Sound of the Suburbs

REAL RECORDSTORE DAY SPECIAL 20 APRIL 2013

K C A J HI

Welcome

T O T H I S , T H E O F F I C I A L T U E S DAY C L U B S O U N D O F T H E SUBURBS INTERACTIVE MAG HIJAC K - BROUGHT TO Y O U I N C O N J U N C T I O N W I T H T H E P E R F E C T P O P C O - O P. F O R R E A L R E C O R D S T O R E D AY - A P R I L 2 0 T H 2 013

Twitter : @thetuesdayclub1 @Vnderbraindrain Web : thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk FB : www.facebook.com/thisisthetuesdayclub / Soundcloud : soundcloud.com/thetuesdayclub/sets/the-tuesday-club

The REAL Record Store Day Record Store Day came into being in 2007 when over 700 independent stores in the USA came together to celebrate their unique culture. The UK followed suit and 2013 will see the fifth celebration of the UK’s unique independent sector when the latest day is held in April.

A short of modern day punk ethos event. But is it? The guidelines for an independent band to take part in Record Store Day are so strict it pretty much rules out acts without a label or put another way…money. Representatives from RSD sit in judgment on how a product is packaged and looks, not the quality of the music.

The minimum quantity accepted by RSD is 500 units. Imagine The Clash starting out as a band. 500 units packaged with full artwork from Mr. Strummer and his struggling contemporaries? I don’t think so.

So ladies and gentlemen The Tuesday Club bring you their very own REAL Record Store Day for independent acts no matter what their size of budget…

The Real Record Store Day will take place on Sat 20th April at : Rebecca Louise Law Floral Artist 270 Hackney Road, London, E2 7SJ 100 copies of The Tuesday Club’s signed white vinyl album ‘See You Next Tuesday’ will be available in store from 12 noon to 6pm with the band serving tea and official Tuesday Club cakes!

Sounds on the day will be provided live by the band, interspersed with sets by DJ Sonic Medusa, a podcast will be recorded; a one off special Sound of the Suburbs magazine will be produced and available online; special guests tbc with much more to be announced.

How very English, the day before her Majesty’s birthday, to serve cream teas and offer you a slice of finest English punk in its purest form.

THE TUESDAY CLUB The Tuesday Club release their debut album See You Next Tuesday Described as ‘Dad’s Army Spacerock, futurised revisionism’ and born at various junctures between 1957 and 1984, the age range and experience encased within this mysterious 8 piece, would put many of today’s more established reformers to shame. Reaction to their debut single ‘Dolly Dynamite’ this summer was huge. From widespread critical acclaim to Q Radio plays the music media were pretty much on board the good ship Tuesday Club from the off. The icing on the cake for their debut year? An exclusive Loaded TV set recorded at the end of 2012 and broadcast in the Morecambe and Wise slot on Boxing Day, well what did you expect?

“A cheeky little tune” Q Radio “If you want music with a bit of a spark, a ton of swagger and a heap of fun I suggest you join me in signing up to The Tuesday Club” Rhythm & Booze “Flippin’ wonderful. Probably the shortest review I have ever written but it really says it all – I will repeat; Flippin’ Wonderful!” Andy Snipper – musicnews.com “This is clever while staying absolutely exuberant, and The Tuesday Club are one of the most exciting acts I’ve heard all year.” AAA Music “If Roxy Music were doing the Rocky Horror show, they’d sound like this” - Steve Honest “It’s all about the music, we are deadly serious about our commitment to each other, but that certainly doesn’t mean we can’t do it with a smile”. enthuses front man Andreas Vanderbraindrain. “There’s too much pomposity, too much sucked in cheek blue steel ethic, especially in London. The Tuesday Club just play for the love and the joy, we set our phasers on FUN and go for it, it’s time for ‘New’ Glamour... that’s where 6ft chanteuse The Minx comes in darlings… ‘GLAMOUR with a capital G’ The whole band have a look and style that falls somewhere between The Rocky Horror show, Oh Boy!, Carry on Screaming, a BBC period drama and Dad’s Army. The Tuesday’s certainly give off a refreshing air of who cares, which has got to be worth something in today’s dark days of austerity!

The Tuesday Club are: Andreas Vanderbraindrain – Vocals, The Minx -Vocals and Cowbell, Wasabi Penis - Heavy Lead, J-Rod - Jangle Lead, The Beautiful Wolf - Twang Bass, Glabrous Fabulous - Thud Bass, Tittybar Telski -drums, Jerry Berry - Keys

Contents Cover star:

REAL Record Store Day

Our big day

2-3

Record Stories

4-6

What’s going on

Friends recount their tales of vinyl love

The Minx

7

A day in the life

8-9

SIMON SAYS

10

The Chanteuse Speaks!

DIY in action... Jackie Style @simonJ68

Ooh Matron MINX!

The Minx has the answers

11

See You Next Tuesday The Review by Mark Barton

12-13

20 QUESTIONS in 20 MINS 14-16 With The Tuesday Club

Ads 17-18

http://www.facebook.com/thisisthetuesdayclub @tuesdayclub1 @Vanderbraindrain thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk info@thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk

http://thetuesdayclub.tmstor.es Thanks to: Design @8ecreative. Photography: 8ecreative, Dave Doll, Dave Worm, Words: @simonj68, Molloy Hitchcock, The Minx, Mark Barton

RECORD STO What vinyl means to you ...

