The Bull Magazine Fall 2012/Winter 2013

The Bull

A Student-Run Publication Fall/Winter 2012

The Bull Magazine Staff Fall 2012

Editor-in-Chief – Calvin B. Alagot

Managing Editor – Natalee Ayala

Photo Editor – Jose Romero

Photo Editor –Todd Rosenblatt

Online Editor – Jose Romero

Copy Editor – Kristen Aslanian

Cover Photo Illustrations: Kristen Aslanian

Jose Romero

Erin Stone

Jorge Alvarado

Staff: Jorge Alvarado

Tess Burkhart

Eli Diaz

Sonja Dumass

Jason Friend

Genna Gold

Michaia Hernandez

Chrislyn Herring

Rob Knox

Lynn Levitt

Danielle Meegan

Gabriella Rodriguez

Pamela Wells

EDITOR’S NOTE

EDITOR’S NOTE

Dear Reader,

Welcome to The Bull. We are a student-run publication from Pierce College that is a supplement to the Roundup. Within these 30 pages we have 13 stories, all revolving around the theme of Dreams. We found it necessary to include Nightmares as well because what’s a nightmare but a dream gone terribly wrong?

Creating this magazine has been both a dream and a nightmare. I went from being a staff writer, to becoming the managing editor, and now I’m editor-inchief. Crazy. Working as an editor on the Roundup newspaper and the Bull magazine has taught me many things, but most of all I’ve learned that things hardly ever work as one may have planned (which is why we all have to prepare for the worst-case scenario of a zombie apocalypse).

Much like the dreams we find in our sleep, the dreams in our wake are fleeting. It was the hard work of our staff that kept me motivated to make this dream come true. We hope you enjoy all the stories and photos.

– Calvin B. Alagot

William Yeromian

Illustrators: Maria Salvador

Lauren Vellve

Models:

Leisa Ciaverelli

Matt Jones

Bridget Smyth

Advisers: Jill Connelly

Jeff Favre

Special Thanks:

UD

Julie Bailey

Tyler McGee

Rob O’Neil

Stefanie Frith

Sean McDonald

Roger Vargo

Ava Weintraub

Foundation for Pierce College

LIVING DREAMS

It all started when he was about 12 years old.

Stephen Aizenstat was at Zuma Beach in Malibu when he wandered away from his family and found himself on the less populated area of the shore. Lost in his thoughts, he sat on top of a boulder and looked out at the sea.

“The tide was out there. There were tide pools and the rock was very animated and colorful,” he recounted. “I remember thinking, my goodness, this is like a dream.”

Then, an older teenage boy walked by and said, “You know, it’s as if rocks can talk.”

“I thought, oh my gosh, the heavens have spoken,” Aizenstat said. “That was an experience out of time for me because it wasn’t in my home in Granada Hills, and it wasn’t on the other side of the beach with all those big food stands and lifeguards. I’ll never forget it.”

This was the moment that sparked in Aizenstat the idea that dreams are alive, and we can interact with them.

He called this theory dream tending. It’s a method that revolves around the idea that all the elements in a dream— from people to the ocean—are alive, and they are as capable of dreaming as humans.

“It’s as if everything in the dream has a life of its own,” he explained. “It’s as if they’re interacting with one another along with us. The ‘who’ that’s dreaming the dream are probably all the figures in the dream.”

For instance, if one’s dreams include the element of the ocean, it could translate to the ocean using that dream to tell us something about itself, like if it is

than we do.”

Dream tending emphasizes relationship over interpretation. Instead of elucidating dreams for an explanation, tenders get to know the figures in dreams by letting them do the talking.

“You get to know them as much as they know us,” he emphasized. “If we tend to images instead of quickly interpreting them into a system, they will open themselves into a different awareness.”

Through workshops and lectures, Aizenstat has passed on the practice of dream tending to others, including Sally Carless, a photographer from Ojai.

- Stephen Aizenstat

in trouble.

But this idea isn’t something that is supported by science, according to Julia Morgan Cohen, an adjunct professor who teaches physiological psychology at Pierce College.

Cohen said that dreaming isn’t only applicable to humans but that it doesn’t necessarily include everything around us.

“This is what we can say mammals and birds seem to have, REM sleep. What they’re thinking, we don’t know because they can’t tell us. But we can see that they’re acting just as we act when we’re dreaming,” Cohen said.

As a boy, Aizenstat learned to be passionate about dreams and his imagination. He noticed that as time went by and the ages of the people around him began to rise steadily, dreaming was ignored.

“As I got older, most people stopped dreaming. People don’t talk about dreams that much, because our dreams are imagined to be something that are not real,” he said. “Once upon a time, people would wake up and talk about their dreams; they would share stories, but today’s world is so quick and so fast, there’s hardly any time to sit and tell stories or talk about dreams.”

Dream tending, which was developed from preexisting theories about the psyche, has its roots with indigenous people.

“They would listen to dreams and imagine that they were as real in the imaginal world as we are in this world,”

Aizenstat explained. “They really took the imagination much more seriously

“Once I saw him work I was just so impacted by the depth of the work, and I wanted to know more about it,” she said.

Even though Carless had no problem understanding and applying Aizenstat’s teachings to her life, Carless was at first hesitant when it came to professionally tending to other people’s dreams.

“I didn’t start doing it professionally for a long time after training because there’s just so much to it. I was cautious about doing it with other people because you can go really deep with it,” said Carless, who has been a tender for more than over 15 years.

“It’s hard to describe the power of it until you’ve seen it. You get a much deeper level of information about what’s going on in your life. The dreams help you open up to another level that people don’t access otherwise. It’s like opening up the doors and windows and seeing a much bigger picture than what you were able to see before.”

Though dream tending isn’t responsible for all the life changes Carless has gone through—she moved to Ojai to be closer to nature and has opened a homeschooling-based entity—she credits it for being the key change in her life.

“For me, it’s been a valuable tool, a kind of life trajectory that pointed me to this direction,” she said.

Carless learned from Aizenstat the core principle of dream tending—that all things in the universe are connected.

“All dreams come forward and they offer something to us,” Aizenstat said. “It’s a question of learning how to listen in and taking the time.”

Story by: Michaia Hernandez

Photo by: Lynn Levitt

Illustration by: Lauren Vellve

“

If we tend to images instead of quickly interpreting them into a system, they will open themselves into different awareness. ”

Stephen Aizenstat, the chancellor and founding president of the Paci ca Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara, discusses the practice of dream tending.

Dream tending is a new trend in psychoanalysis

to the Show9 The Road

Bounce back players and their struggle to go pro

The dream of making it to the big leagues, aka “the show,” has been the aspiration of many baseball players that have come through Pierce College. One of these dreamers is Nick Murphy.

Murphy, who came after graduating from Royal High School in Simi Valley, is a onetime pitcher and the current right fielder for Pierce.

Though he might get drafted, Murphy knows the odds are slim.

“I study extra hard, because I know if baseball doesn’t work out I will have an education,” he said.

Murphy broke a small bone in his hand, which led to the coaches’ decision to move him to the field. A strong hitter, his chances to make it to the next level may have improved with the injury.

