Black Cloud

by Wraith

I looked up at the sky as large droplets of rain beating down on the sidewalk. The sky was a gloomy gray. Great. The forecast hadn’t said anything about rain, yet here it was. I trudged my way to the bus stop and sat on the bench, my already messy hair now damp. After waiting for 15 minutes, my bus arrived, late as it always was. “Good morning Katherine!” John greeted, perpetually cheerful. I mumbled a reply, hoping it sounded genuine, and moved to my usual seat. The stench of gasoline and smoke hung in the air, and as I sat down, I could feel some sort of hardened gum left behind on the seat. Good morning indeed. Out the window was the same boring old route that we passed everyday, with the old gas station and the grocery store. I felt my eyes droop but I stayed upright, forcing my body to function on the measly four hours of sleep I’d gotten last night. The bus arrived at my stop and jerked to a stop. I got off and started walking to the enormous office building that I had started working at just last week, thinking of the pointless day ahead. The fat drops of water were coming in full force now, and my blouse and skirt were soaked as I entered the building. As I sat down in my cubicle, Nia from the next desk slid over to me. She wouldn’t let me work in peace today, either, would she? “Hey Katherine! Where did you get that skirt? It looks absolutely fabulous on you!” she exclaimed. This was the only pencil skirt that had been on sale and one could see why the store had been so eager to get rid of it. It was the only one that worked with my budget. She didn’t need to mock me about it though. “Thank you,” I said stiffly. “Now, I have a lot of work I need to get to, so if you don’t mind…” “Oh yeah, sure,” she replied with a slightly disappointed look. I felt bad, but I didn’t have time for idle chit-chat. I opened up the ancient desktop on my desk and waited for it to load. It eventually started up, and I started working on the files left for me at my desk in silence. A bathroom break. A lunch break. Another bathroom break to touch up my drugstore-bought makeup and hide the circles under my eyes. The day went on and on. I couldn’t help glancing at my watch, frustrated. Finally, at 5 PM, I shut down my computer, put the incomplete files back in their place, grabbed my purse, and headed out. I walked to my second bus stop of the day and sat down, tapping my foot against the pavement. The rain still hadn’t let up, and my clothes, which hadn’t had a chance to dry in the first place, were cold and sopping wet. The bus arrived, and I stepped in, still shivering from the cold. I expected to feel some warmth upon entering, but the bus was as cold as a tundra. I sighed and rolled my eyes inwardly. It wasn’t like I should’ve expected anything better. “Beautiful weather we’re having!” Anna smiled at me. I gave her a nod of acknowledgement and moved on. It wasn’t in me to remain civil anymore. I started dozing off a few times, but I managed not to fall asleep. At last we arrived at the last stop on the route. I was the only one to get off. O’Connor Children’s Hospital. I pasted a smile on my face and walked inside. “Hi Mrs. Meadows. You can go on up,” Amanda, the receptionist, said softly upon spotting me. I took the elevator up to Jamie’s floor; the children’s ward. The kids there were lying listlessly on their beds, more beds empty than there had been yesterday. I made my way to the far corner, where Jamie was listening to music from the new iPod his father and I had bought him. At the sight of me, Jamie’s face broke into a grin, and it took everything in me to keep the smile on my face from wobbling. “Hi Mama! It rained today! Did you see?” He asked with glee only a child could manage. I gave him a strained smile. “I saw sweetheart. It was beautiful.” “It’s my favorite!” I knew. “Do you wanna know what I did today??” he asked me eagerly. “Of course, sweetheart. Tell me everything,” I invited. He explained to me how he’d had chemo done today and how the doctor had given him Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stickers for how good he was. After he was done going over the whole day, he said softly, “Mama, I don’t know if I’ll be okay.” I blinked back my tears and gently squeezed his once chubby hand, now bony, and said, “Of course you are, darling. You’re a fighter, remember?” Quieter still. “I don’t know if I can fight anymore.” This was it. This was the inevitable conversation I had been terrified of. As Jamie’s condition had steadily gotten worse, the doctors had put him in the ICU and what with the bills being what they were, I had to take up a full time job because Nicholas’s paycheck couldn’t cover them all. Both of us kept praying each day that it would all get better. But it hadn’t. “I know you can Jamie. You can fight this, you hear me?” I replied forcefully, desperately. I couldn’t stop the tears that welled up though I had tried so hard to act cheerful. However, I got the perfect distraction in the form of Dr. Bennett, Jamie’s oncologist. “Good evening, Katherine,” she said. “Doctor. How is he?” I asked, skipping over pleasantries. Her green eyes turned to me with sorrow and sympathy. “Katherine… I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the test results came in and… this treatment isn’t working either.” She put a hand on my arm. I could barely feel it. “What? Why? You said this one could work!” I said, accusatory. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but I could barely think past what this could mean. “I said it could. I’m sorry. His body is failing, Katherine. Jamie is a resilient child. If anyone can make it, I know it’ll be him. We’re not going to give up, I promise. But I don’t know if there’s much left we can do for him,” she said gently. I felt my heart drop. “Please excuse me,” I mumbled and hurried to the bathroom. I couldn’t hold back the sobs threatening to escape during the day. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was how it was going to play out. The cancer had come so quickly. One second, our happy, healthy child was running around our yard without a care in the world, and the next he had been replaced by the somber child in the sickbed whose real personality I came by fleetingly.

I knew there were no such things as miracles. I went home at 3 AM, when it was Nicholas’s turn to stay with Jamie, and sleep came fleetingly. ~ 1 month later I woke up, my eyes swollen, prepared to not be able to witness Jamie’s laughter or his messes or his playfulness. The house felt empty, void of the evidence of life. I made myself a cup of coffee when I got a call from Nicholas. “...Hello?” I said tentatively, fearing the worst. This is how it had been since Jamie had asked to stop the treatment. I was devastated at his choice, but I didn’t want to cause him any more pain than he had to bear, and after Dr. Bennett had given us the test results, we thought it was best. “Kat! This is good news, I think. Can you come to the hospital right now? Dr. Bennett has something she needs to tell both of us,” Nicholas’s voice came in at the other end, confused but hopeful. “I… I can come right now,” I stammered, eyes wide. “Alright. See you in 15. Love you.” “Love you. Bye.” I rushed to the hospital, throwing on whatever clothes I could find and putting my hair up into something that vaguely resembled a ponytail. I headed straight to the elevator, greeting Amanda quickly. My hands were shaking from the nerves. As I stepped onto Jamie’s floor, Dr. Bennett came to greet me with Nicholas hot on her heels. “Doctor? What’s wrong?” I asked cautiously, preparing for the worst. “The cancer is receding,” she said simply. “Wh-what?” I asked, pressing a hand to my chest, where my heart was beating 20 miles a minute. I looked at Nicholas who looked as astonished as I felt. “Jamie is going to get better,” she replied. “It was spreading though. It was unbeatable,” Nicholas voiced the words on the tip of my tongue. “I’m at as much loss as you guys are right now,” Dr. Bennett shrugged and smiled, handing us the results of the test conducted. It was just the routine test done. The doctors hadn’t expected any change but it was written clear as day. “Thank you so much, doctor,” I choked out. I went to Jamie’s bed and sat down on the edge. The cancer that had been such a black cloud on our family was going away, after they’d told us we had no hope. I knew James Ethan Meadows was a blessing but I was only now realizing that he was also a miracle.