands help coordinate tasks such as doctor’s appointments and medication schedules. Washington state has a paid family leave program if your caregiving responsibilities are extensive, but you have to be proactive to access it.

Melissa Levo is a program manager at Seattle Public Utilities, and has a 5-year-old and a toddler. When her parents, who are in their late 70s, moved from upstate New York to an independent living facility in Seattle last summer, she was surprised at how much her daily routines changed.

“I hadn’t fully mentally prepared for that shift in our day-to-day schedule. I had only been thinking about how they’ll be around for the holidays and birthdays. We’re still adjusting to that weekly grind and trying to figure out how to make it all work,” she says. What has helped the most so far has been the flexible child care provided by the family’s au pair, “having another responsible adult [at home]. Around holidays and evenings and weekends, we schedule them for some of those times, too, and that little break is huge.”

Since Levo’s parents are still largely independent, she hasn’t had to deal with the burden of daily physical care. Instead, the biggest challenge has been the mental load of juggling another set of schedules and figuring out how much help is helpful.

“I hear from other people who are part of the sand-

wich generation, too; there’s this ongoing negotiation of how to make decisions and when to make the decision. You don’t want to overstep, but [parents] do need some help. When and where to step in, that’s a constantly changing line when you have aging parents. But you don’t always make the right call,” says Levo.

Open communication

Forcing a conversation about receiving care before people are ready for it could create fractures in a relationship that will complicate caregiving when the time comes.

“Humans really don’t like change, and we like to be optimistic,” says Levo. But communicating openly with your parents while they are still healthy can make things easier for everyone in the long run. For Amy Sanchez, a school counselor in Shoreline who lost her father to cancer while she was pregnant with her second child, her father’s openness was one of the few things that made a terrible situation easier to bear.

“Advance communication with family is really important. I feel really grateful for the way that my dad approached his endof-life care and just the way that he talked about his preferences and values with us,” says Sanchez. Her father prepared an advance directive and brought her with him when he met with his attorney. “The

communication was really good, and I know that’s not the case in a lot of families, because it’s really hard to talk about this stuff.”

Thanks to her father’s example, her remaining family has become more proactive, especially her 78-year-old aunt.

“She’s very open to having these conversations. She’s healthy now, but she can say, ‘This is what I want. These are my preferences, these are my values.’ We’re talking about that before it’s really emotionally intense,” says Sanchez.

Levo has taken the same lesson from her experience. She’s already thinking ahead to when her children are the ones in the middle.

“For me and how I see myself aging and how it will impact my children, I want to remember to embrace change,” she says.

Talk to someone else

As important as it is to talk with your parents, it is equally important to talk to people who are not part of your family’s struggle. A therapist can help you process grief and understand the strong emotions that come with major transitions. But talking to peers is also valuable when the isolating journey of parenting is compounded with the added strain of eldercare. The Alzheimer’s Association offers support groups for anyone dealing with

continued from page 11

the disease, and the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America has a hotline staffed by social workers. Locally, the Phinney Neighborhood Association offers caregiving support groups, as well as counseling and senior services.

“I would have loved to connect with other people like that. I kept thinking, ‘Surely I’m not the only person in the world to be watching a parent die as I am pregnant and awaiting the birth of this baby, who my parent is not going to meet,’” says Sanchez. She never found a support group for her situation, but she did reconnect on Facebook with an old college friend who was going through the same thing.

“At work, people didn’t know my dad was sick until he was hospitalized. Then people started identifying themselves to me. I didn’t know that their parents had died, I didn’t know that their parent was sick. And I wish I had tried to connect with some of those people before things got really rough, because I think I would have felt less alone,” says Sanchez. Such people are more comforting to talk to than friends who haven’t had the same experience, and they often have helpful, practical information, having recently navigated the same complex issues and systems themselves.

“You have to be able to come face-to-face with it. So, I want people to start being able to talk about aging and grief and death before it’s so catastrophic. I try to bring it up more with people just so it doesn’t feel like this is this secret thing in the world that we can’t ever talk about. It’s a part of aging, and death is a part of life. I want it to be less forbidden of a subject,” says Sanchez.

Mental shift

Although it’s a lot of work juggling dual care responsibilities, being in the thick of parenting can be a secret superpower when you’re holding the sandwich together. As a parent, Levo is used to thinking about what is developmentally appropriate for her kids. Dealing with aging parents became a little

Additional resources:

The Alliance for Aging Research has produced films on neuropsychiatric symptoms.

AARP offers recorded events and a podcast series in support of caregivers in the sandwich generation.

The University of Washington hosted an event in January 2024 called “Navigating the Challenges of the ‘Sandwich Generation,’” recorded on YouTube.

bit easier when she realized that development doesn’t stop when we become adults — every age is a developmental stage.

“It’s unreasonable to expect my parents in their late 70s to just fully embrace change. When I was able to kind of switch that framework and say, ‘Okay, I need to meet them where they’re at and have reasonable expectations for their responses to things,’ responding in that more empathetic way helped me a lot,” says Levo.

She also discovered that the upside to her new, more complicated routines is peace of mind.

“There was constant underlying stress with them being so far away, that if something happens, I could not help them. And so, just knowing that they were here, my anxiety response to it is so much less when I know that in 10 minutes, I can be there. And on a bigger level, I think knowing that my children will know my parents as a part of our everyday lives is very important,” says Levo.

The sandwich concept illustrates how we tend to think of parents’ and children’s

care needs as being in competition with each other. After all, there are only so many hours in the day, and especially when children are small, they can’t understand why you can’t always be immediately available to them.

“I think it’s just a feeling like you’re not able to do any one thing well. So, you know, it’s more kind of a self-expectation that we put on ourselves and how we envision we ought to be. But one thing I’ve learned is kids learn a lot through watching how you struggle. It can create intimacy with kids to have them see you work through being overextended and needing help and not always knowing the answer to everything,” says Peschin. But she adds, “Oftentimes, it’s not just the adult that’s kind of in the middle of doing the caregiving. It becomes a family affair, you know. When you do have sandwich caregiving, it’s not unusual for teenagers to play a role in the care.”

Some 1.4 million children between 8 and 18 years old participate in the care of an older relative. As long as their responsibilities are not excessive, this can be a healthy growth experience for them. When Peschin’s mother had a health emergency, her oldest son stepped up to take care of his younger brother while she was at the hospital with her mom. Later, he learned to help lift his grandmother when she fell, and he found his first job as a server in the dining room at her care facility.

