Healed a Family Love Story
Mary Jo Zaragoza-Silayan
PHILIPPINES
HEALED: A Family Love Story Š 2016 Mary Jo Zaragoza-Silayan All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Copyright Š 2016 by Daughters of St. Paul Published and distributed by Paulines Publishing House 2650 F.B. Harrison Street 1300 Pasay City, Philippines E-mail: edpph@paulines.ph Website: www.paulines.ph Cover design: Ann Marie Nemenzo, FSP Photo credits: Noel Salisid Layout design: Reajoy San Luis, FSP 2nd Printing 2016 ISBN 978-971-590-812-2
at the service of the Gospel and culture
This is for you, Mother Mary. Thank you for Larry— my childhood friend, my husband.
ACKNOWLEDGMENT
I am ever grateful to my family and friends for offering precious time in prayer with me for the completion of the book, and for the intercession of all my saint friends and family in heaven. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for helping me through in this apostolate. My special appreciation to a graceful friend, Nenette B. Orcullo, who willingly shared a lengthy afternoon reading my manuscript, applying proper grammar and tenses (all these in between our coffee chats and duet of praise songs!). And later on of the same evening, for accompanying me to the parish Adoration room, offering both our thanksgiving prayers. I cannot thank her enough for starting this wonderful friendship.
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October 31, 1996. A family weekend in Tagaytay. “If we love one another, God dwells in us, and His love is perfected in us.” – John 4:12
Introduction
Unable to say goodbye… My husband Larry, at age 59, died of lung cancer in the Intensive Care Unit of Perpetual Help Medical Center at midnight of January 2, 2013, exactly four days after our 39th wedding anniversary. On December 21, 2012, two weeks before Larry’s death, his lung x-ray results read – Carcinoma, metastases: for further diagnosis. With this, Larry asked us for a vow of silence, and to keep his condition private between the two of us and amongst our four children. In between sobs, I tried to protest. Ten days after reading the x-ray results, Larry suffered a massive stroke on December 31, and died on January 2, after 5 hours of brain surgery. He was brought back to the ICU, limp and lifeless, 9
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save for a flicker of movement in the artificial respiratory machine. I bent down, putting my cheek on his face as I tried saying goodbye, but I had no words, nor light even in my thought. Larry was buried on January 6, on my birthday. We were unable to kiss each other goodbye… Each visit, with a message… My husband visited four times within the first two years of my mourning. Each visit was with a specific message. Larry’s first visit was in my sleep, during the four-day wake. He was kneeling down, praying! I knew Larry wanted me to pray for him. In the succeeding years, I offered the Holy Rosary daily for the peace of his soul; I prayed as intensely as my heart grieved, night and day. I was not aware of what time of the day it was then. The second visit was at our home, few days after the burial. It was dinner time and we were gathered as a family. I was groping for words trying to recall and narrate a certain incident, but my children, who were as grief10
Introduction
stricken as I was then, were paying very little attention. Larry interrupted me as I heard his soft-spoken voice whisper to my ear, “Jo, just tell them the truth.” And I did so, awakened by his instruction. To this day, I would emphasize Larry’s truth each time my children exchanged stories, where Larry’s treasured memories and hidden virtues dwell. Larry’s third visit was again at our home, almost at dawn. Having very little sleep, and with my eyes shut, I felt Larry’s presence beside me, saying in a whisper, “Jo, pray for Ben; don’t turn your back on Ben. He is almost there.” I did not know for certain what Larry meant. But feeling the urgency in his voice, I sat up, faced my altar and prayed fervently. Reuben Victor is older than Larry by a year. I was later to find out that Ben was scheduled to undergo a quadruple heart bypass. On that same day Chelo, Larry’s younger sister, texted for prayers. With the entire family praying, indeed Ben’s heart bypass went uneventful. 11
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Like two birds with youthful wings… During these two years of daily awaiting Larry’s visit, I offered prayers for Larry’s soul to reach Eternity, our final dream. Distinctly recalling the lyrics Larry and I composed and printed on our wedding invitation, “Like two birds with youthful wings, together we shall soar up the horizon, and reach our dream.” From time to time then on, whenever the situation would be unfriendly or desperate, Larry and I would softly repeat word for word our written pledge, and he would then reassure me, “We’ll get there, Jo.” Looking back, Larry was 21 then, and I was 19. Many eyebrows were raised as some of our family members and loved ones were disheartened over our early marriage. Some sneered, and boycotted attendance, even prophesied its ruin. But equally intense were the loving prayers and heartfelt wishes offered by our grandparents and godparents for both our growth and for a successful family life.
