Petra Christensensen
Red Horse Coaching
Riding with Confidence This series takes you through the steps of balancing yourself and your horse mentally, emotionally and physically so you and your horse develop a confident and trusting WholeHearted Partnership that is fun for both, horse and rider. Riding with confidence has a lot to do with trusting your gut feelings, setting healthy boundaries, not allowing others to overpower you as well as becoming a puzzle and problem solver. You will learn how to make the right decisions, not only for your horsemanship, but also to lead a healthy, positive and balanced life in general. Yes, WholeHearted Horsemanship can do this for you! My first article in this series “How to Increase and Regain your Confidence” concentrates on the rider, balancing mind and emotions by setting healthy boundaries as well as using approach and retreat to deal with confidence, anxiety and fear issues.
! Part 1:
How to Increase and Regain your Confidence As I opened my eyes, I saw the fence post… and that’s when it hit me: I had escaped serious injury or even death by a mere few inches! From then on, my life took an unexpected turn. Earlier that day, I was riding in my friend’s arena, showing off what my Quarter Horse gelding Whisper and I had accomplished over the winter. With a big smile on my face, we entered the corner of the outdoor arena at a flowing, rhythmic trot, and I asked Whisper to move into a canter. He willingly complied until he saw the irrigation pipe hidden in the high grass on the other side of the fence. All I remember is that Chris tilted his head eyeing the scary object, and I ended up in the dirt… My friend, an accomplished barrel racer and heeler, said: “Don’t you let that horse get away with this nonsense. Get back on that horse and hold the reins tight!” She instructed me to move into the round pen and remount. Every fiber of my body told me it was NOT a good idea… but there I was… doubting my own gut feelings. I told myself: “Obviously, Linda must know better than I! She is older and has way more experience than I do!” I got back on my gelding, who was still tense and tight from being frightened by the horse eating irrigation pipe and me falling off. I shortened my reins, and – within seconds – he spun, reared, and I flew through the air, landing with my face first in front of the arena fence post. The good news was I healed quickly on the outside; nothing happened that a couple chiropractic adjustments couldn’t fix. The “inside” of me was a completely different issue. I proceeded to ride, but soon started to dread it. The joy and excitement was gone. My heart
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Petra Christensensen
Red Horse Coaching
was racing every time I got on a horse and after a few weeks, I had another scare (a plastic bag blew into the arena) and I found myself crying in total panic, unable to get off my confident, quiet mare Miss Sienna. I could not even imagine my life without my horses and at the same time, I was frightened to death every time I put my foot in the stirrup. Thus my journey began… My first thought was: “I just have to get rid of this fear. It cripples my life!” Well, let me tell you: I know now that this was an unrealistic wish. FEAR IS A GOOD THING, it keeps us SAFE! If I had listened to my own inner gut feeling, I would not have remounted my horse and I would not have ruined my and HIS confidence in the process. So my first advice is: TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCT! The split second you think, I should get off… DO SO! And yes, there will be well meaning friends, colleagues and family members who will tell you otherwise. They will not be able to help you regain your confidence once you lost it! You can always get back on. Horses are our hobby, our enjoyment. We don’t have to win a contest to be the bravest, most daring one. Especially as we grow older, we know that we are not invincible, and we don’t bounce as well either! Tip Number Two: BE PREPARED TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, nevertheless! If we stay in our comfort zone, no learning will take place. That’s why it’s called “comfort zone”. In the comfort zone you do what you feel comfortable doing. Learning IS uncomfortable! I personally felt good on the ground. As soon as the thought of putting my foot in the stirrup entered my mind, I was highly uncomfortable. Only you know where your comfort zone ends. Don’t let anybody tell you where that is. Find out for yourself. Trust your own body, allow it to tell you! Thoughts of avoidance, butterflies, stomach pain, sweaty hands, and your heart beat changing to a faster rhythm… these are all signs that you are at or beyond your threshold. The idea is: wherever your comfort zone ends, wherever your “threshold” is, that’s where the learning will take place. Take small, small steps over and over again, until you feel NOTHING. In my case, I had to mount and dismount for a few minutes every day for four days until I felt good (nothing) about being ON my horse. Then I started riding in a small round pen at a walk, eventually I graduated to a trot, then to the bigger arena. When I started working on cantering, that’s where a lot of butterflies showed back up. So it was important to have a steady horse that was used to cantering with rhythm and relaxation. I started out with a few steps at a canter and worked my way up to cantering longer periods over a few weeks. Tip Number Three: BE KIND AND GENTLE TO YOURSELF. Rome wasn’t conquered in a day! It will be important to take the time it takes. Move closer to your goal, one step at a time. Even if it means to miss this Year’s 4th of July trail ride or parade, or the show that all your friends go to, and you will miss out on… you get the picture! SLOWLY increase your comfort zone. Staying in a fenced arena, with a supportive buddy, is a great way to start and progress from. Tip Number Four: Only ride with others who understand what you are going through and who are willing to adjust to your needs. Along my journey to regain my confidence while riding, I
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Petra Christensensen
Red Horse Coaching
also realized that I had difficulties at setting and maintaining boundaries in daily life. I did not have the confidence to speak up against my friend Linda, who obviously meant well… Nowadays, I understand that I am the one who is responsible for my own well-being. I make sure that I set up myself AND my horse for success in order to stay safe! And Last but not Least: All these principles also pertain to your horse. Your horse has to be trusting, respectful and confident in order for you to regain and increase your comfort zone. Your horse will experience thresholds, too. If you push yourself or your horse too far away from the comfort zone, no learning will take place. That’s why we call this the PANIC ZONE. When I sat on my horse that day, crying relentlessly, unable to get off, I had pushed myself beyond learning and my comfort zone actually decreased. I was in full blown Panic Mode. Regaining my confidence while riding taught me about life in general. It taught me how to assess a situation, how to set myself up for success, to engage in never ending self development, how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Through it all I found joy in riding – and life – again. I am a better person because of a fence post that almost “hit me in the face” – literally speaking… Please keep in mind that in order to regain and increase your confidence it will be imperative for you to have a horse that you can rely on. Find out what it takes for your horse to be “rideable” and what to do if it’s not, in my next article “Building Trust, Confidence and Respect – From the Ground Up”. Petra Christensen, owner of Red Horse Coaching, grew up in Germany as a horse crazy kid in a non-horsey family. She teaches horses and humans to be safe, trusting, respectful and confident by creating wholehearted partnerships. Petra coaches at 4 Winds Equestrian Center in Estancia, NM, and at her own facility Red Horse Farm in Pagosa Springs, CO. She also travels and teaches through the US. If you have further questions, you can reach Petra through her website www.petrachristensen.com photo credit: Nancy Ness and Coco
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