Publisher’s Page

By Jami Appenzeller

The Homebody WORKOUT

If you’re doing joyful jumping jacks in your living room, you’re not alone... Well, maybe you are.

So, a couple days ago, this call happened via cell...

“Hi Jame! I can tell by Facebook Friend Finder that you’re near my house! Let’s go out and do something...come on — ‘Oh yes it’s ladies’ night and the feeling’s right. Oh yes it’s ladies’ night, oh what a night.’”

“Um...what? Who is this? And what kind of crazy Kool & the Gang throwback time-warp have I entered?”

“OMG Jami. It’s Becca! You’re about five miles from my house. Wanna grab some ‘ritas at Deck Bar? They have a live band tonight and....!”

She pitched me the hard sell as if she totally knew that I’d rather be crocheting a sweater for my dog.

“...Wait, Facebook what?” I imagined Becca in one of her neon outfits, bobbing her head to the side with the beat like SNL’s infamous Butabi Brothers.

“You know...Friend Finder. I can tell where you are. You know...GPS as in Gurrrrrl put on the Stilettos!”

“Well, it’s not working because I’m um...I’m...uh...I’m actually in New Jersey at the vet with one of my fur babies,” I said biting my lower lip and crossing my fingers, making an epic WTF face.

“Oh...okay Jami. Just thought… you know, we could hang out and have a good time. I’m sorry. I hope everything goes well with your dog! Let’s talk soon!” — Click.

It was 30 seconds of sheer bewilderment and self-realization.

Is In the New Out?

These days, my LBD is more like a Labradoodle, Beagle and Dachshund and less like a Little Black Dress. The shear thought of spilling myself into some Lycra-laden outfit and 4” heels is so far removed from my thoughts. Recently, I actually posted a pic of myself all dolled up on FB, just to save face and prove that I don’t just live in jeans, ponytail and dog hair! And we all know that lipstick doesn’t pair well with hair, dog hair that is.

Here’s the thing...I seriously cannot remember the last time I went out and had a “good time.” During the pandemic, my priorities flipped more than flapjacks at a pancake house. Anyone else? Human contact wasn’t available. So, I filled that space with other things. And ya know what? It was perfectly fine. I was perfectly fine. Solitude became my savior, not my doom. I chose books over babes, tea over tête-à-tête and slippers over slinky. I turned inward and discovered my true self as I had no audience, which felt welcomingly freeing. There was no guilt associated with declining offers and no arm twisting by others to go or do or see. For me, alone time was a blessing, a chance to reconnect with someone that I missed. Me!

In a recent Publisher’s Page, I spoke about letting go of my full-time gig downtown, and being true to myself — examining just what it was that I wanted out of life. I took a deep dive into where I wanted to be and with whom I wanted to spend 8-10 hours per day/5 days per week. I finally got the guts to blissfully and confidently let go of what truly needed to be jettisoned. COVID led to deep introspection - anyone else? My gosh! What was I doing living in a rat race that left me too far from my family for too many hours per day, for so long? How did I get there in the first place and why didn’t I have the ability to recognize the lack of balance much earlier on? Or, I did, but again, found comfort in a stable paycheck vs. stable overall quality of life.

By Leaps and Bounds

According to Natalie Nixon, PhD, keynote speaker and author of the award-winning ‘The Creativity Leap’, “A lot of us have figured out how to tap the power of rituals. Rituals are different from routines because they’re intentionally meaningful and purposeful. Rituals are promises that we keep to ourselves which yield contentment and satisfaction. These at-home rituals that we’ve created during the coronavirus (mindful yoga, meditation, deep breathing, morning stretches, etc.) all point to well-being, not wellness. The distinction is that wellbeing has to do with alignment of the mind, heart, body and emotions whereas wellness has a more physical reference.” Nixon, who is also the Creativity Strategist and President of Figure 8 Thinking, LLC. also believes that the pandemic pause afforded our timepressed, overworked society the opportunity to indulge in new rituals that we’ve been longing for. She is convinced that this feeling of being centered and grounded is a desire that will extend far past the CDC’s precautionary recommendations.

If you’d like to download Natalie Nixon’s full free guide “4 Creativity Leaps We Must Make” just visit figure8thinking. com. You can also sign up for the Figure 8 Thinking Newsletter and get a complimentary sneak peek of her award-winning book. There’s some really great information and sage advice that you can use throughout life’s journey. If you

take the leap, you’re bound to be a much happier person!

Prior to COVID, self-care was an extravagance, now it’s a downright necessity. And if self-care means relaxing on my porch with a glass of white wine in hand, watching the sun go down...well, heck... that’s just what the doctor ordered. If 2020 taught me anything it’s that finding happiness (no matter what that is) is pivotal. Now, I may be getting older but I’m also getting bolder. I’m making decisions that are right for me, without apologizing.

