Playboy 2009 12 by peter

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nce again December is here and you’re holding our gala holiday issue. Fittingly, we’ve included a chunk of the Bible. By that we mean R. Crumb’s profound and juicy version from his new Book of Genesis Illustrated. The world’s most endearingly perverted storyteller takes on the greatest story ever told. Speaking of religiously fueled rabble-rousers, in The Triumph of the Conservative Underground, Wall Street Journal columnist Thomas Frank takes a Menckenesque look at Glenn Beck, the man at the vanguard of the powerful and paranoid conservative outrage that began to bubble up last summer. You’ll also find Dust in the Wind, a meditation by Paulo Coelho (author R. Crumb of The Alchemist, one of the best-selling novels of all time) on the strange peregrinations books make over the course of their lives. When Vladimir Nabokov died in 1977, the perfectionist literary giant ordered his unfinished work destroyed. His wife and son didn’t have the heart to burn his final manuscript, so it sat in a Swiss bank vault. Until now. The Original of Laura—an excerpt from his newly Thomas Frank published novel—finds Nabokov in fine form. As a companion piece, the crossover movie actor Sasha Grey poses as Lolita, with commentary by Roger Ebert on the controversial Stanley Kubrick adaptation of Nabokov’s most famous work. Also in this issue: Master erotic photographer Rankin screams with a libertine’s abandon in a pictorial excerpt from his new book, Rankin’s Cheeky (which has an introduction by Hugh M. Hefner). Speaking of movies, what do you get the director who has Paulo Coelho everything? A Playboy Interview. Stephen Rebello gets the goods from James Cameron on the astonishing Avatar, his upcoming CGI epic. Similarly jaw-dropping is Dope, T.J. English’s investigation of rock-star undercover DEA agent Lee Lucas, who fell from grace when the rampant damage he inflicted on the innocent came to light. From the drug war we turn to actual war, with Brothers in Arms, Chelsea Handler and Matthias Clamer Gore Vidal’s reminiscence of his stepbrother Brigadier General Robin Olds, a bona fide Air Force legend and World War II ace. How he and the antiwar Vidal ended up in the same family (not to mention on friendly terms) is a study in tolerance, respect and intellect. Then we offer you the amazing Joanna Krupa—the Dancing With the Stars phenom and world-class model poses without a bikini. As a final antidote to the holidays, spend a little time with Chelsea Handler (seen here with photographer Matthias Clamer) and her advice on why you should T.J. English stuff your turkey with Vicodin. L’chaim!

PLAYBILL

Vladimir Nabokov

James Cameron

Gore Vidal

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128 20Q GENERAL OFFICES: PLAYBOY, 680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611. PLAYBOY ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY TO RETURN UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL OR GRAPHIC OR OTHER MATERIAL. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS AND UNSOLICITED EDITORIAL AND GRAPHIC MATERIAL WILL BE TREATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES, AND MATERIAL WILL BE SUBJECT TO PLAYBOY’S UN RESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHT © 2009 BY PLAYBOY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PLAYBOY, PLAYMATE AND RABBIT HEAD SYMBOL ARE MARKS OF PLAYBOY, REGISTERED U.S. TRADEMARK OFFICE. NO PART OF THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN A RETRIEVAL SYSTEM OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM BY ANY ELECTRONIC, MECHANICAL, PHOTOCOPYING OR RECORDING MEANS OR OTHERWISE WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMI-FICTION IN THIS MAGAZINE AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. FOR CREDITS SEE PAGE 149. DANBURY MINT ONSERT AND DIRECTV ONSERT IN DOMESTIC SUBSCRIPTION POLYWRAPPED COPIES. CERTIFICADO DE LICITUD DE TÍTULO NO. 7570 DE FECHA 29 DE JULIO DE 1993, Y CERTIFICADO DE LICITUD DE CONTENIDO NO. 5108 DE FECHA 29 DE JULIO DE 1993 EXPEDIDOS POR LA COMISÍON CALIFICADORA DE PUBLICACIONES Y REVISTAS ILUSTRADAS DEPENDIENTE DE LA SECRETARIA DE GOBERNACIÓN, MÉXICO. RESERVA DE DERECHOS 04-2000-071710332800-102.

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GUITAR HERO AT THE MANSION Hef and his merry band of Centerfolds filmed commercials for Guitar Hero 5. In the spots, directed by Brett Ratner, 11 Playmates parody Tom Cruise in Risky Business by playing Guitar Hero axes to “Old Time Rock and Roll.” Hef delivers the kicker, selling the fifth version of the game by saying, “I like variety.”

HUGH HEFNER: PLAYBOY, ACTIVIST AND REBEL Hef and his girlfriends went to the Toronto International Film Festival’s premiere of Hugh Hefner: Playboy, Activist and Rebel, directed by Oscar winner Brigitte Berman. “The film is concerned with another side of me,” Hef says, “that most people don’t know.”

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL The Mansion grounds turned into a roller disco one fabulous summer Sunday. Here’s Hef with heaven on wheels—topless roller girls. The 1970s are back: Hef’s former girlfriend Barbi Benton visits with her daughter Ariana. Current girlfriends Karissa and Kristina Shannon, Crystal Harris and Melissa Taylor cool off with snow cones. Family Guy’s Seth Green and his girlfriend, Clare Grant, take a turn on the tennis court. PMOY 2009 Ida Ljungqvist demonstrates a fun way to cool off without a snow cone.

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WHO BENEFITS FROM PIRACY?

I^Wi^Wda 8[d]Wb_¿i Xh_bb_Wdjbo h[fehj[Z F_hWj[i e\ IecWb_W EYjeX[h cWa[i _j Yb[Wh [Yedec_Y Z[if[hWj_ed Zh_l[i ceij e\ jêi[ mê jWa[ kf j^[ _bb[]Wb f_hWj[ jhWZ[$ J^[ K$I$ h[ifedi[" êm[l[h" ^Wi X[[d Wd _dYh[Wi_d]bo c_b_jWho ed[" m^_Y^ Ze[i dej^_d] WXekj j^[ Yeh[ fheXb[c e\ h[b[djb[ii fel[hjo$ ?d I[fj[cX[h f_hWj[i Çh[Z ed W K$I$ ikhl[_bbWdY[ ^[b_Yefj[h" j^[ Çhij WjjWYa e\ _ji a_dZ" WYYehZ_d] je j^[ DWlo$ J^[ ^[b_Yefj[h mWid¿j ^_j j^Wj j_c[" Xkj m^Wj ^Wff[di m^[d ed[ _i5 Co \[Wh _i j^Wj W f_hWj[ ijh_a[ m_bb X[ ki[Z je `kij_\o W \kbb#iYWb[ _dj[hl[dj_ed mêi[ h[Wb W][dZW m_bb X[ je fhef kf IecWb_W¿i m[Wa" M[ij[hd#ikffehj[Z ]el[hdc[dj WdZ ^kdj Zemd 7b GW[ZW ikffehj[hi$ 8o bkcf_d] f_hWYo" j^[ 7b I^WXWWX _dikh# ][dYo WdZ 7b GW[ZW _dje W i_d]b[ j^h[Wj WdZ Wffbo_d] j^[ iWc[ feb_Yo»]kdi WdZ ceh[ ]kdi»j^[ EXWcW WZc_d_ijhWj_ed _i cWa_d] j^[ iWc[ c_ijWa[i Wi _ji fh[Z[# Y[iieh$ ? êf[ 8[d]Wb_¿i Whj_Yb[ ^[bfi ^Wbj m^Wj Wff[Whi je X[ Wd _d[nehWXb[ ib_Z[ _dje Wdej^[h Z_iWij[h je WZZ je jêi[ e\ ?hWg WdZ 7\]^Wd_ijWd$ AWh[d Hej^co[h DW_heX_" A[doW Rothmyer, a former editor at The Nation, teaches at the University of Nairobi. 8[d]Wb_ YWfjkh[i j^[ c_njkh[ e\ Z[if[h# Wj_ed WdZ hkj^b[iid[ii j^Wj Y^WhWYj[h_p[i IecWb_ f_hWj[i$ 7bjêk]^ <WhW^ ?icW_b ;_Z Ze[id¿j Çj Wdoed[¿i _Z[W e\ W heb[ ceZ[b" ^_i ijeho iêmi j^[ b[l[b e\ fh_lWj_ed j^[i[ c[d YWd jeb[hWj[ WdZ j^[ h_iai j^[o Wh[ fh[fWh[Z je jWa[$ M[ iêkbZd¿j kdZ[h[ij_# cWj[ j^[i[ f[efb[" Xkj d[_j^[h iêkbZ m[ \[[b iehho \eh j^[c$ IecWb_i Zed¿j Ze m[Wa# d[ii$ J^[o Zed¿j [nf[Yj f_jo WdZ Zed¿j [nj[dZ _j _d h[jkhd$ 7 fWhj e\ j^[ ijeho 8[d]Wb_ WbbkZ[i je Xkj YWddej j[bb X[YWki[ _j h[cW_di i^hekZ[Z _d coij[ho _i m^[h[ j^[ ced[o YWc[ \hec je jkhd f_hWYo _dje Wd _dZkijho$ Iec[ e\ jêi[ mê h[Wf j^[ bWh][ij h[mWhZi Wbceij Y[hjW_dbo dem b_l[ ekji_Z[ IecWb_W0 _d j^[ DW_heX_ ikXkhX e\ ;Wijb[_]^" _d j^[ =kb\ ijWj[i :kXW_ _d fWh# j_YkbWh WdZ _d [nfWjh_Wj[ Yecckd_j_[i _d ;khef[ WdZ Dehj^ 7c[h_YW$ 8kj j^[ bWh]# [ij i^Wh[i ^Wl[ fheXWXbo WbmWoi ]ed[ je feb_j_Y_Wdi _d FkdjbWdZ$ CWhj_d Ckhfô MWi^_d]jed" :$9$ Murphy is author of Small Boats, Weak States, Dirty Money: Piracy and Maritime Terrorism in the Modern World.

DEAR PLAYBOY Living the High Life MeeZo >Whh[bied¿i êd[ijo WXekj ^_i ki[ e\ cWh_`kWdW _i h[\h[i^_d] FbWoXeo ?dj[hl_[m" E YjeX[h $ >WZ ^[ X[[d _cX_X_d] WbYeêb hWj^[h j^Wd YWddWX_i Zkh_d] j^[ _dj[hl_[m QWj h_]^jS _j _i kdb_a[bo Wdoed[ mekbZ ^Wl[ XWjj[Z Wd [o[" o[j ekh bWmi WdZ Ykb# jkh[ WhX_jhWh_bo [cXhWY[ j^[ \ehc[h m^_b[ YedZ[cd_d] j^[ bWjj[h$ BWij o[Wh .*-".,) 7c[h_YWdi m[h[ Whh[ij[Z \eh cWh_`kWdW e\\[di[i$ ?j _i _bbe]_YWb WdZ _hhWj_edWb je Yedj_dk[ je mWij[ jWn# fWo[h h[iekhY[i je fkd_i^ f[efb[ mê" b_a[ >Whh[bied" h[bWn m_j^ m[[Z$ FWkb 7hc[djWde MWi^_d]jed" :$9$ 7hc[djWde" Z[fkjo Z_h[Yjeh e\ j^[ DWj_edWb Eh]Wd_pWj_ed \eh j^[ H[\ehc e\ CWh_`kWdW BWmi" _i W Ye#Wkjêh e\ CWh_`kWdW ?i IW\[h0 Ie Mô 7h[ M[ :h_l_d] F[efb[ je :h_da5 7c[h_YWd ^[WZ YeWY^ 7hj I^[bb " W BWj_de ^[WZ YeWY^ Jec <beh[i WdZ W \[cWb[ 9;E 7co JhWia $ HW_Z[h DWj_ed _i Wbie W ^Wl[d \eh ekjYWiji mê bel[ \eejXWbb$ <Wdi mê bWX[b ki j^[ Yh_c_dWb [b[c[dj Wh[ e\j[d _d Z[d_Wb WXekj j^[_h emd j[Wc¿i YedjhWZ_Yj_edi$ J^[o ij_bb mWdj je X[b_[l[ _d j^[ fkh_jo e\ W ]Wc[ j^Wj bed] W]e X[# YWc[ W YehfehWj[ ]bWZ_Wjeh jhWZ[$ C_Y^W[b B[ed =k[hh[he IWd F[Zhe" 9Wb_\ehd_W Guerrero, a community organizer, blogs at The Astute Recorder (astuterecorder.com).

THE RENAISSANCE RAIDERS

A[l_d 9eea Ze[i W ]h[Wj `eX _d 8WZ je j^[ 8ed[ EYjeX[h e\ YWfjkh_d] j^[ pWd_# d[ii" _dj[di_jo" Yedjhel[hio WdZ [nY_j[# c[dj j^Wj mWi j^[ EWabWdZ HW_Z[hi e\ o[ij[ho[Wh$ J^[ ¼HW_ZW^i½ e\ j^[ '/-&i b[\j W ieY_Wb b[]WYo cWdo el[hbeea$ M^[d emd[h 7b :Wl_i mWi j^[ 7<B Yecc_ii_ed# [h" j^[ b[W]k[ h[Yhk_j[Z 7\h_YWd 7c[h_YWd fbWo[hi m^_b[ j^[ h_lWb D<B mWi h[bkYjWdj je _dj[]hWj[$ J^[ HW_Z[hi m[h[ j^[ Çhij ceZ[hd D<B j[Wc je ^_h[ Wd 7\h_YWd

We suggest you not take her out for a bite. A PICTORIAL WITH TEETH

7i W \[cWb[ \Wd e\ Xej^ F B7O8EO WdZ lWcf_h[i" ? mWi ijea[Z je i[[ oekh EYjeX[h Yel[h" Xkj ?¿c Z_iWffe_dj[Z Bel[ 8_j[i _id¿j ceh[ ZWh_d] WXekj i^em_d] j^[ h[ikbji e\ XbeeZ bkij$ ? mWi b[\j \[[b_d] ckY^ b_a[ j^[ kdZ[WZ coi[b\»YebZ WdZ bkij_d] \eh ceh[$ 7ddW ;ZmWhZi D[m Ehb[Wdi" Bek_i_WdW

? Zed¿j ][j jkhd[Z ed i[[_d] dkZ[ mec[d ikYa_d] XbeeZ" [if[Y_Wbbo i_dY[ ? ^Wl[ \Wc_bo c[cX[hi m^e m[h[ l_Yj_ci _d j^[ '+j^ Y[djkho e\ LbWZ ¼j^[ ?cfWb[h½ :hWYkb" W$a$W$ :hWYkbW$ 8[ YWh[\kb»oek d[l[h adem m^ec oek c_]^j e\\[dZ$ C_a[ H_dZei 9^kbW L_ijW" 9Wb_\ehd_W MORE ABOUT WOODY

MeeZo >Whh[bied _i W ]h[Wj WYjeh" Xkj m^[d ^[ YbW_ci _d ^_i F bWoXeo ?dj[hl_[m j^Wj ¼j^[ ceij []h[]_eki e\ Wbb cWd¿i WYj_l_j_[i½ W\j[h mWhi el[h e_b _i cekd# jW_djef c_d_d]" ^[ i[[ci dej je kdZ[h# ijWdZ j^[ _iik[i ikhhekdZ_d] c_d_d] _d 7ffWbWY^_W$ B_a[ >Whh[bied" YeWb c_d[hi bel[ j^[ [dl_hedc[dj$ J^Wj¿i [l_Z[dj _d j^[ YWh[ m[ jWa[ je h[ijeh[ j^[ bWdZ$ CkY^ b_a[ Xk_bZ_d] W heWZ" W iêff_d] Y[dj[h eh W êc[" ikh\WY[ c_d_d] h[# gk_h[i ki je cel[ [Whj^$ 8kj m^[d j^[ èX _i Yecfb[j[" m[ h[ijeh[ j^[ i_j[ je _ji Wffhen_cWj[ eh_]_dWb ijWj[$ ?d \WYj" m[ h[Y[djbo med WYYbW_c \hec j^[ KD \eh ki_d] ekh i_j[i je h[_djheZkY[ j^[ d[Wh# [nj_dYj 7c[h_YWd Y^[ijdkj$ M[ Wbie Yh[# Wj[ bWdZ j^Wj YWd X[ Z[l[bef[Z" WdZ b_jjb[ [Yedec_Y ]hemj^ mekbZ X[ feii_Xb[ _d 7ffWbWY^_W m_jêkj _j$ ?d I[fj[cX[h" \eh [nWcfb[" m[ fh[i[dj[Z C_d]e 9ekdjo m_j^ W fWl_d]#h[WZo \ehc[h c_d[ i_j[ je Xk_bZ Wd _dZkijh_Wb fWha WdZ W_hfehj" iWl# _d] jWnfWo[hi j[di e\ c_bb_edi e\ ZebbWhi$ 8_bb HWd[o 9^Whb[ijed" M[ij L_h]_d_W Raney is president of the West Virginia Coal Association (wvcoal.com). J^Wj¿i jme _dj[hl_[mi _d W hem»Çhij I[j^ CWY<WhbWd[ _d I[fj[cX[h WdZ dem >Whh[bied»_d m^_Y^ oekh ikX`[Yj 13

