THEPUN CHANT
How to Be an Academic WEAPON pg. 69 days till graduation…
It’s The Bay! pg. get me out of here
Irvington | Sea Dubble-u SEa
Irvington High School’s Creative Writing Club is a student-run, interest-based club dedicated to providing a welcoming environment for writers of all kinds to convene and share their ideas outside of an academic setting. Members get a taste of publication through submitting to The Penchant, our online literary magazine. Meanwhile, monthly prompts, in-club competitions, and major writing contests are provided to allow members to explore the implications of writing, improve on their own techniques, and receive feedback from their fellow peers. Overall, our collective mission is to enable the students of Irvington to write what they wish and have their voices heard.
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Cover Photo by Phil Botha on Unsplash
Who would have thought Obama would come with the heat? Ever since leaving his post as the first African American president of America, we have all wondered what Obama would do next. Aside from his antics with his fellow presidential candidates in Minecraft, Obama seems to have been cooking up some major heat in the studio. Presidential Gas Pack, the result of several sessions with rap greats like BabyTron and Lil Yachty, is a masterpiece of Detroit rap, but ultimately too one-toned.
An Analysis of Presidential Gas Pack: A Mirage of Excellence Mired in Deeply Dubious Impersonation by asher
The intro track, aptly named “Presidential Intro”, begins with some highly patriotic trumpets, but cuts suddenly into vicious bars by the man himself. In a rapid-fire assault on the beat, Obama raps bangers such as “Trump looking goofy, he got a perm” and “Cos I fill it up with shots like I just turned 21”. The song beautifully transitions into the second song, “Obamatron”, clearly influenced by the great BabyTron. On the virtue of the transition, the beat and rap melt in with the previous song, but still his entertaining lyrics like “I ain’t a singer, but the blick sounding like Adele” work immensely in his favor.
Though short and concise, songs begin to feel repetitive coming into the 3rd song. “Obama Paid” is more reminiscent of NLE Choppa’s shotta flows, with its bouncy trap beat, and its much of the same rapid-fire bars on Osama Bin Laden, his wife, and dissing trump.
“Osama Pack”, his 4th song, reveals the dichotomy in which the former president lives. He intrudes on an otherwise normal generic song with melodic adlibs reminiscent of Yeat’s croons. I would really like to see such an idea developed more fully later on, as Obama has a knack for using
autotune for hypnotic croons.
the album comes with “Trump Diss Track”, a surprising song to come after their bonding over the Dark Souls tier list. Obama gains back some of his lost energy in the past few songs, in order to completely decimate trump’s career. Obama declares, midway through the song, that he will put trump to sleep, “even if he has insomnia”. A monumental moment in history, it really affirms Obama as the best president in American history. I mean, who else has a diss track for another president?
“Democratic Diamonds”, a return to form for Obama. The beat is sensational, as the traditional trap drums are accompanied by a faint synth melody that’s deceptively catchy. Obama declares his throne of the rap game and presents himself a president actually worth listening to.
Obama declares his throne game and presents himself a president actually worth listening to.
IT’S THE BAY!
by fireweed bridge
The river flows down to the sea, a rusting trickle almost never used. The monkeys fall through sinkholes, entering the BART-ened city catacombs.
A bird chirps as it lands on a metal fence. Lentils rain from its beak. Cold glory and tomatoes grown from a garden for the gullible. Face the wrath of this pomegranate.
Blue clouds on a white sky— O great world, why this reversèd demeanor? Perhaps it's better than the orange Martian skies I've seen in eye of dreams and eye of life.
The bird of prey soars underneath the fireweed bridge, singing Qoslij Datvljaj as it washes its talons in the bay. It carries stars and galaxies upon its back, brilliant thoughts and stupid ones in the twinkling of an uncertain eye.
Heavy tears spill from celery sticks, green paint splashed on red meat. Such heresy is in the air and buried with the bones of dead cows and sheep. The tree shines. It sparkles like light tossed on water of peculiar shape.
So find a story and immerse yourself in dazzling daisy-chainèd thought and freedom running, to rejuvenate these creeks of disregard.
