Nucleus - Vol 2, No 6 by Nucleus

SEX EDITION

Trigger Warning

EDITORS Bridgette Glover Alana Young

COVER ART

Contents Volume 2, Issue 6, August 2014 3 - Editorial

Nucleus’ Number 1 Fan

3 - UNESA President’s Report

BACK COVER ART

4 - Letters to the Editors

CONTRIBUTORS

8 - News

Bridgette and Panda

David Mailler Belinda Marsh James Boyce Helen Taylor Stu Horsfield Kate Wood Drunk Annoyed Girl Ashley Pianca Jamiee Lindley Alana Young Clancy Wall

5 - What’s Happenin’ Hot Stuff? 10 - Bow-chicka-bow-wow 11 - Advice from an Old Fogie 12 - Music and Sex: A Beginnger’s Guide 14 - The Sociology of Sex and Sexuality - An Interview with Claire Baker 17 - Easy 20 - Asexuality: Your Questions Answered 22 - Open Relationships are Bullshit: A cautionary tale 23 - Skills Trade ‘Find Art’ Entry Form 25 - (College) Recipe 26 - Midsummer is Coming to Booloomimbah 27 - Video Game Review - The Wolf Among Us 28 - Video Game Review - Child of Light 29 - Movie Review by Helen Taylor and Stu Horsfield 30 - Dear Nemo 31 - The Adventures of Arabella Henderson - Episode 7: A Subtle Message

IN-OFFICE COFFEE COUNT (RUNNING TOTAL) 101

Visit www.nucleus.org.au Or write to us at editors@nucleus.org.au Come and see us at the office in the Union Courtyard, across from Campus Essentials.

PUBLISHING SCHEDULE Nucleus is published monthly—but not in January, June or October. The submission deadline is the first day of the month of issue. Issues may have a theme, but these are never exclusive — all content is welcome!

We’re always happy to get new writers and artists on board, so send us an email for more information, or send us some of your work if you have it ready! We look forward to hearing from you!

DISCLAIMER The opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the staff of Nucleus or UNESA. If you have an issue with an 2

item published in the paper, write a letter and we will be glad to print it. All contributions must include name and contact details. Ensure that all contributions contain nothing that may be considered sexist, racist, discriminatory, violence provoking, or plagiarised. We assume our readers can tolerate a degree of satire and the odd swear word, but anything containing unnecessary profanity will not be published. Publication is always at the discretion of the editors. All content is published under the Creative Commons By 3.0 license. Refer to website for license information.

EDITORIAL

inally! It’s here! The issue we’ve been waiting for. UNE, allow us to introduce to you, The Sex Issue of Nucleus.

Apparently August 21st is International Day of Sex, but we couldn’t be sure. Any excuse really. In this issue we’ve got all sorts of submissions in which our contributors discuss their thoughts, experiences, and advice on the beautiful act (as well as all the bullshit attached to it). Tales of asexuality, open relationships, rape, and just plain sex feature, as well as the classics including College Recipe and reviews. And of course, UNE’s own detective, Arabella makes an (unusually steamy) appearance. But if you’re just reading this issue for the articles (really? You loser), the news is full to the brim with sexy politics, from Cushway to Cassidy. Also in UNE NEWS, Uni4Me give us an exclusive on the first time event that was Christmas in July. Congratulations to the team at Uni4Me for their huge success. In the thank you department, we’d like to send our gratitude to all of our contributors, as well as our WORK300 sweetheart, Ashlee. We would also like to thank our courageous volunteer who modelled for us on the front cover. Total babe right? Stay tuned for the next theme and enjoy! Much love from your ridiculously good looking Editors xx

August Report - David Mailler, UNE Student Association President Opportunity could be won or lost UNE There is no doubt the there are some important external challenges facing the tertiary sector. In some ways these challenges are a shadow of impending doom over this university, although I think it is not the most important challenge. UNE has a significant amount of soul searching to do if is going to restore its reputation. And a university reputation is not something to be repaired overnight. With two past Chancellors at ICAC and a toxic culture of shoot the messenger evident, it will take extraordinary courage for UNE Council and Administration to repair a reputation in tatters. Seemingly at the core of UNE’s problem is trust. Students do not have faith in UNE to work through the big picture and deliver the potential and responsibility of leadership. In saying this, it just so happens that change is primed to take place, if UNE can find its lost integrity and is prepared to change the culture change will come. In the past few months there are signs that UNE will embrace the aspirations and its potential for past, present and future students. I have said on a number of occasions, universities have a higher purpose, that is to shape and test the problem solvers and leadership of a generation. This is not done through credentialing alone and is not well served by economic rationale. I spent some time reflecting on how this university has haltingly and dismally failed to capitalise on its greatest asset, students and graduates. The administration of UNE has not offered an example for its students and graduates to be proud of or want to follow. We must walk the talk and have empathy for the students experience and aspiration. There are a number of symptoms of stress in our university, some of which is directly attributable to executive decisions. I note that there has been a concerted effort in the past few months by Annabelle Duncan and former Chancellor John Watkins take on a different path that should be applauded. UNESA The student association has had a birthday, its first birthday and somewhat of an achievement. UNESA can honestly say that student representation is back and it matters. The amenity and services that are now being build and enhanced from the grassroots of student clubs and societies are the crucible of life skills and the foundation stones of a tertiary experience. Through the governance training weekend the UNESA board members developed some big rock principle activities to work on throughout the year: • • • •

UNESA sustainability in purpose and vision. Student voice. Stakeholder relationships. UNESA profile and brand recognition.

These on their own might seem banal, although when unpacked, underpin the purpose of student association to bring a respect and voice to the purpose of a university. UNE has for some years been lost in the wilderness and rudderless without a strong and active student representative organisation asking the tougher questions of the tertiary experience. On balance UNESA is good for UNE and could and should play an important part in rebuilding the trust and confidence of UNE students. 3

LETTERS TO THE EDITORS 1 Dear Editors,

loss in productivity and drained our fiscal resources. It’s all a ploy by the commie Greens and corrupt God-hating Socialists in the Labor Party to

As a student nearing graduation, I really enjoyed reading the

brainwash a whole generation of weak-willed, limp-wristed, la-di-da inner

address by the Hon. John Watkins in which he reflected on his own

city lefties that’ll reduce our great nation some welfare-dependant hippy

university experience. It was great to hear about the long haired and unshaven

feedlot.

side of John. It was also incredibly comforting to hear a man of such esteem admit that throughout his degree he often had no idea of what he really wanted to do. Watkins also confessed that it was only his fear of appearing weak and of disappointing his parents that forced him to ‘stick it out to the end’ – something I, and I’m sure many others, have been able to relate to at some point! But more than all this, his message about appreciating the gift of being able to attend university, a gift which so many others are deprived, really hit home, especially during these weeks where sub zero temperatures reign, assignments are piling

Someone should ought to get onto Alan or Andrew about this so we can get Tone and the boys to focus on the real issues here!

Dear Editors,

The new hit “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor has gone

viral and is being praised for its positive body image message. Sure, the

up, and the idea of skipping class is so incredibly tempting. Above all, the

line ““Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top” is great, and

address by the Hon. John Watkins highlighted why he was such a favourite

definitely promotes self-acceptance; however, in practically the next breath,

among students and academics, and why he will be missed. I wish him all the

Trainor describes skinny girls as bitches. How is that promoting positive

best in his future endeavours!

body image or self-acceptance? The song is supposed to be about women ‘not worrying about their size’, so why then does it rip smaller framed

Regards,

ladies to shreds? As someone who has always been on the smaller side,

J. Thompson

there have been many occasions where I have been made to feel ashamed of being skinny; I fail to see why people find this acceptable – no one has

As a fair dinkum, ordinary joe-blo Aussie fella, I am deeply troubled by the current Federal Government’s budget. I don’t normally have a problem with Big Tone and Wazza’s ideas but I just don’t feel as though these budget reforms quite go far enough. Forget the Age

of Entitlement, we’re forgetting about an entire class of Australia’s so entitled they’re prone to throw tantrum to get their way: Children.

The age of unemployment children sponging off their elders and betters draining our taxpayers’ dollars should cease. Forget ‘boat people’; these ‘pram people’ have been mollycoddled and spoilt on the proverbial gravy train. We’ve bred a class of soft-bottomed illiterates barely able to enunciate their parents’ names. For too long these ankle-biters have enjoyed the perks of infantile privilege; for approximately the first 16 years of their lives, these ‘milk-feeders’ can expect accommodation, food, education, affection and even ludicrous

the right to comment on your size – big or small. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to hear songs promoting a love of curves, I’m all for it, curves are great! But I don’t think promoting curves should be at the expense of degrading girls who lack them. No girl should ever feel insecure about their curves – or lack of! In the words of Mika: big girls are beautiful, but small ones are too! Also, it’s important to remember that there’s more to life than having ‘all the right junk in all the right places’!

Regards, Kate Harrison

Dear Nucleus,

Even though I no longer study at UNE, I still read your

editions every month. It’s been a great way to keep in touch with what

forms of entertainment (such as The Wiggles, Play School and High-5) without

has been going on on campus and to read perspectives on current

paying a single cent of tax, unlike every other decent Australian. It even takes

issues. Last month’s issue was particularly insightful. Congratulations

them a whole two-to-three years for them to start walking! It’s time they worked

to editors past and present who have created such a great magazine

for their own ends instead of literally sucking off their mothers’ milk train.

and to UNESA who took the initiative to start it up again.

