Navigating with Kindness anthology by People United

Navigating with Kindness Reflections on an uncertain world.

I don’t want kindness to be fashionable. I want it to be normal... I completely think that this is possible. I think it is possible because I see it every day. Bernadette Russell / Page 27

Contents Introduction

Alan Lane: Living your values

Maria Amidu: Being honest

Alyssa: Behaviours reflect who we are

Mary Ann le Lean: Nurturing relationships

Sue Mayo: Clarity of communication

Gurvinder Sandher: Connecting and communicating

Chill Club: Perspectives of an uncertain world

Stacie Lee Bennett-Worth: Reflections on life in lockdown

Liz Flynn: Slow down

Gemma Rayner James: Space and time

Dr Julie Van de Vyver: Step in or step back

Symone Crouchman: Letting the art do it

Tom Andrews: The importance of listening

Ben Thurman: Encouraging empathy

Bernadette Russell: Paying attention

People United. March 2022

Introduction I’m so happy to be writing an introduction to this publication, which is an anthology of 15 pieces commissioned by People United in 2020, during the first lockdown of the Covid-19 pandemic.

The drawing together of these reflections into an anthology marks the second anniversary of that lockdown. They represent a moment in time, but they have not dated. Two years on we are living in even more uncertain and turbulent times and the words, images and sounds of Navigating with Kindness seem more relevant than ever. At the start of the pandemic I recall an overriding feeling of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear for ourselves and our loved ones, fear for our livelihoods, fear that everything would change and never be the same again. For many, myself included, the feeling of powerlessness in the face of something uncontrollable was overwhelming. At the same time, we held on to the hope that the pandemic would

Navigating with Kindness

be short-lived, that one way or another we’d defeat it and ‘normality’ would return in a few months. We also learned quickly. From individuals to communities to every scale of organisation, we discovered that we could make radical changes on the hoof, we could pivot, respond quickly to need, prioritise compassion and be led by kindness. It seemed that amidst the chaos and uncertainty many of us saw what was most important - or in the words of Alan Lane, we asked ourselves honestly “what are we for?” and then acted on it. And this held so much promise for the future. Two years later Covid is still here, but now we are ‘living with it’. The world has changed, though perhaps not in the way we’d hoped.

Taken together, these thoughts on kindness in a time of crisis are both grounding and inspiring. They tell a story of creativity, compassion, connections and hope.

The long-term impact of the pandemic is cutting deepest in places where there are already deep wounds. Rocketing inflation and soaring energy costs are driving more families deeper into poverty. There is a catastrophic war being fought in Europe, and daily we witness the extremes of inhumanity being countered by kindness and hope - the line of baby buggies on the station platform in Poland left for mothers fleeing the destruction in Ukraine, the hundreds of thousands of people across Europe offering food and shelter to the refugees. We hope this will end soon, but we don’t know when – or what the endgame looks like. It sometimes feels that once Covid kicked down the first domino, they simply carried on falling around our feet.

The response to these pieces took us by surprise. Comments flooded in, Tate paired quotes from the series with artwork from their collection, a poem written by Stacie Lee Bennett-Worth was retweeted again and again, then broadcast on radio as an offer of comfort in difficult times. Liz Flynn struck a chord with so many of us when she talked of the need to take time, make space, rebalance and rediscover, saying “we need to de-condition ourselves from the mindset that success is about running around in constant circles trying to do everything”. I paid heed to that message, but two years on I find that I am back to balancing a hundred plates, spinning them as fast as I can. We have changed, and yet we have not.

That’s why it feels right to re-publish these pieces and not consign them to an archive of past projects.

Taken together, these thoughts on kindness in a time of crisis are both grounding and inspiring. They tell a story of creativity, compassion, connections and hope. Right now seems like the perfect time to revisit them, to pay attention to what we learned, and to keep believing in what we thought possible.

When we first asked each contributor to reflect on one of our Navigating with Kindness cards (the card pack is part of a toolkit we use in our work), we wanted to capture the way kindness was flourishing in an uncertain world, and how, despite everything, people were connecting and reconnecting – to themselves, their communities and to the wider world.

Janice McGuinness CEO People United

Alan Lane, Slung Low. 15th May 2020

Living your values For Alan this was all about asking a single question “What are we for?”