Market; loud music in and out the shop, bands playing in the shop and England’s largest Scalextric track on the 1st floor, great fun.

LIMO DEAN - LIMOZINE The first record I ever bought at a gig was ‘The Normal TVOD and the first record I ever bought was the ‘Sweet Ballroom Blitz’ from Woolworths.

I saw a lot of early Punk bands at Malvern Winter Gardens in Worcestershire and Cherry Red Records used to have a stand at the gigs, selling vinyl out of old boxes; the sort of vinyl I thought only John Peel could ever get hold of. I was far too young to ever get served at the bar and back then I didn’t even think about drinking at a gig ‘cos all I wanted was to spend my money on obscure priceless vinyl.

The first record I ever bought at a gig was ‘The Normal TVOD and the first record I ever bought was the ‘Sweet Ballroom Blitz’ from Woolworths.

I saw a lot of early Punk bands at Malvern Winter Gardens in Worcestershire and Cherry Red Records used to have a stand at the gigs, selling vinyl out of old boxes; the sort of vinyl I thought only John Peel could ever get hold of. I was far too young to ever get served at the bar and back then I didn’t even think about drinking at a gig ‘cos all I wanted was to spend my money on obscure priceless vinyl.

I still have a turntable and most of my old record collection including The Normal and The Sweet and the last record I played was a red vinyl copy of ’You Got Good Taste’ by The Cramps.

---------------------STEVE HONEST - TV PRODUCER, MUSIC MOGUL What was the first record you bought (on vinyl) T Rex - Jeepster 45 Joni Mitchell - Blue LP Did you have a favourite local record shop?? Is it still there?

Citadel Records. I owned this shop in the late 70’s in Petticoat Lane

Beano Records in Croydon; I was in there once and chatting to my mate behind the counter, he asked me what I was doing at the moment and I said , “I’ve brought Diana Ross in to buy some records”.

He stared at me in the most disbelieving way, just as she came up to the counter with a huge pile of records and said “I’ll have these please.”

Do you still have a turntable?

Yes, valve Hacker portable, and a Mitchell Transcriptor. Some records like T. Rex sound better on the Hacker with all its croaks and crackles and distorted sound, a romantic attachment to when I first heard them on similar quality players. The Mitchell was used in A Clockwork Orange movie, so I had to get one. It’s 50 years old but still blows away most other players.

If so, what was the last LP you played on it?

Tuesday Club, See You Next Tuesday, in white vinyl ________________ RICHARD TERRIS, MUSICIAN www.new.myspace.com/richardterris What was the first record you bought (on vinyl) The fourth Led Zeppelin album Did you have a favourite local record shop?? Is it still there?

Avalanche records in Glasgow - yes it’s still there Do you still have a turntable?

Of course!

If so, what was the last LP you played on it?

Oddly enough “Since I Left You” by “The Avalanches”

ORE STORIES We asked our favourite people to answer our questions about their first record, their favourite record stores and if they still listen to vinyl today BEN THORNE. BASS MAN FOR CHAPTER 9 www.facebook.com/chapter9music My first vinyl purchase was a single; Lil Devil by the cult Which is cool however I belive it may have also been the great pretender by Freddie mercury not’ as’ rock n roll but c’mon it’s Freddie!!

I can’t remember the name of my fave record store in Oxford. Cult Records I think, dingy and dusty place. A treasure trove. Once I was in there with two members of Ozric Tentacles who I was planning on seeing that night in town. The cool part about that was they told me about the after show party which I went to after a very ‘cosmic’ set. Put it this way, these boys made Hendrix look like a shandy sipper.....hell of a night...I think.

I do still have a turn table part of an eighties hi-fi tower. Too cool and the last album I played was a gem! Three Dog Night captured live at the Forum Inherited from my ‘Woodstock Attendee’ Mother’s prized album collection.

-----------------------------CLAYTON HARTLEY OF THE FURBELOWS http://www.thecandlelightclub.com What was the first record you bought (on vinyl)?

I bought three LPs at the same time: Led Zeppelin 4, a Gary Numan live album (Living Ornaments ‘79, I think it was called: I listened to it again not too long ago and was struck by how badly mixed it seemed) and a Deep Purple best-of.

Did you have a favourite local record shop?? Is it still there?

I used to buy records in the local Our Price and also in Woolies. No amusing anecdotes but it interesting how often I bought things I’d never heard of just because the cover looked interesting. It was the cover art to Broadsword that got me into Jethro

Tull, resulting in my buying all their other albums; likewise I bought 7-65-4-3-2-1 Blow Your Whistle by the Gary Toms Empire (one-hit wonders from the 1975) for 40p from a second hand record store just because I liked that fact that they all wore togas on stage: http://bit.ly/10ieWKb. It’s rather a great album. I also bought oddities because of the musicians listed on the back, e.g. anything with Sly and Robbie playing on it. I doubt that you get this sort of thing with CDs, let alone downloads (though in fairness the internet has other ways of throwing unexpected things at you).

Do you still have a turntable?

Yes. Quite a good one. I won it in a competition in a hifi magazine about 15 years ago.

If so, what was the last LP you played on it?

I played Rage In Eden by Ultravox only this morning. And before that I played Rien N’Existe by The Untied Knot, a contemporary project by some people I know. They crowdsourced the funding of their album and one of the options was to have it on clear vinyl, which rather appealed.