“He turned out to be great. A lot of the people there really liked him because he just has a patient, very sweet way about him,” she says. Few adolescents develop that kind of patience and comfort interacting with the elderly without having had a close relationship with their own older relatives. ■

Seattle-based freelance writer Gemma Alexander focuses on the intersection of parenting and the arts. When she’s not writing for ParentMap, she blogs at gemmadeealexander.com and tweets @gemmadeetweet.

Keep your family safe and healthy

Scan the QR code below to sign up for Seattle Children’s Healthy Tides newsletter. Each issue shares timely tips to keep your family as safe and healthy as they can be.

Hope. Care. Cure.™

Seattle Children’s is proud to be the presenting sponsor of the 2024–2025 ParentEd Talks series

Aisley, patient at Seattle Children’s

Let’s face it — parenting is tough, especially without a manual to guide you through every twist and turn. That’s where ParentEd Talks come in. ParentMap is excited to offer a transformative series of parent education webinars, designed to provide the guidance you need to support your child’s development. The answers you need, from experts you trust

FEATURING

Jonathan Haidt, Ph.D., author of

“The Anxious Generation”

2025 Speaker Lineup

Confident Conversations: Guiding Kids Through Puberty and Adolescence |

Feb. 5

Trusted experts Julie Metzger, RN, and Peter Metzger, M.D. offer confidence-boosting approaches to challenging conversations for parents and kids about puberty, body changes, sex and other growing-up topics.

The Lost Art of Civility: Raising Respectful Kids | Feb. 25

Authors Robert B. Brooks and Sam Goldstein share powerful insights on one surprising solution to the lost art of civility. Learn how to promote empathy and encourage constructive dialogue at home, school and beyond.

Harmony at Home: Successfully Navigating Parent-Child Differences | March 20

Esteemed pediatric psychologist and parenting coach Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart shares practical strategies for building a strong parent-child connection, while supporting your child’s individuality and embracing their differences.

From Chaos to Calm: Compassionate Discipline for Spirited Kids | April 1

Experienced parenting coach and “Raising Lions” author Joe Newman offers valuable insights on how to transform distracted and defiant children into kids who are motivated, respectful and attentive. Newman explores the deeper purposes behind conflict and what parents can do to spark change and work toward a calmer home.

Let Go and Let Grow: Raising Confident, Independent Children | May 6

Author and Let Grow founder Lenore Skenazy shares her personal journey raising confident, independent kids and the growing movement to resist the pressures to be a hyper-involved parent in favor of a more laissez-faire approach to supporting children’s creativity, independence and growth.

Nurturing Resilience: Essential Coping Skills for Kids | June 5

Author and licensed mental health professional Janine Halloran offers parenting approaches to help kids learn to cope with the daily challenges of life, develop resilience and thrive.

*All talk times listed in Pacific Time (PT)

Purchase a season pass to join every live talk and access the complete library of talk replays.

John and Nancy Sabol Foundation

Wellness

Want to Improve Kids’ Mental Well-Being? Get Them Active

Movement is tied to reduced stress and anxiety, and improved mood and self-esteem in kids

By Allison Sutcliffe

Ask anyone who’s ever hiked through a lush Pacific Northwest forest or experienced a “high” after completing a long-distance run and they’ll tell you the link between mood and physical activity is real.

What’s true for adults is also true for kids. With only 1 in 4 kids getting enough daily physical activity, and screen time and sedentary habits dominating our daily lives, it’s more important than ever to actively carve out time for physical activity. Whether it’s through organized sports, after-school activities or even a family bike ride, embracing movement is one of the most effective ways to nurture kids’ mental and physical health.

Research shows that when kids engage in regular exercise, it doesn’t just improve their physical fitness, it actively boosts their mental well-being. Beneficial hormones, such as serotonin and endorphins, actually change with physical activity, and stress hormones decrease. It’s been linked to improved academic performance and attention in kids, as well as reduced anxiety and stress.

Beyond chemical changes, physical activity can be a boon for kids. Bridget Powers, Executive Director of Athletics for Boys & Girls Clubs, says it’s a valuable link. Over her more than 20 years of experience with the organization, she’s noticed its effects firsthand. “Physical activity can reduce stress levels, bring out confidence and give kids a sense of purpose, something they can work towards,” she says. “Exercise and physical activity make you feel

better,” she continues, “and when you feel better, you feel more confident.”

Bolstering emotional health

At the clubs, it’s not just about playing soccer or basketball, it’s also about handling the emotions kids experience when they’re playing. For example when kids play sports, “They have to regulate so many emotions, even in rec leagues. They’re keeping score. They’re winning and losing. They’re dealing with disappointment if, for example, they miss a ball,” Powers says. She credits the organization’s volunteer coaches, many of whom are parents themselves, as positive role models who thoughtfully guide kids through those emotional ups and downs.

In terms of mental health and behavioral support, athletics and physical activity are natural points of entry for kids, explains Rachel Smith, Executive Director of Programs, Health and Safety at Boys & Girls Clubs. Team sports in particular can give kids a chance to build confidence, specific skills and interpersonal relationships with peers and coaches and, in the case of the clubs, with other staff, too.

A key aspect of physical activity — playing sports — can build a sense of routine and provide the consistency and predictability kids need to thrive. Smith explains, “When kids come to Club, they know what to expect every single day. When you’re on a team, you’ve got something that becomes part of your weekly or daily routine. These routines help kids feel comfortable. It

does a lot for their anxiety and gives them something to look forward to.”

Importantly, when kids have big feelings or are having a tough day, getting them active can help de-escalate situations where kids are experiencing dysregulation. Smith says, “Sports and physical activity in general are often motivators for kids. If they’re struggling, staff may take them aside and say ‘Let’s go shoot hoops’ or ‘Let’s take a walk around the building’ as a way to help kids regulate.”

Finding support and social connection

Physical activity also promotes real-world social interaction, some of which has been lost to the digital-native generation, who sometimes feel more comfortable online than off, or atrophied during the pandemic. Soft skills such as raising your hand or knowing how to stand in line require explicit instruction for many kids who didn’t have those experiences organically or in an ed-

Voices From the Virtual Village

Is social media finally delivering on

its

promise to parents?