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ifekji e\\ WXekj j^[ ¼[l_b½ <en D[mi eh YecfWh[i Hkf[hj CkhZeY^ je DWp_ fhe# fW]WdZW Y^_[\ @ei[f^ =e[XX[bi$ M^o Ze ie cWdo b[\j_[i ][j j^[_h fWdj_[i _d W jm_ij X[YWki[ ed[ cW`eh c[Z_W ekjb[j med¿j a_ii 8WhWYa EXWcW¿i Wii5 9eho I^[ffWhZ :[YWjkh" =[eh]_W It’s time to put aside the petty name-calling on both sides and together deal with the concerns that face us all. FAN MAIL

7\j[h o[Whi e\ i[WhY^_d] \eh j^[ f[h\[Yj cW]Wp_d[" ? ^Wl[ i[jjb[Z ed FB7O8EO$ Oek ^Wl[ [l[hoj^_d] j^[ bWZ cW]i bWYa0 _dj[b# b_][dY[" ikXijWdY[" YhWYa_d] _dj[hl_[mi WdZ ijkdd_d] f^ejei$ :Wl_Z ?d]b_i ;Z_dXkh]^" IYejbWdZ

j_edi oek Z[iYh_X[ [$]$" jWa_d] H_jWb_d je _cfhel[ \eYki " de h[fkjWXb[ ZeYjeh m_bb mh_j[ W fh[iYh_fj_ed$ BWYa_d] W iYh_fj" W f[hied ^Wi b_c_j[Z efj_edi0 ij[Wb_d] j^[ f_bbi eh Xko_d] j^[c ed j^[ XbWYa cWh# a[j$ J^[ f^oi_Y_Wd¿i Yh[Ze _i ¼<_hij" Ze de ^Whc$½ ? m_i^ FB7O8EO \ebbem[Z _j Wi m[bb$ F^_b_f 8Whd[jj IYejjiZWb[" 7h_pedW SPOT THE BUNNY

? emd fhef[hjo ed W iY[d_Y h_l[h _d Y[djhWb CedjWdW m^[h[ m[¿l[ Z_iYel[h[Z ^_ijeh_Y DWj_l[ 7c[h_YWd f_Yje]hWf^i$ 7 dkcX[h e\ j^[i[ heYa fW_dj_d]i Ybei[bo h[i[cXb[ oekh \Wceki HWXX_j >[WZ$ 9khj_i J^ecfied =h[Wj <Wbbi" CedjWdW For more Rabbit Heads found in nature, search playboy.com for “Spot the Bunny.”

7bjêk]^ ?¿l[ X[[d W ikXiYh_X[h i_dY[ ? mWi '." ?¿l[ dem ijWhj[Z je beea \ehmWhZ je j^[ Whj_Yb[i Wi ckY^ Wi j^[ f_Yjeh_Wbi$ J^Wda oek \eh fheZkY_d] j^[ X[ij cW]W# p_d[ ed j^[ ijWdZi$ :Wh_Y <ehZ M_dY^[ij[h" L_h]_d_W ?¿l[ X[[d Xhemi_d] FB7O8EO¿i [Whbo o[Whi ed c_YheÇbc Wj co kd_l[hi_jo¿i b_XhWho WdZ Wc kf je lebkc[ Çl[$ ?¿l[ dej_Y[Z F B7O8EO \hec j^[ X[]_dd_d] ^Wi X[[d W YbWiio cW]Wp_d[ j^Wj `kij ^Wff[di je jh[Wj h[WZ[hi je fêjei e\ X[Wkj_\kb mec[d$ @[dd_\[h Ebied B_dYebd" D[XhWiaW ? ^Wl[ X[[d h[WZ_d] FB7O8EO \eh edbo '. cedjî Xkj Wbh[WZo ÇdZ coi[b\ Wf# fh[Y_Wj_d] cWdo e\ j^[ Çd[h j^_d]i _d b_\[ ceij h[Y[djbo I_bl[h FWjh d j[gk_bW j^Wj ? b[Whd[Z WXekj _d oekh fW][i$ CWha :[Wd 8h_iXWd[" 7kijhWb_W FEMLIN MISSTEP?

7doed[ [bi[ dej_Y[ j^Wj j^[ <[cb_d _d I[fj[cX[h¿i FWhjo @ea[i a_Yai j^[ \eejXWbb m_j^ ^[h b[\j b[] Xkj j^[d hkXi ^[h h_]^j \eej _d fW_d5 :[dd_i AhW\j 8k[bbjed" 9Wb_\ehd_W Good eye. She landed badly. WINNING TRIFECTA

J^[ [ngk_i_j[ XbedZ[ _d Bekd][ 7Yji" W iekj^[hd 9Wb_\ehd_W ]_hb A_cX[hbo F^_b# b_fi Wi FbWocWj[ WdZ W ]h[Wj Akhj Led# d[]kj ijeho 9edÉZe cWa[ I[fj[cX[h co \Wleh_j[ _iik[ ie \Wh j^_i o[Wh$ 7Whed Bei[o <kbb[hjed" 9Wb_\ehd_W LEGAL DRUGS 101

Oek iWo _d J^[ =ebZ[d 7][ e\ F_bbi EYje# X[h j^Wj oek X[b_[l[ _d f[hiedWb \h[[Zec" ie Wbj[h_d] oekh XhW_d _i eaWo Wi bed] Wi oek¿h[ dej ^khj_d] Wdoed[$ 8kj m^[h[ Ze oek j^_da ceij h[WZ[hi m_bb ][j j^[i[ f^WhcWY[kj_YWbi5 <eh ceij e\ j^[ i_jkW#

The original Rock the Rabbit. TOUGH TIMES

? \ekdZ W Yefo e\ j^[ :[Y[cX[h '/,. _iik[ m^_b[ Yb[Wd_d] ekj W \eh[Ybei[Z êc[ co èX WdZ X[YWc[ [d]heii[Z _d M[Wbj^ L[hiki Ced[o Xo 7bWd MWjji$ Kd# \ehjkdWj[bo" ]_l[d ekh Ykhh[dj [Yedec_Y i_jkWj_ed" _j¿i ij_bb j_c[bo$ ¼H[c[cX[h j^[ =h[Wj :[fh[ii_ed e\ j^[ '/)&i5½ MWjji mhej[$ ¼J^[ fôi_YWb h[iekhY[i e\ j^[ Yekdjho»j^[ XhW_d" XhWmd WdZ hWm cWj[h_Wbi»m[h[ _d de mWo Z[fb[j# [Z" Xkj j^[h[ mWi W ikZZ[d WXi[dY[ e\ ced[o" W ie#YWbb[Z ÇdWdY_Wb ibkcf$ M^Wj mWid¿j kdZ[hijeeZ j^[d" WdZ ij_bb _id¿j h[# Wbbo kdZ[hijeeZ jeZWo" _i j^Wj ced[o _i W mWo e\ c[Wikh_d] m[Wbj^" Xkj _j _i dej m[Wbj^ _ji[b\$ 7 Y^[ij e\ ]ebZ Ye_di eh W \Wj mWbb[j e\ X_bbi _i e\ de ki[ m^Wjie[l[h je W mh[Ya[Z iW_beh Wbed[ ed W hW\j$ >[ d[[Zi h[Wb m[Wbj^" _d j^[ \ehc e\ W Çi^# _d] heZ" W YecfWii" Wd ekjXeWhZ cejeh m_j^ ]Wi WdZ W \[cWb[ YecfWd_ed$ 8kj j^_i _d]hW_d[Z WdZ WhY^W_Y Yed\ki_ed e\ ced[o m_j^ m[Wbj^ _i dem j^[ cW_d h[W# ied m[ Wh[ dej ]e_d] W^[WZ \kbb j_bj m_j^ j^[ Z[l[befc[dj e\ ekh j[Y^debe]_YWb ][d_ki \eh j^[ fheZkYj_ed e\ ceh[ j^Wd WZ[gkWj[ \eeZ" Ybej^_d]" êki_d] WdZ kj_b_j_[i \eh [l[ho f[hied ed [Whj^$½ BbeoZ @ed[i @h$ H_Y^cedZ" L_h]_d_W

E-mail via the web at LETTERS.PLAYBOY.COM Or write: 680 NORTH LAKE SHORE DRIVE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 60611

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PLAYBOY AFTERHOURS BECOMING ATTRACTION

Elisabetta Canalis Since the days of Chaucer, people have traveled to Italy to be enchanted. The food, the mountains, the seaside, the fashion and, more recently, the Ferraris—there’s no place on earth like it. Did we mention the women? This month we salute Elisabetta Canalis, who tops our list of the hottest females from the most exquisite of countries. Elisabetta rose to prominence in 1999 when she landed a starring role on Striscia la Notizia, a satirical news show. Since then she has become a TV, film and magazine-cover staple across Europe. If you didn’t catch her last film— La Fidanzata di Papà— you may have seen her more recently, on George Clooney’s arm. George sure can pick ’em.

The hottest beauty from the most exquisite of countries. PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRUNO BISANG

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AFTER HOURS

Classic Look of the Month

Dressed to Kill

The movies are all about fantasy. Only on the big screen would a police detective on a murder case look and dress as sharp as Glenn Ford playing Dave Bannion in Fritz Lang’s 1953 noir masterpiece The Big Heat (just out in a new DVD format; see page 21). If you’re in need of formalwear for the holidays—and a gorgeous dame to kneel at your altar—here’s how to replicate this look: blue twobutton Fitzgerald suit by Brooks Brothers, $898; white cotton Enzo shirt by Boss Black, $95; bloodcolored Churchill plain woven tie by Thomas Pink, $95; white linen pocket square by Ralph Lauren, $30; black leather Air Jarvis oxfords by Cole Haan, $178. Not pictured: snub-nosed Colt .38 tucked in the sock, locked and loaded.

Against the Wall

The Art World Fights Back The recession hit the art world like a sledgehammer to a sculpture. But fear not: The art gallery is not dead as some critics were saying. There’s new energy radiating from the art scene. Some 30 New York galleries have opened since last year, most with an emphasis on young artists. “I’m heartened by the recent boom in younger galleries,” says Pascal Spengemann, who recently moved his gallery, Taxter & Spengemann, into Frank Stella’s old studio on 12th Street. “The breadth and quality of work from young affordable artists today is unprecedented.” Pictured: Cold 1 (mixed media on paper) by Ben Tour, represented by the new Joshua Liner Gallery at 548 West 28th Street (joshualinergallery.com).

To Give Is Better

The Mantique Most guys are terrible gift givers, especially when shopping for other guys. “Another bottle of Cuervo? Thanks!” This year, avoid the mall crowds and get your dad or your brother a mantique. On the Internet you can find unique manly collectibles such as World War II Geiger counters, old taxidermy and antique guns. Example: In the 1970s, Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page started his own publishing company called the Equinox, specializing in satanism and the occult. Pictured: a rare first-edition facsimile of Goetia, by Aleister Crowley, the king of occultists, which Page published in 1976. (We found it at mwbooks.com for $431.)

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A Cut Above

Drink of the Month

The Ethiopia-born and Sweden-raised chef Marcus Samuelsson (New York’s Aquavit and Riingo) makes a point with his new book New American Table: America is a melting pot, and thus American food by definition can be anything as long as it’s delicious. Here’s what we’re having for our Christmas dinner: Samuelsson’s rib-eye steaks with chive butter (serves four). 2 tbsp. olive oil 4 10 oz. boneless rib eyes CHIVE BUTTER 2 tsp. salt 4 cups heavy cream 1 tsp. chopped 4 cloves garlic, finely rosemary chopped ½ tsp. freshly ground 2 shallots, finely black pepper chopped ½ tsp. freshly ground ½ cup chopped chives white pepper 1 tsp. salt ¼ tsp. paprika freshly ground black ¼ tsp. garlic powder pepper Heat a grill or pan on high heat. Bring steaks to room temperature. Toss herbs and seasonings together. Brush steaks with olive oil, then coat with the dry mixture. Grill for five minutes on each side for medium rare. Let rest for five minutes. For chive butter, use an electric mixer with a whisk attachment to beat the cream until butter forms (about 15 minutes). Discard excess liquid. Heat one tablespoon of this butter in a pan over medium heat. Sauté garlic and shallots until soft. Rewhip butter, adding garlicshallot mixture, chives and salt and pepper. Serve steaks with a dollop of chive butter on top.

With a holiday cocktail called the Grinch, you’d imagine a sloshy glassful that gets you so drunk you wake up the next day having no recollection of December 25. Actually this little number—which comes courtesy of Kevin Jaszek at Smith & Mills in New York—is a cold-weather concoction you’ll want to take your time consuming. We’ll take it over processed out-of-the-carton eggnog any day.

Dinner Is Served

The Grinch

In This Corner

Fistic Fashion The heroes and villains of boxing’s yesteryear—from Sonny Liston to Rubin “Hurricane” Carter to Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini—are still some of the greatest of masculine icons. Now a NYC-based T-shirt company called No Mas is paying homage. The company takes its name from the two words Roberto Duran uttered after he quit during the eighth round of his 1980 bout with Sugar Ray Leonard. Pictured: No Mas’s slim-fit Thunderbird Hotel tee, which gives a shout-out to the Vegas landmark that hosted Liston’s workouts before his classic bouts with Muhammad Ali. The Thunderbird had Mafia ties—as did Liston. Check out nomas-nyc.com for more shirts replete with pugilistic lore.

2 oz. bonded applejack brandy ½ oz. velvet falernum ¾ oz. lime juice ½ oz. simple syrup 2 hits Regan’s Orange Bitters 3 hits Fee Brothers Whiskey BarrelAged Bitters Shake ingredients with ice, then strain over ice with a lemon and orange twist back to back. The apple notes in the brandy blend well with the aged bitters to make the perfect glass of warming holiday hooch.

Employee of the Month

Tiffani Shipman PLAYBOY: Where do

you work? TIFFANI: I work at

South Central SportChassis, which sells trucks. PLAYBOY: What do you do exactly? TIFFANI: I sell trucks, and I do everything from going to events like the Barrett-Jackson car auction with them to getting dirty in the shop working on them. PLAYBOY: Wow. TIFFANI: Yes, that’s the reaction

I normally get. [giggles] PLAYBOY: What type of clientele do you have? TIFFANI: We have sold trucks to Chris “Birdman” Andersen, Leonard Davis of the Cowboys, Shaquille O’Neal and a few other celebrities. PLAYBOY: Shaq Diesel? TIFFANI: Yep, we sold him a P2. PLAYBOY: What’s your favorite model? TIFFANI: I love the P4XL. It’s just a big, sexy truck. PLAYBOY: Does size matter? TIFFANI: Definitely—that’s what we print on the back of our pit shirts. PLAYBOY: Do you have a shop shirt with your name on it? TIFFANI: You know it. PLAYBOY: Now that’s a turn-on. Can one have sex on a creeper? TIFFANI: There’s a lot that can go on under the hood.… SEE MORE OF TIFFANI SHIPMAN AT CLUB.PLAYBOY.COM. APPLY TO BE AN EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AT PLAYBOY.COM/POSE.

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AFTER HOURS REVIEWS

Movie of the Month

Avatar By Stephen Rebello An army of human invaders in avatar form is up against 10-foot-tall residents of a bizarre faraway planet in director James Cameron’s Avatar. The immersive, photorealistic 3-D and CGI innovations in this new sci-fi movie have been hyped as Hollywood’s most colossal quantum leap since…well, Hollywood’s last most colossal quantum leap. Sigourney Weaver, one of the stars, has called Avatar “a serious film about serious issues—but it’s in 3-D,” which means Cameron had to resist shots of cool stuff coming straight at the audience, right? Well, not exactly. The director likes being behind the lens for 3-D work and personally shot a sequence in which a stuntman fired a machine gun right at the camera. “I knew where to stand safely, but I have to admit there’s a bit of a twitch in the camera move,” says Cameron. “I wanted to put the audience right there.” Pedro Almodóvar’s Broken Embraces, starring Penélope Cruz, is loaded with nods to older movies. See if you can find hints to Voyage to Italy, Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina and Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot. In a movie within a movie, Cruz has a role much like Carmen Maura’s in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.

