November 2014 by Peekaboo

Peekaboo Free Magazine

NOVEMBER 2014

Annual

Adoption Issue Unconditional Love An Adoption Story

Dilly Dally’s Holiday Gift Guide

Northwest Arkansas’ Family Magazine

Happy Thanksgiving from Dr.Stacey and staff

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the PEEKABOO family Kimberly Enderle

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Peekaboo Publications, PO Box 1036, Bentonville, Arkansas 72712 Peekaboo Northwest Arkansas accepts writing contributions. Please send inquiries to: editor@peekaboonwa.com or call (479) 586-3890 Peekaboo may not be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Views expressed herein are those of the authors and advertisers, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the magazine.

Peekaboo nwa W h at ’ s I n s i d e | N OV E M B E R | 2 0 1 4 14 Zero to Three In Less Than a Year by: Alex Fittin

22 When Love Wins by: Erin Kennedy

The Jenkins Family

24 Adoption Story by: Katie Jenkins

28 Fostering Love by: Kim Ginn

32 Girls On the Run by: Pam Forester

34 Overcoming Obstacles by:Kristen I Speer, LPC

36 God Gave Me His Words by: Tami Cogar

44 Pray For Ruth

by: Tiffany Hansen

50 A Mother’s Love by: Kelsey Eursery

52 Kaylin’s Story Double Duty: Tips from the

54 Trenches for Moms of Twins by: Rhonda Franz An Open Heart

56 by: Amanda Elsea 58 Halloween Costume Contest at The Party Place by: Jennifer Cristofaro

60 Dad’s View

with Ben Lacy

64 Mompreneur Spotlight: Mary’s Little Sweets by: Loria Oliver

66 Unconditional Love: An Adoption Story by: Meg Meredith

70 Fibroids

by: Jason Hart, MD

72 Girls’ Night Out at Imagine Studios by: Kim Enderle

o n t h e c ov e r Ravian, 16, Jonathan, 9, Gracie, 7. Children of Charles and Kim Ginn of Rogers. Cover Photo by: Sweet Portrayal Photography

www.sweetportrayalphotography.com

ast month’s letter from the editor had one of the biggest responses we’ve seen at Peekaboo to date. Readers sent notes thanking me for opening up and showing the “real” side of life. That is exactly why I started Peekaboo-to be an honest example of life’s beautiful chaos, instead of presenting a glossy cover-up. Yet, over the years I have found myself becoming a bit laxed in my “realness.” Each month, I was asking parents to be real, and to take the great with the not-so-great moments, but I didn’t want to admit to myself that I didn’t always follow that advice. When it came to keeping up with appearances, I found myself relentlessly overacheiving. I would clean the house hours before anyone would come over, even the dishwasher repairman was no exception--because, of course, there could never be a dirty dish in the dishwasher... how embarrassing! Through all my diligent work on appearing to have it all figuted out I still found myself frustrated, and even a little envious, when I saw other moms who seemed to have all their ducks in a straight and narrow row. After all, I had to work extra hard to seem that way, and I had to be the only one who it didn’t come naturally to, right? Wrong. I have begun to realize just how hard it is to “keep up all of these appearances.” The truth is, when you see my family of 5 out and about, you are most likely going to see a messy restaurant table with a spoon or two flying across the room, because a baby does what a baby wants to do. You might see a shoeless little boy running to the bathroom with me chasing behind him, reminding him to please, please not touch the toilet seat and to wash his hands, for goodness’

12 November 2014

photo credit: Created For You Photography

sake! I can also guarantee there will be at least one fight among the three little ones at some point. Yes, my kids might not always say “please” and “thank you” like I would want them to, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have it together. When you become a mom, the definition of “having it together” changes drastically. With each new baby the degree of leniency increases. So, since I have three, I’m pretty sure that means my tenure includes mismatched socks, a shirt on backwards, and a rainsoaked family--because remembering a single umbrella would just make things too easy. If you have figured out the key to perfect parenthood, then kudos to you, but, until I do, I am going to try not to hide the perfect imperfections of this phase in our lives. The messes, chaos, and embarrassing moments are what create the stories we tell later. A life full of quiet meals, clean floors, and peaceful evenings just means personalities are dampened, toys haven’t been played with, and epic moments are missed. I will take my memorable moments over boring ones any day.

Zero to Three In Less Than a Year By ALEX Fittin

here was a secret we had been keeping--one our families and close friends knew, but not many others. Sure, if people had asked, we probably would’ve told them, but we for sure weren’t going around shouting it from the rooftops. “Why?” you ask? Because, by normal people standards, we are the crazy ones. My husband and I are out of the box, circle, triangle, you name it... or so we’re told, anyway. We’re riding the crazy train and you know what? We’re loving every minute of it. Let me start from the beginning. Bryan and I have been married for two years, four months, and twenty-three days. Not long in the grand scheme of things. Better yet, we’ve only known each other for about four years--also not all that long. Even

14 November 2014

though we’re basically still newlyweds, we’ve decided to make a couple of giant life changes early on in our marriage. The first of these is probably the least surprising: having a baby. While it isn’t right on track with our plan, it’s pretty close. As I’m writing this, I am in my third trimester and due on or before, and hopefully not after, December 15th. It’s a boy and, aside from the many woes of pregnancy-and there are many, I’ve learned--we are very excited. The second giant leap is that, instead of expanding our family to three, we’re willingly becoming outnumbered as adults and growing by three more. That’s zero to three little Fittins in less than a year, for those of you keeping track. But wait! It gets better! In addition to becoming a family of five, we’re messing up birth order and the laws of biology (in more ways than one) by focusing on adopting mostly minority older children and teens. As a twenty-four year old, I look forward to the puzzled looks I’ll get in the grocery store as people figure out that I would have been around the age of eleven when my kids entered the world. Adoption has always been on our radar and an ultimate plan for our family. I think that it was around our second date when I dropped the “Oh, hey, I hope you’re cool with adoption if this works out...” bomb. Thankfully, Bryan was super on board. On top of wanting to adopt in the first place, I’ve always had a heart for a certain type:--taking in older kids and sibling groups; the ones who usually struggle the most because they are the ones who are hardest to be adopted. I hate thinking that they will age out of the foster care system with no forever family. This is not

“

God usually doesn’t speak to me in sweet whispers and precious moments like He does with some of my peers... what I do feel is an indescribable urgency and conviction to run full speed ahead.

rare; it happens every single day. This is something Bryan was also interested in. However, I always prayed Bryan would not just be on board, but that it would be his thing, too. I mean, there is that whole “spiritual leader of our family” factor. I knew my wish had come true when I came home from work one day (pre-pregnancy), and he had submitted our general inquiry and filled out some basic paperwork to get us started... Completely out of the blue. Yeah, God seems to have known what he was doing with us. We did a lot of praying, talking, blog-reading, and driving other adoption families nuts with questions. We wanted to know about birth order effect, what our timing should look like, and if we should adopt before or after our first biological child. Our answers were a lot of silence and mixed signals. This craziness is pretty common with me, actually. God usually doesn’t speak to me in sweet whispers and precious moments like He does with some of my peers. I never “feel led,” necessarily. What I do feel is an indescribable urgency and conviction to run full speed ahead at a goal or mission until God slams that door closed and (usually much later than I’d like) gives me peace about standing still for a minute. Bryan loves this about me. You can ask him, and he’ll tell you, with a laugh, how adorable it is when my anal-retentive, logical mind turns into irrational mush when I “feel led.”

”

Usually, I’m the predictable one. I thrive on logic, consistency, and routines. I am the poster child for Type-A. Those are my people. Knowing this, one could see how it would be entirely out of character for me to make a really out-there decision and run with it, but that’s my thing. It’s where my husband and I switch roles. I get a taste of his spontaneity and he finds out what it’s like to have a panic attack because “Oh my gosh, that was so not the plan!” So, in this silence, we decided to just wait it out until we felt like we weren’t supposed to wait anymore. By “decided,” I mean we just sort of dropped it for the time being, assuming when the time was right, we would know it. Upon finding out I was pregnant, we loosely decided we would wait to start the adoption process until the beginning of 2015, assuming it would take about a year. This was a the logical, ‘normal people’ decision, since our child would have been born by then, and our sleep cycles would be normalizing, so it wouldn’t be so unheard of to bring more kids into our world. Flash forward to early pregnancy, where we were still just, you know, waiting and stuff, when I felt that everfamiliar conviction and urgency. I was scrolling through Facebook at work one day,

[ story continued next page ]

and a photo listing for Project Zero rolled through my feed. If you’re not familiar with this awesome nonprofit, then please let me remedy that. They bring awareness of waiting children, usually older kids and sibling groups, to families in Arkansas.

what we do? Do they really believe we are so naive to think this will be a cake walk?” I realized very quickly that my reaction came from a place of hurt. As a person who too deeply merits validation from others, I needed positive reinforcement that we were doing the right thing. It was hard not to get indignant and want to point all of them to the multitude of Bible verses commanding us as Christians to care for the least of these. How could they not see the need, and much worse, discourage us from looking at it, too?

This was nothing new; I saw their stuff all the time. The smiling, heartbreaking faces of kids who desired deeply to be loved forever always move me. Always. I always said to myself that we were waiting. Until that day, when a photo of two brothers popped up. They were different. They were important to me somehow. Our friends on social media got a clue I took a screenshot of them about our secret when my husband Bryan and “jokingly” (but not really) sent it to Bryan with posted this photo with the caption: the text “I want them.” Bryan, who, if you remember is usually all too willing to jump into the logical shoes I’ve abandoned, and never takes off running in them without carefully considering where he is going, replies “Let’s do it.”

“Adoption Training Day 1! Wish us luck!”

Our next steps involved a whirlwind of emails and calls to our attorney, who happens to also be my mom; Christie, the co-founder and director of Project Zero; the boys’ adoption specialist, DHS, and the directors of The CALL in NWA. Full speed ahead! Our next few months involved an initial home visit with our DCFS resource worker (who we love! Seriously, NWA is blessed with awesome DHS workers!), lots more emails and phone calls, filling out every form in the history of the world, becoming CPR certified, and, most recently, the completion of 30 hours of training. Just to put things into perspective, this is about 85% of the process. We have only two steps left: a home study with a licensed social worker and a final walk-through to ensure we’ve done all of the fun things to our house, like baby-proofing the dishwasher detergent and locking up our butcher block. DCFS doesn’t play around with safety, y’all! This long but worthwhile process has also involved us learning a powerful lesson: Not everyone will be supportive of us and what we’re doing. My first reaction to the unsupportive comments we received from our shocked friends and acquaintances was: anger. “Why do they care anyway? This isn’t their family. How could she say that to someone she doesn’t even know very well?” “What gives him the right to have an opinion about

Instead of standing on a soapbox, we just stopped talking about it. We didn’t tell people unless they asked, and we certainly didn’t broadcast it on any social media. I was tired of crossing names off the list of people we could depend on when the going was sure to get tough.

The best part of training to me was no one seemed to think we were crazy, or out of the box, or wrong. No one batted an eye to the fact I was 7+ months pregnant and working toward opening our home for concurrent planning foster care. As we introduced ourselves, we made a joke about how we were apparently insane to be doing this, and, to our delight, no one seemed to get the joke. It validated us that we were following God’s lead here. The amount of encouragement and strengthening we received in those 30 hours is priceless, and having a ridiculously sore butt after sitting for that long was worth it. We might not get those two brothers, and I really am okay with that. Whether they are our kids or someone else’s, God used them to strike that ever-familiar fire under our feet and get Bryan and me running. I hope we can provide a forever home for them. We already love them so much. Whatever the case and whomever God decides to put in our forever family, I pray continually He will give me peace about whatever direction His opening and closing of doors leads us.

