24 minute read
Saint Ellis by Harnoor
SAINT ELLIS
by harnoor nagra
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K pulled a lighter from their pocket and started to reach for a cigarette. “God, could you please not do that here,” whined Ellis. They were in a room that couldn’t have been larger than 15 feet in any direction. Along one wall were provisions–all the basic necessities for survival. There was a bathroom tucked into one corner. All of it was stark shades of white and grey. And Ellis wasn’t exactly sure if oxygen was circulating. Oh no. A new fear. Maybe they had just left her in her to slowly run out air with no one but K for company. She felt sorry for K more than anything else. They tucked the cigarette back into a pocket inside their clothes. K wore a simple black suit that had a surprising number of hidden pockets. She was pretty sure they were an agent from some country. She’d managed to find out nothing about them in the week they had been stuck in here. They looked like they could have been from quite literally anywhere in the world, mid-toned brown skin with hair that seemed to be both black and brown at once.
“I have a high-stress job. I need to cope,” said K. “Think about who you’re talking to,” replied Ellis. K chuckled. “What’s your real name?” Ellis asked suddenly, hoping to catch them off guard. “K.” K?” “Your parents named you
“Who said I had parents?” Ellis let out a frustrated screech. “We’re gonna die together, you might as well tell me something.” “Read a book.” “They’re all boring, and I’ve finished two of them a row.” “Austen is hardly boring.” So they had read a Jane Austen novel. That was something. That was one point to the British category. K spoke in a sort of London accent that alternated between posh and casual. But Ellis was starting to think it was only because that was the accent that Canadians considered to be the voice of authority. When they had been in China, K had spoken what sounded like fluent Mandarin. And then they had gotten a phone call and immediately switched to a language that seemed vaguely Nordic. “We’re not going to die,” K said after Ellis didn’t respond. “They only gave us so much
food.”
“They’ll give us more.” “Who even knows where we are? Where would they even enter through? How is the air in here circulating?” Ellis asked frantically. K was silent. Nothing about them seemed panicked. “I’ll bring you back if you tell me your real name,” Ellis said, changing the subject again. “You’d have to kill me first.” “I’m nothing if not persistent.” K smirked. Both of them were silent for a very long time. Ellis traced the outlines of the single light that illuminated the room. It would go out periodically, and they would both retreat to their beds. But it was too bright to ever sleep when it was on. Ellis wondered if this was all some sort of classical conditioning experiment.
“I wanted to be an engineer,” Ellis said, breaking the unbearable silence.
K raised an eyebrow, the most emotion they had expressed in days.
“I can’t remember what it was like to be that person. I wanted to move to some big city. Probably San Francisco. Maybe New York. Or even Austin.” K only nodded to show that they were listening. Ellis felt her voice crack. “I don’t want to waste away here. I want to be out there. I want to–I don’t know what I want. To help people I guess? Surely I am worth more out there than I am here.” “There’s a war,” said K. Ellis was silent. There hadn’t been one the last time they were outside. Ellis didn’t know why she had assumed there wouldn’t be one. Humanity was terrible. After a while, she said, “Do they want me to die?” “Some do. The Vatican, I assume, wants you locked away. Most religious groups aren’t big fans of you, don’t really trust you. You’ve sort of made an enemy of every right-wing party in the world. They found out the kind of person you were before… all this. But most people want you alive and active. You’re probably the most valuable resource in the world right now.” Sometimes the moments that change your life start out so incredibly mundane and sometimes they start during the worst moment of your life. Ellis was in a church parking lot of all places, sitting behind the wheel of the world’s most hideous car. Some song older than she was buzzed on the radio. The singer said something about love saving him. She punched the radio. Liar.
She held a little cardboard box. It was from some small business because Helen didn’t shop on Amazon. It had a few shirts inside. A bracelet. Some pottery. She had even returned the letters that Ellis had written. Ellis sobbed. She sobbed even though it made her feel stupid. And she sobbed even though she had done the breaking up. And she sobbed while the radio kept talking about the most exquisite type of love.
