December 23, 2015 - Pittsburgh City Paper

WWW.PGHCITYPAPER.COM | 12.23/12.30.2015 X PGHCITYPAPER XX XX PITTSBURGHCITYPAPER XX XX PGHCITYPAPER

TEENS SPEAK OUT ON ARRESTS AT WOOD STREET T STATION 15

CONCUSSION: PITTSBURGH-SET FILM LOOKS AT FOOTBALL BRAIN INJURIES 28

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

EVENTS 12.28 – 10am—5pm SPECIAL HOLIDAY HOURS The Warhol will be open on Monday, December 28, from 10am–5pm.

1.15 – 8pm SOUND SERIES: GABI, WITH SPECIAL GUEST SLEEP EXPERIMENTS The Warhol theater Tickets $15/$12 Members & students

1.28 – 11am POP GENERATION For the generation that inspired Warhol, a new program exclusively for older adults, age 65 and over.

Tickets $10/Free Members

2.6 – 8pm SOUND SERIES: THE RED WESTERN The Warhol entrance space FREE parking in The Warhol lot Tickets $10/$8 Members & students

2.23 – 8pm SOUND SERIES: DISAPPEARS The Warhol theater FREE parking in The Warhol lot Tickets $15/$12 Members & students

Andy Warhol, Self-Portrait (detail), 1986, ©The Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Arts, Inc.

This exhibition is supported in part by Affirmation Arts Fund.

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NOW – 1.10 THE WARHOL: BOOK HUNT Find hidden books throughout the city for free admission passes and discounts. Visit warholbookhunt.com for details.

The Andy Warhol Museum receives state arts funding support through a grant from the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts, a state agency funded by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania; the National Endowment for the Arts, a federal agency and The Heinz Endowments. Further support is provided by the Allegheny Regional Asset District.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

YOUR CRAFT BEER

CH ECK OUT TH ES E FINE C R A F T B E E RS FOR YOU R HOLIDAY FUN!

Lagunitas IPa This was Lagunitas first seasonal way back in 1995. The recipe was formulated with malt and hops working together to balance it all out on your ‘buds so you can knock back more than one without wearing yourself out. Big on the aroma with a hoppysweet finish that’ll leave you wantin’ another sip.

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{EDITORIAL}

12.23/12.30.2015

Editor CHARLIE DEITCH Arts & Entertainment Editor BILL O’DRISCOLL Music Editor MARGARET WELSH Associate Editor AL HOFF Multimedia Editor ASHLEY MURRAY Listings Editor CELINE ROBERTS Assistant Listings Editor ALEX GORDON Staff Writers RYAN DETO, REBECCA NUTTALL Staff Photographer HEATHER MULL Interns THEO SCHWARZ, ANDREW WOEHREL

VOLUME 25 + ISSUE 51

{ART} Director of Operations KEVIN SHEPHERD Production Director JULIE SKIDMORE Art Director LISA CUNNINGHAM Graphic Designers JEFF SCHRECKENGOST, JENNIFER TRIVELLI

{ADVERTISING}

Local Internet celebrity Pittsburgh Dad (pghdad.com) stands in as our Pittsburgh Santa {COVER PHOTO BY JOHN COLOMBO}

[NEWS] how many times can a man eat 06 “Santa, roast beast in his private corporate dining room?” — A letter to St. Nicholas from UPMC CEO Jeffrey Romoff, or at least what we wish he’d write

[VIEWS]

single biggest threat to wild 16 “The amphibian populations, experts agree,

{MARKETING+PROMOTIONS}

is habitat loss.” — Bill O’Driscoll on the importance of biodiversity

[TASTE] Groves put together a food-friendly 19 “Will drink menu that’s both diverse and focused.” — Drew Cranisky reports on Smallman Galley’s bar

Marketing Director DEANNA KONESNI Marketing Design Coordinator LINDSEY THOMPSON Marketing & Sales Assistant MARIA SNYDER Radio Promotions Director VICKI CAPOCCIONI-WOLFE Radio Promotions Assistants ANDREW BILINSKY, NOAH FLEMING

{ADMINISTRATION}

[MUSIC]

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Director of Advertising JESSIE AUMAN-BROCK Senior Account Executives TOM FAULS, PAUL KLATZKIN, SANDI MARTIN, JEREMY WITHERELL Advertising Representatives MATT HAHN, JEFF HRAPLA, SCOTT KLATZKIN, MELISSA LENIGAN, ERICA MATAYA, DANA MCHENRY, MELISSA METZ, JAMES PORCO Classified Manager ANDREA JAMES Radio Sales Manager CHRIS KOHAN National Advertising Representative VMG ADVERTISING 1.888.278.9866 OR 1.212.475.2529

“Ryan Adams for mansplaining Taylor Swift’s 1989.” — Contributor Caralyn Green’s pick for one of 2015’s Biggest Tools in Music

Business Manager LAURA ANTONIO Circulation Director JIM LAVRINC Office Administrator RODNEY REGAN Technical Director PAUL CARROLL Interactive Media Manager CARLO LEO

[SCREEN] the knuckle-biting action is a bunch 28 “All of Wall Street stuff you can’t understand.

Doesn’t matter!” — Al Hoff reviews the comedy The Big Short

[ARTS] central characters in this mythic 31 “The tale are death and music.” — Nadine Wasserman on an art exhibit by The Propeller Group

[LAST PAGE] know what a list means now?

46 “You Nothing.” — Frances Rupp on Pittsburgh’s fascination with lists in this month’s This Just In

{REGULAR & SPECIAL FEATURES} CHEAP SEATS BY MIKE WYSOCKI 17 EVENTS LISTINGS 34 SAVAGE LOVE BY DAN SAVAGE 41 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY BY ROB BREZSNY 42 CROSSWORD BY BRENDAN EMMETT QUIGLEY 44 N E W S

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{PUBLISHER} STEEL CITY MEDIA GENERAL POLICIES: Contents copyrighted 2015

by Steel City Media. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission of the publisher. The opinions expressed in Pittsburgh City Paper are those of the author and not necessarily of Steel City Media. LETTER POLICY: Letters, faxes or e-mails must be signed and include town and daytime phone number for confirmation.

We may edit for length and clarity. DISTRIBUTION: Pittsburgh City Paper is published weekly by Steel City Media and is available free of charge at select distribution locations. One copy per reader; copies of past issues may be purchased for $3.00 each, payable in advance to Pittsburgh City Paper. FIRST CLASS MAIL SUBSCRIPTIONS: Available for $175 per year, $95 per half year. No refunds.

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 650 Smithfield Street, Suite 2200 Pittsburgh, PA 15222 412.316.3342 FAX: 412.316.3388 E-MAIL info@pghcitypaper.com www.pghcitypaper.com

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THIS WEEK

ONLINE

www.pghcitypaper.com

THIS YEAR WE OBTAINED LETTERS TO SANTA — AND BY “OBTAINED,” WE MEAN “MADE UP”

Pittsburgh Santa (a.k.a. Pittsburgh Dad) reads a few of the letters that we wish Old Saint Nick would get this holiday season.

Read more at right and then head to www.pghcitypaper.com for the video.

Letters to Santa

Photo Intern Theo Schwarz visited the Hill District’s historic Ebenezer Missionary Baptist Church for its annual Christmas show.

See a photo slideshow at www.pghcitypaper.com.

This week: Family fun around town and moves from the Harlem Globetrotters, topped off with a few beers.

The podcast goes live every Thursday at www.pghcitypaper.com.

CITY PAPER

INTERACTIVE Dear Santa, Santa Please bring back my porn movies. At least I was serving a purpose.

O

Forever Waiting,

NE OF OUR favorite childhood memories

Take a peek inside the former Macy’s holiday windows, compliments of @yello80s, who tagged this photo as #CPReaderArt. Tag your Instagram images as #CPReaderArt, and we just may re-gram you.

Download our free app for a chance to win a Family Level Membership to the Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh.

Contest ends Dec. 31.

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The Garden Theater

was sitting down and penning a letter to Santa Claus to lie about how good we’d been that year and to ask him to bring us wonderful gifts. But many adults still write to Jolly Old St. Nick. This year, we obtained letters to Santa — and by “obtained,” we mean “made up” — that offer a peek into what some notable folks in the region are asking for this Christmas.

It’s been a tough five years. I’m a Glock 43 semiautomatic 9 mm pistol, and five years ago I was “stolen.” Or was I “lost”? No one can say for certain because my disappearance was never reported. I’d tell you my serial number, but it was filed off when I went missing.

Seven years ago, the City of Pittsburgh passed a piece of legislation

BY CITY PAPER STAFF

CONTINUES ON PG. 08

Dear Santa, Santa

Who makes a better Pittsburgh Santa than local internet celebrity Pittsburgh Dad?

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

{PHOTO BY JOHN COLOMBO}

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LETTERS TO SANTA, CONTINUED FROM PG. 06

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requiring firearm owners to report whether their weapons have been lost or stolen; that made me feel safe. I figured if I was ever lost or stolen, my owner would report it and maybe the police could find me before I get into some trouble. But I don’t think my owner ever told the police I was missing. I’m also hearing people aren’t getting punished for not filing reports because the mayor and police have never enforced the law. How can anybody find me if they don’t know I’m gone?

Since getting “lost,” I’ve been involved in a shooting and an armed robbery. They say the kid I killed was only 14. The boy who pulled the trigger was 15. The woman I was pointed at during the robbery looked terrified and started praying. I’ve also been exchanged once for heroin.

When I was created, I thought I’d spend my days pointed at bottles for target practice, or protecting my owner’s family. But I guess that’s not what my owner had in mind. If the police ever do find me, did you know that they’re required to return me to him, even though he couldn’t be bothered to tell them I was missing to begin with? What a jerk. I’m afraid if they give me back to him, he’ll just “lose” me again.

Please find me, Santa. If you do, maybe I could come live at the North Pole with you. I could help you protect the elves, reindeer and Mrs. Claus. Get a permit and I can even ride in the sleigh with you! After all, you know what they say, “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” And there’s no better guy than you, right, Santa?

Sincerely,

Just another “lost” Glock

Dear Santa, Santa How about a full season without breaking, spraining or ripping something?

Dear Santa, Santa I’d like “The Rapper” introduced to a whole new generation by being covered by a hot young recording artist.

(Maybe Mac Miller since he’s an actual rapper.) Anyway, I think the young kids would love it and the royalty checks would be all right by me.

Sincerely,

Donnie Iris corporate dining room for breakfast every day? I don’t come to you with a request this year, Santa; instead I come with a promise — a promise to do better.

As I sit in my Grant Street lair and gaze upon all of the weary residents schlepping to and from their jobs, I realize that they deserve better from a healthcare company like UPMC. They deserve access to the best doctors and facilities in the world at a reasonable cost. In network, out of network shouldn’t matter. What matters are the people of this city. So from today forward, we will give in-network access rates to all people!

Also, I realized that it’s not fair that we pay so little in property taxes for all of the land we own in Allegheny County. So starting today, we will pay reasonable tax rates and pay our fair share. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about our employees, Santa. We have fought tooth-and-nail against unionization for years now and have done a pretty good job of keeping our workers from unionizing. But why shouldn’t they receive a living wage for the hard work they’ve ….

Actually Santa, I was just reading this over and I’m not so sure about all of this stuff … um … yeah — actually, forget I said anything. Just bring me another plane … and an Xbox. I love blowing shit up on Call of Duty.

Bah Humbug,

Jeffrey Romoff

Eternally injured,

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Dear Santa, Santa Dear Santa, Santa I know I write to you every year and ask you for more and more extravagant gifts. While I have gotten so much joy out of the private chef, chauffer, private-jet access and a salary north of $5 million, I feel … I feel, hollow inside.

After all, Santa, how many times can a man eat roast beast in his private

I’m writing to you for clarification about your designations of “naughty” and “nice.” It seems that people have used both terms to describe me over the past three years. Well, I guess if I’m being honest, no one probably actually has called me nice, but I feel like I’ve done some worthwhile things while in office. I have vigorously prosecuted sex offenders and child pornographers, so that has to be a CONTINUES ON PG. 10

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LETTERS TO SANTA, CONTINUED FROM PG. 08

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might be unable to pay for it. Maybe favorable check on the ledger? I’ve also that’s why only 41 percent of our most been working to expose the “good-oldrecent graduating class went on to attend boy” network in Harrisburg — a bunch of a college or trade school. filthy old men sharing pornographic and Even our teachers are having a hard misogynistic emails. Some of them have time. Only 52 percent of them think the resigned and more probably will. Yay, me! school is a good place to work and learn.

But here’s where things get dicey. You A lot of us come from families that may have heard that I’ve gotten in some are struggling. The report says legal trouble myself for allegedly 88 percent of students are — and Santa, I can’t stress the economically disadvantaged. word “allegedly” enough Forty-six percent of us come here — leaking grand-jury Watch ad gh D r u from low-income homes. testimony, obstructing justice b s t it P ers to And 58 percent of us were and lying to a grand jury. read lett www. absent 18 or more days last Also, I’ve had my law license Santa at paper year. I’m not sure what our suspended and the state pghcity parents think of the school.

Senate is trying to boot me .com Less than 10 percent of them from office. So Santa, I see responded to a survey asking where some people — mainly whether they’d recommend it.

Republicans and my other (numerous) The school used to be known as political enemies — might try to lobby for University Prep, but I get the feeling that me to be on the naughty list. But Santa, they’re trying to make us forget about the this is all retaliatory. They’re out to get me name since our school doesn’t really seem because I released those emails. like it’s preparing us for college. We need Now, for full disclosure, some will help, Santa.

ALLEGE that I did so only as political payback against a former employee who Sincerely, told the media that I halted prosecution A proud but discouraged of a sting operation that netted some UPrep Wildcat high-profile Philly Democrats. But as I stand here today, Santa, I swear that evidence was no good. Although, I must admit that another prosecutor took that evidence and secured five convictions.

Look Santa, as you can see, this is a complicated issue with a lot of nuances and gray areas. If you can find your way clear to put me on the “good list” this I don’t year, I will take whatever gift you are want to willing to give. But if you are looking move to for suggestions, that law license would New York! I actually come in pretty handy. like it here. I’ve Always fighting, been in Pittsburgh my whole life! New York is a big town, and I’m Kathleen Kane worried you won’t be able to find me Pa. Attorney General (at least at next Christmas? the time this letter was written) Heartbroken,

Dear Santa, Santa

Neil Walker

Dear Santa, Santa

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I’m a student at Pittsburgh Milliones School in the Hill District.

Yesterday I opened up a copy of the A+ Schools’ “2015 Report to the Community on Public School Progress in Pittsburgh,” and it doesn’t look like my school is doing very well.

Only 23 percent of us are taking advanced-placement courses. The district average is 29. Last year, only 16 of 38 students took algebra by the end of the eighth grade. That means we’ll probably be behind if we make it to college.

At least the graduation rate here is 77 percent, which is higher than the district average of 74 percent. But fewer than half of students at my school are eligible for the Pittsburgh Promise scholarship, which means that even those of us who graduate and get accepted to a college

Dear Santa, Santa For the last couple years, people keep moving into East Liberty, and I have watched all my new friends receive shiny new apartments and homes for Christmas.

While I see all these new rich neighbors receiving all the best gifts, I keep getting coal in my stocking. Part of my home will be torn down two months after Christmas, and it looks like my favorite neighborhood park will be taken away, too. On top of that, it seems like more rich people will move into where I live now. I am not sure what I did to deserve to be on your naughty list, but please take me off it!

I know there is nothing you can do to stop my apartment buildings from coming CONTINUES ON PG. 12

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LETTERS TO SANTA, CONTINUED FROM PG. 10

FEATURING THE WAILERS

down, but maybe you can make sure a decent building will be ready before my home is demolished so I can stay in East Liberty. It doesn’t need to be shiny and pretty like all my new neighbors’ places; just something nice and safe that I can afford. Also, please make sure that there are enough affordable places for my Penn Plaza friends, too.

The owners of my apartment complex are giving us some small gifts to help us find new places to live, but it is like getting a Wawa gift card, when I asked for Sheetz — I can’t use it in my neighborhood! I would ask for a Section 8 voucher, but I can’t use them here either because no one in the neighborhood accepts them anymore.

Santa, please help me and my Penn Plaza friends stay in East Liberty. I know lots of my old friends have moved outside Pittsburgh, but I really don’t want to have to move to Penn Hills and would like to stay because the neighborhood is starting to look pretty nice.

Sincerely,

A Penn Plaza Resident

Dear Santa, Santa

THURSDAY

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Dear Santa, Santa Please bring me a security system for my work email, and also more words to describe women’s breasts — the more demeaning and humiliating the better.

Sincerely,

Supreme Court Justice J. Michael Eakin, I mean “John Smith”

weights with a mother’s proximity to gas wells. If our state constitution has an amendment that specifically, and legally, promises that “people have a right to clean air, pure water, and to the preservation of the natural, scenic, historic and aesthetic values of the environment,” then how, in the face of such ominous studies, can this be allowed to happen? My friend who’s a registered nurse, and who takes calls from people who live near drilling, says she’s seen consistent symptoms of rashes, headaches, nausea and asthma attacks. The companies tell me it’s safe.

I just can’t trust their word when I know how much money is involved.

Sincerely,

Please bring me some taxis because for the first time in 80 years residents are able get drunk at my restaurants.

I can’t even remember what drunk people look like because it has been so long. Does Fort Pitt beer still exists?

We may have only one tap of IC Light (what the heck is light beer, does it weigh less?) at one restaurant, but more are sure to come. Please help my residents get home safe.

Sincerely,

The Borough of Bellevue

Dear Santa, Santa I was wondering if you could bring one of those big oversized-load trucks to pick up and move my son’s school about a mile or so down the road? You see, we moved to the neighborhood some years ago. It was such a nice place — rolling hills and friendly neighbors. But ever since the gas-drillers came, and our town started making some money from them, they’ve been allowed to set up shop almost everywhere! Even less than 1,000 feet from my son’s school! Can you believe that, Santa? Rolling hills are now the site of several acres of fracking operations, and neighbors are pitted against neighbors in legal battles.

I’ve been reading studies, and I’m worried. Some new studies, like one from the University of Pittsburgh’s School of Public Health, are associating lower birth

A Concerned Butler County Parent

Dear Santa, Santa I could ask for every route in Pittsburgh to have a dedicated lane for bikes (like cars have!), but I understand this would piss off way more people than it would please. I get it — motorists don’t really like cyclists on the roads, even though they are legally allowed to be there. And I get that the city is working hard to add safe bike infrastructure one mile at a time. But until all of it is complete, my request is this: Please spread your jolly spirit to Pittsburgh drivers so they will be merry toward cyclists all year round.

I am sick of getting yelled and honked at for going too slow while struggling up Pittsburgh’s steep hills. I am sick of my fellow cyclists being physically harassed by drivers on Butler Street who feel the need to exit their vehicles to confront a couple enjoying a leisurely ride. (A mail carrier even screamed at me to get off the road once!)

I am also sick of seeing my bike friends being hurt or killed as a result of car crashes. Some year-round bikerelated cheer might go a long way toward reminding drivers that respecting bikers on the road could mean avoiding the loss of a fellow Pittsburgher.

Additionally, I think you might be on my side because riding a bike emits zero greenhouse gases and helps to keep CONTINUES ON PG. 14

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

The future of transit is now and we are working to improve your ride. Look for bus tracking technologies and other innovations to keep you better informed.

Getting around town has never been so easy.

FUTURE OF TRANSIT IS NOW THE

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- BIG NEWS -

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LETTERS TO SANTA, CONTINUED FROM PG. 12

your lovely frozen paradise at the North Pole intact.

In exchange for my gift, I will try to stop completely at all stop signs from now on. But if I roll through one at 5 mph during a grueling uphill six-mile ride, remind drivers that they do this all the time and no one screams bloody murder at them.

Please remind drivers that my bike friends and I are just trying to be healthy, save money and help get more cars off the Pittsburgh streets, leaving those who chose to drive with less traffic deal with.

the government doesn’t like it when the old pipes overflow and our poo goes in the river. Sure, that is gross. But, until my paycheck goes up, I can’t be throwing the extra money I have down the porcelain throne every time I go to “see a man about a horse” or play “call of doody.”

Honestly, I’m going to be driven to using nature’s lavatory real soon, a.k.a., the woods behind my house, where it’s free to wee! So could you do me a solid (no pun intended) and put a port-a-potty under my tree?