By Kari Hanson

Parenting is a wild journey. From the initial fear of realizing you’re in charge of a brand-new human life to trying to figure out why your teenager does anything, it can feel overwhelming. That’s why connecting with other parents is vital. While it’s incredibly helpful to talk with other parents in the trenches, locating that community isn’t always easy.

For parents who work outside the home, finding time to expand one’s social circle in the midst of parenting and work feels next to impossible. Many stay-at-home parents feel isolated and cut off from the world. Families that don’t fit into society’s narrow, traditional definition of “family” can struggle to find connections and communities where they feel safe and accepted.

So it’s no surprise that many parents turn to apps and the internet in search of that

sense of community we all crave. Whether it’s old connections that are rekindled or a brand-new community of like-minded folks, many parents are finding what social media promised to deliver: community.

ParentMap’s family fun editor, Meredith Charaba, unexpectedly discovered community on Instagram when she connected with an old high school friend while in the process of starting her family. Charaba says her friend “got pregnant a year before I did, so she was a year ahead of me in all the pregnancy, newborn, infant and toddler stages. I got to tap into her experiences when I went through them a year later. Now she has a 4-year-old, and we continue to share updates, interests and activities. We talk daily!”

Executive Director Christine Tang and Program Director Jesse Guecha of Families

of Color Seattle (FOCS) know that social media and apps are modern ways of socializing for many of the families involved in their organization’s programs. “While they don’t replace in-person interactions, they offer instant connectivity and allow you to socialize with many groups simultaneously. For younger parents who grew up with social media, it is often the primary way of finding and engaging with community, whether online or by searching for local groups,” Tang says.

Seattle mom Jennifer Wong also sees the value of online connection for parents; she is the founder and CEO of the recently launched app Visible, the first networking platform designed exclusively for parents. “Social media and apps offer flexibility and accessibility, allowing parents to connect on their own time, whether they’re searching for advice, building relationships or just

continued from page 19

FEATURE VIRTUAL VILLAGE seeking reassurance from others in similar situations,” says Wong. “These platforms also provide a broader reach, enabling parents to connect with others beyond their immediate circles.”

Shared experience without geographic limitations

Many parents turn to the internet to find others who understand their specific parenting experience or family composition, and those folks don’t always live close by. When Charaba posted on Instagram about the birth of her daughter, a college friend who had had a baby at about the same time shared that their baby was also born a few weeks early. “We chatted through-

Parenting is hard; connections and community are key.

out the different infant milestones, and we continue to follow each other and check in,” Charaba says.

Tang and Guecha have found that for some of the BIPOC families that attend FOCS groups and workshops, online options may be the only realistic way to connect. “For example,” says Tang, “for a single parent with neurodivergent children and no vehicle, having a hybrid group to attend that is mostly virtual in the evenings, with a couple of in-person sessions, makes connecting much more accessible than a fully in-person group.”

Wong believes that “virtual tools also bridge geographic gaps, making it possible for parents to engage with others who have unique expertise or perspectives.”

Allanah Raas-Bergquist is the operations manager for PEPS and a facilitator for its peer-support meeting for parents and caregivers who identify as LGBTQIA+. These groups run for 12 weeks and are open to

families that are parenting children ages newborn–12 months and live within PEPS’ service region. Raas-Bergquist says meeting online is necessary since the LGBTQIA+ group attendees are “families from Everett to Tacoma, and so the in-person meetup is a challenge, because where are you going to meet in order to facilitate the best connection and the easiest accessibility?”

Safety and respect

Online and virtual meetings can provide a level of safety and security that is important for many marginalized families. Raas-Bergquist says that when it comes to queer families looking for connection, “they’re looking for it in spaces that already have a shield of safety, where they know that the people they’re going to connect with are members of their community and also parents. The challenge is that there aren’t a lot of those spaces that remain safe and also provide connectivity.”

Ongoing support and connection

While many in-person groups meet for a specific number of weeks or months, online connections can last for years and continue to offer parents support as their children grow and change. Wong notes, “Parents of teens and older children are using these platforms for connection, advice and support, proving that this need spans childhood development.”

After a family has participated in a PEPS LGBTQIA+ group led by Raas-Bergquist, she keeps the connection and conversations going by inviting them to join a private, secure Discord server she created.

“I think that there’s a big fear — and I’ve experienced this — when you enter a space that’s meant for queer people, and nonqueer people somehow have access to it; that there is going to be some attempt to disrupt the conversation that’s going

Online opportunities for connection can help provide that community in a way that feels safe and accessible, and allow parents to meet and connect with people they might never have met otherwise.

The value of finding community and support online is something Raas-Bergquist can personally relate to. “When I was a teenager and going through my understanding of my own gender identity, I had programs like AOL Messenger, and I was in groups and found people who were like-minded. You have to curate it so much in order to find it, and that’s part of what PEPS hopes to do with [LGBTQIA+ peer-support groups] is create curated spaces.”

Tang has also found that “many parents connecting online [with FOCS] are from marginalized BIPOC families who face challenges attending in-person events.”

on,” Raas-Bergquist says. “So this Discord server is really, entirely safe. I can validate every single participant in it because I have met them in person because I have led a group that they were in.”

Currently more than 25 families participate through the Discord server, and Raas-Bergquist hopes to see that number grow. “It’s creating the tool for connection, not just creating the connection. You kinda have to do both,” she says.

FOCS offers opportunities for ongoing connections as well. Tang says, “[A] Google group has existed for several years — everyone who was in a parent group or participated in a program is invited to join.

This creates a close-knit, highly responsive network of families. After groups end, many participants will decide to make their own WhatsApp or Signal group to keep in touch.”

Nothing is perfect

Connecting online is, of course, not without challenges. Raas-Bergquist thinks the biggest challenge to online parenting groups is “related to why we are offering these in the first place: People are working from home. They are on their computer in Zoom meetings all day. They get off work and then all of a sudden they’re asked to attend a Zoom parenting group.”

Tang says that at FOCS, “Our approach includes inperson, hybrid, and virtual as a last resort. Our programming is based on the needs of families and feedback we get from our community. While virtual groups are convenient, in-person connections are still essential. We have heard from our parents that groups provide them with a sense of support, belonging and community. Virtual connection is better than no connection at all. Our model has now shifted mainly to in-person, based on parent needs for affinity groups, but virtual options remain for those who can’t attend in person.”