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When Love Wins W

e were high school sweethearts when we first starting talking about adoption. I was 16, Zach was 17, but we talked about our future child as if it was already done. By 19 we were married, and at 20 I was pregnant… with twins. They were born a few days after college graduation and life sped along quickly. Before they turned two, we had another little one in our arms. The adoption conversation was always there, waiting for us it seemed. We weren’t sure when or how, but we were positive God had placed adoption on our hearts. We were certain Africa was the place where our child was waiting, and Ethiopia was one of the few African nations that allowed international adoption. There were so many obstacles in front of us. We already had three small children and my time, resources, patience, and energy were already running thin. After many conversations and hours spent in prayer, we made our decision. We had an extra seat in the minivan and more than enough love to have another child. The process was one of the wildest roller coaster rides I have ever been on. I had so many fears as we waited for the referral phone call. What if he didn’t fit in with our family? What if I didn’t have enough of myself to go around? Would he love me? Would I love him? Would we all bond? Would the rest of our family accept him? Then the day we had waited so long for finally came. The moment I saw his picture I knew my life would never be the same. I couldn’t wait to get that sweet boy in my arms. My child was across the world, and I couldn’t get him here fast enough. My Story by Erin Kennedy Photo (center): Alana Denise Damron

22 November 2014

heart ached as the process drew out longer and longer. The day we had waited for with so much anticipation was the day our case was going to court in Ethiopia. That afternoon I received a phone call telling me our case was not heard in court and, for reasons they could not explain at the moment, all cases from our agency were put on hold until an investigation was completed. To be honest, I was unsure if we would ever really get to bring him home. I spent hour after hour reading Internet posts and listening to conference calls trying to find any tiny glimmer of hope. I knew my son had to come home. He was ours and he belonged in our arms. My heart ached. Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. In the waiting, you learn life doesn’t always fall into place exactly like you’ve planned. In 2008 we traveled to Ethiopia to bring home 9 month old Addis Zachary Yeabsera Kennedy. I was not sure what was in store for us, but somehow I knew the day we brought him home it was not the end of the story. Our journey was only beginning. Over the next few years, we would learn firsthand the reality of the words embroidered on my husband’s Converse hight tops… “Love Wins.” Getting the privilege to be Addis’s mom did not come without its share of struggle. Four children under the age of four were exhausting, but I loved every minute of it. Bonding with Addis was both natural and intentional. When we returned home, I had three little ones that missed me while we were in Ethiopia and a lot of family

and friends that were eager to help with the newest addition to our family. I immediately realized I was going to have to step up and be the one to care for his needs, like bath time and bottles, so our hearts could connect. It wasn’t going to happen magically without intentionality. As the weeks and months went on, we saw those around us becoming interested in adoption and orphan care. It was so exciting to see others sharing in this passion! Our hearts were so invested in Africa we desired to do anything we could for the orphaned children around the world. After spending time in Ethiopia, I wanted our children to be raised with a global perspective. I wanted to help them develop a heart to serve and love people regardless of nationality or income. Within our first year home with Addis, Zach had this crazy idea to take our four small children to Malawi, Africa to do a reality TV show about our family starting an orphanage there. Our church had partnered with another nonprofit organization to build an orphanage and needed an American family on the ground to get it up and running. Our job would be to hire workers and begin filling the orphanage with children. Before I knew it, we were on a plane to a remote village in Malawi. I can honestly say I had no idea what was about to happen in my world. The months in Malawi were more difficult than I could have ever imagined. We were in the middle of nowhere and had only one other American family in the area. Days were more than challenging. It took all day to prepare for dinner We had an each night. Going extra seat in the to the market minivan and and boiling water more than enough made mealtime an all-day affair. We love to have never had warm another child. water and were lucky to have water at all. Living in a concrete box with no comforts of home was challenging. On top of that, having a video camera in my face at all times to document the journey was invasive. I felt alone and isolated. The sadness and pain that surrounded us was eating away at my heart. Death was all too common in the village, and we spent our days driving the sick and dying to the hospital with open wounds and unknown illnesses. I had a hard time processing what I was experiencing and feeling. The months in Malawi stirred up so many things from my past that I had never dealt with. I became deeply depressed and so full of anxiety and panic that I couldn’t sleep at all. I began losing weight and my hair was falling out. It was quickly turning into the darkest time I had ever faced. When we returned

home, things didn’t get much better. In fact, I found myself unable to function at all. The anxiety was overwhelming, and my closet was one of the few places I felt safe. I was falling apart. This began a 5-year journey of struggle in our marriage that was miserable, heartbreaking, inspiring, and beautiful. By the grace of God we walked one step at a time through the mess that lay before us. Healing was not going to come easy. Tears, counseling, more tears, and more counseling… talking about my stuff was incredibly painful but I wasn’t going to lose my family and my life. There was no way for my husband to understand the depths of pain I walked through, but he never left my side. Even when I pushed him away, he stayed in the fight for our marriage and for our children. I wish I could point to one moment or decision that turned things around for me, but that isn’t my story. My story is about the millions of small moments when I chose to take another step towards truth, hope, and love. Along the way, I started the Master’s program at John Brown University and completed a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy to help others survive the mess of life as well. My husband and I now speak openly about our own struggles so others will know marriage is hard and, while the pain of life can be destructive, love wins.

The Jenkins Family Adoption Story

by : Katie Jenkins

ur story starts off like many others. As college sweethearts, we married young and thoroughly enjoyed our first few married years together. We were in no rush to have children, but looked forward with great anticipation to the day that we would become parents. We both loved children and spent our early married years volunteering at church camps, vacation Bible schools, and mission trips, as well as babysitting, teaching Sunday school classes, and getting our teaching licenses. Even though we hadn’t had any children of our own yet, children were a source of great joy in our lives.

a sense of urgency, knowing that it can take years to process an adoption. We received so many pamphlets and packets in the mail, and the information was overwhelming. We researched international adoptions and domestic adoptions. All the while, questions raced through our minds: How could we afford this? Would anyone choose us? What if we got started on an adoption and it fell through? I remember feeling confused, defeated, and rejected. All we wanted was to be parents and we knew that there were kids out there that needed us! Why did it have to be so hard?

Unfortunately, our story of infertility is also similar to many others. We will never forget the day that our doctor told us we would likely never have biological children, and that even if we could get pregnant, my uterus could not support the growth of a child. How could this be our story? How could this be God’s plan? We knew he had given us the spiritual gifts necessary to be great parents, so why would we not be able to use them? We had spent years teaching, mentoring, and witnessing to other parents’ children and now our hearts were broken. You grow up and plan your future, thinking about how many kids you’ll have and what you’ll name them, etc. Nobody thinks, “What if I can’t have kids?”

The course of our lives changed forever one day when I was talking to a friend, being completely transparent about my brokenness. She listened and asked me that day if we had ever considered becoming foster parents. We hadn’t. She happened to be a school counselor and knew that the need for foster parents in our area was huge. We had no idea. I truly believe that foster care is one of those things that is out of sight, out of mind. We had always just assumed that someone else was doing it, honestly. We started researching and found a training to attend. As we began our training, we learned that the need for more foster parents was overwhelming, the pain that children in our area were experiencing was frightening, and our desire to provide a safe and loving home--no matter for how long--was rapidly increasing.

We had always been open to the idea of adopting a child, but now we started researching and attending informational meetings with new dedication. I felt

The day we completed our certification, we agreed that we should start slowly with one or, at most, two children. That very night, we took in a sibling group

of three! That first group stayed with us for several months and still hold a special place in our hearts. Unbelievably, during that first placement, we became pregnant, which was amazing. However, we had just told our family and closest friends the news when we learned we had lost the baby at about 7 weeks. We were devastated. Over the next 3 years, children came and went. Some were adopted, some were united with other relatives, and some went home to their parents. All of these were reasons to rejoice. Reunification is the number one goal of foster care and we felt good about the way that God was providing for each of these children. These first few years were far from easy, but we learned more about ourselves, our marriage, and our faith than we ever dreamed possible. Foster care had become our passion and our ministry. We knew that we were doing what God had called us to do, but, in the back of our minds, we still wondered if we would ever really be “Mommy and Daddy” to someone. On September 16, 2011, we unknowingly started down the road to becoming just that. That day, we took in another sibling group of three. They were very young- 4 years old, 3 years old, and 18

months. We admitted that it would be a challenge to have so many little ones, but we were willing to try our best. We fell in love with these precious children immediately. Joy was a loving and giggly four-yearold with beautiful strawberry blonde hair. Grace was full of sass and spunk and could hold her own in a debate against anyone--at barely three! Joshua was quiet, but inquisitive and, although he didn’t speak for months, we knew he was wise. I can’t express the emotions that we felt so early on with these children, but we had loved and lost before. We knew that saying goodbye to children we had come to love was part of the commitment we made when we decided to become foster parents, but there’s always a little bit of fear in the back of your mind. We often hear others say, “I could never foster because I would get too attached,” or “I just couldn’t let them go.” Well, the truth is that we get attached, too, but we know that these children need to learn healthy love and attachment more than anyone. If that means we risk our own heartbreak, then we do so with the hope that even if they leave us some day, they have learned to recognize love and show it in return. We do our best to guard our hearts, but the future is so uncertain.

[ story continued next page ]

The Jenkins Family Adoption Story Although others still asked us if we would ever have our own child, or adopt, we felt confident that we had given our family to God and would trust His plan. About a month into loving on these new kids, their caseworker approached us and asked if we would consider adoption. Their family was not committed to making the necessary changes to be reunited with them. Our hearts soared. Could this finally be the family God had planned for us? Of course we said, “Yes!” We couldn’t imagine a more perfect family. But God wasn’t finished with us yet. We were amazed to find out a week later that we were once again pregnant! We weren’t even trying to have a baby! The years of medicines, procedures, and

We knew that we were doing what God had called us to do, but, in the back of our minds, we still wondered if we would ever really be “Mommy and Daddy” to someone. disappointment were long behind us. We had grieved the loss of biological babies and we were all right. We had three little kids now that we couldn’t imagine our life without. Could we meet their emotional, physical, and financial needs with a new baby? Would this baby even make it? Saying our emotions were all over the place would be an understatement, but how could we fear when God had given us four amazing blessings and carried us through every moment of pain and doubt? The process of adopting our three littles was long and delayed several times by unforeseen circumstances. You know, those ones about which everyone says, “Don’t worry, that NEVER happens.” Well, they all did. We had endless court dates and meetings with the Department of Human Services. We filled out paperwork for hours. The number of hoops that had to be jumped through seemed never-ending. In the meantime, I went through my first full pregnancy with three toddlers/preschoolers at home. In June of 2012,

26 November 2014

our years of prayers were answered and I gave birth to Amelia Praise, a healthy, beautiful baby girl. Months passed, years passed. Court dates were scheduled. Court dates were pushed back. Parental rights were terminated. Appeals were filed. The adoption process was dragging on and on, hitting every possible bump in the road. But, on April 24, 2014, after years of waiting and praying, we legally became a ‘Forever Family’ of 6. Romans 5:3-5 says, “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” We have learned the truth of this passage the hard way. There were many times in our journey where the suffering seemed almost overwhelming, where confusion reigned and doubt covered our minds like a blanket. However, through those struggles, God produced in us a beautiful thing; hope. We believe that God was faithful in our hope to have a family, and that every single situation unfolded perfectly according to His timing. We believe that God brought every child that walked through our door into our home for a reason, and we have hope that their lives have been changed for the better. Finally, we believe that God has a plan for every child still in foster care today, and we have hope that others will answer the call and become foster parents. It has been nearly 6 months since the adoption now, and our house is constant chaos. At 7, 6, 4, and 2, our children have a seemingly endless supply of energy and an equally endless supply of love for us and for each other. Amelia would be lost without her older siblings, and they are equally smitten with her. There are days when they fight. There are days when I yell. There are days when getting everyone out the door and to school on time seems impossible. But every single day I am blessed by them and amazed that our dreams of family have come so perfectly true. To contact Katie email: joshankatie@ yahoo.com or www.thecallinarkansas.org for more info on becoming a foster parent.