Holding on ’til Christmas,

Sincerely,

An ALCOSAN Ratepayer

A Faithful Pittsburgh Bike Rider

Dear Santa, Santa

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

I know you’ve been busy making a list and checking it twice. But you know what I’ve been doing twice: THINKING before I flush my toilet. My sewage bill has risen the past two years, and there might not be an end in sight. I’ve heard I’m paying for some new pipes ’cause

Dear Santa, Santa Please keep Donald Trump in the headlines. He’s the only person in the world who makes me seem more tolerant and less racist, classist and homophobic.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (not Happy Holidays),

State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe

L E T T E R S WR IT T E N B Y C H AR L IE DE IT C H , RYAN DETO, A S H L E Y M URRAY A N D RE B E C C A N UT TA L L INF O @PGH C IT Y PA P E R. C OM

JENSORENSEN

ARRESTING QUESTIONS

Teens arrested outside Wood Street T Station say they were just trying to get home {BY RYAN DETO} AT ABOUT 4 P.M. Wed., Dec. 16, City Paper witnessed Taylor Allderdice high school students Salat Abdalla and Abdulkadir Abdi being cuffed and cited for trespassing following an incident at the Wood Street T Station. Both say they were merely waiting at their usual bus stop Downtown to catch a transfer to their home in Northview Heights, and never set foot inside the station.

Earlier, at 3:17 p.m., Port Authority po{PHOTO BY REBECCA NUTTALL} lice caught a Brashear high school student Salat Abdalla being arrested outside Wood Street T Station allegedly pressing an escalator emergency-off button. According to PAT police, the teenager refused to provide identification, volved were cited for throwing rocks: “They attempted to run, then kicked officers as were issued citations because they threw he was being apprehended. Commotion rocks at police officers and failed to disperse followed as a result, and backup from Pitts- when they were instructed to do so.”

Abdi and Abdalla say, however, that burgh Police and Allegheny County Sheriffs arrived as crowds grew to witness the scene they didn’t throw rocks and were arrested on the sidewalk. Allegheny County Sheriff for no reason about 45 minutes after William Mullen said last week that his dep- the initial incident. Abdalla says he was uties responded to a call from PAT police waiting at their bus stop on the north side of Liberty Avenue with his friend and about bricks and bottles being thrown.

Then at 3:30 p.m., CP took video of nephew Abdi, when a Port Authority police another male teen being apprehended officer told him he was trespassing and to and thrown to the ground. Then police “get out of there.” Abdalla then questioned attempted to disperse the crowds, but how he was trespassing.

“But there were many other people the tense situation included at least one Pittsburgh Police officer cursing at and standing right there,” says Abdalla. “Why pushing over a teenage girl with his baton. couldn’t they tell them that they were trespassing?”

That same officer was later caught Two CP reporters witnessed on video brandishing his baton the arrests of Abdalla and Abdi and yelling at a CP reporter. re Read moory and saw close to two dozen The videos have garnered st is th on w. bystanders near the teens. regional attention, and the w w t a e onlin r e p a Abdalla says that the officer Pittsburgh Citizens Police Rep ty pghci then said, “I am talking to you, .com view Board has opened an inand you better get out of here, quiry into the officer in question. you are trespassing.” Abdalla says The Pittsburgh Police Department that when he was about to leave with is also investigating the officer’s actions.

But it’s the issues of those cited Abdi, a police officer moved close to Abdi that might deserve the most scrutiny. and said, “Get your ass outta here.”

“Why would you get up in someone’s Abdalla, 17, and Abdi, 16, wonder why they were detained and issued citations, face like that, like you were about to fight when they say they had nothing to do with them?” says Abdalla. “[Abdi] is just a teenager.” the commotion.

Abdalla says that Abdi verbally quesPort Authority spokesperson Adam Brandolph wrote in an email Monday that tioned why the officer was acting aggres“Port Authority police took those two ju- sively toward him. Abdi was then appreveniles into custody because they ignored hended and pushed up against the wall. multiple warnings to disperse from the Abdalla asked the officer why he was large crowd that had formed outside Wood arresting Abdi. Then, Abdalla says, they Street Station.” On Friday, Brandolph wrote apprehended and cuffed him, too.

“We were trying to mind our business, in an initial email that the juveniles in-

and we were trying to get home,” says Abdalla. “We always wait for our bus at that stop. Other people were standing at that bus [stop] too, but [the officer] had to pick on us. I feel like I was arrested just for asking, ‘Why are you arresting my nephew?’”

According to the family members of those arrested, an unusual coincidence suggests an explanation: All five teenage males arrested were part of an East African refugee community. The older sister of the one adult arrested, who goes by Fatuma R., says that she finds the whole situation highly questionable.

“Why did the police only pick these gentlemen, when they are all from Africa?” she asks. “When something happened like this, shouldn’t more people be arrested? Were they waiting for these kids?”

Both Abdalla and Abdi are Somali Bantu, a minority group that escaped persecution during the Somali civil war of the early 1990s. However, the teens dress in standard Western clothing, speak fluent English with little to no accent, and have lived in America since they were young children. They are also American citizens.

Abdalla did say that while he was waiting for the bus, he and Abdi were talking on the phone to relatives and were sometimes speaking in one of their native languages in close proximity to police officers. He also says they were standing next to and talking to some female African students, who wear traditional head scarves.

PAT’s Brandolph says that Abdalla and Abdi were arrested because of their actions and “were not issued citations because of their ethnicity, religion, what clothing those associated with them were wearing, or the language they spoke.” He adds that the whole situation could have been avoided had the student who allegedly hit the emergency-stop button complied with officers.

“Instead, he chose to run, resist and kick the officers,” wrote Brandolph. “Pressing the emergency shut-off button on an escalator may be seen as ‘just a prank’ to some, but some pranks have consequences.”

Brandolph said PAT police have “reviewed the incident at length … and have found nothing about our officers’ handling of the situation to be problematic or contrary to their training.”

But this idea that one bad apple, a refugee from Burundi, led to the arrests of four other East African refugees, still does not sit well for that small community living in Northview Heights.

“This shows us that one African maybe did a mistake, so does that mean all the Africans have to be punished?” says Fatuma.

“We are scared for our family. We are scared the police officers might abuse our kids’ lives. We don’t trust them anymore.”

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[GREEN LIGHT]

LIFE’S WORK {BY BILL O’DRISCOLL}

Christmas Eve Candlelight Services with Dr. Kurt Bjorklund Wednesday, Dec. 23, 7:00 & 9:00 pm Thursday, Dec. 24, 11:00 am; 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00 & 9:00 pm 2551 Brandt School Road, Wexford, PA 15090 www.orchardhillchurch.com 724.935.5555

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IN JANUARY, Carnegie Museum of Natural History chief herpetologist José Padial and his research team will venture into a remote, mountainous region of Peru, becoming the first outsiders there in more than half a century and the first scientists ever. If past expeditions are any guide, Padial will almost certainly return home having discovered several new species of lizard or amphibian; his 2014 trip to Peru, after all, found at least five.

But such trips are about more than adding to the Carnegie’s massive, century-plusold collection of more than 200,000 lizard and amphibian specimens. That’s because museums aren’t just educational facilities, and their research isn’t purely academic.

They also play a growing role in conserving threatened wildlife around the world.

Padial, 38, was born in Spain. He studied at New York’s American Museum of Natural History before coming to the Carnegie three years ago. He’s a slight, quiet man who speaks passionately about protecting the creatures he’s spent his life studying. “Amphibians are going extinct very quicky,” Padial notes. The world has about 7,000 known species of amphibian, and experts say that at least one-third of them are threatened with extinction.

According to the International Union for the Conservation of Nature, some 170 amphibian species have disappeared in just the past two decades, and 43 percent of remaining species face declining numbers.

That’s a crisis for biodiversity, and the Latin American rainforest might be the most biodiverse ecosystem on earth. The single biggest threat to wild amphibian populations, experts agree, is habitat loss, typically caused by such human activities as logging, ranching, mining and farming, both legal and illegal. But museum research can help. Discoveries in the field, of new species or especially high biodiversity, are leverage to protect biologically rich areas.

For instance, the Field Museum, in Chicago, says its biodiversity program has led to the discovery of more than 150 species and contributed to government protection of some 23.5 million acres of forest in Peru, Bolivia and Ecuador. The program also promotes cultural diversity and the quality of life of local people in such regions, which is also threatened by activities like logging, mining and even road-building.

And it helps control the trade in wildlife.

On their expeditions to Peru, Padial and his team of Latin American biologists and park rangers have discovered 10 new species — frogs, mostly — and nearly doubled the

{PHOTO COURTESY OF THE CARNEGIE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY}

José Padial behind the camera in Peru, in 2014

number of species known to inhabit the region. Padial says such information is “very important” for the continued protection of areas like Alto Purús National Park.

The site of their 2014 trip is a rainforested area the size of Belgium that is threatened by illegal mining and a proposed road. Their research could also help the Cordillera Bilcambamba, the Andean “lost world” they’ll study next month, looking specifically for the impact of climate change. (The trip is supported by the Carnegie Discoverers, a volunteer funders’ group.)

Padial and the Carnegie are keen to share this work with the public. “The Scientist’s Search,” filmmaker Maira Duarte’s engaging 23-minute documentary about the 2014 expedition’s methods and challenges, screens six times weekly at the museum; daily, a 10-minute version supplements “Expedition Peru,” a fast-paced, interactive presentation that lets kids play rainforest researchers. At a recent presentation, Padial and other Carnegie staffers charmed a group of third-graders from the Environmental Charter School; Padial gave half his talk wearing on his shoulder a twofoot-long iguana named Chiquita.

While the DNA of new plant and animal species might provide us with things like new medicines, Padial seems genuinely puzzled that people aren’t more concerned about saving known (and stillunknown) organisms for their own sake.

But preserving biodiversity has other practical implications. For instance, Padial points out that while amphibians have been around millions of years longer than humans, that hasn’t protected them from the chytrid fungus that in recent years has devastated Latin America’s frogs (and even driven some extinct, at least in the wild). As the environment changes, humans — fellow vertebrates — are also susceptible to new and newly potent pathogens. If frogs are disappearing, Padial says, “That’s a bad sign” — for us, too.

D RI S C OL L @ P G HC I T Y PA P E R. C OM

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

[THE CHEAP SEATS]

CALIFORNIA LOVE {BY MIKE WYSOCKI}

FORGIVE THE California University of

Pennsylvania men’s basketball team if it feels inferior. The Vulcans are the secondmost-recognized hoops team on their own campus. The women’s team is the reigning NCAA Division II National Champions.

It is not easy being second best in a field of only two; just ask Sonny Bono, Alvah Roebuck and Patrick Star. So this year, the men’s team will try to crawl out of the impressive shadow cast by its big sister.

To start with, Vulcans is a pretty cool name. They are named after the God of Volcano Fire, and not after anything to do with Star Trek — sorry, nerds, there will be no mind-meld references. In a landscape of collegiate monikers like Wildcats, Eagles, Panthers and Tigers, Vulcans is unforgettable. Last year, however, the team finished a forgettable 14-14 in the Pennsylvania State Athletic Conference’s west division. This, I assume, caused many Cal U students to drink lots of beer. Coach Bill Brown hopes to improve on that record, though, and there certainly is no substitute for experience.

Brown begins his 20th season as the Vulcans’ leader. He’s been around as long as South Park, Pearl Jam and Hillary Clinton. Not only that, he is one of the most successful coaches in PSAC history. He’s 358-190, the best record in school history. A five-time PSAC West coach of the year, Brown has 438 wins total including other coaching gigs. That total puts him in the top 20 of active D-II coaches for wins — so his credentials check out.

He learned some tricks while an assistant under Eddie Sutton of the Arkansas Razorbacks in the early ’80s. Brown then paid it forward with Shaka Smart. Smart was an assistant under Brown at Cal U before moving on to success with Virginia Commonwealth. He parlayed that into the head coaching job at Texas. It seems that Bill Brown is making his own shadows.

The Vulcans’ season started off a bit cold with three straight losses, but they righted the ship with a trouncing of Lock Haven and are now 4-7. The Vulcans return three starters from last year’s team: Josh Dombrosky, a 6’6” forward from Shenandoah Heights, in central Pennsylvania, and 6’9” center Richard Smith from

Happy Holidays

{PHOTO BY HEATHER MULL}

Mike Wysocki

scenic Cleveland. Khalil Jabbie, from Alexandria, Va., returns to run the backcourt with Drew Cook, a 6’1” freshman from Beaver Falls. Tony Richardson, a 6’8” sophomore forward from Virginia rounds out the starting five. Serbian Luka Andjusic, a 6’5” guard from Belgrade, is the sixth man.

Yes, his name is Luka; I hope his dorm room is on the second floor. This is a wellrounded squad that eventually should gel under Brown.

Cal U plays its home games at the campus’ Convocation Center. It is a $ 60 million arena that seats 6,000. The arena got off to a rough start, going over budget, and in 2012 featured a grand opening that was a bit of a dud as well; it was a gamble that didn’t pay off. According to news reports, Kenny Rogers played to either a half-full or halfempty arena, depending on your point of view. I truly believe that if that opening had happened in 1981, it would have been a sellout. But 12 bad plastic surgeries and no hit songs later, and the Kenny Rogers experiment got the place off to a bad start.

The Convocation Center makes the odd claim of being the biggest indoor venue between Pittsburgh and Morgantown.

That’s quite an honor if you don’t look too deeply into it, I suppose.

In January, the Vulcans welcome other PSAC rivals, including a Jan. 6 game against West Chester. Seton Hill comes to the “House that Kenny Rogers Built” on Jan. 9, followed by Gannon on Jan. 13. If the men’s team has not improved by then, go check out the women’s team; it’s 8-2 so far.

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YES, HIS NAME IS LUKA; I HOPE HIS DORM ROOM IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR.

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SAKARI, THE SUSHI BAR, FURNISHED EXCELLENT UNCOOKED FISH

COOKIE BOUQUET {BY ASHLEY MURRAY} You could say that small-business owners Sondra and Andrew Sebastian are in the business of fooling people. Their livelihood is selling gifts that look like flowers … but aren’t. For instance, their “Flowering Money” bouquet is made of real-deal moola folded to resemble roses.

But in this column, we’re concerned about food, so let’s concentrate on their most popular product: cookies.

“People are just looking for something different to send besides flowers,” says Sondra, co-owner of Send Me No Flowers, along with her husband Andrew.

It’s a mom-and-pop company, run out of a warehouse in Pittsburgh’s east suburbs. For the last 20 years, the Sebastians have been delivering gift bouquets and baskets — not flowers — to Pittsburghers celebrating birthdays, Valentine’s, new babies and so on.

Their most popular item: the cookie bouquet. It’s a long-stemmed rose box, tied with a ribbon and disguised as a flower delivery. The cookies inside are even on “stems.”

“Women like to send them to their husbands at work to embarrass them,” Sondra says. “They think they’re getting flowers, but when they open them, all of their co-workers are happy.”

If the order is in by 11 a.m., a sameday delivery can be made to any ZIP code beginning in 151 or 152. For next-day delivery, orders need to be placed by 4 p.m.

“Sometimes we’ll even go further if it’s a birthday, and we don’t have the opportunity to ship it next day,” Sondra says. Fortunately, cookies are easier to transport than flowers.

AMURRAY@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

www.noflowers.com

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FEED

This time e of year, it’s so o many cookies, so little time to eatt them. Keep your holiday-party y spoils fresh by ies storing extra cookies in an airtight bag with a piece of bread. The moisture from the bread helps the cookies stay soft. Science!

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{PHOTO BY HEATHER MULL}

A FRESH LOOK FOR FRESH FISH

Ceviche roll

{BY ANGELIQUE BAMBERG + JASON ROTH}

G

RANDVIEW AVENUE has long been associated with fancy dinners, but what that actually means has changed — for the better. Once, you paid for the view, the service, and for food that, while cooked to an upscale (possibly French) script, was almost beside the point.

Today, the script is different, with the most highly regarded restaurants working some version of the fresh-seasonal-local triad. This is exceedingly hard to do with seafood in Pittsburgh, but Monterey Bay Fish Grotto was the first to trend in that direction. It was a game-changer when it opened, almost 20 years ago, not in a Grandview Avenue storefront, but high atop an apartment tower. The views through the massive windows were stunning, but even more impressive was the food, carefully sourced and impeccably fresh.

Now, after closing for a while to retool,

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

Monterey Bay has reopened. The name — and the view, of course — remain the same, but everything else has changed. A sleek sushi bar, branded Sakari, is the focal point of a separate dining room away from the

MONTEREY BAY FISH GROTTO

1411 Grandview Ave., Mount Washington.

412-481-4414 HOURS: Mon.-Thu. 5-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat. 5-11 p.m.; Sun. 5-9 p.m.

PRICES: Starters, $13-25; sushi, $8-22; entrees $20-45 LIQUOR: Full bar

CP APPROVED postcard view, the better to focus on the chefs. In the main dining room, the menu is not seasonal in the sense of “what’s at the farmer’s market today,” but its seamless blend of contemporary and classic feels

caught up to our present moment of dining preferences. The dishes on offer demonstrate the kitchen’s familiarity with current tastes and trends without offering anything too unfamiliar or challenging.

Similarly, the interior is as tastefully modern as any in the city, with deep-sea blues and grays, dark-stained wood, moody lighting and terraced levels separated by glass railings, all designed to frame and reveal the panoramic views. Service was formal, but warm and professional.

Sushi aside, we noticed a pervasive Asian influence on the menu. Latin American ceviche was served with pickled Asian vegetables, while a grilled wedge of baby iceberg, updated with smoked blue cheese and pancetta, included sriracha red peppers.

We decided to go for the off-menu appetizer combo our server told us about. It included a single crab cake (touted as a house

specialty), two skewers of grilled fish of various varieties and seared jumbo shrimp.

In a city where crab cakes are improbably ubiquitous, Monterey Bay’s stand out for their almost creamy texture and succulent meat folded with a binder that’s moist, almost like bread pudding.

A puddle of aioli was rich and mild, with just a touch of piquancy.

The rest of the platter didn’t fare as well.

The skewer — called “Ichiban” on the a la carte appetizer list — included five small cubes of tuna, salmon and swordfish. But all except the swordfish, in the center, were overdone and heavily glazed, to the point that it became hard to distinguish between the tuna and salmon. The shrimp were also overdone, more chewy than succulent, and the horseradish-marmalade sauce was mostly sweet, not spicy.

Sakari, the sushi bar, furnished excellent uncooked fish, however. Salmon nigiri were absolutely silken with a richness that wasn’t unctuous, while the Carson Street roll, made with pork and tempurafried pearl onions as well as cucumber and avocado, was an innovation that worked.

The pork’s flavor and slightly chewy texture were distinct from the suppleness of seafood, but compatible with the vinagered rice. The crunchy onions also worked well, and roasted-garlic sauce was pleasingly savory.

Each of the dozen fresh fish on the menu is available in a choice of two preparations, with only a few duplications. The preparations are thoughtfully paired to the fish, such that tuna is available in Asianinflected styles, while sole sticks to classic French ingredients like butter and lemon.

Hearty swordfish spans the Atlantic, with a Parmesan preparation or chimichurri.

Chimichurri’s heady mixture of herbs, garlic, olive oil and vinegar was developed in Argentina as a condiment for the red meat farmed there, but it paired beautifully with the steak-like character of swordfish, sautéed to tender, juicy perfection.

Steakhouse-style, Monterey offers a half-dozen “sharable” sides. Simple grilled asparagus was unaccountably tough at the base, but gratin potatoes with smoked blue cheese and truffle was a show-stopper.

Countless layers of thin-sliced potatoes were formed into a loaf, a generous slice of which was brought to the table. The sharpness of the cheese was cut by the earthiness of the smoke and truffles, while the potatoes were tender ,yet held together.

Even with our backs to the view, Monterey Bay’s big remodel was a big success in our book. But it was hard not to be disappointed by the inconsistency of the food. At these prices, perfection shouldn’t be too much to ask.

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On the RoCKs

{BY DREW CRANISKY}

FOUR PLAY

A bartender takes on a challenge at Smallman Galley It’s hard enough to create a cohesive, complementary bar program for one restaurant. But what about building a drink list to stand alongside four completely different menus? For Will Groves, this wasn’t a hypothetical challenge. As the man behind the bar at Smallman Galley, he was charged with doing just that.

