Fenuxe issuev9 i11 issuu

06.01.18 V9-11

Epic, Trend, or Norm?

From Proposal to Gay Wedding Millennials and Marriage

Vows That Keep Your Cool

Ask Daddy Beastly Mary Edith Pitts

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Contents

FENUXE

8 MILLENNIALS & MARRIAGE 10

STILL STANDING

14

COOL VOWS

22

BOOK REVIEW

24

ASK DADDY

26 PHOTOSHOOT 38 PITTS

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EDITORIAL Mikkel Hyldebrandt - Director Contributors - Alexander Cheves Frank Cortez • Mary Edith Pitts/Richard Joshua Neal • Terri Schlichenmeyer Tyler Scruggs • Daddy Supreme

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5

Gay marriage was legalized almost three years ago and still stands as one of the biggest epitomes and great bastions of the LGBTQ rights movement. But the right to marry who we love doesn’t mean that we want big wedding extravaganzas cut after a traditional mold. Some of us do, while others see it as an opportunity to reshape everything from proposal to vows and honeymoon in our very own gay image.

Like Frank and Angel who got engaged last year and are now (re)considering how the whole wedding thing is going to happen now that the first big step – the proposal – has been taken. Or Tyler Scruggs who, as a young Millennial, has a lot to consider about the whole marriage thing after seeing how

from the

note

poorly ‘traditional’ marriage has fared with older generations. Read about their marital musings in this issue.

And we shouldn’t forget one of the major reasons why we even have an LGBTQ activist movement today: June is Pride month which was initiated after the Stonewall Inn riots in June 1969, so whether or not you are getting married this summer, just think about how those events sparked the modern LGBTQ movement, so you have the benefit of equal rights today.

Happy Pride Month!

As always, we have you covered – from cover to cover!

Mikkel Hyldebrandt Editorial Director

6: June 01, 2018

Do Millennials Want To Get Married?

By Tyler Scruggs

Is marriage dead just a few years after marriage equality?

As we approach a culture that’s post-sexuality, post-gender even isn’t the idea of committing yourself to another person forever seem kinda… lame? It’s tougher to think about than you’d expect, considering the institution. Progressive ideologies on relationships and marriage aren’t really new; we’ve been questioning marriage for ages. But what is new, relatively, is the current right to marry who we want and the weird, constant threat that right is under. Are millennials like me scoffing at marriage just after the LGBTQ+ community fought so passionately for the right? That could anger some, and it’s forced me to think inwardly.

Thinking inwardly as a ‘millennial’ is often an exercise in futility. Yes, we frequently can offer a unique perspective on the world and culture. Perhaps that perspective is a tad more radically different than any previous generation before! Every generation is a little edgier than the last! Frequently, though, it’s not enough. The internet, modern media and a huge shift in cultural attitudes have swept the 21st Century into a nearly fundamental rewiring of how we see the world.

Everything’s happening all at once in all directions, and we’ve never been more aware of it. Of course, there is no shortage of millennials, especially queer ones, so what makes my perspective any different? Are we that dissimilar from generations before? It turns out, not really.

A study from Stanford University concluded this past February that millennials actually do hope to reach traditional life milestones by the same age as previous generations. Marriage, home ownership, children; these are all still aspirations of ours— don’t be mistaken. The reality though is that these cornerstones are happening later and later in our lives, and we’re delaying it begrudgingly. We’re expecting to live longer (life expectancy has gotten about 30 years longer in the past hundred years), which allows for some wiggle room, but our clocks are still ticking. There’s a constant pressure to stabilize because stabilization is what’s truly scarce in a world destabilizing and deconstructing on a per-tweet basis.

The economy and the various financial situations of millennials play a much bigger factor in our resistance to marriage than our progressive, anti-monogamous ideals.

8: June 01, 2018

Creating a home and a happy life with a partner forever is always going to be enticing, but owning a home and being happy with even yourself seems far-fetched in 2018. Until we can loosen the leash held by student loans, a debilitating housing crisis, and a job market that’s chief innovative goal is to build an Artificial Intelligence that makes me obsolete, dropping thousands of dollars on a wedding that will trigger anxiety in all my equally-broke family and friends seems kinda selfish.

