PARENTS MAGAZINE MARCH 2018

Issue No. 380

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March 2018

The All-Women Edition

Celebrating International Women’s Month

SHE POWER! March 2018 No. 380

Sarah Serem Janet Mbugua Ndichu Nerima Wako-Ojiwa

And other remarkable women Knowledge… Making informed opinion

My story ANNE ERIKSSON PwC Partner

WATCH OURBEHI ND THESCENESVI DEO

Vi si t @Par ent sAf r i ca

ForVi deoPr oduct i on Cal l :071 328601 5 EMAI L:i nf o@par ent s . co. ke

From Me...To You

Let’s accelerate gender parity

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llow me to borrow a concept from Chinua Achebe’s book Things Fall Apart. Chinua writes, ‘The lizard that jumped from the high Iroko tree to the ground said he would praise himself if no one else did,’ which simply means taking note of one’s achievements. So here goes… My team and I went all out in the making of this issue, which was created in commemoration of International Women’s Day/Month, which falls in March. We wanted to celebrate women and from where I sit, I can confidently say that we did a pretty good job. Never before in the history of this magazine have we ever had three iconic and super women grace one cover.

Having Sarah Serem, Janet Mbugua Ndichu and Nerima Wako-Ojiwa on this month’s cover was very intentional.

It took my team months to study these women and the values they espouse and we therefore didn’t have any doubts that they would be the perfect fit for this issue and they didn’t disappoint.

Not only aren’t they afraid to embrace their femininity, but they are also using their spaces to empower women, as we continue pressing on for progress in gender parity. To find out what I am talking about, read their stories in the Cover Story column.

Anne Ericksson, PricewaterhouseCooper’s first African female partner, is another woman who embodies the strength of a woman.

Anne, who is staring at retirement, reflects on her 40 years with the multinational services firm in My Story.

Anne rose from being a junior employee

to being the regional senior partner of the Eastern Africa market.

Then we have Alison Caroline Ng’ethe in Real People Real Lives to further inspire you. Alison is the founder and proprietor of Alison Caroline Institute, an internationally accredited college offering courses in beauty, health and fitness. We also caught up with fashion designer Carol Pulei, who rose to fame courtesy of the one-of-a-kind shirt she made for the President during the recently concluded election campaigns.

The designer recounts her journey to dressing the President in Phenomenal Woman. Also meet heroine Rosemary Kapondi who is nurturing sporting talent among the youth living in Dandora dumpsite.

The World Endometriosis Day is also marked in March and in line with it, we highlight the story of Esther Kimemia who shares of her struggle with the condition in This is Life column In Marriages That Last, Martin and Robai Muiruri talk of their marriage dogged by a chronic illness. Theirs is a heartwarming story of a couple who are hell-bent on making their marriage work in the face of multiple sclerosis (MS) – a degenerative nerve disease.

The Finance column for this issue shines the spotlight on the stock market in order to give you a little understanding of how it works even as you learn power dressing tips in Grooming Moments. While at it, get the age defying guide for your body in Well Woman. Your body will thank you for it.

Enjoy the issue!

Lily

Simplify your Life

Don’t be easily offended His heart was like a sensitive plant that opens for a moment in the sunshine, but curls up and shrinks into itself at the slightest touch of the finger, or the lightest breath of wind.

Anne Bronte (1820-1849), English novelist Understand, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.

James 1:19 A wise person ignores an insult.

Anyone in the public eye will inevitably deal with people who judge, criticise,

and even say and publish things about them that are not true, especially in this day and age of social media. Many people go through this often but the wise ones refuse to get offended because it would harm their relationship with God. Also, taking and holding on to offense would steal your joy and would not do you any good at all.

God promises to be our vindicator if we will do things His way, and His way is to forgive. People often wonder how one could be friends with people who say such ugly things about them and the response by those with wisdom is - to

pretend it never happened.

Has someone hurt your feelings recently? Are you offended? Do you need to forgive someone? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then you should do what the Bible says. Pray for your enemies, bless, and do not curse them. Make a decision to forgive and trust God to heal your wounded emotions. If you see the person who hurt you, do your best to be friendly and treat them the way you honestly believe God would. The quicker you forgive, the less likely you are to get a root of bitterness in your heart, and the simpler your life will be.

Joyce Meyer March 2018

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Welcome

The Team PUBLISHER stellan consult ltd.

MANAGING DIRECTOR eunice mathu OFFICE ADMINISTRATORS teresia kamau doreen mwenda EDITOR lily ronoh-waweru SENIOR WRITER esther akello

CONTENTS March 2018

REGULARS 1. Editorial 2. Contents 4. News 6. Mailbox 8. Meet the cover models 13. Living Value 14. Scene@ 53. Baby of the month YOUTH 45. Phenomenal Woman: Carol Pulei: On fashion design and dressing the president 48. Focus on youth: Dealing with exam failure 49. Youthful voices: Why is domestic violence on the rise in Kenya?

50. Young Achiever: Suzanne Silantoi: Lessons from vying for Nairobi Senator seat

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STAFF WRITERS henry kahara joanne gichana CONTRIBUTORS christopher maina daniel mungai CREATIVE edward mwongera collins ochien’g DIGITAL MEDIA EXECUTIVE shadrac nicholas paul louis MARKETING MANAGER lonida etale MARKETING EXECUTIVES juliet mutali frederick bwoga CIRCULATION EXECUTIVE benson kyalo ACCOUNTS alice njeri pauline njeri COVER PHOTOGRAPHY art craft media solutions EDITOR DRESSED BY letoya johnstone PRINTED BY english press DISTRIBUTED BY news point

CONTACTS: st michael’s rd. off Church Rd. waiyaki way, westlands; p.o. box 50795-00200, nairobi tel: 020 233 1312 020 251 9283 mobile: 0713 286 015 e-mail: info@parents.co.ke PARENTS is published monthly

by Stellan Consult Ltd., P. O. Box 50795-00200, Nairobi, Kenya. All rights are reserved.

Reproduction in whole or in part of any articles without written permission is prohibited. The Editor welcomes contributions which, if accepted will be paid for at our normal rates and all rights, unless initially specified otherwise remain with the publisher. Other materials accompanied by a stamped envelope will be returned if rejected. Unsolicited materials will not be acknowledged.

Meet the cover models INSPIRATION 16.Cover Story: Sarah Serem/ Janet Mbugua Ndichu/ Nerima Wako: Iconic, Power Women 23. Real People Real Lives: Alison Caroline Ng’ethe: Setting standards in the beauty industry 30. Celebrating Our Heroes: Rosemary Kapondi: Nurturing sporting talent in Dandora dumpsite youth EXPERIENCES 26. My Story: Anne Eriksson: PwC’s first African female partner 28. This is Life: Esther Kimemia: My struggle with endometriosis WELL-BEING 11. Finding Happiness: Boost your confidence to find happiness 12. Lifestyle: Watch your waist 44. Shape your Finances: Understanding the stock market HEALTHY YOU 9.Body and Soul: Why do you blush?

34.Well Woman: Age defying guide for your body 35. Healthy man: Real Issues facing men but ignored by society RELATIONSHIPS 36. Marriages That Last: Chronic Disease Aside Martin and Robai’s enduring love 39. Relationships: 5 clear signs it’s time to leave a marriage 40. Bond of love: Drawn together by love for theatre 42. Sex: Is sex during menstruation safe

58 Eating at Home:

Creamy spinach and celery soup

BEAUTY AND STYLE 24. In Style: Complement your décor with curtain rods 32. Hairchat: Heat damage? No problem 33. Grooming: Power-dressing tips for the modern woman 46. Fashion: Unconventional valentine’s fashion

50 Young Achiever:

Suzanne Silantoi: Lessons from vying for Nairobi Senator seat MOTHER AND BABY 52 Mum’s Helpline: How to raise a confident daughter 54. Child Clinic: Shaken baby syndrome: Brain injury from violent shaking 55. Pregnancy and Birth: Sex during pregnancy trimester by trimester EAT SMART 56. Nutrition Focus: Adopt the antiinflammation diet 57. Bite Me: I am sugar snap pea 58. Eating at Home: Creamy spinach and celery soup OPINION 10.From the Pulpit: Don’t be a part time Christian 59. Men Only: Be faithful and you will be happier 60. Share My World: It’s time to break those bad habits

Health Guide with The Nairobi Hospital

Urinary Tract Infections in Children A urinary tract infection (UTI) is an infection in any part of the urinary system — the kidneys, ureters, bladder and urethra (the tube that carries urine from your bladder out of your body). Most infections involve the bladder and the urethra but it can also involve the ureters - the tubes connecting the kidneys to the bladder.

Here’s what you need to know about urinary tract infections in children. pressure on, or even obstruct, the bladder, so the bladder cannot empty completely. The urine left in the bladder can be the perfect place for the growth of bacteria that may cause infection.

If your child has constipation, it’s important to treat it promptly.

In most cases, children should have at least one soft bowel movement a day

Holding urine for long periods of time (dysfunctional

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rinary tract infections in children may arise mostly due to bacteria from the digestive system entering the urethra. There are many ways this can happen including: When a child wipes their bottom and soiled toilet paper comes into contact with their genitals – more common in girls than boys due to proximity of the urethra to the bottom.

Babies getting small particles of stool in their urethra when they soil their nappies – particularly if they squirm a lot when being changed.

The symptoms of UTI in children include: A strong, persistent urge to urinate; a burning or painful

sensation when urinating; or passing frequent, small amounts of urine; smelly urine, bloody urine or cloudy urine.

Bed wetting in a child who previously was not.

Lower abdominal pain/pelvic pain and back pain.

Although uncommon, the presence of a fever, back pain or vomiting may signal a more serious infection.

Others include irritability, poor feeding, failure to thrive and jaundice especially in babies two months and below.

The following have been identified as risk factors: Constipation: If stool fills up the rectum and colon, it can place

elimination syndrome): Encourage your child to use the bathroom regularly — about every two hours during daytime. Make sure your child isn’t rushing when using the bathroom, but instead takes time to empty the bladder completely.

Teach girls to wipe carefully from front to back after using the toilet.

Vesicoureteral reflux: This is an uncommon condition where urine leaks back up from the bladder into the ureters and kidneys, usually as a result of a problem with the valves in the ureters where they enter the bladder

Treating the condition Most childhood UTIs clear up within 24 to 48 hours of treatment with oral antibiotics and won't cause any long-term problems. However, treatment continues for up to five to seven days. As a precaution, babies under three months old and children with more severe symptoms are usually admitted to hospital for a few days to receive antibiotics directly into a vein (intravenous antibiotics).

News

Pampers celebrates 20 years in Kenya

Water great feeling?

• Drinking Water helps reduce cavities and tooth decay. Water helps produce saliva, which keeps your mouth and teeth clean.

• Drinking enough reduces the risk of Arthritis. With plenty of water in your body, there is less friction in your joints, thus less chance of developing arthritis.

• Drinking water improves Skin Complexion Moisturizes your skin, keeps it fresh, soft, glowing and smooth. Gets rid of wrinkles. It’s the best anti-aging treatment around!

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ampers marked 20 years Kenya in an event graced

by Hon Esther Passaris, Nairobi Women County Representative. Pampers also introduced a new diaper range with three absorbent channels, which help spread wetness evenly across the whole diaper, locking wetness away and allowing the baby to enjoy up to 12 hours of dryness.

Mutune Kilonzo, Pampers Brand Manager, Africa Expansion Markets, said P&G’s new diaper range is a testament to the company’s commitment to providing the best innovative products in the market.

P&G through its Pampers Mothers and Baby Healthcare programme further declared its commitment in enhancing service delivery through proactive education and awareness on breastfeeding, immunisation and proper use of diapers for new mums.

“As Pampers marks 20 years in Kenya, we are delighted to say that we hope to educate over 2.5 million mothers in about 230 hospitals and health centers in 38 counties by 2022,” said P&G’s managing director, Mr Vivek Sunder.

Speaking at the event, Hon Esther Passaris, who was also the chief guest, called on the wider private sector to support mother and child health-care initiatives.

“I hope to address through legislation and other advocacy means the many crosscutting issues such as poverty and access to adequate health care more so for those in the marginalised communities,” she said.

• Drinking Water is a natural headache remedy. Helps relieve and prevent headaches (migraines & back pains too!) which are commonly caused by dehydration.

All the more reasons to drink Waba

Farmer’s Choice awards winning letter

Farmer’s Choice customer service manager Joyce Metumi presents hamper to Fred Bwuoga, Parents’ advertising executive, on behalf of the winner

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March 2018

Jacob’s Well 2018 International Women’s Day

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he Jacob’s Well 2018 International Women’s Day will be held at Radison Blu Hotel in Upperhill. The event seeks to recognize people making an impact in what they do.

This year’s theme is Lift as you Climb. Recognition will be given to people who have lifted others as they have climbed.

Calcium is needed for strong, healthy bones and teeth. The child’s bones are growing all the time. They need a lot of calcium.

How much milk does my child need?

Children need at least 3 portions of dairy foods per day for good nutrition. A portion of dairy is equal to: 1 cup (250mls) of white/ flavored milk 200 ml of yoghurt

EXPERT OPINION – Dr Peter Ngwatu Consultant Peadiatric Gastroenterologist

Children need at least 3 portions of dairy foods per day for good nutrition Milk and dairy products play a key role in your child’s growth and development. Not only does it give your child strong and healthy bones , but they also aid in your child's overall growth and development.

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aw milk can contain harmful bacteria which can cause life threatening illness particularly in young children and those with weakened immune systems. Raw milk is milk straight from the cow or milk that has not been pasteurized.

It is 150 times more likely to cause foodborne illness and results in 13 times more hospitalizations than illnesses involving pasteurized dairy products.

(Centre of Disease Control CDC 1993 – 2006).

Children should drink pasteurized milk or long life milk. This milk has been heated to kill harmful bacteria.

The UHT milk has a shelf life of six months. There is no addition of preservatives or additives. Once the pack of UHT milk is open it “goes off” at the same rate as ordinary milk hence the need to refrigerate it.

Why do kids need dairy?

Milk is tasty and healthy for your child. It will help your child to fuel up before activity and recover after activity as it provides them with energy to go around their activities all day .Physical activity helps kids build strong bones and muscles, maintain a healthy weight, improve balance, develop skills and improve self-esteem. Research has found milk to be a more effective drink than water for rehydrating active kids.

When children exercise they lose fluid and electrolytes through sweat. Kids are at increased risk of dehydration after physical activity, particularly in warmer weather.

There are a variety of vitamins and minerals in milk that support growth and development during childhood. Milk is full of calcium, vitamin D, phosphorous and a balance of other nutrients that have been proven to build your bones and teeth as well as promote the healthy functioning of your muscles and blood vessels.

Calcium needs for toddlers The body cannot make calcium, so the dairy foods (white / flavored milk and yoghurt) that children eat and drink every day are important.

According to Dr Peter Ngwatu , milk is the primary source of dietary energy, high quality protein and fats, and also makes a significant contribution to meeting requirements of essential nutrients. Milk and dairy products are not the only source of essential nutrients; hence it is of necessity the practice of combination of food for a healthy diet. While milk and dairy products are the richest dietary sources of calcium, dark green leafy vegetables like spinach also contain a considerable amount of the nutrient. However the challenge of calcium from spinach is the poor absorption hence diminishing the contribution. Milk fat contributes up to 50% of energy in whole milk, and hence can play a significant role in diets of children in population with a very low fat intake, where availability of other animal sources is limited .The calories from the fats can also be important in providing calories to picky/ fussy toddlers. Whole milk can provide essential fats of significant importance to brain development.

The recommendation in Infant and Young Child feeding Practice in Kenya is exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, and throughout the complementary feeding of up to 2 years breastmilk should continue to be the main type of milk consumed by the baby. The Kenya Food Based Dietary guideline 2017 which is still under development recommends drinking milk, fermented milk or yoghurt daily for healthy eating.

Many countries Food bases dietary guidelines advocate for between one serving/250ml to 3 servings/750 ml of milk a day.

Children between 12 months and 2 years at risk of being overweight or have family history of heart disease, obesity or high cholesterol should drink 2% milk instead of whole milk, while those with no risks can consume whole milk.

Mailb x @

Thought of the Month A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave

Mahatma Gandhi

Afrocentric dolls rock!

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loved the African-themed dolls by Olivia Mengich whom you featured in the February 2018 issue. I have been buying my daughter light coloured dolls but she’s not enthusiastic about them and keeps throwing them away. I want to try these ones and see if she can relate more with them. Sending my order immediately! Thank you.

Nicholas Mochache via email

Emmy Kosgei is a parent

Kanze Dena on post partum depression

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hank you Kanze Dena for speaking out about your struggles with post partum depression in the Parents magazine video. From one post partum survivor to another, opening up about the condition has gone a long way in giving a voice to other mothers struggling in silence. Thank you Parents magazine as well for highlighting this issue. Be strong my sister and remain an inspiration to many others out here!

Samoina Wangui via Parents magazine, YouTube Channel.

(Editor’s note: Samoina’s letter wins this Parents branded umbrella. )

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hen I saw Emmy Kosgei on the February 2018 issue, I was at first confused because to the best of my knowledge, she is not a parent, at least not in the conventional way we tend to think of parenting. But from reading the article, I got to understand that the family landscape has changed and it is high time society acknowledges the different types of families such as blended, single parent or adoptive. These too should be highlighted. Thank you for taking a bold step. I love that Emmy has such a good relationship with her stepchildren and grandchildren.

Thank you for the Valentine’s gift voucher Parents.

Marshal Absolutely loved the Emmy Kosgei video Nairobi Safari Club.

Mishi Yunasi via email

Kudos for celebrating friendships

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ebruary is the month of love but people tend to get hang up on Valentine’s Day. At least you took a different route and concentrated on friendships.

These relationships are just as important as family or romantic relationships and sometimes we tend to forget to recognise them. Kudos for shining the spotlight on friendships.

@Tituskimeu

I loved the February issue with Emmy Kosgei on the cover. @Flavian Flexx

I was surprised to realise just how good Kanze’s English is on the video. I’m so used to hearing her speak in Swahili.

@Jacklyne Butichi

Anita Smongo via email

Follow us @

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www.parentsafrica.com

March 2018

Thank you for featuring stories on recovering alcoholics. Alcohol is a home breaker and reduces able men to nothing!

@parentsafrica

Wow. I love Emmy Kosgei’s natural beauty.

I’m glad she's maintained her beautiful looks. I also love her make up and outfit!

@80s Girl

Body and Soul

Why do you blush?

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hough not very obvious on dark-skinned people, we are all capable of blushing. When you feel embarrassed or self-conscious, an involuntary reaction of your sympathetic nervous system makes your face flush and if you are light skinned the colour change becomes obvious. In response to the emotion, your adrenal glands produce adrenaline that binds to the surface of certain cells, activating an enzyme called adenylyl cyclase. This causes an increase in the levels of cyclic AMP – a messenger molecule that sends the adrenaline signal within cells, causing blood vessels in your face to dilate, turning cheeks a bit pale.

Cheeks have more blood vessels and capillaries than other parts of the body; the vessels are also wide in diameter and close to the surface, contributing to the flush.

Feeling dizzy?

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he kind of heat we are experiencing now and the accompanying humidity can make anyone feel faint. An easy way to stop yourself from passing out in the heat is to make a fist and squeeze. Dutch researchers discovered that this muscle-tensing exercise – as well as crossing your legs or gripping something with your hands - can return blood to the head and keep you upright. Chronic fainters who used this technique for a year reduced the frequency of their episodes by more than one-third.

Why sun makes you feel good

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ltraviolet (UV) exposure triggers the release of feel-good chemicals in the brain called endorphins. This is why so many people love the sun. The downside is that sun can be addictive, putting you at greater risk for skin cancer. Dermatologists say you can still get a mood lift from the sun but still keep skin protected by wearing a sun lotion with an SPF 30 or higher. Play it safe while enjoying outdoors by making sun protection your companion.

