ParentMap December 2022 Issue

The Family That Plays Together Go-to gifts for the whole crew that emphasize fun — and togetherness 36/

Are You Raising a Perfectionist? How to avoid the perils and pitfalls of intrusive parenting

Parenting

STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

Go-to gifts for the whole crew that emphasize fun — and togetherness

What is your family’s favorite holiday outing tradition?

EDITORIAL

MANAGING EDITOR

Patty Lindley

OUT + ABOUT EDITOR

Nancy Chaney

DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR

Vicky McDonald

DIGITAL CONTENT PRODUCTION COORDINATOR

Kari Hanson

OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Julie Dodobara COPY EDITOR Sunny Parsons

Every year, we go to Swansons Nursery to look at the train table, and our boys each get to pick out one Christmas tree ornament. I also make them sit in the sled that is always there for photos. We’ve done it every year since 2011.

CONTRIBUTORS

Gemma Alexander, Nancy Chaney, Kate Missine, Sanya Pelini, Ph.D., Gina Rich, Kellie Schmitt, Lindsay Zielinski

DIGITAL MARKETING

DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER Gina Ryan

EMAIL MARKETING SPECIALIST Devon Hammer

DIGITAL MARKETING COORDINATOR Taryn Weiner

SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST Emily Feely

ADVERTISING SALES + PARTNERSHIPS

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Ida Wicklund

COMMUNITY PARTNERSHIPS AND CLIENT ENGAGEMENT MANAGER Jessica Collet

ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES ASSISTANT Angela Goodwin

CLIENT SERVICES PRODUCTION COORDINATOR

My entire family takes the finale cruise of the Argosy Christmas Ship. It’s so festive it’ll blow your holly berries right off!

Mallory Dehbod EVENTS EVENT OPERATIONS

Brenna McCown

ART + PRODUCTION SENIOR DESIGNER Amy Chinn

ADMINISTRATION

BUSINESS MANAGER

Carolyn Brendel

We light the menorah, turn off all of the lights, and watch the glow and flicker of the candles as they burn down.

On Christmas Eve, we like to go for a walk at Meadowbrook Farm Park in Fall City. We bundle up and bring Christmas cookies and flasks of hot chocolate. It’s a beautiful spot to see elk, hawks and other wildlife.

DECEMBER 2022, VOL. 19, NO. 12

PUBLISHER

Alayne Sulkin

PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

Benjamin Danielson, M.D. CLINICAL PROFESSOR, UW SCHOOL OF MEDICINE PRACTICING PHYSICIAN, UW MEDICINE

Joan Duffell

RETIRED EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN

John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

Laura Kastner, Ph.D.

PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

Bea Kelleigh

VICE PRESIDENT, DOVETAILING, LLC

Yaffa Maritz, M.A.

FOUNDER, LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTING

Ron Rabin

We love making Borax crystal ornaments for our tree.

We always drive around and look at Christmas lights!

Walking through Candy Cane Lane in the Ravenna neighborhood of Seattle, picking out our tree and drinking hot cocoa at the Christmas tree farm.

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, KIRLIN CHARITABLE FOUNDATION

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MINDSIGHT INSTITUTE

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We watch the 1977 Muppets classic “Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas.” Probably not available on any streaming services, so request a DVD copy from the library now. — Nancy Chaney, Out + About editor

Written by Dr. Dan Siegel, world-renowned neuropsychiatrist and co-author of “The Whole-Brain Child,” the “NowMaps” book series takes kids and tweens on an adventure as they explore their thoughts, feelings and sensory experiences. Readers will learn to create an internal snapshot of their present-moment experiences, enabling them to navigate everyday challenges and face big emotions, such as disappointment, impatience, worry, sadness and anger, with kindness.

It Starts With You(th)

Meet Doetri Ghosh

By Patty Lindley

Doetri Ghosh is a 17-year-old senior at Issaquah High School and a Youth Ambassador at the Gates Foundation Discovery Center (discovergates.org/ youth-programs). ParentMap caught up with this busy and talented young wom an to learn more about her service to her school and wider community — and about her vision for the future.

As a youth change-maker, what issues are most near and dear to your heart?

Educational equality is something that I’m really passionate about, and I hope to increase the number of girls in STEM through my involvement in my high school’s engineering club. I also cofounded an organization with my friends in 2016, through the youth chapter of a Bay Area nonprofit organization called Baybasi [baybasi.us], which organizes different Indian cultural events. We really wanted to give back to our community, so we created an initiative to be able to host fundraisers for different organizations. Our focus is on educational equality: We raise money for organizations that are, for example, pro viding school supplies or funding education for girls in Afghanistan. During COVID-19, we had an additional focus on hygiene and health, as well as on response to natural disasters.

How did you become involved in the youth programming initiatives at the Gates Foundation Discovery Center?

The year we moved here to Seattle from California, I had discovered a newfound passion for volunteering work and for

taking action on different causes in my community, because that was the same year that we started the [Baybasi] youth chapter initiative. So, my family decided to check out the Gates Foundation Discovery Center. We learned about the Take Action programs, and I got involved in the middle-school workshops in sev enth and eighth grade. Then, I did the high school workshops in ninth grade and 10th grade.

During my 10th-grade year, I applied to become a Youth Ambassador. My first year in the program was virtual, but I had so much fun collaborating with all of these amazing youth ambassadors, many of whom I had already met through the sum mer workshops, that I came back in the 11th grade. I came back this year as well.

The dynamic has definitely changed from when we were virtual. The atmosphere of the Discovery Center is really unique — the moment I step inside, my mindset just completely changes into a focus on: How can I collaborate with these amazing ambassadors, and how can we make sure that these programs and events that we’re planning are successful?

What are your goals for the engineering club, in your current leadership of it?

I personally didn’t know that I wanted to go into engineering until I took an engi neering class during my freshman year. I joined the club in my sophomore year, and that is when I realized that engineering is a very male-dominated field. I believe I was

one of two girls who were in the club that year. Because I personally love the subject so much, I was willing to stick with the club in order to meet new people.

Junior year, when we went back to school in person, I decided that I really wanted to make sure that this club was for all students, but also focus on [increasing the number of] female students in our club. I wanted to make sure that female students who were confident enough to join would feel at home. But I also want ed the club to feel like a comfortable and equitable environment for female stu dents who were maybe shyer. I wanted to remove any worries that they might have, so I talked about my own experience of joining the club as a female student, one of only two, and how I found a place

This local teen has a passion for educational equality and equitable access to technology

where I felt like I was respected and I was learning.

Now, I believe we have 12 female members, and whenever we have our club sessions, I always see a new female peer in the club, which is great to see.

Where do you expect your passion for engineering will lead you, in terms of next education or career steps? I definitely want to go into the STEM field. My main goal with my education is to study engineering — in par ticular, cyber security is a field that I’ve been really looking into because of the digital divide, the unequal access to digital technology and access to software, information and resources. But, regardless of what subject I study, my main goal is to be able to build innovative programs that can really improve the different access and equity issues facing our society.

What advice do you have for other youths looking to get involved in community service?

Be willing and open to trying different things! For me, finding what I’m passionate about — which is educa tional equality and equitable access to technology — really started because I found a hobby that I was interested in. That hobby led me to Engineering Club, which gave me a chance to merge my studies and my interests to explore important real-world issues.

Connecting with opportunities around your interests can seem really intimidating at the start. But just go for it! As you practice taking action in your commu nity, volunteering at different places, you’ll be able to determine which of those activities click with you the most. Before you discover what really resonates with you, you may volunteer at 10 different places before you find that certain place where you really feel like you’re making an impact, where you really feel like you’re able to connect with the people you’re there to support. But that’s how you find what it is that you’re passionate about. ■

Patty Lindley is ParentMap’s managing editor.

Sponsored by

Explore interactive exhibits and find ways you can take action at the Gates Foundation Discovery Center, discovergates.org.

Wellness

Your Cup Runneth on Empty?

How to counteract parental burnout during the holiday season

By Kellie Schmitt

Sarah Skoterro, LPCC, LADAC, a clinical therapist and director of business devel opment at Bellevue-based THIRA Health (thirahealth.com), starts to notice more and more people with an “empty cup” as the holiday season approaches.

From parents and caregivers to school staff, people need a break from their nonstop daily tasks to reenergize. With so many demands and expectations, though, they push forward at the expense of their own emotional well-being.

