PP issue 2

PINK PARENTING

europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine

www.pink-parenting.com TWITTER # pinkparenting

issue 02 sep/OCT 2011 £3.95 02

The stories, science and all things parenting for the LGBT community!!

WWW.PINK-PARENTING.com

ISSUE 02

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also in this issue: SeX selection i TV's colin & justin i 10 steps to adoption! i Jojo MAMAN bébé

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2011 07 News, WE LOVE views, reviews, gifts, gadgets and gizmos.

18 Celebrity Q&A WITH...

COLIN & JUSTIN couple speak about parenting, their childhood and their plans for the future.

20 Sex COVER STORY: CYNTHIA NIXON and the City star, Cynthia Nixon talks about raising her family with her partner Christine.

27 Should GENDERyouSELECTION – THE LOWDOWN be able to choose your baby’s sex?

We take a look at the science involved.

30 Pack BEACH, BUMPS & BABIES 2 your bags – we have another nine super holiday destinations for you and your family.

39 Tracy REALDavison LIFE STORY – FOSTERING and Jenny Godbold share their emotional journey through the fostering process.

42 Kid’s FUSSYnutritional EATINGguru Annabel Karmel shares some tips, tricks and recipes for fussy eaters.

48 Thinking 10 STEPSof adoption?

TO ADOPTION – PACT breaks down what you need to know and what you can expect.

51 Laura BEHIND THE BRAND Tenison tells the story of her company JoJo Maman Bébé, and shares her secret to success.

54 Parenting LEGAL LOWDOWN law expert Louisa Ghevaert on the do’s and don’ts when considering surrogacy.

56 Pregnancy PREGNANCY WELLBEING acupuncturist Emma Cannon offers great tips to stay fit as we enter Autumn.

58 Clinical ASK AWAY psychologist and mum, Dr. Sam Fraser is back to your questions all things parenting.

62 Giraffe GOOD restaurant GRUB ATinGIRAFFE South bank offers great food and is sure to be a winner with the kids.

64 Our ANGRY KIDS expert Sally Stubbs gives tips on how to deal with angry kids testing your boundaries.

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

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SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2011 www.pink-parenting.com TWITTER # pinkparenting

PINK PARENTING

europe's No.1 GAY PARENTING Magazine

issue 02 sep/OCT 2011 £3.95

02

The stories, science and all

things parenting for the LGBT

community!!

ISSUE 02

WWW.PINK-PARENTING.com

colin & justin i 10 steps to adoption!

AlsO IN ThIs IssuE: seX selection i TV's

ING.coM WWW.PINK-PARENT

i Jojo MAMAN bébé

Group Publisher Jeff Crockett Managing Editor Giorgio Severi Art Editor Damian Browning Contributors Emma Cannon, Samantha Fraser, Louisa Ghevaert, Jenny Godbold, Sophy Grimshaw, Annabel Karmel, Satwinder Sandhu, Sally Stubbs.

Business Advisor PJ Mack

Welcome to Pink Parenting We are so excited to be bringing you issue two of Pink Parenting magazine, packed with interesting articles, topical issues along with tips and tricks on all things parenting.

In this issue, our cover feature is Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon on how meeting her partner and setting up a family gave her a voice to speak out to help other LGBT families. We also hear from a couple who tell us their emotional journey through fostering.

Should we be allowed to choose the sex of our baby? – We have the science behind how sex selection is performed. As surrogacy abroad is becoming a favourite option for pink parents, Louisa Ghevaert explains the legal do’s and don’ts to avoid any unwanted surprises. And finally Laura Tenison tells us her story of how she started JoJo Maman Bébé and the secret to her success.

Interim Sales Manager Carlo Mendez

With all this and lots more why not make a cuppa, sit back, relax and enjoy our magazine. Happy reading!

Freelance Sales Susan Calatayud, Pier Minole

Team PP

Accounts Manager Jennifer Bailey Legal Advisor Samuel & Davies Client Liason Officer Connie Wilson Printed by Buxton Press Advertising Enquiries advertising@pink-parenting.com

Annabel Karmel

Emma Cannon

Louisa Ghevaert

Contact details: Pink Parenting Magazine Suite 318, Building 50, Argyll Road, London SE18 6PP Tel: 020 3556 3767

Annabel is the UK’s leading child

Emma is an leading acupuncturist

Louisa is a expert in fertility and

nutritionist and best-selling author of

specialising in pregnancy and fertility,

parenting law. Her knowledge covers

books on feeding babies & children.

IVF support, post-natal care and

international and UK surrogacy,

Annabel was awarded an MBE in

gynaecology. She is also the author

donor conception, co-parenting and

June 2006 her outstanding work in

of bestselling The Baby-Making

embryo storage. She also regularly

the field of child nutrition.

Bible and You and Your Bump.

speaks at UK fertility sector events.

Sally Stubbs

Satwinder Sandhu

Sophy Grimshaw

Sally is a licensed Psychotherapist

Satwinder is the Director of Adoption

Sophy is a London based lifestyle,

and Hypnotherapist with advanced

and Fostering at PACT a voluntary

entertainment and travel journalist.

training in cutting edge strategies.

adoption agency. He has worked

Her interviewees have included

Sally has worked intensively with

in both the local authority and

Duran Duran, Rufus Wainwright, Kim

adults and children covering a wide

voluntary sectors and frequently

Cattral, Dolly Parton... and everyone

range of psychological concerns.

chairs Adoption Panels.

from Peter Andre to Peter Tatchell.

www.pink-parenting.com

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

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THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

PEAT PEA & PALS

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THE ESSENCE OF THE BUSY PEAS BRAND revolves around an adorable range of clothing

for babies from 0-18 months, along with very cute fruit and veg shaped toys and a collection of fun and educational books which introduces your children to fruit and vegetables at an early age and encourages them to read and they can also learn how to grow their personal favourites!

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Jayne Liston, founder of Busy Peas has long held the belief of taking a more traditional approach with the specific aim of bringing fashion and education together. So with your babies growing rapidly, why not let Peat Pea, Tom Tomato and the gang teach them all about fruit and veg! www.busypeas.co.uk

SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

WE L♥VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS Filled with practical advice and humorous stories, American journalist, Steven Petrow’s book provides loads of information and guidance on everything from coming out to dealing with hostile or nosy family and co-workers. There’s a chapter on starting a family covering all the ways to make a baby, and another on LGBT parenting offering advice on the various challenges and opportunities that crop up raising a family. www.gayandlesbianmanners.com, £10.99

GAY DAD AGAIN..

ALTERNATIVE FAMILIES SHOW 2011

A ONE-STOP SHOP FOR ANYONE WANTING to become a parent. Now in its second

year, The Alternative Families Show brings together all the information needed to make informed choices on parenthood.

For the lesbian and gay community, this is an opportunity to get some real facts surrounding same-sex parenting, surrogacy co-parenting and much more. Seminars run throughout the day give access to top advisors on subjects including conception, egg-sharing, donor insemination, adoption, sperm banking and legal rights.

Details have emerged about the long-awaited return of Sean Hayes to series television, with news that he will again play a gay dad.

The new untitled NBC comedy, which is in development for the 2012 season, will focus on two gay men bringing up a 12 year old. Hayes previously won an Emmy and numerous other awards for his portrayal of Jack McFarland, the endearingly self-absorbed gay character on Will & Grace.

Grace

Saturday 17th September / 10am - 5pm - Grand Connaught Rooms, London www.alternativefamiliesshow.com

FEEDING TIME AT THE ZOO WITH CUTE AND FRIENDLY ANIMAL FACES, Zoo Lunchies form Skip Hop, make lunch-

time fun time! Sized just right for little kids, or a mum and baby on-the-go, these soft bags have a roomy main compartment that holds sandwiches, snacks, drinks and more.

An insulated, wipe-clean interior keeps food and drinks cold, plus an inside mesh pocket holds lunch money, an ice pack or utensils.

Available in 10 different animal designs!! www.skiphop.com, from £14

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

VINTAGE GLAM ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

TRADITIONALLY INSPIRED, EACH COLLECTION IS MADE FOR MODERN LIVING, using classic techniques and gorgeous fabrics to create fabulous pieces, you

will want to treasure forever. The Rachel Riley collection ties the craft of fine tailoring and needlework with the skill of the seamstress and pattern-cutter.

Enthused by countryside living, you’ll find gorgeous smocks, party dresses, pyjamas and floral prints. Kids will love wearing Rachel Riley clothes on long walks, days out in the park, or for any occasion! www.rachelriley.com

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SEE MORE AT WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

REALITY TV RUMOURS

WE RAN A STORY IN OUR LAST ISSUE about inspirational Gay dads, Steven and

Roger Ham’s adoption journey, we have since heard that a pilot has been filmed for a reality TV show following the Ham’s lives. The pilot was commissioned by the Oprah Winfrey Network so we hope this show takes off. Not only should this be highly entertaining, but will also highlight the changing dynamics within a modern family. Watch this space!!

BABY BONDING

THE BABYBJÖRN BABY CARRIER MIRACLE is designed to fit your newborn perfectly from

These soft cuddly toys, Pee&Poo, by Swedish designer Emma Megitt, are exactly what you think: cuddly representations of pee and poo. But their design, not only appeal to children, they also address the taboo subject of bodily functions in an amusing and friendly way and can be used by parents to assist in traditional potty training. Also available are kids t-shirts, www.peeandpoo.com underwear and temporary tattoos.

day one, without the need for an extra insert or pillow. Your baby is positioned at your chest providing that essential closeness whilst also allowing your supervision of baby’s breathing.

The baby carrier miracle has been developed in collaboration with paediatricians and is anatomically adjustable to fit your growing child. Available in black and purple. www.babybjorn.com, from £90

COMING OUT

JANE LYNCH, BEST KNOWN FOR HER ROLE AS SUE Sylvester in musical-comedy series Glee, reveals all

in her memoirs, and offers accounts of the struggles she has faced in her personal and professional life, including sobriety and her sexuality. She hopes that gay kids will find value and hope in her book saying “I want to share my story with others, to let them know things aren’t as bad as they fear”. www.amazon.co.uk, £11.99

COMPETITION!! Harper Collins have kindly given us 10 copies of ‘Happy Accidents’, to win one, please send your name, telephone number and address to competitions@pink-parenting.com, winners will be picked at random after the closing date of 31 October 2011. For T&C’s visit www.pink-parenting.com

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

WE L♥VE

THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

BATHTIME WITH BOON

BATHTIME WILL NOT BE A NIGHTMARE with Boon’s ultra cool bath products all made from super-safe materials. Our favourite is the Frog Pod which makes clearing up both fun and easy. Their drainable ‘body’ scoops lets you gather all your children’s toys and rinse them after their bath and also have a built in shelf for shampoo etc. and cool little toes that can be used as hooks. Another great idea for bathtime is the Scrubble bath squirt toys, where kids can practice scrubbing in the tub with this set of three interchangeable bulbs. These toys are easy to keep clean, just unscrew the parts – and they can even go in the dishwasher. Boon also produce, Flo, a water deflector and tap cover for baths, a Potty Bench to aid toilet training and what we believe are the funkiest rubber ducks we have ever seen!! Check out Boon’s website for more info.

www.booninc.com

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PROTECTED SPECIES

CRAZY-STUFF IS A DANISH COMPANY THAT specialises in cool cycling accessories for kids. The philosophy behind the company is to increase cycling safety for kids and have produced a range to help parents with this, from lights, safety vests and protective kits to bells, pumps, locks and gloves. But it was these helmets that quickly caught our eye with different animal heads ranging from a crocodile to a chipmunk they are a great way of combining fun with safety and can be used for cycling, roller skating or skateboarding.

Your children will definitely find their animal from within with these fun helmets.

www.crazy-stuff.biz, from £25

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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©Disney ©Disney. Based on the ‘Winnie the Pooh’ works by A.A.Milne and E.H.Shepard

Healthy snacking for kids from 12 months on

Available from all major supermarkets Hello I’m Annabel Winnie the Pooh & I have searched the hundred acre wood to bring you these tasty & healthy snacks for those little ones with rumblies in their tumblies. The range is naturally yummy, contains no artificial colours or flavours & made using only the finest ingredients so your toddler will have lots of energy for fun filled adventures.

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THE LATEST NEWS, VIEWS, REVIEWS, GIFTS, GADGETS AND GIZMOS

THE SILVER SURFER

THE AWARD-WINNING SURF PRAM & PUSHCHAIR FROM SILVER Cross is a new concept in pram and pushchair design, not only

lightweight and durable, but also boasts a huge range of features.

Whether you’re shopping or running around, the Surf can handle even the roughest terrain with ease and can be used as a rear or forward facing pram with an adjustable handle to suit all heights.

