December 21, 2016 - Pittsburgh City Paper

WWW.PGHCITYPAPER.COM | 12.21/12.28.2016 X PGHCITYPAPER XXX PITTSBURGHCITYPAPER XX PGHCITYPAPER XX PGHCITYPAPER

REVEALING WARHOL’S OBSESSIVE LOVE AFFAIR WITH BODY AND PERFECTION. ONLY AT THE WARHOL.

EXPOSE A COMPULSION.

Andy Warhol: my perfect body 117 Sandusky Street, Pittsburgh, PA 15212 - 412.237.8300 - warhol.org

October 21 - January 22

The Andy Warhol Museum receives state arts funding support through a grant from the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts, a state agency funded by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania; the National Endowment for the Arts, a federal agency and The Heinz Endowments.

Further support is provided by the Allegheny Regional Asset District.

Andy Warhol, Sewn Photograph (Men), 1976-1986, ©The Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Arts, Inc.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

EVENTS 12.26 – 10am—5pm SPECIAL HOLIDAY HOURS The Warhol will be open on Monday, December 26, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Lee Ranaldo & Steve Gunn

1.10 – 8pm FORCED ENTERTAINMENT: TOMORROW’S PARTIES New Hazlett Theater Co-presented with Carnegie Nexus, as part of the Strange Times series and The New Hazlett Theater Tickets $15/$12 students & members or two shows (Forced Entertainment: Real Magic on January 11) for $20/$15 students & members

1.19 – 8pm Warhol entrance space, FREE parking in Warhol lot, Tickets $15/$12 Members and students

The Warhol presents an evening with two highly inventive guitarists, Lee Ranaldo and Steve Gunn, both performing solo sets. Ranaldo is most known as a founding member of the venerable NYC indie/punk band Sonic Youth. Gunn is best known as a member of GHQ.

1.11 – 8pm FORCED ENTERTAINMENT: REAL MAGIC New Hazlett Theater Co-presented with The New Hazlett Theater Tickets $15/$12 Members & students or two shows (Forced Entertainment: Tomorrow’s Parties on January 10) for $20/$15 Members & students

Hiss Golden Messenger 1.14 – 2pm SIP AND SKETCH AT ACE HOTEL Ace Hotel – Gym (East Liberty) Co-presented with The Ace Hotel Pittsburgh in conjunction with the exhibition Andy Warhol: My Perfect Body.

FREE

1.31 – 8pm The Warhol theater, Tickets $15/$12 Members & students

The Warhol welcomes Hiss Golden Messenger on a tour supporting Heart Like a Levee, its latest release on Merge Records. Led by singer/songwriter M.C. Taylor and multi-instrumentalist Scott Hirsch, the Durham, NC-based band has drawn comparisons to Bill Callahan and Bonnie Prince Billy.

1.20 – 7pm MY PERFECT BODY: JAMES ELKINS LECTURE The Warhol theater Presented in conjunction with the exhibition Andy Warhol: My Perfect Body.

FREE

Valerie June 2.11 – 8pm Carnegie Lecture Hall (Oakland) Tickets $20/$15 Members & students

The Warhol welcomes Valerie June on a tour supporting her latest release The Order of Time.

Deftly blending elements of folk, soul, blues, and Appalachian traditional sensibilities into a strikingly unique and timeless sound.

This performance is co-presented with Calliope: The Pittsburgh Folk Music Society.

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The Andy Warhol Museum receives state arts funding support through a grant from the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts, a state agency funded by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania; the National Endowment for the Arts, a federal agency and The Heinz Endowments. Further support is provided by the Allegheny Regional Asset District.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

Wherever your holiday plans take you, have the best and brightest of New Years!

12.21/12.28.2016 VOLUME 26 + ISSUE 51

[EDITORIAL] Editor CHARLIE DEITCH News Editor REBECCA ADDISON Arts & Entertainment Editor BILL O’DRISCOLL Music Editor MARGARET WELSH Associate Editor AL HOFF Web Producer ALEX GORDON Staff Writers RYAN DETO, CELINE ROBERTS Interns STEPHEN CARUSO, MEGAN FAIR, IAN FLANAGAN, LUKE THOR TRAVIS

[ART] Director of Operations KEVIN SHEPHERD Production Director JULIE SKIDMORE Art Director LISA CUNNINGHAM Graphic Designers JEFF SCHRECKENGOST, JENNIFER TRIVELLI {COVER PHOTO BY JOHN COLOMBO}

[COVER STORY]

“Dear Santa, Please bring me the Democratic Party endorsement for mayor.”

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[ADVERTISING] Director of Advertising JESSIE AUMAN-BROCK Senior Account Executives PAUL KLATZKIN, JEREMY WITHERELL Advertising Representative BLAKE LEWIS Classified Manager ANDREA JAMES National Advertising Representative VMG ADVERTISING 1.888.278.9866 OR 1.212.475.2529

[MARKETING+PROMOTIONS] Marketing Director DEANNA KONESNI Marketing Design Coordinator LINDSEY THOMPSON Marketing Assistant THRIA DEVLIN

[ARTS]

“It’s a problem of fear of being touched and of touching someone.”

bigburrito.com

[ADMINISTRATION] PAGE 20

Circulation Director JIM LAVRINC Office Administrator RODNEY REGAN Interactive Media Manager CARLO LEO

EYETIQ

SE UE PRE

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[PUBLISHER] EAGLE MEDIA CORP. GENERAL POLICIES: Contents copyrighted 2016 by Eagle Media Corp. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission of the publisher.

The opinions expressed in Pittsburgh City Paper are those of the author and not necessarily of Eagle Media Corp. LETTER POLICY: Letters, faxes or e-mails must be signed and include town and daytime phone number for confirmation.

We may edit for length and clarity. DISTRIBUTION: Pittsburgh City Paper is published weekly by Eagle Media Corp. and is available free of charge at select distribution locations. One copy per reader; copies of past issues may be purchased for $3.00 each, payable in advance to Pittsburgh City Paper. FIRST CLASS MAIL SUBSCRIPTIONS: Available for $175 per year, $95 per half year.

No refunds.

[SPORTS]

“I don’t have a great history. I have only been going at it for 25 years.”

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News 06 Weird 11 Music 12 Arts 20 Events 23 Taste 27

Screen 31 Sports 33 Classifieds 35 Crossword 35 Astrology 36 Savage Love 37 NEWS

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THIS WEEK

ONLINE

“COULD YOU BRING THE PORT AUTHORITY A WATCH SO THEY CAN AT LEAST MAKE THEM BUSES RUN ON TIME?”

www.pghcitypaper.com

He’s making a list and checking it twice.

Check out this week’s video, where our Pittsburgh Santa and his oversized elf read letters from the naughty and nice, online at www.pghcitypaper.com.

Last week, at his annual holiday party, Mayor Bill Peduto announced he was running for re-election.

Check out our photo slideshow online at www.pghcitypaper.com.

In the latest installment of CP Longform, we review the decade-old case of a convicted murderer maintaining his innocence.

Read it online at www.pghcitypaper.com.

CITY PAPER

INTERACTIVE

Our featured #CPReaderArt photo from last week is a great shot of Phipps Winter Light Garden by @jeff_mckenna_.

Use #CPReaderArt to share your local photos with us for your chance to be featured next!

Receive the latest from City Paper straight to your inbox every day by signing up for our newsletter at www.pghcitypaper.com.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

Letters to a t n a S h g r u Pittsb

id “Hey, you guys dare — g in k in th e ’r u u We know what yoSanta looked different.” Well, yoined, d ta this last year, anounts. Just like last year, we ob m folks right on both c made up, correspondence fro e-ish rg a.k.a. completelyn to Pittsburgh Santa and his lata does across the regio also right that Pittsburgh San cut. elf. And you weret this year — he got a new hair look differen {CP PHOTO BY JOHN COLOMBO}

Dear S Santa, Dear Santa, nta,

Thanks for getting rid of Chief Cameron McLay. He was too hard on us.

Sincerely,

It’s been be a rough year with my boss “business “ partner” cutting my pay; on some days I make less than minimum wage. I still get to meet a lot of great Pittsburghers and see so much of our beautiful city, but I am working longer hours just to make ends meet. On top of all that, I now have to compete with robot cars that are getting smarter every day. They can’t make a “Pittsburgh left” yet, but it’s only a matter of time, and once they do, we’re all DEAD!!!

Please send us weapons to wipe out the robots before it’s too late.

Sincerely,

Pittsburgh criminals

I. M. Screwed

Thanks for getting rid id of Chief Cameron McLay. He was too hard on us.

Sincerely,

Pittsburgh Police Officers union members

Dear Santa,

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Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

What I want this year is simple: I want you to save Pittsburgh.

I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up on the local news recently, but a coalition of libs in Pittsburgh are trying to impose illegal changes before our president-elect takes office, and I will not stand for it.

According to pghRIGHT.nets, “Mayor Peduto exploring secession from Pa., and is introducing a law to make straight people illegal.”

Even the liberal pea-brains at MSNBC. website correctly reported that “Black Lives Matter riots cause cancer in whites.”

And most disturbingly, via an op-ed on YinzerInsight.co, “Pitt’s safe space policy made my son even gayer.” What is happening to my city?

You need to do something because this will affect you as well. If “Mayor” Billy Pedutes had his way, you’d surely be outlawed or forced to wear a yarmulke and smoke pot while saying “Happy Holidays” like a communist. Over my dead body. You need to do something.

This is all I ask for this year. God bless you and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Could you please bring us 14 paper bags to wear over our heads to hide our shame? WTF, Duquesne???

REALLY???

Shamefully yours,

The Pitt Men’s basketball team

Dear Santa, Earlier this year I got into some trouble for plagiarizing and a little bit of fibbing on my résumé. I know I should be on your naughty list, but I’m hoping you can overlook my misdeeds and send me a professional résumé writer so I won’t make the same mistake next time. And now, I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom that I first developed in my thesis on Common Core-aligned holidays: “Ho, Ho, Ho. Merry Christmas.”

Sincerely,

Pittsburgh Public Schools Superintendent Anthony Hamlet

Amanda Huggenkiss

CONTINUES ON PG. 08

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LETTERS TO PITTSBURGH SANTA, CONTINUED FROM PG. 07

Dear Santa, Change is coming. At least that’s what the 51 bus I take to and from Downtown every day tells me. I’ve heard the audio announcement on the bus, drowning out the bee-bopping of the rap music blaring from the kids’ music machines.

Apparently starting January 1, if I use cash instead of a Connect Card, I’ll be charged an extra 25 cents. And from now on, I’m supposed to pay every time I get on the bus, instead of only paying when I get on the bus on my way to town, and when I get off the bus on my way back, unless I’m leaving town after 7, in which case I’d have to pay getting on. Jumpin’ Jiminy Santa, I’ve been riding this bus for 42 years and now I have to consult a Magic 8-Ball to figure out when to pay and how much! I can’t do nothin’ to stop this, Santa, but maybe you could bring the Port Authority a watch so they can at least make them buses run on time. If I have to change, so do they!

Yours truly, Anita Transfer

reallocated to purchase electric scooters for able-bodied shoppers like me, so I don’t even have to stand up to purchase my $7 asparagus water.

Sincerely,

A Pittsburgh Whole Foods Shopper

Can you please help me achieve victory in my lawsuit against my former employer WTAE? Their decision to fire me was a clear case of reverse racism.

All News Anchor Lives Matter!

XOXO, Wendy Bell

had them essentially stolen away; gave huge unwarranted contracts to guys like Jason Kendall; drafted mediocre-to-bad players like the time they took pitcher Bryan Bullington over future baseball All-Stars like BJ Upton, Zach Grienke, Prince Fielder, Scott Kazmir, Nick Swisher and Cole Hamels; and signed past-theirprime free agents like Derek Bell, Benito Santiago and Jeromy Burnitz. And Santa, those were just in the horrific Dave Littlefield years. So, Santa, please send the current management team some history lessons so they won’t repeat the sins of their predecessors.

Yours truly,

Dave Littlefield, Former Pirates General Manager

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

Can you please convince millennials that they can’t become good filmmakers by studying online? That maybe an actual class or two might be in order?

If this works out, we won’t need to ask you for tuition in our stockings next year, too. Thanks.

Please help Pittsburgh Pirates management see the error in even discussing trading players like Andrew McCutchen and Josh Harrison. Despite last season’s hiccup, the Pirates have really turned things around. The team’s former general managers were laugh-out-loud terrible. Those idiots traded away talent like Aramis Ramirez for peanuts; forgot to protect top minor-league talent and

Sincerely,

Pittsburgh Filmmakers

Dear Santa, I don’t go anywhere unless there is a bigass parking lot for my Toyota Sequoia.

I know the new Whole Foods in East Liberty will have a bigger parking lot than the current one on Centre Avenue, which is great, but I was wondering if there was a children’s hospital or senior center to tear down to make way for an even bigger store with an even larger and better parking lot. Maybe a lot with special conveyor belts that takes me directly to the store entrance, so I don’t even have to walk the 100 or so feet to load my groceries.

In fact, maybe you could make sure the government subsidies that were used to build the senior center could be

Dear Santa,

Watch the digital video feature that accompanies Terry Jones’ new comedy record, Limbo Negro,” for free from 7 p.m. to midnight Dec. 29 on www.epicast network.com. Then buy the album after midnight on Itunes, Amazon, Bandcamp, GooglePlay, Spotify and Tidal.

For more information check out www.TeamTerry.Tv.

Comedian Mike Wysocki’s take on Pittsburgh sports can be read every week in City Paper and online at www.pghcitypaper.com. He also does a weekly podcast online at Triblive Radio. For booking and upcoming shows, go to www.mikewysocki.com.

Dear Santa, We wanted to apologize up front for our paper’s recent endorsement of the Tooth Fairy as this country’s top present-bringer. We know it doesn’t make sense. You have a track record of faithful service to this country. Through your years of experience, you have an intimate knowledge of the entire gift-delivering system. Things have been crazy around here in the past couple years, but you have to know that the paper’s endorsement is that of our editorial board and they’ve made some questionable calls lately. Anyway, we understand you might want to BLOCK some of our gifts this year, but just know the rest of us don’t always share this publication’s opinions.

Respectfully yours,

The non-editorial board employees and the outnumbered rational editorialboard members of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Plus, don’t miss Mike read our “Letters to Santa’s Elf” on Snapchat (username: pghcitypaper) on Thursday!

TOUR CLAYTON

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

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412-371-0600

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7227 REYNOLDS STREET

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PITTSBURGH, PA 15208

Dear Santa, Please bring me the Democratic Party endorsement for mayor.

