A Dream Deferred

Overcoming Satan’s Lies to the Childless

BY Mark Musetti FUSIONext (Winter 2020-2021) Randall House D6 Curriculum

I’m not proud to admit that we have avoided numerous Mother’s and Father’s Day church

services. My wife still ducks into the bathroom and cries after the newborns have been proudly passed around the sanctuary. And with a stiff upper lip, I choke back years of sorrow, dutifully trading them in for a half-hearted smile and a dream deferred as God’s attributes somehow escape me.

Before I accepted Christ, I suffered from a crippling OCD in a futile attempt to control my relationship with God. In fearing His condemnation and wrath in my failures, I viewed His actions as capricious, often using me for His amusement. As a new believer, I struggled to break free from the notion that “God’s will” was just another way to explain creating order from chaos. And it was deemed acceptable based on an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent God that answers our prayers according to His will (1 John 5:14-15). Another challenge I encountered upon immersing myself in God’s Word was in understanding the nature of His promises to His people. Shortly after we were married, we learned that without the Lord’s divine intervention, biological children wouldn’t be a possibility. My wife was inconsolable, and though I looked to Psalm 127:3-5 for comfort, I felt useless, unworthy, and quiverless. In my misconception of the same god that I feared growing up, I couldn’t understand why an egregious sinner like King Solomon would be blessed with so many children while we had none. I even tried to bargain with God in a selfish attempt to set aside my own sin. But from learning the origins of sin through the Fall (Genesis 3), along with the principal characters and their attributes, Eden’s perfection was forever changed into a world where earthly blessings weren’t a direct result of godly living. And our roles haven’t changed. God is the rule maker, Satan is the liar and deceiver, and we, through Adam and Eve, are the transgressors. God’s promises of blessings through childbirth were conditional upon the Israelites’ obedience to the Law (Deuteronomy 7:12–14). When they rejected Him and His prophets, the Lord ultimately withheld His blessings from them. Even today, we are outraged at the wicked whom God has given the hope of children, only to allow them to give into their evil desires by rejecting the very ones living inside of them.

We know that Satan is the author and father of lies, because there is no truth in him (John 8:44). A preacher once taught me that if Satan owned a hardware store, he’d only need to sell one tool, discouragement, to do his hand-

iwork. His greatest weapon forged against us when we are under spiritual attack, he strikes repeatedly against the weakest portion of our armor for maximum damage, whether it be our faith, our lack of understanding of God’s Word, or our inability to have peace and joy in spite of our circumstances.

Unfortunately, Satan delights in using others to frustrate us despite their best intentions. After learning to forgive those who have hurt me, my joy and peace have far exceeded my grief. And through daily devotion to Scripture and prayer, God has helped me recognize certain lies that Satan tells us. By providing wisdom and encouragement to the single and the infertile, we can both rebuke the devil’s words of torment and disciple others in spiritual adoption.

OVERCOMING SATAN’S LIES WITH A GODLY ATTITUDE

Lie #1. “You have the right to demand children from God, or else.”

How far will we go to have children, even if it means not trusting in the sanctity of marriage or in the one true God?

However, we were all born from Adam’s sin, and its consequences apply equally to us all. Choosing to admonish God for not getting what we desire, simply put, does not honor Him (Psalm 37:4). Our lack of understanding doesn’t give us the right to issue Him an ultimatum or to even be entitled to a response (Job 38:2). Nevertheless, He hurts when we hurt. After all, we are His greatest creation.

By channeling our pain into something positive, such as creating a blog, leading a writers’ group, or joining a Bible study for similar couples, you may find solace after seeking comfort from years of feeling alone. In addition, opening these groups to those outside the church can provide a means for sharing our faith in the midst of trials, allowing for an open door to Christ.

Quiverless

excerpts from a poem by Mark Musetti

“I could break the unbreakable vow and give myself unto another for my Ishmael, for a half-blooded prince is better than no heir at all.”

“Must I make offerings to Baal and Asherah and stand them up as my bedpost idols in desperation to contend with the One who has cursed us?”

Her Bible, warped from years of salty tears and mottled from last night’s prayers. read like a treasure map to her tormented soul.

Lie #2. “You aren’t worthy to serve in God’s Kingdom”

We are worthy to serve God by His grace and mercy through salvation. These essential attributes are freely given to all of His saints. Even before we were born (Psalm 139:13, Jeremiah 1:5), He knew our value as an uncle, an aunt, a spiritual mentor, or a Sunday school teacher. Each Christian plays a distinct and vital role in God’s Kingdom (1 Corinthians 12:14–20), and only Satan, the great accuser, would dare use his deceitful logic to call believers unworthy. For instance, Satan had fully convinced me in my weakest moments that God “knew” I would be a bad father, reminding me daily how I had been told in my home church that I couldn’t participate in teen events because I had no children of my own. But serving is neither a passive response to the Lord’s calling nor a choice: we are actively commanded to go and make disciples (Matthew 28:19) according to the talents with which we have been blessed, no matter the obstacles set before us.

Lie #3. “You lack faith, and you need to pray harder”

There are some in the church who, through their encouragement, unknowingly make the childless feel even more betrayed and unfulfilled. Here is a small sampling of “helpful suggestions” we have heard over the past 10 years: • “You’ll be the next to have a child (did we register for a baby lottery?).” • “I understand. Infertility was the hardest (one or two) year(s) of my life.” • “You just need to pray more.” A biblical approach to the discipline of prayer will always yield great fruit, even if the answer is “no” or “not now.” Passionate prayer is a must (James 5:16) and our faith must be strong enough to believe in God’s awesome power (Matthew 17:20). But I lacked peace over our situation until I gave the Lord permission to search me, break me, and use me wherever, whenever, and however He wished (Psalm 139:23), even if that meant never having biological children.

Measuring Our Impact, One Child at a Time

Granting God access to even the most painful parts of my life has transformed me from a victim to a victor, allowing me to raise up the next generation in Christ. This is our collective responsibility as the Church, whether single or married, children or not. And we are all entrusted to all children under God’s care. My wife and I have been blessed with a four-year-old nephew who, though not related by blood, will never know the difference. Conner has spent most of his life seeing his Aunt Jess play the piano for Jesus, praying at Sunday School with Miss Lauren, and telling his daddy to come to church with him. When we temporarily stopped meeting for worship in the sanctuary, he told his grandma that he was sad “because we can’t go to church no more.” I assure you; more is caught than taught.

Mark Musetti and his wife Jessica worship at the Westerville FWB Church in Ohio. He has worked as a teacher, tutor, and chemist. Though not blessed with biological children, the Lord has used him through his experiences with students to write numerous pieces, including the Christian teen novel, A Friendship Tested (2016).