Back to your roots

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vegetarian diet improves mood and reduces stress, according to a study published in the Nutritional Journal. Meat eaters who ate a vegetarian diet for two weeks showed significantly improved results in tests measuring mood, depression, anxiety and stress. Meat eaters have a high intake of arachidonic acid compared to vegetarians, and this is linked to changes in the brain that can disturb mood.

Walk for your brain

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egular walks of 40 minutes, three days a week, is enough to help boost the health of ageing brains and preserve memory.

If you are over 45 or your mother is, try to fit in regular walks with her. In a year-long University of Pittsburg trial, even moderate aerobic exercise was shown to increase the size of the hippocampus - the area of the brain that makes memories.

Meet the Cover Models

Celebrating Women

Sarah Serem (59), Janet Mbugua Ndichu (34), and Nerima Wako (29) grace our cover this International Women’s Month.

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he theme for this year’s International Women’s Day is ‘Press for Progress’ towards gender parity.

In this special issue, we celebrate public service figure, Sarah Serem, media personality, Janet Mbugua Ndichu, and political analyst Nerima Wako - all individuals using their spaces to press for public progress in this country. Though in different age brackets and careers, they have used their spaces to champion for inclusivity, representation and empowerment of Kenyans through various forums.

Turn to the Cover Story column for a sneak peek into the lives of these amazing women.

COVER PHOTO Sarah Serem: Grey Fascinator: KACHE BY ANGIE(The Junction) Grey & black peplum dress : Sarah Serem.

Grey velvet pumps: Instyle Kenya(Adlife Plaza).

Location: Nairobi Safari Club

Janet Mbugua-Ndichu: Grey Couture dress and Earrings : KACHE BY ANGIE(The Junction) Nude high heels: Instyle Kenya (Adlife Plaza).

Stylist: Letoya Johnstone

Nerima Wako-Ojiwa: Dark green Satin skater dress & Black fascinator : Nato Design House(Hurlingham Plaza). Multicoloured bracelet : KACHE ANGIE.

Asst. Stylist: Harry Paul

Nairobi Safari Club located at the junction of Koinange Street and University Way, offers excellent accommodation and dining facilities.

To book a room or conference space, please do not hesitate to reach us at

+254 020 2821000 reservations@nairobisafariclub.com www.nairobisafariclub.com

From the Pulpit

By Ivy Gitau

By Christopher Maina

Don’t Be a Part-time Christian

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very Christian needs to comprehend that it is not possible to be a part-time Christian because faith is a full time job. You cannot claim to be Christian yet your ways suggest otherwise. Jesus says in Matthew 6:24, “No one can be a slave of two masters; he will hate one and love the other; he will be loyal to one and despise the other. As such, you cannot serve both God and money.”

You cannot be able to focus and commit fully to one thing if there is something else that is distracting you.

The ways of the world are completely different from the how the Bible advises Christians to live and that is why we are advised in Romans 12:2 not to conform to the ways of the world, “… but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God – what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.”

It is human nature to want to be accepted by other people, but this desire leads Christians into sin, which is not acceptable in God’s eyes. Many Christians participate in corruption through bribery or exchanging favours in order to get what they need because that is the norm. They are also afraid of ridicule or mistreatment for standing their ground. And so they give in instead of fully trusting God to make a way.

Worshipping is also something many lukewarm Christians compromise on.

God is not confined to one day a week, that is, when we go to church on the Sabbath day. A true relationship with Christ means that we live with Him every hour of every day. He should be continually on our minds through meditation. Most people in the world work for a living, which takes up a lot of our time, but this doesn't mean we can't worship God during working hours. Talk to God and pray throughout your working day. Share your faith with your colleagues. Ask Him to bless your working day and to help you be a witness to your colleagues.

This is what the Lord says about those who have an on and off relationship with him, those who are only Christians when it is convenient for them. Revelation 3:15-16, “I know what you have done; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were either or the other one. But because you are lukewarm, neither hot or cold, I am going to spit you out of my mouth.”

By following Jesus full time, you will surely face challenges but you are encouraged in Philippians 4:13, “I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me. You can get through anything because God is with you.”

Let’s also be good ambassadors

of Christ. You cannot expect anyone to respect Christianity and actually practice it when you are preaching water while drinking wine. Many people express that they wish that their Christian friends could live what they preach, but unfortunately that is not always the case. You may be encouraging your colleagues to be kind and good to the poor or orphans by donating food, money or spending time with them, but in reality you have never done any of these things. Salvation is an active process that manifests in our deeds.

You only have one life and death is imminent, therefore, live by the words of King Solomon as he wrote in Ecclesiastes 9:10, “Work hard at whatever you do, because there will be no action, no thought, no knowledge, no wisdom in the world of the dead – and that is where you are going.”

Let’s us be full time Christians for we serve a full time God who neither slumbers nor sleeps.

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT There are times when God asks nothing of his children except silence, patience, and tears.

C.S. Robinson, American writer March 2018

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Finding Happiness

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Boost your confidence to find happiness

f you want to change your life, you need to start taking positive steps right now, even if it feels scary.

Don’t let your head get in the way of your dreams – take charge of your mind and you will find great happiness and fulfillment. Lack of confidence is one thing that hinders us from realising our dreams. If you are confident, you feel like you can deal with anything.

But if your confidence levels are on the low side, you will be besieged with selfdoubt, scared of taking risks and feel convinced you couldn’t succeed. Many people have let their dreams go because they lacked confidence to chase them.

The good news is that it’s possible to get out of a negative cycle of self-doubt into a frame of mind that will help you believe you can achieve anything. You can do it now by taking the following steps: If you are always thinking negatively about yourself you will start to believe it.

Start to become aware of your negative thoughts and then stop yourself every

time one pops into your head. Always be conscious about your thoughts as they often translate into your actions.

Replace a nasty thought with a positive one, for example, instead of saying, ‘I’m useless, I’ll never be able to accomplish this task,’ think, ‘I can do this and I will work hard to learn the needed skills and also do my best. I will give it my all and will not give up no matter what.’

Use pictures too. When you are telling yourself something positive, visualise it. If you are after a promotion at work, imagine yourself doing the new job and get an idea of what it feels like. It will make you excited and make your expectations more real. You will have more confidence when you start feeling and acting the part.

Learn to praise children When we recognise children in a positive way we are helping them to develop good, positive emotional and behaviour patterns, as well as their

self-esteem. Using praise is one of the most powerful ways of allowing children to feel good about themselves. When we say things like, ‘You did well, very good, I’m proud of you,’ we can feel the warm glow in the child’s heart and we have a warm glow in our heart too. When we give positive support we feel great ourselves - all the more reason to give it.

We can produce amazing results by taking general praise one step further and adding descriptive praise.

This means noticing and mentioning specifically what it is that the child is doing well. Sometimes we may find ourselves saying to our children, ‘Oh yes, that's marvelous, great, brilliant,’ without really paying too much attention. This sort of praise can lose its meaning if we are not careful. To make our praise even more effective we need to slow down and really pay attention to what the child is doing.

There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you encourage a child to feel good about themselves. If you haven’t got a child, go out and find one to appreciate. Praise a niece, a nephew, a next-door neighbour – they will feel great and so will you.

Motivational Guide

How to make every day count Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group, which controls more than 400 companies, is arguably one of the busiest people in the world. In an article titled Five Tips on Making Every Day Count, Branson tells us how he has learned the art of balance for a productive day.

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Do something fun as you start your day

The English business magnate reveals that he likes to get up early and start the day with some sport such as a game of tennis or kite surfing to get him into a positive mood. If you are not an early bird, Branson recommends you incorporate exercise into your commute such as getting off the bus early or even making use of YouTube exercises.

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Just do it!

Branson says that if you want something to happen, don’t sit around waiting for it. You have to

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March 2018

work hard, take your chances and seize opportunities when they present themselves. Don’t give in to fear or self-doubt.

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Set goals and challenge yourself

Granted, we should always be looking for ways to make everything around us better. And what better place to start than within you? Branson believes it’s important to always be learning and developing.

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Have a break The significance of taking a break

during the day cannot be overstated enough. For Branson, his breaks include making a cup of tea and taking 10 minutes to reflect. This, he says, helps him to spark a new idea or find solutions to problems that have been bugging him.

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Do some good

Branson is known for causes that affect the whole world such as climate change, human rights and drug policy.

This is because he finds fulfillment in such causes and desires that his grandchildren “grow up in a safe, secure world without the threat of climate change catastrophes or conflict.” He thus encourages people to have a positive impact on those around them.

Words to Live By The pearl of justice is found in the heart of mercy.

Catherine of Siena (13471461), Declared patron saint of Europe in 1999

Ask the Experts

Can menstruation cause depression?

I know menstruation comes with a lot of baggage including the telltale signs of premenstrual syndrome characterized by mood swings, cramps, pain and cravings. However, I find that when I’m experiencing my menses, I get very emotional, feel sad and miserable.

Sometimes I even find it difficult to get out of bed. Can menstruation cause depression considering these are its signs?

Concerned girl Premenstrual syndrome, or PMS as it is commonly referred to, can take its toll on even the strongest of women.

PMS manifests itself in many ways, some of which you have mentioned above.

In 2013, experts entered another form of PMS into the list of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It is known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD. PMDD is described as a severe and debilitating

form of PMS. This simply means that for women suffering from PMDD, the condition can be so severe, as to cripple their day-to-day living. This is due to heightened pain, anxiety and other symptoms of PMS. It is estimated that about three to eight per cent of women suffer from PMDD. Researchers are not too sure what causes it, but experts believe sufferers experience extra sensitivity to the normal hormonal imbalances that occur during the menstrual cycle.

It is not something many women are aware of and identifying it requires a medical examination. In 2016, renowned Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (pictured above), wrote an extensive piece in The Guardian about her struggle to come to terms with the condition, especially being an African.

While PMDD does exhibit physical symptoms, its debilitating aspect tends to be the psychological part of it. Some victims have confessed to suicidal thoughts, anxiety, severe irritability and

Health Q&A

How can I treat endometriosis?

I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and surgery has been recommended. Can you help me understand this condition and the pros and cons of having surgery?

Endometriosis is a painful condition in which fragments of the lining of the uterus (endometrium) are found outside the uterus. But the ovaries, fallopian tubes and bowel are at their usual sites. It’s most common among

immobility in regard to doing even the basic of things, like in your case getting out of bed.

PMDD usually begins after ovulation and ends a few days after menstruation.

The symptoms can last from six days to two weeks. For one to be diagnosed with PMDD, you have to meet certain criteria as outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and a doctor should do the diagnosis.

The criteria are in seven classes and one needs to have at least five of the 11 mentioned symptoms in Criterion A and notably the first four. The list though is not exhaustive. One also has to have undergone the symptoms for about a year.

Criterion A Marked lability (exaggerated changes in mood or affect in quick succession) e.g. mood swings Marked irritability or anger, depressed mood, anxiety and tension Decreased interest in usual activities Difficulty in concentration Lethargy and marked lack of energy Hypersomnia or insomnia Feeling overwhelmed or out of control There are several ways to deal with PMDD including homeopathic cures, medicine such as antidepressants and in severe cases, hysterectomy – a surgical operation to remove all or part of the uterus. women in their 30s and 40s who haven’t had children. Symptoms include dragging period pains – sometimes starting before the onset of bleeding and getting worse as the period progresses.

Heavy bleeding, pain during intercourse and difficulty getting pregnant are all complications, and the risk of ectopic pregnancy is increased.

Treatment involves medication that influences hormonal cycling, such as the contraceptive Pill, preventing ovulation and ‘switching off’ the driver for endometriosis. The Pill prevents the endometriosis from advancing, but can’t guarantee pain relief. Fragments of endometriosis can also be removed by laser surgery to help prevent further formations. If you are trying for a baby, follow the advice of your gynaecologist and do not delay your treatment. If surgery is recommended, then consider having it sooner rather than later. While other treatment methods may reduce the symptoms, only surgery offers a lasting solution.

March 2018

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Lifestyle

Watch your waist

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re you more concerned about your weight than inches?

Abandon the scales as more evidence suggests it’s your waist measurement you need to pay attention to. Putting on weight around your tummy is linked with insulin resistance, which makes you more prone to medical conditions, including heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Even if you are a healthy weight and BMI, if you are carrying excess fat around your middle, you could be quite unhealthy.

Plus, if you exercise a lot, the scales won't give a true indication of whether you are a healthy weight, as you will be putting on muscle and that weighs more than fat.

Whip out your tape measure to discover where you stand. As a woman, you are in the ‘watch-out’ category if your waist is more than 33 inches and for men, if it’s above 37 inches. Setting small, specific inch-loss goals – half an inch every 10 days is realistic. Eat a low sugar diet and avoid refined carbohydrates that have a high glycemic index (GI) and rapidly release their glucose, which gets stored as fat. Instead, up your intake of slow-releasing complex carbohydrates, including fruit and vegetables, grainy bread, bran-based breakfast cereals, pasta, grains, nuts and salads.

Walk faster to live longer

Alcohol and water don’t mix

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ost of us talk about water safety and observe necessary measures – keep a watch on young children around swimming pools; wear a life jacket when sailing in a boat or canoe! Good instinct but we also got to consider what we are drinking if we are going to be swimming. Just as you swear you would never drink and drive, please transfer that wisdom to swimming. Alcohol is a factor in most adult drownings. Women are more at risk because they absorb alcohol more quickly than men.

Keep your lungs healthy

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ost people take breathing for granted, but as we get older, our lung capacity diminishes, making simple activities like blowing bubbles, inflating a balloon or running long distances more difficult.

You can help your lungs stay healthy by eating more foods rich in the antioxidant carotene found in sweet potatoes, carrots, apricots and spinach.

According to numerous studies, this nutrient can help keep your lungs young.

Monthly Mantra

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re you walking fast enough? Walk faster if you want to live longer. According to research at the University of Pittsburg in the US, people who walk one metre per second (about 2.25mph) or faster consistently live longer than those who walk more slowly. Walking requires energy, movement control and support, and places demands on the heart, lungs, circulatory, nervous and musculoskeletal systems. So step up the pace to give your entire body a better workout.

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March 2018

Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and shackles of selfishness.

Corrie ten Boom (1892-1983), Dutch watchmaker and Christian who helped Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust

Living Value

Knowledge…

Making informed opinions

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he adage, ‘empty debes (tins) make the most noise’ has proved itself right time and time again – a phenomenon that suggests that the loudest people are the least knowledgeable about a particular subject matter. This behaviour highlights how as human beings we sometimes care more about being heard than we do about being knowledgeable about what we are talking about. We often portray our own uninformed opinions as fact and to make matters worse, shove it down other people’s throats.

It is very easy to have an opinion, but a whole different thing altogether to have an informed or educated opinion.

Psychologists say our opinions are based on our surroundings – a passive result of the information that is fed to us and if one is not careful, they will continue peddling their ignorance to their own detriment and those who look up to them.

We have become a gullible society and believe others’ opinions as facts because we are lazy to conduct due diligence on the veracity of a statement.

No wonder fake news thrives in this era.

It is thus very important to think for your own self, thoroughly evaluate facts and deduce an informed opinion as a result.

What is an informed opinion?

These are opinions based on observation, rational consideration, and knowledge of the relevant background material. The most knowledgeable people on a particular subject matter have more informed opinions on that topic and should be called upon to be

authorities in guiding public opinion as they have devoted the most time and effort in understanding and analysing the topic. Note, they only have informed opinion on the topic they are most knowledgeable about, not overall.

Unfortunately, some people in positions of power abuse the trust the masses have on them and get into the habit of commenting on every issue, some utterly unrelated to their areas of jurisdiction. Be that as it may, responsible and knowledgeable people cannot afford to be “too busy” to educate the masses. If so, we will end up with a society that has excluded itself from the decision-making process at best, and at worst a society voicing uninformed opinions on very important matters.

This is not to say we keep mum on issues that affect us. Still be as passionate; just be knowledgeable while doing it. It is okay to say you don’t know enough about a subject matter or to say that your opinion is not backed up by research. Use that uncertainty to catalyse a hunger to know more and make an informed opinion.

A guide to making informed decisions…

Learn: Understand there is no limit to knowledge and use every opportunity to learn something new Source: Seek for a credible source to present you with all the facts Listen: Explore with an open, non-judgmental mind. Listen to understand, not to reply Test: Discuss with other people and see if your opinion holds water

Reflections

You are not entitled to your opinion.

You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.

Harlan Ellison (1934), American writer.

Knowledge is power. Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress in every society, in every family.

Kofi Annan (1938), Ghanaian diplomat.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

Confucius (551 BC – 479 BC), Chinese philosopher.

A wise man never knows all; only fools know everything.

African proverb.

Whatever the cost of our libraries, the price is cheap compared to that of an ignorant nation.

Walter Cronkite (1916 –2009), American broadcast journalist.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

Martin Luther King Jr., American Baptist minister and activist.

Your thoughts

Everyone has an opinion but not everyone has an informed opinion.

There is a great difference between the two.

Gloria Atieno, Businesswoman

March 2018

13

Scene@

Behind the scenes with our Valentine’s competition winners

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arshal Kisa was the winner of our Valentine’s competition.

Kisa, together with his wife and two-year-old son enjoyed the Valentine’s treat courtesy of Kenya’s only all-suite hotel, Nairobi Safari Club. The three enjoyed half board accommodation that included sumptuous dinner and breakfast. They also had access to the hotel’s amenities such as the swimming pool, gym and steam and sauna facilities. The young family was awarded a voucher

by Nairobi Safari Club’s guest relations Stella Muthwale on February 15, 2018.

The treat came after Brenda’s ninth round of chemotherapy. We were glad to have played a part in bringing some joy into the Kisa household.

Kisa’s receiving voucher from NSC Guest Service Executive Stella Muthwale

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March 2018

Pampers at 20 Celebration Event

Nairobi County Women Representative –hon Esther Passaris delivers her key note speech at the event.

Event moderator Terryanne Chebet, steers the session at the event.

Looking on is one of the panelists, Dr. Esther Kinuthia of Baby insight.

Dan Kinyanjui aka Dan Sonko a celebrity dad shares his congratulatory message with other guests.

P&G Baby Care Brand Manager Africa Expansion Markets, Mutune Kilonzo makes his opening remarks.

Managing Director P&G Kenya Mr.Vivek Sunder addresses guests.

Guests try out the new innovation.

Aleeza Platinum Salon Launch

Faith Kabira Founder of Aleeza’s Platinum Salon & Spa.

Edward Ochanda Business lead

Frankie and Maureen

Robert Burale and Carol Pulei of Naneuleshan

L’Oréal Professional Division

Faith Kabira and Aleeza’s Platinum Team

Wanja Wathingira of Vera Beauty College

Cover Story

SARAH SEREM

Purple bell armed dress & black fascinator : Nato Design House. Black pumps: Instyle Kenya.

Makeup: Christine of Ashley’s Salon

As the inaugural and immediate former Salaries and Remuneration Commission chair, 59-year-old Sarah Serem will definitely be a tough act to follow. With the help of other commissioners, she set the pace, managing to turn, albeit slowly, the tide of the ballooning public wage bill in the Kenyan government. She speaks to ESTHER AKELLO about the call to public service, dealing with sexism and why all women should own their spaces.

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arah Serem had absolutely no desire of joining, let alone leading Kenya’s Salaries and Remuneration Commission (SRC) when it was being established in 2011. Just two years before, in a surprising move to her colleagues, she opted for an early retirement as the human resource director at Post Bank.

She wasn’t interested in going back to the public service.

“A friend of mine from church saw the advert in the paper and insisted I apply. To humour her, I filled in the application form, sent it to her, told her to figure out what else was needed from my profile document and send it,” she says with a wry smile.