Smallman Galley is the latest addition to the Strip District’s food scene, a sort of restaurant incubator/culinary school/ food-hall hybrid. It houses four concepts from four different chefs, all of whom are using their tenure at Smallman Galley as a springboard to opening their own restaurants.

THE DRINKS ARE “PHILOSOPHICALLY INSPIRED” BY EACH CHEF. To accommodate the unusual setup, Groves put together a food-friendly drink menu that’s both diverse and focused. For each concept, he designed three original cocktails — not pairings, but rather drinks that are “philosophically inspired” by each chef.

For Jessica Lewis’s vegetable-focused Carota Café, for instance, Groves developed cocktails with bright flavors and fresh ingredients, including one that marries carrot juice and ginger with spiced rum from nearby Maggie’s Farm. For Stephen Eldridge’s meatier Provision PGH, Groves went with spirit-forward offerings, including a variation on an old-fashioned featuring bourbon from West Virginia’s Smooth Ambler.

Like the cocktails, Smallman Galley’s beer list is what Groves describes as “local-ish.”

Suds from Pennsylvania and Ohio will flow from the 20 taps, including (he thinks) the first Pittsburgh appearance of Philadelphia’s lauded Tired Hands Brewing.

Groves assembled a collection of 25 bottles for the wine list, all of them versatile, value-driven and entirely unexpected.

“You look at the list and see these are wines Will just thinks are neat,” says Groves with a grin. Don’t expect pinot grigio here — Groves’ list is filled with interesting grapes and offbeat regions, a menu meant for exploration and conversation.

The beverage selection at Smallman Galley is broad without feeling generic. So no matter what collection of dishes you try, there will be something interesting to sip with it.

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THE FOLLOWING DINING LISTINGS ARE RESTAURANTS RECOMMENDED BY CITY PAPER FOOD CRITICS

DINING LISTINGS KEY

J = Cheap K = Night Out L = Splurge E = Alcohol Served F = BYOB

Meet. Eat. Repeat.

BANGAL KEBAB. 320 Atwood St., Oakland. 412-605-0521.

This Indian restaurant isn’t limited to kebabs, but offers fairly typical Northern Indian selection, including some newer-to-menus items such as meat samosas and the streetsnack chaat. There is also a sizable vegetarian list and, from the tandoor, an unusually large selection of Indian breads. KF

TACDOAY!

Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner.

Cocktails. Craft Beers.

Happy Hour.

335 E. MAIN STREET CARNEGIE, PA 412.275.3637

OPEN CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR’S DAY

ES TU/

Food & Drink Specials!

1000 Sutherland Dr. Pittsburgh, PA 15205 412-787-8888 www.plazaazteca.com

BENJAMIN’S WESTERN AVENUE BURGER BAR

bar • billiards • burgers

Asian American Cuisine The Largest Buffet in Town!

Over 200 Specialty Items: Roast Beef, Ham, Baked Salmon, Ribs and Seafood Casserole

Dessert Bar Banquets of 20-200 Guests 412- 481-1118 860 Saw Mill Run Blvd. ( Rte. 51S) Minutes from Downtown, Close to the Liberty Tunnel Next to the Red, White & Blue Store

www.oldtownbuffetpgh.com 20

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

MONDAY & THURSDAY $2 Yuengling 16oz Draft ____________________ TUESDAY 1/2 Price Wine by the Bottle ____________________ WEDNESDAY Pork & Pounder $10 ____________________ FRIDAY Sangria $3 ____________________ SATURDAY & SUNDAY 10:30am-3pm Brunch Specials & Bloody Mary Bar

----- HAPPY HOUR ----1/2 OFF SNACKS $2 OFF DRAFTS $5 WINE FEATURE

Mon- Fri 4:30 – 6:30pm

900 Western Ave. North side 412-224-2163

BenjaminsPgh.com

BELLA FRUTTETO. 2602 Brandt School Road, Wexford.

724-940-7777. Adjacent orchards are one of the attractions at this comfortable, clubby suburban restaurant. The Italian-inspired menu features the fruits of these orchards in several apple-based dishes, including apple ravioli and apple bruschetta. Bella Frutteto combines an innovative but unfussy menu with friendly service and congenial seating. KE BENJAMIN’S WESTERN AVENUE BURGER BAR. 900 Western Ave., North Side.

412-224-2163. A casual-chic burger-and-sandwich joint is a tasty addition to the North Side.

The menu consists of a matrix of burgers (two sizes, nine topping combos, beef or veggie patty), four other sandwiches and eight beer-friendly “snacks” (from nuts to a charcuterie platter). Prices aren’t dinercheap, but then some burgers come with red-wine-braised onion and truffle mustard. KE THE CAMBOD-ICAN KITCHEN. 1701 E. Carson St., South Side. 412-381-6199.

Having made the jump from street truck to modest sit-down venue, the owners retained their menu, so popular with the late-night crowd, of freshcooked Cambodian cuisine.

Kabobs, fried wontons, chicken, shrimp cakes, curried vegetable bowls and fried noodles are among the restaurant’s staples, as is its distinctive in-house “moon sauce” and fresh limeade. JF CHINA STAR. 100 McIntyre Square, 7900 McKnight Road, North Hills. 412-364-9933.

Though a standard ChineseAmerican menu available, the real action is on the humbly Xeroxed Sichuan menu that’s all in Chinese. Fortunately, there is a translated version available, and the names read like a gourmand’s exotic fantasy: duck with devil’s tongue yam, rabbits in flaming pan. These authentic dishes may sound mysterious, but they’re delicious. KE

Benjamin’s Western Avenue Burger Bar {PHOTO BY HEATHER MULL} GREEN FOREST. 655 Rodi Road, Penn Hills. 412-371-5560.

Tucked into a nondescript office plaza is this churrascaria — a Brazilian all-you-can-eat restaurant. Servers pull barbequed meats right off the rotisserie grill and present them at your table, ready to carve off as much freshly cooked meat as you like. There are hot and cold buffets as well, but savvy diners load up on the juicy meats. KE

{PHOTO BY HEATHER MULL}

Off the Hook GREEN PEPPER. 2020 Murray Ave., Squirrel Hill 412-422-2277. At this family-run restaurant, diners will find authentic Korean recipes refreshingly not reconstituted for timid Americans — no egg rolls or Chinese-American stir-fries.

Dumplings contain kimchi, and the soup is pumpkin. Entrees include the more-familiar bulgogi (barbecued beef), as well as bibimbap, in which meat and veggies are mixed with rice. KE IO. 300A Beverly Road, Mount Lebanon. 412-440-0414. The revamped Io’s (formerly Iovino’s) new simplified menu seems a near-perfect distillation of tasty,

trendy and traditional. Some dishes are sophisticated classics, like pan-seared flounder with fresh tomato and asparagus.

Others are ever-popular workhorses like the BLT and fish tacos, or reinventions such as a Thai empanada or Pittsburgh’s own “city chicken”(skewered pork). KE THE LIBRARY. 2304 E. Carson St., South Side. 412-381-0517. The entrée list at this bookish-themed bistro is short, usually a good sign that the chef is focusing on the strengths of his kitchen and the season’s freshest foods.

Dishes revolve around the staples of meat, seafood and pasta, but in fearless and successful preparations that make the menu a worthwhile read. KE JAMISON’S. 3113 W. Liberty Ave., Dormont. 412-561-3088.

A former cozy watering hole is reborn as a sport bar, but with commendable beer-friendly burgers, wings and Bacon Stix (extra-thick slices of hickorysmoked bacon, fried and balsamic-glazed). Also of note: a variety of dressed burgers in two sizes, incliding one made from kielbasa.KE NICKY’S THAI KITCHEN. 856 Western Ave., North Side (412-321-8424) and 903 Penn Ave., Downtown (412-471-8424).

This restaurant offers outstanding Thai cuisine — from familiar options to chef’s specials that are truly special, such as gaprow lad kao (a Thai stir-fry) and salmon mango curry. The flavors here are best described as intense, yet without overwhelming the fresh ingredients. KF NOODLEHEAD. 242 S. Highland Ave., Shadyside. www.noodleheadpgh.com. In a funky atmosphere, Noodlehead

Noodlehead {PHOTO BY HEATHER MULL} offers an elemental approach to the delightful street food of Thailand in which nothing is over $9. A small menu offers soups, noodle dishes and a few “snacks,” among them fried chicken and steamed buns with pork belly. The freshly prepared dishes are garnished with fresh herbs, pork cracklings and pickled mustard greens. JF

with everything from lemonade to tartar sauce and baked beans made in-house. Best of all, each meat has its own custom rub and is dry-smoked for hours, then served unsauced so that diners can choose from the six different styles on offer. KF THE SMILING MOOSE.1306 E. Carson St., South Side. 412-4314668. The Carson Street bar and nightclub offers a top-notch sandwich and salad menu, by bringing creativity, quality preparation and a knack for well-selected ingredients to the burgers, sandwiches and appetizers. Options include: shrimp skewers with smoked peppers, corn-andblack-bean fritters and a roster of inventive sliders. JE

OFF THE HOOK. 98 Warrendale Village Drive, Warrendale.

724-719-2877. This fine-dining fish restaurant features a menu almost exclusively from the sea; even the pastas are seafood-centric. The fresh-fish section has a variety of suggested preparations, from classic (almondine) to modern (finished with chimichurri). Off the Hook also offers a fresh-oyster bar, www. per expertly curated pa pghcitym wine selection and .co impeccable service. LE

FULL LIST ONLINE

PALAZZO 1837 RISTORANTE. 1445 Washington Road, North Strabane. 724-223-1837. This restored mansion provides a charming setting for fine dining.

The menu is primarily Italian, with traditional but thoughtfully considered dishes. The hearty, but refined, farfalle rustica pairs wild-boar sausage with wild mushrooms and a sherry sage cream sauce, while housemade crepes substitute for noodles in the crepe lasagna. LE THE PINES TAVERN. 5018 Bakerstown Road, Gibsonia.

724-625-3252. A longtime commitment to seasonal and locally sourced food (including on-site gardens and beehives) spans the menu here. The restaurant’s casual elegance is suitable for drinks with friends or a celebration meal. And the fare ranges from pub grub, like burgers and meatloaf, to complex entrée plates, complete with wine and beer suggestions. KE SELMA’S TEXAS BARBECUE. 9155 University Blvd., Moon.

412-329-7003. The decor suggests humble and down-home, but the ingredients and preparation seem tailored to appeal to foodies,

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STOKE’S GRILL. 4771 McKnight Road, Ross Township. 412-369-5380.

There is an art to making a really good sandwich, and the technique has been mastered here. The lengthy menu spans traditional sandwiches but also burgers, quesadillas and wraps, as well as salads and homemade soups. Originality is a hallmark: “Green fries” are shoestrings tossed with pesto, artichoke hearts and bits of brie. FJ TESSARO’S. 4601 Liberty Ave., Bloomfield. 412-682-6809. This immensely popular Bloomfield institution, set in an old neighborhood corner bar, has built its reputation on enormous wood-fired hamburgers: choice meat, ground in-house; fresh rolls; and a variety of toppings.

Regulars sit at the bar, and, on busy weekends, diners line up to get in. KE WILLOW. 634 Camp Horne Road, North Hills. 412-847-1007.

This stalwart of the North Hills fine-dining scene has revamped itself, now with a one-page menu, divided among snacks and salads, small plates and large, that is almost universally appealing.

Choose from simple (spiced mixed nuts) or a carefully prepared salad, to entrees including pastas, burgers and chops. KE

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LOCAL

HITS AND MISSES OF 2015, AS COMPILED BY OUR MUSIC WRITERS

BEAT

{BY ALEX GORDON}

TOP FIVE RELEASES FROM LOCAL ARTISTS

NERD HEARD

BY MARGARET WELSH

Run Forever In 2015, Run Forever became the band it was always meant to be, and put out one of the best indie records of the year, period.

BY CARALYN GREEN

Angel Haze — Back to the Woods: The brutal, resilient swagger we’ve come to expect from Haze, and didn’t see enough of on major-label misfire Dirty Gold.

Veruca Salt — Ghost Notes: Rock ’n’ roll as rough and sweet as it was some 20 years ago, when we last heard from this original lineup.

JoJo — III.: One of the strongest voices in early-’00s pop is free at last from her multi-year label battle.

Missy Elliott — “WTF (Where They From)�

Dream Phone Dream Phone This stellar collection of moody surfpop makes me feel a lot of things, but mainly it makes me feel optimistic about the state of the Pittsburgh music scene.

The Come Up

ALEXGORDON@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

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GREATEST COMEBACKS OF 2015 Vanessa Carlton — Liberman: Gauzy, ghostly and wonderful. A million years from “A Thousand Miles.�

Run Forever

Devyn “Nerdboy� Swain {PHOTO COURTESY OF CHRISTOPHER RUTH}

When Devyn “Nerdboy� Swain moved to Pittsburgh from Philadelphia to get his master’s degree in public and international affairs from the University of Pittsburgh, he planned on a two-year stint. But in the Steel City, the hip-hop artist and poet found a network of like-minded young professionals and artists who inspired him to stick around. That was in 2009. “While it’s a smaller market than Philly, I think there’s more opportunities for people that are kind of underdogs,� says Swain. “I didn’t really feel like there was necessarily a lane for me [in Philadelphia].�

Now working as a teacher and assistant band director at Westinghouse High School, the 29-year-old has clearly found his lane. The proof is in his latest EP, Philadelphia Warrior, a seven-song exhibition of expert old-school production and clever, honest lyricism, released in October on locally based Renaissance Music Records.

Nerdboy is relentlessly charismatic throughout Philadelphia Warrior, channeling golden-era hip hop without descending into nostalgia or parody. “Chill Baby Girl,� for example, samples a piano line from a Billie Holiday song, with Nerdboy waxing about the challenges of maintaining friendships while in a committed relationship as a late-20s millennial. It has the same idiosyncratic humor and personality as Kanye West’s College Dropout, an artist and album Nerdboy lists as primary influences. “I’m all about beats that when you listen to it, it doesn’t matter what era you listen to them in,� says Swain. “They’re still gonna sound dope.�

The nickname “Nerdboy� dates to Swain’s undergrad days at Cheyney University, where he was roommates with Renaissance Music Records’ future founder and label-runner, Cedric Perry. The label was born out of conversations between the two about the lack of the vintage sound in modern hip hop. The label now has three artists on its repertoire, with a fourth, Chicago-based Sincere The Poet, signed recently. “That’s what Renaissance Music is essentially about: It’s about the guy that really doesn’t fit in anywhere, but he’s able to create his own niche and get people to follow behind just because he’s being his authentic self,� says Swain.

Nerdboy begins work on his fulllength, The Spectrum, in 2016.

Vanessa Carlton

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

Visions From the Pacific Here, the Braddockbred rap duo channels the West Coast sound. It was intended as an artistic stop-gap (we may see a proper record in the coming year), but this EP stands on its own.

Concealed

Blade

2015 Demo This love letter to ’80s hardcore gets my vote for the catchiest, wildest, most whammy-barfilled seven minutes of the year.

Tom Breiding River, Rails or Road The folk singer/ songwriter’s latest release (see our review on page 24) evokes the political work of Springsteen and Dylan, and ranks among his best.

featuring Pharrell Williams: Yas queen. Show ’em how it’s done. {PHOTO COURTESY OF EDDIE CHACON}

THE YEAR IN MUSIC STUFF I DISCOVERED FROM INTERVIEWS IN 2015

BY ALEX GORDON

“Plantasia,� by Mort Garson — Chrome Sparks. Digging through old sets and mixes from Chrome Sparks led me to this early synth record from 1976, which was intended to be played for plants to help them grow.

What kind of monster can read that description and NOT look it up?

Midnight Cowboy, by James Leo Herlihy — Jon Bindley. Fitting since my story

Dan Deacon

led off with a tidbit about him giving Norah Jones a book, Jon handed me Midnight Cowboy during our interview and told me to read the opening paragraph while he was in the bathroom.

I did and was immediately hooked. It’s about a male prostitute with killer boots, man.

The art of Joanna Fields — Dan Deacon. Gliss Riffer, Deacon’s 2015 release, features Fields’ work on its cover, which led me down a rabbit hole of her flamboyant, playful illustrations. The bodies are fleshy, the colors are bright and the tongues are long.

{PHOTO COURTESY OF FRANK HAMILTON}

The term “djent metal� — Matt Very. I’d never heard of this genre but when Matt explained it, I was like, “Yeah, that seems right.�

The live video for Sondre Lerche’s “Bad Law� — Steve Soboslai. I don’t know much of Lerche’s music, but this is a great track and the video features some top-ofthe-line dance moves. I am staunchly opposed to confetti (it’s just paper chopped up), but this performance is a winner.

MY TOP 5 ALBUMS OF 2015

(Not including Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly, because that’s too obvious)

BY SETH PFANNENSCHMIDT

Deeper

Than Before

Fields and Planes This Columbus quintet is another indication of how much Ohio’s capital city is dominating Midwest music culture. Clever lyrics abound and the melodies are top-notch. Deeper than Before is the best thing to happen to indie pop since the ukulele.

Dying

Surfer Meets His Maker

All Them Witches All Them Witches dropped, perhaps, the best debut of the year. Dying Surfer, a bluesy, psychedelic guitar-rock album, with obvious nods to Zeppelin, is more homage than plagiarism. It manages to be heavy and sentimental at the same time and straight-up rocks.

Black

Liberation Theology

Jasiri X The Pittsburgh-based rapper/activist gave us a powerful collection of black experiences and a springboard from which to transcend America’s institutional racism. Jasiri X’s bio reads, “freeing minds one rhyme at time� and Black Liberation Theology, with its dynamic production and skillful flow, is certainly capable of achieving such a goal.

Sermon on

the Rocks

Josh Ritter Josh Ritter is one of the best songwriters in the game and Sermon on the Rocks is his best offering to date. Full of words, Ritter offers an apocalyptic yet hopeful message with an infectious delivery.

Golden

Ticket

Golden Rules U.K. producer Paul White and Florida native Eric Biddines team up to give us Golden Ticket, a hip-hop/soul fusion with smooth Southern delivery. This album is high art.

CONTINUES ON PG. 24

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{PHOTO COURTESY OF KARLY TAKACH}

THE YEAR IN MUSIC, CONTINUED FROM PG. 23

NEW RELEASES {BY MARGARET WELSH}

Dream Phone

BEST PITTSBURGH BANDS OF 2015

BY ANDREW WOEHREL

Dendritic Arbor — Sadly, the band recently broke up, but its full-length Romantic Love is the year’s best metal album.

LISTEN UP! You read City Paper’s music coverage every week, but why not listen to it too?

Each Wednesday, music editor Margaret Welsh crafts a Spotify playlist with tracks from artists featured in the music section, and other artists playing around town in the coming days.

Find it on our music blog, FFW>>, at pghcitypaper.com

Come Holy Spirit — The best live band in Pittsburgh?

Radon Chong — These experimental weirdoes may not be for everyone, but no one else in town is doing anything like this.

MORE LISTS

. at www er. p a p ty ci pgh com

Dream Phone — This retro super group has become one of Pittsburgh’s biggest draws.

Night Vapor — What the world needs now is a Pittsburgh-centric music mockumentary called Being John Roman.

BIGGEST TOOLS IN MUSIC OF 2015

BY CARALYN GREEN

Ryan Adams for mansplaining Taylor Swift’s 1989

Producer Dr. Luke for his rape and abuse of Kesha

Sun Kil Moon’s Mark

Kozelek for his harassment of

MINA’S FAVORITE RECORDS (AND ONE DISAPPOINTMENT) Picks from 2015, her first year of life, as told by Dan Morgan (her papa)

No Time — Promo Tape 2015: These Oi!-infused hardcore jams caused Mina to do a crazy proto-pogo across the floor.

journalist Laura Snapes

Or, four times when there were two good concerts on the same night and, while I don’t regret the one I went to, I probably would have enjoyed the other show more

BY BRIAN CONWAY

APRIL 2: When I chose Delicate Steve at the Thunderbird over alt-j at the Benedum.

JUNE 7: When I watched Alvvays at Arts Fest instead of Wire at Mr. Small’s.

SEPT. 3: When I caught Swervedriver at Club CafĂŠ instead of Tal National at the Thunderbird.