It’s a question that we’ve been asking a lot in the last two months. We know what we are much more clearly than what we are for. We are a theatre company. We make theatre. Are we FOR that? We run the oldest working men’s club in Britain. We sell beer. Are we FOR that? We’re not for selling tickets. We’re not for selling beer. We’re not, it turns out, much for selling anything. In this crisis we’re spending most of our time doing two things. I’d argue that they are both creative acts. Both acts of love. And both acts of service. We became the ward lead for social care referrals. What that really means is we call people in trouble, promise them food and whatever else they need, find it and deliver it. By sundown. We work with 80 volunteers, the tiniest budget for anything we’ve ever done, and it takes all day. Every day. And we opened an art gallery. We posted a letter through the door of three and a half thousand houses saying, if you paint

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something, or draw something or take a photo and leave it on your doorstep, we’ll take a picture and print it on waterproof board and mount it on a lamppost. These two things are stories. We’re story tellers. The first story is that no one in our community gets left behind: we tell the story and then we pay the price of that promise- which is to make it true. And the second story is that each of these locked down homes in our community is crammed full of creative brilliant people: people capable of making art that’s worthy of being exhibited, of being seen by their neighbours. This is what we are for. This is the heart you rush blood to when in danger. It is the mast you cling to when the water level rises. We tell big stories and then make them true in the world. So what are you for? Read Alan’s full story

Each of these locked down homes in our community is crammed full of creative brilliant people: people capable of making art that’s worthy of being exhibited, of being seen by their neighbours.

One of the pieces from Slung Low’s LS11 Art Gallery.

Maria Amidu, artist and People United Advisor. 28th April 2020

Being honest Maria tells us about what she values, including being honest and how her honesty might be helpful to others.

Read Maria’s full story 8

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Alyssa, A Brownie from Croydon. 1st May 2020

Behaviours reflect who we are This short piece from Brownie, Alyssa, is also all about values and how our behaviours reflect who we are.

My name is Alyssa and I am a Brownie in Croydon. I have been working on the kindness challenge badge and these are my reflections. I started by writing a letter to my dad to say thank you for all the things he does for me. Being kind to him made me feel warm inside and it made him feel pleased and happy that I had said thank you for everything he does for me. I made a rainbow on the computer which I then put up in the window for others to see. It made me feel happy to be a part of something.

but also people who might be on their own at this time or who walk past the window and need cheering up. I have learnt that kindness comes in different forms and it isn’t hard to do. My Kindness Pledge is… to think about others and how they will feel and always try to show kindness, and to be a ninja of kindness by spreading kindness in any way possible. Read Alyssa’s full story

I chose Mother Teresa’s quote which was ‘Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.’ I wrote it up and decorated it. I decided to stick it in my bedroom window so I can see it but so can other people. It shows that although kind words don’t seem too last long, the feelings and memories they create for people can last forever. I think I have changed. I think about how I can be kind to people all the time especially people I am living with,

Poster made in response to People United’s Kindness Challenge badge.

Mary Ann le Lean, Year One Consulting 7th May 2020

Nurturing relationships Mary Ann shares how, in isolation, she appreciated and nurtured her relationships more than ever.

As we physically withdraw from one another, hoping to protect our bodies from a new, global illness, our relationships with others have been thrown into a focus that we don’t often acknowledge. We are missing those whom we long to see, whose availability, perhaps, we used to take for granted. We are collectively acknowledging isolation, and our fear of dying, in ways that are normally parcelled away and kept out of sight. The only time I’ve paid attention to my personal relationships in the way that I’m doing now is after a trauma, or around every tenth birthday since I turned 20. At those times, in grief and in celebration, I’ve imagined how the people in my life would describe our relationship, questioned if I had done everything I could to be kind and supportive and true. And then I’d planned out what I needed to do to create or maintain kinder, more supportive, truer relationships. Now my physical world has shrunk so drastically, I’m hugely grateful for the multiple channels that I can now use to keep the back and forth going.