Socialist, bleeding heart, Dickensian policies like the ban of child labour, free 4

education and child concession prices have long stifled our economy with a

Elsie Baker

What’s Happenin’ Hot Stuff?* NAPSA (National Australian Pharmacy Students’ Association) Vampire Cup 1ST SEPTEMBER - 13TH OCTOBER @ THE ARMIDALE BLOOD DONOR CENTRE Every blood donation is said to save three lives To make an appointment: Call: 13 95 96 Visit: www.donateblood.com To make your donation count, simply tell them that the Pharmacy Students of UNE sent you. This is a national initiative so if you’re really keen tell your mum, dad, brothers, sisiters, aunts, uncles, cousins.

WANTED ASSISTANT EDITORS

Must be a competent writer Paid Position!

ARTS IN THE PUB 12TH AUGUST 7pm - 8pm @ THE WHITE BULL

FREE ENTRY!!! For details: Dr Nathan Wise nwise@une.edu.au

Expressions of Interest: editors@nucleus. org.au

*Obviously a reference to classic film Sixteen Candles (1984)

DESIGN PRINT POST freecall 1300 853 700 email sales@evansprinting.com.au 215 Mann Street Armidale www.evansprinting.com.au

5 your local printer proudly suporting the Nucleus

The Second Hand Bookshop warmly welcomes all Externals who are on Campus for the August Intensive Schools. Please come and see us at our shop located in the Arcade above the top courtyard. All our books are sold on behalf of other students and are priced at least 30% below current retail price. We

The Community Mutual Group is a trading name of Communit The Community Mutual Group isThe a trading name Mutual of Community Ltd.name Community Group isMutual a trading of Community Mutual Ltd. ABN 21 087 650 360 : AFSL241167 ABN 21 087 650 360 : AFSL241167 ABN 21 087 650 360 : AFSL241167 The Community Mutualon Group a trading name love adding new books to our stock, which we display ouris web site at of Community Mutual Ltd. TheCommunity CommunityMutual Mutual Group atrading trading nameofofCommunity CommunityMutual MutualLtd. Ltd. ABNGroup 21 087 360 :name AFSL241167 The isisa650 http://www.servicesune.com.au/une-bookshop-search.php ABN21 21087 087650 650360 360: :AFSL241167 AFSL241167 ABN

The quicker you hand in your books the quicker we can list them and the quicker they sell. Any queries or comments please contact us at: bookshop@services.une.edu.au Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget postage is free (funded by your SSAF) to all students who provide their current UNE student number. Cheers, The team at the Second Hand Bookshop

UNESA Election Results July 22 2014 The results of the UNESA elections are as follows: - President: David Mailler - Vice-President: Amelia (Milly) Roberts - Postgraduate Student Rep: Leah Macdonald

- Professor Don Hine - Professor Margaret Sims Undergraduate member of the UNE Council under Section 9(1)(f) of the UNE Act The following person is declared elected as an UNE Council member for a term of 2 years with effect from 12 October 2014:

that he was ostracised after being dismissed back in April during a restructure in the senior management. He had been appointed to the role in February 2013. Cushway’s lawyers filed a Federal Court action on July 4 which claimed that he was unfairly dismissed, contrary to “a general protection” of the Fair Work Act 2009. In Cushway’s statement of claim, he alleged he

- Undergraduate Student Rep: Vacant

- Mr Michael Kirk

was bullied by UNE’s chief financial officer Michelle

- Internal Student Rep: Judd Newton

Graduate members of the UNE Council under

Clarke, and was frozen out of the workplace. He

- Residential College Rep: Vacant - Indigenous Student Rep: Michael Kirk - International Student Rep: Sura Adnan Alani - External Student Rep: Ian Mathewson; one position vacant - General Student Reps: Polly Wong; Sanaz Alian Expressions of interest for the three vacant positions will be called for shortly and the positions filled casually. The handover to the new Board will be made at the UNESA Annual General Meeting on Thursday,

Section 9(1)(h) of the UNE Act The following persons are declared elected as UNE Council members for a term of 4 years with effect from 18 August 2014: Graduate representatives: - Dr Robyn Muldoon

unopposed: Postgraduate member of the UNE Council under Section 9(1)(g) of the UNE Act

from 5 October 2014 - Mr Stuart Robertson Non-academic staff member of the UNE Council

Voting in the UNE Council elections has closed and the votes have been counted.

harassment and victimisation,” Cushway claims. UNE deputy vice-chancellor Faith Trent stated

Cushway wants to be either reinstated in his position

the meeting by remote connection, please go to the

July 29 2014

to engage in conduct that amounted to bullying,

“unfounded”.

UNE Council member for a term of 2 years with effect

Brendan Peet - Returning Officer

Annabelle Duncan], Ms Clarke and Mr Peet began

The following candidates have been declared elected

members welcome in person or if you wish to attend

UNE Council Election Results

“In or around February, [acting vice-chancellor

that UNE would defend the claim, regarding it as

The following person has been declared elected as a

member Moodle site.

obstructed him from carrying out his duties.

- Dr Jack Hobbs

24 July at 5.30 pm, in the Oorala Lecture Theatre. All

URL included in the Notice of Meeting on the UNESA

also claimed that chief legal officer Brendan Peet

under Section 9(1)(e) of the UNE Act

or compensated the bullying he experienced, the loss of income ($297,000 a year, and $17,500 annual car allowance), and being hindered from obtaining employment.

Former UNE Chancellor Subject of ICAC Investigation By Bridgette Glover

The following person has been declared elected as a UNE Council member for a term of 2 years with effect from 21 August 2014: - Dr Jeannet van der Lee Thank you to all who voted in these elections.

In accordance with UNE By-law 9, I declare the following candidates to be elected: Academic staff members of the UNE Council under Section 9(1)(d) of the UNE Act The following persons are declared elected as UNE Council members for a term of 2 years with effect from 21 August 2014: 8

Ex-COO Sues UNE By Bridgette Glover David Cushway, former chief operating office at UNE appeared before the federal court in Sydney on July 16 in an effort to sue the University for up to $1 million for the loss of his job. Cushway also claimed

Former UNE Chancellor John Cassidy Six years after his departure as Chancellor of UNE, John Cassidy was back in hot water last month, being placed under the spotlight by the Independent Commission Against Corruption. The public inquiry,

which began on July 21 and adjourned on Friday 25 July, examined his involvement in the 2006 sale of a

Christmas in July By Tom & Mark - Uni4me

university-owned pub. Cassidy was accused of using inside information to help him and business associate, Darrell Hendry, acquire the Tattersalls Hotel, which was then owned by the UNE Union. The university had decided to sell the hotel when the union felt the financial pressure from the introduction of voluntary student unionism.

It was a very MERRY CHRISTMAS IN JULY in

Join the Blue Shirts! Volunteer to build your Student Community and earn points towards the New England Award - send an email expressing interest to uni4me@ une.edu.au

the Top Courtyard on July 24, brought to students by Uni4me. FUN was the order of the day as the Top Courtyard buzzed with Christmas cheer! We publicised the food, the presents, the live music yet we saved a BIG surprise until the day…

Cassidy’s involvement in the purchase was not disclosed to his fellow board members at the time, and it was revealed during the inquiry that he was involved in the decision to sell the hotel, as well as seek legal advice regarding it. The confidential information that Cassidy was alleged to have leaked included the amounts other bidders had offered. The minutes of a Services UNE board meeting held on the day of the sale, December 5, 2005, recorded

UNE students rode the bucking bull late into the afternoon

Cassidy stating to a board director that he had “no

By 12 o’clock the Courtyard was packed with merry

ongoing connection with Mr Hendry”. Despite this claim, ICAC produced telephone discussions held by Cassidy and Hendry during the

students tucking into a Christmas lunch of turkey, ham, roast vegetables – with apple and cranberry sauces to boot!

period between when confidential bids had been received and when Hendry had placed his own. These records showed that the two business partners had held numerous conversations in that time, including just before Hendry placed the winning bid. Mr Hendry bought the hotel for $2.65 million through Vercot, a company he and Cassidy then owned. Though Hendry’s name was the only one to appear on the transaction records, Mr Cassidy took a two-thirds stake in the deal. Mr Cassidy was also accused of misleading an internal UNE inquiry into the sale. Cassidy was accused of misconduct in public office. Proceedings are expected to resume in September.

Hot Christmas lunch: just the ticket in an Armidale July The volunteer Blue Shirts did a fantastic job to make

The Blue Shirts kept the event cranking, doing a sterling job with food service

this event happen – decorating, handing out presents and serving lunch to hundreds of students. Christmas in July was all part of uni4me providing students with a little bit of Winter Warmth.

Bow-chicka-bow-wow By B elinda Marsh

fter all my years on this planet, I have learned a thing or three, so I thought I’d share a few words of advice with you about heterosexual relationships (because they’re the only ones I’ve really ever been in).

Basic advice:

• Pull your weight. Always. Cook dinner, do the shopping, clean up after yourself, wash clothes. Keep your house tidy, both of you. Share the load. • When you do pull your weight, do not mention it. Gloating and fishing for compliments are not necessary. Part of being an adult is that you just get on with the job of living and making sure your house is decently clean enough so that nobody has to go to hospital with food poisoning. • You do not deserve a medal for scrubbing the toilet. • Speaking of toilets, here’s some advice for men: lift both lids, piss in the big, round hole without missing and urinating on the floor, rim, or windowsill, put both lids back down again, and flush. If you crap, scrub the bowl clean with the brush. Tada, simple AND polite. • Wash your hands. Always.

Relationship advice:

• If you have a problem with the other person, talk about it. Nicely. Use sentences like, “When this happens, I feel...” And don’t use blame, or the childish line, “You make me feel...” because the honest truth is, nobody can make you feel anything. Your emotions are your choice. YOU deal with them, and think about why you felt the way you did when the other person did and/ or said something. Then decide what you’re going to feel if it happens again. If you don’t, 10

you will keep going round in circles, and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. • During an argument, lower your voice, breathe, and calm down. Yelling in anger, and getting louder and louder, does not get your point across. Being a reasonable adult, and discussing the issue properly, does. • If you hit the other person, it’s the end. Over. Physically abusing someone is wrong. Emotionally abusing someone is wrong. I don’t give a shit what your excuses are, because they are all inexcusable. People are not punching bags, whether you use your fists or your words. Go and get help ASAFP.