Wong has experienced another challenge while developing Visible: gaining users’ trust. She says, “Parents often question the reliability or credibility of the advice they receive online, especially when they don’t know the background or parenting values of the person offering it.” She says that the app’s parent profiles aim to increase that trust and allow users to feel comfortable connecting with each other.

Parenting is hard; connections and community are key. Online opportunities for connection can help provide that community in a way that feels safe and accessible, and allow parents to meet and connect with people they might never have met otherwise. Raas-Bergquist sums it up beautifully:

“I hope [LGBTQAI+ support groups] give parents a safe space to be, feel accepted and figure out how to do this whole parenting thing. A place to share and celebrate their victories, mourn their losses, grieve together and lift each other up.” ■

Kari Hanson is ParentMap’s associate editor.

FAMILY ART WORKSHOPS

Join our free, 2-hour Family Art Workshops held once a month on selected Saturdays from 11am-1pm . Enjoy hands-on art making for all ages. Create seasonal crafts, learn new techniques, and explore museum-inspired themes. Perfect for families who love to get creative together. All materials provided!

(425) 336-4809 | www.CascadiaArtMuseum.org

Book Buzz

No one is an island. Belonging and social community are basic human needs no matter how old you are. Our communities provide us with both practical support and emotional well-being. As society becomes increasingly fragmented, it’s more important than ever to teach our kids that community is not about defining in-groups and out-groups; it’s about understanding that people are meant to care for each other. Here are a few new books that show the ways our communities make us stronger.

“I’m Always Loving You” by Kathy Wolff is about community on a scale very small children can understand, celebrating the unconditional love of a caregiver for a child in sweet rhymes. $18.99, ages 3–6.

“Eli and the Uncles” by Jehan Madhani spends a magical day with Eli as he visits his eight uncles, each with an outsize personality and unique beard. At the end of the day, Eli bids each one good night in a warm, hairy, bedtime countdown. $18.99, ages 3–7.

“Lily’s Dream: A Fairy Friendship” by Bea Jackson is a beautifully illustrated picture book about a flightless fairy who finds her own special magic through friendship with a human child. $18.99, ages 4–8.

“Alana’s Cupcake Garden” by Coco Simon is the fourth book in the “Cupcake Diaries: The New Batch” series. In this one, Alana Wilson wants to save her grandma’s flower shop, but she’ll have to rely on her own community, uniting her new friends with those from her old school to accomplish it together. $6.99, ages 5–9.

“V. Malar: Greatest Host of All Time” by local author Suma Subramaniam gives farm girl Malar a chance to host her cousins from far-off Seattle for the festival of Pongal. But they get off on the wrong foot when her cousins aren’t impressed with farm life. $6.99, ages 7–10.

“Kareem Between” by Shifa Saltagi Safadi is about a seventh-grade Syrian American boy figuring out where he belongs — with the football team or with the new Syrian refugee — and what it takes to stay true to himself. $16.99, ages 8–12.

“Black Girl Power: 15 Stories Celebrating Black Girlhood” edited by Leah Johnson (author of “You Should See Me in a Crown”) is a collection of 15 stories and poems by Black women authors that celebrate the power and joy to be found in the everyday experience of Black girlhood. $18.99, ages 8–12.

“Operation Sisterhood: Stealing the Show!” by Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich is the second book in a series about four sisters from a patchwork family. In this book, the girls overcome writer’s block and go exploring to learn about New York City communities past and present to stage an original musical. $17.99, ages 8–12.

“The Ribbon Skirt” by Cameron Mukwa is a debut graphic novel from an Indigenous cartoonist featuring Anang, a nonbinary, two-spirit 10-year-old member of the Anishinaabe whose family and friends help them make a ribbon skirt, traditional for girls, for a powwow ceremony. $11.95, ages 9–12.

“Weirdo” by Tony Weaver Jr. is a graphic novel memoir about a geeky, awkward tween struggling to be comfortable in his own skin and find his community. $14.23, ages 10–14.

“Oathbound” by Tracy Deonn is the third book in the YA “Legendborn Cycle” series, which blends Southern Black girl magic with the legend of King Arthur. Bree Matthews has cut herself off from her community in an effort to keep them safe from her powers, but now she has to face the repercussions alone. $19.79, ages 14 and older. ■

By Gemma Alexander

Are Brain Breaks the Key to Homework Success?

By Allison Sutcliffe

When it comes to doing homework, kids’ ability to stay focused can start to wane, especially when the phones, binge-worthy shows and scrumptious snacks are calling. That’s where brain breaks come in — short, intentional pauses that allow kids to reset and recharge before tackling their next homework challenge.

Research shows that incorporating these short breaks while doing homework can help kids regain focus, and can also enhance creativity and memory, making homework more productive and less stressful.

When kids work for extended periods without a break, their brains can become overstimulated, leading to mental fatigue. By giving their minds a moment to rest, kids can come back to their tasks with renewed energy and a fresh perspective. According to Edutopia, here are a few simple things to keep in mind when

planning your at-home brain breaks:

• Make them frequent. This is especially true for younger learners. Work for a set period of time (anywhere from 10-30 minutes depending on age) and then take a break.

• Get kids active. Brain breaks should involve movement, not just stepping away from a desk or kitchen table. Pull out a yoga mat and run through a few sun salutations; challenge kids to run laps up

and down the stairs; or even take a walk around the block.

• Make them social (if you can). If siblings are working on homework together, time their breaks together. Or join in the activity with your child — a quick yoga stretching session or impromptu dance party may be just what you needed.

• Make them creative. Draw a picture or incorporate your child’s musical-instrument practice schedule into homework time. ■

52 Loaves of Bread

A yearlong challah baking challenge produces a surprising family transformation

Story and photos by Lisa Winer

When my son was a teen, he had sports practice sometimes until dark. I would shuttle him home, another commitment checked off my endless list. My husband would have dinner waiting, but by the time my son showered off the day, his food was inevitably cold. He’d eat quickly, then re treat to his room to do homework. This was my rhythm for years: rinse, repeat. It was the same with my friends and their families — a whirlwind of obligations and routines. And then came COVID-19.

Suddenly the world slowed down, and so did we. In the stillness, something unexpected hap pened that forever changed our family’s fast-paced dy namic: the baking of challah.

It started one day when my friend offered a challah baking class on Zoom. She sent out a list of ingredients, and about 15 people joined the call, some from the same family.