SEPT. 25: When I saw Ghost at Stage AE instead of Television at the Carnegie Music Hall in Oakland.

(AMERISON RECORDS) WWW.TOMBREIDING.COM

At 18 tracks, River, Rails or Road, Tom Breiding’s 13th release, is an epic offering.

Inspired by the struggles of coal miners in his home state of West Virginia, this record moves easily along despite its length and showcases some of the best traditional folk songwriting of the Pittsburgh transplant’s career. Where his past releases have occasionally sidestepped into singer-songwriter schlock, River, Rails or Road finds Breiding doing God’s work. As the musician in residence for the United Mine Workers of America, Breiding has played some of these songs at rallies across the country, and his musical storytelling has been a powerful force in helping retired coal miners win pension and health benefits.

In this cynical age, it’s a heartening reminder that protest music still has power.

TOM BREIDING Noon. Thu., Dec. 24.

Leaf and Bean, 2200 Penn Ave., Strip District. Free. 412-434-1480 or www.leafandbean.com

New

LENNY SMITH AMERICAN STEW

Complete: The soundtrack to many a papa/ daughter dance session this fall.

(BONEDOG RECORDS) WWW.LENNYSMITHGUITAR.COM

Order — Music

TOUGH DECISIONS OF 2015

TOM BREIDING RIVER, RAILS OR ROAD

Concealed Blade — Demo 2015/ Tour Tape 2015: Primal slabs of hardcore-punk power that regularly lulled Mina into sweet dreams at naptime. Maybe name the LP Songs for Sleepy Babies?

Danzig

Biggest Disappointment Danzig — Skeletons: While this was a solid release over all, Mina was very disappointed in the lackluster version of “Satan� from Satan’s Sadists, which is one of her favorite songs.

Perhaps best known for his years playing with local blues luminary Billy Price, Lenny Smith is a seasoned guitarist and multi-decade veteran of the Pittsburgh music scene. With the ’60s counter-culture aesthetic of the cover art, and songs drawing from a range of classic-rock and blues influences, it’s easy to imagine American Stew — Smith’s third solo release — as the soundtrack to a Cameron Crowe period piece. There are staringout-the-Greyhound-window songs (“Wonderful Day With You�) and dancingin-a-dive songs (the boogie-woogie-ing “Sinking Down�) and mad-cap montage songs (the jazzy, piano-driven “Too Much Coffee�). Not every song is a hit but, like a good soundtrack, the range of styles holds together as a cohesive whole.

MWELSH@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

CRITICS’ PICKS {PHOTO COURTESY OF DAN PELUSO}

Balloon Ride Fantasy

[POP] + SAT., DEC. 26

[ROCK] + MON., DEC. 28

Local synth-pop six-piece Balloon Ride Fantasy describes itself as “indie pop,” which is a bit misleading; this is pop music, plain and simple. Even though vocalist Chris Olszewski enunciates words like “moribund” and “microcosm” that might fit better in a Decemberists song, BRF’s sound is more akin to an unholy hybrid of Emerson, Lake and Palmer (dig those proggy keyboards!) and the catchy modern slickness of Maroon 5 (Olszewski sounds just like Adam Levine at times), with hints of Duran Duran or Gary Numan in the retro ’80s drums. Catch the band tonight at Club Café with Paint31 and Old Soles and Seedy Players. Andrew Woehrel 9 p.m.

56 S. 12th St., Southside. $7.

412-431-4950 or www.club cafelive.com

Even though it’s not totally clear how the members of Rage Against the Machine would feel about this, RATM2, a local RATM cover band, described itself as “Rage Against the Machine Done Right!” The band plays tonight at the Smiling Moose, supported by Through These Walls and Shad Ali, as part of A Benefit to Support American Veteran Volunteers in Syria & Iraq. Tom Morello and Zach DeLaRocha probably won’t make a guest appearance, but if you squint while you get your groove on to these funky political jams, you might be able to pretend it’s 1996. AW 9 p.m.

1306 E. Carson St., South Side. $10. 412-431-4668 Headphone or www.smilingActivist moose.com

[DANCE NIGHT] + SAT., DEC. 26 Spirit became the place for {PHOTO COURTESY dance nights in OF STEFAN POULOS} 2015, and tonight the venue hosts Diva’s Night, Holiday Edition. The evening will be sure to please, with seasonal hits from Mariah Carey, Destiny’s Child, *NSYNC and Wham. And don’t worry if you work retail and thus hate Christmas music: There will be other non-holiday favorites on the playlist.

Come dance off the extra weight you may have gained from Christmas dinner, or at least the extra stress you gained from having to talk to your racist uncle about Donald Trump.

Hosted by DJ Diana Boss and DJ Yass Queen.

AW 10 p.m. 242 51st St., Lawrenceville. $5.

412-586-4441 or www.spiritpgh.com

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[ELECTRONIC] + WED., DEC. 30 If you hadn’t noticed by now, Pittsburgh is becoming a city recognized for its contributions to electronic dance music. Along with the astronomic VIA festival, there are other local electronic festivals popping up.

For instance, Locally Grown: The Second Annual Pittsburgh Producers Party is tonight, at the Rex Theater, featuring a selection of local electronic artists. Headliner Headphone Activist is a producer who is gaining national attention in the EDM scene for his smooth and headbobbing beats, which he calls “vibe music.” He recently returned from a tour of the West Coast and is joined by other local EDM artists LeMoti, NoSleep, Tulpa and DJ Strobe. AW 9 p.m. 1602 E. Carson St., South Side. Free. 412-381-6811 or www.rextheater.com

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{ALL LISTINGS MUST BE SUBMITTED BY 9 A.M. FRIDAY PRIOR TO PUBLICATION}

TO SUBMIT A LISTING: HTTP://PGHCITYPAPER.COM/HAPPENINGS

412.316.3388 (FAX) + 412.316.3342 X165 (PHONE)

ROCK/POP SAT 26

FRIDAYS 10PM ALT 80S NIGHT SATURDAYS 10PM DANCE PARTY $2.75 PBR POUNDERS OR PBR DRAFTS

ALL DAY, EVERY DAY 2204 E. CARSON ST. (412) 431-5282 lavaloungepgh.com

FIND LABATT BLUE & BLUE LIGHT SPECIALS NEAR YOU DURING ALL PENS GAMES ON THE CP HAPPS APP!

LETS GO PENS!

TUE 29

FULL LIST E N O LIN

TUE 29 CLUB CAFE. Josh Herbert w/ Jacob Klein. South Side.

412-431-4950.

WED 30 CLUB CAFE. Demos Papadimas & His Band, Southside American, The Mutiny.

South Side. 412-431-4950.

MR. SMALLS THEATER. Lotus.

Millvale. 412-821-4447.

REX THEATER. Headphone Activist, Le Moti, NoSleep, Tülpa.

South Side. 412-381-6811.

THU 24

FRI 25

MP 3 MONDAY HITTOFMCM

CONSOL ENERGY CENTER. Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Uptown. 412-642-1800.

THE R BAR. Midnite Horns.

Dormont. 412-942-0882.

THUNDERBIRD CAFE. Butler Street Session w/ Anjroy.

Lawrenceville. 412-682-0177.

JAZZ

WED 30

SUN 27

MON 28

BLUES

DIESEL. DJ CK. South Side.

412-431-8800.

LAVA LOUNGE. Top 40 Dance BLUSH SPORTS BAR. Shari Party. South Side. 412-431-5282.

Richards. Jam session. Downtown.

REMEDY. Dance Crush.

412-281-7703.

Lawrenceville. 412-781-6771.

RIVERS CASINO. DJ Rambo. North Side.

412-231-7777.

ROWDY BUCK. Top ANDYS WINE BAR. 40 Dance. South Side. www. per Bronwyn Wyatt. pa 412-431-2825. pghcitym Downtown. .co THUNDERBIRD CAFE. 412-773-8884.

DJs J Malls & Buscrates JAMES STREET Dance Party. Lawrenceville.

GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. 412-682-0177.

Roger Humphries Jam Session. Ballroom. North Side.

412-904-3335.

SMILING MOOSE. Rock Star Karaoke w/ T-MONEY. South Side.

412-431-4668.

GRILLE ON SEVENTH. Tony SPOON. Spoon Fed. East Liberty.

Campbell & Howie Alexander.

Downtown. 412-391-1004.

412-362-6001.

featuring JellyRoll

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

TUE 29 THUNDERBIRD CAFE. Space Exchange w/ Wilson, Barnes, Throckmorton. Lawrenceville.

412-682-0177.

WED 30 ANDYS WINE BAR. Judi Figel.

Downtown. 412-773-8884.

NOLA ON THE SQUARE. Dan Bubien. Downtown. 412-471-9100.

ACOUSTIC FRI 25 CLADDAGH IRISH PUB. Weekend at Blarneys. South Side.

412-381-4800.

SAT 26

THE R BAR. Tom Lagi & Katie Simone. Dormont. 412 942-0882.

WED 30 ALLEGHENY ELKS LODGE #339.

Pittsburgh Banjo Club. Wednesdays.

North Side. 412-321-1834.

PARK HOUSE. Shelf Life String Band. North Side. 412-224-2273.

REGGAE FRI 25 CAPRI PIZZA AND BAR. Bombo Claat w/ VYBZ Machine Intl Sound System. East Liberty. 412-362-1250.

CLASSICAL THU 24 CHRISTMAS EVE CANDLELIGHT SERVICE. W/ extended choral & orchestral prelude. Shadyside Presbyterian Church, Shadyside.

412-682-4300.

FRI 25

DOWNLOAD THE FREE APP FOR A CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS TO A GAME!

ANDYS WINE BAR. Elliot Roth.

Downtown. 412-773-8884.

THE CLUB BAR & GRILL 1.

Tubby Daniels. Monroeville.

412-728-4155.

LEMONT. Dave Crisci.

Mt. Washington. 412-431-3100.

THE MONROEVILLE RACQUET CLUB. Carl King Band.

Monroeville. 412-728-4155.

NOLA ON THE SQUARE. Olga Watkins. Downtown.

412-471-9100.

TUE 29

DJS ANDYS WINE BAR. DJ Malls Spins Vinyl. Downtown. 412-773-8884.

ONE 10 LOUNGE. DJ Goodnight, DJ Rojo. Downtown. 412-874-4582.

RIVERS CASINO. VDJ Jack Millz.

North Side. 412-231-7777.

ROWDY BUCK. Top 40 Dance.

South Side. 412-431-2825.

RUGGER’S PUB. 80s Night w/ DJ Connor. South Side. 412-381-1330.

SAT 26

PARK HOUSE. Bobby Valentine.

North Side. 412-224-2273. {PHOTO COURTESY OF MAGGIE MARTINEZ}

TUESDAY DEC 29/10PM EMO NIGHT

BALTIMORE HOUSE. A.T.S. & the Byron Glatz Menagerie. Pleasant Hills.

412-653-8500.

CLUB CAFE. Balloon Ride Fantasy w/ Paint31, Old Soles & Seedy Players. South Side.

412-431-4950.

DOWNEY’S HOUSE. The Hawkeyes. Robinson.

412-489-5631.

KNUCKLEHEAD’S BAR. The Dave Iglar Band. Ross.

412-366-7468.

MEADOWS CASINO. No Bad Ju Ju. Washington.

724-503-1200.

MOONDOG’S. The Shiners.

Blawnox. 412-828-2040.

THE R BAR. The Bill Ali Band.

Dormont. 412 942-0882.

REX THEATER. The Clarks w/ Wreck Loose. South Side.

412-381-6811.

THE VALLEY HOTEL. King’s Ransom. Clairton.

412-233-9800.

SAT 26

Each week, we bring you a song from a local artist.

This week’s track comes from Pittsburgh producer HITofMCM with some help from Southern rapper JellyRoll; stream or download their version of Devo’s “Whip It” for free at FFW>>, the music blog at www.pghcitypaper.com.

OTHER MUSIC FRI 25 ATLAS BOTTLE WORKS. Haygood Paisleys, Casual Hobos, Lone Pine String Band.

Lawrenceville. 412-904-4248.

What to do December 23 - 29

IN PITTSBURGH

WEDNESDAY 23

412-431-4950. Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/opusone.

9p.m.

ALTAR BAR Strip District.

412-263-2877. Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketfly.com or 1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 10p.m.

A Phattie Little Holiday: A Jazz and Burlesque Holiday Experience

Emo Night Live!

Full Band Karaoke

Holiday Comedy Show

THURSDAY 24 Winter Flower Show and Light Garden PHIPPS CONSERVATORY Oakland. For more info visit phipps.conservatory.org.

Through Jan. 10.

The Nutcracker

One Hellofa Holiday Brew Tour MULTIPLE BREWERIES. Tours starting at Pittsburgh Public Market.

Tickets: pghtoursandmore.net.

11:15a.m.

SUNDAY 27

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer HEINZ HALL Downtown.

412-392-4900.

Tickets: trustarts.org.

1p.m. & 6:30p.m.

SATURDAY 26

Trans-Siberian Orchestra The Ghosts of Christmas Eve

CLUB CAFE South Side.

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HEINZ HALL SUNDAY, DECEMBER 27

ALTAR BAR Strip District.

412-263-2877. Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketfly.com or 1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 9p.m.

BENEDUM CENTER Downtown.

412-456-6666. Tickets: pbt.org.

Through Dec. 27.

Balloon Ride Fantasy

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER

© the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust

CLUB CAFE South Side.

412-431-4950. Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/opusone.

8p.m.

PAID ADVERTORIAL SPONSORED BY

CONSOL ENERGY CENTER Downtown.

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Tickets: livenation.com or 800-745-3000.

3p.m. & 7:30p.m.

MONDAY 28

American Veteran Volunteers in Iraq & Syria

A Benefit to Support

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SMILING MOOSE South Side.

412-431-4668.

Over 21 event.

Tickets: ticketfly.com or

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TUESDAY 29

1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 9p.m.

Josh Herbert Holiday Magic Laser Show CLUB CAFE South Side.

CARNEGIE SCIENCE CENTER North Side. For times and more info visit carnegiesciencecenter.org.

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412-431-4950. Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/opusone.

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BET AGAINST THE HOUSE

“I WISH I HAD NEVER MET MIKE WEBSTER, BUT HE GAVE ME A GREAT GIFT.”

{BY AL HOFF} Sorry Star Wars, but the best movie out this Christmas is The Big Short, where all the knuckle-biting action is a bunch of Wall Street stuff you can’t understand.

Doesn’t matter! Adam McKay’s biting, infuriating comedy, adapted from Michael Lewis’ eponymous book, takes on the 2008 mortgage crisis, and finds entertainment gold tracking the real-life “underdogs” who saw the collapse coming and made a fortune betting that the economy would tank.

Christian Bale is worried about mortgages.

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Yes, it’s awkward, because you’ll be cheering on these guys, too. For one, they’re portrayed by such marquee faves as Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale, Steve Carell and Brad Pitt, and the film taps generic expectations about rebels who succeed. Two, as squicky as these guys are, they’re right — and they’re motivated to take down even worse Wall Streeters.

The Big Short is funny as hell — you’ll laugh through your tears of rage as you recall the epic mess Wall Street bankers made, and how you, me and everybody else paid for it. (We’re not totally blameless: McKay periodically includes MTV-style montages of all the brainless pop culture that was otherwise consuming our attention at the time.)

The film also finds a couple of quieter, emotional moments, such as a trip to Florida to see “dream homes,” and Carell’s character’s growing realization of how epically rotten the system is.

The Big Short helpfully illuminates tricky financial stuff in amusing ways: Jenga helps make sense of how quickly an interconnected market can collapse, and celebrities make cameos to explain a particular instrument. Chef Anthony Bourdain stops by to explain how a CDO — collateralized debt obligation — is akin to a stew that restaurants make with leftover fish: “It’s not old fish. It’s a whole new thing.”

Or learn from one of the film’s financial whizzes: “Mortgages are dog shit.

CDOs are dog shit wrapped in cat shit.”

HEAD CASE {BY AL HOFF}

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ETER LANDESMAN’S docudrama Concussion recounts the discovery of a degenerative neurological condition linked to repeated concussions, such as those endured by professional football players. The disease, now known as chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), was discovered in Pittsburgh, in 2002, by Nigerian-born Dr. Bennet Omalu (Will Smith) during a post-mortem exam of former Steelers center Mike Webster.

Though Omalu convinces other medical professionals about CTE — including Allegheny County Coroner Cyril Wecht (Albert Brooks) — the NFL is less open to his findings, and even obstructive.

The film is adapted from Jeanne Marie Laskas’ 2009 GQ article “Game Brain,” which like this work begins with the downward spiral of “Iron Mike” Webster (David Morse). The horror of these recreated scenes, combined with the real-life footage of “Jacked Up” clip reels where ESPN announcers cackle over brutal on-field player collisions, sets the stage.

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Along the Allegheny: Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Will Smith

Concussion excels in its procedural aspects, as Omalu unravels the mysteries of damaged brains and tries to turn his discoveries into actions; he is David running at the NFL, a Goliath backed by millions of fans and billions of dollars.

(Wecht wryly counsels: “The NFL owns a day of the week — the same day the church used to own.”)

CONCUSSION DIRECTED BY: Peter Landesman STARRING: Will Smith, Alec Baldwin, Gugu Mbatha-Raw Starts Fri., Dec. 25

The film is baggier and less compelling when it tries to fill in Omalu’s life outside the lab. He courts a fellow African émigré (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), and the script saddles these actors with some pretty hokey dialogue. And the narrowness of its approach — Omalu’s early-days fight — makes Concussion less informative about the full scope of the CTE crisis. (Frontline’s

2013 “League of Denial: The NFL’s Concussion Crisis” is recommended.)

Concussion isn’t an advocacy film; it’s not pro football’s Blackfish. But this is the most high-profile outing CTE has had, and sports fans’ response to this issue is still being formed. Concussion is blunt in some ways, but leaves space for doubters and deniers — this was years ago, it’s just a couple of guys, the NFL is looking into it now, etc. And more than anything — and the film cops to this frequently — people don’t want to give up being football fans.

Confronting the NFL knocked Omalu’s promising career off track, but he’s sanguine by film’s end: “I wish I had never met Mike Webster, but he gave me a great gift, a dangerous gift — the gift of knowing.” Now we know too, and Concussion ends with what may be its most effective message — Omalu watching two high school footballers charging head on into each other. People may still watch strangers play, but will they let their kids suit up?

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peared. There is a new force of evil in the galaxy: the First Order, a very Empire-like organization. The Order and the Resistance are trying to track down a map that will lead to Skywalker’s whereabouts.

Watching this new story unfold, with each secret and twist revealed in its own time, is part of the fun. The script is full of humor, but takes itself just seriously enough to make the action and drama seem believable. The action sequences — many which take place in airship-to-airship combat — are exhilarating. Audiences may notice a sense of déjà-vu, and not just because there are characters from the originals. The main plot is a band of Resistance fighters fighting a group of bad guys who have built a weapon capable of wiping out whole galaxies.

Star Wars has always been the ultimate story of good vs. evil; a story of seeking redemption and finding out who we really are, even at the risk of destroying the world. Now Abrams has delivered the first leg of the new journey in The Force Awakens.

He’s given fans the movie that we’ve been missing for more than three decades. (A longer version of this review is at www.pghcitypaper.com.) In 3-D and IMAX, at select theaters (Charlie Deitch)

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NEW THIS WEEK DADDY’S HOME. Just as a dull-but-caring stepdad (Will Ferrell) is gaining traction with the kids, their long-absent, cocky bio dad (Mark Wahlberg) appears, vying for their attention.

Because this is a comedy, Sean Anders’ film features such distinctions between the two as: physique, ability to make drywall repairs, and who has a better job. (One is a mercenary of sorts, the other works at a smooth-jazz radio station.) Ferrell and Wahlberg could probably do this film in real time, the roles are so in their respective wheelhouses. It all plays out as expected, with a few welcome riffs on the generic expectations (there’s a good pay-off about dance movies). But this remains a movie that uses a custody battle for a comic premise, and I could imagine some viewers finding this more real-life-painful than fancifully funny. And especially at the holidays! Starts Fri., Dec. 25 (Al Hoff) THE DANISH GIRL. Tom Hooper’s docudrama tells the story of a Danish man, born Einar, who in the 1920s underwent early sex-reassignment surgery to become Lili Elbe. Einar (Eddie Redmayne) is a fairly successful landscape painter in bohemian Copenhagen, happily married to Gerda (Alicia Vikander), herself a portrait painter. Then a bit of art-related cross-dressing opens Einar up to a deeper realization: Inside, he is a woman. Gerda is mostly supportive, and much of the film recounts how the pair — together and separately — seeks happiness in light of this new understanding.