Sex advice for everyone:

• Don’t ever equate hugs and kisses with sexual expectations. These are totally separate from sex, and if you only give them with the anticipation of getting nookie in return, your relationship is doomed. You should give them freely because you love each other and want to be close.

• Women, DO NOT FAKE IT. This is serious advice from a woman who had to do it for a fair while. Once you start, it’s almost impossible to stop. If he thinks you’re orgasming by doing a certain act, then he will keep doing that certain act, and you’ll be stuck in a dreadful cycle. Be truthful and honest from the beginning to avoid disappointment. Please. Be kind to yourself. Have the honest orgasms you deserve. It doesn’t matter if it takes a long time, or his tongue gets sore, or if you feel really self-conscious. Just friggin’ well do it because otherwise you’re not being true to yourself, and your sex life will be shit. If you can’t orgasm for one reason or another, talk about it. • Sex toys are good. Keep up a steady supply of good quality batteries. • Men, if you experience any kind of erectile dysfunction, do not stop having sex. You have a tongue and fingers, remember? Use your tongue and fingers liberally. If you don’t know what to do with them, ask her to show you. • Women: his penis is not like your clitoris. Ask him what he likes, and learn how he likes it.

• Foreplay is actually important. • Men, go down on her. Often. • Men, do not treat each sex session as an audition for a porno. Most women will get bored and sore if you pound away for hours on end. If you do indeed pound away for hours on end, she more than likely will not orgasm that way. We’re not all designed like that. • Women, stop moaning like you think you should because you saw it on Redtube. It will only confuse men into thinking they have to perform like they’re in a porno each and every time from then on, and it will become horrible.

• Do not assume the same techniques work on different partners. • Shake up your sex lives often. Don’t get stuck in a routine.

Good luck, lovers. Belinda likes to think she’s a writer, but honestly, she just likes to put on her rangry pants and have a good old rant. You can read her shenanigans at rangry.wordpress.com; she is also a regular contributor at thebigsmoke.com.au and theaimn.com.

ADVICE FROM AN OLD FOGIE O

ne of the biggest, scariest, most exciting, most beneficial and most detrimental things and questions you will encounter at university is sex. There are 2 big things that I’d like to share with you from my experience and from helping other people who have discussed such matters with me. Take them or leave them as you like, but they might come in useful in the future :) Firstly, every person has been brought up in a different situation and a different circumstance, and everyone needs respect. Finally, after thousands of years of sexual repression, we are starting to realize that there are different types of people, with different desires and different interests. To the classic ‘heterosexual’, ‘bisexual’ and ‘homosexual’, we are seeing many different additions of ‘pansexual’, ‘asexual’ and a world of others. Some people like to talk and not ‘do’, others the other way around. Youth and university is a time when you can grow into adulthood and explore your own sexual desires, learning to be honest with yourself and what comes natural for you. But, there is a flip side to this. Your partner – or intended partner – has the same right to respect. This is a time where you are going to feel awesome and horrible, often within minutes of each other. Consent, the funky word we throw out, is something much bigger than just ‘saying no’. It’s about giving your partner the desire to say ‘yes’. Your partner should feel comfortable to hold back and say ‘no, this doesn’t feel right’, no matter how much you wish they’d just say ‘I like this, I want more of it, yes, yes, yes!’ This goes for everything, from approaching and intended to buy them a drink, through to finishing the deed, and it’s much better when your partner is as into it as you are! Communication, at all steps, is the best way to show respect. This isn’t

by James Boyce

just saying “may I kiss your…”; it’s about getting to know that your partner is responding to you. It will save you both a lot of heartache later if you’re both communicating, verbally and emotionally, so you can both experience the true joys of sex. And naturally, if your partner can’t communicate… don’t… Intoxication is not an excuse. Secondly, be safe. This doesn’t just mean use a condom etc. (which, naturally, you should); it means be true to yourself and to your partner’s values and principals. Everyone has come from a different background and has a different idea on what sex is and what it means. Your parents and other influences in your life will have told you a lot of things about when and where to have sex and why. But you’re an adult now. You can, and must, make your own decisions and you need to own those decisions! What’s more, you need to respect other people’s decisions. You might decide that you don’t want to have sex until you’re married or in a committed relationship. You might only want to have sex when you’re sober so you can be fully in control of your faculties. Your right, as an adult is to make those decisions. When you determine that, stick to the decision and don’t let anyone else pressure you to do something you don’t want to. “This above all: to thine own self be true”. Find your line and stick to it. Sex is one of the best and worst things in this wide world of ours. It’s a mixture of the most enjoyable experience that can have, and some of the worst potential consequences of anything you can ever do. Be bold and test your boundaries, but respect them and respect the people around you. Be safe, have fun! James is about to finish a Bachelor of Arts before starting a Master of Teaching. He enjoys exploring as many new things as possible.

Music and Sex: A Beginner’s Guide

Helen Taylor

o I went into this heavy, in-depth (snigger)

research

assignment

with a cavalier attitude. I assumed

Exhibit A: ‘You’re Makin’ Me High’ - Toni Braxton

of sexy before listening to the words, and then kind of sleazy after you pay attention. Covered to sexy perfection by local band Counting Pennies, who (just FYI) can be found doing their thing on

a certain universality of sexy song, but I’ve

any good Armidale Club open mic night.

since realised that there are songs about sex, and there are songs that make you want to

Exhibit

have sex, and there are songs that are good

‘Pony’

as a soundtrack for when you’re doin’ it. I also learned a new thing: MTFT = Music To F*** To. Until now, this abbreviation had escaped me. Now, it will be the title of my August 2014 playlist.

A rather explicit song about the intoxicating nature of sex with a sexy person. Very sexily sung

I asked my Facebook friends, who have

by Toni Braxton, who seems to have disappeared

dutifully been responding to a series of my

since the album I recently procured from Salvos

music-related

song

for $2, which also contains heartachey power

to dance to/favourite love song/favourite

ballad ‘Unbreak My Heart’. She’s left a sexy legacy

questions

(favourite

female artist) for a while now: “What are the sexiest songs you know?”. What I learned was that while some of my Facebook friends are smartass jerks, there’s as many different schools of thought on musical sexiness as there are on best sandwich fillings. Let the record show that a large portion of the musical sexiness of life lies in the 90s/early 00s.

though - I highly recommend you enjoy the stylings of such lyrics as: “Can’t get my mind off you/ I think I might be obsessed/ The very thought of you/ Makes me want to get undressed.”

Exhibit B: ‘Ignition (Remix)’ - R. Kelly Some lyrical wizardry here tells an age-old tale of seeing a really attractive person that you’d quite like to do, and seducing them by singing them a song about how much you’d like to do them. Comes complete with tasteful metaphors such as “I’m ‘bout to take my key and/ Stick it in the ignition.” One of those songs that sounds kind

Ginuwine

Pretty sure everyone remembers this song,

released in 1996. In 1996 I was 11, so I did think it was an actual song about riding ponies. For this I partially blame the film clip, which was set in some kind of cowboy bar, and the other parts of ignorance fall to my general naivety. A few considered re-watches/re-listens now reveal the sexiness of this tune lies in its bass sample. And its thrustular dance moves, performed by an open-shirted Ginuwine. Hello, baggy denim.

Exhibit D: ‘6 Underground’ Sneaker Pimps

It was the song that played as Jennifer Love

Helen is studying Arts Management, and things that make her happy include chocolate milk, paper goods and 80’s teen movies.

Hewitt walked into the party of 1998’s ‘Can’t

An album so sexy that the first track will have

folks; guaranteed to be more awesomeness on

Hardly Wait’. It features a husky-voiced lady

you scanning the room for a movie-watching

the way, plus, take a date to one of their gigs and

and words sung so slowly that I always forgot

companion.

you just never know, movie-watching may be in

to listen to the lyrics. Turns out they’re probably about drugs, which are not sexy. So best not to listen to the words, but instead enjoy this dreamy lazy 90s tune.

2. “Thinking in Textures” EP & “Built On Glass” -

your immediate future.

Other especially sexy tunes from this time that deserve a brief mention (and to be put on your MTFT list) include anything by Montell Jordan (‘This Is How We Do It’), Usher (‘Nice and Slow’) and the one-hits of such folk as Next - ‘Too Close’ and Colour Me Badd - ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’ (incredibly subtle). Now I want to change from letters to numbers and suggest a few more recent albums to throw

Chet Faker

Obviously ‘I’m Into You’ is where it’s at for

on if you’re tucked away in your room with

seduction. Use it sparingly, for it holds much

a consenting adult to “hang out” or “watch a

power and magic:

movie”. It’s only polite if you live in a sharehouse/

4. “Metals” - Feist

Sultry vocals. Well-paced tunes. Can’t go wrong. Some

other

artists

for

your

MTFT

college/at home with your parents to put on

“When I press an ear up to your breast/ I can

consideration include almost anything by Bjork,

some kind of thing that will play for at least an

hear the rhythm start/ It’s hard to tell our beats

The Weeknd, Lana Del Rey ... even a splash of

hour. Traditionally, music playing can both mask

apart/So I hope you’re listening right now/ Cause

Beyonce doesn’t go astray. It’s about picking

the sounds of other things, put you in the mood,

I can barely hold my tongue/ The shit we do could

your audience, really - one person’s ‘Let’s Stay

give you a tempo to stick to or something to hum

warm the sun.”