CRUI CONTROL Now Showing in Theaters

Did You Hear About the Morgans? Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker aim for some holiday giggles. The duo play an estranged city couple who witness a murder and are shipped off to rural Wyoming through a witness protection plan.

Brothers Things get tense when marine Tobey Maguire, missing and presumed dead, resurfaces and returns home. He finds that his wife (Natalie Portman) has become this close with his younger brother, played by Jake Gyllenhaal.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon In this installment of the teen vampire soap, Kristen Stewart survives a near-fatal attack that prompts her fanged boyfriend, Robert Pattinson, to skip town. On the rebound she rediscovers pal Taylor Lautner.

Nine Rob Marshall’s movie is an adaptation of the musical inspired by Federico Fellini’s 8½. Daniel Day-Lewis stars as a womanizing director juggling his relationships with Marion Cotillard, Penélope Cruz, Nicole Kidman and Sophia Loren.

Invictus Clint Eastwood’s latest has Morgan Freeman playing Nelson Mandela. After the 1995 fall of apartheid, he joins with the country’s underdog rugby team captain (Matt Damon) to try to bring together the racially divided country.

The Lovely Bones From her own private afterlife, a slain teenager (Saoirse Ronan) watches over her survivors, including her parents (Rachel Weisz and Mark Wahlberg), her grandmother and the criminal who raped and murdered her.

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AFTER HOURS REVIEWS

Game On Assassin’s Creed 2 (pictured right; 360, PC, PS3) sends Desmond back into the Animus machine to relive his assassin ancestors’ memories. This time he’s creating bedlam in Renaissance Italy. Like Mad Max? Like mad loot? You’ll dig Borderlands (360, PC, PS3), a hybrid roleplaying game that plays like a shooter, with vehicular combat thrown in for good measure. DJ Hero (360, PS2, PS3, Wii) expands the Guitar Hero juggernaut to the turntable, where you’ll scratch and crossfade along with beats from elite hip-hop artists (Jay-Z, Eminem) and original mixes from some of the world’s top DJs (Daft Punk, DJ Shadow). The Ballad of Gay Tony (360) is a downloadable Xbox-only expansion for Grand Theft Auto 4 that lets us in on Liberty City’s high-flying nightlife. You play bodyguard to Algonquin’s top impresario, Tony Prince (a.k.a. Gay Tony). Modern Warfare 2 (not shown; 360, PC, PS3) picks up where Call of Duty 4 left off, featuring a short, tight single-player mode, along with the best multiplayer shooting in the world. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (not shown, PS3) is the outstanding cinematic follow-up to the excellent 2007 action adventure.

Borderlands

DJ Hero

The Ballad of Gay Tony

Between the Covers Time away from work, chilly temperatures, double scotch in your hand.… No wonder so many books sell during the holidays. There are so many potential best-sellers this

Mother California: A Story of Redemption Behind Bars by Kenneth Hartman One of the best prison memoirs in decades. Hartman was a monster; at 19 he killed for pleasure. More than 20 years later he’s a philosopher and a writer reminiscent of Hubert Selby.

Generosity: An Enhancement by Richard Powers We generally hate novels about writing students, but this story begins in the classroom and detours into a search for the biological key to happiness. The metafictional has never been so surprisingly enjoyable.

The Interrogative Mood by Padgett Powell This bizarre and wonderful novel is composed completely of questions. Even the cover is a question mark. Did the book leave us at times a bit baffled? Did we still adore it? Yes and yes.

season—new work by E.L. Doctorow (Homer & Langley) and James Ellroy (Blood’s A Rover), among others—we couldn’t possibly cover them all. Here are some favorites.

Chronic City by Jonathan Lethem In his latest, Lethem goes sci-fi and Upper East Side sociological. Chase Insteadman is a former child star with a girlfriend stuck in outer space. By the tragicomic end, you’ll concede that child TV stars are people too.

American Rebel: The Life of Clint Eastwood by Marc Eliot The story of a man who goes from small-time jazz pianist and gasstation attendant to Hollywood leading man reads like a rich movie plotline. All the sex, brawls and gunslinging are here.

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Bowie: A Biography by Marc Spitz With Bowie, the voice and look of rock and roll changed forever. He affronted post-1960s convention and inspired a host of imitators, outcasts and idealists. Spitz lived it and loved it and provides a portrait that is epic and human.

The Financial Lives of Poets by Jess Walter Sherman Alexie called Walter’s new novel “fuckyou good,” and we agree. Walter has created a hero of America’s post-boom days, an antic whistleblower of all the tomfoolery that’s been shaping the status quo.

Music

Miles & Jim For most of the second half of the 20th century, Miles Davis defined cool. And what cooler gift than a 70-CD boxed set containing everything the man with a horn recorded for Columbia Records between 1949 and 1985? From bebop to funk, Miles Davis: The Complete Columbia Album Collection represents an extraordinary survey of modern American jazz. It’s available only through Amazon.com for $365. The Doors: Live in New York is a different kind of boxed set. The six-CD collection offers in their entirety the last four shows the band played in New York—June 17 to 18, 1970 (two shows a night), about a year before Jim Morrison’s death. Mixed and mastered by Bruce Botnick, the band’s engineering guru, the set includes 90 tracks, many of which have never before been released. As a historical document, it’s a thrilling listen. For true Doors fans, it’s a musthave; available through Amazon for $75.

The Vinyl Revival Why the hiss, snap and crackle of LPs is cool again

Back in the day, when you walked into a man’s place, the first thing you did was flip through his albums. They were artifacts of cool with a broad canvas of imagery. For those who indulged, they served as joint-rolling tables. Now here’s some news: As CD sales continue to decline, the music industry is seeing a spike in vinyl albums new and old. Last year sales grew by 89 percent. When Animal Collective’s double album Merriweather Post Pavilion dropped early this year, it was released first on vinyl. Why? Analog is hip again. Nothing’s better than the warm sound of an LP. If you’re shopping for holiday gifts, try one of these classics, many of which have recently been reissued in all their vinyl glory: (1) Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation, (2) the Rolling Stones’ Beggars Banquet, (3) the Chemical Brothers’ Exit Planet Dust, (4) Miles Davis’s Tribute to Jack Johnson, (5) the Stone Roses’ eponymous debut, (6) Prince’s 25th anniversary reissue of Purple Rain, (7) Betty Davis’s Is It Love or Desire, (8) Kraft werk’s Trans-Europe Express, (9) Harry Smith’s Anthology of American Folk Music, and (10) Wayne Shor ter’s Speak No Evil. Our favor ite place to buy vinyl is dusty groove.com.

Lenny Kravitz: Gifts for My Friends (1) Asa, Asa (2009): “She’s one of the new breed of voices from Nigeria.” (2) Jackson 5, Third Album (1970): “What Michael did with the Jackson 5 was genius. No one will touch him for a thousand years.” (3) Marvin Gaye, Here, My Dear (1978): “He was getting divorced. It’s a man who’s bitter and in love with somebody new, writing an album to his ex.” (4) Isaac Hayes, Joy (1973): “There are only five songs, but the music is very cinematic, really deep and sexy.” 23

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AFTER HOURS ELSEWHERE AT PLAYBOY

Casting Calls Yeah, we’ve got talent. Do you? If you enjoy amateur talent shows like America’s Got Talent, then you’ll really dig playboyscastingcalls.com. Contestants: Think you have the stuff to be a Playmate? See when we’re coming to your city. Crystal McCahill did, and within months she became Miss May. Viewers: Check out playboy.com/ castings for the first nudes of the next Crystal or Pamela Anderson. As you’ll see, this isn’t exactly amateur hour.

What Sort of Man Reads Playboy? What sort of man has a nightstand that looks like this? He’s an entertaining young guy happily living the good life. He’s his own man. From the scotch he drinks to the barware he pours it into (set of three shot glasses, $20; pint glass, $12), every move is calculated. He’s cerebral and in the know thanks to his subscription to PLAYBOY ($29.97 a year), and he keeps a few of our books (Redheads, $17) within grasp in his favorite place to read. Of course if his reading spot is his bed he also does some of his best work there. When he meets a girl, he approaches her with confidence and the gentleman’s gesture of a light (Zippo, $39), then lets the hint of his Playboy fragrance by Coty (set of four, $22) draw her closer. And the girls he dates may leave him something to remember them by (thong, $12) long after their perfume has faded from his pillow. Products can be found at shopthebunny.com, or swing by the Playboy Forum Shop on your next trip to Las Vegas. After all, the sort of man who reads PLAYBOY is a jet-setter who makes the scene and then moves on before the crowd arrives.

Mad Men, Mod Style and Playboy: The 1960s Are Back

PLAYBOY has been credited with sparking the sexual revolution of the 1960s, and by celebrating the sentiment of a brave new society it became required reading for all hepcats and Mad Men. As the swinging 1960s make a resurgence, along with the Bondi company we scanned all 120 issues from the decade onto computer discs. Hef says, “This is the perfect opportunity to offer our loyal readership something they have always wanted and also a

great way to allow a whole new generation to easily explore the magazine.” It’s all there, from Sophia Loren and Brigitte Bardot pictorials to Playboy Interviews with Fidel Castro and the Beatles, to words by Martin Luther King Jr. and Woody Allen to Hef’s Playboy Philosophy—still words to live by, if you will. Even the original ads are cool. Plus, we give you a special 248-page behind-the-curtain book. Go to playboyarchive.com for details.

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SIGNIFICA, INSIGNIFICA, STATS AND FACTS THE PLAYBOY POLL NEXT UP GO TO PLAYBOY.COM/WWT FOR DECEMBER’S QUESTIONS, INCLUDING:

WITH THE DECADE ENDING THIS MONTH, WHO IS THE HOTTEST BIGSCREEN ACTRESS OF THE 2000S?

MEGAN FOX

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY

SCARLETT JOHANSSON NATALIE PORTMAN CATHERINE ZETA-JONES CAMERON DIAZ NAOMI WATTS ANGELINA JOLIE CHARLIZE THERON HALLE BERRY JENNIFER ANISTON

$47,000 Cost of a gold penis enlarger encrusted with rubies and 40 diamonds; custom ordered by a Saudi businessman who claimed he was allergic to stainless steel, it is said to be the world’s most expensive SEXUAL AID.

WHAT’S THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN SPORTS?

E6/B E3¸@3 B67<97<5( ฀NO COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAY-OFFS 68% ฀STEROIDS 32%

AT LEAST 22 STATES THAT BAN TEXTING WHILE DRIVING OFFER SOME TYPE OF SERVICE THAT ALLOWS MOTORISTS TO GET INFORMATION ABOUT TRAFFIC TIE-UPS, ROAD CONDITIONS AND EMERGENCIES VIA TWITTER.

ODD STAT OF THE

MONTH MEN WHO SNORE LOUDLY ARE TWICE AS LIKELY TO DIE EARLY.

Greatest generation? They think it’s theirs: 67% of college students surveyed agree their generation “is more self-promoting, narcissistic, overconfident and attention seeking than previous generations.”

In 2007, 63% of college students said they would move back in with their parents after graduation until they found work. This year 69% said they would. =<:G =<3 7< 4=C@ = 9 : / 6 = ; / > C 0 : 7 1 6756 A16==: ABC23<BA 1/< </;3 B63 47@AB > @3A723<B =4 B63

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CARS :: DRINK :: GROOMING

Fly Wheels

The original 1954 300 SL gullwing.

The gullwing, a born-again classic

When Mercedes-Benz unveiled the 300 SL gullwing coupe in 1954, it instantly became the Brigitte Bardot of automotive icons—so hot you couldn’t take your eyes off it, yet built for speed. In America it was called the gullwing, in France it was papillon (butterfly) and in Germany, Flügeltürer (wing door). More than half a century later Mercedes unleashes its ultramodern reincarnation: the SLS AMG. We got our hands on this beast before any other journalists. The scene: the Nordschleife (northern loop) at the Nürburgring, a racetrack as world famous and replete with history as the car itself. “I felt the racing genes immediately,” says our test-driver, Michael Goering of PLAYBOY Germany. The lightweight 6.3-liter eight cylinder pumps out 563 horsepower (compared with the original gullwing’s 215). Everything is perfectly balanced—engine in front and transaxle in back (a 47/53 percent weight split). “I hit a maximum of more than 300 kilometers an hour on the Döttinger Höhe,” says Goering (that’s upward of 186 mph). With its 3.6-second zero-to-60 mph sprint, you feel as if you’re taking off from an aircraft carrier in an F-14. The most surprising fact: The SLS is comfortable. The interior is all leather, aluminum and carbon fiber, and many details are shaped like parts of a jet. The downside? MB will make only a handful, with a tag of about $200,000. Info at mbusa.com.

Feliz Cumpleaños

Whiskers, Meet Whiskey

In 1758 the king of Spain gifted a plot of land in La Rojeña, Mexico to Don José Antonio de Cuervo— and forever changed the way college students celebrate spring break. Cuervo 250 Aniversario ($2,250, fine liquor stores) is made solely from agave grown on the original land.

Putting whiskey in your face and then shaving will make you bleed. Putting whiskey on your face—that is, Portland General Store’s Whiskey Wet Shave Jelly ($10) and Skin Quencher Aftershave ($20, portlandgeneral store .etsy.com)—will show your follicles who’s boss.

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PAD :: TECH :: TRAVEL

Business Class Today’s economy is a war zone; we recommend you work with military-grade business equipment. Moto Art (motoart.com) offers a wide array of striking home and office furniture, all made from decommissioned airplane parts. The DC-9 Airplane Desk shown here ($16,500) is handcrafted from an actual DC-9 stabilizer wing polished to a mirror finish and then fitted with hardwood and glass. Other favorites include the ejection-seat bar stools ($5,200), float-tank couch ($22,500) and Mile High bed ($30,000).

Smooth Talker Hack Your Life: Get Served You want to listen to that one Dead Weather song but can’t remember which machine you ripped the album to. Turns out digital files are just like CDs— easy to misfile. Here’s a hint: Setting up a central server in your house is quick and simple, and you can work it so your music, movies and photos are automatically transferred and made available to any computer on your network. HP’s MediaSmart servers ($400 to $700, hp.com) are a no-brainer to set up, as are similar offerings such as Acer’s Aspire easyStore ($400, us.acer.com) and Velocity Micro’s NetMagix HQ ($900, velocitymicro.com).

With a 600 MHz processor, one gigabyte of memory, 32 gigabytes of storage, built-in Wi-Fi, a touchscreen and a slide-out keyboard, the Nokia N900 ($649, nokia.com) could easily be mistaken for a laptop. Nokia even calls it a “mobile computer.” But it’s a phone (as well as about 17,000 other things). It comes unlocked, so you’re free to use it with AT&T, T-Mobile or other GSM carriers.

Telluride: The Playboy Way

The optimal time to hit Telluride, Colorado is from late January (when the snow is prime) to April (when the weather is prime). Grab pre-ski breakfast burritos at the slope-side X Café, then hit Bee’s Run, a fluffy black diamond off the 12,570-foot apex. Or glide down See Forever to take in views of 14,017-foot Wilson Peak (the mountain on the Coors label). When your legs are shot, grab a bite at 221 South Oak, a bistro with overstuffed couches and killer food. After that, swank it up at Noir Bar, cut a rug on Fly Me to the Moon Saloon’s spring-loaded dance floor, or grab a longneck Bud at the Last Dollar Saloon (a.k.a. the Buck), where the divots on the pool table are older than you are.

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PLAYBOY INTERVIEW:

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JAMES CAMERON CHANGED THE ORIGINAL NAME OF TWO OF HIS FILMS. WE’LL TELL YOU ABOUT ONE; YOU GUESS THE OTHER

BY ROCKY RAKOVIC Avatar has been a decade in the making, but for much of that time it was referred to by its working title, Project 880. Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as Avatar, right? It’s not unusual for filmmakers to do a last-minute title switch: Snakes on a Plane was supposed to be called Pacific Air Flight 121 until Samuel L. Jackson put his foot down. Think you can match the blockbuster to the name they almost put on the movie poster? 1. 2. 3. 4.