The next step, Murphy hopes, is University of Southern California and possibly become the seventh Pierce player to be drafted.

Though most baseball players are looking to be drafted, some transfer to

Division I schools.

But unlike football and basketball, where a player’s best chance to impress pro scouts is by going to a Division I, the process for making it the professional ranks in baseball is chaotic. Players can choose not to accept a contract after being drafted if they do opt to play in college or for an amateur league. This leads to a phenomenon known as the “bounce back.”

A bounce back is when a collegiate baseball player goes directly to a Division I school from high school, plays a season and then bounces back to a junior college. In the last two decades, Pierce College’s baseball program has gained a reputation as a popular bounce back destination.

An example of a bounce back player is Mark Gillman, who went to Arizona State University in 2003 after graduating from Almeda High School. He left the program a year later, then played for Santa Rosa Junior College in spring 2004 and Diablo Valley College in 2005.

“I was a big fish in a small pond, then a small fish in an ocean,” Gillman said as

he described going from his small town school to a well-known university. He doesn’t regret his decision to bounce back.

Murphy, in the dugout at Pierce, plans on attending University of Southern California.

After injuring his hand, Nick Murphy has been repositioned from pitcher to right field.

Story by: Robert Knox

Photos by: Kristen Aslanian

“Off the field has as much as on the field does for me,” he said. “Once I left Arizona (ASU) I felt like the wind was out of my sail.”

Under the guidance of Bob Lofrano, who coached the school’s baseball team for 14 years and is now the athletic director, six Brahmas have played Major League Baseball.

The most famous bounce back by far is Barry Zito, a starting pitcher for the world champion San Francisco Giants.

“I think we had a winning program, and I would try to recruit the top guys.” Lofrano said. “Guys like Zito were in other programs and then dropped down to JC in their second year. We had six guys go in the pro draft and I take great pride in that because we’re just a little junior college in Woodland Hills.”

Zito was a 59th round pick of the Seattle Mariners out of University of San Diego High School. He gambled that he could rise his draft stock, so he attended University of California, Santa Barbara in 1997.

By the following June’s amateur draft he was a third round pick by the Texas Rangers. He was offered a $385,000 signing bonus. But he turned it down and decided to pitch a season in the amateur Cape Cod League, an amateur league known for boosting a prospect’s draft stock.

the

college in Woodland Hills.

– Bob Lofrano

Still not content with his stock, Zito decided to bounce back to a junior college and try again in the next draft. At this point Lofrano made his move.

“I knew someone close to his family, so I had to sell him on Pierce.” Lofrano said. “I knew he would come here, do great and write his own ticket.”

And that’s just what he did. Going 9-2 with 135 strikeouts and a 2.62 earned run average in the 1998 season. Zito transferred to the University of Southern California for the 1999 season, where he was named an All-American and Pac-10 Pitcher of the Year.

Zito became a first round draft pick of the Oakland Athletics, signing a $159 million bonus.

The bounce back worked. But for every Barry Zito, there are hundreds of players whose dream didn’t turn out as they planned.

According to businessinsider.com only 11.6 percent of college baseball players go on to play professionally.

Why some players with the same goals and upbringing as Zito don’t make it usually comes down to ability.

“Some of the players get drafted out of high school and think it’s great, and a little ego gets in there,” said Lofrano, who has been a scout for the Chicago Cubs for 32 years. “But maybe they shouldn’t have gone pro.”

Additional reporting by: Tyler McGee

Brahma player gear sits idle while the players tend to the field after a game.

We had six guys go in

pro draft and I take great pride in that because we’re just a little junior

She Loves Lucy

Sitcom star impersonator keeps a legacy alive Story & Photos by: Genna Gold

Diane Vincent’s impression of her fictional childhood idol, Lucy Ricardo, is seamless.

With the sun blazing down and not much shade in sight, she did her best to entertain a park full of fans who have come from around the world to experience all that Universal Studios Hollywood has to offer.

“I love my fans. Aren’t they just fabulous?” Vincent said as she fervently made her way through the crowded park pathways.

As she strolled, she never missed an opportunity to show her undying appreciation to her adoring fans by posing for pictures and providing witty comebacks to even the most challenging questions.

When asked by a child, “Aren’t you dead?”

Vincent said, “I’m a re-run, sweetie.”

Since 1951, “I Love Lucy” has consistently been entertaining the masses with its universally understood comedy and lovable cast. Fans have relished actress Lucille Ball’s effortless sparkle and wit in more than 81 countries. And Vincent has made her dream come true by taking her love for everything Lucy and building a respectable career.

“I am one of only three actresses that have ever been approved to perform at the Hollywood location,” Vincent said. “I am extremely proud that I have been able to make a solid living being a live performer, especially since there aren’t as many jobs available as there were when I was first starting in the business.”

Being a performer hasn’t always been Vincent’s priority.

“I didn’t know right away,” she said. “I didn’t have the acting bug.”

Although she moved to Los Angeles from Indiana when she was 7 years old, it wasn’t until she was 16 that she started taking dance lessons at a small studio in Santa Monica named Danny Daniels Dance Studio. She didn’t seriously start considering live performance as a career until college.

Every morning she lines her lips bright ruby red, pins her corkscrew fiery wig, and puts on a vintage blue and white polka-dot cotton dress that blows in the breeze. Perfect white pearls adorn her ears and neck while antique black-rimmed sunglasses cover her ever-wandering eyes. A brilliant red spotted parasol dances on her shoulder. A nearly empty bottle of “Vitameatavegamin” is strategically placed in her white lace apron pocket.

“I always knew she was going to end up an entertainer of some sort. She’s a natural performer,” said Valerie Bakst, her sister. “She’s always been effortlessly funny and quick.”

As her dress swayed back and forth to the background music and noises of the surrounding attractions, Vincent began to embody her character. She tactically moved through the traffic greeting her fans with the utmost grace and charm.

Diane Vincent, a professional Lucy Ricardo impersonator, poses as Lucy at Universal City Walk while applying lipstick.

“I can’t have an affair with you,” Vincent said as she yelled to a fellow performer hanging out of a second story window.

After college, Vincent’s dream was to be on Broadway. She knew that if she moved to New York, it would give her a better chance of making it to the stage. She was torn between her desire to act and her maternal instinct to be there for family.

Her family ultimately took precedence.

Instead of New York Vincent began working at a children’s daycare center in L.A. It was there, when she stumbled across an ad from Universal looking for a Lucy impersonator.

“I had never even thought of doing this type of acting before, but I thought I’d give it a try,” she said.

Vincent happened to be a huge fan of the show and she knew the character inside and out. Although she doesn’t resemble Mrs. Ricardo out of costume, her unintentional Lucy-esque facial expressions mirror the iconic TV character.

“I remember we would plop ourselves down in front of the TV every week to watch her show,” Bakst said. “We could practically recite every line.”

Vincent showed up to the audition in a red wig, vintage white dress and red lips. She did her best Lucy impression.

“They told me to go on with my life and they’d call me if they liked me,” she said.

After a few weeks she got a callback. The second audition was similar to the first except that she was given a costume, and her performance was videotaped.