Often, one’s cup drains slowly over time. Each individual demand might seem rea sonable, but these subtle stressors add up.

“The result is a gentle but consistent wear ing down,” says Skoterro. “The empty cup [metaphor] refers to emotional emptiness.”

With the holiday season now in full swing, Skoterro shares her tips for pausing, reori enting, and taking a few moments to refill and recharge our emotional coffers. These simple strategies can have an outsize im pact on our personal well-being — as well as on the people around us, she says.

What drains your cup?

The source of an empty cup is often the consequence of repeated day-to-day micro failures, Skoterro explains. For example, may be someone hasn’t had time to sit down and pay their bills. Maybe they’ve also fallen out of their exercise routine or forgotten some groceries on their meal planning list.

The holidays often pile on additional expec tations and opportunities, leading to per ceived failures. There are the celebratory

events themselves, as well as increased exposure to family members who might offer unsolicited and unwelcome observa tions. Imagine the relative who comments on your appearance, your home, your kids’ behavior or how long it’s been since you last reached out to them.

“Families evaluate each other,” says Skoterro. “It’s this reestablishment of expectations, goals and hierarchy.”

If you’re hosting holiday gatherings, there may be additional pressures to make sure everyone is happy. Something as simple as forgetting Aunt Jane’s favorite organic whip ping cream might drain your cup’s last drop.

What happens when your cup is empty?   When someone’s cup is empty, even trivial missteps feel more consequential and sig nificant. That’s because humans can shift into a mode of resource protection, guard ing the small reservoirs of energy they have remaining. As a result, there’s not much left to give anyone else.

At this point, people may become cynical, critical or irritable. They might experience a sense of dread or an inability to concen trate. Even if they do manage to complete a task, there isn’t a sense of satisfaction in doing so. They might feel detached and unmotivated, as if they’re just going through the motions.

In the workplace, this can lead to the phe nomenon of “quiet quitting,” when people are physically present but not putting forth their full energy and spirit. At home, parents might feel increasingly detached and un motivated. There may be a sense that, even

if they dig deep, they might not be able to address their child’s need for attention.

Around the holidays, children may be ex periencing their own empty cups, as the school year is fully underway and academic pressures are intensifying. If children per ceive a parent’s empty cup, that can add to their own anxiety.

“Kids are always watching us, and more keenly than we are watching them,” says Skoterro. “Anxious kids notice empty par ents. Our kids need us to keep them safe and notice them.”

If children sense parents delaying or post poning their bids for time together, they might “peck and check,” she says. This phenomenon refers to children “pecking away” for things they might not really need, such as a glass of water, to check on their parents’ responses.

“That can drive you a little crazy in a normal space, but if you’re worn down, [the exas peration] is amplified,” she says.

What can fill your cup?

Skoterro uses an acronym to help emptycuppers take the first step in addressing this overwhelming sensation: STOP. Clinically speaking, this exercise is used in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) as part of the skill set of developing distress tolerance.

Stop in your tracks. Take a deep breath.  Observe five things outside of yourself and five things inside of yourself. Perceive your self and your surroundings carefully and intentionally, as if you are watching a video of the past few minutes of your life.

This DBT approach of pausing and reorienting oneself has its origins in wilderness survival, leveraging strategies that have aided everything from coping with life-threatening illness and addiction to handling financial crises and the stress of military maneuvers.

After taking that time to calm and regulate oneself, a caregiver can reflect on another acronym to begin to intentionally refill their cup: EMPTY.

• Empathy for oneself is the first component in nor malizing your experience and making it feel real, says Skoterro. You are doing what you can — at this time and with what you have — and this can be enough right now.

• Movement and mindfulness come next, even if it’s only for a few minutes. This could mean anything from spending a few moments meditating to a quick walk around the block.

• Professional therapy, life coaching or faith-based support can also be an important strategy.

• Time for oneself is also a key component. “Micro tim ing out” for as little as three minutes to notice what is going well can be a vital and reenergizing step.

• During this time, put the emphasis on You. Do some thing you enjoy, whether it’s a full day to yourself to reenergize, or something as simple as enjoying a cup of tea or your favorite food.

Taking the time to acknowledge the experience of feel ing emotionally drained and then intentionally refilling your metaphorical cup is important for yourself and for everyone around you. Even if you have only 10 minutes to practice these strategies, it will make a difference, Skoterro promises.

“Focus on things you love,” she says. “You are worth 600 seconds.” ■

Kellie Schmitt is an award-winning health and science writer.

Sponsored by

The mission of THIRA Health is to support women and girls living with mood disorders by using comprehensive approaches that address the whole self, along with an emphasis on community support. This is made possible by a team of trained, certified experts skilled in using dialectical behavioral therapy, art and movement therapies, nutrition and more.

Let the Holidays ‘Show’ Your Family a Good Time

ParentMap’s annual December arts guide

By Gemma Alexander

It’s been a minute since we were able to celebrate the holiday season like we used to. But after a couple of years of canceled, postponed and virtual celebrations, this year things are looking up. The pandemic was hard on the arts community, and not every organization pulled through. But now that it’s starting to be safe to gather again, the ones that did are ready to show your family a good time for the holidays.

‘The Nutcrackers’

George Balanchine’s ‘The Nutcracker’ • pnb.org/nutcracker Pacific Northwest Ballet’s staging of “The Nutcracker” is one of the area’s most beloved holiday traditions. If you haven’t seen George Balanchine’s 1952 choreography paired with Ian Falconer’s quirky sets, there’s no better time than now. Digital-only tickets are also available. Nov. 25–Dec. 27. $27–$180. McCaw Hall, Seattle

Wade Walthall’s ‘The Nutcracker’ • evergreencityballet.org

After a two-year hiatus, Evergreen City Ballet is back with Wade Walthall’s “The Nutcracker.” The company is offering four perfor mances each at two venues: Auburn Performing Arts Center (Dec. 9–11) and Renton Ikea Performing Arts Center (Dec. 16–18). One of the performances at each venue will be an abbreviated, one-hour performance perfect for the littlest ballet fans. $15–$35.

‘Nutcracker Sweets’ • arcdance.org

The annual “Nutcracker Sweets” performances by ARC Dance showcase ARC School of Ballet students together with members of the professional company. The dancers bring the magic of “The Nutcracker” to life in a 90-minute version of the classic ballet

specifically designed to appeal to young audience members. Dec. 2–17. $15–$47. Venues in Leavenworth, Seattle and Shoreline

‘The Nutcracker’ • tacomacityballet.com

Tacoma City Ballet presents an all-matinee run of the original Russian version of “The Nutcracker,” featuring live accompaniment by the Tacoma City Ballet Orchestra. Dec. 10–18. $17–$102.  Pantages Theater, Tacoma

‘The Nutcracker’ by Olympic Ballet Theatre • olympicballet.org Olympic Ballet Theatre presents its annual, full-length perfor mance of the holiday favorite. The choreography by OBT artistic directors Oleg Gorboulev and Mara Vinson includes your favorite scenes from the original — snowflakes, mouse battle, flowers and all. Dec. 9–20. $25–$39. Venues in Everett and Edmonds

‘The Nutcracker’ by International Ballet Theatre • ibtbellevue.org International Ballet Theatre’s “Nutcracker” is an Eastside tradition. This production of the beloved ballet is performed in the tradition al Russian style, with choreography by Vera Altunina, plus Arabian dancers and a fierce battle scene. Dec. 9–23. $25–$55. Meydenbauer Center Theatre, Bellevue

‘The Nutcracker’ by Ballet Northwest • balletnorthwest.org For more than 35 years, Ballet Northwest has presented a largescale “Nutcracker” with more than 200 dancers, including guest artists. This year, Sanford Placide from Dance Theatre of Harlem will be showcased in the production. Dec. 9–18. $15–$36. Washington Center, Olympia

International Ballet Theatre’s “The Nutcracker”

Photo by Rex Tranter

continued from page 12

‘The Nutcracker’ by Emerald Ballet Theatre • emeraldballet.org

Emerald Ballet Theatre’s annual all-matinee produc tion of “The Nutcracker” is performed with live music, courtesy of the Emerald Ballet Theatre Orchestra, con ducted by David Waltman. On Dec. 11 at 10 a.m., a mini performance will introduce the youngest dancers to the stage. Dec. 3–11. $20–$49. Northshore Performing Arts Center, Bothell