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Without the back and forth, I know from past experience that relationships will wither. I am taking care to keep in touch, to reach out, to send a message with no pressure to reply. To remind the people I love and care for, that I do love and care for them. So here I am again, having just had my 50th birthday, in a whole world of grief and celebration, but this time in physical isolation. I’m making a concerted effort to take care of the relationships that matter the most. The family ones that are based on love, the old friendships that are based on trust and confidences, and the emerging friendships that will help shape my future. And whether it’s a phone call, a funny card, a text or a video call, my guiding principles will be to reach out rather than withdraw, and to focus on keeping my relationships kind, supportive and true. Read Mary Ann’s full story

Sue Mayo, theatre maker and Director of the MA in Applied Theatre at Goldsmiths. 5th May 2020

Clarity of communication Sue focussed on how she built and maintained clarity of communication in a time of social distancing.

Since the beginning of lockdown I’ve been sending a postcard every day. I didn’t know how many days I was committing myself to, but it has become a ritual. I started with family and close friends; since then I have gone into my address book and discovered old friends I haven’t been in touch with for a while. Colleagues and acquaintances have asked to be added.

Part of Sue’s collection of postcards. © Sue Mayo

Like everyone, I am living with an underlying current of worry and sadness. But posting the daily postcard has become part of my morning routine, on the way to the park with the dog. It is a way, for me, of visualising the connections that exist between so many people and me. We must continue to trace the links between ourselves and others, or they will get overgrown, like neglected rights of way.

As the late, great Ken Campbell used to say, “You won’t find the self in a filing cabinet under S! You have to astound the self into being!”. We keep the connections awake by using them, by ‘astounding them into being’. But, like many people, I’m living in a land of unreliable communication. Not everyone has a laptop, good Wi-Fi. In the community project that I was running, we want to keep in touch, and only half the participants have access to the internet. We’ll be using email, phone calls and letters. The territory is not even. Even more importantly, the incredible gift of being able to talk and see each other online can leave us feeling lonelier, less in touch. The loss of being with people when they are talking, and the chance to read more than the spoken words, needs to be acknowledged. We are learning new skills, opening up new ways to enliven digital systems. We are remembering that it doesn’t have to be online. A letter, a postcard, a phone call to a landline, a smile, a gift might be best. However we do it, let’s not let the pathways get overgrown, we’re going to need them! Read Sue’s full story

Gurvinder Sandher, Cohesion Plus. 27th May 2020

Connecting and communicating We asked Gurvinder whether the physical barriers of social distancing opened new ways of connecting and communicating.

Our work around community events and festivals relies on and is fed by human interaction and community connectedness, with gatherings ranging from 80 people to crowds of 10,000. These events are touchpoints and celebrations for our communities – points of real connection. But it is unlikely that we will be able to deliver any of the eleven outdoor events planned for this year. So, like many organisations, we have been working very hard to connect and engage our audiences online - from sending positive messages about communities staying strong in these unprecedented times, to sharing previously unseen archive material from our portfolio. And we’ve developed a project called ‘Take 5 with Cohesion Plus’, which is a series of online talks with culturally diverse artists. We felt this was important, particularly for Ethnic minority artists, who normally rely on the summer carnival and mela circuit, and are now largely out of work. We wanted to find ways to support them and to share their stories and portfolios.

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This crisis has shown us the importance of being able to adapt to changing situations and having the ability to take a flexible approach across all of our work. Like everyone else we have been, and still are, learning on the job. What seemed like sensible plans at the beginning of March were impossible by the end of the month. Through open communication with partners and funders we have developed a road map for the coming year, offering publicfacing online activity along with the important behind the scenes mentoring to individuals and artists. The crisis has shown us how vital it is that communities and artists stick together and support each other so that when we come through this, we can recalibrate and make sure that in a changed world we continue to place a high value on connecting, checking and communicating. Read Gurvinder’s full story

The crisis has shown us how vital it is that communities and artists stick together and support each other, so that when we come through this we can recalibrate and make sure that in a changed world we continue to place a high value on connecting, checking and communicating.

Folkin Fusion Collective performing at Maidstone Community Mela in 2019.

Chill Club in Ramsgate, led by artist Nova Marshall. 26th June 2020

Perspectives of an uncertain world These excerpts from Lockdown Poem, by the children and young people of Newington, are a powerful insight into their perspective of a changing, uncertain world.