“I really enjoy writing my own stuff so I decided to write up a short skit,” she said.

Lucille Ball’s daughter, Lucy Arnaz, and CBS own the rights to the character, so the audition tape was sent to both for approval. The waiting only got worse.

“The whole process took a total of nine months,” she said. “Ms. Arnaz and the network are very particular about who represents Lucille’s legacy.”

Although the process was tedious and drawn-out, Vincent couldn’t be more pleased with her career and the opportunities that have come with it. She has been at Universal for the past 17 years and completely adores what she does.

“Being able to physically interact with my audience and see how happy it makes them makes it all worth it,” she said.

On top of her steady Lucy performances, she makes special appearances in character at private events around the country and she performs on a regular basis with comedy musical theater groups.

“Not having a script keeps me on my toes and allows me to keep my comedic top hat on,” she paused, slightly chuckling. “Getting into the park for free doesn’t suck either.”

Both of her parents were a positive influence in the entertainment industry and helped push her to continue in her family’s footsteps.

Her father, Larry Vincent, was a familiar face in Southern California in the 1970s. He was a TV host for a show called “Fright Night,” which aired on KHJ-TV and “Seymour’s Monster Rally,” on KTLA, which aired low-budget horror and science fiction movies. He also dabbled as a character actor. Her mother, Betty Vincent, is a successful pianist.

“I wanted to carry the metaphorical family torch so badly that I actually kept my father’s last name when I got married,” she said.

Her success as Lucy brought her opportunities that expand far beyond the park.

“I’m the only Lucy impersonator invited yearly to the I Love Lucy Festival, held in her home town of Jamestown, New York,” she said. “I’ve been called the official Lucy impersonator of Jamestown.”

Being able to represent one of the entertainment industries’ most beloved characters can be an interesting experience.

“She is such a recognizable character. Sometimes it makes me feel like a rock star,” she said. “She’s beloved all over the world. Even today, I had a fan all the way from Saudi Arabia come up and speak with me.”

Vincent takes her job seriously, down to every word and movement. She treats each performance with its individual deserved respect.

“I feel Lucille Ball would be pleased with my portrayal of her character. I try to not overact and make the character seem gaudy or fake,” Vincent said. “I try to be as respectful as possible.”

Her uncanny resemblance to the star helps her get more in character and keep her act genuine.

“Even before I started working here, I remember seeing Diane and thinking how great of a job she does. Lucille would be proud,” said Ashley Stern, a fellow Universal employee.

“I have received many accolades for my performances over the years, so I hope she would be as happy with me as my audience is,” Vincent said.

Being able to personify a timeless American icon will never get old for Vincent, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the last stop on her career path.

She’s now performing in a musical she wrote and directed. The show took 12 years to put together, and she will premiere to next year in North Hollywood.

“The show is called ‘Nuthin’ But Hutton,’ and it’s based on one of my favorite actresses, who was Universal Studios’ biggest star in the 1940s, Betty Hutton,” Vincent said.

Vincent said that if she had started taking her acting career more seriously at a younger age she might have made it to Broadway. Still, she is confident that she will one day make her dream a reality one way or another.

“I absolutely love what I do,” she said. “I feel privileged and honored being able to portray such an American icon.”

“She is such a recognizable character. Sometimes it makes me feel like a rock star.”

- Diane Vincent

Vincent makes the classic Lucy face while walking down Universal CityWalk.

Comic Book Heaven

Story by: Gabriela Rodriguez

Comic book geek is surrounded by his favorite things

Batman. Cat Woman. Spiderman. Wonder Woman. Red Lantern. Tank Girl. Mega Man. These are only a few of the hundreds of comic books that decorate the shelves of Collector’s Paradise in Winnetka like a neverending superhero wallpaper.

“It’s the best experience I’ve ever had,” says Joseph Zelich, the owner of Collector’s Paradise.

Some stores continue the “comic book dungeon” reputation portrayed in “The Simpsons,” with the infamously rude “Comic Book Guy.”

But Nick Ignacio, a Collector’s Paradise’s employee for six years and the manager for the last two, said this isn’t a stereotypical store.

store.

“The idea is customer service,” he said.

Employees are open to suggesting titles and to offering customer service, as many other comic book stores do.

“He knows what I like, what I don’t, and what I might,” said customer Albert Acosta as he traversed the aisles.

Igancio is responsible for ordering comics as well as other merchandise.

“It’s kind of a tough business. You can’t treat it as a hobby, you have to treat it like an actual business,” he said.

As manager, one of his toughest challenges it to order two-to-three

months in advance for what the store will need—without the help of a crystal ball.

“It takes years to learn how to order things correctly. It takes years of experience to guess what will sell well,” he said.

Much of that experience comes from his familiarity with comics. Employees are required to read featured comics, and Igancio never struggles to find something to read.

“Part of the job is reading everything. I read almost everything,” he said, looking through the lenses of his thick, black framed glasses and directly at his black high top Converse.

Collector’s Paradise has a reputation for having well known comic book creators, including Marc

“

You can’t treat it as a hobby. You have to treat it like an actual business. ”

Nick Ignacio rings up a purchase of a visiting customer.

Photos by: Lynn Levitt

-Nick Ignacio

Silvestri and Eisner Award-winning comic book writer Ed Brubaker, hold in-store signings. Independent and self-published creators also make appearances.

The most anticipated day of the year for Collector’s Paradise devotees is the first Saturday in May, also known as “free comic book day.”

Once a year, comic fanatics gather outside the store hours before the doors open for the chance to fulfill their passions for adding to their collections without subtracting from their wallets. Creators, artists, and writers are part of the event.

Collector’s Paradise also hosts weekly Magic the Gathering card game tournaments. They offer a variety of cards, which they also sell, as well as original action figures, in

addition to comic books and graphic novels. The back of the store has a small gallery for art by well known and upcoming local creators.

Wednesdays are typically the busiest day of the week. It’s “new comic book day,” for which the store sets aside a section for new releases.

These days Igancio usually buys comics based on creators, but he did not always have the same expanse of options.

“We didn’t have a lot of money growing up. So I would get comics here and there. X-Men and SpiderMan were my favorite books,” he said.

Aside from comics, he is fan of baseball, fantasy baseball, Dodgers, “Mad Men,” and “Game of Thrones.”

“I like just typical geeky stuff. I’m a

TV/film junkie,” he said, as a smile of pride crept up the side of his face.

He also enjoys writing his original short stories.

“That would be my ultimate goal— to be a writer,” he said.

Having committed six years to his job at Collector’s Paradise, Ignacio said that what brings him the most pleasure is turning people on to his world of superheroes and to all things comics.

“I hope they will love it as much as I do,” he said.

Nick Ignacio going through the comics at work.

The Mic’s the limit

Aspiring rapper realizes the difficulties of making it in L.A.

Achubby, baby-faced Midwestern man, Chester Lovegren stepped up to the microphone, dressed in a wardrobe inspired by ‘90s hip-hop. The black T-shirt reads “Captain Morgan” in light, gold cursive letters. A pair of black gym shorts with gray stripes extends past his knees. Black high socks match his black Nikes with the signature swoosh colored in red and white tips on the bottom.