Together’ might be another person’s ‘Let It Go’,

along to when things go badly. The warning I give is that sometimes music can mask the sound of someone who doesn’t know you have moviewatching company knocking on your door, getting no response and barging in. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

1. “An Underground Wave” - Alt-J

and vice versa. ‘Talk is Cheap’ also gets a serious mention. Basically, the man is a sexy genius.

3. “The Earope Project” single - No Body Died

The key is folks, to go forth and enjoy yourselves. Find a movie-watching partner, get their consent, pick your soundtrack, use protection and just have a damn good time.

Local babes Jay Westfold and Declan

Humphreys sure know how to put together a

And listen for knocks.

sexy tune. Keep your eyes and ears on these guys, 13

The Sociology of Sex and Sexuality

An Interview with Claire Baker

by Stu Horsfield

Claire Baker is a Ph.D. student in the school of Behavioural,

Cognitive and Social Sciences at UNE, as well as Project Manager of the Collaborative Research Network, which is aimed at mental health and well-being in rural and regional communities. In Trimester 1, Claire taught the Sociology unit ‘Sex and Pleasure in Western Culture’, which focused on the sociological study of sex and sexuality throughout western history. You recently taught SOCY382 ‘Sex and Pleasure in Western Culture’, what are the central topics of the unit and how are they approached? Sex and Pleasure was the subject of the unit, really it was a history of sexual morality, from Ancient Greece all the way through to today, which is a fairly daunting breadth of material to approach in 12 weeks. Our attitudes towards sexuality and sex are intertwined with many philosophical traditions, religious traditions, state and power discourses; there are a lot of things at play with regards to sex and sexuality and how they are expressed. So it’s quite a tour de force of human history over that time, particularly in western culture. We don’t look at Eastern or Middle-Eastern cultures in the unit, so there really is a western focus, which is important to note as there are some very significant differences there, and it is very easy to think that what we think of as sexuality is the reality when really it’s not, there are many different realities and attitudes to these topics around the world that are very foreign to our own. I had lots of very interesting reactions to this when we started the unit when relaying some of these differences to the students, because sexuality has a particular

“...female orgasm and pleasure became seen as an “optional extra”, as something that wasn’t significant, that wasn’t important...” 14

specialness in our society, it makes people giggle or blush or talk in hushed tones; there’s something about sexuality that has a special power in our lives, our social lives, it’s integral to our identity in contemporary society. It’s interesting, and useful, to understand how this has changed over time, through different historical periods.

experience. When scientific understandings developed further it was found that this wasn’t necessary, so female orgasm and pleasure became seen as an “optional extra”, as something that wasn’t significant, that wasn’t important, which fed very nicely into Christian understandings about “good” and “right” sex. “Good” sex after the enlightenment was undertaken with the intent of procreation, and governed by good sense and rationality. Decoupling female pleasure from this was very convenient; it no longer had any rational purpose or use and so was incredibly devalued.

“...people will have different conceptions of who and what they’re attracted to when they’re 18 than when they’re 30 or 70.”

We approached the topic through the lens of Social Construction Theory. Our identities and our ideas of sex and sexuality are constructed through our actions, through the beliefs and the understandings of the period, through the discourses at play in the particular culture at the particular time in which we live. So there aren’t objective truths about identity and sexuality that sit outside society, they are things that emerge within and through the society that they are a part of. When you start looking at phenomena in this way you can start to understand and appreciate that every culture will have differences; there is no particular set of correct and incorrect, right and wrong, even male and female sexual identities. Of course sexuality includes these assumptions, that there is “good sex” vs “bad sex”, or masculinity vs femininity, and through the unit we look at these different historical eras to understand how these have had different expressions over time. For example, in Ancient Greece, attitudes to sexuality had more to do with balance and harmony within the body, being in control of ones ‘appetites’, as opposed to ones gender as male or female. Even though there were certain power structures at play when it came to males and females and the hierarchies at play within those genders, for the Greeks, sexual preference didn’t delineate sexual identity; a man having sex with another man didn’t mark him as a homosexual, as a ‘type’ of person. There was no line between heterosexual and homosexual sex, or even sex between different age groups. It wasn’t about who you were sexually attracted to, or who you have a sexual interaction with, what mattered was how you behaved within that sexual interaction; how you expressed your appetites, your control over them, to the ends of balance and harmony within the body. From this period we move through several periods of western history to get to today. How does Social Construction Theory help us to understand the changes to femininity and masculinity over this time frame? Looking at masculinity and femininity in this way and over such a long period of time we can see clearly how things have changed. For example, if we look at Ancient Greece again, masculinity was mainly expressed through political power. It also took expression through relationships with young boys. This sort of relationship was a form of political grooming and a symbol of status and control of one’s behaviour, and was sign of masculinity. So we can clearly see a difference here from what we consider ‘masculine’ today. What’s been at play in feminine sexuality for most of human history has been, in short, control. Whether that controlling body is the political male elite that it may have been in ancient Greek times, the Church through most of western history, or as it is now where the culture itself is a controlling factor in women’s sexuality and its appropriate expressions. Michel Foucault looks at the interesting links that were made through the scientific model around the “hysterical female body”. He saw female sexuality as being essentially pathologised by the male-dominated scientific establishment. This really came out of a time where women’s sexuality was very closely delineated; there were very rigid ideas about what was acceptable or unacceptable. In earlier times, it was thought that orgasm was necessary for conception to occur, so there was a value placed on female pleasure as a vital part of the sexual reproductive

So women were seen as essentially passive actors in the sexual experience? Exactly, that’s right. That passivity really did underpin the understanding of appropriate sexual expressions. So if you have this situation set up where any perceived pleasure on the part of the female is seen as an excess; something that is not required by “good women”, and particularly “good Christian women”, that feeds into this scientific model of the rational approach to sex where female pleasure is not only devalued but demonised. Women who were seen to enjoy sex were somehow outside the norm, or abnormal. Responses to this enjoyment of sex were moral in nature, but were absorbed by the burgeoning scientific community, because it was a way of controlling female sexuality. “You shouldn’t be enjoying this so much, you must have nymphomania, let’s do a clitorectomy.” The responses to female sexuality were very extreme, and there are lots of examples from early literature, some of which we look at in the course, that the responses to women were quite abhorrent, and based in a quasi-medical, but really a moral place of judgement. Another thing we look at in the unit is the changing attitudes towards homosexuality and lesbianism, and to do with what I mentioned earlier about the absence of the “homosexual” as a concept or type in Ancient Greece, the demarcation of someone’s identity based on their sexual orientation was just non-existent. Public scenes of effeminate men holding hands, etc. was really not seen as something odd or unusual. Our ideas of masculinity, if we look at even the last century, were quite new. Historically speaking they’ve emerged quite recently. If we look at it in the context of the rise of industrialisation and urbanisation, and changes to the economy and labour markets, people were moving from very different social and living conditions in villages where everybody knew each other and there was a huge degree of transparency and communal connectedness, people’s identities were determined to a greater extent by the intimacy of these close-knit, smaller communities. If these people begin to move into cities en masse into cities then the basis of their identities starts to become fluid and indeterminate due to the relative anonymity of city life, and if you start thinking about the city as an entity with all of these fluid beings within it, you need to have another way of identifying people to know how to interact with them. So these rising ideas of appropriate femininity, but especially appropriate masculinity, were a way of people being able to judge each other or place each other through dress, mannerisms, and other clear distinguishing characteristics in many facets of social life. Being a “manly man” or a “feminine female” became important indicators in our social interactions as, due to this new anonymity, appearances became our primary method of determining someone’s character, instead of who someone’s father was, or where one stood in the intricate social relations of the village. And that’s a great attraction of going to cities even now, you can be whoever you want when you’re not seeing the same people every day. This points back to the core point of the unit, that our sexual identities are socially constructed, and aren’t just a choice that we make individually, they are influenced through our socialisation, education, our religious upbringing; all of these influences we’ve had through our lives become manifest in the identity that we produce, and our gender identity is a particularly strong one, central to our self-understanding. 15

How did the scientists of sex impact our understandings of gender and sexual identity in the 20th century? The science of sex got going in the early 1900’s, starting with behavioural observations at the edges of sexual life, with pathological behaviours. There was also some cross-cultural observations of, for instance, fellatio acts between men and young boys in Papua New Guinea as a rite of passage into manhood, that began to bring a perspective to western ideas about right and wrong sex, highlighting the inherent cultural relativity of sexual practices. The early scientists of sex, such as Baron von Krafft-Ebing with

to report on the behaviours that they were actually undertaking in their sexual lives, he uncovered some pretty startling results. For instance, he found that the majority of men had come to orgasm with another man throughout their lifetime. The key finding for Kinsey was really that sexual identity and sexuality changes over time, people will have different conceptions of who and what they’re attracted to when they’re 18 than when they’re 30 or 70. That was quite a big moment, as people thought sexuality was very fixed, but he showed that it changes over the lifespan of the individual, but also that there are no fixed categories of heterosexual and homosexual.

“...our sexual identities are socially constructed, and aren’t just a choice that we make individually, they are influenced through our socialisation, education, our religious upbringing; all of these influences we’ve had through our lives become manifest in the identity that we produce.” his book Psychopathia Sexualis, were very important in distinguishing what sexually abnormal, and distinguishing the abnormal they implicitly defined the limits of “normal” sex. One of the real points of change was the work of Alfred Kinsey. He was primarily an entomologist and so was used to studying dry, scientific observations of behaviour - He was studying wasps before studying humans – but what that meant was he brought to the study of human behaviour this idea that instead of saying “this is what people should be doing”, let’s just look at what they are doing. While he was criticised for the narrow base of his study – it was primarily white middle-class Americans who he looked at – the underlying premise of his research was revolutionary compared to what had come before it, and by just observing; by just asking people

Where do you draw the line; if you’ve only ever had sex with men but you fantasise about women, what does that make you? Do you only count actual intercourse? Where is that line? Kinsey’s work showed us that we can’t draw that line. It was a real acknowledgement that we live on a spectrum from fully heterosexual to fully homosexual, and only we can really know where it is we sit on that spectrum. Kinsey made it possible to really talk about fluid concepts of sexuality, and to start to understand our own sexualities in that way. We have a very complex relationship with our sexuality, and someone’s sexuality isn’t a given outcome as the start of someone’s life; you can’t say that just because somebody is born male they will be attracted to females, and if you do society will prove you wrong over and over again.