Holler at your girl,

City Councilor Darlene Harris

Dear Santa,

-RLQ XV DV ZH FHOHEUDWH WKRVH LQ RXU FRPPXQLW\ ZKR KDYH PDGH VLJQL¿FDQW DFFRPSOLVKPHQWV WRZDUGV WKH FRPPRQ JRRG E\ PRGHOLQJ 'U .LQJ¶V LQFOXVLYH DSSURDFK WR OHDGHUVKLS

industry? The air was just starting to get a little more breathable around here (from subbing out coal with fracked natural gas, but still). I don’t mind you delivering coal, because none of it actually gets burnt at a power plant.

But the fossil fools are convinced the best place for all the soot and mercury is coming out of our local smokestacks, and I’d feel a lot better if that didn’t happen.

PRESENTED BY

Hopefully, Lung

Please bring me a new No. 84 Steelers jersey with my new name on it.

Your pal, Ronald Ocean,

formerly Antonio Brown

Dear Santa, You leave coal for bad kids, but any chance you could also hide it from Donald Trump and his pals in the mining

Dear Santa, Please send me a new copy of Norton Anti-Virus to avoid our computers getting hacked again. If not, please leave 200 bitcoin for future ransoms.

Thank you,

WITH GENEROUS DONATIONS FROM ACE HOTEL PITTSBURGH • THE ANDY WARHOL MUSEUM • ATTACK THEATRE • BUTTERJOINT • CARSON STREET DELI • CHILDREN’S MUSEUM OF PITTSBURGH • CITY THEATRE COMMONWEALTH PRESS • COMMUNITY KITCHEN PITTSBURGH • DELANIE’S COFFEE SHOP • DINETTE • LEGUME • MASSAGE ENVY • OTB BICYLE CAFE • PITTSBURGH CLO PITTSBURGH ZOO • PRIMANTI BROTHERS • RODAN + FIELDS • THAI ME UP • ZENITH CAFE

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Cavacini Garden Center Christmas Trees Wreaths Poinsettias Christmas Cactus Garlands ... and much more!

100 51st St / Lawrenceville

412-687-2010 Off Butler Street /Across from Goodwill

Open 7 days a week, 10am-8:30pm

PITTSBURGH: THE NEXT 200 YEARS

PITTSBURGH’S

NEW YEAR’S EVE

PARTY

I N T H E C U LT U R A L D I S T R I C T

2017 SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31 6PM-MIDNIGHT • CULTURAL DISTRICT

ADMISSION BUTTONS $10 • KIDS 5 & UNDER FREE

TRUSTARTS.ORG/FIRSTNIGHTPGH BOX OFFICE AT THEATER SQUARE • 412-456-6666

PARTICIPATING GIANT EAGLE LOCATIONS

{CP PHOTO BY KIM LYONS}

Jimmy Cvetic, right, and members of several local police departments will be distributing toys this week.

CHRISTMAS PAL Police Athletic League toy drive gets record number of donations {BY KIM LYONS} WITH HIS handlebar mustache and Pitts-

burgh accent, Jimmy Cvetic is an unlikely Santa Claus. But through the Western Pennsylvania Police Athletic League’s annual toy drive, Cvetic collected an estimated 10,000 toys for 46 police departments to distribute in their communities.

When an editor approaches with a “feel good” story, most reporters are a little wary.

But as City Paper editor Charlie Deitch knows all too well, it’s hard to say “no” to Jimmy Cvetic. In a world full of fake news and unprecedented cynicism, Cvetic’s modest toy drive is a definite bright spot. There weren’t any television cameras at the Monroeville Mall event on Sunday, just a few dozen cops and a guy trying to do a little good.

“We do it for the kids,” says Cvetic, founder of the WPPAL and a retired Allegheny County Police detective and Vietnam veteran. The group’s Stuff a Store event at Monroeville Mall collected more toys this year than ever before. Cvetic came up with a theme for this year’s event: “Finding the Elf in Myself.”

“It’s about finding that voice inside you that wants to do good,” he explains. “We all have that little voice that inspires us.”

Cvetic started the toy drive 46 years ago, inspired by his own childhood. His father was laid off from his steel-mill job when Cvetic was young, and although he wasn’t fully aware at the time, someone donated toys to his family. It made an impression on him, he says, and he always wanted to try to find a way to return that favor.

On Sunday, the police departments came to Monroeville Mall to get the toys donated for their communities; dolls,

trucks, games and bikes. Lots of bikes. (And it’s a special moment watching a burly police officer wheel a pink girl’s Huffy bike out of a shopping mall.)

Acting Pittsburgh Police Chief Scott Schubert, on hand to pick up toy donations for his department, praised Cvetic and the WPPAL’s efforts. “We all want to make a difference in the lives of others,” he said. “This is a truly special thing you’re doing, to allow us to go out into the community. Hats off to you for what you do.”

Cvetic has been running Downtown’s Third Avenue Gym for more than 40 years.

He started the gym partly as a place to teach kids who wanted to learn boxing. He’s opened eight other gyms over the years, all with the same goal: keeping kids off the streets and involved in something positive.

“He wants to be able to introduce children to something good, to make them happy, because they’re our future,” said WPPAL Executive Director Gloria Sztukowski.

The toy drive was a natural extension of Cvetic’s work at the gyms.

“It started off very small. We had gifts for kids from the gym. Now we’re on the third generation of kids from the gym, so this is really heartwarming to see,” Cvetic says. “So many different people came together to make this happen.” The goal this year was to bring in 5,000 donated toys, which was easily outpaced.

Cvetic walks with a bit of a limp these days, but says he has no plans to slow down. “Every day of my life is Christmas, it’s a way of life for me,” he jokes. “And it’s our motto: ‘Always for the Kids.’ If we can make Christmas special for kids who don’t have much, that’s what we’re here for.”

I N F O@ P G H C I T Y PA P E R. C OM

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

Weird Pittsburgh

SEND YOUR LOCAL WEIRD NEWS TO INFO@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

{BY NICK KEPPLER}

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The University of Pittsburgh is fighting a daily battle against crow poop, and it’s losing. Each fall, the birds flock in from Canada and New York State to roost.

This year, they’ve taken an affinity to the tall oaks on the lawn of the Cathedral of Learning, reports the Pitt-owned newspaper The University Times. Local bird blogger Kate St. John told the paper the crows tend to “lighten the load,” before taking flight for the day, dropping a deuce or two in their home base. “It’s a terrible time for this,” said Heinz Chapel Director Pat Gibbons, because of holiday concerts and weddings. “I didn’t want to have to be the one to have to deal with a bride whose dress had been dipped in it.” Workers powerwash pavements, handrails and bus shelters daily. Another tool they use is the bird equivalent of a haunted-house soundtrack: a recording of horned owls and other birds in distress designed to startle avian visitors.

“This year they don’t seem to be moving,”

but the second I saw it my jaw dropped,” County Commissioner Sandie Egley told news website The BeaverCountian. She added that the county’s emergency-services director, Wes Hill, “agreed with me the calendars are in poor taste. They will not be distributed anymore and we’ve collected all of the copies out there that we could find.”

said Dan Fisher, assistant vice chancellor for operations and maintenance. Fisher said he might adopt a strategy from Penn State University, which has been shooting pyrotechnic bangers and screamers to scare crows off its campus.

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The Beaver County Public Safety Commission has withdrawn a wall calendar, briefly given out for free, that featured a photo from a different local house fire for each month of 2017. The calendar included emergency phone numbers, CPR instructions and evacuation routes, alongside images of unfortunate Beaver County residents’ homes engulfed in flames. The Beaver County Recreation and Tourism Department cosponsored the calendar, and its logo and slogan of “Divided by Rivers — United

by People” are, jarringly, superimposed over each orange blaze. “I have no idea whose idea this was or who approved it,

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The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette apparently refused a veteran’s request that his obituary note that he was “not a murderer.” After breaking down his familial connections, the 90-word obit submitted by the family of David Ryan specified that the Penn Hills resident was “not a murderer, not a baby killer, just a Vietnam Vet.” Ryan’s daughter Heather Vargo told a WTAE reporter the claim was made of Ryan and other veterans of the war and her dad, an avowed non-murderer, was forever miffed by it. “I feel like he was disrespected then and he was disrespected again whenever they refused to print that, his last words,” said Vargo. The Post-Gazette did not comment to WTAE. The Penn Hills Progress, a local paper owned by Trib Total Media, printed the obituary in full. (Last weekend, a photo of Ryan and the words “not a murderer, not a baby killer, just a Vietnam Vet,” ran in the P-G’s “In Memoriam” column.)

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Police in Ephrata, Lancaster County, caught alleged fugitive Jonathan Michael Steffy thanks to a tip-off from a cat.

When officers went to Steffy’s residence to bring him in on a bench warrant, the 23-yearold reportedly fled on foot. Police searched nearby yards, but came up empty until “one officer noticed the feline in another home’s backyard crouched and watching something intently near a shed,” reports PennLive.com.

According to the arrest report, the cat led police to Steffy.

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Pittsburgh police are looking for a car-kicking criminal WTAE has dubbed the “Man Bun Vandal.” Sporting a hipster beard and hair style, the bun-sporting suspect is seen on late-night surveillance footage kicking and even jumping on the sideview mirrors of parked cars on the South Side in a particularly senseless streak of destruction (even by South Side standards).

In total, he de-mirrored 33 vehicles.

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While dressed as Santa Claus, 51-year-old Alan K. Mongeau allegedly grabbed a bartender at the Lucky Dog Café in Lancaster County and pulled him over the bar, according to PennLive.com.

The barkeep at the Manor Township pub reportedly refused service to this flushed Father Christmas, leading to a confrontation. A police officer on the scene slapped the bearded bar-goer with a ho-hoharassment charge.

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LOCAL

“WE TOOK NINE MONTHS AND SPENT $1.2 MILLION.”

BEAT

{BY ALEX GORDON}

Threads From the Youth Fossil is a time-and-place album, capturing a young person’s transition into adulthood during a particularly tumultuous year-and-a-half.

There are obvious political reasons for all that tumult, but much of the album’s distress is rooted in the personal and abstract anxiety of its creator David Beck, 20.

Beck, who released Threads earlier this month under the moniker String Machine, chalks it up to spending more time in the city after a childhood spent in Saxonburg, a quiet town 30 minutes north of Pittsburgh.

The sirens, street noise and constant presence of other people in the city was disorienting to Beck. That parallel between his paranoia and external turmoil became the driving force for Threads.

The 12 songs on the album might fall under indie folk, but like the recent output of Sufjan Stevens (with whom Beck shares quite a bit), the songs are layered with unexpected instruments and production.

Acoustic guitar runs through the album continuously, but it’s often paired with electronic components, voice-modulation, synths, trumpet and cello.

“Garden” is a good place to start if you’re turned off by “indie folk.”

It opens with bumbling electronic percussion, leading into Beck’s creepy, dreamy pitch-shifted voice singing about the isolation and paranoia he felt living in the city. “When the fire escape became the only way you could get away / they burn down our harvest, they can’t keep us hostage.” Elsewhere on the album, his voice is strained and vulnerable, closer to somebody like Deerhunter’s Bradford Cox. Part of the fun of Threads is the unpredictability of how the different instruments and styles interact from song to song.

Some of that unpredictability is due to the highly collaborative nature of the process. Threads features about 10 of Beck’s friends chipping in on instrumentation, production and album art. While many of the artists contributed remotely or no longer live in the area, you’ll get a chance to see all of the album’s collaborators at the album-release show on Dec. 30, in Butler.

ALEXGORDON@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

STRING MACHINE ALBUM RELEASE AND ARTIST SHOWCASE 6:30 p.m.

Fri, Dec. 30. The Art Center, 344 S. Main St., Butler. $5. www.facebook.com/ stringmachinemusic

12

David Beck {PHOTO COURTESY OF DAVID MCCANDLESS PHOTOGRAPHY}

STRUNG OUT

{PHOTO COURTESY OF ANTHONY NORKUS}

New class: the Verve Pipe

LEARNING CURVE {BY BILL KOPP}

T

HE VERVE PIPE was formed in

Lansing, Mich., in the early 1990s.

Led by singer-guitarist Brian Vander Ark, the group got its first big break when RCA signed it to a multi-album deal. The Verve Pipe’s first RCA album, 1996’s Villains, went platinum (one million units sold) and spawned four Top 40 hits on various charts, most notably “The Freshmen.”

Noticing that, as the primary songwriter, Vander Ark made the most money from The Verve Pipe’s success, the other band members wanted to write songs, too. “Even though we all gave each other a percentage no matter what was written, I [earned] the lion’s share from Villains,” Vander Ark says in a phone interview. So for the band’s selftitled 1999 album, “everybody was writing.

Because they knew that the way to sustain a life in music is through publishing.”

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

The problem with that approach is that not everybody in a group is necessarily a very good songwriter. Vander Ark explains that in a band democracy, “you have to vote and decide which songs are worthy of being on a record. I don’t care who you are; you’re going to have hurt feelings.”

THE VERVE PIPE 8 p.m. Thu., Dec. 29. Jergel’s Rhythm Grille, 103 Slade Lane, Warrendale. $20-24.

724-799-8333 or www.jergels.com

Moreover, encouraged by the runaway success of Villains, the band let other matters get out of hand. “We recorded The Verve Pipe in New York City; we had a three-month budget for $400,000,” Vander

Ark says. Pausing for effect, he continues.

“We took nine months and spent $1.2 million.” Riding on Villains’ success, the group expected big sales for its follow-up.

That didn’t happen. Vander Ark says that he figured that “at least 10 percent of the people who bought Villains would buy the next record, right?” He remembers thinking, “If 150,000 people buy the record, then it pays for itself, and we can make another record.” But The Verve Pipe tanked, selling only about 30,000 copies.

While the group would get to make one more album for RCA — 2001’s vastly superior Underneath, produced by Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger — the rot had set in. The Verve Pipe fractured not long thereafter. It would be seven years before Vander Ark’s band made another album; by that time, only he

and drummer Donny Brown remained from the original lineup. And the band had taken a very different direction: both A Family Album and 2013’s Are We There Yet? are children’s records.

But in 2014, The Verve Pipe rallied with Overboard, its first rock album in nearly a decade-and-a-half. With yet another new lineup (Brown had left by this time), the group’s seventh studio album was a return to the catchy songwriting and playing of the group’s heyday.

More recently, the band has been releasing new music directly to fans. “We release about a single a month on our YouTube and Facebook pages,” Vander Ark says. Eventually they’ll compile the best of those tunes onto a new Verve Pipe album. “We figure that’s the way to best do it,” says Vander Ark. “We can’t really afford to block out three months of studio time.

But here and there, we can make some gig money and merchandise money, and go into the studio and record a song at a time.

Plus it’s good engagement, back and forth with people.”

Of course, the band’s live dates are another way it connects with fans. And Vander Ark has a special relationship with Pittsburgh. “I do [solo] house concerts in the summertime, and I probably do three

or four in Pittsburgh.” He believes that Pittsburgh concertgoers “like a good story in their song.”