“You only got one life to believe in. It’s Saturday night, let’s ride big pimpin’,” he spat into the microphone.

After listening to “Saturday Night” a few times, Lovegren talked about maybe changing up some lyrics.

Patrick “Fetto” Perfetto, a strawberryblond man wearing a plain white T-shirt and green gym shorts, sat at the recording desk next to the mic.

“Do you want to?” he asked.

“I’ll decide later,” Lovegren said. Standing up at the microphone, Lovegren took off his gray Chicago Bulls snapback cap and popped on his headphones. The music played, and he held up his iPhone to read the lyrics.

Perfetto stopped Lovegren a few times to adjust the mic stand.

“You weren’t talking into the mic correctly,” he said.

“I’m short!” Lovegren said laughing. Lovegren is a struggling yet determined hip-hop artist known as MC MXC. It was a Friday night at around 8 p.m., and he and Perfetto, his engineer, were at the latter’s home recording studio to finally finish his first full-length mixtape, which they’d been working on for weeks.

Like most artists in L.A., or in any major city, Lovegren is struggling financially while trying to be discovered.

He moved from North Omaha, Nebraska

in October 2011—a car full of clothes, a computer, and $400—in pursuit of his dream. With nowhere to go on first arrival, he crashed at his brother Ivan’s apartment. Ivan, who moved to L.A. to pursue acting, was not able to provide a bed for Lovegren, so he had to sleep on the floor until he found a one-bedroom studio.

“I still sleep on the floor,” he said. He shares that apartment with his roommate.

Lovegren recognizes the pressure of being a new artist, but he’s optimistic and positive as well.

He took copies of his first demo around town, even though he said, “it sounded like shit.” He bar-hopped in an attempt to make connections by spending at least 30 minutes in any bar. And he went by the name “Eddie Winston.”

Why Eddie?

“I go by ‘Eddie Winston’ to the people I work with in this industry,” Lovegren said.

Story by Danielle Meegan

Photo by Todd Rosenblatt

Chester Lovegren is ghting the “white rapper” stereotype as he tries to make it in Los Angeles.

“So they don’t know my name is, well, you know.”

With this method, he met Phil Stamper, Paula Abdul’s manager. He gave Stamper a copy of his demo as well as his information. Lovegren has not heard back from him, but it’s not going to hold him back.

“At least I’m in his brain,” Lovegren said.

Being a rapper wasn’t always part of Lovegren’s dream. He had seen a concert where an energetic pastor was hyping up the crowd. Lovegren, who always wanted to be a performer, was impressed.

“They were like rock stars up there,” Lovegren said. “I just knew [that being a pastor] is what I wanted to do.”

Lovegren had come from a devout Christian family, so becoming a youth pastor seemed to be a good decision. Lovegren attended Bible school in Omaha at 18, but not for long.

“I left after a year because their lifestyle was too strict. They wanted me to go a certain way,” Lovegren said. “They just contradicted everything. And I would have made the same pay as I do now.”

Lovegren is currently employed at the Capital Grille where he works as a “lazy server,” he said.

Back in the studio, Perfetto synched and leveled the audio tracks for one of songs for the mix tape. He turned around from his desk. He looked at Lovegren, who was sitting on a beat-up, white leather couch, and at Gabe Bowling, who was standing in front of the mic.

“I don’t mean to sound weird, but we’re all Craigslist friends,” Perfetto said, referring to how they met.

Perfetto, who works as a DJ, was a little uncertain about meeting Lovegren.

“I was like, ‘Alright, another white rapper.’ I’ve worked with a lot of them,” Perfetto said. “But then I heard him and was like, ‘Wow, this kid is good.’ He’s a talented mother fucker.”

The term “white rapper” is something that is probably not going away. It has been popular ever since Eminem popped onto the scene at the turn of the century. But Lovegren has accepted that he’s going to be criticized and compared to Eminem, because he knows that he wouldn’t have this opportunity without him.

“Em opened a window for us rappers, but that mold he created is broken,” Lovegren said.

Lovegren said it’s hard for white rappers in this industry because they’re all thrown onto one list. It’s mainly because they are all trying to sound like Eminem by rapping fast and angry. Lovegren has admitted to doing this.

“The first song I ever wrote was when I was 19,” Lovegren said, thinking about it. “It’s the worst thing I ever created. I was trying too hard to sound like Em or Asher Roth.”

But Lovegren said that his music has matured since then because he knows what he wants and needs to talk about. He hopes that this will separate him from that pack or title “white rapper.”

Everyone took a little break. Lovegren whipped open the window to let the small home studio/closet breathe. He

that this inspired his style, that loose and easy flow of the 90s.

“That’s what I grew up with,” Lovegren said. “I want to bring that back.”

But Lovegren doesn’t discourage the recent rapping style.

“It’s all about who can spit the fastest lyrics. I get that for some artists, but that’s not me,” Lovegren said. “I want to get back to the heart of hip-hop.”

Around 9:50 p.m., the recording has stopped due to the background noise of an ice cream truck.

The air conditioner has been turned off for almost two hours during the recording sessions. The heat quickly rose, causing everyone’s skin to glisten.

“This is not normal. We usually don’t bust out three or four songs in one night.” Lovegren said. “We had one song that took five hours.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re prepared.” Perfetto said.

“But I’m the worst artist,” Lovegren said. “I’ll do one verse and go ‘Ahhh!’”

Lovegren said he’s always second guessing his lyrics.

sat down and lightly banged his head against the wall and sighed. He quietly said to himself, but still clear enough for everyone to hear: “I hate who I am. I wish I got a fuckin’ career.”

There were times, he said, when he didn’t even want to leave his room. He wanted to just lock out the world.

When he found out that a few high school friends signed NFL contracts, he was forced to think about what he has been doing with his own life.

“I could have so easily quit,” Lovegren said. “No one’s holding me back.”

Lovegren said that he has thought about moving back home and getting a “real” job with an insurance company or car dealership instead of struggling in L.A.

Despite all his troubles, Lovegren said he keeps a journal to help him get through the pain. Some of his lyrics are even lifted from the pages.

“An entire rap was off of one journal page,” Lovegren said. “Every rapper has a niche. And mine is storytelling.”

The first hip-hop record Lovegren ever heard was “The What” by Notorious B.I.G. on cassette tape. Lovegren said

It’s about 11:30 p.m. and everyone’s energy level has drained. Lovegren struggled to remember the lyrics from a song he recorded a couple years ago.

“I’m here to push you. Make you sound good,” Perfetto said after Lovegren’s frustration began to show.

Perfetto mentions that Lovegren’s laidback vibe and work habits are better when he’s high. “You wanna smoke?”

“No. Why can’t we just punch it?” Lovegren said.

“I want one take, man,” Perfetto said.

The clock read 11:51 p.m. Lovegren rapped out the last few lines of the song. He stepped away from the mic, exhausted. Perfetto pressed a few buttons on his keyboard.

“Alright, go make the root beer floats!” Perfetto said.

Lovegren clapped his hands in excitement. The studio door and window were opened wide to allow the fresh air into the muggy, humid closet.