She did not know how long she had been crying by the time she noticed the odd shape in the lake. Stepping out into the cold winter air, she saw the figure. No bigger than a smudge in the distance, but distinctively human, floating in the lake by the church. The ice that lined the ground was slick at her feet as she ran towards the half-frozen over water. About a dozen feet from shore Ellis could see the body of a child–they looked no older than 12–and their face was streaked with a deep red. Still fully clothed, Ellis jumped into the water. She shook for a second from the shock of the ice-cold water. She really hated living in Canada. Teeth chattering, she willed her shivering body to swim towards the boy. Her lungs were on fire by the time she got there, and she was scared her muscles would spontaneously stop working. But all of that stopped when she saw the boy. Oh, God. She had hoped that the red streak wasn’t blood. The best way to describe it was that his head had been caved in, and he reeked of early decomposition. Oh God. Oh God.
She couldn’t look as he dragged him to shore, the muscle ache unnoticeable over the sickness in her stomach. How could this have happened? Who was this poor kid? Oh God. She didn’t want to think about it.
Collapsing on the snowy bank, her shaking hands searched for her phone. She guessed she would need to call 911. Except her phone was soaking wet, and the screen was flashing strange colors. Hot tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t move. She was too cold and too tired. She couldn’t look at that poor kid. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted him to just be alive. She wanted for something so horrible to never have happened. She reached out to touch his face. He was younger than she had originally assumed. Only about 8 or 9. “I’m sorry,” she whispered over and over again as she struggled up to her feet. She would need to talk to someone at the church. Her entire body shook and ached as she crawled up to all fours. She was still whispering apologies to this poor kid. She extended a hand to stroke his cheek. “I’m sorry I was too late,” she said, tasting her tears. She wished she could just will him back to life. To reverse something that should have never happened. And then she was warm. It started at her fingers and quickly spread across her entire arm. She noticed the light second. The day was a miserable grey one, but suddenly it was as if she was staring directly into the sun. And then she was flying. Not really flying. She was sort of thrown by some unseen force. She felt the wind get knocked from her as if she collided with a tree.
It must have been a while later when she came to. The sky was darker. And a man–she did not know him–stood looking down at her. He was crying. Why was he crying? He knelt down to look at her, slowly reaching out a hand. She was still half-dreaming and the part of her that was awake ached, but she knew enough to not let a strange man touch her face. She crawled back. He was in all black? No. There was a little white at his collar. A pastor. “I don’t go to church,” she said, still unaware of how she got here.
The pastor said something incomprehensible about a return or rebirth or something. Tears were still welling in his eyes. Then she remembered what had happened. Her hands were crusted with blood. “The kid,” she The pastor only nodded and continued. “Where’s the kid?” she asked. He did not answer, only continued to recite. “Where’s the kid?!” she asked again, louder this time. A woman came up to her. She wore some kind of uniform. “Give her space,” she said, swatting the pastor away. Her hair was neatly pulled back into a bun, her face was very sharp. She made a sort of prayer motion with her hands as she approached Ellis. “I think you may want to see the security footage,” she said to the pastor who was still standing next to them. The man, who seemed to be at least 50, sprinted towards the church.
Ellis. The woman helped her up. “What’s going on?” asked
“It seems as though you may be a newly minted saint. Or the second coming of Christ. Or the Anti-Christ. Or a space alien. Depending on who you ask,” she said.
Ellis chuckled uncomfortably. Was she on the
After that, it had been everything at once. A hospital visit. Meeting the president. And every other world leader. And most religious leaders. And labs and testing. And talking to about a thousand doctors. And after the doctors and scientists couldn’t figure out what she was, they brought in the spiritualists. All the while she had revived a few hundred animals and about a dozen people. But she couldn’t always do it. And there wasn’t a pattern to it. She had revived adulterous gamblers and philanthropists all the same. All insignificant people. She had known there was a tension growing across the world as they slowly realized how unexplainable she was. She may have made a few comments that made it worse. Like saying that she wouldn’t revive Ronald Reagan as a joke on Larry King. That hadn’t gone over too well. It wasn’t a lie, she was pretty against reviving most historical figures, but that perhaps was not the best choice. Of course, every part of her existence had been analyzed. She was liberal. She didn’t go to church. She probably drank a little more than she should. And then came the safe houses. Bunkers in remote parts of the world with no one but K for company. Neither of them knew where they were. Perhaps Greenland. Or Antarctica. Maybe even the Sahara. They had been drugged before they were brought here. And now they sat looking at each other in a room with no doors. How many people had died because of her? She would bet money that the nukes would come out soon. Or maybe they would kill her before then. Or maybe K and her would be the only two people left. And those people that live on remote islands.
