June 2016

June 2016 FREE

Happy Father’s Day

The

Family Kimberly Enderle Editor-in-Chief editor@peekaboonwa.com | 479-957-0532

Jonathon Enderle Creative Director jon@peekaboonwa.com | 479-586-3890

Addi McNeel Associate Editor

Columnist Kim and Jonathon with Ava, Grant and Holden Enderle.

Photo by Main Street Studios

contributing writer/Editor Frances Wilson

Distribution/ Circulation Joyce Whitaker Judy Evans Marcedalia Salinas

Ben Lacy Dad’s View

Columnist

Jeremy Whitaker Michelle Dodson

Peekaboo Publications

Veronica Zucca Story Design

PO Box 1036 Bentonville, Arkansas 72712 Please send inquiries to: editor@peekaboonwa.com or call 479-957-0532 www.peekaboonwa.com Peekaboo may not be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Views expressed herein are those of the authors and advertisers, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the magazine.

Peekaboo Northwest Arkansas accepts writing contributions

Kristin Hvizda Dalai Mama

Columnist

Jennifer Cristofaro Events

inside

J UNe 2 0 1 6 22

NUK® Outtakes

28

Willow Creek Women’s Hospital Designated as a Baby-Friendly Hospital

32

16

18

Becoming a Superhero

Daddy’s Soul

by: Allen Bates

by:Charlene fields

Pull-Ups® Potty Training Success Guide

32

The Journey to Fatherhood by: Terry Timmons

48

Father’s Day

by: Mike Rusch

52

Birthday Party Expo in Review

62

Thriving on Car Trips with Kids by: Melissa Foster

26

Balancing Public Service and Fatherhood

42

Daddy’s Girl by: Audra Ruthorford

by: Lee Rudofsky

64

Dad’s View by: Ben Lacy

66

The Dalai Mama by: Kristin Hvizda

on the cover 46

#NWA ChampionshipWeek

60

Defining Dyslexia by: Dr. Lance Faddis

John Michael, 15 • Will, 13 • Conley, 10 • Sosi, 7

Cover Sponsored by: Northwest Health System www.northwesthealth.com

Children of Michael and Corrie Rusch of Bentonville.

Cover Photo by: Bethany Blair Photography bethanyblair.com

from the editor A look ahead: If you have a story to share, or an idea for a story, email editor@peekaboonwa.com and be a part of the Peekaboo family!

To be a part of the NUK photo outtake feature next month, email your final take as well as a funny or silly outtake to: editor@peekaboonwa.com See this month’s edition on page 22-23.

Photo by: Ever After Portraiture

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his month I am at a loss for words - which matters, and to not take it for granted or, more is not a good thing when your job heavily especially, the people who are here with you. involves writing.

I have met way too many parents who have had I write a lot about perspective, and this month to kiss their child an “Until I see you again” kiss goodbye, and I pray comfort for them and a my perspective got a giant jolt. supportive community to walk through it with.

It is so easy to go through the day frustrated over the little things, caught up in the moment When something happens to a child, most and always finding fault in the things that don’t immediately think of the child’s mother, but there matter... all of which makes us neglect the is another parent hurting just as much. That is why this issue is written in the voice of the fathers. I important things that really do matter. hope you enjoy meeting these amazing dads and Last month, on a Sunday evening, I sat at my hearing their tales from “the other side” of the desk filling out the week’s calendar. I was parenting fence. stressing over meetings, and logistics of how and when to get the kids where they needed to I promise next month my letter will be much be each day. I was scrolling through Facebook, lighter, but when I started the magazine over 8 caught up in the chaos that is my friend feed, years ago, I did it to share real life stories and real reading the politcally charged posts mixed with life advice, because being a parent is messy, even super cute pictures of their little ones, when an heartbreaking at times. article popped up about the loss of a young life that happened that afternoon.

As I read through the article, I started shaking, my eyes not able to send coherent thoughts to my brain. The person in the article was the daughter of a dear friend, and a dear friend herself. It was impossible. It was actually more than impossible, because this family was invincible. I called her sister expecting her to say, “Yes, I know, the article got the name wrong,.. she is fine and sitting next to me.” But she didn’t. She answered the phone crying, and I released the tears I vowed I wouldn’t show her, but I did.

The saying that “Tomorrow is never promised,” never rang more true. My point is not to depress you or to instill fear of the “what if ’s. Trust me, I have been running through ‘what if ’s” the past few weeks, and it isn’t a healthy way to pass the time. I simply want to remind you that today

14 June 2016

I don’t want to end this letter until I make sure to thank a group of businesses who helped honor our moms last month during the Bentonville Film Festival League of Their Own event. It was a success because of the amazing people who attended, and the wonderful businesses who participated! Thank you to Dillard’s, Hull Dermatology and Aesthetics, and David Adams Fine Jewelry for donating to our Mother’s Day raffle.

A huge thank you to 16:9 Entertainment for the mechanical bull, District 12 Archery Tag for a fun afternoon family activity, Imagine Studios art station, the princesses on our blue carpet from Princess Party Palace and NWA Amusment for bringing the photo booth fun!

For more information: 16:9 Entertainment - 169entertainment.com District 12 Archery Tag - district12archerytag.com Princess Party Palace - princesspartypalacenwa.com Imagine Studios - imaginestudiosnwa.com NWA Amusment - nwaamusment.com Hull Dermatology and Aesthetics - hullderm.com David Adams Fine Jewelry - davidadams.com Dillard’s Department Store - dillards.com

Becoming a

Superhero by: Allen Bates

Every child dreams of becoming a superhero, and I was no different. Little did I know that, years later, my path to “superhero” status would be quite the adventure.

Let’s fast forward to age 32: I had graduated from college, married the woman of my dreams, had two beautiful children and a career I was passionate about.

I was in the best shape of my life – I ate right, ran marathons and had even completed my first Olympic Triathlon. And then… in a flash, everything changed.

It was a football-Saturday in September, and the Razorbacks had just lost a close game to Texas A&M. A few weeks earlier, I noticed a swollen lymph node (small “bump”) under my left arm and, after much prodding from my wife, Leah, I had it checked out. The doctor told us to “watch it,” and all my blood work came back fine, so I wasn’t concerned. However, that week I had discovered there were a few other similar “bumps” on the left side of my chest, so, after repeated conversations culminating in Leah cornering me at my brother’s house, I reluctantly agreed to swing by the ER. I was traveling during the work week, and my brother and his wife could watch the kids for us during what I thought would be a quick visit…and four hours later, I learned that I had CANcer.

(Why the CAN in CANcer? On a trip to MD Anderson in Houston, Leah and I saw a sign that read, “It is called CANcer because you CAN beat it. It will forever be CANcer to me.)

The diagnosis process wasn’t fun – especially for someone

16 June 2016

who is terrified of needles - but I had an amazing oncologist, “The CANcer Ninja,” who held our hands every step of the way. After multiple scans and biopsies, I was officially diagnosed with Stage three Hodgkin’s Lymphoma ­– CANcer of the lymph nodes. The lumps I was feeling on my chest were actually swollen lymph nodes – who knew I had lymph nodes in my chest? And, surprisingly enough, I also learned that the incessant itching on my ankles I had been dealing with over the past six months was also a sign of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. All those months I had been racing triathlons, I had CANcer and didn’t even know it. The whole situation was surreal.

The next few weeks were a blur. Luckily, the kids were able to go stay with family out of town while Leah and I collected ourselves. Just before they came back home, I had a chest port surgically implanted. This was where I would receive chemotherapy for the next six months. It would help to save my life, but it would also be an outward sign that the kids would notice. I knew I soon would have to do one of the toughest things I have ever done, and tell my kids I had CANcer. I wanted them to hear it from me. What would they think? What questions would they ask? Would I have the answers? I wanted to tell them the truth, but, to put it in terms that they could relate to. So I grabbed one of my youngest son’s superheroes – Iron Man – and talked to them when I knew I would have their undivided attention: bath time.

I began the conversation with the kids by saying that Daddy was sick and had “bad guys” in his body, called CANcer. The good news was that Daddy was going to get to take some “special” medicine, chemotherapy, that would give him superpowers to beat the CANcer… just like Iron Man. Then, I showed them the port in my chest and 3 years CANcer free at my last pointed to Iron Man’s chest to appointment in February. show them I really did have my “superpowers.” It was a tough conversation. I remember when I tucked in Braedyn, our 4-year-old, he asked what would happen if my superpowers didn’t kill all the bad guys. I remember looking in on Brookelyn, our 6-year-old, and seeing Leah comfort her as she cried because she was scared. The truth was, I was scared too, but I was also determined to beat the hell out of CANcer.

Then there was the other little shocking bit of news we hadn’t shared; Leah had just found out a few weeks earlier that she was pregnant. The

next evening we surprised the kids by telling them about the new baby.

While the pregnancy was a total surprise, and our plates were already overflowing, I knew that we would only be given what we could handle.

The baby news also gave the kids and us something else to focus on.

it seems like this whole ordeal was yesterday, and in other ways it feels like a dream that couldn’t have really happened.

October 17, 2012 was my 32nd birthday, and it was also the day of my first chemotherapy treatment. After tons of information on how dangerous and lethal all the drugs they were about to pump into my body were, I headed up to the chemo room to receive my first dose.

Things didn’t go as planned. It turned out my port was faulty, and I would have to go through another surgery to replace it before I could begin treatment. On the glass-half-full side, I got to enjoy a birthday dinner with my family; but, on the other hand, I had to wait to start the treatment I so desperately needed. Five days later, I had my second try, and everything went as well as I could expect for a guy with a huge needle inserted in his chest for almost five hours. This became my life for the next six months: Chemo every other Friday; runs on the treadmill on Saturday, because I refused to let the CANcer or the chemotherapy win; lots of hand washing and endless cleaning routines for Leah and the kids between Fridays to make sure I would be well enough to receive my next treatment; no eating fresh fruits or veggies, because my immune system was so low they could make me sick; and no public outings other than work, where everyone knew the crazy rules I/they had to follow.

Regardless, I still get goose bumps when I hear Braedyn tell his friends that his daddy is a superhero.

We had many high points along the journey – for instance, I could visibly FEEL the lumps in my chest disintegrating; I didn’t lose all of my hair; and, best of all, after four treatments we found out I was in remission and I was kicking CANcer’s butt (I still had to finish the full 12 treatments, though). We also had a few low points – we found out that the baby Leah was carrying had cysts in his brain, that he was ‘placenta previa,’ and that Leah’s blood counts were dangerously low. I think this baby wanted to make sure he wasn’t being overshadowed! There were a couple of days in there that I felt pretty tired and awful, and then there was the part about me being radioactive every time they scanned me, so I had to spend the night with my brother, because radioactivity and unborn babies are just not a good combination.

On April 4, just two weeks after my twelfth and final chemotherapy treatment, we received the amazing news that I was in complete remission. The mass in my chest that was originally 14 cm, had shrunk to almost a normal size (normal is 3 cm and I was 5 cm due to a little scar tissue) and there were no signs of CANcer in my body. Just two weeks later, we welcomed our little miracle, Braxtyn Eric Bates, born completely healthy, without any sign of his previous complications.

And no, I couldn’t talk “The Ninja” into writing me a “get out of the operating room note” despite my many pleas – I am not kidding when I say I don’t like needles! One week later, I began my 17 radiation treatments, which were a breeze compared to chemotherapy.