The optional Carrycot and Ventura Car seat converts the Surf into a super travel system and is available in a variety of funky colours. www.silvercross.co.uk

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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SEE MORE AT WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

GO NATIVE

NATIVE SHOES ARE COMPLETELY

animal bi-product free and are made from foam-injection moulded EVA, a lightweight, washable, waterproof, and odour-resistant material that moulds to your child’s feet. Available in three super-funky styles, Miller, Corrado and Jeffersen and a variety of fun colours, ranging from Regatta Blue to Hollywood Pink, your kids can slip these on for a quick stroll in the park with the dog, or throw them into their backpack for a day out at the beach, these shoes are flexible and durable, suitable for anyone, anywhere - anytime. Also available in adult sizes too!! www.nativeshoes.com, from £25

Award-winning kids nutritional expert Annabel Karmel, with her two penguin helpers, Jimmy and Pearl have teamed up with CiTV to bring nine of the best episodes from her hit cookery series to DVD this month. Your children will love watching and learning as Annabel does what she loves best – inspiring children to have fun in the kitchen, by making their favourite meals with Mum or Dad and try something new.

PARENTAL GUIDANCE

NEW MAJOR PLANS, DRAWN UP BY DAVID

Cameron, could mean that all couples could receive parenting classes on the NHS. The Prime Minister believes that the August riots around the UK underline the need to address the collapse in traditional family values. The Government is also looking at whether they can stop child maintenance and benefit from parents who allow their children to play truant or hang around on street corners until late at night. Can parental classes reverse our moral decline? Email your thoughts to editor@pink-parenting.com

THE ULTIMATE BABY MONITOR...

THE ANGELCARE AC1100 IS THE ULTIMATE BABY MONITORING system. It is a 3-in-1 monitor that allows you to monitor a baby’s

movement and sounds as well as being able to view your baby’s activities on the screen. The sensor pad picks up every subtle movement your baby makes, even the slight movements made by breathing. The digital sound quality is crystal clear, and also comes with a rechargeable mobile Parent Unit. In fact, this monitor has all the functions you will ever need - night or day! www.angelcareuk.co.uk, £249.99

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

Q&A WITH...

In this issue of Pink Parenting we probe interior design and TV presenting duo, Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan on their views on adoption, surrogacy and all things parenting!

Q. How long have you been in a relationship and was it love at first sight?

C&J: We’ve been a committed and monogamous couple for a massive 26 years (since we were students in Glasgow) and when we met it was, without a doubt, love at first sight. Blimey - it only seems like yesterday!

We were really lucky at such a young age to find each other but it all just worked out. We met in a Glasgow club but neither of us was looking for any sort of long term tie up as we were only 17 and 18 but it just kinda worked out. In fact let us try that again - it’s been awesome ever since we locked eyes! In hindsight when you’re not looking, good things can happen more easily. We had no predisposed ideas of what a strong or ‘ideal’ relationship should be, but it simply felt ‘right’ from the very start, and for us it simply worked and for that we are eternally grateful.

We still feel, even 26 years later, that we’re just at the start of this brilliant journey and there’s a lot of discovery ahead. Life is your golden opportunity to shine and to make a difference, with all this in mind we always take every single day as it comes!

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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Q. Are you at a point in your relationship where you could see yourselves having kids?

C&J: Both of us would love to be dads but our schedule, back and forth to Canada at least once a month, makes this a difficult prospect. We would want to be there at every stage as our child grows and matures, and this is a factor that makes us feel that now isn’t quite the right time.

If we lived in one place permanently it would be a lot easier but it’s our nomadic existence that is the issue here. Kids need security and somewhere where they feel they can belong and until we could provide that we have to be realistic, but in a couple of years, who knows...?

Q. What kind of parents do you think you would make?

Would you be strict or give in?

C&J: We would both be strict parents to protect the child but we would also be fair.

We would want our child to grow up as a balanced individual so we would work very hard to install good values. We are both honest and reliable, caring and affectionate - our personalities would provide our child with security and warmth.

Q. Would you rather a girl or a boy, or do you not mind.

C&J: For us, having children is not like choosing a puppy. It’s about the arrival of a little soul that needs to be given a loving and safe path whether it’s a boy or a girl.

We would be thrilled at the prospect of raising a child, whatever the sex. It would be fantastic to have one of each. Two cute kids!

Q. Do you agree in being able to choose the sex of your child?

C&J: We agree with whatever works for the individuals, it’s all about personal choice.

However, we wouldn’t need to choose, we would be so excited to have a boy or a girl. We would deliver the same love regardless of whether we had a little Jack or Jill. Choosing gender, to us, would be like placing a higher value on one over the other. Surely parenting isn’t about that? Parenting - as far as we see – is about putting the child first and not

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satisfying an indulgent wish for ‘The perfect child’ according to X or Y chromosomes.

But of course all this is simply our opinion.

Some potential pink parents will obviously feel different and may already have one child and feel that another of a different sex would complete their family unit.

Q. What were you like as children?

Nightmare brats or little angels.

C&J: We were both lively kids with strong opinions and these have served us well. We were noisy, loved to party and experimented with life. We believe we developed strong values and emotional skills courtesy of the loving way in which we were brought up.

Looking back we probably drove our parents a little crazy, but we were good grounded children and who loved life. Ambition was driven into us as kids - we were taught that to achieve good things in life you have to work hard.

child came into our lives. We don’t have any vanity about one of us having a blood line attachment, we would simply want to be good parents. We could provide love, warmth and security, but it all comes back to where we’re based. It’s just a personal thing but we wouldn’t want our kids to be on the road. We want them to grow up in one place around people they could trust and in a regular safe home. There are a lot of children out there who need to be loved and it would be wonderful to think that one day - we could provide for a little soul who simply needs a safe world in which to grow.

Q. What qualities do you think make a good parent?

We believe a good parent is one that is caring, will listen to their child and help educate them. They will instil family values and trust in a child and will always be there to pick up the pieces when anything goes

SEX SELECTION IS aLL abOuT pErSONaL ChOICE. hOwEvEr, wE wOuLdN’T NEEd TO ChOOSE, wE wOuLd bE SO EXCITEd TO havE a bOy Or a gIrL. wE wOuLd dELIvEr ThE SamE LOvE rEgardLESS Of whEThEr wE had a LITTLE JaCk Or JILL. Q. Are you used to being around children, have you got any nieces and nephews?

C&J: We have a gaggle of nieces and nephews from the age of nine to twenty. We have been involved in their upbringing wherever we can. Each of our nieces and nephews are all very different but we get along with them all. They’re all fun and all share a joy for life. The kids add colour to our lives and we rejoice in their company and have a great relationship with all our siblings’ children.

Q. Would you consider adoption or surrogacy to start a family?

C&J: We would be brilliant parents, at least we think we would. Whether as adopting parents, or parents thanks to surrogacy we’d have no preference about how the

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wrong. We have to accept that to some people same-sex parents may be a social concern (this shouldn’t be the case but we’ve seen what goes on in the world and how narrow minded the small minority can be) so we would want be there to provide balance and confront any issues that might arise. We would not want to be overprotective parents and understand the importance of letting a child grow. It all comes down to having a parental shield that would always be there to offer support and guidance. We fully believe that we’d connect with our child and would simply offer the love and protection needed no matter what.

Colin and Justin currently split their time between the UK and Canada working on various projects. For more info about the couple please visit – www.colinandjustin.tv

SEPTEmBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

CELEBRITY INTERVIEW

WORDS_ SOPHY GRIMSHAW

When actress and mother Cynthia Nixon fell in love with a woman, she built a family home – and found her voice.

Pink Parenting looks back at how Cynthia, who this year welcomed a new baby with her partner Christine, has spoken out to help other LGBT families

n 7 February 2011, actress Cynthia Nixon and her partner Christine Marinoni welcomed a newborn son, Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni, to their happy, New York-based family. He is the third child for Nixon, who has a teenage daughter, Samantha, and an eight-year-old son, Charles, from her previous relationship.

The baby’s shock of brilliant red hair is not, as you might assume at first glance, via Cynthia. It was Christine who gave birth to Max (his father’s identity remains private) and as it happens Cynthia’s trademark red hair is actually dyed – she’s naturally blonde.

From her natural hair colour to what sort of person she is, people have assumed a lot of things about Cynthia Nixon, both before and after she came out as gay. With the end of Sex and the City, the series that made her a household name internationally as sardonic lawyer Miranda Hobbes, in recent years the actress has gradually shown her fans much more of herself as a person, parent and activist.

Cynthia was in a relationship with the father of her first two children, an academic, from 1988 to 2003, and her son and daughter continue to enjoy a relationship with »

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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SEPTEmBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

CELEBRITY INTERVIEW Cynthia and Christine proudly show off Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni, born February 2011.

“I’d been wIth men all my lIfe and I’d never fallen In love wIth a woman, but when I dId, It dIdn’t seem so strange. I’m just a woman In love wIth another woman.” their dad. But when she fell in love with Christine, an activist and educator, after meeting her at a fundraising event in 2004, she entered into a same-sex relationship and eventually into shared parenthood.

“I’d been with men all my life and I’d never fallen in love with a woman,” she has said.

“But when I did, it didn’t seem so strange. I’m just a woman in love with another woman.”

Her feeling when she met Christine was: “This person is undeniable. How can I let this person walk by?”

Of the initial press coverage of her coming out, Cynthia has said “There was an enormous temperature spike, where I was on the front page of two daily papers, there was paparazzi outside my house. My girlfriend

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

had English press on her parents’ lawn.

Every person she went to high school with got a phone call. They bought her yearbook.

They almost put me on the cover of People magazine. And then it died. Because there wasn’t really anything to say.” The lesson that she learned from it all was essentially: “If someone is chasing you, stop running.

And then they’ll stop chasing you.”

Cynthia has jokingly described Christine as “basically a short man with boobs. A lot of what I love about her is her butchness. I’m not saying I fell in love with her in a sexually neutral way. I love her sexuality – it’s a big part of what I love about her.” People are wrong if they see Cynthia as the femme foil to Christine’s more classically ‘butch’

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persona, though. “Christine would probably kill me for saying this, but my daughter said one time that if you really had to break this down, it looks like she would be butch and I would be femme – but really once you get to know us it’s really the opposite,” Cynthia has explained. She says kids adapted well to the new home set-up. “They were fine. My son was very little [and] my daughter has a gay uncle and [her godmothers] are lesbians.”

And of course for new baby Max it will be the only family set-up he has known.

Refreshingly, Cynthia seems to feel that her fame brings a responsibility – or perhaps simply offers a too-good-to-passup opportunity and platform – to speak up against homophobia.

In 2008 she was awarded the Point Courage Award for advocating the rights of the LGBT community, and she has been consistent in her words and actions since. While many gay public figures shy away from overt rights campaigning, she has campaigned vocally for gay people to have the right to marry, particularly in her home state of New York where, of course gay couples were recently rewarded with a hard-won legal victory.

She was the first to step up to the mic at rallies – even announcing her engagement to Christine on a rally podium in 2009 – on TV and on internet adverts. “I often hear that the fight to legalise same sex sex marriage is seen as an attack on traditional marriage,” she once said. “And [to people who think that] I want to say that you are not the ones being attacked. We are.”

Cynthia has also spoken out against homophobic bullying and called for a more compassionate approach from adults towards gay teenagers, saying “When you send a message that there are two different categories of people and one has fully legal rights and the other is not quite human, it sets those people up and that’s why we see the bullying. It’s one thing for me to be called a name, but for a 13-year-old gay kid who is confused about their sexuality to be targeted for their sexuality… I mean, we’ve seen this rash of suicides.”

It’s not as if coming out as gay is the scariest thing Cynthia has ever had to face: after a breast cancer diagnosis in »

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CELEBRITY INTERVIEW Cynthia’s other children, Samantha and Charles currently live with Cynthia, Christina and Max in New York October 2006, she fought the disease and beat it – thanks largely to early detection and treatment. After a period of keeping her struggle with the disease private, she decided to speak publicly about it in order to help raise awareness about the importance of regular mammograms (she had been screened regularly as her mother is also a breast cancer survivor). Cynthia recorded a special advertisement aimed at lowering breast cancer rates in lesbians, saying “Gay women face unique issues when it comes to breast cancer. Since we’re not always as focused on birth control and reproductive issues, we tend to visit the gynaecologist less often than straight women do. Many times missing those visits means missing the opportunity to have important early detection tests.”

Although essentially a private person – she’d been with Christine for four years before she acknowledged the relationship to the press in 2008, saying “I’m in a fantastic relationship and I couldn’t be happier” – in the last few years Cynthia has increasingly spoken of the family life they share. “Maybe I’m just lucky,” she says. “Christine is so amazing with our kids.”