TITANIC ANNIE HALL CASABLANCA PRETTY WOMAN 5. E.T. 6. UNFORGIVEN 7. WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? 8. DOGMA 9. SCREAM 10. PULP FICTION 11. PSYCHO 12. MILLION DOLLAR BABY 13. SOME LIKE IT HOT 14. THE DEPARTED 15. IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE 16. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

A. B. C. D. E.

BLACK MASK SCARY MOVIE ROPE BURNS $3,000 HOW THE SOLAR SYSTEM WAS WON F. GOD G. A BOY’S LIFE H. THE GREATEST GIFT I. IT HAD TO BE JEW J. DEAD TOONS DON’T PAY BILLS K. NOT TONIGHT, JOSEPHINE! L. EVERYONE COMES TO RICK’S M. INFERNAL AFFAIRS N. WIMPY 0. THE CUT WHORE KILLINGS P. THE SHIP OF DREAMS

ANSWER KEY. 1-P; 2-I; 3-L; 4-D; 5-G; 6-O; 7-J; 8-F; 9-B (SERIOUSLY); 10-A; 11-N; 12-C; 13-K; 14-M; 15-H; 16-E.

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Vladimir Nabokov Th e Fin al Wo r k b y th e Mode r n E r a ’s Mos t I n ge ni ous Wr i te r

For 32 years the heirs of Vladimir Nabokov safeguarded the literary giant’s last novel in a vault in Switzerland while they wrestled with his request to destroy the unfinished manuscript. The decision was ultimately left to son Dmitri and deferred till now: This month Alfred A. Knopf will publish The Original of Laura (or Dying Is Fun), an event for readers the world over. UQF^GT^ is proud to publish an exclusive excerpt and introduce another of Nabokov’s mystifying and mythic heroines, Flora, the subject of a novel within the novel.

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THE ORIGINS OF LAURA

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M_j^ ^[h b_jjb[ ZWk]^j[h" Wd ;d]b_i^ ]el# [hd[ii" W Hkii_Wd dWddo WdZ W Yeicefeb_# jWd bel[h" i^[ i[jjb[Z _d FWh_i" j^[d cel[Z je <beh[dY[" ieèkhd[Z _d BedZed WdZ h[# jkhd[Z je <hWdY[$ >[h Whj mWi dej ijhed] [dek]^ je ikhl_l[ j^[ beii e\ ]eeZ beeai Wi m[bb Wi W Y[hjW_d mehi[d_d] È Wm _d ^[h fh[jjo Xkj jee fhec_d[dj h_]^j ecefbWj[" WdZ Xo j^[ W][ e\ \ehjo eh ie m[ Ç dZ ^[h h[ZkY[Z je ]_l_d] ZWdY_d] b[iiedi Wj W dej gk_j[ Ç hij#hWj[ iYêeb _d FWh_i$ >[h ]bWceheki bel[hi m[h[ dem h[# fbWY[Z Xo Wd [bZ[hbo Xkj ij_bb l_]eheki ;d]b_i^cWd mê iek]^j WXheWZ W h[\# k][ \hec jWn[i WdZ SHE WAS W Yedl[d_[dj fbWY[ OFTEN je YedZkYj ^_i dej gk_j[ b[]Wb jhWdiWY# ALONE j_edi _d j^[ jhW\Ç Y e\ IN THE m_d[i$ >[ mWi m^Wj ki[Z je X[ j[hc[Z W HOUSE Y^Whc[kh$ >_i dWc[" de WITH MR. ZekXj Wiikc[Z" mWi >kX[hj >$ >kX[hj$ HUBERT, <behW" W bel[bo Y^_bZ" WHO CON- Wi i^[ iW_Z ^[hi[b\ m_j^ W ib_]^j i^Wa[ STANTLY Zh[Wco5 ?dYh[Zk# “PROWLED” beki5 e\ ^[h ^[WZ [l[ho j_c[ i^[ ifea[ AROUND e\ jêi[ fh[fkX[i# HER. Y[dj o[Whi" ^WZ W ]hWo êc[ b_\[ cWha[Z Xo _bb ^[Wbj^" WdZ Xeh[Zec$ Edbo iec[ l[ho [nf[di_l[" ikf[h#Eh_[djWb ZeYjeh m_j^ bed] ][djb[ Ç d][hi YekbZ ^Wl[ WdWbop[Z ^[h d_]^jbo Zh[Wci e\ [hej_Y jehjkh[ _d ie#YWbb[Z ¼bWXi"½ cWèh WdZ c_deh bWXe# hWjeh_[i m_j^ h[Z YkhjW_di$ I^[ Z_Z dej h[c[cX[h ^[h \Wj^[h WdZ hWj^[h Z_ib_a[Z ^[h cej^[h$ I^[ mWi e\j[d Wbed[ _d j^[ êki[ m_j^ Ch$ >kX[hj" mê YedijWdjbo ¼fhemb[Z½ h ZW_j WhekdZ ^[h" ^kcc_d] W cedejedeki jkd[ WdZ iehj e\ c[ic[h# _p_d] ^[h" [dl[bef_d] ^[h" ie je if[Wa" _d iec[ ij_Yao _dl_i_Xb[ ikXijWdY[ WdZ Yec# _d] Ybei[h WdZ Ybei[h de cWjj[h m^Wj mWo i^[ jkhd[Z$ <eh _dijWdY[ i^[ Z_Z dej ZWh[ je b[j ^[h Whci ^Wd] W_cb[iibo b[ij ^[h adkYab[i YWc[ _dje YedjWYj m_j^ iec[ êhh_Xb[ fWhj e\ j^Wj a_dZbo Xkj ic[bbo WdZ ¼fki^_d]½ ebZ cWb[$ >[ jebZ ^[h ijeh_[i WXekj ^_i iWZ b_\[" ^[ jebZ ^[h WXekj ^_i ZWk]^j[h mê mWi `kij b_a[ ^[h" iWc[ W][»jm[bl[»iWc[ [o[bWi^[i»ZWha[h j^Wd j^[ ZWha Xbk[ e\ j^[ _h_i" iWc[ ^W_h" XbedZ_i^ eh hWj^[h fWbec_de" WdZ ie i_bao»_\ ^[ YekbZ X[ Wb# bem[Z je ijhea[ _j" eh bÁ[\Ê [kh[h Z[i b lh[i" b_a[ j^_i" j^Wj¿i Wbb" j^Wda oek$ Feeh :W_io ^WZ X[[d Yhki^[Z je Z[Wj^ Xo W XWYa_d] behho ed W Yekdjho heWZ»iêhj Ykj êc[ \hec iYêeb»j^hek]^ W ckZZo YedijhkYj_ed i_j[»WXec_dWXb[ jhW][Zo»^[h cej^[h Z_[Z e\ W Xhea[d ^[Whj$ Ch$ >kX[hj iWj ed <behW¿i X[Z WdZ deZZ[Z ^_i XWbZ ^[WZ WY# ademb[Z]_d] Wbb j^[ e\\[dY[i e\ b_\[" WdZ m_f[Z ^_i [o[i m_j^ W l_eb[j ^WdZa[hY^_[\ m^_Y^ jkhd[Z ehWd][»W b_jjb[ fWhbeh jh_Ya»m^[d ^[ ijk\\[Z _j XWYa _dje ^_i

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Dear Mr. Hefner TO: HUGH M. HEFNER

CC, 1 p.

TO: HUGH M. HEFNER

Montreux, Palace Hotel January 27, 1967 Dear Mr. Hefner, After receiving your bonus I now receive your prize.* I want to tell you how very much touched I am. This is the first time that any magazine—or in fact any kind of publication—has awarded me a prize. But then PLAYBOY can be always depended upon to provide brilliant surprises. Cordially, Vladimir Nabokov * The editors of PLAYBOY had awarded the $1,000 Best Fiction Award for 1966 to Despair.

CC, 1 p.

Montreux Palace Hotel Montreux, Switzerland December 28, 1968 Dear Mr. Hefner, I wish to thank you, Mr. Spectorsky and The Playboy for your letter, charming cards and gifts and the bonus. It pleases me very much to know that “One Summer in Ardis” * (an excellent title suggested by Mr. Macauley) will appear in PLAYBOY. Have you ever noticed how the head and ears of your Bunny resemble a butterfly in shape, with an eyespot on one hindwing? Happy New Year. Yours sincerely, Vladimir Nabokov * Excerpt from Ada.

THE NOVELS THE EYE AND DESPAIR RAN IN INSTALLMENTS IN OUR PAGES FROM 1965 THROUGH 1966.

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PLAYBOY WAS THE FIRST TO EXCERPT ADA, OR ARDOR: A FAMILY CHRONICLE, IN APRIL 1969.

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SPEAK, NABOKOV IN 1964 THE AUTHOR, NOTORIOUSLY PUBLICITY AVERSE, GRANTED A RARE INTERVIEW TO PLAYBOY. IN THE SELECTIONS BELOW HE DESCRIBES HOW HE NEARLY CONSIGNED HIS MOST POPULAR (AND DERIDED) NOVEL TO FLAMES AND DETAILS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF HIS CREATIVE PROCESS PLAYBOY: M_j^ j^[ 7c[h_YWd fkXb_YWj_ed e\ Beb_jW _d '/+." oekh \Wc[ WdZ \ehjkd[ cki^# heec[Z Wbceij el[hd_]^j \hec ^ _ ] ^ h [ f k j [ Wced] j^[ b_j# [hWho Ye]de# iY[dj_»m^_Y^ oek ^WZ [d`eo[Z \eh ceh[ j^Wd )& o[Whi»je Xej^ WYYbW_c WdZ WXki[ Wi j^[ mehbZ#h[demd[Z Wkj^eh e\ W i[diWj_edWb X[ij#i[bb[h$ ?d j^[ W\j[hcWj^ e\ j^_i YWki[ Y b Xh[" Ze oek [l[h h[]h[j ^Wl_d] mh_jj[d Beb_jW5 NABOKOV: Ed j^[ YedjhWho" ? i^kZZ[h h[jheif[Yj_l[bo m^[d ? h[YWbb j^Wj j^[h[ mWi W cec[dj" _d '/+& WdZ W]W_d _d '/+'" m^[d ? mWi ed j^[ fe_dj e\ Xkhd# _d] >kcX[hj >kcX[hj¿i b_jjb[ XbWYa Z_Who$ De" ? i^Wbb d[l[h h[]h[j Beb_jW$ I^[ mWi b_a[ j^[ Yecfei_j_ed e\ W X[Wkj_\kb fkppb[»_ji Yecfei_j_ed WdZ _ji iebkj_ed

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THE BOOK THEY SAID COULD NEVER BE MADE INTO A MOVIE. PLAYBOY EXPLORES THE MAKING OF THE MOST NOTORIOUS FILM OF THE 1960S IN THIS HOMAGE STARRING SASHA GREY AS DOLORES HAZE J^[ WZi Wia[Z" ¼>em Z_Z j^[o [l[h cWa[ W cel_[ e\ Beb_jW5½ J^[ Wdim[h" J^[ D[m Oeha J_c[i h[fehj[Z j^[ ZWo W\j[h _j ef[d[Z" mWi» j^[o Z_Zd¿j$ IjWdb[o AkXh_Ya¿i '/,( Çbc i_Z[ij[fi ceij e\ j^[ [hej_Y_ic e\ LbWZ_c_h DWXeael¿i del[b" Yed# jW_di de dkZ_jo" Z_i# Yh[[jbo \WZ[i je XbWYa Wj j^[ ib_]^j[ij ^_dj e\ i[n WdZ ki[i j^[ cWjkh[ '+#o[Wh#ebZ Ik[ Boed Wi _ji '(#o[Wh#ebZ doc# f^[j$ AkXh_Ya cWZ[ Beb_jW _d ;d]bWdZ" [n# YbkZ_d] j^[ del[b¿i eZ# oii[o WYheii 7c[h_YW" X[YWki[ ^[ \[Wh[Z Çbc# _d] _d j^[ K$I$ ;l[d j^[d" ^[ iW_Z" ¼?j mWi Wbceij _cfeii_Xb[ je ][j j^[ Çbc fbWo[Z$ ;l[d W\j[h _j mWi Çd# _i^[Z" _j bW_Z WhekdZ \eh i_n cedjî$½ ?j¿i ^WhZ je h[Wb_p[ jeZWo êm iYWdZWbeki j^[ del[b mWi$ 9ecfb[j[Z _d '/+)" j^[ iWc[ o[Wh FB7O8EO mWi \ekdZ[Z" _j mWi i^kdd[Z Xo fkXb_i^[hi$ 7\j[h jme o[Whi" DWXeael \ekdZ W êc[ \eh _j m_j^ CWkh_Y[ =_heZ_Wi¿i Ebocf_W Fh[ii _d FWh_i1 W i_]d[Z Yefo e\ j^Wj Çhij [Z_j_ed dem i[bbi \eh )+"&&&$ 7\j[h =hW^Wc =h[[d[ fhW_i[Z _j" FkjdWc¿i _d D[m Oeha jeea W Y^WdY[ WdZ \ekdZ _ji[b\ m_j^ j^[ \Wij[ij#i[bb_d] d[m del[b i_dY[ =ed[ M_j^ j^[ M_dZ$ ?ji j_jb[ WZZ[Z W d[m mehZ je j^[ ;d]b_i^ bWd]kW][$ AkXh_Ya cWZ[ j^[ Çbc jme o[Whi X[\eh[ :h$ IjhWd][bel[" ie ^[ mWi dej o[j W Ykbj ^[he$ >[ Yecc_ii_ed[Z W iYh[[dfbWo \hec DWXeael" Xkj _j mWi bed] [dek]^ \eh W i_n#êkh Çbc WdZ jee ik]][ij_l[$ DWXeael YecfbW_d[Z j^Wj edbo ¼hW]][Z eZZi WdZ [dZi½ e\ ^_i meha m[h[ ki[Z$ AkXh_Ya¿i iYh[[dfbWo" mh_jj[d m_j^ @Wc[i >Whh_i" cWZ[ cWèh Y^Wd][i$ J^[ ÇbccWa[h X[]Wd Xo h[Wb_p_d] j^Wj W \hWda jh[Wjc[dj e\ W i[nkWb b_W_ied X[jm[[d W c_ZZb[#W][Z fhe\[iieh WdZ W '(#o[Wh#ebZ ]_hb l_ebWj[Z j^[ FheZkYj_ed 9eZ[ WdZ mekbZ gk_j[

BY ROGER EBERT PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD KERN www.storemags.com & www.fantamag.com www.fa fant fa ntam nt amag am ag.c ag .com .c om

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STANLEY KUBRICK FOCUSED ON THE NOVEL’S THEME OF EROTIC OBSESSION AND SORCERY.

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See more photos of Sasha at playboy.com/sasha.

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An inebriated guest is an entertaining guest—an abundance of booze makes everybody a little less critical of the terrible food they’re being served.

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Who needs Martha Stewart or Rachael Ray? Our expert is just like us—she does everything wrong and covers her crimes with vodka

LEAVE THE COOKING TO THE PROFESSIONALS I love a big holiday meal with friends. And I’m a meat-andpotatoes kind of girl. I like baked hams, mashed potatoes, a big turkey stuffed with Vicodin and extra tryptophan—all the old standards. But I’m not very skilled in the kitchen. My dog has more culinary expertise than I do. I have trouble boiling eggs, and I learned a long time ago that the microwave isn’t my friend. My last attempt at making something delicious for the holidays was in the third grade when I baked a Jolly Rancher pie and nobody spoke to me for the rest of the year. (Have you ever tried putting Jolly Ranchers in an oven? It’s like a mini Hiroshima.) When I host a Christmas party I like to pay other people to cook for me. It guarantees the meal won’t be a complete disaster, or at least nobody on my guest list will come down with botulism. Luckily my brother is a professional chef, and I pay him handsomely to cook most of my meals. It’s not always convenient, because he lives in New Jersey, and flying him out to Los Angeles twice a week can be a costly commute, especially now that he refuses to take the Greyhound bus. Don’t get me wrong; I never take credit for an elaborate dinner if I had nothing to do with its preparation. But if I’ve pitched in at all, maybe coming up with an ill-advised hors d’oeuvre involving goat cheese and Gummi Bears, I’ll definitely blame it on somebody else.