Lovegren hopes that this mixtape will help him push forward in the industry. To do that, he has to go back into the world again, and market himself as an independent artist.

And maybe he’ll walk into a bar at the most perfect moment and get noticed.

“I’m just looking for that one person for the opportunity,” Lovegren said.

“I could have so easily quit. No one’s holding me back.”

- Chester Lovegren

Why So Scared?

Fear factor, fun factor

“Before I arrive to the theme park, I feel nervous,” said high school student Veronica Palafox as she neared the haunted mazes at Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights (HHN). Haunting music mingled with screams echoed in the background as she entered. “It takes a lot of courage to step in to a park like this.” The roar of the chainsaws cut through the darkness, and swallowing her fear, she stepped into the looming fog.

“I do it for the thrill and the adrenaline,” Palafox said.

She is hardly the only person who gets a kick out of getting scared. But why do they enjoy it?

“In 2008, reporters stated that horror was born during The Great Depression,” said John Murdy, the creative director and producer of HHN. “What’s scarier, losing your 401k, or going to Halloween Horror Nights? We

give people escape.”

The artificially created fear gives a temporary escape from the troubles of the real world.

“There is an attraction to certain horror films,” said clinical psychologist Mark Sergi. “People are upset by a certain thing but also excited, such as fear of snakes or spiders; certain people will change the channel when they see it, but others will find excitement from it.”

This is what separates those who go to Halloween Horror Nights and others that don’t.

But what happens if fear negatively impacts your life? The top fears are flying, public speaking and heights. This has to do with past experiences, when people had a bad encounter, or perhaps they

Story by: William Yeromian | Photos by: Jorge Alvarado

Guests stand around the entrance of Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.

saw a TV news report. According to PubMed. gov, to cope with fears people take medications, such as the antibiotic D-cycloserine. Though it’s used to treat tuberculosis, scientists have reported that it may be helpful in producing the protein N-methyl D-asparate, which can eliminate fear.

For those wanting to get over their fears, Sergi recommends an alternative type of treatment called exposure therapy, which requires facing your fears. “Exposure therapy works by exposing yourself 25to-30 minutes at a time for long periods of time,” Sergi said. “You want to increase your arousal and anxiety until yourr body no longer

shows signs of anxiety. It’s not easy to be brave and to face your fears. You need to have the motivation.”

Others though are like Palafox, who find fun in fear and getting scared.

Still, her trip through the Horror Nights maze left her completely out of breath from the constant screaming. The final challenge of the night was a horde of chainsaw-wielding zombies and horrifying clowns. Although the smell of gasoline filled her nose, she was determined to reach the exit without fear. Through the chaos, she managed to find the exit, safe with the knowledge of what she has accomplished.

Horror Night attendees shriek as the clown approaches.

The Bogeyman, a character from Silent Hill, frightens guests.

“We give people escape. People feed on adrenaline.”

- John Murdy

rise of the undead

Above: Jeff Schiffman, the organizer of the Annual Hollywood Subway Zombie Walk.

Top Right: A zombified flight attendant eats a brains.

Bottom Right: Schiffman rallies the undead before they storm Gruaman’s Chinese Theatre on Oct. 14, 2012.

dead

The Metro Red Line screeched to a halt at the Hollywood and Highland station. Commuters stood ready to hop on when the doors slid open and a swarm of flesh-eating zombies spilled out onto the platform. Screams and groans echoed through the Los Angeles catacombs that tunneled the living dead to the surface. Hundreds of shuffling corpses with the insatiable hunger for human flesh swept the Hollywood scene. Could this be the beginning of the end?

Fortunately for the living, the restless mob of undead walkers were part of the Fourth Annual Hollywood Subway Zombie Walk. Participants dressed up as the classic monsters depicted in George A. Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead.”

Jeff Schiffman, the organizer of the horde, used online social media to pull the event together, inviting more than 2,500 people on Facebook. Schiffman started his zombie walk in 2009 as a special way to celebrate his 30th birthday.

With the rise of zombies in popular culture, similar events have been popping up all over the world, with some drawing thousands of the walking dead.

Despite zombies being his preferred monster, Schiffman said that he is not ready in the event of an actual zombie apocalypse.

“I don’t have a bug out kit. I don’t have any firearms. I don’t even have a baseball bat,” he said. “I’m just not prepared at all. I’m not even prepared for an earthquake.”

Story by: Calvin B. Alagot

Photos by: Kristen Aslanian

Playboy’s Playboy

Casting director lives his dream

Many men might dream of being a casting director for Playboy magazine, but few actually get the chance. Sam Rhima is one of those men.

Rhima’s life consists of sexy women, clubs, limos and weekend parties at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. He is in

charge of casting the models who are hired to mingle with the guests.

As the senior casting director for Playboy, Rhima holds about five casting calls a week with beautiful women who pose for him nude or in lingerie.

During the casting, he interviews the women on camera to get a sense of their personalities. A model who goes by the name Drake and has been through a casting call said Rhima made her feel comfortable.

“After the interview process is over, each of us women strips

down into an outfit of our choosing—lingerie, thong, bikini or nude—to prepare for profile shots. This profile shoot is in private,” Drake said. “This was exciting and nerve-wracking because it was my first time to pose nude. Once I warmed up, it was like I had been doing this my whole life.”

Rhima was born in New York and grew up in Dallas. He was 16 when he moved to Chicago. After high school, his dreams were to move to Los Angeles and make it big in the industry.

“My heart was in directing,” he

Story by: Chrislyn Herring

Photos by: Lynn Levitt

Sam Rhima, a Playboy Enterprises, Inc. casting director, interviews a potential model during one of the casting sessions.

said about his life.

Rhima started out as a casting director for TV shows, including “Change of Heart,” as well as movies, agencies and music videos.

“You name it, I did it,” he said. In 2001, while working on “Change of Heart,” his boss was recommended for a new job as a casting director for Playboy. Rhima joined him.

“I can still feel the ecstatic feeling come over me when I remember that glorious day,” he said. “My dreams were finally starting to come true.”

Rhima said Playboy is different from other magazines that features nude women.

“It is classy and would never degrade women in any shape or form,” he said. “Therefore, I see that I make each model feel

special for that short period of time they are with me.”

To help in the casting process Rhima works with his girlfriend Kimberly Fattorini, who said Rhima has a knack for finding the right woman for whatever part they are trying to fill.

All casting goes through Rhima now, for Playboy TV, Playboy magazine, Playboy.com and everything with the Playboy name.

Rhima added to his resume by creating the TV show “Beach House” for the Playboy Channel, which consisted of three guys and three girls living in a beach house together.

He still does other castings on the side. He has been involved in casting for the “Mrs. USA Pageant,” MTV, VH1, E! and other networks.

On weekends, he keeps busy by hosting parties at clubs and making appearances with the playmates.

But he still balances his personal life and his business.

“Sam makes plenty of time for us,” Fattorini said. “I enjoy going on his adventures with him.”

But casting remains the core of Rhima’s work.

“My job is exciting and hard at the same time,” he said. “All the final women are so beautiful it is sometimes hard to make those eliminations.”