The work is respectful and covers an interesting historical figure, but winds up being rather dull — a pro forma “prestige” arthouse film, properly bolstered with good actors, lovely settings, exquisite clothing and a “controversial” subject. Redmayne and Vikander give a good effort — both cry exquisitely and frequently — but The Danish Girl often seems like a melodrama enacted by beautifully designed animatronic creations. Vikander gives the better of the two performances by default, since Redmayne chooses a number of exaggerated tics and mannerisms designed to convey the coquettish feminine ideal. For all I know, so did the real Ms. Elbe. But writ large on screen, the repetitive head-ducking, simpering, blushing and fluttery hand-ballet is distracting — a pantomime in what wants to be a quiet story about two people’s painful and complicated emotional struggles. Starts Fri., Dec. 25 (AH)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens THE HATEFUL EIGHT. In Quentin Tarantino’s neoWestern set in post-Civil War times, bounty hunters and assorted others are forced to hole up in a cabin during a blizzard. Conflict is sure to arise. Jennifer Jason Leigh, Channing Tatum and Samuel L. Jackson head an ensemble cast. Starts Fri., Dec. 25, at AMC Loews, in 70 mm. Opens wide in digital format Jan. 1.

be staging extreme heists. Ericson Core’s film is a re-boot of the 1991 neo-classic. In 3-D, in select theaters. Starts Fri., Dec. 25 SISTERS. 2015 wasn’t a bad year for movies, and a marked improvement was that the girls got to act as wild and crazy and stupid in raucous comedies as the Sons of Apatow do. And thus we close out the year with a pair old hands and besties Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, as they take on the timehonored Comedy Classic: “Let’s Throw a Big Party, Smash Things, and When Dawn Breaks, Grow Up a Bit.” Jason Moore’s film, scripted by SNL writer Paula Pell, adds a couple of twists. The revelers are middleaged folks trying to reclaim (or try out for the first time) a wild youth. (In fact, for folks of a similar age, the nostalgic grabs from the 1980s will be especially funny.) The film moves fast enough that you mostly don’t notice it’s about 20 minutes too long, and that some jokes are duds. But Fey and Poehler bring enough enthusiasm — and have such easy comic chemistry together — that you’ll bounce along happily for the ride, even if you know exactly how this party van is gonna crash. (AH)

YOUTH. Paolo Sorrentino’s drama is a visually impressive but self-indulgent film about a group of wealthy and successful people staying at a Swiss luxury spa. Chief among them is Michael Caine, portraying a retired composer who spends his days getting massages and talking urine production with his film-director pal, played by Harvey Keitel. These

Sisters JOY. Jennifer Lawrence stars in this dramedy about a struggling mom who invents and markets a newfangled mop. David O. Russell directs; Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro and Isabella Rossellini co-star. Starts Fri., Dec. 25.

POINT BREAK. An FBI agent goes undercover with a crew of extreme-sports enthusiasts who might also

STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS. J.J. Abrams’ new Star Wars is the follow-up movie that fans deserve and have waited 32 years for. The film is gorgeous to watch, has a great story and is a perfect homage to the original series, while at the same time setting the stage for future films.

It’s been 30 years since the events of The Return of the Jedi: Princess Leia is now a general with the resistance forces — and Luke Skywalker has disap-

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White Christmas

(1954) 12/23 @ 7:30pm, 12/24 @ 7:30pm A holiday classic, starring Bing Crosby, music and lyrics by Irving Berlin.

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Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001) 12/26 @ 1:00pm, 12/27 @ 1:00pm, 12/31 @ 1:00pm

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

(2002) 12/26 @ 4:00pm, 12/27 @ 4:00pm, 12/31 @ 4:00pm Hogwarts is back in session!

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Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

(2004) 12/26 @ 7:15pm, 12/27 @ 7:15pm, 12/31 @ 7:15pm Sirius Black escapes!

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It’s A Wonderful Life

(1946) 12/29 & 12/30 @ 6:00pm Family night at the movies, sponsored by St. Thomas More parish.

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The Danish Girl two go way back and spend much of the film trying to return there — when they’re not ogling beauty queens and doling out advice to cartoonishly depicted millennials.

Every actor in the ensemble is terrific, but their stories sink under the weight of the humorless, selfserious script. There are occasional bright points, such as a beautiful wordless sequence involving a very fat man and a tiny tennis ball. It’s visually reminiscent of Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia — minus the crashing planets — and what’s left is essentially a montage of rich people being sad. The last thing these people need is more vacation. Starts Fri., Dec. 25. Carmike 6 at Galleria (Alex Gordon)

School, where a series of mysterious attacks are occurring. Chris Columbus directs this 2002 adventure. 4 p.m. daily, Dec. 26-27 and Dec. 31.

Hollywood HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN. Harry Potter is ready to return to school and his magical compatriots, but learns that the dangerous wizard Sirius Black has escaped from prison and is probably coming after him. Alfonso Cuarón directs this 2004 outing. 7:15 p.m. daily, Dec. 26-27 and Dec. 31. Hollywood

REPERTORY CASABLANCA. In this 1942 classic directed

by Michael Curtiz, an American guy has a café in Casablanca, Rick’s, where everybody goes. It all takes place in one room; the love story is hokey, based on ridiculous coincidences and interrupted by complicated war details, cheesy patriotism and one-liners; and there are dozens of bit players.

Yet it’s as close to perfect as a Hollywood film ever was. Row House Cinema: Dec. 26-30. Regent Square: 2:30, 5 and 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 26; and 2:30 and 5 p.m. Sun., Dec. 27. Harris: 7:30 p.m. nightly, Dec. 28-30. (AH)

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CITIZEN KANE. Orson Welles’ dark 1941 portrait of newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane remains an astonishing piece of filmmaking — and a deeply enjoyable film to revisit. Its visuals are so rich and layered that many await discovery, such as inventive tricks Welles used to create the illusion of a grand film from much smaller fragments. The film’s nonlinear narrative first plays as a mystery, but on subsequent screenings, the out-of-order sequences become puzzle pieces the viewer can assemble differently. And repeat viewings only strengthen Welles’ premise (so neatly aped in the opening newsreel montage of Kane’s life) that, despite new angles and fresh information, the life of a man can be unknowable. Row House Cinema: Dec. 26-30. Harris: 2:30, 5 and 7:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 26; and 2:30 and 5 p.m. Sun., Dec. 27. Regent Square: 7:30 p.m. nightly, Dec. 28-30. (AH)

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HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE. A young boy learns he’s a wizard and heads off to Hogwarts School. Chris Columbus’ 2001 film is the start of an epic magical journey. 1 p.m. daily, Dec. 26-27 and Dec. 31. Hollywood HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS. In the second chapter of the Harry Potter saga, the boy wizard returns to Hogwarts

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Daddy’s Home MARY POPPINS. A British household is put in order by the prim but magical nanny Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews) in Robert Stevenson’s 1961 musical.

Dec. 26-31. Row House Cinema SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. Danny Boyle’s 2008 comedy tracks via flashback the adventures of a young Indian man (Dev Patel) who is poised to win millions of rupees from a TV quiz show — if he can prove he hasn’t cheated. Dec. 26-31. Row House Cinema

[BOOK REVIEW]

BUT IT TURNS UPBEAT FOR THE PROCESSION TO THE TOMB

EMBODIED

{BY FRED SHAW}

Yoga master Erich Schiffmann once described the ancient mind-body practice as “a way of moving into stillness in order to experience the truth of who you are.” In the 84 pages of Ellen McGrath Smith’s first full-length poetry collection, Nobody’s Jackknife (West End Press), readers will find smart writing utilizing different forms (ghazal, pantoum) that mostly center on alcoholism and yoga.

These disparate themes make for a wide-ranging book that allows Smith to explore her speaker’s self with an insight lending itself to hybrid forms and lyrical experimentation, with confessionalism kept to a minimum.

Smith, a Pittsburgh native with a doctorate from Duquesne University, has long taught at Pitt. A yoga practitioner for decades, she says in press materials that the genesis of Nobody’s Jackknife came from her telling a friend, “The closest I get to a buzz now is when I’m practicing yoga.”

She listed all the drinks she ever tried, writing poems for the poses (asanas) she associated with that drink.

It’s a nifty concept that plays out in unexpected ways.

“The Locust: A Foundational Narrative” is a killer prose-y piece that lays down important background including love for baseball and Roberto Clemente and not shying from moments of racism or a difficult father-daughter relationship.

It’s the mother who introduces yoga to our speaker, with salabhasana (locust pose) being one she’ll attempt “again and again, and cry / because my body fails to hear the brain’s / commands. Inert and facedown, / I’ll try again and again.”

The free association of “locust” (tree, insect, pose) throughout this sectioned poem adds to its playful poignancy.

The physicality described in many of the works keeps these poems grounded and balanced. In “Child’s Pose (balasana),” where the pose mirrors a child receiving corporal punishment, “the child / is architect of hunger; face in shadow, / knees, feet, forehead touch the floor. / A small soul’s scattered breath / and heartbeat echo, sounding out / the home inside the house.” As so often in the collection, the writing remains both muscular and sensitive.

Smith’s keen awareness takes a different form in “February Was Only Half Over”: “I realized after rolling coins, that my hands had touched everyone / somehow … / Filling every sleeve with my upright middle finger, / I was getting through the month and touching everyone.” An engaging debut, Nobody’s Jackknife trades not in transcendence but in poems of the body.

{IMAGES COURTESY OF THE CARNEGIE MUSEUM OF ART}

A scene from The Living Need Light, The Dead Need Music

[ART REVIEW]

OUTROS {BY NADINE WASSERMAN}

IF YOU WALK into the Forum Gallery at the

Carnegie Museum of Art somewhere near the middle of The Living Need Light, The Dead Need Music, you might think you’ve stumbled into a Vietnamese karaoke bar.

On a large screen, a melancholy woman sings a mournful tune as she floats downriver in a boat. While this segment resembles a sentimental Southeast Asian music video, as a whole this 21-minute piece is compellingly complex and rich with poetic symbolism.

Shot in ultra HD, the video was made by the artist collective The Propeller Group for Prospect.3: Notes for Now, the 2014-15 International Arts Biennial in New Orleans.

And indeed, it must have resonated deeply there as it focuses on the musical traditions of funerals in Vietnam, which bear a striking resemblance to the brass-band funeral traditions of NOLA. Surreal and dreamlike, the loose narrative follows three protagonists — a boy, a trans woman and a bandleader — through a dizzying array of vignettes. But

ultimately the central characters in this mythic tale are death and music, as suggested by the title, which is taken from a Vietnamese proverb.

At traditional funerals in Vietnam, music accompanies the deceased on their journey and eases the sorrow of the bereaved. Initially it is somber, but it turns

THE PROPELLER GROUP: THE LIVING NEED LIGHT, THE DEAD NEED MUSIC

continues through March 21.

Carnegie Museum of Art, 4400 Forbes Ave., Oakland. 412-622-3131 or www.cmoa.org

upbeat for the procession to the tomb. By mixing footage from real funerals with a mock funeral, the filmmakers pay homage to what they consider to be a form of public art and a deeply political statement, as religious expression has been discouraged but nonetheless tolerated under communism.

In addition, by collaborating with their subjects, the artists readjust the viewer’s gaze so that the subjects are always in flux and the final piece becomes both documentary and reenactment. The protagonists traverse both urban and rural landscapes, participating in spectacles that include professional criers, street performers, fireeaters, snake charmers, sword swallowers and other sideshow theatrics. As a reflection of the Buddhist notion of impermanence, the delineation between death and life remains elusive.

The artists are not interested in epistemological truths but rather truth in flux, or truth that might be embedded in mythologies. This is evident in many of their other works. “The AK-47 vs the M16,” in this year’s Venice Biennale, is comprised of a slow-mo video of bullets from each weapon colliding within clear FBI ballistic gel and, in a nearby glass vitrine, the actual block of gel containing the results. Inspired by an American Civil War artifact of two bullets that collided, the artists wanted to apply that same

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OUTROS, CONTINUED FROM PG. 31

DON’T MISS AWARD WINNING MUSICIAN, WRITER AND PRODUCER FOR JILL SCOTT, MUSIQ SOULCHILD AND CARL THOMAS.

mythology to the Cold War in order to mine the poetics of past traumas.

In another piece, “Television Commercial for Communism (TVCC),” the artists of the Propeller Group — the collective is based in Los Angeles and Ho Chi Minh City, in Vietnam — worked with an advertising company to rebrand an ideology. By working collaboratively, they are already redefining their roles as artists. But they take it even further because they are also a full-service production company. Called TPG Films, they work with entertainers as well as with other visual artists.

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BATTLE LINES {BY KIM LYONS}

Phunam, one of the three artists who make up The Propeller Group, with Tuan Andrew Nguyen and Matt Lucero, writes: “Confusion is good. When people are confused, they actually have to think.” This confusion is very Yes Men because there is also a different The Propeller Group, which does advertising and production, and a separate PR firm called Propeller Group.

Nguyen writes: “The ultimate collaboration would be this: ‘The Propeller Group’ would create an idea for a film and hire ‘The Propeller Group’ Los Angeles company to produce it and ‘The Propeller Group’ PR agency in the U.K. to promote it.” The artists actually have two websites: one for their art and one for TPG, with some crossover.

However, neither one appear to be a spoof.

Lucero’s quote on one of the websites states: “Michael Asher was a pioneer, but perhaps his most compelling ‘institutional critique’ was his death. What is more meaningful and compelling than death?” And so we are back to death and to the mournful, euphoric and fantastical spectacle that is the video on display in the Forum Gallery.

While it is perhaps not as resonant in this geographical location as it would be in New Orleans, the topic of death is universal.

Featured in the video is the song “Mot Coi Di Ve,” by Trinh Cong Son. Translated as “A Place To Leave From and Return To,” it has become a standard at many Vietnamese funerals, and no doubt in karaoke bars.

According to the artists, the video is shot like a music video as homage, and in the most genuine way possible.

What’s most interesting about Braddock’s Defeat: The Battle of the Monongahela and the Road to Revolution (Oxford University Press, $29.95) is that, the book’s title notwithstanding, author David Preston builds a strong argument that the colossal defeat was much more than just a matter of Gen. Edward Braddock underestimating his foe.

By most accounts, Braddock’s failed attempt to capture Fort Duquesne from the French on July 9, 1755, was one of England’s most humiliating military blunders. In the midst of the so-called French and Indian War, Braddock was expecting a relatively easy victory at Fort Duquesne, with his sights set on Fort Niagara. But Braddock’s lack of Native American allies and inability to adapt rigid British battle formations to the Western Pennsylvania wilderness led to his defeat.

Despite outnumbering the enemy by a significant margin, the history goes, many of Braddock’s men panicked, and the ensuing chaos gave the French and their Native American allies a quick victory. Braddock was mortally wounded and died four days later.

Not so fast, argues Preston, a history professor at The Military College of South Carolina.

Those Native Americans were a highly sophisticated organization that had closely monitored and tested the British forces with a series of seemingly unrelated skirmishes. They didn’t just ambush Braddock; they carefully executed a strategy focused on weak spots in the British column.

The battle scenes are among the book’s strongest sections, offering detailed descriptions drawn from letters and eyewitness accounts. (The book’s bibliography and appendices account for 100 of its 480 pages.) The backdrop will be familiar to Western Pennsylvania readers, although given the descriptions of rugged, untamed terrain, it isn’t quite the same as spotting the City-County building in The Dark Knight.

The lessons of Braddock’s defeat have unfortunately gone unheeded time and again since 1755, Preston argues in his epilogue. “Vulnerable columns of conventional forces like Braddock’s have been frequently destroyed by indigenous forces in modern times,” he writes.

He cites the British and American struggles against tribal forces in Afghanistan and Iraq in 2001 and 2003 as contemporary examples.

Preston’s meticulous attention to detail and his obviously deep knowledge of the subject matter make for a compelling read, despite the book’s length. Braddock’s defeat might well go down in history as a loss that could have been avoided, but Preston makes it clear that the fault likely did not lie solely with the British commander.

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[BOOK REVIEW]

One of the performers encountered in The Living Need Light, The Dead Need Music

Do you know what your Pittsburgh city councilor has been up to?

Follow the latest updates on our blog at www.pghcitypaper.com

ALL-NEW SKETCH COMEDY AND IMPROV!

“Wings of Destiny,” a photograph by Nandini Valli Muthiah

[ART REVIEW]

PORTRAYALS

little weary, maybe a little worn, maybe a little human. {BY LISSA BRENNAN} In two images, while walking a brick path or standing straight up in a vintage THE WORKS OF Indian photographer red convertible, he’s flanked by uniformed Nandini Valli Muthiah are a gorgeous attendants who gaze solemnly at the and compelling documentation of the camera. Otherwise he’s alone, floating intersection of the divine and the mun- in pools alongside lily pads and lotuses, dane ever present in daily life. Two majestic and proud before a temple different series are represented at Wood with a statue of his childhood self, reStreet Galleries, both sharing brilliant clining on a lush carpet of grass. In percomposition, richly saturated colors haps the most moving image he sits on and cleanly cinematic lighting. Best of a bed’s foot in a generic hotel suite, head all, they reveal a fascination with the ducked, tired. otherworldly that refuses to gaze up in The photographs in the “Remember adoration, but instead respectfully pulls to Forget” series document the Fancy it off its pedestal to stand shoulder to Dress Competition, part of Children’s shoulder on the ground.

Day events traditionally held at schools across India. Grade-schoolers arrive prepared to recite speeches and perform NANDINI poetry, costumed as gods, animals and historical figures. While the shots of VALLI MUTHIAH continues through Dec. 31. Wood Krishna capture the subject in the act Street Galleries, 601 Wood St., Downtown. of living, the children stiffly hold poses.

412-471-5605 or www.woodstreetgalleries.org Despite their often exuberant outfits, they are mostly solemn, stoic, resemThe series “Definitive Reincarnate” bling small serious adults, although one follows Krishna, resplendent and con- child seems committed to remaining in templative, as he moves about the earth. character. They hold mock spears, shields Ornamented with golden crowns glit- and musical instruments, and while we tering with gemstones, leis of orchids might respond with amusement, these and leaves, wrapped in shimmering children are most definitely not amused. silks threaded with precious metals, his The burden of their obligation to excel blue-skinned form alone is a joyous riot seems to rival Krishna’s. of texture and hue and would make his Nandini Valli has a growing reputation portraits captivating even if tradition- of one of India’s premier photographers. ally posed. But this series goes further Judging from the work seen here, she’s with a narrative depicting a god maybe a soon to be among the world’s.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

DEC. 28 James Gallery Select

Art by Craig Dongoski

+ THU., DEC. 24 {EXHIBIT} It’s a Holiday Family Free Day at the Children’s Museum — the perfect time to check out the interactive exhibit Voyage to Vietnam: Celebrating the Tét Festival.

The exhibit (which runs through Jan. 17) evokes the Vietnamese new year, which is the year’s most important festival, and focuses on children’s perspective. Take a seat on a motor scooter; visit an outdoor food market and a kitchen mockup; design your own fireworks display; take a photo in traditional clothing; see a water-puppet show, don a costume for the lion dance or try music-making with Vietnamese instruments. Like the rest of the museum, it’s all admission-free today.

Bill O’Driscoll 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

10 Children’s Way, North Side. 412-322-5058 or www.pittsburghkids.org

{OUTDOORS} Whether you’ve already paid your homage to holiday commerce, or figure you’ll still have plenty of time for giftshopping tonight, you might want to squeeze in today’s free Nature Hike through Frick Park. It’s the third annual

iteration of this all-ages jaunt, led by Pittsburgh Parks Conservancy naturalist educator Mike Cornell. The leaves are down, and the sightlines are good for a 90-minute guided hike that highlights the mammals, birds and plants that make up Frick’s winter landscape.

BO Noon. Meet at Blue Slide Park, Beechwood Avenue

DEC. 26 Harlem Globetrotters

Way back in 2001, big-budget movie series based on youngadult novels weren’t really a thing yet. (Even “youngadult novels” weren’t the phenomenon they are today.)