Finally, much to my kids’ dismay, on June 14 I had my Iron Man port removed. Braedyn was very concerned that I would lose all my powers, but I assured him I would keep them to use only in special situations. I remember waking up from my surgery and looking at Leah and whispering, “We did it!”

I just had my three-year scans in February, and I am still CANcer free. Throughout this journey, I have learned that you truly are stronger than you think you are – whether that means running an Ironman (triathlon), being a dad, or beating CANcer. In some ways,

Allen competing in the Kansas Half Ironman just a year after finishing radiation and chemo.

Daddy’s Soul by: Charlene Fields

I met Michael in the summer of 2010. We were both at an incredibly low point in our lives, to say the least. He had been battling with drug and alcohol addiction for years and was, at best, hopeless. We fell in love. I knew some part of me wanted to save him--and by doing so, maybe save myself.

I found out I was pregnant in January of 2011.

It was such a surprise, and yet a blessing at the same time. We married later that month and had our beautiful daughter, Truth Serenity-Lynn Fields, on June 3, 2011. As much as everything in me wishes I could say this beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed 6 pound baby saved him, she didn’t. Michael battled with the disease until the end. There would be nights I would wake up and the car was gone. I had no idea where he might be. He’d be gone for hours, sometimes days, even months, one time a year. His mother and sister

would call. We were all in fear of the worst, and lived in this fear for years.

In August of 2014, Michael resurfaced in Benton County Jail. I scheduled a visit, and for the last time begged him to get help. When he was released the next day, I picked him up and took him to Souls Harbor in Rogers, where he stayed for the next four days until he was asked to leave after yet another relapse. Truth and I picked him up--she had not seen her daddy for a year, almost to the day--and drove him to a motel in Fayetteville. The old feelings of despair and hopelessness had returned. I begged him to call his mother and let her know that he was alive.

He did. That was on a Monday night, and Tuesday I received a call from the Fayetteville Police Department notifying me that some construction workers had found Michael outside, and he had passed away from cardiac arrest at the young age of 43, leaving behind four beautiful children.

I share all this to tell you that there is hope. In August of 2015, the new and current director of Souls Harbor NWA and I connected, and I came on board at Souls as the Director of Development.

This Souls Harbor, however, in no way resembled the shelter I had brought Michael to the previous year. This was now a transitional home for men, a home that offered a hand up, not out, and most of all... hope. Souls Harbor currently has 20 men (which is capacity), all of which are fathers, grandfathers or stepdad’s. They have come looking for refuge and the chance to rebuild their lives while reuniting with their loved ones. There are no words to express how it feels when we see a child run into her father’s arms after not seeing him for

Michael had a heart larger than anyone I’ve ever known, and loved his children more than he loved himself... but he suffered from a disease that took all hope. He had dreams of being a good son, wonderful father and doting grandfather. a period of time... the laughter when he’s chasing her around our playground, or the smiles when he’s hooking the line for his little boy to go fishing together for the first time. I know, in an ideal world, these first wouldn’t be taking place at the age of 7 or 9. But this is reality.

Rachel Cox, Executive Director, Chloe Seal, Case Manager, and I believe that when we can focus on the man, we are investing in not only his life but in generations behind them. We are the only men’s shelter in NWA and only transitional home, of our type in the entire state. When the father is able to become gainfully employed, work to regain his license to drive, clean up the wreckage of the past, he then can focus on the future and the future

www.soulsharbornwa.org of his children, and his children’s children. The cycle of homelessness and addiction can be broken, one generation at a time. When you invest in the lives of these men, you are investing in so much more.

Had Truth’s daddy had this amazing opportunity, who’s to say he wouldn’t be attending her pre-K graduation with me on Wednesday? Or get to see her walk down the aisle? Michael had a heart larger than anyone I’ve ever known, and loved his children more than he loved himself, but he suffered from a disease that took all hope. He had dreams of being a good son, wonderful father and doting grandfather... a productive member of society and reunifying with his loved ones. Unfortunately, his never came true, but that is why it is so important to me and so many others out there that Souls Harbor is here, walking alongside these fathers, who are working so hard to make theirs and their children’s dreams, a reality.

20 June 2016

Every family picture posted on social media or framed and hanging in the hallway has a story behind it - a “real� story. A picture is worth a thousand words, but the outtakes are worth even more!

! s e k a i OU i Alex & Thorin Reich Photography by: Created for You Photography www.createdforyouphotography.com

The Nicodemus Family

Phillip & Drew Johnson Photography by: Jessica Ritchie Photography www.jessicaritchiephotography.com

22 June 2016

Sometimes we need a kiss and some extra confidence from dad and sometimes we can do it all on our own by Bethany Blair Photography www.bethanyblair.com

The Bowers Family www.nuk-usa.com Available at

Photography by: Jessica Ritchie Photography www.jessicaritchiephotography.com

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If you would like to be a part of the July Outtakes, email editor@peekaboonwa.com with the final shot, the fun outtake, and photographer name. If you are not a photographer but have great shots on your camera or phone, we want to see those, too!

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Balancing

Public Se

this world. That day remains a blur to me; except for the moment the doctors lifted my girls out of Soraya’s belly. That moment I can picture as clearly as if it were happening now. I suspect it will always be that way.

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hen the doctor determined my wife’s pre-eclampsia required an emergency delivery of our twins at 36 weeks, I was three hours away in Little Rock. I had left Bentonville that morning at 6 a.m. to make sure I arrived with time to spare before my 9:30 a.m. meeting with my boss, the Attorney General. Almost as soon as I stepped foot in my office, my iPhone started blowing up with texts. I turned right around. While I made sure to drive safely, let’s just say I was glad I had my Mustang that day. I made it to the hospital minutes before Vivian Mackenzie and Charlotte Belle made their entrance into

Our journey to pregnancy, through pregnancy, and in the first months of raising babies has been anything but usual. It took us ten years of marriage to have children, owing partially to reproductive difficulties but also owing to jobs that often kept me far from home and burning the midnight oil even when I was home. Whether working around the clock as Deputy General Counsel to Mitt Romney’s 2012 presidential campaign, or spending weeks at a time in Houston, Louisiana and Scotland interviewing deep-sea drilling experts about the Gulf Oil Spill in preparation for “the trial of the century,” I always managed to justify my career coming first – and Soraya always supported me.

When we came to Arkansas for me to take a job as an Assistant General Counsel at Walmart, we were counting on things slowing down a little. In fact, it was a central reason we decided to make the move. For a while, everything went according to plan. We fell in love with Northwest Arkansas – its beauty, friendly and welcoming people and small-town feel. While my job was challenging, it did not usually require travel or 20-hour days – idyllic. We found out we were pregnant – idyllic and miraculous. With twins – idyllic, miraculous and scary as heck.

Then, the Attorney General called to offer me a job. (I admit that I applied for it.) General Rutledge, the first woman and Republican elected to the position in Arkansas’s history, had recently created the position of State Solicitor General.

She brought this innovation to Arkansas from the 38 other states that have a Solicitor General, and upon the recommendation of several Republican and Democratic Attorney Generals in those states.

While the position is slightly different in each state, the State Solicitor General is essentially the Attorney General’s chief legal strategist and litigator. The role includes briefing and arguing the most difficult cases in front of the Arkansas Supreme Court, the federal courts of appeal and

Feature Story by: Lee Rudofsky

Photos by: Soraya Rudofsky Photography

ervice... and Fatherhood the United States Supreme Court. But, more importantly, the role includes assisting the other lawyers in the office in their briefing and their preparation for oral argument. The idea is to help continuously raise the bar of representation the office provides for the people of Arkansas. This may sound rather boring, but for a lawyer it really is a dream job ­– and for someone like me, who feels a very strong pull toward public service and using my skills to help our state and country move in the right direction, it’s actually better than a dream.

Of course, there’s always a catch. The job was in Little Rock, and my family in Bentonville.

I basically went back to my round-the-clock schedule. The job demanded it, and I felt like I owed it to the Attorney General and to the people of Arkansas to work as hard as I possibly could to provide the best legal representation. My wife put on a strong face and endured much of her difficult pregnancy in my absence. That’s hard for me to accept, but it’s the truth. I tried to get back to Bentonville as much as possible and tried to be attentive while I was there, but probably way too often I let work interfere with what should have been time spent focusing on her.

When my darling baby girls arrived three months ago, I was smitten from the first moment I saw them. I’d like to say I changed my ways, stopped working so hard, and spent more time at home, but that’s not true. There’s a lot of work to be done to realize the Attorney General’s goal of making the Attorney General’s Office the best law firm in the state, and as long as the people of Arkansas pay my salary, it’s my privilege and responsibility to work the long hours, make the difficult decisions, and face the tough challenges associated with my job. I think my wife understands that, and I hope – beyond hope – that one day my girls will understand it, too.

So, every Monday morning, at the crack of dawn, I muster up the strength to kiss the girls and walk out the front door, and every Friday night I run through that door, wondering just how much they’ve grown since I’ve been gone, and whether they remember me. Then, as I pick them up to dance or put them in my lap to read a book or get them ready for tummy time, I see what I’ve been

longing for all week—the most perfect smiles in the world. For those moments, I’m the most thankful man in the world. I’m thankful to God for giving me such precious, unique children. I’m thankful to my wife for raising our children in my absence, and, for the most part, not holding it against me.

I’m thankful to my mother-in-law, who has spent the last 6 months with us to lighten the burden for my wife of a difficult pregnancy and taking care of twins. I’m thankful to my parents and my sister for the advice and support they’ve provided as my wife and I try not to screw up our first kids too badly.

But most of all, I am thankful to my sweet, angelic Vivian and Charlotte. In their short time in this world, they’ve taught me more than anyone else ever has. They’ve taught me the importance of living in the moment. They’ve taught me that quality of time together is more important than quantity of time. They’ve taught me the joy of being silly.

They’ve taught me about the preciousness of time and the importance of using it wisely to maximize the time I get to spend with them. They’ve taught me that, at some point, it’s okay to put down the pen and pick up the baby.

I hope I am a good dad, but I know I am a workin-progress. Not just because I have no idea how to raise a kid, but also because every day I am working out the tension between fatherhood and work life.

I want my children to have a wonderful childhood and a great life, and I know that means having dad around a lot. But I also want all the children of our state to have these things, and am honored to play a very small part in trying to make that happen.

I am still learning to balance these two incredibly important and fulfilling parts of my life, and am sure I will make real mistakes along the way. But, so long as I keep seeing those smiles, I think I can handle it.

Northwest Health System Making News

Willow Creek Women’s Hospital First Hospital in Arkansas to Receive Prestigious International Award

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aby-Friendly USA announces that Willow Creek Women’s Hospital is the first hospital in the state of Arkansas to have received their prestigious international recognition as a baby-friendly designated birth facility.

“We have always been ‘baby-friendly’,” said Sharif Omar, CEO of Northwest Health. “This designation simply affirms our commitment to the safest and highest quality care for our newborns and moms.”

Baby-Friendly USA, Inc. is the U.S. authority for the implementation of the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative (BFHI), a global program sponsored by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF). The initiative encourages and recognizes hospitals and

28 June 2016

birthing centers that offer an optimal level of care for breastfeeding mothers and their babies. Based on the “Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding,” this prestigious international award recognizes birth facilities that offer breastfeeding mothers the information, confidence and skills needed to successfully initiate and continue breastfeeding their babies.

There are more than 20,000 designated babyfriendly hospitals and birth centers worldwide.

Currently there are 345 active baby-friendly hospitals and birth centers in the United States.