This world did not deserve miracles.
Miracles. What are they really? Is everything a miracle? Or is nothing a miracle? Was it a miracle that he got a job? That she finally had a breakthrough? Maybe it was a miracle, or maybe it wasn’t, but for how often the word “miracle” pops up in people’s minds, nobody seems to question where the term comes from. Can they even imagine the pain of the spirit tethered to the Earth for thousands of years, waiting for them? Just trying to be seen, to be heard? Please, just anything, to let people know she’s there. She’s just trying to help them, but nobody notices her, not anymore. On this cold night where the mist settles low on rooftops, where she sits atop the house looking down at the ocean, her memories come to torment her once again. It was an ancient civilization, a place only known by the term Aladonia. The people there lived in their own world, with stories of a history never recorded in any book. They worshiped the gods, especially the Sea God, as they were an island nation. However, they started hurting the sea. They took advantage of it and the Sea God, and they paid for it. The Sea God cursed their country, and misfortune fell upon all of them. With people dying at every turn, sickness plaguing every house, and the economy in ruins, not a single day went by without misery. Every day, the people lived through fear, doubts, and darkness. Until finally, one day, a girl changed everything. She was a child, born to a mother cursed with the misfortune of dying when she gave birth, and a father that had an unfortunate passing a few months before. Being a part of this civilization, the curse attacked her as well. However, she always tried to help the people around her, but they didn’t want it. They lived so long through pain, they didn’t know how to accept anything else. However, no matter what happened every day, no matter how many people told her to hate the Sea God, she couldn’t. Through each misfortune, each moment, the sea was the only place she found comfort. The waves gently lapped against the shore, burying her ankles in the water and sand. In the day, the crystal emerald hue of the water filled her with joy and wonder. At night, it seemed like she was swimming among the stars. The loud unhappiness of the country didn’t affect her here. The Sea God was initially angry that the girl had come to seek their domain for comfort, when they were the one that had been hurt by the same people she was part of. But curiosity overtook them. The girl never asked for anything, she seemed simply content being near the water, being in the water. She was kind to the ocean and the animals living in it, but the Sea God wasn’t convinced. This had happened before, and the people had just taken advantage of them. So one day, they appeared to the girl. Made of water, they let their human shape take form, their skin the dark blue full of stars. The girl’s eyes looked up in wonder, and smiled. The Sea God raised an
A FORGOTTEN STORY
by red
eyebrow in indifference, but they sat down next to the girl. The water dripped down onto the sand and the footsteps they left behind settled deep into the sand. The water shifted until they appeared again, sitting right next to her. She looked up at the Sea God in awe, tentatively raising a hand to touch them. Her hand went right through their arm, the tips of her fingers going past the liquid surface. Her eyes widened, reflecting the stars in the water until she started laughing. Her high pitched laughs rang through the night air as she fell backwards into the sand, clutching her stomach. The Sea God, curious as ever, laid down next to her, trying to figure her out. What was her motive? She smiled, tears in her eyes, and looked at them, eyes shiny with a completely different light. “I found you,” she sighed. Over the next few weeks, when the girl came to visit the ocean, the Sea God accompanied her. She got them smiling in just a few evenings. There was one time she even made a flower crown for them, but it fell right through their head, causing them to burst out laughing. They took it out and placed it on top of the water that made up their hair, this time, making sure it stayed there. The afternoons, early mornings, and late nights, went on like this. The Sea God grew fond of the girl, but every day when she left, the Sea God was reminded of the misfortunes that would befall her while she was away. Curses weren’t things that went away at the flick of a finer. They were powerful things, so they took years to level out. They would never go away completely, just reaching a level that didn’t harm the world as much it did before. The Sea God sighed, and looked at the flickering bonfire roaring from the center of the village. It was the only day the people tried to be happy, the day they celebrated the birth of their nation. As the people danced around in the sand, the Sea God wondered if they shouldn’t have cursed this country. The next evening, the girl brought a younger child with her. A girl, who was old enough to be able to stand confidently, but still wobbled a bit on her feet. When the girl settled down onto the sand, she picked up the toddler, and in one swift motion, dropped the girl in her lap. The child gazed up at the Sea God, not even blinking once. Then her arms started to come up, arms reaching for them. The Sea God, startled, looked at the girl, but she smiled at them. Picking up the baby, she held her in front of the Sea God, who stared down at the young human for a second, before carefully reaching for her. They settled her against his chest, careful to make the water that encompassed them a solid wall. She looked up at them again, before shifting in their arms and closing their eyes. It only took a few minutes before she fell asleep. The Sea God broke out to a full grin. The small child in their arms breathed small, shallow breaths, and made cute little noises every now and then as she shifted. The girl eventually fell
asleep as well, falling to lean against their shoulder.