Once his final step is over, the casting director takes his picks to the big boss—Hugh Heffner..

But until that point, Rhima is in charge-- of a world that most men can only visit in their dreams.

Rhima is setting up a shot as part of the interview process.

“My dreams were finally starting to come true.”

- Sam Rhima

Helping potential models participate in the interview process.

Bully No More

Former abuser reflects on his bullying

He felt like a dog backed into a corner. He did not want to attack but he also did not want to be conquered.

Torrey Drake looked around for his target, or as he calls him, the victim. His victim was bigger than him and could have easily beaten him up, but he knew that breaking a bigger kid down was the key to his freedom at school.

He needed to prove that he was a cool guy.

“I thought that if I could bully him that would mean I was tough,” Drake said. “I wanted to make people jealous of me, so they would think I had a great life.”

Drake was a freshman at the time whose only concern was that he was to be respected. He did not care whom he had to harm to earn that respect.

“Bullying is about control,” Drake said. “It is about having control over a person and making them fear you.”

According to the National Education Association, it is estimated that 15 percent of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied

at school by other students.

The National School Safety Center reports that American schools are home to approximately 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 million of their victims, and that one out of every 10 students drops out of school because of repeated bullying. With today’s technology, the abuse has gone online, giving rise to cyber bullying.

“You can’t win against a bully,” said Barbara Neitlich, a private practice psychotherapist. “Teens are at an age where they do not want to be a snitch, so they try to fight their bully with their tactics, but it is no-win situation.”

China Taylor, 16, is one of those students. She has been a victim of cyber bullying for the past two years.

She has had ketchup packets thrown at her, been pushed down stairs, and had hurtful things said about her. But it is the messages left on her Facebook page and the hurtful tweets on Twitter that hurts her the most.

“People go to Facebook because it is easy to hide their faces,” Taylor said. “You can say all these hurtful things

without being in front of someone. It is for cowards. You can throw a ball without anyone seeing who threw it.”

Taylor is referring to fake Facebook accounts she said people have created to make up things about her. One girl went so far as to befriend her on Facebook.

“Facebook can be so destructive,” Taylor said. “People are committing suicide because of it. I don’t understand why people are not finding ways to censor it.”

It is the opposite for Athena Aliya, 15. She has a friend that does the cyber bullying. Her friend makes up fake Facebook pages and often posts rude comments about her friends when she is upset with them.

Aliya is quick to admit that she doesn’t condone her friend’s behavior, but she understands her friend’s point of view.

“She does it when she is upset with someone,” Aliya said. “It is her way of telling people that she is upset with them.”

Aliya thinks her friend should confront people when she is upset with

Story by: Pamela Wells

Photo Illustrations by: Jorge Alvarado

them, but her friend finds it easier to take her grievances online.

“It is her way of telling people to stop,” Aliya said. “She thinks this is the best way to do it.”

For Drake, now 19, bullying made him feel powerful.

“It fuels a bully when they see you cry,” he said. “When I made someone cry, it validated me that I had power over them.

“I was so desperate to make a point. If I could make a kid avoid me, then it meant that I was worth something.”

Drake said his friends were impressed by his ability to make someone cry.

“I was so desperate to be seen as untouchable,” Drake said. “Anyone who thought they were better than me. I would try to put myself over them.”

He challenged any student who did not do what he wanted.

The bad boy bullying would continue for years.

It would take a special young lady to help Drake see that bullying other classmates was not the way to earn respect from peers. It was their bond

that prompted Drake to be a new guy.

“She helped me see that hurting other people was not how I wanted to be seen in life,” Drake said.

A former wrestler, Drake has a new outlook on life. He gives advice to students who are being bullied, hoping that his past can help them.

“Ignore your bully,” Drake said. “I know it is hard to do, but you must. You should ignore it because you want to be better than who they are choosing to be at that moment in their life. Find things you want to do.”

He encourages students not to remain silent.

“Talk to someone about being bullied,” Drake said. “It will not fix all your problems, but you need to get it off your chest so you will not feel isolated and alone. The hardest part is going to school and having no idea what is going to happen.”

Before Drake began terrorizing students, he said he was the victim. He spent his recesses in the bathroom.

Drake had just moved from Washington to California. He was

finding it hard to make friends.

One morning before recess a volleyball hit his friend in the head. His first instinct was to cry, but he ignored this instinct. Instead he picked up the volleyball so he could defend his 9-yearold friend.

The three older guys approached him as if they were giants about to take candy from a baby. Each one kicked him in the stomach. He was short, pudgy and looked like a loser. This moment turned him from a victim to the ultimate bully.

It has been two years since Drake left high school. He has stopped abusing and intimidating others and he plans never to do it again.

“The scars of bullying last forever,” Drake said. “I want future and existing bullies to know that it will scar the kids they bully forever. It is not short term. They judge who they are for the rest of their life. It programs them in a different way than they should be programmed.

“It breaks them and changes them. It makes them socially awkward for the rest of their life.”

“

” It fuels a bully when they see you cry. When I made someone cry, it validated me that I had power over them.

- Torrey Drake

The Law of Attraction

Can we make our dreams come true with our thoughts?

Story by: Sonja Dumass Illustration by: Maria Salvador

Even though David Rosenblatt and Stephen Humphries were born and raised in different parts of the world, they have something in common. They both believe in the power of their thoughts; and that with that power they can manifest things in their life.

Rosenblatt and Humphries tried the same methods of visualizing things, making vision boards and repeating affirmations. But the results were completely different.

The law of attraction is the name given to the belief that “like attracts like” and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts one can bring about positive or negative results.

Some of the earliest books about the law of attraction, such as “Thought Vibration” or “The Law of Attraction in the Thought World,” by William Walker Atkinson, as well as “The Law of Success in 16 Lessons” and “Think and Grow Rich,” by Napoleon Hill were written in the early 20th century.

But it wasn’t until 2006—when a movie called “The Secret,” followed by a book with the same title in 2007—that the topic became a phenomenon.

An ever-increasing number of people started asking, “Are we really what we think?”

Rosenblatt read Hill’s book in college, which states, “Whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe it can achieve.

”Struggling at some point—as all students do—it seemed to Rosenblatt that if thinking a certain way would help him achieve his goals it was worth a try.

“Thirty years ago I was driving home from work. I was playing soccer in a league at that time and a friend of mine was driving with me and I told him, ‘You know what? I need to stop by home before we go to play because the IRS sent me tax return money and I need to deposit it because I need to pay some bills.’ So I got to my house, I go to the mailbox, I get the check and we go deposit it and go to the field.

“In the middle of the game my friend comes to me and says, ‘You were with me at work all day. How did you know a check is going to be in that mailbox?’ I said, ‘You know what? I needed to pay some bills. I

needed the money. I believed the money was going to be there, and there it was.”

Rosenblatt considers himself to be one of the pioneers believing in this kind of method, and the movie “The Secret” reinforced what he already believed.

Rosenblatt is not the only one that believes in this method. Thousands of people worldwide have tried it and said the law of attraction really works. One can find and read stories that mirror Rosenblatt’s throughout the Internet.

