So... The first thing I learnt while studying Graphic Design back in the AK was the basic rules of Design. But hey, I’m not in the AK anymore! So here is a little zine I threw together where I have BLATANTLY ignored nearly every single design rule I was ever taught to religiously follow. But... I’m in New York, so it doesn’t matter yo, it seems like every one in the world who is utterly insane lives in New York and with this they make their own rules. If you are holding this in your hands right now it is because you have affected me in a positive way somehow, or you just know someone who is a good piece of meat. I tried to do the whole vegetarian thing but that didn’t work for me. Now if you’re wondering what I’m talking about or what this poorly printed thing is, it is my perspective and my experience of New York City through a series of images brought together with the aim to give you just a few minutes of entertainment. Now that I have covered all the main points I needed to, I am going to finish this off with Parisa’s word of wisdom... Cats will always be better than dogs, positivity will get you everywhere, leggings are not pants, jeggings are not pants either, Californians always sound stoned, nothing high maintenance is good, meat pies are the food of kings, egg yolk is a very effective moisturizer, its surprising how often you use the word “deck” and how everyone always thinks I’m randomly talking dirty, pancakes=good, avocado=good, avocado on pancakes=not good, DIN will always beat Helvetica, curry gives you more dangerous dreams than cheese. CHeers...
The ten reasons I woke up fat and naked on a subway. 1. The best thing about Americans is easily there passion for peanut butter. Finally I can clearly see how underrated the chunky creamy gold truly is. Here I am allowed to freely express my hidden desire to spread it on everything like “it aint no thang”. 2. Along with covering everything I can consume with this lumpy magic, pizza, pretzels, doughnuts and Popeys chicken and biscuits keep throwing me against a wall and shoving itself down my throat… PARISA take a chill pill or stop eating all together. 3. After walking around the size of a pre-teen who just had an allergic reaction to bad crayfish and sweating until my hair is soaked because of all of the HUGE buildings which make things like wind or the sky a myth, you cant help but step into Jamba juice, just to hear those soothing words “welcome to JAAAAAMBAHH”. 4. MOVING ON, coke and weed are snowing from the sky, but only if you ask the right people but pretty much any other drug just aint as hip as Sketchers shape ups or Kim Kardashian’s overly air brushed booty.
5. So with you’re perfect night on a roll, you find yourself on the way to Brooklyn with a handbag full of Reese’s pieces and a nostril full of coke, while trying to pick between seeing Q-tip or Pete Rock, the only way to decide is to befriend a sexy German or a shit talking American who cant seem to understand your accent and thinks the number six is a dirty word, all the while waiting for the next L train. 6. So shit’s starting to blurr, you find yourself walking down Bedford Ave surrounded by a few thousand Jewish families on the end of pass over, while being followed by a buzzy looking Mexican, when you accidently stumble into the same toilet you were in last weekend. You start wagging your tongue in the ear of a hipster photographer…or 5…why is everyone a photographer? Once again nibbling on a bowl of cereal and M&M’s in a room that smells like chlorine all the while wondering why the walls and floor are all tiled. 7. After getting back on track you’re skipping past a disturbing blocked off road covered by cops because some bad shit just went down. You quickly gap it into a pizza place and munch down a bacon, chicken and broccoli piece of pizza and realize you didn’t wash your hands after holding onto the pole on the subway, and remembering how moist, oily and warm it felt while you gripped onto it for dear life.
8. It’s nearly three and bars are going to close soon (so much for the city that never sleeps). You quickly order a tequila sunrise and take a sip and gag a little because your still not used to the ridiculous alcohol content of bar drinks over here. You wash it down with a PBR and a shot a gay man wearing a power ranger around his neck shouts you- shout out to Ramono Matel, you my homie. You run to the toilet and rip down the poster on the door, just so the lady standing at the candy bar in the toilet screams at you and you get kicked out, while your still wondering why there was a candy stand in the bathroom. 9. You call your mate Esther on your ridiculously fancy phone because you’re not in any state to find your way to the subway. Next you’re winding down with Esther dribbling on your shoulder while you mumble “ don’t worry I’ll get us home”…as the train rushes through the calming black vortex underneath the city. 10. FFUUUCCCKKKKKK!!!! Getting shaken awake by a jerseylicious girl who seems to think tights are pants to see 5 cops and a police dog raiding the train. “Esther holy freakin mother of fuck!” Some how its 6 and you got on the train at 4… you’re not naked but it definitely made the title of this story sound a little more appealing.
Pizzazzle Rezaei-Abyaneh Par_isa@hotmail.com 12/10/11
Peace homies.