Start Forgiving Step Ten

StartForgiving.com Step Ten: Journey’s End Our journey’s destination is forgiveness. But how do we know if we’ve arrived? Our thoughts, actions, and feelings will tell us if we’re getting closer. It may be that our journey of forgiveness will not be complete until our life’s journey is complete. It’s good to imagine that day, however, and consider the choices we must make to be the type of person we’ll want to be when we meet Jesus face-to-face.

Until then, we can hope that our final end, and the final end of the one who hurt us, will be one and the same. That’s what Jesus wants, and so should we.

We get back from others and from the world exactly what we expect to find or to receive. In order to feel an inner shift in your journey of forgiveness, you may find this exercise helpful.

1. Write on the lines below in one sentence the event or person whom you are asking the grace from God to forgive. _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ 2. Read over your loss letter which you wrote in Step Four. Write each of your losses on the bold/longer lines below. (For example, perhaps because of the event or person’s behavior you feel you lost your good name, opportunities for education, the capacity for relationships, your teenage years, etc.)

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StartForgiving Process Step Ten. Based on Forgiveness: A Catholic Approach Page 1 StartForgiving.com © Daughters of St. Paul. This can be copied freely. www.pauline.org

____________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. Now consider each of your losses as listed above. On the lines underneath each loss you have listed, indicate whether it is something that can be either: Retrieved or perhaps attained for the first time; Replaced with something appropriate for your stage in life; Released since it is something that can’t be retrieved or replaced and must simply be let go.

An example: Loss: educational opportunities This is something I can replace by taking adult classes online, reading, or joining a study group.

Loss: belief in myself as an interesting and lovable person I can begin to retrieve this by saying “yes” when colleagues at work invite me to go out with them.

StartForgiving Process Step Ten. Based on Forgiveness: A Catholic Approach Page 2 StartForgiving.com © Daughters of St. Paul. This can be copied freely. www.pauline.org

4. Look over what you have written. You have created a plan of small steps to re-create a new life not defined by the event or person who has hurt you. You may feel as you read through this that you are no longer a victim. That your life is in your hands.

5. After prayer and reflection, write below any thoughts or plans you have regarding engaging the person who has hurt you. When we are fully healed we are able to move “toward” the one who has hurt us. This may be an inner movement, particularly when a person has died or when it would not be possible to assure the well-being or physical safety of both parties if a reconciliation were attempted. In such cases we may only be able to reach out in our hearts to the other, making ourselves fully available to them. In other cases, often after a long period of inner development, the situation is such that we can ask to speak with the other person about what happened, what we have suffered, how we have grown, and who we have become. We might hear that the other has also grown, or we might not. As we tenderly embrace where we are on our journey, we also embrace with compassion where the other person is. Now may not be the time. But it is still helpful to imagine what this would be like. It will bring up for us more clearly the wounds still to be healed. For each wound we find we can eventually redo the steps of forgiveness. And we move on with our life a wiser, stronger, and more compassionate person. _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ StartForgiving Process Step Ten. Based on Forgiveness: A Catholic Approach Page 3 StartForgiving.com © Daughters of St. Paul. This can be copied freely. www.pauline.org