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ISSUE ONE.
TXT-A-TAXI 8733 Text your name, address, suburb and your taxi will be ordered! 50 cents per TXT-A-TAXI
ZZZ DEFFX] FRP
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Contents For once a publication about Auckland for the real Aucklander. Not anti-establishment, just real. No gossip, no pretentious fashion labels, no highlighter glossy articles telling you to only eat carrots....just real images and articles of the best of Auckland. Pretty much what you kids want to see. We are going to get down and real sexy with articles and interviews from the best up and comers in Auckland, while asking questions about stuff you actually care about. It’s new, it’s BAD.
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Bad people Home brew crew interview HOLY FarCK! Best feed in Auckland city The station in the nation WATCH THIS SPACE Capturing Auckland
Big shout out to Lowndes Associates who are “delighted” to contribute to the first issue of BAD.
5 CREATIVE /EDITORIAL DIRECTOR, ADVERTISING MANAGER, PHOTOGRAPHER, CONTACT : PARISA REZAEI par_isa@hotmail.com
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bad people
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Kabir 1.Talents? I can solve a rubicks cube under a minute. 2. Skills? I can beat box while I solve it. 3. Song that represents you? Don’t turn your back on the wolfpac. 4. Are your parents kittens or puppies? I don’t know, kittens? 5. Tell me a personal joke? Rich boy nod. 6. How’s Auckland affected you? It’s made me a bad-ass samurai fighter. 7. Cats or Dogs? Cats definitely cats.
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Kyle 1.Talents? Speaking to strangers unless they look like there going to take my bike. 2. Skills? Telling creative lies and smiling. 3. Song that represents you? Lets not go to work today (Rhombus). I try to live by this and probably why I keep loosing my jobs. 4. Are your parents kittens or puppies? Pups I would say. Loyal to the end. 5. Tell me a personal joke? The thousand teeth joke.. Classic. 6. Whats so good about Auckland? I enjoy being able to go to the Coromandel and Barrier easily. Mild winters and hot summers are a bonus. The cafe and art scene is also very good. 7. Cats or Dogs? Loyal to our family dog Kruger Brown! Big love if he’s reading.
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Frana 1.Talents? Imitating different people using the same voice everytime...but still managing to sound like the person?? 2. Skills? Crazy arm tricks 3. Song that represents you? She’s a witch, she’s a witch, she’s a witch 4. Are your parents kittens or puppies? Cats: You don’t have to walk them. 5. Tell me a personal joke? My friend Dunja got shown a piss take trailor of Titanic 2, she thought it was real...that was pretty funny. 6. How’s Auckland affected you? AHHH i haven’t really been anywhere else, but i know that I want to get out of here...for a while anyway. 7. Cats or Dogs? CATS CATS CATS CATS!
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Sally 1.Talents? I’m kind of amazing at cleaning. Some say OCD, I say amazing. 2. Skills? I’m really good at predicting what time it is... 3. Song that represents you? I love you gypsy eyes. 4. Are your parents kittens or puppies? Puppies. Totally. Cats are sneaky and mysterious, stoked my parents don’t roll like that. 5. Tell me a personal joke? My nick name is ‘fuck fairy’. I was always the ‘nice quiet’ one at uni, and everyone used to call me Pixie cause I had short hair and was always happy, then one day I said fuck... 6. How’s Auckland affected you? Rad place to study and live, but I grew up in the country. I love the adventures Auckland takes you on, and the things it caters for, but I imagine myself living in a forest when I’m older. I don’t think I can keep up with the Auckland lifestyle. 7. Cats or Dogs? Cats... Pfft no way. Dog town for ever.
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HOME BREW CREW “ CHIN WAG WITH SOME SWEET AS CATS - CHUR
Who are ya, what do you, yeah?
Tom: My names Tom and I play nose flute, thats how I contribute. Haz: My name’s Haz, I just stand around most of the time ay...drink de beers, help Louie drink de beers. Louie: My names Louie and yeah I drink de beerz... Um where in Auckland do you reside? Haz: South siddddeeeeehhh Tom: West sidehh Haz: You shoulda said Avon-de-lay Tom: Na I live at my mums house...
