Vol: 5 Issue: 10
Baba 1728 / Oct 2011
I sought Him, but I did not find Him BY: H.H. Pope Shenouda By night on my bed, feeling worn out and exhausted, I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. The verse, I sought him, but I did not find him, is a painfully moving and disconcerting one. What is the meaning of, I sought him, but I did not find him? Lord, You have promised, Seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you, (Luke 11:9). Why then do I now seek and cannot find? The answer to this question lies in what is known in the spiritual world as intervals of abandonment or forsaking. During such intervals, Grace forsakes, or abandons, man. When man seeks the Lord, he will not find Him. Man finds himself tiresomely searching for a gleam of hope, a trace of shimmering light in the middle of overwhelming and overpowering darkness. He seeks the Lord, but he does not find Him. I will make your heavens like iron and your earth like bronze, (Lev 26:18-20). This person prays and does not find an answer. The special bond and the distinctive, unique ties between man and God are no more. They are gone. A great number of people undergo this experience nonetheless. You seek the Lord, but you do not find Him. You remember a time when the Lord was so near and so close. Whenever you called Him, He would listen. It is no exaggeration to say that the Lord would listen to the heart's desire, even before a prayer has been said. Just looking to the Heights without uttering a word would have been acceptable before the Lord. Why do some people undergo these intervals of abandonment and forsaking? Some experience these intervals at times of pride and conceit. When a human being becomes heedless or neglectful, signs of self-importance, vanity and arrogance start trickling into the heart. When this happens, God becomes alarmed about man's spiritual well-being and abandons him out of concern. Then man falls and becomes aware of his weaknesses. Man will then call the Lord,
and he will say, I am weak, O Lord, and I am not able to stand. The Lord would answer; I want to restore you to your former humility and meekness. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit, (Ps 34:18). It is no exaggeration to suggest that if you keep a remorseful, repentant and contrite heart, you will not experience this interval of abandonment. There is another reason that may bring about these intervals of abandonment. Man may show no interest in the Lord. He or she neglects to have a relation with the Lord because they love the world more than God. They have no time for the Lord. When the Lord knocks at the door, they do not have the time for Him. Where do we read that something like this happens? In Chapter 5 in the Song of Songs, we read something to that effect, I sleep, but my heart is awake; It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, (Song 5:2). The voice of my Beloved! Behold, He comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills, (Song 2:8). He knocks, saying, "Open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one," (Song 5:2). However, no one has the time to open the door for the Lord. We have many claims upon our time. We are simply busy, Go away for now; when I have a convenient time, I will call for you, (Acts 24: 25). It is amazing how human beings seek and even hunt for excuses to stay away from the Lord. I, O Lord, am not free for You right now. I have so many projects going on right now. I am in the middle of writing a book right now. I am busy with service in the Church right now. Sometimes we wonder if the feeling associated with abandonment entailed in the phrase I sought him, but I could not find him would be a permanent one. However, the Lord assures us that it is temporary. We hear His assuring voice, It is not going to last, my beloved. Even if you forsake me, I cannot forsake you. Even if you leave me, I cannot leave you. The Lord confirms, For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you, (Is. 54:7). The Lord may have forsaken me, but only for a moment. He cannot stand forsaking us forever. The human soul exclaims, The watchmen who go about the city saw me; I said, 'Have you seen the one I love?' Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go, (Song 3:3-4). Now, I will not let him go. I will hold firmly to Him. This is a natural feeling because of the abandonment and the subsequent state of confusion and loss that the human soul experiences without the Lord. Oftentimes, we entreat the Lord to deliver us from a particular hardship and promise that we will never forsake Him again. We even vehemently declare that if the whole world comes against us, our love would remain unfaltering and steadfast, I held him and would not let him go. Sometimes the Lord conceals Himself for awhile so as to spark our interest in Him, sharpen our yearning for Him, and make us seek Him more diligently. Meanwhile, the Lord is always close to us. (From: Have you seen the one I love, By: Pope Shenouda III) Page 2