Personally, I’ve grappled with the prospect of getting married often. Despite the poor examples set by our parents and other countless divorced couples, lifelong contentment in marriage doesn’t just seem plausible; it’s beautiful. Devoting yourself to a constantly conflicting but forever endearing presence in your life, and another person doing the same makes it all seem worth it. I’m ready for the ups; I’m ready for the downs. But as a twenty-something, finding financial stability and contentment in my micro-community of loved ones just ironically seems like a more pressing matter than who I might be with ‘forever.’

I don’t mean to be harsh, but it’s a reality many are facing. Read any headline regarding millennials, and you could swear we somehow really have it out for industries like diamonds, Applebee’s, and lavish weddings, but the fact of the matter is that we just can’t afford them. As we begin to fight for equality in other areas than our sexuality, I sincerely hope marriage equality doesn’t become a casualty.

Every day it feels like some new right or reality is being infringed upon. The people we’ve trusted in government, in culture, and in faith to reassure us that there was a certain tract to a healthy, happy life have let us down. That is the millennial mindset. Now what? Do I want to get married?

Yes. Absolutely. Even in these tough times, especially in these tough times, the idea of committing my life to another and building a love that is founded on mutual trust and understanding is the most beautiful thing I can think of. The rulebook is ripped in half; we’re officially post-modern. I’m looking forward to my wedding day because it will mean something. Not because I’m meant to, but because I want to.

I’ll look into my partner’s eyes and understand the gravitas of trusting and committing my life to them, and love them. For better or for worse.

Still Standing – The Legacy of Stonewall

By Mik Hyldebrandt On Saturday, June 28, 1969, in the middle of the night, police raided The Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village on Manhattan. Police raids weren’t uncommon in the LGBTQ-friendly area of New York City, and bar patrons were accustomed to harassment and even arrests for merely being there. But this time, the customers fought back. In fact, they fought back so hard by throwing punches, bottles, and coins at the officers that they were forced to retreat inside of the inn where patrons even tried to set it on fire.

The impact of what seemed like a bar fight gone out of hand reached even further, because for the next five days the protests and activism initiatives continued in what is today known as the Stonewall Inn riots, and within weeks activists arranged for a march through New York where LGBTQ individuals could walk openly and proudly for the first time. And with that, the first Pride march was born, and the catalyst of the modern LGBT rights movement in the U.S. was initiated.

Coming up on its fiftieth anniversary, there is no doubt that what started in those days in the late sixties has had an immense impact on the rights we as LGBTQ people share today. It was the riots at the Stonewall along with several other activist forces in the then current LGBTQ community – including trailblazers like trans person Marsha P. Johnson – that formed the movement that has continued to make strides towards equal rights for all people under the LGBTQ rainbow umbrella with marriage equality being one of the most substantial pieces of legislation to secure fundamental and equal rights for all.

10: June 01, 2018

So, looking back at the events at the Stonewall Inn and the movement it helped start, why does it feel we are still fighting for inalienable and equal rights?

Maybe it’s because the move, which has felt like a leap forward in the past few years, from marginalized to mainstream hasn’t entirely eliminated many of the continued stigmas and discriminations that LGBTQ people face today. Sure, the empowerment and improved protections are definitely part of the legacy of Stonewall, but LGBTQ people are still being discriminated against, there are still fear-based stigmas against HIV/AIDS, trans people are still a marginalized, and extremely exposed demographic, and anti-gay legislation is still being proposed (and sometimes passed). So even though gay people may be more prevalent in pop culture, and there is a greater integration into society, it doesn’t mean that the fight is over. On the contrary.

In today’s political climate, which time and time again airs strong anti-gay views, it seems like the activist roots of the LGBTQ community are stirring again.

It may not be as grassroots like back in the sixties, but the feeling of forming a queer counterculture is definitely there. And today we reap the benefits of many of the organization of the gay rights movement that grew from the riots, so that today, gay people are not unrepresented, but have strong organizations that are better equipped to get involved in socio-political matters.

So even though the Stonewall riots may have happened decades ago, the events are still very much alive in our contemporary times. The fight for equal rights isn’t over, but with the gay movement and empowerment that was ignited and inspired almost 50 years ago, there is no sign that the significance of Stonewall has waivered even the slightest. In fact, in remembering Stonewall, many will probably feel closer to the feeling of radicalism than ever before.

The memory of Stonewall may seem like an echo of the past, but that echo is still reflecting off the walls of history today and may even start to reverberate even stronger and stronger. Because the movement hasn’t died, in fact, it is stirring to get ready for another opposition.