TuneFM, Australia’s oldest univrsity radio station, offers opportunities for both external and internal students to volunteer in a wide range of roles. Contact us on volunteers@tunefm.net or drop in and see us on campus!

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or on our live stream www.tunefm.net/listen

easy. S

he’s standing at the bar, wearing a short black dress with long black hair flowing down her front, chatting away merrily while sipping on something intoxicating. She’s dripping sex, and flashing her eyes at you and every other guy around. You know the two girls she’s standing with and as you approach them, you notice quickly that she’s drunk as a skunk, as are your other friends. You chat mildly, as best you can, before they announce they’re finished and are ready to leave. You, naturally, offer them a lift in your car and slyly manage to finagle the attractive girl into the front passenger seat and your friends in the back. You know where they live so you head there first and quickly drop them off. This beauty lives on the other side of town and she’s fiddling with her keys, pulling at her dress, and letting you see all sorts of…. things, while mumbling about not being able to pickup. You see your opportunity, take her by the hand out of the car but have to almost carry her to her bed. She’s not exactly into it, but you know she’ll enjoy it. She’s a bit resistant but she said she wanted it. She’s not putting up a fight or saying no so you go for it! You do it! You do the deed and she seems sated, lying there in bed, relaxing. You put your pants on, kiss her on the cheek and leave your number beside your bed. The next day, there’s a knock on the door and 2 police officers are standing there to talk to you. You protest that you have to go to class, but they insist. You guessed it! You raped her. If you have been a victim of a sexual crime – please contact: NATIONAL: Ambulance: 000 or 131 233 Police: 000 Lifeline (24 hrs): 131 114 Suicide Prevention & Crisis Intervention (24 hrs): 1300 363 622 Kids Help Line (if under 25 years old): 1800 55 1800 or online http://www.kidshelp.com.au Salvo Crisis Line (suicide prevention): (02) 9331 2000 Salvo Care Line: (02) 9331 6000 Grief Support (24 hrs): (02) 9489 6644 or 1800 642 066 Alcohol and Drug Information Service (24 hrs): (02) 9361 8000 Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1800 656 463

by James Boyce

Rape is a strange concept that is very misunderstood in our society, and there’s a nasty stigma that goes along with it. Unfortunately, this stigma is on the wrong side. The basic rule of thumb with rape is simple: No means no. That’s the generic, simplified way to think about it. If your partner says no, at any stage, in any way, then that is rape. Men and women! Yeah, but if your partner’s drunk, then its different – she wants it but she’s not able to say so or do much? Not true. Intoxication is not an excuse; in fact it works against you. Taking advantage of someone while intoxicated is sexual assault, often called ‘incapacitated assault’ and is counted not just as a sexual crime, but a violent crime. That means that the minimum penalty is maximum-security jail… where you don’t want to drop the soap. The important factor here, however, is that this girl did what she should do; she reported it. She spoke out and she should have been celebrated for it. When something bad happens to you, you tell someone and in the case of unwanted sexual contact, that is the most important thing. If you have been a victim of unwanted sexual attention or interaction, it’s a crime. This guy has thrown his life away. When convicted, he will most likely be put on a sex-crimes list and will be very restricted about what work he can get. The university will probably kick him out, and any dreams of being a teacher, doctor or most other prestigious careers are gone. Think. Ask. National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service: 1800 737 732 or 1800 RESPECT NSW: NSW Rape Crisis Centre: 1800 424 017 NSW Mental Health Line 24 hr service 1800 011 511 ARMIDALE: Police Station (02) 6771 0699 UNE Safety and Security: (02) 6773 2099 Armidale Sexual Assault Service: (02) 6776 9655 (BH) (02) 6776 9500 (AH) Armidale Hospital 24 hr Accident and Emergency: (02) 6776 9622

Kate from UNEWS helps you decide...

Yes

Have I Obtained Consent?

N O

Did they say “No”? No

If a person says no to having sex, for any reason, they are not consenting.

Did they say “Yes”? Yes

To you, specifically?

Just because a person does not or cannot say no to sex, that does not mean they consent. Seek Enthusiastic Consent. Consenting to sex with one person does not mean consenting to sex with their friends/team mates or anyone else.

Yes No

C O N S E N T

On this specific occasion? Yes

To this specific sex act?

Even if a person has willingly had sex with you before, that does not mean they consent now. You must obtain consent every time. Consent can also be withdrawn and you must then stop. There is more than one kind of sex. For example, consenting to oral sex does NOT mean consent to penetration.

Yes

Are they capable of giving meaningful consent?

  

Yes

Was the consent given under violence or threat of violence?

Consent must be given freely. If a person is too scared to say no, they are not consenting. Again, seek Enthusiastic Consent.

Yes

Was the consent obtained by any other form of coercion? No

Tricking or coercing someone into sex is not obtaining consent. This includes making a person believe something bad will happen if they say no, or blackmailing them.

CONSENT? 18

A person cannot consent if they are: Under the age of consent (16 in NSW) Drunk or high Intellectually incapable of understanding what they are agreeing to.

Remember, consent must be enthusiastic to be meaningful...

You think it’s not rape because... … I’m a woman! … he’s a man!

Women can rape and men can be raped. Rape means having sex with a person who does not want to have sex and it does not matter what gender you are, or they are.

… they’re a sex worker!

Some people think that sex workers cannot be raped. ANYONE can be raped. Just because a person sometimes has sex for money, this does not mean they have to have sex with you, even if you offer them money.

… we’re married!

Being married to someone does not give you the right to have sex with them. Even your wife or husband has to consent to every individual sexual encounter, or it counts as rape.

… they made me horny! … she dresses slutty! … they’re a slut! … I have “blue balls”!

… I’m entitled to birthday sex!

… he had an erection! … they enjoyed it!

It does not matter how a person dresses, how they behave, how many other people they have slept with or how they make you feel. There is no such thing as “asking for it”, or “implying consent”. If a person does not explicitly tell you they want to have sex, then it is rape. This is not a thing. Both men and women can go entire lifetimes without having sex. You do not ever NEED to have sex, and feeling as though you do is no excuse for rape. No you’re not. No one is ever entitled to sex. Sex is an act involving two people who BOTH want to participate. No matter how much you feel you deserve sex, no one is ever obligated to have sex with you. Sometimes, the human body is aroused even when the conscious mind is not. Even if a man has an erection, or a woman orgasms during a rape, they have still not consented to the sex. Just because the body has reacted reflexively to the rape, this does not make it consensual.

… they changed their mind!

Consent can be withdrawn by either party at any time. It does not matter if you are in the middle of a sexual act, or even about to orgasm. If a person changes their mind and you continue with the sex, this is rape.

… it will “cure” them!

Rape does not “cure” anything. Raping a person cannot cure them of being homosexual, transgender, asexual, afraid of sex or anything else. Rape is never “helpful” or “therapeutic”. It is an act of violence, oppression and power.

… we didn’t go “all the way”!

While having full penetrative sex with someone without consent is rape, there are other acts that constitute rape or sexual assault. All are illegal and damaging. This includes everything from touching a person inappropriately, through oral sex to full penetration.

RAPE: NO EXCUSES! This has been an instructional poster from Kate of UNEWS 19

Asexuality: Your Questions Answered (here and now, anonymously, so you don’t have to ask an asexual later)

Are you a plant?

How common is it?

That’s hilarious. You’re definitely the first person ever to make that joke. While it’s true that “asexual” is a biology term referring to reproduction through cell division, there are some words in English that have two meanings. Like “I am going to the fair” and “That is a fair deal” or “I need to lie down” and “Stop telling lies”.

Asexuals make up about 1% of the population. A lot of people think it’s more common in women. There haven’t been many studies, but people on the asexual chatrooms, message boards and dating communities generally come in the same gender proportions as the rest of the world.

Use some freaking logic! If someone tells you they are asexual, consider the likelihood that they reproduce by budding or mitosis. Unlikely? They probably mean the other kind of asexual.

So… what is asexuality? Like homosexuality is attraction to people of the same sex and heterosexuality is attraction to people of the opposite sex, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction at all. Please remember that not being sexually attracted to people is not the same thing as not having sex. The word for that is “celibate” or “abstinent”. Sometimes people of other sexual orientations have sex for reasons other than being attracted to the person. Asexuals can do that too.

Do you feel love? If you or anyone you know or saw on television has ever had sex with someone you weren’t in love with, then you will know that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are not the same thing. They can be felt together, but they can each be felt separately. In the asexual community, we often classify ourselves with what we call a “romantic orientation”. I am biromantic, meaning I can be romantically interested in men or women. Anything that can be a sexual orientation can be a romantic one. I know heteromantics, homoromantics, polyromantics and aromantics.

When did you first realise you were Asexual? I can only answer this question for me, of course! I have always known, at the back of my mind, that I was not sexually attracted to the others

in the way my friends were. At first I thought I must be gay – because straight and gay were the only options I really knew existed. I came to realise I was asexual about two years ago, and for me, it has been a very liberating experience. I’m sure many people can identify with the feeling that something is wrong or broken. Finding out that asexuality is a genuine and normal sexual orientation was very helpful to me.