I sit at home and I wait and I wait, I wait in hope I wait for it all to end I wait with you and without you I sit at home and I wait for my endless boredom to end and for my homework to be finished. I sit at home and I wait for my dog, for my coursework to end I sit at home and I wait for the day I can go on the trampoline, and feed the neighbour’s cat and I wait and wait I sit at home and I wait for it all to end. I hear stay home, save the NHS, stop this virus, only go out if absolutely necessary, you can leave for essentials, like shopping. That this is our new normal, that nothing will be the same. I want some of the same. When this is over I will go out places with my friends and have an absolutely wonderful time, I will go back to school. I will find a way to make everyone feel welcome when they come back to school.

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Screengrabs from Chill Club zoom calls.

When this is over, I will party with my friends, go out and see my friends and family, and dance, dance, dance… When this is over, did I mention… I will be with my friends… I am staying at home till it’s over, staying at home, at home, at home, at home… to keep everyone safe I am staying at home, staying in, staying at home, staying away, always alone. This new normal - I do not want - I do not want the masks, I do not want the 2 metres. I want hugs and crowds that jostle and bustle, and bright smiles and hello’s In this new world that is full of invisible dangers. In this new world, I want to be free to do what I want when I want, see and hug my friends, be silly and laugh, dance and listen to music… in this new world I will, we will, have a fresh start. “In this new world I like to dream. Dream about what life is going to be like after lockdown. Dreaming where I am going to go with my friends and family. Dreaming about doing pantomimes, shows and festivals with my dancing crew. Dreaming about when I can be free. I don’t know my place, I don’t know my future, I don’t know what will happen. Read all poems

Stacie Lee Bennett-Worth, artist-researcher. 19th May 2020

Reflections on life in lockdown When Stacie reflected on life in lockdown and evaluated what that meant to her, she was moved to write and record this thought-provoking poem (abridged).

Can you imagine my delight at seeing the first shoot of spring? knowing that I’d turned the earth and sown the seed and nurtured what was to be the most beautiful bloom I’d ever seen Beauty still grows in a crisis, I thought Not like that cactus, that I left quenching for thirst and watching the rain, pouring from the wrong side of the windowpane as its dehydrated spines dropped out slowly over time Turns out even the hardiest of plants can perish in harsh conditions. I realise now, that life is just content for daydreams. If you just look up there’s a silent beauty in the way the clouds whip, swish and plume, cast shadows in a room and they can look like the ocean if you try hard enough. From dawn till dusk, they traverse the sky making patches of shade for us to lay or play or seize the day in whatever way we can and let’s just say, some days that’s harder than others. That’s why you don’t always have to put on a show or be your best or put yourself in contest with those who surround you. There’s necessity in mess and muddle, like jumping in a puddle the fun outweighs the irritation of splattered trousers.

And unkempt hair and ketchup stains on your top don’t make the world stop, change the clock or indeed matter a jot, really I guess when we are dealt a new hand, we respond and grow as best we can, trying to hold firm and not be blown over by the breeze. We take solace in the trees and grass stained knees reminding us that there’s a world beyond the glass. Faces that we know and trust and skin we can touch of the people we love are all waiting at the other side. I don’t know about you, but my dreams are askew, and my thoughts are flickering through phases of life; being a sister, a daughter, an auntie, a wife and seeing the world through the lenses of their eyes sometimes. perhaps it’s just a way of feeling connected in a time that has rejected our existence as we once knew it. But just writing these words, while I listen to the birds sing louder than I’ve ever heard before, I recall the things that I’ve lost, that I did not want nor foster in a way that was healthy or kind, sometimes at a cost to my clarity of mind. So perhaps letting go, saying no, thinking small and laying low might be a saviour of sorts It seems some good can come from spending time alone with your thoughts.

Read Stacie’s full story

Click play to watch Stacie’s video © Stacie Lee Bennett-Worth

Liz Flynn, People United Trustee. 21st April 2020.

Slow down Liz shares some important truths she discovered when furlough forced her to slow down. So many of us work incredibly hard all the time, often without even being asked to. We get to work early, we stay late. We don’t take breaks, but we do take work home, and we wake up at 4am and start thinking about it all over again. We keep on top of twitter and read five different newspapers to make sure things we’ve done our research before we offer an opinion- just in case we get condemned by an online jury. People like me self-load these pressures until we’ve squeezed and suffocated every second from our week. If your child came to you, stressed and exhausted by mountains of schoolwork, what would you say? Would it be ‘Well you’d better toughen up, ‘cos this is just the beginning!”. No. I thought not. We want children to enjoy the world. We want them to sing and dance and play and laugh. We want them to marvel at the shape of a flower. We don’t want them to cry over piles of homework or be too stressed to join their friends on a bike ride. That’s not what childhood is about. Yet when it comes to adulthood, this notion goes out the window. Many of us who aren’t key workers are in an unfamiliar place right now - plucked from our hectic, noisy, filled-to-the-brim days into a locked-down No Man’s Land, with an unknown amount of time stretched out