There was something magical about how the yeast bubbled with the warm water and the way the velvety dough felt in my hands. It sparked a creative energy, reminiscent of the pottery class I had taken several years before.

My challah came out kind of flat, but the taste brought me back to my childhood. When I was a little girl, my grandmother would buy me a “chally” roll from the grocery store as a special treat. Its eggy richness tasted like pure joy. Encouraged

dough, and I would braid it. That arrangement lasted a week. Before long, he fully took over, but I somehow felt more fulfilled. (He would argue it was because I didn’t have to do any of the work!) But there was something deeply soothing about watching him tinker with the recipe, perfect the dough’s rise, and experiment with the braiding variations he picked up from YouTube. It brought me a profound sense of peace as if I were being cared for in a special way. After more than 30 years of marriage, I thought I understood the depth of Marc’s devotion to our family, but this took it to a whole other level. What started as a fun experiment became a labor of love and, eventually, a cherished tradition.

Interestingly, everyone on the call had a different experience, even though we all had the same recipe. Some people’s dough was too sticky, others found theirs too crumbly. As we chatted away and kneaded the dough, the troubles of the pandemic seemed to drift away for the moment.

my husband, Marc, a seasoned baker, was hovering over me with suggestions. Finally, I turned to him and said in earnest, “Why don’t you just do it?”

He did.

Soon, we struck a deal: He would make the

By then our “COVID pod” had formed, and every Friday night, we gathered to enjoy my husband’s delicious challah. At first, I searched on Amazon for conversation cards I’d seen at other social gatherings, worried we’d forgotten how to connect amid our busy lives. It was fun discovering the best thing about being a 30-year-old versus a 65-yearold through the cards, but after a few weeks, we got sidetracked with natural and effortless conversations. Consequently, the cards were soon tucked away in their box, and I’m not even sure where they are now.

From 2020 to 2023, our family enjoyed challah just about every Friday night. Our family started making requests, and Marc tried his best to fulfill them. As 2024 got underway, I challenged my husband: Could he make a different challah every week for

And so, on January 5, 2024, our 52 Weeks of Challah Challah-enge began, and our family got into it, too. We created a shared Google doc to list possibilities, ranging from classic sesame seed challah to unconventional options like challah monkey bread with bananas and chocolate.

Family favorites included both sweet,

continued from page 27

like stuffed s’mores challah, and savory, such as cheddar jalapeño challah. During holidays or cultural events, Marc went with the theme. He made a Mardi Gras challah that was modeled after the traditional king cake. It was decorated with sugar icing and sprinkled sugar in Mardi Gras colors. For the Olympics, Marc made five interlocking rings, colored with sprinkled sugar. The rings, though, weren’t as fluffy as his normal challahs. My favorites were the just-outof-the-oven stuffed peanut butter and jelly challah (drool!) and the pretzel challah.

experiments whenever they are in town.

These days, life has mostly returned to its pre-COVID hectic pace. My husband and I are back at work, but he now works from home on Friday afternoons to begin the baking process.

Each week, we all look forward to walking through the door to the irresistible aroma of freshly baked bread, a scent that warmly greets us and lures us inside. Fridays have become a priority unless we have a major commitment — our only

The only downside? If you loved a particular challah, you had to wait until the year was over to enjoy it again.

And of course, there were the failures, like this fall’s nonexistent pumpkin challah, which got thrown out after the first proofing because it was too liquidy; or the stuffed challahs that “blew out” in the oven and would have to be cleaned up a bit for presentation.

Today, visitors still come and go on Friday nights, and when our son’s medical residency allows him to visit, he always makes it a point to be here on a Friday. Other relatives and friends know they are welcome to be a taste tester for our baking

obligations are to unwind and break bread!

Through this tradition, we’ve fostered intergenerational connections — like the special teddy bear challah my husband baked for our grandnephew’s first birthday. My husband was thrilled when our other niece and her then fiancé asked him to bake challah for their wedding. After a practice round, he created a beautiful six-strand challah with a three-strand braided skirt. This special honor and memory would never have happened if it weren’t for the weekly gatherings that weaved us all together, much like the braids of challah.

These shared moments nourish not just our bodies, but also our souls. Eating

challah on Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, holds deep symbolism in the Jewish tradition, commemorating the manna, or bread from heaven provided to the Israelites during their exodus from Egypt. Since everyone came over on a Friday, it felt like the perfect opportunity to start our own Shabbat tradition.

Growing up, I watched my grandmother light Sabbath candles on Friday evenings, but before we began baking challah, I had only lit my own candles a handful of times. It never used to be a priority. Now, surrounded by family, I light the candles every week, formally welcoming the Sabbath into our home. My husband recites the Jewish prayer over the wine (kiddush) and then over the bread (hamotzi), following the traditional order. These rituals, once distant, have become an integral part of our weekly rhythm.

The Hebrew phrase l’dor v’dor translates to “from generation to generation,” a concept that has organically unfolded in our family. Once, while we were out of town, our niece and nephew held their own Shabbat celebration. They later shared how Peyton, then 2 years old, stopped them mid-prayer to point out that they were saying the blessings in the wrong order! That moment revealed the power of establishing a family tradition. Even something as simple as baking challah fosters a sense of continuity and connectedness, bringing deeper meaning not only into our lives, but also that of our future generation. It goes beyond simply savoring 52 varieties of challah.

Challah has become more than just the tasty treat I cherished as a child; it’s now a meaningful way for the whole mishpocha to slow down, reconnect and appreciate not just the deliciousness of challah, but also the tradition it symbolizes. ■

Lisa Winer, Ed.D., is a veteran mathematics teacher at Saint Andrew’s School in Boca Raton, Florida. As a TED-Ed Innovative Educator, she spearheaded the Students Teaching Students initiative, encouraging students to create engaging and imaginative math videos to support peer learning.

Raising Great Kids

Getting to Know THEM

By Gemma Alexander

Even in the DIY world of independent music, it’s not often that a band’s parents drive the tour bus. But when you are part of the local band THEM, with three out of four of its members too young to rent a car or enter a bar, you have to do some things differently.

One of those things is prioritizing all-ages shows so people your own age can attend. Playing 21-and-older venues, as THEM recently did on tour, is far from glamorous when you’re underage. Band members were often stuck waiting outside — sometimes in the rain — until it was their turn to

play, only to have to pack up and leave the moment their set ended.