Cynthia began her career as a child actress – appearing in the 1980 Tatum O’Neal movie Little Darlings when she was 14, for instance – and had been working steadily ever since, but of course the majority of us first heard of her when we saw her on screen as Sex and the City’s Miranda. If America, and particularly the well-regarded HBO channel (home of The Sopranos, Entourage and Six Feet Under) has made the television show into an art form, it’s still rare that a series becomes as imprinted on the pop culture consciousness as Sex and the City.

Having premiered on HBO in the States in 1998, it was exported internationally – including finding a perfect home on the UK’s Channel 4 – and enjoyed unprecedented global success, even shaping the way people understood and talked about their own love lives. Nixon’s portrayal of Miranda, a funny, tightly-wound, yet sexually liberated lawyer and mother – a high-achiever who couldn’t be dismissed as a cliched ‘over-achiever’ – made the character seem likeable, vulnerable and complex.

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

“I often hear that the fIght to legalIse same sex sex marrIage Is seen as an attack on tradItIonal marrIage, and to people who thInk that I want to say that you are not the ones beIng attacked. we are.”

As well as spawning two feature films and garnering Emmy award nominations with clockwork regularity while it was on air, including an Outstanding Supporting Actress Award for Cynthia Nixon in 2004, the show’s social impact was wide-reaching. There was even a popular book devoted to decoding its sociological themes, Reading Sex and the City

by Kim Akass and Janet McCabe. The show was credited with sparking lively new discourse of the sexual appetites of single women.

But while supporting gay male characters were series regulars, lesbian visibility seemed all but limited to one underwhelming episode in the year 2000 – in which Charlotte reluctantly dressed as a drag king and Carrie kissed Alanis Morissette at a party. Of course there’s nothing wrong with a straight girls’ show about straight girls’ sexuality, per se, and by breaking monopoly of male fantasy when it came to sex on American TV, Sex and

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the City arguably helped to pave the way for same-sex shows like LA drama The L Word, which was billed in its first advertising posters as ‘Same sex, different city’.

But as it turns out, and without her even knowing it at the time, Nixon’s involvement as one of the four main SATC protagonists would eventually introduce millions of fans of the show to lesbian marriage and same-sex parenthood. If every viewer felt as if they somehow ‘knew’ Cynthia as Miranda, now it’s also as though those fans of the show also know a strong and happy lesbian family with children. Cynthia has spoken up for gay women’s rights as partners and parents in a way that few, if any, celebrities have ever done before.

Cynthia Nixon is an ambassador for breast cancer charity Susan G. Komen for the Cure – www.komen.org

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BRING YOUR DREAMS TO LIFE

BRADFORD KOLB, M.D., FACOG HRC Fertility Medical Director, Managing Partner 333 South Arroyo Parkway, Pasadena, CA 91105 drkolb@mac.com (626) 440-9161

HRC Fertility opened its doors in 1988 and has become one of the most successful centers offering advanced reproductive care in the United States. Our groundbreaking research has helped revolutionize medical care for those needing assistance with having children.

Our partnerships with the very best surrogacy and egg donor agencies have created a unique opportunity for gay couples and individuals to pursue their dreams of building their family. Our team’s primary focus is to provide the highest level of care for our same sex couples in a caring and respectful manner. Dr. Kolb personally treats over 100 same sex couples annually through egg donation + surrogacy. In addition, we offer safe treatment options for HIV+ patients.

Over 75% of treatment cycles result in live births.

Services offered: » IVF (in vitro fertilization)/microfertilization of eggs - As HRC’s Medical Director, Dr. Kolb has overseen dramatically improved pregnancy rates that rival any other center of excellence. Our team of embryologists has a combined 46 years of dedicated experience. » PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) - Through its innovative partnerships with leading researchers, HRC has helped to develop the most advanced and reliable form of genetic testing. Genetic screening of embryos allows couples to eliminate genetically abnormal embryos prior to conceiving. This technology also allows couples to choose the gender of their child. » Egg donation/sperm donation/surrogacy - Dr. Kolb has assembled the largest team of nurses dedicated solely to assisting patient’s alternative family building options. Our team approach and dedication to our patients is internationally recognized with patients traveling from 30 countries in 2011 to seek care.

We invite all interested in exploring their family building options to book a consult today with Dr. Kolb. Please feel free to call and book a complementary consult.

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WORDS_ SOPHY GRIMSHAW

YOU CHOOSE!

It’s one of the most controversial issues in the field of fertility – should you be able to choose your baby’s gender? Pink Parenting takes a look at the science involved.

T

he historic preference for male children continues, in some parts of the world, to put the lives of girls at risk from infanticide on a mass scale. BBC News has reported on the trend for newborn baby girls in China to be abandoned on rubbish dumps, for example. The preference for males becomes apparent before birth, too. In 2010, a report by The Economist called ‘Gendercide, the War on Baby Girls’ stated that: “In China and northern India more than 120 boys are being born for every 100 girls. Nature dictates that slightly more males are born than females ... But nothing on this scale … It is no exaggeration to call this gendercide. Women are missing in their millions – aborted, killed, neglected to death.”

This is in spite of failed attempts at curbing the crisis, such as India’s 1996 ban of ultrasound technicians revealing a baby’s gender to parents. In short, in some parts of the globe gender selection (both before and after birth) is already at crisis levels.

Female children are seen as a social and financial burden. So the development of safe, precise methods for sex selection – before birth or even before conception – has inevitably been an ethical minefield. »

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

SEX SELECTION Parenting. “Hundreds of couples travel to the US each year to pay for the procedure, the so-called fertility tourists.”

Gay people tend to be no strangers to discrimination, and so gender selection may seem particularly distasteful to some gay parents. But as Drewiitt-Barlow points out, many gay families are built with the help of pioneering reproductive technology, some gay families would argue that a baby’s gender is simply one of a whole range of personal choices, such as which partner will get pregnant and where sperm will be sourced from.

There is a fierce debate as whether sorting sperm or embryos by gender can be regarded as morally different.

“Some people feel that if we allow Sex Selection now, where will it Stop? will we be looking to Select other characteriSticS of our children, including hair and eye colour, and intelligence level. but whatever your opinion on uSing Sex Selection it’S here to Stay and growing in itS take-up.”

Of the techniques that reliably affect gender, the most reliable is In vitro fertilisation with pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). When embryos have reached six to eight cells, one of the cells of each embryo is taken away (this doesn’t harm the embryo) and its chromosomal makeup is analysed, to reveal whether it’s male or female. It’s then possible for only the embryos of the desired gender are transferred to the uterus. This is the single most reliable method for gender selection; it’s close to 100% accurate.

Other methods for sex selection are sperm sorting techniques.

The Ericsson method, for example, is based on the assumption that Y-sperm swim faster than X-sperm. Sperm are placed in a test tube atop a “column” of increasingly thicker layers of albumin (plasma protein), and allowed to swim down into the solution. After a certain time period has elapsed, only the fastest sperm should have been able to penetrate to the bottom layer, so the theory goes that those are the Y sperm that couples need in order to conceive a boy, and the others are the X-sperm for conceiving a girl. The preferred type of sperm can then be used for IVF. Other sperm sorting techniques include Microsort, developed by the Genetics and IVF Institute in Fairfax, Virginia (for full details see www.microsort.com). It can improve chances for female selection to approximately 90%, while the approximate chance for a male child is at a slightly lower, at 85%. Sperm is sorted into X-bearing sperm and Y-bearing sperm, and only the sperm that bear the chromosome for the desired gender (X for a female child, Y for a male) is mixed with the eggs to fertilise.

Of course, sheer misogyny isn’t the beginning and end of the psychology of gender selection. Sex selection can also be desirable to prevent inherited diseases. And some parents have a wholly innocent personal preference for a girl or a boy. In the UK, sex selection is only allowed for particular medical reasons, for example, to avoid giving birth to a child with a sex-linked genetic disorder like Duchenne muscular dystrophy. These diseases affect boys but not girls (girls may still carry the gene for the disease but they will not suffer from it).

The UK outlaws gender selection purely to meet parents’ personal preference –‘elective’ gender selection was banned by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) in 2003. But the processes remain mainly unregulated in the United States, where treatments are in the range of $3,500 to $6,000. Some clinics offer a package that includes surrogacy and gender selection.

B

arrie Drewitt-Barlow of the British surrogacy

Centre, remarks: “Some people feel that if we allow sex selection now, where will it stop? Will we be looking to select other characteristics of our children, including hair colour, eye colour, and intelligence level. But whatever your opinion on using sex selection as a way to help “design” your family – and lets face it, gay parents do have a “design” model when creating their families – it is here to stay and growing in its take-up every year,” he tells Pink

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

whatever you think of the ethical implications of elective gender selection, for those interested, here’s are some of the ways in which its done:

Do you think couples should be able to select their babies’ sex?

Let us know your thoughts, email editor@pink-parenting.com

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www.PINK-PARENTING.COM

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PACK YOUR BAGS

WORDS_ GIORGIO SEVERI

We have found another 9 stunning destinations for every stage of parenthood. If you fancy time away to plan your next steps, or if you already have a family or even if you want to take your surrogate away we have covered all angles with two aims in mind – to unwind and relax!

TROPICAL TRIPS AND TIME AWAY FOR TWO ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

VICEROY ANGUILLA / ANGUILLA, CARIBBEAN A holiday to Anguilla is considered the Caribbean holiday of a lifetime. With a population of just over 13,000, you will have no problem finding your own bit of peace and tranquillity.

This stunning 35-acre beachfront resort boasts more than 3,200 feet of white sand frontage on both Barnes and Meads Bay and offers a choice of superbly designed accommodation including private oceanfront villas, blufftop guestrooms and beachfront suites, many with private pools.

Resort activities include an array of water sports, a spa and fitness center and programs for children and families, or for an added treat, why not don your snorkel and immerse yourselves in the swim-through grotto where you can experience phosphorescent sea life and breathtaking coral reef.

The Viceroy Anguilla also provides an exquisite and varied dining experience - from beachside grills to traditional tapas, live local music completes this Caribbean experience. www.viceroyhotelsandresorts.com/anguilla

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WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

hyaTT RegenCy Maui ReSoRT / hawaii

With tropical landscaping, exotic wildlife and set on 40 acres close to Kaanapali Beach, this resort is simply stunning. Take a walk through the tree-filled grounds to the cocktail bar under the falls or to the “honeymooners’ cave”. www.maui.hyatt.com

The RiTz-CaRlTon, San Juan / PueRTo RiCo

Located along the crescent beach in Puerto Rico’s Isla Verde district, this hotel features warm beaches, a soothing spa, a 24-hour casino and 5 restaurants to choose from, this luxury hotel is a true coastal paradise. www.ritzcarlton.com

»

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SEPTEmBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

PACK YOUR BAGS

kEMPiNski hOtEL ADRiAtiC istRiA / CROAtiA

The Hotel Adriatic is the first 5 star luxury beachside resort in Istria, the perfect location for those looking for a relaxing destination without the everyday rush and noise. www.kempinski.com/en/Istria

EUROPEAN BREAks with yOUR BABy BUMP

LE CLOs DE MAUssANE / BéziERs, FRANCE

This former monastery has been transformed into an elegant boutique guest house with an excellent restaurant serving inspired French cuisine. The perfect all year round getaway. www.leclosdemaussanne.com

hOtEL hELvEtiA & BRistOL / FLORENCE, itALy Fancy getting away for a few days? Then why not visit Florence, situated in the heart of Tuscany, which hosts some of the great artistic treasures and buildings in the world.

In front of Palazzo Strozzi, just off the most glamorous streets for shopping, the Hotel Helvetia & Bristol is one of those special places that act as a timeless refuge.

With a lounge to come and relax in front of the fire in winter or opt for the terrace in summer, a private corner in the heart of Renaissance Florence. Here, guests will experience the best of Florentine style.

Restored with the utmost respect for the period, the interior evokes a world of elegance but at the same time of modern style. Each room is a private residence, distinctively furnished and decorated. The period furniture gives each room its atmosphere and individual character.

It is undoubtedly a hotel with charm, character and an attention-to-detail which makes every stay truly memorable. www.royaldemeure.com »

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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www.PINK-PARENTING.COM

Take his breath away on a Swiss city break.

ZĂźrich

MySwitzerland.com/gaylesbian Discover the charm of our Swiss cities.

FLYING, SWISS MADE – SWISS.COM

205_11d_14_ins_pink_pareting.indd 1

12.09.11 10:02

The Chateau Ribagnac, Limousin. Photo: PaulDawson.co.uk

H a n d - p i c k e d p l a c e s t o s tay F o r g ay & s t r a i g H t t r av e l l e r s

Fabulous & family friendly...