Seattle City ‘Nutcracker’ • dassdance.org Bicoastal dance company DASSdance introduced its “All-Terrain Nutcracker” in 2019. The Seattle City “Nutcracker” prefers innovation over tradition and features an LED-lit mechanical doll and black-lit AI robots in the battle scene. Dec. 10–11. $27–$32. Broadway Performance Hall, Seattle

‘The Nutcracker’ by Studio West Dance Theatre • washingtoncenter.org

Kicking off the holiday season in the newly refurbished Washington Center for the Performing Arts, Studio West presents its own production that hews closely to the traditional ballet — with a few comical surprises. Nov. 25–28. $18–$30. Washington Center for the Performing Arts, Olympia

‘Christmas Carols’ and ‘Nights Before Christmas’ ‘A Christmas Carol’ • acttheatre.org Now in its 47th year, ACT’s annual production of “A Christmas Carol” is almost as much a family tradition as Dickens’ original story. Famously (or infamously, depending on your perspective), this version is too scary for some kids, and the theater enforces a minimum age of 5 for attendance. But for older and bolder children, this holiday thriller is unmissable. Nov. 25–Dec. 24. $39–$94. ACT – A Contemporary Theatre, Seattle

‘A Christmas Carol’ • harlequinproductions.org Harlequin Productions presents a new staging of artistic director Aaron Lamb’s adaptation of the holi day classic. It promises a healthy dose of cheer and ghostly special effects in this 80-minute, one-act show that’s appropriate for all ages. Nov. 23–Dec. 24. $25–$49. The State Theater, Olympia

‘A Christmas Carol’ • secondstoryrep.org SecondStory isn’t doing its junior version this year, but the mainstage adaptation of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” (now in its eighth year) is an all-ages

Hands On Children’s Museum

affair replete with traditional Christmas carols. For regular attend ees, this will be the last season to see John Clark in the role of Scrooge. Dec. 2–23. $30. SecondStory Repertory, Redmond

‘Ebenezer’s Christmas Carol’ • stonesouptheatre.org Stone Soup offers theater by and for kids in one act at a bargain price. But there are only three performances of this familyfriendly ‘Christmas Carol’ starring fourth- through ninth-graders, so be sure to buy tickets early. Dec. 8–10. $TBA. Wallingford Presbyterian Church, Seattle

‘Mr. Dickens and His Carol’ • seattlerep.org Adapted from Samantha Silva’s critically acclaimed novel, this fictional take on the origin of Dickens’ classic story is destined to become a new holiday classic in its own right. Nov. 25–Dec. 23. $17 and up. Bagley Wright Theatre, Seattle

‘’Twas the Night …’ • studio-east.org Experience a chaotic yet cute “Night Before Christmas” from the point of view of runaway mice, hungry cats, the reindeer and the Man in Red himself. Studio East’s annual reimagining of the classic poem is performed by actors ages 6–19. Dec. 2–4. $26. Kirkland Performance Center, Kirkland

Other holiday theater picks ‘Nyx and the Long Night’ • olyft.org “Nyx and the Long Night,” an Olympia Family Theater coproduction with String & Shadow Puppet Theater, presents one of those win ter folk myths in a full stage play with actors, musicians and large puppets. Dec. 9–24. Recommended for ages 5 and older. $5–$35. Olympia Family Theater, Olympia

‘The Wickhams: Christmas at Pemberley’ • taproottheatre.org In this “Pride and Prejudice” postscript by Lauren Gunderson and Margot Melcon, Lydia is home for the holidays and the downstairs staff are scrambling to keep a secret. Recommended for ages 10 and older. Nov. 23–Dec. 30. $25–$51. Taproot Theatre, Seattle

‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ • tmp.org Delight in the performances of Tacoma Musical Playhouse’s expe rienced youth actors in their roles as the Peanuts gang, overcom ing the commercialization of Christmas with a pageant, a spindly tree and a heartfelt speech. Dec. 18–24. $10. Tacoma Musical Playhouse, Tacoma

‘One Christmas Eve at Evergreen Mall’ • olympialittletheater.org In eight vignettes, a series of characters, from Baby Jesus–snatching teens to a lonesome elf, connect in a shopping mall on

O B S TET RI C S C AR R E

Smart Money Habits

4 Kids 4 Kids

If your kids are old enough to ask you to buy things, take the opportunity to start teaching them about saving and spending. Encourage positive habits by setting up financial accounts for them at appropriate ages and stages.

First Savings

Paying a child for chores is a way to get them excited about earning and saving money. Deposit their earnings in a “piggy bank” or clear jar so they can see the progress as they add coins. When their piggy bank is full, they can deposit their savings into their bank account.

Nearly 50% of all children aged 8-14 have a personal savings account, according to a 2020 survey by Statista. You can start a savings account when they are even younger, so it has more time to grow. Kids savings accounts typicaly offer interest with no monthly fee. Kids can review their account balance in regular statements.

Encourage your child to create a wish list for “nice-to-haves” like trendy sneakers, video games, or a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. Offer to match their savings toward their top goals. Suggest that your family members contribute towards the child’s savings account instead of more toys, if your house is already stocked for fun. Celebrate with your kids when they reach their financial goals!

First $9.90 on us this holiday season!

Give your child the gift of good savings habits. Through December 31, First Fed will credit each new First Savings account with $9.90 in honor of our 99 years in the PNW. Call us at 800-800-1577 or stop by our Bellevue branch at 1100 Bellevue Way NE #6.

Promotion details: First Savings accounts are for children under 13. The offer applies to new First Savings accounts that can be opened for each child (one per social security number). Offer can be used for multiple children under 13 in a household. Please allow 2 business days for processing the credit.

Promotion available October 31, 2022 to December 31, 2022.

FEATURE Christmas Eve. Dec. 2–18. $9–$15. All ages. Olympia Little Theatre, Olympia

continued from page 15

‘A Christmas Story’ • tacomalittletheatre.com “A Christmas Story” somehow manages to capture a nostalgic feeling for a childhood Christmas unlike anything most of us born after Woodstock or west of the Rockies have ever experienced. Forever-9-yearold Ralphie collected cereal box tops, licked a frozen flagpole and nearly shot his eye out so we don’t have to. Dec. 2–24. $27. Tacoma Little Theatre, Tacoma

Comic Romps and Pantos

‘Dashing Through the Snow’ • tptedmonds.org From the same creative team that wrote the hit ’80s TV show “The Golden Girls,” “Dashing Through the Snow” offers a collection of four vignettes set against the backdrop of a Christmas-themed inn. While there are some implied adult situations, the show is fami ly-friendly and each act centers on a theme of family. Nov. 25–Dec. 18. $25. The Phoenix Theatre, Edmonds

‘An Improvised Christmas Carol’ • unexpectedproductions.org Dickens’ story is just a starting point, and with dozens of audience suggestions redirecting the performers midstream, there’s really no telling where you and Scrooge will end up. The one thing you can count on: Unexpected Productions will keep it family-friendly. Nov. 25–Dec. 23. $20 online, $25 at the door. Unexpected Productions, Seattle

‘A Very Die Hard Christmas’ • seattlepublictheater.org Putting an end once and for all to the great question “Is ‘Die Hard’ a Christmas movie?” Seattle Public Theater presents a musical parody that is sure to blow the roof off the joint. If your kids are old enough to enjoy the movie, your whole family will love the action, ’80s jokes, soft rock jams and snarky German terror ists in this production. Nov. 25–Dec. 20. $38. Seattle Public Theater at the Green Lake Bathhouse, Seattle

‘The Empress’ New Clothes’ • fremontplayers.com British traditionalists will welcome the return of The Fremont Players and Fremont Philharmonic Orchestra with their annual British panto production of cracked classics loaded with jokes aimed both at the kids and over their heads. Dec. 11–Jan. 8. $20. Sunset Hill Community Club, Seattle

‘Elf – The Musical’ • edmondsdriftwoodplayers.org The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear … which the Driftwood Players are doing in this musical adaptation of Will Ferrell’s beloved

contemporary classic Christmas movie, “Elf.” Recom mended for ages 8 and older. Nov. 18–Dec. 18. $28. Wade James Theatre, Edmonds

‘Elf – The Musical’ • manestagetheatre.com Buddy’s journey from the North Pole continues south in ManeStage Theatre Company’s own production of “Elf – The Musical” in Puyallup. Now South Sound fam ilies can enjoy Buddy’s brand of Christmas cheer and unironic joy without walking through the Lincoln Tunnel or, worse, dealing with I-5 traffic. Dec. 2–18. $30. Liberty Theater, Puyallup

