The Omnivorous R eader By A nne Bly the

Weddings and Wit

L ear ning about love on a d ea dline

By A nne Bly the If you’re someone who likes to soak in every detail from The New York Times Vows section — and even if you’re not — Cate Doty just might have a book for you to tuck into your beach bag or snuggle up with beside a late fall or early winter fire. Her first book, Mergers and Acquisitions: Or, Everything I Know About Love I Learned on the Wedding Pages, published in May, builds on her experiences as a wedding announcement reporter for the Times. She likes that her memoir has been described as a breezy beach read, but it’s much more.

It’s a spr ightly wr itten coming- of-age stor y that g ives readers a peek into how the Vows columns and mar r iage announcements get onto the newspaper’s pages while also revealing a young repor ter questioning those traditions and instit utions. Don’t expect a tell-all about those couples whose caref ully craf ted wedding resumes include first dates af ter a Har vard debate club meeting, or mentions of g randparents or parents with penthouse apar tments overlook ing Central Park.

T his is a love stor y, an account f rom a witt y, self-deprecating author who readily acknowledges the irony of pok ing f un at people who go to great lengths to get their wedding announcements into the Times, then having the news of her own marriage published there, too.

O n a hot Aug ust mor n ing on t he stone steps of Wi lson L ibr ar y at U NC - Chap el Hi l l, Cate Dot y — b or n in R a leig h a nd r a ise d in Fayet tev i l le — wa s sit t ing w it h her husba nd, Michael, watch ing st udent s r ush a long t he c a mpus sidewa l k s b et we en cla sses. Ne arly t wo de c ades ago, Dot y wa s one of t hose st udent s herself, unsure of t he pat h she wou ld char t f rom t hose br ick wa l k ways. D ur ing f reshma n or ient at ion, she wa ndere d into t he of fic es of T h e Daily Tar He el, a feist y st udent newspap er t hat ha s launche d ma ny a stor ie d jour na l ism c are er.

A n event ual Nor th Carolina wr iter began to take shape.

Now, she’s back on campus, a published author, teaching in the journalism school and reminiscing about what compelled her to share her own wedding stor y af ter getting her feet wet writing for The New York Times wedding section. Dot y takes her readers on a journey f rom her student days and a steamy romance on the cusp of adulthood in Chapel Hill to the nation’s capital and then New York, a cit y that woos its young arrivals while also putting them through their paces.

A long the way, she g ives glimpses of Fayetteville, the Cumberland Count y cit y where she got a taste of the countr y club life, cotillions and what it was like to live on the edge of pr ivilege in a complicated South while also questioning whether she was one of the advantaged or someone on the outside look ing in. T here are snippets f rom Swansboro, where her mother lives now, and peek s inside one of the largest newspapers in the world, where she worked as a researcher, news assistant and event ually editor.

Through the trials and tribulations of falling in and out of love while writing wedding announcements, Dot y falls head over heels for a cit y, a profession and a fellow journalist — the same guy sitting with her below the marble columns of Wilson Librar y. It’s a book that makes you think about the nature of weddings, the institution of marriage, the stories behind the unions, and why anybody needs to read about the floral arrangements, dress designs and guests at the ceremony.

“W hat’s in a wedding announcement? A f ter all, weddings will (and do) happen without one,” Dot y wr ites. “In fact, most A mer ican nuptials, successf ul or not, go unnoticed by news organizations and unannounced, except on social media, and the occasional church bulletin. But the weddings we wrote about for the Times — they were different. T hey were, generally speak ing, wildly expensive — far beyond the average A mer ican expendit ure of $44,0 0 0. But they were more than the sum of their g ilded par ts. T hey were mergers of families and bank accounts, of aspirations and hubr is. A nd these announcements were battle plans, and business plans, of class and war fare. T hey were incredibly dif ficult to obtain, which meant that they were wor th far

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more than the soy ink they were made of.”

Dot y transpor ts readers through the Times of fices to the desk of the wedding section editor, who quick ly opens her eyes even wider to a world of haves and have-nots, and an exclusive club of br ides and g rooms who can be demanding, dif ficult, defiant and on occasion dow nr ight devoid of decency. T he New York Social Reg ister played a par t in which of the 20 0, or more, wedding announcements submitted each week would land in the 40 to 45 available slots that readers of the Times pr int pages lingered over on Sundays. Lineage back to the May flower mattered, as did social and financial connections to New por t, Palm Beach, the Hamptons and the Upper East Side.

T here’s a revealing stor y about one senator, “a craven, attention-hung r y man,” who slammed dow n the phone on Dot y in outrage as she asked him the same k ind of fact- check ing questions put to all who expect their nuptial announcements to appear in the Times.

Dot y, who’s now 42, st ar te d w r it ing for t he we dd ing desk in 20 0 4 a nd d id so of f a nd on for si x ye ars. T he first t hre e se a sons she chron icles in her memoir are so descr ipt ive t hat you c a n a lmost he ar t he phone messages blar ing on Monday mor n ings a f ter a n ag g r ieve d newly we d c a l ls to c ompla in ab out somet h ing put in — or lef t out of — t heir sp e c ia l a nnounc e ment. Fol low ing t he c ounsel of her lega l te a m, Dot y cha nge d t he na mes of e d itors, c ol le ag ues, br ides a nd g ro oms she worke d w it h a nd rep or te d on in her b o ok .

O ne na me wa s uncha nge d, however, t hat of her husba nd, Michael. He worke d at t he Tim e s, to o, st ar t ing t here a s a news clerk a nd end ing on t he p ol it ic s desk in 2016 a f ter t he pr imar ies a nd gener a l ele ct ion. T hey b ot h to ok buyout s t hat ye ar when f acing new dema nds of parent ho o d a nd cha nges at t he newspap er.