Do all asexuals have sex? Do they all masturbate? Just like all people, there are differences in the asexual community. I like to think of it as a scale. There are people who enjoy sex and have a lot of it, but don’t feel sexual attraction. They would be on one end of the scale. In the middle, there would be people who enjoy sex when they do have it, but don’t go out of their way for it. There are those who don’t have sex with other people, but do enjoy the feeling of masturbation. There are those who don’t really like sex, but are willing to have sex for the sake of a partner who does enjoy it. Then there’s people like me, down the very, very far end of the scale. I am what is sometimes called “Sex Repulsed”. I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to think about it. While the Sex Repulsed asexual is a stereotype, it is actually very rare. The majority

of asexuals do have sex in some capacity.

are asexual and not the other way around.

Doesn’t being repulsed or bored by sex make it very difficult to What about when you don’t find people sexually attractive until have a relationship? you know them well? Absolutely. There are many different ways we deal with this. Some asexual people only date other asexuals – that’s tricky because we’re few and far between! We do have our own dating site, though. I’m not a member, but I’ve heard good things. Some asexuals compromise with their partner and arrange regular sex at a frequency that both can be happy with. Some find that an open relationship works – they allow their partner to have sex with other people, and this is something that is very personal and requires rules that both parties are happy with. For example, I know a lady who allows her husband to have sex with anyone he likes, provided he uses protection and that she doesn’t know anything about it. But I also know a man who is happy for his wife to have sexual partners, but he wants to meet them and approve them first. It’s an entirely individual thing. Remember, when you meet an asexual person, how they deal with sex is something between them and their partner. It’s rude to ask anyone about their sex life.

Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on sex? I can’t speak for every asexual person, but I certainly don’t. I don’t enjoy it and I don’t understand why it is important to other people. The idea of it being something I’m “missing out” on is really weird to me. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on brussel sprouts either, because those are available to me, but I choose not to have them because they’re disgusting.

There’s a word for that, too. We call it demisexual. Demisexual people are very welcome in asexual communities, but many don’t see themselves as asexual people, because they do experience sexual attraction – just not to a person’s outward appearance.

What is the best thing about being asexual? I know a lot of my friends complain that they date the wrong people because they are physically attracted to someone who then turns out to be all wrong for them. I don’t ever have that problem, so I think that’s a pretty good thing. I never get taken in by someone’s sexy appearance.

What is the worst thing? Probably the bullying I suffered as a teenager, because I was so disgusted by sex. People thought it was funny to freak me out with sexual stuff. That was pretty shit.

What is the most important thing you can say to people who aren’t asexual? Please respect asexual people and don’t invalidate us or our experiences. Don’t assume you know better than someone else what their sexuality is! And don’t ask rude questions about someone else’s personal life. If you’re curious, you can google it!!!

I do feel like sometimes I miss out on potential romantic relationship BECAUSE I don’t have sex.

Do asexual people have a desire to procreate? This is an interesting question, because, in terms of evolution, sexual pleasure is designed to encourage us to procreate. So, I forgive people that ask me what seems like a rude question, because I can see why you would assume that “no sexual attraction” = “no desire to reproduce”. But the two are not related.

Check out this great sexual health website from NSW health: www.playsafe.health.nsw.gov.au/zipper

I do know a LOT of asexual people who don’t want children. My personal belief (in no way backed by any data) is that not wanting children might be a little more common among asexual people than in the general population. Having said that, I have a very strong desire to have children. I would be equally happy to adopt or have my own. I think that means I have a strong parental instinct, rather than some biologically triggered need to pass on my genetic material.

There are also some great websites a little closer to home!

I think the best answer to this question is that, like all people, all asexual people are different.

And there are a bunch more within Student Support at www.une.edu.au/current-students /support/student-support/counselling /sexual-health

Maybe it’s because you haven’t met the right person? This is as offensive to an asexual person as it is to a gay person. Asexuality is a genuine sexual orientation and it is extremely offensive to suggest it isn’t.

Uni4Me has a super helpful sexual health website at www.uni4me.com.au/health-details. php?htid=3

Stay safe out there!

Is asexuality caused by child sexual abuse? No. While some asexual people may have experienced sexual abuse in childhood, many, many others have not. Having said that, many asexual people experience sexual assault in adolescence and later, as people think that this may be a way of “curing” them. It’s important to note that this is abuse that happens BECAUSE they

Open Relationships are Bullshit A cautionary tale

pproximately three months ago, I made the bold decision to make my (at the time) very stable relationship, an open one.

I have since broken up with this person, moved out and set up my own bank account. This tale, I hope, will act as a cautionary one for all those couples who are tossing up the idea of polygamy. My advice: Just don’t. Ok, you can give it a go, but just promise that you’ll communicate properly about everything. This includes, but is not limited to: What you want out of it, how many people you can sleep with, when you’ll finish, and what constitutes “being with someone”. My ex and I only managed to tick off a couple of these. But let me start from the beginning. Johnny* and I met in high school, and forged a deep friendship that I thought could never be broken. How very wrong I was. We were together for four years before we fucked it up completely. We celebrated our last anniversary in May, and it is usually around anniversaries that you hear a lot of those annoying comments, such as: “Just make sure you don’t waste your life away with one person. Play the field a bit. Then commit”. I heard a lot of these. Most of them were said, not to me, but to my other half; things said to me were “you’re so going to get married”. People talk a lot of shit, I’ve realised. The reason I would hear them is because I would normally be present. That might sound awful, but men in pubs say all kinds of bullshit when they’re drunk, no matter who is around. Nevertheless, these little gems of advice eventually ate their way into my young mind and I made the proposal to Johnny. I figured that sex is just sex; at the end of the day, we’re both mature adults who love each other. I mostly just wanted him to get it out of his system, so that when we got to 30 or 40 or 50, he didn’t say to me “I’m 22

leaving you. I’m bored of fucking the same woman ever night.” Thinking back now, probably could’ve just risked it. But I swear to God, it felt like a fucking stroke of genius at the time. At first we called it a hall pass. It seemed really fun and innocent, and he kept joking he’d never be able to use it, but I knew that if he just went to the Stro and got pissed enough, he’d scoop one up easily. But I didn’t put pressure on him, and instead just kept the lines open. He started going out more, and I never complained; instead I greeted him in the morning with a “get lucky last night?” I, on the other hand, was doing quite well. There was a man. We hadn’t done much at that point; just some kissing and messaging, but I was enjoying it. It was very clear in my mind what it meant. I’m not one for one night stands. To me, all this fun stuff was attached to the one hall pass. Johnny was aware of the guy I was fooling around with, and we’d talk about it and make light of the situation. But when he’d found out how quickly things were moving, we had a heartbreaking fight and it was then that I had lost him. I thought he was going to leave, and I told him we can just go back to the way we were, because that’s how I felt. It didn’t mean anywhere near as much as my relationship. But he still wanted it to go ahead. At first, he said he wanted an open relationship, but it quickly developed into a break. Lol** We had agreed to be really honest about what each other was up to, so when Johnny started sleeping with a girl in college, and I started sleeping with my person, we discussed it; came home each day, had dinner, and exchanged experiences. We acted out what felt like a friendship. This was not at all what I wanted, but I accepted it. He started sleeping on the lounge, stopped kissing me as best he could, and tried hard to not say I love you. The only thing he was fine with was having sex with me. It felt extreme to me, but I let him go. It’s just a phase, I told myself.

by A Girl Who Was Very Drunk And Annoyed When She Wrote This.

About two weeks into our ‘break’, I was doing exams and housesitting for my grandparents. I called Johnny because he had just stayed over at a girl’s house. I heard a lot about said girl, and I was genuinely excited for him. This was the whole point: To have enjoyable sex and get it out of the way. (I am shaking my head as I write this – how fucking stupid was I?) So the phone call basically consisted of Johnny saying that they had kissed, and now he needs to “talk”. I instantly broke out in prickly heat. Surely it’s not what he means, I thought. It was. He came over to my grandparents’ house whilst I was in the middle of a take home exam, and broke up with me. Why? Because he has feeling for this new girl, and “wants to see where it goes.” He then left me, a hysterical mess, and went over to her house to cook her dinner. I could tell you the details of the next month, aka the hardest month of my life, but what I’m trying to say is, while he most likely had feelings for her, he was really only breaking up with me because he was hurt that I slept with someone else. But I ask you, what is the worst crime to commit when in a relationship: have sex with someone else, or fall in love with someone else? The answer is secret option c) to leave your longterm partner (the person you built a life with, lived with, had a joint account with, a puppy with, and shared countless inside jokes with) for a girl you hardly know because of petty jealousy and something that could’ve been talked out and worked on. Guys, just take my advice. Don’t ever try to do the open thing. Because no matter how fine you could be with it, you just don’t know how they will cope. It’s not worth it. Keep it closed. Don’t blur the lines. *All names are changed **I’m a fucking idiot

2014 RECYCLED ART COMPETITION Student (Individual) Entry Form STUDENT DETAILS * Full Name: * Student No: * UNE Email Address * Phone Number: Degree/Course: Study Type: Internal / External Town/State: ARTWORK DETAILS Title of Artwork: * Materials/Sources Used (please write a brief paragraph or dotpoints):

I have read and understand the Terms & Conditions I understand and agree that if the above entry places 1st, ownership will pass to the UNE Art Collection Signature: ____________________________________

Date: _______________

* Fields marked with an asterisk must be filled out. Thank you.