But not everyone agrees.

Humphries wanted to be a fully qualified art teacher and to have a good job. He read that if he made affirmations and said them as much as possible, things would manifest. He learned that if he visualized that he already had what he wanted, it would manifest. People told him that if he made a detailed action plan and stuck to it that it would happen.

Humphries started saying the affirmations as much as he could each day. He spent at least one hour a day visualizing his dream in great detail.

and physiology are linked. It’s called cognitive psychology.

Cognitive psychology is a sub discipline of psychology—exploring the internal mental process. It is the study of how people perceive, remember, think, speak and solve problems.

David Jambrović is an international disc jockey, and like Rosenblatt he believes in “The Secret” and “The Law of Attraction.” Like many secret believers he made vision boards, and even though nothing has manifested he keeps at it.

“Just be persistent,” Jambrović said. “Whatever your goal is, just be persistent. When you are tired, you should sit, rest, eat something and continue.

Jambrović believes that “The Secret” changed his life and made him more positive. He doesn’t see life as a straight line, and knows now that negative things happen for a reason sometimes. He thinks we can learn from those negative things and turn them into something good.

Rosenblatt, who owns a company that embroiders and screen prints, is active in the community with a soccer program. He firmly believes in “The Law of Attraction.”

Humphries wanted to succeed. He tried for three years, but he was rejected at the universities where he applied.

Things in general kept getting worse.

So is “The Law of Attraction” a success, or is it a scam pushed by the new age gurus trying to convince others that all you need is to believe and the universe will provide? And why do some people believe that they can change their lives by thinking a certain way, while others don’t?

Pierce College psychology professor Anne Hennessey said she is unaware of any scientific research on the topic.

Hennessey believes that thoughts are energy, and as a result it has an impact on our environment.

“I have heard that the intention behind it is important,” Hennessey said. “So if your intention is to avoid the negative it’s not going to work. If your attention is purely about what you actually want, not what you are avoiding, then that’s more likely to happen and to have an positive outcome.”

Hennessey and other psychologists think that our thoughts, emotions, actions

“I think in life if you want something to happen you just need to believe in it,” Rosenblatt said. “You tell yourself, ‘I don’t know when it’s coming, I don’t know where it’s coming from and I don’t care, and you forget about it and you go about your business.”

Humphries was born in Liverpool, England. He lives in Thailand where he runs his own art studio and café. He is a painter and he sells his paintings online and through his café. Disappointed by the “The Secret” and its creators he wrote a book titled “You are the Guru,” and writes a blog, hidden-guru.blogspot.com.

“The reason I wanted to do a blog and tell people about my experiences was because I wanted to warn others to be skeptical and not waste their money, especially if they were thinking about spending thousands of dollars on a seminar,” Humphries said. “I also just wanted to give another side to the story.

“I believe that we create our own lives through our actions. I believe our actions are governed by our thoughts. I think daily meditation and being in touch with yourself is the key. I believe that you get what you really want in your heart of hearts, and this is because we tend to act on what we really love.”

Whatever the mind of a man can conceive, it can achieve.

- Napoleon Hill

B U R N I N G M A N

Story & Photos by: Lynn Levitt

Have a good burn!

As you turn off the cement highway onto the vast 400-mile Black Rock Desert, your stomach stirs with excitement of the unknown.

It is your first time at Burning Man and you are a virgin. Here you will touch the terrain of what feels like another planet. You’re arriving at the end . . . and the beginning.

You have been told there are no rules about how you must behave or express yourself.

The mind-altering experience of Burning Man is its own drug. It is not an event, but a way of doing and being wherever you are. You’re not the weirdest kid in the classroom. You are one with yourself.

This is a world where everything is different. Art is an unavoidable part of this experience.

It is up to each to decide how they will contribute, and what they will give to this community.

You need to bring enough food, water and shelter because the elements of the new planet are harsh and you will find no vending.

You will rise at dawn, endure 100-degree heat, and labor in dust storms.

Black Rock, Nev. is now a 7 square-mile civic organism that has become alive.

On Saturday night, the Man burns. As the procession starts, the circle forms and the Man ignites, you experience something personal, something new to yourself, something you’ve never felt.

It’s an epiphany. It’s primal. It’s newborn. Only you can express the feeling, the change.

You’ll leave as you came. When you depart from Burning Man, you’ll leave no trace. Everything you built, you’ll dismantle. There will be no remnants of the city that was.

CLOCKWISE: This couple dances on the Playa, a place of self expression.

The Playa has many gifts including the opportunity to have a “real” marriage.

A cauldron of fire burns continuously during the week of Burning Man 2012.

Daisies on the Playa live on this well lit art car at Burning Man in Black Rock, Nev.

Burners watch the sunrise on the Playa at Black Rock, Nev. during Burning Man 2012.

Driving Her Home

Driving a BMW Z4 is a middleaged woman with blonde hair who appears the same as any other Angeleno.

The difference is that L.J. Blackwell lives in her car.

At first glance, her two-door convertible with custom pink decals doesn’t look like it could be somebody’s home. Only a large, nearly-transparent plastic box filled with toiletries and clothes is evidence.

“I’ve always been a free spirit—taken off and started over,” Blackwell said. “I took to the streets, and it was tough. I’d done it before, but only for like a week or so.”

Instead of a week, Blackwell has now lived out of her car for more than two years. But she is far from the stereotypical homeless person. In addition to working a steady job, house sitting and taking care of dogs and cats, she also is an aspiring actress who takes classes and works as an extra in productions.

“I came here to act,” she said. “It’s a choice that I made. I would rather live like this than be miserable in a job.”

Blackwell maintains a positive attitude, but she would hardly call her current lifestyle a dream. Several times she has been without her car because it had been

towed or it was in the repair shop.

“I was down in Hollywood at a train station,” said Blackwell, as she recalled one of those times.

“One day I’m down there just to get out of the weather. A guy who was doing his drugs and washing his ass goes, ‘Here, you want some?’ I was like, ‘No, thank you.’ Another guy gets out of a club or somewhere and takes a pee. I look at him like, really? It wasn’t one of my better moments, and that’s when I was really at the bottom.”

Despite tough situations, Blackwell said she looks forward to landing an acting role and moving into an apartment.

“I embrace a challenge,” she said.

Propped up on her storage box, a blanket and a pillow, Blackwell prepares to sleep.

Story and Photos by: Todd Rosenblatt

Blackwell uses a laptop sent to her by her brother while waiting for her laundry cycle to finish.

The possessions that don’t fit into Blackwell’s Z4 are locked away in her storage unit in Van Nuys.

“I took to the streets, and it was tough. I’d done it before but only for like a week or so.”

- L.J. Blackwell

When she doesn’t have anything to do, L.J. Blackwell spends her nights in her BMW Z4 reading scripts to pass the time.

STRIPPING OFF DEBT

Balancing student life and exotic dancing

Story

Natalee

Inside a Sepulveda Boulevard club, a purple light beams toward a revolving disco ball, glittering the long catwalk with a rainbow of colors. Seated at the end of the stage, a man sporting a thick, black ponytail slouches in his armchair and adjusts his pants. Nodding to the beat of the music, he leans toward the stage and flicks a handful of bills onto the stage that fall like feathers drifting in the wind.