EVENTS THIS

June 2 h2(H)oe w/ Asia O’Hara from RPDR 10 h(2)Hoe returns with the amazing talents of Asia O’Hara from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Strip down to your speedos to show off those Coppertone asses and crotchless tankinis.

Additional performances by Brigitte Bidet, Colana Bleu, Evah Destruction, and more

MORE INFORMATION:

The Heretic

June 2, 10 PM Heyday ‘80s Dance Party The best 80s party in town – always on the first Saturday of the month – returns to the Basement. Whether you are an 80s child or not, dresses the part or comes as you are, this party is some serious fun!

MORE INFORMATION:

The Basement

June 2 & 3, 11 AM Kubrick Matinee In honor of the upcoming release of the documentary FILMWORKER about Stanley Kubrick’s righthand man Leon Vitali, Landmark’s Midtown Art Cinema will be hosting two Kubrick Matinees of his most groundbreaking work.

MORE INFORMATION: Landmark’s Midtown Art Cinema Saturday, June 2, – Eyes Wide Shut Sunday, June 3, – The Shining

12: June 01, 2018

Office: 678.298.1600 cell: 706.761.2578

JUNE June 9, 10am-10pm Out in the Park at Six Flags Out in the Park, presented by Atlanta Pride, is a day full of fun, rides, and a special all-you-can-eat meal at JB’s Sports Bar and Grill. Get your passes at sixflags.com.

MORE INFORMATION:

Six Flags Over Georgia & Hurricane Harbor

June 9, 3-7 pm HRC Margarita Bust Join the Human Rights Campaign, Zocalo Atlanta and Milagro Tequila for a bottomless margarita bust for LGBTQ equality! Guests will enjoy unlimited fresh margaritas, $5 Milagro shots and beats from DJ Neon the Glowgobear.

MORE INFORMATION:

Zocalo’s

June 7, 10:30 pm AMEN: The Disco Show!

featured event June 3, 5-10 pm Sugar Tea Dance Sugar is back with another edition of the amazing tea dance that will not only kick off Pride month but also satisfy your sweet tooth and melt in your mouth. DJ set by DJ Alex Ferbeyre, and pre-sale tickets available at sugaratl.eventbrite.com.

It’s time to boogie like it’s Studio 54! The gurls of AMEN are bringing you DISCO this month, so break out your sequins, because it’s going to be a show you don’t want to miss.

MORE INFORMATION: Sister Louisa’s Church of the Living Room and Ping Pong Emporium

MORE INFORMATION: Loca Luna

13

Vows to Keep Your Cool

By Joshua Neal

One of the most important goals is to conquer each day with peace of mind – that goes double when it comes to planning and having a wedding. However, it is not always easy keeping your cool when the sound of wedding bells moves closer. Luckily, there are many steps we can take to stay calm throughout the entire process.

Frustration, anger, and disappointments can really wear you and the people around you down, but when we learn to acknowledge our emotions, we can find ways to overcome negative energy.

This allows us to communicate better and to better complete the many tasks related to a wedding.

Take Care of YOU Make eating right, drinking plenty of water and getting plenty of sleep a priority throughout the process. Taking good care of the basics will alleviate much of the stress and exhaustion.

Workout and Get Active Go to the gym. Get some physical exercise. Not only does it keeps you healthy but you feel great (and you’ll look great in your wedding attire!).

Meditate and Practice Yoga

Making the Decision

A daily meditation and yoga practice keeps you grounded and gives you renewed focus. You are in control of your mind, body, and soul, so take a moment to take deep breaths. Studies show that about 75% of Americans go the whole day without breathing and exhaling deeply.

Plan Ahead

Take Some Time For Yourself and Have Fun

Here a few tips to help you stay calm during the process.

Time is not always on your side, so plan in advance and make early decisions.

Talk to Other Married Couples You want to learn from the experience of others in order to avoid rookie mistakes and focus on the important stuff instead of minor details.

Focus on the Future The wedding is an important day, but the meaning of the day is just as significant. The wedding is not the end destination, but marks the beginning of something new, so don’t lose sight of the many days that lie ahead after you tie the knot.

Preparation Don’t Blow Things Up Some things will go wrong. Acknowledge that ahead of time and don’t blow things out of proportion.

Be Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak Think before you make a decision. Be slow in your response to the opinions of others. This will allow you to keep your cool during stressful moments. You can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control the way you react.

Try not to be so serious all the time, take a break or a day off and just relax and have some fun. Planning a wedding is stressful, but it shouldn’t feel like a task, and playing a little bit of hooky allows you to stay fresh and on top of things.