DON’T GO OVERBOARD WITH THE DECORATIONS When I was growing up there was a big house in Livingston, New Jersey that always had the best Christmas decorations. The front yard was like a Broadway set, with thousands of blinking lights, an animatronic Santa Claus and reindeer, and a nativity scene that looked like a wax museum display. It was insane, and every year thousands of people, including my family, would make a pilgrimage to the neighborhood just to admire it. Then we’d come back to our house, and I’d look at all the used cars in our driveway and the cheap lights my mom had thrown on the roof and not taken down all year, and I’d close my eyes and imagine a time when I’d never be humiliated by Christmas decorations again. Not that I’m a complete scrooge. I have nothing against a little holiday decor; I just think it should be subtle. Take Christmas trees, for instance. I don’t understand people who haul huge towering trees into their homes every season. I like my Christmas trees like I like my men: short and corpulent. And whenever possible, it should be a real tree, not one of those cheapo counterfeits. A Christmas tree should be like a good pair of breasts. Aluminum trees, like silicone boobies, are an affront to the holidays. Also, never, ever decorate the outside of your home. Christmas, like sex, isn’t something to be shared with the general public. From the outside my house looks bleak and uninhabited. But inside it’s like the baby Jesus himself threw up white lights.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MATTHIAS CLAMER

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At Chelsea Lately I’ve tried to encourage a pro-drinking environment, not just for parties but as a general rule.

DON’T MIX FRIENDS AND EMBARRASSING RELATIVES No matter what TMZ claims to the contrary, trust me—I love my family. But certain relatives should never be introduced to your friends and colleagues, especially during the holidays. My father has absolutely no social decorum at Christmas meals. He’s usually the first to start eating, hoarding the food like he’s preparing for a famine. And watching him eat is like watching a dryer on the spin cycle. He loves mussels, so my mom sometimes made him mussels marinara for a preholiday snack, just to distract him from the real food. But he would get so enthusiastic, he’d cover himself in marinara sauce, drenching the sweater he had been wearing for three straight days. Oh, and he also likes to urinate over our balcony. That’s not something you want other people to witness, especially people who aren’t directly related to you. With a relative like that, you need to keep his interactions with non–family members to the absolute minimum. I’m careful to include my dad only in holiday gatherings that involve my five siblings and their respective spouses. We adore him, but we don’t want anybody else to find out about him. It’s gotten so bad, we’ve gone so far as to tell him Christmas has been moved to a different day. If you can host a Christmas party without inviting your mussel-eating, balcony-peeing father, you’ve cut your odds of personal humiliation almost in half. KEEP YOUR GUESTS WELL LUBRICATED The moment your guests walk in the door, they should be handed a glass of alcohol. Wine, vodka, margarita—it doesn’t matter. Not only will it lower their inhibitions—an inebriated guest is an entertaining guest—but an abundance of booze makes everybody a little less critical of the terrible food they’re being served. I have only a few rules when it comes to drinking. If you start slurring words, falling down or repeating yourself, you’ve had too much. But as long as you’re not making a public spectacle

of yourself, I’m pretty accepting of most drunken behavior. And I always welcome my guests to sleep over. The best Christmas parties usually turn into big sleepover parties. I have a few spare bedrooms for just such occasions, and I’ll also set up tents outside for those less hygienic guests. (You know who you are.) Alcohol also makes a great social lubricant for office parties. At Chelsea Lately I’ve tried to encourage a pro-drinking environment, not just for parties but as a general rule. If my employees need to do drugs or drink on the job, I can’t know about it legally, but I’m not opposed to it. Whatever you need to get through the day. And that holds true for our annual Christmas party. If you drink so much that it seems a good idea to hook up with one of your co-workers, try to do it somewhere a little less public, like a car. We have an official Chelsea Lately El Camino that we use for just such an emergency. If I notice a pair of drunken employees getting a little too frisky with each other, I’ll throw them the El Camino keys and guide them toward the parking lot. If you’re going to make a mistake you’ll regret tomorrow, you may as well do it somewhere classy. INVITE A FEW CELEBRITIES I’m going to assume that, like me, you have a mid-level cableTV show on E! and thus have easy access to a wide range of celebrity friends willing to attend your next holiday party. Here are a few suggestions to add to your guest list: Paula Abdul and David Hasselhoff are a must, especially with all the free time they both have. And don’t forget about Michael Jackson’s doctor. He’s gotten a bad rap because of the whole possibly-givingJackson-a-fatal-overdose thing, but I think he’d be a lot of fun to have around for Christmas. If nothing else, he’d definitely bring enough drugs to keep everyone at the party really relaxed. But what if you don’t know any C-list celebrities, semifamous people or even reality-show contestants? In a pinch, a little person can be just as good. What they lack (concluded on page 162)

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I don’t understand people who haul huge towering trees into their homes. I like my Christmas trees like I like my men: short and corpulent.

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LEE LUCAS ROSE THROUGH THE RANKS OF THE DEA THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY— EMPLOYING SHODDY EVIDENCE, PARTNERING WITH THUGS AND ABUSING THE AUTHORITY OF HIS POSITION

T.J.

ENGLISH

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WOLFGANG VON SCHLIEFFEN

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LEE LUCAS FAUSTINO RICO TORO

HELMUT GROEBE GREG WHITE

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IF IT’S NOT A CELEBRITY OR A WEALTHY WHITE DEFENDANT THEN WHO GIVES A DAMN?

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PLAYBOY’S

#!!* VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE ARTISTS IN OUR ANNUAL CELEBRATION OF MUSIC

www. ww w.st w. stor st orem or emag em ags. ag s.co s. com co m & ww www. w.fa w. fant fa ntam nt amag am ag.c ag .com .c om

hen you think about the music of 1977, maybe you recall Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours or the Sex Pistols’ Never Mind the Bollocks. And for 1991, it’s Nevermind by Nirvana and Metallica. So what about 2009? The biggest music star this year was Michael Jackson, an emblem of the 1980s who hadn’t released a new record in eight years and who in death reclaimed the chart supremacy he coveted. The biggest rock band was the Beatles, emblems of the 1960s who hadn’t released a new record in 39 years. That makes it sound as though 2009 sucked, right? A year of exploitation and necrophilia, of unoriginality and nostalgia, of hearing “Billie Jean” on CNN and “A Hard Day’s Night” on an Xbox or a PS3? But that’s not the case. In our recession-era paradigm, years can no longer be measured and memorialized by blockbuster albums. The

record industry is dying, buried under the rubble of collapsing CD sales, but the music business has never been better. All day long we’re surrounded by it in unprecedented measure. In this bountiful year great music came to us from many directions: A friend transmits a hot Mos Def song via IM. We discover an overlooked 2007 album by No Age, a rampaging punk duo, on Rhapsody. With a Sirius XM subscription we hear Bob Dylan and Mojo Nixon interpret the scriptures of lost American music. Free weekly downloads at the iTunes Music Store introduce us to Cage the Elephant and Owl City. At the Wolfgang’s Vault site we stream incredible concerts—Miles Davis in 1971, the Rolling Stones in 1973, the Hold Steady in 2009—from a selection numbering in the thousands. Our love of Chromeo, funky young scamps from Canada, leads us to Live From Daryl’s House, a site on

which Daryl Hall of Hall and Oates airs high-quality webcasts of his rec-room sessions with different pals. On Glee, the dweebs of McKinley High deepen our love of “Rehab” and “Gold Digger.” Even more amazingly, we download terabytes of files from RAR blogs, where obsessive collectors post and notate more rare music—even outof-print vinyl and regional 45s—than you could ever listen to. It’s like a food pantry—but with music. Sure, 2009 also launched joyful new sing-alongs by the Black Eyed Peas and 3OH!3, outré rock by Mastodon and Ida Maria, more sick rhymes from Jay-Z and Ghostface—but the biggest star in music right now is technology. That’s not a computer on your desk; it’s a big jukebox with a library limited only by the capacity of your hard drive and the speed of your downloads. As the Black Eyed Peas like to say, mazel tov!

IN 2009 SHAWN CARTER QUIT HIS DAY JOB, THE BEATLES CAME BACK AND MICHAEL JACKSON DEPARTED. ALTHOUGH THE YEAR’S MUSIC WON’T WIN AWARDS FOR ORIGINALITY, WE WILL REMEMBER IT AS A TIME OF PROFOUND TECHNOLOGICAL CHANGE. CAST YOUR VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE SONGS, ALBUMS AND PERFORMERS ON THE FOLLOWING PAGES. WE’LL BE BACK WITH THE WINNERS IN OUR MARCH 2010 ISSUE.

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฀฀>:/13 / 16319 <3FB B= G=C@ 4/D=@7B3 7< 3/16 1/B35=@G

ROCK 3 6 D E ALBUM

COUNTRY 36DE ALBUM

฀DEAD WEATHER, HOREHOUND

฀JOHN ANDERSON, BIGGER HANDS

฀MASTODON, CRACK THE SKYE

฀ERIC CHURCH, CAROLINA

฀GREEN DAY, 21ST CENTURY BREAKDOWN

฀ROSANNE CASH, THE LIST

>:C2?52 =2>36CE

฀DAVE MATTHEWS BAND, BIG WHISKEY

฀GUY CLARK, SOMEDAYS

฀PEARL JAM, BACKSPACER

฀PATTY LOVELESS, MOUNTAIN SOUL II

฀PARAMORE, BRAND NEW EYES

฀MIRANDA LAMBERT, REVOLUTION

฀U2, NO LINE ON THE HORIZON

฀BUDDY & JULIE MILLER, WRITTEN IN CHALK

฀WILCO, WILCO (THE ALBUM)

฀GEORGE STRAIT, TWANG

฀TEGAN & SARA, SAINTHOOD ฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

__________________________

WORLD 36DE ALBUM

฀RICKY SKAGGS, SOLO

฀ AMADOU & MARIAM, WELCOME TO MALI

฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

฀ BURAKA SOM SISTEMA, BLACK DIAMOND

฀RUBÉN BLADES, CANTARES

__________________________

฀BEBEL GILBERTO, ALL IN ONE

฀A HAWK & A HACKSAW, DÉLIVRANCE

HIP-HOP 36DE

฀JAH CURE, THE UNIVERSAL CURE

ALBUM

฀TARRUS RILEY, CONTAGIOUS ฀OUMOU SANGARE, SEYA

฀DJ QUIK & KURUPT, THE BLAQKOUT

฀ VIEUX FARKA TOURÉ, FONDO

฀EMINEM, RELAPSE 2

฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

฀GHOSTFACE KILLAH, GHOSTDEINI ฀JAY-Z, THE BLUEPRINT 3

__________________________

฀LIL BOOSIE, SUPERBAD ฀LIL WAYNE, REBIRTH

฀MOS DEF, THE ECSTATIC

฀RAEKWON, CUBAN LINX II ฀TWISTA, CATEGORY F5 ฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

=6@?2C5 4@96?

=25J 8282

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LIVE

BREAKOUT 36DE

3 6 D E BAND

ALBUM

฀GRIZZLY BEAR, VECKATIMEST

฀ IDA MARIA, FORTRESS ROUND MY HEART

฀KENNY CHESNEY

฀LIVING THINGS, HABEAS CORPUS

฀COLDPLAY

฀LADY GAGA, THE FAME

฀LONELY ISLAND, INCREDIBAD ฀METRIC, FANTASIES

฀SILVERSUN PICKUPS, SWOON

6>:?6>

฀ AC/DC

฀LEONARD COHEN ฀METALLICA

฀NINE INCH NAILS ฀PHISH

฀REGINA SPEKTOR, FAR

฀BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN & THE E STREET BAND

฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

฀YEAH YEAH YEAHS, IT’S BLITZ! __________________________

฀U2

__________________________

C> E>C4 1H <08; B4=3 10;;>C C>)

?;0H1>H <DB82 ?>;; %' =>AC7 ;0:4 B7>A4 3A8E4 278206> 8; % %

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฀ >:/13 / 16319 <3FB B= G=C@ 4/D=@7B3 7< 3/16 1/B35=@G E96 362E=6D

R&B 3 6 D E ALBUM ฀AMERIE, IN LOVE & WAR

฀BEYONCÉ, I AM...SASHA FIERCE

REISSUE 36DE

฀CHRISETTE MICHELE, EPIPHANY

>2C< EFC?6C @7 7=J

฀ THE-DREAM, LOVE VS. MONEY

JAZZ 3 6 D E ALBUM

ALBUM

฀ ANTHONY HAMILTON, THE POINT OF IT ALL

฀BEASTIE BOYS, PAUL’S BOUTIQUE

฀ KERI HILSON, IN A PERFECT WORLD

BEATLES, ABBEY ROAD

฀MAXWELL, BLACKSUMMERS’ NIGHT

฀FIRE IN MY BONES, AMERICAN GOSPEL

฀T-PAIN, THR33 RINGZ

฀JOSH BERMAN, OLD IDEA

฀AL GREEN, LIVIN’ FOR YOU

฀TREY SONGZ, READY

฀FLY, SKY & COUNTRY

฀BUDDY HOLLY, MEMORIAL COLLECTION

฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

฀ROBERT GLASPER, DOUBLE BOOKED

฀ROY HARGROVE, EMERGENCE

฀PEARL JAM, TEN: COLLECTOR’S EDITION

฀ART PEPPER, THE ART HISTORY PROJECT

__________________________

฀RADIOHEAD, OK COMPUTER

฀KEITH JARRETT, TESTAMENT

฀RICHARD THOMPSON, WALKING ON A WIRE

฀DONNY MCCASLIN, DECLARATION

฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

฀CHRIS POTTER, ULTRAHANG

฀ TYSHAWN SOREY, KOAN

__________________________

฀ALLEN TOUSSAINT, THE BRIGHT MISSISSIPPI

HALL @7

฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

FAME

__________________________

36DE

฀DR. DRE

SONG

฀GENESIS

฀HALL & OATES

฀BEYONCÉ, “SINGLE LADIES”

฀BLACK EYED PEAS, “BOOM BOOM POW”

฀COBRA STARSHIP, “GOOD GIRLS GO BAD” ฀GREEN DAY, “KNOW YOUR ENEMY”

฀IDA MARIA, “I LIKE YOU SO MUCH BETTER” ฀JAY-Z, “RUN THIS TOWN”

฀KINGS OF LEON, “SEX ON FIRE” ฀MGMT, “TIME TO PRETEND”

฀ASHER ROTH, “I LOVE COLLEGE” ฀WRITE-IN VOTE:

__________________________

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JAMES CAMERON Yedj_dk[Z \hec fW][ *(

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$*/&." &

THE BEST EROTIC SCENES FROM THE BIG SCREEN IN THEATERS— AND THE SMALL ONE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM

Whatever happened to sex in BY STEPHEN REBELLO though, sexual collisions between cinema? The simple answer is it consenting adults haven’t been moved to a more welcoming home on cable— completely banished from the multiplex. Not especially when you consider that 2009’s biggest only do foreign-language films hold up their end box-office attractions include the chaste and of the erotic bargain but so do some interesting shiny Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Harry American movies such as Two Lovers, starring Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Star Trek and independent thinkers Joaquin Phoenix and Up. While mainstream Hollywood moviemakers Gwyneth Paltrow, and the raunchy, sexy screen persist in wooing preadolescents and grown-ups version of Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke, starring Sam stuck in various stages of arrested development, Rockwell. And what about Jessica Biel’s steamy those of us in search of edgier, more risqué and pole dance in Powder Blue? As long as there are adult entertainment are happy to stay home and adventurous movie stars and bold directors, tune in to such Showtime and HBO fare as True eroticism will not be pushed entirely to the Blood, Californication, Hung and Dexter. Luckily, margins. Besides, we’ll always have cable.

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Chris Allen and the Spartans look to break away from the pack. See our expanded rankings and best-dressed coaches at playboy.com/tipoff.

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P L AYBOY ’ S CO LLE G E B ASK E TB ALL PRE VIE W

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ven before the referee floats the first tip-off, NCAA basketball has had some serious off-the-court action that left things up in the air. The biggest news involves Louisville coach Rick Pitino’s affair—news more appropriate for TMZ than ESPN. In fact, some details of his dalliance seem fit for a National Enquirer story. Have we heard the last of it? Speaking of Kentucky coaches, John Calipari takes over the Wildcats post Pitino held in the 1990s. How quickly will he make an impact? You probably saw a tweet about John Wall dunking on Jerry Stackhouse. Is Wall destined to be the new collegiate star? If college basketball had a Tim Tebow (someone who stays in

school until he earns his degree and is a morally sound poster boy) it would have been Tyler Hansbrough, who graduated after winning the national championship last season. Is another Hansbrough out there? Can the team ﬁll his high-tops at North Carolina? Who’s the favorite to hear “One Shining Moment”? Why did so many guaranteed pros decide to return to campus? Michigan State’s Kalin Lucas is one player who could have been on the NBA payroll but chose to stay in East Lansing. Coach Tom Izzo retained ﬁve of his top six scorers, which is why we think MSU will cut down the nets come March. For answers to other questions, turn the page and enjoy watching the season play out.