The “baby-friendly” designation is given after a rigorous on-site survey is completed. The award is maintained by continuing to practice the Ten Steps as demonstrated by quality processes.

For more information about the U.S. Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative visit ww.babyfriendlyusa.org.

For more information about the unique level of care and services offered at Willow Creek Women’s Hospital for residents of Northwest Arkansas, visit northwesthealth.com/Babies.

March of Dimes Recognizes Northwest Health’s Willow Creek Women’s Hospital for its work to give more babies a healthy start in life

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orthwest Health’s Willow Creek Women’s Hospital has reduced the number of elective inductions and cesarean deliveries performed before 39 completed weeks of pregnancy. This will give more babies a healthy start in life, March of Dimes says.

“The last weeks of pregnancy are important. Babies aren’t just putting on weight. They are undergoing important development of the brain, lungs and other vital organs.”

This year, the Arkansas Hospital Association and March of Dimes partnered in their campaign urging women to wait for labor to begin on its own if their pregnancy is healthy. Recently, the organizations presented Willow Creek Women’s Hospital with a banner signifying its dedication to reducing early elective deliveries.

“We’re proud of our expert team of physicians and nurses who recognized this problem in our community and put in place policies to avoid scheduling elective inductions or caesarean deliveries before 39 weeks of pregnancy, except when medically necessary,” said Sharif Omar, CEO of Northwest Health.

“The last weeks of pregnancy are important. Babies aren’t just putting on weight. They are undergoing important development of the brain, lungs and other vital organs,” said Scott Berns, Senior Vice President and Deputy Medical Director for the March of Dimes.

“I commend Northwest Health System’s Willow Creek Women’s Hospital for being a champion for babies with their quality improvement effort.”

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Potty Training Shopping List Prepare for you and your child’s potty training adventure with this helpful list of items.

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Pull-Ups® Training Pants

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If your son’s along on the shopping trip, let him pick out his favorite character.

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A tiny treat, like a mini marshmallow, may be good incentive for potty success!

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Auto-dispensers are great for little hands. Make it more fun with different colors and scents.

Have disinfecting surface wipes handy for any leftover potty-training surprises, and make sure they are out of reach of little hands.

Books

His favorite character may be a great potty-training example.

The Signs of Readiness

If your child shows two or more of the following signs, it’s a good indication that they’re ready to start potty training.

Pulling at a wet or dirty diaper

Interest in others’ use of the potty, or copying their behavior

Hiding to pee or poop

Having a dry diaper for a longerthan-usual time

Awaking dry from a nap

______________ Potty Progress

Telling you that they’re about to go, are going or have just gone in their diaper.

Mark the milestones as your child potty trains!

______________ Potty Progress Potty Progress

Mark thetrains! milestones as your child potty trains!

Mark the milestones yourOR child potty TOLDas MOM DAD

YOU NEEDED TO GO TOLD MOM OR DAD YOU NEEDED TO GO

SAT ON POTTY SAT ON POTTY SAT ON POTTY SAT ON POTTY

WENT POTTY WENT POTTY

PUT MY PULL-UPS® PANTS ON® PUT MY BACK PULL-UPS PANTS BACK ON

FLUSHED POTTY FLUSHED POTTY

WASHED MYHANDS HANDS WASHED MY

Ready for a whole new way to train? Start your Potty Partnership! Visit Pull-Ups.com to discover the best plan for your big kid.

Ready for a whole new way to train? Start your Potty Partnership! Visit Pull-Ups.com to discover the best plan for your big kid.

The Journey to Fatherhood Two kids, a boy and a girl.

That is how life happens. I was almost 12 years old before I realized that life for other families didn’t always work that way. After all, everybody in my family has two kids – one boy and one girl – and I naturally assumed it was my duty to grow up and follow suit. Staying true to that plan, seven years ago, I made the best decision possible and married the love of my life, Liz. We had big plans, which started with a family and ended with eternal happiness, little did we know that the journey to that family would define not only our marriage, but us as individuals for the foreseeable future.

32 June 2016

by: Terry Timmons

Shortly after our marriage, we decided it was time to get started on our picturesque family.

Due to preexisting issues, we were prepared for a more difficult struggle than most, and hoped that starting early would give us the best chance to succeed. Unfortunately, time and time again we were unable to conceive on our own. We quickly spoke with doctors who specialized in infertility and progressed from pills, to shots, to eventual surgery, all with no success. For those who have never experienced this process, when dealing with infertility my wife received nightly shots jacked full of hormones, which wreaked havoc on her body.

I can’t fathom the constant rollercoaster that her life became, but I learned that she is without a doubt the strongest woman I know. I did everything I could to be her stabilizing force, and we forged a bond during this time that is unbreakable. It was us against the world and, if I could’ve bet, I would have put all my money on us.

Quite often when people hear about our struggle with children, they ask why we don’t just adopt. During the last six years, we have attempted to adopt three children, and all three failed at different stages of the adoption.

We got as far as foster parents in one case, with a beautiful little peanut living with us off and on for nearly a year. In the beginning, it appeared the parents had given up and this little girl had found a forever home with us; however, with their last chance, fortunes changed and the parents cleaned up. After a year in foster care, the judge sent her back to her original family. Deep down, we were happy that a natural family was reunited, but after months of feeling as though we finally had an end to our search, we were left alone, just the two of us, with no clear path ahead.

It took several months of grieving to even approach the subject of children again. For the previous four years, our attempts to have a family consumed our lives. It was in our dinner conversations, it was in every phone call with our family, and it dominated our individual thoughts day after day. We decided we needed a break. We traveled, we got back to our hobbies, and we tried to find our reasons for happiness outside of children, not just to delay the inevitable conversation, but

because it was necessary it to remind ourselves that having children wasn’t everything. Although we had our ups and downs, our relationship only grew stronger. During this time, we discussed the possibility of life with just the two of us. Liz was, and is still, the most important person in my life, and without her I would be nothing. As long as we had each other, my life would be fulfilled. After a year of healing and enjoying our time together, we decided it was time to try again.

After five years, tens of thousands and dollars, and more rough nights than I care to remember, we decided it was time for our last hurrah, and in July of 2015, we started the process for IVF. For those who don’t know, IVF is an expensive and timeconsuming process that guarantees no results, but for couples like us, it was our best hope. If things went as planned, we could be pregnant by August, however, as one could guess, things did not go as planned. After the egg retrieval, Liz’s hormone levels were sky-high, making the transfer too dangerous at that time. Though not a crushing blow, it meant a delay in our plans by two to three months. Upset at the news, we decided to take an impromptu trip to Mexico to forget our setback. It was a beautiful resort with gourmet food that was out of this world. For the first three days, it was paradise… and then the food aversions started.

Throughout our journey, there were dozens of

times we were convinced Liz was pregnant. There were signs, from tenderness and food aversions to much more advanced things popping up on the radar. Hundreds of pregnancy tests came back negative, every time making us feel foolish for being so excited, so why would this be any different?

Not to mention, it was impossible that it could be true. Liz had been pumped so full of hormones, and all of her eggs were retrieved medically just a month prior, so all signs pointed to another false alarm. However, the day we arrived at home, my wife came storming down the stairs, hysterical, with the news we had been waiting for for so many years. The test finally came back positive.

After many tests and labs, the doctors determined that we had become pregnant naturally, just In my mind, I a few weeks before we have been a dad began the IVF process. twice, although That means our little neither for as baby survived all of the long as I would medicine, surgery, and general abuse we put have liked. them through during the IVF process and came out just as strong as could be. We were given a due date of May 20, and we were finally going to become parents. We couldn’t contain our excitement. As we told our family and friends who had supported us throughout this Turn the page ...

process, tears and hugs were shared at every turn.

In early December, we discovered we were having boy, just as I predicted. The name came very naturally to us, William Allen Timmons, and we would call him Liam. Both William and Allen were family names with deep history, and we could think of no better way to start his life. He was our miracle baby, surviving the impossible and the blessing we had been searching for. We started buying clothes, furniture, toys, and more with excitement buzzing at every turn. It was finally happening.

I wish my story ended with me explaining how excited we are for our little one to be joining us next month, but life is just as unpredictable as it is cruel. On Christmas Eve, as we were preparing to go to bed, my wife couldn’t shake the strange sensations she experienced all day – things just felt different. We called our hospital and they advised us to come in to be safe. Soon after we were checked into the ER, the doctor did an exam and came back with shocking news: a leg was poking through and Liam was starting to come out. Liz was immediately checked into the hospital with what was described as an incompetent cervix.

Our doctor’s immediate plan was to invert her in a hospital bed and give her medicine to hold off the delivery, as we had just passed week 19, with the goal of making it to week 23 to give him a fighting chance. Our Christmas was spent in the hospital, with family and friends close. Everybody was trying to stay optimistic, but reality was staring us in the face.

On December 26, after an exam, our doctor informed us that the delivery was inevitable and the time had come. A little after noon, Liam was delivered. Without fully developed lungs, there was nothing that could be done. Liz and I took turns holding him as his heart beat at a furious rate. His heart continued to beat for a little over an hour, before a nurse came in and let us know that he had passed.

The last few months have been trying, to say the least... searching for answers when there are none to be found, and we are back to square one.

The good news is that our doctors believe they understand the problem and are confident it can be fixed during our next pregnancy. On top of that, we have the opportunity to pick up where we left

My wife is still my rock and I am hers.

We have picked ourselves back up and are continuing our challenge.

If it turns out that she is my only running mate in this life, I am comfortable in saying I led a wonderful existence, as there is no other way to communicate her true meaning to me. off with IVF. Through it all, we have kept a positive attitude at every turn, but this is a tough pill to swallow. I am angry. There is no one to be angry at, as no person is responsible for this, but that isn’t good enough, and I find myself angry at people for reasons completely out of their control. I know these feelings will subside in time. Slowly, we have begun to put ourselves back together again. I am a private person; I typically wear no emotions and share very little of my private life with anybody, but I see this article as another step in my grieving process. The friends and family that have supported us throughout our journey mean the world to us, and we are deeply thankful to have them at every turn.

My wife is still my rock and I am hers. We have picked ourselves back up and are continuing our challenge. If it turns out that she is my only running mate in this life, I am comfortable in saying I led a wonderful existence, as there is no other way to communicate her true meaning to me. On Christmas day, one of my gifts was a large coffee mug with the word ‘Dad’ inscribed on it. In my mind, I have been a dad twice, although neither for as long as I would have liked, but I still have the mug and plan on using it again in the future. With all the change and turmoil, one thing has stayed the same. It is still the two of us vs. the world, and my bet hasn’t changed.

As a local mom, I feel honored to launch a new product in Northwest Arkansas. We may live in a small(ish) town but it’s one that’s big on entrepreneurship.

I’ve worked on developing The Tot Tote for over a year and after many prototypes, securing a patent pending status, developing relationships with retailers and creating an e-commerce platform, I’m so excited to be able to extend The Tot Tote to you.

My husband and I have two young boys, ages 3 and 5, and traveling with them was a bit challenging at times. Little race cars, apple sauce pouches and crayons would be lost at the bottom of my purse, thrown on the floor of the car, or worse, left behind at the airport; time after time.

I felt compelled to solve my own organizing issue and The Tot Tote was created to make traveling long or short distances with kids a bit easier and

www.peekaboonwa.com

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CALENDAR

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2016

June Library storytimes: Bentonville Public Library: bentonvillelibrary.org Fayetteville Public Library: faylib.org Springdale Public Library: springdalelibrary.org Rogers Public Library: rogerspubliclibrary.org

June

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3

History Story Time Rogers Historical Museum Education Annex 10:00 am History Story Times delight and educate young children and their families with stories, crafts, activities, and artifacts based around a different theme each session.

