The Story by Travis Macdonald

For Andrew K. Peterson May we one day meet again as exhibits in The Museum of Thrown Objects...

Acknowledgments Many thanks are due to the editors of the following publications where a few of these pieces appeared previously in various incarnations: BlaxeVox 2k10, Dinosaur Bees, Pinstripe Fedora, Sillymess, and SpringGun. The author is also grateful to the coders and programmers at seventhsanctum.com whose online story prompt generator served as both inspiration and co-author of these prose poems.

THE BEGINNING:

Chapter One A character will wake up somewhere new with something missing. Over the course of the story, that character makes three life-changing decisions, each somehow ultimately wrong. The story ends on a sinking ship full of missing lifeboats. The story takes place in the spring but there are no cherry blossoms to be found in feudal Japan. The story revolves around a sudden change in weather and/or wardrobe. Later in the story, there is an assassination of character. The story must involve a gauntlet thrown, run or worn. Somewhere in the story, a character takes a test, either metaphorical or standardized. Another character will take a bath, and they aren’t happy with it. Not. One. Bit. Later in the story, that character breaks something important to him/her setting of a chain of events that culminates in the dissolution of an international treaty or border. The story begins in the midst of an important election/political decision-making process. A character will read a book, and they are surprisingly over-enthused about its contents. No one bothers to ask why and the plot moves on.

Chapter Two The story starts during a thunderstorm five years in the future, awakened in a hilltop laboratory by a well-timed bolt of lightning. Somewhere in the story, there is a dramatic discovery involving insurance adjustments. Over the course of the story, a character becomes pregnant with truth or more directly malevolent forces.

This character is consequently thirsty throughout most of the story. The entire story takes place behind closed doors. The story is set during the fall of capitalism, Western Budapest. A relative shows up unannounced for a holiday dinner. At this point in the story, there is another sudden change in weather or wardrobe.

Someone gets a promotion at work during the story, but it won’t last long‌nothing ever does. The aforementioned character drinks something that disagrees with them. The story is set on or near a glacier. Remember that. It’s important later.

Chapter Three The story must involve a window in the beginning, double-paned and heavily insulated against foreshadowing. The story is set in a lost city full of stories just like yours and mine only smaller and more meaningful. The story takes place fifteen years in the past and everyone looks uncomfortable in their respective haircuts.

Later on, there is a breakup in a relationship that everyone agrees is for the best.

A character who seems relaxed and absent-minded throughout most of the story suddenly becomes suspiciously tense and irritable. Murder is surely afoot. The story would be better with a butler in it. He should be extremely unhelpful and/or rude. The story needs an intrepid adventurer at the end, climbing (or being thrown) through the window of the beginning. Somewhere in the story, a character falls from influence or a telephone pole.

Chapter Four Somewhere in the story, a character feeds his goldfish, but the intention behind this action is not what it, at first, might seem. Another character becomes sick during the story and, ostracized from the group, is forced to sleep at the back of the cave where his/her cough echoes loudest. This same character is forced to go holiday shopping with relatives and is later found strangled by a pair of festive socks in a department store dressing room. The story begins with an explosion 13.9 billion years in the past. The universe burns with a dim blue light. Somewhere in the story, there is a battle between plastic figurines culminating in a dramatic microwave confrontation. The story involves an unsuspecting ant, somehow squashed between thumb and forefinger. This becomes a growth moment metaphor for the story’s central character. The story is set in a library where a mysterious death occurs. The butler is, naturally, a prime suspect prior to the discovery of new and intriguing evidence. The story ends atop a tree with a pair of dropped binoculars. The birds have the last word. The birds always have the last word. During the story, there is a visit by a very common visitor, say: the mailman.

Say it again out loud.

Chapter Five Somewhere in the story a character will read someone’s diary and draw the wrong conclusions. A character becomes enraged by the story itself, feeling their likeness as portrayed by the author somehow cruel or unfair. This character beseeches the reader for clemency and understanding but nobody likes a cry-baby. Somewhere in the story, another character is simultaneously robbed of innocence and their wallet. The story is set in a living room full of dead people. During the story, a wellestablished leader steps down as a result of extra-marital affairs. The story must have a hamster at the end to balance out all the buffalo. The story must be taken literally if not seriously. The story takes place twenty years into a future you’d know nothing about, so just go with it. A character becomes contemplative during the story through no one’s fault but his/her own. Over the course of the story, this same character discovers someone has been pretending to be him/her and doing a much better job of it. Later in the story, there is a need to ask directions from the reader.