BY DAVID KAPLAN AND ROCKY RAKOVIC

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Imagine March Madness without CBS. After this season the NCAA can opt out of the 11-year $6 billion contract that allows the network to televise one of the nation’s most watched sporting events. The option gives the NCAA a chance to get richer. In the words of beloved CBS commentator Bill Raftery, let’s see if ESPN has the “onions” to make an offer despite the tricky economy.

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ODD COURTSHIP We haven’t heard much about Louisville coach Rick Pitino’s affair in months. Hoping to put the issue to rest, the man in the white suit—only he and fellow Kentuckian Colonel Sanders can pull off that look—addressed the allegations as soon as they came to light this past summer. When Pitino plays on the road, opposing teams’ fans will likely make it a hot topic again, taking poster boards and turning TV network acronyms into quips about the torrid affair.

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“ALL OF THESE KIDS ARE POSTERIZING NBA STARS.” —YOUTUBE COMMENT

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POST-ERIZE This is where Jerry Stackhouse was when Kentucky freshman John Wall (left) dunked over him during a summer league game. Earlier that summer Xavier sophomore Jordan Crawford showed up LeBron James at King James’s own camp. These would have been urban myths five years ago, but amateur video and Internet uploads have made the two underclassmen legendary.

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BENCH BLOG The best player blog is Club Trillion by Ohio State benchwarmer Mark Titus: “Gordon [of Butler] and I combined for 25 points, seven rebounds and two assists. Because I didn’t get in the game, Gordon shouldered most of [it], but I looked really good with the towel around my neck.… Despite Gordon’s best effort, in the end my good looks obviously weighed much more heavily in the outcome than his 25 points because my team was victorious.”

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“I DO NOT WALK ON WATER. I DO NOT HAVE A MAGIC WAND.”— JOHN CALIPARI TO KENTUCKY WILDCAT FANS

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BIG SNEAKERS TO FILL Tyler Hansbrough and Ty Lawson left UNC after three 30-win seasons and a national championship last year. So will it be mediocrity this year? Not if coach Roy Williams is involved. He’s nurturing senior center Deon Thompson, who averaged roughly 10 points and six boards at the World University Games this summer.

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UNDERDOG

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KENTUCKY’S BASKETBALL JESUS When John Calipari joined Kentucky he had to explain to Wildcat fans that he does “not walk on water.” That’s how much they believe in him. After reinvigorating the Memphis Tigers with nine 20-win seasons, including an NCAA record 38-win season(*), Calipari defected north. And he won’t be rebuilding; he is already reloaded with three of the nation’s top 15 recruits: DeMarcus Cousins, Daniel Orton and John Wall. The Cats are the most exciting young team since the Fab Five.

Everyone loves a small school that shows up during March Madness. This season our money is on the Siena Saints. They should win the MAAC again, and they return with four of the five starters who advanced in last year’s tourney. Though Siena won’t win it all (bookies have them at 20,000 to one), they’ll win hearts.

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PLAYBOY’S COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW

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Calhoun’s fresh crop or Calipari’s new school?

2.(-.,&3 89&9* &9 9*=&8 Kalin Lucas vs. Jai Lucas.

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/4-3 <&11 0*39:(0> +7*8-2&3 If Wall had been able to enter this past NBA draft, he might have gone first.

The Pac-10 tries to post up the Big 12.

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Averaging 15 points a game, Warren was last season’s unanimous choice for Big 12 Freshman of the Year. He has a knack for creating his own shots.

Match of the manliest mascots.

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14:.8;.11* &9 0*39:(0> The entire state shuts down.

Lucas was named Big Ten Player of the Year and Final Four All-Tournament Team. Running the point, he makes his teammates better.

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0&38&8 &9 9*33*88** Can Kansas beat up the Vols?

He averaged 1.27 points per touch—that’s damn good.

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Which storied school will rebuild more quickly?

=&;.*7 &9 +147.)& The Gators, or anyone, can’t sleep on the A-10.

(7&., '7&(0.38 .4<& 89&9* /:3.47 We can’t believe he came back to school. He averaged 20 points and 10 rebounds last year. He’s the hardest-working man on the glass.

,7*, 24374* ,*47,*94<3 845-4247* Monroe has great footwork and touch. His only lack? Aggression.

/&7;.8 ;&73&)4 2.88.88.55. 89&9* 8*3.47 The Bulldog led the country in blocks (yes, over Hasheem Thabeet).

1:0* -&7&3,4)> 3497* )&2* 8*3.47 Harangody has an odd release; it reminds us of a player in an eight-bit video game. But he’s deadly from any distance. He averaged 23 points last season.

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(41* &1)7.(- 0&38&8 /:3.47 The Kansas state tree is the cottonwood, but it ought to be changed to the Aldrich. The six-11, 250-pound center owns the paint.

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SOMETHING IN THE AIR 8-4* 4+ 9-* >*&7 ¤&3) Sneakerheads and ballers are anticipating Nike’s January rerelease of the Air Jordan VI Infrared. The kicks Jordan wore during his first NBA title in 1991 will run you 150 in 2010 dollars.

Jordan has the wingspan of a Boeing at seven feet six inches.

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WRIGHT LED THE WILDCATS TO THE FINAL FOUR LAST YEAR; NOW HE’S ARMED WITH ONE OF THE TOP RECRUITING CLASSES. HE’S ALSO ONE OF THE BEST-DRESSED COACHES, AND HE MARRIED A FORMER VILLANOVA CHEERLEADER.

JAY WRIGHT

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HEF’S NEW SQUEEZE, CRYSTAL HARRIS, MAKES THE SCENE AS MISS DECEMBER

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Why the world ’s best-selling author is shelving his book collection and going viral BY PAULO COELHO do not have many books. Some years ago I made certain choices in life, led by the idea of trying to obtain maximum quality with a minimum amount of things. This does not mean I opted for a monastic life or have stopped reading—quite the contrary; when we have the choice to possess an infinite number of objects we have immense freedom. Some of my friends complain that because they have too many clothes they waste hours of their lives picking out what to wear. Since I have reduced my wardrobe to “basic black,” that is one problem I do not need to face. However, I am not here to speak about fashion but about books. To get back to the essentials, I decided to keep only 400 books in my library—some for sentimental reasons, others because I am always rereading them. This decision was made for several reasons, one being the sadness at seeing how collections carefully gathered during a lifetime are then sold by the pound without the least respect. And I asked myself, Why should I keep all these books at home? To show my friends I am cultured? To decorate the walls? The books I have bought will be infinitely more useful in a public library than in my house. I used to be able to say that I needed them because I was going to consult them. But today, whenever there is any need for any information at all, I connect the computer, type a key word and what I need appears before me. That’s the Internet for you—the biggest library on Earth. Of course I still buy books—no electronic device can possibly replace them. But as soon as I finish a book, I let it travel, give it to someone or hand it in at a public library. My intention is not to save forests or be generous; it is just that I believe a book has a course of its own and should not be condemned to remain immobilized on a shelf. Being a writer and living off copyrights, I may be advocating against myself—after all, the more my books sell, the more money I earn. But that would be unfair to the reader, especially in countries where many government programs for library acquisitions do

not use the basic criterion for a serious choice, namely the pleasure of reading a quality text. So let our books travel, be touched by other hands and enjoyed by other eyes. As I write this essay I remember vaguely a poem by Jorge Luis Borges that speaks of the books that will never be reopened. Where am I now? In a little town in the French Pyrenees, sitting in a café enjoying the air-conditioning since the temperature out there is unbearable. By chance I happen to have the complete collection of Borges at home, a couple of kilometers from where I am writing this— he is a writer I am constantly rereading. But why not try the test? I cross the street. I walk five minutes to another café, equipped with computers (a type of establishment known by the trendy and contradictory name of cybercafe). I say hello to the owner, order a very cold mineral water, open the page of a search program and type some words from the only verse I remember, along with the name of the author. Less than two minutes later I have the complete poem in front of me: “There is a line by Verlaine that I’ll never remember again. There is a street nearby that is widowed of my footsteps. There is a mirror that has seen me for the last time. There is a door closed till the end of time. Among the books in my library There is one that I’ll never open again.” In fact, I probably would not have reopened the books I chose to give away—because something new and interesting is always being published, and I love to read. I think it is vital that people have libraries; the first contact children have with books is usually through curiosity about those bound volumes with figures and letters. But I also find it moving when at a book signing I meet readers with very used copies that have been lent dozens of times, which means the book has traveled like the mind of the author traveled as he wrote it. Translated by James Mulholland Paulo Coelho’s latest novel, The Winner Stands Alone, is available in bookstores now.

ILLUSTRATION BY LISEL ASHLOCK

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THE RIGHT IS RISING AGAIN. THE REAL COUNTERCULTURE IS LED BY AN UNLIKELY TALK-SHOW HOST NAMED GLENN BECK

BY THOMAS FRANK

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAMES IMBROGNO

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¾Oek i^ekbZ YWbb j^_i Yecfei_j_ed À9edY[hje \eh j^[ B[\j >WdZ"Á Cedi_[kh HWl[b$¿ www.storemags.com & www.fantamag.com

113

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EYV ecZ` dY`hd Y`h Ze»d U`_V Z_ eYZd dVRd`_»d T`]]VTeZ`_d Wc`^ 9ZT\Vj 7cVV^R_ ARf] D^ZeY 9fX` 3`dd R_U :dRZR NEIL PATRICK HARRIS Suit ($3,315) and shirt ($200) by PAUL SMITH. Tie ($160) by PHINEAS COLE. Pocket square ($70) by PAUL STUART. Belt ($125) by TORINO.

FASHION BY JENNIFER RYAN JONES PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROXANNE LOWIT

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“I HAVE FOND MEMORIES OF PARACHUTE PANTS!”

JOSH RADNOR Suit ($1,195) and shirt ($185) by HICKEY FREEMAN. Tie ($85) by BOSS BLACK. Tie bar ($65) by JAN LESLIE. Belt ($125) by TORINO.

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JASON SEGEL Suit ($795), shirt ($95) and tie ($85) by BOSS BLACK.

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NEIL PATRICK HARRIS Suit ($1,984), shirt ($287) and tie ($119) by PHINEAS COLE.

JOSH RADNOR Suit ($895) by PS BY PAUL SMITH. Shirt ($45) and tie ($45) by PERRY ELLIS.

JASON SEGEL Suit ($2,995) by ISAIA. Shirt ($325) by ETRO. Tie ($125) by BARNEYS NEW YORK.

“IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, I’D RECOMMEND HAVING YOUR OWN WARDROBE DEPARTMENT.” —NEIL PATRICK HARRIS www.storemags.com & www.fantamag.com

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HOW TO UNDRESS FOR YOUR MAN

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www.storemags.com & www.fantamag.com

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, WHEN A PYTHON KILLS A LITTLE GIRL H YST ER ICA L OFFICI A L S H I R E H U N T ER S TO MASSACRE 100,000 OF THE REPTILES LIVING IN THE EVERGLADES.

BUT WHO ARE THE BIGGER SNAKES,

OUR REPORTER HEADS INTO THE SWAMP WITH HIS BOOTS ON BY PAT JORDAN

n a hot humid night in August, Tom pounds, would begin swallowing tourists. Florida senator Bill Nelson Crutchfield and I went deep into the Ever- agreed, saying, “Lord forbid a visitor in the Everglades encounters [a glades swamp south of Florida City to hunt python].” Then he and Florida representative Tom Rooney pushed Burmese pythons. The swamp stretched for for federal legislation to ban the import and sale of such pythons and miles around us, f lat and dark and omi- to send hunters into Everglades National Park to kill them. Governor Charlie Crist issued seven permits to hunters— nously silent. Every few like the Quint character in Jaws—to go on state seconds it was illuminated lands and massacre the python population. grayish blue by a flash of Biologists claimed pythons were destroying white lightning and the silence was broken by a the Everglades ecosystem by eating endangered crack of thunder. The Seminoles, who have lived species such as the Key Largo wood rat and the here for hundreds of years, call the Everglades wood stork. “What are they not eating?” said the River of Grass, and it is home to a number of one biologist. “Salad.” Scientists claimed there exotic native species—such as the Florida panther were as many as 140,000 invasive pythons in the and the Florida alligator—and some non-native, Everglades. If left unchecked, they predicted, invasive species, such as the Burmese python. the snakes would navigate north and eventually We were hunting pythons for a number of reablanket the entire southern third of the United sons. The snakes, which are indigenous to SouthStates as far as Maryland, where they would east Asia, had been much in the news lately in south snack on every living creature that crossed their Florida. In July a pet python killed a two-year-old path because, as one of the largest reptilian cargirl north of Orlando. Shortly afterward a hunter nivorous predators in the world, they have no pulled a 14-foot-long python from a drainage pipe known enemies except humans. in Bradenton, close to a day care center. In 2005 an Crutchfield is not a python hunter by trade Everglades National Park biologist encountered a but a breeder of reptiles. He is one of the big13-foot Burmese python with a six-foot-long gator gest high-end reptile dealers in the world—the halfway in its mouth. Both were dead. In 2003 a Tom Crutchfield, the godfather of hergroup of tourists in the Glades came upon a death pers (reptile collectors), with a Burmese godfather of herpers (i.e., reptile lovers, from the battle between a big gator and another python that python in the swamps of south Florida. word herpetologist). As Crutchfield sees it, the python hunt is anything but what it seems to be. lasted 24 hours before the python escaped. But it was the two-year-old girl’s death that precipitated “the That’s why we were headed into the Everglades. There was a mystery Great South Florida Python Scare” in the media and among politi- to be solved about this great snake, and the answers were there in cians and biologists. The media claimed it wouldn’t be long before the creepiest place in America, where the very earth seems to slither giant Burmese pythons, which can grow to 22 feet and weigh 200 beneath your feet in the darkness. PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAN WINTERS

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Clockwise from top left: Senator Bill Nelson, Democrat of Florida, holds the skin of a 16-foot-long, 150-pound python that was pulled from a canal near Miami in July; Nelson was a major political force behind the order to hire hunters with taxpayer money to kill off the roughly 100,000 Burmese pythons living in the Everglades. Investigators at a crime scene remove another albino python that killed a little girl in a small town outside Orlando; her death sparked the great south Florida python scare. A PL AYBOY photographer snapped this shot of a python near the Everglades.

How did these pythons end up in the Everglades, which stretch from the southernmost tip of Lake Okeechobee to the southernmost tip of the peninsula, 150 miles south? Should state and federal agencies spend vast amounts of time and even vaster amounts of taxpayer money to purge the pythons from the Everglades? Is such an undertaking possible? As it turns out, the story of the python hunt is one that is quintessentially south Florida, involving lots of money, crackpots, scammers, dangerous reptiles and even cocaine cowboys. I had arrived at Crutchfield’s reptile farm in the f lat, desolate farmland west of Florida City on a sunny afternoon. He was outside, showing three “herp nuts” from Ohio the exotic reptiles he

“PYTHONS HAVE HEAT SENSORS ON THEIR FACE THAT SEE LIKE AN INFRARED CAMERA,” SAID GATOR TIM, “LIKE IN THE MOVIE PREDATOR.”