---------------------------ANDY QUIRK, PROMOTER OF HITS OF THE NEAR FUTURE PODCAST, TURN OFF YOUR TELEVISION OPEN MIC AND MANAGER OF EMILY CAPELL. www.hitsofthenearfuture.com Turn On Tune In Cop Out

by Freak Power was the first record I ever bought.

It was in the 10p bargain bucket in its original release version and I bought it on a whim because I liked the look of the cover. A month later it was re-released to co-incide with a Levi’s TV ad and I’d saved myself £1.89!

Falcon Records in Weymouth was my local record shop. It closed down shortly after I left for uni (perhaps I was their only customer). I regularly bought cassette singles from them, most notably Shampoo’s “Trouble” before anyone else had heard of them. They were indie, honest!

I still have a turntable, though it’s a “USB” turntable you can plug into your computer (I never have). All the vinyl I’ve bought in the past ten years is 7” singles. The last EP I bought, which I played on a hi-fi with a double cassette deck, was Elastica’s debut album when I was 16 because it came with a bonus 7”!

PAUL BARTON, ZUBE RECORDS http://www.zuberecords.com/ What was the first record you bought (on vinyl) Hmmmmmm! The White Album may be!

Did you have a favourite local record shop?? Is it still there?

JB’s in Hanway St! W1 Do you still have a turntable?

Oh yes If so, what was the last LP you played on it?

Heartfood by Judee Sill -------------------------CLAIRE BANFIELD - VOCALS - NOTE TO SELF: DON’T DIE! http://notetoselfdontdie.com Well to be honest my first memories of vinyl was one my parents had and gave me, it was UB40 Red Red Wine, 7” they bought me a hi fi when I was 11 but I didnt have any vinyl of my own, I loved it :) our closest Record shop was in town 4 miles away, I hadn’t ever been to a record shop with my parents so it became something special me and my friends from school would do every Saturday. Bus into town, meet outside The Body Shop and go about our shopping for records, cassettes, posters, badges and this one little shop ‘Rivals’ had it all, not a huge chain like the other store, HMV, I preferred shopping at the little one the stairs up had posters all over the walls :) and a really elective mix of people :) My first experiences of my own choices of music was my dad gave me his little portable cassette player he had for decorating and such, I’d been good, I think it was passing a long swimming badge like my mile, I walked into my room after school and it was on my bed!!

I was SO excited!! I used to record off the radio on my parents system and play it on my cassette player, then one day I was naughty and Dad took it away! :( Bummer!! :) xx

SELF: DON’T DIE! http://notetoselfdontdie.com We had loads of record shops growing up in California... famous independent ones like Amoeba (http://www.amoeba.com) and even chain shops like Tower Records (R.I.P.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Tower_Records) that were still cool at the time because they’d be open till midnight and had a huge selection and also had gig listings and magazines etc... you could spend all day (or night) in them... in store performances too... tons of 2nd hand shops too... I used to by up to 10 records a week... those were the days... music shops were where you’d meet friends, make new friends and discover new music. Doing that online sucks... how did everything become so boring? -=sigh=My first awareness of records after my Sesame Street records was the Herb Albert’s Tijuana Brass Whipped Cream & Other Delights album that I found in my parents collection... wow... music got real interesting, real fast after that...

---------------------------TREVOR DANN, RADIO PRODUCER AND BROADCASTING LEGEND http://www.trevordann.com

------------------------GERARD RADA NEDICH - GUITARS, DRUMS ETC - NOTE TO

What was the first record you bought (on vinyl) Georgie Fame – Yeah Yeah Did you have a favourite local record shop?

Selectadisc, Nottingham Is it still there? No Anything funny happen while you were in there?

No – I was taking everything far too seriously Do you still have a turntable? Yes, two If so, what was the last LP you played on it?

Roy Harper - Stormcock

Minki V Minx

ComparetheMinki.com ... Don’t get minxed up!

It’s not always easy to know who you are talking to at Tuesday Club gig. Looking for the cowbell isn’t always the solution, so here we have a handy guide for you to compare your minki.

1.

The Minx drinks vodk a and lime.

2.

Th e M in x al w ay

s has Kalashnikovs.

Minki drinks tea.

1.

3.

Th e M in x lik s. es gardenias, fresh, ever Minki sometimes has cough 2. y day on

he r pi llo w be fore she retires for th Minki likes gardens.

3. e night.

4.

The Minx knows abou Minki knows about IP addresses. t VIP addresses.

4.

5.

The Minx probably on Minki works with databases.

5. ly works with military 6. bases.

Th e M in x EA TS diet. staples as a snack.

Minki has a staple 6.

7.

The Minx is partial to Minki has perfect hearing. pickled herring.

7.

8.

Th e M in x ha s never eaten pizda.

Minki has just eaten pizza.

8.

9.

Th e M in x is merely bolshy.

Minki loves the Bolshoi.

9.

10 .

Th e M in x loves wearing cats 10. Minki loves cats and other furry animals. and other furry anim 11.

Th als. e M in x co ns . ta swear ntly says Medovukha Minki tries not to 11. .

Sh e tells us

it’s asking for one of her favourite drinks.

12. Minki is obsessed with lipbalm.

(We don’t believe he r.)