Haz: Me to Tom: Louies the only one who has a actual house and he doesn’t even have a job Louie: I stay in St Lukes, behind Washworld Who’s the best dancer out of you guys? Louie: Haz Haz: Ohh it’s probably Louie...it used to me but I dislocated my knee like two years back... Tom: Doing that move ay Haz: Yeah, oh yeah I was doing that move and...
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Tom: It hadn’t been done before Haz: Almost broke my neck but I broke my knee Louie: If you get Tom drunk enough he’s mean... If you could be Dane Rumble for a day, what would you do? Haz: Break my glasses Louie: I’d get a hair cut Haz: I’d probably change my clothes and start wearing baggy sheet. Louie: I’d start up Fast Crew again Haz: Start wearing bandanas again Out of all the tracks you guys have done...what’s the best pulling track? Louie: What do you need tracks for? Haz: Bad bad whisky Tom: We mainly just get cock ay...no girls like our music but we get heaps of cock. Haz: Yeah like ther‘ll be chicks in front but the males will be like “orchowwww” elbowing them Louie: Guys on guys shoulders Tom: Guys love our shit... Why don’t girls like it? Haz: Umm there’s some girls that like it, but they cant get to the front cos there’s elbowing mother farkers... Tom: He’sz mine you bitch-th, I got Tom Scotch
Haz: He touched my hand, he touched my hand... Any words of wisdom? Haz: Don’t believe the hype Louie: Best beer in the world is free... Tom: A society without a god is like a fish without a bicycle. Haz: You don’t need a job to stay home with your mum... Cats or Dogs?CATS OR DOGS? Haz: FarCKING DOGS MATE,DOGGS Louie: I own a cat Tom: I gotta say...i like all animals... walruses are pretty sick Thanks for having us.
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Home Brew is a smooth, refreshing ale that will make you feel golden and moist inside just like you did before big kids pants. It’s full flavour is best accompanied by fresh herb, lightly toasted between 2 red hot knives and most appreciated by substance abusers, social rejects and the homeless. It is not safe to be consumed by those who confuse Chris Brown with James Brown
and hip-hop with what Nana went into hospital for. Frequent consumption may result in regular use of the word ‘chur’ in everyday conversation. Home Brew is dishwasher safe and contains twice the amount of Vitamin C as oranges. (The makers of Home Brew insist that excessive consumption will not cause the ‘Russell Crowe Effect’ or result in unwanted pregnancy) TM. HBC 2005 -http://www.myspace.com/ homebrewcrew
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HOLY FARK! “ THE BEST THING TO DO ON A WEEK - NIGHT
“It’s a mystical cave where time stands still. Where the tunes are so good it literally forces you to dance. The drinks are cheap and the friends are free because theres always someone to have a ciggy with outside.”
-Harrison Burt 2010
They say we have an issue with our drinking culture. I think the issue is that we stay home all week and save it for the weekend to go hard... Holy Fuck is a sexy-as club night which is also the ONLY good thing to do on a week night, unless you choose to stay home and play with your kitties. Check it out every Wednesday, where you’ll see some of Auckland’s best acts and DJs - shout out to All Black Everything.
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BEST FEED AROUND “ MERCURY PLAZA JAPANESE CUISINE
It’s not even a slightly difficult question when someone asks: What is the best meal in town? A few steps off K-rd, Mercury Plaza hides Auckland’s best Japanese cuisine.
I swear the B grade just adds to the flavor, and the pimps and prostitutes make the experience just a tad more enjoyable. An easy 11 bucks for the chicken lunch box will be the most memorable moment of 2010. But this meal can’t be enjoyed without a $3 beer or a good ol’ can of Kikapoo Joy juice
from the supermarket a metre away. Then, after the munchies have been cured, go have a game of Cruisin’ USA like you’re ten again, or try to awkwardly avoid one of the many recognizable people you bump into there. But yeah, I suggest never going to McDonalds again and spending $20 on a meal that tastes like cardboard and suffocates you with corporate branding. The toys aren’t even fun. Just stick to what’s real. See you with your chicken box next Sunday.