THEM formed seven years ago, but most of its members were in middle school at the time, so they only embarked on their first tour last summer. Opening for Solya and Baby Bugs, they played nine shows in six states over two and a half weeks. Life on the road has its share of challenges at any age, but THEM loved every minute of it, from waiting outside the 21-andolder clubs to working merch tables in the all-ages venues. They note with satis-

Their stars are on the rise

Photo courtesy of THEM

faction that eight of their shows sold out.

“I feel like I can speak for us all when I say we never wanted it to end. We were living the dream,” says Hudson Steere, 19.

THEM released the “Girls Mind” EP last summer and made a video for their single “Koolaid” in September. Now they’re working with a female producer to record more songs.

Named for the initials of the band’s four founding members, THEM comprises Steere, a sophomore at California State University, Northridge; Ellie Vann, at 22 the oldest member of the band and a recent graduate of LA Film School; and Thompson Whitehead, 20, a student at South Seattle Community College (SSCC). Nineteen-yearold Lydia Mellott, also an SSCC student, joined the band earlier this year after the departure of the original “M” in THEM. A longtime friend and fan of the band, Mellott attended THEM’s earliest shows, helped out with photo shoots, and even produced most of the band’s videos before taking her place behind the drum kit.

“It was honestly a seamless add. We needed a drummer, and she stepped up,” says Whitehead.

Switching around Mellott sometimes plays bass in the band as well. That’s another way she fits right in. Although you’re most likely to see Vann playing keyboard, Whitehead on guitar and Steere on bass during a live show, everyone in the band plays a variety of instruments.

“We love to switch it around and mix things up, so we keep it interesting,” says Steere. They all write music, and who plays what on a given song is often a result of what they were playing when they wrote it. They share similar musical origin stories, too: starting early with music lessons and picking up new instruments as they grew. Vann’s musical family started her piano lessons when she was 5. Steere asked for

a sparkly red guitar “like Taylor Swift’s” for Christmas in the third grade. Their stories came together in a rock band class at Mode Music and Performing Arts in West Seattle in 2017.

“We started learning cover songs together and we just really clicked,” says Vann. When COVID shut down music classes, “that inspired us even more to get together outside of the class and write songs and grow our band on our own.”

Their first real headlining show came in 2021 at West Seattle’s Skylark Cafe. At the time, they had only released one song, “Bad for You.”

“That was such a turning point. I remember being on stage, and hearing people sing the words to ‘Bad for You’ and that was like, people know this song I wrote in my bedroom!” recalls Steere.

Breaking out

Bringing that bedroom pop to the stage took a combination of personal drive, musical mentorship and family support.

“We have played so many empty shows at the smallest venues. We loved doing it. We loved music and we especially loved playing together,” says Steere.

Their band teacher, multi-instrumentalist Eva Walker, who is also a DJ on KEXP, became a mentor and champion for the fledgling band.

“She not only taught us music, but she’d tell us what it was like booking shows and going on tours. When we started releasing music, she was the first to play it on KEXP on ‘Audioasis,’ and that was really cool for us,” says Vann.

One of THEM’s biggest shows was opening for Walker’s band, The Black Tones, at the Nevermind 30th Anniversary event at the Paramount Theatre in 2021. Another high point for the band was performing on

live TV for Seattle’s 2024 New Year’s Eve fireworks show.

“We were literally at the top of the Space Needle with fireworks going off all around us, and it just felt insane that our music got us there,” says Vann.

With Walker and their moms as role models (three of them own independent businesses), the band is committed to pursuing THEM as a career.

“Some families encourage a stable career path,” says Steere, “but my parents have always been incredibly supportive and have never put my dream down in any way, and I think that really contributed to our success, because we believed in ourselves and our parents did, too.”

Their families provide practical as well as moral support.

“They come to every single show, and they pay for all of our music lessons!” says Whitehead.

Steere adds, “And a shout-out to my dad, who drove thousands of miles because we can’t afford a bus driver.” ■

February Play List

There’s so much to love this month

Check out many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar

By Julie Dodobara

Short and sweet. There is so much to love about February. Of course, you will want to treat your favorite valentines to a special outing, but there are also activities celebrating Lunar New Year and Black History Month as well. Plus, mark your calendar to catch family-friendly films and theater performances, along with fresh-air nature explorations for the whole family.

� Connect your kids with Northwest animals on a memorable wild weekend excursion. Make the jaunt to the phenomenal Northwest Trek Wildlife Park in Eatonville during special Kids ’n’ Critters Weekends in February, when up to two kids ages 12 and younger can enter the park for free with each paid adult admission. Applicable dates are Jan. 31–Feb. 1; Feb. 7–9, 14–17, 21–23; and Feb. 28–March 2. Adult admission is $23–$26.

� Scan the skies for mighty bald eagles and watch in wonder as they soar, swoop and feed on salmon during the Arlington-Stillaguamish Eagle Festival. You can also catch a wagon ride (Saturday), watch chainsaw carvers in action and

more. Thursday–Saturday, Jan. 30–Feb. 1. Free.

� Observe World Wetlands Day by suiting up in boots and jackets and mucking around a local marsh with a ranger, making crafts and doing other hands-on activities — all while learning about protecting our wetland ecosystems. This free family-friendly celebration of our natural environment takes place at the Mercer Slough Environmental Education Center on Saturday, Feb. 1, 11 a.m.–2 p.m.

� The Lacey Cultural Celebration brings the world to you in one place. This free fest showcases a variety of cultural traditions through music, art and dance, and features fun

activities for kids, inspiring the true spirit of community. Held at Saint Martin’s University, Saturday, Feb. 1, 10 a.m.–6 p.m.

� Tromp through the snow and frolic in a winter wonderland before the arrival of spring. Plan ahead to snag your places on guided snowshoe walks for families at various spots in the mountains. Find locations near Stevens and Snoqualmie passes, and at Mount Rainier. Walks take place on weekends all month, Feb. 1–2, 8–9, 15–16 and 22–23. Some are free, others require a fee.