Execution Control What You CAN control Things will happen. Don’t lose your cool and just continue to focus on what you can control. You are human, and there will be mistakes.

Be thankful, Grateful and Manage Expectations The more you are grateful for the small things, the more you will appreciate the bigger ones. Yes, it’s ok to have high expectations, but keeping your standards a little lower, allows the opportunity for you to be pleasantly surprised when things exceed expectations.

The Day of Relax, enjoy the moment, and all the fruits of your preparation.

“Remain CALM, serene and always in command of yourself.

You will then find out how easy it is to get ALONG” – Paramahansa Yogananda

14: June 01, 2018

Epic, Trend, or Norm?

From Proposal to Gay Wedding

By Frank Cortez I proposed. After five years of dating, tons of planning, going over a million different scenarios, stressing over each, almost doing it at Christmas (he doesn’t know about that), I eventually did it. It happened the day we left Madrid’s World Pride. We’d already been in Spain for almost a week but had spent the day exploring the Guggenheim Bilbao and eating at a Michelin star café. We drove through the Basque countryside arriving at our hotel for the night, an actual CASTLE! As we’re on the roof enjoying the evening and waiting for sunset, I proposed!! The second half of the trip was just as epic (wine country tour, bubble hotel, running of the bulls, Barcelona! Pretty epic right?)

But it was also awkwardly cute. As I started to drop to a knee, he realized what was happening and started saying “No. no. NO! Frank!” This catapults my rehearsed proposal of: ‘I’m better because of you, happier beside you, and incomplete without you. Will you marry me?’ right out of my head. Instead, I grab what words I can recall and sputter “I’m better ____, happier ____ without you. ___ marry me?” While I was trying to string along those few words, he lets out a ‘yes,’ we borderline ugly-cry/laugh, and hugged till we remembered the unopened bottle of bubbles waiting for us. It was great and completely us. But it was also a year ago, so now what?

I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but did I screw myself over by having an amazing proposal and vacation? Aren’t proposals supposed to be the appetizer of all this and not the main course or dessert? If that’s the case, does anyone have a private island, a hundred 1st class plane tickets, and about $80,000 lying around they don’t need? Otherwise, I don’t know how to top this. I’ve hosted and planned plenty of parties, vacations, and even honeymoons (which should prove helpful later) but never an actual wedding.

We’ve been to more than the average share of weddings.

First weddings, second weddings, straight ones, gay ones, ones in Mexico, in Austria, Big, Small, you get the idea.

Does Julia Roberts appear as our wedding fairy godmother guru? Do I have to watch ‘Mamma Mia’ now, because I’ve never seen it and I’m not exactly a fan of musicals? What’s the protocol for this age-old tradition?

16: June 01, 2018

PROPOSAL The answer we have thus far is fairly simple: I don’t know. We don’t have a church reserved, no venue booked, no flowers planned, no color theme, none of those things you hear all about on TV. And you know what we’ve discovered? That’s OK. We’re two men getting married to each other in a country that just a few years ago wouldn’t share the word ‘wedding’ with us.

Yet here we are on this new, equal ground reviewing options, and that in itself is awesome. If we want to have a big church wedding with a beautiful white dress, we can. A gaggle of groomsmen dressed like Madonna’s backup dancers, we can. Get married by a Stormtrooper in Vegas (my fiancé’s contribution to planning thus far, which we ca... Wait, no scratch that. I’m not getting married by ANY Star Wars character. Sorry babe, not happening). We can do whatever we want, even if we don’t know what that is just yet. That is empowering and yes, still OK. We have no directions, no expectations; we get to do what makes us happy. We may not have figured it all out yet (or even some of it) but so what? Who’s to say it’s bad our wedding won’t involve a color scheme, a flower pattern, Mamma Mia, etc.? All of those things are fine, but they aren’t us. I could go on about breaking wedding traditions (diamond rings/white dresses weren’t the norm) and say that gay marriage is creating new ones.

But why? In the few years, we’ve had the equal right, I’ve seen: Two grooms throwing bow ties instead of garters, destination weekday weddings to maximize travel funds, backyard weddings becoming popular again. Gay marriage is already influencing weddings and guiding trends (as per usual). But my fiancé and I aren’t trying to be trendsetters. We just want to be cheesy with each other for the rest of our lives. To have and to hold, to cuddle when cold. If that translates into a big traditional wedding, great. Eloping to Vegas (sans Jedi/Siths), cool.