An Ethiopian Orthodox group celebrating the feast of St Takla at the monastery
Right: An Ethiopian Orthodox congregation with their priest celebrating the feast of St Takla the Ethiopian at the Monastery
Fr Youssef with a group of youth from St Mary’s Church Page 3
Causes for the abandonment by God By: Jeremy Driscoll, OSB Perhaps the single most all-encompassing text of Evagrius on abandonment is found in the Gnostikos. Its presence in that particular work shows that understanding the question is the special competence of the gnostic or teacher to whom this work is addressed. Evagrius speaks of it here to indicate that it is part of a father's task to discern the causes of abandonment with a view toward helping the monk who finds himself in such conditions. He says: Remember the five causes of abandonment so that you can raise up again the weak souls brought down by this affliction. In fact, abandonment reveals hidden virtue. When virtue has been neglected, it reestablishes it through chastisement. And it becomes the cause of salvation for others. When virtue has reached a high degree, it teaches humility to those who have shared in it. Indeed, the one who has had an experience of evil, hates it; for experience is a flower of abandonment, and such abandonment is the child of passionlessness. (Gn 28) Evagrius says there are five reasons for abandonment, but it is not easy to know for sure exactly where in his text to place the numbers that divide what he is speaking about. Nonetheless, we can pry open this text and the teaching that is tightly packed therein by commenting on it in reference to other of Evagrius's writings. In the last analysis, after having situated Evagrius with as much clarity as possible in the concrete circumstances in which he taught and wrote, this is always the best method for understanding him. We can begin with the idea of abandonment revealing hidden virtue. In Paphnutius's teaching, Job was presented as the biblical model for this kind of abandonment. Paphnutius cited Job 40:3 and then paraphrased it to focus his point. Perhaps Evagrius learned this point from him. In any case, Evagrius uses the same scriptural citation to explain a line from the psalm in which he anticipates a legitimate objection. The psalmist says, “I have never seen a just man abandoned” (Ps 36:25). But the monks of the desert could say otherwise based on their own experience of fallen brothers. Or one could object with the biblical example of Job. Thus Evagrius explains: “The just are subjected to abandonment for a while but for the purpose of testing. So said the Lord to Job: “Do not think that I have dealt with you in any other way than that you might appear to be just” (Job 40:3).” Evagrius, and probably many other monks, would have meditated long and hard on the figure of Job. He represents for them the fact that not all abandonment, not every fall, is due to a moral lapse. In Proverbs 22:14 one can read, “The mouth of a transgressor is a deep pit; and he that is hated of the Lord shall fall into it.” Evagrius's only comment is to preclude anyone from thinking that Job could be considered an example of
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such a one. He says, “Job fell into it not because he was hated by the Lord but with a view toward testing him”. There are also other scriptural words to describe this same reality. Ecclesiastes says, “I have seen the just man perishing in his justice (Eccl 7:15).” Evagrius seizes this vocabulary to explain, “Abandonment for the sake of testing is also called “perishing” , as we see in the case of Job, who said, “I have perished and have become an outcast” (Job 6:18).” If Evagrius knows an abandonment for the sake of testing, far more frequent in his writings is the abandonment that is meant to establish humility, to combat pride. This could be said to be the major theme of all his teaching on abandonment. Pride, for Evagrius, is ultimately a form of madness, a complete misperception of the nature of things, in which the proud one is abandoned to become the plaything of the demons. (From: Jeremy Driscoll, Steps to Spiritual Perfection: Studies on Spiritual Progress in Evagrius Ponticus, The Newman Press2005)
Prof. Heike Behlmer visit to the monastery with her husband Michael: Prof. Behlmer is a Professor in Coptic Studies, she specializes in the life and writings of St Shenouda the Archimandrite and a member of an international committee dedicated to the translation of the Canons and Discourses of the great saint. While she taught at Macquarie University she thought two of the monks of the monastery in their MA in Coptic Studies Online. For those interested in studying the Coptic language and culture please contact the monastery. Closing date for the next academic year (starting in March) is in November.