Sitting in the sand with the girl and the toddler, the Sea God felt content. Happy. Maybe not all humans were as bad as they thought them to be. But the peace didn’t last long. The waves started crashing against the shore. Harder and harder, higher and higher, pulling in the girl and baby. Unguarded, the Sea God didn’t notice what was happening, until the water pulled out the weight in their arms and shoulder. They were gone. The toddler, and the girl. They were gone.
“No, no, no, no!” Humans couldn’t breathe underwater. It was a simple solution, they simply pulled them back from under the water, but when they were out, the children started coughing. They tried to breathe, to get as much air into their lungs as they could, in fear they would never be able to again. The Sea God rushed to both of them, covering them in a blanket of the warm water that made them, and lulled them to sleep once again. The curse was still in effect, and it would continue to do anything to hurt the people of this country. They needed to stop this.
By the end of the next day, the Sea God had pulled back the curse, but it would take years for the curse to go away completely. The Sea God needed to protect the girl, and the people she cared about. Maybe even the rest of the country’s people if they no longer harmed the sea. So the next day, when the girl came by the ocean, staring into the shimmering green sea, the Sea God
appeared in front of her. She smiled at them, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Not when the ocean had just tried to kill her last night. The Sea God wrapped her in a warm hug, before pulling back to touch her forehead.
They chanted in their language, “Nameless child, I send you out into the world as Miraclae, and gift you the power to bring fortune to those who need it. Your need to do good in the world will start here. Love the Earth, love the plants, the oceans, the animals. Love the burning fires, the calm mists. Love the people who call this place their home.”
When she opened her eyes, the murky brown that used to rarely let her light shine turned soft. A warm chocolate that enveloped the person that looked into them, in warmth and safety. The mark that represented her name appeared on her forehead, in a gold rimmed turquoise, the same color of the ocean when the sun shone. Her short tangled hair turned a brilliant golden hue, and her skin cleared up to reveal the beautiful olive underneath all the dirt and pain. Her bright eyes gleamed up at them, asking silent questions. They chuckled down at her, and settled into the sand.
“Patience, my child. I’ll show you the ropes, don’t worry” they answered, a lilt in their tone. Now, they were finally happy. Nothing could ever hurt their child again, and she would be able to protect the ones close to her, maybe even more than that.
Over the next few months, the Sea God helped the girl with her abilities, and guided her through the towns to help her use them. She helped many people, families, children, people who were buried in darkness so deep it seemed impossible to lift them out of it. But she did it. She went all around, and helped them. The curse was not completely gone, but it was being nullified by her gifts. The people stopped fearing the Sea God. They grew happier, brighter. The towns and villages cleared up, and the air grew lighter. People were smiling once again, and they made sure to be careful about how they were treating the world around them. Miraclae was loved by every person, by every family. Every door was open for her, every heart let her in. But she was still human.