Love

F o s t e r i n g Sto ry a n d P h oto by K i m G i n n

Foster care is something I have wanted to participate in ever since I met my husband’s mother. She is a single woman, a special education teacher, and has been a foster parent to countless children over the years. She has given a home, though temporary, to so many children needing love, care, and gentle guidance. The need for foster parents is so great that her house is always full. The impact she has had on the children she cares for is immeasurable-–whether it is nurturing them and teaching them life skills to prepare to go back to their birth parents or giving them the transition they need before being adopted by the perfect family. When my husband and I got married, we planned to foster before or instead of having our own children. God had different plans for us, though, and our first child, Jonathan, was born while my husband was in medical school. Our daughter, Gracie, was born three years later. Parenting was more of a challenge than we had expected. It wasn’t until we moved to Arkansas in 2010 and Jonathan started kindergarten that we discovered he was on the autism spectrum. Unfortunately, whenever you get an autism diagnosis, you don’t get a manual that makes you automatically understand how to deal with your child. You also don’t have any idea what your child is going to be like over the next month or year, much less over the next 15 years. We felt pretty lost on how to parent our child and, like many parents, we questioned our capabilities. Having a special needs child made the idea of having more children seem unlikely. Not only were there studies that showed a strong genetic component in autism but, by this time, our confidence in our parenting skills was definitely lacking. Besides, what impact would adding another child have on the two we already had? We could already see Jonathan’s social struggles having an effect on Gracie. She looked up to him and learned from him—both the good and bad behaviors. Having another child, biological or foster, would not make things any easier. If we had problems parenting our own kids, how could we even think about parenting other people’s children? Still, whenever my mother-in-law, or “Grandma,” as all the kids call her, would bring her van full of foster children over for a birthday party or family gathering, I would wish we could do something for one of them

28 November 2014

or children like them. One girl in particular I had met when we had Gracie’s third birthday party. She was 11 years old, thin, with short hair, and big, beautiful eyes—friendly and outgoing. Her name was Ravian. I remember loving her personality from that first day I met her. We saw her several more times at family gatherings where the adults would catch up while

the children played. I told my husband at home that I wished we could foster her, but we didn’t dwell on the thought too long, as we knew where our focus needed to be at that time. About a year after we first met her, my mother-in-law came over for another party, this time without Ravian. She’d gone back to live with her dad. I missed her, but I knew I needed to be happy for her. Meanwhile, we were working through things with Jonathan. He entered special education classes at school and speech and occupational therapy outside of school. I attended classes and read books to try to learn more about his condition and how to work through his issues. Some days, I could see him improving. Other days, I wondered if I was just being overly optimistic. It was only about a year after Ravian went to live with her dad that she came back into foster care and was again living with my mother-in-law. It was sad that things didn’t work out with her dad, but I knew that my mother-in-law’s house was a great place for her to be. The little girl I had daydreamed of fostering or adopting. though, was becoming a teenager. She still seemed like the same sweet and positive girl I had met a couple of years before... comfortable around adults, funny and uninhibited. I hoped she would stay with Grandma for a long time. I would ask my mother-inlaw often what the plans were for Ravian... if she was going to go back with her family, or something else. Usually, we just had to wait and see what the courts decided. In the spring of 2013, however, Grandma said that they were looking at finding permanent placement for her, which meant she would not be going back with her family. I wanted so badly to volunteer right then and there to have her come and live with us, but I knew it would be a long shot to get my husband to agree. We had talked about it before, and we had decided that, given our family’s situation, we just weren’t the right people to foster a child, much less a teenager... cautionary tales of problematic teenagers run rampant. Nevertheless, upon hearing the news that Ravian needed permanent placement, I brought the subject up to my husband again. This time, he seemed more open to it than I had expected, but still somewhat hesitant. We knew Grandma’s house was a good place for kids to be and we didn’t want to disrupt that; however, I felt we could give something special to Ravian. She needed the stability of a family, she needed encouragement to see her strengths, and she needed social guidance as well... things all teenagers need. I felt like Ravian and I connected, and I felt she had an open heart. We prayed about it, and my husband agreed to broach the subject with his mom. Still unsure of our parenting skills, I think he halfway expected her to advise against it. Instead, his mom immediately called Ravian’s social worker to let her know we were interested in taking Ravian into our home.

Looking back, it happened so quickly that we didn’t have time to dwell on our inadequacies. Ravian spent a trial week with us and having her around seemed much easier than we had imagined... it seemed natural. My husband and I went through foster classes with The CALL, and then Ravian came to live with us permanently. Though it took Jonathan and Gracie a little while to get used to having her around, and Ravian had to get used to having younger siblings, she seemed to fit in perfectly with our family. A few months later, Ravian decided she wanted to be adopted—and we were thrilled! After what seemed like forever, the adoption was finalized on July 25th of this year. Initially, when I thought of fostering, I thought of doing something good—filling a void for someone, taking care of a child, helping to make a child’s life better... like a service or a sacrifice. I knew there was a great need for foster parents, and I wanted to do something to help. My goals with Ravian were and are to help her to become a strong woman of God, to help her desire to make the right choices in her life, to teach her to work hard to accomplish her goals, and to guide her to one day be a good wife and mother. I have wanted to give her all I can. Really what she has given me and our family is, unexpectedly, so much more. As I expressed earlier, we had our concerns about bringing a new child into our family and the effect it would have on our children, particularly Jonathan. Some families fear disturbing the birth order by fostering or adopting a child older than the ones they already have. It seems, though, that a birth order disruption is just what our family needed. Jonathan loves having a big sister! We have seen his social skills improve dramatically since Ravian has come into our family, so much so that he is transitioning out of the special education program. Ravian loves him as much as he loves her. He looks up to and values her opinions, and she is a great role model for him and for Gracie. Not only has Ravian’s presence been a blessing to our kids, but she has helped me and my husband as well. Her overall positivity, cheerfulness, and humor have been refreshing. I love spending time with her. She is one of my best friends. She makes us strive to be better parents. She is kind, intelligent--she has worked hard to become a straight A-student --creative, and funny. Those cautionary tales about teenagers, thus far, are foreign to us. We know we are blessed. We didn’t think we could be used in foster care since our own children had so many issues, we were too busy, and we needed to “take care of our own.” However, when God puts something on your heart, He does it for a reason. If we hadn’t taken that step of faith, I don’t know where Ravian would be now, and I know we would not have been blessed like we have been. I thank God everyday for entrusting us with all of our children, and I thank him that he can use us, no matter our situation.

Caroline is one of four children I have and fits right in the middle. Our family is unique because I am the mom of a daughter who has cerebral palsy and is a quadriplegic. Elizabeth is Caroline’s older sister by one year and requires full time care. I have often wondered if Caroline was made to grow up too quickly or even left out because of the time and attention Elizabeth requires. Over the years I noticed Caroline would rather play by herself or would often not jump in on family discussions over dinner but would rather eat and then go about whatever she was doing. It was hard to bring her out of that shell, but I assumed with time she would.

by: Pam Forester

hen Caroline first told me she wanted to join Girls on the Run, I must admit I had my doubts. As parents we tend to want to overprotect our children in areas we know are not their greatest strengths. For Caroline, running would most definitely fall under that category. However, she was adamant this was what she wanted, and reluctantly, I agreed.

32 November 2014

I remember Caroline coming home after her first day of Girls on the Run and for the first time she did not go straight to her room but rather stayed and told me all about what they had done. I quietly listened and would smile back and nod my head as she went on and on. Inside I was hoping this excitement would last well beyond the first day and she would not become discouraged. As the weeks went by, I began to notice changes in Caroline. She was more open with me about her day; she seemed to be interacting more with her siblings and was even asking if she could help me with Elizabeth by giving her medications to her, feeding her, and helping with bath time. I also noticed she was excited about going to school and would walk into the classroom with her head held high instead of staring at her feet as she made her way to her desk. A once shy, quiet, and inactive 9 year old little girl was blossoming into a social butterfly that had found confidence in herself and began to be proud of who she was. The transformation was amazing! Nike running shorts and Asics became her wardrobe of choice. She was asking to go to the gym with me and run on the treadmill, and she could keep up with me! My relationship with Caroline became stronger, and my time with her became invaluable. I had no idea how this amazing organization had managed to work so deeply not only in this little girl’s life but her mother’s as well. For a semester, Caroline worked very hard towards her goal of running a 5K with her peers. She was in training, and I loved every minute of it! She was eating healthier, paying attention to her workouts, and even getting our entire family more active. We spent our afternoons and evenings outside, and Caroline and her younger brother would run up and down our street until the sun would set. Even the darkness of the night wouldn’t bring her in; she would say the moonlight was all she needed to see. It was no surprise when the morning of the 5K was upon us, and Caroline was out of bed before dawn, dressed, and ready to run. I remember like it was yesterday. It was so very, very cold that morning. Our sweet nanny, Ashley, had agreed to run with Caroline since I was needed at home with

Elizabeth. I gave Caroline a hug and a kiss and wished her luck as they headed out. That morning I prayed Caroline would finish the 5K strong and know she, just a normal 9 year old second grader, had become so much more than just a runner. She was responsible for bringing our family closer and becoming more active. She had proven to herself she could do anything she wanted, but most importantly she taught me a lesson in which I am most appreciative. While all of my

children are different in every way, they each have strengths that without given the chance to build how will they ever know just how good they can be? It was humbling for me and something I will not soon forget. Caroline taught me this all because of Girls on the Run, an organization that teaches our girls so much more than running.

CELEBRATING 10 YEARS IN NORTHWEST ARKANSAS 10th Annual 5K & 10K Saturday, November 22nd | Downtown Bentonville Square 10 years, 20 program sessions, over 6,000 girls participating and lives changed . . . Girls on the Run ® of Northwest Arkansas continues to expand and make a difference in the lives of young girls in Benton and Washington County. What started as a group of only eight girls in 2004 has grown to reach the lives of over 6,000 girls and impact the lives of their family members, coaches, and volunteers. On Saturday, November 22, we celebrate 10 years of the program’s success and applaud the 853 girls who will cross the finish line that morning! After receiving their participation medals, the girls will celebrate their accomplishments with a post-race party hosted by Program Sponsor -Kellogg’s – Event Sponsors – Hershey’s and Celebrate Magazine – and other Sponsors. Everyone is invited to participate – women, men, girls and boys. Register today at gotrnwa.org. Packet pick-up will be held on Friday, November 21 from 3 to 8 p.m. at the Arvest Conference Center (corner of NW Main & Legion on the Bentonville Square). Timing chip distribution will be from 6 to 7:30 a.m. at the Arvest Conference Center on the morning of the race. The 10K race starts at 7 a.m., the 5K starts at 8 a.m., followed by awards and prizes. There will be no same day registration. New this year -- Girls on the Run® Merchandise including a 10th Anniversary Commemorative t-shirt will be available for purchase. All proceeds from the event will provide scholarship assistance for future program participants. Currently, Girls on the Run® of Northwest Arkansas provides scholarship assistance to 98% of the girls participating in the program from our community. Girls on the Run® is a life-changing, after school youth development program for girls in 3rd through 8th grade. Trained coaches volunteer their time, talent, and energy to guide and mentor the girls while teaching lessons through dynamic conversation-

based lessons and running games. Each session culminates with the girls being physically and emotionally prepared to complete a celebratory 5K event. Some run, some walk, some skip, but ALL keep moving forward to cross the finish line and complete their fitness goal. Our purpose is to help young girls take charge of their lives and define their future on their terms. No limits and no constraints, only opportunities to be remarkable. To volunteer, participate, or donate, please visit gotrnwa. org. Or email Suzanne Clinard, Executive Director, suzanne. clinard@girlsontherun.org or Amenda Lacy, Marketing, amenda.lacy@girlsontherun.org

Overcoming Obstacles W

hen we are overwhelmed, over worked, and exhausted from life’s demands, it’s often difficult to stop and see the many ways in which we can be encouraged and supported. As parents, educators, business leaders, friends, and employees, it takes forethought to approach our often exhausting lives with an attitude of gratitude. I encourage you to head into this holiday season with a new outlook on life. As a source of encouragement, I draw from the life of Helen Keller.

Helen Keller, often known for her triumphs in the face of adversity, is a great example of perseverance. She was born healthy in Alabama in June 1880. At the age of 19 months, she became deaf and blind due to an illness (possibly rubella or scarlet fever). As a result, she became quite the difficult child who was known for wild temper tantrums and disobedient behavior. The beauty of this story doesn’t stop with her parents’ frustration of having to raise a child who is out of control and has added difficulties in her life due to her disabilities. Helen was introduced to Anne Sullivan, who became her teacher and stuck with her in the face of adversity. How often do we simply stop in the face of adversity? How often do we want to give up and give in when life continually throws hurdles in our path? If Anne would have given up on Helen, Helen possibly would not have gone on to be an advocate for women’s suffrage and an early member of the American Civil Liberties Union. Her work for the American Foundation for the Blind (AFB) and passion for

- Kristen I Speer, LPC

helping veterans returning home from war had a lasting impression. Because she and her support system continued to fight in the face of adversity, Helen was able to be an effective ambassador for disabled people throughout the world. The trials of each family are as different as the tides in the ocean. There are various levels of struggle--from parents who struggle getting their children to sleep to parents who struggle to keep their teens from giving into peer pressure which can change the course of their lives. Comparison of these struggles from family to family will not help ease the load. I have found seeking support from family, friends, and, at times, professionals can often be beneficial and healing. While it may be difficult to reach out and seek help in any form (asking for help with household chores from a friend or asking a professional for ways to help a difficult child), I encourage you to do just that. I believe we do better as a community. Why do we often try to stand alone in the face of adversity when we and our families are struggling? As a nation, we have a history of rallying behind our troops when attacked; as sports fans, we rally together in the stadium; as a body of religious believers, we congregate in temples and churches. This coming holiday season, don’t face your trials alone. Seek out those who have an attitude of service, a heart full of love and hope, and helping hands. If necessary, consider seeking help from a community filled with professionals who are willing and ready to stand next to your family during difficult times.