Holiday Music

‘Jake Shimabukuro: Christmas in Hawai‘i’ • washingtoncenter.org • stgpresents.org Folks from Olympia to Seattle can kick off Christmas with the spirit of aloha. Ukulele master Jake Shimabukuro brings Hawaii to your holidays with a mix of classic Christmas carols, holiday pop songs and selections from “Jake & Friends.” He’ll be joined on stage by Jackson Waldhoff, Justin Kawika Young and Herb Ohta Jr. Dec. 9, $45–$69 at The Washington Center for the Performing Arts, Olympia; Dec. 10, $40 and up at Moore Theater, Seattle

Symphony Tacoma: Holiday Favorites and Handel’s ‘Messiah’ • symphonytacoma.org

Symphony Tacoma offers two holiday options this year. On Dec. 4, don’t miss a matinee of its annual chorale concert of family favorites at Pantages Theater. On the evening of Dec. 16 at St. Charles Borromeo Church, a

LFE OUTDOORS

Driftwood Players’ “Elf - The Musical”

continued from page 17

performance of Handel’s “Messiah” will feature its classic oratorio performed by Symphony Tacoma Voices. $24–$87. Pantages Theatre and St. Charles Borromeo Church, Tacoma

‘The Snowman’ • seattlesymphony.org

Enjoy the classic children’s film about a snowman who comes to life and takes a little boy to the North Pole at Seattle Symphony’s Family Concert, designed for ages 6–12. In addition to the film, there will be a musical program, including “Carol of the Bells” and childhood favorite “Jingle Bells,” as well as Howard Blake’s “The Snowman.” Dec. 3. $15–$25. Benaroya Hall, Seattle

‘MCE: Carols and Bells’ • washingtoncenter.org

Combining the traditions of handbell ringing and singing carols, the Masterworks Chorale Ensemble and the Celebration Handbell Ensemble are joining forces in a concert to ring — and sing — in the holiday season with family and friends. Dec. 3. $24. Washington Center for the Performing Arts, Olympia

Seattle Men’s Chorus’ ‘Holiday Falala-liday’ • seattlechoruses.org The Seattle Men’s Chorus is back with a holiday concert featuring Christmas carols presented with a mix of nostalgia and humor, plus a conga line and sing-along. Benaroya Hall is making an exception to its “no children younger than 5” policy for the Dec. 23 matinee performance, which will be only one hour in duration and emphasize the dance numbers and sing-along. Dec. 2–23, $29–$102. Venues in Seattle, Tacoma and Everett

Tacoma Concert Band: ‘Sound the Bells’ • tacomaconcertband.org One of the earliest holiday concerts in the area, Tacoma Concert Band kicks off the holiday season with “Sound the Bells,” a fam ily-friendly holiday music matinee on Nov. 27. $21–$39. Pantages Theater, Tacoma

Great Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition • pikeplacemarket.org This fundraiser for the Pike Market Senior Center & Food Bank is moving back to Pike Place Market this year. Dozens of caroling teams will compete to outsing each other under the market’s iconic clock and sign. Dec. 2. Free. Pike Place Market, Seattle

Maccabeats’ Hanukkah Concert • sjcc.org

A cappella Jewish music vocalists the Maccabeats integrate tra ditional and secular sounds in an all-ages show with an eclectic repertoire of Jewish and Israeli songs, pop hits and signature mashups, such as the Hanukkah parody “Candlelight.” In-person tickets sold out in October, but you can still buy virtual tickets or get on the waiting list for in-person possibilities. Dec. 4. $30. Stroum Jewish Community Center, Mercer Island

‘Kalani Pe‘a Christmas Show’ • edmondscenterforthearts.org

Three-time Grammy winner Kalani Pe‘a kicks off the holidays with his “Hawaiian contemporary soul,” performing a mix of Hawaiian favorites and Christmas standards, sung in both English and Hawaiian. Dec. 1. $19–$49. Edmonds Center for the Arts, Edmonds

‘Mannheim Steamroller Christmas’ • angelofthewindsarena.com

Thirty-five years ago, Mannheim Steamroller released its first Christmas album. This holiday season, Grammy winner Chip Davis offers families a chance to celebrate that anniversary with the “Mannheim Steamroller Christmas” multimedia show, set to the signature holiday sounds of Mannheim Steamroller. Dec. 16. $30–$59. Angel of the Winds Arena, Everett

Jim Brickman: ‘A Very Merry Christmas’ • seattlesymphony.org Songwriter-pianist Jim Brickman’s holiday tour, “A Very Merry Christmas,” celebrates music, love and family. The program includes festive favorites and Brickman’s own hit songs, including “The Gift,” “Sending You a Little Christmas,” “Angel Eyes” and “If You Believe.” Dec. 4. $45–$80. Benaroya Hall, Seattle

Karla Bonoff and Livingston Taylor: ‘Home for the Holidays’ • edmondscenterforthearts.org Karla Bonoff and Livingston Taylor’s “Home for the Holidays” concert will include performances of some of the duo’s bestknown songs, together with holiday classics and songs from Bonoff’s holiday album “Silent Night.” Dec. 21. $19–$54. Edmonds Center for the Arts, Edmonds

The Coats: ‘Annual Holiday Show’ • seattlesymphony.org A Benaroya holiday tradition, singing quartet The Coats returns with another uplifting holiday concert of catchy, danceable songs performed with impressive vocal range and harmonies. Dec. 17–18. $50. Benaroya Hall, Seattle

‘Holiday Pops’ • seattlesymphony.org Stuart Chafetz conducts Seattle Symphony and vocalist Dee Donasco in a cheerful program full of popular holiday favorites and traditional carols. Dec. 9–11. $36–$127. Benaroya Hall, Seattle

Seattle Symphony’s Family Concert “The Snowman”

Studio East’s “’Twas the Night …”

‘A Festival of Lessons and Carols’ • nwchoirs.org

The 80-member combined Northwest Boychoir and Vocalpoint! present the story of the Nativity told through reading, choral setting and audience carols. Dec. 9–21. $25–$83. Multiple venues in Lynnwood, Medina and Seattle

Handel’s ‘Messiah’ • seattlesymphony.org

For many Northwest families, the Seattle Symphony’s performance is an annual tradition. But every family should hear it performed live with a full chorus and talented soloists at least once. Dec. 16–18. $25–$85. Benaroya Hall, Seattle

Geoffrey Castle’s ‘Celtic Christmas Celebration’ • kpcenter.org

Geoffrey Castle’s Celtic Christmas concert upends expectations, with music performed on Castle’s electric six-string violin. It’s nothing like the Christmas concerts of your own childhood, but it’s becoming a Northwest holiday tradition. Dec. 22–23. $41. Kirkland Performance Center, Kirkland

‘Hometown Holiday’ • audacy.com

The music may not be entirely holiday-themed, but 100.7 The Wolf’s “Hometown Holiday” is arguably Seattle’s hottest country music event of the year, and it is certainly festive. This year, the lineup includes Brett Young, Elle King, Nate Smith, Bailey Zimmerman, Ashley Cooke, Corey Kent and Michael Ray. Dec. 9. $30–$145. Accesso ShoWare Center, Kent

Brass Choir Holiday Show • studentorchestras.org

For folks who like their music loud, enjoy a brassy concert by the horn section of the Student Orchestras of Greater Olympia. Dec. 10. $10–$13. Westminster Presbyterian, Olympia

Unique Treats

‘The Jinkx & DeLa Holiday Show’ • stgpresents.org Jinkx Monsoon and BenDeLaCreme — both “RuPaul’s Drag Race” alums — are bringing back their holiday show tour. Promising drag spectacle, sharp comedy, and a mix of favorite and new songs, these Christmas queens bring sweetness and spice to their allages holiday show. Dec. 21–24. $35 and up. Moore Theatre, Seattle

‘The Midwinter Revels’ • pugetsoundrevels.org

For its annual celebration of the winter solstice, Puget Sound Revels travels to the Mexico of the 1890s to present music, stories, dancing and singing in a combination of tradition and art. Dec. 17–21. $20–$36. Rialto Theater, Tacoma

Disney in Concert: Tim Burton’s ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ • seattlesymphony.org