Friday Morning Movie: The Mighty Ducks (PG) Fayetteville Public Library, Walker Community Room 401 West Mountain St. Fayetteville, AR Time: 10:00AM Join us in the Walker Community Room for a free screening of “The Mighty Ducks”!

Artinfusion Summer Fling Crystal Bridges 9pm to 12am The warm breeze of summer, cool grass beneath your feet, and music filling the air—you’re invited to our new artinfusion party: Summer Fling! Celebrate the coming adventures of summer on the lawn of the Frank Lloyd Wright house by grooving with Eliot Lipp, The Jonathan Scales Fourchestra, and Orenda Cirque. This will be the first artinfusion event held at the house since its opening. Join us to mark the occasion as we illuminate Wright’s iconic architecture with a mesmerizing light show. This event is FREE for artinfusion Members. Sponsored by Saatchi & Saatchi X, RopeSwing, Wright Lindsey Jennings, and Blue Moon Brewing Company. $35 (Free for artinfusion Members), register online or by calling Guest Services at 479.657.2335.

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Blue Man Group 11 a.m.

Walton Arts Center, Fayetteville Blue Man Group is comedy, theatre, rock concert and dance party all rolled into one. The Blue Man Group theatrical tour showcases classic Blue Man favorites, along with brand new content. Now approaching their 25th year of creativity, this artistic group is continually updating and refreshing Blue Man shows with new music, fresh stories, custom instruments and state-of-the-art technology.

Family Day 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.

Rogers Historical Museum Enjoy a free family event featuring activities, games, food, and an animal petting area. Admission is FREE. Tri-Sport Club Kid’s Triathlon 8:15 a.m.

Fayetteville Athletic Club http://trisportkidstriathlon.com/ A kids triathlon for ages 5-14 boys and girls who want to try their first triathlon-- or for the “seasoned” young person who wants a challenge.

38 June 2016

Summer Reading Kick-Off Festival 10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

Fayeteville Public Library www.faylib.org Enjoy bounce houses, a photo booth, face painting, magician, balloons, temporary airbrush tattoos, snow cones, hot dogs, and cake.

June

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Pinocchio at BGO featuring Opera in the Ozarks 5-8pm Botanical Gardens of the Ozarks An opera for children: Presented by Studio Artists of Opera in the Ozarks. Gate opens at 5pm, with the Pinocchio Opera from 7pm8pm. Enjoy this FREE Community Event | Bring your own lawn chair & picnic

June

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Day Camp at Hobbs State Park Wednesday, June 08, 2016 9:00 AM - Friday, June 10, 2016 3:00 PM Hobbs State Park, 20201 AR-12 , Rogers, AR 72756 Hobbs State Park is holding day camps for children 6-8 and 9-12 interested in nature, learning, and outdoor exploration. The Hobbs outdoor experience is up close and personal because interpreter Rebekah has proven to be the model cheerleader for your child’s senses. What’s included? Hiking, live animals, games, nature-related programs, crafts, snacks, stream studies, a T-shirt, and more. The Day Camps run from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. for each of 3 days.

Wednesday, June 8 – Friday June 10 (ages 9-12) Tuesday, June 14 – Thursday, June 17 (ages 6-8) Cost: $50.00/child + tax for all three days.

Register now as spots fill up quickly. Preregistration and pre-payment required. Call 479-789-5000 for more information and to register.

Summer Family Fun: Afrique Aya Crystal Bridges, Walker Landing 600 Museum Way, Bentonville, AR Time: 7-8PM Join the drummers and dancers of Afrique Aya as they share the music and culture of West Africa for Summer Family Fun on Walker Landing! Afrique Aya performers bring a fun, high-energy, and participatory show that all ages will love. Free, no registration required.

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10

History Story Time Rogers Historical Museum Education Annex 10:00 am History story times delight and educate young children and their families with stories, crafts, activities, and artifacts based around a different theme each session.

Friday Morning Movie: Karate Kid (PG) Fayetteville Public Library, Walker Community Room 401 West Mountain St. Fayetteville, AR Time: 10:00AM Join us in the Walker Community Room for a free screening of “The Karate Kid”!

June |

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Children’s Composting Wrokshop 11:00 AM TO 12:00 PM 617 N. Mt. Olive , Siloam Springs The Garden in Siloam Springs is hosting a composting workshop for kids! We will walk through the garden and have a quick composting lesson. The Garden in Siloam Springs is located behind Grace Episcopal Church at 617 N. Mt. Olive

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Spring Carnival June 15-19 5-10pm Parson’s Stadium, Springdale Pride Amusement brings the excitement with rides, concessions, games and fun.

Hampstead Stage Performs “Aladdin” Fayetteville Public Library, Walker Community Room

401 West Mountain St, Fayetteville, AR Beginning at 1:00PM , the Hampstead will perform Aladdin, their original adaptation, based on The Tales of the Arabian Nights.

June

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Girls’ Night Out 4:30 PM TO 8:00 PM Broadway & University Streets , Siloam Springs, AR Bring your mothers, sisters, daughters, cousins, and friends to this quarterly downtown shopping event! Merchants all over historic downtown Siloam Springs offer refreshments, specials, and door prizes for this night only - you can eat, explore, and shop the evening away!

under. $8 ages 13 and above. Tickets may be purchased online at artslivetheatre.com BITE NW Arkansas The newly rebranded and expanded two-day food festival as part of #NWAChampionship Week returns June 23 & 24 to the Walmart AMP! Celebrating the region’s best cuisines, ingredients, restaurants and chefs, BITE NW Arkansas aims to give attendees an unparalelled culinary experience in their own backyard.

Tickets: $30 per person, $50 per couple nwachampionship.com/bite-nw-arkansas/#sthash.NLCU4jxz.dpuf

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Siloam Springs 58th Annual Rodeo 6/16/2016 TO 6/18/2016 7:30 PM 2590 Cheri Whitlock Drive , Siloam Springs Siloam Springs 58th Annual Rodeo June 16-18, 2016 7:30 pm Mutton Busting 7:45 pm - Kiddie grand entry 8:00 - Rodeo General Admission: $10, kids 7 to 12 - $5, 6 & under free Advance Tickets: $5 at the following locations: Powell Feed First Bank Beyond the Fringe Salon Pioneer Pizza - Gentry Wednesday - Rodeo Dance Siloam Springs Community Building Parking lot - 7:30 pm. Inside if inclement weather. Thursday night, June 16th is kids night. All kids 12 & under free admission with paying adult. Friday, June 17, 2016 - 10:00 am - Special Kids Rodeo - for children with special needs.

Saturday, June 18, 2016 - Rodeo Parade - 4:00 pm - Starts on Tulsa Street behind Atwoods.

Summer Family Fun: Drum Safari Crystal Bridges, Walker Landing 600 Museum Way, Bentonville, AR Time: 7-8PM Join Kansas City musicians Brandon and Teryn Draper on Walker Landing for a high-energy, interactive performance of music from around the world. Then join in on an all-ages community drum circle! Instruments will be provided. Brandon teaches world percussion and jazz drums at the University of Kansas and has toured extensively throughout the US in a variety in genres. Teryn is a first-grade teacher and program coordinator for Drum Safari. Free, no registration required.

June |

Zing Adventures Amazeum 1009 Museum Way, Bentonville, AR Time: 9-10AM, encore 11AM-12PM Ages 3-5 years old and a caregiver age 18 or older, and open to all guests, both Amazeum members and non-members. Superhero Science! Faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive... young superheroes are called to take on challenges, from magnets to bad guy launchers. This workshop invites child and adult play partners to explore science, technology and engineering through play. Fee per child/adult pair: Amazeum members $10; non-members $15.

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Heroes for Life 5K Fun Run & 20 Mile Cycle 9:00 AM TO 12:00 PM Bob Henry Park , West Benton Street, Siloam Springs Be a HERO and join New Beginnings Pregnancy Services for our Heroes for Life 5K Fun Run & 20 Mile Cycle. Following the fun run, there will be activities for the kids, door prizes and more. Superhero costumes are welcome! Prizes will also be awarded to the top finisher in each age division, as well as best dressed superhero in each age division. Participants in the fun run can run, walk, push a stroller, ride a bicycle or scooter, whatever they choose....It’s for fun! For those who want something a little more intense, sign up for the 20 mile cycle.

The cycle will be a self-supported event and helmets are required. All proceeds benefit New Beginnings Pregnancy Services. Registration fees: 10 & Under: FREE; 11-17: $10; 18 and older: $25 / includes event T-shirt Registration forms can be picked up from our office at 608 S. Hico Street, or register online.

Super Saturday: Jugging with Anne Lincoln Fayetteville Public Library, Walker Community Room 401 West Mountain St, Fayetteville, AR Time: 2:00PM Anne Lincoln presents, “How I Learned to Juggle at My Library.” It all started with a book! Now, after many years of reading and practice, Ann has learned to juggle everything from scarves to bean bags to clubs to bowling balls. And you can too! A one-of-a-kind blend of comedy and juggling, plus a little bit of magic included, with a special trick by one of Ann’s performing pets. Bunny petting after end of show!

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Family Sunday: Father’s Day! Crystal Bridges 600 Museum Way, Bentonville, AR Time: 12:00PM-5:00PM Bring Dad, Grandpa, or another special guy to the Museum to celebrate Father’s Day with artmaking, music, and more. Discover interesting “dads” in our collection, make a fun gift for the dads in your life, enjoy great music by the Kansas City kid-cool rock band, The Doo-Dads, and more! Free, no registration required.

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Boxcar Children 6/23/2016 TO 6/26/2016 818 North Sang Ave, Fayetteville, AR Arts Live Theatre presents ‘The Boxcar Children’, June 23rd-26th.

Directed by Stephen Pigman and adapted by Caroline Elser, this classic children’s book comes to life! Show dates and times: Thursday, June 23rd at 7 pm; Friday, June 24th at 7 pm; Saturday, June 25th at 2 pm and 7 pm and Sunday, June 26th at 2 pm. Tickets: $6 ages 12 and

June

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Opera in the Ozarks Performs Pinocchio Fayetteville Public Library, Walker Community Room 401 West Mountain Street, Fayetteville, AR Beginning at 10:30AM, Opera in the Ozarks will present the opera Pinocchio. The familiar story serves as an excellent introduction to operatic music for children who might not be familiar with this particular style. the performance is free and open to the public.

Siloam Springs Heritage Festival Siloam Springs City Park and Community Building 9:00a.m. to 3:00p.m.

Hosted by the Siloam Springs Museum, the festival will include musical performances, living history presentations, traditional craft demonstrations, exhibits of artifacts and memorabilia, and craft and food vendors. Experience the drama of a ‘shoot out,’ starring the Arkansas Lead Slingers, at high noon on University Street. Kids can enjoy hearing Native American storytelling, discover local history, and try out traditional games. It’s fun for all ages as we bring history to the present at this free family-friendly summer celebration of history, community, traditional local life, and culture!For the most current updates, find us on facebook at www.facebook.com/ SiloamSpringsMuseum.