Arguably, it was the blockbuster Harry Potter movies that set the template for multi-film adaptations of serial bestsellers.

Today and tomorrow, the Hollywood Theater offers two chances to see each of the first three Potter films in order of release: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001), Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004). All three films star Daniel Radcliffe as J.K. Rowling’s intrepid boy wizard — as did, of course, the five Potter films that were yet to come. BO 1, 4 and 7:15 p.m.

Also 1, 4 and 7:15 p.m. Sun., Dec. 27. 1449 Potomac Ave., Dormont. $6-8 ($15 for all three). 412-563-0368 or www. thehollywooddormont.org

sp otlight

{SPORT} Sure, they have a lot of tricks up their sleeveless jerseys, and they haven’t lost to those ever-hopeful Washington Generals since the Nixon administration (the first Nixon administration). ministration). But what’s mostly ostly kept the Harlem Globetrotters lobetrotterss going since 1925 5 is their ability to charm thousands of fans at a time by showing one little kid that she, too, can spin pin a basketball on her finger. ger. Today, the Globetrotters etrotters begin their ir 90th anniversary ry tour with theirr annual stop in Pittsburgh, ttsburgh, including two shows at Consol Energy nergy Center. BO O 1 and 6 p.m. m.

1001 Fifth h Ave., Uptown. $10170. www. w. harlemglobe obe trotters.com om

relaxed by helping program a little R&R at the Moulin Rouge? Phat Man Dee suggests you’d get something like A Phattie Little Holiday, the jazz songstress and emcee’s burlesque-infused tribute to the holidays, featuring “Candy Cane Strip Teases,

DEC. 26 Darth Vader and Friends Art by Jeffrey Brown

{COMEDY} DY} One of Pittsburgh’s ttsburgh’s busier comics is Tony “T-Robe” Roberson. The Aliquippa native started out doing open mics; he’s since toured nationally, and at his home base, the Pittsburgh Improv, he’s opened for such name talents as Tommy Davidson and John Witherspoon.

T-Robe, who plays off everyday topics in a deceptively casual style, is himself the marquee name tonight at the Improv, where he hosts the T-Robe and Friends Holiday Show. BO 7 and 9:30 p.m. 166 E. Bridge St., The Waterfront, West Homestead. $10. 412-462-5233 or www.pittsburgh.improv.com

+ SUN., DEC. 27

{VARIETY}

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What if, with yesterday’s business completed, St. Nick

Jeffrey Brown is making a career of tweaking pop

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dancing dreidels and Elf-lesque.” Phat Man Dee is hoping this event at Altar Bar launches a new holiday tradition. With her band, The Cultural District, she sings classics like Duke Ellington’s “Sugar Rum Cherry” to accompany such top local burlesque talent as Macabre Noir, Lita D’Vargas, Lilith Deville and Kat de Lac. BO 9 p.m. 1620 Penn Ave., Strip District. $15-20 (VIP: $75 couple, $50 single). www.thealtarbar.com

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culture’s premier villain in amusingly counterintuitive ways. The Chicago-based cartoonist’s 2014 book Goodnight, Darth Vader, was a bestseller that asked, “What if Darth Vader were a dad like any other?” Brown has followed up with Darth Vader cover and Friends, s whose cov Dark depicts the merciless Da seated in Lord of the Sith se reading an armchair, rea to little Luke, LLeia and assorted SStar Warss characters. characte In fresh the midst of fre Star Warss mania, ma an eponymous eponym ToonSeum exhibit of Brown’s Brown’ Vader illustrations illustration offers either eith a reprieve or a complement, complem depending dependin on your perspective. pers BO O 11 a.m.a 5 p.m.

Exhibit continues through Jan. 10. 945 Liberty Ave., Downtown.

Down $4-8 (free for kids under 5). 412-232-0199 or o www.toonseum.org

+ MON., DEC. 28 {ART} James Gallery Select is a James Gallery show featuring some of the West End venue’s favorite artists from around the country. The eclectic bunch of nationally and internationally exhibited contributors includes: New Jersey-based abstract painter Michael Madigan; Atlantabased Craig Dongoski, whose drawings seek “to expose the nervous system”; textile artist Tim Harding, of Minneapolis; and Roland Kulla, a Chicagobased painter drawn to

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{PHOTO COURTESY OF RENEE ROSENSTEEL}

Three decades after his death, Orson Welles remains a figure of fascination for writers, scholars and cinephiles. The latest of his many biographies, Patrick McGilligan’s Young Orson, covers Welles’ life right up until what remains his best-known achievement, Citizen Kane.

The 1941 classic, in which director and co-writer Welles stars as an arrogant newspaper tycoon, still regularly tops best-ever lists, and no mystery: With its still-stunning cinematography, brilliant editing, innovative use of sound and clever script, it’s a treasure trove of cinematic delights, the overall effect a potent exploration of identity and obsession. Pittsburgh Filmmakers closes the calendar year by pairing Citizen Kane with an all-time crowd-pleaser, Casablanca. Released a year after Kane, Michael Curtiz’s story set in wartime Morocco is thoroughly traditional in style but still indelible, with its snappy dialogue and romantic leads Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman. And don’t forget either film’s stellar supporting cast: For starters, Kane had Joseph Cotten, Everett Sloane and Agnes Moorehead, while Casablanca boasted Claude Rains, Sydney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre. Both films screen daily Dec. 26-30, at either the Regent Square or Harris theaters, and tickets are just $5. Bill O’Driscoll Casablanca: Dec. 26 and 27 (Regent Square, 1035 S. Braddock Ave., Edgewood) and Dec. 28-30 (Harris, 809 Liberty Ave., Downtown). Citizen Kane: Dec. 26 and 27 (Harris) and Dec. 28-30 (Regent Square). $5. www.pfpca.org

DEC. 26 A Phattie Little Holiday

architectural subjects. BO 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Exhibit continues through Jan. 30. 413 S. Main St., West End. 412-922-9800 or www.jamesgallery.net

performers from 12 countries” in a variety of acrobatic and musical sequences. In three family-friendly performances starting with tonight’s, you’ll see gingerbread men doing flips; toy soldiers, snowmen and penguins walking the high wire; big musical production numbers; and a colossal set featuring 30-foot trees. Cirque Dreams hits the Benedum Center courtesy of the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust.

BO 7:30 p.m. Also 2 and 7:30 p.m. Wed., Dec. 30.

719 Liberty Ave., Downtown. $39.75-59.75. 412-456-6666 or www.trustarts.org

+ TUE., DEC. 29 {CIRQUE} If it’s stage spectacle you’re after in the waning days of 2015, you won’t do better around here than Cirque Dreams Holidaze. This touring show from Neil Goldberg’s long-running troupe Cirque Dreams boasts “over 300 costumes, 20 acts and 30

S C R E E N

DEC. 24 Holiday Family Free Day

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+ THU., DEC. 31 {PARTY} We know: New Year’s Eve or not, some kids just can’t stay awake until midnight — and hopefully, it’s not because they’ve passed out, like some of their elders. Even at Downtown’s family-friendly annual First Night celebration (more on which next week in this space), kids who want the countdown experience have to last past 11:59. So Phipps Conservatory again offers its New Year’s Eve Family Celebration. It comes complete with activities for kids complementing access to the Winter Flower Show and Light Garden, the Tropical Forest Congo and other attractions — and with the countdown to 2016 coming at the very civilized hour of 8:45 p.m.

BO 6-9 p.m. 1 Schenley Drive, Oakland. Free with admission: $11-14; free for kids under 2.

412-622-6914 or www.phipps. conservatory.org

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{ALL LISTINGS MUST BE SUBMITTED BY 9 A.M. FRIDAY PRIOR TO PUBLICATION}

TO SUBMIT A LISTING: HTTP://PGHCITYPAPER.COM/HAPPENINGS 412.316.3388 (FAX) + 412.316.3342 X165 (PHONE)

THEATER BEAUTY & THE BEAST HOLIDAY. Presented by Gemini Theater Company. Belle & the Beast spend a magical winter holiday together as the Beast learns the true meaning of the season. Sat, Sun, 11 a.m. & 1:30 p.m. Thru Dec. 27.

Latitude 360, North Fayette.

412-693-5555.

CIRQUE DREAMS HOLIDAZE. A cirque show, Broadway musical & family Christmas spectacular. Tue., Dec. 29, 7:30 p.m. and Wed., Dec. 30, 2 & 7:30 p.m.

Benedum Center, Downtown.

412-456-6666.

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER: THE MUSICAL. A musical based on the T.V. show.

Wed, Sat, 2 & 7 p.m., Thu., Dec. 24, 2 p.m. and Sun., Dec. 27, 1 & 6:30 p.m. Thru Dec. 26. Heinz Hall, Downtown. 412-392-4900.

COMEDY SAT 26 LAUGH & LYRICS. Live comedy

& R&B vocalists. Last Sat of every month James Street Gastropub & Speakeasy, North Side. 412-904-3335.

MAKE NICE BOOM. A team improv competition presented

by Unplanned Comedy.

Fourth Sat of every month, 8 p.m. Cattivo, Lawrenceville.

412-687-2157.

T-ROBE & FRIENDS HOLIDAY SHOW. 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Improv, Waterfront.

412-462-5233.

Family fun around town and moves from the Harlem Globetrotters, topped off with a few beers Podcast goes live every Thursday at www.pghcitypaper.com

EXHIBITS ALLEGHENY CITY HISTORIC

GALLERY. Historical images & items forcusing on the North Side of Pittsburgh.

North Side. 412-321-3940.

ALLEGHENY-KISKI VALLEY HERITAGE MUSEUM. Military artifacts & exhibits on the Allegheny Valley’s industrial heritage.

Tarentum. 724-224-7666.

ANDREW CARNEGIE FREE . w w w LIBRARY MUSIC aper p ty ci h g p HALL. Capt. Thomas .com Espy Room Tour. The COMEDY SAUCE SHOWCapt. Thomas Espy Post CASE. Local & out-of-town 153 of the Grand Army of the comedians. Mon, 9 p.m. Pleasure Republic served local Civil War Bar, Bloomfield. 412-682-9603. veterans for over 54 years & is the OPEN MIC COMEDY NIGHT. best preserved & most intact GAR Mon, 10 p.m. Lava Lounge, post in the United States. Carnegie.

South Side. 412-431-5282.

412-276-3456.

ANDY WARHOL MUSEUM. Yevgeniy Fiks: Andy Warhol & The BROOKLINE COMMUNITY OPEN Pittsburgh Labor Files. A collection MIC. A community run open mic. of documents that afford various Wed, 7-10 p.m. Brookline Pub, impressions of the left-wing political, economic & artistic life in Brookline. 412-531-0899.

FULL LIST ONLINE

MON 28

WED 30

[KIDSTUFF]

blogh.pghcitypaper.com

The first hit is free.

Actually, so are all the others.

{PHOTO COURTESTY OF PAUL G. WIEGMAN}

With most schools on break, kids can get restless. To fill the year-end doldrums, Phipps Conservatory is offering Family Fun Days in its greenhouses.

Crafts, plant-potting and educational activities will be scattered throughout the exhibits to help kids gain knowledge and get their hands dirty.

11 a.m.-4 p.m. Dec. 26-30. Phipps Conservatory, 1 Schenley Park, Oakland.

Free with admission ($11-15; free for kids under 2). www.phipps.conservatory.org

Pittsburgh, from the communist movements of the 1920s, to the union rallies of the 1930s, to the Red Scare of the 1950s. North Side.

412-237-8300.

BAYERNHOF MUSEUM. Large collection of automatic roll-played musical instruments & music boxes in a mansion setting.

Call for appointment. O’Hara.

412-782-4231.

BOST BUILDING. Collectors.

Preserved materials reflecting the industrial heritage of Southwestern PA. Homestead.

412-464-4020.

CARNEGIE MUSEUM OF ART. The Propeller Group: The Living Need Light, the Dead Need Music.

A video based exhibition that looks at colorful, spirited funeral traditions in Vietnam & New Orleans. Oakland. 412-622-3131.

CARNEGIE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY. Animal Secrets. Learn about the hidden lives of ants, bats, chipmunks, raccoons & more. Out of This World! Jewelry in the Space Age. A fine jewelry exhibition that brings together scientific fact & pop culture in a showcase of wearable & decorative arts related to outer space, space travel, the space age, & the powerful influence these topics have had on human civilization. Dinosaurs in Their Time. Displaying immersive environments spanning the Mesozoic Era & original fossil specimens. Permanent. Hall of Minerals & Gems. Crystal, gems & precious stones from all over the world. Population Impact. How humans are affecting the environment.

Oakland. 412-622-3131.

CARNEGIE SCIENCE CENTER. H2Oh! Experience kinetic water-driven motion & discover the relations between water, land & habitat. How do everyday decisions impact water supply & the environment? Ongoing: Buhl Digital Dome (planetarium), Miniature Railroad & Village, USS Requin submarine & more.

North Side. 412-237-3400.

CENTER FOR POSTNATURAL HISTORY. Explore the complex interplay between culture, nature & biotechnology. Sundays 12-4.

Garfield. 412-223-7698.

CHILDREN’S MUSEUM OF PITTSBURGH. Voyage to Vietnam. An immersive exhibit celebrating the Vietnamese Tet Festival.

North Side. 412-322-5058.

COMPASS INN. Demos & tours w/ costumed guides feat. this restored stagecoach stop.

North Versailles. 724-238-4983.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

“Little Savages” (photograph, insects, roots, stuffed bird, 2007), by Tessa Farmer.

From the exhibition The Mountain and the Bumblebee, at SPACE, Downtown.

VISUALART ONGOING 707 PENN GALLERY. Poison.

A look at the enduring relationship between drugs & the urban community.

Downtown. 412-325-7017.

709 PENN GALLERY. Post Erotica: The Anthropology of Motherhood. A visual diary of being a mom w/ works

by Fran Flaherty. Downtown.

412-471-6070.

937 LIBERTY AVE. Humanae/ I AM AUGUST. A series of photographs of everyday Pittsburghers by Angelica Dass.

Downtown. 412-338-8742.

ACE HOTEL PITTSBURGH. East Liberty In Focus: The Photographs of Teenie Harris.

An exhibit of a few curated photographs from CMOA collection. East Liberty.

412-361-3300.

ANDY WARHOL MUSEUM. Permanent collection. Artwork & artifacts by the famed Pop Artist. Warhol By The Book. An exhibition on Warhol’s book work, from early student-work illustrations to his commercial work in the 50s. North Side.

412-237-8300.

ARTDFACT. Artdfact Gallery.

The works of Timothy Kelley & other regional & US artists on display. Sculpture, oil & acrylic paintings, mixed media, found objects, more. North Side.

724-797-3302.

ARTISTS IMAGE RESOURCE. Printwork 2015. Feat. prints created by 22 artists from around the country, the exhibition features innovative techniques combined w/ solid conceptual thinking.

North Side. 412-321-8664.

BANTHA TEA BAR. Benevolent Creatures. An exhibition of 18 Stormtrooper

helmets reimagined by artists across The Walt Disney Company, including Lucasfilm, Industrial Light & Magic, Marvel & Pixar. The iconic Star Wars helmets began as 6 inch white vinyl derived from the original CG animation file & have been redesigned into new benevolent creatures. Penn Hills.

412-404-8359.

BOCK-TOTT GALLERY. 5 Artists: A Collection of Works.

Works in various mediums by Brandy Bock-Tott, Jeffrey Phelps, Linda Breen, Joyce Werwie Perry & Cindy Engler. Sewickley.

412-519-3377.

BOXHEART GALLERY. No Boundaries: Work by The Pittsburgh Group. Main gallery.

The Watcher The Watched.

Work by Kyle Ethan Fischer, Carolyn Reed Barritt, Irina Koukhanova, Danny Licul, & Sherry Rusinack. Bloomfield.

412-687-8858.

CARNEGIE MUSEUM OF ART. HACLab Pittsburgh: Imagining the Modern.

An exhibition of over, under architecture highlighting successive histories of pioneering architectural successes, disrupted neighborhoods & the utopian aspirations & ideals of public officials & business leaders. Silver to Steel: The Modern Designs of Peter Muller-Munk. Displaying the work of 60s German emigre & Pittsburgh industrial design Peter Muller-Munk, who started as a silversmith at Tiffany’s.

Oakland. 412-622-3131.

CHRISTINE FRECHARD GALLERY. Compensatory Dreaming. Works by Dean Cercone. Squirrel Hill.

412-421-8888.

CHROMOS EYEWEAR. Steel Mills Past & Present: Lithography

by Keith Clouse. Black & white imagery of both working & decaying mills and the people who worked in them translated through lithography printing.

Presented in conjunction w/ Carolyn Pierotti of Purple Room Fine Arts. Lawrenceville.

412-477-4540.

CRAZY MOCHA COFFEE COMPANY. Glowstick Burn Unit. A series of collages by Brian DiSanto. Glowstick Burn Unit: A Series of Collages by Brian DiSanto. Selections spanning the last 5 years of Brian’s album art, fliers, & other spastic jolts of fun.

Bloomfield. 412-681-5225.

EAST OF EASTSIDE GALLERY. Eastside Outside. Landscape paintings & print by Adrienne Heinrich, Debra Platt, Phiris Kathryn Sickels, Sue Pollins & Kathleen Zimbicki. Forest Hills.

412-465-0140.

ECLECTIC ART & OBJECTS GALLERY. 19th century American & European paintings combined w/ contemporary artists & their artwork. The Hidden Collection. Watercolors

by Robert N. Blair (1912- 2003).

Hiromi Traditional Japanese Oil Paintings The Lost Artists of the 1893 Chicago Exhibition.

Collectors Showcase. Emsworth.

412-734-2099.

ESPRESSO A MANO. The Whole Kit & Caboodle.

Feat. quirky cats & whimsical floral acrylic paintings by Maura Taylor. Lawrenceville.

412-918-1864.

FRAMEHOUSE. Except For The Sound of my Voice: Photogravures by Leslie A. Golomb. Feat. selections from Wielding the Knife, woodcuts by Master Chinese Printmaker, Li Kang.

Lawrenceville. 412-586-4559.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

DEPRECIATION LANDS MUSEUM. Small living history museum celebrating the settlement & history of the Depreciation Lands. Allison Park.

412-486-0563.

FALLINGWATER. Tour the famed Frank Lloyd Wright house.

Mill Run. 724-329-8501.

FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH. Tours of 13 Tiffany stained-glass windows.

Downtown. 412-471-3436.

FORT PITT MUSEUM. Captured by Indians: Warfare & Assimilation on the 18th Century Frontier. During the mid-18th century, thousands of settlers of European & African descent were captured by Native Americans. Using documentary evidence from 18th & early 19th century sources, period imagery, & artifacts from public & private collections in the U.S. and Canada, the exhibit examines the practice of captivity from its prehistoric roots to its reverberations in modern Native-, African- & Euro-American communities.

Reconstructed fort houses museum of Pittsburgh history circa French & Indian War & American Revolution. Downtown.

412-281-9285.

FRICK ART & HISTORICAL CENTER. Ongoing: tours of Clayton, the Frick estate, w/ classes & programs for all ages.

Point Breeze. 412-371-0600.

HARTWOOD ACRES. Tour this Tudor mansion & stable complex.

Enjoy hikes & outdoor activities in the surrounding park.

Allison Park. 412-767-9200.

HUNT INSTITUTE FOR BOTANICAL DOCUMENTATION. The Mysterious Nature of Fungi. An overview of these mysterious organisms that are found almost everywhere on this planet & are the cause of both bliss & blight. Oakland.

412-268-2434.

KENTUCK KNOB. Tour the other Frank Lloyd Wright house.

Mill Run. 724-329-8501.

KERR MEMORIAL MUSEUM. Tours of a restored 19th-century, middle-class home. Oakmont.

412-826-9295.

MARIDON MUSEUM. Collection includes jade & ivory statues from China & Japan, as well as Meissen porcelain. Butler. 724-282-0123.

MCGINLEY HOUSE & MCCULLY LOG HOUSE. Historic homes open for tours, lectures & more. Monroeville.

412-373-7794.

MOUNT PLEASANT GLASS MUSEUM. Bells, Bells, Bells: A Lenox Holiday. A collection of Lennox Christmas bells.

Isabella D. Stoker Graham Collection. Heritage glass from her estate. Mount Pleasant.

724-547-5929.