Our collection ranges from boutique hotels in city destinations to large houses to rent near the sea in England, France, Spain, Scotland and Wales.... and most of our properties welcome children of all ages - see our child friendly theme.

Further Afield is a proud member of the International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association: www.iglta.org

PACK YOUR BAGS

POST PREGNANCY PARADISE WITH THE KIDS LOPESAN BAOBAB / GRAN CANARIA If you already have a family and are thinking of somewhere special to go, why not treat yourselves to the Lopesan Baobab resort, an enchanting African styled 5 Star resort, situated in the exclusive tourist area of Meloneras near the historical light house and the beautiful sand dune of Maspalomas

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

on the island paradise of Gran Canaria.

Located just 400 metres from the beach, with shops, restaurants and bars all a short 100 metre stroll away.

On arrival, a wooden bridge leads you to the exotic reception desk. There are huge tropical gardens with several pools, ponds, waterfalls and sandy beaches with African huts that mark their way through this vast hotel.

The hotel has a total of 677 guestrooms and suites, all with wonderful views either of the deep blue Atlantic, the fascinating dunes, palms of the oasis, the lush gardens or the islands mountain backdrop.

For the children there is a kids club with excellent supervision and a broad variety of adventure and leisure activities. The African leisure park has a big playground, stage, snack bar and ‘Aqua park’ to entertain you little angels for hours. If you are looking for an unforgettable holiday the Lopesan Baobab means sun, fun, and relaxation and is a great choice for the whole family. www.lopesan.com

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MARCO ISLAND / FLORIDA, USA

Nestled on three miles of pristine Florida sand, this hotel is perfect for a great family holiday.

The Resort’s Tiki Tribe, features activities for kids, while the parents can relax by the pool. www.marcoislandmarriott.com

POLLENTIA CLUB RESORT / ALCÚDIA, SPAIN

Located in the beautiful bay of Pollensa, the resort offers fun for all ages. You can be active, relaxing, or sunbathing within minutes of leaving the comfort of your room. www.clubpollentia.com

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Pink Parenting Promotion Smart-Trike

It’s smart to be outdoors Calling all parents... Do you remember that sense of excitement when you ran so fast you thought your legs would fall off, or when you wheeled around on your very first tricycle?

G

etting your little one active from a young age is absolutely ideal but finding the right product is important. A good one to consider is a tricycle, not only is it a great way to support the development of motor skills, co ordination and build their self confidence – it is also a lot of fun wheeling around outside and, with the latest innovations from Smart-Trike your little one can start falling in love with their tricycle from as young as 6 months old!

The new Recliner Stroller 4 in 1 is a world first having been awarded the ultimate stroller certification; this trike really is like no other. Even better, it cleverly grows and transforms with your child so there will be no tearful departure! An adjustable, tilting recliner seat gives your baby a comfy and safe perch to enjoy being outdoors. But, when they’ve seen enough, tip the seat back and it’s perfect for nap time too and, with Smart-Trike’s unique detachable steering handle mum and dad have full control and peace of mind during the early stages. As your little one develops however, this can be removed to let the excitable toddler explore for themselves in the months and years ahead!

Providing the opportunity to wheel around outdoors really is the smart choice to make. It supports strength endurance, improves coordination and obviously keeps your little one fit and healthy. In addition it is thought to develop creativity that is often restricted indoors. But, the best benefit of them all (for parents!) your little one will come in exhausted and have a great night sleep!

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So have a think… what do you love about being outdoors with your family and what is your fondest tricycle memory of your little ones or maybe even yours?!

Get your Smart-Trike today at Amazon, Argos, ELC, Smyths Mothercare or Toys R Us, RRP £149.99 – www. smart-trike.com

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

Intelligent Profile Oregon Reproductive Medicine

UNITED STATES OF DONORS

O

ne of the most eminent infertility centres in the United States is experiencing a new following - European gay couples wanting to have a baby.

Oregon Reproductive Medicine, located on the West coast in Portland, has nearly unmatched pregnancy success rates, likely the reason that same sex couples are choosing to start or grow their families at the Northwest centre.

Oregon Reproductive Medicine’s four physicians, all specialists in reproductive endocrinology, work with patients from all over the globe in their well-known donor egg programme.

“About half of our patients who want to have a baby via donor egg are from outside Portland,” Brandon J. Bankowski, MD, MPH, says.

While Oregon is a popular tourist destination for international travellers, Bankowski believes that patients are coming to Portland for one reason, and it isn’t to see the Pacific Ocean!

“They want success. That’s patients’ number one priority regardless of where they live in the world. And in their research about success rates, IVF, donor egg and gestational surrogacy programmes, they find Oregon Reproductive Medicine,” John S. Hesla, MD, says.

The most recent data available from the US government shows that donor egg pregnancy success rates at Oregon Reproductive Medicine are nearly 80%, placing them near the top of all US infertility centres.

European gay couples, often unable to proceed with using a donor’s eggs and surrogate in their home countries, are more and more looking to the United States for options. In the past, many patients selected centres in New York City and Boston because of their proximity to Europe. But today it’s common for these future dads to look closer at the data available through www.SART.com and base their selection on where they are most likely to have success.

“It is a big decision to proceed with using a donor and working with a surrogate in the United States. So it’s imperative that patients do their

homework and select a practice that is most likely to make their dream come true, and at a cost they can afford,” Jonathan Kipp, marketing director at Oregon Reproductive Medicine, says.

Oregon Reproductive Medicine’s costs are often appealing to gay and straight European patients. The centre’s price plans are typically lower than infertility centres in larger US cities. Compensation for egg donors and surrogates also tends to be more affordable in smaller US cities, Kipp says.

Some gay couples visiting Portland to become parents are nervous at first. After all, they are not only about to become parents but they are in a foreign country.

“But they soon realise that being at Oregon Reproductive Medicine in Portland, Oregon, is about the best place they could be to move forward with their dream of a baby,” Kipp says. “We are confident that they’ll fall in love with Portland while they experience our unmatched personalised care.”

Portland, home to a sizeable gay population including many couples with children, is considered one of the most gay-friendly cities in the US. “We are always happy to welcome our European patients,” Hesla says. “We not only have the opportunity to introduce them to an amazing part of the United States, but we get to watch their biggest dream come true. It doesn’t get better than that.”

For additional information about Oregon Reproductive Medicine’s services, or are interested in scheduling an appointment, contact: 2222 NW Lovejoy. St., Suite 304, Portland, Oregon USA 97210 Phone: 877-567-4994 or 503-274-4994 www.oregonreproductivemedicine.com

See us at the Alternative Families Show at the Grand Connaught Rooms, Covent Garden, London on Saturday 17 September 2011

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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EXPERT VIEWS

T

racy Davison and Jenny Godbold met in 1994 at HMP Doncaster where Tracy was a governor grade investigations officer and Jenny was working as a forensic psychologist.

Tracy and Jenny set up home together in 1997 and a frequent topic of conversation was their shared ambition of working with children in some way. Several options were considered, one was the setting up of an assessment and treatment centre for kids with psychological problems, but the idea of fostering always appealed.

In 2007 the couple relocated to the Isle of Skye. Jenny cultivated new contacts and worked as a consultant psychologist, Tracy ran a successful Bed & Breakfast business from home.

When they learned that LGBT couples were now eligible to be considered for foster caring they made the decision to apply.

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BELOW ARE JENNY’S REFLECTIONS ON THEIR FOSTERING JOURNEY: Deciding to become foster carers was a huge step for both of us. We were fairly apprehensive about what the process entailed especially since, as a lesbian couple, we had experienced discrimination and hostility in the past. We feared that because we were in a same sex relationship we might be rejected.

Nevertheless, we had long discussions about fostering prior to applying. This meant that we were mentally prepared for any ‘social inequality’ or ‘backhanded’ comments that may come our way.

We were also aware that the controversial topic of a lesbian couple applying to become foster carers would create a lot of discussion especially since it had only recently become possible in Scotland.

Despite our initial fears we were delighted

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to find that we were warmly welcomed and accepted without question. We were treated like any other couple wanting to become foster carers. The message was made clear to us from the start – ‘It’s about the care of children and the need to provide a home in which a child’s interests would be safeguarded and promoted, and to provide a suitable environment for the care and nurture of a child. The colour, culture or sexuality of the foster carer is not the issue’. We found this encouraging and it really helped to alleviate any fears we had of rejection.

EMOTIONS WE FELT PRE AND POST FOSTERING

Of course we both experienced a diverse range of emotions before we finally made the decision to foster. Confusion, doubt and uncertainty seemed to weave the very »

SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

EXPERT VIEWS fabric of our decisions, but at the same time we were aware of the temporal and professional divide required in the care we hoped we could provide a child with.

COMPROMISED FREEDOM

It was also clear that foster caring was going to remove any clear divide we had between professional and home life, something we also considered carefully.

AN ALL-CONSUMING IDENTITY

We knew that fostering was going to impinge upon all areas of our life, a life that usually involves just our animals and the two of us. This brought the issue of personal space and freedom into our discussions and we carefully considered how we would manage time and the need for space.

We also realised that caring for children would affect our everyday activities. Things we took for granted would now have to change. The support of family and close friends was very important to us both. Their advice and counselling went a long way to helping us find solutions to our many questions and concerns.

THE INTRODUCTION TO FOSTERING COURSE

The foster carers introduction course was very helpful and instructive. It was obvious that fostering was going to be a life changing experience for us both and our relationship.

We knew that caring for a foster child would be demanding due to the emotional and behavioural difficulties a child may present.

We were concerned about the negative impact that caring for a child with difficulties may have, not only on us individually, but also as a couple. The question was ‘how would we balance our own social and emotional needs against those of a child in our care?’

The introduction course also left us with the knowledge that, as foster carers, we would be expected to provide an emotionally safe and secure environment and to provide a substitute experience of healthy family life. We were encouraged to form attachments with a child in our care, nurturing the child’s ability to form future attachments. This raised another question;

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

WE WERE VERY EXCITED WHEN WE WERE INTRODUCED TO OUR FIRST FOSTER CHILD. THE SUBJECT OF OUR SEXUALITY DID CROP UP WITH OUR YOUNG PERSON BUT CASUALLY THEY SAID THEY HAD ALREADY BEEN TOLD AND BESIDES, WHAT DIFFERENCE DID IT MAKE? ‘could we do this and would we have the ability to do this?’ After much discussion we concluded that, as a strong couple, we were up to the task.

THE ASSESSMENT PROCESS

Initially we were reluctant to talk about our lesbian relationship to our assessing social worker. Looking back now I think it was because we were all initially shy of each other and reluctant to broach the subject.

We didn’t know what concept our social worker had of lesbian lives. We needn’t have worried though; soon we were being totally frank with each other and our relationship became, and still remains, open and honest.

The process of assessment was lengthy and detailed, we worked through the programme, explored our views in relation to the difficulties a child may experience, trauma, how we would deal with challenging behaviours, the difficulties of attachment, violence, aggression, how we would deal with difficult scenarios and, most importantly, the safety, health and welfare of these children.

Something that promoted long debate was whether we should ‘come out’ (or explain our sexual relationship) to a child under our care. This issue surfaced regularly throughout our assessment. We concluded that we should not have to talk about our sexuality specifically to a child, unless they brought the subject up themselves. We decided that any child who became part of our family would appreciate that we were a couple anyway. We also resolved that if the subject did crop up we would discuss our sexuality openly, being mindful of how the child’s family, friends and school would themselves manage the issue.

Our assessing social worker thoroughly explored our relationship especially how confident we were in relation to our sexuality and how comfortable we were as a lesbian couple. She was very open about how

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important it was that we had a sense of being, explaining that this would be an important issue for any couple regardless of their sexuality. She told us ‘children have a powerful ability to identify area’s of vulnerability in carer’s who are not sufficiently secure in themselves emotionally’.

We also discussed issues around ‘homophobia’, our experiences and how we had, and would, respond to it. This was important in our preparations to deal with any difficulties we may encounter in the future, not only for ourselves but, more importantly, in the interests of any child in our care.

OUR FIRST FOSTER CHILD

We were very excited when we were introduced to our first foster child. Initially the young person, who was 14 years old, was placed with us for a two-week introductory period. As it happens the subject of our sexuality did crop up with our young person but casually they said they had already been told and besides, what difference did it make?

It seems that the youngsters of today are more aware and accepting of lesbian and gay relationships. The old taboos and myths are gradually being exorcised due to the pioneering work undertaken by such people as Andy Leary-May at New Family Social.

It was painful when the young person left at the end of their first stay, but we made use of the experience in a positive way by reflecting on how we coped and what we might have done differently or better.

The following week, they will return to our care for the long term.

However, we are not naïve enough to think that foster caring will be an easy ride. It will place heavy emotional demands on us both.