Vander Ark has a favorite Pittsburgh story, one from back in the band’s majorlabel days. “During The Verve Pipe tour, I had a throat problem. My manager, for some reason, set me up with a doctor who had treated Billy Joel.” The physician came backstage before the band’s Pittsburgh show. “He looked at my throat and he asked me, ‘Do you smoke?’ I said, ‘Yes, I smoke about a pack a day.’ Then he asked, ‘How much do you drink?’ I said, ‘I drink four or five shots of whiskey before and then after the show.’” At that point, Vander Ark was prepared to quit all of that to save his voice. “And he looked at me and said, ‘Aw, you’re fine.’ And I thought, ‘Ah! Then I might just step it up!’

He gave me a clean bill on my throat!”

Laughing, Vander Ark adds, “That is absolutely a true story.”

The Verve Pipe’s current shows should please fans who enjoy the band’s older material. “The majority of our live set is still Villains and Underneath, but we’ll throw in a few new ones, just for the heck of it,” Vander Ark says with a chuckle. “Those are really for us; otherwise, we would go a little crazy.”

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GOLDBERG VARIATIONS {BY MIKE SHANLEY} RUBE GOLDBERG was not a musician.

Primarily a cartoonist, he came to prominence for illustrations of devices that performed simple tasks through elaborate set of mechanisms. Goldberg’s legend was solidified by the board game Mousetrap, which uses that same concept. The term “Rube Goldberg machine” also came to represent any device with a complex series of steps.

Despite Goldberg’s work in other disciplines, he also inspired musician Andrea Parkins. “It’s like pre-analog processing of an object,” she says, in describing the cartoonist’s work. “You push something — either it’s gravity or it’s force that pushes an object along. Then it runs into another object and causes something else to happen, which causes something else to happen, etc. I love that idea as a model. I like how intricate some of those machines are.”

In her solo performances, she uses a laptop computer, which she refers to as “Goldberg.” It functions as a “virtual instrument.” Although it uses modern technology like sampling and processing, a Goldbergian process is what gets it there, such as when Parkins’ homemade collection of field recordings blends with her accordion playing or live sampling of objects. “All of these things put together are moving something through time — like a series of events through time — which makes a composition and comes to a result of some kind,” she says.

Parkins’ approachto music incorporates an exploration of various musical styles and studies that also involve visual arts. A native of Murrysville, she started off playing classical piano but developed an interest in more adventurous musical elements even at a young age. “I was always attracted to dissonance and texture and timbre change,” she says, on the phone from New York. “When I think back to all the music that I really enjoyed the most as a kid, I liked listening to the Brandenburg Concertos [by Bach], but I liked listening to them in the original instrumentation. I liked Thelonious Monk, I liked Stravinsky, I liked Kurt Weill. You get the picture.”

Music school wasn’t the ideal place

{PHOTO COURTESY OF LR PARKINS}

“I have to be on my toes”: Andrea Parkins

for Parkins, and she dropped out of Boston’s Berklee School (now College) of Music after two years. She began studying improvisation privately and playing synthesizer in rock bands. Art school, on the other hand, proved to be a revelation. “I started taking experimental film class with Phil Solomon, who was a protégé of Stan Brakhage,” she says. “[The way] he was talking about film, which was super-structural and semiotic and a lot about atmospheres and associativeness — all the poetics of cinema. And I started thinking, ‘Why can’t I do that with sound?’ And that was a great beginning for me to think about sound in a different way.”

Along the way, a bandmate gave Parkins an accordion, the instrument for which she is probably best known. From the get-go, her approach to the squeezebox had nothing to do with its traditional use. “I was really interested in it as a synthesizer or sound machine,” Parkins says. “I put a pickup into it and started exploring stuff with some guitar effects.

So that’s been kind of a part of my palette since then.”

Parkins eventually moved to New York where she’s played and recorded in a number of projects with wide-ranging styles. For 16 years, she played accordion and sampler in a trio with the adventurous saxophonist Ellery Eskelin and the equally freewheeling drummer Jim Black. More recently, she released Ava-

“WORKING WITH THE COMPUTER, I’M TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT I DID AS A PIANIST.”

lanche of Routes, an album with Brian Chase, drummer of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Fully improvised, it incorporates drone and feedback, since Chase amplifies and samples his drum heads while playing, which blends with Parkins’ own use of samples and sonic manipulations.

In a solo performance, Parkins uses the accordion as well as her laptop (Goldberg) extensively, but she explains that a performance doesn’t simply consist of pressing buttons on a keypad. “The way I’m working with the computer, I’m trying to remember what I did as a pianist, which was a physical engagement,” she says. “I’m really thinking about the computer that way, so that I’m not just sitting there with a laptop. I’m actually addressing it physically in kind of an exchange between me and an instrument.”

ANDREA PARKINS WITH MORTIS, VALERIE KUEHNE

8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 23. Palanzo’s, 4614 Penn Ave., Bloomfield. $10. All ages. 412-682-0591

Since improvisation plays a big role in her performances, Parkins makes sure that the element of chance can also shape a performance. “The processing has a system, but built into it is a possibility that it might not work,” she says. “Or it might go in a direction that I don’t know it will go. If I’m improvising with the processed material on another instrument, I have to be on my toes. I have to be listening with all my might and be ready to jump in and respond sonically.”

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

CRITICS’ PICKS {CP PHOTO BY SARAH HUNY YOUNG}

Hardo

[HIP HOP] + THU., DEC. 22 There is a reason that Hardo & Jimmy Wopo’s latest mixtape has a “VERY HOTTTTT” rating on Hotnewhiphop.com: It’s honestly hotter than those habañero Takis. Between its catchy hooks, ’Burgh references and features from Wiz Khalifa, 21 Savage and Chevy Woods, TRAPNESE shines as a carefully constructed trap mixtape destined to soundtrack the hottest New Year’s Eve parties.

At tonight’s release celebration at the Rex Theater, DJ Stevie B and DJ Afterthought will be providing the music while Hardo & Jimmy Wopo spit bars for the 412. Meg Fair 7 p.m.

1602 E. Carson St., Demos South Side. $25-70.

Papadimas 18 and older.

412-381-6811 or www.rextheater.com

[ROCK] + FRI., DEC. 23 Tonight, Brillobox throws a just-in-time holiday bash with a locals-only lineup destined to get you dancing. Drink one of the many wintery beers on tap while enjoying Jiant Eagle, a clever new garage-rock outfit. Good Sport offers cheeky lo-fi tunes that bounce between electronic sensibilities and good-natured indie rock. And what sweeter way to close out Christmas Eve Eve than with the grungy alternative rock of Honey? MF 8 p.m.

4104 Penn Ave., Bloomfield. $5. 412-621-4900 or www.brillobox.net

[HOLIDAY ROCK] + TUE., DEC. 27 Christmas isn’t over until the Valentine’s decor hits the shelf, but it’s also not over until you find yourself overtaken by pyrotechnics, laser lights and high-voltage rock in the name of the holiday season. The Trans-Siberian Orchestra lands today at the PPG Paints Arena for two shows, and both are destined to impress. By the

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time you leave the arena, you’ll be convinced that TSO’s team of technicians is actually comprised of wizards. MF 3 and 8 p.m.

1001 Fifth Ave., Uptown. $44.25-71. All ages.

412-642-1800 or www.ppgpaintsarena.com

[POP PUNK] + WED., DEC. 28 Don’t call it a comeback. OK, so it’s kind of a comeback. Tonight, vocalists Shane Told of Silverstein and Mark Rose of Spitalfield will {PHOTO COURTESY OF CHRIS RUTUSHIN} be performing music from new projects at the Smiling Moose.

Told’s River Oaks has Silverstein’s emotive, dramatic charm, but what sets this project apart from his old work is its poppy sound and more tender vocal delivery.

Rose also reps a clean pop sound with acoustic roots. August Winters’ pop-punk songwriting completes the lineup swimmingly.

MF 7 p.m. 1306 E. Carson St., South Side. $10.13-15. All ages.

412-431-4668 or www.smiling-moose.com

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[SINGER-SONGWRITER] + WED., DEC. 28 Pittsburgh’s Southside American has an air of homey wistfulness, the perfect soundtrack for, say, watching giant snowflakes swirl in the lights of PPG Place. It’s the kind of music destined for heart-melting holiday commercials.

Feel it for yourself alongside the MediterraneanAmericana stylings of Demos Papadimas, from Youngstown, and local songwriter Jeremy Colbert. BONUS: Club Café is collecting donations for the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank, so check out the list of most-needed items on the GPCFB’s Facebook page and contribute to a good cause. MF 8 p.m.

56 S. 12th St., South Side. $10. 412-431-4950 or www.clubcafelive.com

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[DAILY RUNDOWN]

A newsletter you’ll actually want to read.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

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TO SUBMIT A LISTING: HTTP://PGHCITYPAPER.COM/HAPPENINGS 412.316.3388 (FAX) + 412.316.3342 X165 (PHONE) {ALL LISTINGS MUST BE SUBMITTED BY 9 A.M. FRIDAY PRIOR TO PUBLICATION}

ROCK/POP THU 22 HOWLERS. Girl Power!

Stephanie, Joanna, LRAD, Sadie.

Bloomfield. 412-682-0320.

FRI 23 CRAFTHOUSE STAGE & GRILL. Gas Station Disco. Whitehall.

412-653-2695.

GOOD TIME BAR. 13 Saints & The Dirty Charms. Millvale.

412-821-9968.

MOONDOG’S. The Nied’s Hotel Band Holiday Extravaganza.

Blawnox. 412-828-2040.

PALANZO’S BUILDING. Andrea Parkins, Mortis, Valerie Kuehne.

Bloomfield. 412-682-0591.

REX THEATER. Chalk Dinosaur, RSK, JAX & Lumariia. South Side.

412-381-6811.

SUN 25

WED 28

THE R BAR. Billy The Kid and the Regulators. Dormont.

412-942-0882.

CLUB CAFE. Southside American, Demos Papadimas & Jeremy Colbert. South Side.

412-431-4950.

MON 26

DJS

PITTSBURGH WINERY. Wooly Coats. Strip District. 412-566-1000.

TUE 27 CLUB CAFE. Starman - The Ultimate David Bowie Show ft. Chris Theoret. South Side.

412-431-4950.

PITTSBURGH WINERY. Sean Thomas Gerard w/ Bindley Hardware Co. Strip District. 412-566-1000.

PPG PAINTS ARENA. Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Uptown. 412-642-1800.

THU 22 BELVEDERE’S. DJ hates you 2.0 & DJ killjoy. NeoN 80s Night. Lawrenceville.

412-687-2555.

MR. SMALLS pape pghcitym THEATER. Centrifuge .co Thursdays. At the Funhouse. Millvale.

603-321-0277.

PERLE CHAMPAGNE BAR. Bobby D Bachata. Downtown.

412-471-2058.

FULL LIST E N O wLwIN w. r

FRI 23 ANDYS WINE BAR. DJ Malls Spins Vinyl.

Downtown. 412-773-8884.

THE FLATS ON CARSON. Pete Butta. South Side.

412-586-7644.

ONE 10 LOUNGE. DJ Goodnight, DJ Rojo.

Downtown. 412-874-4582.

ROWDY BUCK. Top 40 Dance. South Side.

412-431-2825.

RUGGER’S PUB. 80s Night w/ DJ Connor. South Side.

412-381-1330.

MP 3 MONDAY CHARON DON

SAT 24 DIESEL. DJ CK. South Side.

412-431-8800.

ROWDY BUCK. Top 40 Dance.

South Side. 412-431-2825.

SUN 25 THE FLATS ON CARSON. Pete Butta. South Side.

412-586-7644.

TUE 27 THE GOLDMARK. Pete Butta. Reggae & dancehall. Lawrenceville.

412-688-8820.

WED 28

FRIDAY, MARCH 10 • 8 PM

SMILING MOOSE. Rock Star Karaoke w/ T-MONEY. South Side. 412-431-4668.

SPOON. Spoon Fed. East Liberty.

412-362-6001.

Each week we bring you a new song from a local band or musician. This week’s track comes from hip-hop artist ChaRon Don. Stream or download “Future Take Hold” (featuring Shayontani Banerjee), the title track from ChaRon Don’s forthcoming record, for free at FFW>>, the music blog at www.pghcitypaper.com.

BENEDUM CENTER

HIP HOP/R&B

TRUSTARTS.ORG • BOX OFFICE AT THE ATER SQUARE 412-456-6666 • GROUPS 10+ TICKETS 412-471-6930

FRI 23 1LIVE STUDIO. DJ Goodnight: Open Elements. Avalon.

412-424-9254.

CONTINUES ON PG. 18

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CONCERTS, CONTINUED FROM PG. 17

EARLY WARNINGS

1LIVE STUDIO. DJ Goodnight: Open Elements. Avalon.

412-424-9254.

JAZZ

New Year’s Eve Party!

THU 22 HOTEL INDIGO. Roger Barbour Jazz Quartet.

East Liberty. 412-665-0555.

JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. Roger Humphries Jam Session.

Ballroom. North Side.

412-904-3335.

VALLOZZI’S PITTSBURGH. Eric Johnson. Downtown.

412-394-3400.

ALL INCLUSIVE CRAFT + DRAFTS • TOP SHELF • WINE CHAMPAGNE TOAST

DJ HOOVER

FRI 23

PARTY FAVORS • SNACKS

Sigur Rós

ANDORA RESTAURANT FOX CHAPEL. Pianist Harry Cardillo & vocalist Charlie Sanders.

Fox Chapel. 412-967-1900.

GRILLE ON SEVENTH. Tony Campbell & Howie Alexander.

Downtown. 412-391-1004.

JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. Benny Benack II & Benny Benack III Holiday Party. North Side.

412-904-3335.

PENS TICKET GIVEAWAY OR PRIZE PACKAGE

$60 TICKETS.

JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. Tony Campbell Saturday Afternoon Jazz Session.

North Side. 412-904-3335.

THE MONROEVILLE RACQUET CLUB. Jazz Bean Live. Every Saturday, a different band. Monroeville.

412-728-4155.

CALL FOR DETAILS.

JEKYL AND HYDE | 140 S. 18TH STREET 412-488-0777 | BARSMART.COM/JEKYLANDHYDE

SUN 25 PRESIDENT’S PUB. Washington Jazz Society Jazz Brunch.

Washington. 724-747-5139.

ROCKS LANDING BAR & GRILLE. Tony Campbell & the Jazz Surgery. McKees Rocks.

412-857-5809.

MON 26 HAMBONE’S. Ian Kane, Ronnie Weiss & Tom Boyce.

Jazz Standards, showtunes & blues.

Lawrenceville.

412-681-4318.