“Find Art!” is an exciting new art competition for all UNE students, running this trimester, proudly run by the UNE Skills Trade Society. The initiative aims to promote sustainability, student arts and culture, and reducing waste - all entries must be created from repurposed, recycled or junk materials. Students are particularly encouraged to utilise items that could not normally be reused in novel ways, for example broken electronics or jigsaw puzzles with missing pieces, though any repurposed objects are acceptable. Why is this worth your while? Almost $1000 in prize money is available across the two categories - $300 for first place in both the individual and collaborative categories, with an additional $200, $100 and $50 for second, third and highly commended individual entries, respectively. Better yet, it doesn’t even have to cost you anything as the Skills Trade Society have a tab at the Armidale tip shop – just show your student card and get the materials for free! The benefits are endless: the winning piece will be acquired by the UNE Art Collection Committee, you’ll get to know all your local op-shops that much better (think of it like a treasure hunt!), we’re holding a big party to announce the winners called RecyclaBall, plus we think (and the experts agree) that having a creative outlet is a godsend for your mental wellbeing. Entries must be in by 5 pm, Tuesday 9th September; they can be handed to either the UNESA Office, underneath Madgwick Hall, or Tune FM, next to Grind and Squeeze. Keep an eye out for RecyclaBall posters and the Skills Trade selling tickets around the courtyard, or buy them straight from Uni4Me. Look up the UNE Skills Trade Society on Facebook for more information and the terms and conditions of entry, or email Melissa or Zoë at uneskillstradesociety@gmail.com for more information!

(College) RecipeS

by Ashley Pianca

Triple ChocolATE cHEESECAKE

ll you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

- Charles Sculz

Remember to send your recipe requests in to: collegerecipes@outlook.com!

Method:

Ingredients:

1) Crush biscuits until fine (This is best achieved by placing biscuits in •

2 packets of chocolate biscuits (I used Chocolate Ripple)

pin). Melt butter and combine.

•

125g butter

2) Pour mixture into a lightly greased 22cm spring tin, pie dish or available

•

1 block each of white, milk and dark chocolate

container. Spread evenly over base and sides. Refrigerate.

•

3 packets of cream cheese

•

¾ cup of sugar

•

3 tsps. of gelatine

•

450ml thickened cream

multiple layers of freezer bags and hitting with a heavy object e.g.: a rolling

3) Place 1 packet of cream cheese, ¼ cup of sugar, 1 tsp of gelatine and 150ml of cream in a bowl and mix until smooth. Melt the white chocolate and quickly stir into mixture until evenly combined. Pour onto chocolate base and put back in the fridge. 4) Repeat step three, using the milk chocolate and then dark chocolate. 5) Once the three layers are complete, leave in the fridge over night to properly set.

Ashley is studying a Bachelor of Criminology/Bachelor of Laws and can’t go a day without listening to Beyonce. 25

Article and photos By Jamiee Lindley

Midsummer is Coming to Booloominbah In a crazily huge endeavour to bring theatre at

actors how to play the verse and let Shakespeare,

versus Oberon’s selfish desire for dominance.

UNE back to vibrant life, the UNE Theatre and

the greatest theatre-maker in the English

Their quarrel disrupts the seasons of the planet,

Music departments are bringing the love, sex

language, be their director.

causing climate change. The audience will get

and comedy of Shakespeare’s ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ to the lawns of Booloominbah.

to enjoy the classic comedy of expectations This slightly trimmed down version of A

surpassed as the magnificent Titania falls in

Midsummer Night’s Dream will focus on the

love with a simple community theatre actor

Directed by Dr Julie Shearer and Lisa

stories of three different groups, one of these

transfigured into a donkey – the supermodel

Goldzieher, and brought to life by a collection

being the ever-comic Mechanicals, a group

falls in love with the nerd boy.

of the most passionate UNE Theatre and

of amateur actors rehearsing a show for the

Music students, the show promises to bring a

Duke’s wedding. Their vibrant hilarity and rude

The last of these groups is the lovers, two boys

huge spectacle to UNE. The show will be held

primary school jokes are sure to bring joy to the

and two girls, lost in a forest imbrued with

outdoors under the moon and stars, lit by paper

audience.

magic. Theirs is young love - chaotic, fickle and

lanterns and fire wranglers. It’ll be a whirlwind

fuelled by raw sexual energy - with the boys

of fun, excitement, sensuality, live music,

Another group is the fairies and, in particular,

becoming dangerously enchanted and falling in

ensemble work, dancing and jigs - the fast-

Titania and Oberon, Queen and King of the

and out of love all over the place. But not to fear,

paced nature of the show is guaranteed to keep

fairies. The story will follow their tumultuous

A Midsummer Night’s Dream is not a tragedy,

the audience on the edge of their seats!

relationship, exploring Titania’s connection

and so everyone will get a happy enough ending

to the earth and her primal female sexuality,

with a little help from Puck and his magic.

What makes the show even more interesting is the use of

If this show interests you,

double casting – every character

save the date! It will be on

is played by two actors (just not

the Lawns of Booloominbah

on the same night). Every night

from Wednesday October 1st

the cast will be rotated to create

to Saturday October 4th.

new and exciting combinations

each performance features a

of actors – no two shows will

different version of the cast, we

be the same! Each show the

have a special student price of

actors will play and bounce off

$10, or $15 for those who want

each other in new and exciting

to come twice! It promises to be

combinations. Complimenting

a brilliant show, so keep your

this double casting is the use

eye open for more information

closer to the date.

Shakespearian

rehearsal

techniques, which teach the

REVIEW

BY ALANA YOUNG

he Wolf Among Us is an episodic interactive

conversation with other characters, and what Bigby

silence meaningfully. Although it wasn’t without its

narrative

says is up to you. You ask the questions, you call the

flaws; sometimes the option I chose made Bigby say

shots.

something completely different than I was expecting,

game,

adapted

from

Bill

Willingham’s Fables comic book series.

There are five episodes in the first season, with each

and I got into trouble with some characters a few

one clocking in at around two hours. It’s developed

times because of this.

by Telltale Games, who you might know from the popular Walking Dead game series. Telltale is

In keeping with this month’s theme, I will admit

renowned for their interactive video game narratives,

that I really wanted Bigby and Snow to get together,

and their practice and ingenuity in the genre is

and that sometimes this influenced what I said or how

apparent in TWAU.

I acted. But mostly I hoped that she’d fall for Bigby despite getting angry at him sometimes. Sorry if I

You play as Bigby Wolf, the iconic Big Bad Wolf,

ruined your chances Bigby…

the sheriff of Fabletown, a part of New York built as a shelter for all of the fairy-tale characters you’ll

I can’t write about this game and not mention the

recognise from your childhood. But TWAU is no

art style. Which is beautiful cel shading that perfectly

fairy-tale; it’s a dark and mature take on these stories.

conveys the noir style to this world. Characters

When a severed head is placed on your doorstep you

faces are detailed and expressive and move really

must team up with the deputy Mayor’s assistant Snow (White, you know the one) to find the killer.

interestingly. Some of the backgrounds don’t share I’m writing my dissertation this year, a project on audience immersion in video games. If I hadn’t

this level of detail, but nothing in the game looks bad or poorly-made.

The easiest way to describe The Wolf Among Us is

already spent way too much time researching other

to call it a modern choose-your-own adventure book.

texts then I’d definitely write about TWAU. I felt

I played through the first season in one weekend

It’s not a very game-y video game, in fact, the only

so involved with this world, mostly because of the

because I was so instantly invested in the story and the

time you take control of Bigby in a typical gaming

dialogue system. I found myself playing TWAU as if I

characters. Bigby is an enigmatic and gruff protagonist

way is to occasionally walk him down a corridor or

was actually living out the story and not like I was just

and it’s interesting to experience the story through his

around an office. But these sections don’t really add

playing a game. I made Bigby say what I was already

eyes. They left the ending open for a second season

anything except mild annoyance. The camera angle

thinking in my head, even if I knew that would make

which I’m now eagerly awaiting. But in the meantime

that works so well for conversations is awkward to

other characters dislike me. And the dialogue options

I’d like to replay the whole thing to see how much the

navigate by, and the controls are clunky. Lots of times

are good enough for this approach to work. Dialogue

choices you make affect the story, because they all felt

I accidentally walked in the wrong direction or got

in most games has an edge of unbelievability to it,

really important. The Wolf Among Us is unlike any

stuck on a desk because I didn’t know which key

lines that a real person would probably never think

game I’ve ever played before, and I loved it’s inventive

I needed to press. But the power of TWAU is in its

to say, or lots of jumping to unrealistic conclusions.

and immersive storytelling methods. Hopefully we’ll

narrative and the power that the game gives you to

And the conversations are timed, so you have limited

see more games that experiment with narrative so

shape this story. You’ll spend most of your time in

time to decide what to say before Bigby just stares in

well, because it was a unique and exciting experience. 27

hild of Light is a 2D, hand drawn, platformer/adventure RPG from Ubisoft, with the story taking the form of an epic poem. You play as Aurora, a child who, after falling deathly ill, finds herself in an otherworldly realm called Lemuria. In an attempt to return to your grieving father you battle your way across this world, gaining allies and skills and all that good RPG stuff. As someone who doesn’t play a lot of games, this appealed to me as it was offering something novel and unique. It takes a lot of risks with its unique style and unconventional story, which is surprising for the studio that seems quite comfortable bringing out sequel after sequel to its established games like Assassin’s Creed, Batman, and Far Cry. It’s great to see a big studio taking risks like this, and judging from other reviews, it had likely paid off. All the dialogue (mostly text based), as I mentioned before, is written in rhyme. This is one case where taking risks didn’t pay off. While it starts off being charming and adding weight to the developing story, it can sometimes be irritating and distracting. A lot of the lines feel very forced and unnatural, and break the emotional flow of an otherwise solemn and engaging plot. Not to bring it down too much, there are points where they absolutely nail it and 28

By Stu Horsfield it works great, but there are instances where, like with the character Rubella who can never finish her rhymes properly and gets corrected by the other characters after EVERY DAMN LINE, it quickly becomes obnoxious and annoying.