13. They both wear hats with badges.

12 .

Th e M in x is just barmy.

14. They could both be holding a cowbell.

13 .

Th ey bo th wear hats with badg 15. They both wear high heels. es, though if there

ar e an y Russian looking mili 16. If you think you are looking at The Minx and happen tary badges on it, you’ve got yourself Th to think it’s funny if you say, ‘can I call you by your e Minx.

14 .

Th ey co ul get ’T d DON bo you th be holding a cowbe first name’ and then say ‘The’ and

ll. However,

if it’ s be in g hit and it’s on stage, punished, then you

it’ ll be The Minx.

(“More cowbell”) are talking to Minki.

15. They both wea r high heels, though Minki has visited Elephant and Castle.

17. if you find one

of th e heels kebab-ing yo 18. Minki likes Jacuzzis. ur foot, that’ll be

The Minx. (and she’ll probably be smiling) 19. Minki likes linen.

16. If you think yo u are looking at The 20. Minki loves stars.

Minx and

happen to think it’s fu nny if you say, ‘can I ca

ll you by your first name’ an d then say ‘The’ and you

DON’T get punished , then you are talking 17. to Minki.

Just remember, they look the same, so be The Minx OWNS an elephant and a castle .

(In Transylvania, natu very careful. Avoid feeding after midnight rally) 18. The Minx pref ers Uzis. and don’t let them get wet.

19. The Minx pref ers Lenin.

20. The Minx know s she IS a star, darling .

facebook/minkismagicmoments

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TRUE DIY BAND How many times do we hear these days about bands with ‘Punk, DIY ethic’... too many, there is definitely too much fake DIY, just ‘cos it’s ragged round the edges, don’t make it DIY... DIY is recording in your bedroom, DIY is designing your own artwork, self-finansing, self-releasing, but it’s also, printing barcodes, sticking on labels, collating all parts of CD case, signing albums, gluing sleeves together and going down the post office with arm fulls of jiffy bags, handwritten and hand stuffed... Here in pictures and not too many words, is The Tuesday Club, perfectly exhibiting the art, in a retro Jackie magazine stylee, this AIN’T FAKE. Excitingly look what’s just arrived from Key!

G-L-A-B-R-O-U-S F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S

Time to get them signed, before sending off for distribution!

J-Rod, jangles Jerry, have you done something different with your hair?

Wasabi, or Worm?...

One more to go Jerry, then you can have your Kinder egg wages!

The enormity of the task becomes apparent at the end of the day.

Now, back in the boxes, Bar 62 plays host as an intermediary warehouse...

Next, it’s off to the REAL Jerry Berry’s for bar coding, stickers and CD collation...

Fed, so now it’s eyes down, we’ve got 300 vinyls and 500 CDs to do...

How many teas or coffees? Oh and there’s veggie pizza too?

Is this pile going down do you think Minxy? x You’ve all done VERY well!

Mission completed and back in the boxes...

Now where’s that bloomin’ courier?

Simon Says blog and twitter legend @simonj68’s column in Sound of The Suburbs

K C A J HI

The Wrong Kind Of Tokenism While the budget here in the UK is still fresh in my mind, everyone is talking about a 1 penny reduction in the tax on a pint of beer rather than looking at the real issues affecting the economy. The perfect deflection tactic by the Government – get everyone talking about a small and fairly insignificant issue and manage to not have the awkward conversation that is needed. It is that token gesture that attracts all the attention.

Before I digress too far into how this won’t help me when the beer I just bought was £4.65, I can hear you asking what this possibly has to do with music?

Oddly it was during a conversation over that very expensive pint that the topic of Record Store Day came up, and it is the same issue when you scratch the surface. It was something that was probably meant with the best of intentions but over time has become a distraction from the original idea.

When Record Store Day was founded it was a superb idea, use a Saturday to publicise and drive people to their local store, get people involved and engaged, and then hopefully they would become regular visitors and customers. Same principle as British Sausage Week – get people to eat a sausage one week and they will then have them every week! Brilliant idea, who could hate that?

Hmmmm.

Now, I don’t hate Record Store Day, but it is now a very different thing to what it was started for, in my view. Sadly the town I live in no longer has any record shops, or even CD shops. The last one standing, after the independents went, was HMV, and that closed over a year ago. I, like many, used to love a Saturday when new albums and singles were released, as going to the shop would be a social occasion as well; all your mates were there buying the music they wanted to, chatting and swapping new bands and promising to make a tape of what you were buying to give them on Monday. Now it is all on-line; Soundcloud and Bandcamp or ordering direct from the band’s website. Not a lot of social interaction there, apart from the “If you like this, you should buy this” messages on websites, usually telling you to get Take That Greatest Hits after you have just bought an old Sonic Youth CD. Back to the ‘Day. Instead of the main drive being just getting people into the shops, it is the lure of the filthy quick buck that is the key part of the event. Now it’s limited edition vinyl releases from labels, of bands and material they know will sell, usually at a premium. And a massive premium.

A lot of bands I really enjoy seem to be involved, but it is always hard to

tell if it is them, the label or the shops that are screwing you for the money. Why are Motorhead limited edition 7” singles on this year’s list? Same as a pack of four 7” singles from Bob Dylan last year. Not new material, just new packaging and format to suck that last bit of spare cash from a captive fanbase, who will tend to be collectors and obsessives, having to have everything by their favourite band.