Going to the courthouse and then dance the night away with those we care about, awesome. Will our wedding be as epic as our proposal, start a new trend, or follow the norm? I don’t know. All I do know is that I’m engaged to the love of my life, I can now legally marry, whatever we decide will be perfect, and I’ve already done the hardest part. I proposed.

17

It’s Never Time To Give Up On Sex Sex breaks are good for you. Everyone should take one from time to time. But this article isn’t about sex breaks.

Sex breaks are done as positive acts to bring attention to other parts of your life, to make time for projects, to think and reevaluate the way you’ve been fucking, to adjust to a new move or a new job or a new place in life, or to heal from a loss.

Giving up is different. Calling it quits is deciding, after what feels like endless unsuccessful attempts, that sex “isn’t for you” — that something is wrong with you, and you don’t know what. That you’re somehow “locked out” of pleasure, something so many other people seem to enjoy and take for granted — something you hear about in every song, see on TV, watch on screen. Why is it so easy for the rest of the world — for your friends — and so impossible for you? You feel defeated, frustrated, and heartbroken. And guess what: You’re not alone.

Are you sure all your friends are merrily enjoying their sex lives? Think again.

Way more people around you than you’d ever guess are in the quitting zone. It’s not hard to get there.

Maybe you had an injury, and because of that injury, you’ve lost all that gym progress and body positivity you were building, and now you hate the way you look. The amount of work to get back there seems daunting and you feel incredibly defeated.

Maybe you got your hurt by someone you love, and you can’t picture an end to this terrible, daily feeling you’re in. When will it stop?

Maybe you’re going through a breakup, and it’s been several months, and sex still doesn’t feel right. You feel guilty and lonely and nothing seems to help the feeling of loss.

Maybe you got raped or assaulted, and you don’t know how to talk about it or who to tell. The concept of ever experiencing enjoyable sex again feels crude and foreign and impossible.

Maybe you’re newly HIV-positive, and you’re still in post-diagnosis limbo, unsure where to go from here. What is dating going to be like now? What is sex going to be like? You don’t feel sexy — in fact, you feel ugly and undesirable.

and bad sex. You don’t get why so many people like it, because it’s not enjoyable for you, and every time you try, you feel like you’re facing an uphill battle. You’re about to give up.

My love, if any of these describe where you are now, it’s OK. You’re not the only one feeling this way. None of these hurdles are insurmountable, but they do require a reset button — plus a break, with a hard end date.

First things first: Mentally draw a line at where you are now and cut it. Everything from the past is gone. It’s a past life. The old life is dead. You can’t get it back. The end.

From this point, you have to make a decision. You can call it quits — you’re free to do so — and that may free up time and energy and space in your life for other things. Or you can choose to give one last, gentle push. But if you choose to make that push, you choose a solid commitment, with measurable goals. You commit to not try any of the old tricks you thought were working before, because they weren’t. You commit to starting from the ground up, as a beginner, in a conscious effort to rediscover sex for the first time.

You’re not “picking things up where you left off.” When I was at the quitting zone, I needed six months of no sex — some guys suggested a year, and in many cases I think a year is better — before I had a hookup. And that hookup wasn’t a hardcore, intense fuck session like the ones I had before. It was a massage, with one person, on a relaxed Tuesday night, with no expectations and no pressure. It was with someone I would not have been traditionally attracted to before. I decided to go against my pre-existing notions of beauty and challenge my idea of what constitutes a successful night. The result? A successful encounter. Then, a few weeks later, another. And another.

Whenever I need a reset — which is often — I take a break, and you should too. But set a date — six months is a good starting point — and by that date, you need to have an encounter. Start easy: massage, touching, cuddling, kissing. And make it purely physical — no heartstrings needed here.

The quitting zone is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you simply need to start from the beginning.

Maybe you’ve had a few years of lackluster, “failure” hookups

Alexander Cheves (Beastly) is a contributing editor for The Advocate where he writes the sex column Sexy Beast, and he is copywriter and social media manager for Fort Troff. His work has appeared in Vice, Out Magazine, Plus, Pride, Gayety, SheWired, GC Magazine, Mend, and others. He loves group sex and tiny dogs.