Since this is the Sex issue, it’s appropriate to mention the critique of gender roles in both fairy tales and video games that is so fundamental to this game. There are strong fairy tale elements to the story, but a lot of the traditional tropes are turned on their head. The stranded princess isn’t waiting for her prince to save her, she finds herself in trouble and although apprehensive, she grabs a giant sword to fight her own damn way out! In fact, there is a noticeable lack of any kind of stereotypical ‘male saviour’ character throughout the game. This is definitely not your standard fairy tale, it sticks out from canon in the same way Frozen did for Disney. In fact, there

are way too many similarities between Child of Light and Frozen to go into here, but it’s safe to say that fans of one will likely enjoy the other. It is so refreshing to see a game with a female protagonist that isn’t massively sexualised. I know there are notable exceptions to this, but there seems to be this assumption amongst game developers that if you’re going to base a game around a female they have to be somewhere on the spectrum from supermodel to absurd leather-bound gravity defying adolescent fantasy for the young, male-dominated gamer market (which is a myth in itself) to take interest. In avoiding this trap, the game allows for a depth of character (for Aurora, and the other characters, male and female) and a much deeper connection to the themes of the story that in other games can be so easily clouded by overt sexuality. This game is, above all other things, beautiful. If you’re a fan of visually stunning art-based games like Okami or Journey, or old Japanese RPG games like the Final Fantasy series or Secret of Mana, you will love Child of Light. It combines the most salient stylistic features of these games and produces something that evokes nostalgia whilst feeling totally original, in a way that is elegant and graceful. 9/10

3.5/5 4.5/5 Helen: Stu:

Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids Bridesmaids Helen: 3.5/5 Stu: Helen: Stu:

4.5/5 3.5/5 4.5/5

Dear Nemo By Clancy Wall

Clancy is currently studying computer science/law, and enjoys indulging his imagination far more than is probably advisable. Then again, he argues, wandering through the woods doesn’t break any promises, nor does it make the miles any longer.

ear …

I remember once you told me about your hatred of names, how they place restrictions, expectations and definitions onto a child before the parent knows anything about them. How you believe that few people develop themselves past the titles given to them, and perhaps it would be better to remain nameless, nemo, as we are born. I remember you clarifying your view immediately after, stating that not all titles are useless—the ones used by those closest to you hold the greatest meaning, those used by the general population are meaningless. I don’t want you to be meaningless, so until you let me know that I still matter to you, I won’t use your name. I’m leaving this letter under your door because I don’t know what else to do. I know you’re in there. but I also know that if you wanted to see me you’d have texted or called me back. So I’m not going to bash down the door and demand your presence. This is the least confrontational way I can think of, to both say what I have to say and let you know I’m here if you want to see me.

I’m presuming this is about last week, forgive me if I’m wrong, but disappearing the morning after…you know, kind of leads quite decisively to that conclusion. I would say I’m sorry, but I

don’t want to lie to you, and honestly I am glad it happened. Even if we never have sex again, at least now we can decide where to go from here, rather than wondering what would happen if we ever did. I think it’s something we would have had to address eventually Do you remember the first night we spent together? We ran and danced like we were the only people in existence and you taught me the completeness of the Universe. I thought you a god that night, and I know you knew it. You saw and understood things I had never even wondered at, and it seemed impossible that you couldn’t be anciently omniscient; you were too graceful to exist. I know now that you’re not immortal, rather you are far more than any deity could be; you are human like me, and everyone else on this earth. Although at the same time perhaps we are gods, but instead of being defined by our worshippers, we are defined by ourselves and each other. My point is that we are both equals, and I shouldn’t expect everything you do to be part of some divine lesson or test, nor should you think me purely your schoolchild to lead around, punish and ignore at your whim. It’s not that I’m angry, and I know that that isn’t usually the case, but it does happen, and I want to make sure that it isn’t what’s happening now. Neither do I want

for what we had to end; we were friends and trusted each other. I can’t accept that a certain action, done once, could change that. That’s another reason why I won’t apologise. Apologising would imply that it was my fault— that I held the predominate power—and I won’t insult either of us by arguing over instigation. We had sex together—who started it doesn’t matter, all that matters is, that at that moment, it was what we both wanted. I get that you’re scared and upset, I’m scared too. I’m terrified that I’ll lose what we had, and that is far more important to me than any drunken love making could ever be. We don’t have to let this define us. You say you hate titles and definitions, so why does that one night have to bear over who we are? Honestly, we have had far more intimate nights where we kept our clothes on. Call me, or text me, Facebook or email me. Write me a letter and stick it under my door if that’s what you’re most comfortable with. I just want to hear something; tell me where I stand. I miss you. Yours always, The (currently) Untitled

The Adventures of Arabella Henderson UNE Time Detective Episode 7: A Subtle Message IT WAS A TYPICAL MONDAY MORNING AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW ENGLAND

eople were studying, socialising, sleeping in, protesting or whatever. But that probably doesn’t interest you. At Mary White College, a ladies only residential establishment, a mystery was being solved. In the laundry room of Block 4, Lance Corporal Hank Hardwood sat astride an industrial dryer, watching as Arabella Henderson, UNE Time Detective paced beneath the windows. She held her notebook in her hand, her long fingers curling around the pages in a light, delicate, flocculent caress. Out of breath from stress and from her continual pacing, she breathed heavily. Hank tried to pay attention to what she was saying, but found himself focusing on her large, ample, grandiose bosom and the shapely, rounded curvilineal thighs silhouetted by her stretchy, tight and indeed, constricted, skirt. Wondering to himself why he was thinking entirely in trios of adjectives, Hank gulped as she approached him and leant on the dryer. ‘I can’t see why you don’t just tell me her name,’ Arabella said. She was trying to solve the mystery posed her in the July Issue of Nucleus – the identity of the female resident Hank had spent the night visiting. ‘I know you think a Gentleman never tells, but if I can give a name to that absurd, lunatic, maniacal Gender Segregation Enforcer, it will save her life as well as yours.’ ‘But shatter her reputation!’ Hank protested. ‘I would rather face the firing squad!’ ‘So you won’t cooperate?’ Arabella asked. ‘Then I must solve this mystery alone.’ ‘You must,’ he said. ‘Will you at least give me a clue?’ she asked, her sweet, mellow, mellifluent voice wafting into his ears and overloading his senses. ‘If I didn’t break under torture, I would hardly tell you, would I?’ he said, with a nervous, flustered, apprehensive gulp. He might not have told his torturer, but there was every chance he would misspeak in a fit of lust. ‘You’re taking gentlemanly too far!’ Arabella insisted. ‘A reputation isn’t worth your life!’ Bewitching though she was, her words irritated him. Who was she to speak to him in such a way? He had

faced the Viet Cong to protect the nation and the future… a future she was living in. ‘Perhaps in the future, you live in a perfect society, free of moral judgement! But here, now, in 1967, it IS worth my life!’ ‘Then maybe you shouldn’t have banged her!’ she snapped in reply. Hank was too stunned to reply to her remarks, and instead glared at her. In the silence that followed, the alluring, captivating, beguiling Detective from the future placed the end of her pen just inside her mouth and closed her lips around it. She made a soft, muffled, hushful sound as she sucked upon the plastic. Lance Corporal Hardwood gripped onto the dryer as he felt himself live up to his name. There was something about this woman that filled him with a sensual, salacious, libidinous desire that he hadn’t felt since the previous night. I hope this petty, trivial, frivolous bickering continues for another week or so, before we realise we’re deeply attracted to one another and have sudden, impetuous, precipitous, yet predictable, sex. ‘That would seem to be appropriate,’ said the author. ‘But I only get 1000 words per instalment and this is the Nucleus sex edition and we must give the people what they want.’ ‘Fair enough,’ said Hank Hardwood. He didn’t realise he had spoken aloud until he realised Arabella was looking at him, those severe, piercing, penetrating eyes regarding him with confusion. Being utterly controlled by the author, who realised that all these triple adjectives were causing time constraints, Hank stood up, grabbed Arabella and kissed her, passionately, wantonly, pruriently! With an enthusiastic, fervent, rhapsodic moan, she threw her arms around him, allowing him to lift her into his muscular, robust, sinewy arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he turned her around and slammed her against the washing machine in a manner that might be considered violent in any other context but is apparently totally acceptable in a sex scene.

Like Kate’s writing? Check out her blog, where she promises you’ll find lots more to tide you over until the next episode of Arabella! Powerpoint and Paint http://powerpointandpaint.tumblr. com/

She reached for his belt, whipping it from his neat uniform trousers, while he lifted her skirt and ran his hand along her silky thighs. “That’s only got one adjective,” said Nucleus editor Alana. “Huh? What? Yeah, I guess…” mumbled Nucleus editor, Bridgette, fanning herself with the nearest available paper. ‘Wow,’ said Hank Hardwood, ‘Your thighs are so silky.’ Arabella flushed. ‘Thankyou, I’m amazed by your monumental, leviathan, behemothic penis.’ “Put down the thesaurus, Kate” said editor Alana, and the author reluctantly did so. Somewhat perturbed by hearing his member described as “behemothic”, Hank covered his discomfort by kissing Arabella again. After five minutes of passionate kissing and silky thigh rubbing, Arabella stopped in alarm. ‘Do you have a condom?’ she asked. ‘What?’ asked Hank Hardwood. ‘No one uses condoms. They make sex less pleasurable.’ Arabella pushed him away. ‘That’s a bullshit misconception that leads to unsafe sex and the spread of STDs as well as unwanted pregnancy.’ ‘Wow…’ said Hank Hardwood. ‘You’re kind of a square.’ ‘But I’m a square with a clean sexual health record and I always use a condom. Do you have one or not?’ ‘I don’t,’ said Hank Hardwood. ‘Well, where can we get one?’ ‘I never use condoms and that’s that,’ he told her. So even though she found him incredibly attractive, Arabella flatly refused to have sex with him. THE END 31