I stopped falling for this trap a while ago, and there is a moan saved for another day on the “Special Edition” albums that appear at Christmas time…

So, after you have queued up for a few hours and got into the store, it is now full of people you don’t recognise – this is a good thing isn’t it? New people in the shop, spending away to keep the shop in business? But these people have no intention of unwrapping, let alone playing their new purchases, no, that would damage the value. They are a special breed of people. They are the close relative of those with multiple accounts at Ticketmaster and many PCs all logged on at 9AM on a Friday to get gig tickets. Again, buying stuff they personally don’t want or appreciate, but they have to have it.

Only for a short time though, a few days at most.

Yes, the eBayer. The curse of the music fan. Buying tickets and limited edition vinyl, safe in the knowledge that there are many others who will pay an even higher price for what they have. Last Record Store Day there were eBay listings by 10 AM on the day of the vinyl bought, selling for many multiples of what they had just paid. Not a bad morning’s work in their eyes; up early after researching what will sell, and ignoring anything and anyone else, just getting it bought and up for sale again in the shortest possible time. The label and shop don’t care, they have made their profit, the only person who loses, again and again, is the real fan who just wants that Motorhead 7” for their collection and has no option but to bid for it.

I am not saying boycott the day, but I do think that spending £50 on five or ten albums by different bands would be a far better investment than buying the overpriced limited edition vinyls created for the sole purpose of relieving you of your cash, not for the love of the music.

Also, if we could just all agree to not buy anything off eBay from Record Store Day sales the world would be just that little bit better.

Go along to your record shop, buy some music, but buy it for the right reasons.

Web: www.rumblesandgrumbles.com Twitter: @SimonJ68 Skype: rumblesandgrumbles

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...meets Matron

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He live eats and breathes Wolves. It’s driving me mad, what should I do?

Karen, Wolverhampton

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I haff 13 Alsatians which I am bre eding back to wolves. You should be proud your husband like suc h noble animals. And do not drive mad, is dangerous.

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Syd, Chippenham

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See You Next The Review Tuesday

By Mark Barton

Welcome weary Record Store Day patron.

In your hands you hold a prized copy of the debuting long playing platter by The Tuesday Club, a multi talented pop combo (I get paid the princely sum of one pound sterling each time I say something nice about the band, so read on for fond plaudits galore) whom you may have occasioned upon playing at your local Darby and Joan social club - yes that was them just before the bingo and sandwiched between the parking announcement and the unsightly tete a tete between Charlene and Debs offering some impromptu entertainment for the attending masses in a three round scratching and screeching scrunchie shredding slap down.

The Tuesday Club go by such names as The Minx, Glabrous Fabulous, Jerry Berry (obviously not his real name), Tittybar Telski, Andreas Vanderbraindrain, Wasabi Penis, The Beautiful Wolf and J-Rod. The object you have in your hand is one of a small limited pressing of three hundred copies of their debut album titled ‘See You Next Tuesday‘. You now have one and I have one which means there are just 298 left. Please treat gently and look after said artefact as though it were your prized pet, however do not stroke (people are watching) and do not feed or water, as contrary to populist belief with regard to costly discs or CD’s as they are better known, they do not take kindly to being spread in jam or watered.

Now, for those of you whose venture today into your local record emporium was their first (how was it for you?), then a few dos and don’ts. What you have in your hand is a vinyl album (also commonly known as wax, a platter and indeed record). This cannot be played on your iPod or for that matter on any other mp3 playing device - and no it isn‘t an oversized CD. It is not to be worn on the head, neither is it to be used as a Frisbee (though occasions have arisen in the past where we have used said items as such. However, the

onset of CD‘s has proven a boon in my discus thowing prowess especially ones coming glued to the front of certain monthly music magazines - no names no pack drill - ahem - Q) or a tray either of the cups and plates carrying kind or of the ash variety (though on a personal note I did once occasion in turning my mate Tommy’s prized signed copies of Bay City Rollers platters into variously assorted misshapen animal crafts, a trumpet and even a dainty little bowl which was handy as we did all this while he hotfooted to the kitchen in search of savoury nibbles - sleeves are slightly more problematic but rest assured being a whiz at origami I’m sure we can rustle up an instruction pamphlet - as a point of reference we found in protracted studies of Tommy’s record collection that anything

by The Osmonds were ideal for cannibalising into arty objects.

You can find such items loitering in flea markets, house clearances, thrift shops aplenty in exchange for mere trifling change and of course your uncle Neville‘s record collection).

So tasty toon seeking traveller what, I bet you’re wondering, have you got for your hard earned dosheroonies? Well, as it happens, the band have asked your dear old scribe to give you a - so to speak - flavour of what to expect by doing a super duper track by track guide. Yes, I know what you’re thinking; obviously those Lamacq, Radcliffe and Laverne types were all busy doing fab things like hobnobbing with the stars, going to award ceremonies or else generally unable to leave their exclusive pads for the mountains of fan mail blocking their escape route. Mind you holding our prized collection illegally taped ‘hit the north’ cassettes to ransom did kind of swing things and focus our minds a tad.