For most people, Halloween kicks off the holiday season that builds to a peak at Christmas. But for others, Halloween is the high point, and it’s all downhill from there. If your family prefers Jack Skellington to Old St. Nick, you’re not alone. Seattle Symphony is screening “The Nightmare Before Christmas” with dialogue, singing

and effects, accompanied by a live orchestral performance of Danny Elfman’s earworm-riddled score. Dec. 1–4. $35–$105. Benaroya Hall, Seattle

‘An Inspirational Christmas With Elvis’ • auburnwa.gov

The Auburn Ave. Theater may be closed, but you don’t have to miss the Auburn tradition of Danny Vernon’s holiday Elvis illusion concert. Families can hear classic Elvis music along with some great traditional Christmas selections (including Elvis’ own), re plete with The King’s famous pompadour. Dec. 8. $25. Green River College, Cascade Hall, Auburn

Memphis Belles: ‘Winter Wonderland’ • auburnwa.gov Seasonal cheer without so much Christmas, the Memphis Belles’ “Winter Wonderland” concert will feature all kinds of beloved winter music, including “Sleigh Ride,” “Mele Kalikimaka,” “Let It Snow,” “My Favorite Things” and “Winter Wonderland.” Dec. 10. $23. Green River College, Cascade Hall, Auburn ■

Seattle-based freelance writer Gemma Alexander focuses on the intersection of parenting and the arts. When she’s not writing for ParentMap, she blogs at gemmadeealexander.com and tweets  @gemmadeetweet.

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On Nov. 1, award-winning clinical psychologist and researcher Lisa Miller, Ph.D., presented a fascinating ParentEd talk based on her groundbreaking exploration of the neuroscience of spirituality and its role in fuel ing an inspired life of meaning and contribution. Miller detailed the surprising connection between innate spirituality and how developing it in our lives and in our parenting enhances grit, optimism and resilience in ourselves and in our children — as well as insulates us against the ills of addiction, trauma and depression.

Following are just a few takeaways from her thought-provoking presentation. We invite you to watch the full talk at parentmap.com/miller; and to register for the remaining events in our 2022–2023 ParentEd Talks series at parentmap.com/live.

Emerald Heights Academy offers a Classical Liberal Arts education in the Catholic tradition for Kindergarten through 8th grade. Our small class sizes offer students more personalized instruction resulting in higher academic achievement. Contact us today!

How do you delineate spirituality vs. religion?

To be very clear, spirituality and religion are not the same thing, although they go hand in hand for about 70 percent of people in the United States. So, 70 percent of people in our country say, “I am spiritual and I am religious. My deep transcendent aware ness and my deep spiritual core are held in the embrace of my faith tradition — in our prayers, our meditations, our sacred text, our ceremony, our community.” Thirty percent of Americans say, “I am spiritual, but I am not religious. For me, spirituality is experienced in nature.”

But whether or not we are religious, we are all born with an innate capacity for spiritu al awareness. And we can awaken our natural spirituality through practice, through choice, through nature, through prayer and meditation, through good and right action. This is our birthright. So, while science does not prove spirituality, science can hold up a lens to lived human spiritual life and show how radically game-chang ing a strong spiritual core is on the rest of our lives. And that this is most apparent in this era for our children. As parents, we have an enormous impact on the develop mental path of our children’s spiritual life.

Science says a spiritual child is happier and healthier — what do the numbers suggest? Spirituality plays a significant role in child social, emotional and cognitive develop ment. Research shows that children who have positive active relationships to spiri tuality are 40 percent less likely to use and

abuse substances, and have 60 percent less depression than other teenagers.

Often, it’s the case in mental health to identify diagnosis at the level of the indi vidual: That young man is depressed, she has addiction. But when half of the teens in the United States report a disease of despair, addiction, depression, and even suicidal behavior, it’s best not to look sim ply at the level of the individual, but to look instead at our culture and climate, in order to understand the tidal wave [engulfing] our children and how we as parents can take control of our shared parent culture.

How can we begin to remake parent culture? There is in the middle of our public square and in our schools and our boardroom — everywhere we go — a giant hole wherein belongs the spiritual core. There is a lack of sanctity. This is not because of how we have parented — this is because of the air and water, the tidal wave. Forty years ago, in the good attempt to be inclusive, we threw all religion out of the public square. And with that went the spiritual baby with the bathwater. As a result, we now have a spiritually non-conversant society … [one that] actually became radically exclusive as a result. This deeper understanding of who we are to each other needs to return to the middle of our society.

How is the spiritual core developed?

First, every single one of us is a naturally spiritual being. Big claim. The core is innate — it is our natural endowment — and it is the center, the hub, from which grows moral, social and mental health.

With respect to the environmental factors, we as parents, we as grandparents, our teachers, the 10,000 exchanges by the locker room, our choice of community … all weigh in to shape the spiritual core. The embrace [of the innate core] is environmen tal. And within this highly formative embrace can be the richness of our family faith tradi tion, or it can be the spiritual way of life that we teach and show to our children.

As parents, how do we help strengthen our child’s spiritual core?

One of the foremost most powerful ways that we can help shape our children’s spiritual core is to provide transparency into our own spiritual life. When we pray, when we meditate, when we walk in nature, when we feel a great love, when we look at the sunset, we can stop and narrate that moment: I look at you, my daughter/my son, and I just know that this is a generous, loving universe. I look at you and I know you are a gift from God. I could have never produced you alone. When you talk out loud, when you speak of the spiritual reality, chil dren know, “Hey, that something I’m feeling, it’s real.” It locks in. It’s relational spirituality. ■

Lisa Miller, Ph.D., is the author of the best-selling titles “The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health and Lifelong Thriving” and “The Awakened Brain: The New Science of Spirituality and Our Quest for an Inspired Life.” She is a professor in the Clinical Psychology Program at Columbia University, Teachers College, where she founded the Spirituality Mind Body Institute. Learn more at lisamillerphd.com.

Family Fun Calendar

Find your adventure today! Our online calendar is your go-to guide for family activities around Puget Sound.

ParentMap.com/calendar

December Play List

15 ways to be merry and bright

By Nancy Chaney

Check out many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar.

And just like that, the winter holidays are upon us, along with the attendant flurry of festive activities! Perhaps amid the holiday hubbub, some of us will want to consider quality, not quantity, in the pursuit of family memory-making and cheer. To that end, we present you with this stocking full of mostly free ideas for making merry this holiday season.

� Snowflake Lane is Bellevue’s spectacle of the spectacular. Stake out a spot on the side walk near Bellevue Square to see the “snow” fall and watch drummers and dancers per form along the parade route. This over-the-top nightly event is a must-see, at least once. Daily through Dec. 24 at 7 p.m. Free. parentmap.com/ snowflake-lane

� Stop by the Seattle Center Armory to admire a delightful model train and surrounding holiday village setup, part of Winterfest. Pick up a scaven ger-hunt sheet to see if you can spot all of the items in the

village. The train is on display daily through Dec. 31 (except Dec. 25), 10 a.m.–6 p.m. Viewing is free; donations to keep the trains running are accepted. parentmap.com/ winterfest

� Holy candy extravaganza! Seattle’s beloved holiday Gingerbread Village is back at Sheraton Grand Seattle. Stop by the hotel lobby to feast your eyes on elaborate, sweet and surprisingly architectural mas terpieces of gingerbread and candy. Viewing the Gingerbread Village is free, though donations to the local chapter of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation are appreciat

ed. Open daily through Jan. 1, including on Christmas Day. parentmap.com/ gingerbread-village

� Lovely Lakewold Gardens hosts an enchanting holiday light show, Winter Solstice Lights, which includes a special techy twist. Wander the gar den’s pathways to admire the lights while listening to music composed on the spot by an algorithm reading weather and environmental data. Intriguing, no? Show open daily through Jan. 2. Tickets $12–$16; ages 5 and younger free.

parentmap.com/solstice-lights

Highlighted Events for December

Dec. 1 | Thursday

Nordic Stories and free museum entry

National Nordic Museum, Seattle parentmap.com/nordic-stories

Dec. 2—4 | Friday–Sunday

‘’Twas the Night …’ presented by Studio East

Kirkland Performance Center parentmap.com/twas

� An Eastside family favorite, Bellevue’s Downtown Ice Rink sets up for its 25th year. Fami lies can get started by learning to ice skate at free, all-ages skating lessons on select dates (you still need to book your rink entry). Check online for more special events, such as an ugly-sweater-themed skating session on Dec. 25. Open daily through Jan. 8. Entry is $14–$17 and includes skate rental. parentmap.com/ice-rink

