.....................6 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. s! Fan Welcome, Gareth ...................... 7 .. I X s re su a e Tr l ona Southgate’s Nati ........................8 .. .. .. e m a G r e tt la Sp Gareth’s Blatter ...................... 10 e m a G s’ ll a B e th t Southgate’s ‘Spo ........................... 12 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ? o D th What Would Gare .......................... 14 ir a h C ry to is H ir Gareth’s Hair Fla mazing Gareth and His A ...................... 16 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. t a o istc Technicolour Wa ...................... 20 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .... Pizza Hunt Maze ........................ 22 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. rd o -w ss Gareth is the Bo ........................24 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. s. p u C f Gareth’s World o XI - Defence ...26 s re su a e Tr l a n o Southgate’s Nati p Dancing Cut-out-and-kee .................. 28 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ll t Do Gareth Waistcoa .................... 30 .. .. s e p o sc ro o H te’s Psychic Southga .......................32 .. s ’t n o D d n a s o D Dug-out Fashion .......................34 ry o st to o h P e v o L The Penalties of p Super Cut-out-and-kee .................. 37 .. .. .. .. .. .. te a g th u th So Fun Mask – Gare ....................39 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ........ Hear Him Roar .. ................... 40 r) e g (a n a M st ie x Se The World's No.1 ........................42 .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .... Saint Gareth ......
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Southgate Statio
The Great Gareth
n ............................
.......................43
Hunt Game ........ ..................... 44 Professor South gatenstein's Lab ....................... 46 Southgate’s Gate s of England ...... ....................... 48 Southgate’s Swe et FA Party Treats ..................... 50 Southgate’s Nati onal Treasures X I – Midfield .. 52 Southgate’s Cele brity Beard-Groo ming Tips... 54 Gareth by Numb ers ........................ ........................ 56 Gareth’s ‘A-maze -Balls’ Amazing Football Maze .... .............................. ........................ 58 Everyone Needs Hugs ...................... ...................... 60 ‘Back of the Net’ Wordsearch ........ .......................62 Gareth Southgate ’s ‘Flippin’ Footb all’ Game ... 64 Pin the Waistcoa t on the Gareth.. ....................... 66 Other Gareths .... .............................. ........................ 68 Gareth and the B eanstalk Game.. ........................ 70 Southgate’s Nati onal Treasures X I– Forwards ............ .............................. .......................... 72 Southgate Holm es and the Curse of the Spe ckled Ball ............ ........................ 74 Answers .............. .............................. .......................... 78 Photo Credits .... .............................. ........................ 80
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! s n a F h t e r a G ...
’s football the England men of ns fa r fo ar w ye fab r the country’s ne fo ar Wowsers! What a ye s ou d en oenix what a stup owly emerging ph soccer team, and sl a ke Li e. at hg ial eth Sout the pain of a cruc favourite son, Gar om fr n se ri s ha h ie , Garet steering the rook of s from the flames ht ig he y d d ld cup! ro 96, to the gi otball soccer wor fo penalty miss in Eu 's 18 20 of ls d 'new the semi-fina , hipster beard an at England team to co st ai w t ar h the 'old s super-sm t a swathe throug Equipped with hi cu s ha an -m G e ibilities, th vel. man(ager)' sens ccer 's highest le so ll ba ot fo at e school' cultur fer Gareth! We love you, Gaf will find ate Annual' you hg ut So h et ar G cial for your Inside 'The Unoffi shaped footballs eat hg ut So h et Hunt, Gar The Great Gareth as a bulging sack of ch su es m ga not only, uring glorious the Gareth, and on enjoyment. Feat at co st ai W e Holmes and e Balls, Pin th ories Southgate Gareth's Spot th st ng ti ci ex r ur pe g the su azing Technicolo Am is H d but also includin an h et a eckled Ball, Gar s of Love starring ie lt na the Case of the Sp Pe e Th ry young e photosto dau Ballet as the Waistcoat and th an Sp nd ba p po , ley from top al grooming tips on rs pe d an young Tony Had n io sh y poster pics, fa ere is enough Gareth. With hunk zzles aplenty, th pu d an es az m ugh pes, entertained thro ily horoscopes, reci m fa e th l al n to keep nd! Gareth-infused fu ar 2022 and beyo at Q , 20 20 ro Eu to
The Editor
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SOUTHGATE’S NATIONAL TREASURES Treasury XI FLIC K
’EM!