Weekly specials: SUNDAY - 69¢ WINGS WEDNESDAY - 99¢ TACOS .99 GYRO G O

Half priced Happy Hour

{FRI., MARCH 31}

Stevie Nicks PPG Paints Arena, 1001 Fifth Ave., Uptown {THU., JUNE 15}

Sigur Rós Stage AE, 400 North Shore Drive, North Side

Army, Northern Gold. South Side.

412-431-4950.

THE SOUTH SIDE BBQ RESTAURANT. Tony Germaine, singer/guitarist. South Side.

412-381-4566.

MON 26 CLUB CAFE. Bill Deasy’s Annual Boxing Day Show.

South Side. 412-431-4950.

WED 28

ALLEGHENY ELKS LODGE #339.

Pittsburgh Banjo Club. Wednesdays. w North Side. paper pghcitym 412-321-1834. .co PARK HOUSE. Shelf Life String Band.

North Side. 412-224-2273.

BACKSTAGE BAR THE FUNHOUSE AT THEATRE SQUARE. @ MR. SMALLS. Benny Benack III: The Holiday Ukelelist Sara Levinson, Session. Downtown.

John Rushlander of 412-456-6666.

Grandadchilds, Morgan Erina, Pete Bush & the Hoi Polloi.

Millvale. 603-433-7465.

RIVERS CASINO. Jessica Lee & Friends. North Side.

412-231-7777.

FULL LIST E N O LwIN w.

WED 28 FOLLOW US ON:

929 5th Avenue • Coraopolis www.jailhousesaloon412.com PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

PPG Paints Arena, 1001 Fifth Ave., Uptown

TUE 27

MONDAY THRU FRIDAY 4PM - 6PM

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{TUE., MARCH 21}

Mariah Carey

SAT 24

ASK ABOUT GROUP DISCOUNT.

Like Lik ikke Us! Us!!

{PHOTO COURTESY OF BIZ 3 PUBLICITY}

SAT 24

REGGAE

ACOUSTIC THU 22 CRAFTHOUSE STAGE & GRILL. Gary Prisby. Whitehall.

412-653-2695.

FRI 23 CLUB CAFE. Milly w/ Swiss

THU 22 PIRATA. The Flow Band.

Downtown. 412-323-3000.

FRI 23 CAPRI PIZZA AND BAR. Bombo Claat w/ VYBZ Machine Intl Sound System. East Liberty.

412-362-1250.

COUNTRY FRI 23 CLUB CAFE. An Evening with Steel Blossoms. South Side.

412-431-4950.

CRAFTHOUSE STAGE & GRILL. Buckwild. Whitehall.

412-653-2695.

OTHER MUSIC THU 22 LINDEN GROVE. Karaoke.

Castle Shannon. 412-882-8687.

FRI 23 LINDEN GROVE. Artistree.

Castle Shannon. 412-882-8687.

HOLIDAY MUSIC FRI 23 JAMES STREET GASTROPUB & SPEAKEASY. Chelsey Nicole & Tarra Layne. Cocktail attire requested. North Side.

412-904-3335.

PITTSBURGH WINERY. Billy Price, Clinton Clegg, Morgan Erina, Paul Luc, Jimbo Jackson, Anthony Jardine, Juan and Erika Vasquez, Mike Cali, Mariko Reid, Trio + Jason Rafalak, Ryan Socrates & Joe Sheehan. Home For the Holidays Food Drive. Strip District.

412-566-1000.

PAID ADVERTORIAL SPONSORED BY

What to do IN PITTSBURGH

Dec 21 - 27 WEDNESDAY 21 Ali Spagnola’s Power Hour – Drinking Game Concert

Charm and Chain

CLUB CAFE South Side.

412-431-4950.

With special guest Anjroy.

Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 8p.m.

A MUSICAL CHRISTMAS CAROL BYHAM THEATER THROUGH DEC 23

Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 8p.m.

TUESDAY 27 PHOTO BY: MATT POLK

CLUB CAFE South Side.

412-431-4950.

With special guest The Nerd Herders. Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 9:45p.m.

THURSDAY 22

FRIDAY 23 235

PGH Producers Party III

The Play O’REILLY THEATER Downtown. 412-456-6666.

Tickets: trustarts.org.

Through Jan. 7.

A Musical Christmas Carol BYHAM THEATER Downtown. 412-456.6666.

Tickets: pittsburghclo.org.

Through Dec. 23.

Peoples Gas Holiday Market MARKET SQUARE Downtown.

For more info visit downtownpittsburgh.com/ holidays. Through Dec. 23.

NEWS

REX THEATER South Side.

412-381-6811.

With special guests Chalk Dinosaur.

Over 18 show. Free show.

9p.m.

Dead Gypsy CATTIVO Lawrenceville.

412-687-2157.

Over 21 event.

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CLUB CAFE South Side.

412-431-4950.

With special guest Chris Theoret.

Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 9p.m.

Benny Benack III: The Holiday Session

Milly CLUB CAFE South Side.

412-431-4950.

With special guests Swiss Army & Northern Gold.

Over 21 show.

Tickets: ticketweb.com/ opusone. 10:30p.m.

Starman – The Ultimate David Bowie Show

SATURDAY 24

Tickets at the door. 7p.m.

The Nutcracker

Walkney

BENEDUM CENTER Downtown.

412-456-6666.

Tickets: pbt.org.

Through Dec. 27.

CATTIVO Lawrenceville.

412-687-2157.

With special guests Jesse Rossi, Dan Swank & Moses.

All ages show.

Tickets: ticketfly.com or 1-877-4-FLY-TIX. 6:30p.m.

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CLUB CAFE South Side. 412-431-4950.

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Trans-Siberian Orchestra PPG PAINTS ARENA Downtown.

Tickets: ticketmaster.com or 1-800-745-3000.

3p.m. & 8p.m.

Bill Deasy’s Annual Boxing Day Show

Winter Flower Show and Light Garden

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PHIPPS CONSERVATORY Oakland.

Tickets: phipps.conservatory. org. Through Jan. 8.

CABARET AT THEATER SQUARE Downtown.

412-456-6666. Free show.

5p.m.

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“SHE REALIZED WHAT SHE HAD DONE WAS SELL OFF ALL THE SACRED STUFF IN THE TEMPLE TO GET MONEY.”

[BOOKS]

SCARE PACKAGES J.D. Barker’s 2014 debut novel, Forsaken, was an almost instant success. And this prominent new voice of the horror/thriller genre — who’s now a Pittsburgh resident — is just getting started.

In completing Forsaken, Barker hoped to incorporate the Needful Things shop from Stephen King’s eponymous 1991 novel. He got in touch via email and ultimately received the famed author’s blessing.

“I was shocked. For the next month I thought for sure that I was going to get some kind of email back from him saying, ‘Oh I meant to send that to somebody else,’” Barker said in a recent phone interview.

Barker, 45, and his wife moved to Pittsburgh in October 2015, from Florida.

(He dislikes humidity, and his wife has family here.) They buy and sell rental properties, and intended to flip a place in Brentwood but are still living there for now.

For 20 years prior to his newfound success, Barker worked as a hybrid book doctor/ghostwriter. “After a while that got a little bit old, because I had six different books that I worked on that actually hit The New York Times bestseller list and my name wasn’t on them,” Barker says. He began working on his own novels.

Barker’s self-published debut was a fantasy-suspense tale in which the female protagonist of a horror writer’s novel about 17th-century witch trials tries to escape fiction and enter reality. Forsaken reached No. 2 on Audible.com, behind Harper Lee’s Go Set a Watchman, and was a finalist for the Bram Stoker award for Superior Achievement in a First Novel.

Stoker’s grandson has since offered Barker the opportunity to write a prequel to Dracula using Stoker’s original notes. The novel, set for release in 2018, incorporates the first 100 pages that were scrapped by Dracula’s original publishers, in 1897.

Barker’s second novel, The Fourth Monkey, is more of a thriller. It follows a detective tracking the supposed final victim of a notorious, recently deceased serial killer, using the killer’s diary. The novel, first in a planned trilogy, is set for release by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt in June.

Barker has sold publishing rights for The Fourth Monkey in America and other countries, and also has a TV and movie deal. “If everything plays out the way that it’s supposed to, we’re going to see a feature film followed up with a network television show,” he says.

Author J.D. Barker {PHOTO COURTESY OF DAYNA JUNG PHOTOGRAPHY}

{BY IAN FLANAGAN}

{PHOTO COURTESY OF PAMINA EWING}

[BOOKS]

SEX AND SOBRIETY {BY NICK KEPPLER}

J

ENNIFER MATESA has had a lot of

Skype conversations about sex, some of them lasting more than three hours. The Friendship-based author recently released Sex in Recovery: A Meeting Between the Covers (Hazelden Publishing). The 220-page nonfiction book ($15.95) includes oral histories from former substance-abusers about the impact of addiction and recovery on their sex lives, between Matesa’s own essays. It’s her second book on a related topic, after the fitnessfocused The Recovering Body. She documents her own story about overcoming addiction to prescription painkillers on her blog guineveregetssober.com.

HOW DID YOU FIND PEOPLE TO TALK TO FOR THIS BOOK? I’ve had a blog for six-and-a-half years, so when you have a blog that gets any

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

amount of attention, you meet people on the blog, who’ve commented, and that’s part of my network. [Another] part of my network is recovering people in the city of Pittsburgh. I just put the word out that I was doing this book, and they would lead me to people.

WHAT WAS THE MOST SURPRISING THING SOMEONE TOLD YOU? Maria Luz, the trans woman, talked about how she had worked Santa Monica Boulevard [in Los Angeles], which is a notorious tricking place, and how she had been mentored by a drag queen to get into the cars and do what the guys wanted. In order to do that, she had to get drunk, and in order to live with herself after, she had to get wasted. Later in recovery, when she quit drinking and using, she realized what she had done in those cars — if you consider the body a

temple — was sell off all the sacred stuff in the temple to get money, and her addiction had been critical to that.

[BOOK REVIEW]

ARS BREVIS {BY FRED SHAW}

HOW DOES ADDICTION IMPACT SOMEONE’S RELATIONSHIP TO SEX? I talked to a number of people in their late 20s and early 30s who had never had sex sober. Then when I started talking about the book, I heard stories from [nonrecovering] people about never having sober sex, about needing to take a drink to take their clothes off with somebody or to even touch somebody because we are so touch-averse. … People start developing their sexual identity in their teenage years, and that’s when people start drinking and using. … If you get to your 20s and you get sober and you’ve never had sex sober, it’s very, very hard to imagine how to touch another person or even know what you want sexually if you don’t have that substance to manipulate you.

YOU CRITICIZE THE NO-SEX-FOR-AYEAR RULE COMMON TO RECOVERY PROGRAMS. WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT? People are just told “don’t have sex for a year” and then aren’t told anything else.

I think a better approach is to tell a person, “It might be good for you to not have sex for a while and notice what comes up for you.” We’re taught in abstinent 12step recovery to take inventory of resentments and fears and stuff like that, and they’re told to write a sex inventory. That might be a good thing to make as a part of the sex inventory: [an understanding of] what comes up for you when you’re not having sex and how to establish a sexual relationship with yourself first.

But this isn’t taught. The books don’t give any advice on this. They have really good passages about sex and why it’s important to change your behavior around sex, but there’s no opening for discussion. I think it’s important for people to think for themselves. And another reason: Everybody knows that no one follows that rule anyway.

Poetic brevity is nothing new. The bestknown form, the haiku, with its 17 syllables, dates from the 13th century. It influenced modernism’s founder, Ezra Pound, who wrote, “The image itself is speech. The image is the word beyond formulated language.” With its focus often on nature, the form finds profundity in concision.

While some practitioners veer toward confessionalism, it’s nice to see two Pittsburgh poets, Scott Pyle and Don Wentworth, embrace the spirit of haiku masters like Basho and Buson. Recent short collections — Pyle’s debut, Moving Leeward (Four-Color Studios), and Wentworth’s With a Deepening Presence (Six Gallery Press) — adapt the form’s traditional sensibilities to 21st-century life. That the books are pocket-sized and well crafted by local publishers is a bonus.

Moving Leeward often alludes to seeking help, through shelter or otherwise. The former EMT and current professional fireman’s work touches on the fragile nature of humanity, with one series embracing the physicality of a woodsy hike. In “On Hiking,” Pyle writes, “walk in shadows / pools of sunlight islands / archipelago / rivers and time / washing swiftly past / loose rocks underfoot /caught out / high on mountain as dark come / moving leeward …” While the haiku form here and elsewhere is imperfectly syllabic, the imagery, understated and thoughtful, allows readers’ thoughts to wander, as if in wilderness themselves.

The 74-page Leeward remains strongest when focusing on Pyle’s EMT work. In “Helmet to Helmet,” he uses a sly sense of humor, writing, “call came in E-3 / broken nose due to rough sex / romance dashed.” In “Possible ETOH,” he pronounces, “Sleeping drunk / pockets filled with watches / time lord,” exploring urban life’s subtle irony.

This minimalism arrives a bit more well crafted in Wentworth’s 95-page Presence.

Wentworth, publisher of Lilliput Review and retired librarian, sounds even more polished in his third collection, writing, “at my feet / the Milky Way wrapper / unfolding,” using the small picture to gain a sense of the bigger one. He stays in the moment with “each mistake / one step closer / to the path” and “at the funeral / complaining to you / how cold it is.” These bite-sized verses add up to something worldly and thoughtful.

With a beautiful epigraph by Asian scholar R.H. Blyth framing the section “eleven for laurie,” Wentworth sums up a worldview suitable for troubled times when he writes, “intervention / for anger / a falling / leaf.” Perhaps we’d do well keeping eyes peeled for tiny poetic flashes.

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IT SOUNDS UNBEARABLE, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING ALL THE USUAL SELFSCRUTINY THAT COMES WITH SEX. It’s scary, and some people go one way and have sex with a lot of people. And I’ve talked to people who were celibate for eight years. I was having lunch and one person told me, “I haven’t had sex in 12 years. What should I do?” What could I tell her? I can’t solve that problem for her. This society is so full of tips, like “Ten Tips to Solve This Problem,” but this is a problem of identity. It’s a problem of fear of being touched and of touching someone.

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{PHOTO COURTESY OF SARABETH BOAK}

Photographic artifact from the Museum of Broken Relationships

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BROKEN UP {BY AMANI NEWTON} IN A WAY, the real beginning of any

relationship is its public announcement.

Legally, you haven’t been born without an issued birth certificate. And in 2016, does one really have a boyfriend unless you’re both Facebook-official?

But the end of a relationship is treated like a scandal. The Museum of Broken Relationships exists in revolt against this everyday secret shame. It collects the relics of broken relationships, often romantic but sometimes familial, imbued with feelings of loss and failure, and transforms them through the power of the gallery space into a communal exploration of how it feels to be a person among others.

THE MUSEUM OF BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS continues through Dec. 30.

