Advice for Newlyweds: Simple Tips for a Happy Marriage passionflames.com/marriage-advice-newlyweds/
Simple marriage advice for newlyweds Newlyweds hope for a lifetime of love and happiness. You’ve found your soulmate and the excitement of the wedding is over. It’s time to kick back and enjoy being in love, right? Well, not so fast! We all hope our marriage will last a lifetime, but hope alone is not enough. The good news is, all marriages start the same way. With a blank slate, a honeymoon and intense love. This is the best time to lay the groundwork for a long and happy marriage. 1/10
With both partners singing from the same hymn sheet, marriage needn’t be difficult. So, before you become lost in your beloved’s eyes, consider this marriage advice for newlyweds.
The lost art of conflict resolution
One if not the most important piece of advice for newlyweds is to learn how to manage conflict. Successful couples master the art of conflict resolution through communication. This essential life skill allows them to stay together for a lifetime. Newlyweds though, find it more difficult to keep their hands off one another than to talk. But the honeymoon period doesn’t last forever and life returns to normal. Finding the time to talk while balancing work, social and family is no easy task. With this in mind, to help stay connected with your partner, set up a daily routine of small talk. If you find small talk difficult, don’t worry it needn’t be awkward. We’re 2/10
all unique, some of us are shy whereas others are extroverts. For inspiration, start with books, politics or even your favorite TV shows. Even when you’re at work, you can stay connected through your favorite social media apps. Share a joke, viral memes or cute cat GIFs (can you resist clicking on this cute cat GIF). Remember, the point of these daily interactions is to keep your bond with your spouse strong. Also, don’t forget the little things such as a warm hug or affectionate smile to affirm your love. In brief, to prepare for the future, get into the habit of staying connected today. If you can have a healthy talk about the trivial, the tough problems will be easier to discuss.
The best money advice for newlyweds
The best money advice for newlyweds is to be honest about your financial situation. It’s important to realize your marriage is a blank canvas free from mental scars, try to keep it that way. For a start, let your spouse know if you’re bringing debt into the marriage. Your partner most likely won’t mind paying off small debts as a collective effort. 3/10
Likewise, if you have large debts such as a mortgage, talk to your partner about your expectations. Don’t assume your spouse will take on your financial baggage. Besides being honest, agree on a budget and saving goals. Review all your outgoings and don’t hide expenses. If you’re not great with numbers, use a spreadsheet or smart budgeting software such as YNAB. Also, if you have a poor credit history due to bad decisions or bad luck, again let your partner know. The truth will out and lying is a death sentence for your marriage. On a final note, it doesn’t matter where you invest your money or what you agree to spend it on. The main point is to remain candid and make all your financial decisions together. Further Reading: Marriage and Money: Match Made in Heaven or Hell?
Build a strong marriage by sharing goals
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Newlyweds remember there’s no I in marriage, well there is, but you get the point, that marriage is a team game. So, share a vision, a dream, a goal with your partner. A shared vision is not only a peek into the future but a way to stay close to your spouse. Even more so, a shared dream allows you to look past the stresses of married life. For instance, household chores won’t seem as stressful when you’re closing in on a major goal. For newlyweds shared goals are even more important. When the marriage is young, couples have tons of fun, but the fun factor can fizzle out. So, it makes sense to keep your interests aligned. The first thing to remember when setting up goals is to keep it fair. This means no arm twisting or puppy eyes. For both of you to work towards the same outcome, both the decision and benefit has to be a joint one. Regardless of what goals you decide on, make sure they are realistic and attainable. It’s difficult to stay motivated when a monthly goal takes 6 months to complete. As a final point, plan goals on a month and per year basis. You can plan goals around your birthdays and family events. Also, set one long-term goal, over 3-5 years such as buying a house together.