18: June 01, 2018

K L A T E L B A T C E T E UND Undetectable means reaching a point where the amount of HIV in your blood is so low it can’t be measured. It is important for your health and means you have effectively no risk of passing HIV to a sexual partner.

cdc.gov/StartTalking /ActAgainstAIDS /StartTalkingHIV @TalkHIV

OUT & ABOUT

20: June 01, 2018

PHOTOS

TEN

PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT

21

BOOK REVIEW

Y

ou were going to change the world.

It’s true that you were one small voice, just one person with a vision but you were sure it could be done. You were going to change the world, one corner at a time – starting with the one you called home. And in the new book “Wild Mares: My Lesbian Back-to-TheLand Life” by Dianna Hunter, that’s sometimes all it takes.

Growing up in rural South Dakota, Dianna Hunter learned what “queer” was long before she understood her own sexuality.

She was “seventeen, cosseted, closeted, and clueless” then but, once enrolled in college and living in Minneapolis in an atmosphere of early-1970s feminism and LGBT activism, she “surprised” herself by coming out.

> CREDIT | Author: Dianna Hunter > “Wild Mares: My Lesbian Back-to-The-Land Life”

By then, classmates had introduced her to new friends, who introduced her to a lesbian community that raised her consciousness. Hunter learned how to be an activist, and she helped to create safe places for lesbians to socialize; when friends began to think about establishing a collective farm in Minnesota, she was highly intrigued.

“We were headed toward our dream and our vexation,” she says. “Women’s Land, Open to All Women.”

And it felt like the right “path to freedom.” At the first farm Hunter lived on, women and children shared the work and the bounty; “Voluntary poverty and group living” taught them that they “didn’t need much money to get by,” and they didn’t need men to care for livestock or outbuildings.

Hunter soaked up every bit of information she could, and when it was time to move on, she and her next housemate rode their own horses more than 200 miles to another farm.

By: Always Overbooked...

Terri Schlichenmeyer The Bookworm Sez, LLC bookwormsez@gmail.com

22: June 01, 2018

Through the years, there were other farms and other horses.

Friends and lovers came and went, societal attitudes changed and, though now retired, Hunter was eventually able to buy and manage a dairy farm near Lake Superior.

“To many onlookers,” she says, “our lesbian-feminist back-to-theland dream must have seemed strange and unrealistic, but we were far from the only ones who dreamed it.”

“Utopia” is a word that author Dianna Hunter uses when recalling the first fifteen years after coming out as a lesbian. No word could be more apt because, despite tales of lack and hardship, “Wild Mares” makes that life sound positively serene.

And yet, there’s angst here, starting with a constant stream of people who move in and out of Hunter’s narrative, taking their drama with them and re-inserting it. After awhile, that seems like just more of the same and character fatigue may begin to set in; it doesn’t help that there are several farms involved, adding to the consternation.

Even so, Hunter’s introspection, her eagerness to do anything to find her “utopia,” and her love of the land take over and make this book palatable. Overall and in the end, it turns out to become a worthwhile look at non-traditional twentieth-century farming, and at Midwestern lesbian history. Yes, “Wild Mares” is a little relentless in its overly-peopled telling, but it’s also something different, for a change.

Grab a coffee, coffee take a survey,

change the world.

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Artwork by: Rob Clarke

Ask Daddy you will eventually get to where you want it to be… the bad news here… not everyone will be on the same page. The assumptive approach is like a light switch, you just turn it on. You assume that you two are more than f’buds, and act accordingly, like being mifted when they don’t say “good morning” via text… but again, same problem. Honestly, the best is to the be a brave warrior and just talk about it. “I am enjoying this, I want to ask you out on a proper date…let’s get dinner.” This isn’t so much about asking someone to be your boyfriend as it is opening the door to the conversation and the possibility. Only good things will come from this. If they say yes, then, there you go. If they say no, you know where you stand, you know what the situation will be, and even better… you know you are ready for more.

Daddy says: Be brave. Be bold. Nothing can replace experience.

How do I find someone who has their life together?

What is this?

I wanted to create a way to discuss topics that some curious people might not have an audience to ask. Sex is personal; sex isn’t always about a making a deep connection, it isn’t always about the other person, it isn’t about the toys or the equipment.

Everyone has a different “in” to their sex – a different path to the heart of their passion. Successful kink happens when you understand how someone connects to their sex, and you engage accordingly.

What gear should I get first?