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Teen Entrepreneur Boot Camp Monday, June 27, 2016 - Friday, July 01, 2016 Startup Junkie Consulting 1 E. Center Street, Suite #270 , Fayetteville Calling all teenagers! Come and spend a week with us to learn about entrepreneurship. What is an entrepreneur? What do they do? How can I be an entrepreneur? Do I want to be an entrepreneur? Is it fun? Challenging? You will get answers to these questions. Find out for yourself if entrepreneurship is for you. We will help you develop a business idea and, within a week, put your idea into a business plan.

Pitch your plan against other teams in the camp. The winning team will receive a cash prize at the end of the week to put towards their business idea! Sign up today. Seats are limited to 25 entrepreneurs!!

www.peekaboonwa.com

39

DGaddy’irls by: Audra Rutherford

B

illy Joel’s “Only the Good Die Young” is a wonderful, true song that resonates all too well with my family and me...which is why, sometimes, I can’t stand to listen to it.

Flash back to many years ago, to when my mom, Gena, met my dad, Billy, when she was in the 8th grade. She had talked to him once, and then saw him again at a high school football game. Today, she still remembers what he looked like the first time she saw him. Acting as teenage girls usually do, one of her friends told their boyfriend that my mom liked the man who would one day be my dad.

Their first date was a double date to a high school dance. He played football a few years in high school as a defensive end, with my mom watching proudly from the sidelines. They dated all through high school, then got engaged in April 1978, just before my mom’s high school graduation. My parents married that August, and were married five blissful years before they decided to have me.

Dad never shied away from hard work – he was a firefighter/EMT before he and my Grandpa Bill started their cattle business. He liked fighting fires a lot, but didn’t like how heartbreaking the ambulance runs could be, as he saw too many bad wrecks with children and people he knew. I have his fire helmet with “Rutherford” on it hanging in my house, along with some newspaper clippings and pictures of him fighting fires. He was a bit quiet, but not shy, had a good sense of humor, and loved the time we spent together as a family.

He could be stubborn at times… which my mom says he definitely passed on to me!

42 June 2016

My dad was diagnosed with lymphoma in June of 1987, after he didn’t recover from a severe sore throat. He immediately started chemotherapy, giving it all he had until September, losing a lot of weight, hair, and his strength in the process. He was in remission from that September to May of 1988, when he started having headaches and backaches.

He went back to the doctor and received a second diagnosis: the cancer was back. He started chemo again that May, and while he avoided getting as weak or thin that time, he did get a lot of infections and was consequently often in the hospital. My dad was sick for a long time. I remember many trips to Washington Regional with my sweet Grandma Imogene (my dad’s mom), who took me over there because my mom was pretty much camped out at the hospital. Grandma Imogene would always try to make it fun for me by saying “Do you want to go see the babies?” She’d let me push the elevator button and we would ride up to see the babies after we saw my dad.

My faith in God is the only thing that gets me through the unbearable loss of my father. The fact that I will see him again someday keeps me going.

The Monday before my dad passed away, he went to the farm with Grandpa Bill, but ran a high fever all night. He was taken to the hospital on Tuesday afternoon, but the infection in his body was too extensive and he passed away around 4 a.m. on Wednesday morning. My mom said she remembers thinking that the doctor had to be wrong and wanting to tell him to go back and check on Billy. Grandma Imogene and Henry, Grandpa Bill, Ron, and Bruce (my dad’s cousin) were all there that night. My mom’s brother Ron drove her home from the hospital that morning, and she remembers seeing the ferris wheel at the Washington County Fair. She still doesn’t like seeing ferris wheels to this day. I remember exactly where I was when my mom told me my dad had passed away: I was in my aunt and uncle’s bed, because they had let me sleep with them when I had woken up in the night scared. My mom walked in, crying, sat down on the bed with me and told me that my dad had died. I remember feeling sad, but not devastated, because I had no grasp on the finality of death back then. I was only four years old, after all. I asked my mom why she was crying, even though I knew why. I thought, for some reason, if I acted like I wasn’t sad, it would make it easier for her to deal with. I knew when I was sad, she was sad, so I wasn’t going to be!

A few days after my dad passed, we went to Wasson’s for his viewing. My mom had me kiss his cheek and tell him I loved him. I remember doing this, but don’t remember what he looked like, only that he had a suit on. I started kindergarten the next week. I tried very hard not to cry about my dad in front of my mom – in fact, I think I didn’t really cry that much at all. I remember crying once at the house when a song came on the radio that reminded me of him and again in therapy when my therapist had me draw a picture of my dad

and tell the picture I missed him.

That was really hard. I remember being so upset and telling my mom I was crying because my stomach hurt, not because of my dad, hoping this would make her less sad. I do encourage parents who have lost a spouse to get their children in therapy immediately.

Sometimes it helps to talk with not only a professional, but a stranger, so that you feel like you can say and act however you want to without worrying about how other people are going to feel about it.

My mom said that after my dad died she just tried to keep us busy and in the company of our family. We even lived with my Aunt Kim and Uncle Ron for a little while. My mom just couldn’t be in the house she had shared with Dad. We ate out a lot, because, if my mom cooked, she would feel like my dad should be coming home any time.

She didn’t really know what to do, except take it one day at a time and do the best that she could.

She said that, since I was so young, she knew I didn’t really understand what happened, but she Turn the page ...

Because it has just been my mom and me my whole life, she is absolutely my best friend, my #1 fan, and favorite person in the whole wide world.

knew that I missed him! My mom said that she would sometimes have resentment toward the “happy little mom-and-dad families” that we knew or would sometimes see – especially the stay-at-home moms who complained about their problems or husbands!

Because it has just been my mom and me my whole life, she is absolutely my best friend, my #1 fan, and favorite person in the whole wide world. When something good happens, she’s the first person I call; when something horrible happens, she’s the first person I call. We share about a million inside jokes and totally crack each other up all the time! We’ve never gone one day without talking to each other.

One thing I never felt after my dad died was less loved. I never needed or wanted for anything. I still don’t know how she did it. Had it been me, I would have just laid down and tried to die. She had me to think of, though. There are very few women who could have stayed as strong and made my life as great as she did. Even though I lost my dad, I have an amazing life and I owe it all to my mother. She somehow got her work schedule worked out to where she could take me to school and pick me up, and now that I’m an adult I realize how hard it is to find a workplace that lets you do that! Mom let me sign up for dance lessons, which I loved and did for 10 years. She was always at my dance recitals and my piano concerts too. She always let me have friends stay the night, go to the movies, shop, and go out to eat. My mom has pretty much been my best friend through my whole life (even in high school when she was trying to kill my social life and make sure I didn’t date guys that were too old for me). Come to think of it, though, my dad probably would have been the type to be cleaning his gun when my dates came to pick me up.

Even though I may not have understood what happened to my father at the time, I have always had wonderful memories of him. For instance, I remember that Dad liked to play music really loud. He had one of those giant sound systems from the 80s where the speakers were probably bigger than I was! One morning, we were all up getting ready for our day when it was still dark out, and he was rocking out, playing Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love” SUPER loud, which to this day is a song I absolutely love! I even requested to sing it during my Christian preschool class... much to the surprise of the adults in the room!

I definitely got my dad’s personality. Sometimes, I make facial expressions and my mom says I look just like him. It’s crazy how much you can take after one of your parents without them raising you.

I remember that he always made me feel safe. I never worried about anything when I was with my dad...except for the time that he made my mom hold a baby calf to take it from its mother. She was in the back of the truck, holding the baby, and the mama cow was trying to get up in the back of the truck. Mom was screaming “Drive, Billy!” and I was crying because I thought the mama cow was going to eat my own mother!

Sadly, I do remember, once he was really sick, begging him to come to my 4th birthday party.

I think I even cried when he said that he wasn’t coming. I still feel guilty about that to this day. I know that I shouldn’t, because I was only a child, but now I know that he would have given anything

to go, and me begging him wasn’t any help.

Honestly, that’s my only regret in my short time with him.

My faith in God is the only thing that gets me through the unbearable loss of my father. The fact that I will see him again someday keeps me going.

Mom and I often talk about what it would be like when we see him again, since we’re both older now than he was when he died. In fact, I really struggled through the entire year that I was 31. I cried more over his death that year than any other, because I couldn’t imagine my life being over already, or being sick, fighting cancer, knowing I was going to have to leave my family. During my year-long struggle with being 31, on August 31st (the anniversary of his death) I went to see my friend Dustin Gray and had “John 11:25” tattooed on my wrist. This is the verse my mother picked out for dad’s headstone that reads “I am the resurrection and the life, he who believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” This tattoo is a tribute to my sweet dad, amazing mom, and my awesome God. This tattoo is tribute to my sweet dad, my amazing mom, and my awesome God, who will let me someday see my father again.

We don’t always understand God’s plan. My job isn’t to understand, but to accept it, have faith and push forward with life. My mom, my whole family and even random people who knew my dad are great to share stories about him with me, or just tell me how

much they thought of him. My mom gave me a ring on my college graduation day that she used to wear every day–a ring that my dad gave her when she was a teenager. She wrapped it up, and when I opened it, she said, “This is from your dad and me.” After all, my mom said my dad’s biggest struggle with being sick was the possibility of not getting to see me grow up.

I’ve had a great life but, unfortunately, had to learn at a very young age one of the most important lessons you can learn: LIFE ISN’T FAIR. In fact, if I could write a book about my life, or just life in general, it would be titled Life: It Isn’t Fair, But Filled with Blessings, Really Hard and Totally Worth It. The truth of that came like a slap in the face to me 17 days before I turned 5. To this day, however, I use that lesson in a positive way. If I catch me feeling sorry for myself, I think, “Life isn’t fair!

You need to suck it up and move on,” and I do. I’ve never used the death of my father as an excuse not to do anything or to behave a certain way. I’ve set goals for myself: high school: done, college: done, buy my own house: done. I think it was easy for me to strive to achieve these goals because I’d grown up watching my mother’s strength. Sometimes, people just get dealt a hard hand of cards, but that doesn’t mean you get to give up. Yes, you can struggle, and yes, you can ask yourself why, but don’t let it hold you back from happiness.

#NWAChampionship Week

Affordable and Family-Friendly The Walmart NW Arkansas Championship presented by P&G is right around the corner.

Families, community members and fans from all over will eagerly gather at Pinnacle Country Club to watch the best female golfers in the world showcase what the great game of golf has to offer. #NWAChampionship Week takes place June 20 through 26 and includes events that are more affordable and family-friendly than ever. In celebration of the 10th anniversary of the LPGA tournament, daily tickets to the Walmart NW Arkansas Championship presented by P&G are only $10 this year. And, as always, kids ages 17 and under get into the golf tournament free of charge with a ticketed adult. Kids of all ages are invited to the LPGA tournament, where there will be a variety of fun activities to enjoy!

The week kicks off with the tournament’s 10th annual Pantene Beautiful Lengths hair donation ceremony on Monday, June 20 at the Walmart AMP. This meaningful cause collects eight inches of untreated hair to make wigs that are given free of charge to those suffering from cancer.

In celebration of 10th anniversary of the event, organizers aim to collect hair from 1,000 donors by the end of the June 20 event. Help give hope through hair by registering for this inspirational and special event at BeautifulLengthsNWA.com.

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Tournament play officially kicks off on Friday, June 23 and at the top of every fan’s list is the tournament’s signature hole—the Gatorade Loudest Hole on Tour, #17. Spectators are encouraged to get loud and cheer on their favorite players on this exciting hole. You may even hear some hog calling for former and current Razorback players! Fan favorite Stacy Lewis will be joined by Arkansas Alum Gaby Lopez and Razorback Freshman Maria Fassi.

Maria will join the tournament field as a Sponsor’s Exemption this year.