GARETH SO
MANAGER
’EM!
ECT
UTHGATE
COL L
SWAP
’EM!
STICK
ED SP E A M S I AR
90
100
78 88 66 95
SPEND F LOADS O MONEY ON
’EM!
FOOTBALL SKILLZ
’EM!
NT INDEX
SNIFF
CH ER P OW S HUG
’EM!
It’s official! Our Gareth is a National Treasure!! Then who better than ‘Super Southgate’ to put together a supreme team of national treasures to compete in the National Treasures World Cup, if it existed? Collect the stickers and see who has made the squad (even though it doesn’t exist). Sticky-stickers, sticky collectable, sticker-book adhesive fun!!
11
10
9
?????
?????
?????
6
7
8
?????
?????
?????
4
2
3
5
?????
?????
?????
?????
1 ?????
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S ’ H T E R A R G E T T PLA
P S R E T BLAT E
GAME
ter has t a l B p p e S FA, exiled I F to create r e A v N o D e t k c a t e s o in bid t ver using o s e to spread Oh no! In a s im r t e y t t n a a l m B f o sel uit cloned him ble swarm of mosq lling world! a he footba t an unbeat s s o r c a disease
Chief Mosq uito Swatte r Southgate has heroica lly captured Blatter, but t can you help he original him spla remaining B latters with tter the ‘Blatter Sp your latter’ mos i swatter?
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TE
R
MO S
ITO SWA U T Q
Hidden throughout the fo llowing pages of this annu al are a further eleven buzzing Blatters. Find them and circle them , then return to Gareth here with the page numbers where they wer e discovered. I, Deputy Mosquito Swat ter ............................ ................ hereby pledge my allegian ce in the fight against the disease that the cloned Sepp Blatt er mosquito team are atte mpting to spread across the foot balling world. The eleven Blatter mosqu itoes were splatted on
Page
Page
Page
Page
Page
Page
Page
Page
Page
Page
Page
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WHAT WOULD
GARETH DO? As England’s coach, Gareth Southgate seems to have solutions for all the nation’s footballing woes. But how would he solve people’s everyday problems? Here’s some of the brilliant advice that Gareth might offer if he was a famous agony uncle instead of a famous footballer slash England manager.
A BRUSH WITH LOVE Dear Gareth... I think I’m in love with a girl at work. She’s called Sinead and she has lovely brown hair and amazing shoulders. But how do I make her notice me? I’ve tried leaving her gifts – a bottle of her favourite shampoo and also some Chewits (strawberry). I really like her. Sometimes when I see her brushing her hair, I imagine I am her hair being brushed by her hairbrush! I’ve tried catching her eye, but I think she might be short-sighted, because she just avoids my gaze or runs away. Please help!
WHAT GARETH MIGHT SAY... Love does not choose its victims, Steve-o. But when love strikes, it scores. Be honest. Be virtuous. And open your soul to Sinead, so that she, in turn, may open hers to you. Also, if she’s not into Chewits, maybe consider inviting her to Pizza Hut? There’s a great 2-for-1 deal on at the moment.
Steve-o (32) Banbury
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WE CAN WORK IT OUT Dear Gareth… I’ve got a problem at work. Usually, I achieve my goals, especially under stress. But ever since I’ve joined this new team, I’ve been struggling to hit my targets. I’m really good with my colleagues and I help them out whenever I can. But I just can’t seem to close a deal and I’m worried that my new boss is going to sack me. He’s a nice guy and has been supportive so far, but he is starting to get criticised for my performance.