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Experience of abandonment By: Metropolitan Hilarion Alfeyev Isaac describes the ascetical life as a constant variation between periods of ‘assistance’ and ‘feebleness’, presence and abandonment, spiritual ups and downs. Periods of abandonment and spiritual decay are necessary for a person so that he may feel his helplessness and dependence upon God. Abandonment is not a withdrawal of God from a person: it is a subjective feeling of God’s absence, the reason for which is not that this person is really forgotten by God but that God wants to leave him alone with the reality that surrounds him. Thus Anthony the Great was for many days left alone to struggle against the demons; when he was completely exhausted, God appeared to him as a ray of light. ‘Where were You?’ Anthony asked, ‘why didn’t you come in the beginning, to stop my sufferings?’ The voice of God answered to him: ‘I was here, Anthony, but I waited as I wanted to see your own struggle’. God wishes that through the experience of abandonment a person may gain his own victory and become worthy of Him. The feeling of abandonment takes place for various reasons. Sometimes the reason is a person’s own negligence, shortness of patience, as well as pride. In this case abandonment appears as faint-heartedness and despondency, which is a hell on earth: When it is God’s pleasure to subject a man to even greater afflictions, He permits him to fall into the hands of faint-heartedness. This begets in him a mighty force of despondency, wherein he feels his soul to be suffocated. This is a foretaste of Gehenna. From this there is unleashed upon him: the spirit of aberration, from which ten thousand trials gush forth; confusion; wrath; blasphemy; protesting and bewailing one’s lot; perverted thoughts; wandering from place to place; and the like. And if you should ask what the cause of these things is, I answer that it is you yourself, for the reason that you have not taken pains to find the remedy for them. The remedy for them is... humility of heart. The feeling of abandonment may also take place for reasons which do not depend on a person. In particular, periods of abandonment, depression, darkening and despair happen to ascetics who live in stillness. In this case the reason is the ineffable providence of God: Let us not be troubled when we are found in darkness, especially if the cause of this is not in us. But reckon this as the work of God’s providence for a reason which He alone knows. At times our soul is suffocated and is, as it were, amid the waves; and
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whether a man reads the Scriptures, or performs his liturgy, or approaches anything whatever, he receives darkness upon darkness. He leaves off prayer and cannot even draw nigh to it. He is wholly unable to believe that a change will occur and that he will be at peace. This hour is full of despair and fear; hope in God and the consolation of faith are utterly wipe out from his soul, and she is wholly and entirely filled with doubt and fear. However, Isaac continues, God does not leave the soul in this state for a long time. After the period of despair, a change for the better should take place: ‘Those who are tried by the billows of this hour know from experience the change that follows upon its completion. God does not leave the soul in these things an entire day, for otherwise she would perish, being estranged from the Christian hope; but He speedily provides her with an escape’. What should an ascetic do during the periods of abandonment and darkness? A normal piece of advice would be to pray until this period is over: ‘During periods of these temptations, when someone is darkened, he ought to fall on his face in prayer, and not rise up until power come to him from heaven and a light which will support his heart in a faith that has no doubts’. Another piece of advice is to remember one’s initial zeal and early years of the ascetical life. Yet another recommendation is to occupy oneself with the reading of patristic writings. ‘Scriptural reading’ casts away despondency and darkness from the soul. However, there might be such a degree of abandonment and despondency, when a person cannot find strength in himself either to read the Scriptures or to pray. In these circumstances, Isaac offers the following recommendation: “If you do not have the strength to master yourself and to fall upon your face in prayer, then wrap your head in your cloak and sleep until this hour of darkness pass from you, but do not leave your dwelling. This trial befalls those especially who desire to pass their life in the discipline of the mind, and who throughout their journey seek the consolation of faith. For this reason their greatest pain and travail is the dark hour when their mind wavers with doubt. And blasphemy follows hard upon this. Sometimes the man is seized by doubts in the resurrection, and by other things whereof we have no need to speak. Many times we have experienced all these things, and we have written of this struggle for the comfort of many... Blessed is he who patiently endures these things within the doors of his cell! Afterwards, as Fathers say, he will attain to a magnificent and powerful dwelling.” At the same time, Isaac continues, it is impossible to liberate oneself completely from periods of darkening and abandonment, and to reach perfect rest in this earthly life. A variation of periods of darkness and light is characteristic of the life of the solitary until the very hour of his death: ‘Sometimes trial, sometimes consolation. A man continues in these things until his departure. In this life we should not expect to receive perfect freedom from this struggle, nor to receive perfect consolation’. Page 7
Bishop Daniel after ordaining young deacons at the Monastery
Spiritual Canon Guidelines to Spirituality By: H.G. Bishop Seraphim, Bishop of Ismaelia Spiritual Canon is an extensive and broad subject. It is not limited to the Canonical prayers or the Lord’s prayer or even genufl ecting, (Matania), neither is it the reading of the Bible and spiritual books, nor adhering to the Sacraments of Confession and Eucharist. It is more intense than that. We should not be concerned only with the external appearance of the Spiritual Canon: counting how many times we prayed or how well recited. More importantly is the spirit by which we carry our spiritual practices. May our Lord enlighten us and bestow on us His grace to practice these Rules. May the Holy Spirit pave the path and help us in our spiritual walk all the days of our lives. Page 8