The ultimate place for every kid on the course will be the Walmart Kid’s Center presented by Dove.

This special place offers an interactive area for parents and kids to cool off and have some fun, while enjoying putt-putt, game stations, arts and crafts, face painting, snacks, player autographs and more. You can find the Kid’s Center between the 16th, 17th and 18th holes.

Sign the whole family up for 5k @ the LPGA benefitting Mercy on Saturday, June 25. Starting and finishing at the Walmart AMP, this diverse course winds through the streets of Pinnacle Country Club and down the Gatorade Loudest Hole on Tour, #17. There is also a 1k Fun Run option! After the race, cool off and enjoy a free breakfast at the Walmart AMP. That night, plan to head back to the Walmart AMP to see “Fight Song” singer Rachel Platten live in concert. Rachel will be belting out her hits and inspirational songs for fans of all ages. Ticket prices are only $5 and $10 courtesy of Walmart.

Back at the course, don’t forget to catch the LPGA players after their rounds in the Hallmark Autograph Alley behind the 18th hole. This area provides spectators and fans an opportunity to interact and meet with their favorite players. Kids have the chance to see great female athletes and role models up close and personal.

The tournament is proud to offer the Northwest Arkansas community many different events and activities throughout the week. Whether you love golf, food, running, concerts and live music, #NWAChampionship Week has something for the entire family to enjoy for a week of fun right here in our community.

June 20-26, 2015 #NWAChampionship Week at a Glance

5k @ the LPGA Early Registration: $20 Rachel Platten Community Concert Ticket: $5 BITE NW Arkansas Ticket: $30

LPGA Tournament Daily Ticket: $10 Kids ages 17 and under: Free A week of fun, family memories: Priceless

Father’s Day

Story by: Mike Rusch / Photos by: Bethany Blair Photography

It is that time again.

Father’s Day. It is a time to celebrate our fathers and show them off a little bit. However, today I am going to turn the tables to share why it is my privilege to be a father to some amazing little people (some of whom are actually not so little any more).

There are six of us now, plus a slobbering sheepdog that I’m sure has a name. My wife and four children are what I have termed “a beautiful chaos” that I would not trade for the world--but would be okay if they were a little quieter sometimes. All but one of them are extroverts, who come from a long line of extroverts, who had arranged marriages to extroverts... which means, in our house, we never seem to lack stories, or laughter, or just words that are being spoken for no reason at all. I am more of a quiet person, who believes observation is a perfectly honed skill that most in my family could learn. However, after twenty years, I am about to give up on that hope, and just spend more time flyfishing.

Our oldest son is now fifteen years old, and I have to look up to him (literally) to catch his eyes that are constantly scanning the horizon for a future. His search for the future seems to narrow in on where his six meals a day will come from, how big of a fish he can catch, or making sure his red hair is still flowing like an Irish-Viking god. He runs faster

48 June 2016

than I ever have, and loves music and fly-fishing more than I (which is saying a lot). His mother is now the only one who calls him “rocket man,” and maybe, someday, if his Irish DNA produces a son with red hair, that name may be passed down.

Until then, he will most likely grow to be a fine young man who doesn’t expect too much of the world, even though it could be his for the taking.

Will came next, and from the early years of his life, we knew this one was different in the best of ways.

His bald Charlie Brown head now holds one of the greatest comb-overs I’ve ever seen, even though the only thing he’s combing over is more hair. He is the curious one, and took an interest to the things that just about everyone else overlooks; which may be the greatest thing that any of us could ever learn.

He notices the details, fine lines, and hiding places of the smallest of critters, and has seldom missed an opportunity to share those with the world. He is the adventurist of the family and, should the world all come to an end tomorrow, he would be the one that I pick to carry me through it. Despite his external toughness, there’s a tender heart that cares a whole lot, and while he’s the other quiet one of the family, I know that what is behind those eyes may be the most creative person I have ever known.

We have two girls and to describe them separately may be an injustice to them both. The oldest is ten and the youngest is seven, and, while you may not think they are sisters, just give them a few minutes.

They are different, and yet they are the same. One

day I came home to see them both dressed before me in matching pajamas. My question was simple, “If you are both wearing the same pjs, how am I supposed to tell you apart?” Their faces revolted against my question with disappointment. In their minds, how was such a question even possible?

Could I be that blind? The oldest simply stood a little closer to her sister and said, “Daddy, you can tell who we are because I’m big and she’s small.” At that moment, nothing else really seemed to matter.

They were sisters, and that was enough.

Each of these little girls is an answered prayer. One prayer was answered when our oldest daughter was born a perfectly healthy little girl, and the other was answered when we stood in a small home in Ethiopia, where they placed her in our arms to be her parents. I truly believe they taught me just how much God cared about me just by giving me the privilege of being their dad. We shall see who they grow up to be, but for now I will just keep trying to make them stop growing so they can run and jump into my arms when I come home from work.

A few years ago, things were different. Harder.

Who I had become or who I was becoming needed some work. Actually, it needed a major overhaul.

Despite my attempts to serve others, care for our community, and do good--“American Dream” kind of things--I realized that life was really just about me. What I achieved and the positions that I held were quietly taking their toll on our family, and something had to change.

So, we hit the reset button and inadvertently changed the trajectory of pretty much everything we knew. After sixteen years in jobs at Fortune 100 companies, I walked away to join a small start up. We sold our oversized house and moved into a 53-year-old “fixer upper.” We changed the kids’ schools, our church community, and, while hitting the reset button was a process, it gave us space to try and find our footing again. Thankfully, we did.

Today, four years later, the greatest honor I have is to be a husband and a father. In between the work hours and the to-do lists of life, I have found that

swinging in the front yard, sneaking away for the cold waters below Norfork dam, or mission trips to Haiti are bigger “achievements” than anything I had ever done before. We are not a perfect family, and I am far from a perfect dad. Yes, life is a beautiful chaos, but I would not change it for the world. Maybe that is the way it is actually supposed to be.

For all the imperfect fathers on this Father’s Day, go love, change things, run like the wind, find the hidden things around you, overlook the differences, hit the reset button, and remember that you have a place in this world that only you can fill.

On May 7th, Peekaboo Magazine was honored to host Northwest Arkansas’ fourth annual Birthday Party Expo. Families were able to enjoy bounce houses, art stations, free gaming, pizza, live entertainment, pony and camel rides, princesses and princes, giveaways, and much more! Each vendor also set up a birthday party preview experience. No birthday is complete without cake, so Walmart again welcomed guests with a cupcake and a showcase of multiple birthday cakes and cupcake ideas!

eam kery t h art ba overed wit lm a W c d The ur family e s eu has yo s that can b and for a , n desig h the ages ns. Their throug of occassio uests with g d y variet welcomed showcase d booth cupcake an rite cake a free f their favo ! o s some pcake idea and cu

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Birthday Party

Expo

Last month, families were invited to the 4th Annual Birthday Party Extravaganza at the Pinnacle Hills Promenade to experience many great birthday party hot spots!

! e f i L g n i Celebrat

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www.davidadams.com

100 West Center, Ste 101 Fayetteville 479-444-7778

www.peekaboonwa.com

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Huge

Thank you

to our Presenting sponsors

farmlandadventures.com Farmland Adventures has been a presenting sponsor since the very first Birthday Party Expo, and we love getting the chance to show off all they offer!

They love kids, and animals, so together it’s a great combination! This birthday hotspot includes pony rides, petting zoo with farm animals that include goats, cows.. and even an alpaca!

After a pony ride and feeding new animal friends, kids got a chance to try out the super fun kid-powered pedal karts. Whether you visit Farmland Adventures for their pumpkin patch and corn maze during the fall, for a campfire with friends or to test your skills in their life-size foosball game (we told you they had a lot of fun to offer), they will always offer a memorable experience for all ages!

169entertainment.com Kids and adults alike enjoyed their chance to try to beat the clock on 16:9 Entertainment’s mechanical bull.

This great entertainment offering was founded in 2015 and is quickly becoming a NWA favorite! Founder Kyle Grigg has been a part of the NWA community his entire life, and works to create lifelong memories for everyone who adds a mechanical bull or mechanical hog to their event. They are perfect for your parties, events, and at your venues.

When will you get another chance to ride a bull in a safe, fun manner?

www.peekaboonwa.com

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Huge

Thank you to our Party Pros!

Farmland Adventures Walmart Bakery 16:9 Entertainment Kona Ice Partytime Ponies Little Giggles Indoor Play & Learn Rogers Fire Dept Med Xpress Rogers Activity Center Fun City Royal Inflatables NWA Amusement Photo Booth Fast Lane Entertainment The Little Gym Princess Party Creations Freckles and Sunshine Amazeum NWA Championship LPGA Steve Boger Camels Bricks 4 Kidz Pigtails and Crewcuts Imagine Studios Lokomotion District 12 Archery Tag Feed Their Tummies Scentsy Enagic Usborne Kids Unlimited Learning LuLaRoe Dolphin Mobile School of Rock Naturals Spotlight Characters Art of Fun Xtreme Jumpz Giveaways by: Jump Zone Malco The Naturals

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Dr. Lance Faddis

Defining Dyslexia

I have always been fascinated with books.

To me, they seem to be small treasure chests filled with knowledge, mystery, and exotic places.

I look for new ones whenever I travel. I have a large library in my home office, and Amazon prime e-books may derail my retirement plan. For all this apparent love for books, I could count on my two hands the number that I have actually completed cover to cover (excluding medical textbooks).

With dyslexia, reading is a terrible struggle. It is exhausting and requires complete concentration with minimal distraction. New or unusual words continue to be a struggle for me at 45 years of age. However, with work, I was able to become a proficient reader... more than proficient in certain categories.

Dyslexia defined “Dyslexia is a specific learning disability that is neurobiological in origin. It is characterized by difficulties with accurate and/ or fluent word recognition and by poor spelling and decoding abilities. These difficulties typically result from a deficit in the phonological component of language that is often unexpected in relation to other cognitive abilities and the provision of effective classroom instruction. Secondary consequences may include problems in reading comprehension and reduced reading experience that can impede growth of vocabulary and background knowledge.”

To break that down a bit: people with dyslexia have issues decoding the sounds that are associated with letters, or groups of letters, as they make up words. Because of this, learning to read is difficult and spelling becomes an exercise in rote memorization. I first remember having trouble in school during the second grade.

The specifics of the troubles are foggy, but I remember being

60 June 2016

sent out of class with an aide to work on handwriting skills.

I was also placed in group learning activities, but neither of these approaches addressed the root problem. Being removed from the regular classroom caused me a great deal of frustration, because I felt like I wasn’t getting credit for my true level of understanding. It was just assumed that I couldn’t understand the task at hand.

My mother was told that I was not smart, and would likely not do well in school. Thankfully, she did not take this advice and fought to find out why I was having difficulty in school. She sought help at the University of Arkansas, and we were also blessed with teachers at my school who looked beyond an inattentive child that was always behind, and instead tried

After my rough start in elementary school, I eventually achieved academic success. I graduated with my undergraduate degree in Biology with a minor in Chemistry from Ouachita Baptist University in 1992. I then went on to get my Master’s degree in Microbiology from the University of Arkansas. I went back to Ouachita to teach for one year before starting medical school in 1996. After 4 years of medical school, I completed a 4-year residency in Internal Medicine and Pediatrics. I have been working for Mercy Health Systems since 2004.