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keeps in outdoor cages (if they are nonvenomous) and locked in his four outbuildings (if they are venomous). One of the men, a breeder of boa constrictors, called Crutchfield “a legend in this business. I’d get price lists from him and dream about buying his reptiles.” Another breeds Cuban crocodiles in his basement. Crutchf ield is a short, stocky man of 61, with white hair, a white goatee and riveting blue eyes. He’s a sixth-generation Floridian who can trace his ancestry to the Seminoles, the first “invasive species” to inhabit the Glades. On this day he wore a sweat-soaked T-shirt and baggy shorts. He gave me a tour of his reptiles. Fred, his giant rhinoceros iguana with canvas-like dark gray skin, was about 25 pounds and looked like a dinosaur in a 1950s B movie. Crutchfield showed me a pair of albino iguanas

that looked as if they had been hand-painted a brilliant yellow with pink markings. He was taking the albinos, along with some other reptiles, to a show in Daytona the next day. He hoped to sell them to some Japanese buyers for $250,000. Then he led me to one of his outbuildings with a sign on the door: dangerous! venomous reptiles. He unlocked the door. Inside, the room was warm and smelled of reptile scat. His reptiles were in glass drawers lined f loor to ceiling against the walls. He pulled out a drawer to show me a pure white young albino ball python with rheumy pink eyes. “Go ahead, smell it,” he said. He held the snake close to my nose. Its pink eyes studied me wearily. I leaned my face closer to its skin and sniffed. “No odor,” I said. “Snakes don’t have any odor,” he said. He opened another drawer with an albino southwestern rattlesnake in it. The snake rattled its tail. “Very rare and expensive,” Crutchf ield said. In another drawer, a yellow-and-pink cobra rose up and f lared its neck, hissing its darting tongue. Crutchfield tapped the glass with his fingers. The cobra’s head darted at the glass, hitting it with its fangs. White venom dribbled down the glass. “Do you have a Burmese python?” I asked. “Outside,” he answered. We stood in front of a cage in which a 10-foot Burmese python slithered with such excruciating slowness that it was mesmerizing. Then it coiled itself and was perfectly still. Burmese pythons are ambush predators, not hunters. They coil and wait for their prey, then grab them in their mouth with their inward-slanting teeth and coil their bodies around and crush them. Crutchfield said they can grow as much as 10 feet in a year—which is the problem with unsuspecting people who buy 12-inch baby pythons from Pet Supermarket for about $50. They are usually not warned about the animal’s growth spurt, and before long they have an unmanageable 12-foot, 120-pound snake in a tiny cage. (continued on page 145)

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BY JASON BUHRMESTER PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROBERT SEBREE

PLAYBOY: Before you announced you were quitting the UFC, you

PLAYBOY: You’ve recently turned to acting. Tell us about The

had just finished a stint as a coach on this season’s Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights. Did you enjoy coaching? JACKSON: I actually hated coaching. The job fucking sucked. And they better not ask me to do it again. It’s just fucking too much. It took too much time out of my day. I’ve got kids I didn’t see, and I’d bust out crying whenever I looked at their picture. I wanted to train, but I could barely train myself because these guys needed so much attention. And I ain’t gonna lie—the pay fucking sucked for how much work I did. It ain’t worth it to me. Those guys are great, but I didn’t like doing it.

finished this reality show. The movie was set a long time ago, and I was in the process of getting ready for it when Ultimate Fighter came up. I used to bond with my father watching The A-Team as a kid. My dad and I are still big fans of the show, so I am basically doing this for the childhood memories.

PLAYBOY: When was the first time you punched someone in the face? JACKSON: My mom said I’ve been fighting my whole life. I have a

PLAYBOY: How did you motivate your fighters? JACKSON: Some of those guys were easy to motivate, and some of them weren’t. It depends on the guy. Some guys you slap and they get motivated. Some guys you’ve got to tell them, “Do you want me to change your tampon?” You’ve got all different types of personalities.

Q5 cousin who’s eight months younger than I am, and we literally fought every day for years. But the first time I punched somebody in the face who wasn’t a family member was in kindergarten. I let this kid borrow one of my Hot Wheels, and he broke it, so I decided to break my foot off in his ass. I’ve been in so many fights it just seems natural.

PLAYBOY: This season of Ultimate Fighter included underground fight-

PLAYBOY: Please tell us your cousin doesn’t still want to fight you. JACKSON: No, he doesn’t want to fight anymore. He stopped want-

ing legend Kimbo Slice. What do you think of his chances in the UFC?

JACKSON: Kimbo has a lot of learning to do, but he’s willing to do 128

A-Team, the movie that caused you to quit the UFC.

JACKSON: I can’t talk too much about it. I’m doing it now that I’ve

it. He’s learned so quickly that I think he’s got a bright future in the UFC if he keeps progressing.

ing to fight a couple of years ago. But even after I did some professional fights he still came at me once or twice. I was like, “Man, come on. What are you doing?” So I had to beat him (concluded on page 142)

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P L AY B O Y ’S

If you couldn’t tell from the insane graphics, this board was built from the ground up to freestyle. But it’s as at home flying off cornices as it is in the terrain park and features Burton’s Channel binding system for ultimate mounting flexibility. ($550, burton.com) Behold fishing equipment giant Shimano’s most badass reel: the Tiagra 130A. Going shark fishing? Bring cold beer and the right gear. ($1,250, shimano.com)

Arne Jacobsen’s classic Swan Chair looks as cool and contemporary now as it did when he designed it in 1956. ($999, moderncollections.com)

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RICHARD IZUI

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Slick paint job? No way. Gibson’s Zoot Suit SG is made of multiple layers of dyed wood laminates. ($2,000, gibson.com)

William Henry’s sharp-ashell B10-Sumatra knife has diamond and woolly mammoth tooth inlays. ($1,650, williamhenrystudio.com)

5inch.com puts cool, personalized imagery on blank CDs and DVDs. Order 100 CDs for $95 or 100 DVDs for $120. We adore Zenith’s new 40th anniversary El Primero 1969 Original. And if ever there was a year to remember, it was 1969. Joe Namath’s Jets, the Manson murders, Nixon’s secret bombing of Cambodia, the wedding of John and Yoko.… ($7,900, zenith-watches.com)

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We love the convenience of MP3s, but you can have our vinyl when you pry it from our cold dead hands. Ion’s LP 2 CD lets you rip your records directly to CD or computer. Which means you can get with the modern age without having to pay for everything twice. ($450, ionaudio.com)

Pentax’s full-featured entry-level digital SLR sports a 12.4-megapixel sensor, can take HD video and comes in black, white or red. ($650, pentax.com)

This Masamoto Shiro-ko Hongasumi Kamagata Usuba Japanese sushi knife doubles as a ninja weapon. Just hold it up and your enemies will bow at your feet. (seven-inch knife, $278; korin.com)

Apple’s only real competition in portable entertainment is the Zune HD. It does it all, and the user interface is better than Apple’s. Yeah, you heard us right. (16 GB, $220; 32 GB, $290; zune.com)

Father and son Nik and Jack Palmer hand-make leatherand-brass beauties at their Vancouver shop. Pictured: Leather Gladstone No. 10 L. ($560, palmerandsons.ca)

The Neuhaus T-2 tube amp takes digital output, does an analog conversion, then funnels the result through its sweet-sounding vacuum tubes. ($800, neuhauslabs.com)

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This Ken Wel model 632 buckle-back mitt is an exact replica of the 1928 glove Lou Gehrig played with. ($80, akademapro.com)

Designed in Italy in 1962, the Arco ﬂoor lamp sits in the collection of the Museum of Modern Art. That doesn’t mean you can’t buy your own. ($2,700, dwr.com)

She says: “So you love Marilyn Monroe?” You answer: “I guess you can say I wear my heart on my sleeve.” The Frank cuff links go for $150; the Marilyn for $85; cufflinks.com.

The Gerber Crucial has just enough and no more—knife, pliers, wire cutters, screwdrivers, bottle opener. ($45, gerberstore.com)

Triumph’s Bonneville SE combines 1970s cool with modern guts. The DOHC parallel twin will get you where you’re going fast. ($8,600, triumphmotorcycles.com) 133

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JOANNA DANCING WITH THE STARS PHENOM AND WORLDCLASS MODEL JOANNA KRUPA REVEALS ALL IN HER SEXIEST SHOOT EVER

eauties like Joanna Krupa don’t come around all that often. Drop the photograph at left into a 1959 issue of PLAYBOY and she would fit in perfectly. The shot at right? That’s 2009 all the way. She is a beauty for the ages, with a firm and elegant body that is almost inhuman in its perfection. In the words of Hemingway, she was built with curves like the hull of a racing yacht. Even rarer still, Joanna has versatile talents to match. She’s a TV and movie actor, a dancer and a worldclass model. With her “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur” PETA campaign, she is an activist as well. It seems

PHOTOGRAPHY BY RANKIN

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PHOTOGRAPH BY MARCO GLAVIANO

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as if the only thing missing from her résumé is NASA engineer. Born in Warsaw and raised in Chicago, she started out as a model in the late 1990s before moving on to acting. She is probably best known for her role on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars. The competition is furious; this season’s cast started with ex–Dallas Cowboy receiver Michael Irvin, former Ultimate Fighting champ Chuck Liddell, former supermodel Kathy Ireland and 11-time Olympic swimming medalist Natalie Coughlin, among others. But after week one, Joanna was leading the pack. “I was over the moon,” she says of that experience. But the show is a grind. “We have only four to five days to learn the next dance,” she says. And then it’s live on nationwide television. As of PLAYBOY ’s press time, she was still going strong. “Whatever happens on the show, I just want to leave with a positive attitude, because it’s a oncein-a-lifetime opportunity.” Joanna’s film credits include Planet of the Apes and Ripple Effect, and she has appeared on television programs as varied as CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and The Man Show. While we adore her effortless on-screen magnetism, here’s what we love most about Joanna: She’s a fighter, and she’s afraid of nothing. She has called out Paris Hilton for being a brat, P. Diddy for wearing fur and Warren Sapp for being a Michael Vick apologist. Most famously, she publicly criticized gridiron hot dog Terrell Owens for being a lousy teammate when the two paired together on The Superstars, last summer’s reality show that teamed pro athletes with celebrities. “He was all about himself, which was uncool,” she says flatly. “I spoke my mind. Afterward people said to me, ‘So many of his old teammates and coaches would love to have said what you said.’ ” As for this shoot, it’s Joanna’s second appearance in PLAYBOY. (Her first was in July 2005, and we’re still getting letters from readers who loved that pictorial.) The studio shots were inspired by her idol, French actress Brigitte Bardot, who like Miss Krupa was an exemplar of style and a devoted animal-rights activist. “Nobody can replicate her,” says Joanna, “but she was the inspiration. Hopefully I’ll get to bump into her in St.-Tropez one day and tell her what a big fan I am.” In person Joanna is charming, with a disarming smile and a certain indefinable charisma. These photos capture both sides of her. “My friend told me once, ‘You’re like an egg,’ ” Joanna says. “You’re hard on the outside, a tough chick, but you’re soft in the middle.” Yes, we know what you’re thinking. You’d like her served sunny-side up. Simply delicious.

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See more hot photos of Joanna at playboy.com/krupa.

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“NOBODY CAN REPLICATE BRIGITTE BARDOT. BUT SHE WAS THE INSPIRATION BEHIND SOME OF THIS SHOOT.”

PHOTOGRAPH BY MARCO GLAVIANO

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PHOTOGRAPH BY MARCO GLAVIANO

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Q16

62'?(5? ?\ oek [l[h h[jkhd[Z je j^[

EYjW]ed" m^Wj mekbZ _j jWa[ \eh oek je \_]^j ^_c5 0')1954 ?\ W \_]^j YWc[ Wbed] \eh j^[ X[bj$ J^Wj¿i fheXWXbo j^[ edbo mWo m[ mekbZ ^Wl[ [l[h \ek]^j»_\ m[ YekbZ ^Wl[ ]ejj[d W Y^Wcf_edi^_f eh iec[# j^_d] ekj e\ _j" Xkj dej _\ m[ m[h[ `kij \_]^j_d] \eh ced[o$ ?j¿i a_dZ e\ eZZ" X[YWki[ m[ Xej^ ^Wl[ W bej e\ j^[ iWc[ \h_[dZi WdZ j^[ iWc[ jhW_d_d] fWhjd[hi$ Kdb[ii _j mWi \eh W X_] ]eWb" ? Zed¿j j^_da m[ mekbZ \_]^j Wj Wbb$

Q17

62'?(5? ?d (&&- oek X[Wj 9^kYa B_ZZ[bb

\eh j^[ K<9 B_]^j >[Wlom[_]^j Y^Wc# f_edi^_f$ >em Z_Z oek Y[b[XhWj[5 0')1954 ? Zed¿j [l[d h[c[cX[h j^Wj Y[b[XhWj_ed$ ? WYjkWbbo `kij c[j j^[ ]ko m^e Zhel[ c[ ^ec[ j^Wj d_]^j$ >[ iWm c[ WdZ iW_Z" ¼>[o" oek b[\j oekh i^_hj _d co YWh$½ Ie [l_Z[djbo ? beij co i^_hj" Xkj ? ij_bb ^WZ j^[ X[bj$ ? Z_Zd¿j \eh][j j^[ X[bj ? Y[b[XhWj[Z fh[jjo ^WhZ$ ?j jeea c[ WXekj j^h[[ ZWoi je ieX[h kf$

Q18

62'?(5? M^Wj mWi oekh \Wleh_j[ m[Wa#

d[ii _d Wd effed[dj5 Co \Wleh_j[ m[Wad[ii mWi iec[XeZo mê Z_Zd¿j ^Wl[ W `Wm" iec[# XeZo mê mWi iYWh[Z je ][j fkdY^[Z" mê Z_Zd¿j ^Wl[ W Y^_d$ ? b_a[ adeYa_d] f[efb[ ekj$

0')1954

Q19

62'?(5? M^Wj¿i j^[ ^WhZ[ij fkdY^

oek¿l[ [l[h j^hemd _d W \_]^j5 J^Wj mWi _d co \_]^j bWij :[Y[cX[h m^[d ? adeYa[Z ekj MWd# Z[hb[_ I_blW$ J^Wj fkdY^ mWi h_]^j ed j^[ ced[o$ ?j mWi l[ho j[Y^d_YWb$ ? j^_da j^Wj mWi j^[ ^WhZ[ij fkdY^ ?¿l[ [l[h j^hemd$ >[ mWi ekj X[\eh[ ^[ ^_j j^[ ]hekdZ$ ?j ij_bb \[bj b_a[ _j mWi dej^_d] X[YWki[ ? jhW_d[Z j^Wj fkdY^ ie ckY^$ ? Yedd[Yj[Z WdZ Z_Z [l[hoj^_d] [nWYjbo h_]^j$ ? `kij \[bj b_a[ Xkjj[h$ 0')1954

Q20

62'?(5? M^Wj Wh[ oekh \Wdi b_a[5

Iec[ f[efb[ Wh[ `kij hkZ[$ F[efb[ fea[ c[" hkd kf je c[ WdZ iWo m[_hZ j^_d]i$ J^Wj¿i m^o ? ^Wj[ jWa_d] co a_Zi fbWY[i iec[j_c[i" X[YWki[ j^[o ^Wj[ _\ ? ijWdZ WhekdZ jWa_d] f_Yjkh[i Wbb ZWo m^[d ?¿c ikffei[Z je X[ m_j^ j^[c$ O[ij[hZWo iec[ ]ko ]hWXX[Z c[ WdZ ifkd c[ WhekdZ$ ? j^ek]^j _j mWi ed[ e\ co \h_[dZi$ >[ Wia[Z" ¼7h[ oek HWcfW][5½ ? jebZ ^_c" ¼>[o" beea" ZkZ[" `kij Zed¿j jekY^ f[efb[" cWd$½ ? Zed¿j iWo Wdoj^_d] je j^[c" eh ? iWo" ¼De" ?¿c dej HWcfW][$½ ? Zed¿j bei[ co j[cf[h eh ijk\\ b_a[ j^Wj" ie j^[o YWd¿j j[ij c[$

0')1954

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JAMES CAMERON Yedj_dk[Z \hec fW][ -+

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www.storemags.com & www.fantamag.com

the perfect holiday mix

spiced chocolate 1 oz. Patrón XO Cafe 1½ oz. Patrón Reposado ¾ oz. dark chocolate liqueur ½ oz. heavy cream 3 pinches of crushed red pepper

Method: Build ingredients except heavy cream; shake and strain into a glass. Shake heavy cream and layer the top of the cocktail with the fresh whipped cream. Garnish with crushed red pepper flakes.

simply perfect. patrontequila.com/cocktails

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KEEP THE HOLIDAYS SECULAR

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164

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SATELLITE OF LOVE “I never knew I flew all the way to the moon and back!” Miss August 1967 DeDe Lind says. Well, she might not have, but a playboy calendar photo of her did. Astronaut Richard Gordon details on his website that, unbeknownst to him, the prep crew for Apollo XII stashed the photo they labeled map of a heavenly body in the command module Yankee Clipper to keep him company. Where exactly did they hide it? “It wasn’t in my lunch box,” Gordon says.