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before us. And how many of us are feeling like we must have something to show when this crisis is over, like a new skill or a revamped garden? Maybe the skill we need to learn is how to slow down. As I write this, I am sat in my garden watching my dog. She is lying 20ft away, stretched out on her stomach, chewing a ball. She’s eyeing the ball thrower lying in my lap. She knows if she brings the ball back to me, I will throw it. But she can’t be bothered, and frankly, nor can I. So, we’re just sitting and watching each other, blinking in the sunlight.

Liz’s border terrier Luna perfectly demonstrating the concept of slowing down. © Liz Flynn

We need to de-condition ourselves from the mindset that success is about running around in constant circles trying to achieve everything I start to focus on the sounds I can hear… Bird song. Sparrows. Blue Tits. Seagulls, always. A neighbour mowing the lawn. A single car driving past the house. A few more cars in the distance, heading for the motorway. A flag flapping next-door. A windchime. A spade scraping. Bees humming. Voices, then laughter. The longer I listen, the more sounds I hear, when just a few moments ago I thought I was sitting in silence. There isn’t a single moment of pure silence, even in nature. The world never stops. But I’ve allowed myself to do exactly that. To just be. Not running about, not fixing or mending. Just observing, listening. We need to de-condition ourselves from the mindset that success is about running around in constant circles trying to achieve everything. You don’t have to do it all. Heck, you don’t actually have to do anything. It’s OK if you wear a mismatched outfit because that’s all that is clean. It’s OK if the house has loose gutters. It’s OK if the grass between your toes is really long and weedy. It’s all OK. Give yourself a break. Don’t waste the opportunity you have right now to slow down. Read Liz’s full story

Gemma Rayner James, People United Administrator. 24th April 2020.

Space and time Gemma’s response to Liz Flynn’s reflection on slowing down shows us how flexible working created the space and time she needed to live well.

I am disabled, and whilst it’s not my whole life, it is a lens through which my experiences are filtered. So for me scheduling my time is a little different; things like hair washing, tidying and whether I stop by the shop on my way home from work have to be planned in advance so that I don’t over-exert myself and end up too ill to do anything at all whilst I recover.

Now, working from home with a less formally structured day, that schedule has relaxed I actually have the time and energy to do something with my free time, instead of just recuperating. I have been enjoying going for walks in the fields and woods nearby. Every afternoon I pass by a farm and the farmer updates me on which sheep have lambed and how the chickens are doing. One of the horses has started to recognise me and will come across the field to say hello. Experiences like this are something that I’ve not had for so long that I’d forgotten what I was missing, and I imagine that is true for a lot of people who try to pack as much as possible into their days. When we are able to return to some kind of normality, let’s make sure we don’t forget to make time for rest again. Read Gemma’s full story

Coco the horse who Gemma met on her regular walks during lockdown. © Gemma Rayner James

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Dr Julie Van de Vyver, Assistant Professor in Psychology, University of Durham. 16th June 2020

Step in or step back Julie reflects on how being in lockdown made her think about how to manage the competing demands on her time while being kind to herself…

Since the start of lockdown I have stepped in… and I have stepped back. I am mum to a small wonderful and energetic four-year-old, and I work fulltime as an academic. At the start of lockdown I was overwhelmed – I did not know how to spend quality meaningful time with my child, while also keeping on top of my full-time job. Under “normal” circumstances Flynn attends nursery full-time, and I work full-time. Now Flynn spends all his time at home, mostly saying “mummy, will you play with me?” To which I can’t bring myself to say “no, I need to work” or “no, I need to tidy up”. A colleague offered a compassionate listening ear and gave me some important advice: focus on the essential parts of the job – learn to say no – be kind to yourself accept help. After some reflection I have figured out which of my “work plates” are most important. I have also finally gotten much better at saying “no”. Something I have been meaning to learn for a while now. I have become more efficient - I type emails much faster and I have become better at setting boundaries.