201 N. Braddock Ave., Point Breeze. www.brokenships.com

The original traveling collection, now permanently housed in Zagreb, Croatia, was the brainchild of artists Dražen Grubižić and Olinka Viśtica. When their romantic relationship fizzled, in 2006, the ex-couple wondered what to do with their love’s newly orphaned curios. They decided to make art.

The Pittsburgh iteration, organized by students and faculty from Carnegie Mellon University, boasts approximately 60 artifacts spread over three rooms in the Mine Factory in Point Breeze. Most are Pittsburgh’s own; the rest come from the global permanent collection, which expands with every country it visits, from Ireland to Singapore. The objects are submitted anonymously, accompanied by essays revealing their significance.

There’s a bowl of lollipops bedecked in Spanish love notes. A shopping bag that once held an expensive gift from a father whose physical presence was economical.

A blurry photo of a small boy, accompanied by a two-sentence gut-punch. It’s all pretty sad, but also funny, poignant, enchanting and ingenious. There’s a little wooden motorcycle, accompanied by the donor’s account of a passive-aggressive ex, that is droll and absurd but also exemplifies how sometimes we destroy what we love out of fear. Walking through the exhibit, you are overwhelmed with a sense of the joy and pain involved in living a human life. It takes love seriously, it takes life seriously; there isn’t a hint of phony drama.

Jane Bernstein, the CMU English professor and novelist who brought the exhibition to Pittsburgh, was inspired to do so after visiting the museum’s permanent home, in Croatia. (An annex also exists in Los Angeles.) I wish I could thank her personally. It’s a rare peek into the private lives of others, and an appreciated opportunity to exercise human compassion.

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FreeEvent

Full events listed online at www.pghcitypaper.com

{ART (DETAIL) BY LAZAR RAN}

With their overarching theme of spiritual resistance, the radical works of artist and Holocaust survivor Lazar Ran are on display at the Holocaust Center of Pittsburgh.

The gallery, located in Greenfield, also features work by Evgeny Tichanovich and Nikolay Duchic, two artists who like Ran attended the Vitebsk Fine Arts School in Belarus, founded by Mark Chagall in 1918. The Art of Lazar Ran is the largest exhibition of Ran’s work in the U.S. to date.

Ran, born in Latvia in 1909, was in Moscow when Nazis took over Belarus and was unable to return to his wife and children in Minsk until 1944. By then, he discovered, his family had been killed. For the next several decades, he created government-sanctioned art like etchings and lithographs illustrating Holocaust themes.

Ran’s Great Thinkers series portrays the gravestones of Jewish artists and writers killed during the Stalinist purges from 1936 to 1938, as well as Jewish antifascist poets also killed in Moscow in 1952.

“For Lazar Ran to produce this work which has Yiddish characters in it — and has the faces of writers who were killed by Stalin — really was a subversive act and he endangered his life by doing it,” said Holocaust Center director Lauren Bairnsfather.

The Holocaust Center of Pittsburgh opened in October 2015. Its first exhibit, The Celebration of Life, consisted of photographic portraits of and interviews with Holocaust survivors in Pittsburgh.

The Center hopes to put on four exhibits annually, with a larger one every fall. The Art of Lazar Ran opened Dec. 12.

“This is the first time that we’ve had a gallery. What we want to do with our space is an ongoing conversation,” says Bairnsfather. “I would like to do as much as we can with art and the Holocaust.”

The Holocaust Center is open 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Admission is free, but donations are welcome.

{PHOTO COURTESY OF CITIPARKS}

^ Sat., Dec. 24: Ice Skating

thursday 12.22 COMEDY

Taking place at the Cabaret at Theater Square, the weekly show begins with suggestions in the form of a single word “I had a girl cry after sex,” recalls Eddie Ifft. “Not tears of joy … before the pros separate into teams. Then all the performers and that’s not good. And then she goes, ‘I have something to tell come to the stage for The you.’ That’s never good after Steel City Set. Presented sex. That’s never followed by the Pittsburgh Cultural by, ‘I had the best score on Trust, Improv Jams are 21Candy Crush ever!’” Ifft, who and-over shows right next graduated from Fox Chapel to the Backstage Bar, which Area High School and Pitt, offers a casual-food menu. has a busy career as an Ian Flanagan 10 p.m. internationally touring 655 Penn Ave., Downtown. comic (he’s especially big in $3 (cash only). 412-325-6769 Australia) with all kinds of or www.trustarts.org TV appearances to his credit, including a Comedy Central special. Ifft, who’s based in Los Angeles, returns for COMEDY his annual Pittsburgh visit, The iconic A Christmas with three shows at the Story is a holiday classic, Pittsburgh Improv, starting one that’s earned its spot tonight. Bill O’Driscoll in the rotation of must8 p.m. Also 7:30 and ^ Sun., Dec. 25: Being Good {ART BY SCOTT GOLDSMITH} watch Christmas films 9:45 p.m. Fri., Dec. 23 every year. Tonight, The Roast of Ralphie From A Christmas ($17-20). 166 E. Bridge St., The Waterfront, West Homestead.

Story brings together some of the best local comics and 412-462-5233 or www.improv.pittsburgh.org improvisers to play some of these beloved movie characters.

Jeff Konkle will star as Ralphie; the roast also includes Aaron COMEDY Kleiber, John Dick Winters, Susanne Lawrence, Alex Stypula, The Pittsburgh Improv Jam offers a chance for audience Shannon Norman and more. It all starts tonight at Arcade suggestions to spark the creativity of experienced improvisers.

friday 12.23

BY IAN FLANAGAN

THE ART OF LAZAR RAN continues through Jan. 31. 826 Hazelwood Ave., Greenfield. 412-421-1500 or www.jfedpgh.org/lazar-ran NEWS

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^ Mon., Dec. 26: Harlem Globetrotters

Comedy Theater. Stick around afterward for the comedy game show Stand-Up Get Down at 10 p.m. hosted by Kleiber and Jason Clark. IF 8 p.m. 811 Liberty Ave., Downtown. $10. 412-339-0608 or www.arcadecomedytheater.com y

saturday 12.24 OUTDOORS

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Now that you can make ice outside (without hout trying), we’d say ice-skating season is truly here — even on Christmas Eve. For many folks, the most accessible option is Downtown’s Massmutual Pittsburgh burgh Ice Rink at PPG Place; it’s got that big tree in the middle, and it’s currently open daily from 11 a.m.-10 p.m., and till midnight on Fridays and Saturday — butt also until midnight tonight, and even 11 a.m.-10 p.m. .m. on Christmas day. Among the area’s big public blic rinks, Schenley Ice Rink is open daily, with family ily nights, adults-only night, and college-ID discounts nts sessions; it has evening hours most weekdays days and all day on weekends, and today, Schenley is open from 1:30-11:30 p.m.

The rinks at North Park and South Park are both open today from noon-5 p.m.; regular hours run Tuesdays through Sundays, and until 10 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. And all four of the aforementioned rinks offer lessons, too, for a fee. BO PPG Place: $7-8, $4 skate rental (412-394-3641 or www.ppgplace.com). Schenley: Schenley Park, Oakland; $3-5, $3 rental (412-422-6523 or www.pittsburghpa.gov/ v/ citiparks). North Park (McCandless Township; 724-935-1280) and South Park (South Park Township; 412-833-1499): $3-5, $2-3 rental; www.county.allegheny.pa.us/parks

sunday 12.25 ART How to be good? Photographers Brian Cohen, Scott Goldsmith and Lynn Johnson try to show w us with photographs, respectively, of Randy Gilson, on, Bill Strickland and Vanessa German. Artist and nd gardener Gilson created North Side landmark Randyland; dyland;

311 SOUTH CRAIG STREET • PITTSBURGH, PA 412.621.2523 WWW.OAK-OPT.COM 24

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> Thu., Dec. 22: Eddie Ifft

EVERYONE IS A CRITIC EVENT: Open studio at Artist Image Resource, North Side CRITIC: Thomas Water, 59, an educational-IT technician from Highland Park WHEN: Thu.,

Dec. 15

Silk-screening is a pretty addictive form of expression, because once you get started and have positive results, you just want to keep doing it. So to silk-screen, you pick an image that you want to use [and] convert that into a negative which gets burned onto a screen. That screen is used so that ink goes through it onto paper or cloth. I come [to AIR] a lot — at least four nights a month, sometimes more depending on what I’m working on. There’s a really good group of people that come on a regular basis. I buy old T-shirts from the thrift store, then I silk-screen my images overtop of them. I have a series of images that I’ve been working on which are 1970s gay-porn silkscreens, and today I’m working on a holiday poster that has some lyrics from John Lennon. There are other printing processes that can be done here also, so silk-screening is just one avenue into printmaking.

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ceramicist, educator and entrepreneur Strickland (whose hands are pictured here) founded the world-famous Manchester Craftsmen’s Guild; and artist and performer German runs Homewood’s ARThouse for kids. The Being Good exhibit is at the American Jewish Museum of the JCC of Pittsburgh, which is open today; the show closes Mon., Dec. 26. BO 8 a.m.-6 p.m. 5738 Forbes Ave., Squirrel Hill. Free. www.jccpgh.org

2 $ 25 $ 3 $ 2 $ 2 $ 2 $

monday 12.26 SPORT If it’s Boxing Day (and it is), it must be the start of the Harlem Globetrotters’ world tour, right here in Pittsburgh. While the year in which the talented squad of basketball clowns and tricksters began is well known (1925), we’ve lost track of how many years the team has visited Pittsburgh on Dec. 26. (It’s a lot.) The Globetrotters are fresh off setting nine Guinness World Records for things like longest basketball hook shot (Big Easy Lofton, 72 feet, 6¼ inches), longest shot blindfolded (Ant Atkinson, 73 feet, 10inches) and farthest shot under one leg (Thunder Law, 52 feet 5½ inches).

Those records were broken in San Antonio; today’s stop at PPG Paints Arena finds the Globetrotters taking on those ever-hopeful Washington Generals in family-friendly matinee and evening shows. BO 2 and 7 p.m. 1001 Fifth Ave., Uptown. $22.50134.50. www.harlem globetrotters.com

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tuesday 12.27 {PHOTO COURTESY OF ERNEST GREGORY}

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^ Tue., Dec. 27: Benny Benack III: The Holiday Session

Benny Benack III lives in New York, N.Y., and he’s played with groups including the Christian McBride Big Band and the Mingus Big Band. But Benack still counts Pittsburgh as home. Tonight, taking a break from making the rounds of New York clubs from The Django to Birdland and The Blue Note, the internationally touring singer and trumpeter returns to the town where he grew up.

He and his band hit Backstage Bar for a program titled Benny Benack III: The Holiday Session. The free show — call it either a cool-down from Christmas or a warm-up for

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^ Thu., Dec. 22: The Pittsburgh Improv Jam

New Year’s — is part of the JazzLive series, presented by BNY Mellon Jazz and the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust. BO 5-8 p.m. 655 Penn Ave., Downtown. Free. 412-456-6666 or www.trustarts.org

wednesday 12.28 SCREEN A little-seen classic film of all-too-perennial relevance gets a couple of screenings courtesy of Row House Cinema’s Staff Picks series. The Battle of Algiers is Italian filmmaker Gillo Pontecorvo’s stunning 1965 docudrama about Algeria’s uprising against French rule in the 1950s. Shot on location in black and white using mostly nonprofessional actors and lots of hand-held camera, the film depicts guerillas, colonial soldiers and civilians both native and foreign with clinical detail, empathetic detachment and political insight. (The script treatment was written by a former rebel leader, who also co-stars.)

The film, in French and Arab with subtitles, screens tonight; also Dec. 30-31, Jan. 1, and Jan. 3-4. BO 7 p.m. 4115 Butler St., Lawrenceville. $8-9.

412-904-3225 or www. rowhousecinema.com

thursday 12.29 CIRQUE With 30 performers from a dozen countries, 300 costumes and 20 acts — some of which have been featured on America’s Got Talent — Cirque Dreams Holidaze lights {PHOTO COURTESY OF CIRQUE PRODUCTIONS} up the Benedum ^ Thu., Dec. 29: Cirque Dreams Holidaze Center for three performances starting tonight. Broadway director and producer Neil Goldberg created this critically acclaimed cirque production, Broadway musical, holiday spectacular and family show all in one. Holidaze employs ornate stage settings, enormous props, gravity-defying acrobatics and energetic production numbers. Cirque Dreams is in its eighth year of multiple simultaneous touring productions. IF 8 p.m. Also 2 and 8 p.m. Fri., Dec. 30.

237 Seventh St., Downtown. $40.25-60.25. 412-456-6666 or www.trustarts.org

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THE PETIT FILET WITH SCALLOPS WAS ELEGANTLY SIMPLE

TAKEOVER NY {BY ALEX GORDON} After more than a decade playing in bands like The Takeover UK and 1,2,3, Josh Sickels is moving on to his other passion: making pizza. Next month, Sickels will open the doors at Rockaway Pizzeria in White Oak, a New York-style pizza joint staffed by his nephews and other family members.

Sickels’ priority for Rockaway is living up to its name (Rockaway is an area in Queens). He’s seen a lot of pizzerias around town that boast “New York-style,” but fall flat in execution. That style (also prevalent in New Jersey and Connecticut) has long been chalked up to the quality of the water in New York, but Sickels is not buying it. For him, the quality comes from using whole-milk mozzarella cheese (as opposed to part-skim or other low-fat milks) and All Trumps flour (no relation to the president-elect) for the dough.

There’s more to it than that, but he’s mum on other details.

The menu will focus on pizza.

That may sound obvious, but Sickels wanted to skirt the tradition of sixpage appetizer menus (there will be no jalepeño poppers) to ensure that pizza remains the priority. One calzone, a Big Salad (a Seinfeld nod), soda and four sandwiches round out the non-pizza fare.

While he’s still wrapping up the painting and searching for the “perfect pepperoni,” Rockaway Pizzeria is on schedule for a Jan. 3 opening.

{CP PHOTO BY VANESSA SONG}

Poached sea bass over quinoa salad with house-made salsa and avocado chutney

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AGORDON@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

1955 Lincoln Way, White Oak. www.facebook.com/RockawayPizzeria/

{BY ANGELIQUE BAMBERG + JASON ROTH}

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OOST IS THE upstairs, and upscale,

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Mulled led wine makes akes a cozy holiday liday beverage. e. In a saucepan, heat up a hearty ty red wine and a few cups off apple cider, along ng with honey, cinnamon (sticks cks or powder), whole cloves, star anise anise, and the zest and juice of an orange. Let simmer for about 20 minutes, and serve warm.

sibling to Revel, a decidedly stylish bar on the fringes of Market Square whose “refined rustic cuisine” left us well w satisfi ed after a visit this summer. We des tected a family resemblance in the coolly t modern décor, and the current, but not m overly trendy, menus of both concepts; but o there was very little overlap, save the cockt tail t list and one dish, shrimp and grits, that is i served both upstairs and down. Indeed, the restaurants’ close relationship — one t passes through Revel en route to Roost — p frees the latter from any obligation to offer f more casual fare. Burgers and other finger m food have their place, and that is downf stairs.