Pursue happiness with shared memories
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We all pursue happiness in our own weird and wonderful ways. Many of us love gadgets, others enjoy hobbies, while some of us seek spiritual contentment. But in the long run what makes us happier, material goods or shared experiences? What would you choose between a brand new car and a short vacation? You would assume a brand new car should make us happier for a longer time than a short holiday. Recent research, though, suggests otherwise: ‘Money can buy happiness up to a point, but it’s memories that define us. We are more likely to feel happy about experiences we have shared than material goods we have bought’. Dr. Thomas Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell University, has spent 20 years studying the question of money and happiness. His research shows that attachment to material goods is fleeting but memories are enduring. Dr. Gilovich explains further:
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“One of the enemies of happiness is adaptation. We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. But only for a while. New things are exciting to us at first, but then we adapt to them.” This is because we value connections to people above attachments to material goods. You are more likely to feel closer to someone you shared a holiday with than someone who drives the same car as you. So, the research is clear, if you’re into collecting shiny objects, consider collecting memories instead.
Newlyweds your home is your memory palace
All married couples should aspire to create a home together. Your home is your safe place, a refuge from prying eyes and also a place full of priceless memories. Over the course of your marriage, some of your best memories will form inside your home. The memories of your children growing up are personal and hold immense sentimental value. Also, don’t forget, a house is just bricks and mortar and exists in a physical location. Your home, although this may sound fanciful, exists in your heart and mind. 7/10
So, make your home as unique as the two of you. Furnish with photos, ornaments and artwork special to you. After all, the more personality you inject into a house, the more it becomes a home. Above all, make a home where you feel secure. A home where an apology will undo a small mistake. A home where a second chance can heal wounds. And a home full of love and affection.
Accept and embrace the difference
You should accept your spouse despite any differences. But if you need convincing that opposites can work well together, keep reading. Two recent studies have disproved the popular belief that a compatible partner holds the key to a successful marriage. You can find the research carried out by Vanessa K. Bohns, in the Social Cognition journal. The studies found opposite couples could look past their differences and unite to reach shared goals. Regardless of the goal as long as it was beneficial to both couples, they worked well as a unit. The couples identified and assigned roles best suited to each other based on their specific goal. Out of all the participants, the couples who shared few similarities stood 8/10
out. They worked well as a team, reached their goals, and reported the highest level of happiness with their relationship. In all honesty, the result shouldn’t come as a surprise. A little understanding and a common goal is often enough to unite us. Then again, there’s no denying that a marriage can fail due to a clash of personalities. But couples would do well to remember marriage is not just about me but also about you. To put it another way, a marriage is not only a coming together of hearts and minds but also of personalities and world views. You take the full package or no package. Summary
There’s a lot of marriage advice out there; some good, some bad, and some indifferent. The bar for expert status is pretty low, in fact, if you’re married, you’re an expert. Without a doubt, you’ve already had your fill of advice from your parents, family and friends. Maybe even from some random guy you met on your honeymoon. The point I’m leading up to is; you’re just married, in love, life is great, roll with it. If something feels good, keep doing it, if your spidey sense goes crazy, stop. If a problem crops up, deal with it, there and then, don’t sweep it under the carpet. Above all, keep talking! Newlyweds have little trouble talking with their partners. But that is today, with time things can change. Besides many couples fail to grasp the power of a kind word or warm compliment. A simple act of caring is often enough to calm a tricky situation. And that’s all she wrote! 9/10
Signing Off!
If you enjoyed reading this post, I’d be grateful if you could help it spread by sharing on Facebook or Twitter. Thank you! Now it’s over to you. Did you find this post helpful? and which piece of advice did you find the most useful? Let me know in the comments below. Resources:
Happy Together is my free book that will better your marriage in 30 minutes or less. This book contains case studies of real marriages, and practical advice you can use today. The 2018 edition of my 8-part email course, ‘Marriage Matters‘ is now live. This is a free 21 day course for couples who need a more intensive solution. Download the book below to get started. Mary Holmes – As a former marriage counselor, I’ve helped over 250 couples rebuild their marriage. How Healthy is Your Marriage – Take the marriage quiz to help assess your relationship. Passion Flames Marriage Quiz
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