PASSPORT
Peddie
May 2017
Dear Class of 2017, On behalf of the Peddie alumni community, congratulations! Here, you will find a collection of advice from your fellow graduates, spanning many generations, about navigating your way through life beyond the gates of our school. This document contains many helpful suggestions. Not all of them will apply directly to you, but you can be sure that some of them do. I hope that you will take the time to read them. Knowledge of this kind is often hard to come by, and its value lies beyond all measurement of wealth. Good luck to you all on the great journey you are about to begin. Ala Viva, Mr. Watkins
There is no such thing as “a job for life.” Keep your eyes, ears and options open. Trust your instincts. The only boundary to your ambition is the limit of your imagination. And whatever you choose to be in this life, choose to be happy. Don’t dream it, be it. — Ian Elmslie ’81
You’ve had a big chunk of time at Peddie. You have probably had formative experiences there and hang parts of your identity on the school and campus. As you leave, it’s okay to be psyched for a change. Every few years will prepare you for the next few years. Allow yourself to get really passionate for a while about something that isn’t Peddie. You will always carry with you what you learned there, and how the people made you feel. Let yourself be affected by, and continue to work passionately in, another community. Donate to the Peddie Fund. Keep in touch with the people who formed you, but do so while adventuring outward. — Harry Gensemer ’12
You are going to fail a whole lot before you get anywhere. Take the small victories and keep fighting. — Gabryella Pulsinelli ’12
The best things do not come easily or quickly. There is nothing more rewarding than setting a long-term goal and having the patience and commitment to see it come to fruition. Don’t let failure stand in your way; remember it only as the most valuable educational tool. With your sights set on the future, live in the moment while you make steps toward your future goals. Reach out for help and advice often because relationships are equally, if not more, important than accomplishments. Most importantly, balance your dreams; growing your intellect and your character are of equal importance. Keep it light, positive and mindful. Looking back, you will be amazed at the complexity of your growth and the world around you, no matter your age. Ala viva. — Nicholas Fountoulakis ’07
Knowing what you don’t want to do or what you’re not good at is equally as valuable as knowing your likes and strengths. With that in mind, when faced with a course, university or internship choice, take comfort in knowing there’s no wrong choice but inaction. — Robert J. Houle ’07
Asking for help reveals strength, not weakness. — Laura Loughran ’10
You can be a mentor at any stage of your life and career. Never miss a chance to teach someone. The world needs leaders, and you can learn how to be a great one by being a mentor: a coach, a TA or a peer leader in any capacity. These leadership skills will be useful to you in every phase of your career. — Terri Zachos ’88
Fear is the thief of true happiness. Fear robs us of the opportunities to live authentically and to see all the world has to offer. Fear of what others think, fear of failure and fear of the unknown ... the list is lengthy. Do yourself a favor and let your default answer to situations be “yes!” Challenge the silly voice in your head that urges you to say “no” and just dive in. Ask that person on a date, take that semester abroad, live in a new city—you won’t be disappointed. By grabbing these opportunities, you will grow in ways you cannot fathom. — Michael R. Plumeri ’86
Always trust gut instincts. If you genuinely feel something is wrong, it usually is. — Shion Go ’95
If you reach a point in your life at which you realize that you are not happy with the career path you have chosen, don’t be afraid to change course. So many of us make career decisions at 18 or 21 when we know so little about what is really out there. The change you make may cost you some money, friends, respect, etc., but I am always reminded of the phrase that s/he who loves what s/he does, never works a day in his/her life. — Bruce Turiansky ’63
You can have everything in life you want, if you help enough other people get what they want first. That is the Golden Rule stated differently. —John Calanog ’91
I had a lot of firm conviction as an adolescent, much of it targeted toward causes I still believe in. But I was inflexible about how my beliefs should guide me (entirely!) and sometimes unwilling to consider alternative beliefs or, more often, to expose myself to other ways of being. I was devoted and eager, but I was wound tight, anxious and often annoyed. If I’d been a little more open to breadth, I might have seen more, been happier and still allowed myself to stand for something. It’s a hard balance, but one I continue to strive toward. —Ryan Martin ’96
Mindset determines our every day. By choosing to be open, we allow ourselves to experience possibility, wonder and growth. Embrace the new, cherish the old and reflect throughout. —Robert Kowalski ’91
Don’t condemn the group for the sins of a few. If you have a problem with one or two people, talk with them directly. Don’t address a specific problem in a general meeting. Respect yourself and others. There is never an excuse for bad manners or vitriol. Hold yourself to a higher standard than others do. Be sure to praise yourself lavishly when you deserve it, but don’t beat yourself up when things go slightly awry. Play to your strengths and acknowledge those areas in which you need to improve. Reinforce what you do well and refine or build on what you still need to develop. Be your own best critic but not your own worst enemy. Focus predominantly on what is working. Where improvement is necessary, put your energy into remediating the two or three areas of greatest need. Develop a mentor relationship with someone who can help or be a confidant. Develop effective listening skills; you will learn even from those who speak badly (with apologies to Plutarch). Take your “Peter Pan” and “anti-grumpy” pills every day. Remain vitalized and positive about your work and life. Invite input and suggestions. You can benefit from the ideas of others. Be adaptable. Not everyone will see the situation as you do, nor will everyone have the same skills to deal effectively with problems or concerns. Be aware of tradition. Know which rituals, symbols and practices should be respected, but be careful of holding sacrosanct things in dire need of change. Don’t be afraid to lead. Propose changes, which will produce better results. Keep current. Be an active member of your professional associations and read extensively.