I have been married to my wife, Jennifer, since 2000 and we have 5 amazing kids.

to understand the “why,” rather than just chalking my issues up to laziness or low IQ. Around the 4th grade, a student teacher began more hands-on learning with me. I was allowed to verbally describe scientific observations, which proved invaluable to me. I eventually won this teacher’s “Albert Einstein” award (a man who, ironically, was also dyslexic), for the best scientific observations in class.

This was the first success that I can recall in school, and the introduction to what would become my life’s work.

I also accidentally stumbled on to a piece of dyslexic truth around the 5th grade while reading The Black Stallion series.

Subject matters!

Because the act of reading is such a struggle for most children with dyslexia, the subject matter has to be interesting to the child. At that point in my life, and some days still, I would have given a very high price to be stranded on an island with a big black horse. Thanks to Walter Farley, I had now completed two books. Today I recommend that my patients with reading issues find a subject that interests them, and read whatever they can on it, whether that be The Black Stallion or a fishing magazine. Any interest that can be infused into the chore of reading will lessen the fatigue. With practice, most dyslexics can become proficient.

That proficiency is usually heightened inside of a specific subject matter.

As you become more familiar with words in a specific subject matter, reading comprehension goes up and fatigue goes down. Through junior high I continued to struggle with classes. I don’t think I ever passed a spelling test in my whole career, but science and history, where I could observe or hear the story, always seemed to go my way. I continued to be blessed with teachers whose teaching style was outside of the box or who were willing to bear with me as I worked through my struggles. In high school I became involved in public speaking.

For reasons I still do not understand, one of my teachers decided to put me in her honors English class. It was here that I was introduced to the oral book report. This is a dyslexic’s dream. You mean I don’t have to write anything? I can just read parts of the book and tell a good story? At this time I also became a more serious student of the Bible. Reading the Bible regularly continued to help improve my reading skills. It also gave me a clear picture on the value that had been placed on my life from God.

Many kids with dyslexia struggle with feelings of inadequacy or poor self-esteem. Isaiah 55:10-11 holds special meaning for me in regard to this.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there without watering the earth, and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so will My Word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to me empty without accomplishing what I desire and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.”

In college I was forced to concentrate again on reading in order to learn subject matter. Maturity had helped by now, but I continued to struggle in classes that were outside of the sciences. Graduate school was better. It was all science, all the time. Then there was medical school. The reading load was staggering, but it did not seem to matter anymore. I was completely comfortable with the material and the pace.

That brings me to advice for both parents and educators. Parents, don’t lose heart. Continue to advocate for your child. Seek reliable resources.

I suggest Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz MD as a good place to start.

Remember, not every child will learn the same way and that is okay. Help your child find their stride by playing to their strengths. Proverbs 22:6 advises us to train up a child according to their bent. For me, it started with horses and ended with science, but it got me to want to read, which ultimately led to proficiency. Teachers, so many thanks to the ones who believed in me and allowed me to learn outside the box. If you are an educator today, look for these kids. You never know when you might need a doctor someday.

hrivingon Car TSurviving Trips with Kids

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ou have planned your summer travel, then it hits you like a rock in the pit of your stomach… you and the kiddos are about to be “trapped” in the car for 5, 10, 15 hours! What to do? It may be tempting to just use the Ipad and DVD player, but you can do better than that! While the ideas I share are created for children with Sensory Processing Disorder in mind, they are a great fit for many kiddos.

1

Books on CD Some favorites in my house are The Magic Tree House series and Junie B. Jones. These can be checked out (for free!) at most local libraries.

2

Zip Bag Silly Putty/Play-Doh This allows the child to squeeze and squeeze to their heart’s content without the putty getting stuck in your floor mats!

3

Origami Check out an origami book at the library, get a folder of paper and go to town.

Voila! Mess-free art!

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Aluminum Foil Animals Is the origami too complicated? Give each child a sheet of aluminum foil, have them create an animal and see if the rest of the car can guess what it is.

Melissa Foster Children’s Therapy TEAM Occupational Therapist

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Color Wonder Books I know these things are a bit pricey, but they are fantastic mess, free fun and a great treat for long trips.

Sing Along Children’s music is an obvious choice, but what about the songs you like? Download or make a CD of great sing-along songs kids may enjoy. Some of my favorites are “Sweet Caroline,” “Brown Eyed Girl,” “I Love Rock and Roll,” and “Funky Town.”

I Spy Fill a clear-sided pencil pouch with dried beans/rice. Then add a few colored buttons or other small trinkets and have contests as to who can find a given item the most quickly.

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Gross Motor Breaks When you do stop, take 5-10 minutes for gross motor time. If a small strip of safe area is available, races are always fun. If space is limited, have children do frog jumps, jumping jacks or simply just dance next to the car for a few minutes.

Unwrap a Mystery Take old scraps of newspaper and wrap-up travel toys, new sticker pages, trinkets or games. Set trip check-points to unwrap mysteries as a reward for nice behavior.

Survival Kit Must-haves include wetwipes, tissues, snacks/ drinks, sport bottles, empty cups (for snacks) and lots of slide-top plastic bags. Also include the standard first aid kit with Tylenol, bandaids, antibiotic ointment, Dramamine, Benadryl, etc. as your doctor approves.

NWA’s

ONLY Warm-Water Pediatric Therapy Pools Constraint Induced Mobility Program Comprehensive Family Support TEAM Exclusive Pediatric Aquatic Center Vital-Stim Therapy Provider TEAM Clinic-Based Licensed Orthotic Provider Augmentative & Alternative Communication Evaluation Clinic-Sponsored Financial Hardship Program Heroes for Kids Recreation Equipment Program Nationally Board Certified Pediatric Specialist (PT) TEAMworks Nonprofit Global Outreach

An inspiring choice for your child!

Call us at 521-TEAM or visit us at www.ChildrensTherapyTEAM.com

Dad’s View

Wen yur speling skilz ar as poore as myne, sumtimes yu haf tu mak up werds.

by: Ben Lacy

So, for this article I’m submitting a new one to Webster: Gradualation. We’ll get to the definition later, since I want you to read the entire article – and no jumping to the last paragraph!

The retail lords tell me we’re at the tail end of the “Moms, Dads and Grads” selling period. That means they’ve done their best to convince (or coerce) you to buy lots of stuff (junk) for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and various graduations. For this article, let’s focus on graduation.

Ah graduation… pre-school, kindergarten, 8th grade, high school, college, etc. All involve a celebration of completing one of life’s important steps and the beginning of the next journey. All definitely indicate a defined move forward; usually geographical, since most of the time you move schools. However, if you think about it, educational graduation is a gradual process. It’s not like you graduatekKindergarten and all of its rad finger painting and aggravating shoe tying, then move straight into calculus and Latin in the first grade. No, there is a nice gradual move between grades, where the lessons of the previous grade are rehashed and reviewed during the beginning of the next grade. It is a graduation, but there is gradual change.

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When raising kids, I’ve run into several situations that are in the grey area of gradual and graduation, but are super important life steps. Hence the invention of the new word: Gradualation. Things like the first solo crossing of the road, or the inaugural playing-at-the-park-sans-parents trip, or the initial independent bike ride to school. In these situations, there can be a gradual build-up and instruction before the “graduation” or actual event.

You cross the road with them a few (hundred) times, and the first time they do it on their own they cross the street to the neighbor’s house – not across Dickson or Sunset or Walton. There are a couple of recon bike trips to-and-from school before the big ride; just to make sure your little Junior Magellan has his bearings. You get them comfortable with the park and its surroundings before leaving them (and then you hide in a tree to watch them like a ninja spider monkey).

Then there are some parts of a kid’s life when the change occurs quite quickly, literally, overnight. I guess they are sort of like a graduation, but they are definitely not gradual, and involve some pretty major changes.

If you are 5 years old on March 31st, you can play City League Baseball. If you turn 5 on April 1st, you can’t play until next year.

At 14 you can get your learner’s permit; you cannot get your learners permit 24 hours sooner.

At 17 (wow, did some research, as I thought it was 18) you can enlist in the armed forces. No dice if you try it one day earlier.

At 21 you can legally purchase and consume alcohol. Do it at 20 years and 364 days, and the local authorities will not be enthused.

In these situations, there are clearly defined on/ off designations. You can’t today; you can tomorrow. No gradual anything.

There are also other non-legal or datebased situations I like to call “sudden adult instigated graduations.” There’s no capand-gown or boring speech, and the change is not gradual. Most of the time they are unannounced, often they are unfair and

almost always cause mass confusion or chaos.

I promise, even though there are hundreds of them, not to bore you with sports analogies like “You’re 9 now and should know how to properly work the cut-off when a ball is hit to Right Field in a 4-2 game with runners on 1st and 3rd and a left-handed batter at the plate” (okay, guess I gave you one anyway). But seriously, I’m talking about things like “You are in 3rd grade now, and should know to clean the dishes” or “You’re 12 now so I expect you to mow the yard” or wonderfully vague parental outbursts like “Grow up, you’re 7 already!” Often these situations involve new rules or expectations that have not been previously explained or taught. Look, I love my 12-yearold dearly, but telling him to go out and mow without any instruction is a guarantee of soon meeting new friends at the Northwest ER. Often the operative adult (cough, cough) word is “Now.” Meaning, no previous expectations or direction, but “Now” it’s a fact-of-life.

These are the sorts of situations that desperately need gradualation. Introduce your kids to the next stage graudally! Gradulation is now defined by me, since I made it up, as “an instruction or chore that has previously been defined, discussed and rehearsed.” Do yourself and your children a favor and practice gradualation NOW!

K

im Hadley is currently the Vice-President for Finance and Administration at John Brown University and is the only woman on the President’s Cabinet. She is a doctoral student at Anderson University, but by the time this article prints, she will have successfully defended her dissertation becoming Dr. Kim Hadley. She is the proud mom of two and a devoted wife.

Elizabeth Stone said about motherhood, “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

The first time I heard the Elizabeth Stone quote about motherhood was nearly 10 years ago from my colleague, Kim Hadley. At the time, Kim and I were faculty in the College of Business at John Brown University, but we were in different life stages: Kim was a mom with elementary-aged children and I was a fresh-out-of-graduate school young professional who was not yet a mom. I could tell the way her eyes teared up when she shared this quote with me that motherhood was sacred to

The Dalai Mama

The

F-Word

(not that one, the other one... Feminist) by: Kristin Hvizda Deep thoughts (well not that deep) on life as a mom, wife, and transplant in NWA

The “F-word” and how to incorporate it into your parenting

S

ome people hear the “F-word” and immediately shut down, but the “F-word” doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s actually pretty awesome. No, not that “F-word,” the other one… feminist.

Identifying as a feminist has become almost taboo in some circles. The word may conjure stereotypical images of man-hating, angry women with hairy armpits and buzz cuts, but this is not the typical embodiment. We have feminists all around us, even right here in Northwest Arkansas. The teacher who has equal standards for boy and girl students alike, the father who raises his daughter to believe she can accomplish ANYTHING, or the stay-at-home mother of two who is literally “barefoot and pregnant”... because she wants to be. Dare I say it, maybe even you? That’s right, you might be a feminist and not even know it.

Do you think women should have the same economic, political and social rights as men?

Well, then you are by definition a feminist.

Congratulations, and welcome to the club.