Upstairs, at Roost, one finds elegant s entrees, sophisticated salads and steaks. e To say that Roost’s offerings sidestep trends is not to suggest that they’re free

of the over-elaboration that has recurred in fine dining in recent years. Other than the various cuts of simply grilled steaks at the center of the menu, nearly everything features primary, secondary and tertiary components.

ROOST 242 Forbes Ave., Downtown. 412-281-1134 HOURS: Breakfast Mon.-Fri. 6:30-10 a.m., Sat.-Sun. 7 a.m.-noon; dinner Mon.-Thu. 5-10 p.m., Fri.-Sat. 5-11 p.m.

PRICES: Appetizers, soups and salads $5-18; entrees $20-35 LIQUOR: Full bar

Take the venison pâté en croute, which was a slab from a rather rustic loaf of meat and other ingredients wrapped in pastry.

Alongside were condiments, a biting yet herbal tarragon mustard, and a tiny salad

of finely shredded celeriac that was, inexplicably, called a remoulade. There was also a long, narrow toast topped at one end with shallot marmalade and the other with chicken-liver pâté. It added up to a lot for one appetizer, but it was both beautifully plated and delicious. The venison was richly flavored, its gaminess cut by bits of sweet dried fruit and enlivened by the pungent condiments. The liver hit some similar notes, but its smooth richness contrasted with the heartier loaf even as the shallots provided sweetness and some bite.

Then there was an entrée of pan-roasted Ora king salmon. The fish was perfectly cooked and straightforwardly seasoned.

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$5 Margaritas $1 off Mexican Beers $2 off appetizers

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artichokes, brandied apples, sweet-potato soufflé, and brown butter with white grapes and walnuts. Perhaps inevitably with so many components, their preparation was uneven. The artichokes, bigger than hearts but smaller than whole, were difficult to eat and unrewarding, and the rapini lived up to its bitter reputation. The soufflé was unabashedly sweet and tender, perhaps to counter the rapini, but then what were the grapes and apples for? This was a dish in need of an editor.

By contrast, petit filet with scallops was elegantly simple, almost to the point of appearing spartan on the charger-sized plate on which it was served. A four-ounce cut was flanked by a pair of sea scallops, a miniature grilled onion and a single whole small pepper, all ringed with a drizzle of sweet reduction. It was good, with the scallops in particular perfectly cooked, albeit a touch salty. But for the price, we had expected the steak to really sing.

To boost the dish’s vegetable content, we also ordered an a la carte side of Brussels sprouts. They were firm, just this side of underdone, and lacking in the browned-toa-crisp outer leaves that we love, but tossed with savory bits of chewy bacon.

Shrimp and grits sailed a middle course between simple and baroque. The default delivery of the grilled prawns in Roost’s version of this Southern classic is with their heads intact, but since we’ve found this dramatic presentation makes for difficult eating, we exercised our option to have the heads removed in the kitchen.

The headless crescents were served over cheesy grits alongside spicy redeye gravy and some thick chunks of meaty, fatty pork belly. All components were germane to the dish, but the shrimp that should have been its star were actually its downfall: not quite tough, but definitely not tender, and heavily overseasoned. This was exacerbated by the pork, which was fine on its own but contributed to an over-accumulation of salt in each bite which the creamy grits could not ameliorate.

On the lighter side, baby kale salad was still a substantial meal. It was comprised of whole leaves of kale in several colors, studded with little bits of house-made pancetta and sweetened by baked grapes as well as some thin slices of fresh honeycrisp apple. Unfortunately, the salad’s vanilla-pumpkin vinaigrette was too shy to pull together these various bold flavors, so they floundered amid the too-large leaves of kale, which required a knife to render them bite-sized.

In ascending to the fine-dining echelon of Roost, we left behind some of the pleasures of Revel. With good food, in good hands, sometimes less is more.

INF O @PGH C IT YPAPE R . C O M

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

[PERSONAL CHEF]

STRAWBERRY (COMFORT) CAKE {BY KELLY ANDREWS, GREENFIELD} This cake is super moist, like your cheeks after realizing you’re approaching the would-have-been one-year anniversary of your relationship with a man who you on/off love(d) for the past seven years.

The denseness of the cake functions as a great muffle for loud intakes of breath (read: sobs) between bites, which is handy if you are eating it at work while Google searching “how to wean myself off Zoloft.” (Even though crying at your desk while eating cake is probably not the best time to consider getting off your anti-depressants. But shit, seven whole years gone to waste with wanting.)

This is a variation of a couple of recipes found on the Internet after realizing I had both ricotta cheese and strawberries in my fridge and a strong desire to eat my feelings.

INGREDIENTS • 1½ cups flour • 2 tsp. baking powder er • ¼ tsp. salt • ½ cup sugar • 3 large eggs • 1½ cups whole-milk ricotta • ½ tsp. vanilla • zest of half a lemon • 1 cup strawberries • ½ cup butter (a whole fucking stick), or substitute ½ cup safflower oil if you don’t want to hate yourself later INSTRUCTIONS Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat a 9-inch cake pan with nonstick spray. Melt butter. Whisk the wet ingredients together (still too soon for you to even find the word “wet” vaguely sexual), with the sugar and lemon zest, and then add half of the strawberries, remembering that you’ve yet to meet a person who wanted to feed you fruit erotically or eat something sweet and cold off your skin. In a separate bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients, and add them to the wet mixture. Bake until golden brown, about 50 minutes, or just enough time to cry in the bathtub while listening to a Spotify playlist you and your ex made together the previous summer.

As you towel off, make the split-second decision to delete the playlist completely.

Let it cool before serving yourself a generous slice with powdered sugar and remaining strawberries sprinkled on top.

INFO@PGHCITYPAPER.COM

Kelly Andrews is a poet who plans to stick around Pittsburgh indefinitely. You can find more sad, healthy (and funny) meals on her blog sadhealthymeals.wordpress.com.

WE WANT YOUR PERSONAL RECIPES AND THE STORIES BEHIND THEM. EMAIL THEM TO CELINE@PGHCITYPAPER.COM.

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CHRONICLING COCKTAILS

BOOK YOUR HOLIDAY PARTY TODAY!

The New York Times’ Robert Simonson’s history of the cocktail revival {BY CELINE ROBERTS} COCKTAIL BARS continue their reign, popping up in major cities and nestling into the cultural consciousness. Now their recent history can rest on your bookshelf with the September release of New York Times spirits writer Robert Simonson’s A Proper Drink (Ten Speed Press).

This is a history of the modern cocktail movement, based on 200 interviews with industry professionals. The book is broken into chapters based on famous bars, drinks and people (one of whom is eminent, Pittsburgh-born drinks historian David Wondrich). Simonson also sprinkles in the recipes of 40 important cocktails.

While some of the history might surprise, like the importance of TGI Fridays or where the word “cocktail” comes from, the origin points of the revival do not shock. “I decided early on ... that I would focus on three cities, London, New York and San Francisco, because that’s where the revival cropped up first, and it has remained strongest over the course of the 20 years of the revival,” Simonson told CP during a recent Pittsburgh visit.

Throughout the 1980s, which Simonson calls “dark days for drinking,” sour mix was used widely in place of fresh citrus, vodka was ubiquitous, and cocktails were seen as an outdated dated habit of the previous generation. Recipes had been muddled or forgotten en over the years. New York City bartenders took up the mantle of rediscovery ery and precision in cock-tailing, focusing on n pre-Prohibition clas-sics, which Simonson n refers to as the “brown, wn, bitter and stirred” style. yle.

“We’re [New York City], ity], not in any kind of Sun Belt. We don’t have lotss of fresh produce around us all year round, so it makes akes sense also that we would uld rely on things in bottles; les;

HAPPY HOUR 1/2 11/ /2 O OFF FF F FA ALL LL DRAFTS Mon-Thurs 5-7 Fri & Sat 4:30-7:30 martinis, old fashioneds, Manhattans.”

More temperate San Francisco put its emphasis on fresh ingredients in the “garden to glass” style. “When you’re surrounded by that kind of thing, why wouldn’t you use it?” Simonson points out. This focus on ingredients took attention from proportions, so the cocktails tended to be inconsistent. That disappointed Simonson: “I wanted them to be diamond-sharp and they weren’t. I mean they were good, but they weren’t that.”

There was a lot of rivalry between cities, and each made contributions. The revival of the mojito in the late ’90s began in San Francisco, and the perfection of the classics originated in New York. “I would say that the New York style ended up prevailing; the obsession with the pre-Prohibition cocktails continues,” continues, says Simonson.

London had a cocktail revival before either American city. “They didn’t invent the cocktail [Americans did], so cock they felt free to re-invent it,” says Simonson.

This produced S a cocktail culture that prizes flair, with showier pr drinks drink and bartending styles.

“When “Whe I go to London, I’m expecting pectin the drink to come with a lot of o bells and whistles.”

When Wh asked whether there is an up-and-coming cocktail city, Simonson mentions Paris S and Berlin.

“They [the GerB mans] mans have been doing this for 15 years; they just didn’t get the th attention.”

“I WOULD SAY THAT THE NEW YORK STYLE ENDED UP PREVAILING.”

BLACK & GOLD FOOTBALL SUNDAYS OPEN DAILY • 9AM - 1:30AM

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BOOZE BATTLES {BY CELINE ROBERTS}

Each week, we order the same cocktail at two different bars for a friendly head-to-head battle.

Go to the bars, taste them both and tell us what you like about each by tagging @pghcitypaper on Twitter or Instagram and use #CPBoozeBattles. If you want to be a part of Booze Battles, send an email to food-and-beverage writer Celine Roberts, at celine@pghcitypaper.com. pg yp p

THE DRINK: EGGNOG NOG

VS. Miracle on Liberty

Acacia

539 Liberty Ave., Downtown

2108 E. Carson St., Southside

DRINK: Jingle Ball Nog INGREDIENTS: Brown-butter-fat-washed cognac, Amontillado sherry, almond milk, cream, sugar, egg, nutmeg OUR TAKE: This infinitely quaffable nog brings an immense amount of richness without being texturally heavy. The sherry warms up the cognac, highlighted by the spice of nutmeg. Almond milk lightens the texture, while the cream and egg provide decadence.

DRINK: Eggnog INGREDIENTS: Gold rum, eggs, sugar, nutmeg, evaporated milk, sweetened condensed milk and lime zest OUR TAKE: This eggnog is particularly reminiscent of childhood Christmases, because it tastes like biting into one of those chocolate oranges that my grandparents used to give me. The warm spices of cinnamon and nutmeg are present but subtle, and texture is creamy and thick enough to make one feel warm throughout the evening.

This week on Sound Bite: Take a ride on the 412 Food Rescue truck as we follow the food from its donation point to its delivery to communities in need. www.pghcitypaper.com

One Bordeaux, One Scotch, One Beer Cointreau Liqueur $31.99-35.99/750 ml Cointreau is an excellent addition to your home bar for mixing up holiday cocktails and punches. This triple sec made with sweet and bitter orange peels has been made since the mid-1800s and provides a warmth and balance to classic cocktails like the Sidecar and the Seelbach.

RECOMMENDED BY CELINE ROBERTS

Cointreau Liqueur is available at Fine Wine & Good Spirits stores.

30

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

“WE HAVE TELEVISION NOW. PEOPLE CAN SEE WITH THEIR OWN EYES.”

LOVE SONG {BY AL HOFF} You know it’s the stuff of fantasia when Damien Chazelle’s candy-colored Cinemascope musical rom-com opens with a classic Los Angeles freeway traffic jam … that magically turns into a joyful classic song-and-dance number.

The self-consciously old-fashioned La La Land (itself an out-of-date derisive nickname for L.A.) aims to entertain and seduce, leavening its pretty people, twilight set pieces and soft-shoe dance numbers with a splash of melancholy. Los Angeles might be a town of dreamers, but plenty of those dreams get busted.

So dreamy: Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone

CP APPROVED

Our two dreamers are Sebastian (Ryan Gosling), a jazz purist who wants to open a nightclub, and Mia (Emma Stone), an aspiring actress.

Told in seasonal chapters (another L.A. joke — what seasons?), the two meet cute and fall in love, while enjoying such postcard-ready locations as Griffith Park, the Angels Flight funicular and Watts Tower. Then there are the speed bumps when their career goals imperil the romance. (There are few places on Earth where attendance at someone’s one-man theatrical event is a deal-breaker; this is one of them.)

Chazelle, who has lightened up since 2014’s Whiplash, tips his hat frequently to old Hollywood. There are the film’s obvious antecedents (MGM show-biz musicals, Jacques Demy’s The Umbrellas of Cherbourg); hokey production techniques like montages of neon signs; and sets littered with assorted Hollywood iconography.

Yet for all the looks back to classic Hollywood romance, Chazelle finds some freshness, without resorting to irony or slavish pastiche. Honestly, it might just be that nobody bothers to make winsome escapism musicals aimed to delight anymore. Gosling and Stone are adorable; they comport themselves well enough at singing and dancing, and the effervescence of the work gives their somewhat amateurish routines a shaggy charm.

Althought I’m not a big fan of musicals, I enjoyed La La Land, in part because I get all the homage. (I once wasted 100 pages deconstructing classic musicals, so this is like slipping on a comfy old shoe.) I’m not as giddy about it as some, but it was wholly enjoyable and charming, and a better way than many to close out this long shrill year. Starts Sun., Dec. 25

The day after: Jackie Kennedy (Natalie Portman) returns to the White House

LIVING HISTORY {BY AL HOFF}

I

N JACKIE, Chilean filmmaker Pablo Larrain (The Club, No) revisits a shattering historical event — the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy — through the intertwined public and private experiences of one woman, his widow, Jackie Kennedy. The film moves through the immediate hours after the assassination and the days leading up to the funeral.

The film is framed by having Kennedy (Natalie Portman) sit for a magazine interview in Hyannis Port shortly after those events. Notably, she demands editorial control; this will be her story. Occasionally, the film flashes back to earlier, happier times, such as her historic 1961 televised tour of the White House restoration, or some of the glittery parties held at 1600. Besides the unnamed reporter (Billy Crudup), Kennedy works through her feelings by talking with her brother-in-law, Bobby Kennedy (Peter Sarsgaard), a priest (John Hurt) and her aide (Greta Gerwig).

On one level, this is an intimate film about grief, and Larrain keeps the focus

close on Portman’s expressive face and on the universal: what to tell the children, the half-empty marriage bed. But as much as Jackie is about emotional process, it is also about Kennedy’s liberation. It is a change forced by horrific circumstances, but by the end of 1963, she is no longer simply “Mrs. John F. Kennedy” (as introduced in the 1961 TV show) or the First Lady. “Call me Jackie,” she says.