When the curse was brought to the least harmful state it could be, the young girl the Sea God had known was about 40. There were those who tried to take advantage of her power, but they never succeeded. The misfortune still affected people, but they worked it out, and Miraclae still went to people who had been suffering the misfortune for long, or for people who worked hard and even harder than that. Every person she could reach, she would help.
Eventually, it became her time to leave. The Sea God saw her off in her final moments, watching her soul leave her body and reshape into the young 21 year old she’d been. Her hair had grown longer, but she cut it short again. Her limbs filled out and she grew taller than most of the women in the country. The Sea God wasn’t in charge of where she would go now, but they were able to give her a choice.
“Miraclae, my child. You have helped those in need throughout your lifetime, even those who seemed beyond it in so many ways, You never lost hope, in the earth and in your people, and now, it is your time to rest. However, I can give you a choice. You can stay rest for 60 years and return to Earth as a spirit to help those you can, or you can become reincarnated. The choice is yours, my child. Choose whichever will bring you more joy.” The Sea God stared up at the now faint translucent eyes of the girl’s soul, but even now, after death, they were still sparkling.
“I am tired. 80 years will do that to a person” she chuckled. “But I would like to stay and help others. I still have people I care about here, and I would like to stick around to see the future. I want to help the ones who need it, and make sure the future is a bright place. I-” The Sea God stood and developed the girl in their embrace. Their light still hadn’t faded, even after all these years, and that made the Sea God happier than they had ever been before. Why had they ever expected otherwise? Taking her hand, the two descended into the water. The Sea
God hoped, even as the years went on, the girl would never lose that spark.
After 60 years, in which she had explored the waters and been one with the forests, in which she’d sunk into the core of warm, flickering fires, and settled deep into the earth, she came back to the surface. The world had changed in the last 60 years. The buildings of her past no longer stood tall and proud, but were replaced by the new world. It made the girl a little sad that everything around her had changed, but she was excited to see how people had made their new homes.
Now, she floated around, exploring the surface world and how it seemed to change so rapidly, helping and watching over those in need, all those she could help. She worked long and hard, and the Sea God still returned to her to make sure she didn’t overwork herself. A spirit didn’t need the things a human did, but it would become painful for her if she used her abilities too much. With the Sea God by her side, and the people to watch over, the girl felt above the clouds, literally and figuratively. Her stories were passed down from generation to generation, about the girl named Miraclae, who brought forth good fortune. They called these events, “miracles'', after her. The stories changed each time they were told, some so twisted up, they made her laugh every time she heard it. Her life after death was filled with joy, and even in the moments it wasn’t, everything turned out alright.
Except when the world turned its back on her, without even noticing.
Time has a way of twisting things, like how many common phrases were cut in half to be used in the complete opposite situations they were made for. She couldn’t help everyone, and so people started questioning miracles. Were they really miracles? Or were they just a stroke of luck? Every time people doubted her, it hurt. It stung in the soul that tethered her to this world, as the people around her started to believe she was never really there.
“I’m here. I’m right here. I’m watching over you, so don’t worry. I’m.. right.. here…” She tried to say. She tried to show people she was still here, she was still helping, that they would be okay. But they never heard her. They walked right past her, unknowingly hurting the spirit with each step they took.
“I’m right here…” she whispered, the ghosts of tears slipping down her cheeks.
Years, decades, centuries passed by, but nothing changed. If anything, the questions grew and grew, questioning her existence,
questioning if she had left them. And yet, everyday, the girl put on another smile and went out into the world. The Sea God watched as the spark started to fade from the girl’s eyes, but they could do nothing about it, but comfort her. Sometimes, when they sat together in front of the ocean, it would come back long enough for them to see that spark return to her eyes, only for them to dull again. One night, she turned to the Sea God, breathing in deep, like she was building up her resolve.
“Am I being selfish if... ,”she paused, hesitating, but finally pushed it through. “Is it really that bad if I want to be noticed? If I want to be heard, to be noticed? Is it that bad to ask if I want to be believed in?” The Sea God smiled at her sadly, wrapping their arms around her to surround her in a blanket of warm water.
“Of course not.” They looked up at the stars and hoped that the people would one day overcome their doubts and believe in the spirit that had served them for so long. They looked down at her tired eyes. She deserved it.