And so, you will hear …

Big thanks to Dave Doll, for this picture

‘Dolly Dynamite’ - a stutter sprayed faux Bruce Forsyth-ing romp around a 50’s teen dreamed ballroom and succumbed to a becoming at the hop boog-a-loo bubble grooved in Cockney Rebel-esque shimmies with Rocky Sharpe and the Replays.

‘Ain’t Got No Class’ - strut riddled glam pouting cool heavily scented in the freakish aroma of Rocky Horror Show’s ‘Time Warp’, albeit as though skadadled by a Ballroom Blitz-ed out meeting of Dr Feelgood types lamping seven kinds out of a prime era Roxy Music.

‘Money Means Nothing’ - darker in intent and straying out of a classic ‘Kings’-era Ants haze to shed its skin and psychosis to blossom into a knowing off-centred nugget much like a primally pristine Brand Violet.

‘Nananana’ - Banana Splits in head on collision with Toy Dolls do annoyingly daft and addictive speed freaking three chord romp, need I say more.

‘She Splayed My Teeth’ - a love crushed dandified day-glo dizzy ditty, time travelled from a 1978 edition of Top of the Pops with Motors and Buzzcock-ian squaring up to each other for main attraction dues.

‘New Regime (Slow Swing)’ - ready for some mellow mood muzak dipped in all manner of goonery, smoky jazz swing wonkiness with farm yard animal sounds galore - I kid ye not.

‘Replication and Montage’ - scuzzily prowling lo-fi post New Wave groove gouges and twinkling keys purred to a driving motorik motifs done on a slow cooking ‘Dirk Wears White Sox’ backburner.

‘All You Do is Wow’ - our favourite thing here by a cats whisker - sci-fi twang transmissions, cosmically rolled in space dust and flavoured with noodling 60’s spy thematic sounds from the vaults of TV21, astute radars will swoon to its astral array of meek meets

man or Astro Man meets Captain Scarlet motifs.

‘New Glamour’ - demented finger jabbing bad boy see-sawing precariously on a New Wave framing cut to a disturbing stop start scowl as though a Dury fronted Stranglers applying playful psychosis.

‘Wish My Slate Was Cleaner’ - a dot joining agit pop-a-dillo drawing together The Rezillos and Buzzcocks.

‘Vinyl as a Manifesto’ - mooching melodica, a stoned out Roxy caught rummaging through New York Dolls medicine bag and a rabid sonic rupturing that veers to its groove end assuming critical meltdown.

‘Oh Daddy Please’ - throb bopped shimmy trimmed skinny jeaned Quatro-esque loveliness.

‘Little Miss Attitude’ - reflective bedroom lit diarising drizzled in the subtle off centring of a ghostly lovelorn purr.

‘Inhuman Human Being’ - spiky topped homage to Gort or else some other extra-terrestrial tin man all needled into to an affectionate kitchen sink featuring 60’s styled snotty nosed shoe shuffling rumble.

In short (and by way of looking through the P window) a fourteen track pop popsicle that playfully pukes, pogos, purrs, powers, preens, pouts, pows and prangs prettily upon your portable platter playing Dansette,

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20 Questions in 20 Minutes: After hijacking this very magazine, we reciprocated by kidnapping various members of The Tuesday Club, one by one and subjecting them to rigorous questioning. And so the Tuesday 20 questions in 20 minutes ... NB no drummers were harmed in the making of this feature ...

20 Questions for The Beautiful Wolf 1. If you could look like anyone else, who would it be? The Minx, naturally!

2. Favourite flavour of Pot Noodle? Wasabi Penis 3. Stoned, drunk or sober?

Yes – unsually in reverse order 4. You are a puppy, what breed are you and why?

Wolf Cub, obviously 5. Shoes, sandals or boots?

Doctor Marten’s Boots 6. What would you have been called if you were born a member of the opposite sex?

Constance Pigeon 7. If Money Means Nothing, what means something?

Music means everything 8. Which monopoly playing piece are you and why?

As there’s a little wolf in all dogs – the Scottie 9. Favourite word and why?

Discombobulate – I like to confuse 10. Boiled sprouts, cabbage or spinach?

All lovely… but better steamed, spinach if pushed!

11. You Ain’t Got No Class?

But what class were you best at school? Playtime 12. You have hit random on your iPod – what’s the

first song that comes up?

Warewolves of London – Warren Zevon 13. And what was the last track you deleted in disgust?

Hungry Like The Wolf – Duran Duran 14. You have a New Regime.

What is the first thing you put into place? 4 day weekends 15. What at the top of your To Do List today? Sleep 16. Favourite insult?

Stupid Boy! 17. Perfect night in?

Guinness & Red Wine 18. Perfect night out? Playing with the Tuesday Club 19. You are an octoband? If you crashed in the Alps and had to eat someone from the band, who would it be and why? – Wasabi Penis (in a Pot Noodle) 20. Describe yourself using three words... Guinness, Red Wine 20 Questions for Wasabi Penis 1. If you could look like anyone else, who would it be?

Either of my children. That way I’d still look a bit like me.

2. Favourite flavour of Pot Noodle? Don’t they all taste the same. Chicken and Mushroom I guess.

3. Stoned, drunk or sober?

Sober.

4. You are a puppy, what breed are you and why?

Labrador. Loyal, lovable, will eat your shoes if left unattended.

5. Shoes, sandals or boots?

Shoes 6. What would you have been called if you were born a member of the opposite sex?

Zena 7. If Money means Nothing, what means something?