JACKIE DIRECTED BY: Pablo Larrain STARRING: Natalie Portman, Peter Sarsgaard Manor and Galleria

CP APPROVED In one instant, Kennedy loses her husband, her home and her role, and Jackie recounts how she moves to define both her husband’s legacy and herself. A student of history, she is keenly aware of political theater; it is a time of strange empowerment where Kennedy can control the

message through the ladylike demeanor she was known for: her poised public presentation. She has just hours, days; there is no time to wait for history books: “We have television now,” she tells the reporter. “People can see with their own eyes.”

So when Ladybird Johnson suggests that Kennedy change out of her bloodied pink suit before deplaning in Washington, she disagrees: “Let them see what they have done.”

Later she decides that all the formal funeral pageantry she fought for — “a big beautiful procession that the world will remember” — was “for me.” It enables her to grieve publicly as required, but it is also the opportunity to begin to shape the Kennedy White House story. It is she who supplies the romantic sobriquet “Camelot,” as well as that fairy tale’s indelible closing images of a beautiful young family standing resolute for a nation’s pain. History isn’t simply what happened; it’s what’s remembered and it’s open to being crafted.

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ing competition starring animals. Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon and Seth McFarland are among those supplying voices.

FILM CAPSULES CP

= CITY PAPER APPROVED

WHY HIM? A dad (Bryan Cranston) tries to prevent his college-age daughter from a relationship with a rich doofus (James Franco). John Hamburg directs this comedy. Starts Fri., Dec. 23

NEW ASSASSIN’S CREED. Justin Kurzel directs this actioner, adapted from the video game, about a man who taps his genetic material to discover he comes from a line of assassins.

Michael Fassbender stars.

COLLATERAL BEAUTY. At a hip Manhattan ad agency, Howard is the “poet philosopher of product” — the kind of Ted Talk-ready dude who credits his success to knowing how advertising taps the “three abstractions” and gets the staff fired up with queries like “What is your why?”

But that was then. Now, Howard (Will Smith) is a suicidal depressive who comes into his glass-cube office only to spend days setting up glaringly obvious metaphors … ahem … elaborate domino falls. Two years ago, his young daughter died, and that’s sad for sure, but his business partners need him to move on.

Look — they need the money, OK? Claire (Kate Winslet) is hiring a sperm donor; divorced dad Whit (Edward Norton) has a bratty kid to appease; and Simon (Michael Peña) is dying.

After hiring a detective (the wasted Ann Dowd), the trio discovers Howard has been writing anguished letters to Time, Love and Death, and this leads to the worst idea ever: They hire actors to portray Time (Jacob Latimore), Love (Keira Knightley) and Death (Helen Mirren), who will then confront Howard in the street, while the encounters are filmed.

This footage can be used to declare Howard mentally ill, so the gang can take over the ad

REPERTORY IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Why not catch Frank Capra’s beloved 1946 holiday classic, in which a harried man (Jimmy Stewart) rediscovers the simple joys of life, on the big screen? Tell ’em Clarence sent you. 5 and 8 p.m. daily, Wed., Dec. 21-Fri., Dec. 23.

Regent Square. Free DIE HARD. It’s pretty much the worst way to spend Christmas Eve, single-handedly defending a Los Angeles skyscraper from a dozen terrorists. But New York cop John McLane (Bruce Willis) makes it look fun. John McTiernan directs this 1988 actioner that made Willis a big-time movie star. Through Sun., Dec. 25. Row House Cinema

Lion agency. People, they do this out of love.

Maybe this demented set-up would have worked if Collateral were a pitch-dark comedy and, I dunno, there was some tiny element of entertainment to be found depicting the harassment of a grieving parent. But, as directed by David Frankel, it’s full-on Hallmark — schmaltzy, predictable (except for some unexplained twists, but you’ll be long past caring at that point) and with all the self-righteous smugness of people teaching lessons about caring. I only idly cared that all these A-list actors

THE BEST FILM OF THE YEAR .

MATTHEW JACOBS ‒ THE HUFFINGTON POST

signed on to this Very Bad Idea — like, truly, “What is your why?” (Al Hoff) FENCES. Denzel Washington directs and stars in this adaptation of August Wilson’s play, a drama set in Pittsburgh’s Hill District in the 1950s. Starts Sun., Dec. 25; starts Mon., Dec. 26, at Regent Square LION. This drama tells the true story of Saroo, a resourceful 5-year-old Indian boy who travels to a strange city with his teen-aged brother. They get separated, and Saroo lives on the streets and in an orphanage until a compassionate Australian couple adopts him. He grows up wonderfully, but as a young man, he becomes troubled by the pain his disappearance must have caused the family he lost through no fault of his own.

The inevitable climax of Lion is strikingly done, joyful and poignant yet without treacle. On the streets of India, director Garth Davis quietly observes poverty and decay, and the early scenes in Australia are at once warm and melancholy. When Dev Patel takes over the role of the adult Saroo, we watch his spirited life turn increasingly inward (and away from his devoted girlfriend, played by Rooney Mara) as he begins to fathom the magnitude of his good fortune and to ache for the people he left behind.

As much a parable as a drama, Lion quietly explores a social problem while staying strongly focused on its intimacies. Beautifully acted — Nicole Kidman, as Saroo’s adoptive mother, has rarely been better — it’s a gentle testament to the power of memory and the lure of home, however unobtainable it might seem to be. In Hindi, Bengali and English, with subtitles. Starts Sun., Dec. 25.

(Harry Kloman)

CP

MIFUNE: THE LAST SAMURAI. Steven Okazaki’s new documentary profiles the legendary Japanese actor Toshiro Mifune (1920-1997). Mifune made 16 films with director Akira Kurosawa during the “Golden Age of Japanese Cinema,” including Rashomon, Seven Samurai and Yojimbo. In English, and Japanese, with subtitles. 7:30 p.m. Tue., Dec. 27, and 7:30 p.m. Wed., Dec. 28. Parkway, McKees Rocks PASSENGERS. Morten Tyldum directs this thriller about two people aboard a spacecraft who wake up early from an extended hibernation. Turns out something has gone wrong. Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt star. In 3-D, in select theaters.

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

MOUNT LEBANON PITTSBURGH Carmike Galleria 6 The Manor Theatre (412) 531-5551 (412) 422-7729

SING. Garth Jennings and Christophe Lourdelet direct this animated musical comedy about a sing-

GREMLINS. The little furry guys sure are cute, but when the rules get broken, hordes of misbehaving gremlins get loose, unleashing comic mayhem on a small town. Joe Dante directs this 1984 comedy.

Through Sun., Dec. 25. Row House Cinema THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL. Brian Henson directs this 1992 holiday comedy, in which the lovable puppets put their fuzzy spin on Dickens’ classic cautionary tale. Through Sun., Dec. 25. Row House Cinema NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION. For my money, the funniest entry in the “Vacation” franchise, because it taps a universal truth: Other people’s behavior ruins your holidays, while your behavior contributes to other people’s misery. It’s all about giving and getting! Everyman Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) tries to lay on the perfect Christmas, but is undercut by his low-rent cousin (Randy Quaid), uptight neighbors, demanding elderly relatives, his boss, a squirrel and a tangle of Christmas lights. Jeremiah S. Chechik directs this 1989 neo-classic holiday comedy, penned by John Hughes. 7:30 p.m. Thu., Dec. 22 (AMC Loews, $5); and through Sun., Dec. 25 (Row House Cinema) (Al Hoff) BABE. A sweet pig dreams of herding sheep in this 1995 talking-animals classic directed by Chris Noonan. Dec. 26, Dec. 28-Jan. 2, and Jan. 4-5. Row House Cinema CHARADE. Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant star in Stanley Donen’s 1963 thriller about a widow and a stash of stolen cash. Also, European locales and a jazzy score by Henry Mancini. Dec. 26-27, Dec. 31 and Jan. 4. Row House Cinema NORTH BY NORTHWEST. Cary Grant stars as a man wrongly accused in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 thriller, which features two iconic scenes: Grant running from a crop-duster, and the gravity-defying climax on the face of Mount Rushmore. Dec. 26, Dec. 29Jan. 3 and Jan. 5. Row House Cinema THE KARATE KID. A new kid (Ralph Macchio) being bullied learns self-defense — and so much more — from an elderly Japanese gardener (Pat Morita).

“Wax on, wax off.” John G. Avildsen directs this 1984 teen fave. Dec. 26-30, Jan. 1-3 and Jan. 5. Row House Cinema THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS. Gillo Pontecorvo’s influential 1965 docudrama recounts the armed dispute in 1954 between Algerians looking to reclaim their country and the French colonial forces intent on keeping it. In Arabic and French, with subtitles. Dec. 27-28, Dec. 30-Jan. 1 and Jan. 3-4. Row House Cinema

DUCKPIN BOWLING IS ALIVE AND WELL IN GARFIELD

SPORTS GIFTS {BY CHARLIE DEITCH} Christmas will be here in a few days, and as a child of the 1970s and 1980s, I get nostalgic for the awesome sports toys that Santa left under the tree during my adolescence. Here are my three favorites:

Head-to-Head Football: If you didn’t get this game under your tree in the late 1970s and early 1980s, you’d be the only one in school without one. At least that’s what I told the Santa who used to work at the Kaufmann’s department store in Rochester, Pa. I specifically asked my mom to take me there because I thought he had better connections than the Santa at the Hills near our house.

Anyway, this game was little more than a series of bleeps and bloops, but I loved the two sets of controls that allowed you to play, well, head-to-head. This was also the first of many video games that my little brother would rip out of my hands and hit me with when he lost.

{CP PHOTO BY LUKE THOR TRAVIS}

A group of players competing in duckpin bowling at Saint Maria Goretti Parish on Dec. 16

MEMORY LANES

Super Toe: God bless the lack of safety inspections back in those days. The Super Jock toys were basically catapults that hurled hard plastic projectiles. Super Toe was the football version, and the manufacturer had them for several sports, including a basketball player called Super Touch, which was kind of a creepy name. My older brother and I would see how far we could get that hunk of death to fly. One day while kicking what I considered to be a 45-yard field goal (measured to scale, of course), that son-of-a-bitch Super Toe planted the ball right through the glass in the front storm door. We tried to make it look like the paper boy did it, but alas, we were idiots incapable of even the simplest frame job.

Hot Wheels Scorcher Chamber: I know I don’t seem like a motorsports guy, but Hot Wheels were so great. The Scorcher Chamber had a launcher and a big plastic bowl that looked sort of like an open-ended water-cooler bottle. The best part was trying to get the cars to fly out the top and hit the cat. Also, in fourth grade, I used the bowl as a space helmet when I portrayed Neil Armstrong for a report on Great Ohioans.

{BY RYAN DETO}

T

O SAY THAT duckpin bowling is a

lost art in Pittsburgh is an understatement.

The sport is identical to the more popular 10-pin bowling, except the fat-bottomed pins are about half the size, and the softball-sized ball weighs less than four pounds. While duckpin-bowling alleys are still popular in Connecticut and Maryland, they have all but disappeared from the Pittsburgh region.

But at the community center on the Penn Campus of Saint Maria Goretti Parish, in Garfield, a group of Pittsburghers are keeping the tradition alive. Jim Hurley, one of those bowlers, says the center’s four duckpin-bowling lanes have been getting consistent use since the 1960s. Hurley, 67, has been playing since the 1980s and is modest about his commitment to the game.

“I don’t have a great history. I have only been going at it for 25 years,” says Hurley without even a hint of irony.

A group of 16 men plays on Fridays over 120 is usually the best bowler in the from 8:30-11 p.m. for 30 weeks out of group. Typically 12 to 14 people show up the year. The lanes aren’t automated, to play on Fridays, and Hurley says guests so neighborhood kids usually manually are welcome “as long as 20 people don’t reset the pins and place the balls on the show up at once.” He adds that bowling is roller to return to the bowlers. Also, play- open to anyone; just bring $10 to play.

“Bowling is great because it’s close, it’s ers keep score on paper, and Hurley says cheap, and I do well,” says Hurley, a the group almost always forgets long-time Bloomfield resident. to make enough copies of the E Ed Presley, maintenance R scoring sheets before playing.

O M manager of the community Sometimes during heavy rains, PHOTOS LINE center, says outside groups the roof leaks, but that makes ON at www. er are welcome to use the lanes; p it charmingly old-school. a p ty pghci interested parties should con.com The new season starts Jan. 6 tact the parish for more details at at 140 N. Atlantic St., in Garfield.

412-682-2354 or www.stmariagoEven more charming is that the rubber-band duckpins used at Saint Maria rettipgh.org. And while Hurley and his Goretti are a Pittsburgh tradition. The pins group of friends have no intention of stopwere introduced in Pittsburgh in 1905 ping anytime soon, their duckpin-bowling to increase scoring by creating more spirit has yet to inspire many others.

“The parish doesn’t have much use for ricochets between pins.

Hurley says a good score in duckpin the lanes anymore and ... most people bowling is 100 and that anyone averaging don’t even know it is here,” he says.

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[THE CHEAP SEATS]

POLITICAL GAMES {BY MIKE WYSOCKI} WITH LESS THAN a month to go before our country inaugurates its 45th president, we Americans are preparing to get “tired of winning,” like the new administration promises.

Under Barack Obama, Pittsburgh saw some winning of its own as the Penguins bookended Stanley Cups and the Steelers won their sixth Lombardi. Even the Pirates had three winning seasons. The three city championships under the president tie him for most all-time with Jimmy Carter.

Our teams do well under Democratic commanders-in-chief who have won Nobel Peace prizes.

But trophies are bipartisan. We’ve also done well under one-term Republican presidents. George H.W. Bush and Gerald Ford ran the country for a combined six-and-ahalf years, and in those respective terms, we won two Stanley Cups, two Super Bowls, a World Series and an NCAA Football National Championship. So for the Steel City’s sports teams to do well, Donald Trump has to either switch parties and win a Nobel Peace prize, or be a one-term president.

Andrew McCutchen has played his entire career while Obama was president. We like our McCutchen and hope to keep him.

Before Obama came George W. Bush, and our teams hardly did a heckuva job. The only saving grace under George W. was the Steelers Super Bowl win of 2005. The Pens lost the Stanley Cup, and the Pirates tallied a 550-744 record.

Nobody misunderestimated the Bucs during those years.

Former Steelers kicker Jeff Reed, who has two Super Bowl rings, met the last two presidents. He told me that he liked Bush because he seemed like “one of the guys.”

He also liked Obama because he was cool in a different kind of way. Maybe Jeff Reed is the guy we need to unite the nation.