Since when did feminism get such a bad reputation, anyway? After all, the feminist movement is responsible for just a few tiny undertakings on behalf of all women, such as securing the right to vote, work outside the home, own property and divorce (No biggie.) Modern feminists continue to fight for equality, yet sometimes it can seem like a thankless job. Some people even assume a feminist’s work is done. That things are already equal, or even more inaccurately, that the pendulum has swung the opposite way toward favoritism for women. Some argue that we’ve become a society of political correctness and, with the institution of affirmative action and anti-discrimination policies, women now have the upper hand (Hilarious, I know.) However, those of us with a feminist eye, see misogyny every day. We see it in a magazine ad where a fully clothed man is draped with a naked woman, in our paychecks that are 21% less than our male counterparts, or the options geared toward little girls in the toy aisle. We see it in the line of questioning for rape victims, the sexualization of little girls and domestic abuse statistics. Needless to say, we still have a long way to go.

Although I wanted to put my career on hold and become a stay-at-home mom, part of me felt like a sellout when it actually happened. I had this voice in my head that insisted I was less of a feminist if I chose to leave the workforce and work solely in the home. I felt like if I wasn’t out actively fighting for equal rights or achieving success in my male-dominated career, I wasn’t making enough of an impact on the movement. Soon enough, though, I came to the realization that feminism isn’t only expressed by women in high powered careers trying to break the glass ceiling.

Rather, it is embodied by any person who makes a choice for themselves based on their own personal interests, wants and needs, rather than out of some preconceived notion of what it is to be a woman

or a man. Feminism is the choice. So, even if your choice is to leave the workforce, have a bunch of little ones and cook dinner every night, you can still be a pretty bad-A feminist.

So, where do we as (stay-at-home) parents have the capacity to make the most impact on the

future of women’s rights? The short answer: our children. We actually have the power to cultivate a new generation who doesn’t maintain the status quo. How you ask? Well, it’s insanely complicated but also painfully simple. You can start by showing your kids that everyone is equal by (here’s the catch) treating everyone equally yourself.

Embrace some of the following tips on how to raise the next generation of equals: 1. Let there be dolls Children should have the right to choose their own interests, hobbies, sports, clothes, toys, etc. based on their personal interests, rather than a predetermined view of what is appropriate for their gender. So your son plays with dolls and your daughter never wears bows – let them!

Don’t force them to live by the constraints of our society’s gender norms. They’ll feel that pressure soon enough from their peers and outside world.

Instead, instill the confidence for them to be able to stand up to others, who may try to inhibit them later in life.

2. Watch what you say “You throw like a girl,” “Don’t cry like a little girl,” “Man up,” –news flash– these types of phrases are sexist! Doing something like a girl should not be used as a means to insult someone. What message is that sending to your son or daughter?

I’ll tell you, it’s an overtly negative message. It says to do anything like a girl, including actually being a girl, is a flaw, a weakness, a defect. It implies that boys aren’t allowed to have emotions, let alone express them.

3. Embrace Diversity It’s important that children see not all families are built the same. Not all mothers stay at home with their children, not all fathers work outside the home, not all families have a mother and father. Children tend to make generalizations based on their own experiences. Let them see that your family is not representative of all families.

There is so much diversity in our world, and being exposed to it is the key to breaking down barriers, dismantling stereotypes and building a mutual respect for people’s differences.

Turn the page ...

4. Separate but Equal (in a good way) Children should see that mom and dad make decisions together.

Neither the man nor the woman is the sole head of the household.

Instead, it is a partnership where both contribute, communicate and make decisions as a team.

6. Backhanded Compliments It’s not a crime to say your daughter is pretty, but make a change if that seems to be the only consistent compliment you’re giving her. Yes, even too many compliments about appearance could cause a complex later in life. Boys need to be told they’re sweet just as much as girls need to be told they’re strong. Open your repertoire of adjectives and separate them from the gender categories we’ve been conditioned to believe they apply to.

5. Don’t shame It is so important to be conscious of bodytalk. Don’t make disparaging statements about your body, other people’s bodies, or, God forbid, your child’s body.

Adolescent girls and boys have a hard enough time gaining confidence in their bodies without the added pressure of their parent’s expectations, which very often are shaped by traditional gender norms. Commenting on people’s bodies reduces them to just that: a body that is yours to have an opinion on. Guess what, you don’t get an opinion. People aren’t there to visually please you. Shocking, but true. Being body-talk conscious helps to end the objectification of women and men that is so prevalent.

7. Emotionally In-tune Both boys and girls should be encouraged to be in touch with their own feelings and emotions. Though, it’s not enough to encourage children to explore their own emotions, but also for them to explore how others feel as a result of their actions. This takes practice and needs to start young. Having the capacity to recognize and validate the emotions of one’s self as well as others is an invaluable tool.

8. Your body = your right Don’t force your kids to hug or kiss people if they don’t want to. They should be in charge of their bodies from a young age and be able to set any boundaries that they see fit. It sends the wrong message if we make them do things with their body they are uncomfortable with just to make another person happy. This lesson will serve them well later in life.

“non-compliant.” But what The subtle indoctrination of “If it would destroy if we allow our boys to be sexism and patriarchy start a 12-year-old boy to be sweet and nice and our girls early, and are often learned called a girl, what are to be wild and curious? What from our caregivers. From the happens when we remove the moment we are brought home we then teaching expectations and let our children from the hospital, the gender him about girls?” just be? We as parents are in a role expectations are thrust upon unique position to begin changing the us. Under all the pink, ruffles, bows, – Tony Porter script and erase the sexist undertones princess themes, tutus, blue, denim, that influence our children (at least in our miniature bow ties, sports themes and homes). We are, after all, shaping the gender sneakers are little humans with no interest roles and expectations of the next generation. in any of it. Little girls are supposedly “sugar Let’s embrace the “f-word” and campaign for and spice and everything nice,” while their male counterparts are infamously “wild,” “curious,” and equality... beginning in our homes.

At a

Glance

The Elizabeth Richardson Center (Pg. 33) (479) 441-4420 (Fayetteville) Mathnasium (Pg. 57) (479) 657-3000 The New School (Pg. 25) thenewschool.org (479) 521-7037 Super Science (Pg. 19) (479) 444-0303 www.super-sci.com Trike Theatre (Pg. 35) (479) 464-5084 www.triketheatre.org

FAMILY FUN / ENTERTAINMENT ARTS and MUSIC Crystal Bridges (Pg. 15) (479) 418-5700 crystalbridges.org Kindermusik (Pg. 69) (479) 636-5566 School of Rock (Pg. 43) (479) 936-8838 Trike Theatre (Pg. 35) (479) 464-5084 triketheatre.org

BANKS First Security (Pg. 41) www.fsbank.com; www.onlyinark.com

CHILDCARE/NANNY SERVICES ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 53) (479) 202-5691 abchappykids.com Better Beginnings (Pg. 70) (800) 445-3316 arbetterbeginnings.com Mary’s Little Lambs Preschool (Pg. 55) (479) 273-1011

CHURCH CrossChurch (Pg. 7) crosschurch.com/peekaboo

DENTIST Dr. Nick DDS (Pg. 47) (479) 876-8000 DrNickDDS.com Pediatric Dental Associates and Orthodontics (479) 582-0600 (Pg. 21) Smile Shoppe Pediatric Dentistry (Pg. 12) (479) 631-6377 Rogers

DERMATOLOGY / SKIN CARE Advanced Dermatology / Skin Care Center (479) 268-3555 (Pg. 65) NWA Center for Plastic Surgery (Pg. 2) (479) 571-3100 nwacenterforplasticsurgery.com

EDUCATION/TRAINING Aloha (Pg. 66) (479) 426-3419 alohamindmath.com

72 June 2016

Crystal Bridges (Pg. 15) (479) 418-5700 Fast Lane Entertainment (Pg. 51) (479) 659-0999 www.fastlanebowl.com Fayetteville Public Library (Pg. 55) www.faylib.org/summer Princess Party Palace NWA (Pg. 24) princesspartypalacenwa.com Rogers Historical Museum (Pg. 45) (479) 621-1154 Starlight Skatium (Pg. 57) (479) 444-STAR Super Science (Pg. 19) (479) 444-0303 www.super-sci.com Trike Theatre (Pg. 35) (479) 464-5084 www.triketheatre.org Xtreme Best Jumpz (Pg. 68) (479) 466-8481

FITNESS/SPORTS ATA (Pg. 4) Bentonville: (479) 273-1212 Fayetteville: (479) 443-5425 FreeRide Studio (Pg. 67) freeridestudio.com (479) 802-6245 Rogers Activity Center (Pg. 13) (479) 631-0336

FOOD / DRINK TCBY (Pg. 3) (479) 636-8229 (TCBY)

HAIRCUTS Pigtails and Crewcuts (Pg. 36) (479) 935-4121

HEALTH AND WELLNESS Northwest Primary Care (Pg. 8-9) nw-physicians.com Tate HealthCare (Pg. 64, 73) (479) 271-6511 www.tatehealthcare.com

HOUSE/YARD Natural State Treehouses (Pg. 37) (479) 387-0701

To advertise and become a part of the Peekaboo Family email: editor@peekaboonwa.com

JEWELRY AND GIFTS David Adams (Pg. 53) davidadams.com (479) 444-7778

LEARNING CENTER ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 53) (479) 621-6126 www.abchappykids.com The Elizabeth Richardson Center (Pg. 33) (479) 443-4420 (Fayetteville)

MARTIAL ARTS ATA (Pg. 4) Bentonville: (479) 273-1212 Fayetteville: (479) 443-5425

OPTOMETRIST Pediatric Vision Development Center (Pg. 18) nwavisiontherapy.com (479) 795-1411

PEDIATRICIAN Bentonville Pediatric Clinic (Pg. 40) (479) 273-5437 Best Start Pediatric Clinic (Pg. 29) (479) 575-9359 Friendship Pediatric Services (Pg. 50) (479) 524-2458 Siloam Springs Living Tree Pediatrics (Pg. 74) (479) 282-2966 Northwest Arkansas Family Medicine & Obstetrics (Pg. 35) (479) 282-2737

PLASTIC SURGEON NWA Center for Plastic Surgery (Pg. 2) (479) 571-3100 www.nwacenterforplasticsurgery.com

PRESCHOOL/ PRE-K ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 53) (479) 621-6126 www.abchappykids.com Friendship Pediatric Services (Pg. 50) Lowell: (479) 770-0744 Siloam Springs: (479) 524-2465 West Fork: (479) 839-3359 Mary’s Little Lambs Preschool (Pg.55) (479) 273-1011 The New School (Pg. 25) thenewschool.org

RELAY SERVICE Arkansas Relay (Pg. 11) arkansasrelay.com

THERAPY ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 53) (479) 621-6126 www.abchappykids.com Children’s Therapy T.E.A.M (Pg. 63) www.childrenstherapyteam.com The Elizabeth Richardson Center (Pg. 33) (479) 443-4420 (Fayetteville) Friendship Pediatric Services (Pg. 50) Lowell: (479) 770-0744

Siloam Springs: (479) 524-2465 West Fork: (479) 839-3359 Tate HealthCare (Pg. 64, 73) (479) 271-6511

WOMEN’S HEALTH Birth Center NWA (Pg. 58) (479) 372-4560 bcnwa.com Northwest Arkansas Family Medicine & Obstetrics (Pg. 35) (479) 282-2737 Northwest Women’s Health Associates (Pg. 75) (479) 553-2525 Parkhill Clinic for Women (Pg. 69) (479) 521-4433 parkhillclinic.com Siloam Springs Women’s Center (Pg. 71) (479) 524-9312 siloamwomenscenter.com Willow Creek Hospital (Pg. 5) (479) 684-3035