Integrity. Can’t put a price on it.

8. Which monopoly playing piece are you and why? The iron. A sympathy vote as it’s just been replaced by a cat.

What did it do wrong?

9. Favourite word and why? “Discombobulated” – verb. “To be confused in a nightclub” 10. Boiled sprouts, cabbage or spinach? Cabbage.

11. You Ain’t Got No Class?

But what class were you best at school? Science.

12. You have hit random on your iPod – what’s the first song that comes up? Fu Manchu – Hell on Wheels 13. And what was the last track you deleted in disgust?

I never delete anything. The rubbish makes the good stuff

shine brighter.

14. You have a New Regime.

What is the first thing you put into place? Get out of bed because you want to, not because you have to.

15. What at the top of your To Do List today? Get organised. Perhaps by writing a list of things to do.

16. Favourite insult?

I don’t resort to insults.

17. Perfect night in?

Time with family.

18. Perfect night out?

A gig. Playing or watching.

19. You are an octoband? If you crashed in the Alps and had to eat someone from the band, who would it be and why? Jerry Berry. He has a very healthy lifestyle and I bet he’d be delicious. Like Wagyu beef.

20. Describe yourself using three words... Need more coffee.

20 Questions for Jerry Berry 1. If you could look like anyone else, who would it be?

Never met Mr/Ms/Mrs Anyone Else, do they live local so I can get a good look at ‘em?

2. Favourite flavour of Pot Noodle? Don’t like eating plastic much, although use to chew my biro sometimes.

Same thing, innit?

3. Stoned, drunk or sober?

Sounds like it was a really good party, huh!

4. You are a puppy, what breed are you and why?

Woof!, Woof! Hope that answers your question?!

5. Shoes, sandals or boots?

Boots. Especially when diving 6. What would you have been called if you were born a member of the opposite sex? I would like to have been known as Ms Opposite sex 7. If Money means Nothing, what means something? That sounds like one of those maths questions innit? The means of something, is that the average, huh?

8. Which monopoly playing piece are you and why? I’d be the iron cos they just retired that one recently and replaced it with the cat, so that means would now be retired?!

9. Favourite word and why?

Favourite, cos it’s the most favourite word out there!

10. Boiled sprouts, cabbage or spinach? Makes a lovely bubble and squeak I would imagine?!

11. You Ain’t Got No Class?

But what class were you best at school? A class of my own, but don’t think it was very good!

12. You have hit random on your iPod – what’s the first song that comes up? Genius mix usually?

13. And what was the last track you deleted in disgust?

UIt was more than one, but that was mainly cos I pulled the USB stick out before it downloaded!

14. You have a New Regime.

What is the first thing you put into place? The Old Regime 15. What at the top of your To Do List today? Live another day preferably?!

16. Favourite insult? Is favourite the new word, then, to upset someone?

17. Perfect night in? Put the comma after ‘perfect’ and you have your answer. Perfect, night in!

18. Perfect night out? Ditto but ‘night out’ instead of course!

19. You are an octoband? If you crashed in the Alps and had to eat someone from the band, who would it be and why? Sorry, can’t do that as I’m a vegetarian 20. Describe yourself using three words... Ready, steady… hangon!

20 Questions for J-Rod 1. If you could look like anyone else, who would it be?

Fred Dibnah. When he was alive, obviously.

2. Favourite flavour of Pot Noodle? Green flavour 2. Stoned, drunk or sober?

Drunk… but only after The Work is done.

3. You are a puppy, what breed are you and why?

Labrador, the advertising possibilities are endless 4. Shoes, sandals or boots?

Shoes, preferably trainers…

Converse 5. What would you have been called if you were born a member of the opposite sex?

Jordana. True..

6. If Money means Nothing, what means something? 42.

7. Which monopoly playing piece are you and why?

The lead pipe… or is that Cluedo?

8. Favourite word and why?

Bleach. Gets rid of most things 9. Boiled sprouts, cabbage or spinach?

All three. Preferably together.

Aint no-one saying I don’t eat my greens.

10. You Ain’t Got No Class?

But what class were you best at school? English and Drama… and History.

11. You have hit random on your iPod – what’s the first song that comes up?

Weezer – Island In The Sun 12. And what was the last track you deleted in disgust?

The Police – Don’t Stand So Close To Me (not on my iPod, thankfully) 13. You have a New Regime.

What is the first thing you put into place?

Get homeless people off the streets 14. What at the top of your To Do List today?

Sort out yesterday’s to-do list

15. Favourite insult?

“That’s nice” 16. Perfect night in?

A pizza and a film, or maybe a long winded strategy game….

18. Perfect night out?

A gig…preferably a Tuesday Club one 19. You are an octoband? If you crashed in the Alps and had to eat someone from the band, who would it be and why?

Telski – it would be a case of eat or be eaten…

20. Describe yourself using three words...

Driven not controlled 20 Questions for Fabulous Glabrous 1. If you could look like anyone else, who would it be?

The Invisble Man. 2. Favourite flavour of Pot Noodle? Sweet & sour, like myself.

3. Stoned, drunk or sober?

Sober.

4. You are a puppy, what breed are you and why? None, I dislike dogs, to the point of intense and permanent hatred.

5. Shoes, sandals or boots?

Boots 6. What would you have been called if you were born a member of the opposite sex?