Do u often struggle 2 maintain gud grades over the skool year?
Do u often find urself pulling hairs over how 2 b the academic weapon u wished 2 be? then look no further than…
the ultemit ultamit ultimate guide 2 succeed in high skool
by dr. F- A
To make this a compreHENsive step2step guide for success, the following information has been made as detailed as possible:
● Show up to school on the most important day of finals week 5 minutes before the bell, run to the campus with only 4 minutes to spare, run across the whole campus with 2 minutes to spare and your backpack zipped open, wearing a heavy parka jacket, and hop into your seat 1 second before the bell rings
● Submit projects worth a quarter of your grade 2 seconds before the deadline
● Prioritize catching up on the latest dramas, tv shows, movies, and news over assignments due tomorrow morning—don’t worry, that’s what the time before school starts is for, and also advisory!
● Treat class time as nap time
● Do a midnight manifesting ritual to prepare for tomorrow’s big test instead of pouring over study materials
● Anxiously listen to EDM music right before taking a big test
● Lose your notes the day before a quiz
Welcome To The Annual American Awards Show! (unique, never done before, one-of-a-kind)
Hello, and welcome to the Annual American Awards Show! We have a fantastic show for you tonight, with a bunch of awards ready to be delivered! We had you guys vote, and have come up with the four sections we’ll be going over tonight!
TheEducatedAthleteof TheYear!
The winner of this award has demonstrated continuous activity in his cerebral cortex, and has maintained a consistent effort to display his scientific knowledge to the world. He’s, time and time again, shared profound statements that we have been ever so grateful to receive, statements that have changed my view on the world!
Our winner today is a player for the Brooklyn Nets. With his continuous denial of the world being round, an insistence towards a flat Earth, and the belief that there has never been a real picture of the Earth from space, he has dumbfounded us all. His knowledge and brain size are unique, in a way never seen before, and his scientific knowledge is unparalleled. His name is…Kyrie Irving!
We’d like to thank Kyrie for his factual statements that have changed the views of scientists around the world. By publicly, in front of an audience of millions, stating that the Earth is flat, he’s molded our views in a way that will be beneficial to society for ages to come.
TheHumanitarianofthe Year!
This man, by his outstanding acts of charity, has won the hearts of sports fans around the world. By getting so involved with a charity that their money became his, he showed how deep he was willing to go to make sure the thousands of poor the charity funded were cared for.
Additionally, by using the charity he was involved with’s money to pay for his daughter’s education, he displayed to the young viewers around the world that education reigned supreme. The winner… Brett Favre!
By embezzling money from his local charity and using that money to pay for his daughter’s education, Favre showed there was no length he would stop at to show children that education was the most important. In this act, he also showed the importance of family; he picked his daughter’s education over thousands of poor people suffering in the cold, despite having millions of dollars from his NFL career. For these outstanding heroics, he has earned the title of humanitarian of the year.
TheNobelPeacePrize
Our final award for today is special in the fact that it is the most coveted award in the entire world. The Nobel Peace Committee has decided to award this honor to a former football player who had the world in a chokehold from the moment he stepped foot on the field. He fit into the people’s hearts like a hand in a glove, which shrunk because of the enormity of his passion for the game. He had a thrill for the chase, especially in white Ford Broncos. This man walks free today, and because of the positive impact he had on the millions of children who looked at him as a role model, he deserves this award. The winner…OJ SIMPSON.
Simpson, in his heroic actions on the Bills, and his work in banding the nation together, deserves the prize. Whether the banding together was for or against him is irrelevant. Regardless, the death of his wife at the hands of an unknown assailant fitting SImpson’s exact metrics and personality was merely a coincidence. Simpson’s heroic actions culminated in his work “if I DID IT”, where he made the if so miniscule it seemed, for one unconscionable second, that he murdered his wife.
However, his heroic actions in taking advantage of the public for his own personal profit were the main factors given in considering him for the award. That’s all for now! If you have any complaints with the recipients, we really don’t care! Thanks for Watching!