Hollie Weber, MS, LPC, is a therapist at the Center for Psychology and Counseling and is currently accepting clients.

(479) 444.1400 see ad next page..

by : T a m i C o g a r

God Gave Me His Words

am a planner. Sure, planning has its many benefits, like knowing what your day is going to look like because you put it on the calendar. The flip side is that I expect to know exactly what my day should look like. I try so hard to plan for everything, and, boy, is that impossible, especially after becoming a mom! Guess what I discovered, though... I can’t see into the future, but God can. Toddlerhood is an adventurous and challenging age. Like many toddlers, our son Cray is incredibly vocal, opinionated, full of energy, and very curious. Being a mama has shattered any notion I used to have that I can control every aspect of the future, anticipate every need, and stick to a firm plan. Instead, as I am on the roller coaster of motherhood, I am learning to enjoy the unknowns that come my way by leaning on the Lord.

36 November 2014

As Cray and I navigate through toddlerhood together, there have been many unknowns. When is he going to give up his pacifier? When will he even be interested in going potty in the toilet? Oh man, is he going to try to get out of his crib and fall? I have lost sleep over many milestones and unknowns. Without boring you with all the grueling details, I am happy to say that, currently, no pacifier, no crib incident, and no diapers! Hooray! Although it’s important that Cray doesn’t walk around with a pacifier in his mouth, can sleep in his sweet red Corvette bed with lots of leg room to grow, and not potty in his superhero underwear, there was an unknown that really kept me up at night. See, our son Cray came to us through the miracle of adoption. When he was two years old, many of his friends’ mamas were pregnant. Being the planner that I am, I wanted to anticipate any questions he may have such as, “Was I in your tummy?” or “Whose tummy was I in?” So, I began to scour the Internet to find the perfect book that told his beautiful story in toddler words. Even though there are a lot of great books, there weren’t any that conveyed the message I wanted to say, so I did what I should have done at the beginning. I went to Starbucks to have quiet time with

the Lord. I know it sounds crazy, but God and I have the best conversations at Starbucks! Don’t worry, I’m not talking out loud--I’m journaling my thoughts, fears, concerns, unknowns, and prayers. I proceeded to write out, “Dear Lord give me Your words to tell Cray’s story. “ Then the below words flowed from my pen... “Mommy and Daddy prayed and prayed for a baby. Mommy and Daddy prayed in the morning. Mommy and Daddy prayed at bedtime. Mommy and Daddy prayed throughout the day. Jesus heard every single prayer. While you were growing in your birthmother’s tummy… You were growing in Mommy’s heart. Mommy’s heart grew and grew… Really, really big. Mommy’s heart was full of so much joy and excitement! Mommy wanted to shout with joy from the rooftops! And skywrite their exciting news! Mommy knew in her heart that their prayers were answered. After praying and waiting, you were born. There aren’t enough ABC’s and I,2,3’s to express how much Mommy and Daddy love you. When Mommy holds you, her heart is whispering… Dear Lord, thank you for our sweet precious gift.” God not only gave me His words, He gave me a book to read to Cray. My dear Aunt Mary Jo put a lot of love and time into each picture. I read this book to Cray every night, and Bill and I have lots of precious talks with our son because of this book. Even if I don’t have all the answers for Cray now or down the road, I can rest knowing Cray will come to understand he is a gift from the Lord, and he is an answer to our prayers. Every child’s story is different, but the truth is the same for all children— that they are a gift from the Lord. Since this book has brought my family so much joy, I wanted to make it accessible for everyone, so I self-published it on www.createspace.com. I pray this book leads to a lot of sweet and open conversations with parents and their children--their gifts from the Lord. I continue to thank the Lord for His words and for our son’s precious birth mother for choosing us to love and raise him. Her loving choice brings so much joy to us and to so many people every single day! P.S. As I write this, we are praying and waiting for baby #2! We love you so much baby. You are already growing in Mommy’s heart!

To purchase a copy of this book, go to https://www.createspace. com/4419617 or go to “You’re a Gift from the Lord” Facebook page to view a list of local retaile rs.

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24th Annual Holiday Open House & Christmas Tree Auction Main Street Siloam Springs mainstreetsiloam.org In its 24th year, this popular annual shopping event draws hundreds of shoppers to retail shops throughout Siloam Springs for Thanksgiving décor, Christmas shopping and more. Retailers also decorate and auction off creative Christmas Trees.

Annual Veteran’s Day Parade 2:30pm Fayetteville Square. Many special activities for children and a meet and greet with our WWII and Korean Veterans before the parade in front of the town center at 1:30.

Art Workshop Crystal Bridges 1 to 4 pm Multi-Generation Workshop with State of the Art artist Alberto Aguilar This is a serious, multi-generational family workshop focusing on engagement between family members and making art with intensity. Tickets are $15 ($12 for Members)

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Fayetteville on College and 6th St. Bentonville on Walton Rogers on Walnut and Pleasant Grove

Lunch and Learn Series - Free! Birth Center NWA www.bcnwa.com Baby-Daddy Bootcamp - Free 12:00-1pm

Little Gigggles Every Monday 10:30AM: Enrichment Monday Class Free with admission: Ages 2+ Monthly themes and weekly subjects explored in an interactive, play-based learning environment. Run by Miss Lori, a preschool teacher and mom of two.

17 Little Gigggles Every Monday 10:30AM: Enrichment Monday Class Free with admission: Ages 2+ Monthly themes and weekly subjects explored in an interactive, play-based learning environment. Run by Miss Lori, a preschool teacher and mom of two.

24 Little Gigggles Every Monday 10:30AM: Enrichment Monday Class Free with admission: Ages 2+ Monthly themes and weekly subjects explored in an interactive, play-based learning environment. Run by Miss Lori, a preschool teacher and mom of two.

Pinnacle Hills Promenade and the NWA Mall

Little Giggles Every Tuesday 10:30AM and 3:45PM: “Little Artist” art class with Crafty Cottage $8 for the class, discounted entry into Little Giggles if you stay to play, $5.50 (+tax) A fun 45 minutes with 2-3 art projects completed, taught by Miss Gigi

Family Night Events - Every Tuesday at Chick-fil-A in Rogers and at Bentonville location from 5:30 p.m. - 7 p.m.

Lunch and Learn Series - Free! Make Your Own Super Baby Food - Free Tues Nov 11, 12:00-1pm

Lamaze Childbirth Course $200 (6 week series) Starts Tues Nov 11th, 6:00pm-8:30pm Birth Center NWA www.bcnwa.com

18 Lunch and Learn Series - Free! Birth Center NWA www.bcnwa.com Cloth Diaper Workshop and Trunk Show - Free: 12:00-1pm

25 Little Giggles Thanksgiving Event! Free with admission: Thanksgiving mini craft class with Crafty Cottage at 10:30am, and Thanksgiving coloring run through the day, Gratitude Tree and games ! $8 for the class, discounted entry into Little Giggles if you stay to play, $5.50 (+tax) Ages 2+

Prenatal Yoga - $12 Drop-In, 10-class package for $100 7:00-8:00pm Birth Center of Northwest Arkansas bcnwa.com

Elf The Musical Tuesday, November 25 - Wednesday, November 26 Walton Arts Center Fayetteville Don’t miss this modern-day Christmas classic that’s sure to help you embrace your inner elf.

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Fri Fall Forage Trail Experience Crystal Bridges Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, 11:30 am to 12:30 pm (through November 28, 2014) Fall Forage Trail Experience In all seasons, but especially in the fall, the forest around Crystal Bridges is full of wild, natural foods suitable for both animals and humans … if you know what to look for. Learn what fall forage can be found around the grounds at Crystal Bridges, and what you may find to forage in your own backyard! Sponsored by the Coleman Company. Free, no registration required.

5 Shaky Bugs at Little Giggles! ($5.50 per child for the class only + $5.50 per child to stay to play)

12 Shaky Bugs at Little Giggles! ($5.50 per child for the class only + $5.50 per child to stay to play)

19 Shaky Bugs at Little Giggles! ($5.50 per child for the class only + $5.50 per child to stay to play)

Preparing for Out of Hospital Birth $50 (3 hr Crash Course) 2:00pm-5:00pm Birth Center of NWA www.bcnwa.com

Railroads of Northwest Arkansas 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM Hobbs State Park Visitor Center There have been more short-line railroads in northwest Arkansas than many people know about. Learn why they were here and why they disappeared. Admission: Free

Bentonville Public Library 9:30 AM-Baby Play & Rhyme Time 10:30 AM-Preschool Storytime 3:15 PM-Hour of Code 4:00 PM-After School Movie

Preschool Playdate - Crystal Bridges 11:30 am to 2 pm Monthly Preschool Playdates feature performances, art projects, story time, and creative play based on themes from our artwork. Activities are geared for children ages 2 to 5 with an adult. We’ll start with a rollicking good time concert by Kindersongs at 11:30 a.m. Free

Rogers Public Library 9:30am:Toddler Storytime 10:30am: Preschool Storytime 10:30 am: Babies, Bubbles and Books 6:30pm: Family Storytime Bentonville Public Library 9:30 AM-Baby Play & Rhyme Time 10:30 AM-Preschool Storytime 3:15 PM-Hour of Code 4:00 PM-After School Movie

Benton County Breastfeeding Mamas Meetup - Support Group - Free Thurs Oct 23, 11:00am-1:00pm Sat Oct 25, 2:00-4:00pm http://bcnwa.com

Baby Art Class (18-24 months) 10:am at FPL: Abrakadoodle will guide babies (assisted by their parents) through an art project. For babies 18-24 months old. 9am- 8pm; Jones Center Arts & Crafts Festival in Springdale, AR

9am-9pm; Ozark Regional Arts & Crafts Festival Location #1 - NWA Convention Center - Springdale Location #2 - John Q. Hammons Center

Homeschool Fun Crystal Bridges Friday, November 7, 14, and 21 2 to 3:30 pm Homeschool Friday Fun>> Scissors 3 Session Studio Class. For ages 5-8 and 9-12. All materials are provided. $45 ($36 for Members). 21st Annual Lights of the Ozarks November 21, 2014 - December 31, 2014 Historic Downtown Square, Fayetteville www.TheLightsOfTheOzarks.com A parade will be November 21 to begin the festivities. Activities include pony, camel and carriage rides and caroling.

Fall Forage Trail Experience Crystal Bridges Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, 11:30 am to 12:30 pm (through November 28, 2014) Fall Forage Trail Experience In all seasons, but especially in the fall, the forest around Crystal Bridges is full of wild, natural foods suitable for both animals and humans … if you know what to look for. Learn what fall forage can be found around the grounds at Crystal Bridges, and what you may find to forage in your own backyard! Sponsored by the Coleman Company. Free, no registration required.

Lighting of the Square Bentonville www.downtownbentonville.org Bentonville transforms into a winter wonderland at the Lighting of the Square on November 22 at 6 p.m. Don’t miss ice-skating at Lawrence Plaza, November 22-January 19. . 10th GOTR 5k and 10k 7:00 am - 10:00 am Downtown Bentonville Square http://gotrnwa.org

29 Christmas Parade of the Ozarks 6:00 PM Springdale rodeooftheozarks.org This Holiday extravaganza begins at the rodeo grounds and moves through downtown Springdale.

PRAY RUTH by: Tiffany Hansen

if we could have just “moved on” and “picked another one” like buying a car, grief cannot be so easily moved. It stayed around for a bit. I lamented to God, had many unanswered questions, and at times wondered what I had done wrong to deserve this. As surely as the sun rises, our God promises a new day. God moved in, as He promises He will, and began showing us how to heal.