A week later, Serem received a call from the Office of the President. So unoptimistic was she about the SRC job that she immediately thought it was a conman’s ploy. “I was driving down from Eldoret and had forgotten all about the application. I realised how serious the call was when the caller mentioned SRC. I parked my car by the roadside to attend to the call,” she says laughing.

The caller invited her to an interview in three days. “I was grossly unprepared.

A day before the interview, I found out I hadn’t filled a crucial form. I wasn’t even aware it existed. I was supposed to deliver it that same day but couldn’t and ended up taking it on the day of the interview. During the interview, I simply decided to present who I was and the skills I had accrued over the years. Even then, I wasn’t too optimistic. In Kenya, it is believed one has to have a godfather to get a public appointment. I didn’t have any,” she explains.

The staunch Adventist will go down in history as the woman who went head to head with Kenyan parliamentarians in a bid to tame what had seemingly started to look like an insatiable hunger for salary increments with every new election term, resulting in a bloated and un-harmonised public wage bill.

It was during Serem’s term that for the first time, in an unprecedented move, their perks such as mileage, vehicle and mortgage allowances among others were slashed. They were not too happy. “Parliament even infamously

had an entire debate to discuss how incompetent this woman was. I was disappointed by the outcome. I thought they’d be happy that with a sustainable wage bill, they’d have more resources to meet their campaign promises with regard to specific development projects for the people,” she says.

Throughout the debate, however, the question of sexism as opposed to her ‘incompetency’ became glaring.

“They tried to use my gender to discredit me. Who was this woman who had the guts to interfere with our pay? The sad bit was that the sexist statements did not elicit protests from women parliamentarians. Since my actions affected them too, they didn’t stand up for me. I realised that when one is standing for something that is unpopular though right, there comes a time when you simply have to hold yourself and stand alone,” she says resolutely.

Serem admits that at some point she contemplated quitting. However when she looked at her mandate to the people of Kenya, she resolved to go on, “ I had tremendous support from the executive.

The president was very categorical in reminding me that I was backed by the Constitution, the Executive, the people of Kenya and more importantly, being a prayerful woman, God. Thereafter, I resolved to give the job my all,” reveals Serem. She also thanks Kenyans and her children saying they were very supportive, “Public service is about giving back to the people. It doesn’t matter if a decision is unpopular, provided it is the right one. I couldn’t bring myself to let Kenyans down and more importantly, betray my Christian values.”

Even as she looks back, Serem says she is proud of the work the commission did. “Through SRC, Kenyans got to understand the impact of a high wage bill and that when Kenyans give tax, the return should be service and we have to seek accountability for it. The high wage bill compromises the government’s ability to deliver its development agenda to the people,” she says.

Now that her term is over, Serem is more than happy to recline at her farm

in Eldoret. While she is not opposed to another public appointment, the only thing she says she will not venture in is politics, at least at the moment.

Serem, a widow, also considers raising her four daughters and adopted son among her greatest achievements. “I have brought up women who I consider useful resource to this country to which I owe my God. I have tried to instill in them the values I consider to be paramount, that is honesty, simplicity and hard work to which,” she asserts.

Her first-born, Juliet Serem Kiboma, is a practicing architect in the USA while her second-born, Karen Serem Waithaka, is a finance and investment consultant. Her third-born, Daisy Serem, is a communications officer with UNICEF and her last-born, Chemtai Serem, is a medical doctor. Her adopted son is Dennis Serem, an automative technician. She is also a grandmother of six.

As for women and positions of power, Serem has only this simple advise: “Just go for it. Don’t look back. Don’t listen to the noise. Sell your character and personality as well. It’s not only what you hang on your wall that people will identify with, but your inner strength as well. I never looked at myself as a woman but as a qualified individual. It is crucial to have women representation at the decision and policy-making levels.

Women tend to have an all-inclusive, policy-framework mind.”

Serem is also passionate about young people and has been instrumental in setting up numerous causes to help the youth learn crucial skills. “So many young people are unemployed. I prefer that if we are building any capacity as a country, then let it be at this base level because this is the future work force.

The executive level is well established,” she emphasises.

Serem describes herself as a people person in need of constant interaction.

When she is not at her farm, she is hanging out with her ‘girlfriends’ whom she says have helped to ‘colour’ her life.

She also engages in numerous social, community and church engagements.

Serem is a board member of Adventist Development Relief Agency (ADRA).

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Cover Story

Janet Mbugua Ndichu carved a niche in the local media industry as a respected media personality with both brains and beauty to boot. In April last year, the seasoned broadcaster quit from Citizen TV, leaving many wondering what her next move was. She fills LILY RONOH-WAWERU in on what’s cooking in her life. anet Mbugua Ndichu is very time conscious (she arrives for this interview 10 minutes early) a trait she says she might have picked from her father. It is this precision that she puts in all her endevours and it is no wonder then that she excels in almost everything she does. The 34-year-old goes on to explain that she grew up in a close-knit family and her parents gave her and her brothers a free rein in following their dreams.

“I am the last born in a family of three siblings. One of my brothers is my twin. I grew up in Mombasa and later on moved to Nairobi for my high school education,” she provides a sneak peek into her childhood.

Janet speaks in a deep, clear voice and I ask her at what point in her life she knew she could use it to not only to earn a living, but also help others who haven’t found their voice. “I have to credit it to one of my primary school teachers who prompted me to join the school’s debate club. Then in high school, one of my teachers asked me to study media in college. She said I had a very powerful voice,” she explains.

And so it was that Janet would proceed to Limkokwing University of Creative Technology in Malaysia for her Bachelor’s degree in mass communication. But even before that, Janet’s career in media had already started taking shape when she landed a radio job at Capital FM at the tender age of 19.

In 2007, Janet came back from Malaysia ready to hit the job market.

She got a job with KTN as a presenter on the travel show Out and About, before she finally made her debut as an anchor in the same station. This marked the beginning of a 10-year successful career in media.

“I stayed at KTN for two years. I then moved to ETV Africa in South Africa where I honed my skills. While at ETV, I covered notable events including the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. After a two-year stint there, I came back to Kenya to work with Citizen TV. My comeback was intentional because I really wanted to cover the 2013 elections,” she expounds.

Janet comes out as a very confident woman and I seek to find out if this has always been the case. “I was quite shy growing up even though my parents

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always encouraged us to speak our minds. It’s when I joined the debating club in my primary school – Loreto Convent Primary School – Mombasa, that my confidence was built and cultivated. From the debating club, I went on to perform in music and drama festivals and this really shaped the person that I am today,” she reveals.

Janet caught many by surprise when she hang up her boots in media. But as she explains, she had served her time and it was time for her to step back and chart the next course of her life.

“The decision to resign wasn’t reached at once. I had been mulling over it for around eight months. I had a young family that needed my attention.

I was also doing other things on the side that I wanted to develop. By the time I was handing over my resignation letter, I was mentally and emotionally prepared.

My family supported the move and that’s the assurance that I needed,” she says, adding that she is currently taking her time to learn about the TV industry.

Janet is passionate about motherhood. So much so that she started a blog/movement named ‘Iammotherhood’. Drawing from her own experience, she uses this platform to give mothers a chance to share their motherhood experience in a bid to highlight the plight of Kenyan mothers as well as advocate for policy change to improve the lives of mothers and overall to celebrate mothers and to an extent fathers in Kenya.

That she is also fervent about women’s issue is not in question.

She uses every opportunity she gets to talk about and advance women’s empowerment. I pick her brains on the #MeToo and #TimesUp movement that are aimed at addressing sexual harassment of women.

“I know women do suffer in the workplaces. To such women, my advice is to speak about it. Talk to your HR manager, to a friend or a trusted colleague. Keeping quiet will not help the situation. Luckily, many companies currently have policies on sexual harassment to address such issues,” she explains.

Janet calls to mind an incident where she was trolled on social media for anchoring news while heavily pregnant.

She notes that most of those making snide remarks were men and she took

her time to address each one of them if only to make them respect pregnancy and it’s significance.

She also holds the view that we need more women at the helm of organisations echoing Facebook’s chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg’s sentiments that we need women at all levels, including the top to change dynamics, reshape the conversations, and to make sure women’s voices are heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.

Janet is keen on mentorship. She started the Inua Dada Foundation to uplift Kenyan girls and to ensure that they are empowered by having their basic needs met and rights respected.

Inua Dada Foundation is looking to build sustainable mentorship programmes.

She is also very particular about the causes she endorses. “I live purposely and choose projects that uplift people. Apart from Inua Dada and Iammotherhood, I also take part in Unilever’s campaign called #HelpAChildReach5. I’m the Kenyan Brand Ambassador for this global campaign and it’s an honour to spread the message of safe hygiene habits to save young lives. I was also a lead influencer in UNICEF’s #EndChildMarriage campaign late last year,” she says, revealing that she is currently working with a US-based organisation seeking to amplify Gender Equality messaging in Kenya and Tanzania.

Janet is married to Edward Ndichu and together they have been blessed with a two-year-old son Ethan Huru Ndichu. “My husband is very supportive and not only celebrates every milestone I hit, but also urges me to be the best I can be. He is also my friend and that really makes a whole difference. My son has a very strong personality and is also assertive and we love him dearly. He is our source of joy and love. At that young age, he knows what he wants and voices it out. I want him to learn about giving back to the society,” she explains.

What makes Janet tick? “I live by three F’s: faith, family and focus.

Nothing comes easy and I thus work hard. I also keep abreast about what’s happening in the world,” she says in conclusion.

JANET MBUGUA NDICHU

Red pencil dress, Nato Design House. Ruby red earrings: KACHE BY ANGIE. Make-up by Wakesho Nzano, touch up by Christine of Ashley’s Salon

Cover Story

NERIMA WAKO-OJIWA Blue, silver & grey collared body suit with dark blue skater skirt, Nato Design House. Green earrings KACHE BY ANGIE. Makeup by Sylvia Mideva.

The Wako name is not new in the Kenyan political scene; a legacy cemented by the former Attorney General of Kenya and the first Senator of Busia County, Amos Wako. This legacy lives on courtesy of his niece, Nerima Wako-Ojiwa, a vocal political analyst. JOANNE GICHANA catches up with Nerima who talks about women in politics and the challenges they face.

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he role of political analysts is still undefined in society today with many saying that they are just giving opinions, but Nerima Wako-Ojiwa seeks to set the record straight. “Yes they are opinions, but they are politically-based opinions.

It’s good to have the different opinions on the table because we all see the same thing but we understand it differently,” clarifies Nerima.

Nerima has become a strong female face for women and the youth in politics with an ambitious dream for the Kenyan political scene. “In this [Kenyan political] terrain, people belong to sides and unfortunately intellectuals join those sides, not speaking on ideologies, but on clanism, tribalism and ethnicity.

This is what is killing our country. I want to challenge young people to speak on facts, law and the constitution, ” shares Nerima.

Through her interaction with political bigwigs, a false narrative that young women do not engage in political discourse troubled the 29-year-old and she sought out to challenge this inaccuracy through Siasa Place –a women and youth-centered hub for the public to disseminate the constitution, laws and government policy.

Formed in 2015, Siasa Place seeks to create a space where women and the youth – who make majority of the population - can engage in factual dialogue centered on law.

Women and politics “It is very difficult for women to break through the barriers of politics,” says Nerima, noting that many women (and men) fail to understand the weight of the sacrifices and courage it took for several pioneering women in Kenyan politics, such as Martha Karua, to pave the way for women like Nerima to participate in politics today.

“There is so much politic history of great women who fought for the two-thirds gender rule, but we as women need to do better in telling the stories of our history,” she reckons, something she delves into at Siasa Place.

And what of the representation of women in the current Kenyan government? “I know that women

were happy that the last elections gave us three women governors, which is a step-up compared to previous years.

However, out of approximately 14,000 individuals who vied for elective positions, only 2077 were women, which is a mere 15 per cent,” she notes, posing, “Are the women in power really pushing for the two third’s gender rule? For any historical change to occur, women have to be at the forefront,” she adds.

In addition, the integrity among elected women has become a looming concern. Nerima feels as women, we should be above reproach. “We cannot forget that two of three women governors have pending cases in court.”

The unfortunate notion of women being a threat to one another rings true in the political space as Nerima notes. “I have respect for women who have been in the activism space, but there is no sense of mentorship,” Nerima says.

Looking back, even Nerima found it difficult to find someone to look up to.

But she lives by her mother’s advice - to be that woman who lifts other women up. “My mother is a hard worker so she always believed in doing her best and working with others to do so, and I would say I get that from her,” Nerima says.

However, when it comes to men in politics, the succession plans are somewhat clear. “Anyone who is anyone today in politics went through KANU - from William Ruto to Musalia Mudavadi to Uhuru Kenyatta to Raila Odinga; you name them. Even my grandfather was in KANU, and they [men] pride in bringing in new blood and seeing potential in individuals,” Nerima says.

In addition, “Men also groom their sons to take over them. We [women] don’t have that sense of grooming our daughters to embrace similar political interests. I don’t know whether Martha Karua’s daughter is interested in politics, or Charity Ngilu’s children, or Wangari Maathai’s children and the list goes on,” she notes.

However, there is a double standard in the political scene as women in politics are subjected to uncalled-for sexist scrutiny. “When a woman

is nominated for something, all of a sudden we see her nude pictures circulating or her past love life being unearthed,” she says.

Attacks are so common on social media and Nerima confirms the same for the Kenyan political space. “Women in the political space have up to 10 accounts on social media with one specifically meant to fight back attacks.

It’s a pseudo name - usually a male – otherwise people cannot fathom it coming from a woman. That’s why some people are afraid of Millie Odhiambo, because she says whatever she feels and its so shocking coming from a woman,” says Nerima.

The woman that is …

As a brilliant young female, Nerima’s family would always created a conducive environment for her to have a strong voice in big political matters. Both her parents stemming from political families, politics surrounded her whether she liked it or not. This, she says, fostered a drive to be actively involved in governance in one form or another.

“I’m thankful that growing up, my father never told me ‘oh, that’s silly’.

At the time, I thought it was normal until I grew up and found out in other households it is not the same,” she recalls. “A lot of women are afraid to step into politics because their own family members are discouraging them from it,” she adds.

Nerima is now grown, and recently got married to her long-term partner Billian Ojiwa who is also involved with politics – a passion they both share.

From the get-go, they had agreed that they were partners and would support each other, but the couple has gotten plenty of backlashes on social media.

“I was on TV one night until about 11pm. My husband got messages on Facebook asking when he ate because his wife is on TV at that time of the night,” she says. “It is a very tough balance, but I know I have an open and honest partner and we will deal with things as they come,” Nerima says, noting that she and her husband are looking forward to a family some day soon, but they are well aware of the challenges they will continue to face, head on.

March 2018

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Real People Real Lives

Alison Caroline Ng’ethe was managing a hotel’s spa when she realised how difficult it was to get professional beauty therapists. When the time came for her to exit formal employment, she knew her next move: starting a college that will offer professional courses in beauty, spa and fitness instruction. The proprietor of Alison Caroline Institute speaks to LILY RONOH-WAWERU on setting standards in the beauty industry.

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ALISON CAROLINE NG’ETHE Setting Standards in the Beauty Industry

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lison Caroline Ng’ethe is 47 years old and unlike many women who are shy to expose their age, Alison wears hers like a crown. And it is important that she clarifies how old she is as she could easily pass off as a 30-year-old. Alison is a fitness and healthy living enthusiast and this has worked in her favour.

Standing at five feet, nine inches tall, she has a model’s figure and is in great physical shape.

Alison reveals that she has always been a sucker for fitness. This, she says, she could have picked from her mother who is a certified Pilates instructor. “My mom is 80 years old but she still watches her diet and practices Pilates everyday,” she proudly reveals.

Born of a Kenyan father and English mother, Alison has over 20 years experience in wellness and beauty and is accredited with several international qualifications. While all things beauty was always her passion, she reveals that her father wanted her to be a lawyer. She is grateful that her parents gave her the leeway to chase her dream.

She went to the UK and thereafter to the USA to study beauty and fitness.

After her studies, Alison came back to Kenya to work as a manager with the Serena Group of Hotels. “I was managing the hotel’s Maisha Health Club, which included spas. It was difficult to find qualified staff to work in that department and I desired to change that,” she explains.

By the time she was quitting

Alison and her husband Jimmy employment, Alison was armed with a crystal clear vision of where she was heading and immense experience in beauty and spa. Her next move? To set up an internationally accredited institute that would offer training in beauty, fitness and holistic therapy.

“The Alison Caroline Institute was opened in March 2003 and it is approved by the Ministry of Education.

We have certified trainers and the courses are tailored to meet the industry requirements. Our students sit external examinations to ensure that their certificate is recognised internationally,” she expounds, adding, “The beauty and wellness industry is broad and it incorporates beauty treatments, health, wellness, exercises and more advanced beauty options that border on the medical such as Botox treatments.”

This month, the institute marks 15 years since its inception and for Alison, it has been a learning curve of sorts.

Like many businesses, Alison reveals the institute started out with a few members of staff – herself, a tutor and an office attendant – who doubled up on jobs.

“I was a tutor, marketing person and also manager. It took us three years before we finally got a steady stream of students and this was after parents were assured that their children would get quality training. We got international accreditation within the first year,” she explains.

Alison explains that one gets international accreditation based on performance and this is always an ongoing process. For her, she is keen that her students get an edge over others in the job market and being internationally accredited is one of the ways of realising this.

“We have external examiners from the UK who not only examine the

students, but also the institution, the tutors and re-asses me. They then give us a yearly report. If they notice there is something amiss, they tell us and we strive to rectify it. These processes set us apart from other institutions and ensure we are at par with international standards. Also, with this accreditation, our students can work anywhere in the world,” she expounds.

With this kind of training, it is understandable why her students are in high demand with majority of them landing jobs within the first six months of graduation.

Alison is glad to report that they have overcome most of the challenges including convincing the Ministry of Education what the college was offering was a needed skill in this country. She acknowledges the immense support she gets from her staff that ensures that everything runs smoothly. The school has a current enrolment of 36 students taking different courses in beauty, fitness and spa with the longest course taking one year.

“After the course, they get transcripts from us. They also sit international exams such as the International Therapy Examination Council, which are administered in June and November.

They then get their international certificates or diplomas,” she says, revealing that her vision is to ensure the institute continues to live up to its name.

Alison admits that the beauty and spa industry has grown in leaps and bounds.

“It has grown hugely and still has so much potential. I was part of the Spa and Wellness Association of Africa and we held an event in March last year. We were honoured to have the First Lady Margaret Kenyatta grace the occasion.

When you have such a face behind you, it gives the industry credibility. Stress levels have also risen and those who can afford the therapy find it as an easy way to de-stress,” she explains.

Currently, Alison is on a mission of creating beauty, health and wellness awareness for individuals who are 40 years and above. “People are ageing better nowadays. However, there are those who want to look good but don’t know how to go about it. I want to help them using myself as an example,” she reveals.

She thus started a brand – Body by Alison Caroline (found on Instagram and FB) – with the aim of supporting those keen on healthy living. She also owns the brand SKIN by Alison

Caroline, that specialises in skincare, body treatments and all things beauty keeping all those who follow her up to date with the do’s and dont’s.

Alison names consistency in the quality of education, loyalty with staff and open door policy as some of the secrets of success for Alison Caroline Institute. She says she gets fulfillment from seeing her students succeed in their endeavours. As part of giving back, Alison sponsors some students who are not able to pay school fees, yet they are passionate about beauty.

Family life…

Alison’s mother is originally from the UK and she met Alison’s father while working as a nurse. “This was before independence so you can imagine how strong their love was,” says the younger of two siblings.

Alison is married to Jimmy Kariuki, the managing director of Sarova Hotels.