The Clinton administration was a disaster for us. It doesn’t even depend on what your definition of disaster is. From 1993-2001, we didn’t win a thing. Those were heartbreak years, as the Steelers lost a Super Bowl for the first time in history.

The Pens and Pirates did nothing. Clinton was elected just 19 days after the Sid Bream slide in Atlanta. It turned out to be a harbinger of the dark sporting days to come under Slick Willie.

George H.W. Bush was very good for our city. In four years, the Penguins won their first two Stanley Cups and the Pirates won

their division three years in a row; they haven’t done it even once since. That’s more parades for us in one term than his son and Clinton combined over a span of 16 years.

It was a kinder and gentler time for fans in the early 1990s. The Bushes are split on Pittsburgh sports victories; perhaps down the road, future President George P. Bush will be the tiebreaker.

Ronald Reagan was the absolute worst.

Not only were there no victory parades from 1981 to 1989, nobody even went to the finals. In 1985, the Pirates had both their cocaine scandal and a 104-loss season. The organization that won six division titles in the previous decade did nothing.

The Penguins did get Mario Lemieux during Reagan’s term, but they still had six terrible years under that administration.

Even the Steelers were bad.

Under Reagan, the Steelers went 59-64 and won four fewer Super Bowls than they had the decade before.

The steel mills closed down, and a mass exodus began. He certainly did not make Pittsburgh great again. Luckily, the new POTUS has promised to bring back all the mills.

Jimmy Carter’s term was wildly successful for us, if not for him. The Pirates were 83 games over .500 for the 1977-1980 seasons. They even won the World Series, if you can imagine that. The Steelers won back-to-back Super Bowls and compiled a record of 44-18.

Equally good for us was Gerald Ford.

Ford was in office only from August 1974 to January 1977. But in that time, the Steelers won their first two Super Bowls; the Penguins had their first winning season; the Pirates had two 92-win seasons; and Pitt won a national championship in football.

Now we wait to see what our teams do under Trump. Will they win bigly? Or will they be low-energy losers, like Jeb Bush?

MAYBE JEFF REED IS THE GUY WE NEED TO UNITE THE NATION.

MIK E WYSO C K I IS A STANDU P C O ME DIAN. F O L L OW H I M ON T W I T T E R: @ I T S M I K E W YS OC K I

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PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

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23. Slugabed 24. Light touch 25. Glance from “Rocky Horror” actor Tim? 31. Depressing comments?

34. Late lunchtime 35. Conquistadores’ quest 36. “Westworld” actress ___ Rachel Wood 37. Best Costume at a Halloween party, e.g.?

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THE BOARD OF PUBLIC EDUCATION OF THE SCHOOL DISTRICT OF PITTSBURGH Sealed proposals shall be deposited at the Administration Building, Room 251, 341 South Bellefield Avenue, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15213, on January 3, 2017, until 2:00 P.M., local prevailing time for Service Contracts for the following: Pgh. Allderdice H. S. Replace Electrical Distribution System Electrical Prime Exterior Envelope Evaluation – Bid Package 2, Various Locations General and Asbestos Primes Maintenance of Fire Extinguishers and Hoses Various Locations General Prime

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Project Manual and Drawings will be available for purchase on December 5, 2016 at Modern Reproductions (412-488-7700), 127 McKean Street, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15219 between 9:00 A.M. and 4:00 P.M. The cost of the Project Manual Documents is nonrefundable. Project details and dates are described in each project manual.

We are an equal rights and opportunity school district.

Parent Hotline: 412-622-7920 www.pps.k12.pa.us NEWS

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50. Those who know everything about philosopher Immanuel?

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FOR THE WEEK OF

Free Will Astrology

12.21-12.28

{BY ROB BREZSNY}

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn writer Edgar Allan Poe has been an important cultural influence. His work appears on many “must-read” lists of 19th-century American literature. But during the time he was alive, his best-selling book was not his famous poem “The Raven,” nor his short story “The Gold-Bug,” nor his novel The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket. Rather, it was The Conchologist’s First Book, a textbook about mollusk shells, which he didn’t actually write, but merely translated and edited. If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, 2017 will bring events to help ensure that your fate is different than Poe’s. I see the coming months as a time when your best talents will be seen and appreciated better than ever before.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “My goal is to create a life that I don’t need a vacation from,” says motivational author Rob Hill Sr. That’s an implausible dream for most people.

But in 2017, it will be less implausible than it has ever been for you Aquarians. I don’t guarantee that it will happen. But there is a decent chance you’ll build a robust foundation for it, and thereby give yourself a head start that enables you to accomplish it by 2019. Here’s a tip on how to arouse and cultivate your motivation: Set an intention to drum up and seek out benevolent “shocks” that expand your concepts of who you are and what your life is about.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The birds known as winter wrens live in the Puget Sound area of Washington. They weigh barely half an ounce, and their plain brown coloring makes their appearance unremarkable.

Yet they are the avian equivalents of the opera star Pavarotti. If they weighed as much as roosters, their call would be 10 times as strong as the

rooster’s cock-a-doodle-doo. Their melodies are rich and complex; one song may have more than 300 notes. When in peak form, the birds can unleash cascades at the rate of 36 notes per second.

I propose that we make the winter wren your spirit animal in 2017, Pisces. To a casual observer, you may not look like you can generate so much virtuosity and lyrical power. But according to my analysis, you can.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): NPR’s Scott Simon interviewed jazz pianist and songwriter Robert Glasper, who has created nine albums, won a Grammy and collaborated with a range of great musicians. Simon asked him if he had any frustrations — “grand ambitions” that people discouraged him from pursuing. Glasper said yes. He’d really like to compose and sing hip-hop rhymes. But his bandmates just won’t go along with him when he tries that stuff. I hope that Glasper, who’s an Aries, will read this horoscope and take heart from what I’m about to predict: In 2017, you may finally get a “Yes!”

get your yoga on!

from people who have previously said “No!” to your grand ambitions.

Humans have drunk hot tea for over two millennia. Chinese emperors were enjoying it as far back as the second century B.C. And yet it wasn’t until the 20th century that anyone dreamed up the idea of enclosing tea leaves in convenient one-serving bags to be efficiently brewed. I foresee you either generating or stumbling upon comparable breakthroughs in 2017, Taurus. Long-running traditions or customs will undergo simple but dramatic transformations that streamline your life.

The Economist magazine reports that if someone wanted to transport $10 million in bills, he or she would have to use eight briefcases. Sadly, after evaluating your astrological omens for 2017, I’ve determined that you won’t ever have a need for that many. If you find yourself in a situation where you must carry bundles of money from one place to another, one suitcase will always be sufficient. But I also want to note that a sizable stash of cash can fit into a single suitcase. And it’s not out of the question that such a scenario could transpire for you in the coming months.

In fact, I foresee a better chance for you to get richer quicker than I’ve seen in years.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):

“What you do is what counts and not what you had the intention of doing,” said Pablo Picasso.

If I had to choose a single piece of advice to serve as your steady flame in 2017, it might be that quote. If you agree, I invite you to conduct this experiment: On the first day of each month, take a piece of paper and write down three key promises you’re making to yourself. Add a brief analysis of how well you have lived up to those promises in the previous four weeks.

Then describe in strong language how you plan to better fulfill those promises in the coming four weeks.

CANCER (June 21-July 22):

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During the campaign for U.S. president in 1896, Democratic candidate William Jennings Bryan traveled 18,000 miles as he made speeches all over the country. But the Republican candidate, William McKinley, never left his hometown of Canton, Ohio. He urged people to visit him if they wanted to hear what he had to say. The strategy worked. The speeches he delivered from the front porch of his house drew 750,000 attendees and played an important role in his election. I recommend a comparable approach for you in the coming months, Cancerian. Invoke all your attractive power as you invite interested parties to come see you and deal with you on your home turf.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Poetry is a way of knowledge, but most poetry tells us what we already know,” writes poet Charles Simic. I would say the same thing about a lot of art, theater, film, music and fiction: Too often it presents well-crafted repetitions of ideas we have heard before. In my astrological opinion, Leo, 2017 will be a time when you’ll need to rebel against that limitation. You will thrive by searching for sources that provide you with novel information and unique understandings. Simic says: “The poem I want to write is impossible: a stone that floats.” I say: Be on the lookout for stones that float.

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36

PITTSBURGH CITY PAPER 12.21/12.28.2016

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

For a bald eagle in flight, feathers are crucial in maintaining balance. If it inadvertently loses a feather on one wing, it will purposely shed a comparable feather on the other wing. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy has metaphorical meaning for your life in 2017. Do you want to soar with maximum grace and power? Would you like to ascend and dive, explore and scout, with ease and exuberance? Learn from the eagle’s instinctual wisdom.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In August 2012, a group of tourists visited the Eldgja volcanic region in Iceland. After a while, they noticed that a fellow traveler was missing.

Guides organized a search party, which worked well into the night trying to track down the lost woman. At 3 a.m., one of the searchers suddenly realized that she herself was the missing person everyone was looking for. The misunderstanding had occurred many hours earlier because she had slipped away to change her clothes, and no one recognized her in her new garb. This is a good teaching story for you to meditate on in 2017, Scorpio. I’d love to see you change so much that you’re almost unrecognizable. And I’d love to see you help people go searching for the new you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 2017, you will be at the peak of your ability to forge new alliances and deepen existing alliances. You’ll have a sixth sense for cultivating professional connections that can serve your noble ambitions for years to come. I encourage you to be alert for new possibilities that might be both useful for your career and invigorating for your social life. The words “work” and “fun” will belong together! To achieve the best results, formulate a clear vision of the community and support system you want.

Send me predictions for your life in 2017. Where are you headed? Go to RealAstrology.com; click on “Email Rob.”

GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM TO CHECK OUT ROB BREZSNY’S EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT-MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. THE AUDIO HOROSCOPES ARE ALSO AVAILABLE BY PHONE AT 1-877-873-4888 OR 1-900-950-7700

Savage Love {BY DAN SAVAGE}

I’m having an issue with my boyfriend, and I don’t know if I am the crazy, paranoid, controlling party here. We have been together for more than a year-and-a-half. We had troubles early on because he has a low sex drive. It made me very insecure, and I think that’s why, at the time, I became extremely jealous of his friendship with his very attractive intern. I fully owned up to my irrational jealousy and decided on my own that it was my responsibility to overcome that. She eventually stopped working with him, and they haven’t been in contact for over sex months. Fast-forward to the present. On Monday night, I asked my boyfriend what his plans were on Tuesday.

(I am studying for law-school exams, so I knew I wouldn’t have time to spend with him.) Around 8:30 on Tuesday, he texted me and asked how studying was going, and I asked him again what his plans were. He told me he was going to meet an “old coworker” at a bar for birthday drinks. I didn’t think twice about it. Then, around 11:30 when I got in bed to relax, I saw on my Instagram feed that his old intern posted a photo of her birthday party at the bar. I became extremely upset, because instead of being upfront and saying he was meeting HER for her birthday, he was intentionally ambiguous. I confronted him when he got home, and he admitted to being ambiguous to avoid a “freak-out.” I told him that if he’d been upfront with me, I would have been jealous but I would have also been mindful of my toxic feelings and not projected them onto him. I told him that as a result of how he handled it, I feel worse, I feel lied to and I feel insecure. He acted like I was being ridiculous. He insisted it was a last-minute invite and he didn’t want to cause any drama. We went to sleep, and I woke up feeling pretty much over it. But when he got into the shower, I looked at his phone and saw that she had actually invited him on Monday afternoon. So he lied to me when I asked him what his plans were on Tuesday, and he lied to me again when he said it was a last-minute invite. I am not upset with him for getting drinks with her — most of his friends are female and I NEVER feel jealous about them. I have a weird tic about this girl, though, and I’ve owned up to it. I don’t want to control him, but I feel like I can’t trust him now. Up until now, I’ve never once suspected him of being dishonest.

one person’s “mindful of my toxic feelings” and “handling it” is another person’s “freak-out” and “invasion of privacy,” AIC, your boyfriend opted for ambiguousness/deceit-by-omission to avoid drama. And perhaps that was self-serving of him.

Want to prove to your boyfriend that he didn’t need to lie to you about spending time with his ex-intern? Retroactively bestow your blessing on Tuesday night’s birthday drinks and stop raking him over the fucking coals for his thoroughly explicable actions. (They’re so explicable, I just explicked the shit out of them.)

Yes, he lied to you. But unless you’re made of marshmallow fluff and unicorn farts, you’ve lied to him once or twice over the last year-and-ahalf. Even the “most honest” people on earth tell the odd harmless, self-serving white lie once in a while. If you want your relationship to last, you roll your eyes at the odd HSSW lie and move on. If you want your relationship to end, you do exactly what you’re doing.

If your boyfriend hasn’t given you some other reason(s) to believe he’s cheating with his ex-intern or anyone else, drop the Tuesday night/birthday drinks subject. I would also advise you to apologize to your boyfriend for having “looked at his phone” while he was in the shower, which is both an asshole move and, yes, a sign that you might be the crazy, paranoid and controlling one in this relationship. And for the sake of your relationship — for the sake of fuck — stop following the ex-intern on Instagram.

Finally, you mention mismatched sex drives.

As several commenters pointed out on my blog, where your letter appeared as the Savage Love Letter of the Day, mismatched sex drives are usually a bad sign. You talk about the libido issue in the past tense, so perhaps it’s not a problem anymore. But if the problem was resolved in a way that left you feeling neglected, insecure and frustrated, it wasn’t resolved and it constitutes a much bigger threat to your relationship than that ex-intern.

[DAILY RUNDOWN]

UNLESS YOU’RE MADE OF MARSHMALLOW FLUFF AND UNICORN FARTS, YOU’VE LIED TO HIM ONCE OR TWICE.

AM I CRAZY?

“Sex months”? Interesting typo.

There’s another way to read your boyfriend’s ambiguity/obfuscation/dishonesty about Tuesday night: equal parts considerate and self-serving. Your boyfriend knew you had to study, he knew his ex-intern is a sore subject/ weird tic, and by opting for ambiguity he allowed you to focus on your studies. So that was maybekindasorta considerate of him. And since

A newsletter you’ll actually want to read.

I’m a man who is sexually attracted to trans women. I’ve been told that if I’m attracted to women, it shouldn’t matter what genitals they have. I’ve also been told that if I like penis, it shouldn’t matter if the owner presents as male or female.

Am I unfairly fetishizing trans women?

GAIN UNDERSTANDING INTO LOVING TRANS

You’re attracted to women, GUILT, some women have penises, and you find penis-having women particularly attractive. If you’re not attracted to men with penises and you’re not attracted to men like Buck Angel, i.e., trans men with vaginas, then you’re not attracted to men generally, cock or no cock. So long as you can state your preferences in a way that doesn’t dehumanize the people you are attracted to or denigrate the people you aren’t attracted to, you have nothing to feel self-conscious or guilty about.

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