WHAT GARETH MIGHT SAY… Success is an elusive creature, Raheem. It tempts us and goads us on, and then slips though our fingers, like the grain we scatter in our pastures. But remember – to not succeed is not to fail. Be patient. Bide your time. Continue to work hard. Success will inevitably arrive. Besides, you’ve got ages till Euro 2020, anyway.
Raheem (23) Manchester
THE ‘SWEAT’ SMELL OF SUCCESS Dear Gareth… I don’t know if you can help me but I have a big problem with excessive sweating. I sweat from everywhere: my armpits, my palms, my lumbar region and so on. Anywhere that has skin, basically. My mum says it’s normal, but she would say that. She’s a heavy sweater, too! It’s really getting me down. It makes me so sad, that sometimes I even sweat from my eyes!
WHAT GARETH MIGHT SAY… Don’t be ashamed of your sweat, Macy. Embrace it. Perspiration is an indicator of dedication, endeavour and toil. Wear it like an emblem of your strength and goodness. Alternatively, try wearing a waistcoat – they’re great for hiding all manner of stains and secretions.
Macy (14) Midlothian
JEALOUS GUY Dear Gareth… I recently lost my job and now the new guy who took over is absolutely smashing it. He’s handsome, wears a fancy waistcoat, and has never once been investigated for alleged corruption. I am well-jel and can’t stop thinking angry thoughts. Can you help?
WHAT GARETH MIGHT SAY… If jealousy is a sin then we are all sinners, Sam. And if anger is invading your thoughts, then why not try channelling that negative energy into positive deeds and thoughts? You could give a sad-looking stranger a hug, perhaps? Just don’t let any undercover reporters film you doing it!
Sam A (64) By text 13 GSA2019_Text_04_FINAL.indd 13
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1 7 8 10 12 14 16 19 20 22 25 27 29 30 31 32
4 5 6 9 10 11 13 15 17 18 21 23 24 26
Place on the pitch and in the team (8) If ‘Sir’ Gareth, his honorary title is? (6) Gareth is part of the human ____ (4) What Gareth’s choice of keeper, Pickford, needs to do to the ball (5) Team leader, Kane (7) Gareth’s choice of inflatable fun (7) The main artery in the heart that blood pumps through when England score six goals (5) Nickname for team Gareth was player-manager of (4) El Tel surname (8) Gareth’s facial hair (5) What he missed in ’96 (7) Eden ______ scorer of second Belgium goal in Russia 2018 runners-up match (6) Gareth’s place of birth (7) Gareth’s birth___ on 3rd September (3) (and 32 across) Team Gareth led to the 2000 FA Cup final (5, 5) See 31 across
1 Hut that Gareth advertised with Waddle and Pearce (5) 2 England super ___ Rashford (3) 3 A hill or rocky peak (3) Number of times England won world cup (4) World cup quarters foes’ favourite shop (4) What Gareth prefers to do at the dug-out (5) Gareth’s official position (7) See 15 down Number of children Gareth has (3) Not mixed – joy that Gareth’s England brings us (4) (and 10 down) Joke poultry used in training (6, 7) Gareth’s old nickname (4) Sleeveless upper body garment worn by Gareth (9) What Gareth has brought the nation of supporters (4) The three lions shout (4) England’s _____ and pains after training (5) ____ Hazard scorer of second Belgium goal in Russia 2018 runners-up match (4) 28 Biblical Harry’s brother (4) 29 Wembley ___ (3) 23
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SOUTHGATE’S NATIONAL TREASURES Treasury XI
MIDFIELD GOALKEEPER
LEFT BACK
STEPHEN FRY
NT INDEX
50
84 14 17 94
DELIA SMITH
RIGHT BACK
CENTRE BACK
SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH
NT INDEX
88
ED SP E SM A I R CH A ER P OW S G HU
100
66
CENTRE BACK
88 10 46 32
79
ED SP E MA S I R CH A ER P OW S HUG
89
56 08 78 12 FOOTBALL SKILLZ
CENTRE BACK
ED SP E MA S I R CH A ER P OW S HUG
FOOTBALL SKILLZ
76
60 70 45 67 FOOTBALL SKILLZ
89
ED SP E MA S I R CH A ER P OW S HUG
NT INDEX
CENTRE BACK
4
16 72 98 89
NT INDEX
MANAGER
NT INDEX
SIR TREVOR McDONALD
85
ED SP E SM A I R CH A ER P OW S G HU
FOOTBALL SKILLZ
100
78 88 66 95
FOOTBALL SKILLZ
90
ED SP E SM A I R CH A ER P OW S G HU
FOOTBALL SKILLZ
NT INDEX
LEFT BACK MARY BERRY
GOALKEEPER
GARETH SOUTHGATE
MANAGER
RIGHT BACK
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11
10
9
?????