There will be ups and downs along the way but we feel prepared to meet any challenges, knowing that experienced people at Action for Children are always available at the other end of the phone, for as long as it takes.

WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

Battersea Dogs & Cats Home 150 years of dedicated care In 2010, Battersea Dogs & Cats Home commemorates 150 years of dedicated service to London and its surrounding communities. The Home has taken in over three million dogs and cats since it was founded in 1860 and today remains as firm as ever in its commitment never to turn away a dog or cat in need of help.

Text HOME to 70123 to donate £3 to Battersea and help us continue our work.

Texts cost £3, plus network charge.

Battersea Dogs & Cats Home receives: Vodafone £2.70, T-Mobile £2.47, Orange £2.62, O2 £2.65.

www.battersea.org.uk

WJ1773_BDCH_Generic2_PinkParenting_297x210.indd 1

14/6/11 17:03:13

ANNABEL KARMEL

Anyone with children will know that when it comes to eating, fuss is often high on the menu. Here I shares my tips and recipes to help with your little fussy ones.

If your child has a very restricted diet, it is best to give new foods when she is really hungry. Try to encourage her to eat just a small amount and give lots of attention and praise if she is willing to try it.

If she still refuses to eat it, maybe mix it together with something your child likes. For example, if your child likes pasta but won’t eat vegetables, try making a lasagne with spinach.

Get children into the kitchen. Most children adore cooking and it’s amazing how being involved in planning and preparing of a meal can stimulate a child’s appetite. Not only are they more likely to eat something they have a hand in preparing – they are also weighing ingredients, measuring time, etc., all without noticing. The muffins and wraps are ideal food to get children involved in the kitchen.

Eating with the whole family when possible can really make a difference. Personally, I think that taking the focus off your child’s eating and having lots of social chat at the table is helpful. Avoid using mealtimes to assert your authority.

Give small portions – it’s not good to overload your child’s plate.

Also children generally prefer smaller pieces of food so it’s a good idea to make foods such as mini burgers with new potatoes, small broccoli florets and mini carrots. Attractive presentation can make the difference between your child accepting and refusing food.

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t’s not surprising, then that we can lose heart when our children turn their noses up at anything with green bits in, or when they will allow only plain pasta with grated cheese to pass their lips!

But rest assured you’re not alone. In fact, 90 percent of children go through at least one lengthy stage of being fussy.

Try to make mealtimes a really positive experience. One of the most important things is to hide your frustration. Praise your child excessively when he or she eats well or tries something new. You may need to ignore some bad eating behaviour to refocus attention on good behaviour. This may make mealtimes less stressful for you, too.

Do not just stick to favourite meals offer a variety of healthy dishes and keep trying new recipes. Offering only the foods that your child will eat can encourage extreme fussiness and may lead to a restricted and unbalanced diet.

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

RECIPES_ annabel karmel

Whole fruit may well not get eaten but fresh fruit onto skewers or straws immediately becomes more appealing.

Children also like to assemble their own food, so you could lay ingredients out in bowls and let your children fill and fold their own wraps or choose their favourite toppings for their home-made pizzas.

Start your baby off on fresh baby food rather than jars of processed food with a shelf life of two years. If they are used to a variety of fresh flavours early on, children are much less likely to become fussy eaters when you try to integrate them into family meals.

Once a child’s palate has become accustomed to the intense sweetness of refined sugary foods it is harder for him or her to appreciate the more gentle natural sweetness of fruit. If you want your child to enjoy fresh fruit, restrict sugary foods.

www.PINK-PARENTING.COm

SWEET POTATO & BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

Method Add the olive oil to a saucepan and heat gently Add the onion and ginger and fry for around 3 minutes. Then, add the diced potato and squash and coat the mixture, fry for a further 2 minutes, then add the stock.

Bring to the boil, then simmer for 15 minutes.

Whizz using a hand blender until smooth.

Ingredients • 2 tbsp olive oil • 1 small onion, chopped • ½ tsp ginger, grated • 200g peeled butternut squash, diced • 150g peeled sweet potato, diced • ¾ pint (450 ml) chicken stock

To make the croutons, stamp 4 stars out of the white bread using a star cutter. Lightly brush with a little oil on both sides.

Croutons • 2 slices white bread • A little olive oil • 2 tbsp parmesan cheese, finely grated

Serve croutons on top of the soup.

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Put the croutons on a baking sheet, grill on one side then sprinkle with the cheese and grill on the other side until golden.

Suitable for Freezing Makes 4 portions

SEPTEmBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

FUSSY EATERS

CARAMELISED ONION QUESADILLA

Ingredients • 1 tbsp olive oil • 1 large or 2 small red onions, thinly sliced • ½ tsp fresh thyme leaves (optional) • 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar • 1 tsp soft light brown sugar • 2 flour tortilla wraps • 55g grated Cheddar • Salt and pepper

Method Heat the oil in a small frying pan. Add the onion and thyme (if using) and cook over a medium heat for 15 minutes until the onion is soft. Increase the heat to high and add the vinegar and sugar. Cook, stirring until the vinegar has evaporated.

Remove from the heat and season to taste with salt and pepper. Cool slightly.

Heat a large non stick frying pan or griddle pan. Spread the onions over one of the wraps and scatter the cheese over. Sandwich with the second wrap and cook in the hot pan 2 to 3 minutes either side until the cheese has melted. Transfer to a board and cut into wedges.

Serves 2

TOMATO & CHEESE QUESADILLA

A few drops of Tabasco adds a bit of kick to these quesadillas but they are still very mild.

Ingredients • 1 tsp sunflower oil • 2 spring onions, thinly sliced • 6 large or 10 small cherry tomatoes, roughly chopped

• 3 to 4 drops Tabasco • 2 flour tortilla wraps • 55g grated cheddar Method Heat the oil in a small frying pan. Add the onion and tomatoes and sauté for 3 to 4 minutes until the tomatoes are soft. Remove from the heat and stir in a few drops of Tabasco and season to taste.

Heat a non stick frying pan or griddle . Spread the tomato over one of the wraps and scatter over the cheese. Sandwich with the second wrap and cook in the hot pan for 2 to 3 minutes each side until the cheese has melted.

Serves 2

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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www.PINK-PARENTING.COM

With Annabel Karmel’s chilled meals in your fridge, you will always have a tasty and nutritious dish for your growing toddler, even when you don’t have time to prepare something yourself.

Now available in Dunnes Stores.

Download Annabel’s iPhone App and get 100 recipes perfect for babies, toddlers and the whole family.

Available on the App Store for €5.99.

www.annabelkarmel.com

FUSSY EATERS Enough of the grown-ups’ views! In an exclusive interview for Pink Parenting, we get the scoop from Aspen Drewitt-Barlow about what it’s like to be the son of the UK’s best known gay fathers

CAJUN BEEF & ONION WRAPS

CHOCOLATE, ORANGE & COURGETTE MUFFINS Ingredients • 175g plain flour • 2 tsp baking powder • 150g soft brown sugar • 25g cocoa powder • 125g courgette, grated • Zest of 1 small orange (grated) • 120 ml sunflower oil • 1 egg, beaten • 4 tbsp Greek or natural yogurt (not low fat) • 1 tsp vanilla extract • 50g milk chocolate chips Method Preheat the oven to 180C Fan. Put the flour, baking powder, sugar, cocoa, courgette and orange zest into a mixing bowl. Put the oil, egg, yogurt and vanilla into a jug.

These wraps make a tasty and filling lunch

Ingredients • 2 tsp olive oil • 250g sirloin steak, thinly sliced • 1 tsp honey • 1 red onion, thinly sliced • 1 red pepper, thinly sliced • 100g chestnut mushrooms. Sliced • 1 clove garlic, crushed • 1 ½ tsp ground coriander • ½ tsp sweet smoked paprika • 1 tsp soy sauce • 6 tortilla wraps • 50g Cheddar cheese, grated • 1 baby gem lettuce, shredded

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

Method Heat the oil in a frying pan. Mix the steak with the honey. Fry the steak until brown for 2 to 3 minutes. Transfer to a plate.

Add the onions and pepper to the pan and fry for 5 minutes. Add the mushrooms and garlic and fry for another 2 minutes. Return the beef to the pan.

Sprinkle over the coriander and paprika. Add the soy and remove from the heat.

Warm the wrap in the microwave. Spoon some of the filling in the middle. Sprinkle over a little cheese and lettuce. Fold in the end of the wrap and roll up.

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Add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix together until smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips. Divide the mixture into 10 large muffin cases or 24 mini muffin cases. Bake the small muffins for about 14 minutes and the large muffins for 20 to 25 minutes until the muffins are well risen and springy to the touch.

Cool on a wire rack.

Makes 10 large or 24 mini muffins

The recipes featured here are from Annabel’s new book ‘Top 100 Meals in Minutes: All New Quick and Easy Meals for Babies and Toddlers’ for more information please visit www.annabelkarmel.com

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Consider us for your post pregnancy tummy tuck!

ADOPTION GUIDE

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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wORdS_ Satwinder Sandhu

Adoption is a great way to become parents, with lots of support available from peer groups to post adoption help. Satwinder Sandhu from PACT outlines the steps involved in adopting children within the UK.

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You will explore what kind of child will suit you and your lifestyle.

Would a boisterous pair of siblings who like to play lots of sport match your energy levels or would a quieter studious child fit in with you better? Those living with children are likely to be offering a lively busy household, great for a sociable, extrovert child. However, some children need the attention available in a family where they can be an only child. You’ll learn lots more as you go along and have the opportunity to explore issues, themes and questions that you might have.

Step One – ReSeaRch

First off, search for a voluntary adoption and fostering agency in around you area. You can also adopt through your local authority. Except for your own expenses and a GP medical, there are no fees to pay to adopt within the UK. Preparing to adopt and gaining approval is a thorough process. it has to be. Your social worker will get to know you well as they will assess your child care skills and aptitude to empathise with a child.

It’s important to feel comfortable with the agency that you choose.

You can find out about adoption agencies at www.adoptionuk.co.uk and www.baaf.org.uk. New Family Social is a network for LGBT adopters and foster carers and their children. www.newfamilysocial.co.uk

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Step twO – InfORmatIOn eventS

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Step thRee – InItIal aSSeSSment

Once you’ve chosen an agency it’s time to start the ball rolling.

They will collect basic details, send you detailed information on adoption and book an initial meeting with a social worker. The initial assessment will cover questions such as: why you want to adopt; what your child care experience is and your current circumstances.

You can ask questions and the social worker will explain what’s involved. This initial assessment will evaluate your eligibility and suitability to become an adopter. The agency will then invite you to apply formally. If the application is accepted you will then proceed.

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Step nIne – SettlInG In

Your social worker and the child’s will support you over the next few months. The initial euphoria of becoming a parent will wear off and you will learn to live as a family, playing and eating together and negotiating over behaviour and daily routines.

Step fOuR – pRepaRatIOn GROupS

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Step ten – adOptIOn ORdeR and beyOnd

This is a visit to court to make the adoption official. When the adoption order goes through you are now the legal parent of your child or children. Adoption is a lifelong commitment and agencies continue to keep in touch as and when is needed and can offer a range of expert post adoption support services.

Step fIve – aSSeSSment

Your allocated social worker will visit you at home to find out more about you, your experience of being parented and how a child will fit into your life. These visits are spread over a number of weeks at a pace to suit you. The social worker is collecting information about you which is then submitted to the Adoption Approval Panel.

www.PINK-PARENTING.COm

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Step eIGht – meetInG yOuR chIld

The moment arrives to meet the child or children you have been matched with. They have been prepared by their foster family to meet their new mummies or daddies, and will have been shown pictures of you. You may only spend a couple of hours with them on the first day but over a week or so this will increase day by day, until the day for you to take them home to live with you for good. That is when the real work begins.

All applicants attend preparation groups. Usually these are run every 6-8 weeks. They introduce key parenting skills and specialist adoption topics such as promoting bonding and managing behaviour which is related to a child’s experiences prior to adoption.

Everyone is in the same boat and nervous at first. Applicants in these preparation groups often remain friends throughout the process and long after adoption has taken place. The groups are always mixed in terms of gender, sexuality and ethnicity.

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Step Seven – matchInG

Matching is the point when the process starts to get really exciting. You will be sent profiles of children who could be suitable, and the children’s social workers consider potential parents. It is highly emotional, but your social worker will support you. Agencies have excellent track records finding the right children for adopters. You’ll meet with the child’s social worker and hear much more detail about what the child is like.

Potential matches are then considered by a local authority panel whose role is to make sure that the placement is in the best interests of the child and consider any support that may be required.

Information events last an hour or two and you can meet members of the adoption team and hear adopters’ stories. It is also a chance to gather more info and meet others wanting to adopt.