You remember that first image you used to jerk off to? What were they wearing? Get that. For me, it was cowboy boots in the Sears catalogue. I would rip the images out and collect the torn pages in my Village People “Live and Sleezy” LP cover, which eventually became sealed shut from use. You already know the answer to this. If you are looking for a foray in to leather, then maybe start with a pair of chaps or pants.

A good start, something that goes with jeans, is a nice leather bar vest. Make sure, when you try the vest on, that the leather edge hits right on your nipples. That’s a good fit.

You can look like a real leather man with the vest, and some gauntlets/wrist cuffs. Or, if you want to tiptoe in to the waters, start with some non-leather gear from places like Fort Troff or Nasty Pig. And, if you are going to spend more than you would “human clothing,” make sure you try it on first.

Their silverware drawer. Just look there. It will tell you everything you need to know about them. Too many knives, too many spoons, mismatched, poorly cared for, dirty, all lined up and facing the same way, cluttered…and does it have that ONE SPATULA that messes the whole thing up and prevents the drawer from opening and closing? But seriously, you have to prioritize what is important to you… if you don’t know what you are looking for, then you won’t know when you find it. You have some work to do boy. Are you looking for someone who is kind, funny, adventurous, or generous… find someone with those qualities… then, with the rest of the silverware, you get to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze.

Daddy says: If you are single and looking, know what you are looking for… hope is not a successful strategy. If you with someone whose juice is worth the squeeze, maybe just give them a “no-reason” kiss. It goes a long way.

Daddy’s Final thought Give yourself a little credit, boy. You can do amazing things. To paraphrase Einstein: “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is incapable.”

Daddy says: Do some shopping. Find out what you like.

Visit Mr. S, fortroff.com, and The NY Leatherman.

I want my f’bud to be more than a f’bud. How do I do that?

Well, there are three approaches to this: boil the frog, the assumption, or be the brave warrior. If you just take it slowly, spending more time together, and share more…then MAYBE

24: June 01, 2018

So, do you have a question you want to ask Daddy? Email your questions to questionfordaddy@gmail.com.

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26: June 01, 2018

Whether you are one of the grooms, a groomsman, or a guest, it’s better to be slightly overdressed than underdressed when tying the knot. A dark suit is an acceptable option for even a black-tie wedding affair – and you have plenty of playful freedom when it comes to dressing up or down with shirts, ties, bowties, and other fun accessories.

Photography: Kiselev Andrey Valerevich Models: Yanny & Laurel

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OUT & ABOUT

32: June 01, 2018

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After my dear friend Selma B. Hole was thrown out released from the hospital, it took her a couple of hours days and a case box of wine to recuperate from her injuries. We returned a few weeks later on a Sunday to continue our review of “3 Flags Over Here” in beautiful downtown Jonesboro.

Naturally, we headed to the buffet first thing because we like to eat. They had some kind of a restaurant combo like Waffle House+Huddle House+Out House combined. I’ve never seen food go through people so fast in my life.

Because I couldn’t find an empty stall I’m a lady, I held it in. Big Mistake!

Selma wanted to hear the children’s choir singing so she pushed her way through the tens of people crowd to see all the kids dressed in little white robes. It just so happens it was also the entrance to their version of the Sky Coaster called the Rim Shot. Selma begged me to go on it with her. It’s like a bungee jump off a 10 story building and hang-gliding all in one.

Needless to say, we were ill prepared looking cute in our white mini skirts and matching tube tops. They hauled us up to the top with a crane while the voices of those little angels on the ground filled the air. The attendant yelled “Pull the tab when you’re ready!” I told Selma I thought I was gonna hurl because the food wasn’t sitting right and she said she thought she was too. We asked to get down but they said the only way down was to pull the cord. So Selma pulls the cord and I immediately start spewing out my mouth and unbeknownst to me, Selma starts spewing out her rear. All I could see as we made the initial pass over the little angels below was eggs, grits, ham, pancakes, hash browns and sausage raining all over the kids below. But as we went backwards, Selma’s duty chute of destruction had managed to dive bomb a few of the kids and knock some of them out cold while the other children ran screaming off.

Later, as we were washing up in the kiddie pool restroom, I could only laugh at the conversation between two ladies outside talking about the new “aerial feature” she saw from a distance. Said it looked like The Bellagio’s dancing fountains. Selma almost swallowed her teeth.

Next week is the final installment of my review! Until then…

Mary Edith Pitts

Have questions for me, Poodles?

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at maryedith99@gmail.com and add me on twitter @maryedithpitts and Facebook.

38: June 01, 2018

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