Kariuki is also the chairman of Kenya Tourism Board. Together, they have been blessed with two children – a daughter and a son aged 18 and 16 years respectively. Her daughter is on the cusp of joining university in the UK while her son is schooling in South Africa.

Having been previously employed, Alison urges women with children to try and find balance between work and family. “Good thing is, this stage is not going to last forever. Your children need you not only when they are young, but also when they are older. If, for one reason or another, you don’t get time to spend with them, ensure you communicate this to them,” she says and adds, “Kids need to understand that whilst you’re trying to be a super mum, you can fall short at times. However, if you are on the same page, there will be harmony.”

Considering her and her husband are very busy, Alison reveals that they make deliberate effort to make time not only for each other, but also for their children. “My husband and I enjoy the same things, this helps,” she finishes.

Lauryn and Colin Kariuki March 2018

23

In Style

Complement your dĂŠcor with curtain rods Curtain rods are an aesthetic and crucial part of home dĂŠcor. The type of curtain rod you choose can make your curtains stand out hence the need to know the type of different rods available in the market and what can work best for you.

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March 2018

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urtain rods are equipment used to hang curtains usually above or within the windows and along your shower edges.

They can be made from different materials ranging from plastic, to metal and even wood. They come in numerous designs and styles to enable you bring out that personalised touch that you want. Here are a few examples of curtain rods that you can incorporate in your home.

Crystal rods

If you do not want to use a curtain valance (a drapery hanged from the top most part of the windows that is used to hide the top part of the curtains), this is the type of curtain rod to use. It is clear and creates a wonderful aesthetic for your home.

French style rods

They are also known as French poles and they are the most popular design at the moment. The French style rods are curved to the wall and they are not cut off mid air hence giving complete closure of the curtains from end to end.

The French style rods can be used for light to medium weight curtains.

Spring rods

They are the most common types of curtain rods and are usually able to hold themselves up. However, if you are planning to use this type of curtain rods, you need to ensure that your curtains are not too heavy as the spring rod will not be able to hold them. They also look better if they are under a curtain box.

Magnetic rods

Sash rods

This kind of curtain rod is decorative and their placement on the window has to be a little bit above the window frame to ensure that the curtain hangs up from the top to bottom. Most sash rods are placed at the doors leading to the house or the doors leading to the yard so that they move with the door when it is opened or closed creating a beautiful view of your home.

These types of curtain rods are simple to install. They are also able to hold firmly in place since they use magnets.

The only problem with this kind of rod is that it is costly and if you opt to use it you will also need metal window sills put in place or else the magnetic rod will not work.

Guidelines for choosing curtain rods

Determine where the curtain rods will be mounted. Will the curtain be hung above the window frame or within a curtain box?

If the curtain rod will be mounted above the window frame, go for a decorative rod.

Ensure that the rod is made of good quality material that is best suited for the environment you are in.

Materials used in making curtain rods include metal, plastic and wood.

Match the curtain rod with the furnishings in the room.

You can use hooks, rings, eyelets or closed pocket to hang the curtains.

Add finials – decorative pieces attached to both ends of the rod – to make the rods visually appealing.

March 2018

25

My story “

I

am proud to be a woman – a wife, a mother and a professional woman,” says Anne Eriksson. But in that statement sits a woman who sees the world with wisdom that has aged like fine wine. With almost 40 years of her life dedicated to PwC and its predecessor firms , Anne has learnt not to see gender, ethnicity or culture, but to see human beings for who they are.

“In this day and age, we have to recognise that diversity is a business imperative. It’s not a ‘good thing’ to do, it is actually a necessity,” she says.

The Success Seed

ANNE ERIKSSON

PwC’s First African Female Partner PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) is one of Kenya’s most prestigious professional services firms, and heralding at the top as the regional senior partner of the Eastern market comprising of Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda, Mauritius, Zambia and Rwanda is accounting magnate, Anne Eriksson. Her outstanding commitment to the firm and her technical abilities stand head and shoulders above thousands and as she plans to retire this year, she sits down to chat with JOANNE GICHANA to discuss her experiences.

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March 2018

Young Anne had a conviction in her to choose a finance and commerce path. Her parents were both very clear with all their children – eight daughters and seven sons – on the need to invest in a good education (something Anne carried on even to her own two children). After excelling in her A-levels at Alliance Girls’ High School, the then headmistress Mrs Waithaka – someone she deems a great mentor – introduced Anne into the world of finance through a holiday internship with the Ministry of Education.

“As I was going through this internship, I realised I really liked finance and numbers and was fortunate to be introduced me to then Coopers & Lybrand, which later merged with Price Waterhouse to form PricewaterhouseCoopers. I joined their Accountancy Tuition Programme, a collaboration with the University of Nairobi (where I had been offered a place to study medicine) and qualified to be a certified and chartered accountant with ACCA of the United Kingdom,” she recalls.

Some of her family members received this news in shock considering Anne had excelled academically – you cannot give up an opportunity to join medical school, they said. Anne stuck to her guns and decided financial and commercial matters was the way to go.

“Having made a personal decision to go against the grain, I realised I needed to succeed,” she says, and succeed she did as she became the first ever African female partner at the multinational auditing firm PricewaterhouseCoopers (then Coopers & Lybrand).

“When I joined the firm, I didn’t know I would one day become partner.

All I knew was that I wanted to really

make a success of this journey,” she says.

Jack of all-trades

Holistic Woman

Diversity in Business

Eighteen months before she was admitted into partnership, Anne got married to her husband of soon 32 years, Arne Eriksson, and when she was told that she would make partner in 1987, she was heavily pregnant with their first child and heading out for her maternity leave.

“It’s not easy when you are in a highly charged professional environment, and with a very young family,” she says.

She was to later have a second child and also pursue a Masters in Business Administration with the Warwick University in the United Kingdom.

She takes pride in trying to do the best she can on all fronts. “I don’t believe that my work life is different from my personal life. The two must co-exist. I may not have been great at it, but I’ve worked really hard to try and balance and I make no excuses,” she adds.

In fact, she believes the narrative that women (and men) can have it all - balancing family, work and personal development - and channels the same through policies at PwC. “Today, our new hires are about fifty-fifty male to female. But also we now have more women in senior positions, including as partners, particularly through the Kenya firm and I am very proud of that. The work

“My family has been my rock,” she says. But besides her immediate family, it is interesting whom else she credits for her success. “I would point out particularly the support of our house staff and particularly the nanny.

She retired this last December after being with us for nearly 30 years and I wouldn’t be who I am today if it were not for support. She helped us bring up both our kids. I knew during the week she was there to support us and so during the weekend my husband and I took the load off her. She was a blessing,” she gushes.

In fact, she calls it an investment in the people who handle her home, including the cook and gardener-cum-driver, who have both also been with her family for 30 years – a working relationship she hopes has been mutually beneficial.

Anne, in her words, works hard and plays hard. She is keen on taking time off work to recharge because as they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup. She has some of the most exciting hobbies. Other than holiday time with her husband and two children who are now grown - her son Agne, 30, who recently got married and her daughter Emma, 27, and the two hours she spends at the salon most Saturdays, Anne enjoys hiking and trekking. She has hiked in Vietnam, done the Tour de Mont Blanc in Europe, climbed Mount Kenya and Mount Kilimanjaro – and counting. She also enjoys tending to her orchid garden with her husband.

Her message to the younger generation: “In the beginning, it’s about getting the right qualifications so do your research, and do not select careers and courses because it sounds right or there is peer pressure. Set manageable timelines by taking meaningful and realistic paces rather than hops. By doing this, you get better grounded and achieve the base upon which you move to the next grade,” she concludes.

Anne is a pioneer at PwC, and it all began when she joined the firm in 1978 as the first and only female in the new joiners group. This, she reckons, was because the awareness of accounting as a viable career path among women was not as it is now. Together with others of her ilk, she has helped pave the way for women in accounting today.

“Crunching numbers is not for everybody,” she reckons. “Also, when you are in a firm such as ours, meeting client expectations and tight deadlines can sometimes be quite a challenge,” she adds.

Once at the firm, her seniors would seek to have her in their teams, suggesting she was doing something right. So much so that she was able to climb through all the grades in the firm and to make partner in under 10 years.

Her secret? “Maybe I was an interesting specimen,” she jokes.

Despite her attempt to play coy, it is evident that Anne has worked hard to get to where she is.

“I had an acute desire to be successful so I was very purposeful about what I wanted and was also very professional about getting there,” she says. But the one skill she attributes to her continued success is teamwork, giving credence to the African saying, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.”

Diligence aside, there are some qualities Anne uniquely has that have contributed to her success, most of which are skills she feels women innately have like the ability to multitask, to organise and to be emotive.

“There are certain characteristics of women that we should not underplay or underestimate. These are stereotypical things that may be viewed as negative, but have a place in the work environment,” she says.

From my conversation with Anne, it is clear she understands the significance of diversity in the success of an organisation. She is the kind of woman who chooses not to see people through discriminatory lenses but rather embraces diversity and not just in gender.

“The more balance you have in the workplace, the better because we all bring different ingredients which fosters strength in the workplace,” she says. I find this trait one to emulate, not just as women or men but also on a human-to-human level.

It’s not easy when you are in a highly charged professional environment, and with a very young family... environment has evolved and there are policies and more support structures in place to support our people who are parents than we had in earlier years,” she says. However, “I’ll be honest with you, the higher you go in the seniority ladder, the lesser the percentage of women. We must continue to innovate in creating the necessary environment for our women to remain in the firm,” she notes.

Words Of Wisdom When a man tells me he’s going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.

Leslie Hore-Belisha (1893-1957), Former British Secretary of State for War March 2018

27

This Is Life

ESTHER KIMEMIA My Struggle With Endometriosis Esther Mbugua Kimemia, 27, an author, menstrual health advocate and founder of Yellow Endo Flower thought the painful periods she experienced while young were part of the normal monthly biological changes women go through. But the severe pain was caused by a disorder known as endometriosis. Esther chats with HENRY KAHARA on her decades-long struggle with the disorder 28

March 2018

A

s a little girl, Esther Kimemia looked forward to her menarche (the first occurrence of menstruation) as she had been told that was the day she would graduate from a young girl to a woman.

According to Esther, she thus eagerly waited for the day. By the age of 12, her mother had already started preparing her and she even started walking around with her period preparedness pack in her school bag.

So when she received her first period, she was excited. Little did she know that it was her induction to a journey that would change her life. “My period was red, innocent and irregular, nothing out of the norm for a teenage girl. The first few months after the menarche are usually peppered with irregularity as the body tries to figure out how to balance the surge of hormones,” she says.

When Esther joined high school, the previously minimal discomfort became unbearingly painful. She tried to conceal it initially, but then it started disrupting her everyday life. She sought medical care from the school nurse.

“The visits became the norm every time I had my period and the nurse routinely gave me paracetamol – a painkiller. However, the regular monthly visits did not seem to raise any alarm. I had been told about the usual cramps that accompany periods, but what I was experiencing was not normal as it was extremely painful,” she points out.

By the time she was joining university, the pain had increased and was now a cocktail of aches and discomfort. She was also dealing with more than just a painful period. “I had recurrent urinary tract and yeast infections yet I was not sexually active at the time. The pain was enough to make me limp. The left side of my abdomen would get so swollen and tender. It was also hotter than the rest of my body,” discloses Esther.

The pain during the whole cycle was intense, she could barely catch a breathe. After a few months, the doctor recommended her to visit a urologist to investigate the recurrent infections.

Esther notes that she had her first investigative surgery in 2009 where she was diagnosed with chronic cystitis – a recurrent bladder infection.

“I was put on medication but the pain didn’t budge. The doctor referred me to a gynaecologist who saw me for a couple of months. Many ultrasounds later, he diagnosed me with endometriosis - a disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus

grows outside the uterus. I was then booked for my second surgery. The doctor went in and found endometriosis growths connecting my left ovary and large intestines. This explained the horrible constipation that I was experiencing. I never thought that my cycle and bowel movements were related in any way,” narrates Esther.

After the surgery, she was put on a hormonal treatment that stops periods and reduces oestrogen levels. “The side effects were horrendous. I got depressed and had menopausal symptoms. There was no lesser evil in this case, it was more of choosing your poison and dying slowly. When the drug wore off, my periods came back and so did the pain,” Esther recollects.

A few months later, she went back to the doctor and did an ultrasound where it was confirmed that she needed to go into theatre as the adhesions were back and her appendix had given way. “After the surgery, I caught a break for the rest of the year until I started developing cysts in my ovaries. As they grew, the pain would increase. They were so rampant that we had to do a cancer marker test,” she says.

Esther says that at the time, most people around her didn’t know what she was going through as she looked fine from the outside but she was slowly fading away in pain on the inside.“I once had a blood clot in my bladder that was excruciatingly painful, I remember peeing blood and crying tears,” says Esther.

She adds that people kept telling her to have a baby for everything to

be okay. “But I personally felt at that time I needed my mother and not to be a mother,” she says adding the question of being a mother brought more insecurities and concerns to the forefront.

“What if I had difficulty conceiving a baby? What would happen then? After all, endometriosis is the third leading cause of infertility,” she poses, pointing out that those were some conversations that she needed to have with her potential spouse and she did.

Esther got married in 2012 and the following year she was in and out of hospital seeking treatment for different kinds of cysts. In 2014, she was blessed with her first child and the second one came two years later.

It’s after she was blessed with her second child that she decided to change the narrative as more girls and women needed to know how crucial it is for them to understand their bodies and keep a period diary.

“A period is much more than an inconvenience. It is a monthly summary of what is going on within our bodies.

The duration of flow and the colour of blood should be an indication of something bigger rather than an irritation,” she points out.

A period is much more than an inconvenience.

It is a monthly summary of what is going on within our bodies...

She thus founded Yellow Endo Flower, a non-governmental organisation meant to equip, empower and encourage girls and women as they blossom and bloom. “Our aim is to demystify periods and discourage period shaming and to create awareness about endometriosis. We also support and encourage endo-warriors,” she offers.

Endometriosis affects one in 10 women. It is considered an invisible disease because you can’t see it, yet it is real. Many times women are told that the pain is all in their heads or that all women experience pain, but pain that disrupts ones life is not normal.

Esther shares that there is no cure for endometriosis. However, one can manage the symptoms. Diet and lifestyle changes can also help to reduce the pain, and inflammation levels.

“We need to talk about period cycles and keeping a period diary as passionately as we talk about availability of sanitary products. This way, more girls and women will know when to call out for help. My goal is to educate girls and women in every county in Kenya on period cycle and keeping a period journal as this will help earlier diagnosis of menstrual disorders,” says Esther.

To equip and empower girls to be able to flourish happily and in peace, Esther has written a book, Bloom, which is a practical guide for menstrual journey.

“I wrote Bloom to educate and equip other girls and women to understand their cycles and get in sync with their bodies,” reiterates Esther, adding that the book encourages girls and women to be present, take note of details, plot graphs to understand the bigger picture and learn to enjoy the various aspects of their cycle.

“Pain is the body’s way of crying out for help. Painful periods are not normal. You are your greatest advocate.

Do not let anyone convince you that painful periods are normal. Take time to understand what a normal period is and then seek medical advice when you experience symptoms that deviate from the list,” advises Esther.

She concludes, “A rose doesn’t lose beauty because of it’s thorns. It blooms despite the thorns. The menstrual cycle should not hinder your life; if it does, seek medical advice.”

First Aid for the Spirit One event at a time. One hour at a time. One step at a time.

Ruth Bell Graham, Billy Graham’s wife

March 2018

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Celebrating our Heroes

ROSEMARY KAPONDI Nurturing sporting talent in Dandora dumpsite

Rosemary Kapondi is the founder of Dandora Dumpsite Rehabilitation Group a non-governmental organisation whose aim is to empower young people with sporting skills and access to education. The football coach narrates to HENRY KAHARA how she is changing lives through sports

T

hirty-six-year-old Rosemary Kapondi, fondly known as ‘Maradona’, is a household name in the football fraternity.

Rosemary previously played for Kenya women’s national football team, Harambee Starlets, as a goalkeeper. Her love for football can be traced way back while studying at Heshima Road Primary School in Nairobi.

“I was born and brought up with boys and so it happened they influenced my life much while I was young,” Rosemary starts off our interview.

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This saw Rosemary fall in love with games associated with boys. “I have been playing football for as long as I can remember. Football has made me who I am today. I have played in the Kenya women’s national football team - Harambee Starlets - for more than 10 years. I was in the team when it played in the African women’s Cup of Nation in 2016 plus I have participated in many other local and international matches and in various women football clubs in Kenya,” she remarks.

Although she notes that sporting is

yet to be fully embraced in the country as a profession, Rosemary is determined to nurture young talents and change the narrative. To realise this dream, she started the Dandora Dumpsite Rehabilitation Group (DADREG) where she rehabilitates talented children living in the Dandora dumpsite and in the process she offers them education.

“Currently, we have over 81 children in the organisation who are being trained in various fields such as football, karate and other games. In addition, we pay school fees for them. I know

Rosemary monitoring DADREG tailoring beneficiary. education is important. We can’t ignore its impact in changing lives and the opportunities it brings forth. I did not get it when I was young and I had to go back to school as a grown up. To make sure these children don’t miss out on education, I have used sports as a bait to have them in school. It’s not easy as some of them have been working at the dumpsites for almost all their lives and so it has been a struggle to change their lifestyle,” she explains.

The organisation is in the process of building a permanent school where all children she is supporting will be enrolled. “As for now, we have collaborated with the best performing schools in Dandora to educate our children but we are currently building a school in order to bring all the children together,” notes Rosemary.

She reveals that with their school, they will be able to cut down expenses hence accommodating more children in the programme. “We will also be able to monitor our children closely thereby concentrating on their strengths. After the school is complete, we plan to build a community library where the people around can access books as well as study from there,” she says.

She reveals that one of the measures they have put in place to ensure the rehabilitated children don’t return to the sites is to help their parents lead decent lives by training them life skills which they then use to start a business or look for employment.

“Most people who stay or work at the dumpsites are not educated and they don’t have skills to help them look for a job. I therefore get in touch with the children’s parents and train them on various courses such as tailoring and hair dressing so that they can earn a decent

living,” she says.

Rosemary also goes ahead to secure housing for them and pays three months rent upfront and also gives them capital to start a business. Be that as it may, DADREG is also building houses for some of the families that have been relocated from the dumpsite in order to give them decent homes.

“Life in the dumpsite is pathetic and most women don’t want that kind of life but they don’t have an option. We have partnered with well wishers who helped us to purchase land and we are now building houses for these women,” she notes, adding that before mid this year, they will have built houses for 78 families.

Future plans…

She further adds that her goal is to make sure they get a field that will help the young stars to develop their talents through practice. “It hasn’t been easy.

We have worked hard to be where we are. We still have a long way to go but we believe we will achieve most of our goals,” she notes.

She is also putting structures in place for the inception of a daycare and an early childhood education programme where women will be dropping their children and then go to work. “Most women, living in lower-end estates like Dandora, are not in a position to employ house girls so we will be helping them to look after their children during the day as they go on with their jobs. They will be picking them in the evening,” says the mother of one.

Rosemary says that she is well aware of the challenges such women go through having been brought up by a single parent.

“I was brought up by my mum and

it reached a point when the burden was too much for her. Some of us went on the streets to beg for money and in the process missed out on education,” she says, adding that she finished her high school education as an adult.

Rosemary is currently pursuing a diploma in social work and explains that the course will help her to serve the community better. To appreciate the good work she is doing, Rosemary was awarded early this year during Safaricom Sports Personality of the Year Awards (Soya Awards) where she bagged the Community Heroes Award.

“I didn’t know about the awards.

I just received a call to attend the ceremony only to find my name in the list of those who were being awarded,” she says.