These events will be advertised on adoption and fostering websites.

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6

Step SIx – adOptIOn appROval panel

The Adoption Panel is a meeting with professionals and people with experience of adoption to assess your application. They read your assessment report in advance and will ask you and your worker supplementary questions. In the vast majority of cases, applications which progress to this step are approved.

PACT is a voluntary adoption and fostering agency supporting adopters in and around London and is actively recruiting gay and lesbian adopters. For more information about PACT Adoption phone 0800 731 1845 or visit www.pactcharity.org

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SEPTEmBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

Soft leather shoes designed to give total comfort for little growing feet +44 (0)1495 311123 www.inch-blue.com

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk 0871 423 5656 Quote PPG12 at website checkout when ordering

Or visit one of our 39s stores: London (Battersea, Blackheath, Chelsea Green, Chiswick, Crouch End, Dulwich, Muswell Hill, Putney, Temple Fortune and Notting Hill), Bath, Brighton, Bristol, Bury St Edmunds, Cardiff, Cheltenham, Cobham, Colchester, Edinburgh, Exeter, Guildford, Hale, Harpenden, Harrogate, Kingston, Knutsford, Leamington Spa, Marlow, Morpeth, Newbury, Newport, Oxford, Salisbury, Sevenoaks, St Albans, Tunbridge Wells, Winchester and Windsor.

Pink Parenting Sep.indd 1

12/09/2011 10:04

WORDS_ GIORGIO SEVERI

Behind the brand...

JOJO MAMAN BEBE

With a start-up capital of £50,000, founder and MD, Laura Tenison has turned JoJo Maman Bébé into a multi-million pound business, becoming the UK’s foremost specialist in the pregnancy and baby fashion industry.

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arried, with two sons, Laura juggles her children with her career and puts in long hours to ensure that neither suffers, although she is the first to admit that being able to survive on very little sleep is essential.

She divides her time between London (where the JoJo design studio and marketing office is based), the company’s headquarters in Newport, South Wales (where her family are from) and her home in Brittany where the idea for JoJo was first conceived.

I was able to catch up with Laura and ask about her passion for her Breton inspired collections, and what has made JoJo Maman Bébé such a success.

WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

“Since I was a small child, I’ve always had one business venture or another” Laura recalls, “I grew up in the country, and the way to keep busy back then was to be creative, so that level of creativity within me turned to a hobby, and that hobby turned into a business, so I was lucky and I didn’t realise it was a business until much later on in my life”.

Throughout her life Laura has always loved to sew boasting “I am completely self taught, taking clothes I bought from charity shops apart, drawing around the pieces on newspaper and remaking them for myself”.

Laura previously ran a small fashion company before setting up a French property business based in Brittany. When she sold

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this venture, her aim was to bring the Breton nautical style back to the UK and be able to offer practical and affordable fashion for mothers and their children.

“I have always really loved the French nautical style for kids, which goes back to that Coco Chanel influence, and I love the outdoors lifestyle like walking on beach in the winter”. She says with passion “I love it when you see the kids playing on the beaches and rock pools in France with their grandparents”.

“I just wanted to have a brand that encapsulated that healthy living, that French style I felt that the British were lacking in their clothes, especially in the maternity wear”. ”I wanted to create a sensible, affordable fashion brand that was more a celebration of children actually being children” Laura says “I can’t bear seeing children being mini princesses, and being dressed to look like adults. Children should wear practical clothes and things that they can dress themselves with”. “At the age of 2 or 3, kids want to be »

SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

BEHIND THE BRAND

“NOTHING HAS GONE TO MY HEAD AT ALL. WE ARE JUST A COMPANY TRYING TO EXPAND IN VERY DIFFICULT ECONOMIC TIMES”

independent and don’t want lots of fussy buttons. What they want is practical decent clothes that they can easily pull on and off.”

Recently married, Laura was keen to return to working in the UK, so sold her French business. During the sale, Laura had a head-on collision on a country lane in France, breaking over twenty bones in her body. Laura was air-ambulanced back to the UK where she spent a few weeks in hospital recovering.

During this time she became friendly with a young mother, also in hospital who had been trying to buy her children clothes from her hospital bed. She was frustrated and disappointed by what was on offer through mail order catalogues and this sparked an idea in Laura and first collection was created in 1993.

Laura’s work ethic since the start has been based on a strong code of ethical business practice, where people and the planet are ranked higher on her agenda than bottom line profit, and the company prides itself on longstanding employees, with the majority of the founding members still being part of the team.

“Even though JoJo is not a family business, as I am the only one that works on JoJo, I feel that it is, because my first employees are still

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

with me. Even after 19 years, the Director sitting in the office next to me was in fact my first full-time employee, and we still have a lot of our original warehouse staff if they haven’t already retired” she laughs. “It’s such a great place to work from that point of view, I love going to work because I respect all my staff, and some of them I have known now for over twenty years!”.

This she believes is the key to her success and with a strong vision, great emphasis is put on the customer service and value for money.

With over 10 stores opening this year alone, Laura feels it is essential to remain true to what the customer wants.

“If I am looking for a new store location, which I am, I will not just rely on the demographics. I will walk up and down the street and talk to potential customers with prams to find out what the kids are wearing and also what the mums are wearing and decide if they would be a local customer” she laughs “I have no shame and often have a chat with them, getting direct feedback, and though I am the MD of the company I still like to get out there and get feedback, because if we ever lose touch with what the customer wants then of course we doomed for failure”.

Laura is very much involved in raising money for charity, being the trustee of Nema, (www.nemafoundation.org) a charity based

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in Mozambique. The tie in was started to ensure that donations make a real difference to the lives of less fortunate children in this very poor area. This year, Nema, with the assistance of JoJo, will build and support a school providing 90 children with secondary school scholarships as well as funding other projects relating to health, water and orphans.

Laura has also worked as a voluntary role model in schools and universities, and when she has time gives inspirational and informative speeches to women’s group, business conferences and at networking meetings.

With the success of JoJo Maman Bébé, and winning the Veuve Clicquot’s Business Woman of the Year in 2010, Laura has still managed to stay remarkably grounded.

“When we started we traded amazingly frugally, even today I’m not a flashy person, I cycle around the UK with my son for charity, and I take the train to work. My children are brought up with good work ethics, they still have to earn their pocket money. One child does the online shopping every week, the other one has to walk the dog – it’s just the way it is!”. “I don’t want anyone to think in my family that what I have done with JoJo is going to mean a big change of lifestyle. We have got a long way to go – nothing has gone to my head at all. We are just a trying to expand in very difficult economic times”

WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

T H E H U M A N R I G H T S CA M PA I G N F O U N D AT I O N

Family Project The HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN FOUNDATION FAMILY PROJECT works for fairness and equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender families. Through partnerships with a broad coalition of organizations and individuals, the Family Project dramatically improves the way key institutions serve our families with its three main initiatives: WELCOMING SCHOOLS: A comprehensive, LGBT-inclusive approach to addressing family diversity, gender stereotyping and bullying in elementary school environments.

HEALTHCARE EQUALITY INDEX: Establishes the "gold standard" for healthcare institutions regarding policy and practice with LGBT families.

ALL CHILDREN – ALL FAMILIES: Provides innovative resources and training to help foster care and adoption agencies welcome and support LGBT families.

Visit the Human Rights Campaign website at WWW.HRC.ORG/FAMILY for more information.

EXPERT ADVICE When planning surrogacy abroad, it is essential that you do your homework. Louisa Ghevaert, UK fertility and parenting law expert, explains how to avoid any unwanted surprises along the way.

INTERNATIONAL SURROGACY: NAVIGATING THE LEGAL PITFALLS H aving a baby via surrogacy can bring immeasurable joy and happiness. However, the law is complex and there are many pitfalls, particularly if you cross borders and enter into a surrogacy arrangement abroad. The English court’s consistent message to anyone contemplating an international surrogacy arrangement is to ensure you do your homework in advance and obtain specialist legal advice so you are fully prepared.

The legal criteria and court process for a parental order, which confers legal parental rights on intended parents (the legal solution for surrogacy in the UK), is complex and a potential minefield.

KEY LEGAL ISSUES:

As intended parents, you must get to grips and understand all the relevant legal issues that may crop up, including:

THE PROBLEMS AND PITFALLS:

Navigating a safe legal path home to the UK with your surrogate born baby after the birth, with a particular focus on the right travel papers, entry clearance and citizenship issues.

There is no international harmonisation of surrogacy law and English law will not automatically recognise a foreign birth certificate or a foreign parentage order naming you as the parents.

What, if any, legal status you will initially have for your surrogate born baby in the UK and any legal steps available to you pending the grant of a parental order.

Legal parenthood does not automatically follow biological paternity or maternity in the UK and this leaves intended parents with limited or no legal status for their surrogate born baby at birth.

The legal criteria and process for a parental order to obtain parental rights for your surrogate born baby (and/or any other appropriate legal status) in the English court.

Laws surrounding citizenship and nationality are complicated and you must take care to ensure that your surrogate born baby is not left stranded abroad in your foreign destination country in a legal black hole with no legal status and no citizenship anywhere in the world.

GETTING HOME SAFELY WITH BABY: Navigating a safe path home to the UK with your baby after the birth is vital. In the absence of the right travel papers or entry clearance into the UK, your baby could be left marooned in your foreign destination country, you could face questioning at the border by immigration officials or at worst your baby could be turned away at the border.

There is a public policy restiction against commercial surrogacy in the UK and the law expects you to pay no more to a surrogate mother than reasonable pregnancy related expenses which conflicts with commercial surrogacy laws and payments abroad.

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

WORDS_ LOUISA GHEVAERT

ANY PARENTAL ORDER APPLICATION FOLLOWING AN INTERNATIONAL SURROGACY ARRANGEMENT IS LIKELY TO BE A LEGALLY COMPLEX AND DEMANDING PROCESS. BE PREPARED AND ARM YOURSELF WITH EXPERT LEGAL HELP AND SUPPORT FROM THE OUTSET AND DO NOT LEAVE THESE DIFFICULT LEGAL ISSUES TO CHANCE.

APPLYING FOR A PARENTAL ORDER:

Immigration laws are complex and applications for a passport or travel authorisation for your surrogate born baby can be demanding and time consuming. Some foreign destinations may also require DNA evidence that you or your partner is biologically connected to your baby before they will process your baby’s application for a passport or travel papers. Do not leave citizenship, nationality and immigration arrangements to the last minute. Engage with the local British Embassy or Consulate in your foreign destination country in good time and seek specialist advice from an immigration lawyer.

You must meet strict legal criteria to be eligible to apply for a parental order, as follows: You must be over eighteen and living with your partner in an enduring family relationship, civil partnership or marriage. Beware – single people are ineligible.

You or your partner must be biologically connected to your baby (so you can use donor eggs or donor sperm but not both).

DO I NEED A PARENTAL ORDER?:

You or your partner must be domiciled in a part of the UK. If your family has a multi-national character or international connections (including expatriates and foreign nationals working in the UK) you must take extra care to establish whether you are domiciled in a part of the UK before entering into a surrogacy arrangement.

Once you have returned home to the UK with your baby after the birth, you need to engage with English law and obtain a parental order to secure parental rights for your baby and legally protect your family.

One or both of you will initially lack legal parenthood for your baby, since English law treats your surrogate mother (and if married her civil partner or husband) as your baby’s legal parents. You therefore need a parental order to reassign legal parenthood from your baby’s surrogate parents to yourselves and extinguish their legal status (notwithstanding any legal process you may have undergone in your foreign destination country). In the absence of a parental order application, you could be committing a criminal offence in caring for your baby in the UK. As intended parents, you will not initially have parental responsibility for your child and so you will lack the legal authority to make decisions for your baby to secure his/her welfare, including consent to medical treatment or immunisations and this can be picked up by a GP, medic, health visitor, teacher or child-carer at any point and referred on to the authorities for investigation by social services. You will also lack the authority to apply for a school place for your child, give valid legal consent for your baby to undergo a religious ceremony or manage finances on his/her behalf. The grant of a parental order confers parental responsibility upon intended parents and cures this legal and practical issue.

As you will lack full legal parental rights for your child in the UK pending the grant of a parental order, you should execute specialist Wills. This will enable your surrogate born baby to inherit from you (he/she will otherwise not be able to inherit from you if you are not a legal parent) and so you can appoint trustees to manage your estate for your baby’s benefit. (The law surrounding the appointment of legal guardians for your surrogate born baby is complex, although it is better than not to appoint legal guardians in your Will pending the grant of a parental order).

WWW.PINK-PARENTING.COM

You must apply for a parental order within six months of your surrogate born baby’s birth otherwise you lose the opportunity to apply forever.