� Olympia’s seasonal ice rink, Oly on Ice, is back for your gliding and sliding pleasure this winter. You’ll find the rink in Isthmus Park in downtown Olympia; dress warmly, and it’s recommended to book your skating session online ahead of time to avoid disappoint ment. Open daily through Jan. 16, including on Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. Admission costs $9–$15; $5 for tots ages 3 and younger (entry includes skate rental). parentmap.com/oly-on-ice

� Visit Ballard’s National Nordic Museum on free First Thursday, Dec. 1, to enjoy both free ad mission and Nordic Stories; this month features a charming tale by beloved children’s author Jan Brett, “The Wild Christmas Reindeer.” The museum is open 10 a.m.–5 p.m.; Nordic Stories is 10–10:30 a.m., free. parentmap.com/nordic-stories

� Even with COVID-19 in the rearview mirror (for the most part), Warm Beach Camp in Stanwood is keeping the drivethrough format for its holiday light spectacle, The Lights of

Christmas. Greet Santa and other characters, and view the beautiful light displays while you stay warm and cozy in your car. Select dates through Dec. 31. Entry starts at $27 per carload. parentmap.com/ lights-of-christmas

� Join ParentMap for its next ParentEd Talks event on Tuesday, Dec. 6, when it welcomes author Julie Bogart. Bogart will help parents learn to guide their kids toward digital literacy. Log in to the webi nar live 1–2 p.m. or register to receive a recording if you can’t join at that time. Self-select ing sliding-scale fee of $0–$15. parentmap.com/live

Dec. 6 | Tuesday

Raising Critical Thinkers: Media Literacy for the Digital Age

Online ParentEd Talks event parentmap.com/live

from beautiful dream-inspired holiday trees on display, designed by local artists. Saturday, Dec. 10, noon–4 p.m. Free. parentmap.com/family-day

The Lights of Christmas display at Warm Beach Camp

� Quick! You have just one weekend to partake in the hilarious holiday merriment that is Studio East’s stage show “’Twas the Night …” This comic twist on the traditional poem will make even the grumpiest Scrooge in your family laugh out loud. At Kirkland Performance Center. Multiple showtimes, Friday–Sunday, Dec. 2–4. Tickets $21–$26. parentmap.com/twas

� Renton’s Holiday Lights re places the beloved beachfront light display known as Clam Lights. Visit Gene Coulon Memorial Beach Park — maybe bring a flashlight for a twilight romp on the fantastic play ground? — to enjoy the free light show 5–9 p.m. nightly, Dec. 2–Jan. 1. parentmap.com/holiday-lights

� Stroum Jewish Community Center welcomes kids for hands-on Hanukkah activities at several locations around town! Pop by to spin a dreidel, craft a toy menorah and more. Activities are free on select dates, Dec. 9–22, at locations such as Bellevue Botanical Garden, Crossroads and U Vil lage, among others. parentmap.com/ hands-on-hanukkah

� Visit Auburn’s White River Valley Museum for making art and having holiday fun on a special Festival of Trees Family Day. Take inspiration

� Got cabin fever? Brave the winter elements and make the most of the short hours of daylight on a ranger-led exploration of the trails in fas cinating Mercer Slough Nature Park. Preregister for this free activity, which is best for ages 5 and older, but all are welcome. Sunday, Dec. 11, 2–3:30 p.m.

parentmap.com/ranger-hike

� Head to Kirkland’s Marina Park to hear the story of Hanukkah and witness the lighting of the Grand Menorah, marking the beginning of the holiday. Sunday, Dec. 18, 4–6 p.m. Free. parentmap.com/menorah ■

Nancy Chaney is ParentMap’s Out + About editor.

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Give the Gift of Reading With These Page-Turners

Books for everyone on your list, from preschoolers to grown-ups

By Lindsay Zielinski

A few years ago, my husband and I decided to end the traditional gift giving that dominated our holiday season. It felt like overkill to choose, wrap and give bushels of gifts to each other when we didn’t really need anything. So, after a bit of research (and learning about the Icelandic tradition of giving books as pres ents, Jólabókaflóðið, which roughly translates into English as “the Christmas book flood”; jolabokaflod.org), a new tradition was born: the three gifts of Christmas. Following the formula of gifting loved ones something to wear, something to do and something to read saves us time and money every holiday season.

But even better? It allows us to spend more time with each other, which, to me, is what matters most. We open our books on Christmas Eve and spend time reading, the lights of our tree creating the ultimate cozy vibe as our daughter sits between us. This quiet tradition has become my favorite way to celebrate the holidays. Choosing the perfect books for my husband and daughter has brought me so much joy that this year I’ve decided to expand my book giving to everyone on my list. To me, books are the perfect gift: They’re entertaining, can be enjoyed again and again, and, most importantly, they’re easy to wrap!

If you’re feeling bookish this year, I’ve gathered a few top choices for everyone on your list.

Picks for preschoolers

“This Book Is Not a Present” by Max Greenfield, illustrated by Mike Lowery

This hilarious picture book for reluctant readers begs to be read aloud with the whole family.

“All Around Bustletown: Nighttime” by Rotraut Susanne Berner

What do you see? Your little one will love poring over the images in Bustletown, search ing for all of the hidden happenings within the town at night.

“Adurable: Little Pups in Big Trucks” by Bob Shea, illustrated by Brian Won

This silly story about three adorable puppies who help save their teacher from a rocky experience will delight grown-ups just as much as kids.

“Tree: A Peek-Through Picture Book” by Britta Teckentrup

This die-cut book follows a tree through the seasons, keeping little ones engaged with beautiful images and unique shapes.

Picks for elementary-age kids

“The Real Dada Mother Goose: A Treasury of Complete Nonsense” by Jon Scieszka, illustrated by Julia Rothman

Completely irrational and totally wacky, this twist on classic nursery rhymes will be a favorite for years to come.

“The Three Billy Goats Gruff” by Mac Barnett, illustrated by Jon Klassen

The duo of Mac Barnett and Jon Klassen hits it out of the park again with this fractured fairy tale featuring a rather trusting troll and three clever goats.

“Cornbread and Poppy” by Matthew Cordell

This sweet early-reader chapter-book series introduces kids to Cornbread and Poppy, odd-couple best friends who always figure out even the toughest of problems, as long as they’re together.

“Odder” by Katherine Applegate, illustrated by Charles Santoso

This novel in verse follows a young otter through a journey of bravery and healing, from the Pacific Ocean to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

Middle school reads “A Rover’s Story” by Jasmine Warga Perfect for tweens who love anything space-, STEM- and adventure-related, this middle-grade novel tells the story of Resilience (“Res”), a rover that might have accidentally acquired human emotions and must navigate a mission on Mars.

“You Only Live Once, David Bravo” by Mark Oshiro After his friend is hurt in an accident, David Bravo wishes he could go back in time to change the outcome. When a shape-shifting dog takes him hopping from one point in time to another, will they be able to fix the past to change the future?

“The Tryout: A Graphic Novel” by Christina Soontornvat, illustrated by Joanna Cacao From two-time Newbery honoree Christina Soontornvat comes this middle-grade autobiographical graphic novel that follows the author’s own middle school cheerleading tryout journey.

“Wingbearer” by Marjorie Liu, illustrated by Teny Issakhanian

Fans of Kazu Kibuishi’s “Amulet” and Tui T. Sutherland’s “Wings of Fire” series will love this new graphic novel series starring Zuli, who goes on an epic adventure to protect her magical home.

Picks for high schoolers

The Puffin in Bloom Collection, which includes “Anne of Green Gables” by L.M. Montgomery, “Heidi” by Johanna Spyri, “Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott and “A Little Princess” by Frances Hodgson Burnett

For a teen who loves the classics, wrap up this beautiful keepsake collection festooned with Rifle Paper Co. founder Anna Bond’s beautiful floral artwork.

BookTok Bestsellers Boxed Set, which includes “We Were Liars” by E. Lockhart, “The Gilded Ones” by Namina Forna, “House of Salt and Sorrows” by Erin A. Craig and “A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder” by Holly Jackson TikTok teen in your life? Look no further than this boxed set with four #booktok-approved titles your teen will love.

“Tasting Light: Ten Science Fiction Stories to Rewire Your Perceptions,” edited by A.R. Capetta and Wade Roush

Teens interested in science fiction and tech nology will love this collection of short stories, each one imagining a world that could happen in the future using technology that is emerging today.