THE MIDDLE:

Chapter Six The story is set on a houseboat in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. Bahia Mar, slip F-18. Over the course of the story, there is a gradual change of mind or temperature. The story takes place at noon exactly. Somewhere in the story, there is a surprise attack of conscience or enemy combatants. The story must have a toothless barracuda waiting below-decks, poised to harangue our unsuspecting travelers. The story should be centered around an organ of some sort: musical, muscular or both.

The story contains at least one well-honed hatchet. Later in the story, a character discovers an item they thought they had lost once and for all. Spoiler alert: it was behind the bookshelf. The story starts in a desecrated temple where the reader discovers a series of secret passageways between chapters. Somewhere in the story, an organization is recruiting unsuspecting forest animals for a shadowy cause. The hatchet turns out to actually be a meat cleaver. A character becomes angry at one point during the story. The meat cleaver is hidden carefully out of reach for the remaining pages. The climax of the story takes place on a little known river or lake. A character will go to sleep, but that sleep turns into something else, something darker.

Chapter Seven The story must install a door in the reader’s ear, poorly fit to its frame and occasionally unhinged. During the story, a character loses something important to someone else. The story must contain a ferryman in it to help get its main points across. The story involves an ancient candle, all but briefly lit. A character borrows money that he cannot hope to repay. That character becomes resigned to his miserable fate over the course of the story. The story must involve a can of mace sprayed accidentally backwards. Another character dyes her hair a subtle shade of western auburn sunset but her lover fails to notice. The story and the relationship both end soon after. The story must ultimately revolve around a young boy and his companion: a mystical bottle of talking beer. By the end of the story another character has become very very thirsty. Tragedy ensues. Another character must be made to eat a pre-prepared meal and go to bed without any misadventure.

Chapter Eight The story takes place in the midst of an economic crisis. The main character is a clumsy and bumbling shark; tiger, nurse or loan. The story takes place entirely on a yacht that never once leaves dock. A character turns out to be wiser than he/ she appears throughout most of the story. Another character loses his houseboat at cards. The story must have some oil appear from an unknown origin, bubbling ever up- and out-ward. During the story, a character misunderstands someone.

As a result, this character becomes hopelessly confused throughout the rest of the story. The outcome of this misunderstanding proves fatal. The reader must be made, somehow, to sympathize. The story contains a bench in the middle for intermission. Somewhere in the story there is a theft. Nothing goes exactly as planned. The story begins in the museum of thrown objects. The reader is a visitor not a guest. Over the course of the story, someone is framed for something they meant to do but never got around to. An ironically unrelated crime of apathy turns out to have been painstakingly orchestrated. The story must, above all else, have a rabbit in its hat that is never completely revealed. The story should involve some expired medicine, improperly applied to comedic and/or tragic effect. Later in the story the main character writes a novel but nobody seems overly enthused by it.

Chapter Nine The story is set late in the evening of the reader’s eye. During the story, an important ideology or piece of technical equipment fails, to the ultimate benefit of the arch-nemesis in question. Later in the story, a character prepares for his or her birthday, but forgets all about the clown. Beneath the surface of the story another character becomes disoriented as a result of oxygen deprivation. This character later reveals their deepest feelings to an inflatable pool toy. Meanwhile, the first character pretends to be a lovelorn vampire throughout most of the story.

His lover finds this behavior to be extremely distasteful and tells him so in no uncertain terms. The story must contain at least one cartographer, amply supplied and adept at shorthand. Somewhere in the story, a dramatic discovery is about to inadvertently unleash evil forces upon an unsuspecting township. The story must have a traveler in it, equipped with a mysterious compass that only points up. The story ends in a high tower or building during a hostage situation. By the end of the story, a marginally developed supporting character gives birth to a new superspecies of composting earthworm.

Chapter Ten The story is set on a sinking yellow ship during a desert rainstorm. Somewhere in the story, a priest is caught in heavy traffic. He is subsequently taken into custody and forced to confess to a crime he didn’t commit. The story begins during a plague one hundred years in the future. The story revolves around an unnatural birth of some sort. Later in the story, a relative shows up asking to borrow money from the narrator. The story must leave a thread at either end for the reader to follow back and forth. In the early morning of the story, a character will get dressed, but it is done for different reasons than she or God intended. A character becomes incurably depressed and boring. As a result, he/she is poorly developed throughout the remaining pages. The story must contain a pill in the middle, taken to prevent mine disasters. The story takes place during an interstellar earthquake on a planet that looks remarkably similar to yours. At the beginning of the story, a character uses an industrial strength power tool for all the wrong reasons. They aren’t happy with the results. The story is about how they try to return it, but the warranty is, of course, void. During the story, a mysterious package arrives from an unknown origin. Nobody is home in the story to sign for it so it just sort of sits there. Somewhere in the story a misguided bomb squad blows up another birthday cake. Nothing is ever the same again for our hero. Later in the story, a character eavesdrops on a sibling and/or co-worker. Another character is subsequently misunderstood. The story ends with a wedding at which the main character becomes uncontrollably aroused as a result of something they ate or drank.