Julie’s son Flynn displaying some of his artwork. © Julie Van de Vyver

My stepping back from aspects of my work gradually evolved through receiving and reflecting on compassionate advice. My stepping in has required little to no reflection – protecting my four-year-old – trying to make sure he is getting the connection and love he needs. I haven’t become a star baker, knitter, or painter and I haven’t managed any house renovations, however I am enjoying and appreciating this precious family time.. Read Julie’s full story

Symone Crouchman, Artist. 21st May 2020

Letting the art do it Symone has direct and powerful experience of letting the art do it. Here she tells us how important her art is to her life.

As a proud transgender woman, I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder. At this time, in lockdown, it feels like my mental health is in decline. Not being able to sleep at night looking for that on/ off switch in my brain can be exhausting. Anxiety and depression stopping me in my tracks, trying very hard to not hurt myself again. Having good friends and family is so important as they don’t judge me even when things get bad. Now I am becoming the woman I am and should be - this is a real positive in my life and this artwork reflects my feelings and emotions. I have created artwork for the NHS as it is the one thing I can do for others; it is very important to recognise what people are doing, so when they have a rough day, they know they are appreciated for what they do. In my head I feel I am not good enough, and why would anybody like me?

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This negative thinking can be diverted by being creative and making a difference to people who need to be recognised. Art in any form will take you from darkness to light. You need to remember how strong you are. You are never out of the fight. You can, and will, make it through this time. Mental health problems are a real problem for many people and will now affect a lot more during this Covid-19 crisis. We need to talk openly about it and break the stigma. This artwork is about where my head is at. There will be many people who recognise these feelings. This piece of work is for everybody. Do not bottle stuff up, let’s talk about it, do not suffer in silence as isolation is not healthy for anybody. Let’s be honest. Read Symone’s full story

One of the pieces from Symone’s art blog. Piece by Symone Crouchman. © Photo by Nova Marshall.

Tom Andrews, Head of Member Support at ACEVO and counsellor at Pilgrims Hospice. 10th June 2020

The importance of listening Tom’s piece about the importance of listening goes to the core of how we connect, understand, empathise – and change.

In my work I do a lot of listening; as a

Author and counsellor, Simon Cole,

counsellor, a coach and someone that

explains that real listening takes humility;

supports others on a one to one basis.

to be open and available to be affected.

I’m learning that when we truly listen, we listen with our ears, our eyes, our body, our instincts. People feel heard, and we begin to understand what is really being said. Often this is not verbalised but is there under the surface, the real substance of what is being communicated. It feels a gift, a privilege, to listen to another human speak their truths.

This really chimed with me, the idea of taking a risk to be present and to be changed. I know though, when I listen, I still struggle with my desire to help, my wanting to please, my need to organise and share my thoughts; all taking away from being in the moment. I remind myself that the feedback - whether that’s from an under-pressure Chief Executive or someone recently bereaved - consistently

The philosopher Martin Buber talks

reveals that the most important aspect of

about the idea of an ‘I-Thou’ relationship,

listening is not a clever answer or a wise

where we meet another as an equal -

anecdote, but simply the fact that they

co-travellers and companions, affirming

were heard and were not alone.

their whole being. He contrasts this with ‘I-It’ meetings that are characterised by a subject and an object, seeing the other as merely a form of utility.

But maybe, before we do any of this, the first bit of listening we need to do is listen to ourselves. This takes practice and curiosity. To be intrigued by what

In our current world this certainly feels

is going on for me now, my feelings,

apposite; when we see another person

thoughts and my biases and behaviours.

as just ‘the other’ we miss their essential humanity. It diminishes us and them.

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This awareness is the foundation for change. And it’s tough to do this

…the first bit of listening we need to do is listen to ourselves. This takes practice and curiosity.

when we are constantly on the move. To pause and stop feels important; to allow ourselves to listen, to recharge, to connect. I know I am more comfortable musing about this stuff rather than turning off the computer and sitting quietly. And listening - like kindness can be a quietly radical act: I see you, I hear you, and I am open to be changed.

Here are some sounds to listen to. Pause, maybe close your eyes, and just listen.

Tom Andrews

Track name

Read Tom’s full story

Ben Thurman, Carnegie UK Trust. 13th May 2020

Encouraging empathy Ben considers how listening well can encourage empathy, compassion and kindness to flourish.

