Keep Calm & Carry On Glamping

As owners of glamping sites, we can often be dumbfounded by the many hilarious (and just downright crazy) comments and ridiculous requests from our guests. I don’t know of any site owner who doesn’t have a story to tell – most of us could write an entire book!

A good day can soon turn into a bad day if you get that ‘unhappy with everything’ type of guest. The guests who book to stay based only from looking at the photos, without having read any information about the site, facilities, check in/out hours or policies are always a worry. What is most baffling is that they clearly don’t understand the concept of glamping at all! Here are some tales from the fields of other site owners.

By Kerry Roy

The Un-Natured Guest

After checking in for 3 nights, the lady of a couple complained the tent was “raining with cockroaches”. When two members of staff visited the tent (having never had cockroaches before), they discovered it was in fact 3 woodlice that had crept into the tent – they immediately cleaned it and left natural potions to deter them. The lady demanded to leave and have 3 nights’ stay reimbursed, plus that the staff book her a hotel elsewhere immediately. The request was declined as it wasn’t a serious issue. Therefore, the lady called the national emergency police line to make a complaint with the words, “I’m in a bubble and there are animals!”. Needless to say, the police did not take any action and must have thought the lady had been taking LSD! In the end, she just left and no refund was given.

“Wasps and flies are making the holiday unbearable,” said another guest. “Why do they fly around outside our tent?” The owner left the guest with incense sticks and citronella – the guest was then seen the following morning by the cleaners obsessively spraying a can of fly spray into the open breeze. Fighting a losing battle we would say, sir!

The cut of a beautiful spring meadow with its long grass and pretty springtime flowers that have pathways cut in between them might look like something from a fairytale to most… but nope – for some guests it’s unsightly, seeing them leave feedback to say ‘uncared for and untidy’. The future must only be AstroTurf for some.

The grass is dewy, it’s not nice.

Will there definitely be stars the night we come to stay?

The birds are too loud in the trees.

The Pick-Pocket Chancer Guest

A Bell Tent site that charges circa €90 per night and also offers camping pitches at €17 per night was asked by a guest, “Does the €17 pitch per night include bathroom and kitchen inside the tent? And can we get breakfast delivered?” I don’t think the guest could get their head around the difference between a BYO tent pitch and a basic bell tent (which also didn’t include a kitchen and bathroom inside). Maybe better that you ask if the same price can be offered at a 5-star hotel, Mr Guest!

Can I book for 10 people inside the 6-berth tent for the same price with bedding and breakfast included? We don’t want to pay more than a 6 berth.

It’s my girlfriend’s first glamping stay and she is scared of insects and it’s too dark outside. I booked it as a surprise but she is not happy – please can we have a refund?

I assumed it was included in the price.

That’s the problem with assumptions, dear Guest – they leave you disappointed!

Is there a lock on the tent doors? We are worried someone might get in.

It’s a tent… if someone wanted to enter, they could easily slash the walls.

Will there be someone nearby to call during the night if we get scared or need wine should we run low?

From a group of over 25-year-old women.

The Fair Weather Guest

A classic complaint for all is the weather; either it’s too hot, too cold or the rain has spoiled the holiday. I have lost count of the number of times I have seen guests’ faces drop as they arrive during wet weather. It’s a look of astonishment, being reminded that they actually booked some accommodation in a field or woodland. Unfortunately, I haven’t yet been able to find a canopy or grasspowered hairdryer for a 10-acre plus field!

Some guests will embrace the storms and enjoy the tranquillity of raindrops falling on the rooftops with soothing sounds of nature. Others will try to use every excuse under the sun to cancel, get a refund or just nit-pick during their stay because the weather has dampened their spirits.

Many a time, my response to guests has been, “I’m sorry about the weather, but unfortunately I cannot control it. If I could, I wouldn’t own a glamping site because I would be a multimillionaire magically controlling the world’s weather systems!”

It works a treat and leaves them with not much more to say… Try it next time.