Your baby must be in your care at the time you apply for a parental order and at the time the order is granted.

Your surrogate mother must consent to the grant of a parental order (and her civil partner or husband if married) and her consent is not valid until a minimum of six weeks after the birth.

You must pay no more to your surrogate than her reasonable pregnancy related expenses or the English court must retrospectively authorise a commercial payment. Any authorization of a commercial payment by the court requires careful in-depth consideration taking into account the public policy restriction against commercial surrogacy in the UK. Any parental order application following an international surrogacy arrangement is likely to be a legally complex and demanding process.

Be prepared and arm yourself with expert legal help and support from the outset and do not leave these difficult legal issues to chance.

Louisa Ghevaert is internationally recognised as a leading expert in fertility and parenting law and has litigated some of the most well known fertility law cases in the UK. Louisa heads the fertility law team at Porter Dodson Solicitors.

For more information, please visit www.porterdodsonfertility.com.

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

FERTILITY IN AUTUMN

WORDS_ EMMA CANNON

A

utumn is the time of year for planning and starting new projects... essentially I always think of it as “Back to school” time. If summer is all about having no plans, time-off, being spontaneous and expansive, Autumn is for making plans and knuckling down.

For those trying to conceive when the summer shifts it’s gears gently into Autumn, it’s time to make a plan. If you have been trying to conceive for a while, it’s a good idea to set yourself some goals with a time scale. Fertility can be a very linear journey punctuated only by the monthly arrival of your period. Try to make a three month plan, so if you haven’t been trying to conceive for very long then perhaps your plan could be to concentrate on getting healthy for three months prior to trying to conceive and then review things at that point.

If you have been trying longer then perhaps you need to get some advice now and make a plan with a professional. Autumn is a time of year when it is important to keep the lungs strong in order to keep them functioning optimally. Colds and flu are all part of the process of ridding your body of mucus and forcing you to rest more. Try to reduce or cut out sugar and limit your intake of mucus forming foods such as dairy products. If you are susceptible to colds that tend to go to the chest then the best approach is prevention.

Remember that you breathe in what is in your environment so try to keep it healthy by using non toxic products. Most of us worry about the air that we breath outside (in traffic and urban environments etc) but many of the toxins we come into contact with are actually found within our homes, such as in cleaning products. Switching to a brand such as Ecover is good not only for ourselves but also for the future.

In fertility terms having a system that is too damp can slow down ovulation or make it hard for an embryo to implant. Signs of dampness include heavy limbs, delayed ovulation, excessive mucus and phlegm, and a sluggish digestion and thought process (visit a BAC registered acupuncturist if you feel this is you).

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

As the season’s change introduce cooked warming foods, such as chicken soup with plenty of ginger and garlic which is great not only for building the immune system but also for clearing phlegm. Keeping the abdomen warm is considered important to fertility. A cold womb is not a good place to make a baby.

If you do get ill then make sure you aid the cleansing process by staying warm, resting and drinking plenty of fluids. Don’t be tempted to suppress coughs and colds with over the counter formulas and just carry on regardless; this will only weaken your system long term.

Another way to strengthen the lung energy is by skin brushing; In Chinese Medicine the skin is seen as the third lung, so anything you do to the skin effects the lungs. The lungs do not like to be cold or damp, so dressing up warmly and protecting yourself from the elements is important and not an old wives tale; Keep the skin in good condition by salt scrubs, skin brushing and moisturising. Wear natural fibres and go naked occasionally - even if it is just around the house.

In Chinese medicine the lung is also paired with the large Intestine.

Emotionally these organs represent letting go of the old and welcoming the new; so think about what is no longer needed and useful in your life.

In terms of fertility harbouring resentments and becoming emotionally stuck in a rut will only stand in the way of helping you achieve your dream so learn to let go and forgive.

Autumn is a great time of year to introduce some healthy habits.

Don’t wait until the New Year for resolutions. Take up something new, something healthy; - perhaps meditation, acupuncture or possibly a creative pursuit you have been interested in for ages but never done.

Being fulfilled creatively is good for your health and fertility.

Emma Cannon is the author of ‘You and Your Bump’ and has her own clinic in London specialising in fertility, ivf support and pregnancy. For more information visit www.emmacannon.co.uk

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TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR FAMILY Adzuki BeAn & Celery!

Soup with ChiCken This is a quick and easy version of chicken soup that can be made when you don’t have much time. It can also be made without the chicken as a vegetarian option. The red adzuki beans will turn the outside of the chicken pieces a deep pinkish purple while cooking.

Pre-soak the beans for 8 hours or overnight.

(Fresh herbs can be used when available.) makes 4 large bowls or 8 small ones

Ingredients • 8 skinless and boneless • • • • • • • •

chicken thighs 200g (1 cup) adzuki beans, soaked overnight 6 celery stalks 2 onions (3 if rather small) 8 large or 12 small garlic cloves 3 bay leaves ½ teaspoon ground turmeric ½ teaspoon ground allspice ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper

• • • • •

2 teaspoons dried rosemary 2 teaspoons dried thyme 1 ½ teaspoons dried basil 1 ½ teaspoons dried oregano 2 teaspoons sea salt (less if using stock or bouillon – add to taste) • 2 ½ pints chicken stock, chicken or vegetable bouillon or water • Olive oil

Method Drain and rinse the beans and set aside.

Peel and halve the garlic cloves lengthwise, or crush them with the back of a knife. Peel and chop the onions into quarters and then into slices of about 1 cm/ ½ and inch. Wash the celery stalks and chop into the same sized pieces. Set aside.

There’s never been a better time to think of parenting.

Cut the chicken pieces into large chunks – 2 or 3 per piece.

Add 2 or 3 glugs of olive oil to a large stockpot on high heat.

Recent changes have made it easier Add the chicken pieces so that each piece touches the bottom of forthelesbian, bisexual people pot when the oilgay is hot – and to sear the meat. After a minute or two each piece with tongs, letting Stonewall’s them sear on the other side. to turn become parents. plain English guides for men women are Remove the chicken pieces from theand pot and set aside. Remove the pot from the heat temporarily while doing this.

Returning the invaluable if you don’t know where to pot to the heat, add the garlic, onions and celery, with some more start.

Join us now and help us continue olive oil if you like. this vital work.

Add all the herbs and spices while stirring to lightly sauté while still on a high heat. Add the water or stock, followed by the beans and Become Friend ofthey have Stonewall at bring to a boila with the lid on. When boiled for 5 minutes or so, add the chicken pieces and any liquid with them. www.stonewall.org.uk/pride or visit Bring to a boil again and then simmer for 40 minutesto withfithe www.stonewall.org.uk/parenting ndlid on. Remove the lid and increase the heat to reduce the liquid – for out more about our family work.

10 to 20 minutes, depending on how thick you want the soup to be.

Taste for seasoning and add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve with toasted Bruschetta or Crostini.

w w1101255. .PINK-PARENTING.COm Charitywno.

Code: pparenting.

EXPERT ADVICE Clinical Psychologist and mum Dr. Sam Fraser, answers all of your parenting questions and queries.

Q A

going well. How are you reacting at the times when you and he are feeling good about each other? There are clues there about what he needs. Recognise and accept the way he really is. If parenting is stressful and your child doesn’t act like their sibling (or your friends children), they may be ‘spirited’ and need specialised parenting techniques.

Try not to make too many comparisons. Recognise your feelings toward the child. It can be isolating to feel that you are frustrated rather than fulfilled as a parent, that you are stressed by parenting rather than energised by it and that you sometimes wish that your child were different. Lots of other parents have these feelings. Find a way to discuss these feelings honestly. It will probably benefit your child also, if you do.

My partner and I have just had our 2nd child and we are finding that it is impossible to settle him at night without him screaming the place down. Do you have any tips that work to settle a baby down? His brother was nothing like this but we know that not all kids are the same. Thanks!

– David and Adrian, Brighton

You are quite right, children are not all the same! From birth each child has it’s own innate behavioral individuality, this is termed it’s temperament. Temperament affects our activity level, regularity, adaptability, approach to novelty, emotional intensity, quality of mood, sensory sensitivity, distractibility and persistence.

Understanding your child’s temperament is important because it will not only guide the style of your parenting but it will also affect your view of the child and yourselves as parents. Both of these dimensions are critical in determining how the parent-child relationship evolves over time. It is important to realise that, since you can’t change or determine your child’s temperamental style, parenting needs to be molded around the child’s temperament.

Parents who try to make the child fit their concept of the ‘perfect child’ usually end up feeling very frustrated. So instead of offering you tips to settle your son I would advocate that a better approach is to observe and learn about his behavioral style and then change the way you react to the situation. Notice the times when things are

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

Q A 58

How can we wean our 3yr old girl off using a dummy without it being too dramatic? We have told her that “the fairies have only leant it to her and now they want it back” but she refuses all the same. Should we leave it till she is older?

– Amy and Sarah, Lewisham Children use dummies – or comforters for all kinds of reasons some children are soothed and comforted by sucking, others want their dummy when they are tired or distressed because it makes them feel calmer. However to avoid problems later with things such as disrupted sleeping patterns or speech

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development – it’s hard to learn to talk with a dummy in your mouth! It’s good to wean your child off their dummy – as your are now trying to do. If as in your case that doesn’t happen voluntarily then you have two habit breaking choices – the quick or slow option.

The quick option means you simply throw the dummy away.

Having a little ceremony involving your daughter might be helpful.

Be firm and gently remind her of her resolve not to use the dummy anymore. Try to distract her with other activities and help her find other ways to soothe and relax. If this doesn’t work you might decide to get rid of the dummy slowly, this means reserving its use for designated times only. Encourage self-weaning; most children lose interest in their dummies over time. You can reinforce this behaviour by always placing your daughter’s dummy in a particular place when she is not using it. Make sure she can access it if she wants to.

Eventually, she will seek the dummy less and less. Your daughter could perhaps tuck the dummy under their pillow every morning.

Once again, be firm but understanding. Over time, your daughter’s attachment to her dummy will lessen, which means that throwing the dummy away will be easier. Avoid bribery or barter if at all possible.

Most important of all don’t make a big deal about your daughter giving up, and be careful not to nag, criticize or ridicule her. Finally it’s worth remembering that at times of change and/or increased stress (starting school) children can display regressive behaviours due to increased anxiety. If your daughter seems despondent without her dummy during times such as these, help her to self soothe and encourage her to use words to tell you what is bothering her.

Remember that changes in habits can take time.

Q A

Children use dummies for all kinds of reasons some Children are soothed and Comforted by suCking, others want their dummy when they are tired or distressed beCause it makes them feel Calmer.

My son, who is now almost 5, always kicks up a fuss when I do not buy him what he wants at the store. In order to not make a scene, I have given in, and I know it makes it worse, but I really am to embarrassed. What can I do to stop this behaviour?

– Rachel, Newcastle

positive attention whilst in the supermarket to try and avoid a tantrum situation. If you can sense the tantrum might be starting then try to distract him so his mind can move away from the trigger.

However, when tantrums do occur remember what your son wants most is your attention. The fact you have said no to something is usually the trigger, so remove the audience i.e. yourself, turn your back and study the items on the shelves with intense interest. The tantrum will continue and get louder as they attempt to get your attention. Try not to engage with him until his behaviour starts to deescalate – it will eventually! Try keeping yourself calm because as soon as children learn that when you are embarrassed, out in public, you may well give in to their demands to stop the noise!

Remember there is no point trying to reason with a child in the middle of a tantrum, they won’t hear you. Don’t tell him off for his tantrum, young children live in the moment, he will have forgotten what it was all about as soon as he is half way through it.

Once he is calm, give him a hug to reassure him, distract and continue to shop. Finally you may like to consider introducing the idea of a reward scheme, that way good behaviour can be rewarded and your son can then save up and buy things for himself – making him feel a lot more mature and tantrums rather inappropriate!

A vital lesson for any child is to learn to self-soothe and to appropriately regulate their emotions. Remember, if children get away with tantrums as toddlers they will continue to use this as a way of voicing their opinion.

All tantrums either in the home, shops or elsewhere with toddlers are a normal part of child development, they are learning that they can have a say in what happens, it is their first steps towards independence. If you have a lot of tantrums when you go out then you might need to start short shopping trips where you can give lots of encouragement and praise and allow your child lots of opportunity to learn the type of behaviour you want.

When shopping with your son there are a number of options to keep him engaged and reduce tantrums; because it’s generally boredom/ not feeling attended to that is the precipitant for these behavioural outbursts. So before you even leave the house get your son to write out the shopping list with you, if food shopping perhaps plan the weeks meals with him. When you are in the shops get him a trolley or basket and give him tasks to do in the shops.