On the place of sports in the country she opines, “If the government wants to solve the unemployment menace, we have to think of other means of earning a living other than employment. There is money in sports. Let’s nurture our children’s talent and expose them to the world so that they can be competitive both locally and internationally. This way, we will be creating opportunities for the youth.”

She reiterates that there is a lot of potential in sports and the government needs to start shifting its thinking to that line.

Health Tip Fasting is a great way to make you feel good, especially after over-indulgence during festivities. A few days of a cleansing diet can be a great way to body confidence and renewed health. Try from t wo to three days of fruit and vegetable juice and soups to cleanse the gut, eradicate craving and kick-start healthy eating. For example, drink beetroot juice to stimulate the bowel, or mix dandelion leaves, celery and parsley into a green smoothie to stimulate your kidneys. During your detox avoid long drives or mentally demanding work as you can have impaired concentration and low energy levels.

March 2018

31

Hair Chat

HEAT DAMAGE? No problem Hair damage is one of those inevitable things because the simplest of things harms our hair; from style manipulation to natural elements like the sun. Heat is one of the leading causes of damaged hair. Here is more information about heat damage and what you can do to reverse it.

What is heat damage?

Heat damage is when the protein bonds in your hair are permanently altered to the point that your hair struggles to retain moisture and fails to return to its natural curl pattern.

Heat damage is caused by three major factors: Chemicals – using relaxers, perms, colours and bleaching agents.

Artificial heat – using hot tools like blow dryer, flat and curling irons.

Natural elements – the natural weather elements like sun and extreme heat.

How can I tell I have heat damage?

Hair suffering from heat damage loses its natural bounce and elasticity.

It usually looks frizzy and dull grey and can barely hold a curl or soak up moisture. The hair strands are also very weak and easily snap under pressure, not forgetting the abundance of Y-shaped

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split ends.

How can I reduce heat damage?

Use heat protectants: Applied before use of heat, they are formulated with oils and silicones that coat and protect the hair from extreme heat and reduce the potential for damage.

Avoid unnecessary heat altogether: If you are looking

to straighten your hair, choose half blow dry rather than a full blow dry – especially if you are going to be braiding or weaving after drying. If you are looking for a sleek look, be keen to control the temperature on the blow dryer, flat iron or dryer and let your hairdresser know.

What can I do to rectify heat damage?

Clarify your hair: To clarify

means to deep cleanse your hair and scalp to remove any buildup of dirt, oils and hair products. Like all dirt, there are some special detergents used to

really work through stubborn grease.

For your hair, look for a shampoo that says “clarifying” or “deep-cleansing” to thoroughly cleanse your hair stands and scalp.

Use a protein treatment:

Damaged hair is usually low in protein.

A protein treatment will help patch up and reconstruct cracks and breakage in the cuticle. It also encourages the return of your natural texture.

Use a deep conditioner: In

repairing your hair, moisture plays an integral role. Heat usually removes moisture from the hair leaving it dry and frizzy. A deep conditioner restores moisture balance and leaves the hair healthy and shinny.

When all else fails, chop it:

Sometimes hair has suffered so much damage that it becomes irreparable. At this point, it is time to think of going for an aggressive professional trim or maybe a big chop to start afresh.

Grooming Moments

POWER DRESSING tips for the modern woman Women face an uphill battle when it comes to their appearance in the workplace. They are pressured to look professional, authoritative and conservative without losing their femininity. It is quite difficult to put together a balanced look that portrays all the said qualities. However, with the following tips on power dressing, that should be a walk in the park.

Apparel choice In a world where no attention is paid to the saying ‘Do not judge a book by its cover’, what you choose to wear will determine people’s perception of you because your outfit is one of the things they see first. You need to pick ensembles that tell people “Take me seriously.”

Suits are usually the go to; they often comprise of blazers and trousers and/or skirts. Therefore, when suit shopping, focus on classic clean cuts and lightweight fabrics.

Avoid crumply linen and chunky tweed.

Do not shy away from bright and bold colours or mixing prints.

Bold colours like red are actually considered colours that portray power. However, do not put yourself in many different colours at once to avoid looking like a clown. Choose a maximum of two block colours that complement each other, and pair them in the most flattering way possible. Prints give you a chance to express your personality and you can have fun choosing prints for your ultimate power look.

Makeup There is a very thin line between just enough makeup and overdone makeup. Your lipstick colour or amount of foundation makes all the difference. Do not let your makeup distract colleagues and superiors from your professionalism and capabilities. Ensure that you are using the right foundation shade for your skin tone. Lean towards neutral colours like shades of brown for your eyeshadow; could

be shimmery but do not use too much.

Your highlighter can be popping, but there is a line; do not cross it.

Hair This includes your facial hair and your body hair. How you handle your hair largely plays into your overall grooming.

The state of your eyebrows affects the state of your face. You might be afraid to shave, tweeze and thread and that is alright because it is not absolutely necessary. Straightening them out with an eyebrow brush will do just fine.

Shaving your legs and arms may seem like too much, but it really adds on to your femininity – which we are not trying to lose by power dressing. You will look good and feel better while wearing skirts or short sleeved blouses.

Accessories Your outfit should guide how you accessorise. It will determine how minimal your accessories should be and the colours you choose to go with.

You do not want your accessories to be a distraction to you, your colleagues or your clients. Avoid pieces that are too bright, too big or that completely overwhelm your overall look. Wear simple necklaces, without too much detail. A good watch for your hand is all you might need when you are not wearing a bracelet.

Shoes The last piece of the puzzle. Shoes complete the whole look. Luckily, like accessories, the choice of which pair of shoe works best is guided by the outfit. Choosing a comfortable pair is paramount; low heels, ballet flats and other flat but fashionable shoes are your best options.

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Well Woman

Age Defying Guide For Your Body The ageing process does not just reveal itself in lines on your face or greying hair, but also in other not so visible areas of your body. Since age you must, we give you tips to fight the effects of age from your head to toe.

1

Brain

Regularly drinking green tea could protect your brain against Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia according to research. While it has long been known green tea contains health-boosting compounds called polyphenols, scientists didn’t know for a long time if these survived the digestion process. But a study by Newcastle University in the UK published in the journal Phytomedicine confirms not only do polyphenols survive, but also the digested compounds bind to the proteins known to play a role in the development of dementia, so protecting the brain. You are also recommended to read a lot, do puzzles, answer quizzes, and learn new things like playing musical instruments or a new language to keep your brain active.

2

Eyes

Over time, our eye muscles weaken and the lens stiffens. But doing regular eye exercises can keep the muscles strong and flexible. They also boost blood circulation to the eyes, ensuring a good supply of oxygen and nutrients.

Try this simple eye workout as often as possible: Imagine a figure of eight, turned on its side, about 10 feet in front of you. Allow your eyes to trace the figure, without moving your head, first in one direction, then the other. Next, hold your thumb six inches away from your eyes in front of your nose. Gaze at your thumb, take a deep breath, then focus on an object at least 10 feet away, take a deep breath. Repeat as often as you like. Don’t sleep with makeup and throw away old makeup as it could cause eye infection. Also, have at least seven hours of shuteyes each night to avoid dark circles and tired looking eyes. Wear sunscreen around the eye area all the time when exposed to the sun.

3

Heart

Turn the TV off if you want to keep your heart young and healthy. A

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study published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology has linked sitting in front of the TV for long periods with increased risk of cardiovascular disease. The research looked at the effect of ‘recreational sitting’, which includes gaming, watching movies, surfing the internet or any other downtime activity that keeps you sofa-bound for hours. It’s easy to snack on junk foods when you are glued to the screen or indulge in soda, alcohol or other unhealthy drinks. You often don’t get time to get active either, which is an unhealthy combination.

4

Breasts

Women are often concerned about breasts heading south as they age.

Because breasts are mainly fatty tissue, you can’t train them directly to resist the effects of gravity. But by working your pectoral and upper back muscles you can help support the breasts and improve your posture. Remember to always wear a support bra when running, doing aerobics exercise, or working out in the gym. If you want to avoid sagging breasts, don’t stay bra-less at any time other than when sleeping.

5

Fertility

Fertility declines with age, but if you want to give yours a fighting chance, feed it up with healthy foods.

According to a study by Harvard School of Public Health in the US, women who consumed more healthy unsaturated fats were less likely to experience fertility issues related to ovulation, than those whose diets contained more trans fats. Another Dutch study published in the Journal of Fertility and Sterility found women who consumed most fish, legumes and vegetables were 40 per cent more likely to conceive.

6

Joints If you want to keep your joints

young and flexible eat lots of greens.

Green vegetables can help prevent osteoarthritis – a painful condition caused by wear and tear on the joints, which is the leading cause of disability among older people. While it’s primarily a disease of ageing, if you do lots of high impact exercise, you could be increasing your risk. Researchers have discovered a compound found in broccoli, called sulforaphane, blocks the enzymes that cause wear and tear on the joints.

Sulforaphane is also found in other cruciferous vegetables such as cabbage and cauliflower.

7

Skin

Apart from not smoking, protecting your skin from the sun’s rays is the single most important weapon in the war on wrinkles. You need a sunscreen on exposed skin all year round, even on cloudy days or while inside a car, and it must have protection against ultraviolet (UVA) rays. While UVB rays cause sunburn, UVA rays penetrate deeper into the skin and cause collagen breakdown and skin ageing. Ensure to use a sunscreen of no less than 15 SPF and higher if you live in the tropics, are outdoors on sunny days, or at the beach.

Also wear a long-sleeved shirt and wide brimmed hat. If you are worried you will not get enough vitamin D, you can expose unprotected skin to the sun for no more than 10 minutes a day before 11am and after 3pm. Avoid exposing yourself to the sun during the hours in-between when the sun is directly overhead. You could also take a vitamin D supplement.

Healthy Man intimidating especially to a man who suffers from esteem issues. Appreciate your wife and cheer her on, as her success is also your success.

Unrealistic expectations: We

live in very competitive times and our society expects a man to be successful in every aspect of his life. According to the society, you aren’t successful if you don’t have a stable source of income, a family, a house and a car. Most of the times, pressure to reach those parameters is piled on the head of the house and that’s the man. Shun the temptation of keeping up with the Joneses and ensure that you are on same page with your wife and children on the same.

Violence: Generally, men lead more

REAL ISSUES FACING MEN But Ignored By Society We have been socialised to believe that men are the superior gender and the society has gone ahead to prescribe how men should behave and act. However, this is retrogressive as it fails to look at men as human beings who need love and attention. We give you a list of issues afflicting men but largely ignored by the society and their panacea. This article is a must read for men.

Domestic abuse: Gone are days

when women and children used to be the only ones affected by domestic abuse. Men, too, are victims of this vice.

In Kenya, domestic violence against men manifests itself in the form of physical and emotional abuse perpetrated by women within the domestic setting.

Data on the magnitude of domestic violence against men is largely unavailable because the concerned party is afraid to speak about it for fear of being mocked. Be that as it may, you should reach out for help, as keeping quiet will not do you any good.

Work place deaths: Experts claim that men are genetically programmed to heed the old saying 'fortune favours the brave'. This has seen a lot of them become twice as adventurous and carefree as their female colleagues.

On the other hand, women are more cautious when looking for a job and rarely will they engage in jobs that will put their lives at risk. The trend has seen a big number of men die while in the line of duty. Arm yourself with

protective equipment when carrying out precarious tasks.

Depression: While it’s true that

depression can affect either gender, the number of men suffering from depression is slightly higher than that of women. Women are likely to seek help when things are not working for them while men prefer to die than confess that there is something bothering them.

And even when they open up, they are likely not to get the help they needed and instead become more vulnerable.

This may lead the individual to indulge in drugs, commit suicide or even kill their partners or other family members.

If you find yourself harbouring suicidal or harmful thoughts, seek for mental health help.

Change of roles: In the traditional

African setting, men are regarded as the breadwinners of the family. But we live in the 21st century where women have been empowered and are thus bringing their own share at the table. Some women are even earning better salaries than their spouses or are more successful than their husbands. This may be quite

violent lives than women. Men are more likely to join gangs or to be involved in violence than women. It’s common knowledge that boys are more likely to be involved in fights with their age mates than girls and to make matters worse, parents sometimes fuel such fights. It’s not a wonder to find out that most men were encouraged by their parents to punch kids who insulted them while they were young. The trend has seen the society bring up violent individuals. Always resort to amicable ways of solving misunderstandings.

Unemployment: Unemployment is a global problem that affects almost everyone without discrimination but women are more likely to find a soft landing after retrenchment than men who are left alone. If you find yourself unemployed, look for alternative ways of earning a living such as starting a business or doing casual work.

Infertility: Both men and women

can experience infertility but its impact is felt more by men than women as sometimes such men are mocked by the society. Most of the times, men suffering from infertility pull out from friends hence leading a lonely life. This affects their esteem. Seek medical help and avoid negative people.

Bible Guide to Happiness Shout for joy, o heavens! And rejoice, o earth! Break forth into joyous shouting, o mountains! For the Lord has comforted His people and will have compassion on His afflicted.

Isaiah 49:13 March 2018

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Marriages that Last

CHRONIC DISEASE ASIDE Martin and Robai’s Enduring Love Forty-four-year-old Martin Muiruri and 35-year-old Robai Musilivi Muiruri understand too well the weight behind the vow ‘in sickness and in health.’ Martin lives with multiple sclerosis – a degenerative nerve condition. It’s been 10 years since the couple exchanged their vows and they have lived by them. They speak to ESTHER AKELLO on managing the condition, rising above the blues and why their commitment grows stronger everyday.

How did you meet?

Martin: We met in late 2004. My

sister, who at the time was at Catholic University of Eastern Africa (CUEA), invited me for a national university’s exhibition and later on introduced me to Robai. When I saw her, she was wearing a crown. My first thought was that she was definitely way out of my league.

Robai: I was Miss University International at the time and I was part of the exhibit for CUEA. I couldn’t even remember him because I was greeting so

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many people!

So how did you end up together?

Martin: I had just been born-again

and one of the things I had been praying for was a spouse. I knew she was the one when we met. So I told my sister to slip her my number.

Robai: Instead of giving me his number, she asked me to share mine with him. Thirty minutes later, he called me to arrange for a meeting. The only problem is on the material day, even

though we were both at the same venue, we never met.

Martin: I suffer from Multiple Sclerosis (MS), a nerve disease that disrupts communication between the brain and the rest of the body and one of the effects is impaired vision so I never saw her.

Robai: By then, I wasn’t privy to this information and I also couldn’t remember how he looked like, so we passed each other. We made plans for a later meeting and that’s when I learnt about his MS condition.

How did you handle the revelation by Martin?

Robai: We discussed it extensively

and I asked him a lot of questions.

(Laughing) At that point I wasn’t really looking to settle down with anyone.

Martin was just one ‘project’ among many. But I’m a prayerful woman and I pray for the people I come into contact with. As I was praying for Martin, I felt he was the one. I had my doubts though.

MS is rare and has no known cure.

However, the more I researched about it, the more comfortable I became.

Were people in both your circles comfortable with Martin’s condition?

Martin: We set our wedding date four

years away, and prayed and fasted about it. No one raised any objection and this was confirmation that we were on the right path. My family and relatives also used to tread carefully around me. I think they were never sure that I would have a full, normal life.

Robai: My parents were very supportive and categorically told me that if I was comfortable with Martin then they were okay. At the extended family and friendship levels, there were some murmurings. People pitied me for marrying a sick man and some even tried to talk me out of it.

How was your experience dealing with the disease in marriage?

Robai: I thank God for research. The

kind of MS that Martin has is secondary progressive, meaning he plateaus for a while before an attack happens. So I haven’t seen him ‘degenerate’ as such aside from a relapse he had in 2010 and 2017. The pain was so bad, he begged us to allow him to die. He’s also been nearly hit by cars several times while crossing the road because he can’t see properly.

Martin: I suffer from time to time from trigeminal neuralgia, that is an inflammation of the nerve stretching from the head to the jaw. Not everyone who has MS gets it but it has been described as one of the worst pains in the world and people commit suicide because of it. It can last for as long as three months. Those are the days I wish death would come easy, at the very least, to release Robai to continue with her life.

Robai: When the trigeminal neuralgia attack happens, Martin can’t do anything even eat. We have to blend his food. He can undergo surgery to kill the nerve but that means his face would

The Muiruri’s: From(l), Martin, Hazzel, Robai and Raziella. drop, as there are no nerves holding the face together. There’s also no guarantee that the surgery would work.

How do you remain strong and optimistic as a couple?

Robai: Sometimes I go to the

washroom and cry, especially when he’s in pain. I can’t afford to cry in front of him. I have a friend who is a counsellor and sometimes I just call her to exhale, talk or even cry. My mum and some two particular friends have also been very supportive.

Martin: Sometimes you have highs and lows. Dealing with MS can make one feel so low because as a man, it means you can’t do much with regard to providing for your family and so on.

Robai: Most times, however, I forget that Martin has MS because he is so optimistic and has consistently shown me that he is still human and can function just like us. Sometimes he feels bad about that and we even fight about it.

Martin: (Jokingly) She treats me like a brick! Pick your cane, wash, iron!

Struggle through it! But for people like me, it is easy to fall into a pity party.

The fact that she hasn’t let me fall into self-pity, keeps me going. I also pray a lot.

Robai: You also develop thick skin.

There are times he has had bathroom accidents and I have had to walk into the men’s room to help him clean himself up and change zzclothes. When we travel long distances, Martin can’t eat. His bowel system is such that when he has to go to the bathroom, he has to go; so we avoid precarious situations.

Does it affect your intimacy?

Martin: Yes. The series of drugs that I

take can take their toll.

Robai: When we were getting married, we knew this could potentially happen. We however don’t put ourselves under any pressure when the condition is aggressive.

How do you balance financially?

Martin: Our families have come

through for us in a big way. I had to quit formal employment when the symptoms of MS, such as violent shaking or sometimes falling became too much. I currently work for my dad as the office administrator. Some days are good, some days I’m even too fatigued to get out of bed, let alone shower.

Robai: I also quit formal employment in 2012 and became a stay-at-home mum. I started my own crafts and training company - Roma Crafting School. My income is sporadic but it helps. Medical bills can be as steep as Ksh92,000 a month and those are just injections for six months. He needs pills, knee support, leg brace, and physiotherapy and special diet sometimes just to mention a few.

Most insurance companies don’t want anything to do with him, but God has always to come through for us.

Martin: I’ve also authored a few children’s book and I’ve also invented a board game (Sozo) registered by the government. Sozo means salvation in Greek and it’s a board game that engages children in knowing more about the Bible.

What have been some key foundational principles that you believe has helped your marriage thrive?

Robai: Definitely the foundation we

started with, that is prayer, fasting, and March 2018

37

Marriages that Last setting boundaries. In fact, remembering that we stayed four years without being intimate when we were courting helps with the seasons where intimacy is a steep hill to climb.

Martin: We’ve also always been open to each other.

You are adoptive parents. Is it intentional?

Robai: Yes. We discussed it long

before we were married. We are yet to biologically have one of our own but hopefully in future. So far doctors say there’s nothing medically preventing us from having children even though I suffered from fibroids before they were surgically removed.

Martin: Initially, it was hard on Robai when she realised that she wasn’t getting pregnant, but eventually, we decided not to put pressure on ourselves.

Was adopting your children a hard process?

Robai: Our first-born, eight-year-old Hazzel is a foster child, meaning we take care of her, but we haven’t officially adopted her. She came to us at six months through relatives. She is aware that she has two sets of parents.

Martin: Of course there are challenges. Sometimes people have reminded us that she is not our own and that we need to have one of our own. Our second-born is one year old

Raziella, and we are in the final legal stages of adopting her Robai: We do plan to tell Raziella, when she is old enough to understand that she is adopted. In the event she wants to look for her birth parents, then we will support her 100 per cent.

How do you talk to your children about the condition that Martin suffers from?