’d like to show you a picture of all six members of our family together. You know, the cute ones families always get once their beloved adopted child comes home—the entire family together— but I can’t. When I imagined our adoption story, I imagined being able to speak of some challenges and bumps along the road, but doing so while holding our daughter at home, safely in our arms. Almost five years have passed since we stepped onto this path of adoption, and how I imagined our story to be told is not at all how it has been. I’m a realist, so I never thought this process would be easy. We watched from the sidelines the difficulty it has produced for people before, so we knew. I just don’t think we ever thought it would be this hard. Today, our now 8-yearold girl is still 9,000 miles away from us. This is not how I imagined it at all. The first two years of our adoption ended with what is called a “failed adoption” to a country that decided to shut down its international adoption program. We were the next on the list to get a referral as far as we could tell, and we hoped to slide through the process before international adoption took its final breath there. In the end, after two years of fighting, it didn’t happen, and we were left without a child to bring home. I remember standing in the shower--sometimes the only place I get to be alone with three other kids in the home-- sobbing and wailing, my heart realizing I had lost something precious. Nothing prepares you for that. It’s hard to understand that kind of grief. It’s hard to bury a dream, a hope, a child you never knew, but it was real, and it was happening to us. That type of ending to a story leaves your head spinning for a while. While it would have been great

Some time after, we began again. Knowing God was still asking us to adopt, we began asking what that should look like. Domestic? International? Baby? Older child? Foster care? In the end, our hearts still felt led to seek an international adoption. After looking into country after country, I stumbled onto a blog of a family who had adopted several children from Ghana. I noticed we had a few mutual Facebook friends, so I contacted them. Within a few days, I was talking to this family about adopting from Ghana. Not only had they recently completed two adoptions, but they had started a ministry helping orphanages there. Within a few short weeks, we were looking at the sweet face of a 5-year-old girl who was a waiting child… and we said “yes.” It seemed everything had lined up so quickly and so well… that this was God redeeming us from the agony of our first adoption. The beginning process of this adoption was fast and furious. Since we had been adopting independently the first time but failed, and this was also an independent adoption, I knew the ropes well. We were able to complete our dossier and have it sent within a short amount of time so the process could begin. Although there were some “challenges and bumps in the road” at the beginning of this adoption, we passed court and were able to travel to meet our daughter to file the necessary documents at the U.S. Embassy in Ghana in January of 2012. Things, we thought, were on the right track. We were, in a word, ecstatic. Our time with our daughter, Ruth, was nearly perfect. It was as though we had always been together... Much like the way you might describe holding a newborn. The bond was real and so unique; words don’t adequately give it the depth it deserves. We laughed together, playing tickle wars in the bed; played together with flashlight tag when there was no electricity; and held each other, being close and learning to feel safe

PRAY

RUTH

I remember that night too, sobbing on the couch, feeling confused and helpless. Starting over didn’t just mean paying for the adoption again, While it would have been great if we could have but it meant trying to maneuver through just “moved on” and picked another “one” as if Unfortunately, that is the red tape created buying a car, grief cannot so be so easily moved. not what happened. by a government that had recently decided What happened was it didn’t want to support international adoption a series of events (which would take chapters and anymore. chapters to illustrate) that lead to us, on a normal day in April of 2013, finding out the only way to get Ruth Between the time we passed court and heard this news home was to start our adoption process over… as if it of starting over, the government of Ghana began a never happened. together. We had to say goodbye to Ruth a week later, all with the understanding that within about 3 months we would be returning to take her home with us.

We did not, could not, imagine this.

[ story continued next page ]

PRAY ban on all international adoptions. Under our “old” adoption, it was our understanding we were grandfathered into exemptions from these new rules; however, we found we were not under that “old” adoption anymore. We would be considered a new case, and that road seemed dark, treacherous, and uncharted. While we were able to try to start the adoption over again, there were no guarantees we would be successful. We had held Ruth, laughed and played with her, and I promised her we would come for her. Giving up was not an option. This is also when the darkness of despair set in for me. Seconds of wondering what might happen turned into days and weeks and months. Living in the ambiguity of it all, my mind and emotions had battled so long I felt I had nothing left. Many days I didn’t function. Bitterness grew. My emotions were confused. I was tired and felt very alone. Who could understand? Where was God? Why us? Why her? One day, about eight months after the despair had set in and I was dropping my other children off at school, God helped me understand. It didn’t happen in a tangible way—we didn’t get any miraculous news about an adoption breakthrough; it didn’t all start to make sense somehow; my circumstance didn’t change, but I did. I knew God was fighting for me, for us, and because my bitterness had rooted itself so deeply, it had taken me a while to see He was still there, fighting. I began to seek to change inwardly instead of wanting my circumstances to change—not that God couldn’t change our circumstances, because He could—but God wanted more for me. He wanted me to change. He wanted me to thrive regardless of my circumstances, not because of them. We did successfully pass court for the second time in February of 2014, and we submitted the last of

46 November 2014

RUTH our documents to the U.S. Embassy for their determination on our case. Yet again, things have not gone as we thought. It has been over seven months, and we are still waiting. Many, many more bumps and challenges have sprung up during this process. We were betrayed by a person we thought was helping us, the government on both sides implemented more adoption policy changes, we have had to redo documents more than once, and I’m guessing there may be a few more challenges yet to come. To date, we are not sure if our Ruth will ever be able to come home. We spent time with her in Ghana a few months ago. The bond is still there, amazingly enough, even though I hadn’t seen her in 18 months. She is an amazing, funny, smart little girl, and she has endured an enormous amount in her 8 years of life. She has watched many children at her orphanage, those she would call family, go home. She has waved goodbye to them, wondering when it would finally be her turn to go home with her family. While a day doesn’t pass that we don’t think of Ruth, pray for her and this process, and hope that SOON we will hear good words from the embassy and get to bring her home, we have learned much about ourselves and the God who created us. We have learned to endure. We have learned to sacrifice. We have learned to be faithful. We have learned to love—regardless of the circumstances. We have learned, through our faults, our pride, our bitterness, our struggle—to be more like Him. These are lessons we had never imagined. We are still waiting. ‘Hard’ has not gotten any easier. At times, the wait seems endless. At times we feel frustration with it all, at times hints of despair creep in, and at other times, God reminds us to be hopeful. Hopeful that God is writing this story better than we could ever imagine.

A Mother’s Lzve

by: Kelsey Eursery

s For mothers, the first time you look into your child’s eyes you can see their hearts.

The first time I looked into the heart of my oldest son, Jayden, I saw a caring and intelligent person. In Isabelle, I saw a vibrant and passionate person. In Abigail, I saw a captivating person, and the first time I looked into the heart of my youngest son, Ethan, I saw curiosity and love. The difference between my older three and my youngest was I looked into Ethan’s eyes moments after I gave birth to him, and for Abigail it was at the age of 2, Isabelle at 5, and Jayden at 6 years old. When I met my husband, I knew he came as a “package deal” with his children. I came from a twoparent, non-divorced household and hadn’t had much experience with step-parents, let alone with how to be one. I knew loving my husband meant I would have to take on the role of “stepmother” as well, with all the awkwardness and, hopefully, love to come. My husband and I had a whirlwind romance. We met on August 12, 2010, were engaged by December 4th, and were married on January 15, 2011. I had always heard that “when you know, you just know.” I never knew what that meant until I met my husband. I went from the one-bedroom apartment I shared with my dog to getting a house to fit my new family of five. God’s plan for my life has been revealed step-by-step to me over the past four years. I now have a greater understanding of the purpose of the steps I’ve taken in my path through life, because they helped lay the groundwork for the relationship I have with my

50 November 2014

kids. As a teacher, I’ve always had a passion for kids. From volunteering at church for vacation bible school programs to being in a classroom with thirty 6th or 7th grade students at a time, children didn’t scare me. I have always wanted a large family, and I came from a family of five. While that is not considered huge, I knew what it meant to grow up with siblings in a household where my parents loved each other. My mother always taught me unconditional love, and I’ve been amazed at her seeming ability to be able to do it all. I always knew the type of mom I wanted to be--; I just never dreamed God would choose to bless me with three children through adoption. Many people have told me they couldn’t do what I do. Loving your biological children is easy, as it is a God-given love. Your blood runs through theirs. You created them. You carried them. You have been there since day one. For those of us with adopted children, the feeling is just the same. I love Jayden, Isabelle, and Abigail the same way I love Ethan. Genes and DNA aren’t what make a family. God chose not to have me carry my three older children because it was all part of His perfect plan. I now understand that the reason He chose me to be their mommy at a certain point in their lives was all due to His timing. As many times as I’ve thanked God for choosing me to be Ethan’s mommy, I have praised God for choosing me to be Jayden, Isabelle, and Abigail’s as well. My children each serve as an inspiration to me in many ways. God’s hands have been evident along each step of our journey together. One of my most important inspirations has come from my son Jayden. I knew I wanted to go back to school to obtain a Master’s degree, yet I hadn’t decided in what area. As a middle school teacher, I already had my Bachelor’s in Middle Level education; however, I wanted my children to see the importance of schooling and continuing

one’s education. After praying about it, I decided to pursue my degree in Special Education. After my first semester of classes, my oldest son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. His original diagnosis had been anxiety due to neglect; however, after counseling we realized there were other underlying factors which couldn’t be addressed through therapy. He inspired me to keep pushing through to earn my Master’s degree. While being challenged with raising four children (since I gave birth to my youngest son in the middle of pursuing my degree) and working full time, I was able to show my children that determination and hard work do pay off. They watched as their mommy walked across the stage at Arkansas State University and received her Master’s degree. The look on their faces was priceless! God knew what he was doing by leading me to choose that particular degree program. Because of it, I became better equipped to help my oldest son be successful in school and life. Our road hasn’t always been smooth. Like any other family, there were bumps along the way. Luckily, their best interests were always at the forefront. I filed for the adoption of my children in August of 2012. One thing the adoption process caused me to do was to look back over the years with my children and evaluate the progression of our relationship. I went through cards, drawings, and notes the children had

made for me over the past three years. Even though our bond was an instant bond, it had to grow to be the true relationship between a mother and her children. I watched this connection the children had with me deepen and deepen as time passed. I watched how notes were addressed change from Kelsey, to Momma K, to finally Mommy. I watched family drawings increase from our family of five to a family of six-and the drawings, of course, always include our two dogs, Daisy and Lilly. I looked through pictures and saw an instant friendship between my oldest three and their cousins, Emma and Madie. My husband and I recounted “firsts” with the children that we had experienced together as a family. Our children didn’t understand the formality of the adoption process—I was Mommy to them, so why did a judge have to decide that? We tried to explain the legal side of it to the oldest, but, to this day, our youngest daughter Abigail still doesn’t grasp it. The children knew I had filed for adoption; however, they didn’t know when we had court dates or had to file responses. The only time they were made aware of what was occurring in the process was on July 31, 2012. On this day, Jayden, Isabelle, Abigail, my husband, and I all went down to the Benton County Courthouse and stood before the judge who ordered the adoption decree. Finally, the last piece of our family puzzle was complete.