On the stage, a bleached-blonde dancer, clad in a neon pink, fishnet bikini, snakes a leg around an erect, silver pole. Using one arm to grip the shaft, she swings and twirls her body around it, never losing eye contact with the seated man. As the last few seconds of the beat start fading out, the DJ’s voice pulsates through the speakers and announces which dancer is next on the queue.

Hiding behind a black curtain, Sapphire sighs and takes a long swig of her “40.” Plastering a seductive smile on her face, the tanned blonde squares her shoulders and takes the stage as soon her personalized song thumps over the sound system.

For Sapphire, her dreams and nightmares come tightly packaged, like a 2-for-1 deal on Black Friday. Stacked with debt as tall as the pole her body is weaving around, stripping is the quickest way for Sapphire to relieve her financial woes.

It’s a slow night. She finishes her two-song set and saunters back through the curtains. Taking a seat behind a vanity, she takes another swig of her confidence booster.

After a few minutes, she fidgets nervously, but is more relaxed.

In March 2012, the 21-year-old Sapphire found out that her then boyfriend stole her identity and racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Not having the heart to report him to authorities, she closed the accounts and was left to deal with the bills herself, on top of her college tuition.

“Fuck no! Are you kidding me? Like, no! What? There’s no way,” Sapphire said, remembering her response when a roommate suggested becoming an exotic dancer to pay off her debt.

She had thought that even if she was interested in dancing, she wasn’t sure if anyone would hire her because of her body type. Not built like a lanky, waif-thin supermodel, Sapphire didn’t think her body would fit the job description.

After initially shooting down the proposition and still failing to find another way to pay her bills, the Northern California native took the number of a private dance company that hosts bachelor parties. Sapphire went to one of the shows to see what it was like and was surprised to find that the dancers kept their skimpy outfits on, not completely baring themselves. The job became even more enticing when she found out the pay.

Propping her long, golden legs up onto the counter, weekold bruises speckle her skin. As she slumps her curvy body into the chair, she moves her toes back and forth as if she was tap-dancing on air.

“It was like $300 for an hour,” she said. “I thought, Holy fuck, I can do this and be cool! I can make my monthly payments and be fine.”

Terrified her mom would find out about the credit card

by:

Ayala Photo Illustrations by: Lynn Levitt, Todd Rosenblatt, Jose Romero, UD

debt, Sapphire took the job to pay off her bills as quickly as possible. Sapphire danced, and relief shrouded her concerns as she began earning $600 every weekend.

Even though the gig didn’t require her to be nude and it paid well, she decided to keep her job a secret.

Once summer came around and she paid off her balance, Sapphire quit working for the private company. She moved to the San Fernando Valley and transferred to a local California State University. A junior studying psychology and living by herself in a new city, Sapphire missed her fat paychecks.

Not qualifying for federal financial aid, her mom helped pay a portion of her tuition and living expenses. But it still wasn’t enough. Sapphire also felt guilty for receiving money from her mother because her mom became sick with an unknown disease. Medical bills started rising.

According to the College Board, the average college tuition and fees for public and private universities in 2011-2012 was $21,447 and $42,224, respectively.

With an average tuition like that, Sapphire was in dire need of financial stability.

“I missed that money,” she said.

Sapphire looked for another private dance company with hopes of making the same income as before. Not finding a single company relatively close, she settled on auditioning at topless clubs. She tried multiple locations, but was reluctant because each one required her to be fully nude. At her last audition, she finally reached a turning point.

“The owner hired me on the spot,” she said. “I was like,

‘What? I’ve never danced at a club. What do you mean I’m hired? I don’t know how to dance on a pole!’ I was freaking out. I had some experience dancing, but getting completely nude was scary.”

Once Sapphire saw the potentially high income she could earn, she surrendered—except surrendering wasn’t as easy as she thought.

On that night of her audition, the bubbly blonde made a beeline to the bar in search of a drink. Soon, taking a few shots of searing liquid before taking the stage became a ritual for her to gain some confidence. But she never gets drunk to work.

“You get this kind of attitude that’s numb to it all,” she explained. “You’re a harder person. It’s not easy to be butt naked and put your vagina in somebody’s face. A stranger. The thought of it … it’s just wow.’”

Sapphire fears becoming dependent on alcohol. Drugs and violence are common at her job. But she endures it all fulfill her dream of a college education.

With danger teasing your life everyday, it’s hard to not wonder if this job is worth the pay.

Sapphire’s biggest fear remains family and friends discovering her alter ego. It haunts her like a ghost creeping in her shadow. Sapphire battles daily to keep her personal life separate from her work life.

“My parents don’t know. No way, absolutely not,” Sapphire said. “I want to tell my mom, but I want to tell her when I have a significant amount of money. People judge so much, but you won’t understand until you see that money.”

“I want to tell my mom, but I want to tell her when I have a significant amount of money. People judge so much, but you won’t understand until you see that money.”

~Sapphire

The high income drives her motivation to keep working as a stripper. She earns a starting base fee: $200 for three nights or $300 for four nights. On top of that, she earns a 50 percent cut from each private dance, $15 for a topless dance and $30 for a nude dance.

While the income is more than respectable, Sapphire believes most people will look at her differently and not give her a fair chance if they know she is a stripper.

Maria Perser, a psychology professor at Pierce College, explained how a person can portray different personalities or roles to keep certain parts of their lives separate.

“This life has no affect on this life over here, so it’s compartmentalized,” Perser said. “’We just have certain behaviors we use. Think of it as whether you behave the same way at school as you do at work? Or do you behave the same way at home as you do at work? We have different roles—a job persona versus a school persona.”

Sapphire fears her worlds might collide one day, but she looks to a fellow dancer who helps keep focused and inspires her to not give up.

Harmony, a 35-year-old former Pierce College student, has been dancing since she was 19. She started dancing because she could work three nights a week and still go to school.

In the last 16 years, she successfully graduated with a

bachelor’s degree in business from Woodbury University. Two years later, she went back to Woodbury and received her master’s in interior architecture.

Finished with college, Harmony took a break from dancing to focus on her career. Her day job in the interior design industry has proven lucrative. But with $60,000 in student loan debt, she’s still dancing to help pay off that balance.

“Well, I think only 5 percent of the dancers actually go to school and actually do fi nish,” Harmony said. “The other 95 percent say they go, but they don’t.”

“I’m going to this fucking class and staying up until two, stressing,” Sapphire said.

“You’re the 5 percent,” Harmony said. “Out of all the time I’ve worked here, only a few girls have fi nished school.”

Sapphire plans to be one of the few.

“You don’t need an education to be a stripper,” she said. “But I take school very seriously. Like the other day, when there weren’t customers, I was in the back studying. I have to do school. I’m not that good at it. It takes a lot of effort, but I also don’t want to be a stripper for the rest of my life. I’m not going to be the one that has been doing this for 25 years. It’s not going to happen.”

Sapphire’s real name was not used to conceal her identity.