SCENT OF A GORGEOUS WOMAN

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Holiday shoppers should keep an eye out for Miss February 1990 Pamela Anderson’s fragrances. She is releasing two sprays: Malibu (“for flirtatious days”) and Malibu Night (“for sensual nights”) by Pamela Anderson. They are the opening act for her line of women’s and men’s products—they’re environmentally friendly and not tested on animals, and a percentage of sales goes to PETA. She began planning for the beauty line in her tub. “I love baths,” Pam ela says. “My own beautification ritual starts there.” The fragrances don’t only make a woman feel wonderful, they make pretty accessories. “I love the bottle design as much as I care about the organic elements,” she says. “It’s glamorous, sexy, beautiful and chic.” A nice complement to any woman’s vanity.

>C> SIO EHIQ

We hear Stacy Fuson and Qiana Chase will be in Iron Man 2 and will interact with Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark.

Five years ago this month— geez, it feels like it was only last Christmas—we unwrapped Miss December 2004 Tiffany Fallon. Her down-home charm had made her Miss Georgia USA 2001. Thanks to popular demand we gave her a more coveted tiara and named her PMOY 2005. Since her crowning, she has married Joe Don Rooney of Rascal Flatts, had baby Jagger Donovan Rooney and competed on Celebrity Apprentice. (Trump fired her first. We’re not sure how the guy looks at himself in the mirror.)

Want to SEE MORE PLAYMATES—or more of these Playmates? You can check out the Club at club.playboy.com and access the mobile-optimized site www.playboy.com from your phone.

PMOY 1994 Jenny McCarthy allowed her body to be pixelated for a new workout video game called Your Shape.

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What’s in Miss January 1999 Brittany Binger’s closet? She admits, “I own a couple of Daisy Duke short-shorts.”

What does Miss January 2001 Irina Voronina look for in a man?

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“Good manners!” she says. And where does she look for him? “The nicest boys are in Detroit and Dallas, where they haven’t been spoiled by being around celebrities. They actually appreciate you.”

“My favorite Playmate is PMOY 2007 Sara Underwood. She was at a Hollywood event I attended and was all the buzz because she had done a playboy cover in only a painted-on football jersey. I saw her on the red carpet, and s h e w a s n ’t overdone— just naturally pretty, perfect and perky. Still, I had to worship from afar.”

THE TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY OF A PERFECT OFF-THE-FIELD MATCHUP Miss August 2001 Jennifer Walcott and her fiancé, Adam Archuleta, are featured on E!’s True Hollywood Story: NFL Wives. Their hook: Adam recently retired from the NFL, and Jennifer is taking time off from modeling to start a family. Normally when an athlete or a model retires, his or her spouse can’t relate. Not so with this pair— together they can write the lines for act two.

JF;SG;N? AIMMCJ Here’s a night when Miss April 2009 Hope Dworaczyk (stripes) and PMOY 2008 Jayde Nicole (dress) didn’t wait by the phone—they attended the OnlineBootyCall .com Million Dollar Sweepstakes party.… Miss November 2003 Divini Rae became Mrs. Winston Fong in August, and as promised, she’s sharing a picture of the event. Here’s the blushing bride on the happiest day of her life.... Also in August, Miss January 1999 Jaime Bergman and David Boreanaz, star of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Bones, welcomed their second child, Bardot Vita, into the world. The excited couple had been trying

for several years to give their seven-year-old son, Jaden Rayne, a sibling.... Lucky ladies: Miss March 2009 Jennifer Pershing, Miss June 2004 Hiromi Oshima, Miss June 2008 Juliette Fretté, Miss October 2008 Kelly Carrington and

COLLEEN IS A SPINNER Sick of Bing Crosby this season? Neither are we. But if you need some party music, we have Miss January 2004 Colleen Shannon’s new DJ mix in heavy rotation. Check out djcolleenshannon .com for samples, club dates and details on where to download her mixes. At the age of 56 PMOY 1986 Kathy Shower just shot an apparel campaign for MMA company TapouT. She’s still a knockout.

Miss September 2007 Patrice Hollis made an appearance at the Pearl River Resort in Choctaw, Mississippi. Good to know the resort has beds that sleep five. G4 named Hiromi Oshima the seventhhottest woman on the web and put her in anime outfits for a nerd’s-delight shoot.

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>C> SIO EHIQ

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171

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_i W ^_Z[ekibo Yecfb_YWj[Z cWjj[h" WdZ [nfbW_d_d] _j mekbZ h[gk_h[ i[l[hWb Xeeai j^[ i_p[ e\ j^[ kdWXh_Z][Z En\ehZ ;d]b_i^ :_Yj_edWho$ >[h[ Wh[ iec[ fe_dji je Yedi_Z[h$ 7XhW^Wc B_dYebd edY[ iW_Z" ¼Ceij f[efb[ Wh[ Wi ^Wffo Wi j^[o cWa[ kf j^[_h c_dZi je X[$½ 8[_d] ^Wffo _i Wd WYj e\ _dj[hdWb m_bb$ Ced[o _i dej W XWhec[j[h e\ ^Wff_d[ii" Z[if_j[ j^[ \WYj j^Wj m[ Wh[ XecXWhZ[Z m_j^ _cW][i e\ heYa ijWhi" cel_[ _Yedi WdZ ceZ[bi WdZ jebZ je _Zeb_p[ jêi[ f[efb[$ ?d WZZ_# j_ed" _j i[[ci 7c[h_YWdi Wh[ X[_d] _d# ZeYjh_dWj[Z dej je ^Wl[ Wdo fWj_[dY[$ M[ j[bb ekhi[bl[i _j¿i eaWo je ^khj ej^[hi WdZ Xh[Wa j^[ hkb[i Wi bed] Wi m[¿h[ dej YWk]^j$ Kd\ehjkdWj[bo" jWa_d] iêhjYkji WdZ dej meha_d] j^_d]i j^hek]^ b[WZi je Z_iWij[h$ J^_i _i ed[ e\ cWdo h[Wiedi ekh [Yedeco _i ie XWZ$ 9khj_i M^_j[¿i _Z[W e\ ^Wl_d] [l[hoed[ ijkZo c[jW# fôi_Yi _i W ]eeZ ed[$ >WZ ? dej ijkZ_[Z j^Wj ikX`[Yj ? fheXWXbo mekbZ ^Wl[ [dZ# [Z kf _d fh_ied$ >em[l[h" j^[ Yecfh[# ^[di_ed e\ c[jWfôi_Yi _i Wbie Wd WYj e\ _dj[hdWb m_bb$ ? ^Wl[ i[[d cWdo f[efb[ f[h\ehc h_jkWbi m_jêkj kdZ[hijWdZ_d] j^[c$ ;l[ho h_jkWb _i Z[i_]d[Z je fe_dj jêi[ kdZ[h]e_d] _j je W ]h[Wj[h WmWh[# d[ii1 _j¿i kf je j^[ _dZ_l_ZkWb je Yecfh[# ^[dZ j^[ h[l[bWj_ed$ 9$N$ D[c[Y ?hl_d]" J[nWi M^_j[ ckij X[b_[l[ j^Wj [l[hoed[ _d j^_i Yekdjho ^Wi de YWfWY_jo \eh cWa_d] Yê_Y[i$ Ekh meha _i ¼\eh j^[ X[d[\_j e\ j^[ m_bb e\ ej^[hi½5 <kddo" ? jêk]^j _j mWi W ceh[ h[WiedWXb[ WhhWd][c[dj0 ? meha" WdZ oek fWo c[ \eh _j$ 7ffWh[djbo m[ Wbie ^Wl[ ¼de WYY[ii je jhWdiY[d#

MODELS NOT SO SMART

? ijhed]bo eX`[Yj je ¼=beXWb MWhc# _d]0 Jhkj^ WdZ 9edi[gk[dY[i½ EYje# X[h $ =beXWb#mWhc_d] YedY[fji Wh[ XWi[Z ed cWj^[cWj_YWb ceZ[bi e\ j^[ mehbZ¿i Yb_cWj[" m^_Y^ Wh[ _d^[h[djbo \bWm[Z X[YWki[ j^[o YedjW_d Wd _d\_d_j[ dkcX[h e\ kdademd lWh_WXb[i$ J^[o Wh[ h[bWj[Z je j^[ :hWa[ [gkWj_ed j^[ XWi_i \eh j^[ I[WhY^ \eh ;njhWj[hh[ijh_Wb ?dj[bb_][dY[ WdZ j^[ JJ7FI [gkWj_edi j^[ XWi_i \eh j^[ _Z[W e\ W dkYb[Wh m_d# j[h " ded[ e\ m^_Y^ Wh[ h[Wb iY_[dY[$ 9Whb IW]Wd¿i dkYb[Wh m_dj[h [gkWj_edi

It’s hard to figure out global warming.

m[h[ ceijbo Z_ifhel[d W\j[h ^[ fh[# Z_Yj[Z j^[ AkmW_j e_b \_h[i _d j^[ [Whbo '//&i mekbZ fheZkY[ W o[Wh m_j^ekj ikcc[h1 d[[Zb[ii je iWo" j^Wj d[l[h ^Wff[d[Z$ Ekh Ykhh[dj ceZ[bi cWdo e\ m^_Y^ Wh[ ki[Z _d ]beXWb# mWhc_d] fh[Z_Yj_edi Wh[ _dWYYkhWj[ edbo W \[m ZWoi _d WZlWdY[$ M^o mekbZ j^[o X[ ki[\kb [nj[dZ[Z ekj je o[Whi5 O[l][d_ Ij[fWdel Fb[WiWdjed" 9Wb_\ehd_W TRUCK AND JIVE

Why Are ns Americhaappy Un ge Ima

Money is not a measure of happiness.

Z[dY[½ _d 7c[h_YW$ JWa[ W mWba _d j^[ meeZi" ZkZ[$ Oek d[[Z iec[ \h[i^ W_h$ 9Wheb_d[ C[hYkho LWdYekl[h" MWi^_d]jed

F[h^Wfi A[dd[j^ Fem[bb H[WZ[h H[ifedi[" I[fj[cX[h ^Wi d[l[h ^[WhZ e\ Z[h[]kbWj_ed" m^_Y^ Y[hjW_dbo ^WZ ceh[ je Ze m_j^ j^[ Z_iWff[WhWdY[ e\ jhkYa_d] YecfWd_[i j^Wd kd_edi Z_Z$ CWdo jhkYa_d] YecfWd_[i ij_bb ^Wkb Xkj ef[hWj[ kdZ[h Z_\\[h[dj dWc[i$ J^[o m[h[ Xek]^j kf WdZ Yedieb_ZWj[Z Wi W mWo je ][j h_Z e\ j^[ kd_edi$ Fem[bb ckij dej ^Wl[ meha[Z _d j^[ _dZkijho X[\eh[ Z[h[]kbWj_ed" WdZ ^[ b_a[bo Ze[id¿j kdZ[h# ijWdZ _j Wi m[bb Wi ^[ j^_dai ^[ Ze[i$ CWha >Wdied 9^_iW]e 9_jo" C_dd[iejW E-mail via the web at letters.playboy.com. Or write: 680 Nor th Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois 60611.

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She Must Have Struck a Power Chord

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Meet RUYTER SUYS (pronounced “Rider Sighs”) of Nashville Pussy, currently touring with Motorhead and the Reverend Horton Heat. This is the best guitar solo we’ve seen in a while; perhaps the other nipple will join in at the next show.

Modern-Day Madonna LADY GAGA is the new Madonna. We take the hairstyle to be a starburst, not a halo, so we mean the sexy-quirky Madonna, not the virgin. While Gaga was trying to distract us with the hair and red face lace we spotted areola.

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Escor t PATRIZIA D’ADDARIO claims she “didn’t sleep a wink” with Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi. And she allegedly had this conversation with his friend: “You told me there would be a paycheck. He gave me a small gift—I don’t know 174 what, a little turtle.”

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Italy’s PM Packs a Box Turtle

Can’t See the Line, Can You, Russ? Had to break out that quote in honor of the 20th anniversary of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. But we can see the panty lines on both the grown EMMA WATSON (of Harry Potter franchise fame) and PHOEBE PRICE (who will walk down any red carpet, even if it’s at a Target).

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Little Bird Upon Our Windowsill Yep, British slang for “woman” is bird. The U.K. mag Front handed us this shot of its girl next door STACEY MASSEY. The Brits are also impossibly proper. Case in point: One of the magazine’s readers commented on the photo, “Her exposed breasts are very pleasant.”

Dirty Dancing

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We’ve been waiting for a reason to showcase Cyber Girl TRIANA IGLESIAS again. Well, she’s on Dancing With the Stars…in Scandinavia. Good enough!

No Longer Lima Time

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Exhibit A on why we should keep the border open: GLORIA JIMENEZ, a former Miss Peru who recently immigrated to the United States. Next month in Grapevine we tackle health care reform.

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Fashion by Horny Teenager This is from a Barcelona fashion show. If couture is just designers putting models in whatever they desire, then we want in on the joke. You’ve been laughing among yourselves for years, right?

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PUFF, THE MAGIC DIDDY.

REID ALL ABOUT IT.

THE FAST AND THE SERIOUS.

TARA REID—SURE, THE AMERICAN PIE STAR HAS ACCIDENTALLY REVEALED HERSELF A FEW TIMES, BUT IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SHE STRUTS HER STUFF ON PURPOSE. AL JAZEERA—WOULD YOU BELIEVE TERRORISTS ARE SENDING ENCODED MESSAGES THROUGH THE AL JAZEERA NETWORK? SOME PEOPLE IN THE U.S. GOVERNMENT APPARENTLY DID. A BIZARRE TALE OF CONFIDENCE AND GULLIBILITY BY ARAM ROSTON. SEAN “DIDDY” COMBS—IN THE PLAYBOY INTERVIEW WE ASK DIDDY HARD QUESTIONS ABOUT NOT WRITING HIS OWN RHYMES AND HOW IT FEELS TO RULE THE WORLD AT THE AGE OF 40. THE BIRTH OF THE MOB—WHEN THE BLACK HAND APPEARED IN NEW YORK, IT INSPIRED NEW CRIME-FIGHTING TECHNIQUES AND THE CITY’S FIRST ITALIAN AMERICAN DETECTIVE. READ THE TRAGIC TALE OF GIUSEPPE “JOSEPH” PETROSINO. ANIMAL RESCUE—WHEN BOB SAGINOWSKI TAKES IN A STRAY, HIS SMALL SOUTH BOSTON WORLD TRANSFORMS INTO SOMETHING FAR MORE DANGEROUS—AND MORE BEAUTIFUL. NEW FICTION BY MYSTIC RIVER AUTHOR DENNIS LEHANE. THE SINGULARITY—WALKING UPRIGHT. THE DISCOVERY OF FIRE. IT SEEMS MANKIND NEVER MET A PARADIGM SHIFT IT DIDN’T LIKE. BUT CARL ZIMMER SEES AN UPCOMING DOOZY THAT WILL

BUBBLY BUNNY.

MAKE THE INVENTION OF SPEECH LOOK LIKE APES AT PLAY. OF LOVE AND MONEY—WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A WEALTHY LAWYER ASKS A CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED AUTHOR TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM FOR CASH? COME BACK IN A MONTH AND TONI BENTLEY WILL TELL YOU. THE FUTURE OF NEW YORK—LUC SANTE, NEW YORK CITY’S MOST DEVOTED CHRONICLER, PROVIDES A WEIRD REMINISCENCE OF THE CITY FROM THE YEAR 2100, AFTER THE PLAGUE. CARS OF THE YEAR 2010—OUR CRACK TEAM OF TEST DRIVERS TRAVELED THE WORLD TO GOOSE EVERY NEW WHIP ON THE ROAD. TUNE IN AS WE NAME THE BEST OF THE BEST FOR 2010. ON KATE MOSS—HOW CAN ONE MODEL LAST THIS LONG? PERHAPS BECAUSE SHE’S MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY FACE. FELLOW LONDONER WILL SELF PONDERS THE CULTURAL PHENOMENON THAT IS KATE MOSS. 50 YEARS OF THE BUNNY—IF WE’D KNOWN OUR LITTLE OUTFIT WOULD CAUSE SUCH A STIR, WELL…WE WOULD HAVE BROUGHT IT OUT EARLIER. A LOOK BACK AT THE WORLD’S SEXIEST ONE-PIECE. PLUS—HOW TO VISIT CUBA IN STYLE, THE NEXT WAVE OF MODERN ARTISTS COMES OFF THE STREET, AND A DOUBLE HELPING OF SCALDING-HOT PLAYMATES.

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