Robai: We aim to protect them, but not necessarily shield them. We, therefore, tell Hazzel in small doses about MS and in a manner that is relatable.

Martin: We also belong to the Multiple Sclerosis Association of Kenya and we hope to establish a support group for children.

So how do you keep yourselves excited about your marriage?

Robai: (Laughing) Martin’s romantic.

He wrote a Swahili song for our wedding and one of our friends, Linda Orocha, sang it. He also surprises me with a lot of sporadic gifts. The only problem is I don’t like surprises.

Martin: I pray for my wife and children and bless them everyday or at least try to. There’s a family motto that we have called IWALY (pronounced I-wal-yi), which means, ‘I Will Always Love You’ - God first, my wife, and then

my children, in that order. We even made it into a plaque.

How would you advice other couples who have a partner with an incurable medical condition?

Robai: Count the cost. Read a lot and be sure that this is honestly something you are ready to cope with. Sometimes the challenge of standing by your partner may happen after you’ve already tied the knot. Talk to God as well. We made the resolution that we were not getting married to divorce. We are in it to stay and we continue to pray that God will help us.

Martin: Communication is key.

Always remember the human face of the condition. Love your partner for who they are, their personality and not because you pity them. I believe for any relationship to prosper, God has to be in it. So, put God first.

Happy and Inspiring If you have love, you have everything.

Poem Corner

Phenomenal Woman

By Maya Angelou (1928-2014), American poet, singer, memoirist, and civil rights activist.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies.

I say, It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, That’s me.

I walk into a room

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Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.

I say, It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered What they see in me.

They try so much But they can’t touch My inner mystery.

When I try to show them, They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style.

I’m a woman Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, That’s me.

Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing, It ought to make you proud.

I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, The palm of my hand, The need for my care.

‘Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, That’s me.

Relationships

5 Clear signs it’s time to leave a marriage We all get into marriage hoping it will work out and only death will do us part. Unfortunately, things do not always go as planned and certain occurrences lead to the end of many relationships. You can attempt to hold on to your marriage but if staying is causing you pain and suffering, you need to quit. Here are behaviours that may indicate it is time to pack and leave.

Physical abuse: Men have for a

long time been considered the main predators, however, in today’s world, women are also playing the role. You may or may not be able to notice the signs that your partner is capable of physically hurting you until it is too late.

Your partner will make excuses as to why they attempted or actually hurt you and you might consider forgiving; but you need to understand that physical abuse is dangerous. It will consequently result in long lasting effects like depression and anxiety, where you are in a constant state of nervousness and worry wondering what your spouse might do to you next.

Emotional and verbal abuse:

Verbal abuse includes frequent anger, rage, blame, sarcasm, criticism, judgment, threats and other abusive means of undermining and controlling you. Verbal abuse eventually leads to emotional abuse because words largely affect self-esteem and self-worth. You will begin thinking that the negative things your spouse says about you are true and you suddenly do not love yourself or feel the need to change into what you think they would prefer you to be. You should leave that relationship

if your abusive partner is not willing to attend therapy because they are unwilling to learn, grow and heal.

Child abuse: Fighting for the

well-being of your children should never be up for discussion; you must fight for it no matter the consequences. It is crucial that children are not raised in a hostile environment, as this will affect them psychologically. If you find out that your partner is abusing your children, could be physically, sexually or emotionally, you have to end that relationship immediately. Report the abuse to the relevant authorities and ensure that your children receive the necessary care they need to heal.

get infected with sexually transmitted infections (STIs) from having many sexual partners and you could get infected in the process.

Substance addiction: Your partner

could be addicted to drugs, alcohol or other substances; this could lead to self-harm and they may harm you or your children. It indicates a deep level of self-abandonment, and refusal to attempt to get better by going through rehabilitation programmes is a clear sign that your partner is not likely to change. As a loving partner, you could be enabling your partner by providing the environment your partner needs to carry on with these bad habits and in this case you are part of the problem. Do not allow your partner to lose himself or herself because they know you will take care of them. It will cause a strain in your relationship and signal imminent separation.

You should not feel unworthy of love and happiness after these experiences; but you need to heal fully before getting into another romantic relationship, therefore give yourself time to do so.

Infidelity: Many people choose

to forgive infidelity because a lot of healing can occur if you are both open to learning new things about yourselves in the process. Others choose to forgive just to avoid the consequences of splitting up such as losing homes or negative effects on children. However, your spouse may be unfaithful to you again and again; in this case you must consider leaving. It is probable that your partner is struggling with sex addiction, which may cause many problems in the relationship. Your unfaithful partner can

Women’s Wisdom The best thing that can come with success is the knowledge that it is nothing to long for.

Camille Paglia, American academic and social critic

March 2018

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Bond of Love

Drawn together by love for theatre When Robert Mugo, 31, and Esther Kendi, 26, met in 2010 for the first time, never in their wildest dreams did they think they would be attracted to each other. At the time, both were working at Beacon of Hope, a non-governmental organisation based in Rongai. The lovebirds share their love story with HENRY KAHARA.

E

sther Kendi and Robert Mugo started off as colleagues before they realised they were meant to be more than just workmates. Through regular interaction, the pair came to the realisation that they shared similar values and interests and this drew them closer.

“I first met Esther while interning at Beacon of Hope in Ongata Rongai, Kajiado County. She had just finished form four and was volunteering with the organisation,” Robert starts off the interview.

Esther says that starting a serious

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relationship with Robert was the last thing on her mind at the time. “I had not seen it coming as I didn’t think of him in anyway other than a colleague,” says an excited Esther.

Robert observes that one of the activities in the organisation was theatre production and it’s here they were both assigned. “After working together for some months in a project, we realised we had a mutual interest in theatre,” notes Robert.

“Apart from being tall, dark and handsome, he was helpful too. He helped me draft my first CV. He was

also mature (and still is) as he would occasionally advise me when I was at crossroads,” says Esther.

Though slow but sure, the couple eventually fell in love and started courting. In 2012, Robert, assured that Esther was the one God had chosen for him, took her to his parents in Buruburu Estate in Nairobi and although Esther wasn’t prepared for the visit, Robert’s parents were elated.

“I didn’t know he was taking me to his parents as we had not discussed about it. I thought I was accompanying him for a haircut but he requested we

take a detour to his parents’ house. I was apprehensive as the kind of attire I had worn was not the best for in-laws visitation. But the visit ended well because his mum was evidently happy with me,” Esther explains.

Having gotten his parents’ blessings, their journey to matrimony kicked off in earnest starting with dowry payment.

The fact that Esther’s (Meru) and Robert’s (Kikuyu) culture have a lot of similarities made things easier for them during dowry negotiations.

“After fulfilling all cultural requirements, we were given the green light to go on with our wedding plans,” he notes.

The wedding…

With the help of friends, church and family members, Robert and Esther managed to raise Ksh350,000 for their wedding that was held on August 6, 2016 at New Life Mission Church in Ongata Rongai.

Robert urges those planning to wed to look for a mature best couple as they play a big role in determining how the wedding and the eventual marriage will pan out. They further advise young people not to have a wedding that is beyond their means.

“If you are planning a wedding, don’t over burden your committee with a huge budget. Also, as the bride and groom, you need to specifically cater for personal items like rings and attires among others,” says Robert who is a HR officer at New Life Mission.

“A wedding is a one-day affair but marriage is for a lifetime; so don’t break the bank to entertain people,” he remarks.

Robert also says that a good and committed committee is equal to a successful wedding. “Look for experienced people to sit in your committee and work closely with them,” observes Esther.

The lovebirds also counsel those who want to tie the knot to make sure they know each other well before exchanging vows. “Love is complex and it takes patience, compromise and sacrifice for it to develop into something meaningful.

It’s not a feeling as most people think,” says Robert, adding that they dated for approximately five years before eventually getting married.

// Photography by Dan March 2018

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Sex

Is Sex During Menstruation Safe?

Period sex evokes such diverse opinions among both men and women.

Regardless of which side of the divide you fall, having sex during menstruation happens and we are better off getting ahead of it. Here are some of the basics you need to know about period sex.

A

2016 study showed that out of 500 men and women interviewed, over 55 per cent admitted to having had sex during menstruation and actually considered it “natural” or “awesome” with millennial’s being the most popular group open to it. On the other hand, those who felt it was gross mainly did so because they were either scared of the sight of blood, or simply questioned its morality and worried about the dangers associated with it.

Menstruation has socially and

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religiously been deemed as an unclean, impure and dirty period of a woman’s life – a huge irony considering it is a natural bodily function that happens monthly to every fertile woman. Some societies inhibit even the mention of it both publicly and in private. It is no wonder period sex has a cloud of condemnation around it, not to mention the repugnance surrounding menstruation among men. Obviously, this stigma is slowly being transformed through civic education and people seem more open to question traditional

stereotypes especially under the topic of sex, but there is still a long way to go in demystifying it.

So what is period sex? In the most basic definition, period sex or menstruation sex is the act of sexual intercourse with a female while she is on her period. In fact, many women claim to feel ‘more in the mood’ while on their period. One theory advanced to explain this phenomenon is that the presence of more discharge makes women more sensitive and aroused (because the wetter, the better).

Another argument is that this intense surge in sexual urges is related to the fluctuations in the various sex hormones throughout the month, and these changes are very different for every woman.

On the other hand, the biggest argument against period sex is the gross factor and it is indeed a big one. During a woman’s period, chances are she already feels uncomfortable and takes extra hygiene measures. To add sex into that mix is not exactly the smoothest transition. According to a recent Men’s Health survey, more women are opposed to period sex than men for this very reason.

However, for men in general, involving themselves in menstruation matters is a stretch. And the clean up, to be honest, does not seem fun at all.

But if we are to be entirely honest, sex is not meant to be clean and sanitised, as people so eagerly like to put it. That said, the shock of blood in the mix is confusing and sometimes a turn off for many.

Another huge concern for those against it is actually having that conversation with their partner.

Understandably, there could be reservations initiating a conversation about period sex especially if the couple is not sexually open with one another. For some women, talking about anything to do with their periods with their partner is a challenge in and of itself. But a healthy sex life is where both parties feel somewhat open to discuss their sexual wants, needs, and desires.

Aside from the psychological torture of having the period sex conversation with ones partner, the high risk of infection for the woman is bound to put any woman off. Generally, a woman’s vagina maintains a pH balance of 4.5 throughout the month, but during menstruation that number increases significantly meaning the vagina is more susceptible to infections like yeast overgrowth and urinary tract infections (UTIs), as well as sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

But it is not all doom and gloom.

There is a reason period sex is even a thing. For most women, she is most sensitive down there during her menstruation. She becomes more sensitive to touch and more easily aroused. The increase in blood flow in her vagina and the added lubrication of blood make her sexual experience much more enjoyable. Proponents argue that the period blood provides a constant

supply of lubrication and will make both parties focus on more important matters.

Also, this increased blood flow can create a tighter feel around the vagina opening, creating a snugger feel for him.

Not to mention her orgasms may also be stronger and more intense because all her sexual organs are buzzing with energy waiting to be released.

A normal menstruation cycle lasts about three to five days. Most times, waiting five days to make love with your partner isn’t that long. But sometimes those five days may seem like five years considering the explosive urges both the man and the woman maybe be experiencing at that time. Once you get over the awkwardness and grossness part of it, period sex can be a great bonding moment with your partner.

Before indulging, make sure you are both completely comfortable with it.

The worst thing you can do is force your partner to engage in it because it will not be enjoyable or pleasurable. It does not have to be a regular activity for you and your partner in between the sheets, but period sex should not be demonised and stigmatised as it just maybe the key to unlock sexual bliss.

Your nagging questions answered…

Is period sex safe or not?

This is a very tricky question because what does safe mean? In simple terms, yes, period sex is safe. Menstrual blood is a mixture of healthy blood and discarded uterine tissue and does not have dirt or impurities like most people believe. Therefore, getting into contact with such blood is not harmful to the penis. Also, the myth that penis may damage the uterus is entirely false. In fact, having sex during her period may even give her relief from painful cramps, as her body will produce endorphins into her blood stream that will in turn reduce the pain.

Is period sex painful?

Generally speaking, period sex should not be painful. Unless, of course, one experiences the usual mild cramps. But in the case that it is painful for either of the parties involved, it is advisable to listen to your body and act accordingly.

Seek medical attention in case the pain does not subside as this maybe the onset of a more serious problem.

Is period sex a perversion?

Dealing with the mess and logistics can feel awkward and a complete turn off for both parties. The psychological

input in great sex really determines the outcome and if one or both parties are too distracted with the technicalities of period sex, this may not be for you, and that’s okay. Not all kinds of sex are for everyone.

Will period sex give me HIV or other STI’s?

Like for normal sex, it is crucial to practice safe sex when having period sex to reduce infections and pregnancy. You are also more likely to give your partner a blood borne disease like hepatitis and HIV during period sex than any other type of sex.

Should I use a tampon while having period sex?

This may be dangerous and it is highly advisable to retrieve these products before engaging. You may feel some soreness or tenderness due to the bruising of the action after. However, if by some chance you happen to find yourself in such a predicament, the option of leaving a tampon in there may increase your chances of getting Toxic Shock Syndrome - a rare but life-threatening infection of certain types of bacterial infections.

Is it ok to have oral sex during periods?

Penile or fingering during a woman’s period would not carry as much weight as oral sex. Period blood carries more bacteria than usual and may cause inflammation. In the case that both parties are still interested, tread with caution because of the spread of disease through body fluid.

Can I get pregnant from periods sex?

The chances are very low, but there is still a chance - a very small one. Sperm is able to survive inside a woman’s body for a few days and there is a small chance that an early ovulation could cause pregnancy.

Slimming Tips Remove mayonnaise and other heavy dressings from your salads and also rich sauces in food and go for herbs. They are delicious and have no calories. Find a book about herbs and start to experiment – you can use them for flavours and in dressings instead of sauces. You can even grow them yourself. Chop up chives, spring onions or leeks for a tang.

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Finance

Understanding the

STOCK MARKET

The term ‘stock market’ scares many to the point of shying away from it. But it is a viable investment that can work for anyone as long as you understand it.

This article unpacks the jargon to give you a little understanding of how the stock market works.

A

stock market is a place where investors meet to buy and sell shares. When you buy a company’s share, you are buying a piece of it. Before, investors would meet in an open market but today they meet electronically. You access the electronic markets through a broker.

How companies get into the stock market The stock market business starts when a company needs to raise money. It thus issues shares also called stocks. This is done through an Initial Public Offering (IPO) in which the price of shares is set based on how much the company is estimated to be worth, and how many shares are being issued. The company gets to keep the money raised to grow its business, while the shares continue to trade on an exchange.

Traders and investors continue to trade a company’s stock after the IPO because the perceived value of the company changes over time.

Once the offering is completed, the price of the shares moves independently from the actual company success. Price changes reflect supply and demand, so when a stock is deemed desirable for whatever reason — recent success, a strong industry sector or popularity then the price goes up.

When a broker or an investor is buying stocks, they find them listed in the market with short known names called ticker symbols. As an investor, you just search on the current price on the ticker symbol and it gives you the most recent price.

It’s good to note that the price of shares

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moves very quickly as it is determined by the latest news and investors’ mood.

Experts point out stock exchange as one of the best ways to invest your money, as owning stock entitles you to be part of the company’s earnings and assets.

Stocks can increase in value, which is called capital appreciation, and they can also decrease in value depending with the market demand.

In addition to capital appreciation, some stocks also allow you to be paid a portion of the company’s profits. That's called a dividend stock and it distributes dividend payments to stockholders depending with their shares.

Pros and cons of investing in stock There are many advantages of investing in stocks. The biggest advantage is that they offer the greatest potential for growth although it’s not a guarantee that they will grow. Additionally, you can buy the amount you can afford.

Mature and established companies also pay dividends (a cut of the company’s profits) to stakeholders mostly on an annual basis.

The major disadvantage of investing in stocks is the fact that their price is volatile - it keeps on fluctuating depending on the season. News and earning forecasts are some of the triggers that cause investors to buy or sell shares and that affect the market.

Wrong timing in investing in stocks could see you lose a lot of your money. If you aren’t familiar with the business, it’s advisable to look for an expert to help you manoeuver through it.

What you need to know about stock market Trying to predict which stock will rise or fall, and when, is very difficult as investors don't have the same agenda, which leads them to buy and sell stocks at different times. One investor may hold stock that has grown significantly in price and sell to lock in that profit and extract the cash.

Another trader may have bought at a higher price than the stock now sells for, putting the trader in a losing position.

That trader may sell to keep the loss from getting bigger. Based on their own research, investors and traders may also sell their stock because they believe a stock is going to go down and want to take their money out before it does.

The buyer can place a market order to purchase at the current price, or a limit order to purchase if the stock reaches a certain price (which can be lower or higher, depending on the trading strategy). That order is matched up with a seller who has put shares up for sale.

From a Woman’s Mouth Help me God, to slow down, to be silent, so I can hear you and do Your will and not mine.

Marian Wright Edelman, American activist for rights of children

Phenomenal woman you some designs we can work with to achieve what you want.

How did you become the President’s stylist?

I actually met the President through the Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko, who was my client. I gave him a shirt to take to the President as a gift as I wanted him to look different during his campaign.

I estimated the President’s size. I had seen him during my days as an hotelier in the hotels where I used to work and also on TV and I knew what size to work with.

Do you have a favourite piece out of the pieces you have done for the President?

I have two; the one he wore when he was being endorsed as the Jubilee candidate at the Bomas of Kenya - it was a white shirt with Ankara print - and the one he wore during the opening of the Standard Gauge Railway.

CAROL PULEI

On Fashion Design and Dressing the President While working as an hotelier, Carol Pulei noted her love for fashion was growing stronger with each passing day. She speaks to RUTH MWATHI on taking the plunge into the world of design and achievements thus far, including dressing the President.

M

y interview with Carol Pulei begins with a warm welcome at her shop, Naneuleshan, at Adlife Plaza in Nairobi’s Kilimani area.

The spacious room is fitted with a remarkable setup of different tailored suits well displayed on the walls of the shop. Adding some flavour to her workspace were photographs of iconic pieces she had designed for President Uhuru Kenyatta.

Why fashion design?

It was my hobby as I worked as an hotelier. I was really passionate about fashion designing and thus quit my job in 2013 and began to fully focus on it.

Why focus on men’s apparel?

When I started out, shopping for men’s apparel was difficult and most of the shops in town were concentrating on women’s apparel. That’s when I decided that to concentrate more on men’s

attires although I make clothes for both genders.

Do you create your own designs?

Yes, I create and make my own designs. I also import clothes.

What’s your favourite part about being a fashion designer?

Giving a client a personalised touch.

For me, sitting down with a client and understanding what they want, what they love, their favourite colour and design makes it quite enjoyable. It’s also fulfilling seeing a concept come to life.

How do you come up with an incredible masterpiece?

Once I have spoken to a client, I get to understand what they like most and that gives me ideas on what to work with, for example, if you like a certain colour, we work with that and show

Is there pressure that comes with designing for societal figures?

Yes there is pressure because the design has to be unique. You have to ensure that any piece you do for these figures, for example the President, is what he likes and is comfortable and yet it has to be one of a kind.

Any disappointments from clients that the work hasn’t come out the way they wanted?

Not really. Probably the only complaint we have received from clients is late delivery, though not always. There are days we have so much work that we end up giving the client their clothes a day or two after the deadline. But in terms of design, they are always satisfied.

The quality of our work speaks for itself.

Other achievements you have had in this industry?

I have been able to dress other dignitaries. Currently, I am in talks with Malawi to dress their President for the upcoming election campaigns. I have done a few samples for them and I hope they approve. Also, I now have three shops.

What is in the future for Carol Pulei?

I hope to do something on mentorship of the boy child and write a book, as well as share the stories of people who have been supporting me so that the boy child can have examples of people to look up to.