Kaylin’s Story

y life has been unpredictable and difficult to explain, but it is a wonderful story to tell. There was a time in my life where I did not know who I could trust or who I could turn to. Despite my family’s active involvement in my life, I got to the point where I felt hopeless, and did not care about what people thought of me or what happened to me. I was committing crimes and acting out, then it all caught up to me, and I wound up being locked up for the first time. I was taken to South Arkansas Youth Services (S.A.Y.S.), a shelter in Magnolia for failing a drug test and breaking curfew. I was also skipping school and was eventually expelled from school, one of the reasons for me being locked up. Everything began to go downhill from there, to the point where I no longer cared about what happened. I began to act out again due to the feeling that I had already messed up to the point where my parents had basically given up on me. My carelessness led to me being incarcerated multiple times. S.A.Y.S was just the beginning. I was going down the wrong track and had no intention of stopping. Everyone began to lose hope of me changing my rebellious ways. Authority figures began to look down on me. About a month after I got out of S.A.Y.S I was sent to Miller County JDC. While in JDC, I had a lot of time to think. I realized that I was messing up my life and that I was in need of change. After spending about 2 months in JDC, I was sent to the DHS juvenile correctional facilities. I thought that I had thrown my life away; little did I know that I was going to be given

a second chance. I was sent to Youth Bridge, a drug treatment facility, to get help to regain my control on my addictions and behaviors. It was the last hope for me. I have done fun things while in Youth Bridge, such as going to the Hogs games and to the bowling alley and participating in art classes, etc. I have learned a lot of valuable lessons about life in taking these classes--like that I can have fun without using drugs. I have learned how to be high on life and how to identify and control my feelings. I believe that I can take many of the values that I have learned here and use them in everyday life. I have been shown that it is possible to control my anger in situations that I would have previously blown up about. While I have been here I have become more mature and a more responsible young man. I now know that in order to be a successful adult I must put all of the aspects that I have learned into action. Youth Bridge has helped me, and though I once focused on the negative things about being sent here, I now can see that this was for the best. This has prepared me for life on my own, to live life on life terms and to respect others, my elders, and myself. This is my life story. NOTE: This is a real story of how art therapy is used to help youth express their feelings. Without the support of our donors, Youth Bridge would not be able to offer it as a therapy. For more information, to make a donation to the art therapy program or to purchase tickets to “Starry, Starry Night,” please call Nancy Hairston, Director of Development, at 479575-9471 or visit www.youthbridge.com.

double duty for Moms of Twins

Tips from the Trenches

others of twins have enormous blessings, and special challenges. In some seasons, raising two children the same age comes with its own kind of joy. In other seasons, bringing up two babies at one time means twice the work, twice the exhaustion—and half the sleep. In the last 30 years, twin births have risen dramatically in the United States. According to the National Health Statistics, the rate of twin births rose 76% from 1980 to 2009; one in every 30 babies born in 2009 was a twin! That’s a whole lot of moms with double the fun. Stefanie Cunningham is one of those moms. With four children ranging in age from 4 to 14, she had already been on the ‘mom ride’ a few times before having twins, and came up with a handful of management tips unique to caring for double blessings.

Streamline their Schedule Cunningham’s general theory is that bringing two babies into one schedule is the most effective way to manage daily (and nightly) life. She suggests that, especially when it involves the day-to-night rhythms and patterns of babies, what you do for one child, do for the other at the same time. When one baby wakes up in the middle of the night, Cunningham recommends waking up the other one for feeding and changing. This keeps a mom from getting up more often than necessary, and helps get a schedule started for the babies.

by Rhonda Franz

She also sticks with the lets-do-this-together type of advice for moms who breastfeed. “Go ahead and assign a breast for each child, and try using the football hold in order to nurse simultaneously; it will save tons of time.” She also suggests that parents do as much as they can at the same time along the children’s daily routine. When children are old enough to start eating table food, Cunningham says less is more. She suggests seating twins beside each other and giving them one bowl and one spoon. She believes parents will find that kids share the same germs and feeding this way simplifies the meal process, and the cleanup process, for everyone. Continue streamlining the daily routine by putting both babes down for naps at one time. This may help encourage a consistent, simultaneous sleep pattern, and preserve sanity for everyone in the household.

from the moms Practical Tips for Daily Life With Twins

Cook at least two batches of every meal. Let go of the little stuff. Use discernment when tempted to double up on the baby equipment. Some things are helpful to have two of (Boppy pillows and bouncy seats). Buy or borrow bigger items (Exersaucers and swings) and alternate the equipment between the two babies. Teach family members and friends how to tell the difference between twins.

Accept the overwhelm When Jill Michaelis’s twin girls were born, they added a whole new dynamic to her former family of five. She had to get by on only short bursts of sleep for first few months of her newborns’ early lives. She found that accepting this reality was helpful to her overall attitude. “It is okay to accept that you will be a little behind during the infant season. When it came to my expectations and getting through the day and lack of sleep, what really drained me physically and emotionally was being disappointed.” Michaelis also encourages moms to be a good friend to others—something that will come back on them many times over. Simple things like offering to pick up grocery items on the way to a friend’s house means that moms will likely receive some of that help from others when they need it most.

Treat twins as the individuals they are As twins get older, the strategy of streamlining schedules will have to be tweaked. Twins are individuals with distinct personalities that tend to manifest in stark differences, preferences, and behaviors as they grow and mature. It was clear to Springdale mom Karen Blackstone early on that her twin boys had different personalities, something that became even more apparent when she had a third child several years later. Her sons are now grown, and she tries to emphasize to new moms and family members that twins are not the same person:

it is essential to love each one, and work with each one, as an individual. Jill Michaelis agrees with the importance of celebrating each child. Sing “Happy Birthday” twice at parties, give gifts according to their interests, and make sure family members and guests are aware of the kinds of things each child likes as well. These gestures are just as important for twins as for other children—helping demonstrate respect for each one, and establishing each child’s sense of belonging within a family unit.

Rhonda Franz is a writer, educator, and mom of three children in northwest Arkansas. She loved finding out what moms of twins had to share with other parents who are raising them.

An Open Heart

Baylor will always know the truth and know her birth family loves her very much.

Story by: Amanda Elsea Photo by: Above - jen thurlo photography. Right - jubilee photography

doption has always been a dream of mine. I can remember as a little girl playing dolls; I would have my biological baby doll and my baby doll I had adopted. Let me give you a little glimpse of how God pieced together our perfect puzzle! In September 2005, my husband and I welcomed into this world our first child, Keeley Faye. In 2007, we became pregnant with our second baby. An early ultrasound showed the amniotic sac measuring twice as big as the embryo. We were told I would most likely miscarry, and if not the baby was at a very high risk for chromosomal disorders. Those 9 months consisted of a lot of prayer, and in March 2008 our precious baby boy, Fletcher “Pierce” was born. A few hours after his birth, we noticed he had a mass under his left armpit. The doctors were baffled and after months of tests he was diagnosed with a Cystic Hygroma (lymphatic malformation). Normally Cystic Hygromas are located on the neck and are very large. 75% of children affected are born with a chromosomal disorder such as Downs Syndrome or Turners Syndrome. After receiving those statistics, we ordered a chromosomal panel which came back completely normal!!! We truly believe God heard our prayers, and his Cystic Hygroma is just a little reminder of how big our God is!!! In 2011 we became pregnant with our third, but sadly this resulted in a miscarriage. After going through so much with our second pregnancy and miscarrying our third, emotionally I could not go through another pregnancy. I knew without a doubt we should pursue adoption. I was a little scared to bring this up to my

56 November 2014

husband, not knowing how he would feel about us adopting. To my surprise, he was completely on board and we were ready to move forward. We contacted many adoption agencies and started gathering information. In September 2011, Keeley started having kidney problems. Our focus was quickly shifted to Keeley, and we decided to wait on moving forward with adopting. Keeley was diagnosed with a UPJ (ureteropelvic junction) obstruction and had a successful surgery at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. Finally, things started settling down and getting back to normal. I remember thanking God daily for my 2 healthy children and asking God if our family was complete. We were at the baseball fields one day when a high school friend of mine turned to me and asked, “Do you know anyone who is looking to adopt?” I quickly thought yes, but once I found out it was her little sister who wanted an open adoption I became a little hesitant. I was very intimidated of an open adoption, especially living in a small town and knowing the adoptive family. A few weeks went by and I began having a tug at my heart. I began praying for God to direct our path. Finally, I decided to present this opportunity to my husband. His reaction was perfect! He didn’t feel the openness would be an issue and was very excited to complete our family. Soon after, we met the birth mom Jessica and her son Mason. We spent the day with them at the park and she told us she would be happy for us to be the adoptive parents. Over the next few months, Jessica and I grew very close. I took her to every doctor appointment, and we did adoption counseling together. Yes, there were times I was very scared. Times I thought she would back

out. Times I thought her view of “open” was not the same as mine. So many fears crept through my mind and I am sure hers as well. The bottom line was I knew both Jessica and I loved this baby, and we wanted what was best for her. The time was quickly approaching; a birth plan was in place and a date set.

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On the morning of January 14, 2013, we went to pick up Jessica and take her to the hospital. She had a scheduled c-section, and I was able to be in the room when our angel was born. Baylor Sloane Elsea was born at 8:05am weighing 6lbs 12oz and was 18 inches long. As I stared into the eyes and gripped the hand of her birth mother, I will never forget the moment I first heard her cry. What a courageous, selfless sacrifice she made. Jessica and I had separate rooms and Baylor and I went back and forth between her birth mother’s room and mine. We had a photographer come in and take pictures of the 3 of us; this is something I know will be very special to Baylor. Jessica also wrote Baylor a letter explaining why she had chosen adoption. About a month after Baylor was born, Jessica moved back to Texas. She married Baylor’s birthfather and they now have a new addition to their family. As far as the openness, it is perfect! We are friends on Facebook and keep in touch often. They were able to visit Baylor last spring and have made plans to visit again this summer. Baylor will always know the truth and know her birth family loves her very much. She will be 2 in January, and I cannot imagine these last 2 years without her. She completes our family! The experience of an open adoption is beautiful, something indescribable. I am so grateful God chose us to be Baylor’s forever family!

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3218 North Thompson St. Springdale, AR 72764 e-mail: stephanies_musique@yahoo.com

479-756-0740 www.stephaniestraight.com

Dad’s View with Ben Lacy

and

Us Them Big fan of Pink Floyd. You don’t hear that much these days, and while I’ve definitely crested the hill of life, my date of birth would have left me listening to Dark Side of the Moon in a crib. This, of course, has nothing to do with this month’s story, but I thought I’d give you some irrelevant background since I stole a song title from David and the Boys that worked with this month’s topic. Okay, so we’re coming up on T-Day and C-Day, and for most of you the plans required to make these holidays a success (or at the very least, not a disaster) feel as complex as D-Day. This is one of the times of the year when you might quite possibly hear me mumble things like “thank my mama and the Lord I am not female!” Hear me out--not being a chauvinist, quite the opposite. This, in my eyes, is not a good time of year to be a woman. From my point of view, ladies are going from a state of controlled falling as they try

to keep their immediate family together, to an absolute parachute-less freefall state of keeping their immediate family, their extended family, the in-laws, the out-laws and whoever else shows up, together – and happy. But, since I’m a guy, I want to talk about the guy’s view and position during the holidays, and really just in general. Call it a Dad’s view--wow, that would be an awesome name for a column… oh, wait. Ask most anyone in most any situation and they will tell you the mother is the most important person in a child’s life. The courts agree with that angle and, gulp, so do most kids. Remember the Bill Cosby skit? The dad works with his son every day and spends countless hours making him a super awesome football player and when he gets to college and scores a touchdown he turns to the camera and says “Hi, Mom!” All of that is understandable and, in my opinion, very embraceable.

The problem with me is sometimes I/we fall into an “Us and Them” or a “Me and Them” pattern. Mom wakes the children, feeds them breakfast, makes lunch, takes them to school, picks them up, takes them to their activities, feeds them dinner, helps them do their homework and tucks them in. I wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner with some-but-neverall of the children and hit the hay. Okay, so a slight pat on the back for being the “provider”, but big-time deficiency in the “caregiver” column. And often times when I do see the offspring my questions are “cue card Dad” questions: “How was your day?” “Did you do anything fun today? “Do you have homework?” Siri could stand in for me some days... and occasionally even do a better job. I notice this with our “stuff ” too.

Recently we went on another ill-advised multigenerational family road trip and found that mom and the kids had shared bags while mine was Han Solo; just my stuff. In our closet there is a corner for my clothes while most other areas are shared. Now, some of this could be because four people in my family organize in a c’est la vie fashion while I organize in an OCD fashion, but it still seems very detached. Even during activities I usually have the camcorder shoved up to my face instead of interacting with the fam. Whoops; that was old fashioned! Nowadays it is an iPhone, but still, it isn’t really like seeing everything “live” and being “there.” I think back to my poor father, who has over 7 seasons of video tape (Hey now, that was crazy high tech in my playing day, you little whippersnappers!) from my basketball “career” (cough, cough). He spent 2 nights a week watching a slow, chubby, kid with a 2” vertical that couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat average 2.3 points and .9 rebounds a game, all while viewing this disaster through a one inch hole in low-def black and white. Ouch. Note to self: Get that man a darn good Christmas present. But, I digress. The moral of the story is to not let this detachment happen. Don’t let your family get disjointed and invite the “Me and Them” mentality to creep in. Dysfunctional, yes. Disjointed, no. And while a mother’s role in a child’s life cannot be overstated, that’s no excuse for dads to slack off and become isolated. It’s very easy for dads to get into a routine where they do their thing and the family does their thing and then when they do things together things get wonky (See Dad’s View - March 2014). It’s easy to blame work... so I will! Seriously though, sometimes dads get so caught up in their careers they forget their most important job of all; being a dad. After all, isn’t that truly why you work? This holiday season, make sure you and your family are just “us” and give them the best present of all: You.