“Strike the Zither” by Joan He

In this richly reimagined version of the classic Chinese story “Three Kingdoms,” we meet ultimate strategist Zephyr in a fantasy world where one must betray or be betrayed.

For the grown-ups

“Inciting Joy: Essays” by Ross Gay

In the darkest months of the year, reach for this tome as your go-to gift for any grown-up on your list. Uplifting essays highlight the ways we share connection to bring joy into our lives, rather than focusing on what keeps us apart.

“The Wok: Recipes and Techniques” by J. Kenji López-Alt

From the author of the bestselling cookbook “The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science” comes an ode to one of his favorite pans: the wok. With more than 200 recipes, 1,000 photographs and extras such as pan try-stocking advice, this cookbook is the per fect gift for beginning home cooks, expert chefs and all those cooks in between.

“Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow” by Gabrielle Zevin

Readers gain access into the lives of friends and creative partners Sam and Sadie as they design video games and follow their destiny to fame and immortality across three decades.

“All Good People Here: A Novel” by Ashley Flowers

True crime fans will love this intense and twist ing thriller written by “Crime Junkie” podcast host Ashley Flowers. ■

Lindsay Zielinski is a mom, wife and writer living in Tacoma. She spends most of her time in libraries, where she is always looking for her next favorite picture book.

The Family That Plays Together

Go-to gifts for the whole crew that emphasize fun — and togetherness

By Kate Missine

With another season of holiday gift giving on the way, many of us are on the lookout for ways to minimize the clutter (and the spending!) while maximizing the fes tive fun. Enter the family gift: an ingenious answer to the hit-or-miss gift exchange, with one great gift that the whole family can enjoy.

Try out some new moves From pickleball to surfing, beat the winter slump and break a sweat with these sporty gifts to get the whole family active and moving.

Hit the court with the easy, familyfriendly game of pickleball. You will love the adorably punny dill-pickle racquets included in Big Dill Pickleball Company’s superstar starter set ($85; bigdillpickleballcompany.com

Hit the surf! Head to the FlowRider surf simulator at Snohomish Aquatic Center for some splashy fun. A FlowRider punch pass for 10 sessions costs $148 (sno.wednet.edu).

The whole family can make some moves without leav ing their favorite screens with the interactive console game Nintendo Switch Sports ($40; nintendo.com).

Give the gift of adventure  Nothing brings families together like an all-new experi ence, so wrap up some awesome adventures with an outing to one of these adrenaline-fueled spots in our area.

Let it all go and experience the hair-raising thrill of indoor skydiving inside the gravity-free tube at iFly Seattle in Tukwila (starting at $65; iflyworld.com).

Tackle the ropes and swoop down zip lines on Everett’s High Trek Adventures ropes course — or try ax throwing or laser tag for lower-stakes fun (starting at $50; hightrekeverett.com).

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Work together to find your way out at Conundroom’s family-friendly escape rooms, which have fun themes, such as “School of Magic” and “Alice in Wonderland” (starting at $35; conundroom.us).

Get in on a class act

For a gift that will truly keep on giving, learn a new skill or two together — and maybe gain a new hobby — with a fun, creative class that both parents and kiddos can take together.

Whip up some tasty treats as you pick up some new kitchen tricks with a parent-child cooking class at FrogLegs Cooking School ($150; froglegskca.com).

Discover the amazing craft of glass blowing and create your own masterpiece at Seattle Glassblowing Studio ($70–$400; seattleglassblowing.com).

Say “cheese” to a familyfocused lesson that introduces kids (and parents) to the art of photography at Seattle’s The Sprouting Image (prices vary; thesproutingimage.com).

Get your game on Give a fresh twist to family game night with some new board games, or spruce up the game room. Either way, these playful presents will guarantee a good time on those long winter nights.

Who can resist a soft foam burrito with a face? Throw them, dodge them and enjoy the laughs that follow with the silly dodgeball card game Throw Throw Burrito ($25; explodingkittens.com).

Give your game closet a big upgrade with a giant-size, fancy version of a classic favorite, Scrabble Giant Deluxe Edition ($160; wsgamecompany.com).

Turn the playroom, basement or garage into a gath ering space your family won’t want to leave with a convertible 10-in-1 game table set that has something for everyone ($160; bestchoiceproducts.com). ■

Kate Missine is a lifestyle writer, food lover and girly girl raising two little boys in beautiful Sammamish.

School is an independent K-5 school in West Seattle, offering small class sizes with academically engaging, individualized education. Our curriculum balances core reading, writing, math, science, and technology skills with the arts. We graduate confident, caring students who thrive in public and private schools around the region.

Are You Raising a Perfectionist?

How to avoid the perils and pitfalls of intrusive parenting

By Sanya Pelini, Ph.D.

There are certain things we do as parents because we believe that we are acting in our kids’ best interests. Other times, we do things because we feel pressured to act in a certain way to ensure that we align with social, cultural, educational or even familyrelated expectations. But here’s the thing: Expecting more from our kids than they can achieve ultimately leads them to develop a self-critical attitude and what has been referred to as “maladaptive perfectionism.”

The good news is that several parenting strategies can help prevent intrusive parenting. Here are four things we need to stop doing in order to prevent our kids from developing a self-critical attitude.

Do not push your child too far. When setting expectations for children, we need to consider their level of development and what they are actually capable of doing. Having unrealistic expectations will only make your child more critical of themselves.

Avoiding pushing your child too far also means refusing to emphasize excellence. This could refer to academic excellence or excellence in extracurricular activities, such as sports, music or dance. When we emphasize excellence, children tend to find it harder to admit or even deal with mistakes and failures, which makes it more diffi cult to give them the support they need.

Do not overreact to your child’s mistakes. When we expect too much from our kids, we tend to overreact to their mistakes. When you focus on mistakes — and teach your child to focus on them as well — you encourage them to develop what pioneering Stanford University professor Carole Dweck refers to as a “fixed mindset.” People with a fixed mindset view mistakes as unchangeable.

Instead of focusing on mistakes, help your child develop a “growth mindset” by encouraging them to view mistakes as a normal learning process and by helping them to focus on what they can do in the future — or on the skills they need to acquire — to over come setbacks.

Do not live your life through your child. Many of the choices we make for our children are based on our own past experiences, but that does not mean those choices are

necessarily good for our kids. Before pushing children in a giv en direction, we need to think about whether we are doing it for them or we are doing it to achieve our unfulfilled dreams.

Do not be an intrusive parent. Abundant evidence suggests that children benefit when parents are involved in their lives, except in cases when they are overly present.

Researchers David Bredehoft, Ph.D., Jean Illsley Clarke, Ph.D., and Connie Dawson, Ph.D., have noted that doing too much or giving too much to children can “hinder them from performing their needed developmental tasks, and from learning necessary life lessons.” They say that parental intrusiveness and overindulgence prevent children from reaching their full potential.

Intrusive parenting can be defined by:

• Doing too much for your children. Intrusive parents control almost everything their children do and refuse to allow them to experience age-appropriate control.

• Overnurturing. This means giving your child too much attention and preventing them from developing the emotional skills they need to effectively deal with emotion-provoking situations.

To avoid intrusive parenting, it is important to give children the tools and resources that will allow them to perform tasks by themselves, and to let your child make age-appropriate decisions. It is also im portant to avoid providing guidance for every decision they make.

If we want to raise children who are less critical of themselves, we need to teach them that obstacles are normal, and, more im portantly, we need to show them that we believe they have what it takes to overcome them. ■

Sanya Pelini, Ph.D., transforms educational research into practical tools and resources on her blog Raising Independent Kids (raising-independent-kids.com).

Ages + Stages

How to Stay Grounded in the High-Stakes World of Youth Sports

By Gina Rich

On a breezy fall morning, I strolled onto the soccer field to meet my daughter, whose team had just finished a close game. Immediately, I noticed her expression was downcast. “One of the other team’s goals was my fault,” she said.

Her gloomy demeanor stirred something prickly inside me, an angst I didn’t want to feel at that moment. I rushed to find some comforting words. “Oh honey, I’m sure that’s not true! It couldn’t possibly have been all your fault.”

But on the car ride home, my daughter’s mood re mained sour, and I felt sad, too.

AGES + STAGES

continued from page 39

In the world of youth sports, the highs and lows can feel particularly intense, for kids and parents alike. When our kids score a goal or snag that first-place medal, we get a “dopamine hit” — a rush of happy feelings — says Emily Edlynn, Ph.D., a clinical psychol ogist specializing in children and adolescents and the author of the upcoming book “Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children” (emilyedlynnphd.com).