Witch!

7. If Money means Nothing, what means something? Music.

8. Which monopoly playing piece are you and why? The Top Hat – distinguished, from days gone by!

9. Favourite word and why?

Spitzenpopzenbangentuben – German for exhaust pipe, or so I`m told.

10. Boiled sprouts, cabbage or spinach? Spinach, keep my muscles in tip-top shape.

11. You Ain’t Got No Class?

But what class were you best at school? French.

12. You have hit random on your iPod – what’s the first song that comes up? iPods are far too 21st Century for moi.

13. And what was the last track you deleted in disgust?

As above.

14. You have a New Regime.

What is the first thing you put into place? I`d change the

daft and meaningless rules and conditions to National Record Shop Day. 15. What at the top of your To Do List today? Take Mum out for her birthday dinner.

16. Favourite insult? Tosser.

17. Perfect night in? Watching as much of a whole series of 24, with a very large pizza and some bags of giant chocolate buttons.

18. Perfect night out? Playing a gig with The Tuesday Club.

19. You are an octoband? If you crashed in the Alps and had to eat someone from the band, who would it be and why? The Beautiful Wolf – him being a Wolf, it wouldn`t count as cannibalism.

20. Describe yourself using three words... I play bass.

20 Questions for AVBD 1. If you could look like anyone else, who would it be?

Andy Scratch off the telly 2. Favourite flavour of Pot Noodle? Do they do Red Stripe?

3. Stoned, drunk or sober?

Sober. Not Sober…

4. You are a puppy, what breed are you and why?

Spaniel, regal and nuts 5. Shoes, sandals or boots?

Boots 6. What would you have been called if you were born a member of the opposite sex?

Andrea…

7. If Money means Nothing, what means something? The Tuesday Club 8. Which monopoly playing piece are you and why? The Boot, to kick lazy people up the arse!

9. Favourite word and why?

Schleudertrauma – German for Whiplash 10. Boiled sprouts, cabbage or spinach? Sprouts, smells like the trenches 11. You Ain’t Got No Class?

But what class were you best at school? Art, darling 12. You have hit random on your iPod – what’s the first song that comes up? Remodel Remake – Roxy Music 13. And what was the last track you deleted in disgust?

Anything by Queen

14. You have a New Regime.

What is the first thing you put into place? Feather Boas and Suspenders all round 15. What at the top of your To Do List today? Form a new band 16. Favourite insult? See you next Tuesday 17. Perfect night in? Sex and Drugs 18. Perfect night out?

Rock’n’Roll 19. You are an octoband? If you crashed in the Alps and had to eat someone from the band, who would it be and why? Jerry Berry, even if he was alive, he probably a) wouldn’t feel it and b) he’d probably thank me, he is such a gent 20. Describe yourself using three words...

Lover nota fighter

9. Favourite word and why?

Elixir, I have been told it sounds like syrup when I say it. Also Opulent – I insist my immediate surroundings fit this word. I hate the word Umbrella. No one can say this in my presence, let alone own one.

10. Boiled sprouts, cabbage or spinach? Sauerkraut 11. You Ain’t Got No Class?

But what class were you best at school? Metalwork 12. You have hit random on your iPod – what’s the first song that comes up? Tuesday Club – Dolly Dynamite. I have no need for technology so I just play this on repeat. It is the only song I have on my ipod. I have never bothered to learn how to add more songs.

I need a boy for this job.

13. And what was the last track you deleted in disgust?

20 Questions for The Minx I have no tracks to delete, but 1. If you could look like I stamp on the radio if Kiss is anyone else, who would it playing. It offends my ears. be? Darling, everyone wants I have sensitive ears. They to look like ME. It’s very can only bear the weight of tiresome. diamonds.

2. Favourite flavour of Pot 14. You have a New Regime.

Noodle? Vodka and Lime What is the first thing you put flavour with no noodles. into place? Ban Uggs and 3. Stoned, drunk or sober?

Flip Flops I live life through a beautiful 15. What at the top of your haze of the purest vodka.

To Do List today? World I bathe in it. Occasionally Domination I dilute it by drinking some 16. Favourite insult? Who soda with lime. have you come dressed as?

4. You are a puppy, what 17. Perfect night in? breed are you and why? Who Champagne, chocolates, rare is writing these questions? fruit, new shoes in a designer Are you calling me a dog? bag, a wardrobe of dressing What is this obsession with up clothes, a camera and a dogs? I shall be a cat. With large ornate mirror. Oh and claws. And a diamante collar. possibly a man of my choosing.

And I shall lie on a velvet 18. Perfect night out? cushion. And mice shall bow Champagne, chocolates, rare before me, begging me not to fruit, new shoes in a designer eat them. bag, a wardrobe of dressing 5. Shoes, sandals or boots? up clothes, a camera and All of them. All high, all a large ornate mirror. Oh patent and all black. and possibly a man of my 6. What would you have choosing. been called if you were born 19. You are an octoband? If a boy? Vladimir Expellikov. you crashed in the Alps and 7. If Money means Nothing, had to eat someone from the what means something? Shoes band, who would it be and 8. Which monopoly playing why? The drummer, he has piece are you and why? a crispy snare You really haff to ask? The 20. Describe yourself using shoe of course, unless there three words... Only three? is a gun?

Impossible

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Hackney Road Studios THE Rock of London

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