It is an asset to apologize gracefully when you are wrong, but don’t be afraid to assert yourself or your position diplomatically when you believe you are right. When you wrestle with pigs, you get dirty—and they like it. Choose your battles carefully, but choose not to battle often. Share what you know and what you do effectively. As you have learned from others, invite others to learn from you. Know how to keep yourself energized. Seek positive ways to get your needs met. When you don’t enjoy your job, find ways to revitalize yourself. Or get another job—even if it means changing professions. Never argue with an idiot. Some observers may not know the difference. Retain your dignity, integrity and professional demeanor in ugly, hostile or impasse situations. Have a career path in mind and assess whether it is taking you where you want to go. Rise to your level of highest competence. —Michael Gilbert ’61
Steve Jobs said, “Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.” —Russell In ’16
Larry Sanders said, “Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.” —Courtney Ann Coyle ’85
Don’t wish your life away: No matter how difficult or challenging your time at Peddie becomes, always appreciate the unique and rare opportunity you have. The chance to learn and grow in such a supportive and stimulating environment is truly special. You were carefully chosen to contribute to this community. So, take advantage of this important time; don’t be in such a rush to move on. —Bryan Rice ’05
Oscar Wilde said, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” —Emma Cook ’14
The biggest thing I learned after leaving Peddie is that the world can be a discouraging place and you will likely fail. You may even fail multiple times. Though that may sound intimidating, is it really a wonderful thing! Failing builds your character, and teaches you problem solving and the power of positivity. If you don’t fail at anything, it means that you have not gone out of your comfort zone. Failing in different aspects of my life often lead to “Instagram-worthy” adventures and introduced me to eclectic individuals. I also learned that a positive attitude will give you the strength to fail until you succeed. When I entered medical school, I went to a meeting with a doctor and he advised me that through medical school and life I needed to “be like a lotus flower.” I immediately thought this man was a little nutty, but then he explained what he meant and it is still the best advice anyone has ever given me. A lotus flower starts at the bottom of a murky, muddy pond and as it grows, it slowly works its way through the dirty water until it burst through the surface. When it emerges from the surface, it is a beautiful flower. It is believed that the muddier the water, the more beautiful the flower ends up. After you leave Peddie, go out of your comfort zone, fail at hundreds of things, but do it all with a positive attitude. If you live each day with this attitude, you will be guaranteed success. —Taylor Dodds ’09
Our personality and behavior is a product of our heredity and environment. Our experiences shape the person that we become. As you journey through life, to succeed with others whether in sports or business, or social interactions, requires understanding why you behave the way you do and why others behave the way they do. That is why listening may be the most important skill you develop. In the words of Stephen Covey, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” —Daniel Mathias ’68
Be true to yourself. Follow the avenues that spark your passion. Have the courage to lead the life you want to live, not the life others expect of you. —Alia Santini ’96
Throughout my time at Peddie and especially now at Villanova University, I have been encouraged by faculty, coaches and advisors to broaden my reach and develop a network of social contacts. Although knowledge from the classroom is certainly important to one's success, creating a vast, diverse and far-reaching network of friends and colleagues is crucial as well. Establishing meaningful relationships with a broad range of people has helped me become a meaningful member of my college community. The most effective way to learn is through interaction with others. This semester at Villanova, my sociology class has focused on social networks and the impact they can have in an individual's life. Since a chance connection has the potential to develop into a lasting relationship, learning experience or job opportunity, I would encourage every Peddie student and graduate to go beyond their comfort zone, get involved and connect with others whenever possible. —Connor Cruz ’16
Learn the difference between your inner voice and emotions. Emotions can lead you astray, but your inner voice will remain constant and calm day after day. —Tiffany Norman ’00
I think when we are in high school and college we have this grand idea of what we will become, and sometimes that can be driven by the wrong things—i.e., money. That is not to say having dreams of being successful and making a lot of money is a bad thing. If there is one thing I learned at Peddie, it is that we are all meant to serve a greater purpose on this earth. Pat Tillman said, “Somewhere inside, we hear a voice. It leads us in the direction of the person we wish to become. But it is up to us whether or not to follow.” —Connor Monaghan ’09