This is great role modeling for your child. It’s important to let him really help you – make the whole expedition fun and give him lots of praise and encouragement, this way you are providing your son with

www.PINK-PARENTING.COM

Dr Sam Fraser is a registered Clinical Psychologist who specializes in child and adolescent mental health and substance use. Sam lives and works in Brighton. She is married to a Psychiatrist and has a 12 year-old daughter and too many pets!

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SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011 – ISSUE 02

EXPERT ADVICE

What is the...

By using a licensed centre you will be assured that:

• Any sperm, eggs or embryos used in your treatment have been screened for infections such as HIV, Hepatitis, syphilis and genetically inherited diseases

• You will be given appropriate information about legal parenthood, the risks of treatment, treatment costs and will be offered an opportunity to receive counselling about the implications of treatment

• Donors are suitable to donate and will have been given information about the donation process and medical screening checks and will be offered an opportunity to receive counselling about the consequences of donation

• No more than ten families are created from the sperm or eggs of a donor – Find out more at www.hfea.gov.uk/76.html

THE LAW

The law makes it clear that donors who have donated at a licensed clinic cannot be the legal parent of any child born through their donation - this includes cases where the donor is known to the recipient but donates at a licensed clinic. Men who donate in any other way, such as via internet services or private arrangements with people they may know, have no such protection.

In April 2009 changes to the law on parenthood gave unmarried couples and people in same sex relationships who have treatment at licensed clinics the right to become parents. The law now permits a woman receiving treatment at a licensed clinic to consent to another woman being the second parent of any child born provided that certain conditions are met. It is now also possible for male couples who have children through surrogacy arrangements to apply for a Parental Order allowing both men to be recorded as parents.

WHO ARE WE?

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) oversee fertility treatment and research involving human sperm, eggs or embryos in the UK. We issue licences to fertility clinics and set the standards they operate by. In other words we’re here to make sure clinics offer a safe, professional service.

– www.hfea.gov.uk/patient-questions-parenthood-law.html

FINDING OUT ABOUT THEIR DONOR

YOUR FIRST STEP

By law we are required to keep a register of information about treatments, patients, donors and children conceived from fertility treatment at all licensed clinics. The law gives donors a right to access certain information about children conceived from their donation and importantly, it also gives children conceived from treatment using donor sperm or eggs (gametes) the right to access certain information about their donor and donor siblings.

However, where patients have had treatment at unlicensed clinics or used gametes provided by unlicensed websites, we have no legal power to hold any records pertaining to the donors; persons using the gametes or children conceived using those gametes on our statutory registers. This means that children conceived using gametes obtained through unlicensed websites will never be able to obtain information about their donor or donor siblings and donors who donated through unlicensed services will not be able to obtain any information from us about children born as a result of their donation.

Once you’ve decided to start a family, you’ll want to think about the best place to have treatment. Choose a fertility clinic, our website has been designed so people can easily find the latest and most complete information about each licensed UK fertility clinic, helping them decide which clinic best suits their treatment needs.

– Find out more at www.hfea.gov.uk/guide Visiting a clinic for the first time can be a daunting experience, so it’s important that you feel prepared and comfortable. You can find information about what to expect at a clinic as well as questions to ask on your first consultation on our website – Find out more at www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-clinics.html

WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO HAVE TREATMENT AT AN HFEA LICENSED CLINIC

The safest and most reliable way of donating or obtaining donor sperm, eggs or embryos is at a licensed clinic which is inspected and regulated by us. Licensed clinics are required to comply with the law and standards of safety and treatment set out in the detailed Code of Practice published by us.

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) website is an informative and objective resource, providing you with a wide range of information on fertility treatment - www.hfea.gov.uk

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TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR FAMILY!

WANTED FREELANCE ADVERTISING SALES EXECUTIVE G&J MEDIA Key Objectives To sell display advertising from your home over or other location within one (or more, if required) of G&J Media’s titles/projects. Working to volume and revenue targets, the role involves selling direct to clients and to advertising agencies. The role-handler is expected to working within the framework of targets and publishing deadlines, actively source new revenue streams, and positively represent both G&J Media and it’s corresponding commercial brands at all times to build strong relationships.

We are always looking for enthusiastic people to join us.

If you feel that you can add to our success and want to be appreciated for your effort, send a CV and a brief overview of what you believe you can add to info@gandjmedia.com

www.GandJmedia.com

There’s never been a better time to think of parenting.

Recent changes have made it easier for lesbian, gay and bisexual people to become parents. Stonewall’s plain English guides for men and women are invaluable if you don’t know where to start. Join us now and help us continue this vital work.

Become a Friend of Stonewall at www.stonewall.org.uk/pride or visit www.stonewall.org.uk/parenting to find out more about our family work.

call us on

+44 (0)208 316 4323 or e-mail us at

advertising@pink-parenting.com Charity no. 1101255.

Code: pparenting.

FAMILY FEASTS

GOOD GRUB AT GIRAFFE

S

ituated in the ever popular South Bank, the interior of Giraffe is very similar to a family friendly restaurant you would imagine to find in the depths of Africa.

The restaurant’s African dark wood interior is lined with benches for an informal family feel. The colour scheme is orange, with world music being piped throughout the restaurant and there are murals of happy, smiling faces splashed on all the walls. Bright cushions and posters, all with their signature giraffe motif, complement the decor.

Giraffe now has 43 locations dotted around the UK and is growing with a great reputation for being a fab place for families to come in, relax and have a great meal. Last year Giraffe won numerous awards for Restaurant Excellence, and in February this year

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

Giraffe was also awarded most ‘baby-friendly restaurant chain’ in Harden’s Eating Out with Babies and Toddlers Guide.

However, by evening time, when the kids tend to be in bed, they change the music and put candles on tables which create a much more adult feel in the restaurant.

On arrival, mid-afternoon, the first thing I noticed was the amount of children eating with their families with even the messiest of toddlers being welcomed into this very family focused chain. With its crowd-pleasing menu, Giraffe has something for everyone, drawing inspiration from all over the world, with the accent being on healthy eating.

Diners, old and young, can feast upon a wide variety of delicious dishes. For lunch, or dinner, why not try any of the infamous

62

stacked high burgers or maybe a gourmet fresh salad. They also offer a market fish-of -the-day, sharing platters, stir-fries, or if, like myself you are fan of ribs, then why not try a full rack with homemade slaw and fries.

For deserts, if you have room, choices range from ice cream sundaes to chocolate chunk brownies that is ideal if you are going to share. I indulged in the Banana Waffle Split which rounded of a very nice lunch.

All children are given menus to colour in and are encouraged to play the games on the reverse. This provides a great distraction for kids while they wait for their food to arrive, and something I think needs to be in a lot more restaurants around London.

Finally - Did you know that the Giraffe has the largest heart of all land mammals?

Giraffe – The South Bank Centre London, SE1 8XX. Tel: +44 (0)20 7928 2004 Mon - Fri 7.45am - 11pm, Sat 9am - 11pm Sun 9am - 10.30pm www.giraffe.net

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Want to be a dad?

Lesbian couples and single women are looking for genuine gay men willing to donate sperm by personal arrangement.

Pride Angel is the leading Worldwide LGBT Parenting Connection Site. Visit our site for more information about Legal Rights, Health Screening and Home Insemination.

Register as a co-parent or sperm donor for free

www.prideangel.com

EXPERT ADVICE

Leading clinical hypnotherapist & psychotherapist, Sally Stubbs gives tips on how to deal with angry kids, building bridges and what to do when children test your boundaries.

TOP TIPS FOR TOP PARENTING

and they will continuously be testing those boundaries. Top parents will allow their children, once they are old enough to have the vocabulary, to express their opinions. Parents will listen attentively and they will give space to their children to be able to disagree with them. And then having, (when appropriate), taken everything their child has said into consideration, make the final decision.

If your child is old enough to yell ‘abusively’ at you, then your child is old enough to be quiet! If your child is old enough to spend money then your child is old enough to not spend money! Whatever your child is old enough to do, they are also old enough to not do! You can effectively teach them this principle.

Your voice needs to be reliably, consistently calm, don’t shout “Calm down!!”, speaking calmly will mean you are leading, and you will sooner or later ‘lead’ your child to be calm.

Children’s brains are ‘hard wired’ to seek acceptance. If they do not receive acceptance from parents, they can feel driven to find it in a peer group that may lead them sadly astray…

Enter their world! This strategy looks manipulative. It is. But you have a good, right purpose, which is to guide your child into a happier, healthier, safer world. When your child has become involved in a ‘dangerous’ world: clubs, drugs, sex… then you must ‘appear’ to be really interested! Enquire with questions congruently as if you really want to get to know their world.

You have to be elegant about this! But your interest puts you firmly back into a power position, for all the right reasons. It’s called ‘building bridges’. You place ‘one foot’ in their world with your interest, and you keep your ‘other foot’ firmly in the safe, right world. Your child will then feel they can keep their ego intact and rejoin you in your world.

Let your younger children know that they do not rule the family - you do, and that you always have the last say! Your children will feel and be more secure, they may not like what you have to say, but their inner stability relies on you being reliably decisive. Children need boundaries,

Sally has produced several therapeutic courses on CD and Mp3 download including ‘40 Day Course Have Harmonious Relationships’ available from www.sally-stubbs.com

D

ifficult and destructive behaviours associated with poor discipline are on the increase, especially in light of the recent riots that happened all over England. Are parents ‘giving in’ for the sake of instant, albeit short lasting, peace? Do some parents believe in the ‘latest ideas’ about how to raise happy children rather than instil sensible order!?

The word “discipline,” coming from the Greek root, implies educating, not punishment. Punishing a child will cause emotional and psychological wounding; a ‘wounded’ child will not thrive. A wounded child can express their hurt and pain as resisting any rules from parents. However children will not just become disciplined, they need a top teacher. They need a parent to teach them what is correct and what is not. Teaching discipline, on behalf of a child’s well being is not straightforward, because children are really complex small people.

For our children’s sake, for their future happiness, success, self respect, and respect for others, parents need to be outstanding models. We need to be disciplined about our lives too. If we are not disciplined how can we expect their children to be?

So let’s take a courageous look at our own discipline? Can we improve? Probably! Improvement will lead us adults to feel happier, more creative and productive, and guide our children, who will want to model us, because they will respect us. They in turn will feel respected and be respectful and successful.

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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AND FINALLY...

DID YOU KNOW?

he first rainbow flag was designed

by Gilbert Baker, a San Francisco artist, in response to calls by activists for a symbol for the community. It first flew in the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade on June 25, 1978.

Baker used the five-striped “Flag of the Race” as his inspiration, and designed a flag with eight stripes: pink, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.

These colours were intended to represent respectively: sexuality, life, healing, sun, nature, art, harmony, and spirit. Baker dyed and sewed the material for the first flag himself – reminiscent of Betsy Ross who sewed the first American flag.

When Baker approached a company to mass-produce the flags, he found out that “hot pink” material was no longer

commercially available and so the flag was reduced to seven stripes.

In November 1978, San Francisco’s LGBT community was horrified when the city’s first openly gay supervisor, Harvey Milk, was assassinated. To demonstrate the gay community’s strength and solidarity in the aftermath of the tragedy, the Pride Committee decided to use Baker’s flag.

In 1979 the flag was modified again, the indigo stripe was eliminated so that the colours could be divided evenly along the parade route – three colours on one side and three on the other. Soon after the six colours were incorporated into a six-striped version and today it is recognised by the International Congress of Flag Makers, and is flown in lesbian and gay pride marches worldwide.

Neither this publication nor its contents constitute an explicit endorsement by G&J Media of the products or services mentioned in advertising or editorial content. The editorial content in this publication does not necessarily represent policies or recommendations of G&J Media. This publication is not intended to be exhaustive. While every effort has been made to ensure accuracy, G&J Media shall have any liability for errors or omissions. Readers who have questions should consult their healthcare providers or other competent sources of information and guidance. © 2011 All copyright G&J Media unless otherwise stated. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is strictly prohibited.

ISSUE 02 – SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2011

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A CAR THAT’S AS MODERN AS YOUR FAMILY. THE NEW FORESTER. Unlike most cars the Subaru Forester has the World’s only Boxer Diesel engine which has a low centre of gravity, which helps you roll less on corners and remain stable, even on more challenging roads. It also has a Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive system, which helps it stick to the road when you need it most.

So you can rely on the Subaru Forester to keep the whole family safe, wherever you’re going, whatever the weather.

Call 08430 222074 visit subaru.co.uk/safe or text ‘forester’ to 60800 Forester range fuel consumption in mpg(l/100km): Urban from 29.1 (9.7) to 37.2 (7.6). Extra Urban from 44.1 (6.4) to 50.4 (5.6). Combined from 37.7 (7.5) to 44.8 (6.3). CO2 emissions from 174 to 167 (g/km).