Hey, send me to a dog beach or park and I’m doing cartwheels...but ask me out on a Saturday night and ugh...I’m secretly hoping for an extreme, debilitating injury to my big toe. I’m just not into it. Debby downer? Nah...I’m just someone who knows what she wants and I’m old enough to embrace the notion of being a homebody. Cheekily, I call it my “Homebody Workout.”

Now, I know that I did actually have a good time a few times this past year (with humans…lol). I have cell phone pics to prove it. But, I just realized the last time that I spent time with a human — wait, I’ll explain — was August, 2019. Funny how you can scroll through your photos and can tell what was going on in your life at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I have a GOOD TIME all day long at home...I’m not the stereotypical, reclusive Cat Lady type. It’s just that when you start to have a better time in your own digs — with kids, their friends, neighbors, folks close by and my personal doggie day care here at my abode — everything else just fades to black.

I used to be a social butterfly — probably one of the best of ‘em. But when I reflect on those ‘glory days’, I realize that all the fun didn’t take place when I was single, footloose and fancy free. It was with my BF/husband. I had zero interest in going out with packs of other women. I would say that I’m not a girly girl — probably because of my tomboy roots at a horse barn, driving around in badass trucks and all.

Make no mistake, I absolutely love my dear girlfriends. They know who they are and its true friendship at its best. But rarely do we get together and just hang out, to drink at a local pub. There’s usually an event, a happening, or a bonafide, legit “reason” to convene. At this stage of my life, I have learned to LOVE those few times per year…and then be at peace with the day-to-day friends, my four legged and their furry tails that wag incessantly.

Tribe Vibe

Then it hit me....I really DO love to hang out with people — in certain settings. A perfect example would be The PhillyFIT Weekend Wellness Retreats (our 10th one is this May!) I proudly wear my sweatshirt that boasts “Hostess with the Mostest”…and not only do special guests thrive in an amazing health, fitness and wellness environment for a couple days, I do as well! AH HAH! Maybe I’m onto something here...I swear, I’ve gotten so better as I’ve aged. I DO LOVE PEOPLE! I REALLY DO. I enjoy the realness of animal bonding maybe a bit more.

This begs some questions: How can I manufacture this desirable environment where showing up is exciting, invigorating and downright awesome? How can I create this “happy place” setting more frequently and make it part of a ritual? Now that the Weekend Retreat ad is running, and folks are registering, I have found that alas — I am not alone. In fact, many people also feel that after a year of COVID and lockdown, they TOO are looking forward to getting back out there,’ making new friends and creating memorable experiences — aiways in the name of health, sanity and safety. This need for human connection is very real. This time around I’m being a bit more choosey about my tribe that I keep close. Time is a precious thing and seems to go faster as we age.

We hear it all the time: Do one thing each day that scares the ?!x$ out of you.

Don’t be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. This way of thinking really matters people! Humans were not wired to be hermits. Most of us love to hug, kiss, shake hands, smile at each other. We love to push ourselves and we love to feel a sense of accomplishment as well as a sense of community. There’s a calmness to knowing your spot in the world. We are better together. We are one pack — just like dogs are a pack-animals. Most of us have LOVE running through our DNA. When we’re born we’re filled with LOVE. Loving feels amazing. Being in love deeply is even more fantastical. (Yes, I’ve floated up to cloud 9 a couple times in my life, and I am thankful that at least I have had those feelings of elation, albeit short-lived in the scheme of things.) And, no worries, there are many more moons and tons of stars left to count with that special person again someday. Surely, I have not counted them all alredy.

What will it take for you to get back out there…to join the masses again and gravitate toward an activity that’s more than just a solo walk around your block? What will it take for me to do more than just attend my own PhillyFIT events, or snuggle with my dogs? Maybe I’ll start a Facebook group called PhillyFITsGetBackOutThereClub. Who’s with me? Just remember to turn your location services off if you don’t want to be found by Becca! Ha.

#TogetherTogether

Have you fallen too easily into a routine that does not involve too many others as a byproduct of pandemic habits? Do you miss your old life? Have ideas for the risks you want to take, friends you want to make and goals you want to achieve? I say #togethertogether!

Let’s slowly and safely challenge ourselves to come together on our own terms and maybe take surprising leaps. For instance, don’t be afraid to start a Meetup or take a class that you’d never normally consider. How about planning a trip (when you’re ready and when you feel safe) to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go or maybe somewhere you’ve never considered! Your sofa, that bowl of peanut M&M’s and Netflix will be there when you get home. It’s time to mask-up and man up…or rather..um… woman up. Let’s all try fo find the delicate balance between the familiarity of social norms and the splendor of solitude. As for now, I’m making every night ladies’ night…in my own, unique way.