NATIONAL AVIARY. Masters of the Sky. Explore the power & grace of the birds who rule the sky. Majestic eagles, impressive condors, stealthy falcons and

VISUAL ART

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FRICK ART & HISTORICAL CENTER. Permanent collection of European Art. Forbidden Fruit. Porcelain figurines in the 18th century style by Chris Antemann. Point Breeze.

412-371-0600.

GALLERIE CHIZ. Trip the Light Fantastic! Holiday Show.

Work by Doreen Baskin, Peter Calaboyias, Manuela Holban, Thomas Kelly, Bill Miller, Ellen Chisdes Neuberg, Cory Rockwood, Bruce Senchesen & Marike Vuga. Shadyside.

412-441-6005.

THE GALLERY 4. An Occasional Dream. Interactive mixed media works, enhanced w/ a free smartphone app by Erin Ko. Shadyside. 412-363-5050.

GALLERY ON 43RD STREET. Addicted to Trash. Assemblage & metal collage by Robert Villamagna. Lawrenceville.

412-683-6488.

GLENN GREENE STAINED GLASS STUDIO INC. Original Glass Art by Glenn Greene.

Exhibition of new work, recent work & older work. Regent Square. 412-243-2772.

HOLOCAUST CENTER, UNITED JEWISH FEDERATION. In Celebration of Life: Living Legacy Project. A photographic/ multimedia exhibit honoring & commemorating local Holocaust survivors. Squirrel Hill.

412-421-1500.

IMAGE BOX GALLERY. Birthday Parties. Collaborative Works by Marcy Gerhart & Katelyn Gould. Garfield.

412-441-0930.

JAMES GALLERY. James Gallery Select. An eclectic mix of style. West End. 412-922-9800.

JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER. Jane Haskell: Drawing in Light. An exhibition of 30 sculptures, paintings & drawings by the artist.

Squirrel Hill. 412-521-8010.

MALL AT ROBINSON. Digital Designs: Showcase of Student Design Work.

Robinson. 412-788-0816.

MATTRESS FACTORY. Ongoing Installations. Works by Turrell, Lutz, Shiota, Kusama, Anastasi, Highstein, Wexler & Woodrow.

Factory Installed. Artists Anne Lindberg, John Morris, Julie Schenkelberg, Jacob Douenias, Ethan Frier, Rob Voerman, Bill Smith, Lisa Sigal & Marnie Weber created new room-sized installations that demonstrate a uniquely different approach to the creative process. North Side.

412-231-3169.

MORGAN CONTEMPORARY GLASS GALLERY. parallel-

their friends take center stage!

Home to more than 600 birds from over 200 species. W/ classes, lectures, demos & more.

genres. Christine Barney, John Burton, Granite Calimpong, Bernie D’Onofrio, Jen Elek, Saman Kalantari, David Lewin, David Royce, Margaret Spacapan & Cheryl Wilson Smith exploring an interconnected set of parameters through different genres. Shadyside.

412-441-5200.

NEU KIRCHE CONTEMPORARY ART CENTER. Like a Body Without Skin. Work by Fiona Amundsen addressing the relationships between steel manufacturing industries & their mobilization into a united national front that produced everything from planes to bombs during WWII. North Side. 412-322-2224.

PANZA GALLERY. Fusion.

An exhibition showcasing two artists, Christianna Kreiss & George Kollar, using unique forms of photography. Millvale.

412-821-0959.

PHIPPS CONSERVATORY & BOTANICAL GARDEN. Learning for a Greener Future: A Youth Art Exhibition. Through a series of photography workshops, Phipps’ summer interns were encouraged to explore whatever crossed their paths from beautiful flowers, to people, to architecture. The teens selected their favorite pictures to display in this gallery space. The pictures demonstrate the power of communication & art through the view of a camera lens. Oakland.

412-622-6914.

PITTSBURGH CENTER FOR THE ARTS. 50th Anniversary Annual Exhibition. A nonthemed juried exhibition showcasing the best work of the Pittsburgh Society of Artists in all mediums. Guild Exhibitions from the Pittsburgh Society of Artists, Society of Sculptors & Group A. Work from guild members. Shadyside.

412-361-0873.

PITTSBURGH FILMMAKERS. In the Air: Visualizing what we breath. Photographs that show the effects of western PA’s air quality. Oakland. 412-681-5449.

PITTSBURGH GLASS CENTER. Indagare. Work by Therman Statom. Friendship.

412-365-2145.

REVISION SPACE. Fired in Freedom. A group exhibition feat. ceramic artists from Northeast Ohio & Pittsburgh.

28 firings in less than four years from a single wood-fired kiln have resulted in clay objects that range from contemporary

North Side. 412-323-7235.

NATIONALITY ROOMS. 29 rooms helping to tell the story of Pittsburgh’s immigrant past.

sculptures to traditional pots.

Lawrenceville. 412-735-3201.

SILVER EYE CENTER FOR PHOTOGRAPHY. Golden Hour: Thoughts on the Contemporary Photo Book. An exhibition of images from recent or upcoming publications, experimental installations & thoughtful & evocative sequences that add a new perspective to existing book-based projects. South Side. 412-431-1810.

SOCIETY FOR CONTEMPORARY CRAFT SATELLITE GALLERY. A Very Long Engagement. The works collected in this exhibition emerge from lengthy encounters with string – whether knotted, netted, interlaced, woven or percussed.

Created by six fiber artists, the works form a kind of network of linked ideas, processes, physical properties & material qualities. Downtown.

412-261-7003 x15.

THE SOCIETY FOR CONTEMPORARY CRAFT. Mindful: Exploring Mental Health Through Art. More than 30 works created by 14 contemporary artists explore the impact that mental illness is having on society & the role the arts can play in helping to address these issues.

Strip District. 412-261-7003.

SPACE. The Mountain & the Bumblebee. An multi-artist, multimedia exhibition exploring our ideas about landscapes.

Downtown. 412-325-7723.

THE TOONSEUM. Darth Vader & Friends. Work by Jeffrey Brown. Downtown.

412-232-0199.

TUGBOAT PRINT SHOP. Tugboat Printshop Showroom.

Open showroom w/ the artists.

Fridays 10 a.m.-4 p.m. & by appt. only. Lawrenceville.

412-980-0884.

WINDOWSPACE. MIXTAPE: GOD BLESS THE CHILD THAT’S GOT HIS OWN. Work by Paul Zelevansky. Downtown.

412-325-7723.

WOOD STREET GALLERIES. At Home. London based artist Hetain Patel unveils the photographic series “Eva,” & a newly commissioned work for the exhibition “Jump.” Part of India in Focus showcase.

Nandini Valli Muthiah. Nandini’s photography incorporates traditional ideas of popular Indian art in contemporary, everyday settings. Part of India in Focus showcase. Downtown.

412-471-5605.

University of Pittsburgh.

Oakland. 412-624-6000.

OLD ST. LUKE’S. Pioneer church features 1823 pipe organ,

THE ANIMAL RESCUE LEAGUE & WILDLIFE CENTER

KIDSTUFF THU 24

FULL LIST ONLINE

SAT 26 - WED 30

MON 28

DANCE

THU 24 - SUN 27

MON 28 - WED 30

SAT 26

LITERARY THU 24

TUE 29 - WED 30

THU 24

{PHOTO BY REBECCA NUTTALL}

TUE 29

*Stuff We Like

OUTSIDE NATURE HIKE. W/ Naturalist Educator Mike Cornell. All ages.

Frick Park, Blue Slide Playground, Squirrel Hill. www.showclix.com

SAT 26 CHRISTMAS BIRD COUNT. Take part in the ongoing research to document winter birds. Pre-registration is required by calling 724-935-2170.

7:30-11:30 a.m. & 1-4 p.m.

North Park, Allison Park.

Holiday Edition

WED 30 WEDNESDAY MORNING WALK. Naturalist-led, rain or shine. Wed Beechwood Farms, Fox Chapel. 412-963-6100.

PPG Place Tree The decorated tree in the ice-skating rink in PPG Place is a must-see this holiday season.

OTHER STUFF

Silver & Gold

THU 24

A decade’s worth of seasonal recordings from Sufjan Stevens, this collection features versions of omnipresent favorites (“Silent Night”) and oddball originals (“No One Can Save You from Christmases Past”).

A SOTO ZEN BUDDHIST SITTING GROUP. http:// citydharma.wordpress.com/ schedule/ Tue, Thu Church of the Redeemer, Squirrel Hill.

412-965-9903.

BOARD GAMES NIGHT. Fourth Thu of every month, 6 p.m. Carnegie Library, Oakland. 412-622-3151.

HOLIDAY FAMILY FREE DAY. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh, North Side. 412-322-5058.

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S ASSOCIATION OF PITTSBURGH. Social, cultural club of American/ international women. Thu First Baptist Church, Oakland. iwap. pittsburgh@gmail.com.

RADICAL TRIVIA. Thu, 9 p.m.

Smiling Moose, South Side.

412-431-4668.

{PHOTO BY RYAN DETO}

Freedom. Highlight’s Pittsburgh’s Revolutionary War Public Library, Mt. Lebanon. role in the anti-slavery movement. graves. Scott. 412-851-9212.

412-531-1912.

Ongoing: Western PA Sports OLIVER MILLER THE HOUR AFTER HAPPY Museum, Clash of Empires, & HOMESTEAD. This pioneer/ HOUR WRITER’S WORKSHOP. exhibits on local history, more.

Whiskey Rebellion site features Young writers & recent Strip District. 412-454-6000. log house, blacksmith shop & graduates looking for additional gardens. South Park. 412-835-1554. SEWICKLEY HEIGHTS feedback on their work.

HISTORY CENTER. Museum PENNSYLVANIA TROLLEY thehourafterhappyhour. commemorates Pittsburgh MUSEUM. Trolley rides & wordpress.com Thu, 7-9 p.m. industrialists, local history. exhibits. Includes displays, Lot 17, Bloomfield. 412-687-8117.

Sewickley. 412-741-4487. walking tours, gift shop, SOLDIERS & SAILORS picnic area & Trolley Theatre.

MEMORIAL HALL. War in Washington. 724-228-9256.

STEEL CITY SLAM. Open mic the Pacific 1941-1945. Feat.

PHIPPS CONSERVATORY poets & slam poets. 3 rounds of a collection of military artifacts & BOTANICAL GARDEN. 3 minute poems. Tue, 7:45 p.m. showcasing photographs, 14 indoor rooms & 3 outdoor Capri Pizza and Bar, East Liberty. uniforms, shells & other gardens feature exotic plants 412-362-1250. related items. Military museum & floral displays from around STORYTELLING @ RILEY’S. Story dedicated to honoring military the world. Winter Flower telling on a theme every month. service members since the Show & Light Garden. Each Last Tue of every month, 8 p.m.

Civil War through artifacts & of the changing exhibit rooms Riley’s Pour House, Carnegie. personal mementos. Oakland. will embody the spirit of 412-621-4253.

412-279-0770. the oft-sung holiday tune w/ arrangements of LED lights, props & seasonal favorites such as poinsettias, amaryllis & a [VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITY] massive evergreen situated in the pond of the Victoria Room.

Garden Railroad. Model trains chug through miniature landscapes populated w/ living The Animal Rescue League & Wildlife Center is seeking plants, whimsical props & fun volunteers to help with outreach and monthly community interactive buttons. Runs through events. Volunteers must be independent workers, at Feb. 28. Tropical Forest Congo. least 18 years of age and attend a training session.

An exhibit highlighting some For more information, visit www.animalrescue.org. of Africa’s lushest landscapes.

Oakland. 412-622-6914.

PHOTO ANTIQUITIES MUSEUM OF PHOTOGRAPHIC ST. ANTHONY’S CHAPEL. HISTORY. 3-D Photos on Features 5,000 relics of glass plates. Peer through Catholic saints. North Side. antique viewers for examples of 412-323-9504.

SNOWFLAKE WEEK. Learn 3-D effects & see scores of other ST. NICHOLAS CROATIAN about the art of hand-cut paper; glass hand-colored transparencies.

CATHOLIC CHURCH. Maxo then add into our winter-themed, Displaying 660 different movie Vanka Murals. Mid-20th cut paper installation. Children’s cameras, showing pictures on century murals depicting Museum of Pittsburgh, North Side. glass, many hand-painted. war, social justice & the The largest display of 19th 412-322-5058. immigrant experience Century photographs in America. Millvale. in America. North Side.

412-407-2570.

412-231-7881.

WEST OVERTON FAMILY FUN DAYS. A variety of .

PINBALL MUSEUMS. Learn www per engaging educational activities, a p ty PERFECTION. Pinball pghci m about distilling & all free w/ the price of admission. o .c museum & players club. coke-making in this Dec. 26-30, 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Phipps West View. 412-931-4425. pre-Civil War industrial Conservatory & Botanical Garden, PITTSBURGH ZOO & PPG village. West Overton.

Oakland. 412-622-6914.

AQUARIUM. Home to 4,000 724-887-7910. animals, including many endangered species. Highland MAKER STORY TIME. Explore Park. 412-665-3639. tools, materials & processes RACHEL CARSON inspired by books. Listen to stories HOMESTEAD. A Reverence THE NUTCRACKER. Presented read by librarian-turned-Teaching for Life. Photos & artifacts by the Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre.

Artist Molly. Mon, 11 a.m.-12 p.m. of her life & work. Springdale.

Sun, 12 & 4:30 p.m., Sat, 2 & 7 p.m.

Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh, 724-274-5459. and Thu, Fri, 7 p.m. Thru Dec. 27 North Side. 412-322-5058.

RIVERS OF STEEL NATIONAL Benedum Center, Downtown.

HERITAGE AREA. Exhibits 412-456-6666. on the Homestead Mill. Steel MAKESHOP: NEW YEAR’S industry & community artifacts EVE PREPARATIONS. from 1881-1986. Homestead.

A PHATTIE LITTLE Collaborate w/ others as we 412-464-4020.

HOLIDAY. Burlesque meets make a large object that drops SENATOR JOHN HEINZ jazz w/ Phat Man Dee. at our “Countdown to Noon” HISTORY CENTER. We Can 8 p.m. Altar Bar, Strip District. celebration. Help decide what Do It!: WWII. Discover how 412-263-2877. materials to use & how to attach Pittsburgh affected World them. Dec. 28-30 Children’s War II & the war affected our Museum of Pittsburgh, North Side. region. Explore the development 412-322-5058. of the Jeep, produced in Butler, PA & the stories behind realENGLISH LEARNERS’ life “Rosie the Riveters” & BOOK CLUB. For advanced STORYTELLING W/ TIM local Tuskegee Airmen whose ESL students. Presented in HARTMAN. Dec. 29-31, 1-1:30 p.m. contributions made an cooperation w/ the Greater Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh, unquestionable impact on Pittsburgh Literacy Council.

North Side. 412-322-5058. the war effort. From Slavery to Thu, 1 p.m. Mount Lebanon

FRI 25

Table-top Tree

AFRICAN DANCE CLASS. Second and Third Fri of every month and Fourth and Last Fri of every month Irma Freeman Center for Imagination, Garfield.

412-924-0634.

FRIDAY NIGHT CONTRA DANCE. A social, traditional American dance. No partner needed, beginners welcome, lesson at 7:30. Fri, 8 p.m.

Swisshelm Park Community Center, Swissvale. 412-945-0554.

Avoid the struggle of getting a giant spruce through your front door. All the cheer and evocative pine fragrance, but none of the hassle.

Scrooge There are dozens of versions of Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol, featuring everyone from the Muppets to the Fonz. But this 1970 musical adaptation starring Albert Finney is one of the best.

It’s got singing, dancing in the streets and Alec Guinness.

SAT 26 BEGINNER TAI CHI CLASSES. Sat, 9 a.m. Friends Meeting House, Oakland. 412-683-2669.

HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS. 1 p.m. Consol Energy Center, Uptown. 412-642-1800.

MEET, LEARN, PLAY: A GAMING MEET UP. All-ages board gaming session, playing & learning about new games w/ an instructor. Quiet Reading Room. Second and Fourth Sat of every month, 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Carnegie Library, Oakland.

412-622-3151.

ONE HELLOFA HOLIDAY BREW TOUR. Visits to Bloom Brew in

“O Holy Night,” by Lou Christie Originally performed in the 1980s as part of a local radio station’s holiday compilation, Christie’s version of this 19th-century song stands out as beautiful, gut-wrenching and distinctively his own. Hear for yourself at www.lou-christie.com/christmas.html.

CONTINUES ON PG. 40

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BIG LIST, CONTINUED FROM PG. 39

PITTSBURGH’S TSBURGH’S PRE PREMIER EM GENTLEMEN’S CLUB

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Mon, 7 p.m. and Sat, 7 p.m. Grace Episcopal Church, Mt. Washington.

412-683-5670.

SAT 26 - MON 28

TUE 29

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

opening reception, Ace Hotel, East Liberty CRITIC: Sarah Huny Young, a creative director from the Strip District WHEN: Sat.,

SUN 27

B Y A L E X G ORD ON

FULL LIST ONLINE

IMPROV ACTING CLASS. 7 p.m. Percolate, Wilkinsburg.

412-607-4297.

SCOTTISH COUNTRY DANCING. Lessons 7-8 p.m., social dancing follows. No partner needed.

Dec. 19

It’s a celebration of community, specifically exemplified in the way Teenie Harris approached photography and approached his subjects. With Teenie Harris, and this event, it’s way more powerful to photograph what you know and to photograph what you love. That love and that sense of community and that pride in culture really comes through when you look at these photographs. I really liked the photos of the women, specifically. Not just Lena Horne; I love Lena Horne, but the photos of the beauty queens and the young girls getting primped and ready. I thought we were just gonna be talking about his work and looking at his photographs and maybe covering some biographical information, but I didn’t expect it to turn into a party. It was kind of beautiful. We ran the gamut of the creative world here [among the performers]. We had poetry, we had personal narrative, we had memories, we had singing, we had dancing, and it almost was like an embodiment of the photography.

A SOTO ZEN BUDDHIST SITTING GROUP. http:// citydharma.wordpress.com/ schedule/ Tue, Thu Church of the Redeemer, Squirrel Hill.

412-965-9903.

HEALING HEARTS TOGETHER AT WOUNDED KNEE. Interactive participation honoring peace w/ traditional stories, . w ww per dancing, drumming, a p ty ci h pg & ceremonies as the .com tools to led participants through this journey.

6-8 p.m. August Wilson Center, Downtown. 412-345-1472.

MON 28

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EVENT: East Liberty in Focus: The Photographs of Teenie Harris

CHARLIE CHAPLIN SILENT PICTURE SHOW. Pianist & arranger, Tom Roberts performs his own music written to accompany Charlie Chaplin’s movie, “The Rink”. Dec. 26-28, 1-1:30 p.m. Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh, North Side.

412-322-5058.

MYSTICAL PSYCHIC NEW YEAR’S FAIR. Mediums, vendors, more. 12-5 p.m.

South Hills Elks Lodge #2213, Bethel Park.

724-348-8063.

RADICAL TRIVIA. Trivia game hosted by DJ Jared Evans. Come alone or bring a team. Sun, 7 p.m. Oaks Theater, Oakmont. 412-828-6322.

SUNDAY MARKET. A gathering of local crafters & dealers selling unique items, from home made foodstuffs to art. Sun, 6-10 p.m.

The Night Gallery, Lawrenceville.

724-417-0223.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE APP FOR A CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS TO A GAME!

EVERYONE IS A CRITIC

West Newton, Four Seasons Brewing Company in Latrobe & Helltown Brewing in Mt. Pleasant.

11 a.m. Pittsburgh Public Market, Strip District. 412-323-4709.

PITTSBURGH FILM OFFICE MOVIE TOUR. Interactive tour through city backdrops of movies such as The Dark Knight Rises, Perks of Being a Wallflower, Flashdance, Next Three Days, Inspector Gadget, Abduction, Jack Reacher, more. 10 a.m. Station Square.

412-323-4709.

SCOTTISH COUNTRY DANCING. Lessons 7-8 p.m., social dancing follows. No partner needed. Mon, 7 p.m. and Sat, 7 p.m. Grace Episcopal Church, Mt. Washington.

412-683-5670.

SOUTH HILLS SCRABBLE CLUB. Free Scrabble games, all levels. Sat, 1-3 p.m.

Mount Lebanon Public Library, Mt. Lebanon. 412-531-1912.