Momprenuer Spotlight:

Mary’s Little Sweets

Local Momprenuer Has A “Sweet” Business That’s In High Demand

By: Loria W. Oliver

often get asked what a “Mompreneur” is and whether or not I believe the term will stay somewhat of a neologism and never find itself into Webster’s Dictionary. For the record, there are many ways to define a woman who is a stay-athome mom but has decided to branch out and explore business options. However, I think this sentence sums it up nicely—a Mompreneur can be defined as a female business owner who is actively balancing the role of mom and the role of entrepreneur, and yes, I do think the term is here to stay. I’m sure you know more than one mother in your play date group who has ventured into the world of entrepreneurism and if you don’t, please consider becoming the first one. One local Mompreneur you should get to know is Mary Cervantes, founder, CEO, and head baker at Mary’s Little Sweets. I met Mary about two years ago through our husbands. She was pushing a stroller through downtown Bentonville alongside her husband and was also very pregnant with her second daughter. I at the time was taking a walk with my husband, newborn, and toddler while pushing a very large double stroller. She was gracious enough to compliment me on handling both boys and was curious about how our double stroller was working. Thus, a friendship was born.

She and I kept in touch over the months, and I invited her to a play date a friend was having. This finally gave us a real chance to talk and I discovered not only was she kind and welltraveled, but she also had a passion for baking and not just any baking, she had a knack for thoughtful, special, and handcrafted delicate desserts. Her passion has now turned into a business which she runs out of her chic and very kid friendly home. This home now includes not two, but three beautiful little girls since she just had her third daughter a few months ago. Mary recently hosted a few members of the Peekaboo team at her home for a class on making French macaroons. She offers the classes a few times a month, so be sure to visit her site www.maryslittlesweets.com, take a few friends, and have fun!

LO: Tell us a little about your family.

Catholic Church. We have been in Bentonville a little over 2 years.

MC: My husband and I met as undergraduates at Stanford University, and we married in 2011. We have 3 daughters— Sofia (2 ½), Teresa (15 months), and Ana (2 months). Having 3 children under the age of 3 is sometimes (OK, a lot of the time) overwhelming, but I have to admit I secretly love the chaos, noise, and “busy-ness” being a mom entails. As a family, we love walking on the Crystal Bridges trails, eating ice cream at the Bentonville Square, and attending Mass at St. Stephen

LO: What do you love most about living here? MC: One of the first things I noticed upon moving here is how incredibly welcoming and friendly the people are. The Farmer’s Market and First Fridays in Downtown Bentonville are wonderful, and it still amazes me that a world-class art museum, Crystal Bridges, is less than 5 minutes away from my house! I love the small-town feel of seeing someone I know almost every time I’m out, and last but certainly not

least, I appreciate the peaceful pace of life and the lack of traffic! LO: How did you get interested in using the French technique to bake? MC: My mother is very fond of sweet baked goods, and I proudly inherited her insatiable sweet tooth. Growing up, we frequented French bakeries, and I quickly developed a love for chocolate croissants,

delicate pastries, and fresh fruit tarts. I learned how to bake by watching my mom, and as I became older, the most interesting reading to me was (and still is) cookbooks. I appreciate the precision and skill necessary to make French patisserie, the simple beauty of a single fresh raspberry garnish, and the awe on people’s faces when they see and taste the final product. LO: What items do you offer? MC: The original idea of Mary’s Little Sweets was to offer small, beautiful desserts, and the current menu includes French macaroons, cake pops, and a variety of seasonal baked goods. I offer specials for holidays, most recently making homemade ice cream sandwiches for Father’s Day. For Christmas, I offer a lovely box of assorted baked goods and specialty cookies all wrapped up with a red ribbon. Lastly, Mary’s Little Sweets offers custom candy and dessert bars for special events.

the time to teach me!” Thus Mary’s Little Sweets French macaroon making classes were born. Class participants can expect a complete French macaroon baking lesson from start to finish in my own kitchen. I will be right beside you offering guidance for perfecting the technique. On top of that, each participant receives a glass of wine, my personal recipe, and a dozen macaroons to take home! Visit www.maryslittlesweets.com to sign up for a class. LO: How do you juggle building a successful business and having three little girls at home?

LO: Tell us about your Saturday Store Front. Will they be happening often? MC: I came up with the Saturday Storefront idea when I was thinking how I could make it possible for people to purchase just one or two baked goods at a time (the minimum order for just about everything is a dozen!). At my Saturday Storefront, I offer a variety of French macaroon flavors, cake and pie pops, and assorted seasonal baked goods. I always try to incorporate fresh seasonal ingredients when creating my menus. My goal is to hold a Saturday Storefront once a month. LO: What’s the best way to sign up for a macaron class and what can participants expect? MC: French macaroons are a very finicky cookie to master (I spent 2 years perfecting the recipe I currently use!). I’ve picked up many tips and tricks in the time I’ve spent baking macaroons, and I’d often think, “I wish someone had taken

MC: I am first and foremost a stay-at-home mom to my girls, but any and all success in my baking ventures I attribute to an extremely supportive husband, nap times, and the fact I can set my own schedule. I cannot bake too far in advance since the final product must be fresh, so I have to be disciplined about my baking schedule. I might measure ingredients for French macaroons the night before, bake before the girls wake up, and fill the macaroons with buttercream during nap time. If I ever get behind schedule (which never, ever happens…), my incredible husband takes care of bath and bedtime while I catch up.

LO: What do you see for the future of Mary’s Little Sweets? MC: My dream (one day when all my children are school-aged) is to open a beautiful little sweets shop with big windows displaying gorgeous desserts; a place where friends can share a delicious treat and savor a coffee while they visit with one another. I love entertaining in my own home, and having a bakery that serves as a gathering place in the community would be a dream come true! LO: What advice would you give to someone who is at home and has an idea for a business but is not sure where to begin? MC: Just go for it! Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not possible! Brainstorm and research a lot before you do anything, ask friends for advice and input, and start small (there will always be time to expand later). When it is possible, tell people about your business idea –you never know if you could be talking to a potential business partner or someone looking for the services your business could offer. Above all, be confident in yourself and your abilities! Thanksgiving is this month, and the holiday season will be upon us soon. Mary’s Little Sweets will make a great hostess gift or a special treat at the end of your special meal. Learn a little more about Mary below and if you have your own passion project, don’t give up.

www.peekaboonwa.com

Unconditional love: an adoption story

was 7:00pm on a Wednesday night, a seemingly calm and unassuming night of the week. Nervously, I called my husband as I made my way to DHS and told him I was going there, our young son in tow, to pick up a child. He said, simply enough, “Okay, honey.” With that “okay,” our whole lives changed. The pathetic atmosphere that permeated that place was amplified by the dimly lit DHS hallway we walked into. We could keenly feel the sadness as we timidly walked through it. With my three-year-old biological son clinging to my leg, I surveyed the scene. Two boys, boiling with anger, stood in a shadowy corner while two girls played imaginative games with each other, pretending to talk on the phone while bouncing like springs from toy to old dilapidated toy. A pair of twin babies sat in car seats with vacant expressions, interacting with no one. These were the six siblings I had come to see. That’s right, six children... We stood in the cramped room, waiting for the workers to process paperwork and send us on our way. They pointed out the little girl they had called me about. She had hardly any hair, and was only half-dressed; a boys’ oversized t-shirt served as her sole piece of clothing. She was filthy, could barely talk, and was clearly hungry. I watched as she peed on herself three times by the time they brought us our McDonalds meals. Even with just one little girl, I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. The need seemed almost too great. This moment, as doubtful as it was, was the moment I saw the oldest boy. He was clearly brooding and angry, glaring at everyone that tried to speak to him. I felt God speak to my heart, and I tried to ignore it, fully aware of the difficulty he was asking me to undertake. I bargained with God and I talked myself out of it several times, but He wouldn’t let it go. So, after a few minutes, I leaned over to one of the workers and asked if this oldest boy had a place to go. She said he was the only one that wasn’t accounted for. As soon as the words left her mouth, and almost as if God came over the speaker system, I heard, “He can go home with you.”

Story by: Meg Meredith Photos by: Kerry Underwood Photography

So, with much surprise, trepidation, and confusion, I left DHS with a new 11 yearold, 2 year-old, my own biological son, and absolutely no clue as to what I was doing...or what I was going to say to my husband.

The first weeks with our new kids were simply about survival. We had to get a new schedule and care rotation down, and quick. How do you get everyone dressed, fed, and to school on time? How do you get everyone fed, bathed, and in bed at a reasonable time? How can you potty train a toddler that has clearly regressed and is living in fear? How do you help your kids, your spouse, and yourself survive emotionally and mentally through this transition? How do you not lose your mind and give up after just 24 hours?

Mommy and Daddy for lack of better names from the moment we brought her home. Despite this, we struggled. For a child that has never had a good or appropriate attachment to anyone, it can take time and every ounce of effort a person has to create that with them. We quickly learned every parenting book we’d read or bought didn’t apply...at least not to these kids. We struggled, we cried, and we spent a lot of nights on our knees.

Part of foster care is not knowing how long you’ll have a child, and, because of that, wanting to do the very best thing for them while you have them. This little miss clearly could not talk and was developmentally delayed, possibly had RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), and could not breathe because her tonsils were enlarged. So, we advocated a tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy, and then began speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy.

As months went by, our focus shifted from survival to progress. We focused on teaching the pre-teen good decision-making skills, self-advocating, anger management, and kindness. We focused on teaching our girl how to play alone, about appropriate personal space, how to self-advocate, and control her impulses. That sounds like a neat and tidy list, but, believe me, at the time it was a crap shoot of parenting. Trial by fire, crash testing, making it up as we go...you get the picture.

She was wild, active, overly affectionate, had boundary issues, and had no idea how to tell when she was full when eating, but, as she began to grow physically, emotionally, and developmentally, so did our love for her.

Almost two years in, we knew the kids were going to be up for adoption soon. Because of our financial position, we knew we could not afford a teenager at this juncture in our family. Additionally, we knew, based on his history, he needed to see adults in his life

She bonded with us instantly, superficially calling us

[ story continued next page ]

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still trust God with his well-being, even when he wasn’t going to be living my house. We told our best friends we were going to adopt our girl but not the pre-teen. This was one of the hardest confessions we have ever had to make. We wondered if we would be judged, we wondered if we would lose friends, and we wondered if the pre-teen would understand. After all, he’d already been through so much. Ultimately, though, we had to obey God and trust the results to him.

Unconditional love: an adoption story

that loved him enough to make hard decisions based on his best interest. I prayed, I fretted, I cried, and I worried about where he would go. I selfishly wanted to keep him, simply just to control his environment. However, I knew almost two years ago God had whispered to me about his well-being. Now, I could

About a week later, our best friends told us they felt we were supposed to say no...because God wanted them to say yes. Let that sink in. Our best friends wanted to adopt the pre-teen we had been caring for. We would get to watch him grow up, see him all the time, come to birthday parties and, someday, at graduation, his adoptive mom and I, his foster mom, will hold hands and “ugly cry” together as he walks across the stage. This month, November, also known as “Adoption Month,” we will officially adopt our little miss. She will become a part of the forever Meredith family. On that day, I will stand with five other families and watch as God fuses these children to us. Although they were born to another mother and removed from chaos at God’s perfect time, he knew before the world began they would come home to us forever in November 2014. Our little miss is not “normal” just because she is getting adopted. She is not instantly cured because she has a new name and new parents. She still struggles with her emotional issues, and she may very well struggle with these issues her whole life. Adoption, to us, is not about the perfect family being matched with the perfect child with a fairy tale ending, everything coming up roses. It’s about the choice to love a child, make the hard decision about what is best for that child, being willing to commit to the long haul with them, and show what real unconditional love is. It’s not glossy, it’s not all roses, it’s not all rainbows...but it is the most beautiful example of Christ’s love for us.

68 November 2014

More than anything, adoption has helped me see I am that filthy, half-dressed child who is hungry, developmentally delayed, and so scared I am peeing on myself. Jesus took me in, in spite of my issues, He accepts me, though I am horrible to look at. He loves me even though I regress instead of progress. He is willing to see me through the long haul, no matter what. He gave us his life, his comfort, his home, and his love for me. He adopted me into his forever family, and I have never been more grateful.

