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Ending friendships in university

Kirsten Minnaar

University can be a great time for students to socialise and make new friends. While this process is incredibly important, it can be just as important to know when it is time to end a friendship. While it can be difficult to end a friendship, doing so can contribute greatly to your mental health and overall well-being.

Friendships can contribute greatly to your life. As mbg relationships explains, there may come a time when friendships “end up draining us more than they nurture us, cause us significant stress, and have a negative impact on our mental health. With those friendships, it is OK to set boundaries and even OK to call it quits. Staying friends with someone only because there is history or because you feel guilty for leaving them is a recipe for burnout and resentment”. According to Kailee Place, licensed professional counselor, at her private practice, Shifting Tides Therapeutic Solutions, in South Carolina, the common theme in working friendships is having a friend who leaves you feeling supported and cared for. “Occasionally, friendships go sour, and it’s incredibly hard to cut off a friend, but keeping a toxic friend around is draining”, she said. “In the long run, it’s better to cut ties, and find people who appreciate and support you.”

There can be many signs that you should end a friendship. Some reasons for ending friendships can include distance, negativity, toxicity, lying or simply a change in circumstances, verywellmind describes. As Insider explains, it is not always obvious when you should end a friendship. It might be time to end a friendship when the friendship feels like a “transaction”, has become one sided and, “you are holding each other back from getting healthy” or where you cannot count on your friend in times of need. They explain that “good friendships represent an equilibrium of mutual support”. You should also feel like you can be yourself around your friends, explains Insider. If you “feel pulled to change or hide who you are, or you feel ashamed after hanging out with your friend, it may be time to try on other friendships”.

Mbg relationships explains it can also be important to end friendships with people who do not respect your boundaries. In these relationships “[we] end up betraying ourselves by having a friend who continuously violates our boundaries. This can lead us to question our sense of self and cause resentment and frustration—the opposite of what a healthy friendship should do for you”. Feeling drained after spending time with a friend is another sign that you should consider ending that friendship. “Just because you are friends with someone does not mean that they are entitled to your emotional energy”. Mbg relationships also says that someone who is emotionally draining can also leave you feeling anxious, unheard, unsupported or disrespected. “Regardless of the reason, you are allowed to end a friendship with someone who frequently drains you of your emotional energy”.

While it can be very beneficial to end certain friendships, there is no closed list of reasons for why you should decide to do so. According to mbg relationships, ultimately, “how you feel within the friendship is a big indicator that it is time to end the friendship. It’s important to listen to how we feel and to end relationships that are not positively contributing to our personal growth and mental health. It is important to strive for friendships that leave us feeling heard, respected, appreciated, safe, and loved. There is nothing wrong with ending friendships. This is a healthy part of sending boundaries and practicing self-care”.

Photos: Cletus Mulaudi

Networking as a student

Asanda Made

Professional success is a common goal amongst members of the working class. Forbes highlights the importance of the quote “no man is an island” and how it has proved to be particularly important in one’s journey to achieving professional success. This phrase emphasises the necessity of a collective effort in the process of an individual achieving professional success. According to Forbes’ article “10 Reasons Why Networking Is Essential For Your Career”, having strong networking channels has been one of the main contributing factors to many individuals’ successful careers. According to Senior Faculty Student Advisor Farhana Hassan, networking is the process of interacting and sharing information with people both professionally and socially: it is creating a network of peers, mentors, professors, and industry connections that could aid in current and future career goals. As students, our university experience is centred around academics and obtaining a qualification. It is, however, also the perfect opportunity to begin one’s professional development through networking.

Students are constantly encountering potential colleagues, employers, clients, and professors with industry experience with whom they can easily exchange information. At UP, students are offered multiple opportunities to interact with others beyond the classroom. UP offers Career Services, which focuses on providing students with support and hosting various employability-related initiatives. Hassan mentioned that UP offers multiple services such as career fairs, graduate recruitment events, advertising job opportunities, specialist webinars, one-on-one employability assistance and articles related to ready-for-work and employability practices.

There are many benefits to networking, especially as a student, according to Oxford Summer Courses’ post “8 Benefits of Networking for Students”. Some of the main benefits of networking with industry people at career fairs and recruitment events include: building confidence, learning about the latest industry developments, career advice, strengthening industry connections, being noticeable and new job opportunities. Reaping the full extent of these benefits became more difficult during the COVID-19 outbreak, specifically with the shift to distant learning and remote work which forced people to remain isolated in their respective homes. The opportunities to easily network with people decreased, thereby making networking more difficult. UP took the necessary measures to ensure that most of the opportunities afforded to students were still available during this time. They have made all career fairs and recruitment events virtual, allowing students to continue to create network channels that they could use to launch their careers as graduates and in their future careers.

Networking is an ongoing process, and one for which it is never too early to start. As students who have more free time to attend various events where one can meet people, it is important to start as early as possible. Since it plays a vital role in one’s professional career, the benefits go beyond attaining job opportunities. Some of the best ways for students to network while they complete their studies include utilising the career services offered, actively engaging with relevant faculty, talking with recent graduates, and getting an internship. It is important to take advantage of the opportunities offered by the university, especially because they will no longer be available to students once they graduate.