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Fashion

Stylist: Letoya Johnstone Photography: Collins Ochieng & Edward Mwongera

Models: Phelister Obat Makeup artist: Achieng Owaga Wardrobe: Nato Design House

Mint Green layered gown & Swarovski animal print belt Shoes: Black strappy heels,Instyle Kenya.

Be bold in majestic and sassy gowns.

It is International Women’s Month and what better way to celebrate femininity than in audacious gowns.

Here are our top picks for the month.

Models: Yvone Okello Black Turtle neck lace Gown Top: Off-white gown with ankara bodice details.

Grey organza bell armed dress, Grey circular clutch bag.

Shoes: Silver strappy heels,Instyle Kenya.

Focus on Youth counsellor or a psychiatrist to eliminate the possibility of stress having a negative impact on your health and well-being.

Keep yourself occupied: Activities

Dealing With Exam Failure Academic excellence piles pressure on students to perform in order to be accepted and appreciated.

As such, so much significance has been placed on examination results, whether formative or summative, to the detriment of the student. If the outcome of exams is not in your favour, here are ways of dealing with the situation.

Have a plan: Having a plan that

you can put into action in case you do not attain the grades you hope for is great. Do not be too hung up on a single outcome because you will be unable to move forward as quickly as you should.

Understand that you are not a failure: Underperforming does

not mean that all your endeavours are destined for failure. It is important to know that it is only a bump on the road,

and there are many ways for you to succeed. In fact, you could be doing well in other areas of your life so do not let exam failure make you feel incompetent.

Talk to someone: Do not bottle

up your feelings; you can talk to your parents, siblings or friends about your distress, they are likely to advice and help you because they have been in your shoes. It is also advisable to discuss all your worries with a qualified professional, for example your school

are great for stress relief. Therefore, as you wait for your examination results, participate in activities such as playing your desired sports to blow off steam, challenging yourself to learn how to draw or paint, learning how to play a musical instrument or volunteering.

Focus on activities you like that put you in a relaxed state.

Be self-aware: Every student hopes

to excel in school, but it is essential that you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses in relation to school subjects. Being self-aware ensures that the goals you have set for yourself are achievable in that you are not suddenly hoping to perform excellently in a subject while your record has been average or below average.

Accept and move on: When you

receive your results, it is undoubtedly necessary for you to reflect on your performance and assess what you could have done better, as this will assist you in your future examinations. However, it is paramount that you do not ruminate on your performance longer than you need to. Make peace with whatever outcome you may have gotten and focus on how best to move forward.

Trail Blazers

WINNIE BYANYIMA Executive Director of Oxfam International

B

orn in Mbarara District in the Western Region of Uganda, Winnie Byanyima is the daughter of Boniface Byanyima - a former politician in Uganda and Gertrude Byanyima, who was a teacher.

The 59-year-old holds a Bachelors degree in aeronautical engineering from the University of Manchester and a Masters degree in mechanical engineering from Cranfield University, UK.

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Byanyima first worked as a flight engineer for Uganda Airlines. She later left her job and joined Ugandan Bush War, an armed rebellion started by President Yoweri Museveni that ran from 1981 to 1986. After the war, she served as Uganda’s ambassador to France from 1989 to 1994. Thereafter, she returned home and became active in politics.

She was part of the team that drafted the 1995 Ugandan Constitution. She also successfully ran for the Mbarara Municipality parliamentary seat and went on to serve two consecutive terms.

She was then appointed Director of Women, Gender and Development at the African Union before being appointed as director of the gender team in the Bureau of Development Policy at United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) in 2006.

Byanyima has served on numerous global boards and commissions including African Capacity Building Foundation and the International Center for Research on Women. On May 1, 2013, she began a five-year term leading Oxfam International making her the first African to lead the organisation.

Oxfam is an international confederation of charitable organisations whose aim is alleviating poverty.

In 2015, she co-chaired the world economic forum in Davos, Switzerland.

She used this platform to call for action in narrowing the gap between the rich and poor. In 2016, former United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon appointed her to the high level panel on Access to Medicines.

Byanyima is also a signatory to her country’s 1985 Peace Agreement and has helped broker and support women’s participation in peace processes in countries like South Africa, Burundi, Sudan and other countries emerging from conflict. She also co-founded a 60-member Global Gender and Climate Alliance of Civil Society Bilateral and Multilateral Organisations and chaired a UN-wide task force on gender aspects of the Millennium Development Goals and on climate change.

Byanyima is married to Ugandan opposition leader Kizza Besigye and together they have a son named Anselm.

Youthful Voices

Why is domestic violence on the rise in Kenya?

Reports of domestic violence have increased in the recent past. While in some instances the violence has escalated to deaths, others have left unforgettable scars. HENRY KAHARA sought to find out the reason behind the increase in domestic violence and sampled some of your views.

Macy Lelan Marriage has been under threat since the days of Adam and Eve and so I feel it’s the devil who is fighting this institution. The many cases of domestic violence that we have witnessed are not normal. There is an evil spirit that wants to destroy what God has blessed. I think it’s time for us to approach it with prayers. We need to pray for families since a strong family is equivalent to a strong nation.

Brolins Zack

Godfrey Ikiyu I blame it on unfaithfulness. Nowadays, fidelity is a rare virtue among married people. When a spouse gets to learn that their partner is not faithful, they get annoyed and sometimes revenge by killing them. This is a moral issue and we all have a part to play to make our families work. If you are married, be faithful to your partner and teach your children the same. People should also learn to manage their anger. It’s best to let your unfaithful partner go rather than kill them.

Millie Mburu I think poor communication and women empowerment are the main causes of domestic violence in our society today. These two have hurt men’s ego, making them feel inferior.

As a result, men are fighting to regain their position in the society. In as much as I am for girl child empowerment, I also feel we have forgotten the boy child. So who will marry these girls?

Effective communication should also be adopted at the family level to avoid misunderstandings.

Pressure to keep up with the Joneses brings tension in marriage. There are some spouses who like comparing their partners with others and rarely do they appreciate their partners even when they have done something great. This can be demoralising and may cause fights in a family. On the same breathe, the high cost of living is affecting many families and spouses end up quarrelling due to the financial strain.

Jenniffer Njogu Traditionally, parents used to take a lot of time with their children and they would advise them on the kind of people to marry. Today’s parents are busy chasing life and don’t have time with their children, meaning they miss a chance to instill values in them. On the same note, currently, people don’t date; they marry a few months after their first meeting. This does not give them opportunity to know each other well and hence turn against each other in frustration when a misunderstanding arises.

Caroline Mynor The fear of God is no longer there among people. Today’s generation has neglected religious teachings hence eroding their morals. That’s why most young people are currently seeking solace in drugs and alcohol abuse and in response you find them fighting and they end up killing each other. For our families to be safe, we have to go back to God. March 2018

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Young Achiever

N

airobi-born Suzanne Silantoi calls her childhood normal, which included growing up with both parents and her younger brother. She went to Westlands Primary School and Riara Primary School for her primary education before proceeding to Moi Girls’ School, Nairobi, for her secondary education.

Love for Music

SUZANNE SILANTOI LENGEWA Lessons from vying for Nairobi Senator seat

Young Suzanne Silantoi is a small package that packs a punch. The 24-year-old took a huge leap of faith to vie for not just any political seat, but the highly contested Nairobi Senatorial seat. Despite the loss in the August 2017 election, Suzanne feels encouraged by her achievements. She talks to JOANNE GICHANA on staying true to her ambitions and her future political aspirations.

50 March 2018

All through her education, certain things stood out.She realised that status quo was never her cup of tea and questioned the norm a lot. “I used to question why prefects were chosen by teachers and the criteria used? I don’t like status quo if it is not beneficial. I always want to progress,” she says.

Secondly, she noted her passion gravitated towards music. “My high school teacher - Mr. Chokera – encouraged me not to shy away from music as a profession considering the society’s attitudes towards a career in the arts,” she recalls.

This was the spark to a powerful fire for music. She went on to do a Bachelors of Music degree at Kenyatta University.

“People didn’t understand then that music could be studied as a career and would recommend other courses instead.

Personally, I didn’t really mind because I was doing what I loved and my parents were also supportive,” she says.

Her love for music was so strong that she was called upon on several occasions to teach music to young kids including setting up a whole musical department at the Kids Zone Educational Centre in Kikuyu, Kiambu County.

In her first year at Kenyatta University, she got an opportunity to intern at the Gifted Hands School and soon after was formally employed there. “It was a very good learning experience,” she says.

In her second year in campus, Suzanne opened a music school after several of her parents’ friends approached her to teach their children music. She started out with a few children but the crowd grew bigger.

“I reached out to some of my friends in campus to help in teaching. I gave them a stipend for their services,” she says.

Needing a piano, she sought a loan of Ksh200, 000 from her father – a loan she has since paid off in full. “My father made me pay back all that money. But I stole some office space from him where I put my piano. It’s here that I taught music every Saturday,” she jokes.

This transformed into a fully-fledged company - Essence Music. She even

managed a few of her upcoming talented friends and booked them for events – mostly weddings. It was through this musical interaction that she noted a lot of talented musicians were not able to make ends meet.

“A performer would be called to an event but instead of being paid, the organisers would offer lunch and transport oblivious to the fact that the musicians earned their living through performance,” she says, noting this as the early onset of her desire to enact change.

Transition into Politics Before she graduated from Kenyatta University, Suzanne joined an organisation that provides locally-driven communication solutions for health-related behavioural change as an intern. It was through this internship that a newfound appreciation for communication developed. She is currently a Youth and Development Coordinator “The work we were doing had real impact on people’s lives. It was very fulfilling for me,” she says.

While there, Suzanne recalls working closely with public hospitals and seeing the desperation of many patients and caregivers. “I remember seeing people waiting for hours for a doctor who would not show up or medicine that was unavailable because of lack of funds. It really used to bother me especially since I was aware of the corruption that was going on in the country unabated,” she laments.

Around the same time, Kenyan doctors went on strike and the nurses followed suit.

“I used to wonder where expectant women were giving birth if they could not access hospitals. And what about children who were missing out on vaccinations? What was going to happen to them?” she recalls.

She began to question why the systems and structures set in place failed to work for taxpayers. “I saw the need.

I was complaining about it, but whom did I expect to do anything about it? I thought I should try and fix it myself,” she adds.

The half Maasai, half Samburu beauty admits that a conversation with her grandmother about a person she knew who had successfully vied for a Member of County Assembly (MCA) party nomination seat sparked her interest in politics.

Coincidentally, the God-fearing lady heard of a project by Christ Is The

Answer Ministries (CITAM) Valley Road (the church she is a member of) called Hesabika – a movement mobilising Christian professionals to translate the concerns to action.

These two occurrences led her to throw her name in the bidding for Nairobi County Senator. “I felt something pushing me to do so,” she says. “I believe in God and I remember asking Him that if this was not something He wanted me to do, He should make the whole process difficult,” she says. On the contrary, the registration process itself happened so smoothly that it appeared supernatural.

Why the Senate? “I wanted to use the existing structures to fix the problem. The role of the Senate is actually to oversee county governments’ funding and to ensure they are used appropriately. I thought if leaders used the funding properly, the problem will be 50 per cent solved,” she says.

“County governments have been game

The work we were doing had real impact on people’s lives. It was very fulfilling for me... changers in most counties.,” she says.

Her competition gave her chills down her spine, more so during the Senatorial debate. “I felt so much pressure. I am generally not a shy person but I tend to thrive when I’m alone so having all of them with me was very intimidating but I gathered courage and pushed through,” she recalls.

Suzanne felt that this was something she was called to do and wanted to stand in the gap for the youth and women, so she soldiered on.

She received heavy backlash for being a young female entering politics with a bang. “Some people would ask me on my face if I was trying to be a socialite?” she recalls.

Not forgetting her biggest challenge of acquiring resources to fund her campaign. Luckily, she had plenty of well-wishers who donated to her campaign monetarily and in kind.

Post elections...

“Honestly, I feel the elections went very well,” Suzanne, who garnered around 32,000 votes, says. This, she felt, meant that tens of thousands of people believed in her and wanted change almost as much as she did.

“That was very encouraging considering I campaigned for only two months,” she adds.

Suzanne opines there is a future for her in politics and carries the lessons she learnt from her first attempt. For her, it isn’t about the seat but about fixing a system she feels is broken. “I think Nairobi is going downhill. There is so much lawlessness, and we are still talking about 60 per cent youth unemployment,” she says.

Suzanne has had the opportunity to speak in various international youth forums such as the Africa Union (AU) Regional Youth Consultation on harnessing the demographic dividend through investments in youth in Arusha, Tanzania, the 4th Annual Continental Forum of Electoral Management Bodies in Kigali Rwanda as well as attending the 2017 AGA Pre-Gender Forum in Lusaka, Zambia and the High Level Dialogue in Pretoria South Africa. She was also a nominee of the International Association of Political Consultants Democracy Award 2017 alongside David Maraga, Chief Justice and President Supreme Court of Kenya and Kemal Kilicdaroglu, Turkey’s opposition leader.

Her future plans? Suzanne intends to go back to school for a Masters degree in public policy. She also wants to start a project that will economically empower young adolescent females and help them deal with sexual and physical abuse.

Most importantly, she is still in politics although she isn’t sure if she will join a political party or not.

“Politics is possible,” says the brave young woman who saw a problem in Nairobi County and offered herself as a solution.

Quotable Quote If I had all the money I’ve spent on drink, I’d go out and spend it all again on drink.

Vivian Stanshall (19431995), English Singersongwriter March 2018

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Mums Helpline

How to raise a confident daughter Over the years girls have been confused about who they are and their place in society, making them passive where they would need to be involved. On this International Women’s Month, we encourage mothers to take responsibility of empowering their daughters and helping them become confident women that the world is in need of.

E

very mother wants their daughter to be confident, believing and goal oriented in all they set their mind to do.

However, this seems to be so easy when they are little, but once they grow up, it takes a deliberate and conscious effort.

This is due to the culture that surrounds them that tries to bring them down and tells them that their achievements and character don’t count but rather the size of their skinny jeans, their waistline and how fair their skin are the important aspects.

The media, on the other hand, potrays women as passive where females are always waiting for rescue or even prince charming to come and sweep them off their feet. So the onus is on you to ensure that you are raising confident women who know and understand their value. You can start by…

Show your daughter that she matters Ask any successful woman who influenced them and they are likely to tell you that they had a mother, an aunt or a grandmother who repeatedly told them they could be anything they wanted to be. This spiked a sense of belief inside of them to become who they are. As a mother, it is your responsibility to be that woman who constantly whispers belief and hope to your daughter. Do not ever put her down.

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Help her pursue her interests As a mother, it is your duty to get engaged and involved in your daughter’s interests and take them seriously. Take note of the things she has interest in and begin to help her build on them. For example, if your daughter has an interest in music, enroll her for music classes, attend her performances and help her practice while you are with her at home.

Help her to be comfortable in her own skin Be the source of reference for her, and make her love who she is - be it her dark skin, her black kinky hair or even her stained teeth. Tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is and never allow her room to put herself down because of how society has defined her.

Regularly solicit her opinion Create a girl who isn’t shy to share her opinion whether it’s her favourite colour, toy, or issues on global warming, feminism and even politics. Try and inquire why she thinks one idea is better than the other. Do not be afraid to disagree with your daughter in regards to her opinion because through this she also learns how to stand up for what she believes in.

Teach her to be brave Let her learn new things that she was initially afraid of whether it is

hiking, riding a bicycle, going to a new neighbourhood on her own, or even learning a new instrument. Encourage your daughter to get out of her comfort zones. Constantly remind her of the many times she has learnt new skills before and how she managed to accomplish what she saw as hard at first.

Expose her to many strong female role models This is a good way to make your daughter know that being a woman is a beautiful thing. Exposing her to powerful women in different positions in the world, or even your close successful female friends will make her grow up knowing that she can be all she wants to be. Let her know that if others did it, she too can.

Words on Motherhood In the secular light of the market, motherhood is not a priceless role, but a production process that can be parceled out according to the laws of efficiency and profit: genetic mother, surrogate mother, birth mother, adoptive mother, mother’s helper – a menu of virtual parenthood.

Catherine Orenstein, American writer

Pamela

Keyshia

Marini

Abigael

Parents BABY Moments To Participate: Send good quality, clear coloured photographs, taken in interesting poses.

The babyĘźs age should be upto 2 1/2 years to be eligible for the competition. You can send as many photographs as you wish.

Submitted photos will not be returned, unless sent with a self-addressed stamped envelope.

Send your entries to: Parents Baby of the Month Competition, Parents Magazine.

P.O. Box 50795 - 00200 Nairobi, Kenya or babyofthemonth@parents.co.ke

March 2018

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Child clinic

SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME Brain injury from violent shaking

An injury to the brain undoubtedly has a more devastating impact on a child than an injury of the same severity on a mature adult. Being educated on the subject is a sure way to ensure that your child does not become a victim.

S

haken Baby Syndrome, also known as Abusive Head Trauma (AHD), is a type of brain injury that occurs when a baby or toddler is shaken violently. The incident, common where caregivers in anger or frustration, for instance, shake a child when they don’t stop crying, is widely considered to be a form of child abuse.

An infant’s brain is delicate and their muscles and bones are not strong or developed enough to support them. The neck muscles are especially weak and therefore cannot hold the baby’s head, which is heavy and large in proportion to their body size. Babies’ brains also have undeveloped and delicate blood vessels. With this in mind, shaking an infant violently can result in the brain repeatedly hitting the skull, causing bleeding, bruising and swelling.

Shaken Baby Syndrome is estimated to occur in three to four per 10,000 babies and is common in children under the age of two. Children as old as five years, however, have also been known to suffer the fate of the syndrome. Majority of the cases occur among infants that are six to eight weeks old.

detectable as its signs and symptoms are vague. As a parent, you are more likely to assume that your child is suffering from a different illness or condition. Some signs to look out for, however, include: Difficulty staying awake Extreme fussiness or irritability Inability to focus or follow movement with their eyes Body tremors Difficulty in breathing, poor eating patterns and vomiting Discoloured skin, seizures, coma or paralysis.

Abnormal increase in baby’s forehead and bulging of the fontanel (soft spot on the baby’s head) You can look for physical signs like bruising on your child’s hands and chest, which would indicate that someone handled your baby with a lot of force. Shaken Baby Syndrome can lead to complications in later life such as: partial/total blindness, hearing loss, seizure disorders, development delays, intellectual disabilitie, cerebral palsy, swelling, subdural haemorrhage, Symptoms of the syndrome… brain or bleeding in the brain, retinal Shaken Baby Syndrome is not easily haemorrhage, or bleeding of the retina.

In the event you see any of the above symptoms, consult a doctor immediately. The doctor will order a variety of tests to check for signs of brain damage, which will help confirm the diagnosis. These tests may include: MRI scan, which Herbal Medical for Family planning no side effect uses powerful magnets and radio waves to produce detailed images of the brain.

CT Scan, which creates clear, Typhoid cross-sectional images of the brain.

Skeletal X-ray, which reveals spine, rib, and skull, fractures.

Ophthalmic exam, which checks for eye injuries and bleeding in the eyes

Prevention and treatment…

Shaken Baby Syndrome is preventable. As a parent, you should be aware of how you handle your child and understand the danger of shaking your baby. Second, make sure that everyone who handles your baby – caregivers, grandparents, and friends – is gentle when handling the baby. This, however, is not to say to be scared of movement when handling your child. Bouncing your baby on your knee, tossing them in the air, jogging or even cycling with your baby, will not cause Shaken Baby Syndrome.

Words on Parenthood If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.

Bette Davis (19081989), American actress

Pregnancy and Birth

SEX DURING PREGNANCY Trimester by Trimester While for some pregnant women the thought of sex especially when dealing with nausea, vomiting and fatigue is horrific at best, for others, their libido has never been at a greater high. Wondering if it is safe to have sex when pregnant? Read on to find out...