On the flip side, watching our children struggle can hit us hard emotionally. If our kids lose the championship game or flub a key play, we feel their distress. “We then have a lot of trouble tolerating our child’s dis comfort,” says Edlynn. “Then we rescue them to help ourselves feel better.”

Sometimes we feel so invested in our children’s athletic endeavors that our emotions get the better of us. I’ve seen adults yelling and stomping around on the sideline, seemingly more enraged about the out come of a game than the kids who are actually playing in it. And after my daughter broke her arm during a game this past spring and couldn’t play for months, I felt intense grief.

As parenting culture focuses more on empathy, it’s no surprise that we’re affected by our children’s emo tions. But this emphasis on understanding our kids’ feelings has a downside. “It can blur our own emotional boundaries, where we identify too strongly with how our kids are feeling and we take it on as our emotions to fix, too,” says Edlynn.

Empathy isn’t the only reason why today’s youth sports landscape can feel like a high-stakes, ultra competitive environment. Parental involvement in kids’ extracurricular activities has increased a lot over the past few decades, says Elizabeth Budd, Ph.D., an evergreen assistant professor in the Department of Counseling Psychology and Human Services at the University of Oregon. At the same time, recreation al community leagues have dwindled while the popularity of private, competitive travel teams has soared. Whether spending money on specialized gear, shuttling kids to and from practices, or devoting weekends to out-of-town tournaments, parents are pouring a lot of time and resources into children’s sports experiences. And don’t underestimate the pressure of keeping up with others in your social circle. If most other

PHOTOSSANTA wit

continued from page 40

are signing up for the competitive gym nastics program, for instance, the implicit message is “To be part of the community, we should also be doing it,” says Edlynn.

Amidst these challenges, how can parents keep things in perspective while giving young athletes the support they need?

Align your support with the goal. When we sign our kids up for tae kwon do lessons or the school basketball team, it’s usually not because we expect our children to become professional athletes. Rather, it’s because we know that active play benefits kids physically and emotion ally. And kids who enjoy physical activity are much more likely to seek out and continue to practice it into adulthood, says Budd. So, whichever sports our kids may be involved in, we should remember that the ultimate goal is to nurture a life

long commitment to physical activity.

As parents, we can provide both instru mental support — with things such as helping our kids get to practice and making sure their uniforms are ready — and emotional support, such as offering encouragement and showing up to their events. Though, according to Budd, it’s important that “none of that is about being hard on your children for their perfor mance,” nor does it have anything to do with the outcome of a game.

Follow your child’s lead. Parents have their own ideas about what sports their children should choose — often the same activities they them selves enjoyed while growing up. However, “Pushing kids to play a particular sport or practice a particular physical activity they don’t enjoy does more harm than good,” says Budd.

I swam competitively during middle school and hoped my daughters would gravitate toward the water. So far, though, they seem more interested in land-based sports — and that’s okay.

“Research is clear about how intrinsic motivation — a desire that comes from within oneself — to be active is a much stronger predictor of sustained activity over time compared with extrinsic motivation [such as pressure from parents or coaches],” says Budd. Trust your kids to show you what they enjoy.

Be mindful of how you connect. While we can’t control what happens on the soccer field or the tennis court, we can be aware of our own behavior. Edlynn suggests being mindful of how we interact with kids after the excitement of a sports event.

If, for example, “We give them a lot of attention when they do well at their soccer game, and we’re not quite as connected when they have a bad game,” our kids will pick up on that, Edlynn explains. To counter this, try focusing on the elements of sports that have nothing to do with performance, such as the social aspects or skills learned. Regardless of the final score, one parent I know asks his daughter the same ques tion after every game: “Did you have fun?”

Stay cognizant of what they — and you — are giving up. Even if your child lives and breathes hockey or would gladly practice gymnastics for 20 hours a week, it’s important to balance sports with the rest of their life. Consider whether your child’s sports schedule allows for downtime, opportunities for fun and adequate sleep, Edlynn suggests.

Recognize, too, that whatever sport your child chooses will involve tradeoffs. For my daughter, that might mean a tournament with her soccer team instead of a family dinner, or an early game instead of a lazy Saturday morning after a sleepover. We’ve talked peri odically about what she’s giving up — and the sacrifices we’re making as a family — to ensure that she can participate in the sport she loves.

For now, my daughter is enjoying her experience. And though I still feel the highs and lows along with her, I’m working to make sure my own emotions don’t get in the way of everything she’s learning. ■

Gina Rich is a Wisconsin-based freelance writer who focuses on parenting, health and the natural world.

Do you know a girl who LOVES to sing?

SEATTLE GIRLS CHOIR has a non-audition prep choir for girls in K-1 which provides a foundation for choral singing!

Learn more and register at seattlegirlschoir.org/Piccolini

Let her voice be heard!

100+ Rainy-Day Arts and Crafts

By ParentMap Editors

The weather can get gloomy on these shorter winter days, but that doesn’t mean the fun has to stop! We’ve rounded up more than 100 arts and crafts projects for young kids to brighten indoor days, includ ing nature-themed activities, seasonal crafts and even projects that make the most of items in your recycling bin. Follow the short URLs to get all of the details.

Nature and seasonal crafts

• Take a winter walk to connect with nature, and then create art from your findings. parentmap.com/nature-crafts

• Build a whimsical fairy garden in the backyard! parentmap.com/fairy-crafts

• Brighten up your home with masterpieces from 10 colorful projects. parentmap.com/seasonal-crafts

• Cure cabin fever with snow-inspired crafts. parentmap.com/snow-crafts

Holiday crafts

• From DIY menorahs to decorations and homemade gifts, find fun craft ideas for celebrating Hanukkah (parentmap.com/ hanukkah-crafts) and Christmas (parentmap.com/holiday-crafts).

Science-focused crafts

• Create a primer in entomology with adorable bug art.  parentmap.com/bug-crafts

• Indulge a dinosaur obsession with dazzling dino crafts.  parentmap.com/dino-crafts

• Teach kids that rocks totally rock with DIY geode-inspired projects.  parentmap.com/geodes

Recycled crafts

• Adapt these clever garden crafts to an indoor windowsill.  parentmap.com/garden-crafts

More ways to get crafty

• Make DIY journals, tie-dye art and more with materials you already have at home. parentmap.com/diy-crafts

• Enjoy creative toys that are crafty, green and oh so fun! parentmap.com/toy-crafts

• Keep it simple with clever sculptures, tap mazes and more.  parentmap.com/indoor-crafts

• Try building a city or playing a game with cardboard boxes! parentmap.com/cardboard-fun

• Enjoy Earth Day at any time of year with even more crafts from recyclables.  parentmap.com/recycling-crafts ■

• Create the perfect makerspace for your budding artists. parentmap.com/makerspace

• Celebrate your kids’ artwork by turning it into gifts, cards, tote bags and more. parentmap.com/artwork

• Make homemade play dough. parentmap.com/play-dough

• Channel your inner do-gooder with six super superhero crafts. parentmap.com/superhero-crafts

Presenting Sponsor:

Author Julie Bogart | Dec. 6, 2022 Raising Critical Thinkers: Media Literacy for the Digital Age

Jeffery Robinson and Khalil Gibran Muhammad | Jan. 19, 2023

Past Forward: The Legacy of Racism in Modern-Day America

Author and researcher Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. | Feb. 7, 2023 Modeling a Loving, Equal Partnership for Your Kids

Bestselling author Edward Hallowell, M.D., Ed.D. | March 2, 2023

The Shifting ADHD/ADD Lens: Moving From Disability to Ability

Cultural researcher Jessica Joelle Alexander | March 22, 2023

The Danish Way: Insights Into International Parenting

Sociologist and author Christine Carter, Ph.D. | April 18, 2023

The Habits of Highly Effective Adolescents

Trauma specialist Laura van Dernoot Lipsky | May 4, 2023

Transforming Trauma and Navigating Overwhelm

Behavioral scientist and author Elizabeth Jordan | June 6, 2023

The Perils of Permissive Parenting

Platinum Sponsor:

Hope. Care. Cure.™

Seattle Children’s is proud to be the presenting sponsor of the 2022–2023 ParentEd Talks series

Keep your family safe and healthy

Radhika, patient at Seattle Children’s

HappyHoliday

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