?????
?????
6
7
8
Palin
The Queen
Balding
4
2
3
5
Berry
McDonald
Attenbourough
Smith
1 Fry
CENTRE MID
RIGHT MID
CLARE BALDING
RIGHT MID
98
NT INDEX
87
ED SP E SM A I R CH A ER P OW S G HU
87
33
?
?
?
LEFT WING
CENTRE FORWARD
RIGHT WING
68 70 44 17 FOOTBALL SKILLZ
70
8
8 ED SP E 2 5 A M RIS CH A 0 1 0 ER P OW 8 S 9 HUG FOOTBALL SKILLZ
91
16 91 10 92
NT INDEX
LEFT MID
ED SP E SM A I R CH A ER P OW S G HU
FOOTBALL SKILLZ
NT INDEX
THE QUEEN (CAPTAIN)
CENTRE MID
MICHAEL PALIN
LEFT MID
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o s u t h g t a g z x w e o w w w e b f o b o r o b o s q g a r t e e w a o h b o m b d c e s a l a p a h m o l l a d n r h h l c n l q s c v w b o r w r d h l w m r n n d o u o b a m a a n a g r e m z m s q l c b v w c c o s s z n o b t l c l h c q v f o i v I c o s e c o i p a t e n h o v n y n n n o v s a c f i f a e c s u w f o q n
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Gareth’s
‘Back of the Net’ WordSearch
k c a b e h t in s d r o w is h l l a Gareth’s dropped w p. u d e l b m u j l l a e ’r y e h t of the net and no them for him in time for See if you can finndt press conference! the importa Football Watfo southgate Goarld Fa Unicorn Fifa Palace Manager Boro Russia Net HVeilla Crawley Pizza Hollandad Boot Beard Gareth Alone Cone Cross 63 GSA2019_Text_04_FINAL.indd 63
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PRESS RELEASE
From the comedy team that brought you the bestselling ‘Unofficial Jeremy Corbyn Annual 2018’ comes this hilarious spoof annual honouring England’s favourite son, Sir Gareth of Southgate.
THE GREATEST UNOFFICIAL GARETH SOUTHGATE ANNUAL EVER WRITTEN!
SPLAT Sepp Blatter’s pesky mosquito clones PIN the waistcoat on the Gareth TRAVEL through time in Gareth’s Hair Flair History Chair SPOT balls in Southgate’s ‘Spot the Balls’ game DISCOVER Southgate’s National Treasures XI ARRANGE Gareth’s World of Cups COLOUR Gareth by Numbers SOLVE ‘The Curse of the Speckled Ball’ mystery PARTY on with the Dancing Gareth Waistcoat Doll SEE pop star Tony Hadley play Gareth in
‘The Penalties of Love’ photostory
LOOK like Gareth – wear his face OPEN Southgate’s Gates of England FEAST on Southgate’s Sweet FA Party Treats MORE, MORE, AND MORE!! Publishing 15th November 2018 | £9.99
To feature, please contact Komal Patel Email: kpatel@pavilionbooks.com | Tel: 020 7462 1525 Published by Portico, an imprint of Pavilion Books 43 Great Ormond Street, London WC1N 3HZ