THE END:

Chapter Eleven The story revolves around a lonely orb from outer space. Somewhere in the story, a character will prepare for a holiday that has already passed but her relatives don’t have the heart to tell her. The story is political in nature, with a subtext about how people are all very different but they act so much alike. The story starts in a plastic surgeon’s office. During the story, the main character gets a demotion to supporting role. Later in the story, there is a dramatic revelation of gender and/ or relation. The story begins with a journey, climaxes in tragedy, and ends with an angry angry prayer. A character gets progressively dirtier and dirtier over the course of the story. The story must have a helmet in it, carefully placed for the reader’s protection. A character is sorry throughout most of the story, but sorry isn’t good enough, is it? Somewhere in the story, there is a labor strike and all the vowels walk out except y.

Chapter Twelve Neither side’s negotiators can spell “scab” or “temp,” so the story resumes, albeit warily. The story is set in a government building during an official state dinner. The story starts out with the main character sealing a letter and handing it suspiciously to an assistant. Somewhere in the story, another character inherits an unusual object or trait. This character becomes ravenously hungry over the course of the story. The story must involve some piece of previously undiscovered scripture whose ultimate public exposure would mean the end of civilization-as-we-know-it.

The story ends during the subsequent riots. The story must have a giraffe in it to add some much needed perspective.

Chapter Thirteen Somewhere in the story a maid is busily sweeping all the loose ends into plot holes. A character is extremely negative throughout most of the story for no apparent reason. This character later inherits vast amounts of money. Suddenly everyone’s an optimist. The story takes place during a crime spree one thousand years in the past. During the story, the main character makes a meal for themselves for the very first time. Another character has an accident at home alone with their grizzly bear. Somewhere in the story the maid is found murdered.

A character becomes enraged during the story after flirting with an MSG overdose.

The last page of the story is stamped return-to-sender.

Chapter Fourteen The story starts on a forest moon at midnight. A character builds a house entirely out of someone else’s imagery. The story is set in mid-winter where the foraging is most difficult. Somewhere in the story a lone duck appears, intent on depleting our hero’s carefully rationed supplies. Meanwhile, another character turns out to have the photographic memory of a grocery store tabloid. The story must contain a malevolent conveyor belt in the middle to keep the plot moving. At one point in the story, a character questions authority and they aren’t happy with the answers.

Cut to commercial break—This story is sponsored by the following corporate interests—Later in the story, a character discovers someone has written a book or article about them, the details of which are personal in nature and disturbingly accurate. The story begins during a charity event, where there is a mysterious explosion of dynamite and/or sexually transmitted diseases. All the proceeds go to the resulting orphans. By the end of the story, there is a fight to the death over copyright issues.

Chapter Fifteen The story begins in your grandmother’s attic and involves a box of magically imbued mothballs. The story takes place in mid-spring somewhere without music or flowers. During the story, there is an argument over wages owed and/or services performed. A character will eat an unusual meal. It will ultimately disagree with them to terrible effect and public disgust. Somewhere in the story, another character is disappointed with the way their life turned out. These two facts are seemingly unrelated but everyone blames the author anyway. The story must involve a boat of some sort, preferably a dinghy. The story is set in/on a volcano so the dinghy must be made of lead. Disaster unexpectedly ensues. A character gives someone a good talking-to, but the action goes terribly wrong as everyone realizes the accusers themselves are ultimately at fault. Somewhere in the story, a character becomes lustful for an inanimate object of unknown origin. Over the course of the story, an entire way of life comes to a sudden and abrupt end.

Biographical Information Travis Macdonald is the author of two full-length books – The O Mission Repo [vol.

1] (Fact-Simile Editions) and N7ostradamus (BlazeVox Books) – as well as several chapbooks, including: Basho’s Phonebook (E-ratio), BAR/koans (Erg Arts), Sight & Sigh (Beard of Bees), Time (Stoked Press) and Hoop Cores (Knives, Forks and Spoons Press).

Other poetry and prose has appeared in 580 Split, Alice Blue, Bombay Gin, Court Green, ElevenEleven, FastForward, Hot Whiskey, InStereo, Jacket, Little Red Leaves, moria, Otoliths, Parthenon West, Requited, Sink Review, The Offending Adam, West Wind Review and elsewhere.

He lives, works and writes in Philadelphia PA.