Fibroids By Jason Hurt, MD Creekside Clinic for Women

he uterus is made of muscle, and fibroids ,which bulge from the inside or outside of the uterus, can grow from this muscle. Please note that these common growths are not cancerous and havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t shown evidence to become cancerous. Approximately 80 percent of women will develop fibroids in their lifetime, but not all of these women will experience bothersome symptoms. Treatment is available for women who have fibroid related problems, like heavy menstrual bleeding, pain or pressure in the pelvis, pain during intercourse, or difficulties with pregnancy or infertility. The cause of fibroids is unknown, but they seem to respond to the female hormones estrogen and progesterone. Some women have specific genes which may predispose them and other females in their family to develop fibroids. While some grow with time or shrink, others can have instances in which they grow quickly over a short period of time. The size of fibroids can range from microscopic to that of a grapefruit or even larger. The majority are small and asymptomatic; however, there are some women who experience severe symptoms.

Fibroids are more likely to become symptomatic if they are large, many in number, or are located in certain places within the uterus. Bothersome symptoms and problems include increased and/or heavy menstrual bleeding, pelvic pressure, pelvic pain, and pain during sexual intercourse. Fibroids can also cause other symptoms depending on their location. For example, if a fibroid is pressing on the bladder, a woman may feel the need to use the bathroom frequently. Similarly, a fibroid pressing on the rectum may cause constipation. Fibroids may also cause problems with fertility and pregnancy. Your health care provider may suspect fibroids if your uterus is enlarged or has an irregular shape. A pelvic ultrasound, which uses sound waves to create a picture of the uterus, is often used to confirm if fibroids are present. Women with significant symptoms may try medical or surgical treatments; however, the best treatment depends on which symptoms are most bothersome. The size, number, and location of the fibroids and whether you desire a future pregnancy also factor into most treatment decisions. Two treatments, medical and surgical, are available for women who suffer from

this affliction. Medical treatments are those which use medication to reduce heavy menstrual bleeding such as: non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (ibuprofen and naproxen), hormonal birth control (oral contraceptive pill, skin patch, vaginal ring, shot, hormonal intrauterine device, hormonal implant, and antifibrinolytic medicines), and finally those which help the blood clot but do not contain hormones. Surgical treatments include myomectomy (surgery that removes individual fibroids from the uterus), endometrial ablation (an operation that destroys the lining of the uterus), uterine artery embolization (a treatment that blocks the blood supply to the fibroids), or a hysterectomy. When considering surgical treatments for fibroids, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to have a discussion with your healthcare provider if you desire to become pregnant in the future. Keep in mind that pregnancy is not recommended after an endometrial ablation or uterine artery embolization has been performed. When discussing treatment options, you and your healthcare provider should choose a treatment which is best for you.

5330 Willow Creek Drive, Springdale (479) 582-9268 â&#x20AC;˘ www.creeksideobgyn.com

Girls

Night out!

ince becoming a Mommy 8 years ago, I have acquired a skill I never needed until now. I became a “play date scheduler extraordinaire.” When one of the kids asks for a play date, I am able to reach out to the prospective parents, coordinate a date, time, location, pick up plan, and drop off plan in 15 minutes or less. Give me an extra 5 minutes and I can even create a double play date so both Ava and Holden have a select friend or group of friends in the same location to maximize time in our already overfilled calendar. One of Ava’s favorite places to go with her friends is Imagine Studios in Rogers, so this month when planning my own play date of sorts with my friends I decided to take a page from her book. A group of ladies in a fun, creative environment like Imagine Studios is the perfect setting for good conversation. There is room for lots of laughter and many more throwbacks to college like behavior--like staying up way past bedtime (our kids’ at least) and

... at Imagine Studios!

eating greasy pizza without concern for the scale, or being goofy in public because you forget anyone else is around and just don’t care. I have also never crammed for a project or test more than I did on this GNO (Girl’s Night Out). When one of the ladies shared she had researched Pinterest for design ideas to prepare for the art on hand, I have never grabbed my phone so quickly, pulled up the same site, and panicked while looking for my own inspiration. Why hadn’t I gotten a plan before I got there? Argh! It was College Algebra all over again! Luckily there wouldn’t be a grade, but there was an A+ given at the end of the night in terms of effort and passion. Imagine Studios is a staple in Northwest Arkansas. It is a fun environment where artists and aspiring artists of all ages can create a piece that instantly transforms into a treasure with the stroke of a brush or pen. It is also a place special to my own heart because when I walk in I am instantly taken back to my childhood where I spent time in my grandmother’s ceramic shop. Most of my memories of my grandma include sitting around a

table with a paintbrush in my hand trying to imitate the techniques she had clearly mastered. More than just the painting, it was the stories she shared with me around that table and the freedom to talk about and ask her anything without judgment I cherish most. Like I did as a child, the fact that my own kids have a place to turn a blank piggy bank into a masterpiece or an ordinary plate into an heirloom means a lot to me. A Girls Night Out is good for the heart, the mind, and the soul, but this GNO was even good for our community. When I reached out to Melanie, owner of Imagine Studios, about bringing a group in for a “grown up play date,” she mentioned an idea for us that we immediately accepted. Instead of painting pottery for our own shelves, we got to paint bowls to be donated to a good cause as part of the Empty Bowls initiative through Life Source International. Empty Bowls is an international grassroots effort to fight hunger. People in the community create handcrafted bowls, and then guests are invited to a simple meal of soup and bread. This year’s local event is on November 4th at Mt. Sequoyah Dining Hall. Guests are invited to enjoy a dinner of soup and bread, and then take home one of the handcrafted bowls to remind them of all the empty bowls they are helping to fill in our community. For more information for this event visit www.lifesourceinternational.org

I couldn’t schedule a night at Imagine Studios without also scheduling one for Ava, and Holden and their friends. The night after we painted the bowls, the kids got to attend a Friday Fun Night where they painted pumpkins, got to be creative with various mediums in various art stations, ate pizza, and got to socialize and feel independent. Imagine Studios offers pottery painting, glass painting, mosaic projects, and canvas painting as options for a Girls Night Out. Whether it is for a bridal shower, bachelorette group, mom’s groups, or women’s Bible study group, as long as you have 5 people you can have a fun evening full of creativity and laughter. To schedule your own GNO, birthday party, art class, or just to drop in and paint, go to http://imagine-artstudio.com or call (479) 268-3190

At a Glance ARTS and MUSIC

At a Glance

BANKS

Abrakadoodle (Pg. 45) (479) 856-6651 abrakadoodle.com Crystal Bridges (Pg. 8) (479) 418-5700 crystalbridges.org Imagine Studios (Pg. 15) (479) 619-6085 imagine-studios.com The Walton Arts Center (Pg. 18) (479) 443-5600 First Security (Pg. 68) www.fsbank.com; www.onlyinark.com

CHILDCARE/NANNY SERVICES

ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 71) (479) 621-6126 www.abchappykids.com Better Beginnings, Bright Haven (Pg. 27, 74) (800) 445-3316 arbetterbeginnings.com The Kid’s Studio (Pg. 23) (479) 268-6675 www.thekidsstudio.com Larson’s Language Center (Pg. 60) (479) 633-9900 Mary’s Little Lambs (Pg. 59) (479) 273-1011 Seeking Sitters (Pg. 72) (501) 203-3097 www.seekingsitters.com

CHURCHES

Unitarian Universalist (Pg. 33) www.uubcar.com

CLOTHING

2nd Look Consignment (Pg. 79) (479) 790-1536

The Baby’s Room (Pg. 9) (479) 631-6001

Dillard’s Department Story (Pg. 19) (479) 936-7984

CONSIGNMENT

2nd Look Consignment (Pg. 79) (479) 790-1536

DANCE/CHEER/TUMBLE/STRETCH

The Little Gym (Pg. 59) (479) 636-5566 tlgrogersar.com

DENTIST

Delta Dental (Pg. 62) deltadental.com Smile Shoppe Pediatric Dentistry (Pg. 48) (479) 631-6377

DERMATOLOGY

Hull Dermatology and Aesthetics (Pg. 25) (479) 254-9662 hullderm.com

NWA Center for Plastic Surgery (Pg. 2) (479) 571-3100 nwacenterforplasticsurgery.com

Kiehl’s Skin Care (Pg. 19) (479) 936-7984

EDUCATION/TRAINING

Larson’s Language Center (Pg. 60) (479) 633-9900 Shiloh Christian School (Pg. 49) (479) 756-1140 Sunshine School (Pg. 75) (479) 636-3190 Walnut Farm Montessori (Pg. 43) (479) 271-9424 walnutfarmmontessori.com

FAMILY FUN / ENTERTAINMENT

Fast Lane Entertainment (Pg. 42) (479) 659-0999 www.fastlanebowl.com Little Giggles (Pg. 17) (479) 268-4949 Mad Science (Pg. 51) (479) 444-0303 www.madscience.org/nwa The Party Place (Pg. 58) (479) 230-9494 thepartyplacear.com Starlight Skatium (Pg. 47) (479) 444-STAR Stephanie’s Musique (Pg. 57) www.stephaniesmusique.net The Walton Arts Center (Pg. 18) (479) 443-5600

FOOD / DRINK

TCBY (Pg. 3) (479) 636-8229 (TCBY)

FURNITURE

Bassett (Pg. 78) (479) 571-0200 bassettfurniture.com

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

Dr. Jim Elkins (Pg. 27) (479) 636-0300 Ginn Foot and Ankle (Pg. 77) (479) 254-1975 www.nwafoot.com Tate HealthCare (Pg. 61) (479) 271-6511 www.tatehealthcare.com

HOME and YARD

Carpet Smart (Pg. 31) (479) 750-0117 / (866) 795-8520

JEWELRY AND GIFTS

David Adams (Pg. 47) davidadams.com

LEARNING CENTER

ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 71) (479) 621-6126 www.abchappykids.com Larson’s Language Center (Pg. 60) (479) 633-9900

MARTIAL ARTS ATA (Pg. 63)

Bentonville: (479) 273-1212 / Fay: (479) 443-5425

OPTOMETRIST

Pediatric Vision Development Center (Pg. 73) nwavisiontherapy.com (479) 795-1411

PEDIATRICIAN

PETS

Best Start Pediatric Clinic (Pg. 37) (479) 575-9359 Bentonville Pediatric Clinic (Pg. 4) (479) 273-5437 The Children’s Clinic at Springdale (Pg. 11) (479) 751-2522 Harvey Pediatrics (Pg. 71) (479) 254-1100 harveypediatrics.com MANA NWA Pediatric Clinic (Pg. 69) Wellness: (479) 443-3471 Urgent: (479) 442-7322 Phenom-A-Dog (Pg. 73) (479) 202-5303 phenomadog.com

PLASTIC SURGEON

NWA Center for Plastic Surgery (Pg. 2) (479) 571-3100 www.nwacenterforplasticsurgery.com

ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 71) (479) 621-6126 www.abchappykids.com Kindergrove (Pg. 67) (479) 936-2155 Larson’s Language Center (Pg. 60) (479) 633-9900 The Kid’s Studio (Pg. 23) (479) 268-6675 www.thekidsstudio.com Mary’s Little Lambs (Pg. 59) (479) 273-1011 Walnut Farm Montessori (Pg. 43) (479) 271-9424 walnutfarmmontessori.com

PRESCHOOL/ PRE-K

TALENT

N.C.K. Talent Academy (Pg. 39) (479) 445-6000 thenck.com

THERAPY

TOYS

ABC Happy Kids Learning Academy (Pg. 71) (479) 621-6126 www.abchappykids.com Dr. Thomas Terry Lawson (Pg. 35) (479) 444-1400 www.terrylawson.com Tate HealthCare (Pg. 61) (479) 271-6511 Dilly Dally’s (Pg. 20) (479) 273-5557

WOMEN’S HEALTH

Life Spring Women’s Health (Pg. 17) (479) 271-0005 lifespringhealthcare.com Northwest Primary Care of Springdale (Pg. 13) (479) 927-2100 Northwest Women’s Health Center (Pg. 7) (479) 503-2525 Northwest Willow Creek Women’s Hospital (Pg. 5) (479) 684-3000 Parkhill Clinic for Women (Pg. 55) (479) 521-4433 Siloam Springs Women’s Center (Pg. 30) (479) 524-9312 siloamwomenscenter.com