� Celebrate the Year of the Snake with the community at a local Lunar New Year event near you. Free fests abound all around town, featuring thrilling

Highlighted Events for February

Feb. 1 | Saturday

Lacey Cultural Celebration

St. Martin’s University

lion dances, cultural activities and more. Gather at the Central Washington University campus in Sammamish (Saturday, Feb. 1, 1–4 p.m.), Tacoma’s Lincoln District (Sunday, Feb. 2, 11 a.m.–4 p.m.), Hing Hay Park in Seattle’s Chinatown–International District (Saturday, Feb. 22, 11 a.m.–4 p.m.) or one of the many other fests in the region.

� Is your little kid not so little anymore? Join ParentMap on Wednesday, Feb. 5 at 7 p.m. to learn helpful approaches to the challenging conversations you’ll soon have with your child. Experts Julie and Peter Metzger will offer guidance to parents in talking to their kids about changes during puberty, healthy relationships and other important topics related to growing up. Join our webinars live or receive the recording to watch anytime. $10 per talk or $50 for the entire 12-talk series. Members of partner schools join for free.

� February is Black History Month. Bring the older kids to MOHAI (Museum of History & Industry) to experience history and learn about the struggle for civil rights in America through Living Voices’ “The Right to Dream,” which features live theatrical performances and archival film. Part of the museum’s Free First Thursday programming, the presentation takes place on Thursday, Feb. 6, 5:30–6:30 p.m. Best for ages 12 and older.

� Bring a flashlight to explore a familiar Pacific Northwest land-

Feb. 22 | Saturday

Lunar New Year Celebration

Hing Hay Park, Seattle

scape in the dark and discover what revelations it holds at night on a low-tide beach walk at Des Moines’ Saltwater State Park. Bundle up and step lightly at this free program led by naturalists on Saturday, Feb. 8, 6:30–8:30 p.m. Preregister.

� Join the fun as three girls from Harlem compete to best each other as hula-hooping champ in a funny and spirited production of a favorite story, “The Hula Hoopin’ Queen,” brought to the stage by Seattle Children’s Theatre. Best for ages 5 and older, this one-hour show opens Feb. 13. Tickets $25–$50.

� Citizen science needs you every February! Put your observation and counting skills to the test by tallying all the birds you see (or hear!) — from your yard, the park or any other locale — during one 15-minute time span. Then log your findings with the Great Backyard Bird Count. Friday–Monday, Feb. 14–17. Free; preregister.

� Will “zoo” be mine? Bring your own valentine to Point Defiance

Feb. 25 | Tuesday

ParentEd Talks: Robert B. Brooks and Sam Goldstein

Online

Zoo & Aquarium and show your love for resident critters! Watch animals enjoy sweet treats while you and your crew find hidden hearts around the grounds during “Love at the Zoo” weekend, Saturday–Sunday, Feb. 15–16, 9 a.m.–3 p.m. Included with admission ($16–$26) or membership.

� Young geologists, prospectors and lovers of pretty rocks can spruce up their collections and learn about panning for gold at the Gold, Gem and Mineral Show. Find your treasure at the Evergreen State Fairgrounds in Monroe Saturday–Sunday, Feb. 15–16.

Admission is $5; ages 13 and younger are free with adult admission.

� Book your tickets and stuff your car with pillows and blankets for Kirkland’s winter drive-in movie series at Juanita Beach Park. On Saturday, Feb. 22, the Wheels and Reels series features Disney’s fantastical sci-fi animated adventure “Strange World,” rated PG. Gates open at 6 p.m.; movie begins at bedtime-friendly 7 p.m. $20 per car.

� Join ParentMap on Tuesday, Feb. 25, at noon for a second talk this month, this one on the lost art of civility and how we can raise respectful kids. Learn how to promote empathy and encourage constructive dialogue with returning speakers Sam Goldstein and Robert B. Brooks. Join our webinars live or receive the recording to watch anytime. $10 per talk or $50 for the entire 12-talk series. Members of partner schools join for free. ■

Julie Dodobara is ParentMap’s calendar editor.

KidsQuest Children’s Museum Februay Fun

TUES-SUN + Winter Break

Climb, build, play, explore, early learning and so much more. Children thrive with STEAM-based fun, KidsQuest sparks joy for everyone! kidsquestmuseum.org

Bundle up and explore at the low-tide beach walk

Out + About

The Search for Monkeyshines Is On

Celebrate the Year of the Snake by joining a citywide scavenger hunt

By Malia Jacobson

It’s nearly Lunar New Year — Wednesday, Jan. 29, this year — and that means one question is swirling around my hometown of Tacoma. It’s an annual mystery wrapped in glimmers of hope, gleaming glass and love for our seaside town: Will I be lucky enough to find a Monkeyshine this year?

The Monkeyshines tradition began in 2003, the Year of the Goat, when founder “Ms. Monkey” decided to sow beauty around Tacoma. Her small band of organizers hid glass orbs (called “monkey balls”) around town for residents to find and keep. Every year since, on or around Lunar New Year, the group has hidden the glass orbs in secret locations throughout the city, numbering some 2,000 treasures! (The number of hidden treasures has grown significantly since the early years.) Other artists and concealers now add their own treasures, called “rogues,” for even more excitement.

Photo by Cassandra Comitale

Monkeyshines anticipation

Avid Monkeyshine hunters look forward to Lunar New Year with great anticipation, hopeful about their chances to snag one of the coveted treasures. But the question lingers: When should we start combing through parks and public spaces in search of Monkeyshines?

The answer is murky, but we can assure you it’s soon. It’s the Year of the Snake, and the snake crew is busy prepping themed glass orbs to hide. To further spread the joy, other groups and individuals have started caching rogues in parks around town. So there are more chances to get lucky!

Now it’s up to us to unearth the treasures — and the sense of community — that the Monkeyshines hunt brings. We can also support this community art effort: A Monkeyshines fundraising page has been set up to collect donations to keep this beloved tradition afloat.

When to search

Each year, the exact start date of Monkeyshines isn’t revealed (though it’s always around Lunar New Year), and information tends to spread by word of mouth, or at least digital word of mouth. See the sidebar for sources of info and where to actually hunt.

Camp Orkila p

BOLD & GOLD Camp BO

Camp Colman

Photo courtesy of Monkeyshines

continued from page 35

My friend Lyn Clark shared her Monkeyshines journey with me: Her son found their family’s first monkey ball back in 2013, by accident, while crawling through some bushes in Tacoma’s Puget Park. She went online to research the find, and a Monkeyshines maniac was born. She’s taken her two kids to look every year since. They’ve frequently been lucky, though they adhere to the Monkeyshines community’s strict code of conduct: “Keep only one find per searcher per year.”