SWING CITY. Learn & practice swing dancing skills w/ the Jim Adler Band. Sat, 8 p.m.

Wightman School, Squirrel Hill.

412-759-1569.

VOICECATCH WORKSHOP W/ KATHY AYRES. A community writing workshop & writing space provided by Chatham’s Words Without Walls program. Sat, 10 a.m.-12 p.m.

Carnegie Library, East Liberty.

412-363-8232.

WIGLE WHISKEY BARRELHOUSE TOURS. Sat, 12:30 & 2 p.m. Wigle Whiskey Barrel House, North Side. 412-224-2827.

WED 30 THE PITTSBURGH SHOW OFFS. A meeting of jugglers & spinners. All levels welcome.

Wed, 7:30 p.m. Union Project, Highland Park. 412-363-4550.

SUBMISSIONS 2016 FARMING FOR THE FUTURE CONFERENCE. PASA Scholarship & WorkShare Applications are open for the conference. To learn more or apply, visit pasafarming.org/conference.

Thru Jan. 4, 2016.

BOULEVARD GALLERY & DIFFERENT STROKES GALLERY. Searching for glass artists,

fiber artists, potters, etc. to compliment the exhibits for 2015 & 2016. Booking for both galleries for 2017. Exhibits run from 1 to 2 months. Ongoing.

412-721-0943.

THE HOUR AFTER HAPPY HOUR REVIEW. Seeking submissions in all genres for fledgling literary magazine curated by members of the Hour After Happy Hour Writing Workshop. afterhappyhourreview. com Ongoing.

INDEPENDENT FILM NIGHT. Submit your film, 10 minutes or less. Screenings held on the second Thursday of every month. Ongoing. DV8 Espresso Bar & Gallery, Greensburg.

724-219-0804.

THE NEW YINZER. Seeking original essays about literature, music, TV or film, & also essays generally about Pittsburgh. To see some examples, visit www. newyinzer.com & view the current issue. Email all pitches, submissions & inquiries to newyinzer@gmail. com. Ongoing.

PITTSBURGH POETRY REVIEW. Seeking submissions of no less than 3 & no more than 5 poems. Interested in series’ & linked poems. For more information, visit www. pittsburghpoetryreview.com.

Thru Jan. 15, 2016.

THE POET BAND COMPANY. Seeking various types of poetry.

Contact wewuvpoetry@hotmail. com Ongoing.

Savage Love {BY DAN SAVAGE}

After spending some years in the doldrums after having kids, my husband and I are now enjoying hot kinky sex and the occasional free pass to fuck other people. We couldn’t be happier. I have a friend who was extremely keen for me to cage his cock with the same kind of locking male-chastity device I got for my husband — a fixed-ring stainless-steel type. I have two questions: (1) It took some maneuvering to get my husband’s balls through one by one, followed by his cock, but he managed. Is it OK for his balls to swell up tight, get cold and go purple when he’s wearing the cock cage and he is aroused? He says it doesn’t hurt, and he is wearing it only while I peg him — a couple of hours tops. I worry that even though he can squeeze into the ring, he might be cutting off circulation and doing damage. (2) My friend couldn’t get his balls and cock into the cage. His balls never dropped as a child, so he had an operation that pulled them down but fixed them in place. Consequently they sit “high and tight” and can’t be pulled away from his body. Can you recommend a cage that might fit him?

He is into total submission and orgasm denial, and he wants to experience long-term forced chastity and relinquish control of his dick to me. (Hot, right?!)

If a cage can’t work for him, are there other toys/methods I can use to give him that sense of surrendered cock and loss of control?

devices here, not your husband. Listen to Miers and toss the device you’re using now and get your husband a chastity cage that doesn’t turn his balls purple. You might have to experiment with some other designs and an assortment of cock rings before you find the one that locks his cock down without choking his balls off.

“I often hear from guys who wear cages made with a one-piece, slip-on-style cock ring that it allows them to slip in easily and comfortably — but a lot of guys can remove these chastity devices even when they’re locked,” said Miers. “But a cage with a smaller, more secure cock ring often results in a cock ring that is too tight, especially when the person is using cheaper, mass-produced cages. The best chastity devices are ones that come with a cock ring that can be opened via a hinge or taken apart — then you can get a ring that might be too small to push his balls through using the oneball-after-the-other method, but because the ring comes apart, getting it on and off is much easier while providing the safety and inescapability both parties are looking for.”

(2) “I encountered my first client with the ‘balls not dropping issue’ a few years back, and it is a challenge when it comes to chastity,” said Miers. “For most of these guys, I encourage a PA as a means of anchoring a lightweight chastity device.” (A PA, also known as a Prince Albert, involves poking a bonus hole in the urethra below the head of the cock and putting a ring through it.) “A PA combined with a chastity device is the most durable and secure way to lock a guy’s cock up for longterm orgasm denial and forced chastity play.”

But if your friend can handle some pressure on his balls, BALLSUP, a traditionalstyle chastity device with a hinged or twopiece cock ring might work.

“Because his balls sit high and tight, it is important that the scrotal gap (the gap between the front of the cock ring and the tube opening) isn’t too tight, as this could possibly put more pressure on his balls,” said Miers. “The last option would be a full chastity belt. While some of the belts out there are incredibly sexy and completely secure, experience and client feedback tells me that in the long-term, these are not ideal for a guy who wants to be kept in chastity every day.”

You can follow Christopher Miers on Twitter @steelwerks.

“IF THE BALLS GO BLUE OR COLD, TAKE THE COCK CAGE OFF!”

BITCH ABLY LOCKING LUCKY SLUTS UP PROPERLY

(1) “The first rule of thumb when it comes to male chastity is this: If the balls go blue or cold, take the fucking cock cage off!” said Christopher Miers, the founder and creative force behind Steelwerks (steelwerksextreme. com), purveyors of the world’s finest malechastity devices.

“I’m a firm believer in play safe, stay comfortable and cause pain or discomfort only when it’s asked for and nobody is at risk of long-term damage,” said Miers. “So for the sake of their marriage and the longevity of their hot kinky sex life, BALLSUP needs to get her guy a cage that keeps him trapped but still in the realm of safe!”

A short primer for readers who aren’t familiar with male-chastity devices: Most are anchored in place by a ring that goes around the shaft and behind the balls. The penis slides into a cylinder that attaches to the top of the ring, and the cylinder prevents erections and can even punish erections.

(Some are lined with spikes.) Once the chastity device is locked — cheaper ones with a wee padlock, custom ones with something more artful — there’s no way to remove it (and free the cock) without tearing the balls off.

Back to you, BALLSUP: Miers has been creating custom-made, high-quality stainlesssteel male-chastity devices for 15 years — so he’s the recognized expert on male-chastity

Since you had the ability to make Santorum what he is today (a substance, not a senator), would you promote the new meme that Trump = dump? As in “I have to take a trump” or “I just took a major trump — like a transatlanticcable trump.”

blogh.pghcitypaper.com

Clicking “reload” makes the workday go faster

GROSS OLD POLITICIANS

I’m Dan Savage and I approve this meme.

On the Lovecast, Dan chats with Roberta Kaplan, the attorney who slew DOMA: savagelovecast.com.

SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET AND FIND THE SAVAGE LOVECAST (DAN’S WEEKLY PODCAST) AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM

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FOR THE WEEK OF

Free Will Astrology

12.23-12.30

{BY ROB BREZSNY}

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The coming year will be a favorable time for you to nourish a deeper devotion to truth, beauty and goodness. Anything you do to make your morality more rigorous will generate benefits that ripple through your life for years to come. Curiously, you can add to the propitious effect by also cultivating a deeper devotion to fun, play and pleasure. There is a symbiotic connection between the part of you that wants to make the world a better place and the part of you that thrives on joy, freedom and wonder. Here’s the magic formula: Feed your lust for life by being intensely compassionate, and vice versa.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I predict that 2016 will be your Year of Fruitful Obsessions. In giving this positive spin to the cosmic tendencies, I’m hoping to steer you away from any behavior that might lead to 2016 being your Year of Fruitless Obsessions. One way or another, I think you’ll be driven to express your passions with single-minded intensity. Focused devotion — sometimes verging on compulsive preoccupation — is likely to be one of your signature qualities. That’s why it’s so important to avoid wasteful infatuations and confounding manias. Please choose fascinations that are really good for you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your symbol of power in 2016 will be the equal sign: =. Visualize it in your mind’s eye every morning for 20 seconds. Tattoo it on your butt.

Write it on an index card that you keep under your pillow or on your bathroom mirror.

Gestures like these will deliver highly relevant messages to your subconscious mind, like “Create balance and cultivate harmony!” and

“Coordinate opposing forces!” and “Wherever there is tension between two extremes, convert the tension into vital energy!” Here are your words of power in 2016: “symbiosis” and “synergy.”

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The raw materials you have at your disposal in 2016 may sometimes seem limited. You might not have access to all the tools you wish you did. You could be tempted to feel envy about the vaster resources other people can draw on. But I honestly don’t think these apparent inhibitions will put you at a disadvantage. Within your smaller range of options, there will be all the possibilities you need. In fact, the constraints could stimulate your creativity in ways that would have never occurred if you’d had more options.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You know what physical hygiene is. But are you familiar with imaginal hygiene? Educator Morgan Brent defines it like this: “Imaginal hygiene is the inner art of self-managing the imagination, to defend it from forces that

get your yoga on! give the gift of good health JLIW FHUWLÀFDWHV FDQ EH SXUFKDVHG RQOLQH DW

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compromise, pollute, colonize, shrink and sterilize it, and to cultivate those that illuminate, expand and nourish it.” It’s always important for everyone to attend to this work, but it’s especially crucial for you to focus on it in 2016.

You will be exceptionally creative, and therefore likely to generate long-lasting effects and influences out of the raw materials that occupy your imagination.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your mind sometimes works too hard and fast for your own good. But mostly it’s your best asset. Your versatility can sometimes be a curse, too, but far more often it’s a blessing. Your agile tongue and flexible agenda generate more fun than trouble, and so do your smooth maneuvers and skillful gamesmanship. As wonderful as all these qualities can be, however, I suggest that you work on expanding your scope in 2016. In my astrological opinion, it will be a good time for you to study and embody the magic that the water signs possess. What would that mean exactly? Start this way: Give greater respect to your feelings. Tune in to them more, encourage them to deepen and figure out how to trust them as sources of wisdom.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Swedish movie director Ingmar Bergman won three Academy Awards and was nominated for eight others. Numerous filmmakers have cited him as an important influence on their work.

His practical success was rooted in his devotion to the imagination. “I am living permanently in my dream, from which I make brief forays into reality,” he said. Can you guess his astrological sign? Cancer the Crab, of course! No other tribe is better suited at moving back and forth between the two worlds. At least potentially, you are virtuosos at interweaving fantasy with earthy concerns. The coming year will afford you unprecedented opportunities to further develop and use this skill.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Avoid pain and pursue pleasure. Be kind, not cruel. Abstain from self-pity and ask for the help you need. Instead of complaining, express gratitude. Dodge time-wasting activities and do things that are meaningful to you. Shun people who disrespect you and seek the company of those who enjoy you. Don’t expose yourself to sickening, violent entertainment; fill your imagination up with uplifting stories.

Does the advice I’m offering in this horoscope seem overly simple and obvious? That’s no accident. In my opinion, what you need most in 2016 is to refresh your relationship with fundamental principles.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Many of the atoms that compose your flesh and

HDVW OLEHUW\ VTXLUUHO KLOO QRUWK KLOOV

42

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

blood were not part of your body 12 months ago. That’s because every year, 98 percent of you is replaced. Old cells are constantly dying, giving way to new cells that are made from the air, food and water you ingest. This is true about everyone, of course. You’re not the only one whose physical form is regularly recycled. But here’s what will be unique about you in 2016: Your soul will match your body’s rapid transformations. In fact, the turnover is already underway. By your next birthday, you may be so new you’ll barely recognize yourself. I urge you to take full charge of this opportunity! Who do you want to become?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The English word “ain’t” can mean “am not,” “is not,” “are not” or “have not.” But it ain’t recognized as a standard word in the language. If you use it, you risk being thought vulgar and uneducated. And yet “ain’t” has been around since 1706, more than 300 years. Most words that are used for so long eventually become official. I see your journey in 2016 as having resemblances to the saga of “ain’t,” Libra. You will meet resistance as you seek greater acceptance of some nonstandard but regular part of your life. Here’s the good news: Your chances of ultimately succeeding are much better than ain’t’s.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): My old friend John owns a 520-acre farm in Oregon’s Willamette Valley. Blueberries are among the crops he grows. If he arranges their growing season so that they ripen in July, he can sell them for $1.75 a pint. But if he designs them to be ready for harvest in late summer and early fall, the price he gets may go up to $4 a pint. You can guess which schedule he prefers. I urge you to employ a similar strategy as you plot your game plan for 2016, Scorpio. Timing may not be everything, but it will count for a lot.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 1803, the U.S. government bought a huge chunk of North American land from the French government. At a price of three cents per acre, the new republic doubled its size, acquiring what’s now Louisiana and Montana and everything between. I don’t think you’ll add that much to your domain in 2016, Sagittarius, but it’s likely you will expand significantly. And although your new resources won’t be as cheap as the 1803 bargain, I suspect the cost, both in terms of actual cash and in emotional energy, will be manageable. There’s one way your acquisition will be better than that earlier one. The Americans bought and the French sold land they didn’t actually own — it belonged to the native people — whereas your moves will have full integrity.

Send me predictions for your life in 2016. Where are you headed? Go to RealAstrology.com; click on “Email Rob.”

GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM TO CHECK OUT ROB BREZSNY’S EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT-MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. THE AUDIO HOROSCOPES ARE ALSO AVAILABLE BY PHONE AT 1-877-873-4888 OR 1-900-950-7700

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Sealed proposals shall be deposited at the Administration Building, Room 251, 341 South Bellefield Avenue, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15213, on January 5 and 19 (refer to project manuals for specific date), until 2:00 p.m., local prevailing time for:

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For more information and to see if you’re eligible, call the Smoking Research Group at the University of Pittsburgh at

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Project Manual and Drawings will be available for purchase on December 7, 2015 at Modern Reproductions (412-488-7700) 127 McKean Street, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15219 between 9:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. Only Pittsburgh Obama Asphalt Improvement and the Pittsburgh Perry Science Labs will be available on December 14, 2015. The cost of the Project Manual Documents is nonrefundable. Project details and dates are described in each project manual We are an equal rights and opportunity school district.

Parent Hotline: 412-622-7920 www.pps.k12.pa.us

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44

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

ACROSS 1. Sexual companion 4. Loosens up 9. Not quite closed 13. Praiseful poem 14. Purple hue 15. Offer, as a riddle 16. Tea drinker’s carol?

19. Golden State Warriors coach Steve 20. Critter in a farm 21. Like uncomfortable silences 22. Arctic explorer Shackleton 24. Act quickly 25. Easy-to-answer question 26. Super Bowl impossibility 28. Got ready to drive 29. Begins enthusiastically 32. Beezus, to Ramona 33. Cannibal’s carol?

36. “Hadn’t thought of that one” 37. Boring movie 38. Metropolitan areas, for short 40. “Feliz Navidad / Prospero ___ y felicidad”

41. MMA fight locales 45. Mason’s tool 47. Deeply religious 48. “Hells yes” 49. Telemark, e.g.

51. Coin with Mozart on it 52. Thrill seeker’s carol?

55. Google alternative to Evernote 56. Becomes blunt 57. Barely make (out) 58. Fudges up big time 59. Follows to the letter 60. Stereotypically hard-to-shop-for member of the family

DOWN 1. Pretty subdued 2. Follow closely 3. Aches (for) 4. “Cake Boss” channel 5. Part of a drum kit that has a clutch 6. “The History Boys” playwright Bennett 7. “Hold it!”

8. Bot. or bio.

9. Exam that might get you college credit 10. Composer of the NBA on NBC theme 11. “In my opinion ...”

12. Forwards,

as an email 17. Au courant 18. ___-Flo (liquid starch brand) 23. Ruins, as a reputation 24. Big name in ketchup 26. Mortise mate 27. Infantile comeback 30. Easily bribed 31. Flower girl, often 33. Grieving figure 34. Pooh’s “pooh” 35. Like images of false gods 36. Blu-ray extra

39. Wins all the games 42. Overcharged like crazy 43. “Now I’ve got it!”

44. Put in the cloud 46. Coeur d’Aleneto-Helena dir.

47. How nightclubs are lit 49. Leave off the nominations 50. Leafy vegetable high in Vitamin K 53. Words said before a reception 54. Manger animal {LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS}

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THIS JUST IN {BY FRANCIS RUPP}

A look at local news online and on the tube

CALL ME THE BURGERLISTER, LISTERBURGER Remember when there was only one list and Pittsburgh was at the top of it? Maybe not; because the last time Pittsburgh was rated No. 1 in the country as the most livable city by a bona fide list-maker was 1985, when it meant something. The Places Rated Almanac topped its list with Pittsburgh again in 2007, but it didn’t have the same gravitas.

This month, TripAdvisor, the company that sends me semi-regular updates on the best fares to Paris, named Pittsburgh a “top city on the rise for 2016.” I could write the trope in my sleep, and you can, too: “Steel and coal may have built this city, and you’ll see the names ‘Mellon’ and ‘Carnegie’ on an awful lot of things, but Pittsburgh has come a long way from its gritty, industrial past.” The word “gritty” seems to be inextricably linked to Pittsburgh in the way that Kim Davis’ mint-blue smock top is to Mike Huckabee. Nonetheless, it was typical, circular promotion gleaned from other list-making online publications.

You know what a list means now? Nothing.

Or, let me be optimistic: next to nothing. Think Pittsburgh is the next Brooklyn? Don’t kid yourself.

“Cleveland is the next Brooklyn” gets 32,700,000 hits on Google. And, wait for it — “Detroit is the next Brooklyn” gets 30,500,000 hits. Or maybe you’d like to meet Hamilton, Ontario: “Canada’s answer to Brooklyn.”

Proclaims ellecanada.com, “And since there is no truer barometer of coolness than food, I hit up a few of the spots that are pioneering the Hamilton foodie landscape. Led by a few local experts, our group (a few writers, chefs and restaurateurs) ate its way across Hamilton with delicious results. (And, yes, we saw our fair share of hats, skinny jeans, quirky galleries and ironic tattoos.)”

Marketers know that people can’t resist a list.

The feeling of completion, the fulfillment of a primordial need, expeditiously — even if it’s not particularly good. So lists are just like sex.

But hey, it’s the holiday season and let’s end on a positive note. Not all lists are inherently vapid and tractionless. Zagat, which has been around since 1979 A.D., named Pittsburgh the top food city of 2015. Oh, and there was also that thing in August when Money magazine said Pittsburgh was the best urban area to live in the Northeast.

46

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.23/12.30.2015

(PHOTO: KENTUCKY COUNTY P.D., FROM WWW.WPXI.COM}

“Great form and hang time. I give it a 9.5 out 10.” — commenter

SANTA’S REINDEER GOT RUN OVER BY THE POPO

WPXI — the same channel that declares Stephen Cropper, “Pittsburgh’s Chief Meteorologist” (take that, WTAE and KDKA!) — is notorious for bait-and-switch teasers written to dupe you into believing something happened locally when, in fact, it happened in Trinidad or, as in the case with this “story,” Kentucky. WPXI’s Facebook page reads, “DEER DANGER: An officer found out firsthand just how quickly a deer can collide with a car. Now the department is using the video to spread the word about how to react.”

Then you click the story only to find out it’s not a local news story. But you sensed that, right?

And you don’t really care. Because what you really care about is the comment section, and bickering with other people you don’t know about things that don’t matter. WPXI knows this, too, and they’re banking on you lingering there to argue whether or not someone needs to lighten up about your joke. But, as always, the joke’s on you.

Everything you really need to know is in the photo.

R.I.P. The McKeesport Daily News will close forever on Dec. 31, after 131 years in business. Jason Togyer wrote in Tube City Almanac, “It is terrible. Horrible. Awful. Combined with the closure of Monessen’s Valley Independent, it means 87 good people will lose their jobs through no fault of their own.” The list of newspapers downsizing and shutting down continues to grow. My New Year’s wish for those affected by the ever-changing world of media and journalism is that you all find a great Plan B, whatever that turns out to be for you.

INFO@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

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