In Dot y’s memoir, readers see the conf usion she wrestles with af ter Michael, her f r iend and lunch par tner, invites her to a play in which he’s a character r unning wild in the bayou on a New York stage, completely naked and covered with mud.

“T he lighting was ar tf ully done so that you couldn’t see ever y thing, but I saw nearly ever y thing,” Dot y wrote. “My face bur ned

like lava. It tr ick led dow n my neck and my body, and I thought, Well then.”

She delivered her blunt cr itique of the play at lunch, blur ting out a question they still play f ully debate today, just as they do in the pages of the book. “‘You didn’t tell me you were going to be completely naked,’ I said over my t urkey cheeseburger at the West way. He looked star tled, and then ang r y. ‘Yes, I did,’ he said pr ick ly. ‘I wouldn’t have not told you that.’” T hey event ually had their first k iss on the steps of the New York P ublic Librar y bet ween Patience and For tit ude, the marble lions that flank them.

T houg h it’s a c it y t hey’ve lef t b eh ind for t heir home in R a leig h where t hey’re r a ising t heir first- g r ader a nd t heir dog, New York st i l l o c c upies a huge spac e in t heir he ar t s.

“We were lear ning how to be ourselves,” Michael says about the book and the cit y he descr ibes as a prominent character in it. “We were lear ning how to be together. We were lear ning how to live in the cit y. We were lear ning how to navigate a career path at the Times together.”

T hey were both Southerners in their Cit y of Dreams, he the child of divorce with a nomadic sense of place, and she f rom a line of Nor th Carolina women who, among other things, insisted that you don’t put family silver in the dishwasher for fear of damaging the patina. T hey challenged each other on their traditions and roots.

Nor th Carolinians may recog nize a bit of themselves in the family and characters that come alive through Dot y’s f unny, war m and introspective words. T hey might question why a woman seemingly so cr itical of wedding announcements and the caref ully craf ted displays of stations in life that go along with them ends up wr iting a book about her ow n wedding stor y.

“I’m not above the f ray,” Dot y added. “But I also think it’s impor tant, as someone who comes f rom this backg round, to talk about it. To poke holes in it.” PS Ann e Bly t h e h a s b e e n a re p o r t e r in No r t h C ar olin a fo r m o re t h an t hre e d e c a d e s. Sh e h a s c o v e re d c it y h all s, hig h e r e du c at i o n , t h e c o ur t s, c r im e , hur r i c an e s, i c e s t o r m s, dr o ug h t s, fl o o d s, c oll ege sp o r t s, h e alt h c are an d t h e w o n d e r f ul ch ara c t e r s w h o m ak e t hi s s t at e su ch an int e re s t ing pl a c e. Arts & Humanities

Lecture Series October 3 – 3 pm The Colorful Characters of Cape Fear Arts & Humanities Lecture Series from the First Owner to today: October 3 – 3 pm Kevin Duffus, Maritime historian and author $15 Members The Colorful Characters of Cape Fear $20 Non-Members from the First Owner to today: Kevin Duffus, Maritime historian and author Free Admission Classical Music Sundays Classical Music Sundays October 24 – 2 pm October 24 – 2 pm

Sol Eichner, Concert Pianist, will perform Romantic music, as well as Sol Eichner, Concert Pianist jazz-influenced compositions will perform Romantic music, $25 Members as well as jazz-influenced compositions $35 Non-Members Sponsored by Sandy Tremblay and Paul Hammock, $25 Members • $35 Non-Members and an Anonymous Lover of Music

“Come Sunday” Jazz Brunch October 31 – 11:30 am – 2 pm

“Come Sunday” Music: Al Strong & the “99” Brass Band Boxed brunch: Baton Rouge Cuisine

Jazz Brunch Tickets range from October 31 – 11:30 am - 2 pm $25-$50 with brunch

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Boxed brunch by Baton Rouge Cuisine $40 members • Non-members $50

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Writers-in-Residence Reading November 10 – 5:30 – 6:30 pm

Writers-in-Residence Julia Ridley Smith, 2021-22 Kenan Visiting Writer at

Reading UNC Chapel Hill, reading from November 10 – 5:30-6:30 pm The Sum of Trifles, her newly published memoir in essays. Julia Ridley Smith Free Admission , 2021-22 Kenan Visiting Writer at

UNC Chapel Hill, reading from

Holiday FestivalThe Sum of Trifles, her newly

December 10 – 12published memoir in essays. 11 am – 4 pm “Miracles at Weymouth” Holiday Free Admission Festival, an outdoor festival of fun for the whole family

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Sponsored by the Gerald Claude Kirby Trust

Holiday Gala December 4 – 6 -9 pm

“Back into the

Swing of Things”

Dinner and Dance $90 Members $110 Non-Members For tickets and more information, visit weymouthcenter.org

Holiday Festival December 10-12 Thank you to our major benefactors: Richard J. Reynolds III and Marie M. Reynolds Foundation; Gerald 11 am - 4 pm Claude Kirby Trust; NC CARES for Arts and the North Carolina Arts Council; Arts Council of Moore County; The Palmer Foundation; Marion Stedman Covington Foundation; The Cannon Foundation “Miracles at Weymouth” an outdoor festival of fun for the whole family Any $ Donation to Enter Sponsored by the Gerald Claude Kirby Trust

Thank you to the following whose support is making these programs possible: 555 E. Connecticut Ave. Southern Pines, NC [add names] A 501 (c)(3) organization For tickets and more information, visit Weymouthcenter.org Weymouth Center for the Arts & Humanities 555 E. Connecticut Ave. Southern Pines, NC A 501 (c)(3) organization PineStraw 37