There’s nothing like a Monkeyshines hunt, Clark says. “There’s a sense of community, excitement, peace and joy when you go out before the sun comes up and see groups of people with flashlights.”

Clark got another friend of ours, Erin Watlington, hooked on searching, too. “This is absolutely my favorite time of year,” Watlington says. “I’m giddy with excitement.”

Watlington found her first orb in 2014, on an early-morning search with her son. “Our flashlights scanned all roots and branches, and after looking around several trees, our light was reflected way up high in a tree! I tried to stay cool and not build too much excitement, but inside I was like a kid on Christmas morning.”

The tradition shines a light, quite literally, on the beauty of Tacoma, Watlington says. “I’ve experienced Tacoma in a new way. We explored new places and noticed the beauty of places and things we usually just pass by.”

The annual search has also become something of a community cleanup; many searchers participate in a citywide cleanup after the Monkeyshines

hunt ends. Some take along trash bags to pick up litter as they look for treasure. Many also contribute to the search by bringing their own treasures to hide.

Pitching in makes sense. After all, the Monkeyshines tradition is steeped in pride of place, notes Watlington. “It exposes our growing guerrilla art scene and the love Tacomans have for their city.”

The journey

Monkeyshiners point out that the hunt is mostly about the journey, not the find. Hunting for glittering bits of glass is the mission, but the real prize is spending cherished time with your friends and family. Another friend and former neighbor, Anna Petersen, found treasure a few years ago on her regular morning run. She takes her two school-age kids searching, too. Tough they’ve come up empty-handed so far, the kids loved the hunt enough to write a thank-you note to Ms. Monkey.

“Go out and have fun,” says Petersen. “It’s not about finding bling, it’s about being a part of the Greater Tacoma community.”

It’s true that I’m the only one of my friends without a monkey ball, despite searching, but I’ll be out looking again this year, bundled up, with my kids in tow. If I don’t find treasure, though, that’s okay by me. I’ll be enjoying my artsy, beautiful, mysterious city, with my greatest treasures snug by my side. ■

Malia Jacobson is an award-winning health and parenting journalist and mom of three. She contributes regularly to more than 90 national and regional publications and has written two books on sleep.

If you’d like to join the Monkeyshines hunt, here are some tips:

The hunt happens around Lunar New Year, but treasure can be found several days before and possibly long after the actual day of celebration. Some treasures elude seekers and remain hidden much longer.

• Check the Monkeyshines Facebook page for additional information. Check comment threads for hints on where to search.

• Monkeyshines, marbles and other treasures are found at all times of day, but early-morning searches tend to be most successful.

• Monkeyshines are hidden in public spaces, such as in parks and along waterways. They won’t be found on private property, so don’t trespass.

• Look up! Monkeyshines may lurk off the ground, such as in trees or on sculptures or signposts.

• Although finds have been reported in the neighboring communities of Steilacoom, Lakewood and University Place, most Monkeyshines are found in Tacoma.

• Remind kids that even though it’s a hunt, they may not find anything. Bringing something to hide along the way can head off disappointment.

• Remember the Monkeyshines rule: Take only one treasure per person per year. Lucky enough to find more than one? Snap a photo, then pay it forward by hiding it again for another searcher to find.

Am I Ready to Send My Child to Overnight Camp?

By Rebecca Hastings

As the van pulled away, I wanted nothing more than to change my mind. I wanted to pull my kids back to me, bring them home and keep them with me forever. Instead, I stood there watching them go, watching until the van was out of sight, watching just a few minutes longer as my eyes filled with the tears I had been holding back all morning. I didn’t want them to go — almost as much as I wanted them to go.

Determining when kids are ready for overnight camp is a fairly concrete process, even if it involves a bit of a learning curve.

• Do they want to go? Are they excited?

• Are they comfortable sleeping away from home?

• Have you set up things to make them more comfortable?

However, knowing when we, as parents, are ready for our kids to go to overnight camp is rarely talked about.

While we can do all the research, find the perfect camp and understand the amazing opportunities overnight camp gives our kids, there are things to consider before watching that van drive away.

1/ How do I feel about it? Excited? Nervous? Ready? No matter how you feel, you will probably never truly be ready. That’s the

reality of parenting kids as they grow up. There will always be the feeling deep inside of you to hold on to them, even when you know you need to let go. It isn’t easy for anyone, but recognizing it helps.

2/ Do I feel they will be safe? The safety of your kids is always one of your top priorities. Sending them to overnight camp, for one night, one week or a whole summer is a big decision. Take time to learn about the camp. Find out about the people working with the kids. Questions about requirements for lifeguards and background checks are completely appropriate, and reputable camps will not be offended by any of these. Understanding the camp, how it works, and the people responsible during that time will help you decide how comfortable you are entrusting them with your child.

3/ Am I excited about the opportunities they will have? If you are going to make peace with the struggle of letting them go, it is key to know why you are sending them in the first place. Will they be able to have tons of outdoor time to play? Will your science lover get to do experiments every day? Will your artist have a full week of creating? Knowing the benefits of the camp and how it will help your child grow, develop friendships, learn and foster independence will help when you are missing them.

4/ What is the emergency plan? Part of

protecting our kids is being aware of the dangers. The idea of not being there if something goes wrong can be hard and may even hold some parents back from sending kids to camp. From simple homesickness to an injury, think about how you would handle the situation if it arises. While it isn’t comfortable to think about, understanding the camp protocols as well as how you would make yourself available and get to your child will help you feel ready.

5/ How will I know what’s happening? Camps are full of ways to connect. While most don’t allow phone communication, many have fun ways to stay connected. Camps today have opportunities to send emails or texts, or even see daily pictures of your child at camp. Know the ways you can stay aware of your child’s experience.

If you are uncertain about any of these aspects, look into them, get more information. Explore different camp options, such as how far a camp is from your home and how many days each will run. If you are struggling, start with a camp closer to home or choose one that has a shorter time frame. If you are feeling more confident, explore longer options or outof-state possibilities. Sending kids with a sibling or friend is a great way to have some peace of mind, and talking to families that have sent their kids to a camp you are considering will give you more insight than just the information given on the camp website. Decide what you are comfortable with and go from there.

Thinking about these questions will help you decide whether the two of you are up for this big adventure. ■