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Introduction
Many of us forget that Marriage is a sacrament, and that the absolute blessing of God comes with the gift of sanctifying grace. Our marriage was not an exception; for by design, in the years that followed, we were both tested to sin and almost to ruin, to hunger and to martyrdom, even to grave illness and to death. God’s forgiving Love would not be defeated. In the Heart of hearts, Larry and I chose to stay together or at times, apart – for sanctuary, for refuge. After 39 years of family life, unworthy as we were, God’s grace allowed Larry and me to soar up to the joys of our simple goals and to reach the extraordinary dreams we dreamed together in life. Even now, as we both await our final dream of being together one day in eternity, I continue to be made aware of, only by grace. Of this same grace, I was able to slowly face up to the reality of Larry’s physical absence. Being alone, I encouraged myself to keep a daily routine which held me together and saw me through my grief.
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A last embrace … It had been a long while since Larry’s last visit. One early dawn, a little over a year after his death, as I lay over his side of the bed, Larry made his fourth visit. In my sleep, I felt Larry’s presence. Without words, I felt my spirit rising up towards the dark blue skies, against the early light of dawn. Down below, I could see shades of houses with Tegula and iron sheet roofing, and in between, patches of empty residential lots, all the way to the neighboring village. For a brief moment of time, Larry and I met closely together up in the sky, with the morning breeze warming our hearts together as one. Afterwards, I felt we were flowing apart. Then Larry’s presence was gone! Shortly before I awoke, a young girl appeared, asking me to transfer Larry’s clothes from his cabinet. As to where I should transfer these, it was not specified. I felt a painful emptiness in my heart once again. Fully awake, I sprang up from bed, opened Larry’s cabinet and embraced his neatly hung shirts. I knew from then on that Larry was 14
Introduction
on his way to the heavens. My heart prayed, “Come back for me, Lar.”
To this day, I continue to offer daily mass and receive Holy Communion, this time in thanksgiving for the gift of 39 years of family life with Larry, and for the continued apostolate he has left me with. Every marriage is gifted with a God given message. I am grateful to God for allowing Larry and me to share our story, both in life and in death.
Larry and I have been narrating our story since year 1990 to year 2012, always as invited couple-sharer to various Catholic Renewal Communities.1 As couple-sharer then, Larry and I adapted our love story to several Life in the Spirit Seminar titles – “God’s Love,”
1. Alay sa Diyos, care of Joseph and Lucy Chua, Pag ibig sa Diyos, care of Bro Windy Solis, BCBP Ladies, care of Belle Manaog, Couples for Christ, care of Frank Padilla, Handmaids, and Servants of the Lord, LSS Marriage Encounter, Martha’s Vineyard, Mother Butler’s Congress, CBCP for the SAD – 1992, Araneta Coliseum, The International Marian Convention 1997, and to many more Catholic organizations, and programs both live and in television: our Family sharing for Father Reuter’s Family Rosary Crusade, for Host Show of Ms. Loren Legarda, and Host Show of Ms. Ces Drillon, Pipol.
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“Loving God,” “Repentance and Faith,” “Life in the Spirit,” “Transformation.”
Our sharing then was never written and was like a prayer in itself. As requested, we had to travel to provinces of Luzon and the Visayas to deliver the story. On each occasion, prior to our actual sharing, Larry and I would quietly be on a one-meal-a-day fasting before we would be prayed over by the host community. Now, twenty-five years later, I wrote down our love story, finally completing it – this is for you Larry, and for our Loving Mother who interceded for the healing of our marriage. See you in heaven, Lar.— Jo
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a call to new life
July 1990 -2012 The next day, I asked Larry to update my payroll account. Larry came back from the bank, showed me my passbook: 15th, 30th of the 3 months I was in the hospital, March 6 to June 6. My boss, our CEO, decided to give me my full salaries for 3 months! I have absolute faith that my Lord Jesus inspired my employer to do exactly what he ought to do, without the need for justification. God allowed Larry and me to enroll our children in school, complete with books, uniforms, supplies and with advanced school bus payments. After one month of home physiotherapy, on July 1, 1990, I was back to my work as Personnel and Administrative Manager. In August of 1990, I was called in to the Board 57
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Room by our CEO, and was then promoted as Approving Officer for all company operational payments, and became a company check signatory simultaneously. (In 1998, on the 8th year of employment, I was promoted as Head for Human Resources and Administration for the same company.) I went home from work that day overjoyed, as we prayed our family holy rosary with Larry and the children. At bedtime, I sat facing my altar, and asked my Lord, “Why are You so good to me, Lord? I haven’t done anything yet. What do you want me to do, Lord? Lead me to where YOU want me to be.” A grateful heart would not let the day pass without offering Holy Mass and receiving the Most Precious Body of our Lord Jesus Christ. Larry and I shared our new life-in-Christ with everyone that God had allowed us to meet in our apostolate. This, for more than twenty years that followed, 1990-2012, became our calling; sharing to married couples and to families the 58
A CALL TO NEW LIFE
God-given story of the healing of our marriage through the loving, loving intercession of our Mother Mary. As I was restored to good health, Larry and I were restored back to love. Truly, we are all in God’s heart and in His keeping.
“Marriage and family have been redeemed by Christ, and restored in the image of the Holy Trinity, the mystery from which all true love flows...” –Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, 63
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