S

ex during pregnancy might present a dilemma to a couple, as there may be concerns about the safety of the foetus and the mother. But sex, provided one has an uncomplicated, low-risk pregnancy, is safe and does in fact have many benefits including: Stimulation of labour: Sex aids labour in various ways. The hormones released during sex such as oxytocin in women and prostaglandins in semen help to produce contractions. The physical act in itself also helps to move things along.

Boosts immunity: A proper diet and lifestyle adjustment is key for a strong immune system. However, research shows that sex can also increase the level of IgA (immunoglobulin antibodies), which can help keep ailments such as seasonal flu and cold at bay during pregnancy.

Lowers blood pressure: Sex, through the release of the hormone oxytocin, has been found to reduce blood pressure, which can help keep conditions such as pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure and water retention during pregnancy) at bay.

Finding a suitable plan that works for you and your partner is vital. Provided you both express how you feel and work with the ups and downs as well as lows and highs that come with pregnancy, then you should be able to sail through just fine. Here is what to expect during the trimesters as far as sex is concerned and how to counter or work with them.

First trimester Majority of pregnant women find that their sex drive during this trimester has diminished. The desire to be touched also becomes limited due to sore breasts among other body and hormonal changes. This, however, should not be a cause for alarm since the desire is likely to pick up in a few weeks. One can still be intimate with their partner by engaging in cuddles, kisses and keeping penetrative sexual intercourse at a minimum if disinterested, or is experiencing pain or abdominal cramps.

Second trimester By the second trimester, fatigue and nausea begin to wear off and most women tend to be more energetic and feeling sexy. This trimester, for many women, is the golden time to engage in lovemaking. You can take advantage of your increased libido by trying out new positions (the conventional ways may not be the best considering your tummy will probably be protruding). Spooning, also known as the lazy sex position, allows you and your partner to lie side by side to allow a more comfortable position.

Woman on top position, where the woman is atop their partner, also removes the pressure away from your belly. It also gives you control on movements, depth and speed of penetration.

Third trimester In the final trimester, sexual activity tends to drop due to physical changes

such as a bigger belly bump and fatigue as you wait to deliver. A couple can still enjoy lovemaking in a few creative ways. Oral sex, cuddling and kissing can be great substitutes to penetrative sex, unless as mentioned above, you want to move your labour along if your due date is right at the corner or slightly passed.

At the end of the day, however, do remember that safety comes first. If your doctor expresses concerns with regard to sexual activity, then act on them for a problem-free pregnancy and delivery. Do not engage in sex if you have: Placenta praevia Premature labour Vaginal bleeding or abnormal discharge Dilated cervix Ruptured membranes

Monthly Blessings There will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain, because all the old ways are gone.

Revelations 21:4 Folks, if you’re expecting to be given a fair shake in your life, forget it! You won’t be. You're going to face illness. And your body is going to wear out. You may be the victim of someone else’s mistake.

But you can get through those tough times if you prepare your heart now, living to know and serve the Savior who loves you and died so that you might have an eternal home free of pain and sorrow.

Max Lucado

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Nutrition Focus

Adopt the anti-inflammation diet Healthy eating trends are not just about losing weight, but also improving your wellbeing and keeping you looking younger. We tell you more about the anti-inflammation diet recommended by scientists.

T

he anti-inflammation diet emphasises on more fresh fruit, less processed foods and more oily fish, topped up with some supplements and super foods. It combines everyday foods and it is not extreme like some weight loss diets.

Research backed findings suggest that following this diet reduces inflammation in your body and can reduce the risk of conditions including allergies, premature ageing, heart disease, arthritis and even cancer. And although weight loss is not the goal of this diet, it becomes a beneficial side effect.

The theory behind this diet is that one of the major causes of illnesses such as heart disease, arthritis and diabetes is inflammation in the body. Inflammation is our body’s natural response to injury or illness. It releases extra C-reactive proteins (CRP) that circulate in the bloodstream. However, factors including poor diet, stress, over-exercising and pollution can trigger inflammation to run riot through our bodies, causing a range of ailments. Many health problems such as asthma and arthritis are linked to chronic inflammation and scientists continue to identify it as a risk factor for many more diseases.

Low-grade inflammation is why your gums may bleed when you brush your teeth, why your muscles ache following an intense workout, and why people develop ulcers. It may also contribute to premature wrinkles and sagging skin.

Everyone experiences inflammation at one time or another, but chronic inflammation is a sign that something has gone seriously awry. Inflammation can simmer in your body quietly, damaging your heart, your mind and other tissues.

Low-grade inflammation can slowly break down the body and lead to chronic degenerative diseases. In fact, high levels of CRP are a far better predictor of heart attack risk than cholesterol is. Chronic inflammation can be spread throughout your body and will only be clinically revealed by a blood test. Inflammations are a normal process that can go dreadfully wrong. It is supposed to

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protect us from infections and promote healing when we are injured. Yet chronic inflammation does just the opposite: it breaks down our bodies and makes us more susceptible to disease

The best foods to beat inflammation The antidote to inflammation is eating a diet rich in antioxidants, fibre and omega-3 fatty acids, such as those found in oily fish. Boosting your intake of fruit and vegetables can also help, especially brightly coloured variety, including red grapes, blackcurrants and pomegranate.

Eating more soya products, wholegrain, walnuts and dark chocolate – which can all help reduce inflammation - is also recommended.

Opt for olive oil over any other types of oils in your cooking and salad dressings, because it’s been found to have anti-inflammatory properties other oils don’t have.

Also key to the anti-inflammation diet are herbs and spices, especially ginger and turmeric. Turmeric contains curcuminoids, which have powerful anti-inflammatory properties. A study at the University of Arizona in the US used turmeric extract to treat rheumatoid arthritis in laboratory animals. The extract was shown to block joint inflammation and breakdown of joint cartilage and bone. It is thought it deactivates the genes that promote inflammation. Add plenty of turmeric to your food whenever possible, or take a daily supplement.

The supplement pycnogenol (an extract of the French pine bark) is also a potent natural anti-inflammatory compound. Pycnogenol works in part by inhibiting the production of peroxides, which stimulate the inflammatory activity of the white blood cells. Ginger tastes delicious and has anti-inflammatory benefits, blocking the enzymes involved in the body’s production of inflammatory compounds.

Good fats are also the cornerstone of an anti-inflammation diet. Eating fish or taking fish oil capsules is a great

way to reduce inflammation. Omega-3 fatty acids form the building blocks of the body’s natural, innate analgesic substances. Boost your intake of cold-water oily fish, especially salmon, herring and sardines, which contain the largest amounts of biologically active dietary omega-3 fatty acids. Wild salmon contains a higher proportion of healthy omega-3 fatty acids compared to farmed salmon. Fish is always better when eaten fresh than when frozen and defrosted.

Cut out harmful foods from your diet including: processed convenience meals, refined sugars, white bread and pastas because they increase levels of inflammation causing C-reactive proteins. Instead of corn, peanut, sunflower and safflower oils choose olive oil for it’s anti-inflammatory properties.

Opt for chicken and fish instead of red meat and eat fresh food as often as possible.

Best anti-inflammatory foods at a glance...

Turmeric, garlic and ginger Oily fish Fresh and wholefoods High fibre non-starchy fruits and vegetables Soy products High quality dark chocolate Spices and herbs Olive oil

Nutrition Tip Breads containing lots of seeds or wholegrains are low GI and keep blood sugars stable. Wholegrains have ben shown to protect against heart disease and diabetes, reduce hunger and help you control your weight. The seeds and wholegrains also contain essential fatty acids, which provide heartfriendly monounsaturated fats and omega-6 and omega-3 polyunsaturated fats.

Bite Me

Bite me I am sugar snap peas

I

f you have been looking for a healthy snack that is both crunchy and sweet, sugar snap peas are what you need. They are edible pods which are a cross between regular peas and snow peas. The pods are plump and juicy and contain small tender peas inside. As the name suggests, sugar snap peas are naturally sweet.

Sugar snap peas should be your go-to vegetable if you are in need of a good

source of Vitamin C, which has many health benefits including boosting immunity. Sugar snap peas also contain Vitamin K, a fat-soluble vitamin that is essential in blood clotting.

In addition, they are a very good source of magnesium, folate - a B-complex vitamin that is essential for normal cell replication and division and the carotenoid lutein, which is important for eye health.

Unlike regular garden peas, sugar snap peas contain less starch and are very rich in fibre. Fibre has many health benefits such as controlling cholesterol and blood sugar levels, and lowering risk of diabetes and heart disease. It is also perfect in aiding weight loss and preventing obesity.

These peas are low in calories and will fit into any diet, including low-carb and low-calorie diets making them ideal for weight loss or maintaining a healthy weight. Sugar snap peas also offer a surprising amount of iron, which is essential for energy production and nourishing your red blood cells.

You can eat sugar snap peas raw as they are or with a dip of your choice.

They are great additives to salads and side dishes. If you do not fancy eating them raw, prepare them by steaming, stir-frying or light blanching - plunging them into boiling water for a minute then putting them in a bowl of ice so as to maintain their colour.

Child Nutrition

Best milk for kids of every age While it is assumed that milk is good for children, did you know there are different grades of milk that are recommended for different ages? Take a look at our nutritional roadmap to the best milk for kids.

Regular full cream milk (whole milk) This refers to pasteurised milk, that is, milk that has undergone the microbe killing process. It is also homogenised, meaning the fat molecules have been broken down so that they don’t separate and float on top of the milk. Full cream milk, which is about three to four per cent fat, is recommended for children between the ages of one to two years.

Young children need extra calories for brain development and the fat also contains Vitamin A and D.

Reduced fat milk

This is also known as two per cent milk and is recommended for toddlers between the ages of a year and above. While initially best practices recommended that reduced fat milk be introduced after the age of two, research shows that children who drank reduced fat milk earlier grew up normally. At this stage, your child’s developmental needs as far as the nutrients in milk is concerned slows down thereby lessening the need for extra calories which can be obtained from other sources.

Low-fat milk This is also sometimes labelled as light or lite milk or one per cent milk.

Half of the cream is removed before the homogenisation process. Children aged two years and above can still easily consume this milk. While the fat content (and nutrients) is reduced, it still has all its protein and calcium content. So ensure that the fat nutrients are supplemented in other meals.

Skim or non-fat milk As the name suggests, this is milk with minimal to zero fat content but still has just about the same amount of protein and calcium as its counterparts.

It’s a great alternative for children dealing with obesity from the age of five and above.

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Eating@Home

By Chef Daniel Mungai (Emma Daniel Creations)

Creamy spinach

AND CELERY SOUP Enjoy the goodness of spinach and celery pureed into an incredibly rich colourful soup. This vegan soup is quick and easy to make.

Ingredients 2 Onions, peeled and chopped 1 Leek, washed and chopped 5 Cloves of garlic, peeled chopped 2 Tbsp. corn oil 4 Celery sticks, washed and chopped 3 Teaspoons wheat Flour 2 Big bunches of fresh spinach, well washed 2 Cups of Milk 2 Cups of Vegetable stock Salt to taste

Directions Step 1: Cook the onions, leeks and

garlic in the oil for a few minutes, until onion is clear.

Step 2: Add the celery and cook for another few minutes until starting to soften.

Step 3: Add the flour and mix well,

then add the spinach and mix around.

Add the milk and vegetable stock slowly, ensuring there are no lumps.

Step 4: Stirring continuously, bring

to a simmer then switch off and remove from heat. Cover and leave for a few minutes.

Step 5: Blend until smooth in a food processor. Check seasoning and serve.

Kitchen tip…

Boiling versus simmering: Boiling soups can cause your meat and vegetables to dry out and become overcooked.

Gentle simmering not only cooks the ingredients until they are tender, but also allows the flavours from herbs and spices to infuse the liquid. The meat and vegetables also absorb some of that seasoned liquid. As the pot simmers, some of the liquid evaporates causing the flavours to become more concentrated. So go slow!

Kitchen safety…

Are some molds dangerous?

Yes, some molds cause allergic reactions and respiratory problems. A few molds, in the right conditions, produce mycotoxins - poisonous substances that can make you sick.

Are molds only on the surface of food?

No, you only see part of the mold on the surface of food - gray fur on forgotten sausage, fuzzy green dots on bread, white dust on cheddar cheese, coin-size velvety circles on fruits, and furry growth on the surface of jellies.

When a food shows heavy mold growth, “root” threads have invaded it deeply. In dangerous molds, poisonous substances are often contained in and around these threads. In some cases, toxins may have spread throughout the food.

For more recipes and enquiries, visit the Chef ’s website on: www.emmadanielcreations.com or Email: info@emmadanielcreations.com

Men Only

Be faithful and you will be happier

E

very man is a wanderer. We are forever on the move, restless and hungry. Always seeking that which we don’t have. Our hearts refuse to settle until we get our hearts’ desires. And as soon that one desire is met, we hunger for another, for more.

This is our nature. And it applies in our desire for the next best car, the next big house, the next best neighbourhood, and the next beautiful woman. What we have interests us, but for a moment because our hearts have been cursed to always be on the hunt for tomorrow’s prey. We are socialised to conquer and not to celebrate our present or yesterday’s victories. Man is a creature on the move – he leaves behind everything and follows the next big/new attraction.

That is why many men don’t settle in one job. Keep him idle for a day and the next day he is out looking for a job; give him the job and tomorrow he is seeking to be self-employed. Show him a beautiful girl, and he will break the bank to bring her to his bed; and once that’s achieved, he remembers he has more women to pursue. It is not witchcraft.

It is our nature. And I’m convinced St Augustine was speaking as a man and for men when he said, “Oh God our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

And so a man does not go for the next “best” thing because he despises what he already has (sometimes he does), it’s simply because he gives in to his nature

and desires of the flesh.

This leads me to the subject of fidelity among men. From the foregoing, it is easy to conclude that a man cannot be faithful to one partner. This is for the simple reason that a man is naturally a competitive hunter who must go out daily for the next kill. No matter how good today’s prey is, it must be immediately left behind as he goes for the next. Once a woman has his indelible mark, as in ‘this is mine’, his interest naturally moves to others on whom his name is not inscribed.

But there are faithful men. There are men who are living happily and satisfied with their one and only wife. And they are many. These men need to be praised for it calls for a lot of self-control and restrain to achieve this ‘unnatural state’.

Some say a faithful man is either broke or newly married, but there are some who have been married for as long as they can remember and who have never strayed; or if they ever strayed are now faithful and happy that way.

It takes a lot of self-training, self-control and probably God to make this possible. What with all the ‘beautiful ones that are not yet born!’

But every man needs to embrace this second nature – the unnatural state of being. Hunting, although exhilarating, is not without its dangers. It is a lot of work being faithful but being unfaithful is much more work and mostly with nothing to show for it. Being unfaithful

brings grief, despair, anger, distrust, jealousy and sexually transmitted diseases, not to mention the extent one goes to lie and sneak around.

To every man reading this, embrace the unnatural state. Be faithful and you will be happier. Being faithful also has a positive effect on your character, as you will be more relaxed, confident and fulfilled. And when you have your private life in order, everything else will fall into place because you are in control and have the energy to focus on what really matters – your family. Build a good home for them, invest and have enough money and assets to not only last you a lifetime but also for your children’s children to inherit.

Share a Joke As he celebrated his 100th birthday, the children and grandchildren of this old man organised a huge party where media was invited. A reporter from one of the newspapers who came from the same village as this old man was interviewing him. “And you say you haven’t an enemy in the world despite living so long?” said the reporter who knew this old man’s long business career in which he had out-cheated a large number of people. ‘True,’ replied the old man. ‘Not one enemy in the entire world.’ He grinned widely: ‘I’ve outlived them all!’

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Share My World yourself It’s time to break Taking out of bigger those bad habits things.

W

e all have bad habits we would like to break away from. Whether it’s nose picking, over-sharing or gossiping, habits are very difficult to break especially when they become part of our lives. If you have habits that are wreaking havoc in a generally balanced and happy life, it’s time to ditch them and free yourself from the burden some habits place on our shoulders.

Habits are conditioned repetitive actions we engage in without thinking.

When the appropriate conditions present themselves, we are likely to engage in a habit, whether it’s smoking or making judgments about others.

So many of us yearn to ditch some of our habits but it is not always easy.

When considering ditching a habit, you first need to ask yourself what you will lose if you give it up. Fear of change is a powerful force that keeps us doing things we know are not good for us. Some habits can be born out of deep-seated fear of failure, yet these same habits allow us to fail. Becoming slaves to our habits denies us the joy of being who we truly are, or achieving what we deserve.

If examples of habits I give on this page are some of those you struggle with, you are not alone. I share them because they have been part of my own struggle.

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How many times have your negative thinking and self-doubt convinced you not to take up a bigger responsibility because you imagine it’s too big for you?

The starting point to beat this self-defeating habit is to understand everyone can learn to be confident. Confidence isn’t a personality trait people are born with. You can develop confident behaviour through practice. People who do confident things are often perceived as confident individuals, when in fact some are just as scared as the rest of us. People plagued by self-doubt often approach issues from a very black and white perspective – no grey areas. If you can’t do something exactly the way you think it should be done, then you assume you are not good enough and so you don’t try. Stop over-catastrophising situations.

You will meet your objectives and achieve greater things if you are a little more open-mined.

Being aggressive when you should be assertive. When

some people feel they can’t get their point across satisfactorily, they tend to overcompensate, which often leads to a loss of control. You need to remember that not getting your own way doesn’t mean you haven’t been assertive. If you don’t, you might find that what starts as an assertive interaction escalates into a full-blown aggression because you feel the other person is undermining you.

Remember you can assert what you want but you can't take responsibility for other people's behaviour. If you are able to compromise, you have asserted yourself perfectly. You put your case forward calmly and rationally and can take pride in knowing that you did the best for your cause. Your opponent will leave the negotiating table with renewed respect for you.

Taking problems too personally. Because of a deep-rooted belief that we don’t really deserve our achievements, we tend to take challenges along the way too personally.

Realising that a negative reaction is more often about a situation or bad timing than you is important in helping you overcome this habit. If something doesn’t work out, think about all the reasons this might be. It is easy to assume it's about us – that we aren’t worthy of recognition, whether that’s getting a table at the restaurant, participating in a work project or getting invited to a friend's wedding. Think positively - the restaurant may have been full because others booked before you; the work project may not have had enough budgets; or your friend’s wedding was only for family and very close friends. Analysing the situation gives a sense of perspective. It enables you to stop going beyond the evidence of what's been presented to you for further proof that you are ‘undeserving’ when there is absolutely nothing to suggest that.

Chronic impatience. If you

are one of those who believe unless it happens right now it’s not good, then you do have a problem. Before losing your temper completely because something is not happening the way you want it, take a deep breath, count to 10 and consider what throwing a tantrum is really going to achieve. If you are stuck in traffic, will a tantrum get you to the office quicker? You may be late to work, but you can use the unexpected extra time in traffic to catch up on your to-do list for the day or return phone calls.

The sooner we realise that life has the potential to be endlessly frustrating and that there are many things we are not in control of, the lower our blood pressure will be.

Being endlessly available to friends. Often, this is a habit that

dogs down women. We have been brought up to believe that to be ‘good’ is to offer everyone a shoulder to cry on.

The danger is you are so busy helping everyone else out, to the point that your own wants and needs get neglected.

To overcome this habit, you need an assertive approach, which may be difficult with close friends as it is hard not to be there for them. It’s time for you to draw a line between your own needs and those of your friends and make yours a priority. You don’t have to feel obligated to be there for your friends all the time. If they come up with requests you cannot deal with, direct them to a professional – don’t make yourself a counsellor or a bank.

You can be a good friend without ‘absorbing’ all your friend’s problems.

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