When the reality of lockdown still felt new, I attended an online meeting in which we were asked to consider ‘what is changing now that we’d like to keep for good?’ Alongside reflections on innovation and changing practices, people spoke of a new-found gentleness and generosity in the way we interact with each other. We were taking time to ask about the wellbeing of those we work with, and we were listening – not in a superficial way, but actively and deeply, creating space for people to express themselves. Our interactions had become characterised by humanity, compassion and kindness, valuing ‘the whole person’, in a way that did not feel possible before. This is happening, too, in small ways, in neighbourhoods. People are forging new connections based on listening to one another, offering help and support, and caring about those around them in ways that previously felt risky or uncomfortable. If the crisis has allowed us to listen more as individuals, it has also shone a light on those who already listened well. The speed of response of organisations that are embedded in communities was only possible because of the networks of connection and their depth in understanding of people and place.

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I hope that… we never revert to a ‘normal mode’ where only some voices are heard, but instead embrace radical listening to build a kinder, more inclusive society. We are seeing what can be achieved when relationships are the operating principle. And yet there are places where we have not listened well – and voices that are not being heard. We know that the longer-term effects of the virus will not be distributed evenly. As we turn out mind to recovery, it is important to take time to listen. ‘Radical listening’, in the words of Karin Woodley, is something that can “disrupt stereotypes, tackle social injustices and transfer control of our organisations back to the people we work with”. I hope that hearing the experiences of communities becomes a core part of our future approach – and that we never revert to a ‘normal mode’ where only some voices are heard, but instead embrace radical listening to build a kinder, more inclusive society.

Read Ben’s full story

Bernadette Russell, author, storyteller and theatre maker. 15th April 2020

Paying attention Bernadette considers how paying attention, even to the small things can fill us with hope for the future we create.

This is an invitation to imagine that the version of the world we get when we come out [of the lockdown] is up to you. What kind of world would you like that to be? People are praising keyworkers. At last we have realised that these people are our true heroes. Us city dwellers also praise the fresh air, the reduction in pollution and having time to notice the beauty of spring. But more than any of these small gifts given to us by this strange and traumatic time, people talk about kindness. We have seen how much we yearn to help each other, to be of service, to reach out, to connect, even to sacrifice. Let’s make sure that we keep note of what gifts we have received and what we would like to keep hold of in the future. My list includes kindness of course , but also love, friendship, connection, community. In the wake of the tragic death of Caroline Flack, a journalist said to me, “How do you feel now that kindness is fashionable?” and I said “Oh I don’t want kindness to be fashionable. I want it to be normal.

I want unkindness to be strange, unusual, odd. I want forgiveness and love and being a good neighbour to just be what we do; I completely think that this is possible. I think it is possible because I see it every day. I say let’s keep videos of people dancing wildly in their kitchens. Let’s keep shared poetry readings on Zoom for those who can’t leave the house. Let’s keep strangers sending each other handmade gifts through the post, let’s keep teenage boys delivering care packages to isolated older people, let’s keep asking each other “how are you?”. Let’s keep thinking the best of each other. Sharing what we have. Being quiet sometimes. Spending time in nature. Not judging ourselves or others. Forgiving ourselves and others. Doing what makes us happy and finding out what that is. Allowing ourselves to feel everything, including hope.

Read Bernadette’s full story

I don’t want kindness to be fashionable. I want it to be normal... I completely think that this is possible. I think it is possible because I see it every day. 27

Thank you With a special thank you to everyone who contributed to our Navigating with Kindness series in 2020. At a truly uncertain time, you inspired and grounded us with your reflections. Our thanks go also to Arts Council England and the Paul Hamlyn Foundation for making this work possible. And to everyone who shared the series, helping us to spread the important message of kindness in what can often feel like an unkind world.

Edited by Janice McGuinness and Charlotte Chapman

Kindly funded by...

Navigating with Kindness

I hope that… we never revert to a ‘normal mode’ where only some voices are heard, but instead embrace radical listening to build a kinder, more inclusive society. Ben Thurman / Page 26

Our vision is of a thriving, creative society where we are kind to ourselves, each other and the world around us. Follow us on social media and take a look at our website to find out more about our work. www.peopleunited.org.uk