Throughout life we are all judged by others—e.g., in school, at competitions or at work. If we put undue weight on others’ assessments when determining our own self-worth, we will never be truly happy. —Thomas A. Donoghue ’82
Deal with problems head on. Ignoring them so that maybe they go away only makes things worse. Look at the situation, take emotion out of it and fix what needs to be fixed. If it’s a matter of delivering bad news, the recipient will always be far more appreciative the sooner you let them know. —David Stamberg ’81
No matter how small the task given to you, do it well and enthusiastically. Never give the impression you feel it is beneath you. When I became a judge's law clerk, my first week's tasks were to sharpen his pencils and be sure his bench was wellsupplied with pencils and yellow pads. But within a short time, he was using me as a sounding board for every decision he rendered and continued to do so for the two years of my term. —Frank N. Yurasko ’56 P’91
While at Peddie, I often felt I was standing on the shoulders of the students and teachers who came before me. Therefore, I needed to put forth my best effort at all times. Specifically, when I stepped on the soccer field, laced up my hockey skates or entered the classroom, I gathered strength and wisdom from their courage, words and experiences. I was and am grateful for their vision and effort, and for building a community that values making young people of high moral character. That’s why I remain an active alum and encourage current students to put forth their best effort and give back … so that others will benefit from their experiences while at Peddie. —Scott Gill ’91
It took me way too long to realize that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask how you are doing. You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. —Joseph Werthan ’16
Be whom you needed when you were younger. —Zara Stasi ’08
Occasionally, big fish move from a small pond to a much larger, more intimidating body of water. These big fish might not know any other sea creatures in this new, strange place; they might miss their safe, small pond where they were well liked and successful. Regardless, they’ve arrived at this new place and the big fish are now feeling a bit smaller as they’re confronted with new challenges to overcome. The teeth of predators or the hooks and nets of fishermen might cause some to hide within coral or join a school of fish, while others simply follow the current. Whatever these big fish decide to do in their new environment, they would do well to remember their unique set of skills, which served them so well in the small pond before. —Colin Kochenash ’12
Only in geometry are there perfectly straight lines. Life isn’t like that, so expect curves, hills and valleys, byways and highways, sometimes getting lost and the occasional unexpected need to take the off ramp and head somewhere completely different from where you intended. That’s where the fun may be. —Eugene Scanlan ’60
If you are fortunate enough to have older relatives in your life, take the time to talk and really listen to them. Although you may think you may not have much in common with the elder generation, you’d be surprised what you can learn by asking questions and discerning little nuggets that will come in handy as you make your own life's journey. You will also find they are often happy to share! —Alexander Dacey ’03
Always be yourself, because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones that mind don’t matter. —Morgan Aronson ’96
Be brave. Bravery not only pushes you to grow, but it inspires others. And there is no one way to be brave! Whether it means trying out for a new sport, writing your own play, sharing a personal story or even just sitting down with someone who looks like they may need a friend, there are ways that you can choose to be brave every day. In my personal experience, I have never regretted something I tried but I have always regretted not trying. But don’t do it alone. Being brave can mean having the courage to ask for help in a time of need. Being brave with others is how we build a community. Let other people's bravery inspire you. —Gabrielle DiBenedetto ’12
You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they play their games. The game is nothing ... the play is everything. —John Gartner ’82
Life is not as complicated as you think. Neither is it as easy as you wish. —Enrique Sabal ’61
Distinguished business author Jim Collins’ Stanford Business Professor advised, “rather than trying so hard to be interesting to others, focus more on being interested and you will be much more successful.” —Ralph Davies ’68
“True happiness resides within you. Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That is a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something you are, and it comes from the way you think.” — Dr. Wayne Dyer —Alene Court ’80
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” —silent lotus