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BEST IN THE NATION ” A LOOK AT THE BEST STATION IN THE NATION - BASE FM
So how would you explain the story of Base FM in three statements?
Three statements?...under ground music set up for and by the community by a commercial station. Set up in 2004 by George FM as competition to bFM, it developed its own little culture, brought up by myself. Since 2008, its the biggest independent radio station. If you could have lunch with anyone musically inclined or an hour, who would it be? Lauren Hill If you could invite one more person along...who would you have/what would you do? Lauren Hill and Erykah Badu. Umm it’s the ladies of soul so, probably get drunk and talk music...and boys. If Base FM was a sexy as boy, what would
you nickname him? Oh that was a nice little lead! Um it’s tricky because Base to me is totally not sexy boy - its like child - it’s my baby, I just call it just my baby. So its your baby, what would you call it? My baby, I’m just taking care of my baby, it doesn’t have any other name...my baby. If you had to busk on Queen Street and you had to choose between using a... sock, brick or a bucket of milk. What would you choose and what would you do? The bucket of milk and throw it over people who gave me shit! Cats or Dogs? Cats! Easy that’s a easy one, I love cats I’ve got two...
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“Grey Lynn is dirty as...”
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WATCH THIS SPACE “ INTERVIEW WITH ARTIST GUY BROCK
Yeah, how would you explain youself and what you do art-wise?
be? The car? The hat? The horse? The iron etc...?
I’m a self taught artist / illustrator and trained graphic designer with no computer skills whatever. I would describe my art as naive, and kid-like, yet highly detailed and over worked.
That’s an easy choice: “the boot”. It has always been very lucky for me.
Who would win in a break dancing battle between you and Otis Frizzle? That is a hard one... he is a lot more familiar with the four elements of hiphop than I am, but I think think I would be more fit and in shape than he is. I am not flexible at all so probably him....he would not be a good loser either.
If Richie McCaw texted you wanting to meet up and play a board game, what game would it be and why? I would choose “Guess Who” as it’s an old favourite and I see it as a great ice breaker game...I have never been in the presence of Sir Richie before. Got any plans?
If you could bring one person to Charlie’s Chocolate Factory, who would it be?
Keep doing art and hopefully exhibit sometime soon. Mature a little. Have a much needed holiday to Sydney before the year’s out.
Sara Tetro.
Cats or Dogs?
Aite...Monopoly, what piece would you
Dogs. “Mans best friend”.
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PHOTOGRAPHIC JOURNAL What’s so good about Auckland? Anything? What about Aucklanders? The fact we can dress in black better than anywhere else in New Zealand? We don’t shag sheep?
This photographic journal tries to capture the real side of Auckland, the culture, the heritage, minus the “cliquey” stereotypes that divides this Big Little City.
Ohhh - or is it because we have three Burger Kings on Queen street?
We aren’t all sheep shaggers. Here is what Auckland really is...
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“Uni - life”
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“ciggies”
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“ohh Snapped”
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“Newton parking laws”
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“Old folks ass?”
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“Vic park”
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“K Road”
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“I like cats”
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“meow meow meow”
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“Viaduct”
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“Delicious, Nutritious, Fish”
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“Bum, Bourbon, Crack”
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“Grey Lynn lifestyle”
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“Sunday lunch”
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“Chinese combo”
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“Demolition sales yard?”
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“Basque park”
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“Ponsonby”
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“HB”
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CHURR AND THANKS... 01 02 03 04 05 06 07
Steinlager Pure BASE FM LOWNDES ASSOCIATES MY THREE CATS THE ADVERTISERS MY MUMS WOMB THE SUPERB PRINTING...
If you want to be locked down for 24 months, try stealing a car. NO FIXED TERM CONTRACTS. JUST GREAT PLANS. IT’S ORCON MOBILE. www.orcon.co.nz
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BAD MAGAZINE. SUPPORTED BY STEINLAGER PURE. GET YOUR IDEA OUT THERE WITH PUREFUTURES.CO.NZ